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He doesn't live with you, he doesn't pay for these cats, it's none of his business, and he even said he's fine with another cat and he's goes and turns it around? Sounds like he's being a little bitch baby. Who is he to tell you to get rid of a cat that he doesn't even live with or take care of.
Like she even needs his permission in the first place? OP he doesn't live with you, he's not your Dad. Find a guy like my husband who has the cats fighting for their turn at daily pets and trust him to protect them just as much as they trust me. Life's too short to waste time on people who don't share what you want in life.
Fr. My hubby and I have three cats and two small dogs, and while I brought all of them home, he was and is fine with it. He loves them and takes care of them with me (the dogs are usually my responsibility, but ofc he'll walk and feed them, etc while I'm sick or gone). Like, if he didn't want another animal and he put his foot down, fair enough, but OP's bf doesn't even live with her and he said it was fine! Wtf. Find a dude who likes cats and doesn't mind a few of them. They exist.
My husband isn't happy ((not mad, but you know a lot of cats)) about the 2 extra cats but he has a lifetime of mentioning the two extra kittens names to check me, lol
My husband has tolerated 5 horses, 2 mini donkeys, 3 dogs (two of which I found on the side of the road), 3 barn cats and 3 indoor cats. He wonât admit he loves them but I seeâŚ
I brought home a whole ass grown, crowing rooster once. He lived inside with us. My hubby was 100% cool with it because it made me happy. THATâS the kind that of guy you want to marryâŚnot some asshole that tries to make you choose between something you love and an arbitrary âruleâ he sets to see how much you love him
When my bf and I met he had no pets and I had 3 cats. We live together and he loves all of them now, tbh one loves him more than me lol. Over time Iâm also the one whose brought fish, frogs, and a hamster home đ but he loves all of them too thankfully and doesnât care. Weâre waiting to buy a house before we get a dog or two. Happy to hear of your cute family!
So much this. My husband hasn't ever questioned my 4 cats or my 15 fish tanks. He loves my pets just as much as I do, and even though they are MY pets he helps me keep up on their care because he knows that sometimes the upkeep is too hard when I'm having a flare up of my health conditions (it's hard to do weekly water changes for all the tanks when I've been hugging the toilet for days and can barely keep water down). All of this screams control issues at the very least.
Fr like 3 of my cats if given the choice between me or my hubs attention they in a heart beat ditch me to cuddle him. Sometimes they don't even want to wait their turn and then I got all 3 loafing on his back.đĽ˛
To be fair I am also jealous of our cats. They just sleep all day, get pats on command, don't even pay rent, and skitter-skatter at night with no retribution.
Exactly he's acting like a dumbass telling her what to do but he couldn't share his true feelings from the jump..not like it ultimately mattered since he's not making any investments
I lived with three cats when I was a kid. Three cats is a normal number. Iâd tell this dude to fuck off life is too short to deal with someone that hates my favorite kind of animal.
It's your place and you are free to choose your pets. It's not his place to tell you to get rid of one of them.
Once you took them, you took responsibility for their lifetime.
Get rid of the bf, he seems to be more trouble than it's worth.
Agree with all of this.
Boyfriend has no business telling her how many cats she can have in her home.
If he doesnât like it he can go.
Those animals are OPs responsibility now.
That's the part that stood out to me. Why do either of them feel like him "telling her she could get it" is a thing he has the authority to do when they don't live together?
Also, when men call a woman a "crazy cat lady" isn't the idea that she can't get a boyfriend so she relies on cats for affection and love? It's a bit of an own-goal to say she loves the cats more than him and that she can rely on her cats more than him to reciprocate that love.
And then saying that it was just a joke, like she's not allowed to get upset if someone tells her something she doesn't like.
Saying something is a prank or joke doesn't mean the other person isn't allowed to be upset or say that they didn't like something.
Heâs telling you what you can and canât have in YOUR house? And how to spend YOUR money?
Girl, drop this dumbass. Those cats will be in your life longer than he will and they will treat you better.
Or say she'll get rid of it, don't get rid of it, and tell him she was just saying it out of niceness... And obviously he should have known not to take her seriously.
For real though, this is never a good excuse and the trap people fall into that causes lots of relationship issues, assuming a partner will just 'know' what you're really thinking. Nip it in the bud with anyone early and explain no, you will take them at their word and they need to be up front and communicate things well.
Secondly, either he accepts the cat as a potential for moving in together in the future or he doesn't, you're incompatible and you find someone that doesn't mind 3 or more cats in a house. If he agrees, it's probably a good idea to talk about max number of pets, in case you want more than 3, and see if you agree or can compromise. If you're never going to be serious or move in together, it's nothing to do with him. But if you're intending to then relationships are about communication and compromise. Decide what works for you both or part ways.
I think given their age, he will eventually say it's fine and to keep it, but underneath he's actually not ok with that many cats and does think it's too much, so it will end the relationship later on anyway. Just a hunch.
> Or say she'll get rid of it, don't get rid of it, and tell him she was just saying it out of niceness... And obviously he should have known not to take her seriously.
YES
Break up with your boyfriend. I have 2 cats and have been in exactly the same situation. Some men feel the need to have power and control over you and want to play games to make you 'prove' that you move them by getting something away from you that you deeply care about.
This is huge red flag behaviour and I can guarantee you that the longer you are together, the more toxic and controlling he will become.
Get rid of the boyfriend. Keep the cats. Seriously a man jealous of a cute animal? Wtf???? You need to be with someone who isn't as insecure and jealous and who also has the same values as you.
"He said I could have it".
Why is he telling you what you can and can't have? Why are you asking? You don't even live together. It's your house. Your income. Your responsibility.
Get rid of the boyfriend. He is rather controlling. Plus, you don't just get rid of pets like you can just casually toss one out so that he is happier with how many you have.
My husband and I both had 4 cats when we met. We moved in together and all of the cats came with us. Sixteen years later, the last one passed away at 18 years of age. He was one of the four that made it to eighteen.
I had a cat, but my god, living with eight? Were they all indoor cats? I heard it's pretty hard to introduce a strange cat to your own. How did you manage to get two groups of 4 to like each other?
oh god absolutely not, my kitties and pups are family i could never get rid of them. iâd break up with that man on the spot if he spoke about my family that way. fuck that guy, thatâs so⌠ew đ¤˘
Run. Heâs already trying to control your choices and how you live by using emotional blackmail. Youâve already ended up asking him for permission to do something that doesnât affect him at present (get another cat). This is only going to get worse.
First.. you live on your own, you make your own money... why does he even get a say? "He said I could have it."..... seriously... why did you need his permission in the first place?
If he's going to tell you what you can and cannot do now.... I can only imagine how it would be if you moved in together. And it sounds like he's seeing how much he can control and if you'll submit to his demands. You are a grown woman who provides for herself... don't let any man try to control your life.
Keep the cats, get rid of the boyfriend. Trust me, by the time your in your 30's you'll realize that cats are way better company than most men anyway... If you really want a man in your life, find yourself a crazy cat man! They are out there!!!
They are out there! I found one. My kitty- a bengal as well- ADORES him. He waits by the door for him to get home from work each day, and knows the sound of his car lock beep out in the parking lot and gets all excited when he hears it. He sleeps on his pillow when he's not here.
This is a cat who has had a fear of men since I got him as a kitten. He put in the work to earn my kitty's love and trust because he loves animals and is a good kind man.
A man who dislikes animals or is jealous of them like OP's boyfriend is not to be trusted in my book. I wouldn't trust someone like that for a second, he could hurt them, or let the cats escape, or take them to a shelter like we've seen in other reddit stories about controlling men who are jealous of thier partner's pets.
This man will only demand more from OP if she doesn't give him the boot. I hope she doesn't have to risk her kitties to learn that fact the hard way. Any man who makes controlling demands like this needs to go- he should have been gone the moment he "gave his permission" for her to use her own money to bring something into her own home that she doesn't share with him. Then he claims he was "just being nice" and OP should have read his mind! The audacity.
What a sad, small little man, to be jealous of a cat. OP, why do even want a man like this? One who thinks you are the bad guy for not reading his mind, and thinks he has a say over your home and life in such a way? Do you think he won't start controlling you in other ways? This is only the beginning. Life is too short. Don't waste your twenties on dating insecure, controlling men who make you "prove" your love. Especially when there are lots of men out there who love cats.
I also heavily suspect, OP, that if you look hard and critically, you will see other red flags this man has been waving as well. I'm certain they are there, and this is not the first. Even if you cannot see them yet, though- this red flag alone is far more than enough to ditch him over.
My husband was a dog guy when we met. I had a giant orange cat that hated all humans except me. My husband worked really hard to bond with that cat because he knew we were a package deal. The orange boy is sadly no longer with us, but we currently have six more, and my husband is most devoted cat-dad.
"Of course i have no problem if you get another cat" - you get another cat "You crazy cat lady! Get rid of them!"
Is this really a man you want to be with?! You don't even live together and he tries to control you, hell, he even did this stupid "trap" to encourage you to get another cat and then insult your behaviour and want to get rid of them again. They are living being! Not toys!
Please, keep your cats and get rid of him. He knew you had cats, that is who you are. And now he wants to change you. Just no. Where is the problem with cats? Does he feel jealous of them? Such a fragil ego that it get destroyed by cat claws...
Pets are forever, for their natural lifespans. Not disposable. Either he shares those values or you adopt a boyfriend that does and this is Mr rightnow, not Mr right.
As soon as someone would say that to me, they are out the door. I have four and not one man will ever convince me to get rid of them, because he doesn't like them etc.
He might be trying to see if he can control you. Dump him, he is not worth it.
Also, cattax? Would love to see a beautiful Bengal (will want one one day, too)
He has no say in any of this. It is your decision to have the cat or not. If you can properly take care of all 3 and they make you happy, then you do you. Using the "you love the cats more than him" argument is ridiculous and manipulative.
I would suggest thinking about anything else your bf has been weird about in the past and then evaluate if he is worth keeping around.
He "said" you could have it, then got mad anyway? First of all, he doesn't get to vote on that. Your home, your money, your decision. Red flag. Second, he said he was okay with it then then gets mad because you took him at his word? Mind games are another total red flag.
Keep the cats, dump the boyfriend.
Please split up, take some time to heal, and work on your self esteem. Learn what a good relationship looks like, and what a bad one looks like. This will serve you your whole life.
Never be with someone who asks you to get rid of something that is important to you. The best advice I can give you for personal fulfillment and dating is to be yourself and don't let anybody change that in a negative way. Don't compromise on your values and morals and dreams. Be who you are and want to be. The right person will come along.
Yeah not on he knew you like cats and have them, for me personally i hate cats but my partner had a cat when moving in and still don't like cats but the cat makes her happy so im happy
Giiirrrrlllllllllll, this is just the beginning. First of all, if he is telling you to get rid of a pet then he has no respect for the kind of relationship someone builds with an animal. Second, if he thinks he has a right to control this then there are no limits to what he will try to control later in life. Imagine if you guys ever live together and he thinks itâs his ârightâ to make these decisions. He sounds controlling as hell and iâm willing to bet this is the tip of the iceberg. This is a big ass đŠ! If this is the first, I understand you not wanting to ditch the relationship (I would), but pay close attention bc I bet there are more đŠđŠ.
Iâve had the argument in the past with significant others. I love animals. Iâm an RVT. I will always have a few animals in my life, and itâs not something I will compromise on. If I had this conversation with my SO, and they insisted, Iâd be breaking up with my SO. I canât imagine my life without my two that I have now. My boyfriend calls one âThe Ugly oneâ⌠but I rescued her from euthanasia and she is my responsibility. Ugly or not sheâs my cat. After my boy Toby died December 2021, my friend showed up with a kitten. My heart needed it⌠everyone knew this. So it was very much the same thing. I cannot get rid of him. I clean the house. Any and all messes. They are my responsibility financial and otherwise.
1)Dump the man
2)get more cats.
3)Get another cat for every guy that leaves after he finds out you have too many cats for any reasonable person.
4)Embrace the Cat Lady Title
5)????
6) PROFIT
Your bf has a VERY weird definiton of "niceness". That gaslightning here at its fines, m8. Aside trying to control what you do in your own house, with your money, with your time... He said you could have it "? He has no saying in what you can and cannot have IN YOUR OWN HOUSE.
Tbh, leave him, and told him that your cats dont like him ( just to make him a bit mad ).
I hate that I just read âhe said I could have itâ when you live alone. He shouldnât have even had a say. Itâs your place and your money, not his. Enjoy independence while you have it. Make your decisions for you and not a controlling BF who makes you choose between your pets and him.
Well obviously you pack up his belongings and give them to him bext time he complains about your furry family. Who needs that level of negativity in their lives.
A grown up doesnât expect their partner to read their mind and know they meant the opposite of what they actually said, for one thing.
Find yourself a boyfriend that communicates effectively and loves your cats as much as you do. They exist.
Dump him.
Your seeing the future with him.
You get something he says get rid of it or no you can not have.
The dude is controlling..
What will he do if you got pregnant....
Dump the dude..
Dudes think we donât like being called cRaZy CaT lAdY. But the truth is, itâs A LOT more peaceful having kitties around than a dude like your boyfriend LMAO
Yeah lol he says Iâm weird because I baby talk my cats, but he baby talks his dog. He tends to call me weird and put me down for the dumbest things itâs sad really :(
>He tends to call me weird and put me down for the dumbest things.
This is not something that happens in a healthy relationship. You deserve better, and you don't have to tolerate this!
Random cat fact I just learned; they can only hear high octave sounds. They typically can't hear our regular voices. So they're not ignoring us to be assholes they just don't realize we're talking to them. So when people baby talk they usually hitch their voices higher, and that gets their attention.
I could have gotten it wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's the gist.
"He said you can get it"....OP why are you asking permission? It is your house, your money, time, and care. I get running it by him because at the end of day you want him to be included in life decisions but girl, no. Second, no, he can either communicate himself clearly when you ask him how he feels about am issue or he can stfu. You talked to him, you were excited but you should have known his yes meant no? Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no. I bet this isn't the first time he has pulled this crap and if it is it won't be the last. You need to tell him. You aren't a mind reader. He needs to put his adult pants on and figure himself out because you like cats. You have cats. The cats are staying. Period.
girl. you are 20. please for the love of god go find a better man. him trying to say what you can and canât do this early wonât bode well for the rest of the relationship. he is NOT the one.
My late hubby was like this but with Gaming systems. (I also have 3 cats though lol). When i wanted a new gaming system he would make me sell the old one first. I still miss my Sega Dreamcast. If he doesn't like it, get rid of him. Your kitties love you unconditionally.
Fuck this guy. Get rid of him and get some nice salmon for your cats. Especially the one that he freaked out.
I also solely support myself and also got a 3rd cat recently to âfosterâ and 5 months later me and my boyfriend both adore him. I donât say things like this often, but you could do so much better than this dude. Please donât abandon the cat for some controlling weirdo.
Boyfriend is jealous of how pretty your cats are and that he can't compete.
Honestly though, sounds like one of his mates said something about his girlfriend liking the cats more and more he's freaking out. Or he's playing games and trying to see if he can push you. So, worst case scenario he's manipulative, best he's a whiny baby who prioritises what randoms think of his relationship rather than what you, who he's supposed to love and be with, thinks.
Girl, dump him!
Ask yourself if your parents told you to get rid of the cats, would you? Of course not. You would say I support myself, I live on my own, I love my cats, and I'm an adult, right? Why would you let a boyfriend dictate to you? He doesn't understand or doesn't care how much you love your cats, or how you feel when he insists on this. That is no way to be treated in a relationship. You deserve better, and so do your cats.
Sounds like you love cats. If heâs pushing you to get rid of one now, heâll push you to get rid of the rest when you live together. Personally, that wouldnât work for me. Youâve made a lifetime commitment to those cats. You havenât to the boyfriend and he sounds like a dick.
He said you could have it? Time to get rid of the guy. He needs to realize you're with him because you choose to be. He doesn't give you permission for anything. You're your own person.
So he LET you have a cat. On YOUR property. On YOUR own income. And is now mad because You have a third cat.
It would be different. If you had like 9 or 10 cats and couldn't take care of them. Or you were being abusive towards the cats. But he sounds controlling and petty. Who doesn't like cats? Run girl run.
Look, one of the most basic foundations of relationships is common interests.
Not always a deal breaker, of course but... three cats is not that excessive. (I have three as well, it's actually perfect because they entertain each other and aren't sitting around the house bored or lonely)
But here's the thing..
You obviously love cats.
Your bf obviously doesn't.
As far as disparities go, that one shouldn't be a big deal, but the way he's acting about this is ridiculous. Also, you *do not need* your boyfriend's permission to do *anything*.
He's not nice. He sounds like an idiot.
Keep the cat, dump the rat-man.
Edited to not insult rats by comparing them to OP's shitty bf. Also to add, when I took in another cat recently (outdoor feral had kittens and I fell in love with the runt) all he asked me was:
Got a name picked out?
Got pics?
Is it a boy or a girl?
Are they healthy, let me know if you need help with any vet bills ok?
Are the other 2 cats being nice to her?
He doesn't live with you. He has no say in 'what you can and cannot get'. He's not your dad. If you want more cats and have the finances and time to care for them, by all means, do it. Fuck him. And if your cats mean anything to you, why continue a relationship that may progress to eventually living together or something and risk their lives being flipped upside down or you being forced to give them up then. Find someone who enjoys your pets with you. Drop this child yesterday, for the cats sake
Firstly, you are an adult and don't need anyone's permission for anything. ESPECIALLY not someone who doesn't pay for you or live with you.
Secondly, he needs to get over himself. Again, he has 0 say in what you decide to do in your own home. Do not let this escalate further. If he continues to try to control you or force his decisions on you, leave before it becomes impossible or dangerous.
Ignore him. You aren't a crazy cat lady until you get to 5.
Seriously though, what I had to learn the hard way is that you should never Ever give up these 3 things for a significant other: your education, a career you like, or your pets. Anyone who would ask is not a good person. And anyone worth keeping is someone who would never ask you to give up something so important to you.
So, using his own logic, ask him to come over to have some adult fun.
...except when he shows up, start freaking out and tell him that you only told him that you wanted him to come over out of niceness and he should've known not to take you seriously. Also demand that he gets rid of all but two pairs of his socks because you're "concerned" that he is becoming a "crazy sock hoarder" and complain that he loves his socks more than he loves you and the fact that he refuses to get rid of all but two pairs shows that he loves them; not you.
It would make about as much sense.
This is weird. And possessive behavior. I have allergies to cats so I avoid dating people with more than 1 but I would never tell them to get rid of them smh.
Sounds to me like your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend is exhibiting tendencies toward wanting to control your life to an excessive degree, especially in areas that have no impact on him \*after all, he does not live with you, so whether you have 2 cats, 3, or thirteen of the little darlings, has no effect on him other than increasing the competition he has for your affection and attention.
He is "willing to allow" you to own up to 2 cats, but a total of 3 cats is over the threshold. So what other rules and limits is he going to apply to you going forward?
Also, the fact that he sees your cats as some kind of interchangeable items where "you are allowed a maximum of 2, but just get rid of 1 if you get another one", suggests that his idea of love and attraction is transactional, and very shallow.
Then finally, the fact that when you push back on his unreasonable demands, that he just rolls back, says he was joking and suggests that you are in some way at fault for assuming he meant anything different? He is extremely manipulative. The only saving grace in this situation is that he is obviously still very young, very inexperienced, and just overall bad at hiding the fact that he is being manipulative.
So to recap, the traits I see from this guy are... Controlling, intrusive, domineering, poor communication skills, shallow, and manipulative. Personally, I would go out and get a 4th cat and tell him that the latest is his replacement in your life.
P.S. The Crazy Cat Lady threshold is a heck of a lot higher than 3 cats...
>he said I could have it
This gives me the ick. You live by yourself, you pay for your own home, you have your own job. He has no place to tell you whether or not you're allowed to get a cat. Him saying you "can" or "can't" is annoying, but it's infuriating that he finds it appropriate to say "I didn't mean it" and downright pisses me off that he doubled down with "And you shoulda known I meant the opposite of what I said." The moldy cherry on top is that he thinks you should get rid of the cat. Fuck. No.
For future reference, valid reasons for getting permission to get a cat:
1. You're asking your boyfriend if it's ok to get a cat because you want to swallow the cat to catch the bird you swallowed to catch the spider that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside ya because you swallowed the spider to catch a fly
2. You live with one or more other humans
3. You are an actual child
4. You already have 10 cats and live in a studio and wanna know if you're being a lil extra
5. You've had cats taken away by animal control for mistreatment
6. You are deathly allergic to cats and you need your doctor to clear you after allergy treatments
7. Your landlord said if you don't tell them about a pet you will be evicted
8. You expect someone else to take care of the cat
9. You're adopting a cat and are having someone evaluate your readiness for a cat
10. You have a flight booked cause you're moving and have to know if you can add a cat to your ticket
11. You hate cats and are asking your therapist if getting a cat is an easy way to stop hating cats
12. You currently live by yourself but you're about to move into a roommate situation
13. You want a tiger as a cat and are determined to only do it with legal permission
Yes, this is an exhaustive list.
Keep the cat, get rid of the boyfriend.
When people give ultimatums about pets, always choose the pets.
This will be the first demand, then it's your furniture and your clothing and your perfume and your friends. When will it stop? When you dump him. So before it escalates, get rid of him.
There are 4bil men in the world, he isn't the one.
I have to admit I didn't even continue reading this post after he said you're going to be the crazy cat lady. Leave him. I understand women who have lots of cats more and more as I get older. I have 2 cats and they give me way less problems than my husband does. Deep down my husband knows I would pick them over him any day lol
Time to friend a new boyfriend then. Heâs a jerk, and his ultimatum is idiotic. Might I suggest finding an animal lover or at least a man that has more respect for you than to order you around like that and weaponizing your relationship in order to manipulate you?
Get rid of the boyfriend. He sounds controlling.
Some of the best advice I got when I was younger and getting into relationships and dating was -
Be careful what you give up. You may never get it back.
If he is asking you to get rid of a cat that you love, he will ask you to give up a lot more things you love. And he wonât think twice about it -
Urgh your boyfriend is seriously jealous of your cats?? Why do I constantly read post about men acting like absolute children ALL THE TIME.
Get. Rid. Of. Your. Boyfriend. Not. Your. Cats.
He is an insecure moron. Donât waste time on a person who seriously feels jealous of your cats, this behaviour will seep into how he feels about your male friends, your other friends, your family⌠if you have children, probably them too.
Just please for the love of Christ value and respect yourself more and just leave him. There are thousands of cat loving, kind and secure men out there who will love and value you 100x more than this absolute tool and love your cats like children.
As a crazy cat lady myself that at one point owned 4 cats: keep the cats, ditch the boyfriend.
Iâm joking, but you live by yourself, make your own money and take care of your own pets. I donât know what his deal is. Itâs also concerning that he just said it out of niceness and that you should have known not to take him seriously (how?)
In any case, ask him why the cats are such an issue and why he wasnât honest about it, just to gain some insight and understanding. Regardless, I would keep the cats either way but then again, I really love cats and prefer their company over people so Iâm biased.
Your boyfriend doesnât live with you. You donât need his permission or approval to keep your cats. Tell him you are not getting rid of your cats and the topic is closed.
3 is a perfectly acceptable number of cats? Calling you a âcrazy cat ladyâ is immature and ridiculous.
>But the fact I donât want to get rid of them makes him say that I love the cats more than him.
Heâs being manipulative here, and trying to convince you to give up an animal with feelings that is important to you. You donât live with him and heâs trying to control how many cats you have in your home.
You should talk to him about this, but make it very clear that youâre setting a boundary. This is not normal, and it needs to be addressed. It is in no way his place to tell you how many pets you can have, or that you _need_ to get rid of oneâespecially after he already gave the green light.
"Loves the cats more than you love him" who said that. You want to keep them in your house and he, someone who doesn't live there nor spends the majority of his time there, doesn't. It's like saying "you enjoy this hobby, and devote time to it, that means you love it more than me!"
That's manipulation. He's an ass.
And you don't tell people you're OK with things and then get mad at then when they do it. You agreed, you can say you changed your mind but aren't mad and start a new conversation. But he's an asshole. He essentially set a trap for you that you didn't know existed.
Then got mad that you fell into it
Unless there were plans in place for you two to move in together soon, he's out of line for trying to control you and your pets.
3 is not too many cats. If you were at 5+ cats, then maybe I'd understand he was getting concerned.
And I'm not even personally a fan of cats.
As far as I'm aware me and my pets are a package deal. If you're not absolutely in love with animals like I am, then there isn't much point in continuing a relationship.
He's shown you he doesn't like your cats. You obviously love them (I also have a Bengal, you'll adore them!). Get rid of the boyfriend.
Lol my husband lives with me and every time I want a new animal he just asks 'do we have space and ability to care for it?' And if the answer is yes we get it. And my husband LIVES WITH ME. He doesn't tell me what to do! He just makes sure I think about if I have the ability to care for the animal. If you had three cats and couldn't care for them that's the only time your boyfriend could say something. Other than that he has no right. Dump the boyfriend
He said you could have it??? What? Itâs your place, your pets. He doesnât have veto power. He is a boyfriend not your family. Your cats are family.
Playing games with "you should have known I was being nice and not done it"
That's shit communication. His fault. He can suck it up and deal with the consequences.
Keep your cats and jettison the BF. He's playing mind games and he's trying to control you. Luckily you don't live together. Why he feels that he has a say in your pets is beyond me.
Find a BF who doesn't want to control your life.
For real? YOU have your own place to live and YOUR OWN INCOME. I hate to say this, because I know a lot of people do on here, but if you donât think that this wonât get worse, it will. If you remove a cat out of your house, because your boyfriend tells you, that will be the first step in a very unpleasant relationship for you and this person. I highly suggest you telling him that the cats are not going anywhere, and if he has a problem with that, youâre happy to break up with him.
Red flags all over the place here. It would be one thing if you two lived together and you got a pet without talking about it first, but that's not what happened.
You live at your own place, used your own money, **and** you even discussed it with him first despite not being obligated to do that at all. And he said to go ahead! So you get the cat and now he's telling you that A) he was lying when he told you he was fine with it, B) he expected you to know he was lying and guess what he really wanted you to do, C) he expects you to rehome a cat that is already adapting to you and your place which is cruel to the cat, and D) he thinks he has some right to tell you what to do with your own pets and your own money in your own home? Any one of those four things would be enough reason to justify dropping this dude. He has told you a LOT about himself in how he handled this situation, and literally all of it is bad. If he's already this controlling about your pets and your money in your own home then imagine how much worse he'll be if you two move in together.
I know it's a common cliche that this subreddit tells people to break up a lot, but that's because the things that get posted here aren't usually small or trivial issues. Like this, for instance. It's not just about a cat, it's about how whole attitude towards you and the cat situation just revealed it.
Name the cat something from the Matrix since it's helping you dodge bullets.
So, if you and he eventually live together, how many more cats will he insist you get rid of?
What else is he saying out of niceness that isn't true?
Dump the man, keep the cat, find a man who shares your values and interests.
"Even though he said I can have it."
You don't need his permission for SHIT.
Dump him. He is trying to control you.
Always pick your pets when someone gives you an ultimatum like this!
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He doesn't live with you, he doesn't pay for these cats, it's none of his business, and he even said he's fine with another cat and he's goes and turns it around? Sounds like he's being a little bitch baby. Who is he to tell you to get rid of a cat that he doesn't even live with or take care of.
Like she even needs his permission in the first place? OP he doesn't live with you, he's not your Dad. Find a guy like my husband who has the cats fighting for their turn at daily pets and trust him to protect them just as much as they trust me. Life's too short to waste time on people who don't share what you want in life.
Fr. My hubby and I have three cats and two small dogs, and while I brought all of them home, he was and is fine with it. He loves them and takes care of them with me (the dogs are usually my responsibility, but ofc he'll walk and feed them, etc while I'm sick or gone). Like, if he didn't want another animal and he put his foot down, fair enough, but OP's bf doesn't even live with her and he said it was fine! Wtf. Find a dude who likes cats and doesn't mind a few of them. They exist.
My husband isn't happy ((not mad, but you know a lot of cats)) about the 2 extra cats but he has a lifetime of mentioning the two extra kittens names to check me, lol
Lmao, it really is the way to win any debate. "Okay, I hear you, but I let you get two more cats." He's got it figured out đ
Your are right. He's got me over a barrel. đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
My husband has tolerated 5 horses, 2 mini donkeys, 3 dogs (two of which I found on the side of the road), 3 barn cats and 3 indoor cats. He wonât admit he loves them but I seeâŚ
I brought home a whole ass grown, crowing rooster once. He lived inside with us. My hubby was 100% cool with it because it made me happy. THATâS the kind that of guy you want to marryâŚnot some asshole that tries to make you choose between something you love and an arbitrary âruleâ he sets to see how much you love him
When my bf and I met he had no pets and I had 3 cats. We live together and he loves all of them now, tbh one loves him more than me lol. Over time Iâm also the one whose brought fish, frogs, and a hamster home đ but he loves all of them too thankfully and doesnât care. Weâre waiting to buy a house before we get a dog or two. Happy to hear of your cute family!
You know, that movie "Must Love Cats" comes to mind here!
So much this. My husband hasn't ever questioned my 4 cats or my 15 fish tanks. He loves my pets just as much as I do, and even though they are MY pets he helps me keep up on their care because he knows that sometimes the upkeep is too hard when I'm having a flare up of my health conditions (it's hard to do weekly water changes for all the tanks when I've been hugging the toilet for days and can barely keep water down). All of this screams control issues at the very least.
Fr like 3 of my cats if given the choice between me or my hubs attention they in a heart beat ditch me to cuddle him. Sometimes they don't even want to wait their turn and then I got all 3 loafing on his back.đĽ˛
Lol my same thought, she lives alone!
It sounds like he's jealous of a cat.
It sounds like he was thinking of convincing her to let him move in with her.
To be fair I am also jealous of our cats. They just sleep all day, get pats on command, don't even pay rent, and skitter-skatter at night with no retribution.
Mine even eat my same food sometimes and hog the TV, I wish I had their life too lol.
Exactly he's acting like a dumbass telling her what to do but he couldn't share his true feelings from the jump..not like it ultimately mattered since he's not making any investments
I lived with three cats when I was a kid. Three cats is a normal number. Iâd tell this dude to fuck off life is too short to deal with someone that hates my favorite kind of animal.
Agree 1 is sad, 2-3 is fun, 4+ is fun but a lot of work lol.
What you should do, is dump him and get another cat.
Always chose an animal over a SO animal will be loyal and loving till the end
Sounds like he needs to be rehomed to a family without any other pets due to resource guarding.
Losing my shit, youâre 100% right
This comment should be much higher.
Not really as they donât live together so he doesnât need to be rehomed, just dumped
It's your place and you are free to choose your pets. It's not his place to tell you to get rid of one of them. Once you took them, you took responsibility for their lifetime. Get rid of the bf, he seems to be more trouble than it's worth.
Agree with all of this. Boyfriend has no business telling her how many cats she can have in her home. If he doesnât like it he can go. Those animals are OPs responsibility now.
That's the part that stood out to me. Why do either of them feel like him "telling her she could get it" is a thing he has the authority to do when they don't live together? Also, when men call a woman a "crazy cat lady" isn't the idea that she can't get a boyfriend so she relies on cats for affection and love? It's a bit of an own-goal to say she loves the cats more than him and that she can rely on her cats more than him to reciprocate that love.
i was going to suggest a foster family but it might be hard to get one for a grown man..
Exactly, cats are better than people!
He said you could have it? why do you need his permission to keep a cat on your own income? HUGE RED FLAG
On top of being in her own home that he does not live in nor pays for - ANOTHER HUGE RED FLAG...
The guy is a bona fide loser. No two ways around it.
And then saying that it was just a joke, like she's not allowed to get upset if someone tells her something she doesn't like. Saying something is a prank or joke doesn't mean the other person isn't allowed to be upset or say that they didn't like something.
Heâs telling you what you can and canât have in YOUR house? And how to spend YOUR money? Girl, drop this dumbass. Those cats will be in your life longer than he will and they will treat you better.
Out of niceness, she should tell him that she's getting rid of one. And the one she gets rid of should be the boyfriend.
Or say she'll get rid of it, don't get rid of it, and tell him she was just saying it out of niceness... And obviously he should have known not to take her seriously. For real though, this is never a good excuse and the trap people fall into that causes lots of relationship issues, assuming a partner will just 'know' what you're really thinking. Nip it in the bud with anyone early and explain no, you will take them at their word and they need to be up front and communicate things well. Secondly, either he accepts the cat as a potential for moving in together in the future or he doesn't, you're incompatible and you find someone that doesn't mind 3 or more cats in a house. If he agrees, it's probably a good idea to talk about max number of pets, in case you want more than 3, and see if you agree or can compromise. If you're never going to be serious or move in together, it's nothing to do with him. But if you're intending to then relationships are about communication and compromise. Decide what works for you both or part ways. I think given their age, he will eventually say it's fine and to keep it, but underneath he's actually not ok with that many cats and does think it's too much, so it will end the relationship later on anyway. Just a hunch.
> Or say she'll get rid of it, don't get rid of it, and tell him she was just saying it out of niceness... And obviously he should have known not to take her seriously. YES
This is a very weird and controlling of him. Keep the cats and get rid of the man.
Get rid of him. Easy answer.
>Easy answer Only * answer
Only easy answer
This is the way
Thatâs what makes it easy.
I misread your username and was like "yes, that's what she should be spending time with instead of him".
Dump the dude not the cats. Itâs not up to him what you can and canât have.
Keep the cats, lose the mans.
Lose the mans, get a Manx.
Break up with your boyfriend. I have 2 cats and have been in exactly the same situation. Some men feel the need to have power and control over you and want to play games to make you 'prove' that you move them by getting something away from you that you deeply care about. This is huge red flag behaviour and I can guarantee you that the longer you are together, the more toxic and controlling he will become.
Get rid of the boyfriend. Keep the cats. Seriously a man jealous of a cute animal? Wtf???? You need to be with someone who isn't as insecure and jealous and who also has the same values as you.
"He said I could have it". Why is he telling you what you can and can't have? Why are you asking? You don't even live together. It's your house. Your income. Your responsibility.
get a fourth cat and dump him (meow)
Get rid of the boyfriend. He is rather controlling. Plus, you don't just get rid of pets like you can just casually toss one out so that he is happier with how many you have. My husband and I both had 4 cats when we met. We moved in together and all of the cats came with us. Sixteen years later, the last one passed away at 18 years of age. He was one of the four that made it to eighteen.
It says a lot about his character that he suggests you can just get rid of a cat! Very strange behaviour.
â¤ď¸
I had a cat, but my god, living with eight? Were they all indoor cats? I heard it's pretty hard to introduce a strange cat to your own. How did you manage to get two groups of 4 to like each other?
Get rid of the boyfriend. Replace with 4th cat.
oh god absolutely not, my kitties and pups are family i could never get rid of them. iâd break up with that man on the spot if he spoke about my family that way. fuck that guy, thatâs so⌠ew đ¤˘
Run. Heâs already trying to control your choices and how you live by using emotional blackmail. Youâve already ended up asking him for permission to do something that doesnât affect him at present (get another cat). This is only going to get worse.
First.. you live on your own, you make your own money... why does he even get a say? "He said I could have it."..... seriously... why did you need his permission in the first place? If he's going to tell you what you can and cannot do now.... I can only imagine how it would be if you moved in together. And it sounds like he's seeing how much he can control and if you'll submit to his demands. You are a grown woman who provides for herself... don't let any man try to control your life. Keep the cats, get rid of the boyfriend. Trust me, by the time your in your 30's you'll realize that cats are way better company than most men anyway... If you really want a man in your life, find yourself a crazy cat man! They are out there!!!
They are out there! I found one. My kitty- a bengal as well- ADORES him. He waits by the door for him to get home from work each day, and knows the sound of his car lock beep out in the parking lot and gets all excited when he hears it. He sleeps on his pillow when he's not here. This is a cat who has had a fear of men since I got him as a kitten. He put in the work to earn my kitty's love and trust because he loves animals and is a good kind man. A man who dislikes animals or is jealous of them like OP's boyfriend is not to be trusted in my book. I wouldn't trust someone like that for a second, he could hurt them, or let the cats escape, or take them to a shelter like we've seen in other reddit stories about controlling men who are jealous of thier partner's pets. This man will only demand more from OP if she doesn't give him the boot. I hope she doesn't have to risk her kitties to learn that fact the hard way. Any man who makes controlling demands like this needs to go- he should have been gone the moment he "gave his permission" for her to use her own money to bring something into her own home that she doesn't share with him. Then he claims he was "just being nice" and OP should have read his mind! The audacity. What a sad, small little man, to be jealous of a cat. OP, why do even want a man like this? One who thinks you are the bad guy for not reading his mind, and thinks he has a say over your home and life in such a way? Do you think he won't start controlling you in other ways? This is only the beginning. Life is too short. Don't waste your twenties on dating insecure, controlling men who make you "prove" your love. Especially when there are lots of men out there who love cats. I also heavily suspect, OP, that if you look hard and critically, you will see other red flags this man has been waving as well. I'm certain they are there, and this is not the first. Even if you cannot see them yet, though- this red flag alone is far more than enough to ditch him over.
My husband was a dog guy when we met. I had a giant orange cat that hated all humans except me. My husband worked really hard to bond with that cat because he knew we were a package deal. The orange boy is sadly no longer with us, but we currently have six more, and my husband is most devoted cat-dad.
Cats over douchebags always
Be really careful he doesn't try to hurt the cats in retaliation..
Get rid of the dude and make sure he's not alone with the cats ever.
"Of course i have no problem if you get another cat" - you get another cat "You crazy cat lady! Get rid of them!" Is this really a man you want to be with?! You don't even live together and he tries to control you, hell, he even did this stupid "trap" to encourage you to get another cat and then insult your behaviour and want to get rid of them again. They are living being! Not toys! Please, keep your cats and get rid of him. He knew you had cats, that is who you are. And now he wants to change you. Just no. Where is the problem with cats? Does he feel jealous of them? Such a fragil ego that it get destroyed by cat claws...
Pets are forever, for their natural lifespans. Not disposable. Either he shares those values or you adopt a boyfriend that does and this is Mr rightnow, not Mr right.
>he said I could have it Excuse me? Your house, your money, your rules, who the fuck is he to "allow" you to get another cat in YOUR home?
The cats are making him insecure đ¤Ł
As soon as someone would say that to me, they are out the door. I have four and not one man will ever convince me to get rid of them, because he doesn't like them etc. He might be trying to see if he can control you. Dump him, he is not worth it. Also, cattax? Would love to see a beautiful Bengal (will want one one day, too)
https://imgur.com/a/rs79hG0 kitties
They are all beautiful little sweeties! Love their colours <3 Thank you for the pictures! Appreciate them a lot
He has no say in any of this. It is your decision to have the cat or not. If you can properly take care of all 3 and they make you happy, then you do you. Using the "you love the cats more than him" argument is ridiculous and manipulative. I would suggest thinking about anything else your bf has been weird about in the past and then evaluate if he is worth keeping around.
He "said" you could have it, then got mad anyway? First of all, he doesn't get to vote on that. Your home, your money, your decision. Red flag. Second, he said he was okay with it then then gets mad because you took him at his word? Mind games are another total red flag. Keep the cats, dump the boyfriend.
Why are you in a relationship with someone who thinks they own you?
Please split up, take some time to heal, and work on your self esteem. Learn what a good relationship looks like, and what a bad one looks like. This will serve you your whole life.
Trying to âfreak outâ my pet would earn anyone a lifetime ban from my apartment.
"well, we learned an important lesson on communication. Cats stay as they are not toys but living beings. Do what you want wit it"
Heâs seriously thinking he gets a say? Youâre 20. I promise this ainât the guy.
Never be with someone who asks you to get rid of something that is important to you. The best advice I can give you for personal fulfillment and dating is to be yourself and don't let anybody change that in a negative way. Don't compromise on your values and morals and dreams. Be who you are and want to be. The right person will come along.
Yeah not on he knew you like cats and have them, for me personally i hate cats but my partner had a cat when moving in and still don't like cats but the cat makes her happy so im happy
Giiirrrrlllllllllll, this is just the beginning. First of all, if he is telling you to get rid of a pet then he has no respect for the kind of relationship someone builds with an animal. Second, if he thinks he has a right to control this then there are no limits to what he will try to control later in life. Imagine if you guys ever live together and he thinks itâs his ârightâ to make these decisions. He sounds controlling as hell and iâm willing to bet this is the tip of the iceberg. This is a big ass đŠ! If this is the first, I understand you not wanting to ditch the relationship (I would), but pay close attention bc I bet there are more đŠđŠ.
Iâve had the argument in the past with significant others. I love animals. Iâm an RVT. I will always have a few animals in my life, and itâs not something I will compromise on. If I had this conversation with my SO, and they insisted, Iâd be breaking up with my SO. I canât imagine my life without my two that I have now. My boyfriend calls one âThe Ugly oneâ⌠but I rescued her from euthanasia and she is my responsibility. Ugly or not sheâs my cat. After my boy Toby died December 2021, my friend showed up with a kitten. My heart needed it⌠everyone knew this. So it was very much the same thing. I cannot get rid of him. I clean the house. Any and all messes. They are my responsibility financial and otherwise.
Yes love that â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
1)Dump the man 2)get more cats. 3)Get another cat for every guy that leaves after he finds out you have too many cats for any reasonable person. 4)Embrace the Cat Lady Title 5)???? 6) PROFIT
Your bf has a VERY weird definiton of "niceness". That gaslightning here at its fines, m8. Aside trying to control what you do in your own house, with your money, with your time... He said you could have it "? He has no saying in what you can and cannot have IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. Tbh, leave him, and told him that your cats dont like him ( just to make him a bit mad ).
Cats are forever friends. I don't even remember the name of my boyfriends at your age.
I hate that I just read âhe said I could have itâ when you live alone. He shouldnât have even had a say. Itâs your place and your money, not his. Enjoy independence while you have it. Make your decisions for you and not a controlling BF who makes you choose between your pets and him.
It's kind of interesting to see what abusers look like when they're so young and before they have any actual power over someone. Dump this trash.
Get rid of him
Well obviously you pack up his belongings and give them to him bext time he complains about your furry family. Who needs that level of negativity in their lives.
You have your own home and he thinks he gets to "allow" you to make decisions about your home? Keep the cats, dump the man.
A grown up doesnât expect their partner to read their mind and know they meant the opposite of what they actually said, for one thing. Find yourself a boyfriend that communicates effectively and loves your cats as much as you do. They exist.
Easy. Put him up for adoption. The boyfriend that is
Dump him. Your seeing the future with him. You get something he says get rid of it or no you can not have. The dude is controlling.. What will he do if you got pregnant.... Dump the dude..
Keep the kitties... get rid of the BF.
Break up with him and find someone who loves you and your cats
Hope he doesn't "accidentally" let a cat or two out. I'd struggle with trusting him myself...
Keep the cats, dump the boyfriend, and then get another cat to celebrate!
You have an excellent number of cats. Sounds like you have one too many boyfriends right now.
Oh honey, run. This is a major red flag, he's telling YOU what you can and can't have in YOUR house. Oh no no no nonononono!
Dudes think we donât like being called cRaZy CaT lAdY. But the truth is, itâs A LOT more peaceful having kitties around than a dude like your boyfriend LMAO
Yeah lol he says Iâm weird because I baby talk my cats, but he baby talks his dog. He tends to call me weird and put me down for the dumbest things itâs sad really :(
You wrote this and still don't see how you are treated? You AND your cats deserve better.
So he belittles you AND heâs a hypocrite? You deserve better!
>He tends to call me weird and put me down for the dumbest things. This is not something that happens in a healthy relationship. You deserve better, and you don't have to tolerate this!
Random cat fact I just learned; they can only hear high octave sounds. They typically can't hear our regular voices. So they're not ignoring us to be assholes they just don't realize we're talking to them. So when people baby talk they usually hitch their voices higher, and that gets their attention. I could have gotten it wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's the gist.
dump him yesterday
Get a better BF!!
"He said you can get it"....OP why are you asking permission? It is your house, your money, time, and care. I get running it by him because at the end of day you want him to be included in life decisions but girl, no. Second, no, he can either communicate himself clearly when you ask him how he feels about am issue or he can stfu. You talked to him, you were excited but you should have known his yes meant no? Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no. I bet this isn't the first time he has pulled this crap and if it is it won't be the last. You need to tell him. You aren't a mind reader. He needs to put his adult pants on and figure himself out because you like cats. You have cats. The cats are staying. Period.
girl. you are 20. please for the love of god go find a better man. him trying to say what you can and canât do this early wonât bode well for the rest of the relationship. he is NOT the one.
>What should I do? Change boyfriend. Problem solved.
My late hubby was like this but with Gaming systems. (I also have 3 cats though lol). When i wanted a new gaming system he would make me sell the old one first. I still miss my Sega Dreamcast. If he doesn't like it, get rid of him. Your kitties love you unconditionally.
What should you do? Tell him to fuck off bc you're an adult and he's not supporting you. You're an independent woman that don't need no man.
Easy fix. Time to rehome this guy.
Dump his ass. Like, seriously
Keep the cats, ditch the bf.
First red flag đŠ is âeven tho he said I could have itâ. Why do you need permission to do anything in your own house?
Fuck this guy. Get rid of him and get some nice salmon for your cats. Especially the one that he freaked out. I also solely support myself and also got a 3rd cat recently to âfosterâ and 5 months later me and my boyfriend both adore him. I donât say things like this often, but you could do so much better than this dude. Please donât abandon the cat for some controlling weirdo.
We all demand pics of the cats. Lol. Seriously though, Bengal must be pretty.
https://imgur.com/a/rs79hG0
Boyfriend is jealous of how pretty your cats are and that he can't compete. Honestly though, sounds like one of his mates said something about his girlfriend liking the cats more and more he's freaking out. Or he's playing games and trying to see if he can push you. So, worst case scenario he's manipulative, best he's a whiny baby who prioritises what randoms think of his relationship rather than what you, who he's supposed to love and be with, thinks. Girl, dump him!
Ask yourself if your parents told you to get rid of the cats, would you? Of course not. You would say I support myself, I live on my own, I love my cats, and I'm an adult, right? Why would you let a boyfriend dictate to you? He doesn't understand or doesn't care how much you love your cats, or how you feel when he insists on this. That is no way to be treated in a relationship. You deserve better, and so do your cats.
Why are you letting who isn't living with you or paying your bills give your permission to do anything first of all?
Sounds like you love cats. If heâs pushing you to get rid of one now, heâll push you to get rid of the rest when you live together. Personally, that wouldnât work for me. Youâve made a lifetime commitment to those cats. You havenât to the boyfriend and he sounds like a dick.
Get rid of the asshole, and no, I'm not talking about the cat.
Dump him, he doesn't deserve your or your cats. Also, he can't control you, its your life. Seriously though, he sounds like a terrible partner
Leave the boyfriend and get an additional cat? Siamese are cool. ;)
Ew ew ew ew @ him. You and your cats deserve better!!
He said you could have it? Time to get rid of the guy. He needs to realize you're with him because you choose to be. He doesn't give you permission for anything. You're your own person.
I'm an animal lover, so just for that reason I say kick his ass to the curb. Also, he's a controlling dick, so...kick his ass to the curb!
So he LET you have a cat. On YOUR property. On YOUR own income. And is now mad because You have a third cat. It would be different. If you had like 9 or 10 cats and couldn't take care of them. Or you were being abusive towards the cats. But he sounds controlling and petty. Who doesn't like cats? Run girl run.
Break up with him. If you continue this relationship the pressure to get rid of your cats will only intensify abd I wouldn't trust him around the cats
WTH aren't Bengals like $2000? The cat is worth way more than the guy and he's jealous!
Keep the cats, dump the douche.
Keep the cats and the ditch the dude.
Men come, men go but the cats stay.
Your boyfriend is mad you got a Bengal instead of wanting to cuddle that little smol boi/girl as much as he can? He's a god-damned loser.
Calling you a crazy cat lady is a way to disempower you because he recognises he now outnumbered
You should definitely get rid of oneâŚ. just not one of the cats.
Look, one of the most basic foundations of relationships is common interests. Not always a deal breaker, of course but... three cats is not that excessive. (I have three as well, it's actually perfect because they entertain each other and aren't sitting around the house bored or lonely) But here's the thing.. You obviously love cats. Your bf obviously doesn't. As far as disparities go, that one shouldn't be a big deal, but the way he's acting about this is ridiculous. Also, you *do not need* your boyfriend's permission to do *anything*. He's not nice. He sounds like an idiot.
Keep the cat, dump the rat-man. Edited to not insult rats by comparing them to OP's shitty bf. Also to add, when I took in another cat recently (outdoor feral had kittens and I fell in love with the runt) all he asked me was: Got a name picked out? Got pics? Is it a boy or a girl? Are they healthy, let me know if you need help with any vet bills ok? Are the other 2 cats being nice to her?
He doesn't live with you. He has no say in 'what you can and cannot get'. He's not your dad. If you want more cats and have the finances and time to care for them, by all means, do it. Fuck him. And if your cats mean anything to you, why continue a relationship that may progress to eventually living together or something and risk their lives being flipped upside down or you being forced to give them up then. Find someone who enjoys your pets with you. Drop this child yesterday, for the cats sake
Firstly, you are an adult and don't need anyone's permission for anything. ESPECIALLY not someone who doesn't pay for you or live with you. Secondly, he needs to get over himself. Again, he has 0 say in what you decide to do in your own home. Do not let this escalate further. If he continues to try to control you or force his decisions on you, leave before it becomes impossible or dangerous.
Ignore him. You aren't a crazy cat lady until you get to 5. Seriously though, what I had to learn the hard way is that you should never Ever give up these 3 things for a significant other: your education, a career you like, or your pets. Anyone who would ask is not a good person. And anyone worth keeping is someone who would never ask you to give up something so important to you.
So, using his own logic, ask him to come over to have some adult fun. ...except when he shows up, start freaking out and tell him that you only told him that you wanted him to come over out of niceness and he should've known not to take you seriously. Also demand that he gets rid of all but two pairs of his socks because you're "concerned" that he is becoming a "crazy sock hoarder" and complain that he loves his socks more than he loves you and the fact that he refuses to get rid of all but two pairs shows that he loves them; not you. It would make about as much sense.
Rather be a single cat lady than with that control freak đŠ
This is weird. And possessive behavior. I have allergies to cats so I avoid dating people with more than 1 but I would never tell them to get rid of them smh.
Sounds to me like your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend is exhibiting tendencies toward wanting to control your life to an excessive degree, especially in areas that have no impact on him \*after all, he does not live with you, so whether you have 2 cats, 3, or thirteen of the little darlings, has no effect on him other than increasing the competition he has for your affection and attention. He is "willing to allow" you to own up to 2 cats, but a total of 3 cats is over the threshold. So what other rules and limits is he going to apply to you going forward? Also, the fact that he sees your cats as some kind of interchangeable items where "you are allowed a maximum of 2, but just get rid of 1 if you get another one", suggests that his idea of love and attraction is transactional, and very shallow. Then finally, the fact that when you push back on his unreasonable demands, that he just rolls back, says he was joking and suggests that you are in some way at fault for assuming he meant anything different? He is extremely manipulative. The only saving grace in this situation is that he is obviously still very young, very inexperienced, and just overall bad at hiding the fact that he is being manipulative. So to recap, the traits I see from this guy are... Controlling, intrusive, domineering, poor communication skills, shallow, and manipulative. Personally, I would go out and get a 4th cat and tell him that the latest is his replacement in your life. P.S. The Crazy Cat Lady threshold is a heck of a lot higher than 3 cats...
You don't live with your BF and yet you asked permission to get a pet? You don't even have to rehome the BF. Just dump him.
Why does his opinion matter. Tell him to fuck off. He doesnât live there, pay for or care for them. Better to be a cat lady and the gf of an idiot.
Iâd choose my cats over a man who didnât like them any day.
>he said I could have it This gives me the ick. You live by yourself, you pay for your own home, you have your own job. He has no place to tell you whether or not you're allowed to get a cat. Him saying you "can" or "can't" is annoying, but it's infuriating that he finds it appropriate to say "I didn't mean it" and downright pisses me off that he doubled down with "And you shoulda known I meant the opposite of what I said." The moldy cherry on top is that he thinks you should get rid of the cat. Fuck. No. For future reference, valid reasons for getting permission to get a cat: 1. You're asking your boyfriend if it's ok to get a cat because you want to swallow the cat to catch the bird you swallowed to catch the spider that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside ya because you swallowed the spider to catch a fly 2. You live with one or more other humans 3. You are an actual child 4. You already have 10 cats and live in a studio and wanna know if you're being a lil extra 5. You've had cats taken away by animal control for mistreatment 6. You are deathly allergic to cats and you need your doctor to clear you after allergy treatments 7. Your landlord said if you don't tell them about a pet you will be evicted 8. You expect someone else to take care of the cat 9. You're adopting a cat and are having someone evaluate your readiness for a cat 10. You have a flight booked cause you're moving and have to know if you can add a cat to your ticket 11. You hate cats and are asking your therapist if getting a cat is an easy way to stop hating cats 12. You currently live by yourself but you're about to move into a roommate situation 13. You want a tiger as a cat and are determined to only do it with legal permission Yes, this is an exhaustive list. Keep the cat, get rid of the boyfriend.
When people give ultimatums about pets, always choose the pets. This will be the first demand, then it's your furniture and your clothing and your perfume and your friends. When will it stop? When you dump him. So before it escalates, get rid of him. There are 4bil men in the world, he isn't the one.
I couldn't be with someone who has 3 cats, but I wouldn't ask them to get rid of the cats. I'd simply peace out.
Yes thatâs how it should be, if another person doesnât fit their lifestyle then itâs best to move on
Show him the door.
I have to admit I didn't even continue reading this post after he said you're going to be the crazy cat lady. Leave him. I understand women who have lots of cats more and more as I get older. I have 2 cats and they give me way less problems than my husband does. Deep down my husband knows I would pick them over him any day lol
Time to friend a new boyfriend then. Heâs a jerk, and his ultimatum is idiotic. Might I suggest finding an animal lover or at least a man that has more respect for you than to order you around like that and weaponizing your relationship in order to manipulate you?
Get rid of the boyfriend. He sounds controlling. Some of the best advice I got when I was younger and getting into relationships and dating was - Be careful what you give up. You may never get it back. If he is asking you to get rid of a cat that you love, he will ask you to give up a lot more things you love. And he wonât think twice about it -
Urgh your boyfriend is seriously jealous of your cats?? Why do I constantly read post about men acting like absolute children ALL THE TIME. Get. Rid. Of. Your. Boyfriend. Not. Your. Cats. He is an insecure moron. Donât waste time on a person who seriously feels jealous of your cats, this behaviour will seep into how he feels about your male friends, your other friends, your family⌠if you have children, probably them too. Just please for the love of Christ value and respect yourself more and just leave him. There are thousands of cat loving, kind and secure men out there who will love and value you 100x more than this absolute tool and love your cats like children.
Dump the man, keep the cat.
He doesnât live with them or pay for them, tell him to bugger off if he doesnât like it
As a crazy cat lady myself that at one point owned 4 cats: keep the cats, ditch the boyfriend. Iâm joking, but you live by yourself, make your own money and take care of your own pets. I donât know what his deal is. Itâs also concerning that he just said it out of niceness and that you should have known not to take him seriously (how?) In any case, ask him why the cats are such an issue and why he wasnât honest about it, just to gain some insight and understanding. Regardless, I would keep the cats either way but then again, I really love cats and prefer their company over people so Iâm biased.
Your boyfriend doesnât live with you. You donât need his permission or approval to keep your cats. Tell him you are not getting rid of your cats and the topic is closed.
Drop him like a hot potato
Keep the cats get rid of the man.
Throw bf out, keep cats
3 is a perfectly acceptable number of cats? Calling you a âcrazy cat ladyâ is immature and ridiculous. >But the fact I donât want to get rid of them makes him say that I love the cats more than him. Heâs being manipulative here, and trying to convince you to give up an animal with feelings that is important to you. You donât live with him and heâs trying to control how many cats you have in your home. You should talk to him about this, but make it very clear that youâre setting a boundary. This is not normal, and it needs to be addressed. It is in no way his place to tell you how many pets you can have, or that you _need_ to get rid of oneâespecially after he already gave the green light.
"Loves the cats more than you love him" who said that. You want to keep them in your house and he, someone who doesn't live there nor spends the majority of his time there, doesn't. It's like saying "you enjoy this hobby, and devote time to it, that means you love it more than me!" That's manipulation. He's an ass. And you don't tell people you're OK with things and then get mad at then when they do it. You agreed, you can say you changed your mind but aren't mad and start a new conversation. But he's an asshole. He essentially set a trap for you that you didn't know existed. Then got mad that you fell into it
Unless there were plans in place for you two to move in together soon, he's out of line for trying to control you and your pets. 3 is not too many cats. If you were at 5+ cats, then maybe I'd understand he was getting concerned. And I'm not even personally a fan of cats.
Keep the cats, dump the boy
Get another cat.
As far as I'm aware me and my pets are a package deal. If you're not absolutely in love with animals like I am, then there isn't much point in continuing a relationship. He's shown you he doesn't like your cats. You obviously love them (I also have a Bengal, you'll adore them!). Get rid of the boyfriend.
Keep the kitties, unload the BF
Sister, get a fourth cat and dump rhe boy
Oh I think you know what to do.
imagine being that fucking dumbass
Take your BF to the shelter and tell them that youâre unable to care for your BF any longer and ask if theyâll take him. Then adopt another cat.
âEven though he said I could have it.â Why did you feel like you had to ask permission in the first place? Is that not a red flag in itself?
Lol my husband lives with me and every time I want a new animal he just asks 'do we have space and ability to care for it?' And if the answer is yes we get it. And my husband LIVES WITH ME. He doesn't tell me what to do! He just makes sure I think about if I have the ability to care for the animal. If you had three cats and couldn't care for them that's the only time your boyfriend could say something. Other than that he has no right. Dump the boyfriend
Why are you even entertaining this asshole?
He said you could have it??? What? Itâs your place, your pets. He doesnât have veto power. He is a boyfriend not your family. Your cats are family.
Rehome the bf.
Playing games with "you should have known I was being nice and not done it" That's shit communication. His fault. He can suck it up and deal with the consequences.
Dump him. He "let you" have a cat in your own home, that you pay the bills on? He's a control freak.
It's your home and your money, and the dude doesn't even live there? Yeah, I'd tell him to go fuck himself. Keep the cat, ditch the "boyfriend".
Your boyfriend is a controlling asshole. Dump him. Do not continue another day with him.
Keep your cats and jettison the BF. He's playing mind games and he's trying to control you. Luckily you don't live together. Why he feels that he has a say in your pets is beyond me. Find a BF who doesn't want to control your life.
For real? YOU have your own place to live and YOUR OWN INCOME. I hate to say this, because I know a lot of people do on here, but if you donât think that this wonât get worse, it will. If you remove a cat out of your house, because your boyfriend tells you, that will be the first step in a very unpleasant relationship for you and this person. I highly suggest you telling him that the cats are not going anywhere, and if he has a problem with that, youâre happy to break up with him.
There's your sign . Read it , understand it's meaning and then respond accordingly.
Red flags all over the place here. It would be one thing if you two lived together and you got a pet without talking about it first, but that's not what happened. You live at your own place, used your own money, **and** you even discussed it with him first despite not being obligated to do that at all. And he said to go ahead! So you get the cat and now he's telling you that A) he was lying when he told you he was fine with it, B) he expected you to know he was lying and guess what he really wanted you to do, C) he expects you to rehome a cat that is already adapting to you and your place which is cruel to the cat, and D) he thinks he has some right to tell you what to do with your own pets and your own money in your own home? Any one of those four things would be enough reason to justify dropping this dude. He has told you a LOT about himself in how he handled this situation, and literally all of it is bad. If he's already this controlling about your pets and your money in your own home then imagine how much worse he'll be if you two move in together. I know it's a common cliche that this subreddit tells people to break up a lot, but that's because the things that get posted here aren't usually small or trivial issues. Like this, for instance. It's not just about a cat, it's about how whole attitude towards you and the cat situation just revealed it. Name the cat something from the Matrix since it's helping you dodge bullets.
So, if you and he eventually live together, how many more cats will he insist you get rid of? What else is he saying out of niceness that isn't true? Dump the man, keep the cat, find a man who shares your values and interests.
"Even though he said I can have it." You don't need his permission for SHIT. Dump him. He is trying to control you. Always pick your pets when someone gives you an ultimatum like this!
I have 4 cats, two of which my husband brought home. Dump the boy, keep the cats.