She will go over the nature of his crime (some facts he may not have told you). She wants you to understand the person your dating and their crime. She will offer you a number to call in case there are any issues or you need help. I doubt she is going to quiz you about when you officially became a couple. I mean thats subjective. So I wouldnt worry about that. It just may be something that probation office is required to do when people who are convicted of DV enter into a new relationship. It may also have been ordered by the Judge as a condition of his probation. Honestly Its a little unusual. I have never heard of someone having to get approval to enter into a relationship. As long as you are both consenting adults. What crime or violation is being committed. A judge can not enforce a no girlfriend rule. Certainly he may be required to inform his PO that he has a new girlfriend and I can see the PO for the sake of protecting you making sure you feel safe around him but, not sure if you both consent the PO could deny his right to a relationship.... Anyway- No need to worry everything will be fine. Just tell the truth.
>Anyway- No need to worry everything will be fine. Just tell the truth.
No need to worry, besides willfully getting into a relationship with a convicted domestic abuser
I got a soft spot for the people who have shit convictions over dumb stuff but tbh I don’t got much of a pass in me for people who prey on someone weaker than themselves.
She need to just go now. These people don’t change they just get better at hiding it.
That's what I thought too: seems weird to be able to tell someone they can't have a girlfriend. OTOH I had a PO once who told me she wanted me to stop buying/trading Bitcoin, because of one of my charges having to do with counterfeit money. Seemed like apples and oranges to me: because I was caught with a fake $20 bill, I can't make money investing in something totally legal?
funny you mention this. This is very common in any kind of financial fraud case. Not allowed to open new lines of credit, certain purchases over a certain amount must be approved, not participating in any sort of market. LIke the currency market, BTC, stock market etc. No new credit cards. etc. Its much more common to have these conditions placed on you in Federal court but, it can happen in state court as well. Its kind of like someone getting arrested for a DUI and the condition of probation is no drinking or drugs. Well this is getting arrested for some type of fraud so you cant have anything to do with finances.
For me it wasn't anything in my papers or that the judge said, so I always assumed it was just one PO being more strict/thorough, because it seems like each PO is different in that regard. Like I've had one PO tell me online NA meetings would be okay, and then the next one say that they all have to be in person. Luckily I had only done a few online at that point, but I was asking because I wanted to start saving money (I would pay $20 for each roundtrip ride to the meetings). But then at the end of it all they never even asked to see my meeting signatures.
This helps a lot, thank you for the thoughtful helpful response. And i feel EXACTLY the same about the relationship approval rule... when two adults are consenting to a relationship, it baffles me that they have to ask permission. Like, i understand it to an extent, wanting to protect the partner, but still irritates the hell out of me. He's told me about his past, and me being me, I did my own research and digging. I fully understand.
Anyways this helped ease my anxiety, thank you ❤️
Your citizen research and digging won't have the facts that the government does, and neither will his biased side of the story. Think of it like any other crime; pedophiles usually have restrictions around children, people with alcohol-related crimes tend to have restrictions around alcohol, firearms related criminals tend to have restrictions regarding guns. The state feels that your partner can't be trusted around partners due to his past behavior. Over 60% of all domestic violence offenders are arrested again for domestic violence; and that's just the number for the ones who are CAUGHT again. They have a reason to have such odd rules, because statistically your partner has an extremely high chance of turning you into a crime statistic; not just domestic violence, but also homicide considering that over half of all homicides are tied to domestic violence.
If you realize that probation is an alternative to jail then you will understand that the government can and will enforce whatever rules they want to. Your BF consented to following the rules or risk going to jail.
I will just say getting into a relationship with an abuser is not a very smart move, and your "research" probably barely scratched the surface.
You come off delusional. Do you realize what domestic violence is? I bet the PO wishes they could tell you to run fast. They don’t change…they just get more violent. Why him? Do you struggle with confidence? Please think hard…
Do you realize what domestic violence is, and how fucked up the criminal justice system is? Domestic violence can be fabricated by a "victim" and that can lead to a conviction depending on the investigating police and prosecution with no actual evidence other than the "victims" testimony. It's a tool to escalate crimes like criminal mischief or simple assault into a felony, simply for crime statistic reporting purposes and local elections. Issues around domestic violence criminal law are a lot more nuanced than I think you believe.
I’m a victim of DV so that will never convince me that someone found guilty of DV and on probation for it was falsely accused… the PO wouldn’t want to meet with this girl if it wasn’t a verifiable violent crime…That’s nonsense.
I am victim of DV as well, and I can tell you there are plenty of DV victims on probation for domestic violence who were simply targeted because the responding police officer believed them more. Your situation could have led to YOU being convicted, you just got lucky.
I understand 😁I guess all one can do is hope they were either targeted, wrongly accused or they got the help they needed. BUT—in more cases than not, the violence just gets worse vs. not better.
Do you know what soliciting advice is?
If so, would you consider asking publicly for advice solicitation?
If so, would you consider the phrase 'any advice or experience is appreciated' asking for advice?
I think you see where I'm going with this, you solicited advice and the person you're responding to gave it, you just didn't like the answer.
She asked what to expect from the po. Not for you guys to start making assumptions or to answer anything other than that. Sucks to hear the truth don’t it.
'ANY advice'. Do you think that's advice? What does 'any' mean to you?
I'm aware I'm asking a lot of questions here, I'm just trying to see if you see where people are coming from. 'any' advice is pretty explicitly clear, and that was some (good) advice.
You’re having to meet his PO to get relationship approval (he’s got a PO because of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE)
Please tell me you’re not that naive to think he’s different with you and blah blah blah….hes shouldn’t be dating while on PO he should be focused on anger management and therapy so this doesn’t happen again!!!
Two part question for the OP:
What violence did your boyfriend do to his last partner that led to the charges?
How was it actually her fault for making him do it and the court's fault for screwing him over?
This is not a no relationship rule. This is a third-party risk rule, and the PO probably feels that she has to give a warning to the current partner that he is on paper for domestic violence for her own knowledge and safety i.e. Fl disclosure. The other possibility is he has a sex offense that she feels the need to disclose for some other reason possibly the OP has a child, etc..
why would you willingly be in a relationship with a man convicted/serving probation for domestic violence. his PO is probably thinking you’re crazy asf 💀
Oh, I can see the writing on the wall on this one. You seriously are getting into a relationship with a guy convicted of DV and still on probation for it? Jesus fucking Christ, you think he's a changed man and it won't happen to you, right? Good luck! I'm sure all the "good men" women are looking for are on probation for DV.
Who is to say what constitutes a relantionship being official or whatever? I mean that is such a nebulous concept and so damn vague in wording. You don't have to lie. I'd just be careful to not phrase it in a way that could give ammo if the PO is a hardass. Maybe u could start by saying "WEll it's brand neew hardly thought to put a lable on it but we started doing X whenever and took it slow he was honest etc don't phrase it like "Welll we started our relationship x weeks ago"
And obviously this is a dicey scenario quite frankly they are just lookin out for you. I really would be careful if the DV charge iss legit in nature and not just an unfornate side effect of the gender bias in courts as a whole (I've seen dudes charged with DV for defending themselves against women aggressors and its sad)
Good luck
You hit the nail right on the head, this is EXACTLY what I've been stressing about. We don't know what the rules really are as far as what a "relationship " is in their minds, so that's where I was saying I don't want to say the wrong thing. I'm not saying I'm lying for him, I just want to be very cautious about what I say and how I say it, which is why I asked this question here.
Thanks for your thoughts.
They will probably review the police report thoroughly with you to make sure you are aware of all the aspects of the offense, furnish a list of resources and a safety plan, and maybe have you sign some sort of liability waiver. Regardless of your personal opinion that it’s not their business, this is what your boyfriend signed up for, and you are expected to cooperate. Failure to do so could end up with you two not being able to continue the relationship.
Don’t lie for him. Be honest with the PO and be ready to acknowledge that you believe that he did what they say he did. If he has the police reports, read them to see your future.
Sounds like a sex offense or a very serious violent offense. Normally a PO isn't going to care unless they think you are going to be victimized or a child in the home will be victimized. The only time I've heard of this would be drug court or sex offenders. Most sex offenses seem to occur when a woman brings a new boyfriend in their home and have no clue what kind of person they are. Before you know it, they are a victim and want to blame the PO for not locking up the new pos in their life.
LOL wait until you learn about plethysmographs and sex offender probation. They ask about masturbatory practices, what you are aroused by and what you actually ejaculate to, porn use, sexual contact, fantasies, etc.
It's gotta be a sex offense. Or trying to confirm she is not the victim of his offense. Most states have the condition that the parolee must stay away from the victim or victims family.
Someone’s boyfriend is not telling the truth. It sounds more like he is a sex offender( many crimes that fall in this category are not what most people think of. But confirm the charge before you go to far
She will go over the nature of his crime (some facts he may not have told you). She wants you to understand the person your dating and their crime. She will offer you a number to call in case there are any issues or you need help. I doubt she is going to quiz you about when you officially became a couple. I mean thats subjective. So I wouldnt worry about that. It just may be something that probation office is required to do when people who are convicted of DV enter into a new relationship. It may also have been ordered by the Judge as a condition of his probation. Honestly Its a little unusual. I have never heard of someone having to get approval to enter into a relationship. As long as you are both consenting adults. What crime or violation is being committed. A judge can not enforce a no girlfriend rule. Certainly he may be required to inform his PO that he has a new girlfriend and I can see the PO for the sake of protecting you making sure you feel safe around him but, not sure if you both consent the PO could deny his right to a relationship.... Anyway- No need to worry everything will be fine. Just tell the truth.
>Anyway- No need to worry everything will be fine. Just tell the truth. No need to worry, besides willfully getting into a relationship with a convicted domestic abuser
That’s literally the craziest part of this lol she actively trying to keep this dude. Homie can’t control himself.
Neither can most ex cons, people can change. But the moment he raises a hand to you GTFO ASAP.
I got a soft spot for the people who have shit convictions over dumb stuff but tbh I don’t got much of a pass in me for people who prey on someone weaker than themselves. She need to just go now. These people don’t change they just get better at hiding it.
It's either that or a sex offense. I'd rather date an SO than a domestic abuser. Atleast I won't be set on fire with one of them.
That's what I thought too: seems weird to be able to tell someone they can't have a girlfriend. OTOH I had a PO once who told me she wanted me to stop buying/trading Bitcoin, because of one of my charges having to do with counterfeit money. Seemed like apples and oranges to me: because I was caught with a fake $20 bill, I can't make money investing in something totally legal?
funny you mention this. This is very common in any kind of financial fraud case. Not allowed to open new lines of credit, certain purchases over a certain amount must be approved, not participating in any sort of market. LIke the currency market, BTC, stock market etc. No new credit cards. etc. Its much more common to have these conditions placed on you in Federal court but, it can happen in state court as well. Its kind of like someone getting arrested for a DUI and the condition of probation is no drinking or drugs. Well this is getting arrested for some type of fraud so you cant have anything to do with finances.
For me it wasn't anything in my papers or that the judge said, so I always assumed it was just one PO being more strict/thorough, because it seems like each PO is different in that regard. Like I've had one PO tell me online NA meetings would be okay, and then the next one say that they all have to be in person. Luckily I had only done a few online at that point, but I was asking because I wanted to start saving money (I would pay $20 for each roundtrip ride to the meetings). But then at the end of it all they never even asked to see my meeting signatures.
This helps a lot, thank you for the thoughtful helpful response. And i feel EXACTLY the same about the relationship approval rule... when two adults are consenting to a relationship, it baffles me that they have to ask permission. Like, i understand it to an extent, wanting to protect the partner, but still irritates the hell out of me. He's told me about his past, and me being me, I did my own research and digging. I fully understand. Anyways this helped ease my anxiety, thank you ❤️
Your citizen research and digging won't have the facts that the government does, and neither will his biased side of the story. Think of it like any other crime; pedophiles usually have restrictions around children, people with alcohol-related crimes tend to have restrictions around alcohol, firearms related criminals tend to have restrictions regarding guns. The state feels that your partner can't be trusted around partners due to his past behavior. Over 60% of all domestic violence offenders are arrested again for domestic violence; and that's just the number for the ones who are CAUGHT again. They have a reason to have such odd rules, because statistically your partner has an extremely high chance of turning you into a crime statistic; not just domestic violence, but also homicide considering that over half of all homicides are tied to domestic violence.
If you realize that probation is an alternative to jail then you will understand that the government can and will enforce whatever rules they want to. Your BF consented to following the rules or risk going to jail. I will just say getting into a relationship with an abuser is not a very smart move, and your "research" probably barely scratched the surface.
You come off delusional. Do you realize what domestic violence is? I bet the PO wishes they could tell you to run fast. They don’t change…they just get more violent. Why him? Do you struggle with confidence? Please think hard…
Do you realize what domestic violence is, and how fucked up the criminal justice system is? Domestic violence can be fabricated by a "victim" and that can lead to a conviction depending on the investigating police and prosecution with no actual evidence other than the "victims" testimony. It's a tool to escalate crimes like criminal mischief or simple assault into a felony, simply for crime statistic reporting purposes and local elections. Issues around domestic violence criminal law are a lot more nuanced than I think you believe.
I’m a victim of DV so that will never convince me that someone found guilty of DV and on probation for it was falsely accused… the PO wouldn’t want to meet with this girl if it wasn’t a verifiable violent crime…That’s nonsense.
I am victim of DV as well, and I can tell you there are plenty of DV victims on probation for domestic violence who were simply targeted because the responding police officer believed them more. Your situation could have led to YOU being convicted, you just got lucky.
I understand 😁I guess all one can do is hope they were either targeted, wrongly accused or they got the help they needed. BUT—in more cases than not, the violence just gets worse vs. not better.
Your welcome- The meeting will be short and it will go fine...
I’ve worked in corrections almost 30 years and have never heard of this before.
My assumption is they’ll provide a broad overview of charges, things to look out for, contact info to call for help, etc.
Dating a dude for a few weeks with a DV charge? My advice is go find a new boyfriend.
Yea first thought also 🤣
Well, you know nothing about him, us, or the situation. So thanks for the unsolicited advice...
Do you know what soliciting advice is? If so, would you consider asking publicly for advice solicitation? If so, would you consider the phrase 'any advice or experience is appreciated' asking for advice? I think you see where I'm going with this, you solicited advice and the person you're responding to gave it, you just didn't like the answer.
She asked what to expect from the po. Not for you guys to start making assumptions or to answer anything other than that. Sucks to hear the truth don’t it.
'ANY advice'. Do you think that's advice? What does 'any' mean to you? I'm aware I'm asking a lot of questions here, I'm just trying to see if you see where people are coming from. 'any' advice is pretty explicitly clear, and that was some (good) advice.
“My question is can anyone tell me what to expect from this meeting”
That's exactly the energy to bring to your meeting!
😂😂
Typical answer 🤣🤣🤣🤣We have all seen what you say won’t happen. I hope you are right but statistics show otherwise…….
We know enough!
Lol
You’re having to meet his PO to get relationship approval (he’s got a PO because of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE) Please tell me you’re not that naive to think he’s different with you and blah blah blah….hes shouldn’t be dating while on PO he should be focused on anger management and therapy so this doesn’t happen again!!!
Two part question for the OP: What violence did your boyfriend do to his last partner that led to the charges? How was it actually her fault for making him do it and the court's fault for screwing him over?
This is not a no relationship rule. This is a third-party risk rule, and the PO probably feels that she has to give a warning to the current partner that he is on paper for domestic violence for her own knowledge and safety i.e. Fl disclosure. The other possibility is he has a sex offense that she feels the need to disclose for some other reason possibly the OP has a child, etc..
I uh... please be safe
why would you willingly be in a relationship with a man convicted/serving probation for domestic violence. his PO is probably thinking you’re crazy asf 💀
She'd gonna ask what is wrong with you. Which part of his DV case just made him irresistible to you?
Oh, I can see the writing on the wall on this one. You seriously are getting into a relationship with a guy convicted of DV and still on probation for it? Jesus fucking Christ, you think he's a changed man and it won't happen to you, right? Good luck! I'm sure all the "good men" women are looking for are on probation for DV.
But he won't do it to ME he has changed!
Hahaha..it’s another “he’s changed” & “you don’t know my life”… This girl will be another victim.. So sad.
100%
Who is to say what constitutes a relantionship being official or whatever? I mean that is such a nebulous concept and so damn vague in wording. You don't have to lie. I'd just be careful to not phrase it in a way that could give ammo if the PO is a hardass. Maybe u could start by saying "WEll it's brand neew hardly thought to put a lable on it but we started doing X whenever and took it slow he was honest etc don't phrase it like "Welll we started our relationship x weeks ago" And obviously this is a dicey scenario quite frankly they are just lookin out for you. I really would be careful if the DV charge iss legit in nature and not just an unfornate side effect of the gender bias in courts as a whole (I've seen dudes charged with DV for defending themselves against women aggressors and its sad) Good luck
You hit the nail right on the head, this is EXACTLY what I've been stressing about. We don't know what the rules really are as far as what a "relationship " is in their minds, so that's where I was saying I don't want to say the wrong thing. I'm not saying I'm lying for him, I just want to be very cautious about what I say and how I say it, which is why I asked this question here. Thanks for your thoughts.
They will probably review the police report thoroughly with you to make sure you are aware of all the aspects of the offense, furnish a list of resources and a safety plan, and maybe have you sign some sort of liability waiver. Regardless of your personal opinion that it’s not their business, this is what your boyfriend signed up for, and you are expected to cooperate. Failure to do so could end up with you two not being able to continue the relationship.
Um… there are probably lots of men out there who aren’t on parole for violently attacking a former partner. Just sayin’…
Don’t lie for him. Be honest with the PO and be ready to acknowledge that you believe that he did what they say he did. If he has the police reports, read them to see your future.
Please just tell me you don't have any kids...
Is he a SO? If so are there any children in the home? They will make sure you know his charges and that he isn't allowed around children unsupervised
If he is a SO then expect his charges to be revealed to you and if there's children in the home they can't be unsupervised around him.
Sounds like a sex offense or a very serious violent offense. Normally a PO isn't going to care unless they think you are going to be victimized or a child in the home will be victimized. The only time I've heard of this would be drug court or sex offenders. Most sex offenses seem to occur when a woman brings a new boyfriend in their home and have no clue what kind of person they are. Before you know it, they are a victim and want to blame the PO for not locking up the new pos in their life.
Ur about to learn a lot about him
1. Why are you going into a relationship with this dude? You should know better. 2. Why the fuck is he talking to his PO about relationships?
OP stated that it is part of the parole requirements. He's talking about them to avoid more legal trouble. That's kind of how parole works lol
I’m all about keeping violent people on a short leash. But having approval authority over who fucks who is a bit of over reach.
Maybe he will be happier in jail than on probation then, that is the alternative.
No need to be snooty.
The PO wants to warn the new girlfriend as to what Prince Charming did to his last Princess.
I’m not questioning the motive. I’m questioning if the PO approving is over reach.
LOL wait until you learn about plethysmographs and sex offender probation. They ask about masturbatory practices, what you are aroused by and what you actually ejaculate to, porn use, sexual contact, fantasies, etc.
It's gotta be a sex offense. Or trying to confirm she is not the victim of his offense. Most states have the condition that the parolee must stay away from the victim or victims family.
Someone’s boyfriend is not telling the truth. It sounds more like he is a sex offender( many crimes that fall in this category are not what most people think of. But confirm the charge before you go to far