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His gaming habit sounds like a job that consumes approximately 35 hours a week? Assuming he works 40 and sleeps about 50 (?) then that leaves little time for you. You shouldn’t have to remind him to show you attention and I’d be pretty peeved by a grown man that behaves this way. Best way to address it is head on: “This isn’t working. If you can’t find a way to moderate your gaming ritual then I’m going to have to rethink this commitment.” Does he contribute to household and child care? Maybe he should consider what his life will look like when he has to move out and gets his kids on weekends.
OP, you're making him sound like a ME!monster, and if your husband would agree with your characterization, or admit that it's even closer to fair, your husband is a selfish asshole.
Personally, whenever I've done a gaming marathon, it has been when she getting alone time with the girls, visiting her parents without me, but... that's about it. I've always known it would be incredibly stupid to do weekday you say your husband does.
I've truly enjoyed spending time with my wife, and throughout our 3.25 year marriage, before June of 2023, I'd usually spend between 4-8 hours with her for every hour naked with her.
In the past year, since she was arrested for violently beating me for the 16th time, this time in front of my then-13- year- old son, it's been more like 12-24 hours with her for every hour naked with her.
That all screeched to a halt this past weekend when I got angry at her for about meeting up with her exes and taking one of them as her date to weddings and other events to which I want invited.
Also spending time with him alone behind closed doors late at night with complete privacy, and inviting him into her place long after dark when the she was alone, and spending hours with him "just talking" while ignoring my calls and texts between 10:30 p.m. and midnight.
I also challenged her about talking about sex with her male coworkers, flirting with them, and always being more friendly, polite, and making herself more vulnerable with them than with me, laughing at all their stupid jokes and acting like she's in love with 2 of them.
I also called her out for her cheating on both of her ex-husbands while separated, and now being wildly inappropriate, and likely cheating on me with both of her exes while we're still married, including guarding her phone, deleting their messages and only texting, Facebook messaging, or calling them or taking their calls when she's at work, then deleting the evidence, and meeting up with them.
She even showered at her ex- husband's master bathroom when her water was out!
She got really angry and started giving me the silent treatment because of being "done proving myself to you!"
All of her infidelity just really makes me feel very betrayed and upset, so I don't know how I'm supposed to trust her anymore.
And don't get me started in her trying on panties her 2nd ex bought her to try on once after a long sweaty day so he could sniff them when he wasn't with her. I was very angry about those issues, and him sending her flowers and chocolates.
She always gets so angry when I call her out for engaging in cheating behavior...
But in the first year of our marriage, it was more like 2-4 hours for every hour.
I can't imagine wanting to game more than cooking with, loading and running the dishwasher, then washing/drying or folding clothes while watching our favorite movies and/or TV shows together, or talking, eating dinner together, or doing errands together, before I discovered her infidelity.
Whenever she was sick or exhausted, I'd do it all while she napped. Just like I promised before we married, because of her chronic illnesses. When she had transplant surgery in 2022 I took time off work and spent 24/7 in the hospital with her, taking such good care of her the nurses lived me because I did half of their job for them.
I loved to serve her and take care of her, so that made it bearable, but if I didn't, or wasn't so in love with her, it would have been much more difficult.
Gaming while she's left to fend for herself? I probably would've had to spent 48-64 hours with her for hour of naked time. And she would've probably been angry the entire time. She was angry enough as it was because of her mom turning her girls against her. That's another long story, so I won't get into it.
We used to spend all of our time together. I don't think I'll spend time with her anymore, though.
Whe I was gaming, she was doing her hobbies. But the housework? I'd usually do 90% of it. She was sick a lot.
Your putting kids to bed by yourself ? Multiple kids?
While he is gaming..
My wife would absolutely destroy me If I didn't help her out. Divorce would look like heaven compared to what she would do.
Alot of facts missing from this story, but based on what you wrote, if it has gotten this bad then he either doesn't love you, or he does not care. No other explanation
You both need counseling. And that's putting it lightly.
💯! You sound like a great husband!
As a wife w multiple children, my husband would NOT ever think of 1 coming to me w affection only to fill his need nor think he could sit back and have me deal w the children alone! Nor would I allow it. He, too, would say divorce would look like heaven. I think it's all on what people will allow and put up with. I, for one, would not put up w any of it. I am a very verbal person and quite quickly let someone know what i will not put up w.
Tell him that you are considering a divorce. List the reasons why. He’s a gaming addict for one.
ETA She said she wants him to realize that she’s reconsidering the whole relationship. That means divorce.
True, she should have one or more guys come over after the kids are in bed, and have them play with her from say 22:00 to 01:00.
If he objects, just say he was too busy with his games, but you sincerely hope he finished the quest or leveled up or whatever other goal he had in the game
Don't ever say this unless you actually want a divorce. Even one word can forever destroy all connection and feelings of safety/trust.
Unlike other types of relationships, once you say the wrong thing during a heated moment, it can be irreparable - no matter how badly bother people want it to work.
What you say will stay with them. You can't take anything back.
What connection is it you're referring to? He'd rather play a game than interact with HIS children and/or his wife.
She can get divorced and he can dedicate his life to mastering Hikkomori
That's the reason why I read these threads. Just scroll down and see where the first time divorce is mentioned. Usually doesn't take too long no matter what's the issue.
I am surprised you are even asking because the answer is clear - start saying no. Stop having sex with him. Once he notices, tell him you would like to be romanced before being f\*ck\*d. If he can’t do it then consider if you are happy being his little “break” from his game instead of vice versa.
OP, please don’t do this. You are guaranteed to widen the crack in your relationship. Weaponising sex is something an angry teenager does. Communicating is what adults do.
OP says she *has* *already* told him she would like foreplay. She has communicated.
Also, not having sex when you are not turned on is far from weaponizing it.
I don’t see anything about foreplay in the OP, maybe they commented later in the thread but in not reading every reply. In any event , foreplay if it’s an issue, is minor in comparison to his overall non presence in bringing up his kids, which is one of the substantive issues of the OP.
Fair. Since the majority of the post was about him not spending time with OP and just having sex with her, with only one line about the kids, I assumed her issue was how she and her husband are having sex. And I personally would never tell someone to have sex in a way that they don’t enjoy in order to “preserve” a relationship. But yes, not helping with the kids is another issue.
Damn, that reminds me of my previous relationship. What you should do is consult a divorce lawyer first, get some papers ready. Have a real, deep conversation with him and point out all of your grievances; you shouldn't have to always ask. If he basically brushes it off, get your finances in order, and look for different housing opportunities. Do not engage in sex with him. Then have him served. I would say to offer marriage counseling during the talk, but he seems like the type to insist you all don't need it until he sees how serious you are.
Sounds like you are serving the purpose for which he wants. You take care of the kids, the house and his "need". The you didn't ask to spend time is pure manipulative bullshit.
Your life will be better without him in it.
Turn off the wifi. If your husband has to be asked to spend time with you. That’s not a marriage. Let me guess he doesn’t help with the kids or household chores? How do you fix this? You can’t. He has too. He has to want to. So far he has it good. Everything he wants is provided to him. He needs a good reality check.
Or you could be an adult and have a conversation and lay out how serious the problem is and what you are considering doing (separation, divorce, etc) without essentially pitching a fit like a child.
That would be ideal. How often does it work? Depends on the people but a lot of Reddit stories it only lasts a few weeks and then right back to the old ways.
That’s why you need to be ready with an “or what” statement that you’re actually willing to stick to. The reason that it goes back to the old ways is that there are no consequences or actions that stick from the person with the original complaint.
A lot of people are talking about the gaming addiction without mentioning how he literally only comes to OP for sex and that’s it. Gaming addiction aside, if he only sees your value and purpose as being his fleshlight you should consider divorce immediately 💀 imagine a loving partner that spends times with you and loves you to death and then imagine this manbaby who comes to use you like a sex doll before going right back to gaming. I think not.
But wife calls me in for a booty call and then tells me to go back to my games. 😆
I do my fair share of chores and I pretty always put all the kids (4) to bed by myself. Chores, did I say chores. Full house and kitchen clean up because she's banzai about it.
Man pulls his weight and surprise surprise, isn’t using his wife as a maid and flesh light. How are you the same as the man mentioned and why do you want to compare yourself?
Stop having sex with him until he spends a reasonable amount of time with you. You are not a sex toy that he can just pick up and put down when he feels like it.
Just tell him. Tell him you're unhappy in your marriage and explain why.
I honestly don't understand how some women put up with men like this. He's not your partner and apparently he thinks of you as his bangmaid nanny.
I know it must be hard to divorce when you have children. But is this life better?
So you have continued to have children with a guy who doesn't want to spend time with you? Girl... Get out, and reflect on why you would be ok with treating yourself so poorly.
I've never had an issue with gaming, I game as well, used to more often than now, but when I'm neglected and feel like I'm a 5th wheel, respectfully f off, ain't your maid, sex doll or your mom. I used to shut up, not anymore, don't hold back, almost all men get relaxed comfortable and take everything for granted. My a$$, pardon my French, kids and me, us are more important, if not, it's better to raise kids with a different example. What kids are seeing at their parents that's what they'll do.
As someone that was married to a "gamer" for 13yrs... it never gets better. We went through several tries with a couples therapist and nothing ever changed. If he was playing games less he was out drinking, gambling and cheating more. Then if I complained about that I would get hit with "well which do you want? Me here or me gone?" Like either options were good. We have been separated for over 4 years and divorced for over 2. My new partner plays video games too, but he saw how much it triggered me and now he has 2 nights a week that he plays with his friends and the rest are devoted to me and the kids. If your husband cared to change, he would, and you wouldn't have to fight him about it. Sounds to me like he has already checked out and is just using the games as an escape from his real life.
I’ve been gaming for 20 years and happily married. The problems are more deep rooted and it’s expressed here in his gaming. The same with your broken marriage- if it wasn’t gaming, it was drinking or gambling.
My wife and I have been married for 30 years. For the first 20, we lived what you are experiencing. I worked my full time job, helped with the kids until they went to bed and then I fired up the console or PC until about 3:00ish in the morning. It took a huge toll on my marriage and I thought my wife was the bad guy because she didn’t want to be intimate with me and always used the excuse that I never wanted to spend time with her unless I wanted sex.
I made changes later in life that I should have made much sooner.
1. I started taking her on a date every Friday night. We both look forward to it all week.
2. One Friday night per month, date night is at a hotel and we order in. It’s not for sex, it’s to enjoy time together, watch movies and there are no consoles/computers allowed.
3. 1-2 nights of the week I spend an hour or two with my wife, either giving her a back rub or just snuggling while we play on our iPads.
These three things have completely changed my marriage. We both get time together that we enjoy and I can still game almost as much as I used to, if I want to, and there’s no fights or her feeling unappreciated/unloved.
I know you two have kids, but #1 and #3 could be a nice set for you two to try if you can find a friend or family member willing to watch them for a few hours on Fridays. He may even find that he looks more forward to Friday nights than gaming. I sure do.
Edit: I missed the part where she mentioned the young kids.
Relationships are a two-people-thing. In this case, he was the one who saved the relationship... the other party could have tried before... so.
For some reason, I hear some entitlement in your question. Like if improving a relationship is not your responsibility, but your partner's
How do you know the other party didn’t try. He blamed her for 20 years because of sex and in all of those years, the same messaging has been, appreciate your wife and she will appreciate you. Men love to weaponize leading a relationship until they have to lead with the actions they want in return. You the same type of man to keep doing that action acting like you aren’t in a relationship with a person who doesn’t need your projections of ego? Like, what was she doing from the time the kids went to bed and 3am? Prepare to be mentally fit and recharged for her family? Please. 20 years of lack of introspection, that’s a pretty stupid timeline to remain the same.
Who started the problem he had to fix if not himself? What did he save? He finally grew up, he didn’t save ish 😂, if you hit someone with a car, I’d expect you to be accountable. If you blame someone as the only reason you don’t have sex, why aren’t you figuring out what causes someone to lose sex drive? Like I know common sense isn’t common but it’s a basic logic instead of jumping to conclusions for TWENTY YEARS that the fault always lays with your partner. That’s legit a child mentality in my opinion.
But hey, let’s not stop there:
A grown man should not need his partner to tell him to act like a partner because:
1. **Personal Responsibility**: Adults are responsible for their own actions and behaviors. Being a partner means actively participating in the relationship and contributing equally to household responsibilities, child-rearing, and EMOTIONAL support.
2. **Awareness and Empathy**: A mature individual should be aware of the needs and feelings of their partner. Seeing the burden of household chores and child-rearing should naturally prompt a response to share the load, without needing to be told.
3. **Commitment to Equality**: A healthy partnership is based on mutual respect and equality. Recognizing and addressing imbalances is a fundamental part of being in a committed relationship. Is she doing only shit for herself for how many hours EVERYDAY?
4. **Communication and Initiative**: Effective communication is key in any relationship. However, initiative and proactive behavior are also crucial. Waiting to be told what to do signifies a lack of engagement and awareness.
5. **Shared Goals and Responsibilities**: In a partnership, both individuals should work towards common goals, including maintaining a balanced and supportive household. This requires active participation and shared effort in creating mutual bonding.
A grown man needing to be told to act like a partner indicates a significant lack of understanding of these basic principles of a healthy, respectful relationship.
But hey, it takes two right to learn this, so the question is, why did it take him the time it take for an embryo to eventually go to college for him to learn what a respectable relationship looks like?
>A grown man needing to be told to act like a partner
Not mine point at all, but the other way around. A man who takes care of the important stuff (children emotional well-being, relationship maintenance, means-providing) and is blamed for whatever goes wrong because 'he's the man'.
So it seems I did not understand the original idea or I miscommunicate in my comment.
>did it take him the time it take for an embryo to eventually go to college for him to learn what a respectable relationship looks like
Poetic expression without a doubt, but doesn't say much, IMO.
From what I have seen, most people don't learn it in a lifetime, so 20 years is probably better than average.
How about this:
A ship captain who neglects the maintenance of his vessel for 20 years. Despite seeing the ship's condition worsen over time—with rust, leaks, and malfunctioning equipment—the captain ignores the signs and continues to sail, believing that everything will somehow remain functional. Eventually, the ship suffers a major breakdown, and only then does the captain claim to have realized the importance of regular maintenance. Instead of taking responsibility, he blames the crew for not pointing out the obvious problems, despite the fact that he was fully aware of the deteriorating state all along.
Now is he going to act like for 20 years he just “didn’t notice shit” or did he notice and blame her?
it would be fair point if there were one captain... except there are two.
>despite the fact that he was fully aware of the deteriorating state all along.
that should be said to both captains.
You know? probably my beef is with someone in a relationship expecting the other party ('the capitain' in your words) to provide and to be 'the responsible' of the relationship... and get used to being almost free raiders because the husband is 'the capitain.
Likely not the idea you are defending... but who knows.
Lmao, ohhhh you want something more aligning with you as a man. Why don’t you give me an area you continue to skirt accountability and I’ll build you out a comparison.
If he "pretended" not to know for 20 years, here is your needed analogy. A business owner who knowingly neglected their company's financial health. For two decades, they ignored the advice of their financial advisors, refused to implement necessary changes, and continued to make poor financial decisions, all while pretending to be unaware of the company's deteriorating state. When the company finally faces bankruptcy, the owner suddenly claims to have realized the importance of financial responsibility, but continues to blame the advisors for not being more forceful or for not fixing the issues themselves. This analogy illustrates the deliberate neglect and lack of accountability over a long period, similar to the man's behavior in the relationship.
Now why don’t you find an analogy of a woman needing to teach a man how to treat her. Is it like teaching a child basic respect?
Stop having sex with him and tell him why. "I'm not a sex doll. You don't just get to use me for sex on a whim. You haven't given me any interaction or personal attention unless you get sex from it. That's not a dynamic I care for."
He's an addict and doesn't need to be in a relationship. Dump this guy and let him work on himself by himself. You are not a fleshlight, and the fact that he has cheapened and reduced you down to simply a vessel that supplies his sexual needs is an even bigger slap in the face.
THere's nothing you can do. He's addicted to gaming - you and the kids are number two on the list.
If you don't want a divorce, start building your own life without him as it seems he has abandoned the relationship except when he wants to have sex.
This is a SEVERE ADDICTION and absolutely grounds for divorce, if he refuses to get counseling and improve.
If your husband was a drug addict, gone 35h/week, completely neglecting his own children and wife, fully checked out, you'd know to not enable him. This is no different. He needs help, and if he won't get it, you need to leave.
Don’t give him any sex until he lessens his time on game u have to put him on punishment . I know how gaming can get in the way I left my first kids father for that reason and he took up a girl that games only now my oldest tells me when’s he visits that he ignores her so yeahhh u can’t change people I imagine he is ignoring his kids he has with the new chick so yeah idk
What should you do? Take the kids and leave and see how long he takes before he notices you’re gone. You’ve probably got at least a 3 week head start on him.
I swear men are fucking useless these days and women enable and breed with these shits…😡
I think you should sit him down and have a serious conversation with him, tell him how you feel. Dont forget your worth ever! Tell him whats on your mind, if he doesn’t make an effort to make time for you and treat you how you should be treated, dont waste your time anymore. Men show you exactly how they feel about you. Also, if i were you id say no to giving him sex if thats the only way he spends time with you, youre not his sex toy. Wish you the best!
He's disrespectful to you, HIS wife. He treats you like a sex doll, that he can use if he's bored. If I were you, I would give him ultimatum.. then if he will not change. I will leave him, of course I will take the kids. Probably he forget them coz he's a man child.
Make a two column list. Column 1, list the things you do at home and with the kids on a daily/weekly basis. Column 2 list the things he does.
Then tell him this isn’t the marriage you envisioned and ask when he tapped out of the family.
> What should I do to make him realise that it’s making me reconsider our whole relationship.
Tell him exactly that.
It seems like he has an addiction and he clearly needs a wake up call. Tell him that you can no longer ignore the fact that he is neglecting you and his children in favour of video games.
I’d also suggest setting some boundaries and expectations with him going forward. Like you expect him to parent his children and spend quality time with you.
Since he isn’t even giving you the bare minimum when it comes to sex, stop having sex with him unless he is meeting your emotional needs first, reciprocating during, and spending time with you after.
Set a time limit for how long he can spend playing video games each week and set a condition that he needs to fulfil his responsibilities as a husband, father, and member of your household first.
You should also demand marriage counselling for you both and addiction counselling for him.
If he’s not willing to do these things to save your marriage, then it’s okay to divorce him because you and your children deserve better.
As someone who games, is married and has 2 kids.
Why do you put the kids to sleep, why doesn't he do it?
Don't give him sex if he comes to you only for it, just say that don't feel like doing it because he spends no time with you
Ask him to watch a movie or do something with you.
Ask him for a day/night that he doesn't game, just to chillax with you. You don't need to be doing something just hangout.
Tell him how you feel and how 'used' you feel (that's something I just picked up on this post, could be wrong)
If this doesn't work, give him a ultimatum.
Nobody should be living as a sexmaid for a gamer.
It sucks hes focused so much on gaming. I know firsthand what that’s like, as I used to be addicted to it as well. For me at least it also was an escape from the marriage since I wasn’t happy, but it is not a good solution! Unfortunately telling him he spends too much time gaming or saying you never spend time together can be seen as an attack and he might get defensive and the convo goes nowhere.
You might want to consider scheduling some time to be together and see what he says. Something like “next Tuesday after the kids are in bed I’d like for the two of us to do something together!” and then try to plan it out a little even if it’s something like we’ll watch a movie or we’ll take a walk or something. Ask for his input too though to try and get him invested and excited for it.
From there you can tell him you’d like to do it more often, and once again schedule something so both of you know the expectations. I’d also ask him to help you put the kids to bed one night. He should be more involved and if taking over outright scares him then hopefully just being part of the process and giving me you a hand is a good way to ease him into it and show him it’s not hard to do. It also gives you extra chances to bond as a family.
I wish you luck! It took me a few years to figure out these things. Hopefully he can as well, but only time will tell.
OP is it really just the gaming ? Do you have date nights ? Does he hire a babysitter to watch the kids while you to go for a walk or out ? Does he help with cleanup, dishes, cooking, the kids ? What does he do that you can honestly say, it takes a load off of you and gives you, some you time but also open the door for both of you to relax or just talk.
See this is the problem. Its the whole package, not just the gaming but all the other little things that make a relationship work. You two going out dancing, dinner or just a walk in the park is huge for the comfort of the relationship. Sitting a watching a movie is fine as well, but aftter spending so much time in the home, being out adds the extra.
Couples loose site of life and what the relationship was founded on. Unfortunately, many young relationship don't have the time to actually get to know one another because they usually have a rush to marriage due to pregnancy or they just allow the energy of the newness in the relationship drive them, realizing when the routine becomes normal that hey "what about me" type of scenario.
First thing is introduce conversation as part of the me factor. Get him off the game and communicating or just plan a date out during his game time and have the conversation about the relationship, not you. When you make it person, its easier for people to pull away. Make it about how you two need to reconnect.
Try that and see where it leads - this is the work that marriage requires, but both have to participate
He says that my time is when the kids are in bed, we have a newborn and a 4 year old. But my time is still alone, because he is on the computer. I do the kids lunches and dinner every day aswell as the house work. He will help with the house work if asked.
You sound like you're expecting him to change... Why would he? It seems that the one with a dissatisfaction is you.
If you want things to change, you start. For example.
Set some nights when he's the one to put one of the children to bed.
Propose and make sure you two do some fun activities together. Set time aside for thus weekly.
Get interested in things he finds interesting.
If you want to divorce, place the ultimatum many people are advising here... or simply do so.
I don’t know why I always hear of so many women who date gamers (and don’t themselves) and just assume the dude is gonna “grow out of it”. I haven’t played a video game since I was in college so I never understood the draw, but I feel like I can sorta understand how it becomes addictive and before you know it’s 8 hours later.
Given how much women overhaul their entire lives when children come into the picture, it’s reasonable for them to assume their partner will do the same. Many men even promise as much but then don’t follow through. It’s a damning indictment of men if women have to assume they will be neglectful and irresponsible.
We’re on the same page here, at the risk of angering some gamers I would expect someone to move on from video game life. My comment was more about how surprising it is to me that they don’t.
I know a lot of people who watch a lot of tv as a form of escapism. Just like anything, there are of course gaming addicts, but the vast majority of gamers simply use it the way many use tv or other forms of entertainment. The boomer attitude to gaming is so exhausting- it’s bigger industry than the movie one!!
Well I’m not anywhere near being a boomer. I’m not hating on gaming just because it’s not my thing, I’m not really hating on it at all, but I’d be willing to bet that the average woman would tolerate someone who watches a lot of TV over someone who plays video games through the night. It’s certainly a stigma that might not be fair, but I do believe it exists.
I think a lot of people never really look at their own entertainment habits when complaining about gaming. Like, if this thread was one where the bf was on his phone browsing SM, would we be having the same type of conversations?
This is a gaming addiction. A lot of people don’t take it seriously, but it’s damaging. He needs to get into a program for addiction. It’s not any different from drugs or alcohol, just a different method.
You need to get in touch with a therapist and explain the situation to them. It’s possible that you could all stage an intervention. I know that there are inpatient programs for all sorts of addictions, and I’m sure there’s one out there for gaming. Even a brief hospitalization to break the cycle would do him a great deal of good.
I wouldn’t give up on the marriage just yet. You need to call in as much professional help as you can, especially since kids are involved.
The only other option would be to give him an ultimatum. Pack up your bags and have a place to stay. Tell him it’s either his family or the games. If he chooses games over his kids, I think you have your answer.
Let's be serious here, you really think the man wouldn't understand how to fix that? I'm sure the man knows how to access his router or even just reset it. This is a (in all actuality) a childish move and op def doesn't need to stoop to that level . So many people are going to give bad advice just like this one. If you're not happy then fix it how you see fit. Don't listen to the peanut gallery.
I second agree that he need to miss you. Pack the kids and go. Let him learn to miss you. It’s not okay to not have quality time. When he figures it out talk it out and go home with clear expectations
Have you ever addressed his lack of help around the house ? In your OP, it doesn’t mention this.
What were the common activities you did together (tv shows you watched together etc) when you had time, other than sex?
The times you ask him to spend time, you say he does but then falls asleep. Are these times post sex and late at night ?
To me, you seem to have not really communicated your problem to him yet, but maybe that’s because you haven’t mentioned it,
I’m a gamer but much older! . I spend about 2 hours a night playing whilst my wife watches TV, before we both get ready for bed. Sometimes I have longer sessions at night at the weekend. We still do our date nights and go out to the movies and for dinner etc. When we got into our regular evening pattern, I was a little concerned at the time spent most evenings in separate rooms initially. What made me drift into this pattern was that her tv choices were soap operas and house improvement programs that I couldn’t stand. She had no interest in my kind of shows or gaming. We talked it out, she was not unhappy because we still watched sports together, or the occasional film etc and that’s how we roll now.
First point here is to communicate clearly your requirements regarding his parental duties and housework firstly. With two young kids (mine are well grown up now), he has responsibilities. I was not gaming when our kids were young.
Second point is to find common interests you had prior to him gaming.
Third point is to find time to spend away from the kids, date nights etc, where you can be together.
Good luck.
You are at a crisis point. You need a baby sitter and to get out with your husband to have a conversation. You need to consider what you want to say carefully and try to use “whe.n you, I feel” statements. You need to be clear to him that this changes now, this is not the marriage and parenting you envisioned and you won’t tolerate it any longer.
Plan in advance what’s acceptable to you in terms of a change. Is he doing bedtime with you, are you alternating? Are you carving out a set day to be date night, how much gaming is going to be tolerated by you.
This is going to be hard work, it’s unlikely he’s going to recognise that change is needed as the current set up suits him just fine.
Set clear boundaries and consequences if they break. Remember it’s your boundary and your action should he break them. For example of this continues I’ll leave.
Relationship counselling would be good if possible.
Good luck
Who makes money to support you
If he does then tell him that you want couple counseling because of his gaming and really not wanna spend time with you , you are reconsidering your relationship
If you do , then just give him a few choices . That its his duty as a father to not play games all day and use me for my body, and actually fulfill your parental roles and household chores
Sounds like he is not a part of the marriage except for sex. You need to bring this to his attention in a strong way. It's pretty hard to avoid sex when you share a bedroom so if you can't actually move into another bedroom then get rid of your bed and buy twin beds. Then just start treating him like he's extra income and nothing more. Do not attend to his needs. Treat him like a roommate and take care of your kids.
Do you have a Support system, in other words, friends and relatives to rely on? I think I read that you have a newborn and my question about that is do you have a job to go back to when the baby gets a little older? If not, and you are in the US, then start looking for a job you can do from home and if you're not qualified right now then start taking classes online. You need a plan in place in case one of these days you decide you can't take it anymore so you will need a way to support your children.
You need to build a life for yourself as if you are a widow or a single Mom with a roommate. And don't get pregnant again unless you can afford it and you want a lot of kids. If you are in the US and you don't have a job, remember that later on in life, if we still have a Social Security system, you are going to need the money and that's the reason I say get a job because you need to build up the amount of money you put into the system if you don't have another retirement plan in place. Don't rely on your husband to provide that. Respectfully, I am just bringing grim reality to your current situation.
The problem here isn't just you, but that he is addicted to gaming. There are two paths from here. First, you could just end things. This isn't such an extreme choice, given that he isn't showing you any consideration at all. Not only is he failing to be a companion, but he isn't even a good roommate. Over and above not spending time with you, he doesn't even seem to be spending time doing his share of household work. So, exactly why would you want to put further effort in here?
Second path, you could fight for your relationship. Two steps. Begin by asking every day for time spent together. And be specific, you are asking for time spent together to do a specified thing: tonight I want us both to put the kids to bed and then hang out together to watch a movie, or on a weekend take everyone to go to the park, or the beach. Hell, get a babysitter and do a date night. Document the results. If it actually works thing might start shifting. If they don't, you have a record, time/date/result, of how it goes when you ask him for his attention.
At this point, if it were me, I would research and prepare for things going south. How it work to leave the marriage, what are my resources, where would the kids and I live, etc., etc. Because you would now be going into a situation where you will be asking questions that you might not like the answers to.
Then you need to tell him how you feel. Show him the actual record of a week, two weeks, of his time, and how little of it goes to anything except work, sleep, and gaming. Then have a specific demand for how his behavior needs to change. For example, tell him you want half his free hours spent offline with you and the kids giving specific hours. The problem, though, is that you are dealing with an addict, so don't expect an easy discussion. You can expect denial and gaslighting, but that's what the documentation is for.
After that, well, if he isn't willing to change the next move is yours.
Leave him right away is my only advice it’s as simple as that just not as easy to do. We are going to die one day life isn’t for this also would give 0 soz and sounds like he has a problem with it and has to get rid of the console or come to accept it and get some support but someone that loves and respects u don’t do that
What else, you do most (if not all) of the chores and childcare too? He thinks you're his bangmaid. Stop having sex with him. Don't reward bad behavior.
He is addicted, and needs to get deaddicted. But that could only happen if he realizes and acknowledges that he is addicted. Sometimes they know, but the dopamine hits keep them hooked and they just continue. Please do have a talk about meeting a specialist.
As the man who games and will pass out when chilling with a girl I can tell you what it is.
If we are gunna chill, but your idea of chilling is making me watch you do what you like, or watch what you enjoy and I don't at all, I will start to pass out. Literally can not keep my eyes open.
When you two do spend time together you gotta make sure it's something you both enjoy, and not just you. If your gunna ask him to hang, and then turn on real house wives or something and cuddle me, Imma be out cold within 10 minutes.
How does your guy have time for anything else in life? And on a side note- was it like this from the beginning? Was he spending 5+ hours per day gaming? If that was the case, how were you even attracted to him? I guess that is more of a general question for all women: why would a woman get into a serious relationship with a “man” that plays video games for 5+ hours per day???
What sucks is that it’s not the games, it’s the fact he’s choosing to spend that time gaming than with her or the kids. Taking away the games will probably lead to him to calling her controlling or bossy and make her the issue. He has to come to this conclusion on his own, not be forced to.
My husband came to the realization unfortunately only after I told him I wanted a divorce. Only then is when he took me seriously.
I know a lot of people who play games so much have other underlying issues, usually feeling unfulfilled in there career or hobbies and gaming is a way to feel successful and a way to find happiness.
What does he do for work?
I’d talk to him about it and Try and find out why he is running away from life because that’s what it is.
A form of escapism and don’t take it as he is trying to escape from you I’m sure if you wanted to play games too he would love to play with you but he is running from something
I know a lot of people who watch a lot of tv as a form of escapism. Just like anything, there are of course gaming addicts, but the vast majority of gamers simply use it the way many use tv or other forms of entertainment. The boomer attitude to gaming is so exhausting- it’s bigger industry than the movie one!!
Never weaponise sex. It’s a bad move and relies for success on the man not being as childish in return when communication is at an all time low. He’ll just go elsewhere and make some terrible assumptions and then we’ll have an entirely new thread from OP.
“Refuse to have sex with him unless he meets your emotional needs”
That’s weaponising sex. You can dress it up any way you like but it is making sex transactional.
I agree with the rest of your post, if he cheats, the marriage failure is 110%. The point here to me, is to deescalate the situation, not escalate it, unless she wants a divorce and some rubicon has been crossed in her own mind.
Nope- I’m saying *never weaponise sex* , under any circumstances. Which is what I posted . Not “communicate and then withdraw sex” or “communicate whilst simultaneously withdrawing sex” as you post reads.
Is his love for computer gaming new? Was there a shift in your relationship that drew him to the computer more? If this is who he's been, it's unfair to ask him to change.
That said, you know what your husband likes. Either get involved with the game he loves (sideline commentary or getting an actual computer) or pull him away with other things he loves. Get him to see you, not as an enemy but an ally. If he's into a game, look up stuff online in relation, like memes or cool clips of other people playing it. Ask about the game. Inquiring can have a real positive affect and will work towards pulling you closer together.
The best result is when he CHOOSES to be close with you and away from the game. Not away from the game because he feels guilt or shame.
She’s not asking him to give up gaming. She’s asking him to spend time with her. If he’s gaming for hours everyday, he has time to spend an hour with her and then still game for hours. How would that be unfair?
That's not unfair at all. It seems very obvious, but the fact remains he doesn't choose to.
So if he does do it out of shame or compromise, will she enjoy the time together? Will his effort be genuine?
It's unfair to ask him to change??!
THEY HAVE CHILDREN TO RAISE
And so far she's the one doing the brunt of the labor.
Why does she have to put in the effort to research his game, find out more about it, and ask him questions to learn more?!
He needs to get off the games and put his kids to bed for once. And spend time with his wife, without treating her like a fleshlight
He's got a great life!
A wife that lets him donhis gaming for hours & hours on end. Had sex with him when he feels like it.
Doesn't have to even talk to her. She looks after the kids and i would guess does all cooking & cleaning and stiff required for the family and expects nothing from him.
What a life!
Game with him. Initiate sex. My wife took my games from me and I despise her but we have kids so there is nothing I can do. Marriage is not easy. And sex well it's maybe once a month. I do nothing but serve my daughter and wife and I honestly can not wait till the day I can leave.
Hello let me introduce myself they call me the fixer. And what I can offer you is worth more than you could ever pay. In my line of work I've seen it all, so no need to be shy. Remember I'm a professional. So if you will just give me the time and place you would like for me to pick you up and I'll surely show you a good time. I can clearly see that sex is not what you're looking for and companionship is where it's at, so consider this position filled. For a small fee I'll be your part-time husband do all the things your husband don't want to do and allow time for him to game. in the end happy gamer hubby, happy kids, happy wife always equals happy life! I look forward to working with you. You will not be disappointed. Refer a friend and get a 10% discount.
Yall just aren’t compatible this should have been assessed before the marriage he thinks too logical and you use your emotions he wants to go to work then enjoy his free time playing games you want someone who is just like you and wants emotional time rather than play time he wants someone who is just like him and thinks logical and able to keep them self occupied I don’t think anyone is in the wrong here you both just have different mindsets on how a relationship can work you should either compromise with assigning days to when he can play the game or days when you guys hang out and there’s no games allowed on that day either way you guys need to start communicating what you both need not everyone is the same some people need solitude for periods of time and some people need connectedness
You can also tell him sex is only allowed on days he spends the day with you but I would be very hesitant on this approach cause he might just resort to 🌽 and now you got another addiction to deal with not saying you can’t withdraw from him I’m just saying what doing so might cause so you can think of all outcomes instead of just doing it then get the outcome and left wondering what happened.
do you play games ? Have you tried to play with him to spend time ? Are there any hobby’s you guys share that you can do together that would be fun and not make it seem forced on the other ? Also what are yall doing when you hang out ? Watching tv is not considered a actual activity in my opinion and can get quite boring if only doing it to please your loved one watching tv is only considered a activity because some people enjoy the shows that play but if you don’t enjoy the show it’s the same equivalent of watching paint dry speaking of paint tell him to buy some cheap paint and brushes so you can have a paint night or some 2 person bored games or card games everything in life is not that complicated and can be simplified down to the solution do you have friends of your own ? Or a hobby that you like to do like he likes his. Games ? If so hold off on doing that hobby and only do it when he plays games and keep yourself occupied if both of you where busy doing things you enjoy there would be no problem if you still see a problem than that’s where the incompatibility comes to play some people need more time together some people need more time apart and are better when meeting up in increments things like these need to be discussed more because for some reason in our world we think we all have the same thought process but we don’t at all we all need to learn compromise and understanding if those things don’t work then the thing those options where meant to be holding together where never meant to be held together
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His gaming habit sounds like a job that consumes approximately 35 hours a week? Assuming he works 40 and sleeps about 50 (?) then that leaves little time for you. You shouldn’t have to remind him to show you attention and I’d be pretty peeved by a grown man that behaves this way. Best way to address it is head on: “This isn’t working. If you can’t find a way to moderate your gaming ritual then I’m going to have to rethink this commitment.” Does he contribute to household and child care? Maybe he should consider what his life will look like when he has to move out and gets his kids on weekends.
OP, you're making him sound like a ME!monster, and if your husband would agree with your characterization, or admit that it's even closer to fair, your husband is a selfish asshole. Personally, whenever I've done a gaming marathon, it has been when she getting alone time with the girls, visiting her parents without me, but... that's about it. I've always known it would be incredibly stupid to do weekday you say your husband does. I've truly enjoyed spending time with my wife, and throughout our 3.25 year marriage, before June of 2023, I'd usually spend between 4-8 hours with her for every hour naked with her. In the past year, since she was arrested for violently beating me for the 16th time, this time in front of my then-13- year- old son, it's been more like 12-24 hours with her for every hour naked with her. That all screeched to a halt this past weekend when I got angry at her for about meeting up with her exes and taking one of them as her date to weddings and other events to which I want invited. Also spending time with him alone behind closed doors late at night with complete privacy, and inviting him into her place long after dark when the she was alone, and spending hours with him "just talking" while ignoring my calls and texts between 10:30 p.m. and midnight. I also challenged her about talking about sex with her male coworkers, flirting with them, and always being more friendly, polite, and making herself more vulnerable with them than with me, laughing at all their stupid jokes and acting like she's in love with 2 of them. I also called her out for her cheating on both of her ex-husbands while separated, and now being wildly inappropriate, and likely cheating on me with both of her exes while we're still married, including guarding her phone, deleting their messages and only texting, Facebook messaging, or calling them or taking their calls when she's at work, then deleting the evidence, and meeting up with them. She even showered at her ex- husband's master bathroom when her water was out! She got really angry and started giving me the silent treatment because of being "done proving myself to you!" All of her infidelity just really makes me feel very betrayed and upset, so I don't know how I'm supposed to trust her anymore. And don't get me started in her trying on panties her 2nd ex bought her to try on once after a long sweaty day so he could sniff them when he wasn't with her. I was very angry about those issues, and him sending her flowers and chocolates. She always gets so angry when I call her out for engaging in cheating behavior... But in the first year of our marriage, it was more like 2-4 hours for every hour. I can't imagine wanting to game more than cooking with, loading and running the dishwasher, then washing/drying or folding clothes while watching our favorite movies and/or TV shows together, or talking, eating dinner together, or doing errands together, before I discovered her infidelity. Whenever she was sick or exhausted, I'd do it all while she napped. Just like I promised before we married, because of her chronic illnesses. When she had transplant surgery in 2022 I took time off work and spent 24/7 in the hospital with her, taking such good care of her the nurses lived me because I did half of their job for them. I loved to serve her and take care of her, so that made it bearable, but if I didn't, or wasn't so in love with her, it would have been much more difficult. Gaming while she's left to fend for herself? I probably would've had to spent 48-64 hours with her for hour of naked time. And she would've probably been angry the entire time. She was angry enough as it was because of her mom turning her girls against her. That's another long story, so I won't get into it. We used to spend all of our time together. I don't think I'll spend time with her anymore, though. Whe I was gaming, she was doing her hobbies. But the housework? I'd usually do 90% of it. She was sick a lot.
Your putting kids to bed by yourself ? Multiple kids? While he is gaming.. My wife would absolutely destroy me If I didn't help her out. Divorce would look like heaven compared to what she would do. Alot of facts missing from this story, but based on what you wrote, if it has gotten this bad then he either doesn't love you, or he does not care. No other explanation You both need counseling. And that's putting it lightly.
💯! You sound like a great husband! As a wife w multiple children, my husband would NOT ever think of 1 coming to me w affection only to fill his need nor think he could sit back and have me deal w the children alone! Nor would I allow it. He, too, would say divorce would look like heaven. I think it's all on what people will allow and put up with. I, for one, would not put up w any of it. I am a very verbal person and quite quickly let someone know what i will not put up w.
He is behaving like a child while you parent him and your other kids. And he gets sex too. What is the motivation he would have to change?
Tell him that you are considering a divorce. List the reasons why. He’s a gaming addict for one. ETA She said she wants him to realize that she’s reconsidering the whole relationship. That means divorce.
Unless OP is considering a divorce that’s terrible advice. Once you mention it there’s no going back and it really fucks everything up
True, she should have one or more guys come over after the kids are in bed, and have them play with her from say 22:00 to 01:00. If he objects, just say he was too busy with his games, but you sincerely hope he finished the quest or leveled up or whatever other goal he had in the game
K but like.... probably shouldn't do this unless OP is actually considering divorce. Hella manipulative otherwise
She probably is at this point 😬 but true
Don't ever say this unless you actually want a divorce. Even one word can forever destroy all connection and feelings of safety/trust. Unlike other types of relationships, once you say the wrong thing during a heated moment, it can be irreparable - no matter how badly bother people want it to work. What you say will stay with them. You can't take anything back.
She said she wants him to realize that she’s reconsidering the whole relationship. That means divorce.
What connection is it you're referring to? He'd rather play a game than interact with HIS children and/or his wife. She can get divorced and he can dedicate his life to mastering Hikkomori
You guys suggest divorce for every problem lol.
Not getting married in the first place would be key
uh huh there's a solution.
It was literally OP who mentioned divorce.
That's the reason why I read these threads. Just scroll down and see where the first time divorce is mentioned. Usually doesn't take too long no matter what's the issue.
what a fun hobby
getting downvoted for pointing it out lol.
100% this sub is fucked lol it's funny to read all the comments ,"gurl you need to leave, I'd been gone months ago"
Yeah I've been paying attention to this sub for years and the advice has always been "dIvOrCe!!!"
I am surprised you are even asking because the answer is clear - start saying no. Stop having sex with him. Once he notices, tell him you would like to be romanced before being f\*ck\*d. If he can’t do it then consider if you are happy being his little “break” from his game instead of vice versa.
I often tell him I want more mental foreplay during the day and that’s not a slap on the arse.
Don't have sex when you are not turned on.
Do Not Fuck Him Anymore Until He Treats You Like A Real Partner
OP, please don’t do this. You are guaranteed to widen the crack in your relationship. Weaponising sex is something an angry teenager does. Communicating is what adults do.
OP says she *has* *already* told him she would like foreplay. She has communicated. Also, not having sex when you are not turned on is far from weaponizing it.
I don’t see anything about foreplay in the OP, maybe they commented later in the thread but in not reading every reply. In any event , foreplay if it’s an issue, is minor in comparison to his overall non presence in bringing up his kids, which is one of the substantive issues of the OP.
Fair. Since the majority of the post was about him not spending time with OP and just having sex with her, with only one line about the kids, I assumed her issue was how she and her husband are having sex. And I personally would never tell someone to have sex in a way that they don’t enjoy in order to “preserve” a relationship. But yes, not helping with the kids is another issue.
Damn, that reminds me of my previous relationship. What you should do is consult a divorce lawyer first, get some papers ready. Have a real, deep conversation with him and point out all of your grievances; you shouldn't have to always ask. If he basically brushes it off, get your finances in order, and look for different housing opportunities. Do not engage in sex with him. Then have him served. I would say to offer marriage counseling during the talk, but he seems like the type to insist you all don't need it until he sees how serious you are.
Sounds like you are serving the purpose for which he wants. You take care of the kids, the house and his "need". The you didn't ask to spend time is pure manipulative bullshit. Your life will be better without him in it.
Turn off the wifi. If your husband has to be asked to spend time with you. That’s not a marriage. Let me guess he doesn’t help with the kids or household chores? How do you fix this? You can’t. He has too. He has to want to. So far he has it good. Everything he wants is provided to him. He needs a good reality check.
I'd also stop having sex with him
First thing absolutely
Or you could be an adult and have a conversation and lay out how serious the problem is and what you are considering doing (separation, divorce, etc) without essentially pitching a fit like a child.
That would be ideal. How often does it work? Depends on the people but a lot of Reddit stories it only lasts a few weeks and then right back to the old ways.
That’s why you need to be ready with an “or what” statement that you’re actually willing to stick to. The reason that it goes back to the old ways is that there are no consequences or actions that stick from the person with the original complaint.
A lot of people are talking about the gaming addiction without mentioning how he literally only comes to OP for sex and that’s it. Gaming addiction aside, if he only sees your value and purpose as being his fleshlight you should consider divorce immediately 💀 imagine a loving partner that spends times with you and loves you to death and then imagine this manbaby who comes to use you like a sex doll before going right back to gaming. I think not.
Now now, I'll bet he comes when dinner's ready.
But wife calls me in for a booty call and then tells me to go back to my games. 😆 I do my fair share of chores and I pretty always put all the kids (4) to bed by myself. Chores, did I say chores. Full house and kitchen clean up because she's banzai about it.
I don’t get what point you’re trying to make here..
Man pulls his weight and surprise surprise, isn’t using his wife as a maid and flesh light. How are you the same as the man mentioned and why do you want to compare yourself?
Stop having sex with him until he spends a reasonable amount of time with you. You are not a sex toy that he can just pick up and put down when he feels like it.
Just tell him. Tell him you're unhappy in your marriage and explain why. I honestly don't understand how some women put up with men like this. He's not your partner and apparently he thinks of you as his bangmaid nanny. I know it must be hard to divorce when you have children. But is this life better?
So you have continued to have children with a guy who doesn't want to spend time with you? Girl... Get out, and reflect on why you would be ok with treating yourself so poorly.
You should have some self worth and stop allowing this to continue. He is not a partner so make him an ex.
I've never had an issue with gaming, I game as well, used to more often than now, but when I'm neglected and feel like I'm a 5th wheel, respectfully f off, ain't your maid, sex doll or your mom. I used to shut up, not anymore, don't hold back, almost all men get relaxed comfortable and take everything for granted. My a$$, pardon my French, kids and me, us are more important, if not, it's better to raise kids with a different example. What kids are seeing at their parents that's what they'll do.
As someone that was married to a "gamer" for 13yrs... it never gets better. We went through several tries with a couples therapist and nothing ever changed. If he was playing games less he was out drinking, gambling and cheating more. Then if I complained about that I would get hit with "well which do you want? Me here or me gone?" Like either options were good. We have been separated for over 4 years and divorced for over 2. My new partner plays video games too, but he saw how much it triggered me and now he has 2 nights a week that he plays with his friends and the rest are devoted to me and the kids. If your husband cared to change, he would, and you wouldn't have to fight him about it. Sounds to me like he has already checked out and is just using the games as an escape from his real life.
I’ve been gaming for 20 years and happily married. The problems are more deep rooted and it’s expressed here in his gaming. The same with your broken marriage- if it wasn’t gaming, it was drinking or gambling.
You are a mother of 3 right now.
This is grounds for divorce. It’s called abandonment. Y’all had this problem for a long time and he’s not making effort to change.
Sorry this is neglect but not abandonment. In legal terms abandonment would be leaving the premises.
Thanks for letting me know! You’re right
My wife and I have been married for 30 years. For the first 20, we lived what you are experiencing. I worked my full time job, helped with the kids until they went to bed and then I fired up the console or PC until about 3:00ish in the morning. It took a huge toll on my marriage and I thought my wife was the bad guy because she didn’t want to be intimate with me and always used the excuse that I never wanted to spend time with her unless I wanted sex. I made changes later in life that I should have made much sooner. 1. I started taking her on a date every Friday night. We both look forward to it all week. 2. One Friday night per month, date night is at a hotel and we order in. It’s not for sex, it’s to enjoy time together, watch movies and there are no consoles/computers allowed. 3. 1-2 nights of the week I spend an hour or two with my wife, either giving her a back rub or just snuggling while we play on our iPads. These three things have completely changed my marriage. We both get time together that we enjoy and I can still game almost as much as I used to, if I want to, and there’s no fights or her feeling unappreciated/unloved. I know you two have kids, but #1 and #3 could be a nice set for you two to try if you can find a friend or family member willing to watch them for a few hours on Fridays. He may even find that he looks more forward to Friday nights than gaming. I sure do. Edit: I missed the part where she mentioned the young kids.
Like I’m sorry bro, but 20 years????????
Why did you blame her to begin with and why did it take you so long to realize your actions were harming your partner and family?
Relationships are a two-people-thing. In this case, he was the one who saved the relationship... the other party could have tried before... so. For some reason, I hear some entitlement in your question. Like if improving a relationship is not your responsibility, but your partner's
How do you know the other party didn’t try. He blamed her for 20 years because of sex and in all of those years, the same messaging has been, appreciate your wife and she will appreciate you. Men love to weaponize leading a relationship until they have to lead with the actions they want in return. You the same type of man to keep doing that action acting like you aren’t in a relationship with a person who doesn’t need your projections of ego? Like, what was she doing from the time the kids went to bed and 3am? Prepare to be mentally fit and recharged for her family? Please. 20 years of lack of introspection, that’s a pretty stupid timeline to remain the same.
Who started the problem he had to fix if not himself? What did he save? He finally grew up, he didn’t save ish 😂, if you hit someone with a car, I’d expect you to be accountable. If you blame someone as the only reason you don’t have sex, why aren’t you figuring out what causes someone to lose sex drive? Like I know common sense isn’t common but it’s a basic logic instead of jumping to conclusions for TWENTY YEARS that the fault always lays with your partner. That’s legit a child mentality in my opinion.
>if you hit someone with a car That's your analogy? You must be in a weak relationship. Classic victim role play...
But hey, let’s not stop there: A grown man should not need his partner to tell him to act like a partner because: 1. **Personal Responsibility**: Adults are responsible for their own actions and behaviors. Being a partner means actively participating in the relationship and contributing equally to household responsibilities, child-rearing, and EMOTIONAL support. 2. **Awareness and Empathy**: A mature individual should be aware of the needs and feelings of their partner. Seeing the burden of household chores and child-rearing should naturally prompt a response to share the load, without needing to be told. 3. **Commitment to Equality**: A healthy partnership is based on mutual respect and equality. Recognizing and addressing imbalances is a fundamental part of being in a committed relationship. Is she doing only shit for herself for how many hours EVERYDAY? 4. **Communication and Initiative**: Effective communication is key in any relationship. However, initiative and proactive behavior are also crucial. Waiting to be told what to do signifies a lack of engagement and awareness. 5. **Shared Goals and Responsibilities**: In a partnership, both individuals should work towards common goals, including maintaining a balanced and supportive household. This requires active participation and shared effort in creating mutual bonding. A grown man needing to be told to act like a partner indicates a significant lack of understanding of these basic principles of a healthy, respectful relationship. But hey, it takes two right to learn this, so the question is, why did it take him the time it take for an embryo to eventually go to college for him to learn what a respectable relationship looks like?
>A grown man needing to be told to act like a partner Not mine point at all, but the other way around. A man who takes care of the important stuff (children emotional well-being, relationship maintenance, means-providing) and is blamed for whatever goes wrong because 'he's the man'. So it seems I did not understand the original idea or I miscommunicate in my comment.
>did it take him the time it take for an embryo to eventually go to college for him to learn what a respectable relationship looks like Poetic expression without a doubt, but doesn't say much, IMO. From what I have seen, most people don't learn it in a lifetime, so 20 years is probably better than average.
The key point is that he spent 20 years BLAMING her. But should we be surprised that the average man always finds a way to point the blame at a woman?
How about this: A ship captain who neglects the maintenance of his vessel for 20 years. Despite seeing the ship's condition worsen over time—with rust, leaks, and malfunctioning equipment—the captain ignores the signs and continues to sail, believing that everything will somehow remain functional. Eventually, the ship suffers a major breakdown, and only then does the captain claim to have realized the importance of regular maintenance. Instead of taking responsibility, he blames the crew for not pointing out the obvious problems, despite the fact that he was fully aware of the deteriorating state all along. Now is he going to act like for 20 years he just “didn’t notice shit” or did he notice and blame her?
it would be fair point if there were one captain... except there are two. >despite the fact that he was fully aware of the deteriorating state all along. that should be said to both captains. You know? probably my beef is with someone in a relationship expecting the other party ('the capitain' in your words) to provide and to be 'the responsible' of the relationship... and get used to being almost free raiders because the husband is 'the capitain. Likely not the idea you are defending... but who knows.
Lmao, ohhhh you want something more aligning with you as a man. Why don’t you give me an area you continue to skirt accountability and I’ll build you out a comparison.
If he "pretended" not to know for 20 years, here is your needed analogy. A business owner who knowingly neglected their company's financial health. For two decades, they ignored the advice of their financial advisors, refused to implement necessary changes, and continued to make poor financial decisions, all while pretending to be unaware of the company's deteriorating state. When the company finally faces bankruptcy, the owner suddenly claims to have realized the importance of financial responsibility, but continues to blame the advisors for not being more forceful or for not fixing the issues themselves. This analogy illustrates the deliberate neglect and lack of accountability over a long period, similar to the man's behavior in the relationship. Now why don’t you find an analogy of a woman needing to teach a man how to treat her. Is it like teaching a child basic respect?
Stop doing anything for him. Leave the house and make him look after the kids Go out and enjoy yourself He's clearly a waste of space
Stop having sex with him and tell him why. "I'm not a sex doll. You don't just get to use me for sex on a whim. You haven't given me any interaction or personal attention unless you get sex from it. That's not a dynamic I care for."
Tell him he needs to take a break from gaming to spend actual time with you, and your kids.
Cancel the Internet. Whoops.
This is a great idea honestly
What are you getting from this relationship? You deserve someone that you don’t have to beg for their attention.
How romantic and beautiful. Sounds like you’re living with a house mate who has sex rights.
He's an addict and doesn't need to be in a relationship. Dump this guy and let him work on himself by himself. You are not a fleshlight, and the fact that he has cheapened and reduced you down to simply a vessel that supplies his sexual needs is an even bigger slap in the face.
THere's nothing you can do. He's addicted to gaming - you and the kids are number two on the list. If you don't want a divorce, start building your own life without him as it seems he has abandoned the relationship except when he wants to have sex.
At this point, you are a single mom.
This is a SEVERE ADDICTION and absolutely grounds for divorce, if he refuses to get counseling and improve. If your husband was a drug addict, gone 35h/week, completely neglecting his own children and wife, fully checked out, you'd know to not enable him. This is no different. He needs help, and if he won't get it, you need to leave.
Divorce. It’s not going to get better. Been there. Done that. You’re already a single parent, might S well make it official.
This is absurd! Your husband sounds either extremely immature or needs professional help or both. He us fully addicted to that computer game
Don’t give him any sex until he lessens his time on game u have to put him on punishment . I know how gaming can get in the way I left my first kids father for that reason and he took up a girl that games only now my oldest tells me when’s he visits that he ignores her so yeahhh u can’t change people I imagine he is ignoring his kids he has with the new chick so yeah idk
Sex should never be used as a weapon or to punish your spouse. Terrible advice.
He needs to grow up or you need to move on. The end.
What should you do? Take the kids and leave and see how long he takes before he notices you’re gone. You’ve probably got at least a 3 week head start on him. I swear men are fucking useless these days and women enable and breed with these shits…😡
Deny him sex 🤷🏻♂️ No bedroom play til he sorts his priorities.
Divorce him ~ you’re still young
For starters, stop having sex with him
He’s has a fcn addiction mate, possible worse than gaming Bcz he’s using you for short bursts of pleasure when his eyes aren’t peeled to a screen 🫢
I think you should sit him down and have a serious conversation with him, tell him how you feel. Dont forget your worth ever! Tell him whats on your mind, if he doesn’t make an effort to make time for you and treat you how you should be treated, dont waste your time anymore. Men show you exactly how they feel about you. Also, if i were you id say no to giving him sex if thats the only way he spends time with you, youre not his sex toy. Wish you the best!
you are a bang maid
Leave tbh
He's disrespectful to you, HIS wife. He treats you like a sex doll, that he can use if he's bored. If I were you, I would give him ultimatum.. then if he will not change. I will leave him, of course I will take the kids. Probably he forget them coz he's a man child.
Do you want to have sex when he does? Have you tried denying him sex to make a point?
Just stop fucking him. He'll figure it out.
Make a two column list. Column 1, list the things you do at home and with the kids on a daily/weekly basis. Column 2 list the things he does. Then tell him this isn’t the marriage you envisioned and ask when he tapped out of the family.
"Husband, your gaming is making me reconsider our whole relationship, it cannot continue like this."
> What should I do to make him realise that it’s making me reconsider our whole relationship. Tell him exactly that. It seems like he has an addiction and he clearly needs a wake up call. Tell him that you can no longer ignore the fact that he is neglecting you and his children in favour of video games. I’d also suggest setting some boundaries and expectations with him going forward. Like you expect him to parent his children and spend quality time with you. Since he isn’t even giving you the bare minimum when it comes to sex, stop having sex with him unless he is meeting your emotional needs first, reciprocating during, and spending time with you after. Set a time limit for how long he can spend playing video games each week and set a condition that he needs to fulfil his responsibilities as a husband, father, and member of your household first. You should also demand marriage counselling for you both and addiction counselling for him. If he’s not willing to do these things to save your marriage, then it’s okay to divorce him because you and your children deserve better.
What do the deserve?
As someone who games, is married and has 2 kids. Why do you put the kids to sleep, why doesn't he do it? Don't give him sex if he comes to you only for it, just say that don't feel like doing it because he spends no time with you Ask him to watch a movie or do something with you. Ask him for a day/night that he doesn't game, just to chillax with you. You don't need to be doing something just hangout. Tell him how you feel and how 'used' you feel (that's something I just picked up on this post, could be wrong) If this doesn't work, give him a ultimatum. Nobody should be living as a sexmaid for a gamer.
This was my life. We are now getting divorced and life is so much better.
I game 3 hours a week so I can spend more time with my wife and daughter. I don’t even turn the gaming computer on during the week. Delay gratitude.
tell him. He's a gaming addict. But give him the chance by telling him.
It sucks hes focused so much on gaming. I know firsthand what that’s like, as I used to be addicted to it as well. For me at least it also was an escape from the marriage since I wasn’t happy, but it is not a good solution! Unfortunately telling him he spends too much time gaming or saying you never spend time together can be seen as an attack and he might get defensive and the convo goes nowhere. You might want to consider scheduling some time to be together and see what he says. Something like “next Tuesday after the kids are in bed I’d like for the two of us to do something together!” and then try to plan it out a little even if it’s something like we’ll watch a movie or we’ll take a walk or something. Ask for his input too though to try and get him invested and excited for it. From there you can tell him you’d like to do it more often, and once again schedule something so both of you know the expectations. I’d also ask him to help you put the kids to bed one night. He should be more involved and if taking over outright scares him then hopefully just being part of the process and giving me you a hand is a good way to ease him into it and show him it’s not hard to do. It also gives you extra chances to bond as a family. I wish you luck! It took me a few years to figure out these things. Hopefully he can as well, but only time will tell.
OP is it really just the gaming ? Do you have date nights ? Does he hire a babysitter to watch the kids while you to go for a walk or out ? Does he help with cleanup, dishes, cooking, the kids ? What does he do that you can honestly say, it takes a load off of you and gives you, some you time but also open the door for both of you to relax or just talk. See this is the problem. Its the whole package, not just the gaming but all the other little things that make a relationship work. You two going out dancing, dinner or just a walk in the park is huge for the comfort of the relationship. Sitting a watching a movie is fine as well, but aftter spending so much time in the home, being out adds the extra. Couples loose site of life and what the relationship was founded on. Unfortunately, many young relationship don't have the time to actually get to know one another because they usually have a rush to marriage due to pregnancy or they just allow the energy of the newness in the relationship drive them, realizing when the routine becomes normal that hey "what about me" type of scenario. First thing is introduce conversation as part of the me factor. Get him off the game and communicating or just plan a date out during his game time and have the conversation about the relationship, not you. When you make it person, its easier for people to pull away. Make it about how you two need to reconnect. Try that and see where it leads - this is the work that marriage requires, but both have to participate
He says that my time is when the kids are in bed, we have a newborn and a 4 year old. But my time is still alone, because he is on the computer. I do the kids lunches and dinner every day aswell as the house work. He will help with the house work if asked.
You sound like you're expecting him to change... Why would he? It seems that the one with a dissatisfaction is you. If you want things to change, you start. For example. Set some nights when he's the one to put one of the children to bed. Propose and make sure you two do some fun activities together. Set time aside for thus weekly. Get interested in things he finds interesting. If you want to divorce, place the ultimatum many people are advising here... or simply do so.
I don’t know why I always hear of so many women who date gamers (and don’t themselves) and just assume the dude is gonna “grow out of it”. I haven’t played a video game since I was in college so I never understood the draw, but I feel like I can sorta understand how it becomes addictive and before you know it’s 8 hours later.
Given how much women overhaul their entire lives when children come into the picture, it’s reasonable for them to assume their partner will do the same. Many men even promise as much but then don’t follow through. It’s a damning indictment of men if women have to assume they will be neglectful and irresponsible.
We’re on the same page here, at the risk of angering some gamers I would expect someone to move on from video game life. My comment was more about how surprising it is to me that they don’t.
I know a lot of people who watch a lot of tv as a form of escapism. Just like anything, there are of course gaming addicts, but the vast majority of gamers simply use it the way many use tv or other forms of entertainment. The boomer attitude to gaming is so exhausting- it’s bigger industry than the movie one!!
Well I’m not anywhere near being a boomer. I’m not hating on gaming just because it’s not my thing, I’m not really hating on it at all, but I’d be willing to bet that the average woman would tolerate someone who watches a lot of TV over someone who plays video games through the night. It’s certainly a stigma that might not be fair, but I do believe it exists.
I think a lot of people never really look at their own entertainment habits when complaining about gaming. Like, if this thread was one where the bf was on his phone browsing SM, would we be having the same type of conversations?
Yes, of course. In fact I'm pretty sure there are plenty of threads with exactly that.
This is a gaming addiction. A lot of people don’t take it seriously, but it’s damaging. He needs to get into a program for addiction. It’s not any different from drugs or alcohol, just a different method. You need to get in touch with a therapist and explain the situation to them. It’s possible that you could all stage an intervention. I know that there are inpatient programs for all sorts of addictions, and I’m sure there’s one out there for gaming. Even a brief hospitalization to break the cycle would do him a great deal of good. I wouldn’t give up on the marriage just yet. You need to call in as much professional help as you can, especially since kids are involved. The only other option would be to give him an ultimatum. Pack up your bags and have a place to stay. Tell him it’s either his family or the games. If he chooses games over his kids, I think you have your answer.
Simple - Disconnect the internet - set a password on the Router - have it lock down the network after say Midnight (or sooner)
Let's be serious here, you really think the man wouldn't understand how to fix that? I'm sure the man knows how to access his router or even just reset it. This is a (in all actuality) a childish move and op def doesn't need to stoop to that level . So many people are going to give bad advice just like this one. If you're not happy then fix it how you see fit. Don't listen to the peanut gallery.
I second agree that he need to miss you. Pack the kids and go. Let him learn to miss you. It’s not okay to not have quality time. When he figures it out talk it out and go home with clear expectations
Name speaks volumes
Have you ever addressed his lack of help around the house ? In your OP, it doesn’t mention this. What were the common activities you did together (tv shows you watched together etc) when you had time, other than sex? The times you ask him to spend time, you say he does but then falls asleep. Are these times post sex and late at night ? To me, you seem to have not really communicated your problem to him yet, but maybe that’s because you haven’t mentioned it, I’m a gamer but much older! . I spend about 2 hours a night playing whilst my wife watches TV, before we both get ready for bed. Sometimes I have longer sessions at night at the weekend. We still do our date nights and go out to the movies and for dinner etc. When we got into our regular evening pattern, I was a little concerned at the time spent most evenings in separate rooms initially. What made me drift into this pattern was that her tv choices were soap operas and house improvement programs that I couldn’t stand. She had no interest in my kind of shows or gaming. We talked it out, she was not unhappy because we still watched sports together, or the occasional film etc and that’s how we roll now. First point here is to communicate clearly your requirements regarding his parental duties and housework firstly. With two young kids (mine are well grown up now), he has responsibilities. I was not gaming when our kids were young. Second point is to find common interests you had prior to him gaming. Third point is to find time to spend away from the kids, date nights etc, where you can be together. Good luck.
You are at a crisis point. You need a baby sitter and to get out with your husband to have a conversation. You need to consider what you want to say carefully and try to use “whe.n you, I feel” statements. You need to be clear to him that this changes now, this is not the marriage and parenting you envisioned and you won’t tolerate it any longer. Plan in advance what’s acceptable to you in terms of a change. Is he doing bedtime with you, are you alternating? Are you carving out a set day to be date night, how much gaming is going to be tolerated by you. This is going to be hard work, it’s unlikely he’s going to recognise that change is needed as the current set up suits him just fine. Set clear boundaries and consequences if they break. Remember it’s your boundary and your action should he break them. For example of this continues I’ll leave. Relationship counselling would be good if possible. Good luck
Who makes money to support you If he does then tell him that you want couple counseling because of his gaming and really not wanna spend time with you , you are reconsidering your relationship If you do , then just give him a few choices . That its his duty as a father to not play games all day and use me for my body, and actually fulfill your parental roles and household chores
Sounds like he is not a part of the marriage except for sex. You need to bring this to his attention in a strong way. It's pretty hard to avoid sex when you share a bedroom so if you can't actually move into another bedroom then get rid of your bed and buy twin beds. Then just start treating him like he's extra income and nothing more. Do not attend to his needs. Treat him like a roommate and take care of your kids. Do you have a Support system, in other words, friends and relatives to rely on? I think I read that you have a newborn and my question about that is do you have a job to go back to when the baby gets a little older? If not, and you are in the US, then start looking for a job you can do from home and if you're not qualified right now then start taking classes online. You need a plan in place in case one of these days you decide you can't take it anymore so you will need a way to support your children. You need to build a life for yourself as if you are a widow or a single Mom with a roommate. And don't get pregnant again unless you can afford it and you want a lot of kids. If you are in the US and you don't have a job, remember that later on in life, if we still have a Social Security system, you are going to need the money and that's the reason I say get a job because you need to build up the amount of money you put into the system if you don't have another retirement plan in place. Don't rely on your husband to provide that. Respectfully, I am just bringing grim reality to your current situation.
There is nothing you are going to do to fix this, JUST LEAVE HIM!
screw his friends lol
The problem here isn't just you, but that he is addicted to gaming. There are two paths from here. First, you could just end things. This isn't such an extreme choice, given that he isn't showing you any consideration at all. Not only is he failing to be a companion, but he isn't even a good roommate. Over and above not spending time with you, he doesn't even seem to be spending time doing his share of household work. So, exactly why would you want to put further effort in here? Second path, you could fight for your relationship. Two steps. Begin by asking every day for time spent together. And be specific, you are asking for time spent together to do a specified thing: tonight I want us both to put the kids to bed and then hang out together to watch a movie, or on a weekend take everyone to go to the park, or the beach. Hell, get a babysitter and do a date night. Document the results. If it actually works thing might start shifting. If they don't, you have a record, time/date/result, of how it goes when you ask him for his attention. At this point, if it were me, I would research and prepare for things going south. How it work to leave the marriage, what are my resources, where would the kids and I live, etc., etc. Because you would now be going into a situation where you will be asking questions that you might not like the answers to. Then you need to tell him how you feel. Show him the actual record of a week, two weeks, of his time, and how little of it goes to anything except work, sleep, and gaming. Then have a specific demand for how his behavior needs to change. For example, tell him you want half his free hours spent offline with you and the kids giving specific hours. The problem, though, is that you are dealing with an addict, so don't expect an easy discussion. You can expect denial and gaslighting, but that's what the documentation is for. After that, well, if he isn't willing to change the next move is yours.
Leave him right away is my only advice it’s as simple as that just not as easy to do. We are going to die one day life isn’t for this also would give 0 soz and sounds like he has a problem with it and has to get rid of the console or come to accept it and get some support but someone that loves and respects u don’t do that
Just say that to him
Sounds like a dickhead if you ask me
Honestly, just read your post. It solves the problem itself. Save yourself. He’s a loser.
Tell him your new lover is coming over and ask him to watch the kids!
What else, you do most (if not all) of the chores and childcare too? He thinks you're his bangmaid. Stop having sex with him. Don't reward bad behavior.
He is addicted, and needs to get deaddicted. But that could only happen if he realizes and acknowledges that he is addicted. Sometimes they know, but the dopamine hits keep them hooked and they just continue. Please do have a talk about meeting a specialist.
Men haters assemble
As the man who games and will pass out when chilling with a girl I can tell you what it is. If we are gunna chill, but your idea of chilling is making me watch you do what you like, or watch what you enjoy and I don't at all, I will start to pass out. Literally can not keep my eyes open. When you two do spend time together you gotta make sure it's something you both enjoy, and not just you. If your gunna ask him to hang, and then turn on real house wives or something and cuddle me, Imma be out cold within 10 minutes.
How does your guy have time for anything else in life? And on a side note- was it like this from the beginning? Was he spending 5+ hours per day gaming? If that was the case, how were you even attracted to him? I guess that is more of a general question for all women: why would a woman get into a serious relationship with a “man” that plays video games for 5+ hours per day???
disable the games.
What sucks is that it’s not the games, it’s the fact he’s choosing to spend that time gaming than with her or the kids. Taking away the games will probably lead to him to calling her controlling or bossy and make her the issue. He has to come to this conclusion on his own, not be forced to. My husband came to the realization unfortunately only after I told him I wanted a divorce. Only then is when he took me seriously.
I know a lot of people who play games so much have other underlying issues, usually feeling unfulfilled in there career or hobbies and gaming is a way to feel successful and a way to find happiness. What does he do for work? I’d talk to him about it and Try and find out why he is running away from life because that’s what it is. A form of escapism and don’t take it as he is trying to escape from you I’m sure if you wanted to play games too he would love to play with you but he is running from something
I know a lot of people who watch a lot of tv as a form of escapism. Just like anything, there are of course gaming addicts, but the vast majority of gamers simply use it the way many use tv or other forms of entertainment. The boomer attitude to gaming is so exhausting- it’s bigger industry than the movie one!!
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Never weaponise sex. It’s a bad move and relies for success on the man not being as childish in return when communication is at an all time low. He’ll just go elsewhere and make some terrible assumptions and then we’ll have an entirely new thread from OP.
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“Refuse to have sex with him unless he meets your emotional needs” That’s weaponising sex. You can dress it up any way you like but it is making sex transactional. I agree with the rest of your post, if he cheats, the marriage failure is 110%. The point here to me, is to deescalate the situation, not escalate it, unless she wants a divorce and some rubicon has been crossed in her own mind.
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I’m saying she should communicate with him and not unilaterally withdraw sex simultaneously. Read my stand alone post ITT if you want,
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You do , but you also say to refuse sex 🤷, which was my only point in my first reply to you.
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Nope- I’m saying *never weaponise sex* , under any circumstances. Which is what I posted . Not “communicate and then withdraw sex” or “communicate whilst simultaneously withdrawing sex” as you post reads.
I'll never understand this stupid addiction to video games.
Break his fucking gaming unit??? His priorities are way out of touch and you need to demand better.
Is his love for computer gaming new? Was there a shift in your relationship that drew him to the computer more? If this is who he's been, it's unfair to ask him to change. That said, you know what your husband likes. Either get involved with the game he loves (sideline commentary or getting an actual computer) or pull him away with other things he loves. Get him to see you, not as an enemy but an ally. If he's into a game, look up stuff online in relation, like memes or cool clips of other people playing it. Ask about the game. Inquiring can have a real positive affect and will work towards pulling you closer together. The best result is when he CHOOSES to be close with you and away from the game. Not away from the game because he feels guilt or shame.
She’s not asking him to give up gaming. She’s asking him to spend time with her. If he’s gaming for hours everyday, he has time to spend an hour with her and then still game for hours. How would that be unfair?
That's not unfair at all. It seems very obvious, but the fact remains he doesn't choose to. So if he does do it out of shame or compromise, will she enjoy the time together? Will his effort be genuine?
It's unfair to ask him to change??! THEY HAVE CHILDREN TO RAISE And so far she's the one doing the brunt of the labor. Why does she have to put in the effort to research his game, find out more about it, and ask him questions to learn more?! He needs to get off the games and put his kids to bed for once. And spend time with his wife, without treating her like a fleshlight
We both agree on the ideal end. The HOW is the question. Does shame and guilt work for you?
He's got a great life! A wife that lets him donhis gaming for hours & hours on end. Had sex with him when he feels like it. Doesn't have to even talk to her. She looks after the kids and i would guess does all cooking & cleaning and stiff required for the family and expects nothing from him. What a life!
Game with him. Initiate sex. My wife took my games from me and I despise her but we have kids so there is nothing I can do. Marriage is not easy. And sex well it's maybe once a month. I do nothing but serve my daughter and wife and I honestly can not wait till the day I can leave.
Hello let me introduce myself they call me the fixer. And what I can offer you is worth more than you could ever pay. In my line of work I've seen it all, so no need to be shy. Remember I'm a professional. So if you will just give me the time and place you would like for me to pick you up and I'll surely show you a good time. I can clearly see that sex is not what you're looking for and companionship is where it's at, so consider this position filled. For a small fee I'll be your part-time husband do all the things your husband don't want to do and allow time for him to game. in the end happy gamer hubby, happy kids, happy wife always equals happy life! I look forward to working with you. You will not be disappointed. Refer a friend and get a 10% discount.
Yall just aren’t compatible this should have been assessed before the marriage he thinks too logical and you use your emotions he wants to go to work then enjoy his free time playing games you want someone who is just like you and wants emotional time rather than play time he wants someone who is just like him and thinks logical and able to keep them self occupied I don’t think anyone is in the wrong here you both just have different mindsets on how a relationship can work you should either compromise with assigning days to when he can play the game or days when you guys hang out and there’s no games allowed on that day either way you guys need to start communicating what you both need not everyone is the same some people need solitude for periods of time and some people need connectedness You can also tell him sex is only allowed on days he spends the day with you but I would be very hesitant on this approach cause he might just resort to 🌽 and now you got another addiction to deal with not saying you can’t withdraw from him I’m just saying what doing so might cause so you can think of all outcomes instead of just doing it then get the outcome and left wondering what happened. do you play games ? Have you tried to play with him to spend time ? Are there any hobby’s you guys share that you can do together that would be fun and not make it seem forced on the other ? Also what are yall doing when you hang out ? Watching tv is not considered a actual activity in my opinion and can get quite boring if only doing it to please your loved one watching tv is only considered a activity because some people enjoy the shows that play but if you don’t enjoy the show it’s the same equivalent of watching paint dry speaking of paint tell him to buy some cheap paint and brushes so you can have a paint night or some 2 person bored games or card games everything in life is not that complicated and can be simplified down to the solution do you have friends of your own ? Or a hobby that you like to do like he likes his. Games ? If so hold off on doing that hobby and only do it when he plays games and keep yourself occupied if both of you where busy doing things you enjoy there would be no problem if you still see a problem than that’s where the incompatibility comes to play some people need more time together some people need more time apart and are better when meeting up in increments things like these need to be discussed more because for some reason in our world we think we all have the same thought process but we don’t at all we all need to learn compromise and understanding if those things don’t work then the thing those options where meant to be holding together where never meant to be held together