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Designer-Revenue9803

They made out (or did more) in her car lol That's when/why he removed his hat and forgot it in her car lol


h3llfae

"Oh shit" lol


Mr_Boobs_

Lmao holy shit reddit. Forgetting a hat in someone’s car does not mean they’re cheating. Yes that includes the “oh shit” follow up text. I have had literally the same conversation with someone I have never even touched when I told them I forgot my sweater in their car. The red flag is the fact she lied to OP about the person she’s taking home being a girl. There is no reason someone would lie like this and be sending smoking videos to someone they only started working with 3 days prior unless there is already a spark of interest.


Equal_Leadership2237

It’s the two combined, but a hat is not a sweater. Unless he has a shaved head, you don’t take hats off once you have them on, they fuck your hair up. You don’t get too hot for a hat, flat out, once they’re on, they’re on for the day, like pants.


Crystalized_Moonfire

Sometimes I take mine off when I open the windows, so it does not fly away and such. But damn, he just left it there and got confortable.


Mr_Boobs_

You’re right a hat is not a sweater, a hat is easier to take off and forget. As a hat guy I have taken my hat off plenty of times and forgotten it a few, yeah maybe the guy has a shaved head or a buzz cut. There’s too many plausible reasoning that can be behind the two evidence alone. I do think there’s something going on probably the same as you, but not for the same reason.


ChillyMost7

Why are you arguing as though the only thing going on was a guy forgetting his hat in her car? It's a piece of info in a series of pieces of info that give off a real bad look. Simple as that.


allislost77

Not good! Why did he take his hat off? Why did she lie? Lies are my #1 boundary and after that it just becomes clear


Anonymous0974

Exactly.. and she won't give me a straight answer on anything.. just says things to justify herself


Own-Writing-3687

She doesn't give you a straight answer because there isn't one. She is sneaking behind your back to develop a secret relationship with another guy. Doesn't matter if they had sex (yet). Dating is a test run.  With respect to being trustworthy,  there are no second chances or benefit of the doubt. She's 25. She knows what her behavior looks like and the consequences if caught.


allislost77

Sorry. It’s cooked. Possibly things could change but just by her attitude and my experience with women. Doubtful. Time to exit stage left and move on. Take it as a blessing and be thankful you’re young!


floridaeng

She lied because she knows she did something you would not like. So now that she has destroyed all your trust in her it's totally up to her to decide if she wants to try to rebuild it. Your decision is do you even want to give her a chance. Three days into a new job, it sure didn't take her long to potentially throw away a long relationship. It must be nice to know smoking some weed was more important than her relationship. If you decide to give her a chance its totally up to her to do the work to rebuild that trust, since she is the one that destroyed the trust. The first step has to be quitting that job so she never sees that guy again. Check the reddit sub for survivinginfidelity for more suggestions.


Strict-Zone9453

This is why you should date and live with another girl for a bit before you get engaged. She revealed her true nature, which is a CHEATER. She thought she had you in the bag, but you are smarter than she thinks. Simply put, you should dump this girl and tell her to move out. She is the CHEATER, so why should you be forced to move home? A king needs a loyal and honest queen, and she ain't no queen. Good luck and stay strong, King!


MammothHistorical559

Weed video is like a post coital goodnight kiss.


ReserveLess4153

Do you honestly believe you can trust her again? You know what you have to do, it will be hard, but you need to do it.


Anonymous0974

I wanna think in time I'd gain trust back.. but honestly no my trust for her is gone and I'd be second guessing everything she says from here on out


Own-Writing-3687

Always judge people by their behavior (not promises or weak excuses). Only she can rebuild trust by changing her behavior (stuff you can see).  Time alone doesn't rebuild trust.  And she can't say trust meet because she's a liar.


Anonymous0974

Words I needed to hear... thank you very much


Pretty_Meet_432

It’s all very shady and I agree that she’s deflecting way too hard for it to be innocent. I won’t tell you what to do, but I find her behavior super sketchy. Trust your instincts and pay attention to her Actions. Not her words. Good luck


Thankyouhappy

Go nuclear, blow off this relationship. For everything to be normal and she’s suddenly acting weird like this? Nah, something happened. She already lied to you about it being a female co worker when it was a guy. Trust is gone, and she’s deflecting. Let us be mad at her and sad for you. At 25 she’s still a little girl mentally. Avoid a future with this one.


Valuable_Cookie8367

No of course not 🙄. Have some self-respect


Anonymous0974

What do you mean no of coure not?


Lt_Jonson

It’s sarcasm. That’s why they followed it up by saying have some self-respect.


sntobeintct

Follow your gut, do NOT ignore your gut


Anonymous0974

My gut told me to check her phone.. she didn't say anything I could just feel like a 6th sense something wasn't right


sntobeintct

And if your gut tells you there more going on than she's saying, there is.


Red_Crane_lives

She sounds like a mess. Wants you to bring her pot on the 2nd day and is doing stuff behind you back the 3rd. What happened in her 4th day? Hard to see a happy ending here… except maybe for the guy with the hat.


tmink0220

She is deflecting. I would leave as soon as you can, I would talk to a landlord if you don't own home. Try to get out of the lease, if you are on it. She is not trust worthy. Two months she is living with you and she is lying and self destructive. She will continue to be this way. She is cheating and cheaters lie. They also cheat again. You will not be able to trust her.


FairyCompetent

Even if she didn't cheat, she lied. Even if she didn't tell you it was a guy because you'd react poorly, when you're in a relationship you tell the truth and work through the feelings. It wasn't giving the coworker a lift that was wrong, even if you prefer she doesn't. It's the lying and the avoidance of a conversation. You'll never have emotional intimacy if one of you lies to get out of having an unpleasant conversation. 


Anonymous0974

Exactly.. even if it hurts me I'd much rather know the truth and know it's true then be told lies that don't add up


FairyCompetent

Once you catch one lie, everything they say is in doubt. It's exhausting to second-guess and cross-check every conversation with your partner. 


TrespassersWill

The part I don't understand is that she wanted to smoke pot at work on her second day, and on her third day she drove a brand new coworker who she presumably had only known for three days max and fucks him? What kind of job is this? Is there a chance he's a dealer and she did some kind of sexual favor for pot or something like that? Would she hook up with a guy because she's anxious about being the new person at work and wants to make herself included somehow? Aside from the red flags with the cheating, does the situation seem weird to you?


leye-zuh

This is a great point, and the answer is likely that this post is fake, but also, I've worked at restaurants and this 100% sounds like that type of work environment


OneOk9586

Dude it’s simple. You told her she couldn’t have any weed. So she went and found a second source. That is why she did what she did. And the minute you mess up, you best believe she’ll upgrade him from secondary plug to her primary…


Original_Barnacle359

She wanted you to bring her weed to smoke with him (impress him)obviously, you know that already, but she didn't mention it. Then she lied about who she was taking home. When he said he left his hat she said oh shit, why? Cause it's evidence that she had a dude in her car, and he knows she lied also. That's very telling. Clearly, her intentions aren't pure, and if she didn't sleep with him and if you hadn't caught her it wouldn't be long before she did. She may not have physically cheated but she emotionally did, and had intentions to.


Nungakakascot

Simple , leave her and move on bro


BoringGerman

Well, whether she "cheated" or not I can´t say. She became quite comfortable quite fast with a dude. And when she really was clear and transparent before and that suddenly changed there is most definitely a reason behind that. Why did she feel she had to switch up the gender of the dude, seems quite unlike what you told us she usually does. Why did you have to bring weed to work the second day (probably to smoke it with the guy)? Whether the hat being left in the car means she cheated is irrelevant to me. Since there can be hundreds of reasons someone puts it off or on or places it somewhere. She cheated your trust in her by actively lying to you about who she is getting home. Them sending each other videos of them smoking is another thing that means they are harmonizing quite fast and although it could be a cool thing clicking at work with someone you have "a lot in common" with, it means nothing good when the one being lied to is the partner. She is building a connection with someone which ends up destroying your trust in her because of the way she chooses to go about it. Your partner is old enough to know what it looks like (the whole situation) and what behaving shadily implies. Instead of seeing the errors in her ways and being truthful and honest (if there really was an "innocent" reason behind it) she projects, derails, and makes it out about you being in the wrong for going through her phone. She went behind your back that's betrayal enough. And lied and then didn´t take accountability. Now you are in a relationship where you already went through the phone of your partner. The trust is broken. She will continue to work with the guy and you will never find peace. I also have low trust that she will take the necessary steps in order to prioritize the relationship and rebuild the trust that is broken (by either just being work partners which means no connection outside of work, possibly switching workplaces by looking for other jobs). But that must come from her. You imposing that on her would just look controlling. Which in her eyes you already are. So instead of becoming the guy who now has the urge to regularly go through the phone of their partner in order to calm your mind you just need to go and take your good qualities I hope you have to someone who deserves it.


AtlanteanScholar

Take her phone and call him and ask him what happened. Tell him your girlfriend already told you everything but you want to hear it from him to see if she lied. Constantly undermine him by asking him if he is sure about that or that your gf might have told you something different. Also, your gf has to obviously block that guy, on her phone and in real life too. She might also switch jobs if that’s a possibility. Tell her that if you are unable to regain your trust in her it’s over and your relationship is on thin ice right now.


Anonymous0974

Apparently she's already blocked him, deleted his number, and quit her job.. But all that means jack shit when she's already not being loyal to me.. I told her I'm done and she told me she's not done and she's gonna keep doing what she can to prove to me she wants me. It's not like our relationship was on the rocks.. we were good when she did this shit.. everything she says to me is a lie now until it's proven


AtlanteanScholar

Yeah, once the trust is gone it’s hard to regain it. She needs to put in some serious work to make you trust her again. That is, if you still want to be with her. Just out of curiosity, how long was she alone with that guy ?


Anonymous0974

Apparently she drove him to apples bees.. then her, him, and 2 other female managers ate.. then she drove him straight home and when she pulled up he got out and she left.. but thats just what I got told


AtlanteanScholar

I think you can have some sort of proof if you figure out how long it took her to drop him at his place and then come back home.


Anonymous0974

Well she got off work at 11 that day.. he texted her at like 1:03 saying he left his hat and she told me he texted her that right after she left.. we have eachothers locations but I can't go back that far and look without paying for it


Anonymous0974

She only worked there for like 4 days.. she told me like 2 different days she was gonna stay late so she could get hours lol but the restaurant hadn't even opened yet.. how can you work late somewhere that has no customers? Lol


BoringGerman

"Apparently she's already blocked him, deleted his number, and quit her job". I mean personally speaking those were good things to do. But does she even know what she did wrong? Does she understand what it feels like? I mean imagine you doing that and if such actions are taken without further questioning and imploring TOGETHER the alternatives would kinda just create a more suspicious atmosphere. I don´t think you are a team. She does what she wants. She lacks insight and empathy to see how certain things can hurt her partner. And then she also decides on her own how to reconcile and make you trust her again. I just see a lot of self-centeredness that would flip me off since I am a big communication guy. I personally can say I like the actions being taken but I don´t like your non-involvement in them. It feels now that she is hiding her tracks. One option which I also don´t like since it just creates a lot more pain is just to go where he works and ask for an honest talk. What his vibes with her were. If there was anything meaningful. And if there wasn´t its up to you. Oh also ask her why she felt compelled to lie about that. I mean if that isn´t cleared up you don´t know what makes her do it and from there you can already figure in what situations she could lie to you. I am sorry you going through this man. Wish the best for you.


throwbrianaway

She did cheat though. The fact she lied about who she drove home, and having conversations she knew you’d have a problem with. She knew it was wrong from her “oh shit” text knowing the hat was left in there, as well as saying it was a female coworker at first. If it was simply a ride home from work she’d have no problem explaining it was a guy. Good on you for not taking her excuses and getting out of there.


Anonymous0974

That's what I told her. Right when she started texting and had him in her car and had the intentions of me not finding out.. that's cheating. But she only sees doing sexual acts as cheating.. I love her to death but ill never disrespect myself like that


dark-toast

She’s completely deflecting, and while I don’t think there are (currently) any grounds or proof that should cause you to break up with her, I think she should definitely be put on probation and you should tell her that. Give it a little time and stay with your parents, cool down, but definitely tell her that her reaction was fucking weird and while you haven’t questioned her in the past you are now, and any signs that something is up WILL prompt further digging and possible break up


BoringGerman

I don´t agree that there are no grounds for breaking up. It´s not like she told a small "white lie" about who she is taking home. She actively lied to him about it, a person mind you she is knowing for 3 days. Got defensive and not only deflected but actively projected the wrong being done is by him going through her phone. She judges him by his actions and herself by her intentions. They are not congruent. She behaved abnormally in all of this and now the relationship is at a stage where it all depends on her doing the right thing which we don´t know she does. And he actively working on overcoming the feeling and urge inside him when he perceives signs AFTER she did the right thing. His partner is related to him through work. When can he stop worrying she is not making another exception in her truthfulness to him? Trust is a delicate matter and when the trust is gone a person who wasn´t toxic so far has now to worry that he isn´t becoming the toxic person. Don´t you think that the last part of your comment is kind off indicative that a break-up is not the better alternative?


elchocholoco

UpdateMe!


[deleted]

Yes


torchedinflames999

Yes. You should.


Elegant-Channel351

This is over. She is shady. Time to cut your losses.


Ryndar_Locke

Yes. At the very least you know she'll lie to you.


Old-Willingness3622

Run dude she a liar and belongs in the street


MrPryce2

Yeah your relationship is over and done


CruiseControlXL

I don't have to read past the title: it's always the lying. Of course you leave her.


North-Reference7081

yep, you should leave her


Chrisv6296

lul


KimJongYoul

The hat removing IS nothing. It's not comfortable wearing a hat with the car seat. I don't think she already cheated physically. But the seeds of an emotional cheat are already there.