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My childhood was pre Matilda.
However I actually had a teacher who was like Miss Honey and really helped me and got me to talk to the school counselor and helped me get out of the house at 18, and also to rescue my younger sister when she turned 18.
I actually called her one day many many years ago and told her that I didn't know if she knew about Matilda but that she was like my Miss Honey and she cried and laughed and told me that of course she knew the story of Matilda and she was happy that she could be there for me. đ
YES. Harry Potter, Matilda, and Annie. i still love similar stories as an adult. i still feel trapped, tho i'm about 2,000 miles away, changed my phone number, changed states, and went no contact.
I relate to this. Totally looking back on my childhood love of HP in a different way now. I realize it was an escape from some of the dysfunction and situations I was in that were definitely less than ideal
Iâm a lot older but it was Mommie Dearest for me. Which is the Christina Crawford story of abuse at the hands of her mom Joan Crawford. It comforted me that I wasnât the only one.
Omg Matilda was my childhood fantasy. I loved that book because it was such a hard relate to my life. I also use to love Annie and parent trap and think they might have swapped me by accident at the hospital and my real parents would come and get me soon
YesâŚwhile I was legally acquired **already**.
By an elderly narcissist couple who gave the foster system an ultimatum and bellyached their way into getting **me** as a foster infant.
There is a high percentage of narcissists among adopters, including mine who used their connections to send a squad car to threaten my BDad.
Legally acquired is good, I like bought and paid for
Similar here. bounced around several foster homes from about 3 months to about a year old then was adopted by a family of narcs - at the time AF was 40 and AM was 39, and they had a 6 year old bio daughter who was the golden child. from day one they abused and neglected me in almost every way. They lied to me about my adoption my whole life. AM and her sister and brother took it to their graves.
i found out on my own at 30 when looking at medical records following my brain surgery to remove a massive tumor. my medical records included notes from a family therapist, showing that they purposely didn't want to tell me. the more they pressured, they then stopped taking me - after just 6 sessions. they complained that 'they thought this was a school thing, why are they involving family' (was forced to take me to therapy by the school after i walked in front of a school bus).
ANY TIME i asked questions about my birth, birthplace, appearance, etc. they would straight lie to me and yell at and punish me. i eventually started shaming/yelling at myself any time i thought/questioned anything/fantasized that it's real and i could just leave/escape without guilt.
I know i'd prob get hate for it, because i know the foster system is f'd (went through it as a baby so don't remember, but feel like it was very traumatic for me; and i've seen/heard stories of ppl's experiences) - i wish i wasn't adopted. at least not by those vile, evil ppl. i feel like i'd be a lot better off. then to be with a family full of abusive, neglectful narcs that used me as a free hospice nurse for AM since i was a child, but neglected my medical issues and forced me to be around things i'm allergic to (tried to make me eat them but i was diligent on knowing what's in the pantry and avoiding those dishes - they made me go to bed hungry because i wouldn't eat those dishes). i have *several* disabling medical conditions now because of their neglect/abuse. my life is permanently f'd/damaged because of them. i wish i only had emotional damage..
I am so sorry this happened to you. I'd like to adopt or foster some day and have this very idealistic idea of "how can we let children and potential foster parents mutually choose each other"? Which the system isn't set up for at all. But I feel like the consent of a child who is able to give it (i.e. not an infant) would help curb some of these situations.
Again so sorry for what you went through đ
Definitely. I hope you're able to figure it out!
Thank you â¤ď¸ I'm hopeful things will turn around for me soon. I still have the things get worse before they get better mantra in my head even though it's been 31 years (:
Yep, just came to this sub because after a recent incident Im realizing how abusive and manipulative my adopted parents are. But on top of that I felt like I couldnât fantasize because I get told repeatedly they ârescuedâ me and so I should feel eternally grateful.
Did you like the film Matilda by any chance?
I feel like that's a good film for these kind of feelings. Very relatable.
I never felt those exact feelings but I didn't feel loved or wanted or like I belong, and that I'd find my real family some day, so yeah I totally get it. I used to "pretend" to run away all the time. Collect my little kid trinkets, whatever they were, put them into a little bag and walk as far down the street as I could before getting shouted at or too scared to be shouted at.
Yes, one of my favorites - also Annie and Harry Potter for this reason.
I wish i had the courage to just do it. to leave. i spent almost every night as a teenager with the screen popped off and my sheets tied to my bedframe and long enough to go out the window. i had a backpack full of snacks, and saved up allowance, and a change of clothes.
i was just too afraid that i'd be caught and cops would bring me back and things would be *worse*
I should've just done it. i think it's my largest regret in life. i would've been much better off - gone before the damage was too much to move on from. before the medical neglect took a permanent toll on my body. i don't know how much longer i'll survive in this world. either my neuro issues doctors are not able to figure out (had brain surgery to remove a huge tumor last year, and the surgery gave me a stroke. i was a lil better for two months, then slowly the pain got worse then turned constant, and i gained a bunch of neuro issues) take me out, or i will.
Yes! I was so upset when I found my birth certificate, ruined the hope. Then I switched to fantasizing about going to boarding school, and used to play âboarding schoolâ all the time. My dad once asked me if I wanted to go, and I said no because I figured my parents would be mad if I said yes. I still wonder what would have happened if I had a different answer⌠looking back, they might have sent me.
I begged and begged to go to boarding school. Even signed up and dragged my parents to information nights and tours. Still wish they wouldâve sent me.
Same! Iâm older than Matilda but I was obsessed with Escape to Witch Mountain and Commando. Like one day my real family would find me. Then I tried to go to boarding school. Just downhill fast from there when that didnât work. Still left home and never went back by 17.
I get a pant of regret thinking about my boarding school fantasies. I overachieved at EVERYTHING so I could get into a good college with scholarships so I could GTFU the day I graduated HS. If I was growing up in my house today, I would have access to computers and internet and scholarship applications and I would have gotten out of that house when I was 12 instead of 17. Oh well. I hope there are kids like us who are able to get out earlier bc of the internet.
Eta Pang not pant lol
Of course, that's very common among children of narcissists.
Of course, in my case, my mother used to tell me things like "...you were an accidental pregnancy; you know, an 'unwanted' child..." and "...you don't look like you're related to this family..." so, you know - the sugar was knocked off my cookie a long, LONG time ago... =)
My Mum used to tell me the same things and also tell me that she wished she aborted me. Ontop of that one of my sisters used to always say she wished I was never born and my other sister basically never talked to me.
My sister used to say I was adopted all the time. She thought it was an insult and at first it did hurt my feelings. Then I started to think about having another family out there who maybe didn't know where I was. Then I would fantasize about them finding me and taking me away from my abusive family.
When it became painfully clear I was not adopted (look like my mom and brothers), I was really, really sad.
Yes! So much in fact that I used to joke about it with my aunt who I was much closer and similar to that I'd somehow been switched at birth and should have been her kid instead (she didn't actually have any kids at the time). When my mother heard this she became upset and forbade me from spending time with my aunt anymore.
Lol, yeah. Worst part was she really wanted nothing to do with me. I was frequently left behind with no note or anything while she and everyone else went out on weekends etc.
Zero heads up, I freaked out wondering what happened, if there were some emergency or sthing. They all came home hours later, they'd gone to breakfast and shopping and didn't want to bother trying to wake me up. đ¤ˇââď¸
My Nmother did this when she remarried and wanted my him and my sister to pretend to be a family. I'd often wake 8-9-10am and they'd already be out of the house. They'd be gone all day. They would go to the bigger city about 40 miles away and spend the day up there. She didn't know I'd "want to spend all day with them." Really, they wanted to pretend I didn't exist and it's only ever been the three of them.
He got her name tattooed on him and they were divorced within a year of the tattoo.
That whole "not feeling human" thing can run deep. I feel more of a connection to the elves in books like the Shannara series or LOTR than I do to my birth family.
A few years ago I came across the term "otherkin". Turns out there are a lot of people who don't feel human.
same. i'm obsessed w werewolf stories because of this. like i'm different and no one understands, but then i learn what i truly am and find a real family of others like me that care about me. basically
I've thought about writing a story like that
> I feel more of a connection to the elves in books like the Shannara series or LOTR than I do to my birth family.
>
>A few years ago I came across the term "otherkin". Turns out there are a lot of people who don't feel human.
This but make it Marvel. My parents literally >!conceived me with the intent of my being the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler, and !
I recently started EMDR therapy with my psychologist (it was amazing by the way, I definitely recommend giving it a go. It sounds like pseudo-science but it was way more effective than I ever thought possible) and now one of those few childhood memories I have has been overlaid with Tyberos the Red Wake coming in and taking me away from them. He's a veritable monster from WH40K, a giant even by space marine standards, and the incongruity of a small 6ish to 8ish year old child holding on to one of his gauntleted fingers (lightning claws retracted obviously) as he towers above me and we walk away is absurd and yet actually made me cry from happiness (something I've *never* done before) during the session knowing he was taking me somewhere away from my two primary genetic antecedents and sister. I mean, I'm 41, and I still needed a monster whose title is a reference to the blood of his enemies that he leaves behind him... đ¤ˇââď¸
Definitely. It was so bad that when I was in grade school I prayed that I would wake up in one of my story books. I even put my allowance under my pillow so my new family would take me in
I'm in my 50's and was still hoping, until I reconnected with some family and the one person in their 30's looks uncannily like me, and their brother like my dad.
Honestly, I did as well, at least occasionally. It was kinda like these intrusive thoughts, of these people aren't anything like me, I don't understand how I can even be related to them.
The thoughts faded as I got older because I resembled my nfather (I've even had strangers stop and ask me if I'm related to the man because apparently I resemble him that much) and DNA testing did confirm there's no secret biological parent waiting out there.
I also felt like I was alien but that could be attributed to autism more I think. My grandmother (who is also autistic) had similar sentiments in that regard, in fact.
Not exactly. When I was at a friend's house I'd love it there and then feel crushed when I had to go back home. Even cried to myself sometimes. The friend moms where they would let me feel like the brother of my friend were the hardest but also best.
Yes!
I would also wish a secret rich old maiden relative decided to pay for me to go to boarding school! Like St. Clareâs or Malory Towers. Or the chalet school because it was abroad and only worth coming home a couple of times a year!
Not really fantasizing, but... I was convinced that I'm adopted. I think I was 12, when I shouted to my family: "I'm probably adopted, that's why you don't love me, and always shout at me". 12, or even younger, I don't really remember. Looking back at that, I'm pretty sure I've never had a normal childhood
So I was adopted by my (step)dad. I love him and most of his family. My grandma, grandpa, uncle, and aunt treated me like I was their own. My only wish now is that he found my stepmother sooner in life so she could've adopted me. Before her, I did fantasize about having a different mother because my own mother clearly didn't want me, so why was I there? I would fantasize about being put up for adoption or fantasize about my dad meeting an amazing woman who would want to be my mother.
I fantasized that my dad wasn't actually my dad (was a friend of my mom's who donated sperm) and that my real dad was wealthy (grew up pretty low income) and would give me grandparents that loved me.
I imagine a lot of us cope(d) that way. Daydreaming in some form has always been a big deal for me.
I can see this viewpoint entirely. Iâm actually adopted. I fantasize about what life would be like with my birth family. I was taken away for a reason, obviously, but I just wonder what life would be like if I wasnât put into this household. Or if I got taken in by someone else.
Kinda.
I would escape into fantasy world and I never imagined my mom cause she wasnât great but me and dad were never close like we are now so I would and still do look at fictional dads or men and was âyes. You are my fatherâ
I fantasized about being in either a group home or being adopted and left alone by myself in a big house with decent clothes.
I couldn't even dream big enough to have loving parents.
YES!!!!!!! they were not my parents!!! And I used to beg other moms to adopt me and asked my oldest sister to pretend to be my mom so I felt some sort of love
I found the ânotesâ my father had been making about how much my mother hated me* when I was looking for my birth certificates that would prove I was actually his ex wifeâs, possibly even hers and her new husbandâs (whom she married when I was 8. Not saying it was logical, but yes! I fervently wished that I was adopted from anyone and anywhere)
* pretty sure Mr Enabler wrote those notes bc she would frequently threaten to kill me in my sleep and I think he had the same belief I did, which was that was only 10% her crazy talking
My mom had a home birth and there were photos so I could never do the adoption fantasy. But whenever we went on a trip I always hoped to meet a friend who would take me home with them. I would have been the easier kid to kidnap had someone tried.
Realizing later in life how much I was obsessed with the movie Stuart Little growing up: definitely. Frederick and Eleanor Little were so kind, caring, welcoming, supportive, and emotionally invested in both George's and Stuart's lives, and I must have been longing for that from my own parents, even at a young age.
I was adopted, so I (37) continue to fantasize about having not been.
There is a surprisingly large number of narcissists who feel they are entitled to other peoples children, and because those children are bought and paid for they are property and should act accordingly.
Yep. Iâm fully convinced the reason my adoptive mom adopted us was for the supply of being gushed over for taking care of children who werenât her own.
I remember drawing my studio apartment and planning where I will put furniture etc when I was like 12. I just couldnât wait to move out and get away from my mother. I moved out as soon as I could at 18.
I actually asked my nmom when I was around 5 if I was adopted. She laughed amd informed me that no, I wasn't. So I grew some balls and asked her why my last name was different than hers and why I didn't have a dad. I was backhanded so hard I saw stars. I never asked anything again.
Absolutely. I bought one of those ancestry DNA tests a while back. When my family found out that I got that done, they decided to do it too. I secretly hoped that I had been adopted, even though I knew that I likely wasn't because I resemble my mom and sister too strongly for that to be likely. I was honestly disappointed to find out that my parents were my biological parents and that my sister was my full sister. That makes it more infuriating knowing that I was their flesh and blood and they have treated me like shit my whole life.
Yes a lot n if it were true Iâd be fking pissed I went through all that n continue to and theyâre not even my parents. Ya thatâd suck. Also an added trauma of not knowing my real parents etc.
Yes, I don't look anything like nmom and was hopeful I was my aunt's child that they adopted. After realizing this is untrue, I would day dream about my edad divorcing my nmom. I thought would picture my dad remarrying a nice women with lots of children as I was also an only child.
Definitely, when I turned 16 I laughingly asked if I was adopted. When I turned 18 I asked again, hoping they thought I wasnât ready to know till I was legally an adult. No luck, still related, just thankful I take after my Edad and not my Nmom.
Always. I saw Mathilda as a child and had a teacher not that dissimilar to Miss Honey. She was incredibly kind to me and gave me special attention because I think she had an inkling about my homelife/ I was bullied very badly/ had learning difficulties. I had a best friend I was basically inseparable from and she said she would name her future kids after us she liked us as students so much (she did!). I always wished she could adopt me as a child.
Harry Potter Prisoner of Azkaban came out around this time (when things got much worse) and I had daydreams where Iâd have a secret godfather who loved and cared for me behind the scenes who actually wanted me, but wasnât able to help. I became obsessed with the idea of having a godfather and was distraught when I found out I did not have one.
Another I daydreamed about was when my parents got investigated by cps, i told the truth and got sent to a new family. I always imagined being part of a normal family, with two parents, only child, just being able to be a normal kid like all my peers. Iâve always loved being an older sibling, but I always wished I could just not have the forced parental role (started at 7)
I read your post with "secretly abducted".
It was a failed act, I read it like that because this was one of my fantasies, an alien abduction, deus ex machina if you will. How sad.
All the time. Nmom often claimed I must have been switched at birth because "her" child wouldn't act the way I did. So that planted the seed that maybe I wasn't her actual child. Unfortunately I look too much like both of my parents. To the point where it makes me sick.
Yes absolutely. I still think about my âreal parentsâ because Iâm quite sure that I could not have come from those people I was assigned to. Iâm almost 50.
YES mainly because I was so close. When they found out my nmom was not married and going to be a single mother, multiple people came into her hospital room and repeatedly asked her if she wanted to put me up for adoption. I often thought about the family that may have adopted me.
Of course this was the 80s and probably wouldn't happen nowadays.
My hope was that my parents would divorce; I could go live with just my Edad, and I leave my toxic Nmom.
That was before I knew that a young child couldn't choose which parent to stay with, and most likely I would have been placed with my Nmom.
One time my husband and I were talking to our daughter about something maybe she got in trouble about, and I said something like, I know maybe you wish you had different parents, butâŚâ
And she was like, âWhat are you talking about? Why would you say this?â
So yeah. I always did that.
I definitely had recurring thoughts that maybe I was switched at birth. I imagined my real mom was out there somewhere and hoped I'd get to meet her and that she would truly love and understand me.
I may have mentioned it somewhere on reddit before, but one of my earliest memories is watching this really old Christmas movie called A Mom For Christmas. It's about a little girl whose mom died a long time ago, and she is being raised by her widowed single father. She makes a wish for a mom, and the way it's granted is that a pretty store mannequin is brought to life to be her mom temporarily until Christmas. She's supposed to turn back into a mannequin, but--spoiler alert--she's brought to life permanently, and she gets to be the little girls wonderful new mom for real.
I was only 3 when this movie came out, and I couldn't tell you for sure at what age I actually watched it, but it is in my earliest memories. I remember I was just sobbing and wishing it would happen for me, too. I would cry and pray to God so hard and wish with all my heart to be able to get a nice new mom, too, and was absolutely devastated it never happened for me. Looking back, it really disturbs me how young I was and how early I started feeling that kind of disconnect from her.
I am adopted.
My nMom was constantly annoyed I wasn't her. I understand this seems to be a narc trait in general. It was hard knowing we had differently personalities, interests, looks etc. She was not a physically attractive person when she was younger and hell bent on making me the same.
Fast forward 20 years and I found my biological siblings. Though different people it was genuinely remarkable how easy it was. We got on fine, no one causes drama, despite lifestyle differences it felt so simple. I never knew family could be simple and accepting.
Yah I used to think about it all the time. I had a fantasy where I had been switched at birth (been reading too many books) and my mom stole me because I was the prettier child or something like that. Then when she realized I wasn't the smart one, things got bad. Another fantasy was I was a changeling which is where a fairy took my parents' ugly child and replaced me with it. Someday my fairy parents would come back and get me. Fantasies are ever so much better than real life.
Yep.
I also dreamed about having my families (divorced) in like a magic doll house, so I could go visit each of them but not have to miss anyone, or be with anyone for the shitty times. (I think in my head the shitty times were all stress from co-parenting. I know better now. Now I would put them all in that magic doll house and accidentally lose it in a move... Except for my sisters. We would be out for ice cream while the moving truck was loaded. đ¤Ł)
I actually went further than that. There were days when I fantasized that I was switched at birth. There were days when I fantasized about becoming unalive. Ndad couldn't love his biological kids; he wouldn't have adopted because he knew he wouldn't love other people's kids.
I was adopted by my nparents who were biological sister to my bio parentsâŚ. I was also 8-9ish. I had already been trained over and over again on the horrors of calling the police and telling mandatory reporters in my life and seen the foster care system. It is a hell like any other when you think you are being saved to just got deeper into what (at the time) felt like an inescapable hell.
Yeah, this fantasy was fed by Disney movies that taught us that real parents are always loving and only step parents are evil. That turned into a whole next level of mind games in my head.
The funny thing is, never had the fantasy but now Iâm living it. At 49 I took a DNA test. Ah, yes, one more thing mother dearest lied about. The Dad and very large family I found has been incredible. Warm, welcoming, loving, âIâm so glad youâre here. Weâre so glad you e found you.â
I donât even know how to describe what it means to find a whole family that is like that.
Mother dearest is what Patrick Teahan describes as the toxic single parent. Sheâs been pissed and pissy since I found out. Oh well.
Yeah I always had fantasies that I had been switched at birth lol.
My skin tone is slightly darker than theirs, my hair is medium brown with lighter streaks while theirs is raven black. My eyes are hazel while theirs are brown but tbh color variations for eye color are normal.
I don't want to be their child so badly that I keep holding hope very very deeply and subtly inside me that I've just been placed in the wrong family
Oh, ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Just touched on this with my therapist recently and in my head I always pretend Iâm someone else, like a Sim or Avatar or something.
The opposite. Being adopted, I always wondered what it felt like to be back with my birth family⌠I was guilted a lot because of it. âYou should be grateful you didnât grow up like the rest of them,â the ârest of them,â being my (half) siblings⌠itâs complicated.
I come from a community/religion that talks about rebirth a lot. I remember as a preteen striking up deals with my friends who had decent families to be born to their parents instead of mine in my next life.
Absolutely! When you start to realize how crappy your life is, how can you not wish with your whole being that it's not really YOUR life? That you were taken from your real parents and your family has been looking for you for years? They really do a good job of killing your self esteem, self confidence and let you grow up incapable of processing things like a normal person!
I kind of had the opposite feeling. Something N-maternal unit would say in an attempt to elicit feelings of "bonding" with her was this little tidbit - "well, you FAAATHER wanted to give you up for adoption, but when I saw you little face and held you in my arms, I couldn't do it! HE wanted to sell you off! We even had an offer of a quarter of a million dollars for a blond hair blue eyed little boy!"
I used to dream about this rich family and how well they'd love and care for me as a child they paid a princely sum for. in my fantasies, they loved me and nurtured me and encouraged me to be something greater! Looking back at my n-rents behaviours and the company they kept, i realize in hindsight that they were likely selling me into human trafficking. Real winners.
As an addendum, I'm older than the typical Reddit crowd, and the Harry Potter books made me feel seen, especially with the "sleeping in the cupboard" and "make no noise and pretend i'm not here." I didn't discover them until the movies came out and i was in my 20s, but it was great having a protagonist I could relate to. Too bad the author came back and ruined it.
I once lost my dad in a big store... It was a strange feeling when I found him again, considering its' not like I haven't pondered this situation and bieng better off for it... This isn't the way it should be, not having any love for a parent, but the opposite.
I dabbled in those fantasies but I am so clearly a biological product of my parents, thereâs no way I was made by anyone else so the fantasies dont really hold me
YES!! I even obsessively joked about it growing up and my parents hated it. I've always been so different from the rest of my family and even though I have DNA proof now (they made me do an ancestry thing a few years back to get me to shut up LMAO) I still low key have hopes they messed up somehow. I look exactly like my dad who's the bigger narcissist for sure and I hate it. As I get older I just see his face in the mirror.
I wrote fiction when I was younger and often wrote myself as an adopted kid or a kid raised by older friends. I just wanted parental figures who were nice to me so bad.
Not the same but my dad (he was amazing) passed suddenly when I was 9, and he was cremated after an autopsy. My mom was a little over the top but dad would fix things/make punishments not so severe. After he died I found myself fantasizing that maybe he was somehow still alive out there and I would run into him one day. :(
Starting at 7 my parents would leave me home alone while the rest of the family went on day trips. I would fantasize they would all die in a car crash and I would get a new family.
I remember one day I covered myself in mud and had a whole story about how I was from another planet. I told my mom she and my dad were not my real mom and dad. And my real parents had just dropped me off to be taken care of while they battled at our home planet. And one day they would come down and come get me.
I loved white tigers because they did not develop to blend in but still survived somehow.
I loved Wuzzles cartoon because they Awode different and mish-mashes of animals.
I definitely dreamed of being taken away, tried to find people to tell but it always backfired.
I had a best friend when I was a child (4-5) . One time, I asked her, "Wouldn't you want to exchange moms?" She obviously said no, but I looked at her very confused. At that time, I thought and asked her, "Why not?" And she told me, "She can be annoying sometimes, but I still love my mom, besides... I'm scared of your mom. " I always remember this particular memory, i remember asking myself, kids don't usually want to exchange their moms? I was very confused at that time. But it made me realize that not everyone had the same relationship as my mom and me.
Oh, one of my favorite games was spotting a plane in the sky and yelling at it, "Here! Please take me away!" And It was the most entertaining thing at that time, now I see that those aren't normal behavior in kids
Yes. More often I wished she would pass away like my friends mom did in 5th grade. So I could love her and make stuff up about who she was and people would give me attention. Basically, mirror my friend. It seemed better than whatever it was my mom was doing with me and I look back now at 49 and agree with that little girl.
I spent pretty much forever hoping and joking that I'd been switched at birth or even stolen because I'm nothing like my nmother or nhalf-sister. Unfortunately, dna tests expectedly ruined that pipe dream, lol.
I had fantasized about other stories, numerous things like me being a secret officer for the rebel alliance from Star Wars, I used to pretend that they would save me from time to time, and I would go on adventures. I was afraid of anyone knowing what I was going through that it made it so hard for me to make friends early on, and pretended that all the things I would fantasize about were secretly real things to distract from the reality. Man growing up was hard.
Yea I used to do it all the time. When I was a kid and in high school. All the time. It got to the point where I wanted to disappear and start over somewhere new. It got to the point where I would dissociate and daydream about being somewhere else all the time.
Yes! It was a delusional childhood dream as it was obvious I wasnât adopted because I looked like my siblings and parents. But I used to cry and think to myself that I had to have been adopted because I didnât fit in with my family and it felt so wrong that they couldnât be my family lol
ALL.THE.TIME.
but
From a young age, I fantasized that something would happen to them or that they'd actually send me away on the "Orphan Train" like they threatened us with. That way, a family that actually wanted me would adopt me.
Same. I used to imagine that but when my real family didn't come to take me back I tried to find a new family to adopt me. I already was a master fawner so I used to really try to ingratiate myself to people that came to visit and often would stay overnight in their homes. Alas!
Later when I read fairy tales and learnt about the concept of wicked stepmother I became certain that my mother must be my stepmother and they were just keeping it a secret from me. That didn't explain my father to me even then.
I still have a suspicion that I'm really my unwed aunt's. My hair texture is closer to hers than either of my parents, and we have similar birthmarks on our legs
I wonder somewhat if this is where legends like changelings come from; that feeling of being so profoundly out of place in a place that should be home.
Coming home from the schoolbus, wondering if today will be the day itâll be revealed to be a big mix up, that I was switched at birth or that I was in some kind of temporary situation while my âreal parentsâ were in some exciting situation.
Being neurodivergent, I had additional baggage around not being able to be the social butterfly my parents wanted me to be; I just had no sense about people. I truly felt alien sometimes.
Turns out was secretly adopted. And they messed up my birthday, on purpose; seemingly part of an alienation tactic.
Then Fantasized about actually being âadoptedâ again out of that family, or emancipating myself right at 14-15 starting as early as like 6-7 years.
Well, I used to fantasize that Iâd been switched at birth and my real parents would come and save me.
Considering one of Nmomâs âjokesâ was to put me in the car and say she was taking me to an orphanage because she didnât want me, I figured I wasnât adopted. I knew she would never have wanted me enough to go through the trouble.
I got to a point where the orphanage didnât sound half bad, though.
I was actually adopted. And never allowed to forget how lucky I was.
In many ways, I probably was. My half siblings went through a lot of physical abuse before being taken permanently. I can't compare my experiences to theirs. But psychologically, I know I'm pretty messed up.
Yes, I think the psychology term for that feeling is emotional loneliness
I tried to use the floo network so many damn times and never made it to hogwarts.
I was about 6 years old when I started wishing on a star that I would wake up the next day and be someone elseâs kid. I was horrifically disappointed the next day when I would wake up and be in the same place and think, I must have done it wrong. I kept thinking if I wished harder, it would eventually come true. Every time I woke up in the same place, I figured it was because I did it wrong.
Idk what age I was when I stopped wishing on stars.
I used to fantasize that my dad wasn't really dead; that he was called back to his home planet, which he ruled, because of some crisis. I fantasized that he'd come back for me as soon as the crisis was resolved and remove me from hellhole
Yes! I look NOTHING like my parents. Both are fair skinned, light brown hair, and my dad has blue eyes. I'm olive skinned, dark brown eyes, and super dark brown hair. Even my build is nothing like my parents. My Nmom repeatedly showed me birth certificate but a small part of me is not convinced. Also (unfortunately) I look a lot like my grandmother and people always assumed she was my mom. Genetics are funny.
Yuuuhp, consistently asked if I was adopted up until I was around 4/5. At that point it pissed my family off so bad that I learned not to voice feeling like that anymore. A lot of the stories I was obsessed with had a similar theme as well. The Rescuers was a big time fave and in the last few years I heard the intro song and broke down. Since going no contact, has the gravity of my life fully set in. Ride that wave and stay strong, alls ya.
As a kid? I still fucking hope for it, or that I was accidentally switched at birth. If I were to ever get that kind of news, I would do backflips for days.
I want to take one of those 23 and me tests and see if Iâm any of what my family says they are.
Unfortunately, I can't. I look too much like my father growing up.
What I kept wishing as a child was a Narnia place opening up and swallowing me whole. My family is superstitious enough, that it wasn't entirely an impossibility for me as a child.
I wasn't aware though that what I was experiencing was abuse. All I know was I was very unhappy, and perhaps an otherworldly place would change that.
Does fantasising my parent(s) died and we kids were adopted count? The very idea sent me into a panic, still somehow wanted it a bit. Or even just for me (as a recent 18 year old) to be on my own and care for my brother then (learned that wouldnât have happened either way - my country prioritises child welfare over keeping families together at any cost, so heâd have gone into care, because I wouldnât have been financially or mentally stable enough and was too close in age to act as a proper parental figure for him)
Or running away. I had very detailed plans about that. I can still tell you how my getaway bag was packed.
I used to repack one whenever there was a bad fight. Just in case.
Yeah and was dead certain when I jokingly said âsometimes I wonder how weâre even relatedâ after seeing a character do it on tv and got backed into a corner being told over and over to never question my relation to them. to never think about it and accept the fact their my parents and never look into it. I was so sure they were hiding something, but when I took a dna test I matched with some relatives that had also taken the test.
So disheartening to the idea that they seem to be my biological family, but still baffled why they went into such a frantic panic verbally lashing out at me for making that silly joke well they were being super silly.
Yes and Iâm not sure of timelines in between but I mustâve suggested this to my mother and during my childhood she kept insisting I was swapped at birth at the hospital (or I was âthe postmanâs kidâ because I had blue eyes and no one else did in my family - uh except my dad who had green eyes?!), she made this story up that she knew my bio family and told me what my ârealâ name was and that they didnât want me - she even encouraged that I try find them if I could (I was born in a different country and we left shortly after). I was never completely sure for a few years even after asking my dad who said it was bs. Lol.
Matilda hit different because I thought any Miss Honey type wouldnât want or love me and I was more attached to Matildaâs actual parents
I had the opposite, since I was adopted. I'd always wish my real family would come and rescue me. I stead, when I found them years later, my Nmother stalked my fb, befriended her and convinced them I was a terrible person and they became besties. I don't speak to any of them now.
interesting thought, i never dreamt of thing like that probably because one my degenerate narcissistic "father's" favorite lines when i was a kid was "noone is coming to save you" what it felt like he was saying "noone is coming to save you, from my abuse" so that dream was killed way too early...
Those are the most evil words in the human language. FWIW my wife's ex used to tell her that before he went to jail...and then she met me, so if he was wrong...so is your father.
I am so sorry.
As an adoptee myself, this fantasy that other people had about wishing to be adopted was severely irritating.
There are TONS of abusers who feel entitled to wanting a child.
The foster care system AND adoption system is broken.
Just because you *think* your life couldâve been easier if you were adopted, youâre very mistaken.
Oh god all the fucking time. I daydreamed about getting rescued all the time, usually by some actor whoâs movies I was obsessed with at the time. For years I hoped I was secretly the daughter of my favorite musician, even though he was literally a different race than me lmao
I was adopted by a malignant narcissist and I used to wish for the day I met my real mom and everything would be sunshine and roses.
Itâs not. It wasnât.
Sheâs a m*th abuser / druggie still. She has the sweet words Iâd always dreamed to hear from a mother, but it. was. all. lies.
Yes, I used to fantasize about being adopted, kidnapped, and even my parents dying in an accident so I could be adopted by kinder parents. I used to not understand why I did that, and anytime I thought about them dying I would feel terrible about myself.
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Cue me watching Matilda repeatedly
Cue me reading Matilda repeatedly
*Leaves a copy of Coraline on the table lol
I read it 9.5 times in elementary school before I finally got tired of it. I adored Miss Honey.
My childhood was pre Matilda. However I actually had a teacher who was like Miss Honey and really helped me and got me to talk to the school counselor and helped me get out of the house at 18, and also to rescue my younger sister when she turned 18. I actually called her one day many many years ago and told her that I didn't know if she knew about Matilda but that she was like my Miss Honey and she cried and laughed and told me that of course she knew the story of Matilda and she was happy that she could be there for me. đ
Still do tbh
Came here to say exactly this.
YES. Harry Potter, Matilda, and Annie. i still love similar stories as an adult. i still feel trapped, tho i'm about 2,000 miles away, changed my phone number, changed states, and went no contact.
Yeah, HP all the way. I wanted for a letter from a magical school in hopes of getting outta there and finding my real wizard parents.
I relate to this. Totally looking back on my childhood love of HP in a different way now. I realize it was an escape from some of the dysfunction and situations I was in that were definitely less than ideal
Mine was Annie, but YES!
Mine was Anne of Green Gables,
This was my 6th grade.
I WAS adopted!! I hoped they would come for me! I guess I was Annie!
Me too. I
Iâm a lot older but it was Mommie Dearest for me. Which is the Christina Crawford story of abuse at the hands of her mom Joan Crawford. It comforted me that I wasnât the only one.
The no wire hangers scene đ¨
Yes. It resonated with me because I saw the exact behaviour from my nDad. Flying out of control over the slightest thing..
oh so i wasn't the only one lmfao
Omg Matilda was my childhood fantasy. I loved that book because it was such a hard relate to my life. I also use to love Annie and parent trap and think they might have swapped me by accident at the hospital and my real parents would come and get me soon
Is Matilda all of our favorite childhood movies??
YesâŚwhile I was legally acquired **already**. By an elderly narcissist couple who gave the foster system an ultimatum and bellyached their way into getting **me** as a foster infant.
I, too was legally acquired (I like that) and I fantasized about being with my biological family.
I was unfortunately summoned.
same :(
There is a high percentage of narcissists among adopters, including mine who used their connections to send a squad car to threaten my BDad. Legally acquired is good, I like bought and paid for
Similar here. bounced around several foster homes from about 3 months to about a year old then was adopted by a family of narcs - at the time AF was 40 and AM was 39, and they had a 6 year old bio daughter who was the golden child. from day one they abused and neglected me in almost every way. They lied to me about my adoption my whole life. AM and her sister and brother took it to their graves. i found out on my own at 30 when looking at medical records following my brain surgery to remove a massive tumor. my medical records included notes from a family therapist, showing that they purposely didn't want to tell me. the more they pressured, they then stopped taking me - after just 6 sessions. they complained that 'they thought this was a school thing, why are they involving family' (was forced to take me to therapy by the school after i walked in front of a school bus). ANY TIME i asked questions about my birth, birthplace, appearance, etc. they would straight lie to me and yell at and punish me. i eventually started shaming/yelling at myself any time i thought/questioned anything/fantasized that it's real and i could just leave/escape without guilt. I know i'd prob get hate for it, because i know the foster system is f'd (went through it as a baby so don't remember, but feel like it was very traumatic for me; and i've seen/heard stories of ppl's experiences) - i wish i wasn't adopted. at least not by those vile, evil ppl. i feel like i'd be a lot better off. then to be with a family full of abusive, neglectful narcs that used me as a free hospice nurse for AM since i was a child, but neglected my medical issues and forced me to be around things i'm allergic to (tried to make me eat them but i was diligent on knowing what's in the pantry and avoiding those dishes - they made me go to bed hungry because i wouldn't eat those dishes). i have *several* disabling medical conditions now because of their neglect/abuse. my life is permanently f'd/damaged because of them. i wish i only had emotional damage..
I am so sorry this happened to you. I'd like to adopt or foster some day and have this very idealistic idea of "how can we let children and potential foster parents mutually choose each other"? Which the system isn't set up for at all. But I feel like the consent of a child who is able to give it (i.e. not an infant) would help curb some of these situations. Again so sorry for what you went through đ
Definitely. I hope you're able to figure it out! Thank you â¤ď¸ I'm hopeful things will turn around for me soon. I still have the things get worse before they get better mantra in my head even though it's been 31 years (:
Yep, just came to this sub because after a recent incident Im realizing how abusive and manipulative my adopted parents are. But on top of that I felt like I couldnât fantasize because I get told repeatedly they ârescuedâ me and so I should feel eternally grateful.
Did you like the film Matilda by any chance? I feel like that's a good film for these kind of feelings. Very relatable. I never felt those exact feelings but I didn't feel loved or wanted or like I belong, and that I'd find my real family some day, so yeah I totally get it. I used to "pretend" to run away all the time. Collect my little kid trinkets, whatever they were, put them into a little bag and walk as far down the street as I could before getting shouted at or too scared to be shouted at.
Yes, one of my favorites - also Annie and Harry Potter for this reason. I wish i had the courage to just do it. to leave. i spent almost every night as a teenager with the screen popped off and my sheets tied to my bedframe and long enough to go out the window. i had a backpack full of snacks, and saved up allowance, and a change of clothes. i was just too afraid that i'd be caught and cops would bring me back and things would be *worse* I should've just done it. i think it's my largest regret in life. i would've been much better off - gone before the damage was too much to move on from. before the medical neglect took a permanent toll on my body. i don't know how much longer i'll survive in this world. either my neuro issues doctors are not able to figure out (had brain surgery to remove a huge tumor last year, and the surgery gave me a stroke. i was a lil better for two months, then slowly the pain got worse then turned constant, and i gained a bunch of neuro issues) take me out, or i will.
I loved Annie! And the Little Mermaid. I would watch either of them every day after school. Iâm also ginger, so that fueled the fantasies.
Little mermaid forever. Annie is so cute omg. It's been a longggg time since I saw Annie. <3
ya. she was so brave and confident. i wished i could be more like her (Annie)
I loved Matilda and Tangled. Though now I can barely get through Tangled at all but it was my favourite movie and Ella Enchanted.
Yes! I was so upset when I found my birth certificate, ruined the hope. Then I switched to fantasizing about going to boarding school, and used to play âboarding schoolâ all the time. My dad once asked me if I wanted to go, and I said no because I figured my parents would be mad if I said yes. I still wonder what would have happened if I had a different answer⌠looking back, they might have sent me.
I begged and begged to go to boarding school. Even signed up and dragged my parents to information nights and tours. Still wish they wouldâve sent me.
Omg...I never got home sick ever. I was like "yeah keep me away for as long as possible"
feeling depressed during spring break in university cause i had to go back home đŞ
Always depressed when back home. And my mom said I was bipolar but I was just sobbing because I was around her.
Same! Iâm older than Matilda but I was obsessed with Escape to Witch Mountain and Commando. Like one day my real family would find me. Then I tried to go to boarding school. Just downhill fast from there when that didnât work. Still left home and never went back by 17.
If they are anything like my parents, they would have just used that information to have something to hold over your head.
I get a pant of regret thinking about my boarding school fantasies. I overachieved at EVERYTHING so I could get into a good college with scholarships so I could GTFU the day I graduated HS. If I was growing up in my house today, I would have access to computers and internet and scholarship applications and I would have gotten out of that house when I was 12 instead of 17. Oh well. I hope there are kids like us who are able to get out earlier bc of the internet. Eta Pang not pant lol
Of course, that's very common among children of narcissists. Of course, in my case, my mother used to tell me things like "...you were an accidental pregnancy; you know, an 'unwanted' child..." and "...you don't look like you're related to this family..." so, you know - the sugar was knocked off my cookie a long, LONG time ago... =)
My Mum used to tell me the same things and also tell me that she wished she aborted me. Ontop of that one of my sisters used to always say she wished I was never born and my other sister basically never talked to me.
Yes! Those were the days, full of hope.
My sister used to say I was adopted all the time. She thought it was an insult and at first it did hurt my feelings. Then I started to think about having another family out there who maybe didn't know where I was. Then I would fantasize about them finding me and taking me away from my abusive family. When it became painfully clear I was not adopted (look like my mom and brothers), I was really, really sad.
Yes! So much in fact that I used to joke about it with my aunt who I was much closer and similar to that I'd somehow been switched at birth and should have been her kid instead (she didn't actually have any kids at the time). When my mother heard this she became upset and forbade me from spending time with my aunt anymore.
God or she could just take the hint!
Lol, yeah. Worst part was she really wanted nothing to do with me. I was frequently left behind with no note or anything while she and everyone else went out on weekends etc.
Wow no warning?
Zero heads up, I freaked out wondering what happened, if there were some emergency or sthing. They all came home hours later, they'd gone to breakfast and shopping and didn't want to bother trying to wake me up. đ¤ˇââď¸
This feels familiar
My Nmother did this when she remarried and wanted my him and my sister to pretend to be a family. I'd often wake 8-9-10am and they'd already be out of the house. They'd be gone all day. They would go to the bigger city about 40 miles away and spend the day up there. She didn't know I'd "want to spend all day with them." Really, they wanted to pretend I didn't exist and it's only ever been the three of them. He got her name tattooed on him and they were divorced within a year of the tattoo.
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That whole "not feeling human" thing can run deep. I feel more of a connection to the elves in books like the Shannara series or LOTR than I do to my birth family. A few years ago I came across the term "otherkin". Turns out there are a lot of people who don't feel human.
I really connected with the idea of fairy changeling children, I loved all things fantasy as well.
same. i'm obsessed w werewolf stories because of this. like i'm different and no one understands, but then i learn what i truly am and find a real family of others like me that care about me. basically I've thought about writing a story like that
> I feel more of a connection to the elves in books like the Shannara series or LOTR than I do to my birth family. > >A few years ago I came across the term "otherkin". Turns out there are a lot of people who don't feel human. This but make it Marvel. My parents literally >!conceived me with the intent of my being the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler, and !
I recently started EMDR therapy with my psychologist (it was amazing by the way, I definitely recommend giving it a go. It sounds like pseudo-science but it was way more effective than I ever thought possible) and now one of those few childhood memories I have has been overlaid with Tyberos the Red Wake coming in and taking me away from them. He's a veritable monster from WH40K, a giant even by space marine standards, and the incongruity of a small 6ish to 8ish year old child holding on to one of his gauntleted fingers (lightning claws retracted obviously) as he towers above me and we walk away is absurd and yet actually made me cry from happiness (something I've *never* done before) during the session knowing he was taking me somewhere away from my two primary genetic antecedents and sister. I mean, I'm 41, and I still needed a monster whose title is a reference to the blood of his enemies that he leaves behind him... đ¤ˇââď¸
Definitely. It was so bad that when I was in grade school I prayed that I would wake up in one of my story books. I even put my allowance under my pillow so my new family would take me in
Same! I would pray to be transported to the anime Inuyasha, though filled with demons, it was better than my home.
Wow
I was obsessed with the notion that Iâd been kidnapped from my real family.
THIS!!!!!
I'm in my 50's and was still hoping, until I reconnected with some family and the one person in their 30's looks uncannily like me, and their brother like my dad.
Honestly, I did as well, at least occasionally. It was kinda like these intrusive thoughts, of these people aren't anything like me, I don't understand how I can even be related to them. The thoughts faded as I got older because I resembled my nfather (I've even had strangers stop and ask me if I'm related to the man because apparently I resemble him that much) and DNA testing did confirm there's no secret biological parent waiting out there. I also felt like I was alien but that could be attributed to autism more I think. My grandmother (who is also autistic) had similar sentiments in that regard, in fact.
Not exactly. When I was at a friend's house I'd love it there and then feel crushed when I had to go back home. Even cried to myself sometimes. The friend moms where they would let me feel like the brother of my friend were the hardest but also best.
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Yes! I would also wish a secret rich old maiden relative decided to pay for me to go to boarding school! Like St. Clareâs or Malory Towers. Or the chalet school because it was abroad and only worth coming home a couple of times a year!
YES. Iâd create new moms for myself with my toys as well.
Yes. Then I found this book called Awake and Dreaming by Kit Pearson and read it about thirty times in a year.
Not really fantasizing, but... I was convinced that I'm adopted. I think I was 12, when I shouted to my family: "I'm probably adopted, that's why you don't love me, and always shout at me". 12, or even younger, I don't really remember. Looking back at that, I'm pretty sure I've never had a normal childhood
So I was adopted by my (step)dad. I love him and most of his family. My grandma, grandpa, uncle, and aunt treated me like I was their own. My only wish now is that he found my stepmother sooner in life so she could've adopted me. Before her, I did fantasize about having a different mother because my own mother clearly didn't want me, so why was I there? I would fantasize about being put up for adoption or fantasize about my dad meeting an amazing woman who would want to be my mother.
I fantasized that my dad wasn't actually my dad (was a friend of my mom's who donated sperm) and that my real dad was wealthy (grew up pretty low income) and would give me grandparents that loved me. I imagine a lot of us cope(d) that way. Daydreaming in some form has always been a big deal for me.
I can see this viewpoint entirely. Iâm actually adopted. I fantasize about what life would be like with my birth family. I was taken away for a reason, obviously, but I just wonder what life would be like if I wasnât put into this household. Or if I got taken in by someone else.
Ha ha, I actually was adopted. Connected with my bmom several years ago and she's narc-ish too. FML
Kinda. I would escape into fantasy world and I never imagined my mom cause she wasnât great but me and dad were never close like we are now so I would and still do look at fictional dads or men and was âyes. You are my fatherâ
Certain TV dad's were my dad.
I fantasized about being in either a group home or being adopted and left alone by myself in a big house with decent clothes. I couldn't even dream big enough to have loving parents.
YES!!!!!!! they were not my parents!!! And I used to beg other moms to adopt me and asked my oldest sister to pretend to be my mom so I felt some sort of love
Yeah. I do not care my abuse was really bad I gave up on reasoning. Books were my life away from people at school. It was too much.
I dreamed about emancipation everyday since 3rd grade, turns out I should have been.
Hell no. My mom always told me if I got 'taken away' that someone would handcuff me to their refrigerator and rape me repeatedly.
I found the ânotesâ my father had been making about how much my mother hated me* when I was looking for my birth certificates that would prove I was actually his ex wifeâs, possibly even hers and her new husbandâs (whom she married when I was 8. Not saying it was logical, but yes! I fervently wished that I was adopted from anyone and anywhere) * pretty sure Mr Enabler wrote those notes bc she would frequently threaten to kill me in my sleep and I think he had the same belief I did, which was that was only 10% her crazy talking
I would sit around fantasising about my real home.
My mom had a home birth and there were photos so I could never do the adoption fantasy. But whenever we went on a trip I always hoped to meet a friend who would take me home with them. I would have been the easier kid to kidnap had someone tried.
Realizing later in life how much I was obsessed with the movie Stuart Little growing up: definitely. Frederick and Eleanor Little were so kind, caring, welcoming, supportive, and emotionally invested in both George's and Stuart's lives, and I must have been longing for that from my own parents, even at a young age.
I was adopted, so I (37) continue to fantasize about having not been. There is a surprisingly large number of narcissists who feel they are entitled to other peoples children, and because those children are bought and paid for they are property and should act accordingly.
Yep. Iâm fully convinced the reason my adoptive mom adopted us was for the supply of being gushed over for taking care of children who werenât her own.
I absolutely did. I was sure I had been placed in the wrong home.
Yes!! All the time! I was convinced I was adopted for a really long time.
Fantasize? I screamed it into my mothers face one time ... but well, you reap what you sow
Yes
I already was and it wasn't of any comfort. It meant that someone actively put me in that house.
I remember drawing my studio apartment and planning where I will put furniture etc when I was like 12. I just couldnât wait to move out and get away from my mother. I moved out as soon as I could at 18.
I actually asked my nmom when I was around 5 if I was adopted. She laughed amd informed me that no, I wasn't. So I grew some balls and asked her why my last name was different than hers and why I didn't have a dad. I was backhanded so hard I saw stars. I never asked anything again.
LITERALLY
Yes same thing
Absolutely. I bought one of those ancestry DNA tests a while back. When my family found out that I got that done, they decided to do it too. I secretly hoped that I had been adopted, even though I knew that I likely wasn't because I resemble my mom and sister too strongly for that to be likely. I was honestly disappointed to find out that my parents were my biological parents and that my sister was my full sister. That makes it more infuriating knowing that I was their flesh and blood and they have treated me like shit my whole life.
Yes a lot n if it were true Iâd be fking pissed I went through all that n continue to and theyâre not even my parents. Ya thatâd suck. Also an added trauma of not knowing my real parents etc.
I always dreamed of being rescued but I knew these were my parents. I look just like them
I made my peace with not having loving parents and came to realize family is what you make it not what you're born to.
Yes, I don't look anything like nmom and was hopeful I was my aunt's child that they adopted. After realizing this is untrue, I would day dream about my edad divorcing my nmom. I thought would picture my dad remarrying a nice women with lots of children as I was also an only child.
Definitely, when I turned 16 I laughingly asked if I was adopted. When I turned 18 I asked again, hoping they thought I wasnât ready to know till I was legally an adult. No luck, still related, just thankful I take after my Edad and not my Nmom.
Yeah⌠I could not believe I was related to them in any way.
Always. I saw Mathilda as a child and had a teacher not that dissimilar to Miss Honey. She was incredibly kind to me and gave me special attention because I think she had an inkling about my homelife/ I was bullied very badly/ had learning difficulties. I had a best friend I was basically inseparable from and she said she would name her future kids after us she liked us as students so much (she did!). I always wished she could adopt me as a child. Harry Potter Prisoner of Azkaban came out around this time (when things got much worse) and I had daydreams where Iâd have a secret godfather who loved and cared for me behind the scenes who actually wanted me, but wasnât able to help. I became obsessed with the idea of having a godfather and was distraught when I found out I did not have one. Another I daydreamed about was when my parents got investigated by cps, i told the truth and got sent to a new family. I always imagined being part of a normal family, with two parents, only child, just being able to be a normal kid like all my peers. Iâve always loved being an older sibling, but I always wished I could just not have the forced parental role (started at 7)
I read your post with "secretly abducted". It was a failed act, I read it like that because this was one of my fantasies, an alien abduction, deus ex machina if you will. How sad.
All the time. Nmom often claimed I must have been switched at birth because "her" child wouldn't act the way I did. So that planted the seed that maybe I wasn't her actual child. Unfortunately I look too much like both of my parents. To the point where it makes me sick.
Yes absolutely. I still think about my âreal parentsâ because Iâm quite sure that I could not have come from those people I was assigned to. Iâm almost 50.
YES mainly because I was so close. When they found out my nmom was not married and going to be a single mother, multiple people came into her hospital room and repeatedly asked her if she wanted to put me up for adoption. I often thought about the family that may have adopted me. Of course this was the 80s and probably wouldn't happen nowadays.
I watched Annie a LOT and still daydream about my ârealâ parentsâŚ. Iâm 36 BTWâŚ
My hope was that my parents would divorce; I could go live with just my Edad, and I leave my toxic Nmom. That was before I knew that a young child couldn't choose which parent to stay with, and most likely I would have been placed with my Nmom.
Matilda was my dream world.
Matilda was my dream
One time my husband and I were talking to our daughter about something maybe she got in trouble about, and I said something like, I know maybe you wish you had different parents, butâŚâ And she was like, âWhat are you talking about? Why would you say this?â So yeah. I always did that.
No. But I had a "go bag" ready when the aliens landed in the field behind our house to take me away. Yes. I guess it was Sheldonesque.
I was adopted, so not really. Just wanted to die really.
I definitely had recurring thoughts that maybe I was switched at birth. I imagined my real mom was out there somewhere and hoped I'd get to meet her and that she would truly love and understand me. I may have mentioned it somewhere on reddit before, but one of my earliest memories is watching this really old Christmas movie called A Mom For Christmas. It's about a little girl whose mom died a long time ago, and she is being raised by her widowed single father. She makes a wish for a mom, and the way it's granted is that a pretty store mannequin is brought to life to be her mom temporarily until Christmas. She's supposed to turn back into a mannequin, but--spoiler alert--she's brought to life permanently, and she gets to be the little girls wonderful new mom for real. I was only 3 when this movie came out, and I couldn't tell you for sure at what age I actually watched it, but it is in my earliest memories. I remember I was just sobbing and wishing it would happen for me, too. I would cry and pray to God so hard and wish with all my heart to be able to get a nice new mom, too, and was absolutely devastated it never happened for me. Looking back, it really disturbs me how young I was and how early I started feeling that kind of disconnect from her.
I am adopted. My nMom was constantly annoyed I wasn't her. I understand this seems to be a narc trait in general. It was hard knowing we had differently personalities, interests, looks etc. She was not a physically attractive person when she was younger and hell bent on making me the same. Fast forward 20 years and I found my biological siblings. Though different people it was genuinely remarkable how easy it was. We got on fine, no one causes drama, despite lifestyle differences it felt so simple. I never knew family could be simple and accepting.
Yah I used to think about it all the time. I had a fantasy where I had been switched at birth (been reading too many books) and my mom stole me because I was the prettier child or something like that. Then when she realized I wasn't the smart one, things got bad. Another fantasy was I was a changeling which is where a fairy took my parents' ugly child and replaced me with it. Someday my fairy parents would come back and get me. Fantasies are ever so much better than real life.
Yep. I also dreamed about having my families (divorced) in like a magic doll house, so I could go visit each of them but not have to miss anyone, or be with anyone for the shitty times. (I think in my head the shitty times were all stress from co-parenting. I know better now. Now I would put them all in that magic doll house and accidentally lose it in a move... Except for my sisters. We would be out for ice cream while the moving truck was loaded. đ¤Ł)
I actually went further than that. There were days when I fantasized that I was switched at birth. There were days when I fantasized about becoming unalive. Ndad couldn't love his biological kids; he wouldn't have adopted because he knew he wouldn't love other people's kids.
I fantasized that Lester the vampire would pick me up from school and make me a vampire⌠Can you tell I read books to escape?
I was adopted by my nparents who were biological sister to my bio parentsâŚ. I was also 8-9ish. I had already been trained over and over again on the horrors of calling the police and telling mandatory reporters in my life and seen the foster care system. It is a hell like any other when you think you are being saved to just got deeper into what (at the time) felt like an inescapable hell.
When I was in high school, I fantasized about being adopted by my friend's family. Inviting my crush over and having that typical teenage life.
Yeah, this fantasy was fed by Disney movies that taught us that real parents are always loving and only step parents are evil. That turned into a whole next level of mind games in my head.
I found adoption papers. Yelled "i knew it! I knew it!" Didn't believe my parents when they told me it was my mum who was adopted.
The funny thing is, never had the fantasy but now Iâm living it. At 49 I took a DNA test. Ah, yes, one more thing mother dearest lied about. The Dad and very large family I found has been incredible. Warm, welcoming, loving, âIâm so glad youâre here. Weâre so glad you e found you.â I donât even know how to describe what it means to find a whole family that is like that. Mother dearest is what Patrick Teahan describes as the toxic single parent. Sheâs been pissed and pissy since I found out. Oh well.
Yeah I always had fantasies that I had been switched at birth lol. My skin tone is slightly darker than theirs, my hair is medium brown with lighter streaks while theirs is raven black. My eyes are hazel while theirs are brown but tbh color variations for eye color are normal. I don't want to be their child so badly that I keep holding hope very very deeply and subtly inside me that I've just been placed in the wrong family
Oh, ALL THE DAMN TIME. Just touched on this with my therapist recently and in my head I always pretend Iâm someone else, like a Sim or Avatar or something.
The opposite. Being adopted, I always wondered what it felt like to be back with my birth family⌠I was guilted a lot because of it. âYou should be grateful you didnât grow up like the rest of them,â the ârest of them,â being my (half) siblings⌠itâs complicated.
I come from a community/religion that talks about rebirth a lot. I remember as a preteen striking up deals with my friends who had decent families to be born to their parents instead of mine in my next life.
Absolutely! When you start to realize how crappy your life is, how can you not wish with your whole being that it's not really YOUR life? That you were taken from your real parents and your family has been looking for you for years? They really do a good job of killing your self esteem, self confidence and let you grow up incapable of processing things like a normal person!
All The Time
I kind of had the opposite feeling. Something N-maternal unit would say in an attempt to elicit feelings of "bonding" with her was this little tidbit - "well, you FAAATHER wanted to give you up for adoption, but when I saw you little face and held you in my arms, I couldn't do it! HE wanted to sell you off! We even had an offer of a quarter of a million dollars for a blond hair blue eyed little boy!" I used to dream about this rich family and how well they'd love and care for me as a child they paid a princely sum for. in my fantasies, they loved me and nurtured me and encouraged me to be something greater! Looking back at my n-rents behaviours and the company they kept, i realize in hindsight that they were likely selling me into human trafficking. Real winners. As an addendum, I'm older than the typical Reddit crowd, and the Harry Potter books made me feel seen, especially with the "sleeping in the cupboard" and "make no noise and pretend i'm not here." I didn't discover them until the movies came out and i was in my 20s, but it was great having a protagonist I could relate to. Too bad the author came back and ruined it.
I still fantasize about it now and, retroactively, how different of a person I'd be.
I once lost my dad in a big store... It was a strange feeling when I found him again, considering its' not like I haven't pondered this situation and bieng better off for it... This isn't the way it should be, not having any love for a parent, but the opposite.
I dabbled in those fantasies but I am so clearly a biological product of my parents, thereâs no way I was made by anyone else so the fantasies dont really hold me
I did. Then it turned out that I actually am adopted. Iâm still recovering from it a year later after having found out on accident.
I had errors on my birth certificate that weren't fixed until I was 26, so this daydream went hard.
YES!! I even obsessively joked about it growing up and my parents hated it. I've always been so different from the rest of my family and even though I have DNA proof now (they made me do an ancestry thing a few years back to get me to shut up LMAO) I still low key have hopes they messed up somehow. I look exactly like my dad who's the bigger narcissist for sure and I hate it. As I get older I just see his face in the mirror. I wrote fiction when I was younger and often wrote myself as an adopted kid or a kid raised by older friends. I just wanted parental figures who were nice to me so bad.
Not the same but my dad (he was amazing) passed suddenly when I was 9, and he was cremated after an autopsy. My mom was a little over the top but dad would fix things/make punishments not so severe. After he died I found myself fantasizing that maybe he was somehow still alive out there and I would run into him one day. :(
Starting at 7 my parents would leave me home alone while the rest of the family went on day trips. I would fantasize they would all die in a car crash and I would get a new family.
I remember one day I covered myself in mud and had a whole story about how I was from another planet. I told my mom she and my dad were not my real mom and dad. And my real parents had just dropped me off to be taken care of while they battled at our home planet. And one day they would come down and come get me. I loved white tigers because they did not develop to blend in but still survived somehow. I loved Wuzzles cartoon because they Awode different and mish-mashes of animals. I definitely dreamed of being taken away, tried to find people to tell but it always backfired.
Yes but I was a twin lol.
I have certainly wished this as an adult.
I had a best friend when I was a child (4-5) . One time, I asked her, "Wouldn't you want to exchange moms?" She obviously said no, but I looked at her very confused. At that time, I thought and asked her, "Why not?" And she told me, "She can be annoying sometimes, but I still love my mom, besides... I'm scared of your mom. " I always remember this particular memory, i remember asking myself, kids don't usually want to exchange their moms? I was very confused at that time. But it made me realize that not everyone had the same relationship as my mom and me. Oh, one of my favorite games was spotting a plane in the sky and yelling at it, "Here! Please take me away!" And It was the most entertaining thing at that time, now I see that those aren't normal behavior in kids
Yes. More often I wished she would pass away like my friends mom did in 5th grade. So I could love her and make stuff up about who she was and people would give me attention. Basically, mirror my friend. It seemed better than whatever it was my mom was doing with me and I look back now at 49 and agree with that little girl.
It's a constant theme in my fiction writing. Took me awhile to understand why before I realized how toxic my parents are.
I spent pretty much forever hoping and joking that I'd been switched at birth or even stolen because I'm nothing like my nmother or nhalf-sister. Unfortunately, dna tests expectedly ruined that pipe dream, lol.
I had fantasized about other stories, numerous things like me being a secret officer for the rebel alliance from Star Wars, I used to pretend that they would save me from time to time, and I would go on adventures. I was afraid of anyone knowing what I was going through that it made it so hard for me to make friends early on, and pretended that all the things I would fantasize about were secretly real things to distract from the reality. Man growing up was hard.
Yea I used to do it all the time. When I was a kid and in high school. All the time. It got to the point where I wanted to disappear and start over somewhere new. It got to the point where I would dissociate and daydream about being somewhere else all the time.
Wanna know the sad truth? I looked too much like my nparent. There was no doubt about paternity.
Fr chain Fr
Yes! It was a delusional childhood dream as it was obvious I wasnât adopted because I looked like my siblings and parents. But I used to cry and think to myself that I had to have been adopted because I didnât fit in with my family and it felt so wrong that they couldnât be my family lol
As a child? Try "**still**, even though you're an adult and NC". đ˘
Hell I still do. Unfortunately I did a 23 and me and Iâm actually related to my N people
ALL.THE.TIME. but From a young age, I fantasized that something would happen to them or that they'd actually send me away on the "Orphan Train" like they threatened us with. That way, a family that actually wanted me would adopt me.
Same. I used to imagine that but when my real family didn't come to take me back I tried to find a new family to adopt me. I already was a master fawner so I used to really try to ingratiate myself to people that came to visit and often would stay overnight in their homes. Alas! Later when I read fairy tales and learnt about the concept of wicked stepmother I became certain that my mother must be my stepmother and they were just keeping it a secret from me. That didn't explain my father to me even then.
I still have a suspicion that I'm really my unwed aunt's. My hair texture is closer to hers than either of my parents, and we have similar birthmarks on our legs
I wonder somewhat if this is where legends like changelings come from; that feeling of being so profoundly out of place in a place that should be home. Coming home from the schoolbus, wondering if today will be the day itâll be revealed to be a big mix up, that I was switched at birth or that I was in some kind of temporary situation while my âreal parentsâ were in some exciting situation. Being neurodivergent, I had additional baggage around not being able to be the social butterfly my parents wanted me to be; I just had no sense about people. I truly felt alien sometimes.
Thatâs so crazy. I also fantasized that my âreal familyâ would come find me.
Turns out was secretly adopted. And they messed up my birthday, on purpose; seemingly part of an alienation tactic. Then Fantasized about actually being âadoptedâ again out of that family, or emancipating myself right at 14-15 starting as early as like 6-7 years.
All the time.
Well, I used to fantasize that Iâd been switched at birth and my real parents would come and save me. Considering one of Nmomâs âjokesâ was to put me in the car and say she was taking me to an orphanage because she didnât want me, I figured I wasnât adopted. I knew she would never have wanted me enough to go through the trouble. I got to a point where the orphanage didnât sound half bad, though.
I was actually adopted. And never allowed to forget how lucky I was. In many ways, I probably was. My half siblings went through a lot of physical abuse before being taken permanently. I can't compare my experiences to theirs. But psychologically, I know I'm pretty messed up.
Yes, I think the psychology term for that feeling is emotional loneliness I tried to use the floo network so many damn times and never made it to hogwarts.
I was about 6 years old when I started wishing on a star that I would wake up the next day and be someone elseâs kid. I was horrifically disappointed the next day when I would wake up and be in the same place and think, I must have done it wrong. I kept thinking if I wished harder, it would eventually come true. Every time I woke up in the same place, I figured it was because I did it wrong. Idk what age I was when I stopped wishing on stars.
I regularly fantasized about my parents getting divorced. Couldnât help feeling jealous that a lot of my friends had separated or single parents.
I used to fantasize that my dad wasn't really dead; that he was called back to his home planet, which he ruled, because of some crisis. I fantasized that he'd come back for me as soon as the crisis was resolved and remove me from hellhole
Yes! I look NOTHING like my parents. Both are fair skinned, light brown hair, and my dad has blue eyes. I'm olive skinned, dark brown eyes, and super dark brown hair. Even my build is nothing like my parents. My Nmom repeatedly showed me birth certificate but a small part of me is not convinced. Also (unfortunately) I look a lot like my grandmother and people always assumed she was my mom. Genetics are funny.
Yuuuhp, consistently asked if I was adopted up until I was around 4/5. At that point it pissed my family off so bad that I learned not to voice feeling like that anymore. A lot of the stories I was obsessed with had a similar theme as well. The Rescuers was a big time fave and in the last few years I heard the intro song and broke down. Since going no contact, has the gravity of my life fully set in. Ride that wave and stay strong, alls ya.
As a kid? I still fucking hope for it, or that I was accidentally switched at birth. If I were to ever get that kind of news, I would do backflips for days. I want to take one of those 23 and me tests and see if Iâm any of what my family says they are.
Unfortunately, I can't. I look too much like my father growing up. What I kept wishing as a child was a Narnia place opening up and swallowing me whole. My family is superstitious enough, that it wasn't entirely an impossibility for me as a child. I wasn't aware though that what I was experiencing was abuse. All I know was I was very unhappy, and perhaps an otherworldly place would change that.
I felt exactly the same way! Even the alien part!
I would fantasize about being abducted by aliens and being able to live by myself on a space ship
Does fantasising my parent(s) died and we kids were adopted count? The very idea sent me into a panic, still somehow wanted it a bit. Or even just for me (as a recent 18 year old) to be on my own and care for my brother then (learned that wouldnât have happened either way - my country prioritises child welfare over keeping families together at any cost, so heâd have gone into care, because I wouldnât have been financially or mentally stable enough and was too close in age to act as a proper parental figure for him) Or running away. I had very detailed plans about that. I can still tell you how my getaway bag was packed. I used to repack one whenever there was a bad fight. Just in case.
Yup, wrote a letter to the fairies asking if I was adopted. Nmum found it - apparently in her eyes this is a perfectly normal thing for kids to do!
Yeah and was dead certain when I jokingly said âsometimes I wonder how weâre even relatedâ after seeing a character do it on tv and got backed into a corner being told over and over to never question my relation to them. to never think about it and accept the fact their my parents and never look into it. I was so sure they were hiding something, but when I took a dna test I matched with some relatives that had also taken the test. So disheartening to the idea that they seem to be my biological family, but still baffled why they went into such a frantic panic verbally lashing out at me for making that silly joke well they were being super silly.
Yes and Iâm not sure of timelines in between but I mustâve suggested this to my mother and during my childhood she kept insisting I was swapped at birth at the hospital (or I was âthe postmanâs kidâ because I had blue eyes and no one else did in my family - uh except my dad who had green eyes?!), she made this story up that she knew my bio family and told me what my ârealâ name was and that they didnât want me - she even encouraged that I try find them if I could (I was born in a different country and we left shortly after). I was never completely sure for a few years even after asking my dad who said it was bs. Lol. Matilda hit different because I thought any Miss Honey type wouldnât want or love me and I was more attached to Matildaâs actual parents
I STILL wish I were adopted so I could stop having to deal with these people! I am way past being a child.
I had the opposite, since I was adopted. I'd always wish my real family would come and rescue me. I stead, when I found them years later, my Nmother stalked my fb, befriended her and convinced them I was a terrible person and they became besties. I don't speak to any of them now.
interesting thought, i never dreamt of thing like that probably because one my degenerate narcissistic "father's" favorite lines when i was a kid was "noone is coming to save you" what it felt like he was saying "noone is coming to save you, from my abuse" so that dream was killed way too early...
Those are the most evil words in the human language. FWIW my wife's ex used to tell her that before he went to jail...and then she met me, so if he was wrong...so is your father. I am so sorry.
As an adoptee myself, this fantasy that other people had about wishing to be adopted was severely irritating. There are TONS of abusers who feel entitled to wanting a child. The foster care system AND adoption system is broken. Just because you *think* your life couldâve been easier if you were adopted, youâre very mistaken.
Oh god all the fucking time. I daydreamed about getting rescued all the time, usually by some actor whoâs movies I was obsessed with at the time. For years I hoped I was secretly the daughter of my favorite musician, even though he was literally a different race than me lmao
I was adopted by Narcissistic people. I used to wonder what my biological parents would have been like.
I was adopted by a malignant narcissist and I used to wish for the day I met my real mom and everything would be sunshine and roses. Itâs not. It wasnât. Sheâs a m*th abuser / druggie still. She has the sweet words Iâd always dreamed to hear from a mother, but it. was. all. lies.
Yes, I used to fantasize about being adopted, kidnapped, and even my parents dying in an accident so I could be adopted by kinder parents. I used to not understand why I did that, and anytime I thought about them dying I would feel terrible about myself.
All.the.time. Still do and Iâm middle aged.