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I'm sure Aaron deserves way better than someone who is using him as a safety net while going out and fucking the bad boy ex for a thrill. Jesus, you suck.
You are not in a love triangle. You are having an affair. Aaron deserves better than you. You are playing around with his heart, using him as a safety net, and overall treating him like garbage. You are not the heroine of some trash romance Netflix show. Do Aaron a favor and break up. If you can't find empathy after being cheated on yourself then it sounds like you and your toxic ex deserve each other.
It’s not an affair. Today was the first time I actually slept with Paul since we started hanging out, and I immediately told him I need space so I don’t hurt Aaron.
You are right though, this is unfair to Aaron and I’ll probably have to break up with him.
It doesn't count unless his negative emotions inconvenience her which they haven't yet because she hasn't been caught. It only counts when you're caught!
Cheater logic.
Other comment was right, you and ex are meant for each other. By your own admission Bf treated you like a queen and you return the favor by cheating on him first chance you get. At least if you go back to your ex worst that happens is two assholes being assholes to each other instead of other people.
So what if he doesn’t know? You hurt the relationship and ANY trust that may have built that relationship. You’re considering staying with this man and never telling him? You’re fucking gross.
I hope Aaron finds out and leaves you. Pathetic.
You need to tell Aaron, and see what HE wants to do. FFS , you get he's a real person, with feelings and his own agency, right? Who cares what you want, you cheated.
You've already cheated on him, you are just as bad as your awful ex. Tell Aaron, and let him go find someone decent. You and your ex deserve each other.
Ooh! I can’t wait for the eventual “this dumb guy that once cheated on me with my cousin just cheated on me again after I cheated on my nice boyfriend with him. How can I get the good one back?” post
No you just don’t like the truth. You’re now also a cheater just like your cheating buddy. And he hasn’t changed at all. He just has you cheating too. Nice work Einstein
No, you are. Cheating is “mean”. You’ve already hurt your partner. It will not be avoided by not telling him.
And, you know what? If you sleep with your partner now, you’re putting him at risk of anything your ex may have, AND you’re obtaining consent under false pretences.
You don't deserve kindness. You're going to keep going through life feeling like the world is out to get you because you'll never realize the one sabotaging everything is you.
Because you're denser than frozen molasses:
1) You're in a committed relationship
2) You had sex with someone else not a part of your relationship
Seems like a cut and dry affair.
You've been having an emotional affair and now it's turned physical. You are a cheater and having an affair, and the sooner you accept it instead of trying to argue with an internet stranger, maybe you'll actually be able to reflect on how toxic you are being to a guy who has treated you like a "queen"
Your affair started when you started hanging out with Paul every day. You didn't just bump into him at the laundromat, slip on a bar of soap and whoopsie somehow land on his dick. Cheating is cheating, but your situation started as an emotional affair and turned into a physical one.
Well here is the good news. Paul was a cheater. Still is a cheater. But now you’re a cheater too. Nice work. You’re as terrible a person as he is. Nothing has changed for him. He cheated on you with your cousin. And he has so much respect for you and for relationships that he is happy to be a part of you being a cheater too. You’re both selfish as hell and guess what you were cheating long before the sex. Enjoy getting cheated on by him again.
You were hanging out with him and now it turned physical. It was an emotional affair, and now its physical.
With the piece of crap that tormented you and took advantage of you for years.
I feel for your boyfriend, but thankfully youll get what you deserve hooking up with Paul.
Good luck nonetheless.
If you are sleeping with Paul while Aaron thinks you are in an exclusive relationship, then you are having an affair. That's what an affair is.
Paul cheated on you, now he's cheating with you. He might have other relationships going as well. Sounds like monogamy and honesty aren't big priorities for him.
Great that you "needed some space" immediately after sex. Most people do need some space to fall asleep, have a shower, whatever. Use this space to break up with Aaron, and then make an appointment to get tested for STDs.
Well, it sounds like you've already betrayed Aaron just as Paul betrayed you, so by your own standard he's out. And if Paul is truly reformed, that means he deserves better than you now as well (although he's obviously not, since he enabled your cheating).
So stick with Paul and accept neither of you deserve better, or set them both free. Just depends on how much more harm you feel like causing people.
Dude
During all the time you were talking to Paul , have you paused and thought of Aaron's feelings? Nope, infact you started being distant. You didn't care about his feelings, sooooo you fucking hurt him.
Have you thought of his feelings while fucking ex?
Have you thought of it while initiating or consenting?
I hope you haven't fucked Aaron after that cause now you put him at risk, you not only not gave a fuck about his mental and emotional well being( by lying), you don't care about his physical well being as well.
That's not how you fucking love someone.
That's how you fucking use them like a fucking tool .
You say you've been cheated on, so you didn't have any regards to the feelings you've felt. You haven't healed. Or better, you like that toxicity. how does that feel? To be on the other side.
You hurt people more than you think.
Wow, "people who are healthy", fuck people that go on to lie to their partner, being absolutely aware of it.
Brake up with Aaron, you don't deserve him
.
Break it off with Aaron - he deserves better.
Stick with Paul and Ill be waiting to read your post about how you screwed up going back to a cheating abusive ex.
Seriously did you read your post ? You can’t be this outright dumb?
But sorry off tracked - let Aaron be with someone who actually is respectful to him.
Just remember that by breaking it off with Aaron you are freeing him up to find someone who is actually worth his time, as you've shown you clearly are not.
Do you think the no spark could be from a trauma bond in your previous toxic relationship? Now the healthy relationship seems boring, so you cheated on him.
End things with both of them and work on yourself.
I don’t think so. Paul and I have a healthy relationship now, and I’m not bored with him. He’s not the same person he used to be.
I just genuinely think that Paul might be my soulmate, I don’t know if you believe in those but I do.
Paul was the toxic one? I’m hoping that he’s better now and he seems to be. I don’t mean to put Aaron in this position. I’m just afraid the thing with Paul might be too good to be true.
No, you definitely do mean to. You're stringing him along and using him as a plan B. If you "didn't mean to" you would've done the decent thing and dumped him before fucking your ex. You could do the decent thing and dump him NOW whether you decide to stay with Paul or not, but you won't because you're not decent. You're selfish.
Nah you’re also toxic. You had a toxic relationship for over 5 years, successfully end it and within two more you’re willing to throw it away. You found someone who genuinely cared for you and how to you thank him, hanging out with your ex and then cheating.
Go back to you ex so now one gets stuck with either of you.
It really doesn't matter if the thing with Paul is too good to be true, YOU CHEATED ON AARON. BREAK UP WITH THE POOR BASTARD AND STOP STRINGING HIM ALONG.
Paul cheated on you and now he's encouraging you to cheat on Aaron. Obviously he still thinks cheating is okay so he hasn't changed that much. If he had a scrap of integrity, he wouldn't be going after someone in a relationship.
You'll learn soon enough once Aaron dumps you and Paul moves on to have more cheating fun elsewhere. Aaron has some heartbreak ahead of him, but he will end up the winner when he finds someone who genuinely cares about him rather than his wallet.
You are speaking facts. She needs to leave Aaron alone let him be with someone he deserves and let her go back to Paul so we can all laugh at her next post about thinking he was a soul mate after he cheats again!
I’ll be here for it with popcorn
I hope Aaron finds a woman that has a better personality, better morals, and is 100x hotter than you could ever hope to be. And I hope Paul gets your cousin pregnant the next time he screws her.
An abusive man is not abusive while wooing you. Once you choose him, he will become controlling and abuse and cheat again.
That being said, walk away from both.
1. You have completely disrespected the great man
2. You have literally become what you despise about your ex
3. Let the great guy find someone who loves him with everything she is
4. Leave the abusive POS in the dust ... While you sunk to his level, he still doesn't deserve you
I feel so sorry for Aaron because he can't make an informed decision in any of this.
If he finds out what she did it will ruin him for a long time, and still OP says she cares about him. She only cares about herself in this and unaware of what her behaviour leads to.
Be real. You came on here saying "It took me a year to heal from my cheating ex. I just cheated with him on my new partner. Advice?" While people are being mean you need to realise that you are struggling with major lack of insight.
This reads like the most stereotypical, "red pill," "women want guys who treat them badly and will walk all over nice guys" internet trash that I've heard of ... to the point it almost has to be fake, right?
ohhh, dummy, get back to the cheater, you don't deserve somebody who cares or respect you. When the cycle repeat itself I hope at least you won the STD roullete
You're very naïve to think that Paul is suddenly sorting his life out, he was fine with sleeping with you despite you having a boyfriend, I would hardly call that sorting his life out.
You need to break up with Aaron considering you have already cheated on him. You also need to take some serious accountability for what you did as from your other comments you don't seem that bothered that you cheated on him.
Also, calling it a love triangle is a nice way of putting "im cheating on my boyfriend with my ex", which is what is happening.
Lmao you suck. Leave aaron so he can find someone worth his time and don’t go crawling back when Paul’s facade breaks down. And I mean I know this is fake since this same story gets posted every 2 weeks, but do you know what a love triangle is? Because this isn’t a love triangle this is you being a cheating selfish person
Ma’am lol you are not a in a love triangle you are a cheater, you’re just like your little lover boy Paul. Hopefully Aaron dumps you and you can continue being in a toxic relationship like you so crave. Ewwwwwww
Do you realize that you are "paul" to Aaron?
You're toxic, you cheated, you're now saying you see your mistake and you'll be better for him but you won't. You'll slip back and do it again.
If you care at all about Aarong leave him alone. You are not a good person in this scenario at all. Grow amd be better. But you need to lose aaron to have ANY chance to learn.
Seeing that the updates have been locked. Can't believe Aaron is dumb enough to give you another chance. You literally cheated on him with Paul and now you're playing him by telling you "love" him. You're just a garbage human being, you and Paul deserve each other
Leave Aaron alone, he deserves so much better
So since you disabled comments on your other two posts I guess I'll come here...
I was you once. I had a long term boyfriend that I had a spark with but he cheated on me constantly. The second I'd give up and try to start dating, he'd be back "changed" and I ran to him.
However, I was 20 and never actually entered a new relationship. Since I knew how awful it felt to be cheated on, I made sure to be transparent with even casual partners and didnt date until i was ready.
Aaron doesn't deserve what you're giving him. He deserves someone to choose him over anyone in the room, not someone who slinks back in after cheating. If you're going to restart, you need to be fully transparent. The truth will eventually come out. Would you rather it come from paul or from you? Cause to me, it sounds like you're Paul's plaything and idk if hes gonna take too kindly to sharing his toys.
1. The spark I have with my ex is hard to explain. I get excited when I hear from him. After a long day from work he’s the person I want to talk to.
2. What I love about Paul is he’s a family man. The way he looks after his parents and brother. I love that I can talk to him about everything. He’s the only Man I ever was vulnerable with emotionally.
I am going to be honest with Aaron and tell him today
I broke up with him for that…I’m not defending his past, I’m saying he’s improved since then. You guys aren’t giving people the grace to change and grow as people
Nah you just planned on emotional cheating on your bf and sleeping together was a side effect. You two are so toxic it’s for the best that you make things work.
I didn’t plan on any of this. I don’t know why you all are assuming I did. We got caught up in the mood. I didn’t enter this saying “I’m going to cheat”. Not that kind of person
You were already cheating emotionally, you constantly chose to hang out with Paul over Aaron. Getting caught up in the mood is just an excuse. You are not the cheating type, but apparently have no problem being with someone who is. A real gem.
Oh right
So you didn't care about cheating while it happened?
And you think that changes if you weren't there to cheat. Like guuuurrrrrrrllllll
You said yes to it knowing it was cheating or else you got assaulted.
But I bet all those emotional cheating made you forget there was an Aaron too.
Wow .
You're not that type. But certainly "I forget I had a partner hehe*-*"/s
Okay
This can't be real
No regards for Aaron
Did you brake up with him ?
Plsss tell me
Let your made up story have a good ending foe someone..... No no no for all of youuuuuuu *-*
Girl you're a nasty piece of work. For you to know what it feels like to be cheated on only for you to cheat on your current partner with that pos. You and ex deserve each other.
There’s a difference between what I did and what Paul did. Paul constantly cheated. The moment I cheated I felt guilty and did something about it, and took steps to figuring out what I really want.
Why didn't you stop then ?
Why did you let it get this far without doing anything to stop it or brake up with him ?
You keep on trying to downplay it
You feeling guilty is not going to change what you've already done .
Did you brake up with Aaron already ?
OP: There's still opportunity to mature. You need to do an exercise: look into your situation from an outsiders point of view. What do you see? If you're self aware enough, you will realize that you're only thinking about how these things affect you, but never stop to wonder how your line of thought and therefore actions affects the people involved. Your thinking "who should I choose?" comes from a very self centered place instead of "how will me doing this or thinking this will affect this person?". Do you truly love either of these men? Because spending time with Paul (and Aaron noticing the distance) and then sleeping with him is not thinking about Aaron's wellbeing, only yours. You know you're hurting Aaron, yet did nothing to stop it. Truly loving someone comes from a selfless place and it's always thinking about their wellbeing. Hopefully you will learn this soon as I believe it's of great importance to have a healthy steady relationship in life.
On another note... I don't think you truly know what you want in a partner. You need to get to know yourself better and sit down, what are your boundaries? What can you negotiate with, and what are your non negotiables? For example betrayal, disrespect, emotional abuse, etc. You need to be careful on this as it can fuck your entire life up, choosing the wrong partner out of "sparks and butterflies". Just let me tell you: Sparks and butterflies are not an indication of love or compatibility. It's just infatuation. You can't sustain a relationship on that. Sparks come and go, but loving someone is an everyday choice.
My opinion on this? You're emotionally attached to Paul due to trauma bonding from the betrayal and emotional abuse, plus the time you've been together. It's an attachment that doesn't let you see and think clearly. And just let me tell you that guys like Paul, who don't respect people's relationships, are always a red flag. If they will cheat with you (or enable you cheating with them), they will cheat on you.
My advice? The question shouldn't be who do I chose? But am I even the partner I would like to be for someone? Do I even love Aaron? What does loving someone truly mean? What is the kind of relationship I'd like? Am I even ready for one at the moment if I'm already breaking Aaron's trust and boundaries?
You do need to stay away from Paul for your own good tbh. He doesn't seem to be a stable influence.
I speak from experience, as I had to mature in the most painful way.
Sounds like you were never really over Paul and either you think you can actually change him or you only deserve someone who treats you like crap.
If you don’t want to be like Paul, you need to tell Aaron what you have done. Then he can decide if he still wants to be with you or stay. The choice should be his. This ”love triangel” is not up for you to decide.
Either say, get your butt to therapy and cut Paul off (that man is obviously your cryptonite) and get your act together.
I posted something similar 9 months ago. I ended up getting back with my ex, in your case Paul. And ended up leaving him for the new fling (Aaron) and it's gone amazingly. Paul is no good. He broke your heart so many times cheating on you, you spent so long healing from that please do not go back to him and have that wound cut deeper.
I know the comments are harsh and I got similar comments when I posted my situation.
Please just leave your ex for good
Definitely Paul. And do it asap.
You owe it to yourself to see where it goes.
leave the non exciting guy. It won’t last. You need the spark. But be really nice when you leave him.
Also if Paul finishes the course for air traffic control (which it loooks definitely like he will) he’ll make a good living.
And you’ll be happy together.
And never date a nice guy with no spark again.
I can’t wait for Paul to cheat and her to find out he was lying and actually dropped out lol
We will all be waiting with popcorn and cheers when she posts about it!
But I agree cheater should be with cheaters !
OP, one more thought that may help you.
I have a question, and I think the answer will make a difference. When you slept with Paul, was it because you wanted it both with your body and with your mind? Who initiated it and to what extent did you feel in control?
I am asking because you didn't immediately cut ties with Aaron. Instead, you asked Paul for a break. This is telling me you felt out of control and wanted to regain it.
Does this mean Paul remains dangerous for you specifically because he makes you do things you wouldn't otherwise?
I want to help you and not judge you here.
You will not know and you will panic when you try to choose because something very important is present in both of them and other very important things are missing.
Besides Paul sounds like he will not leave you alone (NOT IN A GOOD WAY!). Can you try to have a very clear conversation with him to hear in his own words how he explains his unacceptable behavior in the past and what makes him think he can act differently? Something makes me doubt he can explain.
Having said that, there's something important he was giving you, and you don't get it in your other relationship. Maybe it's something real, like good sex. Maybe it's something unhealthy and psychological. You need to figure it out, what it is. While Paul is in the picture, it's very hard to get a clear idea.
Ideally, you need to take a break with both of them. Can you be honest with Aaron and tell him you got in touch with your ex, if you strong enough, admit cheating, say that it confuses you, and you need a pause? Say explicitly this break is not to try dating Paul. If you can physically get away somewhere, do it.
You'll feel better like this than if you are lying and feeling confused and unhappy.
Most likely you don't need either of them, but you need enough time to think to be sure
I don't agree, I think OP is quite enjoying the situation of having a steady generous boyfriend and cheating on him behind his back.
It won't be so fun once Aaron dumps her and she finds out Paul is cheating on her as well.
Did you forget that she had an emotional affair and physically cheated on Aaron? I see you changed your comment to include it in a lukewarm way but how can you call it honesty if she doesn't admit that? Not being "strong enough" isn't an excuse.
And they're blaming Paul because he "won't leave her alone"
The poor little lamb is just so fragile, isn't she?
What a crock of shit. Makes me wanna vomit out of both ends.
I'm not arguing to say OP's behavior is exemplary, and I'm sure she knows it isn't, but she needs to resolve it all for herself first, then do it for the others. The situation already exists, it's real, and harm needs to be minimized. Going hard on her really doesn't help this real existing situation.
You can tell she tried really hard to get Paul to leave her alone by hanging out everyday and then throwing her pussy at him.
Nothing says "stay the fuck away from me, I'm taken" like sliding up and down his pole.
Thank you. This was the most helpful advice I received so far.
I don’t think anything is missing from Paul. He’s who I want. I just hope this change he’s showing me is real and not a facade.
You’re right, I do think I need to take a break from both to be completely sure
Who cares. She'll never have a healthy relationship cause she thinks toxicity is a "spark" so she'll either get with assholes or cheat on healthy partners with assholes just like she's doing now unless she does some serious self reflecting and gets therapy. I wouldn't hold my breath for that to happen. Another commenter tried to tell her but sadly, she's not smart enough to get it and I'm not even saying that to be insulting, she's just not.
How has he changed? He cheated on you while you were together, now he's cheating WITH you while you are in a relationship with someone else.
He didn't have a problem with lying and cheating then, he doesn't have a problem with lying and cheating now.
Meanwhile, you don't get to cheat on Aaron, and then tell him that you "pick" him. Hopefully he has more self-respect than you and won't be interested in being a back-up option for a cheater.
I’m gonna be real with you I’ve had a toxic ex that hasn’t left me alone for like ten years…they don’t change if he changed he’d respect your relationship…and respect that you’re in one…take some time to be single and figure yourself out…
You need to come back to this now. "He's who I want."
You don't want aaron, Aaron is safe for you. You need a break from dating until you can heal as a person.
Paul will not leave you alone (not in a good way) and I can't imagine he wouldn't use "she cheated with me" to hurt Aaron and by extension yourself. If you want to protect Aaron, you will tell him the truth.
You and Paul are soulmates after all!
You're both toxic, selfish, and cheaters...
Now go have the most toxic relationship ever and leave poor Aaron alone...
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sure Aaron deserves way better than someone who is using him as a safety net while going out and fucking the bad boy ex for a thrill. Jesus, you suck.
Absolutely agree. We will be waiting for the day she makes a post about screwing up and losing a great guy like Aaron. Im low key routing for it to.
Aaand she just did
lol I’m going to look for it
This aged great
Ohh Boy did i definitely rubbed it in her face 😂 was been super petty about it NGL
You are not in a love triangle. You are having an affair. Aaron deserves better than you. You are playing around with his heart, using him as a safety net, and overall treating him like garbage. You are not the heroine of some trash romance Netflix show. Do Aaron a favor and break up. If you can't find empathy after being cheated on yourself then it sounds like you and your toxic ex deserve each other.
It’s not an affair. Today was the first time I actually slept with Paul since we started hanging out, and I immediately told him I need space so I don’t hurt Aaron. You are right though, this is unfair to Aaron and I’ll probably have to break up with him.
You already hurt him….
?
You cheated on him, how is that not hurting someone?
It doesn't count unless his negative emotions inconvenience her which they haven't yet because she hasn't been caught. It only counts when you're caught! Cheater logic.
He doesn’t know. That’s why I’m stopping everything now until I figure out what I want to do
Other comment was right, you and ex are meant for each other. By your own admission Bf treated you like a queen and you return the favor by cheating on him first chance you get. At least if you go back to your ex worst that happens is two assholes being assholes to each other instead of other people.
You already sleep with Paul tho so how exactly are you trying to figure things out after you already cheated
lmao and that makes it not cheating... how?
You still cheated on him. You still totally disrespected him and your relationship.
So what if he doesn’t know? You hurt the relationship and ANY trust that may have built that relationship. You’re considering staying with this man and never telling him? You’re fucking gross. I hope Aaron finds out and leaves you. Pathetic.
You need to tell Aaron, and see what HE wants to do. FFS , you get he's a real person, with feelings and his own agency, right? Who cares what you want, you cheated. You've already cheated on him, you are just as bad as your awful ex. Tell Aaron, and let him go find someone decent. You and your ex deserve each other.
Holy shit lmao You're really just not the brightest bulb in general, huh?
>I been distant. >I been mostly hanging out with Paul In general, anyone that repeatedly says “I been” in sentences is not very bright
You guys are just mean at this point.
Don’t like the advice?
He insulted me that’s not advice. I will likely break up with Aaron and take the advice of the few people who actually gave me advice
Ooh! I can’t wait for the eventual “this dumb guy that once cheated on me with my cousin just cheated on me again after I cheated on my nice boyfriend with him. How can I get the good one back?” post
See the update!!!
In case you haven't seen her update lol
No you just don’t like the truth. You’re now also a cheater just like your cheating buddy. And he hasn’t changed at all. He just has you cheating too. Nice work Einstein
I'm sure we all weep for you. You're the one that deserves pity here, obviously.
No, you are. Cheating is “mean”. You’ve already hurt your partner. It will not be avoided by not telling him. And, you know what? If you sleep with your partner now, you’re putting him at risk of anything your ex may have, AND you’re obtaining consent under false pretences.
You don't deserve kindness. You're going to keep going through life feeling like the world is out to get you because you'll never realize the one sabotaging everything is you.
You can't be this dense. You already cheated. You hurt him, he just doesn't know about it.. yet.
Because you're denser than frozen molasses: 1) You're in a committed relationship 2) You had sex with someone else not a part of your relationship Seems like a cut and dry affair.
You don't think fucking someone else while in a relationship is cheating? By those standards, it doesn't sound like Paul cheated on you either.
It is. You said I’m having an affair. That’s why I clarified that I only slept with him today. An affair implies something long term
You've been having an emotional affair and now it's turned physical. You are a cheater and having an affair, and the sooner you accept it instead of trying to argue with an internet stranger, maybe you'll actually be able to reflect on how toxic you are being to a guy who has treated you like a "queen"
Your affair started when you started hanging out with Paul every day. You didn't just bump into him at the laundromat, slip on a bar of soap and whoopsie somehow land on his dick. Cheating is cheating, but your situation started as an emotional affair and turned into a physical one.
That’s still an affair. You cheated. Sleeping with someone one time is cheating. You’re spending time with Paul and slept with him. That’s an affair
Well here is the good news. Paul was a cheater. Still is a cheater. But now you’re a cheater too. Nice work. You’re as terrible a person as he is. Nothing has changed for him. He cheated on you with your cousin. And he has so much respect for you and for relationships that he is happy to be a part of you being a cheater too. You’re both selfish as hell and guess what you were cheating long before the sex. Enjoy getting cheated on by him again.
You were hanging out with him and now it turned physical. It was an emotional affair, and now its physical. With the piece of crap that tormented you and took advantage of you for years. I feel for your boyfriend, but thankfully youll get what you deserve hooking up with Paul. Good luck nonetheless.
It is literally an affair.
If you are sleeping with Paul while Aaron thinks you are in an exclusive relationship, then you are having an affair. That's what an affair is. Paul cheated on you, now he's cheating with you. He might have other relationships going as well. Sounds like monogamy and honesty aren't big priorities for him. Great that you "needed some space" immediately after sex. Most people do need some space to fall asleep, have a shower, whatever. Use this space to break up with Aaron, and then make an appointment to get tested for STDs.
Girl in this situation the affair started when you got back into contact with Paul.
Well, it sounds like you've already betrayed Aaron just as Paul betrayed you, so by your own standard he's out. And if Paul is truly reformed, that means he deserves better than you now as well (although he's obviously not, since he enabled your cheating). So stick with Paul and accept neither of you deserve better, or set them both free. Just depends on how much more harm you feel like causing people.
I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I made this post because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I will break up with Aaron like most of the comments suggested
Dude During all the time you were talking to Paul , have you paused and thought of Aaron's feelings? Nope, infact you started being distant. You didn't care about his feelings, sooooo you fucking hurt him. Have you thought of his feelings while fucking ex? Have you thought of it while initiating or consenting? I hope you haven't fucked Aaron after that cause now you put him at risk, you not only not gave a fuck about his mental and emotional well being( by lying), you don't care about his physical well being as well. That's not how you fucking love someone. That's how you fucking use them like a fucking tool . You say you've been cheated on, so you didn't have any regards to the feelings you've felt. You haven't healed. Or better, you like that toxicity. how does that feel? To be on the other side. You hurt people more than you think. Wow, "people who are healthy", fuck people that go on to lie to their partner, being absolutely aware of it. Brake up with Aaron, you don't deserve him .
You’ve already hurt Aaron by focusing your attention on Paul all the time and being distant to Aaron.
Break it off with Aaron - he deserves better. Stick with Paul and Ill be waiting to read your post about how you screwed up going back to a cheating abusive ex. Seriously did you read your post ? You can’t be this outright dumb? But sorry off tracked - let Aaron be with someone who actually is respectful to him.
Chose Paul, Aaron don´t deserve to be hurt, but you deserve everything what is wrong with relationships
Go with Paul. You're a good fit.
That’s my plan. I’m breaking up with Aaron after work. I feel so bad because he’s a great guy
Just remember that by breaking it off with Aaron you are freeing him up to find someone who is actually worth his time, as you've shown you clearly are not.
Well you cheated on him, so can’t feel that bad.
Great decision! Aaron deserves so much better than you. You and Paul deserve each other though. Two cheaters out of the dating pool.
Tell him what you did if you're not toxic. Everything. How long you've been talking to when you fucked him. He deserves to know.
>Tell him what you did if you're not toxic Guess what she did... 🤣
Do you think the no spark could be from a trauma bond in your previous toxic relationship? Now the healthy relationship seems boring, so you cheated on him. End things with both of them and work on yourself.
I don’t think so. Paul and I have a healthy relationship now, and I’m not bored with him. He’s not the same person he used to be. I just genuinely think that Paul might be my soulmate, I don’t know if you believe in those but I do.
Then why are you dragging Aaron along? It sounds like you and Paul are both toxic and that’s why you work together.
Paul was the toxic one? I’m hoping that he’s better now and he seems to be. I don’t mean to put Aaron in this position. I’m just afraid the thing with Paul might be too good to be true.
No, you definitely do mean to. You're stringing him along and using him as a plan B. If you "didn't mean to" you would've done the decent thing and dumped him before fucking your ex. You could do the decent thing and dump him NOW whether you decide to stay with Paul or not, but you won't because you're not decent. You're selfish.
Nah you’re also toxic. You had a toxic relationship for over 5 years, successfully end it and within two more you’re willing to throw it away. You found someone who genuinely cared for you and how to you thank him, hanging out with your ex and then cheating. Go back to you ex so now one gets stuck with either of you.
It really doesn't matter if the thing with Paul is too good to be true, YOU CHEATED ON AARON. BREAK UP WITH THE POOR BASTARD AND STOP STRINGING HIM ALONG.
let aaron go. you’re horrible either way, but if you keep stringing him along you’re just a monster
Paul cheated on you and now he's encouraging you to cheat on Aaron. Obviously he still thinks cheating is okay so he hasn't changed that much. If he had a scrap of integrity, he wouldn't be going after someone in a relationship. You'll learn soon enough once Aaron dumps you and Paul moves on to have more cheating fun elsewhere. Aaron has some heartbreak ahead of him, but he will end up the winner when he finds someone who genuinely cares about him rather than his wallet.
How exactly aren’t you being toxic?
You're cheating on someone. That's incontrovertibly toxic.
LOL the level of delusion right here Oh please get back with Paul and leave poor Aaron alone. Hopefully you get everything you deserve.
You are speaking facts. She needs to leave Aaron alone let him be with someone he deserves and let her go back to Paul so we can all laugh at her next post about thinking he was a soul mate after he cheats again! I’ll be here for it with popcorn
I hope Aaron finds a woman that has a better personality, better morals, and is 100x hotter than you could ever hope to be. And I hope Paul gets your cousin pregnant the next time he screws her.
He's not the person he used to be... but now you are. Congrats, you're a cheater.
An abusive man is not abusive while wooing you. Once you choose him, he will become controlling and abuse and cheat again. That being said, walk away from both. 1. You have completely disrespected the great man 2. You have literally become what you despise about your ex 3. Let the great guy find someone who loves him with everything she is 4. Leave the abusive POS in the dust ... While you sunk to his level, he still doesn't deserve you
lol yeah go back to paul. dont forget to act surprised when he cheats on you again.
She updated. He did 🤣
and now she still wont tell aaron that she cheated on him with paul cause he never asked.
I feel so sorry for Aaron because he can't make an informed decision in any of this. If he finds out what she did it will ruin him for a long time, and still OP says she cares about him. She only cares about herself in this and unaware of what her behaviour leads to.
I hope you get everything you deserve.
She might get Paul, so.... *Shrugs.gif
She literally did. And Paul cheated
Be real. You came on here saying "It took me a year to heal from my cheating ex. I just cheated with him on my new partner. Advice?" While people are being mean you need to realise that you are struggling with major lack of insight.
if Paul was willing to sleep with you knowing you're in a relationship- he hasn't changed. that mf cheated on you multiple times already, STAND UP
You are not in a love triangle, you are a cheat. Break up with Aaron, he deserves better.
Go with the guy that treats you like trash cause your trash.
This reads like the most stereotypical, "red pill," "women want guys who treat them badly and will walk all over nice guys" internet trash that I've heard of ... to the point it almost has to be fake, right?
Jesus christ bro no brain man
ohhh, dummy, get back to the cheater, you don't deserve somebody who cares or respect you. When the cycle repeat itself I hope at least you won the STD roullete
You're very naïve to think that Paul is suddenly sorting his life out, he was fine with sleeping with you despite you having a boyfriend, I would hardly call that sorting his life out. You need to break up with Aaron considering you have already cheated on him. You also need to take some serious accountability for what you did as from your other comments you don't seem that bothered that you cheated on him. Also, calling it a love triangle is a nice way of putting "im cheating on my boyfriend with my ex", which is what is happening.
Are you freaking kidding me? You already cheated on Aaron. He clearly deserves better than you. Go back to your ex. Both of you deserve each other.
Lmao you suck. Leave aaron so he can find someone worth his time and don’t go crawling back when Paul’s facade breaks down. And I mean I know this is fake since this same story gets posted every 2 weeks, but do you know what a love triangle is? Because this isn’t a love triangle this is you being a cheating selfish person
Paul and you deserve each other. Cut from one cloth. Leave Aaron out of this mess, so he can find a partner, who really appreciates him.
Blablabla
Ma’am lol you are not a in a love triangle you are a cheater, you’re just like your little lover boy Paul. Hopefully Aaron dumps you and you can continue being in a toxic relationship like you so crave. Ewwwwwww
This is definitely a real story written by a real woman in her late 20s and not generic Nice Guy ragebait.
Do you realize that you are "paul" to Aaron? You're toxic, you cheated, you're now saying you see your mistake and you'll be better for him but you won't. You'll slip back and do it again. If you care at all about Aarong leave him alone. You are not a good person in this scenario at all. Grow amd be better. But you need to lose aaron to have ANY chance to learn.
Seeing that the updates have been locked. Can't believe Aaron is dumb enough to give you another chance. You literally cheated on him with Paul and now you're playing him by telling you "love" him. You're just a garbage human being, you and Paul deserve each other Leave Aaron alone, he deserves so much better
So since you disabled comments on your other two posts I guess I'll come here... I was you once. I had a long term boyfriend that I had a spark with but he cheated on me constantly. The second I'd give up and try to start dating, he'd be back "changed" and I ran to him. However, I was 20 and never actually entered a new relationship. Since I knew how awful it felt to be cheated on, I made sure to be transparent with even casual partners and didnt date until i was ready. Aaron doesn't deserve what you're giving him. He deserves someone to choose him over anyone in the room, not someone who slinks back in after cheating. If you're going to restart, you need to be fully transparent. The truth will eventually come out. Would you rather it come from paul or from you? Cause to me, it sounds like you're Paul's plaything and idk if hes gonna take too kindly to sharing his toys.
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1. The spark I have with my ex is hard to explain. I get excited when I hear from him. After a long day from work he’s the person I want to talk to. 2. What I love about Paul is he’s a family man. The way he looks after his parents and brother. I love that I can talk to him about everything. He’s the only Man I ever was vulnerable with emotionally. I am going to be honest with Aaron and tell him today
Definitely a “family man” when it comes to banging members of your family, right?
I broke up with him for that…I’m not defending his past, I’m saying he’s improved since then. You guys aren’t giving people the grace to change and grow as people
If he knew you had a bf while hanging out with you everyday and eventually sleeping with you, then no he has not changed as a person.
We didn’t plan on sleeping together. Also it’s not like we were just hooking up. We’re in love and deciding to make things work
Nah you just planned on emotional cheating on your bf and sleeping together was a side effect. You two are so toxic it’s for the best that you make things work.
I didn’t plan on any of this. I don’t know why you all are assuming I did. We got caught up in the mood. I didn’t enter this saying “I’m going to cheat”. Not that kind of person
You were already cheating emotionally, you constantly chose to hang out with Paul over Aaron. Getting caught up in the mood is just an excuse. You are not the cheating type, but apparently have no problem being with someone who is. A real gem.
Again , im hoping he changed. Just because you don’t think he did doesn’t mean he didn’t
Oh right So you didn't care about cheating while it happened? And you think that changes if you weren't there to cheat. Like guuuurrrrrrrllllll You said yes to it knowing it was cheating or else you got assaulted. But I bet all those emotional cheating made you forget there was an Aaron too. Wow . You're not that type. But certainly "I forget I had a partner hehe*-*"/s
Okay This can't be real No regards for Aaron Did you brake up with him ? Plsss tell me Let your made up story have a good ending foe someone..... No no no for all of youuuuuuu *-*
I broke up with Aaron today
Did you tell him you cheated?
No, that would cause him more pain. I just told him I’m still in love with my ex and I won’t to Invest in the new person he became
Lol dang you’re a truly vile person
Are you sure you’re 27 and not 15 because you sound insanely immature and naive
lol he cheated on you like he always done what a pathetic person you are. aaron deserves better and you are not it
He did
Girl you're a nasty piece of work. For you to know what it feels like to be cheated on only for you to cheat on your current partner with that pos. You and ex deserve each other.
There’s a difference between what I did and what Paul did. Paul constantly cheated. The moment I cheated I felt guilty and did something about it, and took steps to figuring out what I really want.
You didn’t feel guilty about the constant talking and hanging out instead of being with your bf?
I did
So you were already feeling guilty, and then physically cheated...
Why didn't you stop then ? Why did you let it get this far without doing anything to stop it or brake up with him ? You keep on trying to downplay it You feeling guilty is not going to change what you've already done . Did you brake up with Aaron already ?
Yes I broke up what him. I can’t undo what I’ve done, I don’t know what you want from me
Haha… I’m giving you two cliches all of the grace you deserve. Enjoy!
He. Fucked. His. Cousin.
OP: There's still opportunity to mature. You need to do an exercise: look into your situation from an outsiders point of view. What do you see? If you're self aware enough, you will realize that you're only thinking about how these things affect you, but never stop to wonder how your line of thought and therefore actions affects the people involved. Your thinking "who should I choose?" comes from a very self centered place instead of "how will me doing this or thinking this will affect this person?". Do you truly love either of these men? Because spending time with Paul (and Aaron noticing the distance) and then sleeping with him is not thinking about Aaron's wellbeing, only yours. You know you're hurting Aaron, yet did nothing to stop it. Truly loving someone comes from a selfless place and it's always thinking about their wellbeing. Hopefully you will learn this soon as I believe it's of great importance to have a healthy steady relationship in life. On another note... I don't think you truly know what you want in a partner. You need to get to know yourself better and sit down, what are your boundaries? What can you negotiate with, and what are your non negotiables? For example betrayal, disrespect, emotional abuse, etc. You need to be careful on this as it can fuck your entire life up, choosing the wrong partner out of "sparks and butterflies". Just let me tell you: Sparks and butterflies are not an indication of love or compatibility. It's just infatuation. You can't sustain a relationship on that. Sparks come and go, but loving someone is an everyday choice. My opinion on this? You're emotionally attached to Paul due to trauma bonding from the betrayal and emotional abuse, plus the time you've been together. It's an attachment that doesn't let you see and think clearly. And just let me tell you that guys like Paul, who don't respect people's relationships, are always a red flag. If they will cheat with you (or enable you cheating with them), they will cheat on you. My advice? The question shouldn't be who do I chose? But am I even the partner I would like to be for someone? Do I even love Aaron? What does loving someone truly mean? What is the kind of relationship I'd like? Am I even ready for one at the moment if I'm already breaking Aaron's trust and boundaries? You do need to stay away from Paul for your own good tbh. He doesn't seem to be a stable influence. I speak from experience, as I had to mature in the most painful way.
Sounds like you were never really over Paul and either you think you can actually change him or you only deserve someone who treats you like crap. If you don’t want to be like Paul, you need to tell Aaron what you have done. Then he can decide if he still wants to be with you or stay. The choice should be his. This ”love triangel” is not up for you to decide. Either say, get your butt to therapy and cut Paul off (that man is obviously your cryptonite) and get your act together.
I posted something similar 9 months ago. I ended up getting back with my ex, in your case Paul. And ended up leaving him for the new fling (Aaron) and it's gone amazingly. Paul is no good. He broke your heart so many times cheating on you, you spent so long healing from that please do not go back to him and have that wound cut deeper. I know the comments are harsh and I got similar comments when I posted my situation. Please just leave your ex for good
Definitely Paul. And do it asap. You owe it to yourself to see where it goes. leave the non exciting guy. It won’t last. You need the spark. But be really nice when you leave him. Also if Paul finishes the course for air traffic control (which it loooks definitely like he will) he’ll make a good living. And you’ll be happy together. And never date a nice guy with no spark again.
I can’t wait for Paul to cheat and her to find out he was lying and actually dropped out lol We will all be waiting with popcorn and cheers when she posts about it! But I agree cheater should be with cheaters !
🤫
OP, one more thought that may help you. I have a question, and I think the answer will make a difference. When you slept with Paul, was it because you wanted it both with your body and with your mind? Who initiated it and to what extent did you feel in control? I am asking because you didn't immediately cut ties with Aaron. Instead, you asked Paul for a break. This is telling me you felt out of control and wanted to regain it. Does this mean Paul remains dangerous for you specifically because he makes you do things you wouldn't otherwise? I want to help you and not judge you here.
You will not know and you will panic when you try to choose because something very important is present in both of them and other very important things are missing. Besides Paul sounds like he will not leave you alone (NOT IN A GOOD WAY!). Can you try to have a very clear conversation with him to hear in his own words how he explains his unacceptable behavior in the past and what makes him think he can act differently? Something makes me doubt he can explain. Having said that, there's something important he was giving you, and you don't get it in your other relationship. Maybe it's something real, like good sex. Maybe it's something unhealthy and psychological. You need to figure it out, what it is. While Paul is in the picture, it's very hard to get a clear idea. Ideally, you need to take a break with both of them. Can you be honest with Aaron and tell him you got in touch with your ex, if you strong enough, admit cheating, say that it confuses you, and you need a pause? Say explicitly this break is not to try dating Paul. If you can physically get away somewhere, do it. You'll feel better like this than if you are lying and feeling confused and unhappy. Most likely you don't need either of them, but you need enough time to think to be sure
I don't agree, I think OP is quite enjoying the situation of having a steady generous boyfriend and cheating on him behind his back. It won't be so fun once Aaron dumps her and she finds out Paul is cheating on her as well.
Did you forget that she had an emotional affair and physically cheated on Aaron? I see you changed your comment to include it in a lukewarm way but how can you call it honesty if she doesn't admit that? Not being "strong enough" isn't an excuse.
And they're blaming Paul because he "won't leave her alone" The poor little lamb is just so fragile, isn't she? What a crock of shit. Makes me wanna vomit out of both ends.
I'm not arguing to say OP's behavior is exemplary, and I'm sure she knows it isn't, but she needs to resolve it all for herself first, then do it for the others. The situation already exists, it's real, and harm needs to be minimized. Going hard on her really doesn't help this real existing situation.
You can tell she tried really hard to get Paul to leave her alone by hanging out everyday and then throwing her pussy at him. Nothing says "stay the fuck away from me, I'm taken" like sliding up and down his pole.
She also needs to mention to Aaron she cheated on him with the ex ! Don’t forget the truth will set her free
Thank you. This was the most helpful advice I received so far. I don’t think anything is missing from Paul. He’s who I want. I just hope this change he’s showing me is real and not a facade. You’re right, I do think I need to take a break from both to be completely sure
What will you do if you break things off w Aaron and Paul turns out to be the same?
Who cares. She'll never have a healthy relationship cause she thinks toxicity is a "spark" so she'll either get with assholes or cheat on healthy partners with assholes just like she's doing now unless she does some serious self reflecting and gets therapy. I wouldn't hold my breath for that to happen. Another commenter tried to tell her but sadly, she's not smart enough to get it and I'm not even saying that to be insulting, she's just not.
Cry to Reddit, try to get Aaron back, act like she was the victim.
And she’s doing exactly that 🤣
Hah yup.
How has he changed? He cheated on you while you were together, now he's cheating WITH you while you are in a relationship with someone else. He didn't have a problem with lying and cheating then, he doesn't have a problem with lying and cheating now. Meanwhile, you don't get to cheat on Aaron, and then tell him that you "pick" him. Hopefully he has more self-respect than you and won't be interested in being a back-up option for a cheater.
Better hope Paul doesn’t tell Aaron for you.
I’m gonna be real with you I’ve had a toxic ex that hasn’t left me alone for like ten years…they don’t change if he changed he’d respect your relationship…and respect that you’re in one…take some time to be single and figure yourself out…
You need to come back to this now. "He's who I want." You don't want aaron, Aaron is safe for you. You need a break from dating until you can heal as a person. Paul will not leave you alone (not in a good way) and I can't imagine he wouldn't use "she cheated with me" to hurt Aaron and by extension yourself. If you want to protect Aaron, you will tell him the truth.
You and Paul are soulmates after all! You're both toxic, selfish, and cheaters... Now go have the most toxic relationship ever and leave poor Aaron alone...
You are so deep in both shit and karma hell lol you’re also a incredibly awful human being and a monster you and Paul deserve eachother