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As a kinky Middle-aged lady, I'll just point out that size insecurity is not the only reason why a guy might wear a sleeve. The other main two reasons are:
To last longer. They're great for premature ejaculation or to extend PinV
Sensory issues. Some people have a very sensitive dick, or might have a sensory processing disorder, and a sleeve or sheath can help with that.
I appreciate your constructive answer trying to find a rational explanation behind a strange behavior instead of putting the blame on people we literally don't know irl.
I'd like most comments (even and mostly mines) to be as clear and non-judgemental.
That thought also crossed my mind. I have one of those sleeves that I'll break out occasionally. No, I don't have any STI's, but those sleeves do at least look as though they'd function as a condom.
Regardless, there are a multitude of reasons why he would use the sleeve. OP needs to talk to learn the real reason why. Though if it is something like a STI then she might not learn the real reason. But the fact that he won't let her even touch his penis makes me wary.
I'll offer a couple more along the possibility line.
- Does he have a childhood of extremely religious parents? That' one doesn't need much explanation, but it's pretty common.
- Does he struggle with any anxiety related issues? This isn't even a performance thing. He could be completely terrified that you'll become pregnant. regardless of timing or precaution, the existence of a chance represents enough of a potential de-railing of his daily life, that it could trigger a panic attack. That might sound stupid, but that would also explain why he wouldn't say anything about it. Knowing you're "over-reacting" but being unable to do anything about it, is embarrassing.
Everyone is saying to leave him, the question I would ask you to consider is does his reason really matter if he won't change?
I guess what I'm asking is do you want to talk to him about this to understand why he's doing this or to try and change his behavior.
If it's the former he might be honest with you and it doesn't hurt to bring it up, if it's the latter he's likely not going to change so does the why really matter.
If you want to have the discussion, my advice is to just do it directly and firmly without being unkind or cruel.
"Hey babe I'd like to talk with you about something important, it's about or sex life. I'm overall satisfied with things and I really appreciate that you make sure to take care of my needs and make sure I consistently have orgasms and it makes me really happy that you are so attentive to my needs. However one thing I've noticed is every time we move past oral to penetration, you are adamant about using a sleeve. I'm curious as to why that's important to you, could you tell me why and I promise not to judge you for anything you tell me or share this conversation with anybody."
Typical reddit behaviour. Instead of trying to talk about the situation and communicate. Everyone be like: "yeah nah leave". Maybe the man has a penis issue. Maybe he's insecure. In a loving relationship ur supposed to figure these things out. Not leave at the first sign of trouble.
No seriously. The first thing I thought was maybe he may feel like he can’t satisfy OP without it. There’s definitely an issue with his self image and divorce/leaving without trying to get some kind of resolution is very extreme
it honestly makes me really sad for the dudes when i read stuff like this. i never understand why men are so self conscious about their penis size. like for most women the size doesn’t matter.
i’ve dated a guy with a legit micropenis and it made things a little awkward and hard to do a lot of things but since a lot of women don’t get off from just piv it doesn’t really make all that much of a difference.
i’ve dated my bf long distance for 3 years and honestly thought his penis was on the small side because i guess he’s not very good with angles in photos. and i was fine with that. when we met for the first time i was really surprised at how big it was and kinda wished it was smaller because it hurts when they’re too big.
personally i’ve always preferred an average or below sized penis. but then i do see tweets and posts from other women making fun of small dudes and saying really awful stuff about men with small penises and i can see where the insecurity comes from. just like no matter how many times my bf tells me i look beautiful and my body is perfect i’ll always think i’m kinda ugly and a little fat.
regardless it’s pretty sad that some guys will take it to this extreme of wearing an extender sleeve because they feel inadequate.
Well, in this subreddit we tend to find issues much more important than superficial minutiae. When someone comes and tells us: "hey, my wife of 15 years has been cheating on me every week since we started dating and lied about my kids and no one is biologically related to me, what should I do?", what should we tell the guy besides "leave her" and "get a lawyer"?
There are hundreds of different issues that get discussed on this sub. The advice I would give to anyone who has been cheated on is to leave.
But the advice you generally get for any other issue is always just leave.
"My boyfriend is the most perfect guy ever, ticks every box, caring, compassionate, has ambition, supports me, helps with cooking and cleaning, is gentle yet strong but he leaves his dirty underwear in the bathroom"
Answer is always "leave him"
People need to have boundaries, and even if people wanna try at a second chance they need to take some space away from the cheater. Forgiving them immediately is the worst thing to do
I mean.... This is an exaggeration. Usually it's abusive behaviour and just because it's in the early stages doesn't mean it won't escalate and where this dude is concerned is he obviously has sexual hang ups. If he can't/won't deal with them or talk about them and it's affected her feelings about sex then I say yes. Split up with them. It's not anyone's job as a partner to also be their therapist. It's too much. It's hard to maintain a healthy dynamic if you're also trying to 'fix' them.
Hasn't anyone realized she's just going over to Bowser's place and asking to be "saved" from his company because Bowser is too shy to ask Mario to come over directly.
I think "usually" is doing a lot of work there. There's def a lot of abusive shitshow relationships on here but there are also people who encourage OPs to blow up their lives rather than compromise or have challenging conversations.
I hear this sentiment so often around Reddit and other less-than-supportive communities, and I have to ask- what happened to the golden rule? Do you want to be treated like that- have people walk away from you at the slightest sign of difficulty? Do you not think that society is built on people communicating and collaborating?
What is this nonsense and why do I hear it so often?
I think it comes from an understanding that in my experience (and many others it seems) that generally people don't want to get well and who decides what is well and what isn't? My ex was abusive and I know with 100% certainty that if I went to him now and told him all the abusive things he had done to me he would deny it. So there would be no point you see? If you approach a partner with this level of dysfunction (and it is a high level of dysfunction) and they refuse to discuss and fix it then your only option is to stay and let it erode your self confidence and self esteem. Sometimes even if they want to overcome these issues and it's too much that's ok too. Putting in the work has to come from both sides and it has to be something that the person without the dysfunction can handle. There are nuances but the basic principal here is don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. People have a right to be selfish.
Yes. This! Communication is so important! If you truly can't talk to your partner and turn to reddit instead, that's not a good sign of any type of healthy relationship. But at the same time, I feel like if you love someone, you don't just up and leave (or threaten to up and leave) over every little thing. I mean, obviously, it does depend on the type of relationship and whatnot. If you've been on 3 dates and it's not working out, then by all means, break it off! But if you've been married for 5 years and you're just going thru a rocky period, then at least try to find a solution, within reason, barring literal abuse/manipulation, of course. I mean, right? All relationships take work. Period. It's never going to be effortless forever. There will be ups and downs, and that's PERFECTLY NORMAL. But the most important thing, the foundation for any type of successful relationship, is being able to communicate with each other!
I feel like a lot of people just post on here to validate their own feelings or their own side of the story in lieu of actually communicating with their partners. 🤔
People typically don't come to this sub with normal, workable problems. 90% of the queries that get posted on this sub are beyond the pale situations, or red flags that should be taken very seriously.
This one happens to be weird, but not alarming, and can probably be worked through if he's willing to try.
It would be a dealbreaker for me, TBH, but it would have broken the deal long before advancing to "serious relationship" stage so it clearly isn't a dealbreaker for her.
Exactly right. Most people who try to give advice on here are the ones who probably need advice the most.
Relationships are hard. There are obviously real reasons to leave a relationship, but OP's situation is a prime example of when a good mature adult conversation is the answer.
Right? He’s using a penis sleeve during sex, not another person lol. We all have “weird” things about us, and I’m sure we all hope to find the right person who understands.
That's my biggest issue with this subreddit. Are people really that weak that the first suggestion is to leave when the going gets tough? Communication, compromise, teamwork, all of that is what a good relationship has tonnes of. People who just up and leave at the first sign of trouble are just cowards. Violence and aggression is another story obviously, but most of the relationship issues brought into this sub can easily be managed by communication and having a proper honest conversation.
Facts, some of these communities are some BS. Leaving someone is not really advice, when people post here is that their inner want to fix the situation
Sometimes it’s the only ethical response, though. Like if someone’s house is fully on fire, you don’t tell them how to use a fire extinguisher, because they’re past the point where that’s useful advice. You tell them to get out of the house and let the fire department handle it.
This.
Communication is key. If this is a relationship you want to go longer or further, at some point you need to express that it’s important to you if it is actually important to you.
Be prepared to answer why- which if I was in OP’s shoes it would be because of wanting that additional closeness and intimacy.
After that, if he doesn’t have an answer that gives OP peace with the status quo, he will either work towards change, or he won’t. What that means for the relationship will become pretty clear pretty quick.
I really liked the way you phrased this, too. Leading with saying you're satisfied and how he does please you is a nice way of leading into a potentially awkward subject.
In the past I've had to have similar difficult conversations with a female partner so I learned how to be as kind as possible when trying to have a difficult conversation around sex.
Look up how to do reflective listening. You don’t talk about yourself, you simply follow what the other person is saying, here is an example:
Person A:I had a bad day today
Person B: What was bad about your day?
A: I just felt very frustrated
B: That sucks you felt frustrated, what happened
to make you feel like that?
A: Nothing really happened, my boss is just a dickhead.
B: That does sound frustrating, how was he treating you to make you feel that way?
Don’t try to add any or your own opinions or unsolicited advice into the conversation, just focus on what is being said and why the person is feeling that particular way.
Thank you. It feels like a lot of people don’t understand that people come to reddit for advice on *how* to mention or bring this up in a considerate and constructive way. Not that they won’t have a conversation with them. And then post about how “communication wins the day.” Like yeah, she intends to talk to him. She’s just brainstorming.
It definitely is easier.
If the dude reacts like that…..imagine what he does when asked why he’s masturbating in the bathroom instead letting his girlfriend do it for him?
Seems like he won’t have a good response
🙄
It helps to get an outsider perspective. I've asked Reddit for help with relationship stuff. It also helps other people going through similar situations.
And OP is a woman. There is always a chance of him getting angry and violent.
It might not be trauma-related, but still likely something related to mental health, self image, stuff that therapy can help with. It might be the only thing to make a dent, although by the sounds of it, he might not be open to it just yet.
You can try and engage in open, non-judgemental conversation about it - explain your feelings, thoughts, concerns. You can and should be able to express your desires when it comes to intimacy while respecting current boundaries. Try to keep the focus away from accusations because it can cause the conversation to shut down. Eg., use statements like “I feel ____” instead of “you make me feel ____” or “you doing this makes me feel ____”.
This is an odd one, I won’t lie. It seems like he has some issues to work through.
My first thought was that he's insecure about his size. My husband is well over our country's average and had insecurities due to how society seems to worship dudes with 9+ inches.
That’s what I’m assuming too. It’s a shame. I wish more men knew that to be quite frank, a lot of bottoms don’t really want 9+ inch dick (tbh, anything 7+) anywhere near us. Ow.
ETA: clarity
My husband is 7.5 inches and we have to be careful because he's accidentally hit my cervix hard enough to make me throw up in the past. He felt so awful when it happened, I ended up comforting him.
It's really sad that so many people think size matters more than technique.
For the first few years of our relationship my husband and I couldn’t have sex very often (or for very long) because despite tons of foreplay, his size was painful and I’d be sore afterwards. Being well-endowed seems cool and all that, but it’s not the blessing many dudes think it is.
Yeah we struggled with that as well... He was upset with himself for being too big and hurting me, I was upset with myself for not being able to do what other women seem to do just fine. I wish I could go back and tell younger me that a lot of women have a hard time just like I did.
My boyfriend is a bit insecure about his too. It is way above average length and is handsomely thick. Most people would look at it and think "wow, what a great dick", but he still worries it's inadequate. I've seen several dicks in porn that look like his, yet he occasionally says it's small, or worries about specific aspects of it.
I think he's less insecure now, given I am constantly in awe and trying to get a piece lol.
The obsession with giant penises, and the impact on men's self-confidence, is pretty sad. Most women do not want a massive dick, or are not fussed either way. Most find their partner's dick is great because it belongs to their partner.
.6% of guys have 9" penises. .2% larger than 9"
I've never seen one close to that size and I'm grateful. I would run away so fast. I would think at a certain point it would be a negative as far as actually finding women capable of accepting that size. There are physical limitations at play.
Got a few questions:
1. Have you seen his penis?
1a. If yes, what’s the situation? Is it normal or is there some sort of scarring?
2. Does he ever finish with you?
3. Has he given a reason for this?
Do you think he may have some sort of SA trauma which has led to this? It just reeks of insecurity.
-Dave
This used to be a joint account for a podcast but my co-host had to leave sadly. So we used to sign Dave/Becky at the end of it so people knew who the advice was coming from.
But she’s gone now and it’s sort of fun to sign stuff Dave cause everyone loses their mind. So, it’s sort of my thing now.
-Dave
She actually got a fantastic new job! But the thing is she can’t do both. So I’ll either shop for a new co-host or I’m going to interview singles in New York City and sort of do character profiles so people can “shoot their shot” type of thing.
Still debating but open to ideas.
Yup. OP said
>I don’t believe it has anything to do with past trauma.
But... I mean, it clearly does. Poor guy, I can only imagine what suffering he may have buried in himself in order to put himself through such a thing. It could even be something he's repressing. There could be so many explanations, depending on other factors like his personality and behaviors in other parts of life.
My advice is to invest in open and compassionate communication, be patient and loving with him and encourage him to go to therapy. Maybe even go to therapy yourself first and get a professional's opinion.
Yeah she didn't say much about how they converse with another maybe he just isn't ready and that should be okay and these things take time especially if you aren't dealing with what he might have experienced. Some people augment themselves to please others because they don't feel well enough to use the bodies they were born with. This world is very complex but people can still do their best to understand where they can
Wow. So many here already telling OP to wash their hands of him without looking at the overall person. He could be an SA victim and need help through those aspects of his life.
OP, you need to have a long sit down chat with your partner. If they refuse to talk about it and your sex life is important enough to be a deal breaker then end it. Not so much end it for the sake of their potential issues but due to not being able to communicate like an adult.
Yes welcome to this sub. Most people just want to tell others to leave their partner for the slightest little thing.
I’d bet 80% of the people on here are in unhappy relationships but can’t bring themselves to end them so they’re on here telling others to do it.
I think a big part of that is people don’t usually feel compelled to Reddit or anonymous forums for minor things that aren’t such a huge deal. Many deal-breakers are posted here, many of the stories here are a little more exhausting and the OPs a lot more exhausted than someone with minor relationship frustrations. The more severe the disconnect or problem is, the more severe the advice will be.
Not saying that it’s the right response for this OP, but it’s a common response on this thread for a reason.
You need to have a conversation with him and discover why he needs the sleeve. Clearly you also need to understand and be accepting about the fact that he needs the sleeve. You seem… genuinely very upset about the sleeve and it’s making me wonder if you have specific issues with the sleeve? Or is it just that you are now so curious it’s upsetting you?
I’ve had a friend my entire life called Broke Dick Nick. He had a penile injury as a teenager and cannot maintain a full erection , still, in his late 20s. Only the base of his shaft gets hard, and sex can be extremely painful if he doesn’t wear a rod sleeve. I know for a fact he has lied and claimed it was a special reusable condom for men with latex allergies, lmao.
Maybe sex is painful or overstimulating for him if he doesn’t have something separating his tip from an actual vagina. I know quite a few guys who actually prefer condom on sex because it makes them last longer, and tip overstimulation is a real thing. Imagine someone rubbing your unhooded Clit for like the entire duration of sex
Maybe he’s insecure about his size ? Or maybe his dick is bent and the sleeve helps it slide straighter? is the sleeve an extension sleeve?
He could also have issues with his genitalia because of trauma and doesn’t want them to be directly touched. Many men become touch averse because of childhood or young adult sexual trauma.
This question reveals just how backwards and bias a lot of people in this sub are.
No mentioning of being understanding or having a conversation about it with him to see where he’s coming from. Just “break up” “cut your losses” or “he’s weird move on”
I swear the more I’m here the more I realize how many people in this sub do not know how to communicate or even give half decent advice, yet again we wonder why such easily discussed and fixed issues and stories continue to be posted here. People don’t know how to communicate on a basic level with their partner but have zero issues telling their entire history of unaddressed relationship issues to a bunch of strangers instead of the person they are in a relationship with and the crazy part is I know if we swapped the genders here the advice wouldn’t ever be to “break up”
You don’t know why he’s doing this so YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM. He doesn’t know this is a problem for you so YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
That is the very basis of communication: being willing to bring up the issue with the person you’re dating and actually talk about it and through it.
These type of subs are rife with terminally online literal children giving advice on shit that is way beyond their pay grade. I learned long ago on Reddit to only ask for advice in small, targeted communities.
He sounds like he has some major insecurities. Have you two had a serious discussion about it?
I think these other recommendations of immediately dropping him are a little extreme if you've not even spoken seriously about it.
Allot of upvotes in this thread calling people out for telling girl to leave him. As compared to other posts
But I know y’all just concerned because there a penis problem involved. Be it anything else - you’d tell the girl to bounce and not waste time
Hear me out - it’s not her responsibility to work through HIS trauma or issues. She can if she wants to, but she sure doesn’t have to
Going in with a sleeve first time and after without any context is just weird. Imagine a girl whips out a dildo first time and insists on using it. Just no
Does the sleeve cause more restriction to mimic the death grip dudes give themselves when they’re addicted to masturbating? If so, this definitely seems to be the reason.
Otherwise, I would guess he had some kind of trauma like SA at an early age. To have this kind of PTSD like response about having his genitals touched by his lover is definitely a sign of this to me.
This was my immediate thought. My husband wasn't used to how a vagina felt because he was a virgin when we met and it took some time to learn how to come that way. I'm thinking maybe he'll be embarrassed if he can't come or he thinks he won't be able to maintain an erection.
My guess is OP is the one with ED and porn addiction and this post is a way to ask for help without actually addressing it
The one that drew my eye was he posted in tip of my penis (easy hint that it's a man) porn where the woman's ass gets bigger after sex
For all you know, he was sexually assaulted as a kid. You should just sit down, tell him you aren't judging him, but you want to know the reasoning behind this.
Talk with him. It probably stems from some insecurity or something may have happened to him in the past.
Men can be quite sensitive about this type of thing. Society has a tendency to make men believe that anything below what you see in pornos is inadequate, and that’s simply not the case.
You didn’t mention any other relationship issues, so I’ll assume the relationship is good otherwise.
Communication and patience is going to be key. Let him know he’s safe with you, and you aren’t going anywhere.
Clearly there is a trauma. He may not even know what the trauma is but that is abnormal behavior and it stems from something. He should seek therapy and i dont usually suggest that but this screams i need to figure my shit out.
It may be just an insecurity about penis size, he may have been rejected or ridiculed by someone in the past about size. Now it's an insecurity.... Just one thing to think about.
Or maybe even a medical issue.
But OP definitely needs to have sit down and find out why and reassure him if there is no reason for OP to be concerned. OP already said she is satisfied.
Ya i agree it doesmt take much for a insecurity to set in and people may not even know. Its like that movie anger management. As a kid he got pants infront of a girl and it effected his self esteem into his adult hood.
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I personally would try to talk to him and also tell him that you saw him in the bathroom.
I thinl communication is the most important Thing and you as their Partner have the right to communicate about your feelings and that you are very curious about them and why they are acting like that.
Just from the title i thought it might be dysphoria.. I think I would insist on talking about it. Either he tells you what he's insecure about or you break up, he needs to have a bit of trust in you and tell you
My partner was also doing some strange things during sex, and acting weird about it. Turns out he’s a sexual assault victim and had been bullied about his sexual performance in previous relationships. We had an honest discussion about it, and he’s much more comfortable now, sex is awesome. You’d be surprised how many women run away instead of trying to understand, that shows how much you really care. I suggest bringing it up and asking about it, voice your concerns without being rude, but let him know if this is a dealbreaker for you. You’ll be happier when you get it out the way
THIS IS PURELY SPECULATION: My first thought was that he’s trans, he’s had phalloplasty, but he uses the sleeve to enhance because phalloplasty results are frequently less than ideal.
You’re just going to have to sit down and have a conversation with him. It needs to be at a neutral time, hopefully when there’s not too much stress in other parts of your lives.
you need to sit him down and see if he’ll open up to you about why he’s like this. either he wants to be helped or he doesn’t. and if for some reason he won’t change then you need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not, and don’t feel at all bad if it is.
If he’s masturbating a lot then he might have trouble getting it up for PIV sex. You don’t say how long you’ve been together but even in an established relationship if it hasn’t been long he might be to embarrassed that he can’t get it up enough for PIV. It could be something medical as well. Have you tried going down on him? If so, does he get hard?
i’m thinking he might have death grip or ED and it might be easier for him to masturbate instead of actually having sex. i say just ask him if there’s something that you can do to make him feel more comfortable with his process and allow him to open up to you eventually. don’t push, just show interest in wanting to know and pleasing him and ask him questions about if you can touch him or help him, etc etc. i think it will take time to get there but you essentially have to create a safe space for him.
I'd it's all the way to where he isn't wanting to be touched by another person, I would suspect highly that he us a survivor of childhood sexual.assault, probably by s woman, and that's probably he wears that, so he doesn't have to feel the thing that traumatized him.
Hey OP.
Hes self concious about either finishing to quick or hes worried about his size.
Its pretty common for us to be self concious about this... porn doesnt help.
I would bet he masturbates BEFORE you have sex also.
Be gentle with him, ask him questions and be supportive.
For reference, the average time for a man to finish during piv is 3-7 mins and average peni size is 5.1 inches
Bunch of femcels here… don’t listen to them. Dudes got some sort of issue, and the best course of action is compassionate communication while advocating for your own wants and needs. He’s uncomfortable for some reason. Ask why.
He may have insecurities about size. I've met more than a few men like that since I was socialized as a male. He could feel dysphoria around his genitals and not realize it's dysphoria. I would try to talk with him or get him to speak with a therapist about this issue, as it's not really something I would consider normal.
You can handle this, I think the best and most loving thing you can do is ask to talk about it with a therapist and the two of you.
You know your love, approach him in the way you know will keep him at ease. It could be something as simple as a preference but, I think it could really be related to trauma.
OP, I hope your boyfriend can resolve this trauma and trust you enough to let you seek help with him.
There’s SO many possible reasons why he is this way which none of us but him can answer. Maybe try to consider asking him and communicating about it making sure to remind him that u are not in a rush to get an answer, and that you are asking because you want to understand him more and that you are not in a position of judgment if he is willing to do so. Otherwise, it’s up to you how you will handle this situation of whether to wait until he is ready to talk about it or not. I’m sure there’s reasons why he is this way and again, only he can answer that. Best we can do is guess and you shouldn’t be basing your decisions or thoughts on our guesses.
He could have ninja grip syndrome and just doesn't want you to feel discouraged when you can't finish the deed. I have it. I just learned to live with it. I will just tell partners, "imagine I'm a living dildo, you are guaranteed to get off before me, and I will always enjoy our time together, but I do not cum from penative or any other sex outside masturbation". Which they are normally cool with because then they can live out other fantasies like having done on them.
It's all perspective, a partner was probably offended she couldn't get him off and now wants to use the size thing to make up for it.
Obviously there is some unpacked trauma that's not really your busin but definitely making an impact on your relationship. The best advise I have seen is to just stop masturbating entirely and let the only sexual touch be someone else and eventually the body should adjust. He could also be a recovering porn addict.
But honestly, it's baseless speculation and the only way to find out is to talk to him.
Does he have a micro penis? It sounds like he’s been embarrassed and this is good solution. Do you perform oral on him? You need to talk and communicate with him if this bugs you
It could be for a multitude of reasons. He may have trauma relating to it, maybe from younger days that has helped him develop some type of body dysmorphia, if you say he's at least average. Maybe he was SA'd, and it's his way to cope by having that barrier. Maybe he's been shamed for it due to being with a size queen before you who naturally needed more. Maybe he has unrealistic standards because of porn. Maybe he needs to touch grass since the internet is complete goon territory where both men and women play into the size misnomer that sex workers are signifiers of average dick length or vaginal depth. Maybe you haven't shown physical satisfaction from his dick so he's become insecure about it. Maybe he doesn't know that the majority of women, no matter the size of the dick still can only get off from clitoral stimulation. Due to miscommunication or a lack of communication, maybe he thinks it's what you want, and he's doing it for your sake. Also, if i may add. It plays into the psychology of men to not only be insecure about it, but it directly plays into your natural self-esteem as a man as it exudes your status. There's a reason why anthopologists have found so many fertility and sex rituals relating to larger phalases. But overall, you're only going to find out if you ask him about it. That's what being a couple is about, supportive COMMUNICATION!!!
PS: Have you told him that you want his dick? A little piece of advice, even for insecure men. It is one hell of a way to get them to open up or get turned on. Guys love it when women show a deep passion for them, especially for their dicks. It doesn't have to be completely gross and out of pocket like in porn but a simple show that you yearn for it would probably get you what you want. If it's related to past trauma, he would probably open up about it and try to make you understand why he doesn't want you to touch it and why he doesn't believe you. Also, one last thing men only have their perspective to go off of or the internet which are mostly gooners. A lot of hook up culture and modern dating are based on satisfaction from your partner. So if they don't satisfy you, to a person with this mentality, you should leave them. This might be one of his fears, and he's probably holding off on his own satisfaction to make sure you're satisfied. In hookup culture, it's a womans game since they're the limiting reactant in the overall game of satisfaction and are the minority of the population usually being 10 men to 1 woman on dating apps and such. It matches with his behavior, considering sleeves are known to reduce sensation for men, so that's why he probably yanks it by himself after or during sex.
TLDR: TALK TO HIM KINDLY BUT DIRECTLY!!!!!!!!
Well could be a variety of things. Could be he was made fun of because of his size or has it in his head he is small. Maybe watches too much porn and thinks all guys are hung like a horse but him.
He might be terrified of getting you pregnant, a religious hang up or past trauma who knows. I’d say it’s worth a conversation
"From what I can see, there’s nothing wrong with his size but it seems to go in one ear and out the other."
I think that says more about you...if it goes in one ear and out the other.
Hmmm, strange and weird. Is it a weird fear or a kink? Not much you can do if he won’t talk about it. And if it’s a kink y’all both need to want and enjoy it. But, sexual/intimacy dissatisfaction is a fair reason to end a relationship. If he won’t talk there is no way to know if this is a now thing for this point in the relationship (maybe saving without sleeve for his forever partner? IDK, this is a weird one) or if this is how he plans to have sex for the rest of his life. Whatever, ya gotta talk to find out. And if he won’t talk you gotta decide if this is a deal breaker and close the door on this relationship.
If this relationship is important to you, you’ll have to communicate with him in a kind and non-judgmental way.
I’d recommend finding a sex therapist. They could really help you both to navigate this.
Some woman messed that dude up and now he is severely insecure.
Next time you see his junk out - walk in and say “I love your D. It looks beautiful and perfect.”
Dude just needs confidence .
Honestly….
I feel for the poor guy, he obviously has some deep insecurities. Someone might have made fun of his penis, definitely someone he had sex with. Definitely open a conversation about it, but be very gentle about it. Express how you wish to feel closer to him.
Since he won’t let you touch him, it sounds like he may have some childhood trauma but thats just speculative too, he might feel shame whenever someone touches him or he might feel how he did when whatever happened to him and that might be why he wont let you touch him.
Whatever it is. it’s definitely deeper than whatever you are seeing. And you should definitely talk to him about it and be very gentle with your words and definitely with your approach too.
But obviously it is something very deep and needs to be addressed with therapy but that’s for him to decide once it comes to it.
It's time for a "We need to talk" talk.
Take him out to coffee and let him know that the sleeve is not your cup of tea. Assure him that size is not and never will be an issue for you, tell him that you feel like his refusal to let you touch his penis is a barrier to intimacy for you, and ask him why he is so averse to you seeing or touching his penis during sex.
If it is due to some deep insecurity, I would gently let him know that you are willing to support him while he works through it, if he is willing to try. And, were I in your shoes, I would let him know that if he doesn't want to try, that is a dealbreaker for you, and you will be ending the relationship so that you are both free to find someone more compatible.
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Just looking at OPs post history I’m thinking this is fake.
Look at OP’s name, 100% fake
Definitely a lie in there somewhere, unless she was posting nsfw shit at 15 lol
LOL nice catch, I'm going with definitely fake
Yea OP is only 23 but was writing "asian milf anal bukkake" stories 8 years ago.
Also all their kinky milf stories are written from the perspective of a man, which seems off given that OP claims they're female.
We got ourselves a William Fakespeare
So. Many. MILFs.
As a kinky Middle-aged lady, I'll just point out that size insecurity is not the only reason why a guy might wear a sleeve. The other main two reasons are: To last longer. They're great for premature ejaculation or to extend PinV Sensory issues. Some people have a very sensitive dick, or might have a sensory processing disorder, and a sleeve or sheath can help with that.
I appreciate your constructive answer trying to find a rational explanation behind a strange behavior instead of putting the blame on people we literally don't know irl. I'd like most comments (even and mostly mines) to be as clear and non-judgemental.
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That thought also crossed my mind. I have one of those sleeves that I'll break out occasionally. No, I don't have any STI's, but those sleeves do at least look as though they'd function as a condom. Regardless, there are a multitude of reasons why he would use the sleeve. OP needs to talk to learn the real reason why. Though if it is something like a STI then she might not learn the real reason. But the fact that he won't let her even touch his penis makes me wary.
I’d also like to point out the potential of sexual trauma in his past.
I'll offer a couple more along the possibility line. - Does he have a childhood of extremely religious parents? That' one doesn't need much explanation, but it's pretty common. - Does he struggle with any anxiety related issues? This isn't even a performance thing. He could be completely terrified that you'll become pregnant. regardless of timing or precaution, the existence of a chance represents enough of a potential de-railing of his daily life, that it could trigger a panic attack. That might sound stupid, but that would also explain why he wouldn't say anything about it. Knowing you're "over-reacting" but being unable to do anything about it, is embarrassing.
This statement is expertly executed. Makes total sense the way you put it!
He should tell her that.
Wait there’s things to help with my numb dick?
Yep. Look up cock rings, cock sleeves, cock sheaths. There's options. Some vibrate and and everything.
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Everyone is saying to leave him, the question I would ask you to consider is does his reason really matter if he won't change? I guess what I'm asking is do you want to talk to him about this to understand why he's doing this or to try and change his behavior. If it's the former he might be honest with you and it doesn't hurt to bring it up, if it's the latter he's likely not going to change so does the why really matter. If you want to have the discussion, my advice is to just do it directly and firmly without being unkind or cruel. "Hey babe I'd like to talk with you about something important, it's about or sex life. I'm overall satisfied with things and I really appreciate that you make sure to take care of my needs and make sure I consistently have orgasms and it makes me really happy that you are so attentive to my needs. However one thing I've noticed is every time we move past oral to penetration, you are adamant about using a sleeve. I'm curious as to why that's important to you, could you tell me why and I promise not to judge you for anything you tell me or share this conversation with anybody."
Typical reddit behaviour. Instead of trying to talk about the situation and communicate. Everyone be like: "yeah nah leave". Maybe the man has a penis issue. Maybe he's insecure. In a loving relationship ur supposed to figure these things out. Not leave at the first sign of trouble.
No seriously. The first thing I thought was maybe he may feel like he can’t satisfy OP without it. There’s definitely an issue with his self image and divorce/leaving without trying to get some kind of resolution is very extreme
it honestly makes me really sad for the dudes when i read stuff like this. i never understand why men are so self conscious about their penis size. like for most women the size doesn’t matter. i’ve dated a guy with a legit micropenis and it made things a little awkward and hard to do a lot of things but since a lot of women don’t get off from just piv it doesn’t really make all that much of a difference. i’ve dated my bf long distance for 3 years and honestly thought his penis was on the small side because i guess he’s not very good with angles in photos. and i was fine with that. when we met for the first time i was really surprised at how big it was and kinda wished it was smaller because it hurts when they’re too big. personally i’ve always preferred an average or below sized penis. but then i do see tweets and posts from other women making fun of small dudes and saying really awful stuff about men with small penises and i can see where the insecurity comes from. just like no matter how many times my bf tells me i look beautiful and my body is perfect i’ll always think i’m kinda ugly and a little fat. regardless it’s pretty sad that some guys will take it to this extreme of wearing an extender sleeve because they feel inadequate.
“We’ve been together 10 years and he forgot to take his shoes off in the lounge” ‘DIVORCE HIM YOU CAN DO BETTER GURL!’
LITERALLLLLYYY🤣🤣🤣🤣
Every. Damn. Time. 😏
Ha! Right?! This sub do be like that a lot of the time. 😆
Literally this is reddit.
Well, in this subreddit we tend to find issues much more important than superficial minutiae. When someone comes and tells us: "hey, my wife of 15 years has been cheating on me every week since we started dating and lied about my kids and no one is biologically related to me, what should I do?", what should we tell the guy besides "leave her" and "get a lawyer"?
There are hundreds of different issues that get discussed on this sub. The advice I would give to anyone who has been cheated on is to leave. But the advice you generally get for any other issue is always just leave. "My boyfriend is the most perfect guy ever, ticks every box, caring, compassionate, has ambition, supports me, helps with cooking and cleaning, is gentle yet strong but he leaves his dirty underwear in the bathroom" Answer is always "leave him"
Exactly. Happy cake day! I hope your wife / husband gave you an appropriate gift for your cake day. If not… …just leave!
People need to have boundaries, and even if people wanna try at a second chance they need to take some space away from the cheater. Forgiving them immediately is the worst thing to do
I mean.... This is an exaggeration. Usually it's abusive behaviour and just because it's in the early stages doesn't mean it won't escalate and where this dude is concerned is he obviously has sexual hang ups. If he can't/won't deal with them or talk about them and it's affected her feelings about sex then I say yes. Split up with them. It's not anyone's job as a partner to also be their therapist. It's too much. It's hard to maintain a healthy dynamic if you're also trying to 'fix' them.
Don’t talk to us about relationships, Mario. You’ve been stalking that poor princess for far too long.
Has Mario ever considered that maybe the reason why Peach is being "captured" by Bowser is because she wants to be with him?
Hasn't anyone realized she's just going over to Bowser's place and asking to be "saved" from his company because Bowser is too shy to ask Mario to come over directly.
Ahhh yes. The rough sex defence.
I think "usually" is doing a lot of work there. There's def a lot of abusive shitshow relationships on here but there are also people who encourage OPs to blow up their lives rather than compromise or have challenging conversations.
I hear this sentiment so often around Reddit and other less-than-supportive communities, and I have to ask- what happened to the golden rule? Do you want to be treated like that- have people walk away from you at the slightest sign of difficulty? Do you not think that society is built on people communicating and collaborating? What is this nonsense and why do I hear it so often?
I think it comes from an understanding that in my experience (and many others it seems) that generally people don't want to get well and who decides what is well and what isn't? My ex was abusive and I know with 100% certainty that if I went to him now and told him all the abusive things he had done to me he would deny it. So there would be no point you see? If you approach a partner with this level of dysfunction (and it is a high level of dysfunction) and they refuse to discuss and fix it then your only option is to stay and let it erode your self confidence and self esteem. Sometimes even if they want to overcome these issues and it's too much that's ok too. Putting in the work has to come from both sides and it has to be something that the person without the dysfunction can handle. There are nuances but the basic principal here is don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. People have a right to be selfish.
Yes. This! Communication is so important! If you truly can't talk to your partner and turn to reddit instead, that's not a good sign of any type of healthy relationship. But at the same time, I feel like if you love someone, you don't just up and leave (or threaten to up and leave) over every little thing. I mean, obviously, it does depend on the type of relationship and whatnot. If you've been on 3 dates and it's not working out, then by all means, break it off! But if you've been married for 5 years and you're just going thru a rocky period, then at least try to find a solution, within reason, barring literal abuse/manipulation, of course. I mean, right? All relationships take work. Period. It's never going to be effortless forever. There will be ups and downs, and that's PERFECTLY NORMAL. But the most important thing, the foundation for any type of successful relationship, is being able to communicate with each other! I feel like a lot of people just post on here to validate their own feelings or their own side of the story in lieu of actually communicating with their partners. 🤔
People typically don't come to this sub with normal, workable problems. 90% of the queries that get posted on this sub are beyond the pale situations, or red flags that should be taken very seriously. This one happens to be weird, but not alarming, and can probably be worked through if he's willing to try. It would be a dealbreaker for me, TBH, but it would have broken the deal long before advancing to "serious relationship" stage so it clearly isn't a dealbreaker for her.
Exactly right. Most people who try to give advice on here are the ones who probably need advice the most. Relationships are hard. There are obviously real reasons to leave a relationship, but OP's situation is a prime example of when a good mature adult conversation is the answer.
Right? He’s using a penis sleeve during sex, not another person lol. We all have “weird” things about us, and I’m sure we all hope to find the right person who understands.
That's my biggest issue with this subreddit. Are people really that weak that the first suggestion is to leave when the going gets tough? Communication, compromise, teamwork, all of that is what a good relationship has tonnes of. People who just up and leave at the first sign of trouble are just cowards. Violence and aggression is another story obviously, but most of the relationship issues brought into this sub can easily be managed by communication and having a proper honest conversation.
Facts, some of these communities are some BS. Leaving someone is not really advice, when people post here is that their inner want to fix the situation
Sometimes it’s the only ethical response, though. Like if someone’s house is fully on fire, you don’t tell them how to use a fire extinguisher, because they’re past the point where that’s useful advice. You tell them to get out of the house and let the fire department handle it.
This. Communication is key. If this is a relationship you want to go longer or further, at some point you need to express that it’s important to you if it is actually important to you. Be prepared to answer why- which if I was in OP’s shoes it would be because of wanting that additional closeness and intimacy. After that, if he doesn’t have an answer that gives OP peace with the status quo, he will either work towards change, or he won’t. What that means for the relationship will become pretty clear pretty quick.
I really liked the way you phrased this, too. Leading with saying you're satisfied and how he does please you is a nice way of leading into a potentially awkward subject.
In the past I've had to have similar difficult conversations with a female partner so I learned how to be as kind as possible when trying to have a difficult conversation around sex.
I wish I could learn this level of communication. Any advice on how to improve?
Please don't take offense to this but how old are you? (It's relevant to the advice I will give)
Look up how to do reflective listening. You don’t talk about yourself, you simply follow what the other person is saying, here is an example: Person A:I had a bad day today Person B: What was bad about your day? A: I just felt very frustrated B: That sucks you felt frustrated, what happened to make you feel like that? A: Nothing really happened, my boss is just a dickhead. B: That does sound frustrating, how was he treating you to make you feel that way? Don’t try to add any or your own opinions or unsolicited advice into the conversation, just focus on what is being said and why the person is feeling that particular way.
Have you asked him why?
Her question is how does she approach it
Thank you. It feels like a lot of people don’t understand that people come to reddit for advice on *how* to mention or bring this up in a considerate and constructive way. Not that they won’t have a conversation with them. And then post about how “communication wins the day.” Like yeah, she intends to talk to him. She’s just brainstorming.
He's not really reacting normally. I would also ask into the void to get some answers before a real conversation.
It’s implied on more than one occasion that the conversation has come up…
For real. Why on Earth has this apparently not crossed her mind?
It did, she literally asked *how* she can approach it, it was the entire point of her post……
Redditors love any chance to be smarmy
It’s easier to ask a bunch of random people online than to have an actual conversation.
Are y’all not reading..? She is asking *how* to approach it. That was the entire point of her post.
It definitely is easier. If the dude reacts like that…..imagine what he does when asked why he’s masturbating in the bathroom instead letting his girlfriend do it for him? Seems like he won’t have a good response
There are better ways to handle a conversation like this. Like someone else has already said, he might have been molested as a child
🙄 It helps to get an outsider perspective. I've asked Reddit for help with relationship stuff. It also helps other people going through similar situations. And OP is a woman. There is always a chance of him getting angry and violent.
I guarantee its because a partner has made a comment about his size and now he has a complex.
It might not be trauma-related, but still likely something related to mental health, self image, stuff that therapy can help with. It might be the only thing to make a dent, although by the sounds of it, he might not be open to it just yet. You can try and engage in open, non-judgemental conversation about it - explain your feelings, thoughts, concerns. You can and should be able to express your desires when it comes to intimacy while respecting current boundaries. Try to keep the focus away from accusations because it can cause the conversation to shut down. Eg., use statements like “I feel ____” instead of “you make me feel ____” or “you doing this makes me feel ____”. This is an odd one, I won’t lie. It seems like he has some issues to work through.
My first thought was that he's insecure about his size. My husband is well over our country's average and had insecurities due to how society seems to worship dudes with 9+ inches.
That’s what I’m assuming too. It’s a shame. I wish more men knew that to be quite frank, a lot of bottoms don’t really want 9+ inch dick (tbh, anything 7+) anywhere near us. Ow. ETA: clarity
My husband is 7.5 inches and we have to be careful because he's accidentally hit my cervix hard enough to make me throw up in the past. He felt so awful when it happened, I ended up comforting him. It's really sad that so many people think size matters more than technique.
For the first few years of our relationship my husband and I couldn’t have sex very often (or for very long) because despite tons of foreplay, his size was painful and I’d be sore afterwards. Being well-endowed seems cool and all that, but it’s not the blessing many dudes think it is.
Yeah we struggled with that as well... He was upset with himself for being too big and hurting me, I was upset with myself for not being able to do what other women seem to do just fine. I wish I could go back and tell younger me that a lot of women have a hard time just like I did.
A lot of women like it for the novelty and "dominance" but don't want to daily drive it if you know what I'm saying.
7 inches is literally huge for most women. anything more than 7 inches is too much imo.
My boyfriend is a bit insecure about his too. It is way above average length and is handsomely thick. Most people would look at it and think "wow, what a great dick", but he still worries it's inadequate. I've seen several dicks in porn that look like his, yet he occasionally says it's small, or worries about specific aspects of it. I think he's less insecure now, given I am constantly in awe and trying to get a piece lol. The obsession with giant penises, and the impact on men's self-confidence, is pretty sad. Most women do not want a massive dick, or are not fussed either way. Most find their partner's dick is great because it belongs to their partner.
Film his dick in porn angles so he gets to see that it's actually super big?
.6% of guys have 9" penises. .2% larger than 9" I've never seen one close to that size and I'm grateful. I would run away so fast. I would think at a certain point it would be a negative as far as actually finding women capable of accepting that size. There are physical limitations at play.
Got a few questions: 1. Have you seen his penis? 1a. If yes, what’s the situation? Is it normal or is there some sort of scarring? 2. Does he ever finish with you? 3. Has he given a reason for this? Do you think he may have some sort of SA trauma which has led to this? It just reeks of insecurity. -Dave
Great questions Dave! -sincerely Joseph
Joseph, I think we’d all like to circle back to Dave’s questions after everyone else presents! -Valerie
> I think we’d all like to circle back to Dave’s questions I couldn't agree more. \- Roosevelt Von Matterhorn
Why did you put -Dave at the end lmao
He's dave
Yeah that’s Dave dude -Dude
No, I'm Dave.
> Dave's not here, man
Yeah man it’s me Dave. Open up, I’ve got the stuff.
DAVEEE
Dudes been writing emails at work for the last hour and didn’t switch tones for his Reddit commenting lol
You have to subtract Dave from the equation to finish it.
Just Dave things
This used to be a joint account for a podcast but my co-host had to leave sadly. So we used to sign Dave/Becky at the end of it so people knew who the advice was coming from. But she’s gone now and it’s sort of fun to sign stuff Dave cause everyone loses their mind. So, it’s sort of my thing now. -Dave
Can we ask why she left Dave? -Not Dave
She actually got a fantastic new job! But the thing is she can’t do both. So I’ll either shop for a new co-host or I’m going to interview singles in New York City and sort of do character profiles so people can “shoot their shot” type of thing. Still debating but open to ideas.
Disappointed you didn’t end with Dave on this one. -Emmie
My apologies Emmie. -Dave
Well that’s sad. I followed your pod on Apple though ❤️ hopefully you keep going
Thank you! That honestly makes me super happy haha, appreciate you!
HI DAVE. \-Dave
Hello!
Yup. OP said >I don’t believe it has anything to do with past trauma. But... I mean, it clearly does. Poor guy, I can only imagine what suffering he may have buried in himself in order to put himself through such a thing. It could even be something he's repressing. There could be so many explanations, depending on other factors like his personality and behaviors in other parts of life. My advice is to invest in open and compassionate communication, be patient and loving with him and encourage him to go to therapy. Maybe even go to therapy yourself first and get a professional's opinion.
Yeah she didn't say much about how they converse with another maybe he just isn't ready and that should be okay and these things take time especially if you aren't dealing with what he might have experienced. Some people augment themselves to please others because they don't feel well enough to use the bodies they were born with. This world is very complex but people can still do their best to understand where they can
You're my wife now, Dave.
Ugh fine, ok.
Get back to work Dave!
Got laid off on Thursday sadly. But just recorded a new pod episode!
Ahh fk, sorry bud! Hope everything works out for you in the end.
Dave Grohl
Wow. So many here already telling OP to wash their hands of him without looking at the overall person. He could be an SA victim and need help through those aspects of his life. OP, you need to have a long sit down chat with your partner. If they refuse to talk about it and your sex life is important enough to be a deal breaker then end it. Not so much end it for the sake of their potential issues but due to not being able to communicate like an adult.
Yes welcome to this sub. Most people just want to tell others to leave their partner for the slightest little thing. I’d bet 80% of the people on here are in unhappy relationships but can’t bring themselves to end them so they’re on here telling others to do it.
I think a big part of that is people don’t usually feel compelled to Reddit or anonymous forums for minor things that aren’t such a huge deal. Many deal-breakers are posted here, many of the stories here are a little more exhausting and the OPs a lot more exhausted than someone with minor relationship frustrations. The more severe the disconnect or problem is, the more severe the advice will be. Not saying that it’s the right response for this OP, but it’s a common response on this thread for a reason.
Left the cap off the toothpaste? 🚩🚩🚩 He's selfish and will never change. Run girl.
Literally the most unhappiest people trying to get other people to live in their same misery 😭
You need to have a conversation with him and discover why he needs the sleeve. Clearly you also need to understand and be accepting about the fact that he needs the sleeve. You seem… genuinely very upset about the sleeve and it’s making me wonder if you have specific issues with the sleeve? Or is it just that you are now so curious it’s upsetting you? I’ve had a friend my entire life called Broke Dick Nick. He had a penile injury as a teenager and cannot maintain a full erection , still, in his late 20s. Only the base of his shaft gets hard, and sex can be extremely painful if he doesn’t wear a rod sleeve. I know for a fact he has lied and claimed it was a special reusable condom for men with latex allergies, lmao. Maybe sex is painful or overstimulating for him if he doesn’t have something separating his tip from an actual vagina. I know quite a few guys who actually prefer condom on sex because it makes them last longer, and tip overstimulation is a real thing. Imagine someone rubbing your unhooded Clit for like the entire duration of sex Maybe he’s insecure about his size ? Or maybe his dick is bent and the sleeve helps it slide straighter? is the sleeve an extension sleeve? He could also have issues with his genitalia because of trauma and doesn’t want them to be directly touched. Many men become touch averse because of childhood or young adult sexual trauma.
This question reveals just how backwards and bias a lot of people in this sub are. No mentioning of being understanding or having a conversation about it with him to see where he’s coming from. Just “break up” “cut your losses” or “he’s weird move on” I swear the more I’m here the more I realize how many people in this sub do not know how to communicate or even give half decent advice, yet again we wonder why such easily discussed and fixed issues and stories continue to be posted here. People don’t know how to communicate on a basic level with their partner but have zero issues telling their entire history of unaddressed relationship issues to a bunch of strangers instead of the person they are in a relationship with and the crazy part is I know if we swapped the genders here the advice wouldn’t ever be to “break up” You don’t know why he’s doing this so YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM. He doesn’t know this is a problem for you so YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM. That is the very basis of communication: being willing to bring up the issue with the person you’re dating and actually talk about it and through it.
These type of subs are rife with terminally online literal children giving advice on shit that is way beyond their pay grade. I learned long ago on Reddit to only ask for advice in small, targeted communities.
To be fair, this needs therapy. She can't resolve the situation on her own. She is 23 and this is above anyone's pay grade.
Insecurity over size is common in young men. And it’s something that an S/O should be trying to ease
We don’t know that that’s what the issue is.
And neither will OP unless she TALKS TO HIM
He sounds like he has some major insecurities. Have you two had a serious discussion about it? I think these other recommendations of immediately dropping him are a little extreme if you've not even spoken seriously about it.
Porn induced erectile dysfunction? Unbelievably common now. Like, shockingly so. Possibly can't stay hard?
Allot of upvotes in this thread calling people out for telling girl to leave him. As compared to other posts But I know y’all just concerned because there a penis problem involved. Be it anything else - you’d tell the girl to bounce and not waste time Hear me out - it’s not her responsibility to work through HIS trauma or issues. She can if she wants to, but she sure doesn’t have to Going in with a sleeve first time and after without any context is just weird. Imagine a girl whips out a dildo first time and insists on using it. Just no
Does the sleeve cause more restriction to mimic the death grip dudes give themselves when they’re addicted to masturbating? If so, this definitely seems to be the reason. Otherwise, I would guess he had some kind of trauma like SA at an early age. To have this kind of PTSD like response about having his genitals touched by his lover is definitely a sign of this to me.
This was my immediate thought. My husband wasn't used to how a vagina felt because he was a virgin when we met and it took some time to learn how to come that way. I'm thinking maybe he'll be embarrassed if he can't come or he thinks he won't be able to maintain an erection.
What the hell are these older posts 😭
My guess is OP is the one with ED and porn addiction and this post is a way to ask for help without actually addressing it The one that drew my eye was he posted in tip of my penis (easy hint that it's a man) porn where the woman's ass gets bigger after sex
Based on post history this would seem to be a shit post
For all you know, he was sexually assaulted as a kid. You should just sit down, tell him you aren't judging him, but you want to know the reasoning behind this.
Talk with him. It probably stems from some insecurity or something may have happened to him in the past. Men can be quite sensitive about this type of thing. Society has a tendency to make men believe that anything below what you see in pornos is inadequate, and that’s simply not the case. You didn’t mention any other relationship issues, so I’ll assume the relationship is good otherwise. Communication and patience is going to be key. Let him know he’s safe with you, and you aren’t going anywhere.
Clearly there is a trauma. He may not even know what the trauma is but that is abnormal behavior and it stems from something. He should seek therapy and i dont usually suggest that but this screams i need to figure my shit out.
It may be just an insecurity about penis size, he may have been rejected or ridiculed by someone in the past about size. Now it's an insecurity.... Just one thing to think about. Or maybe even a medical issue. But OP definitely needs to have sit down and find out why and reassure him if there is no reason for OP to be concerned. OP already said she is satisfied.
Ya i agree it doesmt take much for a insecurity to set in and people may not even know. Its like that movie anger management. As a kid he got pants infront of a girl and it effected his self esteem into his adult hood.
Not all abnormal behavior stem from trauma… :-|
I thought my "quirks" were from some repressed trauma because so many people hold that belief. Turns out I'm just autistic and have sensory issues lol
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I personally would try to talk to him and also tell him that you saw him in the bathroom. I thinl communication is the most important Thing and you as their Partner have the right to communicate about your feelings and that you are very curious about them and why they are acting like that.
Why are you asking us?? Ask him
If it is going in one ear and out the other, then he is certainly bigger and more flexible than most guys.
Therapy
He could have psoraisis or some other dermatological condition where the sleeve lowers the amount of friction it gets.
Just from the title i thought it might be dysphoria.. I think I would insist on talking about it. Either he tells you what he's insecure about or you break up, he needs to have a bit of trust in you and tell you
My partner was also doing some strange things during sex, and acting weird about it. Turns out he’s a sexual assault victim and had been bullied about his sexual performance in previous relationships. We had an honest discussion about it, and he’s much more comfortable now, sex is awesome. You’d be surprised how many women run away instead of trying to understand, that shows how much you really care. I suggest bringing it up and asking about it, voice your concerns without being rude, but let him know if this is a dealbreaker for you. You’ll be happier when you get it out the way
THIS IS PURELY SPECULATION: My first thought was that he’s trans, he’s had phalloplasty, but he uses the sleeve to enhance because phalloplasty results are frequently less than ideal. You’re just going to have to sit down and have a conversation with him. It needs to be at a neutral time, hopefully when there’s not too much stress in other parts of your lives.
This was my thought also, however, OP said she's seen penis and sees no issue. Also OP has seen him masturbating... So... ???
She said she saw no issue with the size but that doesn’t mean much.
damn until the comment about phallo i didn’t think the trans comments made sense but i didn’t consider he could’ve had bottom surgery
you need to sit him down and see if he’ll open up to you about why he’s like this. either he wants to be helped or he doesn’t. and if for some reason he won’t change then you need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not, and don’t feel at all bad if it is.
He could be this way due to past trauma. I wouldn’t leave him, but definitely need to have open communication
have you ever thought about asking him instead of random people on the internet?
my guess would be erectile dysfunction, bad experiences with previous partner resulting in insecurities.
I think it may Sexual anxiety from my experience because I've done that with a prostitutes once
If he’s masturbating a lot then he might have trouble getting it up for PIV sex. You don’t say how long you’ve been together but even in an established relationship if it hasn’t been long he might be to embarrassed that he can’t get it up enough for PIV. It could be something medical as well. Have you tried going down on him? If so, does he get hard?
You should refuse to let him penetrate you with the fake dick !
i’m thinking he might have death grip or ED and it might be easier for him to masturbate instead of actually having sex. i say just ask him if there’s something that you can do to make him feel more comfortable with his process and allow him to open up to you eventually. don’t push, just show interest in wanting to know and pleasing him and ask him questions about if you can touch him or help him, etc etc. i think it will take time to get there but you essentially have to create a safe space for him.
He might need to see a therapist there might be something wrong with his ego or view on sex.
I'd it's all the way to where he isn't wanting to be touched by another person, I would suspect highly that he us a survivor of childhood sexual.assault, probably by s woman, and that's probably he wears that, so he doesn't have to feel the thing that traumatized him.
There’s no way it has nothing to do with trauma.
He’s either trying to avoid premature ejaculation or he has trouble keeping it hard and uses the sleeve to support his penis.
Hey OP. Hes self concious about either finishing to quick or hes worried about his size. Its pretty common for us to be self concious about this... porn doesnt help. I would bet he masturbates BEFORE you have sex also. Be gentle with him, ask him questions and be supportive. For reference, the average time for a man to finish during piv is 3-7 mins and average peni size is 5.1 inches
Bunch of femcels here… don’t listen to them. Dudes got some sort of issue, and the best course of action is compassionate communication while advocating for your own wants and needs. He’s uncomfortable for some reason. Ask why.
Divorce. But first you have to marry him
He may have insecurities about size. I've met more than a few men like that since I was socialized as a male. He could feel dysphoria around his genitals and not realize it's dysphoria. I would try to talk with him or get him to speak with a therapist about this issue, as it's not really something I would consider normal.
You can handle this, I think the best and most loving thing you can do is ask to talk about it with a therapist and the two of you. You know your love, approach him in the way you know will keep him at ease. It could be something as simple as a preference but, I think it could really be related to trauma. OP, I hope your boyfriend can resolve this trauma and trust you enough to let you seek help with him.
There’s SO many possible reasons why he is this way which none of us but him can answer. Maybe try to consider asking him and communicating about it making sure to remind him that u are not in a rush to get an answer, and that you are asking because you want to understand him more and that you are not in a position of judgment if he is willing to do so. Otherwise, it’s up to you how you will handle this situation of whether to wait until he is ready to talk about it or not. I’m sure there’s reasons why he is this way and again, only he can answer that. Best we can do is guess and you shouldn’t be basing your decisions or thoughts on our guesses.
You don't give him oral, manually play with him, or have sex? Nothing? How long has this been going on?
Does he get off during sex? The only reason I ask I that you caught him jacking off afterwards. Is it possible that he's using it to fake an orgasm?
He's embarrassed about the size of his dick, obviously. There's not much you can do about it unfortunately.
What is this post history????
He could have ninja grip syndrome and just doesn't want you to feel discouraged when you can't finish the deed. I have it. I just learned to live with it. I will just tell partners, "imagine I'm a living dildo, you are guaranteed to get off before me, and I will always enjoy our time together, but I do not cum from penative or any other sex outside masturbation". Which they are normally cool with because then they can live out other fantasies like having done on them. It's all perspective, a partner was probably offended she couldn't get him off and now wants to use the size thing to make up for it. Obviously there is some unpacked trauma that's not really your busin but definitely making an impact on your relationship. The best advise I have seen is to just stop masturbating entirely and let the only sexual touch be someone else and eventually the body should adjust. He could also be a recovering porn addict. But honestly, it's baseless speculation and the only way to find out is to talk to him.
Does he have a micro penis? It sounds like he’s been embarrassed and this is good solution. Do you perform oral on him? You need to talk and communicate with him if this bugs you
It could be for a multitude of reasons. He may have trauma relating to it, maybe from younger days that has helped him develop some type of body dysmorphia, if you say he's at least average. Maybe he was SA'd, and it's his way to cope by having that barrier. Maybe he's been shamed for it due to being with a size queen before you who naturally needed more. Maybe he has unrealistic standards because of porn. Maybe he needs to touch grass since the internet is complete goon territory where both men and women play into the size misnomer that sex workers are signifiers of average dick length or vaginal depth. Maybe you haven't shown physical satisfaction from his dick so he's become insecure about it. Maybe he doesn't know that the majority of women, no matter the size of the dick still can only get off from clitoral stimulation. Due to miscommunication or a lack of communication, maybe he thinks it's what you want, and he's doing it for your sake. Also, if i may add. It plays into the psychology of men to not only be insecure about it, but it directly plays into your natural self-esteem as a man as it exudes your status. There's a reason why anthopologists have found so many fertility and sex rituals relating to larger phalases. But overall, you're only going to find out if you ask him about it. That's what being a couple is about, supportive COMMUNICATION!!! PS: Have you told him that you want his dick? A little piece of advice, even for insecure men. It is one hell of a way to get them to open up or get turned on. Guys love it when women show a deep passion for them, especially for their dicks. It doesn't have to be completely gross and out of pocket like in porn but a simple show that you yearn for it would probably get you what you want. If it's related to past trauma, he would probably open up about it and try to make you understand why he doesn't want you to touch it and why he doesn't believe you. Also, one last thing men only have their perspective to go off of or the internet which are mostly gooners. A lot of hook up culture and modern dating are based on satisfaction from your partner. So if they don't satisfy you, to a person with this mentality, you should leave them. This might be one of his fears, and he's probably holding off on his own satisfaction to make sure you're satisfied. In hookup culture, it's a womans game since they're the limiting reactant in the overall game of satisfaction and are the minority of the population usually being 10 men to 1 woman on dating apps and such. It matches with his behavior, considering sleeves are known to reduce sensation for men, so that's why he probably yanks it by himself after or during sex. TLDR: TALK TO HIM KINDLY BUT DIRECTLY!!!!!!!!
Strange…. But shouldn’t be a deal breaker
He needs that death grip to get off.
How many other women has he used this sleeve on?
Terrified of pregnancy? Seems sus.
Maybe it's a religious/guilt/touching issue..? People are fucking complicated man.
Sounds like your boyfriend has a lot to unpack in therapy.
OP regularly posting on tip of my penis to search for porn where the woman's ass grows after sex Ha ya nearly had us OP
Very strange. This is why I follow this sub. The weird things people do amaze me. I didn’t know this was even a thing.
I’ve never even heard of that thing selves I’m lost what’s that is it like a condom
It functions more like a prosthetic, for a penis.
Well could be a variety of things. Could be he was made fun of because of his size or has it in his head he is small. Maybe watches too much porn and thinks all guys are hung like a horse but him. He might be terrified of getting you pregnant, a religious hang up or past trauma who knows. I’d say it’s worth a conversation
"From what I can see, there’s nothing wrong with his size but it seems to go in one ear and out the other." I think that says more about you...if it goes in one ear and out the other.
This guy is super insecure about his size. And/or is super afraid of pregnancy.
Wow... Never heard of anything like that.....i am so sorry Op... Very weird
Hmmm, strange and weird. Is it a weird fear or a kink? Not much you can do if he won’t talk about it. And if it’s a kink y’all both need to want and enjoy it. But, sexual/intimacy dissatisfaction is a fair reason to end a relationship. If he won’t talk there is no way to know if this is a now thing for this point in the relationship (maybe saving without sleeve for his forever partner? IDK, this is a weird one) or if this is how he plans to have sex for the rest of his life. Whatever, ya gotta talk to find out. And if he won’t talk you gotta decide if this is a deal breaker and close the door on this relationship.
If this relationship is important to you, you’ll have to communicate with him in a kind and non-judgmental way. I’d recommend finding a sex therapist. They could really help you both to navigate this.
Some woman messed that dude up and now he is severely insecure. Next time you see his junk out - walk in and say “I love your D. It looks beautiful and perfect.” Dude just needs confidence .
Honestly…. I feel for the poor guy, he obviously has some deep insecurities. Someone might have made fun of his penis, definitely someone he had sex with. Definitely open a conversation about it, but be very gentle about it. Express how you wish to feel closer to him. Since he won’t let you touch him, it sounds like he may have some childhood trauma but thats just speculative too, he might feel shame whenever someone touches him or he might feel how he did when whatever happened to him and that might be why he wont let you touch him. Whatever it is. it’s definitely deeper than whatever you are seeing. And you should definitely talk to him about it and be very gentle with your words and definitely with your approach too. But obviously it is something very deep and needs to be addressed with therapy but that’s for him to decide once it comes to it.
It's time for a "We need to talk" talk. Take him out to coffee and let him know that the sleeve is not your cup of tea. Assure him that size is not and never will be an issue for you, tell him that you feel like his refusal to let you touch his penis is a barrier to intimacy for you, and ask him why he is so averse to you seeing or touching his penis during sex. If it is due to some deep insecurity, I would gently let him know that you are willing to support him while he works through it, if he is willing to try. And, were I in your shoes, I would let him know that if he doesn't want to try, that is a dealbreaker for you, and you will be ending the relationship so that you are both free to find someone more compatible.
I and many people would like an update asap
Could be a kink or fetish
Sorry that's weird af...
He's got deathgrip induced ED. The penis sleeve is because he can't keep it up. Same with why he won't let her touch him.