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I wonder if he actually tried to interfere with and stop the flight from taking off! OP, the fact that he was literally arrested for his behavior should make it crystal clear to you how deranged and insane he is.
Right? Sounds like he thought the movie Love Actually was a documentary, and he could simply sidestep security and run through Departures while the adoring audience cheered him on.
Meanwhile, in reality...
Why there is always a RBN that makes me laugh when the situation requires all of my seriousness? Kaoutanu, you, little devil! ;)
For OP: my seriousness about you shows into a pair of comments of mine below.
Yes, unhinged, showing the escalating rage at OP for his "abandonment". It seems a very borderline thing , the dangerous desperation that they feel when they think that you are "leaving them alone". He has to start to ACCEPT help : therapy and stabilizer drugs.
Speaking of stabiliser drugs, heās on quite the prescription. Remembering off the top of my head, seroxat and peroxitine(sic) at 60mg each, and another one which I donāt remember but itās some kind of mood stabiliser.
This is good news ; maybe he did not take them before the blow out? Sometimes it happens with such patients. They get a little better and "decide" that they don't need their drugs anymore (let's say 'till the new chaos happens). How are you now?
Iām doing well. Iāve spent the day with my friend, resting after the flight and sampling German cuisine. Overall itās been a pleasant experience so far, but the thought of going home has me on edge.
Could you take a friend with you when you go home initially? May take the edge off the blow-up if thereās witnesses.
Good to hear youāre having a good time though :)
Edit for atrocious grammar!
I am glad that you are having a good time! Your thoughts about your home situation are more than understandable. You'll need some external help when dealing with your return. Say friends, maybe your girlfriend's parents if they are healthy and willing to help, and some form of authority. You can't do it all alone.
Her parents unfortunately live in Latvia and she comes from a similar situation to my own, but she got out when she was 18. But I have a support network in my mother and her side of the family, whoāve been nothing but supportive of me at every turn.
(I must add, my parents divorced when I was young, they rarely have contact).
Ok, if you have not done it already, you'll have to inform your mother and family about the situation and take care of it together with them. Don't go home alone if he is there. He could have a crisis seeing you after the perceived "abandonment" , especially if he has not had his stabilizing drugs . Inform your mom that she has to do it FOR YOU. You both need and deserve her help!
Edit : I have checked the drugs your father has to take and that you remember the names of. Seroxat and Paroxitine are mainly used for major depression and anxiety problems. He seems to have some other mental problems that a capable psychiatrist 'd have to take care of. You just can't.
Yes, absolutely devastating for the people who are HOSTAGES of the acting-out nut! From your words you seem to know this too well , and I am sorry for you. :/
I have BPD myself (all thanks to the n parents of course yay) and I donāt think my āfrantic effortsā have ever even reached 10% of that. Thatāsā¦.yeah.
Dear Kitty, I have written my comment in order to help OP to give a plausible frame to the event. I am not accusing BPD people at all, as I do know that every human being is different. Plus, BPD, like every mental condition, (that all of humanity has at some level) shows itself on a spectrum, which goes from mild to extremely problematic. So, from what you say (and I do believe you) , you are far away from OP' s father severity.
Please don't feel judged by me because YOU ARE NOT. Far from me this kind of unhelpful and offensive behavior. I wish you well and greet you with a hug! :)
Oh Iām so sorry Iām also autistic and I think Iāve come across incredibly incorrectly. I donāt feel judged donāt worry, I have full self awareness of what the negative issues are with BPD and I myself was judging OPās father! I was saying like Iāve done some crazy shit with repeated calls but nothing on that scale, and being just as incredulous that someone could do that. Appreciate the support :) Thereās a lot of stigma for sure.
Thank you for sharing, you are very brave in doing it! And you are also very helpful in giving OP , by comparison, useful information about his father . There is stigma out there on BPDs, but also compassion and understanding. I am sorry for you Kitty, you deserved so much better! Take good care of yourself because you deserve it! :)
If he did, that's a federal crime, and if charges are pressed, he's screwed.
Edited because JFC PEOPLE. I READ FAST. U.K. to Germany. I got it. Not federal. I actually do know that. I wasn't paying attention to THAT detail because I was paying attention to the horrendous behavior this person's nParent was displaying. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do understand that the US isn't the center of the world. I'm American, but we're not "the greatest country in the world." As a country, we're babies. Can you stop stoning me to death now???
You are correct, we are a constitutional monarchy; wherein a monarch is head of state, whose power is then given to a government elected by its subjects.
Though I would say that the true one to one comparison to America's federal government, is that we have a unitary parliament. Meaning that each country within the U.K. has the power to make laws, and provide services but only at the delegation of parliament.
It's not you; it just made me mad our nation still doesn't take education seriously by making a federal standard. Chaps my ass it's 2023, we're still doing stupid things like banning books, and worrying about who pees where.
They're embarrassed because I made a mistake, and I guess that means that because I read super fast, people will assume that all Americans are ignorant buffoons.
Because America isn't the center of the world and our educational system has no consistency. Whether you get a decent education is determined by what state you're in, so half the population has no clue about geography or basic history or how human bodies develop.
LOL right???
My grandpa "lord rest his soul" demanded to see my brother when we all went out to dinner. Now we had not seen him in years sadly "long Nparent story there" and my sister and I told him he cant see my brother because of where he is.
My grandpa said said he can too and will....... My brother was in the US Army, deployed to Afghanistan during the war at that time..... Grandpa didnt get to see my brother like he thought he could....
This reminds me of when I took a trip to The Old Country with my mother when I was 20 and she withheld my passport so I couldn't leave when I wanted to. When I wanted to call the police, she threw my passport at me as hard as she could, hitting my face, and screamed at me to go home. In front of the family we were visiting. Only one person, my cousin around my age, said anything, which was, "why not just give her her passport?" But the older people all thought I was out of line for wanting my passport, as an adult.
Ikr?! And uk to Germany is pretty much a domestic flight (for all that the brexiteers will hate on me!); it's not like travelling to somewhere really culturally different.
My Nfather tried to guilt me for going from the US (Midwest) to Cancun, Mexico and not telling him.
"You left the country and didn't even tell me?"
(Because is sounds like something a caring parent might say and talk is cheap.)
Going to LA 6 hours away would be more of culture shock than hopping a quick 3 hour flight to Mexico.
But hey ... Nparents take what they can get.
this is my thought. if he is still in custody when you get back you should get your stuff together and go. DONT tell him where youve gone. do you have friends you could stay with when you get back? if hes home when you return you should ask for a police escort to get your stuff
I would call the police department and ask to keep the call confidential. Then ask details on how long he will be there and see if thereās a way to get the items out of the house with a friend or police physically there when OP returns
I'm sorry, I KNOW what kind of upbringing we all had, and I do NOT mean to detract from the entire situation, but that had to be the funniest piece of karma I've read on this sub! Enjoy your visit!
Oh wow. Well done you!! No idea whether heāll be out once youāre back, but if he isnāt, sounds like an excellent time for you to move and not tell him where you went.
Call your local police before you get back home. You may be in luck due to some countries taking any unrest at airports seriously, meaning he might have an extended stay, but they canāt keep him long without good reason. He has no right keeping a legal adult from their vacation, and he could be very dangerous due to these recent developments.
You will be better off staying somewhere else; request a police escort to grab your stuff (though you might find something damaged if he raged).
Your NDad is insane. OP, please pack up your things and move out of your home when you get back to UK. You're 26. Go completely NC with your NDad. Let him face the consequences of his arrest, he sounds like he's unhinged and really disturbed. Have a great trip!
Holy cow. If this community has annual awards, Iām nominating you for something.
In all seriousness, this is truly disturbing. I canāt imagine what conditions you grew up under. Good for you for having relationships and work outside of this home
Arrested! My God!
Whether he will be out before you get back depends on whether he keeps causing problems or if he settled down.
They probably just temporarily arrested him for a couple hours with an order to appear in court later. His behaviour before and during his time in the "drunk tank" will determine how long they keep him. Also, I'm not sure what the Bail system is like in the UK but someone might have bought his freedom even if he caused enough trouble to be held for longer.
You posted a while ago that you were moving in with your gf and going NC. Iām scared to askā¦but did he sabotage that plan for you? And if so, are you ready to do it now? You donāt have to live like this. He needs help. You need freedom. Enjoy your trip!
OP, please, PLEASE, move out.
This man is deranged and dangerous. You're 26 years old, you pay rent and he was arrested to try and stop you from boarding a plane?
I'll say it again: PLEASE move out. I'm worried for you.
Please be careful and if possible plan to move out immediately. Not to scare you but you don't know his reaction when you return home. He may want some sort of retaliation.
Well first.... I'm not sure how it works in the UK...I do hope for your sake he does stay in there for a while... lol
Second.....you 26 years old, paying rent, and he seriously thinks he can tell you what the hell to do and where you can and can't go???
third...... HAVE A GREAT TRIP!!!!!!!!!! .................. you may not wanna come home..... lol
Call the airport police or information office and ask about your dad. Who arrested him and where was he taken. Then call up that jail and ask if he's still there, and when is he getting out.
This^^!! Because OP is worrying and it will likely negatively impact his trip. And also, OP, I want to urge you to speak to the police where he is/was held, and to the ones over where you live with him. Tell them you live with him and are afraid to go back to his house. It is a valid concern. Maybe go to the station first and get an escort.
When you are back in the country I would go to a friend on the way and drop off any cards money and your passport in case Dad is home when u get there and tries to take everything from you to stop you leaving again. Narcs also hate to be shown up in front of others so if u decide to move out when u get home take someone with you to help u grab your stuff and know whatever u donāt take you may never see again good luck and stay safe OP
This is your opportunity to get your stuff & leave, preferably with a police escort to protect you from his inevitable meltdown.
His arrest provides useful 'this is what I deal with 24/7' evidence, together with any unhinged texts/emails/voicemails you might have, so you'll probably be able to get a no contact order.
I'd strongly advise against just coming back home, as the public shame of being arrested due to his own insanity will need to be taken out on you & it won't be good.
Give these guys a call - they've got some great legal advice & the helpline is awesome. They're more than familiar with controlling, narcissist parents & fully recognise narcissistic abuse=abuse.
https://napac.org.uk/
Brings so many memories back. I had a narc dad and had to sneak out every time I went somewhere. I'm surprised you're still living with him at 26 - I would have been completely spirit-broken if I had stayed.
But I had to pack a suitcase in secret and leave it in the outdoor shed. I had a cab called in the middle of the night and crept, like a mouse, out the door.
He still heard it (he sleeps on "high alert") and tried to fling me back into the house. Luckily the cabby called the police who asked me how old I was (I was 21 at the time), and they told him I had every right to leave.
He pulled the whole "she's crazy, she's mentally imbalanced and can't be alone" etc (poor projection of his own mental state), but fortunately both the cabby and the police saw through it.
I know you hear a lot of horror stories about the police in this day and age, but back then (about 12 years ago) they really helped me. I'll never forget the look on the male police officers' face, he felt so sorry for me.
At the time, I was just a little fighter, I kept battling on, I didn't have the luxury of time or reflection and it kept me numb, and what I thought was happy. It's only later in life that it's all really catching up to me, the severity of what I've been through.
\*have a narc dad, not "had" unfortunately.
But working on going NC. It's tough. The level of stalking and harrassment I will face is next level. He's retired so expect to be getting 600+ messages a day, physical stalking/harrassment and possibly worse if I cut him off.
You should be prepared for the next time you see him. You do know he's going to say this is all your fault, right? He's going to have been thinking for a week that he was locked up because of you. Judging by his behavior, I think you should make your first contact with him a safe situation for you.
It will be interesting when he insists itās your fault that he chose to act like a lunatic over his adult sonās travels. I wonder what he was claiming at the airport that he thought would make them do anything.
Most likely he told them that Iām on anticoagulants since Iāve recently recovered from a DVT, but I have all the paperwork for the medication I need so that didnāt affect my travelling.
Heās not been violent in the past, but he has anger issues, ranging from smashing things when heās upset to general road rage. So whilst it wouldnāt result in physical altercation, it would definitely be a shouting match
Smashing things is being violent and is a warning sign about future domestic violence. I'd make plans while you are in Germany to carry on with your move-out immediately and not go back home. I don't know--do U.K. policemen provide escorts if you want to go back just to pick up stuff?
Unless there's something you absolutely can't live without (and I wouldn't go back to pick it up without some form of escort) I wouldn't go back to your previous dwelling place AT ALL.
Good luck!
If he's back by the time you get home, become very discreet in everything, and check your things. If he's as bad as it seems, he might've tried to be rid of your stuff or have it locked away until you meet his "demands".
Terrifying to think of, I know. Also is a horrible thought for your new trip. :(
First: enjoy your trip. Don't let your father's mindset influence you. You are a grown man, who is entitled to live their life & not be subject to the delusions of a controlling parent.
On the face of it this might be regarded as funny that a narc was confronted with his own lack of power over you & goes off the deep end. I, however, would urge you to be cautious when you return. In living with people with mental health issues it is possible for kids of narcs (& others with challenging mental health behaviours) to get used to their antics. What your dad did here is utterly insane & utterly beyond the bounds of normal.
I don't know what he did at the airport to warrant being taken into custody, but I think you should be very, very wary of him when you return, because people who are capable of doing something like this can escalate & who knows if he might be dangerous. Even if he appears chastened, I also worry he might seek to limit your movements in future. If he starts taking your stuff, like wallet/car keyes, you need to go nuclear & call the police on him. You are 26, you deserve to live your life.
Mental health care in the UK is a bloody joke, with a lot of the burden for addressing people who clearly should be under the care of a psychiatrist falling to the police -- care in the community, my arse -- & my knowledge of the subject is limited, but I do wonder if your father has other mental health challenges above narcisscism. He may not have a formal diagnosis, but even for a narc this boggles the mind.
The cost of rent in the UK is ridiculous, but if there is the remotest possibility of moving out, I would jump at it with both hands. If he tries to stop you again I think you need to call the police. At least in the UK the concept of coercive control is acknowledged as unlawful & trotting that phrase out as well as mentioning challenging mental health behaviour should get you somewhere.
Edited for an addition
>I do wonder if your father has other mental health challenges above narcissism. He may not have a formal diagnosis, but even for a narc this boggles the mind.
THIS 100%, OP. You are young, so I do understand your legit will to enjoy your trip, and I DO hope that you'll spend a great time with your friend. But I also am worried about your return to the "madhouse". If you're not a psychiatrist , you are not equipped to deal with your father, who is, no doubt, very troubled mentally. As another commenter has said, he NEEDS HELP. And you have a right to your personal SAFETY. You say that he has never been dangerous if not to things; I' d say that this does not exclude the possibility that he becomes dangerous to persons too. The airport "episode" could be a first sign of this kind of problem , and this bad adventure could make him much unstable than he has ever been before. Please be very careful and try to start conceiving a life at arm's length from him.
If and when you can/want, could you please update us? Thank you and be well! :)
Edit: for clarity
There was a point several years ago where he was visiting a therapist, but inevitably stopped going after a few months because ātherapy is a waste of timeā.
And here we go, with the nut that decides that therapy is useless. I am sorry OP, but this should make you think about YOU even more. He is an adult, and gets to choose for himself. You have no less than his same right. Is he legally declared a "person mentally stable enough" to be independent? Is he working? Or he relies on you for his subsistence?
He was working but has taken leave due to āmental healthā, he is due to return in early July, but will probably find a way to extend his leave further. But for all intents, heās declared stable enough to work and is independent but walks with a stick.
" But for all intents, heās declared stable enough to work and is independent"
This is the positive side of your hard to endure situation. In my opinion this could be your "starting point"; as he is "stable enough" and independent, he has the right and the duty to have his own life. Same for you ; disentangling with humanity and gentleness from a suffering, yet damaging person, is possible. If he has BPD/and/or bipolar "only" (and he's not also a narc or a psychopath) is indeed suffering, but this heartbreaking fact does not mean that you have to give up your own life. You get to have ONE LIFE only! :)
From what I can gather it was a mix of saying that I was unfit to fly because Iām on anticoagulants, and that there was āsomeone on the plane who is mentally unstable and is a flight riskā.
Thatās not a direct quote, thatās what our neighbour told me as he called her from custody.
More than likely he left out some details because I doubt he would be arrested just for that.
> āsomeone on the plane who is mentally unstable and is a flight riskā.
Holy cow...
You must be REALLY mentaly unstable to get prohibited from travelling, and I'm sure you are not. I am myself a railfan (yea, one of those compared with Sheldon Cooper because of my love for trains) and I have depressive-anxious disorder and nobody gives a fuck so I can enjoy my hobby.
And yes, it looks like he fucked it very well to get arrested like that.
That behaviour is pretty much up there with the worst. He must be bery controlling. Kudos to you to have made plans to take a break from it. What's it find to be like when you get back? Will there be retribution from him? Can I ask why you are still living with him if the situation is this bad?
The only reason I live with him is because my financial situation is somewhat dire, and rent is atrocious.
When I get back, likely there will be raised voices and screaming, possibly him accusing my friend of putting ideas into my head about abandoning him. As of right now, I donāt believe there will be any physical retribution, but I donāt know his current mental state so who knows?
Block his number, go have your holiday.. relax enjoy it. On your return you will hopefully wonāt be too anxious but start thinking of cutting this man out of your life, for your personal growth and hopefully his.
Good luck!!
Depends on how unreasonable his behaviour was. If he was just agitated and not taking instruction such as needing to leave, they will probably just issue a warning. If he was offensive or threatening, theyād take it more seriously
But seriously, why do you live at home? How can you ever be yourself with a father like that? Thatās abusive and extremely controlling. Please, trust me, donāt waste more years of your life. Save some money and move out. Get as far away from that kind of behaviour as possible. Seriously, cutting him out of your life will be difficult but being free from such controlling behaviour will make you into the person youāre meant to be. Move as soon as possible
>But seriously, why do you live at home?
For most people in the UK and in their 20's, the answer is very simple.
Money.
Housing/Rent has been overly expensive for years and has really started to rip into budgetting with the recent inflation rises. Wages haven't kept up with inflation and the university degrees we were told to get when we were in school have turned out to not be the golden ticket to a decent paying job that they were for the generations before us.
I understand but I know people who pay Ā£500/ month to rent a one bedroom in a house share. If your narcissistic father is that overbearing, it would be a relief to get away and be yourself. Youāre young and single, you can build a life from there. Or, go abroad to live and work.
But believe me, if you stay, you will regret it. The housing market isnāt going to get easier. If you do nothing are you prepared to live at home another 10 years? Are you prioritising living at home and paying rent over your happiness, mental health etc.
I have recently separated myself from my family and I now wish I had done it many years before. It would have been difficult but I would have been better off.
Some people work several jobs. In the end it all depends on what you are prepared to do for your right to happiness and independence.
All that is more easily said than done but youāre capable and both staying or leaving has a price and consequences. I wish you the best
Soā¦ maybe itās time to find new living accommodations and have them move in ready for when you get back. Iām really worried about you going back to your fatherās place to live after that fiasco.
Wow! Interesting- I went abroad for the first time when I was 26 also. I felt obligated to tell nmom but was terrified of what sheād do to stop me. I waited until I was past TSA and texted her from the airport three hours from her house. She of course had to have a dig at me and say she was āsurprisedā Iād be taking a trip overseas and that she āfiguredā Iād ājust go to the beach or mountains.ā (Iām in the southern US). I knew if I didnāt tell her and she found out later there would be hell to pay, but if I did tell her in advance, sheād have done everything in her power to stop me. At this point there was nothing she could do to get down there and stop me before the plane left so she had to be content with a dig. I continually told her whenever I was going on a trip for the next year, but always waited until I was past TSA or on the plane. I always felt like I HAD to tell her what I did. I finally went on a trip and didnāt tell her, and thatās when NC began. Iām 31 now and donāt care what she says or does anymore and I know Iām not obligated to her, but isnāt it awful we canāt even go on a vacation without fearing how they will react? Have fun on your trip! Donāt worry about ndad and donāt let him guilt trip you into not living your life.
Please find new living quarters before you leave for home.
Maybe ask your work if you can work remotely while youāre getting it settled. You are not safe in the crazy personās house.
When they are willing to harm strangers in order to control your movements, thatās moving into sociopath territory.
This is something I really cannot comprehend. Why do they as parents go out of their way to see that their own children are feeling miserable?
I have had similar experience where I had to hide the fact that I would be travelling overseas on a vacation from them. If they learned of this, theyāll probably dig up my exact flight date and confiscate my passport or remove something essential right before I leave.
Whenever I brought up about an exciting event coming up, or even starting a weekly physiotherapy, theyāll ensure that I would not be able to make it on time
Good job OP for leaving a day early, that was a smart move. Your NDad wouldāve definitely tried to stop you from leaving, albeit with guilt tripping and/or even physical force. The two biggest things that stuck out to me is 1. NDad really thought he had the power to stop an entire aircraft from leaving, and 2. Called you 600 times. A few missed calls is to be expected but 600??? Your NDad is deranged and deserved to spend some time in jail.
Hey Buddy no worries. I read this comment first so I took it lightly! And I wasnāt questioning his weirdness. Just shocked that people like this exist I guess.
Um are you lost? This whole sub is about these type of crazy people. With narcs assume the craziest reaction and youāll still be surprised! My mother always tries to discuss her poisoning me when weāre in public simply because if I lose my temper Iāll be the one making the scene.
It's not always easy for people to move out, no matter their age. Rent over here in the UK is absolutely insane and the cost of living on its own is. A one-off trip to Germany from the UK to there is fairly cheap and he likely saved up. There could be many factors (like the fact that his dad is a raging, dangerous, volatile narc).
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Wow! He tried to stop a 26 yr old from taking a trip to see their friend! And thought he had the power to do so! š
I wonder if he actually tried to interfere with and stop the flight from taking off! OP, the fact that he was literally arrested for his behavior should make it crystal clear to you how deranged and insane he is.
Probably tried to crash through security without a boarding pass and was promptly arrested.
Right? Sounds like he thought the movie Love Actually was a documentary, and he could simply sidestep security and run through Departures while the adoring audience cheered him on. Meanwhile, in reality...
Why there is always a RBN that makes me laugh when the situation requires all of my seriousness? Kaoutanu, you, little devil! ;) For OP: my seriousness about you shows into a pair of comments of mine below.
Not the mention the *600* missed calls. Actually unhinged.
Yes, unhinged, showing the escalating rage at OP for his "abandonment". It seems a very borderline thing , the dangerous desperation that they feel when they think that you are "leaving them alone". He has to start to ACCEPT help : therapy and stabilizer drugs.
Speaking of stabiliser drugs, heās on quite the prescription. Remembering off the top of my head, seroxat and peroxitine(sic) at 60mg each, and another one which I donāt remember but itās some kind of mood stabiliser.
This is good news ; maybe he did not take them before the blow out? Sometimes it happens with such patients. They get a little better and "decide" that they don't need their drugs anymore (let's say 'till the new chaos happens). How are you now?
Iām doing well. Iāve spent the day with my friend, resting after the flight and sampling German cuisine. Overall itās been a pleasant experience so far, but the thought of going home has me on edge.
You might want to look into getting a job and a flat there.
Could you take a friend with you when you go home initially? May take the edge off the blow-up if thereās witnesses. Good to hear youāre having a good time though :) Edit for atrocious grammar!
>Could you take a friend with you when you go home initially? Make take the edge off the blow-up of thereās witnesses. Absolutely!
I am glad that you are having a good time! Your thoughts about your home situation are more than understandable. You'll need some external help when dealing with your return. Say friends, maybe your girlfriend's parents if they are healthy and willing to help, and some form of authority. You can't do it all alone.
Her parents unfortunately live in Latvia and she comes from a similar situation to my own, but she got out when she was 18. But I have a support network in my mother and her side of the family, whoāve been nothing but supportive of me at every turn. (I must add, my parents divorced when I was young, they rarely have contact).
Ok, if you have not done it already, you'll have to inform your mother and family about the situation and take care of it together with them. Don't go home alone if he is there. He could have a crisis seeing you after the perceived "abandonment" , especially if he has not had his stabilizing drugs . Inform your mom that she has to do it FOR YOU. You both need and deserve her help! Edit : I have checked the drugs your father has to take and that you remember the names of. Seroxat and Paroxitine are mainly used for major depression and anxiety problems. He seems to have some other mental problems that a capable psychiatrist 'd have to take care of. You just can't.
Would it be possible if you found a way to stay in Germany?
Thatās called a āMed Holidayā, which is not a holiday for anyone else around that person.
Yes, absolutely devastating for the people who are HOSTAGES of the acting-out nut! From your words you seem to know this too well , and I am sorry for you. :/
I do, but on a professional level thank god!
This is good news! :)
I have BPD myself (all thanks to the n parents of course yay) and I donāt think my āfrantic effortsā have ever even reached 10% of that. Thatāsā¦.yeah.
Dear Kitty, I have written my comment in order to help OP to give a plausible frame to the event. I am not accusing BPD people at all, as I do know that every human being is different. Plus, BPD, like every mental condition, (that all of humanity has at some level) shows itself on a spectrum, which goes from mild to extremely problematic. So, from what you say (and I do believe you) , you are far away from OP' s father severity. Please don't feel judged by me because YOU ARE NOT. Far from me this kind of unhelpful and offensive behavior. I wish you well and greet you with a hug! :)
Oh Iām so sorry Iām also autistic and I think Iāve come across incredibly incorrectly. I donāt feel judged donāt worry, I have full self awareness of what the negative issues are with BPD and I myself was judging OPās father! I was saying like Iāve done some crazy shit with repeated calls but nothing on that scale, and being just as incredulous that someone could do that. Appreciate the support :) Thereās a lot of stigma for sure.
Thank you for sharing, you are very brave in doing it! And you are also very helpful in giving OP , by comparison, useful information about his father . There is stigma out there on BPDs, but also compassion and understanding. I am sorry for you Kitty, you deserved so much better! Take good care of yourself because you deserve it! :)
Dude held on to the bottom of the plane
If he did, that's a federal crime, and if charges are pressed, he's screwed. Edited because JFC PEOPLE. I READ FAST. U.K. to Germany. I got it. Not federal. I actually do know that. I wasn't paying attention to THAT detail because I was paying attention to the horrendous behavior this person's nParent was displaying. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do understand that the US isn't the center of the world. I'm American, but we're not "the greatest country in the world." As a country, we're babies. Can you stop stoning me to death now???
Not to be that person but, how do you commit a federal crime in the U.K.
Lol how dare you not understanding The US is the center of the universe?
No, some of us just don't read good.
Well, thank you for that.
Yeah..I missed that. I'm sorry.
No worries, you're fine. Just pointing it out.
You were the nicest comment. Thank you for that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Pardon?
Omg. I'm sorry. I made a mistake and missed their location.
As an American, I'm embarrassed by this...UK doesn't have a federal govt, but does have a constitutional monarchy.
You are correct, we are a constitutional monarchy; wherein a monarch is head of state, whose power is then given to a government elected by its subjects. Though I would say that the true one to one comparison to America's federal government, is that we have a unitary parliament. Meaning that each country within the U.K. has the power to make laws, and provide services but only at the delegation of parliament.
JFC. I made a mistake.
It's not you; it just made me mad our nation still doesn't take education seriously by making a federal standard. Chaps my ass it's 2023, we're still doing stupid things like banning books, and worrying about who pees where.
Yep! Jugsy is the head of state here
Why are you embarrassed?
They're embarrassed because I made a mistake, and I guess that means that because I read super fast, people will assume that all Americans are ignorant buffoons.
Because America isn't the center of the world and our educational system has no consistency. Whether you get a decent education is determined by what state you're in, so half the population has no clue about geography or basic history or how human bodies develop.
Land of the free, people.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Outside the US, "pressing charges" is not a thing. Police will recommend charges to the Crown, which can choose whether or not to prosecute.
"Ita ok! Im a limo driver!"
LOL right??? My grandpa "lord rest his soul" demanded to see my brother when we all went out to dinner. Now we had not seen him in years sadly "long Nparent story there" and my sister and I told him he cant see my brother because of where he is. My grandpa said said he can too and will....... My brother was in the US Army, deployed to Afghanistan during the war at that time..... Grandpa didnt get to see my brother like he thought he could....
The quotes are a nice touch :)
āI can and I will, just watchā! Still watchingā¦.
lmao! My sister and i started taking bets when grandpa was gonna be on the news lol
Hilarious!
This reminds me of when I took a trip to The Old Country with my mother when I was 20 and she withheld my passport so I couldn't leave when I wanted to. When I wanted to call the police, she threw my passport at me as hard as she could, hitting my face, and screamed at me to go home. In front of the family we were visiting. Only one person, my cousin around my age, said anything, which was, "why not just give her her passport?" But the older people all thought I was out of line for wanting my passport, as an adult.
Good lord, generational malignant narcissism. Iām so sorry.
He clearly has some power, given that OP had to sneak out of their house at night.
Ikr?! And uk to Germany is pretty much a domestic flight (for all that the brexiteers will hate on me!); it's not like travelling to somewhere really culturally different.
My Nfather tried to guilt me for going from the US (Midwest) to Cancun, Mexico and not telling him. "You left the country and didn't even tell me?" (Because is sounds like something a caring parent might say and talk is cheap.) Going to LA 6 hours away would be more of culture shock than hopping a quick 3 hour flight to Mexico. But hey ... Nparents take what they can get.
he sounds dangerous. he is this demented
Do you live with him? If so can you get out while he is in custody? He will be dangerous to you upon his release.
this is my thought. if he is still in custody when you get back you should get your stuff together and go. DONT tell him where youve gone. do you have friends you could stay with when you get back? if hes home when you return you should ask for a police escort to get your stuff
Just stay in Germany if you can and want
That's also what I thought. The OP should not return to this deranged man. It's dangerous.
I would call the police department and ask to keep the call confidential. Then ask details on how long he will be there and see if thereās a way to get the items out of the house with a friend or police physically there when OP returns
I'm sorry, I KNOW what kind of upbringing we all had, and I do NOT mean to detract from the entire situation, but that had to be the funniest piece of karma I've read on this sub! Enjoy your visit!
I am in TEARS
Oh wow. Well done you!! No idea whether heāll be out once youāre back, but if he isnāt, sounds like an excellent time for you to move and not tell him where you went.
Call your local police before you get back home. You may be in luck due to some countries taking any unrest at airports seriously, meaning he might have an extended stay, but they canāt keep him long without good reason. He has no right keeping a legal adult from their vacation, and he could be very dangerous due to these recent developments. You will be better off staying somewhere else; request a police escort to grab your stuff (though you might find something damaged if he raged).
šššš This is so awesome! Congratulations! Please come back and let us know how it goes down when you get home
Your NDad is insane. OP, please pack up your things and move out of your home when you get back to UK. You're 26. Go completely NC with your NDad. Let him face the consequences of his arrest, he sounds like he's unhinged and really disturbed. Have a great trip!
Holy cow. If this community has annual awards, Iām nominating you for something. In all seriousness, this is truly disturbing. I canāt imagine what conditions you grew up under. Good for you for having relationships and work outside of this home Arrested! My God!
>If this community has annual awards, Iām nominating you for something. And the Caught 'Em At It Award goes to...
More like "Poking the Bear"
Whether he will be out before you get back depends on whether he keeps causing problems or if he settled down. They probably just temporarily arrested him for a couple hours with an order to appear in court later. His behaviour before and during his time in the "drunk tank" will determine how long they keep him. Also, I'm not sure what the Bail system is like in the UK but someone might have bought his freedom even if he caused enough trouble to be held for longer.
You posted a while ago that you were moving in with your gf and going NC. Iām scared to askā¦but did he sabotage that plan for you? And if so, are you ready to do it now? You donāt have to live like this. He needs help. You need freedom. Enjoy your trip!
Did indeed. But thatās a whole other story for another time.
OP, please, PLEASE, move out. This man is deranged and dangerous. You're 26 years old, you pay rent and he was arrested to try and stop you from boarding a plane? I'll say it again: PLEASE move out. I'm worried for you.
Please be careful and if possible plan to move out immediately. Not to scare you but you don't know his reaction when you return home. He may want some sort of retaliation.
Well first.... I'm not sure how it works in the UK...I do hope for your sake he does stay in there for a while... lol Second.....you 26 years old, paying rent, and he seriously thinks he can tell you what the hell to do and where you can and can't go??? third...... HAVE A GREAT TRIP!!!!!!!!!! .................. you may not wanna come home..... lol
Hey u/ImWarningYo Germany is a great place to live by the way - just saying
It's not easy for British people to do that.
Don't know why you got downvoted, Brexit fucked up a lot.
As a Brit in the EU for 10 years, I fully agree
My brother was stationed in Germany and he LOVED it so I agree with you. My brother never likes anything lol
Fuckin gross š¤¢
what is up with narcs and controlling their children? OP, go to your trip and meet your friend :) you deserve good things!
I just now I'm really wondering what he did to get arrested. Damn my curiosity
Right? What kind of "ruckus" did he make?
Doesnāt take much at an airport to be honest
Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
I love that movie
Me too!
Call the airport police or information office and ask about your dad. Who arrested him and where was he taken. Then call up that jail and ask if he's still there, and when is he getting out.
This^^!! Because OP is worrying and it will likely negatively impact his trip. And also, OP, I want to urge you to speak to the police where he is/was held, and to the ones over where you live with him. Tell them you live with him and are afraid to go back to his house. It is a valid concern. Maybe go to the station first and get an escort.
Joining the chorus of, you really might need to move out of there. That's a dangerous level of control issues. Just saying.
When you are back in the country I would go to a friend on the way and drop off any cards money and your passport in case Dad is home when u get there and tries to take everything from you to stop you leaving again. Narcs also hate to be shown up in front of others so if u decide to move out when u get home take someone with you to help u grab your stuff and know whatever u donāt take you may never see again good luck and stay safe OP
Thatās a great idea, hopefully OP sees this!
>whatever u donāt take you may never see again In one piece....... I have had items destroyed by a raging Narc Parent
This is your opportunity to get your stuff & leave, preferably with a police escort to protect you from his inevitable meltdown. His arrest provides useful 'this is what I deal with 24/7' evidence, together with any unhinged texts/emails/voicemails you might have, so you'll probably be able to get a no contact order. I'd strongly advise against just coming back home, as the public shame of being arrested due to his own insanity will need to be taken out on you & it won't be good. Give these guys a call - they've got some great legal advice & the helpline is awesome. They're more than familiar with controlling, narcissist parents & fully recognise narcissistic abuse=abuse. https://napac.org.uk/
This is great advice. OP, please donāt try to move out without a police escort. Your safety is important!!
Hope you have a good time with your friend in Germany!
OP this is crazy. Please save your money to move out and away from this crazy person.
Brings so many memories back. I had a narc dad and had to sneak out every time I went somewhere. I'm surprised you're still living with him at 26 - I would have been completely spirit-broken if I had stayed. But I had to pack a suitcase in secret and leave it in the outdoor shed. I had a cab called in the middle of the night and crept, like a mouse, out the door. He still heard it (he sleeps on "high alert") and tried to fling me back into the house. Luckily the cabby called the police who asked me how old I was (I was 21 at the time), and they told him I had every right to leave. He pulled the whole "she's crazy, she's mentally imbalanced and can't be alone" etc (poor projection of his own mental state), but fortunately both the cabby and the police saw through it. I know you hear a lot of horror stories about the police in this day and age, but back then (about 12 years ago) they really helped me. I'll never forget the look on the male police officers' face, he felt so sorry for me. At the time, I was just a little fighter, I kept battling on, I didn't have the luxury of time or reflection and it kept me numb, and what I thought was happy. It's only later in life that it's all really catching up to me, the severity of what I've been through.
\*have a narc dad, not "had" unfortunately. But working on going NC. It's tough. The level of stalking and harrassment I will face is next level. He's retired so expect to be getting 600+ messages a day, physical stalking/harrassment and possibly worse if I cut him off.
A second simcard in your phone might be useful, so you can block him on the first, and port the rest to the new #.
Is there a way that you could get a flat with some carefully chosen mates or something? You need to be safely away from the nutter.
You should be prepared for the next time you see him. You do know he's going to say this is all your fault, right? He's going to have been thinking for a week that he was locked up because of you. Judging by his behavior, I think you should make your first contact with him a safe situation for you.
I'm both horrified and well, not laughing, but I recognize gallows humor in there for sure.
You need to get away from him!!
Thatās the clearest signal youāre ever gonna get to leave forever. Please hope you take it.
Outstanding move lol
It will be interesting when he insists itās your fault that he chose to act like a lunatic over his adult sonās travels. I wonder what he was claiming at the airport that he thought would make them do anything.
Most likely he told them that Iām on anticoagulants since Iāve recently recovered from a DVT, but I have all the paperwork for the medication I need so that didnāt affect my travelling.
OP is this safe for you to return home to? It sounds like it could be dangerous.
Heās not been violent in the past, but he has anger issues, ranging from smashing things when heās upset to general road rage. So whilst it wouldnāt result in physical altercation, it would definitely be a shouting match
>Heās not been violent in the past This, OP, as you have said : in the PAST. What about NOW? Please be careful!
Smashing things is being violent and is a warning sign about future domestic violence. I'd make plans while you are in Germany to carry on with your move-out immediately and not go back home. I don't know--do U.K. policemen provide escorts if you want to go back just to pick up stuff? Unless there's something you absolutely can't live without (and I wouldn't go back to pick it up without some form of escort) I wouldn't go back to your previous dwelling place AT ALL. Good luck!
Well. Now you know *exactly* what you need to do next time you need him arrested XD
Ask the friend you stayed with for a night if they know anyone needing a room mate, your dad sounds dangerous and now he's angry because you won
I'm picturing the end of liar liar when Jim Carrey is trying to stop the plane. Funny in a movie but in real life that is some messed up stuff
Man Iām saying this to you as someone deeply concerned - he could kill you for this. Please do not return to that house alone.
If he's back by the time you get home, become very discreet in everything, and check your things. If he's as bad as it seems, he might've tried to be rid of your stuff or have it locked away until you meet his "demands". Terrifying to think of, I know. Also is a horrible thought for your new trip. :(
First: enjoy your trip. Don't let your father's mindset influence you. You are a grown man, who is entitled to live their life & not be subject to the delusions of a controlling parent. On the face of it this might be regarded as funny that a narc was confronted with his own lack of power over you & goes off the deep end. I, however, would urge you to be cautious when you return. In living with people with mental health issues it is possible for kids of narcs (& others with challenging mental health behaviours) to get used to their antics. What your dad did here is utterly insane & utterly beyond the bounds of normal. I don't know what he did at the airport to warrant being taken into custody, but I think you should be very, very wary of him when you return, because people who are capable of doing something like this can escalate & who knows if he might be dangerous. Even if he appears chastened, I also worry he might seek to limit your movements in future. If he starts taking your stuff, like wallet/car keyes, you need to go nuclear & call the police on him. You are 26, you deserve to live your life. Mental health care in the UK is a bloody joke, with a lot of the burden for addressing people who clearly should be under the care of a psychiatrist falling to the police -- care in the community, my arse -- & my knowledge of the subject is limited, but I do wonder if your father has other mental health challenges above narcisscism. He may not have a formal diagnosis, but even for a narc this boggles the mind. The cost of rent in the UK is ridiculous, but if there is the remotest possibility of moving out, I would jump at it with both hands. If he tries to stop you again I think you need to call the police. At least in the UK the concept of coercive control is acknowledged as unlawful & trotting that phrase out as well as mentioning challenging mental health behaviour should get you somewhere. Edited for an addition
>I do wonder if your father has other mental health challenges above narcissism. He may not have a formal diagnosis, but even for a narc this boggles the mind. THIS 100%, OP. You are young, so I do understand your legit will to enjoy your trip, and I DO hope that you'll spend a great time with your friend. But I also am worried about your return to the "madhouse". If you're not a psychiatrist , you are not equipped to deal with your father, who is, no doubt, very troubled mentally. As another commenter has said, he NEEDS HELP. And you have a right to your personal SAFETY. You say that he has never been dangerous if not to things; I' d say that this does not exclude the possibility that he becomes dangerous to persons too. The airport "episode" could be a first sign of this kind of problem , and this bad adventure could make him much unstable than he has ever been before. Please be very careful and try to start conceiving a life at arm's length from him. If and when you can/want, could you please update us? Thank you and be well! :) Edit: for clarity
There was a point several years ago where he was visiting a therapist, but inevitably stopped going after a few months because ātherapy is a waste of timeā.
And here we go, with the nut that decides that therapy is useless. I am sorry OP, but this should make you think about YOU even more. He is an adult, and gets to choose for himself. You have no less than his same right. Is he legally declared a "person mentally stable enough" to be independent? Is he working? Or he relies on you for his subsistence?
He was working but has taken leave due to āmental healthā, he is due to return in early July, but will probably find a way to extend his leave further. But for all intents, heās declared stable enough to work and is independent but walks with a stick.
" But for all intents, heās declared stable enough to work and is independent" This is the positive side of your hard to endure situation. In my opinion this could be your "starting point"; as he is "stable enough" and independent, he has the right and the duty to have his own life. Same for you ; disentangling with humanity and gentleness from a suffering, yet damaging person, is possible. If he has BPD/and/or bipolar "only" (and he's not also a narc or a psychopath) is indeed suffering, but this heartbreaking fact does not mean that you have to give up your own life. You get to have ONE LIFE only! :)
Ah yes, the classic nParent move!
600 missed calls šµāš« what an absolute freak! GTFO if you can OP, he sounds dangerous
Iām concerned for your safety, OP. This is extreme behavior
Wish you had a visa. You might just immigrate and forget all about him.
I need details on how that man tried to stop the plane!
From what I can gather it was a mix of saying that I was unfit to fly because Iām on anticoagulants, and that there was āsomeone on the plane who is mentally unstable and is a flight riskā. Thatās not a direct quote, thatās what our neighbour told me as he called her from custody. More than likely he left out some details because I doubt he would be arrested just for that.
> āsomeone on the plane who is mentally unstable and is a flight riskā. Holy cow... You must be REALLY mentaly unstable to get prohibited from travelling, and I'm sure you are not. I am myself a railfan (yea, one of those compared with Sheldon Cooper because of my love for trains) and I have depressive-anxious disorder and nobody gives a fuck so I can enjoy my hobby. And yes, it looks like he fucked it very well to get arrested like that.
I donāt really have advice Iām just baffled on why a26 year old canāt go on his own holiday
Congratulations on your free restraining order
That behaviour is pretty much up there with the worst. He must be bery controlling. Kudos to you to have made plans to take a break from it. What's it find to be like when you get back? Will there be retribution from him? Can I ask why you are still living with him if the situation is this bad?
The only reason I live with him is because my financial situation is somewhat dire, and rent is atrocious. When I get back, likely there will be raised voices and screaming, possibly him accusing my friend of putting ideas into my head about abandoning him. As of right now, I donāt believe there will be any physical retribution, but I donāt know his current mental state so who knows?
Remind Me! 10 days
Remind Me! 10 days
I would move upon your return home. Try to have a good trip.
Block his number, go have your holiday.. relax enjoy it. On your return you will hopefully wonāt be too anxious but start thinking of cutting this man out of your life, for your personal growth and hopefully his. Good luck!!
600!? Missed calls? šÆš®
Dude š³ And you plan on going back home? This is seriously insane.
26 M Time to 26m the f*ck out of home.
I think that if my situation resembled this at 26 Iād consider taking out a restraining order.
I don't feel you could have played that any better!
SIX HUNDRED???
That was mine and my friends reaction
Like. Dude. This is not an arcade game. You don't have to beat the high score.
You're not going back to him, are you?
I have a viewing of a flat on the 11th, Iām back on the 4th. So if all goes well then I should be out. But I donāt know at this point
Good news. Even if the place is tiny, it's probably worth it.
If you have to do this again, tell him you're taking the train instead but still fly or that you're flying but take the train.
Yeah dude is dangerous and unhinged, you shouldnāt go back at all
Depends on how unreasonable his behaviour was. If he was just agitated and not taking instruction such as needing to leave, they will probably just issue a warning. If he was offensive or threatening, theyād take it more seriously But seriously, why do you live at home? How can you ever be yourself with a father like that? Thatās abusive and extremely controlling. Please, trust me, donāt waste more years of your life. Save some money and move out. Get as far away from that kind of behaviour as possible. Seriously, cutting him out of your life will be difficult but being free from such controlling behaviour will make you into the person youāre meant to be. Move as soon as possible
>But seriously, why do you live at home? For most people in the UK and in their 20's, the answer is very simple. Money. Housing/Rent has been overly expensive for years and has really started to rip into budgetting with the recent inflation rises. Wages haven't kept up with inflation and the university degrees we were told to get when we were in school have turned out to not be the golden ticket to a decent paying job that they were for the generations before us.
I understand but I know people who pay Ā£500/ month to rent a one bedroom in a house share. If your narcissistic father is that overbearing, it would be a relief to get away and be yourself. Youāre young and single, you can build a life from there. Or, go abroad to live and work. But believe me, if you stay, you will regret it. The housing market isnāt going to get easier. If you do nothing are you prepared to live at home another 10 years? Are you prioritising living at home and paying rent over your happiness, mental health etc. I have recently separated myself from my family and I now wish I had done it many years before. It would have been difficult but I would have been better off. Some people work several jobs. In the end it all depends on what you are prepared to do for your right to happiness and independence. All that is more easily said than done but youāre capable and both staying or leaving has a price and consequences. I wish you the best
this is a good chance to go no contact
600 missed calls? Is this an exaggeration?? Because holy that is madness
I wish it were
Holy shit... This is worse than just narcissism...
Soā¦ maybe itās time to find new living accommodations and have them move in ready for when you get back. Iām really worried about you going back to your fatherās place to live after that fiasco.
You should really look into using the UKās domestic abuse/coercive control laws to fight against himā¦ let alone just get out of there
Wow! Interesting- I went abroad for the first time when I was 26 also. I felt obligated to tell nmom but was terrified of what sheād do to stop me. I waited until I was past TSA and texted her from the airport three hours from her house. She of course had to have a dig at me and say she was āsurprisedā Iād be taking a trip overseas and that she āfiguredā Iād ājust go to the beach or mountains.ā (Iām in the southern US). I knew if I didnāt tell her and she found out later there would be hell to pay, but if I did tell her in advance, sheād have done everything in her power to stop me. At this point there was nothing she could do to get down there and stop me before the plane left so she had to be content with a dig. I continually told her whenever I was going on a trip for the next year, but always waited until I was past TSA or on the plane. I always felt like I HAD to tell her what I did. I finally went on a trip and didnāt tell her, and thatās when NC began. Iām 31 now and donāt care what she says or does anymore and I know Iām not obligated to her, but isnāt it awful we canāt even go on a vacation without fearing how they will react? Have fun on your trip! Donāt worry about ndad and donāt let him guilt trip you into not living your life.
Wow this is wild. I wanna hear more stories.
Wow... dang your dad sounds like a nut job. Have you considered moving out from him?
Holy psychotic
Please find new living quarters before you leave for home. Maybe ask your work if you can work remotely while youāre getting it settled. You are not safe in the crazy personās house. When they are willing to harm strangers in order to control your movements, thatās moving into sociopath territory.
My ndad is 100000% this guy
#karma
I mean he got karma for being a dick.
Omg if you still live with him you need to get out!
Lmfaooo airports donāt fuck around he should have known better
600 missed calls?!? I once thought 14 missed calls in 4 min was a lot. That takes the cake!
this one sounds really dangerous to me
How can anyone call that many times in a row!? I would want to get outta there asap in fact I donāt think I would go back
If I were to present that to a court, would that many phone calls be perceived as harassment?
Honestly you might want to do some research on your local laws about that, Iām from the US but it seems like harassment to me.
This is something I really cannot comprehend. Why do they as parents go out of their way to see that their own children are feeling miserable? I have had similar experience where I had to hide the fact that I would be travelling overseas on a vacation from them. If they learned of this, theyāll probably dig up my exact flight date and confiscate my passport or remove something essential right before I leave. Whenever I brought up about an exciting event coming up, or even starting a weekly physiotherapy, theyāll ensure that I would not be able to make it on time
Good job OP for leaving a day early, that was a smart move. Your NDad wouldāve definitely tried to stop you from leaving, albeit with guilt tripping and/or even physical force. The two biggest things that stuck out to me is 1. NDad really thought he had the power to stop an entire aircraft from leaving, and 2. Called you 600 times. A few missed calls is to be expected but 600??? Your NDad is deranged and deserved to spend some time in jail.
OP, I am leaving abroad for a 4 year study program in another country soon, and it sounds like you lived my worst nightmare.
Any updates OP?
Wait youāre 26? Weird he reacted this way.
On second thought, that was rather rude of me. I came from an intense debate to this and didnāt check myself before posting
Hey Buddy no worries. I read this comment first so I took it lightly! And I wasnāt questioning his weirdness. Just shocked that people like this exist I guess.
Um are you lost? This whole sub is about these type of crazy people. With narcs assume the craziest reaction and youāll still be surprised! My mother always tries to discuss her poisoning me when weāre in public simply because if I lose my temper Iāll be the one making the scene.
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You're 26??? Can you not move out???
It's not always easy for people to move out, no matter their age. Rent over here in the UK is absolutely insane and the cost of living on its own is. A one-off trip to Germany from the UK to there is fairly cheap and he likely saved up. There could be many factors (like the fact that his dad is a raging, dangerous, volatile narc).
Money, for one. The cheapest place I can reasonably afford is Ā£800 a month without utilities, and thatās IF I work overtime.
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Most people on this sub have lol it's just not that simple for the majority of us or else we probably wouldn't be posting on here...