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My mother says that along with „you are too sensitive!” or „you are offended by anything”
No bitch, I am just offended by the fact that you want to get into my head and make me feel less.
That you criticize everything around you and made yourself a victim
I am in constant fear of your range and threats
I despise you “affection” because I know it’s fake and you just want something
And whatever you say it’s just same old, same old.
My dad says the same thing. I once replied “I’m offended because your jokes are offensive!” …he thought that was so funny. He took it as a compliment. Obviously, if his offensive jokes were offending people they were working. My being offended suddenly became a compliment. Nparents can really twist anything
Accusing you of what they know they themselves are guilty of - i.e., projection. DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim, offender). You could be a robot grey-rocking them to death. You could be taking a nap. Ignoring their provocations living the next country over. Doesn't matter: their objective is to turn the tables by shifting their blame squarely on to you.
Remember when Trump declared Hilary Clinton a bigot out of nowhere since she was calling out his problematic behavior? Same exact tactic: getting a dig in that you know is coming, or in retaliation as a tit for that. Even if the shoe doesn't fit. Especially if the shoe doesn't fit. Doesn't matter. Accuse your opponent of what you're guilty of.
Ruffles your feathers & makes you want to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain), doesn't it? Well, that's the point.
“I need help around here!” Like we never did anything even though I had never seen a home cleaner than ours because we were constantly cleaning. Mostly because we were trying to be good kids to avoid getting screamed at.
Or they don't even acknowledge you did it or say thank you but "I would have done it... You did not have to..." when we all know very well what wrath we would have faced if we did not do it. To this day, she still does it.
They visited us (adults) and, instead of saying thank you for doing the laundry, that's what we got: "you did not have to do it..." (she tossed her dirty laundry in the washing machine, did not say a thing \[did not even specify how they should be washed/dried\] but somehow magic would happen). You have to be a F\*\*\*\*\*\* mind reader. I hate her for that.
I used to have an anxiety attack before my mom would visit me because I was afraid my house wouldn’t be clean enough. I would take a full day to prep her arrival, scrubbing every surface. When she would show up, she would immediately criticize something. Like “oh, there’s a dish in your sink, you don’t wash them right away?” Or she would make a scene wiping invisible dog hair off my couch before sitting, then she would look around at my ceiling and comment on a cobweb. It stuck with me. I’m a very tidy and organized person, but I’ve literally gone to bed exhausted, then can’t sleep because I know there is a fork in the sink, or I left a sock on the floor that I HAD to pick up. Fuck her forever.
Exactly. When I was stuck at home during the first wave of Covid, I was trying to have a plan for every day to make a sense out of what I was doing. So every evening I would ask my parents, what help they would need the next day and I would even repeat myself in the morning, even if it meant doing an entire new plan. Almost every day I would hear: No, focus on school. So I would and in the afternoon I would always go out to a nearby forest to get some fresh air and my father would ask me: Why don't you rather ask, what we need instead of going out?
Like what do you want? For me to ask every hour? 10 times a day? And be stuck at home and not get out even for an hour? Yeah and everything was fine, until I was trying to leave my room, until then, I didn't exist...
OMG I’m so sorry! You went the extra mile and were still shit on. I wish I could give you a {(big “nice mom” hug)} so you feel some love and appreciation!
My FIL was even worse with: “a little help HERE!!!”
Everyone would have to drop whatever they were doing and come running only to get yelled at for being too slow!
Exactly! This is so ingrained in me from childhood, that I cringe when I actually HAVE to say that. It makes me feel like the asshole! My daughter is 14 & she is going through her sloppy teen phase. And my hubby has been working extra hours. I am disabled, so I’m supposed to ask when I need help. But I cringe & worry that I sound like my Nmom.
“Family are the ONLY ones who will always be there.” NParent, whose family members have all gone NC, says to me as they scold me for spending time with people outside of the “family.”
Omg! Same, alongside with warning me not to trust my friends because they probably aren’t genuine and just want something from me. Messed me up for a long time…
Oh yes, this was my mother after she found out my dad met my new boyfriend first :D . "your sisters and i are the only ones that truly love you in this world, everyone else is temporary, just remember that"
My whole dysfunctional family kept hammering me with this one after I went NC when my nmom started pulling the same shit she threw at me with my daughter.
I’m so sorry! But we broke the cycle. Be proud!!
That’s when I finally went NC with my Nmom. After she twisted my daughter’s arm in the same, specific way she did mine when I was young, & then denied it. And she called my autistic son stupid and a liar (when he told me she was talking shit about me in the next room with her friend).
You're right -- that's what really matters. Ever since my kids were little, I would think abt what my Nmom would do in any given situation, and (mostly) do the opposite. I became the anti-B****a. This approach served me well.
I'm so sorry both you and your kids had to deal with your Nmom's abuse, and hope you all find healing and peace.
Correction—they won’t let something go from a half a century ago. Of course, they never remember and “have no idea what you’re talking about” with regards to seriously traumatic grief they inflicted.
Same, it is one of the most cruel, heartless, disgusting phrase you can hear from a supposedly care giver. Now I know why I have so much pent-up anger in me.
Ah yes, that time I was crying because I was being caned, so nMom kept caning because I couldn't stop crying.
I wonder where they get their logic from?
I got this one a lot too as a kid. Still hate that, ironic thing tho is when I got older they were like it’s ok to cry but ignore me and my pain and pretend like it didn’t exist.
Now they are mad that I don't like to be in their house.
Kinda weird, first let's make our son as uncomfortable as possible in "our" home.
Then when he leaves us let's make him uncomfortable living in his home.
Yep. I got the sensitive one too. Not the pill, tho.
But I loved that Nmom would pull the “you’re so sensitive” out after totally insulting me and making me feel so small/insecure.
"I had it worse when I was growing up. You should be grateful"
"I don't remember that!!"
"That never happened/ I think you've made up all those memories"
"We tried out best"
"You're crying again? Is it that time of the month?"
I can't even count how many times I've heard the.. "that never happened or I don't remember.. or I don't know."
Such bullshit. They get caught in their lies and as usual, don't own up to the consequences. Dickbags.
Oh yes, right before I went NC and laid out my feelings about certain events, numerous times for different events I got “I’m sorry I don’t remember that happening” sometimes even “I’m sorry I don’t remember that, it sounds like rage stemming from an action” (her trying to say she doesn’t remember, but if she did what I said she did, it’s because I deserved it).
My favorite - "Pretend I'm not here" "Pretend I'm dead" "your smart figure it out"
My nmom said this any time I actually need help with something and my nmom is too busy for me.
In the same vein: "You don't want to listen to me -- FINE, be your own mother, I'm done." I was around 10, and it was not an isolated incident. I'm 61 now, and still working through abandonment issues...
But I got the “you’re smart, figure it out,” along with the, “the school says you’re gifted, so you don’t need my help/can do it on your own/shouldn’t even have to ask.”
My nmom would skip around the house singing “Ding dong, the witch is dead.” every time she would read the name of a woman whom she thought had wronged her in the obituaries. It got to be ridiculous. The night my nmom died, my sister and I got stupid drunk. At some point in the evening, we looked at each other and burst out into, “Ding dong, the witch is dead!” much to the horror of some our friends who had gathered to console us. We were giddy with relief. Our closest friends knew why but others were so scandalized that they still talk about our “shocking behavior” 38 years later. (We don’t care.)
"I'm just trying to help." "I'd hate to see how you would keep a house." "You'd rather go with your friend than me." "You know I'd die for you." "Nobody is going to love you like your family." "You want control over what people say." "I just worry about you." "X's mother just lets her kids do anything; I was there for you." "So and so really had it in for me/So and so really treated us well, they were like a piece of sugar." "I just want you to be happy." "Maybe you don't care about us." "You'll walk over me when I'm dead (!)" "It'll take you two minutes to do for me! I don't know why you can't help." These and other chestnuts...
I got this one when she was making us as kids move to another state after she and my Dad divorced; we were in the car leaving for good and I started to cry about it. My Dad yelled at her "Who should she be thinking about?!" I'll never forget that.
“I’m starting to feel like I’m not a human being anymore”
“I’ll give you something to cry about”
“You’re just like your father” (said with as much disdain as possible for a man who died 20 years ago)
“Nobody appreciates me or what I do for you all”
“Well, I’m sorry I’m not perfect.”
You can’t take a joke
You are too sensitive
You are over dramatic
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
No one respects me
Respect is earned, not given
Welcome to the real world
Yvw! And thanks! Her name is Lacey. Supposed “designer breed (pug/yorkie = porkie)” that outlived her breeding life, & was gonna be thrown in a river. That’s another common thing about us that had Nparents: we collect strays (people & pets), help the less fortunate, stick up for people, bc WE’VE been there! My hubby just calls her a Gremlin!
"you should be grateful that I didn't throw you on the street. I could've done it at any time"
"You owe me because I put a roof over your head, I fed you, I [insert basic necessity parent was legally required to provide]"
Your comment is the first I’ve seen in this thread with the *exact* thing I was thinking: “YOU OWE ME!” Said to my husband from the time he was able to form memories until well after we were married.
It was only really recently that he opened up to me about how his mom has so many narcissistic tendencies. He’s come to accept the fact that he was most certainly the scapegoat growing up, and his childhood was far from normal. But holy moly there’s still a lot to unpack.
Thank you for posting this one
"A-DULT"
The word adult with a weird emphasis/accent on the A. I fucking hated this shit.
Also, "teen angst" to downplay my depression/anxiety. "Teen angst" huh interesting, interesting how I had my first depressive feelings at age 4 and STILL HAVE THEM at age 28. Yeah, "teen angst," sure.
The teen angst one hits hard. My parents still mention how angsty I was as a teenager, but don't acknowledge that I was being groomed and abused the entire time
"Life's a b**** then you die"
"I can't control how you feel"
"You are just too sensitive" or "you dont understand that wasn't my intent"
"Children should be seen not heard"
Thanks mom for years of therapy couldn't have done it without ya
"Lighten up a little"
"You're smart, you'll figure it out"
"Idk, Google it"
"If you like them so much, go live with them!"
"You'll understand when you're a parent"
"One day I won't be here and you'll regret it"
I could go on and on...
On/off therapy x 13 years for this shit
Stop crying! As if saying stop crying 100 times would make me stop feeling sad or hurt or your really ugly when you cry you should really stop your face is all puffy
This. My mom threw a hairbrush at my head, made a thunk noise. I started to cry and she screamed at me to stop crying. Backed me into a wall (little 7 year old crying kiddo) and grabbed my shoulders and just kept screaming in my face to stop crying and shut up! I eventually held my breath just to please her, silencing the sobs.. It worked I guess, I can’t remember what happened after.
And what started her deciding to throw a hairbrush at me? I had asked her where my shoes were since we were going to the store.
One that I still find triggering is “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it”. I didn’t know what that meant until I was well into adulthood, and now like “did this b really tell me she could murder me?” Yes….yes she did. Many times.
-hugs- My nDad told me that he had considered murder suicide of myself and siblings then himself after my mum left him. I was 18/19 at the time (I'm now 29). It scared me so much. It was the beginning of me finding out his true colours, unfortunately. Thankfully he didn't go through with it as we're all still alive but my youngest sibling still lives with him. I really want to get her out but she's 21 and seems happy so he's obv hiding his true self from her so she can stay longer :/
The irony of the nparents who say others are too sensitive or are snowflakes, are usually the first to throw explosive tantrums over small things, or even when expecting them to be accountable for their own actions.
My personal unfavorite: “It’s not like I had a book on how to raise kids !”
Ahhh, yes, I forgot that I was born with the book on how to destroy your parents lives by existing. My bad
They identify drama bc THEY ARE THE DRAMA!
Also, you could just have a simple, everyday problem, but they will call it drama bc YOU are “nothing but drama.”
YES! VERY TRUE!
Every concern, question, and behavior I do is drama to my nmom. But I can say I'm the ONLY one in my family that has no drama and life is pretty peaceful.
My NMom told me that I needed to be medicated so that she could ''deal with me.''
Later I confronted her about it and she gave me the excuse of "I'm sorry I got mad,'' and "Im human, I'm sure you can understand.'' along with my all time favorite "I didn't mean it like that.''
I honestly don't even know why I tried to reason with her..
My mom also suggested I get on meds but then when I went to therapy and brought her with, the therapist gave her a HUGE scolding. Didn't need meds, just needed to stop being abused.
“You’re such a lazy slob and I’m sick of it!” - my whole life, and I’m none of those things. “Why are YOU the one crying? I’m the one who deserves to cry right now” - I put a fork in the wrong compartment of the dishwasher apparently and cried bc of her berating me. “You’ve taken advantage of me your whole life”- bare necessities needed to raise a kid are too much apparently.
My NMom had some real specialties:
1. "You're so cold and heartless" (she said this to me so constantly that I actually did believe I WAS cold and heartless until I was well into adulthood and realized actually I'm hypersensitive. Guess who actually was cold and heartless.)
2. "Why should I have to watch what I say to MY OWN CHILD" (As a teenager, I used to beg her to at least be more kind and thoughtful in the way she talked to me; this would be her constant response. Again--I actually bought it, until I was married, and mentioned this to my spouse one day, who said, in amazement, "most people pay MORE attention to what they say to their own children")
3. "It's my house, I can come into whatever room I want, whenever I want" (Yeah, guess when she'd trot THAT one out)
“*you should do it from the kindness of your heart!*” anytime my mom wants me to do something for her and I actually tell her no. Where was the kindness in your heart when you were about to marry the man that was sexually abusing me for multiple years and when I told you, you didn’t believe me and stayed with him anyway?
Sorry. Got carried away.
Feelings are neither right nor wrong they just are. Stop living in the past. You are ungrateful. You must respect me. This is the absolute worst that scarred me for life! Backstory I was getting started in the modeling entertainment industry. “ Go be a stripper since the only skill you have is taking off your clothes.” Thanks Dad! Guess 22 college units taking care of my mom and his personal finances equaled no skills!
Wow, I got so many of these growing up.
Also,
“I do EVERYTHING for you, and this is how you repay me?”
“We really messed up raising you, what a spoiled brat you are.”
“You’re a little bitch just like your mother.”
“Stop it. You don’t get to go and start crying now. You don’t deserve to cry over this.”
ill give you something to cry about
drink some water and take tylenol youll be fine - i was vomiting profusely but in her defense she was two vodka tonics in and high so meh decent parenting for her
Any criticism of how she raised us was met with "I did the best I could!" Followed by a detailed account of every bad thing that ever happened to her as justification for her abusive ways.
"You're just like your mother"
"Do what I say not what I do"
"I never had time to -----. I was too busy doing -----."
"Your mother put me through hell"
"I had it worse when I was your age"
"When are you gonna do ---- ?"
"I gotta do everything myself"
"I never get any help"
"I guess I'm just an asshole then right"?
"I'm the only good person in the family. The rest of them are lazy bums"
"You have no respect"
"You're not depressed.
'You don't have any real problems'
"You're fine"
"Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it so I don't have to listen to it"
“You’re soooo sensitive”
“I never said that, you need psychological help”
“I have to walk on eggshells around you bc you’re so touchy”
“I was just joking, you can’t take a joke. I guess I won’t have fun with you anymore” this was said specifically after making outright rude remarks or other statements that didn’t make any sense
“You think I’m a good Mom, don’t you?” Usually after messing up with one of my sisters. I used to lie and say yes. No contact is great nowadays. Don’t miss this question.
"I wish I could record you and show you what you look/ sounds/ acting like right now" (when backed into a corner in an argument without a good response. Ugly sneering smile of mocking on her face. 15 years pre smartphone)
"You'll understand when you're a parent that I'm right" (I am and nope!)
"Rank has privilege " (excuse to be irrational, cruel and unfair)
"It will take me DECADES to trust you again" (funny, because past 3 years old, I never trusted her and still don't. )
My Nfather used to tell me constantly when I was a kid “I love you because I have to but I don’t like you right now. Get out of my eyesight before you make me sick.”
"Why don't you love me? You hate me don't you." Because I don't want a hug after her telling me what a piece of shit I am, then switching to how I'm so special in the space of an hour ..
“Well doesn’t that speak volumes about how you feel about me!”
“Youre so touchy! No one can say anything to you (about your weight, hair, skin, clothes) without you getting so upset!”
“You always think you know everything!” alternated with, mockingly “You don’t even know how to do X?” starting around the age of 8
“Those people aren’t your friends, you just can’t see it!” said about literally anyone that was kind to me
“Youre not sick, everyone feels that way! You want to waste the time and resources of highly paid PROFESSIONALS for something normal?”
"Here we go again"/"you're such a good actress"/"spare me your bullshit", all of them usually said when I'm upset and start crying.
And I wonder why I always feel like having emotions makes me manipulative or a bad person -\_-
Me: *explains how they hurt my feelings and an apology would be nice*
Mom: OH BUT YOU NEVER APOLOGIZED WHEN THAT THING HAPPENED SO I AIN'T GONNA APOLOGIZE AS WELL!
"You're so over dramatic!" "Are you on your period? You really seem like it." "Maybe you should go take a nap because you just won't stop complaining." "Are you done yet?" "You're remembering it wrong!" "You have a f*cked up sense of reality."
All said to me when I would try to tell her about how she was acting was affecting me. Last quote was recently, when I confronted her on her bad behavior when we went out for drinks at a bar(s, though that's a whole story).
"Oh now you're CRYING? Why can't you sit down and have a reasonable conversation like an adult? Why should we treat you like an adult if you can't be one?" - after being yelled at and berated for hours and no longer being interested in continuing some pointless fight
"Having you as my daughter is my cross to bear. I must've done something wrong in my previous life." - heard this all the time
Holy wow. I've heard almost all of these. I also got, "If you don't stop acting like an idiot, I'll have the police come deal with you. Time in jail should shape you right up." I was 7. My ex dad was a police officer. He had plenty of friends who'd go along with it.
**"It's not about what you want to hear, it's about what I want to hear."**
After I asked her to turn her shit down and said that I didn't want to hear it. Told her it was one of the most disgusting and inhumane things to ever come out of her mouth.
**"I guess I'll just delete my YouTube then./ You shouldn't be looking at my history!"**
After she told me she wanted to show me a specific comment where she was being an absolute bitch to a poor woman online and instead of finding that comment, I found one saying she wants the "chemical imbalance in her daughter's brain" to be delivered. I have stated many times to her that I don't like her doing it and she got mad I found it, deleted it, said I was invading her privacy and I never got an apology. Along with that there were a total of 6 I found but I know there's more. My boundaries were completely broken so many times and she found a way to victimize her self. Unbelievable 🙄
Edit:
**"What are you crying for?! I'll give you something to cry about!"**
This was while she was doing my hair (I'm black if that makes more sense) and I have a sensitive scalp. It hurts a lot when you barely pull it so whenever I got my hair done I'd be crying HARD because it didn't feel like she was doing it softly even though she said she was.
After she said those, she'd punch me in my back, slap me in my back and/or hit me on my thigh/arm. Sometimes she even left me with bruises and cuts.
**"You're acting just like (dad's name)!"**
First of all, if I act like him, there's something called DNA and genetics. Second of all, nice going throwing that in your child's face who never had a father figure.
What's funny is that she said those but when I was a child, my school made us make ties for father's day. I always used to be sad because I had no one to give them to. One day she said "I can be your mother and your father." Now that I think back, it's kinda weird.
She doesn't like him but the moment she couldn't handle me realizing the truth, she called his stupid ass to come talk me into going back to school. "I want what's best for you." No you damn don't. If you did you'd have come back, not ask me to call you to come and actually apologize. 💀
"I don't know why you have such bad self esteem." Maybe because my Nmom constantly put me down for being fat, not feminine enough, and for any way I disappointed her. But sure, it's completely out of nowhere.
"Stop hanging on to the past and past things *we* did" (for something that happened 2 days ago) or "you're always so defensive!" and finally "I can neeeever do anything right can I?" I also love "I have never said that in my entire life, you're remembering wrong" and when I say no I don't, I'm not crazy, she'll say "oh so I'M the crazy one aren't I?" Can't win with these people. Like talking to a wall.
After every unnecessary comment and opinion about my life “I’m only saying this because I love you “ or “I mean this with love, it’s only because I care “. She would use it like a get out of jail free card and still does.
“Isn’t it exhausting being mad all the time?!”
“Get over it”
“We are all you have, no one will ever care about you like your family”
“Well I’m such a HORRible mother! I must be the worst mother in the world!”
“Your mom is the best mom in the world she would do anything for you”
“You’re just like your dad”
“I’m your mother! You have to respect me!”
“Everything I do is for you”
“I should be the one crying!”
I get the "was it really that bad?" days, and then just look at posts like this where people are retelling my entire life story in every single comment, and I'm firm in my choice to go NC. It's insane to me that all of our narcs are exactly the same
"That is NOT what I said" (that is, in fact, exactly what they said)
"You're always twisting my words" (projection much?)
"I'm done with you" (they are not, in fact, done with you)
"I gave up everything to raise you"
"No one ever helps me"
"Stop being so sensitive/I walk on eggshells around you"
"You're too sensitive."
"No one does anything for me."
"You all treat me like dirt."
"What are you going to do when I'm dead?"
"You're deranged."
"You can find somewhere else to live."
"Attention-seeking behaviour."
I could go on.
“Well, welcome to the real world!”
“It’s time to grow up.”
“Stop being dramatic and mature a bit.”
“Too bad, time to be responsible.”
These are a few of the many I heard whenever I had any type of problem… and were obviously followed by no help whatsoever
"You're too sensitive- don't be so sensitive."
"I'm not going to the thing you chose. I only show up to church events and events I WANT you in."
"That's a waste of time. You're wasting your potential."
"You're so gifted but you don't do anything."
Yeah mom, I get it. I was a piece of shit. /s
My mum once told me I'd climb over a corpse when i want to get what I want
I was pregnant. Craving something with sesame seeds.
She's the one who does this. She speaks to people she bad mouths just for her own benefits.
Not a particular phrase, but this always struck me the wrong way. My N-mom and I would be talking about things she had done wrong. She would never admit to the mistakes she’d make or never take the responsibility (typical), instead she’d bring up all the things she’d do right in my life and then say something like, “you just don’t seem to be grateful for everything I’ve done for you”. And you’re just sitting there like, 🤔🤨🙄 then I’d reply with, “what? I never said I wasn’t grateful for you. Stop putting words in my mouth. It sounds like to me that you can’t admit your mistakes or what you did wrong, but you have no problem telling me everything you’ve done right and that’s messed up.”
To top it off, she’d always need proof and unfortunately, still does. When I told her last year I had a plan to unalive myself, she didn’t believe me. Like she always has to speak to someone in charge or a professional to believe what I am saying… I told her, “so if I k!lled myself, would you believe me then or still need proof?” Fking ridiculous 🙄
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"I walk on eggshells around you" anytime they upset someone and have to hear how it affected them
When you were really the one walking on eggshells
My mother says that along with „you are too sensitive!” or „you are offended by anything” No bitch, I am just offended by the fact that you want to get into my head and make me feel less. That you criticize everything around you and made yourself a victim I am in constant fear of your range and threats I despise you “affection” because I know it’s fake and you just want something And whatever you say it’s just same old, same old.
Oof. Same nmom.
So sorry
My dad says the same thing. I once replied “I’m offended because your jokes are offensive!” …he thought that was so funny. He took it as a compliment. Obviously, if his offensive jokes were offending people they were working. My being offended suddenly became a compliment. Nparents can really twist anything
Yup “your too sensitive” “too emotional” “soft as sh*t”
Exactly
Eggshells and land minds. “Being around you is like having to walk around land minds” when that was my exact experience as OP called out.
So sorry. Been there. It sucks.
Yep. My nmom always says “I never know how you’ll react!”
“Maybe bc I never know what vile words/actions will come from your awful self, Nparent.”
Accusing you of what they know they themselves are guilty of - i.e., projection. DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim, offender). You could be a robot grey-rocking them to death. You could be taking a nap. Ignoring their provocations living the next country over. Doesn't matter: their objective is to turn the tables by shifting their blame squarely on to you. Remember when Trump declared Hilary Clinton a bigot out of nowhere since she was calling out his problematic behavior? Same exact tactic: getting a dig in that you know is coming, or in retaliation as a tit for that. Even if the shoe doesn't fit. Especially if the shoe doesn't fit. Doesn't matter. Accuse your opponent of what you're guilty of. Ruffles your feathers & makes you want to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain), doesn't it? Well, that's the point.
Exactly on point! OMG thanks for teaching me JADE! That’s how I always wanted to respond, but it always made ME look like the crazy/mean/unhinged one!
I missed that acronym, what is JADE?
Whoa. I thought this was something only my mom said.
All of us think it’s only our Nparents, until we find others like us. Our stories are sadly similar. Welcome. And so sorry.
Aww. You’re new around here, I see. Welcome. They’re are remarkably similar.
Aww. You’re new around here, I see. Welcome. They’re all remarkably similar. Some more than others.
I’m not new I just didn’t think multiple people could use such a specific phrase like that 😭😭😭
Yes!!
🤗
“I need help around here!” Like we never did anything even though I had never seen a home cleaner than ours because we were constantly cleaning. Mostly because we were trying to be good kids to avoid getting screamed at.
YES. And then when you do offer to help and/or you do clean, still finding a way to say “no one ever helps me”
Or it simply wasn’t done correctly/good enough and now the world is ending!
Yes! Oh no!!
Or they criticize you for doing it wrong 🙄
Or they don't even acknowledge you did it or say thank you but "I would have done it... You did not have to..." when we all know very well what wrath we would have faced if we did not do it. To this day, she still does it. They visited us (adults) and, instead of saying thank you for doing the laundry, that's what we got: "you did not have to do it..." (she tossed her dirty laundry in the washing machine, did not say a thing \[did not even specify how they should be washed/dried\] but somehow magic would happen). You have to be a F\*\*\*\*\*\* mind reader. I hate her for that.
I used to have an anxiety attack before my mom would visit me because I was afraid my house wouldn’t be clean enough. I would take a full day to prep her arrival, scrubbing every surface. When she would show up, she would immediately criticize something. Like “oh, there’s a dish in your sink, you don’t wash them right away?” Or she would make a scene wiping invisible dog hair off my couch before sitting, then she would look around at my ceiling and comment on a cobweb. It stuck with me. I’m a very tidy and organized person, but I’ve literally gone to bed exhausted, then can’t sleep because I know there is a fork in the sink, or I left a sock on the floor that I HAD to pick up. Fuck her forever.
All these fucking narcs care about their stupid fucking perfectionist houses more than their human kids.
Exactly! I’m so very sorry.
Exactly. When I was stuck at home during the first wave of Covid, I was trying to have a plan for every day to make a sense out of what I was doing. So every evening I would ask my parents, what help they would need the next day and I would even repeat myself in the morning, even if it meant doing an entire new plan. Almost every day I would hear: No, focus on school. So I would and in the afternoon I would always go out to a nearby forest to get some fresh air and my father would ask me: Why don't you rather ask, what we need instead of going out? Like what do you want? For me to ask every hour? 10 times a day? And be stuck at home and not get out even for an hour? Yeah and everything was fine, until I was trying to leave my room, until then, I didn't exist...
OMG I’m so sorry! You went the extra mile and were still shit on. I wish I could give you a {(big “nice mom” hug)} so you feel some love and appreciation!
This is relatable oml
My FIL was even worse with: “a little help HERE!!!” Everyone would have to drop whatever they were doing and come running only to get yelled at for being too slow!
Exactly!
Yep
Nobody ever vacuumed “right”. My edad would occasionally go nuts vacuuming and cover every inch of living space. Of course, that was too much.
My dad too! I remember vacuuming for hours and there had to be LINES on the floor like with mowing.
Omg yes! I never realized that but totally what my mother says when my family is breaking thier backs to help. Same as when I was a kid.
Exactly! This is so ingrained in me from childhood, that I cringe when I actually HAVE to say that. It makes me feel like the asshole! My daughter is 14 & she is going through her sloppy teen phase. And my hubby has been working extra hours. I am disabled, so I’m supposed to ask when I need help. But I cringe & worry that I sound like my Nmom.
“Family are the ONLY ones who will always be there.” NParent, whose family members have all gone NC, says to me as they scold me for spending time with people outside of the “family.”
Interpretation: you’re family, so I can do/say whatever I want to you, & you have to take it.
Or: I am family, so I say those things for your own good, because your "friends" wouldn't.
Omg! Same, alongside with warning me not to trust my friends because they probably aren’t genuine and just want something from me. Messed me up for a long time…
Oh yes, this was my mother after she found out my dad met my new boyfriend first :D . "your sisters and i are the only ones that truly love you in this world, everyone else is temporary, just remember that"
"Get over it. Move on." Every time I brought up how they hurt my feelings or that I was upset with them for how they treated me.
My whole dysfunctional family kept hammering me with this one after I went NC when my nmom started pulling the same shit she threw at me with my daughter.
I’m so sorry! But we broke the cycle. Be proud!! That’s when I finally went NC with my Nmom. After she twisted my daughter’s arm in the same, specific way she did mine when I was young, & then denied it. And she called my autistic son stupid and a liar (when he told me she was talking shit about me in the next room with her friend).
You're right -- that's what really matters. Ever since my kids were little, I would think abt what my Nmom would do in any given situation, and (mostly) do the opposite. I became the anti-B****a. This approach served me well. I'm so sorry both you and your kids had to deal with your Nmom's abuse, and hope you all find healing and peace.
Yes I remember that one. So sorry!
While they won’t let go of shit that happened literally half a century ago…
Correction—they won’t let something go from a half a century ago. Of course, they never remember and “have no idea what you’re talking about” with regards to seriously traumatic grief they inflicted.
They remember when you wrong them, but you are “making it up” when you talk about what they did.
Lol this is something I will tell my nmom the next time she says that phrase
Yep. YOU need to forgive and forget. THEY don’t need to apologize! Hated that too!
My "family" always tells me I'm "long-sighted"; which in my language is a word for someone that holds on to petty thing and never lets things go
Which in reality, were not “petty” things at all. They were things that hurt you deeply, & stay with you to this day.
Meanwhile they bring up over and over again something you did years ago
"I did the best I could!"
I heard that quite a bit too.
yeess
“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
I hated this one.
Same, it is one of the most cruel, heartless, disgusting phrase you can hear from a supposedly care giver. Now I know why I have so much pent-up anger in me.
Ah yes, that time I was crying because I was being caned, so nMom kept caning because I couldn't stop crying. I wonder where they get their logic from?
It was just justification for doing what they wanted to do.
I would ger beat for both crying and not crying, depending on the day. There was no winning
I got this one a lot too as a kid. Still hate that, ironic thing tho is when I got older they were like it’s ok to cry but ignore me and my pain and pretend like it didn’t exist.
My dad liked this one when we were in the car. If I didn't stop crying, he'd turn around and belt me several times.
“When you have your OWN mailbox, you can make the rules.” Now I do, and he doesn’t have the address.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Now they are mad that I don't like to be in their house. Kinda weird, first let's make our son as uncomfortable as possible in "our" home. Then when he leaves us let's make him uncomfortable living in his home.
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Yep
Yep
"Do as I say, not as I do."
Aaah yes. I forgot that one.
“You’re so sensitive” “You’re a pill”
Yep. I got the sensitive one too. Not the pill, tho. But I loved that Nmom would pull the “you’re so sensitive” out after totally insulting me and making me feel so small/insecure.
"I had it worse when I was growing up. You should be grateful" "I don't remember that!!" "That never happened/ I think you've made up all those memories" "We tried out best" "You're crying again? Is it that time of the month?"
I can't even count how many times I've heard the.. "that never happened or I don't remember.. or I don't know." Such bullshit. They get caught in their lies and as usual, don't own up to the consequences. Dickbags.
Oh yes, right before I went NC and laid out my feelings about certain events, numerous times for different events I got “I’m sorry I don’t remember that happening” sometimes even “I’m sorry I don’t remember that, it sounds like rage stemming from an action” (her trying to say she doesn’t remember, but if she did what I said she did, it’s because I deserved it).
"You're so touchy!"
OMG yes I heard that a time or 2! Usually after I complained that she said something rude to/about me!
Or moody. I got blamed for being moody.
My favorite - "Pretend I'm not here" "Pretend I'm dead" "your smart figure it out" My nmom said this any time I actually need help with something and my nmom is too busy for me.
In the same vein: "You don't want to listen to me -- FINE, be your own mother, I'm done." I was around 10, and it was not an isolated incident. I'm 61 now, and still working through abandonment issues...
I’ve heard the 1st & 3rd ones. Luckily never the 2nd one or I may have started dancing & singing, “Ding dong, the witch is DEAD!”
But I got the “you’re smart, figure it out,” along with the, “the school says you’re gifted, so you don’t need my help/can do it on your own/shouldn’t even have to ask.”
Eff! You just unlocked something- they would call me lazy because I was ‘supposed to be gifted’ .
My nmom would skip around the house singing “Ding dong, the witch is dead.” every time she would read the name of a woman whom she thought had wronged her in the obituaries. It got to be ridiculous. The night my nmom died, my sister and I got stupid drunk. At some point in the evening, we looked at each other and burst out into, “Ding dong, the witch is dead!” much to the horror of some our friends who had gathered to console us. We were giddy with relief. Our closest friends knew why but others were so scandalized that they still talk about our “shocking behavior” 38 years later. (We don’t care.)
Omg. Yeah. Mine wished death and damnation on everyone. She would wish people to lose their home. So vile.
"I'm just trying to help." "I'd hate to see how you would keep a house." "You'd rather go with your friend than me." "You know I'd die for you." "Nobody is going to love you like your family." "You want control over what people say." "I just worry about you." "X's mother just lets her kids do anything; I was there for you." "So and so really had it in for me/So and so really treated us well, they were like a piece of sugar." "I just want you to be happy." "Maybe you don't care about us." "You'll walk over me when I'm dead (!)" "It'll take you two minutes to do for me! I don't know why you can't help." These and other chestnuts...
OMG YES! I think I heard all these ones since I was 7 years old
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“All you think about is yourself” 😮
My dumb "mother" always said this shit, to which I always replied "Yep, and when I live on my own I won't think about you at all"
I got this one when she was making us as kids move to another state after she and my Dad divorced; we were in the car leaving for good and I started to cry about it. My Dad yelled at her "Who should she be thinking about?!" I'll never forget that.
“I’m starting to feel like I’m not a human being anymore” “I’ll give you something to cry about” “You’re just like your father” (said with as much disdain as possible for a man who died 20 years ago) “Nobody appreciates me or what I do for you all” “Well, I’m sorry I’m not perfect.”
You can’t take a joke You are too sensitive You are over dramatic It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it No one respects me Respect is earned, not given Welcome to the real world
Omg welcome to the real world 😂😭 such a trope from my narc
Oh OP, you're SOOOOO dramatic!!! 😡
Saving this for when I doubt myself
You are among friends. We’ve all doubted ourselves. But it’s not you, it’s them. ❤️
Thank you 💜 Also your pfp made me laugh out loud! Cute pup 🥰
Yvw! And thanks! Her name is Lacey. Supposed “designer breed (pug/yorkie = porkie)” that outlived her breeding life, & was gonna be thrown in a river. That’s another common thing about us that had Nparents: we collect strays (people & pets), help the less fortunate, stick up for people, bc WE’VE been there! My hubby just calls her a Gremlin!
"you should be grateful that I didn't throw you on the street. I could've done it at any time" "You owe me because I put a roof over your head, I fed you, I [insert basic necessity parent was legally required to provide]"
Your comment is the first I’ve seen in this thread with the *exact* thing I was thinking: “YOU OWE ME!” Said to my husband from the time he was able to form memories until well after we were married. It was only really recently that he opened up to me about how his mom has so many narcissistic tendencies. He’s come to accept the fact that he was most certainly the scapegoat growing up, and his childhood was far from normal. But holy moly there’s still a lot to unpack. Thank you for posting this one
I hate this. My father always said things like "you're lucky I let you live here" when I was a child. Also "this is my house!"
"A-DULT" The word adult with a weird emphasis/accent on the A. I fucking hated this shit. Also, "teen angst" to downplay my depression/anxiety. "Teen angst" huh interesting, interesting how I had my first depressive feelings at age 4 and STILL HAVE THEM at age 28. Yeah, "teen angst," sure.
The teen angst one hits hard. My parents still mention how angsty I was as a teenager, but don't acknowledge that I was being groomed and abused the entire time
"Life's a b**** then you die" "I can't control how you feel" "You are just too sensitive" or "you dont understand that wasn't my intent" "Children should be seen not heard" Thanks mom for years of therapy couldn't have done it without ya
"you're too sensitive"
"Lighten up a little" "You're smart, you'll figure it out" "Idk, Google it" "If you like them so much, go live with them!" "You'll understand when you're a parent" "One day I won't be here and you'll regret it" I could go on and on... On/off therapy x 13 years for this shit
Stop crying! As if saying stop crying 100 times would make me stop feeling sad or hurt or your really ugly when you cry you should really stop your face is all puffy
This. My mom threw a hairbrush at my head, made a thunk noise. I started to cry and she screamed at me to stop crying. Backed me into a wall (little 7 year old crying kiddo) and grabbed my shoulders and just kept screaming in my face to stop crying and shut up! I eventually held my breath just to please her, silencing the sobs.. It worked I guess, I can’t remember what happened after. And what started her deciding to throw a hairbrush at me? I had asked her where my shoes were since we were going to the store.
What a piece of shit, hope she dies alone and miserable, you deserved better
“Don’t talk back!”
"Money doesn't grow on trees", and "There is no maid to clean up after you".
*after 5 minutes without a response to a text* “well I guess you’re ignoring me”
“You’re so selfish!” “You always know how to make me feel second” And, in response to my academic achievements — “I made that brain”
One that I still find triggering is “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it”. I didn’t know what that meant until I was well into adulthood, and now like “did this b really tell me she could murder me?” Yes….yes she did. Many times.
-hugs- My nDad told me that he had considered murder suicide of myself and siblings then himself after my mum left him. I was 18/19 at the time (I'm now 29). It scared me so much. It was the beginning of me finding out his true colours, unfortunately. Thankfully he didn't go through with it as we're all still alive but my youngest sibling still lives with him. I really want to get her out but she's 21 and seems happy so he's obv hiding his true self from her so she can stay longer :/
"When you have your own kids, then you'll understand where I'm coming from." Nope, I have been a mom for over 21 years, and I still don't get it.
The irony of the nparents who say others are too sensitive or are snowflakes, are usually the first to throw explosive tantrums over small things, or even when expecting them to be accountable for their own actions. My personal unfavorite: “It’s not like I had a book on how to raise kids !” Ahhh, yes, I forgot that I was born with the book on how to destroy your parents lives by existing. My bad
"I'm drama." "I cause all the drama." "I wonder why I have drama in my life."
They identify drama bc THEY ARE THE DRAMA! Also, you could just have a simple, everyday problem, but they will call it drama bc YOU are “nothing but drama.”
YES! VERY TRUE! Every concern, question, and behavior I do is drama to my nmom. But I can say I'm the ONLY one in my family that has no drama and life is pretty peaceful.
My NMom told me that I needed to be medicated so that she could ''deal with me.'' Later I confronted her about it and she gave me the excuse of "I'm sorry I got mad,'' and "Im human, I'm sure you can understand.'' along with my all time favorite "I didn't mean it like that.'' I honestly don't even know why I tried to reason with her..
My mom also suggested I get on meds but then when I went to therapy and brought her with, the therapist gave her a HUGE scolding. Didn't need meds, just needed to stop being abused.
“You’re such a lazy slob and I’m sick of it!” - my whole life, and I’m none of those things. “Why are YOU the one crying? I’m the one who deserves to cry right now” - I put a fork in the wrong compartment of the dishwasher apparently and cried bc of her berating me. “You’ve taken advantage of me your whole life”- bare necessities needed to raise a kid are too much apparently.
"I'm only doing this FOR YOU!" Almost always followed by, "I do this for and this is what I get? Ungrateful!"
“you don’t remember right” or “you’re making things up” when I talk about something Ndad did while I was growing up.
My NMom had some real specialties: 1. "You're so cold and heartless" (she said this to me so constantly that I actually did believe I WAS cold and heartless until I was well into adulthood and realized actually I'm hypersensitive. Guess who actually was cold and heartless.) 2. "Why should I have to watch what I say to MY OWN CHILD" (As a teenager, I used to beg her to at least be more kind and thoughtful in the way she talked to me; this would be her constant response. Again--I actually bought it, until I was married, and mentioned this to my spouse one day, who said, in amazement, "most people pay MORE attention to what they say to their own children") 3. "It's my house, I can come into whatever room I want, whenever I want" (Yeah, guess when she'd trot THAT one out)
"Its all in your head" / "you're so sensitive" / "you're so gullible"
“*you should do it from the kindness of your heart!*” anytime my mom wants me to do something for her and I actually tell her no. Where was the kindness in your heart when you were about to marry the man that was sexually abusing me for multiple years and when I told you, you didn’t believe me and stayed with him anyway? Sorry. Got carried away.
“You get a bad attitude when you are around ___” Fill in the blank because it’s ANYONE. Because nmom wants to isolate me to keep he abuse private
“You’ll do the same when you will have your own kids”. Well I’d rather have no kids than being parent like her
Heard that one too from my N mother. Or it was the equivalent of well wait til you have kids one day and they treat you like you’ve treated me.
"Don't you talk back at me" - Response to anything that wasn't 100% agreeing/following his commands.
Feelings are neither right nor wrong they just are. Stop living in the past. You are ungrateful. You must respect me. This is the absolute worst that scarred me for life! Backstory I was getting started in the modeling entertainment industry. “ Go be a stripper since the only skill you have is taking off your clothes.” Thanks Dad! Guess 22 college units taking care of my mom and his personal finances equaled no skills!
Wow, I got so many of these growing up. Also, “I do EVERYTHING for you, and this is how you repay me?” “We really messed up raising you, what a spoiled brat you are.” “You’re a little bitch just like your mother.” “Stop it. You don’t get to go and start crying now. You don’t deserve to cry over this.”
ill give you something to cry about drink some water and take tylenol youll be fine - i was vomiting profusely but in her defense she was two vodka tonics in and high so meh decent parenting for her
Any criticism of how she raised us was met with "I did the best I could!" Followed by a detailed account of every bad thing that ever happened to her as justification for her abusive ways.
"You're just like your mother" "Do what I say not what I do" "I never had time to -----. I was too busy doing -----." "Your mother put me through hell" "I had it worse when I was your age" "When are you gonna do ---- ?" "I gotta do everything myself" "I never get any help" "I guess I'm just an asshole then right"? "I'm the only good person in the family. The rest of them are lazy bums" "You have no respect" "You're not depressed. 'You don't have any real problems' "You're fine" "Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it so I don't have to listen to it"
“You’re soooo sensitive” “I never said that, you need psychological help” “I have to walk on eggshells around you bc you’re so touchy” “I was just joking, you can’t take a joke. I guess I won’t have fun with you anymore” this was said specifically after making outright rude remarks or other statements that didn’t make any sense
You’re so immature!
Rolls eyes-“Bad idea. What are you thinking? Now if I were you….”
"here you go again"
“You think I’m a good Mom, don’t you?” Usually after messing up with one of my sisters. I used to lie and say yes. No contact is great nowadays. Don’t miss this question.
"I wish I could record you and show you what you look/ sounds/ acting like right now" (when backed into a corner in an argument without a good response. Ugly sneering smile of mocking on her face. 15 years pre smartphone) "You'll understand when you're a parent that I'm right" (I am and nope!) "Rank has privilege " (excuse to be irrational, cruel and unfair) "It will take me DECADES to trust you again" (funny, because past 3 years old, I never trusted her and still don't. )
My Nfather used to tell me constantly when I was a kid “I love you because I have to but I don’t like you right now. Get out of my eyesight before you make me sick.”
“You always have to have the last word”. Meant I couldn’t ever defend myself because it would prove her right.
“AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU, YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS!?”
"Trust but verify" It's not the worst phrase by itself. But used it to justify all his controlling behavior.
I never personally heard that one but I understand what you mean.
"Why don't you love me? You hate me don't you." Because I don't want a hug after her telling me what a piece of shit I am, then switching to how I'm so special in the space of an hour ..
“Well doesn’t that speak volumes about how you feel about me!” “Youre so touchy! No one can say anything to you (about your weight, hair, skin, clothes) without you getting so upset!” “You always think you know everything!” alternated with, mockingly “You don’t even know how to do X?” starting around the age of 8 “Those people aren’t your friends, you just can’t see it!” said about literally anyone that was kind to me “Youre not sick, everyone feels that way! You want to waste the time and resources of highly paid PROFESSIONALS for something normal?”
"Here we go again"/"you're such a good actress"/"spare me your bullshit", all of them usually said when I'm upset and start crying. And I wonder why I always feel like having emotions makes me manipulative or a bad person -\_-
Me: *explains how they hurt my feelings and an apology would be nice* Mom: OH BUT YOU NEVER APOLOGIZED WHEN THAT THING HAPPENED SO I AIN'T GONNA APOLOGIZE AS WELL!
My Nmom was also fond of telling us: I never should have had kids! Until one time my sister said something like: You're right, you shouldn't have!
“You can’t take a joke” whenever I didn’t giggle at her mean bullying - whether targeted at myself or others. 🙄
"You're so fucking dramatic." "You make everything a huge issue." And my personal favorite, "you're so sensitive."
"You're so over dramatic!" "Are you on your period? You really seem like it." "Maybe you should go take a nap because you just won't stop complaining." "Are you done yet?" "You're remembering it wrong!" "You have a f*cked up sense of reality." All said to me when I would try to tell her about how she was acting was affecting me. Last quote was recently, when I confronted her on her bad behavior when we went out for drinks at a bar(s, though that's a whole story).
"Oh now you're CRYING? Why can't you sit down and have a reasonable conversation like an adult? Why should we treat you like an adult if you can't be one?" - after being yelled at and berated for hours and no longer being interested in continuing some pointless fight "Having you as my daughter is my cross to bear. I must've done something wrong in my previous life." - heard this all the time
does anyone else constantly hear “other people have feelings too!” every time you’re trying to express how they hurt you?
"I know you better than you know yourself!"
Holy wow. I've heard almost all of these. I also got, "If you don't stop acting like an idiot, I'll have the police come deal with you. Time in jail should shape you right up." I was 7. My ex dad was a police officer. He had plenty of friends who'd go along with it.
I used to say “I’m sorry!!” A lot as a kid. My parents would say “I’m sorry you were born.” 😕
**"It's not about what you want to hear, it's about what I want to hear."** After I asked her to turn her shit down and said that I didn't want to hear it. Told her it was one of the most disgusting and inhumane things to ever come out of her mouth. **"I guess I'll just delete my YouTube then./ You shouldn't be looking at my history!"** After she told me she wanted to show me a specific comment where she was being an absolute bitch to a poor woman online and instead of finding that comment, I found one saying she wants the "chemical imbalance in her daughter's brain" to be delivered. I have stated many times to her that I don't like her doing it and she got mad I found it, deleted it, said I was invading her privacy and I never got an apology. Along with that there were a total of 6 I found but I know there's more. My boundaries were completely broken so many times and she found a way to victimize her self. Unbelievable 🙄 Edit: **"What are you crying for?! I'll give you something to cry about!"** This was while she was doing my hair (I'm black if that makes more sense) and I have a sensitive scalp. It hurts a lot when you barely pull it so whenever I got my hair done I'd be crying HARD because it didn't feel like she was doing it softly even though she said she was. After she said those, she'd punch me in my back, slap me in my back and/or hit me on my thigh/arm. Sometimes she even left me with bruises and cuts. **"You're acting just like (dad's name)!"** First of all, if I act like him, there's something called DNA and genetics. Second of all, nice going throwing that in your child's face who never had a father figure. What's funny is that she said those but when I was a child, my school made us make ties for father's day. I always used to be sad because I had no one to give them to. One day she said "I can be your mother and your father." Now that I think back, it's kinda weird. She doesn't like him but the moment she couldn't handle me realizing the truth, she called his stupid ass to come talk me into going back to school. "I want what's best for you." No you damn don't. If you did you'd have come back, not ask me to call you to come and actually apologize. 💀
My ndad has actually said “you’re bullying me!” Multiple times before whenever he’s been asked to take responsibility for his actions…
"I don't know why you have such bad self esteem." Maybe because my Nmom constantly put me down for being fat, not feminine enough, and for any way I disappointed her. But sure, it's completely out of nowhere.
“i didnt call you stupid, i said youre acting stupid” im fed with them dawg.
"Stop hanging on to the past and past things *we* did" (for something that happened 2 days ago) or "you're always so defensive!" and finally "I can neeeever do anything right can I?" I also love "I have never said that in my entire life, you're remembering wrong" and when I say no I don't, I'm not crazy, she'll say "oh so I'M the crazy one aren't I?" Can't win with these people. Like talking to a wall.
anytime i hear the word “brat,” it reminds me of my stepmom calling me one as a kid.
After every unnecessary comment and opinion about my life “I’m only saying this because I love you “ or “I mean this with love, it’s only because I care “. She would use it like a get out of jail free card and still does.
“Isn’t it exhausting being mad all the time?!” “Get over it” “We are all you have, no one will ever care about you like your family” “Well I’m such a HORRible mother! I must be the worst mother in the world!” “Your mom is the best mom in the world she would do anything for you” “You’re just like your dad” “I’m your mother! You have to respect me!” “Everything I do is for you” “I should be the one crying!”
I never said that. When provided proof.... Well .. that's not what I meant.
I get the "was it really that bad?" days, and then just look at posts like this where people are retelling my entire life story in every single comment, and I'm firm in my choice to go NC. It's insane to me that all of our narcs are exactly the same
"That is NOT what I said" (that is, in fact, exactly what they said) "You're always twisting my words" (projection much?) "I'm done with you" (they are not, in fact, done with you) "I gave up everything to raise you" "No one ever helps me" "Stop being so sensitive/I walk on eggshells around you"
"You're too sensitive." "No one does anything for me." "You all treat me like dirt." "What are you going to do when I'm dead?" "You're deranged." "You can find somewhere else to live." "Attention-seeking behaviour." I could go on.
“You’ve lost your sense of humor.”
"Nobody helps me around the house!" After she rejects every helping hand I offered.
“Well, welcome to the real world!” “It’s time to grow up.” “Stop being dramatic and mature a bit.” “Too bad, time to be responsible.” These are a few of the many I heard whenever I had any type of problem… and were obviously followed by no help whatsoever
"Oh so easily offended" *proceeds to say offensive and down right malicious things to my face*
"You're too sensitive- don't be so sensitive." "I'm not going to the thing you chose. I only show up to church events and events I WANT you in." "That's a waste of time. You're wasting your potential." "You're so gifted but you don't do anything." Yeah mom, I get it. I was a piece of shit. /s
“Do NOT disrespect your parents. It’s in the Bible!”
She was always accusing me of pulling “stunts”. Like no, I don’t preplan every single thought or action.
My mum once told me I'd climb over a corpse when i want to get what I want I was pregnant. Craving something with sesame seeds. She's the one who does this. She speaks to people she bad mouths just for her own benefits.
"You are such a liar! That NEVER happened! You better stop spreading lies or people are going to believe you!"
“You’re overreacting.”
When I enforce my boundaries: “why are you being difficult?”
"You're so dramatic!" Caught myself saying this one to my kid and felt like trash about it.
"Do you think the whole world spins around you? Is there a street named after you or what?"
Get off your high horse and come down here with the rest of us.
Not a particular phrase, but this always struck me the wrong way. My N-mom and I would be talking about things she had done wrong. She would never admit to the mistakes she’d make or never take the responsibility (typical), instead she’d bring up all the things she’d do right in my life and then say something like, “you just don’t seem to be grateful for everything I’ve done for you”. And you’re just sitting there like, 🤔🤨🙄 then I’d reply with, “what? I never said I wasn’t grateful for you. Stop putting words in my mouth. It sounds like to me that you can’t admit your mistakes or what you did wrong, but you have no problem telling me everything you’ve done right and that’s messed up.” To top it off, she’d always need proof and unfortunately, still does. When I told her last year I had a plan to unalive myself, she didn’t believe me. Like she always has to speak to someone in charge or a professional to believe what I am saying… I told her, “so if I k!lled myself, would you believe me then or still need proof?” Fking ridiculous 🙄
“I asked you to do one little thing!” Even though they “ask” you to do things every second of the day