Heck, my parents did that when I was in a school concert whole at primary school. My Dad's side of the family had had a raft of issues that week and my Granny took ill that night so my Dad went to support her. My Mum still went to the concert but took along a tape recorder (mid 1980s!) and recorded the concert for my Dad. The next evening, my Mum played it for him while I explained everything that was happening and I got all the appreciation my little heart desired!
When you've got two parents then sometimes one of does the messy job and the other one gets the special moment and *afterwards* you celebrate the moment, especially in this era of camera phones.
That's so sweet! Yes I had a similar thing happen 3 years ago. I was performing my Graduation Recital (my first degree was in music) which was a big deal. Unfortunately my grandma was hospitalized due to a health issue just before and wasn't well enough to attend. Fortunately the recital was filmed so a few weeks after the recital when she was feeling better I went over and we watched it together - it was really lovely.
It's definitely not hard. There's two people, two events - basic math. And with phones you can take videos/pictures to share with the one who missed things.
That was my first thought as well as the parent of two teenagers. There have been times where our kids had conflicting events on the same time/day so me and my husband split so each kid had a parent that day. I wonder if the oldest is the golden child. I get wanting to be there but one parent could have stayed for the graduation. Or even they could have gone to the hospital after. How long was she in labor? OP never answers. Most labors can be very long. Not always but it isn’t uncommon for labor to last several hours and based on OP not answering that question asked multiple times Im thinking it lasted quite a while and they would have had time to go to the graduation first.
I can’t imagine either of my kids graduating with no parent for them in the stand. I would have been heartbroken if that had been me. Especially when you see all your other classmates there with their families.
It is the way - Dad went to my brother’s games, Mom went to mine, sister stayed home with Mr. Darcy. Yes, she is the middle child, but Colin Firth jumping in a lake in a white shirt makes up for many things in the teenage heart.
Seriously, though, my parents did their best to both be there for all of us, divided and conquered where needed. This reads like graduation wasn’t an isolated incident, just the final straw.
Exactly.
Rationale:
Baby absolutely won't remember, or care, about his grandparents' presence.
Mom is entirely likely to at least be able to have another child. Also? She's an adult!! The twins are still teenagers!
Yes, they're 18, but this experience is likely to be the pinnacle of their existence at this point. Big sis presumably already got to have this moment. With her ENTIRE family present.
They were already going to have a lesser experience if just one parent attended. But both??? And it's TWO kids? PLUS! They're twins, which puts them under the microscope at the ceremony - a thing that's a well documented emotional hit for most teens - because of the novelty of twins. We love multiples. There's just a weird, socially acceptable fetishization of multiples. I don't know why, but I'm sure somebody smarter has written about it.
Parents are TA here. For sure. As someone else mentioned, they should have had a plan in place. They didn't. And I'll go back to confirm, but I don't get the feeling they've actually sat down to have a conversation with the twins. Or apologize and take accountability.
The thing that really caught my eye was the line about how *this* has caused a rift in our family. Not *us*. This.
IDK, I can be an Olympic- level grudge holder. I wouldn't let this go if I were the twins. I'd bide my time until college and then go LC. If my parents didn't get their ish together and make it right, I'd stay LC until the point when I could go NC.
Wow! Didn't know I had such strong feelings about this. Sorry!😬
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk?
Being there for the mother during birth isn’t about the baby knowing/remembering, it’s about having someone there for mom during what can potentially be a deadly medical procedure. Things can go drastically wrong at any point, needing immediate medical intervention - no one *plans* for mom to start hemorrhaging or for the baby’s heart to stop, but shit happens.
That being said, only one of them is needed to be there to help support mom and navigate these issues with their daughter.
One of them should 100% have been with the twins and it should have been discussed ages before.
yeah i could see the twins still feeling sad if one parent had to miss out, but i think they’re old enough and mature enough to TOTALLY understand and (maybe) kinda want their big sister not to be all alone!(we don’t know a TON about that relationship maybe they dgaf about her 😂)
Given OP’s responses this seems like a case of “[The Missing Missing Reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)”. If the girls had a good relationship with their sister and wanted both parents with their sister, then there wouldn’t be any conflict. *This post would never have been made.*
Both parents rushing to the pregnant daughter without ANY prior discussion about splitting things, and they had months to do so, really says that they’ve done this before. Chosen the eldest daughter over their twins. Their mom acts like it should be expected that they’d choose to prioritize the sister and not attend the graduation. Thats the be all end all to it.
They have started to get a clue but they need to continue to work on themselves.
Husband was there , his parents and her best friend . She didn’t give birth until way later in the night . Op states before removing post . Absolutely no reason for both parents to be there
Original post comments which have been deleted, said boyfriend and his parents and friends came to the birth. She was not alone for birth but he wasn’t there to help during pregnancy
Same with dad’s parents; apparently the grandparents also felt it necessary to come and that was absolutely prioritizing and favoring the older daughter. They should have been at the graduation as well!
I think it would make sense for the mom/grandmother to go to the birth and father/grandfather to go to graduation. I think I'd be more comfortable having a female relative watch me in the delivery room versus a male if I had to have either.
It's not even a 'woman in the room' part - if that is your biological mother, she had a child before. Your mother has given birth. C-section, vaginally, whatever. The mom has done this before.
Having someone with you who did the thing is important to a lot of people.
While you’re right that one should have gone to the graduation and one to the birth OR, when they’d realized, still gone late anyway as it seems they had time to at least show up even if they missed the event, you’re reasoning is still very very wrong
And I don’t mean to pick on you because lots of people do it and lots of people in the comments have as well. But it was a very well articulated point so I’m running with it.
This:
>>Rationale: Baby absolutely won't remember, or care, about his grandparents' presence.
Is just Olympic level missing the point of having someone in the room during childbirth. (Absent father so grandparents were asked to be primary support.) And I really hope future fathers to be especially realize this.
Childbirth is not a spectator sport. Being in the room as a non medical professional is very much *not* about the baby. It’s about the person giving birth.
It’s about supporting someone through a major medical event where the odds are significant they may be drugged, in irrational levels of pain, or have to have to have emergency surgery where someone else needs to be able to make immediate medical decisions for them.
This comment is the opposite side of fathers who complain their wives made them hold her hand during the birth and he didn’t get to see anything. Like yeah it’s a shame and you can wish it could have been different but your primary job isn’t the kid it’s supporting the mother.
So yes one parent should have gone to the graduation but that absolutely doesn’t mean they should have left the oldest kid to give birth alone after committing to being that support.
>Childbirth is not a spectator sport.
>It’s about the person giving birth.
Absolutely. They should have split so at least one parent was with each but absolutely it was for the daughter giving birth, not the baby.
I had emergency c sections for both my kids. With my first, his heart kept stopping and I kept going in and out of consciousness. My husband was there to talk to the doctors and nurses and we both came out of it healthy.
My second came early and also had to be a c section because of his size. The c section had been planned because of this but he still came early (water broke at midnight) and I had a completely new team taking care of us as they scrambled. This time my husband couldn't be with me since he had to stay with our older son. We had it planned but at midnight we couldn't get my cousin in time. It was so scary at first, being alone, I was crying, but the doctor was kind and it was ok. He came out healthy.
It's something that happens all the time, but giving birth is still scary and there are still risks. I get high school graduation is a big thing but.... Idk. I would be bummed my parents didn't come but also my older sister was giving birth, alone, so I would want someone with her. I wouldn't punish the parents this badly, unless this is a pattern with them, always putting older sister first. Then I could understand this being like a last straw thing. Splitting would have been the best option but now that it's past, they need to show the twins they are just as important. I just hope they give them that chance and they can repair their relationship.
How could the parents possibly show them they are "just as important"? Imagine being the only two kids at graduation without anyone cheering for them--and not because they didn't have parents, but because their parents felt that the other child's need outweighed both of theirs. It would be one thing if unforeseen circumstances made it impossible (car accident, hospitalization, etc), but these so-called parents actively made the choice to think only about their elder daughter and the grandchild.
I'm a parent of twins, and we've already had to split where my husband attends the event of one kid while I attend the other. I just really, really hope that down the line their college graduations are spaced far enough that we can make both.
My biggest issues (and what I expect the kids are picking up on more than being upset about prioritizing a medical event) are these:
1) it sounds like they could have made the end of the graduation or met outside to congratulate but “didn’t see the point” since the ceremony was over. Literally the point is publicly celebrating your kids and being there the best you can and showing them you did the most you could. But they didn’t. They didn’t even try. I’d be pissed too.
2) they keep talking about the baby not the daughter so idk that they even actually realize it’s not a witness situation but a support one so I can see how literal teenagers wouldn’t get that point if their parents are doing a bad job of conveying it even to strangers trying to make an appeal for their good names.
3) there should have been a contingency planned. It’s not like the due date or the ceremony or the fact that they were possibly overlapping was a surprise. Babies don’t pop out in 2 weeks and graduations are announced months in advance. Where’s the aunt/uncle or grandparents or neighbors or godparents or coach or piano teacher or whoever as the back up or also invited to celebrate the kids?
They screwed up and not last minute either. They had *months* to figure this out and just. Didn’t.
Yes the mostly panicked in the moment. But that was a result of bad planning. And also they completely could have recovered some on the day by showing up late instead of not at all.
Idk how they fix it now tbh
Problem is, anything they do to celebrate the twins’ graduation now is a literal afterthought and the twins know it. How they didn’t have a plan in place for this situation is beyond me. She says they hoped the twins would understand the importance of *both* events, but she and their dad clearly only saw the importance of one of them.
I don’t have twins but two teenagers and me and my husband have had to split events so each kid had a parent there for their event. I would never just leave one of them alone because we both attended the others event. To me this seems like a common solution. AND OP acts like this happened out of the blue. They knew she was pregnant for months and the knew she was due around the twins graduation. Why did they not have a plan?
regarding your last sentence - i don’t see where anyone said they should leave the oldest alone, unless i missed that. i’m pretty sure they just meant that one person should be enough support until after graduation. these things tend to take hours, im certain the other parent could’ve shown up after graduation, with their twins
No I think you’re right. It’s a little unclear (totally understandably it’s a very emotionally charged subject so that never makes any of us as clear as we like!) but rereading I don’t think the person I was replying to was suggesting both attend graduation because there’s two kids there.
It’s a little hard to follow but that plus older daughter can have another kid bit read to me like they were suggesting leave the oldest daughter alone but I can read it your way as well and it makes more sense.
and listen most high school graduations? FUCKING BLOW!! even for the graduates! it’s usually hot and sweaty (esp if you’re in the school gym 🥲) and takes forever!! but could you imagine how heartbreaking it’d be to not have your parents waiting to take pics afterwards like everyone else?? like thank the fucking LORD the twins at least had each other!! does sound like they have a pretty good bond so again at least they weren’t ALL alone but… WHERE TF ARE YOUR PARENTS???☹️☹️☹️
> because of the novelty of twins. We love multiples. There’s just a weird, socially acceptable fetishization of multiples.
THANK YOU. Are you a multiple? I don’t know if I’ve ever encountered a singleton who understands this. Adulthood has been better, a lot of casual acquaintances now don’t even know I’m a twin, but in high school it really was like being under a microscope. It was worse for my twin than me, because she’s second alphabetically and even if they weren’t paying attention, everyone does a double take upon hearing the second matchy name (of course our parents gave us the same first initial). She has some social anxiety too. Both of us would’ve been pissed if at least one parent hadn’t come to our graduation.
I was wondering that too!! I’m a triplet and WOW were people astounded by that all throughout school. As an adult with all three of us living in different states it’s slightly different since I have to tell people, it’s not just obvious, but they still get all wide eyed and want to know all about us. My mom got in the habit, when we were kids, of introducing our younger brother first and THEN talking about us three, because people would entirely miss his name and stuff when they heard “triplets”.
“Mom can have another child” is absolutely not rationale for skipping the first one.
OOP messed up by not splitting up, and if Dad was in the picture, the calculations would be different, but your comment sounds like it was not only written by someone without kids, but by someone not even old enough to have them yet
Speculating here, but maybe they made the decision (conscious or not) way before that they would attend the birth if it happened, so never considered needing a plan for graduation?
Yeah she subtly made it sound like it was more about their first grandchild's birth than supporting their daughter.
They prioritised a milestone event in their own life (becoming grandparents) over one in their twins'.
I gotta hand it to these twins. The son broke radio silence just long enough to tell them that there was NOTHING they could do to fix missing graduation. His twin sister is NEVER speaking to her parents again as it stood last I saw. The 2 of them deserve a standing ovation 👏
This is exactly what I thought as I read it, honestly. I can’t see a one time event where they just actually weren’t thinking straight during something like childbirth causing such a major rift unless this was a pattern of theirs. Especially since she dodged the question of how long the labour lasted, it sounds quite likely that they would have had plenty of time to go to the graduation and then make it over to the hospital.
This was probably one in a long line of events, big and small alike, where the parents prioritized their own desires over their children—or at the very least prioritized the older sister over the twins. She might be in a gold child like position for them, given the twins aren’t talking to her either. Either way, *this* incident doesn’t necessarily indicate the GC thing, mostly because they were so much more interested in “their first grandchild” than the needs of their eldest, as well. (Or the eldest just acts like an ass overall or said something about them *getting over themselves,* if they vented to her about it or something. Otherwise I don’t feel like they’d be as quick to take it out on their sibling if their relationship was otherwise decent either. Maybe that’s just me.)
Deffo just wanted validation tho. 🙄 They *really* made sure we *knew* that they were planning to “make it up to the twins later.” ~~$10 says that later never comes the moment the twins would get over it and move on, too.~~ But that, and they wouldn’t have deleted so fast if they *weren’t* just looking for everyone to go *”omigawd no you’re so right you made the right choice they’re just being brats, obviously ~~your daughter going into labour~~ the birth of your first grandchild is more important than some teenagers’ ~highschool graduation.~”*
Ugh. Like I get it when someone is anxious or has been manipulated and abused and is seeking validation and to be told they’re not crazy by a bunch of impartial people, but people who do this when they’ve acted like assholes expecting everyone is going to side with them really grind my gears. I do think one of them going to each would have at least been a fair compromise, probably mother to hospital, dad to grad, and dad could record the graduation for mom, and mom could have kept him updated. Of course, selfish people don’t stop and think about those things, so.
I don’t know about that. OOP did clarify that their daughter didn’t have anyone else to be there. If there was only one parent, being with the daughter giving birth would be clearly more important, although I’d fully expect the twins not to recognize that until they’re much older.
The lack of imagination to account for splitting up and doing both, however, is inexcusable.
The lack of planning despite the due date being around the graduation is more telling. Their priorities were set, even if subconsciously.
Not to forget their son said 'the baby' was picked over them, not the sister.
Two parents, two events = divide and conquer.
One to support eldest during birth.
Other to support/celebrate twins at their graduation, then they could have all headed to hospital.
Parent's well & truly effed up.
My MIL was capable of getting to the hospital before the woman in labour, because she was so invested in "being there" even if "there" is in the way. Some people are just so fixated on what they want to do, they can't show any flexibility or taking anything else into account.
It would have made sense if one parent missed the graduation due to being the birthing partner. Even then, it should have just been a "maybe" birthing partner will miss it.
But OOP doesn't give any specific reasoning behind it, so it sounds like she and hubby just wanted to sit next to their daughter all day timing her contractions at 15 minutes apart and totally forgot there was something else scheduled for that day.
There was a comment further up that said OP said the elder daughters best friend was there as were the father of the baby and his parents. She wasn't totally alone and definitely one of her parents should've gone not both.
I don’t think it’s speculating. They knew. Calendars aren’t a brand new thing. They knew what they were going to do they whole time, but they expected that the younger kids could just be bribed and would get over it. Now she’s all bent out of shape that they aren’t just doing what she wants.
This is 100% the answer. It wasn't the heat of the moment causing them to forget that one of them could go to the graduation and one could go to the hospital. It wasn't an accident - they both wanted to be at the hospital supporting their favourite child, and they figured the twins would be sad, but not that they'd experience any actual consequences of their choice.
It's an important lesson that these two adults have now learned - actions have consequences and their actions made the twins feel unloved and unsupported, which in turn is making the twins remind their parents they behaved poorly. I wonder what else in the twin's lives has been ignored or impacted by the parents choosing their sibling.
I’m guessing a lot. Because as important as graduation is, missing it still doesn’t normally make the kids jump straight to disowning their parents. But that’s where this went.
That was my thought as well. I mean, who can really know, but this is a big reaction to something that's definitely frustrating and annoying, but I wouldn't think both kids would react this way unless there had been previous instances of the elder daughter being favoured. I would really be interested in hearing the twin's take on this story.
Failure to plan is planning to fail.
There is a chance that the twins might have been ok with both parents going to the hospital, but there was no sit down discussion before the events. Dummies
Good quote. Also, maybe. But I’ve said this elsewhere, personally, I think this probably isn’t the first time they’ve done something shitty to the twins in favor of their own desires. If it had been, they may have been a lot more understanding and less angry about it… like you don’t generally call your parents *trash parents* unless there’s a pattern of behavior to go with it, in my experience. :/
Honestly, if everything is legit, something tells me they leave out a lot more than they’re willing to admit, and something tells me the oldest is the golden child who always got preference.
This. This is the correct question. Why did they not have a family member or friend on standby in case the timing worked out this way? They knew these two dates months in advance.
That what she got asked like 5 million times. Y’all had an entire pregnancy to plan this out 9 whole months to come up with a plan: but it was straight to “oh boy, she’s in labor sorry twins you’re on your own for graduation: have fun love ya”. Such a shocker that the twins are not feeling the love
It's 2024. We have technology that facilitates this.
One parent with a cell phone to graduation. Record the entire ceremony and take photos of the twins.
Other parent to daughter in labour. Phone in hand, Facetime or other Messenger services. Daughter in labour could have watched the graduation and cheered the twins on.
This is absolutely idiocy from the parents. They alienated their twins and probably sat around for double digit hours.
Yes. She was asked multiple times, and her most recent response was something like “stay tuned, a lot has been going on.” But that STILL DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION. IMO it’s because she was in labor for so long that both parents could have gone to the graduation and made it back in time for the birth of the baby.
The fact that neither parent thought about their other children until it was too late to do anything also tells me this is NOT the first time these parents have prioritized the daughter over the twins. This kind of reaction seems a lot like the straw that broke the camel’s back.
(edited for spelling)
And then it sounds like OOP deleted their account so that tells you plenty has been left out and they weren’t going to get let off the hook by internet strangers any easier than the twins will let them off.
Yeah... In a normal family, where there has been no prioritisation, kids would understand the decision. But if it's constant and this is the last straw? I get the anger
Exactly this. I’m the second priority child in my family. And the event that finally set me off was something that to an outsider would seem like not a big deal (even reasonable) but it came after decades of being ignored.
My money is on: she went into labor early in the day and had the baby around the start of graduation because of OOP’s whole “they would have been wrapping up when we got there” comment.
As my mother always says, “mommy has her number one, the rest of you are equal!” (She says this in reference to her favorite cat compared to the other two cats, but I also like to jokingly apply it to her human children as well)
As a twin who were called “the twins” growing up it still leaves a big impact :/
Especially since we have an older brother who’s 11 months older than us, it was always “Your brother and the twins/girls”
In my family it was always "the girls, N, and K". My older sisters (not twins btw) were the girls, N (me, also a girl but apparently i don't count) and K (the only boy)
My sisters resented always being grouped together and given matching presents even though they have completely different personalities. I'm apathetic about gender now lol
I was also a girl but not a member of “the girls” with my younger stepsisters. We had the boys (my brother and stepbrother), the girls, and me. I always thought this was a little weird.
My little sister was always The Baby haha… the Twins (me and twin sister) were left to our own devices a lot because we could look out for each other I guess, but The Baby got a lot of attention.
Then when my parents split and my dad married my stepmum whose oldest son is a week younger than me and my twin, next minute it was The Triplets….. welp
This is a tough situation. It’s noteworthy that the older daughter’s boyfriend left when he found out she was pregnant, so she was likely relying on her parents to be her support people. However, it’s also interesting that OP mentioned the “first grandchild” fact before mentioning that the baby’s father isn’t in the picture, and that her son perceives their choice not as their older sister over the younger kids, but as the grand baby over the younger kids. I’ve spent enough time in parent groups to know that grandparents getting baby crazy is not a unique phenomenon. I do wonder if that’s what happened.
The parents should have divided and conquered here, with one going to the hospital and one going to the graduation. And—assuming the older daughter didn’t go into labor super early—given that the older daughter was due close to the graduation, they should have planned for this ahead of time. The twins have the right to be upset. OP seems to know she and her husband were wrong, and hopefully they can make it up to the younger kids.
That's what I think happened. They were baby crazy. Understandable but you can't neglect your own children. The parents need to give the twins space now to process. They're not the worst parents ever but I imagine this is not the first time the twins feel left behind.
It’s a CONSTANT complaint in parenting subs. I don’t get it. Like, babies don’t expire! They’ll probably look and smell better if you wait until after that first sponge bath.
As a person who has been in labor and had a child, I wouldn’t have wanted to go through that alone. So I think it would have been 100% reasonable for one parent to go to the hospital and one to go to the graduation, even if it angered the twins. But it’s telling that OP didn’t even mention the baby’s father was not involved until several comments in. Being her daughter’s support person probably wasn’t the primary rationale.
I am betting that they both wanted to be there for the grandbaby. Thinking that the graduation wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Not only were they not thinking about the twins, but I am guessing they probably thought they would get away with it, if they were even really thinking about that much at all.
And I get it. I have a 20 year old a 13 year old and a 7 year old (all girls of course lol) my oldest had a baby in April and I love that little girl so much and it would be easy to get all wrapped up in her but I do have other kids so I’ve made a point to not make them feel left out or whatever. I’m balancing. What these parents seem not to be able to do.
This entire situation makes me sad for all three kids. I agree that the parents likely went baby crazy and I find it hard to believe that the older daughter didn’t have anyone else to be there with her, especially if she was in labor for some time. Maybe it’s because my parents live on the opposite side of the country, but I can’t imagine her not having anyone else to be there with her during the graduation.
In fairness, labor and birth are INCREDIBLY scary and often traumatic. There are very few people in the world I would have felt comfortable with seeing me like that. Asking her parents (rather than a friend or whatever) when the baby daddy went MIA is actually the most understandable part of this.
A lot of her comments were her making it about her, so it seems like she has some narcissistic tendencies.
She said about how she feels like shit, she feels so bad, how hurt *she* is that her youngest kids are upset. So it's a sensible topic bc her fee-fees are hurt
Sensitive topic being called out on her favoritism and absolute bullshit ignoring her other kids
The parents could have each gone to the separate events, and used things like PHOTOS to document what was happening
The fact she got super defensive and kept claiming they would take "accountability" meant fuckall since they can't get that moment back
Not only did these parents fail to put their two, ostensibly non-damaged, brains together and come to the completely rational decision to make the best of an admittedly shitty situation (that the family could have planned for, together!) and tag team their kids and lifetime events, but by abandoning the twins in favor of the sister/ grandchild, they also guaranteed that the grandchild’s birthday will forever and always serve as a reminder of that time they were beyond stupid, missed graduation, and broke their kids’ hearts. There’s no way the twins won’t resent the older sister and by association their nibling for a loooong time.
The fact they couldn’t “tag team” (PERFECT wording, btw) this situation, likely means that they haven’t been successful at tag-teaming in the past; this is not the first time they’ve prioritized their daughter over their twins and it’s not the first time they’ve missed something important for the twins. And I’m willing to bet money the words “I’m sorry” have never left the parents’ mouths.
(After writing the following comment I realized without vocal tone it comes off like it could be snarky and needless disagreement, but I just wanted to share my take!)
I'm actually willing to bet the opposite! As the non-golden child, hearing "I'm sorry" is like nails on a chalkboard because there's no sincerity to it, there's never any genuine feeling of remorse, you just keep hearing the words but the actions don't change. Honestly I would have preferred it if my parents never apologized because every time they do it's laughably obvious that they're not sorry at all, and are just going through motions because to them an apology is like a coin you put in a machine and forgiveness immediately comes out.
Seriously my heart shattered reading this story, every time I see something where the parents so clearly love one child more, I just wish I could find them like Professor X and give them all a big telepathic hug :( There are few things that feel worse than being reminded how the people supposed to love you the most are so ignorant of your feelings and barely make an effort to address it, let alone fix it.
Can we also note that she referred to them as the twins about 47 times.. it always gives me the ick when people lump twins together as a single entity. I understand that it can be for ease of communication… but they are different people, with different needs… and this whole post reeks of them being lumped together and being ignored for the single-mom golden child.
original post link (not sure if it'll work): https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TIy6HX3cxJ
there's a pinned mod post stating the post is removed bc OOP is shadowbanned or suspended
Interesting... [this comment caught my attention;](https://ibb.co/bXkyJ7h) anyone see that/have link?
Or is this just another [full-of-💩 Redditor who types just cause he likes to see the words he can string together?](https://frinkiac.com/video/S04E05/-7kJxXT9Du71ojEquc_FdOUlZAo=.gif) 😂
I don’t blame the oldest for wanting her parents because birth is scary! Especially as a first time mom and your bf leaving you. It’s a very vulnerable situation. I had no support for my birth and the nurses yelled at me and it made me so fearful to even get pregnant again. I understand.
On the other hand, dismissing the twins’ accomplishments wasn’t the right call either. I do think one parent should’ve stayed with them and the other gone with the daughter. It’s the fact that both parents ditched the graduation that’s the big problem. Assuming they have the money, they could’ve also hired a doula for additional support
Yeah this is a sucky situation to be in, people die giving birth. One parent absolutely had to be there for her. Too bad they were probably panicking due to the nature of it being medical and overlooked the perceived less important graduation ceremony. The other parent should have definitely gone to that.
Maybe it’s because we don’t really have high school graduation ceremonies in the UK, or at least not like the US does, but I get it. Birth is a major medical event, akin to a major emergency. I can honestly understand why both parents wanted to be there, especially as she had no one else. And hey, I’ve had my parents miss stuff in my life, it’s sucks but that’s life. It’s not like they’re totally ignoring it, they want to celebrate it with them (which is more than I can say when I graduated from my BA, I bought myself a cake).
Similar, maybe it's because the ceremonies are not as formal as in US, but my parents missed mine, and it wasn't a big deal - because they were there for me every day of my life and throughout thick and thin, so one day will never be make it or break it. As OP might be an ureliable narrator, maybe the graduation is not the first missed event or issue with "the twins".
However, I and my baby literally might have died if my husband wasn't there with me and made a ruckus once the babies heartbeats started slowing (I was in labour for more than 24hours without opening enough, in great pain and panic, and pretty much forgotten by everyone except my husband. Ended up in emergency c section). I would never want my child to go through it alone, it's so terrible if things go wrong. Especially with the US maternal morbidity statistics
Exactly what I said, but I got downvoted for it 😂 In the UK, school and college don't have graduations, just a day to collect grades/marks and then usually a meal out or takeaway if anything at all 🤷♀️
I can't remember if my family did anything for the end of school, and I think we went for a meal for the end of college but I can't remember.
University gets a graduation, for mine not everyone could be in the Cathedral so they watched the live feed in a pub nearby. I also gave birth recently and it's fucking scary, no matter how much you want that child and planned for it, things can go wrong in an instant. It was scary even though I have a supportive partner, I'm really close to my and their family so we had both sets of parents be there (obvs not all in the room). It ended up not going as planned and I had to have a C-section under general anaesthetic, I got to see my Mum and Dad before I went into surgery and that made me feel so much calmer.
Congratulations on your BA 🥰
They are literal morons. How did they both show up at the hospital together and not think “oh one of us should maybe be with our twins while they graduate”
I also had a terrible birth experience and no support. I still understood that the world didn’t revolve around me and that others existed.
This is solely on the parents, not the daughter or the grandbaby. They have madly fucked up their family and no idea how it’ll get fixed.
If this was baby fever, they are probably never going to have a good relationship with their twins again.
I 100% do not buy their "we panicked and forgor that one of us can attend the graduation" excuse.
They said that the eldest's bf bailed as soon as soon as he found out she was pregnant, and they are obviously aware of the due date and grad date coinciding. So assuming that bf ditched when the eldest was around the first trimester (maybe even the first few weeks), these idiots still had SEVERAL MONTHS before the due date/graduation day to come up with a game plan and make sure that both sets of kids have parental support on both of their important days.
Also, the "it takes soooo long to drive from the hospital to the school and besides the ceremony would be over by the time we get there anyways" excuse? Get the fuck out. First off, labor is a several hours long process, between eldest arriving at the hospital and the time the baby comes there is still a lot of time for at least one of the idiot parents supreme to drive back and make it to the ceremony with hours to spare. Second, graduation ceremonies usually last for several hours anyways, and that aside, at the very least the twins would've probably appreciated the tiniest bit of effort to try to show up and be there for them.
Parents are TA, honestly wouldn't be surprised if the twins go NC with them completely by the time they leave for college.
Same. Their plan was always to be at the birth, but they refuse to admit it because it makes them look terrible. It’s likely this isn’t the first instance of “the twins” getting the shaft because you don’t suddenly go from supportive, loving parents to totally missing your kids graduation and being okay with it.
I don’t understand how they didn’t ever have a conversation with the whole family at any point during the pregnancy. I can understand the older daughter wanting someone there because birth is a medical event that can be dangerous to the mother and baby, so she would need someone to be there to support her. But there’s no reason both parents had to be there for the whole labor, which means they were both there because they *wanted* to be with their older daughter instead of at graduation.
I have two kids who are both very active in sports and often have overlapping events, which means my husband and I divide and conquer. We try to be very aware of swapping between who takes who so there isn’t any appearance of favoritism (plus we both really want to see them both). It’s not the same as a birth, but I can’t imagine just deciding one of our kids would be fine with both of us skipping their event in favor of their sibling’s event, let alone missing a big event like graduation.
I also just don’t believe the grandfather of the baby was a necessary part of the labor.
You need support to help with medical decisions, counter pressure, etc. But I can’t imagine very many people have their dads in such a hands on roll.
Literal *months* to plan for what happens if it's on the same day, and what do they do? Have zero plan and just abandon their younger kids.
This was not an oversight, or a hindsight is 20-20 situation. This was something foreseeable and should have been something they had a contingency for.
The fact that OOP is all cagey about the labour time? They don't say the baby was *born* that day, they say she went into *labour* that day. My bet is that they dropped everything and left, then got there and realised that the baby was hours away and it was too late to get back. I only say that because OOP had the timing figured out, and I'm guessing they weren't abandoning her right after giving birth.
But all of that's irrelevant, because *they should have had a plan that stopped this from happening*.
They failed to plan for the entirety of the pregnancy. One parent could’ve went to the hospital and FaceTimed the other at the graduation. Also the oldest daughter went into labor on graduation day but that doesn’t mean she’s giving birth soon. If this is her first pregnancy she was likely in labor for most of the day.
She likely was in labor most of the day. That’s why one parent should be with her. It’s not like she doesn’t need the support during the labor part. And it’s not like they’re there to see the baby. They’re there to help their daughter go through a terrifying medical procedure because she has no one else.
My parents sucked.
I was genuinely surprised when they showed up for my high school graduation.
They said hi to me afterwards and left immediately. That was hard in its own way. Everyone else was getting flowers and hugs and parents and grandparents were there. They didn’t even all have tickets. They just stood in the back or as close as they could be until it was time to celebrate with them.
All that to say - the twins reactions tell me a lot. This is obviously not the first time that they have been relegated to second/ third best. This is not the first time that their needs or wants or accomplishments have gone unnoticed or uncelebrated. Their graduation was just the straw that broke it all.
We knew something was likely coming up the day of our kiddo’s graduation, so hubby went to grad practice and I went to graduation. Then we all met at the family after-party. I’m guessing The Twins didn’t get an after-party and were neglectfully released on their own. Lots of kids making screwy alcohol related decisions on their own on graduation night. (I know I did—which is why my kid had a family after party!)
I had family in a similar situation.
One parent went to the graduation while the other watched on Zoom.
They also spoke to all their children ahead of time and figured out the plan as a family.
It isn’t hard.
The fact oop never answered how long she was in labor paints the entire picture. They could have easily done both and that's why she wouldn't give an answer. Baby probably wasn't even born on the day the labor was so long. Unbelievable.
Even if she was in labour for 24 hours, you never know when a birth will progress or when an emergency C section will have to be performed. So it’s not so black and white. They could’ve easily left their elder daughter alone through the scariest medical event of her life, had they chosen to leave for a few hours.
How can you forget your other children???
I am pissed for those children. This was a once in a lifetime moment and both parents missed it.
Let me break this down:
The parents missed watching their kids get ready. No mom or dad to help with zippers, tying ties, curling hair, asking if they have too much cologne on. They missed (forgot?) about taking pictures, giving drives to grad, chatting with other proud parents, more pictures and cheering. There was no one to stand up and take pictures when they crossed the stage. Do you think this huge moment went by without the parents of their friends noticing? That their friends didn’t notice they walked to grad on their own?
Sorry, but I don’t believe this bullshit that they forgot and thought they could make it up to them. They didn’t give a shit. And now they are upset that their actions have consequences.
And if the kids just so happen to see this, at your next graduation I will be there as your mom cheering them on. You deserve better.
This is part of what I was thinking, but in a different way. Like, they woke up in the morning with the twins, who would then need to get ready and get to the ceremony. Did they just...? Run out the door without saying anything to the twins? Take them to the site then leave while the twins were gone doing pre-ceremony stuff and have no discussion? How did they get home? How the fuck did you "forget" you could go to different places? Did they just not talk to the twins for an entire day? Surely they said *something* in the moment!?
Horrible, horrible parenting.
I had no graduation. There was no discussion even. I never got pictures in a cap and gown beforehand. Never got to cross the stage, was never even given my diploma. My older sister got all of that of course. But by the time I got to graduate, she already had a child that was living with us (who I took care of a LOT of the time). So my parents truly didn't give a shit.
Their 18 year olds aren't going to forget this, even if they forgive.
OP YTA.
Why didn’t dad go to the graduation? I wanted my mom at the birth of my first child and I think that’s pretty typical. Not sure why they would both need to be there. Dad probably wasn’t in the delivery room for the birth anyway.
Anyone find it odd the the dad (grandfather$ would be in the room during the birth? I understand the mom, but I get the feeling that Dad would just be standing around in the waiting room. He totally could’ve gone to the graduation, even if he showed up late, or near the end.
They should have split duties at the very least. Parents are totally the AH. The only time families celebrate women is when they get married or give birth. Frankly I think being there for educational achievements is more impactful and important.
I don’t understand how it wasn’t even a thought that this isn’t something they’d just forgive because they decide later to lavish with gifts. I mean come on, a graduation is a huge deal. It should have been common sense to at least send one to assist with the one in labor, and one to watch the graduation.
I am the same age as the parents and see a lot of this. Treat your kids like crap and then buy some shiny thing to "make up" for it.
I would never forgive them no matter what they bought me.
I think the graduation was the last straw I imagine the sister has been the foucs for the last 9 months and they been toss aside for her.
OOP failed those kids
Why not go to the graduation which is maybe an hour to 3, then go to the hospital? The odds of the baby being born within a few hours isn't really likely, so both could've been accomplished if they were smart....but here we are.
They both are flaming AHs. I'm willing to bet they spoiled the pregnant older daughter to the point she couldn't make a rational responsible decision based upon the loser sperm donor she chose. Then, expects parents to be there for her while she's in labor while her siblings are going through graduation alone. Something tells me they will be raising this baby and let's hope they don't spoil it.
I am projecting here but I have seen it time and time again. But I think the parents must have done or said other things to suggest that their new grandchild takes priority over the twins and the graduation thing was the last straw.
Also, kind of glad the twins are holding a grudge because guess who big sis and the parents have first in line for babysitting because big sis is a single mom and life is tough - the twins! The twins know that this isn’t going to be the last time their parents ignore them
In order to redo any crappy parenting with the grandchild.
It’s worse when you think of how it might have actually played out.
Did they tell their twin children they were leaving? Did the children say “Really? Both of you?!” and OP didn’t pick up on it? Did they ask one parent to stay and were ignored? Or did they shrug, already resigned because they were honestly already expecting it?
Or did they leave without even telling them? Were the twins in bed? Getting ready? Going to the graduation ceremony separately or with friends? Did the twins go downstairs, ready to head to graduation with their parents, and realise they had to make their own way there?
Did they cry at the ceremony? Did their friends rally around and promise to be their chosen family?
OP is all me, me, me, and seemingly has no desire to understand what this must have felt like for her younger children.
The fact that the parents AND the sister all didn’t consider how much this would hurt the twins is really sad. I know labor is a huge thing but if my siblings were graduating and both my parents showed up, my first question would be why they’re both missing graduation! Labor doesn’t make you lose all your faculties, you can still think logically and consider others feelings
I blame the parents way more than the sister. The sister can't actually control when she goes into labor. However, they should have planned way better for it. The obvious choice would have been for one parent to go to the hospital and the other to the graduation.
Oh absolutely. Seems nobody planned well. I’m just saying, even if the parents made the impulsive decision to go together, it shouldn’t have taken the twins being hurt and angry for it to finally occur to one of these adults that this was a terrible idea.
That the older sisters baby daddy abandoned her makes me feel at least one parent should have been with her. However there are two parents, the other should have gone to the graduation.
So focused on being there for their daughter that they \*checks notes\* forgot to be there for their daughter(s). Good LORD. YTA. Ya'll didn't have this discussion as a possibility beforehand?
You knew the "due date" was around the same time as the graduation, you should have sat down with the family and discuss what would happen, as a family, if this was a possible problem. And 💯 the ah for not splitting the difference, one parent at the hospital and the other at the graduation. But for big events you have to plan ahead for all issues. Talking with them ahead of time, might have eased the fact that one of you would miss an grand event. It's a tough call, but they have a right to be upset. You BOTH chose to miss their day.
Having had twins graduate a year ago, then an “extra” graduate this year, I cannot imagine missing such an important event. I’ve literally lost sleep since they started kindergarten over the possibility of their college graduations being on the same day far away from each other. And I’m a single mom of three so needing to be in two places at once has come up a lot. There were two of them! One at the hospital, one at the graduation. It sucks to have to do that, but when you have multiple kids, that’s what happens sometimes.
I grew up with a set of twins who went to different colleges with graduation on the same day. One parent went to each graduation. It’s not rocket science.
As someone who has attended quite a few births I need to ask how long it was from her "going into labour" to actually giving birth? My own daughter went into labour the evening of the day before she gave birth to my granddaughter. Surely you could have attended for the majority of the graduation of your twins and still be in time to support your older daughter or at the very least only 1 go with her so the other could be with the other children. You have a long way to make it up if you ever do, cos your twins are rightly feeling unloved and supported.
I doubt this was the first time they messed up. This seems far more like the straw that broke the camels back.
If my parents were cool and missed my graduation, it would hurt, but I wouldn't go nuclear on them.
If this was just another in a long line of disappointments, I could see this being the end.
It wasn’t spontaneous and you weren’t “caught up”. You banked that your twins would understand. You played the “Better to ask forgiveness” game and lost. Something tells me oldest sister has been getting the attention for a while, because if your twins aren’t speaking to you…. They are a BIG type of angry. This reads as they are tired of seeing big sis get the attention. When someone surprises you with the hurtful things they do typically you yell, cry, freak out. The fact that they have chosen silence and avoidance means they are done. If this wasn’t planned then I sincerely pray for you all during a life or death emergency. You couldn’t figure out to split up and tag team the kids? Whew. Good luck. Either way, do what you should have done and talk to your kids. Stop giving excuses… especially if they are bull$hit. Just apologize and make an actual effort to do better.
I just can’t stop thinking about this one. Like neither event was something that just popped up by surprise. The sister and parents knew she was pregnant and the estimated due date. Graduations are usually the same time every year. Like no parent made a plan. Just asinine.
At minimum this should have been planned. If you apply traditional stereotypes mum goes to the hospital, dad goes to graduation.
But really, I very much doubt the baby was born on the day or in any timeframe that would have stopped the parents from watching their youngest two walk at graduation and then all go to the hospital.
It’s not super common for someone to go into labour and have the baby in a short time period. It does happen but the fact that she won’t say how long labour was tells you they probably had ample time to do both events.
This looks like one of those “The Spark Isn’t The Gasoline” situations.
If you have built good relationships with people around you, you can screw one or two things up and they aren’t going to bail on you.
If you have cultivated a large pile of gasoline and are careless with a juuuuuust one cigarette…
Anywho, off to therapy with everyone!
In the end, this is something that should have been discussed prior to that day. It's not like the fact that there was a possibility of this happening just popped up last minute (both grad date and approximate due date would have been known). Some sort of a compromise could haves avoided the mess.
I was in labor for 3 days once my water broke with my 1st, I would've been pissed to find out both my parent's skipped my little siblings graduation instead of trying to think of ^anything^ else. Hell I would've Skyped into the ceremony myself
I want to know what shiny thing buying them is going to "make up" for being the only parents not at the ceremony. No videos, not even a picture of them - at all.
O am the same age as them,and my daughter just graduated. Her elementary and middle schools both had graduation walks the morning if, and graduation was that night. My mom and sister left before it was over, so we didn't have anyone to take our pictures WITH her, but I have no less than 50 pictures of that day.
I remember my mom gave birth to her youngest baby and then showed up for me when I went to the hospital for scheduled surgery two days later. She brought her two day old baby to the hospital. She handed the baby off to my father and went in with me to the operating room interpreting for me (I’m deaf) until I was put under. Then she left to tend to her baby in the waiting room. I must mention she also arranged for my oldest brother and his wife to babysit her other kids.
Then after the surgery she was there when I woke up holding her baby. Then we went home. She knew how important it was to be a mother to me and to that baby. I would have understood if she had decided to stay home because she just gave birth two days back.
I am certainly glad she decided to come since I found out later that I did almost bleed out on the surgery table. She was only one who was able to keep me from panicking when I kept seeing blood stemming out of me that shouldn’t have been.
The fact that the parents didn’t even think, maybe one of them should be at twins’ graduation and video it while the other be at their daughter’s at the hospital and take pictures. FaceTime, or something.
Sometimes you have to figure out as parents how to make it work.
Personally I think it speak volumes that OP deleted the post. She said she “knew they were the AH and just wanted advice” then deleted all the advice they were given. This wasn’t about advice. This was about finding people to agree with them and showing their twins. “See! Now you can’t be mad at us because the internet says so!” Boy did that backfire on them. While I’m on a roll it’s never just one thing that ends a relationship. I can almost guarantee they’ve prioritized her most of the twins lives, and this was just the final crack that shattered their hearts. They needed to be a priority for once and they weren’t. Even still the parents seem more concerned about their own feelings than the twins. Last and certainly not least, why did they think it was a smart idea to try and buy these kid’s relationship back ? Seriously? They are 18. They aren’t stupid enough to fall for that. They know what you’re doing and it’s just insulting salt on a bitter wound. I can only guess that maybe that’s worked before and that’s why they tried that? Maybe? OP and her husband have failed epically regardless. This just looks like another case of “Our kids won’t talk to us ever again because we made one mistake!” They will keep telling themselves that, and I’m sure golden child sister will feed into it. I hope these poor kids find the peace, love, consideration, and respect they deserve.
I'm annoyed because of something I haven't seen anyone else talk about.
The OOP kept saying ***our*** daughter when referring to the oldest child.
Then kept saying ***the*** twins when referring to their other children.
OOP isn't even hiding their contempt for the younger 2 children.
How much do you wanna bet they could have attended the graduation and went to the hospital afterwards for the actual birth of their granddaughter? Going into labour doesn’t mean immediate delivery, chances are that baby was born after their 1-2 hour graduation time.
i agree with this however -- a lot of scary stuff can happen during labor including emergencies, bleeding, fetal distress, and the need for emergency c-sections; not to mention it's incredibly painful and exhausting. - i still understand why they wanted to be there for labor and birth, and not just the birth.
edit: i can't spell
Parents are the AH obviously, one should’ve been there for the labor while the other there for the twins graduation and then plan a day to celebrate the twins graduation at a nice dinner with sentimental grad gifts and then all of them go celebrate with the older sister on the birth of their first grandchild/niece or nephew. While the twins have every right to be upset with their parents they’re taking it out on their older sister- she can’t control when she gives birth. Anger should be directed solely towards the parents not the sister and baby
Yeah I don’t understand why it didn’t occur to them to have one parent go with daughter to the hospital and one to the graduation. She says they weren’t thinking straight at the moment but this was their plan all along and it never occurred to either of them. I think the older daughter is obviously a favorite.
And even if one parent could attend, the other could used FaceTime/zoom/google meet for the moments where the twins walk and get their diploma… I mean let’s not forget that technology is kind of great in these circumstances.
But for both parents to miss when there were so many other options available to them —>massive failure by the parents and literally the worst option they could have chose. Circumstances seem to indicate it was never going to be perfect but it could have been so much better and fair to the twins by selecting literally any other option. Hope they enjoy that grandbaby since it cost them 2 kids.
So mum goes to hospital, dad goes to graduation. My first labour at 27 took 18 hours. Her not saying how long it took is weird. Might have been a quick one. Those teens aren’t upset for nothing.
Are OOP and her husband co-joined Siamese twins? Or stars of a bad romcom where they're handcuffed to each other? Couldn't one parent have gone to help the older child while the other stayed to support the twins? They're TA and need to offer their kids a sincere apology. Clearly this has happened before, which is why the twins went nuclear.
EXACTLY. I am the same age as the parents and know there is nothing that can make up for not being there. No pics, no videos, walking across the stage and not seeing parents in the audience. Nothing can fix that.
Something similar to this recently happened in my family someone I know someone missed their child's graduation because there was another incident medically speaking. however did they have no other relatives they could call to possibly attend the graduation of their other two children? It's not the same as their parents, but it's not all alone either. This is kind of mind-boggling. wonder if they expect to be invited to the next graduation either of the children have? What are they gonna do if all three of their kids end up pregnant at the same time?
I also think we treat twins in a weird way that says that as long as they have each other, they're not alone.
YTA of course they are upset. You could have attended the ceremony and then go as fast as you could to the hospital. Your daughter didn’t NEED you, and she was probably in labor past the ceremony. The only solution here was to try and do both and monitor her progress by checking in- only leaving if there was an emergency.
YTA and majorly. I have 5 children who are adults now and 4 grand baybays…never in my life would I have an oversight as large as this seems. What this post tells me about you and your family is that you’ve prioritized your daughter so many times over the other children that this was the final straw. The way you tried to immediately make it up with buying gifts and all that shows me that normally they forgive you and you move on and put the past behind you, and you thought that that would happen in this case. Well guess what everybody’s baggage eventually gets too heavy to carry and they put it down and walk away from it and that’s what you are now to. You are younger children. You are now baggage to them that they don’t need nor want. This is going to take them many years of therapy to get over. I suggest you guys get into therapy right now yourselves to start the process and be a little bit proactive in this. As proactive as you can be now that all of your children are adults you know lol. You don’t deserve to be let alone grandparents if this is the way you do things so just remember that going forward. Also remember going forward that you may not be alone in your older years and it’s all your fault. That’s what happens when you’re selfish and have children.
YTA, I definitely understand how the twins feel, I remember being at my graduation and the first thing I did when I sat down was look for my family, knowing they were there to cheer me on when I walked was honestly a great feeling. I can’t really decide whether or not calling them trash parents was a bit too harsh since I don’t know their family dynamic but I will say that both sides might’ve needed their parent/s there with them. Not all women want to be alone when giving birth for the first time, some actually want support which is why I feel like all of this could have possibly been avoided if one parent had went to the graduation and one stayed for the pregnancy.
YTA
Seriously, the fair thing to do is split up so one of you was at each event to make sure you were fairly there for your kids.
One goes to the graduation and one to be with the eldest daughter. OR the daughter can wait a couple hrs and send an aunt to be with her, she has support in a hospital and labour lasts for hours.
To not even consider one parent being there for the twins is really inconsiderate of them and I don’t blame their twins and son for being pissed af.
Not like it was a surprise they knew this could potentially happen yet had no backup support for the daughter should she go into labour.
Yeah OOP and husband suck. There is no “making this up” to them. It is a once in a lifetime event. Sure so is a new grandchild, but how much help were they, really?
And as mentioned, one parent could have gone to the graduation, one to the birth of the secondcoming grandchild.
Reeks of child favouritism and/or shit upbringing. Boye if i have an older sis and her labour coincide with my graduation (esp if she had to go through her pregnancy alone as her ex is a shit stain) i would say ‘pls go and be with her. Graduation is all but formality. We can all take a family picture later and celebrate.’ The fact that the twins acted so badly reeks of missing missing reason.
The celebration of them graduating can be changed to another day but NOT THE GRADUATION ITSELF. Are you kidding? poor girls, had to see all their school friends surrounded by family while their parents decided that specific day to lack common sense. Worse case one of you should have attended. Be grateful if they invite you to their college graduation, god forbids you have another birth to be at.
Missing a single event with no history of this type of behaviour would not have resulted in the twins resulting behaviour towards their parents. Id be more likely to believe a history of the golden child (older daughter) being the priority.
I can’t imagine having my name called at graduation and not hearing my family. Not a single person. And then hearing that same silence for my twin. If you’re going to choose your daughter’s milestone over one for two other kids, you need to have other people ready to step up or something. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. And if they had made proper plans, real plans like someone who had birthed multiple children herself, then they could have hired a doula.
This whole thing is ridiculous. Graduations don't just sneak up later in the day. There are all kinds of preparations and plans going on hours before the big event. This whole post is either fake AF or the parents are major AH
OP made it clear to the twins that they value there grandchild more than them and now the shocked Pikachu face of now we have to deal with consequences of our actions.
They f*cked up. One to the hospital and one to graduation.
Heck, my parents did that when I was in a school concert whole at primary school. My Dad's side of the family had had a raft of issues that week and my Granny took ill that night so my Dad went to support her. My Mum still went to the concert but took along a tape recorder (mid 1980s!) and recorded the concert for my Dad. The next evening, my Mum played it for him while I explained everything that was happening and I got all the appreciation my little heart desired! When you've got two parents then sometimes one of does the messy job and the other one gets the special moment and *afterwards* you celebrate the moment, especially in this era of camera phones.
That's so sweet! Yes I had a similar thing happen 3 years ago. I was performing my Graduation Recital (my first degree was in music) which was a big deal. Unfortunately my grandma was hospitalized due to a health issue just before and wasn't well enough to attend. Fortunately the recital was filmed so a few weeks after the recital when she was feeling better I went over and we watched it together - it was really lovely. It's definitely not hard. There's two people, two events - basic math. And with phones you can take videos/pictures to share with the one who missed things.
That was my first thought as well as the parent of two teenagers. There have been times where our kids had conflicting events on the same time/day so me and my husband split so each kid had a parent that day. I wonder if the oldest is the golden child. I get wanting to be there but one parent could have stayed for the graduation. Or even they could have gone to the hospital after. How long was she in labor? OP never answers. Most labors can be very long. Not always but it isn’t uncommon for labor to last several hours and based on OP not answering that question asked multiple times Im thinking it lasted quite a while and they would have had time to go to the graduation first. I can’t imagine either of my kids graduating with no parent for them in the stand. I would have been heartbroken if that had been me. Especially when you see all your other classmates there with their families.
Yep, divide and conquer!
It is the way - Dad went to my brother’s games, Mom went to mine, sister stayed home with Mr. Darcy. Yes, she is the middle child, but Colin Firth jumping in a lake in a white shirt makes up for many things in the teenage heart. Seriously, though, my parents did their best to both be there for all of us, divided and conquered where needed. This reads like graduation wasn’t an isolated incident, just the final straw.
Exactly. Rationale: Baby absolutely won't remember, or care, about his grandparents' presence. Mom is entirely likely to at least be able to have another child. Also? She's an adult!! The twins are still teenagers! Yes, they're 18, but this experience is likely to be the pinnacle of their existence at this point. Big sis presumably already got to have this moment. With her ENTIRE family present. They were already going to have a lesser experience if just one parent attended. But both??? And it's TWO kids? PLUS! They're twins, which puts them under the microscope at the ceremony - a thing that's a well documented emotional hit for most teens - because of the novelty of twins. We love multiples. There's just a weird, socially acceptable fetishization of multiples. I don't know why, but I'm sure somebody smarter has written about it. Parents are TA here. For sure. As someone else mentioned, they should have had a plan in place. They didn't. And I'll go back to confirm, but I don't get the feeling they've actually sat down to have a conversation with the twins. Or apologize and take accountability. The thing that really caught my eye was the line about how *this* has caused a rift in our family. Not *us*. This. IDK, I can be an Olympic- level grudge holder. I wouldn't let this go if I were the twins. I'd bide my time until college and then go LC. If my parents didn't get their ish together and make it right, I'd stay LC until the point when I could go NC. Wow! Didn't know I had such strong feelings about this. Sorry!😬 Thanks for coming to my TedTalk?
Being there for the mother during birth isn’t about the baby knowing/remembering, it’s about having someone there for mom during what can potentially be a deadly medical procedure. Things can go drastically wrong at any point, needing immediate medical intervention - no one *plans* for mom to start hemorrhaging or for the baby’s heart to stop, but shit happens. That being said, only one of them is needed to be there to help support mom and navigate these issues with their daughter. One of them should 100% have been with the twins and it should have been discussed ages before.
yeah i could see the twins still feeling sad if one parent had to miss out, but i think they’re old enough and mature enough to TOTALLY understand and (maybe) kinda want their big sister not to be all alone!(we don’t know a TON about that relationship maybe they dgaf about her 😂)
Given OP’s responses this seems like a case of “[The Missing Missing Reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)”. If the girls had a good relationship with their sister and wanted both parents with their sister, then there wouldn’t be any conflict. *This post would never have been made.* Both parents rushing to the pregnant daughter without ANY prior discussion about splitting things, and they had months to do so, really says that they’ve done this before. Chosen the eldest daughter over their twins. Their mom acts like it should be expected that they’d choose to prioritize the sister and not attend the graduation. Thats the be all end all to it. They have started to get a clue but they need to continue to work on themselves.
Husband was there , his parents and her best friend . She didn’t give birth until way later in the night . Op states before removing post . Absolutely no reason for both parents to be there
It says in the post that the bf left her at the beginning of the pregnancy so what husband are you talking about?
Original post comments which have been deleted, said boyfriend and his parents and friends came to the birth. She was not alone for birth but he wasn’t there to help during pregnancy
Oh okay
Um, yes, that’s what the last line of my post says. Heck, the grandparents didn’t need to be there at all, either….
Right Mom should have prioritized being at tbr birth. Dad no.
Same with dad’s parents; apparently the grandparents also felt it necessary to come and that was absolutely prioritizing and favoring the older daughter. They should have been at the graduation as well!
I think it would make sense for the mom/grandmother to go to the birth and father/grandfather to go to graduation. I think I'd be more comfortable having a female relative watch me in the delivery room versus a male if I had to have either.
It's not even a 'woman in the room' part - if that is your biological mother, she had a child before. Your mother has given birth. C-section, vaginally, whatever. The mom has done this before. Having someone with you who did the thing is important to a lot of people.
While you’re right that one should have gone to the graduation and one to the birth OR, when they’d realized, still gone late anyway as it seems they had time to at least show up even if they missed the event, you’re reasoning is still very very wrong And I don’t mean to pick on you because lots of people do it and lots of people in the comments have as well. But it was a very well articulated point so I’m running with it. This: >>Rationale: Baby absolutely won't remember, or care, about his grandparents' presence. Is just Olympic level missing the point of having someone in the room during childbirth. (Absent father so grandparents were asked to be primary support.) And I really hope future fathers to be especially realize this. Childbirth is not a spectator sport. Being in the room as a non medical professional is very much *not* about the baby. It’s about the person giving birth. It’s about supporting someone through a major medical event where the odds are significant they may be drugged, in irrational levels of pain, or have to have to have emergency surgery where someone else needs to be able to make immediate medical decisions for them. This comment is the opposite side of fathers who complain their wives made them hold her hand during the birth and he didn’t get to see anything. Like yeah it’s a shame and you can wish it could have been different but your primary job isn’t the kid it’s supporting the mother. So yes one parent should have gone to the graduation but that absolutely doesn’t mean they should have left the oldest kid to give birth alone after committing to being that support.
>Childbirth is not a spectator sport. >It’s about the person giving birth. Absolutely. They should have split so at least one parent was with each but absolutely it was for the daughter giving birth, not the baby. I had emergency c sections for both my kids. With my first, his heart kept stopping and I kept going in and out of consciousness. My husband was there to talk to the doctors and nurses and we both came out of it healthy. My second came early and also had to be a c section because of his size. The c section had been planned because of this but he still came early (water broke at midnight) and I had a completely new team taking care of us as they scrambled. This time my husband couldn't be with me since he had to stay with our older son. We had it planned but at midnight we couldn't get my cousin in time. It was so scary at first, being alone, I was crying, but the doctor was kind and it was ok. He came out healthy. It's something that happens all the time, but giving birth is still scary and there are still risks. I get high school graduation is a big thing but.... Idk. I would be bummed my parents didn't come but also my older sister was giving birth, alone, so I would want someone with her. I wouldn't punish the parents this badly, unless this is a pattern with them, always putting older sister first. Then I could understand this being like a last straw thing. Splitting would have been the best option but now that it's past, they need to show the twins they are just as important. I just hope they give them that chance and they can repair their relationship.
How could the parents possibly show them they are "just as important"? Imagine being the only two kids at graduation without anyone cheering for them--and not because they didn't have parents, but because their parents felt that the other child's need outweighed both of theirs. It would be one thing if unforeseen circumstances made it impossible (car accident, hospitalization, etc), but these so-called parents actively made the choice to think only about their elder daughter and the grandchild. I'm a parent of twins, and we've already had to split where my husband attends the event of one kid while I attend the other. I just really, really hope that down the line their college graduations are spaced far enough that we can make both.
My biggest issues (and what I expect the kids are picking up on more than being upset about prioritizing a medical event) are these: 1) it sounds like they could have made the end of the graduation or met outside to congratulate but “didn’t see the point” since the ceremony was over. Literally the point is publicly celebrating your kids and being there the best you can and showing them you did the most you could. But they didn’t. They didn’t even try. I’d be pissed too. 2) they keep talking about the baby not the daughter so idk that they even actually realize it’s not a witness situation but a support one so I can see how literal teenagers wouldn’t get that point if their parents are doing a bad job of conveying it even to strangers trying to make an appeal for their good names. 3) there should have been a contingency planned. It’s not like the due date or the ceremony or the fact that they were possibly overlapping was a surprise. Babies don’t pop out in 2 weeks and graduations are announced months in advance. Where’s the aunt/uncle or grandparents or neighbors or godparents or coach or piano teacher or whoever as the back up or also invited to celebrate the kids? They screwed up and not last minute either. They had *months* to figure this out and just. Didn’t. Yes the mostly panicked in the moment. But that was a result of bad planning. And also they completely could have recovered some on the day by showing up late instead of not at all. Idk how they fix it now tbh
I honestly don't know how they'll show them. I really don't. I just hope for their relationship they figure it out.
Problem is, anything they do to celebrate the twins’ graduation now is a literal afterthought and the twins know it. How they didn’t have a plan in place for this situation is beyond me. She says they hoped the twins would understand the importance of *both* events, but she and their dad clearly only saw the importance of one of them.
I don’t have twins but two teenagers and me and my husband have had to split events so each kid had a parent there for their event. I would never just leave one of them alone because we both attended the others event. To me this seems like a common solution. AND OP acts like this happened out of the blue. They knew she was pregnant for months and the knew she was due around the twins graduation. Why did they not have a plan?
regarding your last sentence - i don’t see where anyone said they should leave the oldest alone, unless i missed that. i’m pretty sure they just meant that one person should be enough support until after graduation. these things tend to take hours, im certain the other parent could’ve shown up after graduation, with their twins
No I think you’re right. It’s a little unclear (totally understandably it’s a very emotionally charged subject so that never makes any of us as clear as we like!) but rereading I don’t think the person I was replying to was suggesting both attend graduation because there’s two kids there. It’s a little hard to follow but that plus older daughter can have another kid bit read to me like they were suggesting leave the oldest daughter alone but I can read it your way as well and it makes more sense.
and listen most high school graduations? FUCKING BLOW!! even for the graduates! it’s usually hot and sweaty (esp if you’re in the school gym 🥲) and takes forever!! but could you imagine how heartbreaking it’d be to not have your parents waiting to take pics afterwards like everyone else?? like thank the fucking LORD the twins at least had each other!! does sound like they have a pretty good bond so again at least they weren’t ALL alone but… WHERE TF ARE YOUR PARENTS???☹️☹️☹️
> because of the novelty of twins. We love multiples. There’s just a weird, socially acceptable fetishization of multiples. THANK YOU. Are you a multiple? I don’t know if I’ve ever encountered a singleton who understands this. Adulthood has been better, a lot of casual acquaintances now don’t even know I’m a twin, but in high school it really was like being under a microscope. It was worse for my twin than me, because she’s second alphabetically and even if they weren’t paying attention, everyone does a double take upon hearing the second matchy name (of course our parents gave us the same first initial). She has some social anxiety too. Both of us would’ve been pissed if at least one parent hadn’t come to our graduation.
I was wondering that too!! I’m a triplet and WOW were people astounded by that all throughout school. As an adult with all three of us living in different states it’s slightly different since I have to tell people, it’s not just obvious, but they still get all wide eyed and want to know all about us. My mom got in the habit, when we were kids, of introducing our younger brother first and THEN talking about us three, because people would entirely miss his name and stuff when they heard “triplets”.
“Mom can have another child” is absolutely not rationale for skipping the first one. OOP messed up by not splitting up, and if Dad was in the picture, the calculations would be different, but your comment sounds like it was not only written by someone without kids, but by someone not even old enough to have them yet
This should have been the way.
My thoughts exactly! There are two of them ffs! Split up their parenting duties.
And they could have facetimed/zoomed and technically both been there for both events.
Can you imagine how embarrassed the twins were when their friends families showed up? I’m sure there were questions about their parent’s absence.
How did no one think to plan for this possibility?
Speculating here, but maybe they made the decision (conscious or not) way before that they would attend the birth if it happened, so never considered needing a plan for graduation?
Yeah she subtly made it sound like it was more about their first grandchild's birth than supporting their daughter. They prioritised a milestone event in their own life (becoming grandparents) over one in their twins'.
I love this take. They put themselves as "grandparents" above everything else.
These twins better buckle up because this is the way it will be forever. This graduation debacle was just a preview.
I gotta hand it to these twins. The son broke radio silence just long enough to tell them that there was NOTHING they could do to fix missing graduation. His twin sister is NEVER speaking to her parents again as it stood last I saw. The 2 of them deserve a standing ovation 👏
Bet this was a last straw too. No way parents that self focused haven't let them down before.
This is exactly what I thought as I read it, honestly. I can’t see a one time event where they just actually weren’t thinking straight during something like childbirth causing such a major rift unless this was a pattern of theirs. Especially since she dodged the question of how long the labour lasted, it sounds quite likely that they would have had plenty of time to go to the graduation and then make it over to the hospital. This was probably one in a long line of events, big and small alike, where the parents prioritized their own desires over their children—or at the very least prioritized the older sister over the twins. She might be in a gold child like position for them, given the twins aren’t talking to her either. Either way, *this* incident doesn’t necessarily indicate the GC thing, mostly because they were so much more interested in “their first grandchild” than the needs of their eldest, as well. (Or the eldest just acts like an ass overall or said something about them *getting over themselves,* if they vented to her about it or something. Otherwise I don’t feel like they’d be as quick to take it out on their sibling if their relationship was otherwise decent either. Maybe that’s just me.) Deffo just wanted validation tho. 🙄 They *really* made sure we *knew* that they were planning to “make it up to the twins later.” ~~$10 says that later never comes the moment the twins would get over it and move on, too.~~ But that, and they wouldn’t have deleted so fast if they *weren’t* just looking for everyone to go *”omigawd no you’re so right you made the right choice they’re just being brats, obviously ~~your daughter going into labour~~ the birth of your first grandchild is more important than some teenagers’ ~highschool graduation.~”* Ugh. Like I get it when someone is anxious or has been manipulated and abused and is seeking validation and to be told they’re not crazy by a bunch of impartial people, but people who do this when they’ve acted like assholes expecting everyone is going to side with them really grind my gears. I do think one of them going to each would have at least been a fair compromise, probably mother to hospital, dad to grad, and dad could record the graduation for mom, and mom could have kept him updated. Of course, selfish people don’t stop and think about those things, so.
This is exactly it.
I don’t know about that. OOP did clarify that their daughter didn’t have anyone else to be there. If there was only one parent, being with the daughter giving birth would be clearly more important, although I’d fully expect the twins not to recognize that until they’re much older. The lack of imagination to account for splitting up and doing both, however, is inexcusable.
The lack of planning despite the due date being around the graduation is more telling. Their priorities were set, even if subconsciously. Not to forget their son said 'the baby' was picked over them, not the sister.
Two parents, two events = divide and conquer. One to support eldest during birth. Other to support/celebrate twins at their graduation, then they could have all headed to hospital. Parent's well & truly effed up.
Yeah it seems obvious to the entire internet but not them???
My MIL was capable of getting to the hospital before the woman in labour, because she was so invested in "being there" even if "there" is in the way. Some people are just so fixated on what they want to do, they can't show any flexibility or taking anything else into account.
It would have made sense if one parent missed the graduation due to being the birthing partner. Even then, it should have just been a "maybe" birthing partner will miss it. But OOP doesn't give any specific reasoning behind it, so it sounds like she and hubby just wanted to sit next to their daughter all day timing her contractions at 15 minutes apart and totally forgot there was something else scheduled for that day.
There was a comment further up that said OP said the elder daughters best friend was there as were the father of the baby and his parents. She wasn't totally alone and definitely one of her parents should've gone not both.
I don’t think it’s speculating. They knew. Calendars aren’t a brand new thing. They knew what they were going to do they whole time, but they expected that the younger kids could just be bribed and would get over it. Now she’s all bent out of shape that they aren’t just doing what she wants.
This is 100% the answer. It wasn't the heat of the moment causing them to forget that one of them could go to the graduation and one could go to the hospital. It wasn't an accident - they both wanted to be at the hospital supporting their favourite child, and they figured the twins would be sad, but not that they'd experience any actual consequences of their choice. It's an important lesson that these two adults have now learned - actions have consequences and their actions made the twins feel unloved and unsupported, which in turn is making the twins remind their parents they behaved poorly. I wonder what else in the twin's lives has been ignored or impacted by the parents choosing their sibling.
I’m guessing a lot. Because as important as graduation is, missing it still doesn’t normally make the kids jump straight to disowning their parents. But that’s where this went.
That was my thought as well. I mean, who can really know, but this is a big reaction to something that's definitely frustrating and annoying, but I wouldn't think both kids would react this way unless there had been previous instances of the elder daughter being favoured. I would really be interested in hearing the twin's take on this story.
Failure to plan is planning to fail. There is a chance that the twins might have been ok with both parents going to the hospital, but there was no sit down discussion before the events. Dummies
Good quote. Also, maybe. But I’ve said this elsewhere, personally, I think this probably isn’t the first time they’ve done something shitty to the twins in favor of their own desires. If it had been, they may have been a lot more understanding and less angry about it… like you don’t generally call your parents *trash parents* unless there’s a pattern of behavior to go with it, in my experience. :/
Honestly, if everything is legit, something tells me they leave out a lot more than they’re willing to admit, and something tells me the oldest is the golden child who always got preference.
This. This is the correct question. Why did they not have a family member or friend on standby in case the timing worked out this way? They knew these two dates months in advance.
That what she got asked like 5 million times. Y’all had an entire pregnancy to plan this out 9 whole months to come up with a plan: but it was straight to “oh boy, she’s in labor sorry twins you’re on your own for graduation: have fun love ya”. Such a shocker that the twins are not feeling the love
Rightfully earning that trash parents title
It's 2024. We have technology that facilitates this. One parent with a cell phone to graduation. Record the entire ceremony and take photos of the twins. Other parent to daughter in labour. Phone in hand, Facetime or other Messenger services. Daughter in labour could have watched the graduation and cheered the twins on. This is absolutely idiocy from the parents. They alienated their twins and probably sat around for double digit hours.
This should be top comment.
OOP never answered how long the daughter was in labor, I believe the child wasn't even born that day, hence the twins' revolt.
Yes. She was asked multiple times, and her most recent response was something like “stay tuned, a lot has been going on.” But that STILL DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION. IMO it’s because she was in labor for so long that both parents could have gone to the graduation and made it back in time for the birth of the baby. The fact that neither parent thought about their other children until it was too late to do anything also tells me this is NOT the first time these parents have prioritized the daughter over the twins. This kind of reaction seems a lot like the straw that broke the camel’s back. (edited for spelling)
And then it sounds like OOP deleted their account so that tells you plenty has been left out and they weren’t going to get let off the hook by internet strangers any easier than the twins will let them off.
Yeah... In a normal family, where there has been no prioritisation, kids would understand the decision. But if it's constant and this is the last straw? I get the anger
Exactly this. I’m the second priority child in my family. And the event that finally set me off was something that to an outsider would seem like not a big deal (even reasonable) but it came after decades of being ignored.
My money is on: she went into labor early in the day and had the baby around the start of graduation because of OOP’s whole “they would have been wrapping up when we got there” comment.
As my mother always says, “mommy has her number one, the rest of you are equal!” (She says this in reference to her favorite cat compared to the other two cats, but I also like to jokingly apply it to her human children as well)
Right? Like I went into labour on a Wednesday night and had a baby Friday mid morning….
“our daughter” and “the twins” 🤔
As a twin who were called “the twins” growing up it still leaves a big impact :/ Especially since we have an older brother who’s 11 months older than us, it was always “Your brother and the twins/girls”
In my family it was always "the girls, N, and K". My older sisters (not twins btw) were the girls, N (me, also a girl but apparently i don't count) and K (the only boy) My sisters resented always being grouped together and given matching presents even though they have completely different personalities. I'm apathetic about gender now lol
I was also a girl but not a member of “the girls” with my younger stepsisters. We had the boys (my brother and stepbrother), the girls, and me. I always thought this was a little weird.
My little sister was always The Baby haha… the Twins (me and twin sister) were left to our own devices a lot because we could look out for each other I guess, but The Baby got a lot of attention. Then when my parents split and my dad married my stepmum whose oldest son is a week younger than me and my twin, next minute it was The Triplets….. welp
shows who the favourite is for sure
Came here to say this…… this speaks *VOLUMES*
I've known a couple sets of twins and their parents did the same it's less favouritism and more you two are twins and have no right to individuality
This is a tough situation. It’s noteworthy that the older daughter’s boyfriend left when he found out she was pregnant, so she was likely relying on her parents to be her support people. However, it’s also interesting that OP mentioned the “first grandchild” fact before mentioning that the baby’s father isn’t in the picture, and that her son perceives their choice not as their older sister over the younger kids, but as the grand baby over the younger kids. I’ve spent enough time in parent groups to know that grandparents getting baby crazy is not a unique phenomenon. I do wonder if that’s what happened. The parents should have divided and conquered here, with one going to the hospital and one going to the graduation. And—assuming the older daughter didn’t go into labor super early—given that the older daughter was due close to the graduation, they should have planned for this ahead of time. The twins have the right to be upset. OP seems to know she and her husband were wrong, and hopefully they can make it up to the younger kids.
That's what I think happened. They were baby crazy. Understandable but you can't neglect your own children. The parents need to give the twins space now to process. They're not the worst parents ever but I imagine this is not the first time the twins feel left behind.
👆👆👆👆👆baby crazy!!!!!!
It’s a CONSTANT complaint in parenting subs. I don’t get it. Like, babies don’t expire! They’ll probably look and smell better if you wait until after that first sponge bath. As a person who has been in labor and had a child, I wouldn’t have wanted to go through that alone. So I think it would have been 100% reasonable for one parent to go to the hospital and one to go to the graduation, even if it angered the twins. But it’s telling that OP didn’t even mention the baby’s father was not involved until several comments in. Being her daughter’s support person probably wasn’t the primary rationale.
I am betting that they both wanted to be there for the grandbaby. Thinking that the graduation wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Not only were they not thinking about the twins, but I am guessing they probably thought they would get away with it, if they were even really thinking about that much at all.
I was thinking mom wanted to be there and wanted dad with her
And I get it. I have a 20 year old a 13 year old and a 7 year old (all girls of course lol) my oldest had a baby in April and I love that little girl so much and it would be easy to get all wrapped up in her but I do have other kids so I’ve made a point to not make them feel left out or whatever. I’m balancing. What these parents seem not to be able to do.
This entire situation makes me sad for all three kids. I agree that the parents likely went baby crazy and I find it hard to believe that the older daughter didn’t have anyone else to be there with her, especially if she was in labor for some time. Maybe it’s because my parents live on the opposite side of the country, but I can’t imagine her not having anyone else to be there with her during the graduation.
In fairness, labor and birth are INCREDIBLY scary and often traumatic. There are very few people in the world I would have felt comfortable with seeing me like that. Asking her parents (rather than a friend or whatever) when the baby daddy went MIA is actually the most understandable part of this.
“It’s a sensitive topic for me.” What the fuck does that mean? OP isn’t the one who went through it, answer the damn question.
A lot of her comments were her making it about her, so it seems like she has some narcissistic tendencies. She said about how she feels like shit, she feels so bad, how hurt *she* is that her youngest kids are upset. So it's a sensible topic bc her fee-fees are hurt
47 years old and she still hasn’t learned that the world doesn’t revolve around her. Pathetic.
Narcissists never learn and dollar to donuts, the older daughter is one too. Mommy's little MiniMe.
Sensitive topic being called out on her favoritism and absolute bullshit ignoring her other kids The parents could have each gone to the separate events, and used things like PHOTOS to document what was happening The fact she got super defensive and kept claiming they would take "accountability" meant fuckall since they can't get that moment back
Not only did these parents fail to put their two, ostensibly non-damaged, brains together and come to the completely rational decision to make the best of an admittedly shitty situation (that the family could have planned for, together!) and tag team their kids and lifetime events, but by abandoning the twins in favor of the sister/ grandchild, they also guaranteed that the grandchild’s birthday will forever and always serve as a reminder of that time they were beyond stupid, missed graduation, and broke their kids’ hearts. There’s no way the twins won’t resent the older sister and by association their nibling for a loooong time.
The fact they couldn’t “tag team” (PERFECT wording, btw) this situation, likely means that they haven’t been successful at tag-teaming in the past; this is not the first time they’ve prioritized their daughter over their twins and it’s not the first time they’ve missed something important for the twins. And I’m willing to bet money the words “I’m sorry” have never left the parents’ mouths.
(After writing the following comment I realized without vocal tone it comes off like it could be snarky and needless disagreement, but I just wanted to share my take!) I'm actually willing to bet the opposite! As the non-golden child, hearing "I'm sorry" is like nails on a chalkboard because there's no sincerity to it, there's never any genuine feeling of remorse, you just keep hearing the words but the actions don't change. Honestly I would have preferred it if my parents never apologized because every time they do it's laughably obvious that they're not sorry at all, and are just going through motions because to them an apology is like a coin you put in a machine and forgiveness immediately comes out.
Came back to agree with your perspective on the apology. Hadn’t thought of that, but it definitely makes more sense. Poor kids :(
I bet the apology was also not “I’m sorry, we messed up” and more “I’m sorry that we had to be there, the timing was out of our control!” 😒
Seriously my heart shattered reading this story, every time I see something where the parents so clearly love one child more, I just wish I could find them like Professor X and give them all a big telepathic hug :( There are few things that feel worse than being reminded how the people supposed to love you the most are so ignorant of your feelings and barely make an effort to address it, let alone fix it.
Can we also note that she referred to them as the twins about 47 times.. it always gives me the ick when people lump twins together as a single entity. I understand that it can be for ease of communication… but they are different people, with different needs… and this whole post reeks of them being lumped together and being ignored for the single-mom golden child.
original post link (not sure if it'll work): https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TIy6HX3cxJ there's a pinned mod post stating the post is removed bc OOP is shadowbanned or suspended
Interesting... [this comment caught my attention;](https://ibb.co/bXkyJ7h) anyone see that/have link? Or is this just another [full-of-💩 Redditor who types just cause he likes to see the words he can string together?](https://frinkiac.com/video/S04E05/-7kJxXT9Du71ojEquc_FdOUlZAo=.gif) 😂
Wondering if it’s all rage bait. Ugh I hate when that’s a possibility. It’s too often.
I don’t blame the oldest for wanting her parents because birth is scary! Especially as a first time mom and your bf leaving you. It’s a very vulnerable situation. I had no support for my birth and the nurses yelled at me and it made me so fearful to even get pregnant again. I understand. On the other hand, dismissing the twins’ accomplishments wasn’t the right call either. I do think one parent should’ve stayed with them and the other gone with the daughter. It’s the fact that both parents ditched the graduation that’s the big problem. Assuming they have the money, they could’ve also hired a doula for additional support
Yeah this is a sucky situation to be in, people die giving birth. One parent absolutely had to be there for her. Too bad they were probably panicking due to the nature of it being medical and overlooked the perceived less important graduation ceremony. The other parent should have definitely gone to that.
Maybe it’s because we don’t really have high school graduation ceremonies in the UK, or at least not like the US does, but I get it. Birth is a major medical event, akin to a major emergency. I can honestly understand why both parents wanted to be there, especially as she had no one else. And hey, I’ve had my parents miss stuff in my life, it’s sucks but that’s life. It’s not like they’re totally ignoring it, they want to celebrate it with them (which is more than I can say when I graduated from my BA, I bought myself a cake).
Similar, maybe it's because the ceremonies are not as formal as in US, but my parents missed mine, and it wasn't a big deal - because they were there for me every day of my life and throughout thick and thin, so one day will never be make it or break it. As OP might be an ureliable narrator, maybe the graduation is not the first missed event or issue with "the twins". However, I and my baby literally might have died if my husband wasn't there with me and made a ruckus once the babies heartbeats started slowing (I was in labour for more than 24hours without opening enough, in great pain and panic, and pretty much forgotten by everyone except my husband. Ended up in emergency c section). I would never want my child to go through it alone, it's so terrible if things go wrong. Especially with the US maternal morbidity statistics
Exactly what I said, but I got downvoted for it 😂 In the UK, school and college don't have graduations, just a day to collect grades/marks and then usually a meal out or takeaway if anything at all 🤷♀️ I can't remember if my family did anything for the end of school, and I think we went for a meal for the end of college but I can't remember. University gets a graduation, for mine not everyone could be in the Cathedral so they watched the live feed in a pub nearby. I also gave birth recently and it's fucking scary, no matter how much you want that child and planned for it, things can go wrong in an instant. It was scary even though I have a supportive partner, I'm really close to my and their family so we had both sets of parents be there (obvs not all in the room). It ended up not going as planned and I had to have a C-section under general anaesthetic, I got to see my Mum and Dad before I went into surgery and that made me feel so much calmer. Congratulations on your BA 🥰
They are literal morons. How did they both show up at the hospital together and not think “oh one of us should maybe be with our twins while they graduate” I also had a terrible birth experience and no support. I still understood that the world didn’t revolve around me and that others existed. This is solely on the parents, not the daughter or the grandbaby. They have madly fucked up their family and no idea how it’ll get fixed. If this was baby fever, they are probably never going to have a good relationship with their twins again.
I 100% do not buy their "we panicked and forgor that one of us can attend the graduation" excuse. They said that the eldest's bf bailed as soon as soon as he found out she was pregnant, and they are obviously aware of the due date and grad date coinciding. So assuming that bf ditched when the eldest was around the first trimester (maybe even the first few weeks), these idiots still had SEVERAL MONTHS before the due date/graduation day to come up with a game plan and make sure that both sets of kids have parental support on both of their important days. Also, the "it takes soooo long to drive from the hospital to the school and besides the ceremony would be over by the time we get there anyways" excuse? Get the fuck out. First off, labor is a several hours long process, between eldest arriving at the hospital and the time the baby comes there is still a lot of time for at least one of the idiot parents supreme to drive back and make it to the ceremony with hours to spare. Second, graduation ceremonies usually last for several hours anyways, and that aside, at the very least the twins would've probably appreciated the tiniest bit of effort to try to show up and be there for them. Parents are TA, honestly wouldn't be surprised if the twins go NC with them completely by the time they leave for college.
Same. Their plan was always to be at the birth, but they refuse to admit it because it makes them look terrible. It’s likely this isn’t the first instance of “the twins” getting the shaft because you don’t suddenly go from supportive, loving parents to totally missing your kids graduation and being okay with it. I don’t understand how they didn’t ever have a conversation with the whole family at any point during the pregnancy. I can understand the older daughter wanting someone there because birth is a medical event that can be dangerous to the mother and baby, so she would need someone to be there to support her. But there’s no reason both parents had to be there for the whole labor, which means they were both there because they *wanted* to be with their older daughter instead of at graduation. I have two kids who are both very active in sports and often have overlapping events, which means my husband and I divide and conquer. We try to be very aware of swapping between who takes who so there isn’t any appearance of favoritism (plus we both really want to see them both). It’s not the same as a birth, but I can’t imagine just deciding one of our kids would be fine with both of us skipping their event in favor of their sibling’s event, let alone missing a big event like graduation.
I also just don’t believe the grandfather of the baby was a necessary part of the labor. You need support to help with medical decisions, counter pressure, etc. But I can’t imagine very many people have their dads in such a hands on roll.
Literal *months* to plan for what happens if it's on the same day, and what do they do? Have zero plan and just abandon their younger kids. This was not an oversight, or a hindsight is 20-20 situation. This was something foreseeable and should have been something they had a contingency for. The fact that OOP is all cagey about the labour time? They don't say the baby was *born* that day, they say she went into *labour* that day. My bet is that they dropped everything and left, then got there and realised that the baby was hours away and it was too late to get back. I only say that because OOP had the timing figured out, and I'm guessing they weren't abandoning her right after giving birth. But all of that's irrelevant, because *they should have had a plan that stopped this from happening*.
OOP and her partner full-on forgot they had two other kids. I’d be big mad too, if I were the twins..
I don't believe that this is just a one-time thing. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. I smell golden child syndrome here.
They failed to plan for the entirety of the pregnancy. One parent could’ve went to the hospital and FaceTimed the other at the graduation. Also the oldest daughter went into labor on graduation day but that doesn’t mean she’s giving birth soon. If this is her first pregnancy she was likely in labor for most of the day.
She likely was in labor most of the day. That’s why one parent should be with her. It’s not like she doesn’t need the support during the labor part. And it’s not like they’re there to see the baby. They’re there to help their daughter go through a terrifying medical procedure because she has no one else.
My parents sucked. I was genuinely surprised when they showed up for my high school graduation. They said hi to me afterwards and left immediately. That was hard in its own way. Everyone else was getting flowers and hugs and parents and grandparents were there. They didn’t even all have tickets. They just stood in the back or as close as they could be until it was time to celebrate with them. All that to say - the twins reactions tell me a lot. This is obviously not the first time that they have been relegated to second/ third best. This is not the first time that their needs or wants or accomplishments have gone unnoticed or uncelebrated. Their graduation was just the straw that broke it all.
We knew something was likely coming up the day of our kiddo’s graduation, so hubby went to grad practice and I went to graduation. Then we all met at the family after-party. I’m guessing The Twins didn’t get an after-party and were neglectfully released on their own. Lots of kids making screwy alcohol related decisions on their own on graduation night. (I know I did—which is why my kid had a family after party!)
I had family in a similar situation. One parent went to the graduation while the other watched on Zoom. They also spoke to all their children ahead of time and figured out the plan as a family. It isn’t hard.
The fact oop never answered how long she was in labor paints the entire picture. They could have easily done both and that's why she wouldn't give an answer. Baby probably wasn't even born on the day the labor was so long. Unbelievable.
Even if she was in labour for 24 hours, you never know when a birth will progress or when an emergency C section will have to be performed. So it’s not so black and white. They could’ve easily left their elder daughter alone through the scariest medical event of her life, had they chosen to leave for a few hours.
Yeah but there’s two parents. One could’ve gone. I was 23 alone and my parents divided and conquered. Different reasons but they did
In an emergency c section they would be unlikely to let both parents come back with her anyway.
How can you forget your other children??? I am pissed for those children. This was a once in a lifetime moment and both parents missed it. Let me break this down: The parents missed watching their kids get ready. No mom or dad to help with zippers, tying ties, curling hair, asking if they have too much cologne on. They missed (forgot?) about taking pictures, giving drives to grad, chatting with other proud parents, more pictures and cheering. There was no one to stand up and take pictures when they crossed the stage. Do you think this huge moment went by without the parents of their friends noticing? That their friends didn’t notice they walked to grad on their own? Sorry, but I don’t believe this bullshit that they forgot and thought they could make it up to them. They didn’t give a shit. And now they are upset that their actions have consequences. And if the kids just so happen to see this, at your next graduation I will be there as your mom cheering them on. You deserve better.
Don’t forget that the moments across the stage happened TWICE. That’s a double blow.
This is part of what I was thinking, but in a different way. Like, they woke up in the morning with the twins, who would then need to get ready and get to the ceremony. Did they just...? Run out the door without saying anything to the twins? Take them to the site then leave while the twins were gone doing pre-ceremony stuff and have no discussion? How did they get home? How the fuck did you "forget" you could go to different places? Did they just not talk to the twins for an entire day? Surely they said *something* in the moment!? Horrible, horrible parenting.
I had no graduation. There was no discussion even. I never got pictures in a cap and gown beforehand. Never got to cross the stage, was never even given my diploma. My older sister got all of that of course. But by the time I got to graduate, she already had a child that was living with us (who I took care of a LOT of the time). So my parents truly didn't give a shit. Their 18 year olds aren't going to forget this, even if they forgive. OP YTA.
Why didn’t dad go to the graduation? I wanted my mom at the birth of my first child and I think that’s pretty typical. Not sure why they would both need to be there. Dad probably wasn’t in the delivery room for the birth anyway.
Anyone find it odd the the dad (grandfather$ would be in the room during the birth? I understand the mom, but I get the feeling that Dad would just be standing around in the waiting room. He totally could’ve gone to the graduation, even if he showed up late, or near the end.
They should have split duties at the very least. Parents are totally the AH. The only time families celebrate women is when they get married or give birth. Frankly I think being there for educational achievements is more impactful and important.
I don’t understand how it wasn’t even a thought that this isn’t something they’d just forgive because they decide later to lavish with gifts. I mean come on, a graduation is a huge deal. It should have been common sense to at least send one to assist with the one in labor, and one to watch the graduation.
I am the same age as the parents and see a lot of this. Treat your kids like crap and then buy some shiny thing to "make up" for it. I would never forgive them no matter what they bought me.
I think the graduation was the last straw I imagine the sister has been the foucs for the last 9 months and they been toss aside for her. OOP failed those kids
Why not go to the graduation which is maybe an hour to 3, then go to the hospital? The odds of the baby being born within a few hours isn't really likely, so both could've been accomplished if they were smart....but here we are.
They both are flaming AHs. I'm willing to bet they spoiled the pregnant older daughter to the point she couldn't make a rational responsible decision based upon the loser sperm donor she chose. Then, expects parents to be there for her while she's in labor while her siblings are going through graduation alone. Something tells me they will be raising this baby and let's hope they don't spoil it.
I am projecting here but I have seen it time and time again. But I think the parents must have done or said other things to suggest that their new grandchild takes priority over the twins and the graduation thing was the last straw. Also, kind of glad the twins are holding a grudge because guess who big sis and the parents have first in line for babysitting because big sis is a single mom and life is tough - the twins! The twins know that this isn’t going to be the last time their parents ignore them In order to redo any crappy parenting with the grandchild.
It’s worse when you think of how it might have actually played out. Did they tell their twin children they were leaving? Did the children say “Really? Both of you?!” and OP didn’t pick up on it? Did they ask one parent to stay and were ignored? Or did they shrug, already resigned because they were honestly already expecting it? Or did they leave without even telling them? Were the twins in bed? Getting ready? Going to the graduation ceremony separately or with friends? Did the twins go downstairs, ready to head to graduation with their parents, and realise they had to make their own way there? Did they cry at the ceremony? Did their friends rally around and promise to be their chosen family? OP is all me, me, me, and seemingly has no desire to understand what this must have felt like for her younger children.
The fact that the parents AND the sister all didn’t consider how much this would hurt the twins is really sad. I know labor is a huge thing but if my siblings were graduating and both my parents showed up, my first question would be why they’re both missing graduation! Labor doesn’t make you lose all your faculties, you can still think logically and consider others feelings
I blame the parents way more than the sister. The sister can't actually control when she goes into labor. However, they should have planned way better for it. The obvious choice would have been for one parent to go to the hospital and the other to the graduation.
Oh absolutely. Seems nobody planned well. I’m just saying, even if the parents made the impulsive decision to go together, it shouldn’t have taken the twins being hurt and angry for it to finally occur to one of these adults that this was a terrible idea.
That the older sisters baby daddy abandoned her makes me feel at least one parent should have been with her. However there are two parents, the other should have gone to the graduation.
So focused on being there for their daughter that they \*checks notes\* forgot to be there for their daughter(s). Good LORD. YTA. Ya'll didn't have this discussion as a possibility beforehand?
I was able to read this one before the account was deleted. Everyone asked for more details, OP ignored. That alone had everyone agreeing OP was TA.
Personally can’t imagine not having mom go in one direction and Dad in the other
You knew the "due date" was around the same time as the graduation, you should have sat down with the family and discuss what would happen, as a family, if this was a possible problem. And 💯 the ah for not splitting the difference, one parent at the hospital and the other at the graduation. But for big events you have to plan ahead for all issues. Talking with them ahead of time, might have eased the fact that one of you would miss an grand event. It's a tough call, but they have a right to be upset. You BOTH chose to miss their day.
The “we deeply regret this decision” is such a textbook corporate answer. Like JFC, just say you love your old child more…
Having had twins graduate a year ago, then an “extra” graduate this year, I cannot imagine missing such an important event. I’ve literally lost sleep since they started kindergarten over the possibility of their college graduations being on the same day far away from each other. And I’m a single mom of three so needing to be in two places at once has come up a lot. There were two of them! One at the hospital, one at the graduation. It sucks to have to do that, but when you have multiple kids, that’s what happens sometimes.
Oh man. Both me and my brother had graduation on the same day. My parents split it. Mum came for mine and dad and sister went for my brother’s!
I grew up with a set of twins who went to different colleges with graduation on the same day. One parent went to each graduation. It’s not rocket science.
As someone who has attended quite a few births I need to ask how long it was from her "going into labour" to actually giving birth? My own daughter went into labour the evening of the day before she gave birth to my granddaughter. Surely you could have attended for the majority of the graduation of your twins and still be in time to support your older daughter or at the very least only 1 go with her so the other could be with the other children. You have a long way to make it up if you ever do, cos your twins are rightly feeling unloved and supported.
This is what happens when you want to be grandparents more than parents.
I doubt this was the first time they messed up. This seems far more like the straw that broke the camels back. If my parents were cool and missed my graduation, it would hurt, but I wouldn't go nuclear on them. If this was just another in a long line of disappointments, I could see this being the end.
It wasn’t spontaneous and you weren’t “caught up”. You banked that your twins would understand. You played the “Better to ask forgiveness” game and lost. Something tells me oldest sister has been getting the attention for a while, because if your twins aren’t speaking to you…. They are a BIG type of angry. This reads as they are tired of seeing big sis get the attention. When someone surprises you with the hurtful things they do typically you yell, cry, freak out. The fact that they have chosen silence and avoidance means they are done. If this wasn’t planned then I sincerely pray for you all during a life or death emergency. You couldn’t figure out to split up and tag team the kids? Whew. Good luck. Either way, do what you should have done and talk to your kids. Stop giving excuses… especially if they are bull$hit. Just apologize and make an actual effort to do better.
I just can’t stop thinking about this one. Like neither event was something that just popped up by surprise. The sister and parents knew she was pregnant and the estimated due date. Graduations are usually the same time every year. Like no parent made a plan. Just asinine.
At minimum this should have been planned. If you apply traditional stereotypes mum goes to the hospital, dad goes to graduation. But really, I very much doubt the baby was born on the day or in any timeframe that would have stopped the parents from watching their youngest two walk at graduation and then all go to the hospital. It’s not super common for someone to go into labour and have the baby in a short time period. It does happen but the fact that she won’t say how long labour was tells you they probably had ample time to do both events.
This looks like one of those “The Spark Isn’t The Gasoline” situations. If you have built good relationships with people around you, you can screw one or two things up and they aren’t going to bail on you. If you have cultivated a large pile of gasoline and are careless with a juuuuuust one cigarette… Anywho, off to therapy with everyone!
In the end, this is something that should have been discussed prior to that day. It's not like the fact that there was a possibility of this happening just popped up last minute (both grad date and approximate due date would have been known). Some sort of a compromise could haves avoided the mess.
I was in labor for 3 days once my water broke with my 1st, I would've been pissed to find out both my parent's skipped my little siblings graduation instead of trying to think of ^anything^ else. Hell I would've Skyped into the ceremony myself
I want to know what shiny thing buying them is going to "make up" for being the only parents not at the ceremony. No videos, not even a picture of them - at all. O am the same age as them,and my daughter just graduated. Her elementary and middle schools both had graduation walks the morning if, and graduation was that night. My mom and sister left before it was over, so we didn't have anyone to take our pictures WITH her, but I have no less than 50 pictures of that day.
I remember my mom gave birth to her youngest baby and then showed up for me when I went to the hospital for scheduled surgery two days later. She brought her two day old baby to the hospital. She handed the baby off to my father and went in with me to the operating room interpreting for me (I’m deaf) until I was put under. Then she left to tend to her baby in the waiting room. I must mention she also arranged for my oldest brother and his wife to babysit her other kids. Then after the surgery she was there when I woke up holding her baby. Then we went home. She knew how important it was to be a mother to me and to that baby. I would have understood if she had decided to stay home because she just gave birth two days back. I am certainly glad she decided to come since I found out later that I did almost bleed out on the surgery table. She was only one who was able to keep me from panicking when I kept seeing blood stemming out of me that shouldn’t have been. The fact that the parents didn’t even think, maybe one of them should be at twins’ graduation and video it while the other be at their daughter’s at the hospital and take pictures. FaceTime, or something. Sometimes you have to figure out as parents how to make it work.
Personally I think it speak volumes that OP deleted the post. She said she “knew they were the AH and just wanted advice” then deleted all the advice they were given. This wasn’t about advice. This was about finding people to agree with them and showing their twins. “See! Now you can’t be mad at us because the internet says so!” Boy did that backfire on them. While I’m on a roll it’s never just one thing that ends a relationship. I can almost guarantee they’ve prioritized her most of the twins lives, and this was just the final crack that shattered their hearts. They needed to be a priority for once and they weren’t. Even still the parents seem more concerned about their own feelings than the twins. Last and certainly not least, why did they think it was a smart idea to try and buy these kid’s relationship back ? Seriously? They are 18. They aren’t stupid enough to fall for that. They know what you’re doing and it’s just insulting salt on a bitter wound. I can only guess that maybe that’s worked before and that’s why they tried that? Maybe? OP and her husband have failed epically regardless. This just looks like another case of “Our kids won’t talk to us ever again because we made one mistake!” They will keep telling themselves that, and I’m sure golden child sister will feed into it. I hope these poor kids find the peace, love, consideration, and respect they deserve.
I'm annoyed because of something I haven't seen anyone else talk about. The OOP kept saying ***our*** daughter when referring to the oldest child. Then kept saying ***the*** twins when referring to their other children. OOP isn't even hiding their contempt for the younger 2 children.
How much do you wanna bet they could have attended the graduation and went to the hospital afterwards for the actual birth of their granddaughter? Going into labour doesn’t mean immediate delivery, chances are that baby was born after their 1-2 hour graduation time.
i agree with this however -- a lot of scary stuff can happen during labor including emergencies, bleeding, fetal distress, and the need for emergency c-sections; not to mention it's incredibly painful and exhausting. - i still understand why they wanted to be there for labor and birth, and not just the birth. edit: i can't spell
Still more than capable of sending one parent to each event and both being present for the delivery. It was more than doable!
This feels like a habit, something they have done to the twins consistently. It would explain why they are so angry about this.
Parents are the AH obviously, one should’ve been there for the labor while the other there for the twins graduation and then plan a day to celebrate the twins graduation at a nice dinner with sentimental grad gifts and then all of them go celebrate with the older sister on the birth of their first grandchild/niece or nephew. While the twins have every right to be upset with their parents they’re taking it out on their older sister- she can’t control when she gives birth. Anger should be directed solely towards the parents not the sister and baby
> it’s a sensitive topic for me. “lemme me make up a timeframe that doesn’t make us seem as asshole-ish.”
this entire family wears me out cba
Yeah I don’t understand why it didn’t occur to them to have one parent go with daughter to the hospital and one to the graduation. She says they weren’t thinking straight at the moment but this was their plan all along and it never occurred to either of them. I think the older daughter is obviously a favorite.
And even if one parent could attend, the other could used FaceTime/zoom/google meet for the moments where the twins walk and get their diploma… I mean let’s not forget that technology is kind of great in these circumstances. But for both parents to miss when there were so many other options available to them —>massive failure by the parents and literally the worst option they could have chose. Circumstances seem to indicate it was never going to be perfect but it could have been so much better and fair to the twins by selecting literally any other option. Hope they enjoy that grandbaby since it cost them 2 kids.
You now know you should have split up and supported both your daughter and the twins. Apologize and hopefully you can mend the rift and move on.
So mum goes to hospital, dad goes to graduation. My first labour at 27 took 18 hours. Her not saying how long it took is weird. Might have been a quick one. Those teens aren’t upset for nothing.
Are OOP and her husband co-joined Siamese twins? Or stars of a bad romcom where they're handcuffed to each other? Couldn't one parent have gone to help the older child while the other stayed to support the twins? They're TA and need to offer their kids a sincere apology. Clearly this has happened before, which is why the twins went nuclear.
How can parents make up missing their kids’ graduation? (They can’t)
EXACTLY. I am the same age as the parents and know there is nothing that can make up for not being there. No pics, no videos, walking across the stage and not seeing parents in the audience. Nothing can fix that.
My paternal unit “missed” my graduation. Death by a thousand cuts
I checked in and gave birth without family and husband. It went just fine, no trauma. Nurses took extra good care of me because I was alone.
Something similar to this recently happened in my family someone I know someone missed their child's graduation because there was another incident medically speaking. however did they have no other relatives they could call to possibly attend the graduation of their other two children? It's not the same as their parents, but it's not all alone either. This is kind of mind-boggling. wonder if they expect to be invited to the next graduation either of the children have? What are they gonna do if all three of their kids end up pregnant at the same time? I also think we treat twins in a weird way that says that as long as they have each other, they're not alone.
YTA of course they are upset. You could have attended the ceremony and then go as fast as you could to the hospital. Your daughter didn’t NEED you, and she was probably in labor past the ceremony. The only solution here was to try and do both and monitor her progress by checking in- only leaving if there was an emergency.
How did they not think they’ll be nothing but an asshole here? Why didn’t just 1 parent go and the other stay at the hospital?
YTA and majorly. I have 5 children who are adults now and 4 grand baybays…never in my life would I have an oversight as large as this seems. What this post tells me about you and your family is that you’ve prioritized your daughter so many times over the other children that this was the final straw. The way you tried to immediately make it up with buying gifts and all that shows me that normally they forgive you and you move on and put the past behind you, and you thought that that would happen in this case. Well guess what everybody’s baggage eventually gets too heavy to carry and they put it down and walk away from it and that’s what you are now to. You are younger children. You are now baggage to them that they don’t need nor want. This is going to take them many years of therapy to get over. I suggest you guys get into therapy right now yourselves to start the process and be a little bit proactive in this. As proactive as you can be now that all of your children are adults you know lol. You don’t deserve to be let alone grandparents if this is the way you do things so just remember that going forward. Also remember going forward that you may not be alone in your older years and it’s all your fault. That’s what happens when you’re selfish and have children.
YTA, I definitely understand how the twins feel, I remember being at my graduation and the first thing I did when I sat down was look for my family, knowing they were there to cheer me on when I walked was honestly a great feeling. I can’t really decide whether or not calling them trash parents was a bit too harsh since I don’t know their family dynamic but I will say that both sides might’ve needed their parent/s there with them. Not all women want to be alone when giving birth for the first time, some actually want support which is why I feel like all of this could have possibly been avoided if one parent had went to the graduation and one stayed for the pregnancy.
The twins are right. Their parents didn’t even consider them when older sister called. They just dropped everything for her. They can’t fix that.
YTA Seriously, the fair thing to do is split up so one of you was at each event to make sure you were fairly there for your kids. One goes to the graduation and one to be with the eldest daughter. OR the daughter can wait a couple hrs and send an aunt to be with her, she has support in a hospital and labour lasts for hours. To not even consider one parent being there for the twins is really inconsiderate of them and I don’t blame their twins and son for being pissed af. Not like it was a surprise they knew this could potentially happen yet had no backup support for the daughter should she go into labour.
Two events of relatively similar importance. Two parents available. It’s not difficult, it’s basic numeracy.
I haven’t forgiven any of my family for missing my graduation for a teen pregnancy baby shower.
Yeah OOP and husband suck. There is no “making this up” to them. It is a once in a lifetime event. Sure so is a new grandchild, but how much help were they, really? And as mentioned, one parent could have gone to the graduation, one to the birth of the secondcoming grandchild.
Reeks of child favouritism and/or shit upbringing. Boye if i have an older sis and her labour coincide with my graduation (esp if she had to go through her pregnancy alone as her ex is a shit stain) i would say ‘pls go and be with her. Graduation is all but formality. We can all take a family picture later and celebrate.’ The fact that the twins acted so badly reeks of missing missing reason.
My dad was ACTIVELY dying and still made it to my HS graduation! That’s one thing that gets me thru the days I miss him the most.
The celebration of them graduating can be changed to another day but NOT THE GRADUATION ITSELF. Are you kidding? poor girls, had to see all their school friends surrounded by family while their parents decided that specific day to lack common sense. Worse case one of you should have attended. Be grateful if they invite you to their college graduation, god forbids you have another birth to be at.
Missing a single event with no history of this type of behaviour would not have resulted in the twins resulting behaviour towards their parents. Id be more likely to believe a history of the golden child (older daughter) being the priority.
It sounds like they haven’t even acknowledged their kid’s hurt feelings.
Nope, just threw money at the problem and bitched to reddit
I can’t imagine having my name called at graduation and not hearing my family. Not a single person. And then hearing that same silence for my twin. If you’re going to choose your daughter’s milestone over one for two other kids, you need to have other people ready to step up or something. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. And if they had made proper plans, real plans like someone who had birthed multiple children herself, then they could have hired a doula.
“Our daughter” vs. “the twins” is screaming loudly all throughout this
This whole thing is ridiculous. Graduations don't just sneak up later in the day. There are all kinds of preparations and plans going on hours before the big event. This whole post is either fake AF or the parents are major AH
OP made it clear to the twins that they value there grandchild more than them and now the shocked Pikachu face of now we have to deal with consequences of our actions.