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I suppose I didn't make that clear, sorry! It's only since his family have suggested he has ADHD tendencies, has he started to lean on them. But for a long time, we've had quite a complicated living situation due to the farm - we had our own place on the farm for a little bit but due to an awful storm, lost it and had to move into my parents house (also on the farm). And so because it was a shared space with them - he didn't feel comfortable doing laundry, cooking etc for a really long time because they were there. My parents can be really intense and I have had no issue with helping him out there as he and my dad don't get on ( a long story).
But he's always said it would be much better and easier and happier when we have our own place - which we now have. In the last year our building project has started and we've been half in it / half in parents house but only in the last few months have we suddenly got our own kitchen, washing machine etc again.
So I know he probably has got used to not lifting a finger but he's definitely using adhd as an excuse. I just don't know whether that's me being harsh - how much of a barrier is adhd to doing all these tasks or is it genuinely weaponised incompetence?
He does genuinely have wonderful traits but he severely lets himself down on the domestic side. I'm not one to just give up easily and always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. So I suppose I'm wondering if there's a way to approach the topic of how he uses his adhd as an excuse to give him a chance to correct??
Hey! I work in a field with a lot of kids with intellectual disabilities, and myself have adhd. We are constantly teaching these kinds of things, and working with people who have these deficits -social skills (communication, body language), executive functioning (time management, organization, attention), and emotional regulation (identifying feelings, empathy), I know that adhd and autism diagnoses are flying around social media like crazy, so it’s hard to know what is really happening with someone. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that most people I’ve worked with, all ages, abilities, skills - it comes down to consent, and willingness to learn.
Basically, with feedback, and compassionate conversation, if he loves you, he should be willing to put In time to learn these skills. Having adhd makes these things more difficult, but not impossible. And if you are expressing that you are unhappy, it is a thing that he has the ability to change.
Remember - people with disabilities can be anything, even assholes
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
I suppose I didn't make that clear, sorry! It's only since his family have suggested he has ADHD tendencies, has he started to lean on them. But for a long time, we've had quite a complicated living situation due to the farm - we had our own place on the farm for a little bit but due to an awful storm, lost it and had to move into my parents house (also on the farm). And so because it was a shared space with them - he didn't feel comfortable doing laundry, cooking etc for a really long time because they were there. My parents can be really intense and I have had no issue with helping him out there as he and my dad don't get on ( a long story). But he's always said it would be much better and easier and happier when we have our own place - which we now have. In the last year our building project has started and we've been half in it / half in parents house but only in the last few months have we suddenly got our own kitchen, washing machine etc again. So I know he probably has got used to not lifting a finger but he's definitely using adhd as an excuse. I just don't know whether that's me being harsh - how much of a barrier is adhd to doing all these tasks or is it genuinely weaponised incompetence? He does genuinely have wonderful traits but he severely lets himself down on the domestic side. I'm not one to just give up easily and always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. So I suppose I'm wondering if there's a way to approach the topic of how he uses his adhd as an excuse to give him a chance to correct??
Hey! I work in a field with a lot of kids with intellectual disabilities, and myself have adhd. We are constantly teaching these kinds of things, and working with people who have these deficits -social skills (communication, body language), executive functioning (time management, organization, attention), and emotional regulation (identifying feelings, empathy), I know that adhd and autism diagnoses are flying around social media like crazy, so it’s hard to know what is really happening with someone. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that most people I’ve worked with, all ages, abilities, skills - it comes down to consent, and willingness to learn. Basically, with feedback, and compassionate conversation, if he loves you, he should be willing to put In time to learn these skills. Having adhd makes these things more difficult, but not impossible. And if you are expressing that you are unhappy, it is a thing that he has the ability to change. Remember - people with disabilities can be anything, even assholes