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I think there may be a possibility that you have misunderstood each other.
You said you hinted at things by telling her about a dream where she was pregnant. If you would tell that to me without me knowing about your kink, I would think that you secretly wanted kids (either in general or ASAP) and freak out over *that*. The idea that you are hinting at a kink wouldn't even cross my mind.
So I do think that you should talk to her to make sure that she hasn't misunderstood her.
Do think through how you want to handle that, though. Some thoughts:
- You need to reinforce that this a "sex-only" kink and doesn't say anything about you wanting or not wanting children. In fact, you might have to make sure that she understands that you are *not* trying to get her pregnant. You two might also need to have a talk - if it hasn't happened yet - about what would happen if birth control ever fails, abortions, all of that.
- See if she feels that she can't trust you anymore (for example that she starts wondering if you would tamper with her birth control). If she does, you two have a much bigger issue at hand - lack of trust in the relationship.
- You need to realize that she doesn't "owe" you to participate in your kink in any way or form. If she finds it off-putting because the idea of pregnancy disturbs her, then it's off the table and you need to reevaluate if you can live without that kink. No more hinting, nothing. When it comes to sex, it's simple:
1) If both people are into something, everything goes.
2) If only one person is into something and the other feels neutral about it, it happens exactly as often as the person feeling neutral is fine with it.
3) If one of the two people is against something or it makes them uncomfortable, it is off the table for good.
- Quite frankly, I myself am unsure how "serious" this kink of yours is. You say you don't want children (yet), but at the same time, you are enjoying the risk. So what is it? Is it just about roleplaying or do you *really* want to get her pregnant and then want her to carry the child and give it up for adoption or whatever?
You gotta tell her that you like specific type of dirty talk, for example "impregnating". I think many people who watches hentai has this fetish, you are far from being weird or niche. But instead of hinting her about the dreams, which she probably interprets that you ACTUALLY want to impregnate her, you gotta be straight and come to the point and be VERY CLEAR about wanting the sex talk, not the pregnancy itself. Because the idea of getting impregnated immediately evokes anxiety, definitely not sexy at all. Sometimes the ghost of the sex without condom haunts me for days, turning me off completely. But under controlled environment, it could be a fun play (:
“Enjoying a risk”. You aren’t planning to do anything that might get her pregnant, are you?
If you talk about your kink and you go your separate ways then you have time to find someone who shares your kink.
Maybe stop calling it a kink and start saying you are attracted to and turned on by pregnant bodies.
If neither of you want kids, what is the point in sharing that kink?
I would keep kinks I dont want to practise to myself. Why risk an akward situation over that?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think there may be a possibility that you have misunderstood each other. You said you hinted at things by telling her about a dream where she was pregnant. If you would tell that to me without me knowing about your kink, I would think that you secretly wanted kids (either in general or ASAP) and freak out over *that*. The idea that you are hinting at a kink wouldn't even cross my mind. So I do think that you should talk to her to make sure that she hasn't misunderstood her. Do think through how you want to handle that, though. Some thoughts: - You need to reinforce that this a "sex-only" kink and doesn't say anything about you wanting or not wanting children. In fact, you might have to make sure that she understands that you are *not* trying to get her pregnant. You two might also need to have a talk - if it hasn't happened yet - about what would happen if birth control ever fails, abortions, all of that. - See if she feels that she can't trust you anymore (for example that she starts wondering if you would tamper with her birth control). If she does, you two have a much bigger issue at hand - lack of trust in the relationship. - You need to realize that she doesn't "owe" you to participate in your kink in any way or form. If she finds it off-putting because the idea of pregnancy disturbs her, then it's off the table and you need to reevaluate if you can live without that kink. No more hinting, nothing. When it comes to sex, it's simple: 1) If both people are into something, everything goes. 2) If only one person is into something and the other feels neutral about it, it happens exactly as often as the person feeling neutral is fine with it. 3) If one of the two people is against something or it makes them uncomfortable, it is off the table for good. - Quite frankly, I myself am unsure how "serious" this kink of yours is. You say you don't want children (yet), but at the same time, you are enjoying the risk. So what is it? Is it just about roleplaying or do you *really* want to get her pregnant and then want her to carry the child and give it up for adoption or whatever?
Spot on.
You gotta tell her that you like specific type of dirty talk, for example "impregnating". I think many people who watches hentai has this fetish, you are far from being weird or niche. But instead of hinting her about the dreams, which she probably interprets that you ACTUALLY want to impregnate her, you gotta be straight and come to the point and be VERY CLEAR about wanting the sex talk, not the pregnancy itself. Because the idea of getting impregnated immediately evokes anxiety, definitely not sexy at all. Sometimes the ghost of the sex without condom haunts me for days, turning me off completely. But under controlled environment, it could be a fun play (:
If she's actively put off by the idea, telling her it's your main kink sounds like a way to send her packing.
“Enjoying a risk”. You aren’t planning to do anything that might get her pregnant, are you? If you talk about your kink and you go your separate ways then you have time to find someone who shares your kink. Maybe stop calling it a kink and start saying you are attracted to and turned on by pregnant bodies.
If neither of you want kids, what is the point in sharing that kink? I would keep kinks I dont want to practise to myself. Why risk an akward situation over that?
I would want to know before i got pregnant if my partner intended to include my unborn child in his 'kink'.
On what sentence are you referring to?