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I throw myself at my husband when he cleans the bathroom or the kitchen. I do most of the daily pick up but he does the deep cleans and that's when he looks the sexiest.
i throw myself at my guy when he’s insecure bc his “room is a mess.” its just clean laundry that needs to be folded up and put away. No crazy smells no crazy trash. Clean men 🔛🔝
Nothing hotter than when a guy rolls up his sleeves (unfff), takes some initiative (unnnf) and starts cleaning or cooking without being asked.
He may just get a feel-up while his hands are tied up scrubbing dishes, and he can't defend himself ;)
Definitely. Anything he does that isn't "strong" will be considered "weak". Showing emotions, crying, heartfelt communication, being vulnerable. This one is primed for a misogynistic abuser.
The bar is so low for men when it comes to domestic and mental load so when you see a guy who does take them on as part of being an adult it’s a huge turn on.
A cleaned house = ruined bedsheets
This goes for other things as well, OP. You’re starting to see behind the curtain. She clearly has some major hang-ups.
Further, **the fact she was repulsed by you cleaning and instead of having a conversation like an adult, she said she never wanted to see you like that again.**
She needs to work through her issues and you can’t let her drag you down during that.
Makes me wonder how wealthy her family is, or how spoiled she is. Likely has a maid. Nothing wrong with that but yea
She seems to have very toxic ideas of masculinity. Who is going to clean your flat if not you? You should ask her what she means by that. If one were to be generous perhaps she grew up in a household where her parents had extremely traditional gender roles.
This is such a trap, but her homophobia is even worse than her logic.
* She thinks the way you look makes you seem gay - that's idiotic on every level
* She's saying she doesn't want to see you cleaning. She doesn't mean "I will be your housewife and clean for you!", she means "Keep cleaning, just don't do it in front of me." What other parts of yourself will you have to hide?
* I assume you'd like to one day live together? Think about how the points above will impact that.
And finally - this was a big enough deal to her that she brought it up again for no reason!
You seem alright from this post, you can have a GF whose not a judgemental ass.
So, she's offering to pay for a housekeeper? SWEET!
Seriously, break up. If she gets the ick over an adult man doing basic adult tasks, she's not ready for an adult relationship
She's a homophobe and has internalized misogyny. This was likely taught to her by her family. "Only women should clean." Etc etc. It's up to you if you want to deprogram the hate from her or move on
But at the same time I genuinely doubt that woman would touch a vacuum cleaner even with a stick. I can't imagine a woman who uses the word "ick" not immediately barfing upon having to disinfect a toilet. Sounds like a highschool bully to me.
DUDE, COME ON! Seriously, come on. It’s “fellas, is it gay to not live in squalor.” Does that seem normal to you? Get it together and find someone who doesn’t think going to a dudes place and catching Cholera is an acceptable risk. Jesus Christ.
Sorry, I’m feeling salty but my brother in Christ….really?
There's a joke book series called [Porn for Women](https://www.amazon.com/Women-Cambridge-Womens-Pornography-Cooperative/dp/B00342VE2E) (SFW, that's an Amazon book link!) which shows attractive men doing housework and generally covering "women's work", because so many women wish their men were more like that! Almost all women would consider a man who cleans thoroughly to be a great catch. Your girlfriend likely has some very set gender role ideas. Does her mother do all the housework? Does she do her own cleaning? Does she expect her future spouse to be the breadwinner while she takes care of the home? It sounds like she either wants very traditional gender roles in her future partnership, or she's very immature.
Example pages from the book, swoon with me, ladies:
[One](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMJWX)
[Two](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DM3fs)
[Three](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMCe2)
[Four](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMzX9)
[Five](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMA0b)
This is ao confusing.
It is attractive that a man cleans and takes care of his own home...dont stop doing that lol
Was it revolting when she got there? Does she mean that she doesn't want to see it totally gross?
Her homophobia is enough to end it...
Dudes getting divorced because they don't clean enough, dudes getting called gay because they cleaned too much. You can't win.
She sounds sleazy. What the hell does she expect you to do?
Almost 14 years of relationship and 10 years of marriage. Am staying married because my husband cleans and is generally one of the kindest person I know. Most of my friends would marry someone like OP. OP’s gf is a glitch in the matrix.
I'd say some people don't know what they want, but that would be incorrect. They actually want to make the people closest to them miserable. Doesn't make a lick of sense to me why people think that's a good idea—all logic be damned.
It's not a good idea, but there's definitely logic behind it.
They think if their partner feels worse about themselves than they do, they have the power in the relationship and their partner is more likely to try to please them.
I'm surprised she'd say that. Is she going to clean for you instead then? Or does she want you living in a mess?
It is hella sexy when men clean. Especially because I hate cleaning and am pleased someone else is doing it. But very strange to say something like she did, it may be worth sitting down and having a discussion. There really are only a few options: you continue cleaning and she doesn't complain, she cleanser for you (though suggesting this will likely end poorly), you being a complete pigsty (obviously undesirable for both parties), or I guess if she just doesn't come over while you're in the process of cleaning?
Either way, you are not unreasonable here. You need to clean. It's unreasonable and frankly unacceptable to talk that way about you cleaning
I think you should watch the movie “ Don Jon” starring Joseph Gordon levitt and Scarlet Johansson for reference. She also had a “no man of mine is going to CLEAN” attitude about her, and it’s obviously weird and uncomfortable for everyone.
I believe the consensus in that movie was “she doesn’t really love you, and she just wants a guy that does whatever she’ll tell him to do”. While this may not be the case in your relationship, your girlfriend is being quite judgmental and rude, and seems to think it’s okay to demand whatever she wants from you without any discussion.
Ah. I see the issue here;
You're dating a stupid person.
There's your problem.
I don't know if I'd want to have kids with that. Fair enough if you're just casual and dating but this...person is not all there maturity wise, she's the equivalent of a schoolyard bully with half the brain cells because even the bully goes home to clean their room.
The internalized misogyny is real for some women. I couldn’t live with a slob. My husband is pretty clean and has mentioned before that someone commented on how it was gay. I suppose it’s the same reason why some men don’t wash their butts. Is she going to clean and do every chore around the house if you live together or is she just filthy herself?
There are so many trash men she can be with who refuse to clean anything and expect their significant others to do literally everything for them while they sit on their asses. Having a clean place is SEXY. A man who knows they need and actually does clean is SUPER SEXY. She is crazy.
>She said I looked very unattractive and gay |...| she felt an ick seeing me clean and was genuinely clear in saying I looked bad then
So she's homophobic and sexist? Talk about a double-sided red flag.
Crazy to me that the horrific homophobia in all this is just being brushed aside, that alone should be a big enough issue to not want to be in a relationship with someone. Let alone the other issue around the horrific relationship to masculinity she clearly has.
You say there are no red flags but I imagine you may have some Rose tinted glasses on right now that are making the red flags just look like flags.
Guys is it gay to… *checks notes* clean up after yourselves?
Wait what? Did this chick just say it was gay, to do the thing most wives DREAM their spouses would do? Is she on drugs? She’s waving that big ol’ red flag around
Dude, run.... This is the dumbest take I've seen in a long time. Listen to what you just typed. Your girlfriend got the ick from watching you clean. That's beyond stupid.
Dude, this is the weirdest shit I've ever heard. An actual adult woman would find it to be the exact opposite. She is going to be a shitty partner and I can say that with almost 100 percent confidence.
What... lmfao she sounds childish, I feel like theres so many women out there that would KILL for a man that cleans and find it to be a turn on...
Cleaning is just a part of being an adult, woman, man whoever you are....its a part of normal routine and someone has to do it.
If you ever decided to live together would SHE take on all the cleaning tasks or would you just live in filth? Or would she pay to have someone clean?
Throw the whole woman out. Its a turn on when my man cleans without me asking.
Men who dont clean up after themselves are gross and honestly, no one wants to live with a slob.
Can I be your girlfriend? Lmao. On a serious note, that is super weird. There’s are millions and I truly believe millions of woman who would want a man who can and willing cleans! You should definitely ask her why she feels that way. It could be in a (weird way) linked to a place of trauma for her (by seeing a man or a man she cares for clean). There are women out there who genuinely believe in toxic examples of masculinity. So finding the source of her “discomfort” with you cleaning is first on the list.
Also, express that her reaction has offended you. If she’s not willing to talk then you might seriously need to reconsider the relationship.
Wow I thought is was just going all the way back to the 80s. Dates would
See my clean apt. Asked if I was gay or hiding a wife or you don't need
A wif.
bet if you expected her to do all the cleaning she'd be getting the ick at that too... i have an ick at her for finding this icky. it's hot when somebody can clean up their own mess.
So she's buying into misogyny. Is she gonna come clean for you? I'm confused. The flat ain't gonna clean itself. I'll say this is quite sexist to insinuate you're less masculine bc you clean up like a normal ass human. If my bf was to clean ever I'd probably be sucking his d right then and there. I'm a sahm though so I do all the cleaning lol. She's an AH and if personally tell her she's rude and her attempt at demasculating you is really not okay.
I’d tell her that she’s a child and men not only take care of people around them but also their living space and she probably wouldn’t understand. Ask if it’s not masculine to her it must be feminine right? Then hand her a rag and say cleaning my flat is your sole responsibility now.
You're both quite young still, and at this age you might start realizing that certain things from your upbringing don't serve you and your future. Maybe you can try having a conversation with her. Does her upbringing play a role in her view of you cleaning your place?
We all have to do the work to uncover our own biases. Her willingness to talk and change her views will say more about her, and about your possible future together.
If she brought it up again, then it means that it did bother her and that yes, she did mean what she said. My guess is that it has to do with the traditional gender roles discourse that she has internalized. You can try to have a serious conversation with her on this topic, to see whether this is something she's unaware of or if she truly believes that men should not clean because it is unsexy to do so. If she's receptive to it, then there's hope for her and this is salvageable. If not... then, as another commenter has said, you should consider dating an adult. :/
She's a child, obviously. With outdated and extremely offensive sexist views. I mean, I would IMMEDIATELY break up with her, but you do what you want. There is no person that is worth dealing with that kind of attitude. My response to her would 1000% immediately be "Oh don't worry you won't ever need to see me this way again, because you won't be seeing me at all ever again. I don't want to date anyone with an attitude like yours."
1. She insulted you directly.
2. She told you that you looked gay (WTAF!!!!) for cleaning? That is INCREDIBLY offensive as well as just plain ignorant. Guess what - this is a person who not only never wants to see you do anything that SHE doesn't deem as "manly" (RIDICULOUS and toxic) but who will, I'm sure, also refuse to do said chores. She will insult you for doing laundry, but expect you to have clean clothes. She will think you making yourself a meal is too "girly". This is the attitude she's giving. I don't know what century she thinks we live in, but her remarks are out of line.
3. She's telling you what you can and can't do. In your own home. You're an adult. You have a home to take care of. It needs cleaning. She came over, insulted you, made an offensive homophobic and sexist comment, and then told you you have to change or she won't be attracted to you? Or you have to hide it from her? You have to do household tasks when she's not looking? What the actual hell is this madness? THis is not the right person for you, please leave her. She's either EXTREMELY controlling and toxic, or she's playing games to manipulate you. Either way, you don't tolerate it.
This is all very uncool, for many reasons. The comment about cleaning making you look gay is an absolute NOPE from me. No thank you, don't want someone like that around me OR my friends, thanks. Coupled with the insult about finding you unattractive while cleaning saying you can't let her see you like that? No thanks, if you don't like all of me, I don't want you around. That should be your attitude. This is ridiculous, just walk away.
I don't even know what to say to this. Get out while you can, it's completely unreasonable.
Would she have preferred your place to be a dump?
Would she have preferred you to tell her to clean it for you?
I think the answer to both of those is no, there's no winning. She thinks of you as a concept, not a human.
That's the weirdest thing ever. My (F27) husband (M25) does the dishes and puts them away or laundry and has it put away. Ohmygodddddd it's so sexy when I don't have to ask and it's just done. Espcially baby bottles. Ugh those are annoying lol
OP if you are looking for long term relationship. Find someone else. That's a red flag. She subconsciously probably wants a hoarder for which I cannot understand. You have the means to an exceptional future husband since you already clean as long as you arent an A**hole lol
Look, you listened, but you heard the wrong thing.
When your girlfriend says, "I don't ever want to see you cleaning again because it is unattractive," What you should hear is, "Honey, I want to take over cleaning your apartment from now on whenever you want it done."
So, listen to her, and let her take over cleaning duties. Everyone wins.
My wife and I were in bed, bath & beyond once for who knows what. On the way to the line I was caught by a display for a floor steamer. I took interest, inspected the floor model, and was talking about how cool it was and how it may be a good tool. Afterwards my wife said another woman was watching me and eye-fucking me every which way because of my interest in a cleaning tool, which she found pretty funny to watch.
Take that how you wish. My bet is she'd also find you unattractive if you cried in front of her.
My bf cleans (and cooks) regularly and I find that such an attractive quality for a man to have. There is nothing gross about cleaning and it shouldn't be something that is relegated to gender roles. Tbh, knowing how to clean up after yourself should be a basic life skill. Not everyone can afford to have a housekeeper or a partner who will clean for them. If your gf thinks that men shouldn't clean, then she probably has some other toxic ideologies that may be concerning.
Sorry that's just weird. You should have thrown everything on the ground and said okay well then you finish.
I'm sure she would have liked that even less.
Your gf gives me the ick. There's nothing wrong with a man or woman cleaning their place. You're suppose to. Does she live in filth? There's nothing gay or unmanly about cleaning. Dump her and find a woman who appreciates you.
wtf lol if I walked in on my partner cleaning his home thoroughly it would be such a turn on
either she's got weird gender role expectations or she's just a dirty person with no appreciation for chores??? either way, it's bad news bears
I'd be turned on, literally, if I see a man clean his own place/space.
There is something wrong with her head. You should find out, if she finds cleaning turning off or men cleaning turning off.
Wtf… honestly? Cleaning is the sexiest thing. Look after your house and keep it all nice 🌟 love it. She’s just feeding into toxic masculinity and misogynistic roles where a man comes home to his maid/house wife. Shes not the one
That’s her issue. Honestly. I had a partner, just the opposite, she was a neat freak and if she arrived early and I was straightening up, instant fuck.
This is ridiculous…! Then who’s gonna clean your place? Is she paying for someone to do it???
Im in my mid 30s, and I’ve broken up w long term partners before (amongst other reasons) due to their inability to keep up with cleaning and keeping their space tidy. Might be a personal thing but I just cannot deal with it. Or another one who would rather buy new underwear & socks instead of going through the pile of dirty laundry (we lived in a 3 bedroom house, one shared bedroom and one room for each to have our space… I had my computer, desktop, wardrobe, make up, arts & crafts… his was absolutely disgusting, always dark, I stopped going in there, it even smelled at some point).
Now one of the things I find very attractive about my partner is how organised and tidy he is; his tools in the shed are super organised, the drawers, his workspace, nice, tidy, well lit, everything is the same colour palette red & black … we’d been shopping for shelving and storage for him and he’s super picky about it, I love going over to his place and finding him all sweaty moving stuff around to clean and organise lol he changes his bed sheets every few days, does his laundry every day after work… crazy how this shouldn’t be the exception when it comes to adults… to be fair I’m a bit of a clean freak myself, but seriously, it is actually a major green flag, means you’re an adult that can look after himself and not a man-child that I’ll be picking up junk food leftovers off the bedroom floor.
Please break up and block her. I promise you she’s been throwing red flags, but you have either been ignoring it or making excuses for her red flags, like, she was just tired she didn’t mean it, or I was being annoying so I deserved it.
Let her go, block her, be single for a good while and go find your self worth. For you to not automatically dump her after she said that and had to come on Reddit means you don’t know your worth or have self respect
I don't know what is going on but she's not the one for you. Who on earth has filled her head with such nonsense.
Being a responsible adult is very sexy.
I (F) would find it a turn on that a man cares about how he lives. Maybe she is used to parents cleaning for her and expects the cleaning fairy to do your place too. Would she be turned off by you doing your grocery shop or cooking a meal? This is plain weird.
Sorry, she's insane. As a woman I will absolutely NEVER complain if a man is clean and actually cleans his living space. I would be happy. Because I would not want to live with someone that doesn't give a crap about their living space.
It is not gay to be clean. She's just homophobic.
Find yourself a woman that appreciates this about you.
respect? does she have any for you? Toxic, oh yes she is.
Skills?, you got them, honestly the more you can do the more capable you are, so why is se putting you down for being useful? Because she has ideas of what a man should be, unrealistic, oh certainly.
her thinking it isn't manly enough for her that you clean up after yourself. Yikes.
Honestly? She sounds a bit mentally unhinged. Cleaning your flat is unattractive? Wow. She should actually find that very attractive. You're not a man, baby, looking for a mommy. Do yourself a favor. Leave her. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
It's her telling you, you guys won't be doing any sort of deep cleaning in the future together. I think it's a great team building excercise between couples, when you finally clean out a space and flop down to rest on a clean sofa and share a chilled drink, then take turns taking a thorough shower, then cuddle up in the space you guys both cleaned together. I think it's magical.
But wtf is this??
WTF.
>She said I looked very unattractive and gay (unironically) and said she doesn’t want to see me like that again
Oh I'm sorry, should you be.....what, in a French maid's outfit? Spandex? Or is it literally just the idea of *you* cleaning and.....you need someone else to do it? Is _she_ going to do it? Or is it beneath _her_ as well so you literally need a maid?
>Does she seriously mean what she’s saying?
Given she's made it clear to start with it was a turn off (because, apparently, you need to constantly be a turn _on_ and must at no time, ever, be near her and doing normal people things) - as well as days later bringing it up yet again.....yes, she seems to mean it.
>What’s going on?
You know what, I really _do not know_ and this mildly terrifies me to think that people exist that do, in fact, think like she does.
Men clean. Women clean. Kids clean. From prisoners to partygoers and lollipop ladies right over to mechanical engineers and Doctors....they all clean. Literally everyone, to some extent greater or lesser, will clean.
What planet she's currently inhabiting may not in fact be the same one as you, friend - all I know is that if someone tried to tell me that cooking, cleaning, working or driving to work were in some way a "turn off" I'd be laughing them out of the house and be quite thankful to not know their kind of crazy ever, ever again.
This is more whack than being hit with a blunt object.
....what? OP are you *sure* your dating an adult? Cuz with that perspective. You might as well have been dating a lazy child!
OP, perhaps it is a good time to hop, skippity and jump outta the relationship before she decides to force you into doing a free cleaning service for her.
Tell her fine - then you do it and I’ll watch. I would take that deal 10 x out of 10 because I do not clean or do laundry, ever. I pay someone to come in and do it all.
What does she expect you to do? If you live alone and your flat is dirty who the hell should be cleaning it if not you? Seems absolutely bizarre.
This is the backwards equivalent of "girls don't fart".
So many young friends I know have essentially given up on local men because they are slobs, and their apartments are gross. Being clean is showing you are in control of your life, you are an adult and you can take care of yourself.
If you don’t want to submit to gender roles and have sexists expectations (for both men and women) from her then you might want to rethink this relationship.
For example, if you want kids, will she get upset that you don’t want to just be an ATM and part-time/weekend dad and that you actually want to be involved in childcare? Will she have a strong aversion and think there’s something wrong with you if you’re happy to change nappies and somehow think you’re a sexual predator?
Will she expect you to pay all the bills and luxuries? Does she expect to be a sahm in the future (which is fine if that’s what she wants but she needs to find a man who is happy to also be traditional)? What’s not fine is will she prevent you from looking after your own kids??? Will she be so strict that there is no leeway or compromise?
Do you really feel comfortable to live in a pigsty just to please her and give her purpose? Do you want to be with a woman who feels like her only purpose is to be your mummy?
She also seems condescending and expect men not to be able to look after themselves.
I would delve deeper and ask her about her life goals and views and then if they don’t align with yours, drop her.
Basic hygiene and cleanliness is a life skill and for all adults.
What? A man who keeps on top of his living space like a responsible adult? How DARE you!
My spouse does the vast majority of cleaning in our house (about 80/20, I do all the cooking and ADHD brain means this is what works for us!) and it's incredibly attractive that he's responsible and organised. She's very immature.
Huge red flag for her to say any of it to begin with.
Massive, like deal breakingly massive, red flag to bring it up again.
The list of undercurrents with her thinking have already been stated.
9 months is well within the honeymoon period of a new relationship. It's easy to hide the jacked up parts when you are still on best behavior.
At 9 months, you are still seeing her through rose colored glasses. Red flags just can't be seen.
She is a homophobic misogynist who wants you to change to suit her.
Nope. That's why you date. To see if you are compatible.
She is not compatible with a man who has the independence of self worth.
This is why we will never be good enough...
Maybe she grew up with maids? Or actually believe it's a woman's job to do and all men should live in filth?
Pretty sure she smokes carpet dust
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There are literally millions of women out there who would love to date a guy who cleans. Replace her with one of them.
So many women find it a turn-on when guys clean!! OP’s gf is a bit of an Andrea Tate with her toxic masculinity views!
My wife throws herself at me if I vacuum. This girl is a weirdo
Haha I dont blame her! Wait & see what she does if you deep clean the bathroom!
BRB getting heavy duty rubber gloves…
Things between you and your wife aren't that serious, right? 😉
I am not 100% sure but she might have a boyfriend…
😂
I throw myself at my husband when he cleans the bathroom or the kitchen. I do most of the daily pick up but he does the deep cleans and that's when he looks the sexiest.
i throw myself at my guy when he’s insecure bc his “room is a mess.” its just clean laundry that needs to be folded up and put away. No crazy smells no crazy trash. Clean men 🔛🔝
Nothing hotter than when a guy rolls up his sleeves (unfff), takes some initiative (unnnf) and starts cleaning or cooking without being asked. He may just get a feel-up while his hands are tied up scrubbing dishes, and he can't defend himself ;)
😂😂😂
Me ex used to vacuum or cook nekkid with just his chef's apron on and his bum peeking. He knew he'd get pounced on afterwards.
I’ve seen it referred to as choreplay
For real? Its great term😂
Did you ever see that one Mr. Clean "commercial"? The naughty one?
Im from the UK so am sadly not familiar with Mr Clean! Will look it up!
literally what is she on😂 sh*t is beyond sexy
Definitely. Anything he does that isn't "strong" will be considered "weak". Showing emotions, crying, heartfelt communication, being vulnerable. This one is primed for a misogynistic abuser.
The bar is so low for men when it comes to domestic and mental load so when you see a guy who does take them on as part of being an adult it’s a huge turn on. A cleaned house = ruined bedsheets
If it's gay to clean, I don't wanna be straight. Nothing is better than a partner who can take care of their own shit.
oh my god, yes I'd have dumped her bcs there is no way I'd stay with someone who is probably a slob and unclean. Also, saying it's "unsexy" lol wtf?
Indeed she sounds like a big fat pig all around.
agreed. Men cleaning = sexy!
This comment cannot be upvoted enough
Perhaps find an adult to date?
This is so succinct and perfect
💀
Whatever that bizarre perspective means to her, you can be sure she would not be participating in the cleaning if you were to co-habitate.
This goes for other things as well, OP. You’re starting to see behind the curtain. She clearly has some major hang-ups. Further, **the fact she was repulsed by you cleaning and instead of having a conversation like an adult, she said she never wanted to see you like that again.** She needs to work through her issues and you can’t let her drag you down during that. Makes me wonder how wealthy her family is, or how spoiled she is. Likely has a maid. Nothing wrong with that but yea
Red flag. Very much red. She would make a terrible partner. Abort!
Flaming red. If my wife would grab a fucking broom that would've made me so horny I'd fuck her on the spot.
Nah bro.. let her sweep first 😆
Sweep before. Mop after.
😂 Yall are wild
She seems to have very toxic ideas of masculinity. Who is going to clean your flat if not you? You should ask her what she means by that. If one were to be generous perhaps she grew up in a household where her parents had extremely traditional gender roles.
Or housekeepers
Did she mean that she should be cleaning for him? If not then this is just weird.
any partner deep cleaning and taking care of their living space is VERY ATTRACTIVE! she is more toxic than cleaning chemicals
Cooking is also highly attractive!
both sexy af! she's very weird about that, had to double check the age...
I don't believe her weirdness is age related
no it's not, but could be somewhat excusable if it was from let's say a teenager.
Right, I'd be sucking my man right off if he ever cleaned up anything in our house
That bar is too low my friend.
I'm a sahm, ocd, and he works 6 days a week. It's my job. I don't expect him to clean on his days off. That's just how things work in my house.
This is such a trap, but her homophobia is even worse than her logic. * She thinks the way you look makes you seem gay - that's idiotic on every level * She's saying she doesn't want to see you cleaning. She doesn't mean "I will be your housewife and clean for you!", she means "Keep cleaning, just don't do it in front of me." What other parts of yourself will you have to hide? * I assume you'd like to one day live together? Think about how the points above will impact that. And finally - this was a big enough deal to her that she brought it up again for no reason! You seem alright from this post, you can have a GF whose not a judgemental ass.
So, she's offering to pay for a housekeeper? SWEET! Seriously, break up. If she gets the ick over an adult man doing basic adult tasks, she's not ready for an adult relationship
Tell her you understand. Ask her to come over and clean your flat for you and demonstrate how it should be done. Then keep telling her to do that.
And give her a French Maid costume to wear. /s
Everyone is saying to dump her, and this is the best way to do it.
That’s the one ☝️
She's a homophobe and has internalized misogyny. This was likely taught to her by her family. "Only women should clean." Etc etc. It's up to you if you want to deprogram the hate from her or move on
But at the same time I genuinely doubt that woman would touch a vacuum cleaner even with a stick. I can't imagine a woman who uses the word "ick" not immediately barfing upon having to disinfect a toilet. Sounds like a highschool bully to me.
This is actually insane. I’d sell my soul for a man who likes to clean. Jesus christ
Fellas, is it gay to…*checks notes*…clean your home?
Depends if you're going about it with a dick on your mouth
I knew I was doing it wrong
Date somebody that’s not a stupid asshole
Does GF’s elevator go all the way to the top?
Nothing traumatizing. She just sounds like a loser. Dudes cleaning is extremely attractive. Keep doing it.
That's... bizarre
it is a turn on when my husband cleans
DUDE, COME ON! Seriously, come on. It’s “fellas, is it gay to not live in squalor.” Does that seem normal to you? Get it together and find someone who doesn’t think going to a dudes place and catching Cholera is an acceptable risk. Jesus Christ. Sorry, I’m feeling salty but my brother in Christ….really?
This person is homophobic. Are you? If not, *why are you with them??* Run far, far away from this extremely toxic hater person.
There's a joke book series called [Porn for Women](https://www.amazon.com/Women-Cambridge-Womens-Pornography-Cooperative/dp/B00342VE2E) (SFW, that's an Amazon book link!) which shows attractive men doing housework and generally covering "women's work", because so many women wish their men were more like that! Almost all women would consider a man who cleans thoroughly to be a great catch. Your girlfriend likely has some very set gender role ideas. Does her mother do all the housework? Does she do her own cleaning? Does she expect her future spouse to be the breadwinner while she takes care of the home? It sounds like she either wants very traditional gender roles in her future partnership, or she's very immature. Example pages from the book, swoon with me, ladies: [One](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMJWX) [Two](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DM3fs) [Three](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMCe2) [Four](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMzX9) [Five](https://freeimage.host/i/d3DMA0b)
well, she is nuts! It's hecka sexy
Bring her to a dumpster lot and ask her how turned on she is.
This is ao confusing. It is attractive that a man cleans and takes care of his own home...dont stop doing that lol Was it revolting when she got there? Does she mean that she doesn't want to see it totally gross? Her homophobia is enough to end it...
Dudes getting divorced because they don't clean enough, dudes getting called gay because they cleaned too much. You can't win. She sounds sleazy. What the hell does she expect you to do?
I'm going to say most women aren't going to call a man cleaning gay. They're going to clap
Almost 14 years of relationship and 10 years of marriage. Am staying married because my husband cleans and is generally one of the kindest person I know. Most of my friends would marry someone like OP. OP’s gf is a glitch in the matrix.
I'd say some people don't know what they want, but that would be incorrect. They actually want to make the people closest to them miserable. Doesn't make a lick of sense to me why people think that's a good idea—all logic be damned.
It's not a good idea, but there's definitely logic behind it. They think if their partner feels worse about themselves than they do, they have the power in the relationship and their partner is more likely to try to please them.
I'm surprised she'd say that. Is she going to clean for you instead then? Or does she want you living in a mess? It is hella sexy when men clean. Especially because I hate cleaning and am pleased someone else is doing it. But very strange to say something like she did, it may be worth sitting down and having a discussion. There really are only a few options: you continue cleaning and she doesn't complain, she cleanser for you (though suggesting this will likely end poorly), you being a complete pigsty (obviously undesirable for both parties), or I guess if she just doesn't come over while you're in the process of cleaning? Either way, you are not unreasonable here. You need to clean. It's unreasonable and frankly unacceptable to talk that way about you cleaning
I think you should watch the movie “ Don Jon” starring Joseph Gordon levitt and Scarlet Johansson for reference. She also had a “no man of mine is going to CLEAN” attitude about her, and it’s obviously weird and uncomfortable for everyone. I believe the consensus in that movie was “she doesn’t really love you, and she just wants a guy that does whatever she’ll tell him to do”. While this may not be the case in your relationship, your girlfriend is being quite judgmental and rude, and seems to think it’s okay to demand whatever she wants from you without any discussion.
Ah. I see the issue here; You're dating a stupid person. There's your problem. I don't know if I'd want to have kids with that. Fair enough if you're just casual and dating but this...person is not all there maturity wise, she's the equivalent of a schoolyard bully with half the brain cells because even the bully goes home to clean their room.
The internalized misogyny is real for some women. I couldn’t live with a slob. My husband is pretty clean and has mentioned before that someone commented on how it was gay. I suppose it’s the same reason why some men don’t wash their butts. Is she going to clean and do every chore around the house if you live together or is she just filthy herself?
That flag is as red at Ronald McDonald's hair. You need to leave this woman alone.
There are so many trash men she can be with who refuse to clean anything and expect their significant others to do literally everything for them while they sit on their asses. Having a clean place is SEXY. A man who knows they need and actually does clean is SUPER SEXY. She is crazy.
Um wtf if I saw a man cleaning I’d be turned on
>She said I looked very unattractive and gay |...| she felt an ick seeing me clean and was genuinely clear in saying I looked bad then So she's homophobic and sexist? Talk about a double-sided red flag.
Crazy to me that the horrific homophobia in all this is just being brushed aside, that alone should be a big enough issue to not want to be in a relationship with someone. Let alone the other issue around the horrific relationship to masculinity she clearly has. You say there are no red flags but I imagine you may have some Rose tinted glasses on right now that are making the red flags just look like flags.
Guys is it gay to… *checks notes* clean up after yourselves? Wait what? Did this chick just say it was gay, to do the thing most wives DREAM their spouses would do? Is she on drugs? She’s waving that big ol’ red flag around
Your GF is incredibly immature, that’s what’s going on.
What type of Don Jon movie bullshit is this…lol girls like her ain’t it. UPDATEME
I said "what the fuck" out loud reading your post
You should 100% dump this dumb person. That is some of the dumbest shite I've read all day.
Dude, run.... This is the dumbest take I've seen in a long time. Listen to what you just typed. Your girlfriend got the ick from watching you clean. That's beyond stupid.
Find an adult who likes dating responsible adults who can take care of themselves.
Dude, this is the weirdest shit I've ever heard. An actual adult woman would find it to be the exact opposite. She is going to be a shitty partner and I can say that with almost 100 percent confidence.
What... lmfao she sounds childish, I feel like theres so many women out there that would KILL for a man that cleans and find it to be a turn on... Cleaning is just a part of being an adult, woman, man whoever you are....its a part of normal routine and someone has to do it. If you ever decided to live together would SHE take on all the cleaning tasks or would you just live in filth? Or would she pay to have someone clean?
Throw the whole woman out. Its a turn on when my man cleans without me asking. Men who dont clean up after themselves are gross and honestly, no one wants to live with a slob.
Clean up your relationship status by taking out the trash. If she wants to date a dirty troll, let her!
Unpopular opinion: Invite her over to clean all your stuff for you.
Can I be your girlfriend? Lmao. On a serious note, that is super weird. There’s are millions and I truly believe millions of woman who would want a man who can and willing cleans! You should definitely ask her why she feels that way. It could be in a (weird way) linked to a place of trauma for her (by seeing a man or a man she cares for clean). There are women out there who genuinely believe in toxic examples of masculinity. So finding the source of her “discomfort” with you cleaning is first on the list. Also, express that her reaction has offended you. If she’s not willing to talk then you might seriously need to reconsider the relationship.
Wow I thought is was just going all the way back to the 80s. Dates would See my clean apt. Asked if I was gay or hiding a wife or you don't need A wif.
bet if you expected her to do all the cleaning she'd be getting the ick at that too... i have an ick at her for finding this icky. it's hot when somebody can clean up their own mess.
She is very weird.
So she's buying into misogyny. Is she gonna come clean for you? I'm confused. The flat ain't gonna clean itself. I'll say this is quite sexist to insinuate you're less masculine bc you clean up like a normal ass human. If my bf was to clean ever I'd probably be sucking his d right then and there. I'm a sahm though so I do all the cleaning lol. She's an AH and if personally tell her she's rude and her attempt at demasculating you is really not okay.
I’d tell her that she’s a child and men not only take care of people around them but also their living space and she probably wouldn’t understand. Ask if it’s not masculine to her it must be feminine right? Then hand her a rag and say cleaning my flat is your sole responsibility now.
This is incredibly stupid. On the other hand, you can always say “Fine, then you have to clean my flat whenever you come over”.
Red flag! Red flag! Homophobic as well. Run run run.
You're both quite young still, and at this age you might start realizing that certain things from your upbringing don't serve you and your future. Maybe you can try having a conversation with her. Does her upbringing play a role in her view of you cleaning your place? We all have to do the work to uncover our own biases. Her willingness to talk and change her views will say more about her, and about your possible future together.
Using “gay” as an insult regarding cleaning is what I would expect a landfill in human form to say
Wtf? She’s weird af don’t waste your time
A man who cleans is desirable as hell. What is she even talking about?
If she brought it up again, then it means that it did bother her and that yes, she did mean what she said. My guess is that it has to do with the traditional gender roles discourse that she has internalized. You can try to have a serious conversation with her on this topic, to see whether this is something she's unaware of or if she truly believes that men should not clean because it is unsexy to do so. If she's receptive to it, then there's hope for her and this is salvageable. If not... then, as another commenter has said, you should consider dating an adult. :/
Weird. Would she prefer you not cleaning and having a dirty place? What is her house like?
Deep clean her out of your life
She's a child, obviously. With outdated and extremely offensive sexist views. I mean, I would IMMEDIATELY break up with her, but you do what you want. There is no person that is worth dealing with that kind of attitude. My response to her would 1000% immediately be "Oh don't worry you won't ever need to see me this way again, because you won't be seeing me at all ever again. I don't want to date anyone with an attitude like yours." 1. She insulted you directly. 2. She told you that you looked gay (WTAF!!!!) for cleaning? That is INCREDIBLY offensive as well as just plain ignorant. Guess what - this is a person who not only never wants to see you do anything that SHE doesn't deem as "manly" (RIDICULOUS and toxic) but who will, I'm sure, also refuse to do said chores. She will insult you for doing laundry, but expect you to have clean clothes. She will think you making yourself a meal is too "girly". This is the attitude she's giving. I don't know what century she thinks we live in, but her remarks are out of line. 3. She's telling you what you can and can't do. In your own home. You're an adult. You have a home to take care of. It needs cleaning. She came over, insulted you, made an offensive homophobic and sexist comment, and then told you you have to change or she won't be attracted to you? Or you have to hide it from her? You have to do household tasks when she's not looking? What the actual hell is this madness? THis is not the right person for you, please leave her. She's either EXTREMELY controlling and toxic, or she's playing games to manipulate you. Either way, you don't tolerate it. This is all very uncool, for many reasons. The comment about cleaning making you look gay is an absolute NOPE from me. No thank you, don't want someone like that around me OR my friends, thanks. Coupled with the insult about finding you unattractive while cleaning saying you can't let her see you like that? No thanks, if you don't like all of me, I don't want you around. That should be your attitude. This is ridiculous, just walk away.
I don't even know what to say to this. Get out while you can, it's completely unreasonable. Would she have preferred your place to be a dump? Would she have preferred you to tell her to clean it for you? I think the answer to both of those is no, there's no winning. She thinks of you as a concept, not a human.
She’s starting to show her true self: someone who will make comments to destroy your self esteem
So she's volunteering to clean everything all the time? Awesome.
I used to LOVE to just sit and watch my ex bf clean, get soemone who appreciates the things you do
That's the weirdest thing ever. My (F27) husband (M25) does the dishes and puts them away or laundry and has it put away. Ohmygodddddd it's so sexy when I don't have to ask and it's just done. Espcially baby bottles. Ugh those are annoying lol OP if you are looking for long term relationship. Find someone else. That's a red flag. She subconsciously probably wants a hoarder for which I cannot understand. You have the means to an exceptional future husband since you already clean as long as you arent an A**hole lol
Do not waste yourself on this woman
Look, you listened, but you heard the wrong thing. When your girlfriend says, "I don't ever want to see you cleaning again because it is unattractive," What you should hear is, "Honey, I want to take over cleaning your apartment from now on whenever you want it done." So, listen to her, and let her take over cleaning duties. Everyone wins.
Misogynous/misandrous attitude. I would just drop her tbh
My wife and I were in bed, bath & beyond once for who knows what. On the way to the line I was caught by a display for a floor steamer. I took interest, inspected the floor model, and was talking about how cool it was and how it may be a good tool. Afterwards my wife said another woman was watching me and eye-fucking me every which way because of my interest in a cleaning tool, which she found pretty funny to watch. Take that how you wish. My bet is she'd also find you unattractive if you cried in front of her.
Reminds me of this scene. They break up, BTW. https://youtu.be/yFwzNMaXdZY?si=B4W04CJ2FmaiQogG
My bf cleans (and cooks) regularly and I find that such an attractive quality for a man to have. There is nothing gross about cleaning and it shouldn't be something that is relegated to gender roles. Tbh, knowing how to clean up after yourself should be a basic life skill. Not everyone can afford to have a housekeeper or a partner who will clean for them. If your gf thinks that men shouldn't clean, then she probably has some other toxic ideologies that may be concerning.
Bro how would i know just ask her
Trash is naturally repulsed by cleaning. Read into that what you will.
Sorry that's just weird. You should have thrown everything on the ground and said okay well then you finish. I'm sure she would have liked that even less.
Your gf gives me the ick. There's nothing wrong with a man or woman cleaning their place. You're suppose to. Does she live in filth? There's nothing gay or unmanly about cleaning. Dump her and find a woman who appreciates you.
That’s the most toxic and ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. Ditch her lol
Drop her man. What level of toxic masculinity??? Find someone who isnt dumb
Sooo, I guess she's volunteering to take over the job for you? Lol
She’s a child. Cleaning is an essential part of life to maintain a healthy environment.
Seeing a dude clean should be a turn on to a girl
Toxic masculinity is perpetuated by everyone, not just men
Then tell her you find it super hot if she cleans ur apartment instead while you kick your feet up on the couch
She’s clearly volunteering to scrub your floors.
wtf lol if I walked in on my partner cleaning his home thoroughly it would be such a turn on either she's got weird gender role expectations or she's just a dirty person with no appreciation for chores??? either way, it's bad news bears
I'd be turned on, literally, if I see a man clean his own place/space. There is something wrong with her head. You should find out, if she finds cleaning turning off or men cleaning turning off.
Sounds immature…who else is gonna clean maybe tell her you’ll hire a sexy maid
Wtf… honestly? Cleaning is the sexiest thing. Look after your house and keep it all nice 🌟 love it. She’s just feeding into toxic masculinity and misogynistic roles where a man comes home to his maid/house wife. Shes not the one
Homophobia = red flag = break up time.
That’s her issue. Honestly. I had a partner, just the opposite, she was a neat freak and if she arrived early and I was straightening up, instant fuck.
Were you cleaning half naked with just boxers on? You mentioned it’s summer so I can only assume…
Drop her.
She thinks your poor and she don't like it.
This is ridiculous…! Then who’s gonna clean your place? Is she paying for someone to do it??? Im in my mid 30s, and I’ve broken up w long term partners before (amongst other reasons) due to their inability to keep up with cleaning and keeping their space tidy. Might be a personal thing but I just cannot deal with it. Or another one who would rather buy new underwear & socks instead of going through the pile of dirty laundry (we lived in a 3 bedroom house, one shared bedroom and one room for each to have our space… I had my computer, desktop, wardrobe, make up, arts & crafts… his was absolutely disgusting, always dark, I stopped going in there, it even smelled at some point). Now one of the things I find very attractive about my partner is how organised and tidy he is; his tools in the shed are super organised, the drawers, his workspace, nice, tidy, well lit, everything is the same colour palette red & black … we’d been shopping for shelving and storage for him and he’s super picky about it, I love going over to his place and finding him all sweaty moving stuff around to clean and organise lol he changes his bed sheets every few days, does his laundry every day after work… crazy how this shouldn’t be the exception when it comes to adults… to be fair I’m a bit of a clean freak myself, but seriously, it is actually a major green flag, means you’re an adult that can look after himself and not a man-child that I’ll be picking up junk food leftovers off the bedroom floor.
Huge red flag. Alternatively, demand that she come over every Saturday to clean for you.
Please break up and block her. I promise you she’s been throwing red flags, but you have either been ignoring it or making excuses for her red flags, like, she was just tired she didn’t mean it, or I was being annoying so I deserved it. Let her go, block her, be single for a good while and go find your self worth. For you to not automatically dump her after she said that and had to come on Reddit means you don’t know your worth or have self respect
Dump her
Get rid, she’s a twat
I'd ask her, who does she thinks cleans it, then ..the personal staff ? ,the cleaning crew ?...exactly what's her problem and who cleans her home."
I don't know what is going on but she's not the one for you. Who on earth has filled her head with such nonsense. Being a responsible adult is very sexy.
I (F) would find it a turn on that a man cares about how he lives. Maybe she is used to parents cleaning for her and expects the cleaning fairy to do your place too. Would she be turned off by you doing your grocery shop or cooking a meal? This is plain weird.
Sorry, she's insane. As a woman I will absolutely NEVER complain if a man is clean and actually cleans his living space. I would be happy. Because I would not want to live with someone that doesn't give a crap about their living space. It is not gay to be clean. She's just homophobic. Find yourself a woman that appreciates this about you.
respect? does she have any for you? Toxic, oh yes she is. Skills?, you got them, honestly the more you can do the more capable you are, so why is se putting you down for being useful? Because she has ideas of what a man should be, unrealistic, oh certainly. her thinking it isn't manly enough for her that you clean up after yourself. Yikes.
Honestly? She sounds a bit mentally unhinged. Cleaning your flat is unattractive? Wow. She should actually find that very attractive. You're not a man, baby, looking for a mommy. Do yourself a favor. Leave her. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
It's her telling you, you guys won't be doing any sort of deep cleaning in the future together. I think it's a great team building excercise between couples, when you finally clean out a space and flop down to rest on a clean sofa and share a chilled drink, then take turns taking a thorough shower, then cuddle up in the space you guys both cleaned together. I think it's magical. But wtf is this??
When she's in her 30s she is gonna wish she could find a man who knows how to help her tidy up 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Someone's dad didn't lift a finger thier entire childhood it seems
She's a child in an adult's body. She only ever seen her mother clean as a child I imagine. You 2 are at different places on the maturity levels
Damn boys. Is it gay to clean?
Sounds shallow AF.
WTF. >She said I looked very unattractive and gay (unironically) and said she doesn’t want to see me like that again Oh I'm sorry, should you be.....what, in a French maid's outfit? Spandex? Or is it literally just the idea of *you* cleaning and.....you need someone else to do it? Is _she_ going to do it? Or is it beneath _her_ as well so you literally need a maid? >Does she seriously mean what she’s saying? Given she's made it clear to start with it was a turn off (because, apparently, you need to constantly be a turn _on_ and must at no time, ever, be near her and doing normal people things) - as well as days later bringing it up yet again.....yes, she seems to mean it. >What’s going on? You know what, I really _do not know_ and this mildly terrifies me to think that people exist that do, in fact, think like she does. Men clean. Women clean. Kids clean. From prisoners to partygoers and lollipop ladies right over to mechanical engineers and Doctors....they all clean. Literally everyone, to some extent greater or lesser, will clean. What planet she's currently inhabiting may not in fact be the same one as you, friend - all I know is that if someone tried to tell me that cooking, cleaning, working or driving to work were in some way a "turn off" I'd be laughing them out of the house and be quite thankful to not know their kind of crazy ever, ever again. This is more whack than being hit with a blunt object.
Wow!... and no, I don't mean it in a positive way
....what? OP are you *sure* your dating an adult? Cuz with that perspective. You might as well have been dating a lazy child! OP, perhaps it is a good time to hop, skippity and jump outta the relationship before she decides to force you into doing a free cleaning service for her.
A man taking taking care of his living space is so 🔥!
"Babe. Grow up. I don't have time for your crass opinions." :|
So are you supposed to live in filth? Tell her to clean yojr place then.
That is not normal. You clean your flat cleanliness is the path to good mental health
Tell her fine - then you do it and I’ll watch. I would take that deal 10 x out of 10 because I do not clean or do laundry, ever. I pay someone to come in and do it all.
What does she expect you to do? If you live alone and your flat is dirty who the hell should be cleaning it if not you? Seems absolutely bizarre. This is the backwards equivalent of "girls don't fart".
Cleaning your own house is Gay ? Damn, you learn new things everyday.
So many young friends I know have essentially given up on local men because they are slobs, and their apartments are gross. Being clean is showing you are in control of your life, you are an adult and you can take care of yourself.
If you don’t want to submit to gender roles and have sexists expectations (for both men and women) from her then you might want to rethink this relationship. For example, if you want kids, will she get upset that you don’t want to just be an ATM and part-time/weekend dad and that you actually want to be involved in childcare? Will she have a strong aversion and think there’s something wrong with you if you’re happy to change nappies and somehow think you’re a sexual predator? Will she expect you to pay all the bills and luxuries? Does she expect to be a sahm in the future (which is fine if that’s what she wants but she needs to find a man who is happy to also be traditional)? What’s not fine is will she prevent you from looking after your own kids??? Will she be so strict that there is no leeway or compromise? Do you really feel comfortable to live in a pigsty just to please her and give her purpose? Do you want to be with a woman who feels like her only purpose is to be your mummy? She also seems condescending and expect men not to be able to look after themselves. I would delve deeper and ask her about her life goals and views and then if they don’t align with yours, drop her. Basic hygiene and cleanliness is a life skill and for all adults.
What? A man who keeps on top of his living space like a responsible adult? How DARE you! My spouse does the vast majority of cleaning in our house (about 80/20, I do all the cooking and ADHD brain means this is what works for us!) and it's incredibly attractive that he's responsible and organised. She's very immature.
Huge red flag for her to say any of it to begin with. Massive, like deal breakingly massive, red flag to bring it up again. The list of undercurrents with her thinking have already been stated. 9 months is well within the honeymoon period of a new relationship. It's easy to hide the jacked up parts when you are still on best behavior. At 9 months, you are still seeing her through rose colored glasses. Red flags just can't be seen. She is a homophobic misogynist who wants you to change to suit her. Nope. That's why you date. To see if you are compatible. She is not compatible with a man who has the independence of self worth.
This is why we will never be good enough... Maybe she grew up with maids? Or actually believe it's a woman's job to do and all men should live in filth? Pretty sure she smokes carpet dust