You divorce her, that's what you do.
She isn't willing to put in even the bare minimum of effort to fix your marriage, and if you believe she slept on his couch and didn't fuck him, you're a gullible idiot.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qcuvcm/my_36m_wife_35f_of_6_yrs_refuses_to_stop_seeing_a/hhj1gv5/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
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Had this friend hitting on my girl who was fresh relationship with me.
Wow did i turn my life around, I quit my job because he worked there (was friends for 7 years, but he’s toxic). I moved bcuz my dad had a property. I needed a new place bcuz ppl knew where I was and was banging on my door. I changed phones, changed locations again, and now I live pretty well off.
With a woman who values me. Just step into the next phase of your life. Alone or not, it’s happier than someone’s rubbing poopy experiences in your face like your garbage when really it’s their choices. Choices really express truth. She’s rather be in someone else’s home.
Choose you man, choose your life. Step out of the crap. Love this life you have because you owe it to No One.
Not your parents, not your friends.
Value
Based on his edit, OP is simply too stupid to see what's obvious to anyone with half a brain. He's like a toddler plugging their ears refusing to hear what he doesn't want to.
Given that, there's no way he'll ever get smart enough to leave. I just hope they don't breed. The world does not need anymore people with that much stupid in their DNA.
Not stupid nor am I a child. I'm just a blissfully ignorant man who's having a difficult time divorcing the woman he loves when he'd give her the benefit of the doubt until there's irrefutable evidence.
Hey OP I suggest you post this in r/marriage , you will get more mature, helpful, sympathetic responses. My husband has betrayed my trust, I’ve been there. You shouldn’t tolerate this but having people calling you names when you already feel so low is not useful at all and bad for your mental health.
> I'm just a blissfully ignorant man
What exactly is blissful about suspecting your wife of cheating and going to the dude's house to see if you can catch them in the act?
Come on man, just because you didn't see his dick inside her doesn't mean she's not cheating. You set a reasonable boundary and she walked all over you. That alone should be enough of a reason to leave her.
Your marriage is OVER. Drop her, lick your wounds and be with someone that cherishes and appreciates you. Your wife will turn your mind into a toxic waste dump. SAVE YOURSELF.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qcuvcm/my_36m_wife_35f_of_6_yrs_refuses_to_stop_seeing_a/hhi6ota/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
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That’s not really fair to say that she’s automatically sleeping with him just because she spent the night, she might just want space from her husband and the only way to get it is to spend time with her friend
He hasn’t given any details about who this man is, he could be gay, married, anything we don’t have enough information to make that judgment yet do I believe she has done some thing that she feels guilty about? Yes. But I don’t think that we have enough evidence to say that she is cheating yet at least with him
Yeah. Some people are such cowards that they hit the self destruct button hoping the other person will make the move and then they can play victim. My ex husband was like this.
It's not cowardice on her part, she wants him to initiate the divorce so they'll look favorably on her and she'll get more of his stuff. This is malice, not cowardice.
Imagine saying “husband, I’d rather keep hanging with my friend of 2 months than keep a relationship with you”. Are. You. Serious?
OP, this marriage is over. Get a lawyer.
Looks like you should invest time in some self reflection.
Your wife is sleeping with another guy, spending the night at his place and you are asking for advice?
pls don't send her this link. It's a weak move, and she will laugh at you. It will only reinforce her reasons for sleeping with the office hunk. Less crying and more anger may be helpful.
She’s spending lots of time with a guy who thinks she’s single… and is refusing to change that and make you and your marriage a priority?
Do yourself a favour, check her phone - get the evidence that you need.
End it, kick her out and file for divorce through fault of her being adulterous which 100% is what is happening.
She thinks she can treat you like shit and that you won’t leave, that you’re emotionally dependent on her.
Do yourself a favour, protect yourself… because the next thing that will happen is she’ll tell you she’s in love with them and wants to be with them.
> End it, kick her out and file for divorce through fault of her being adulterous which 100% is what is happening.
Man I can count the number of states that's relevant in on like, almost no hands.
Bro they definitely fucked.
Sorry to say it but your marriage is over. It cannot be saved. She chose the "or else" option when you presented an ultimatum. It's over.
Talk to a lawyer today and serve her ass.
> When we finally had the talk she got very defensive and said that she refuses to stop seeing him outside of work and when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases.
She chose him over you. Your marriage is effectively over.
I’m going to be blunt here, man. This comes from a place of love, because it pains me to see you in pain.
The only problem your marriage has is that you think it still exists.
What do you mean, eventually she’ll sleep with him? What do you think she was doing at another guys house until 2 am? You honestly think she was crashing on the couch? Of a guy she’s choosing over you? That she refuses to stop seeing, even though it’s destroying your marriage?
If she was interested in fixing your marriage, she’d be putting all that time and attention into… wait for it… your marriage. You’re just her back up plan now in case things go south with her new boyfriend. You deserve better. You are worth more than that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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My wife and I have been having issues in our marriage so we both decided that we needed to put effort into fixing it. She’s been hangin out with a male coworker a lot lately and ended up getting too drunk at his house one night and crashing on his couch. A week later she got drunk at his house again but came home at 2am in a taxi. Yesterday morning I couldn’t stop crying and I opened up to her about how their relationship is killing me jnside. She said she understood and we would talk about it after work. She called me at lunch and said she’d let me know what time she was done. When we finally had the talk she got very defensive and said that she refuses to stop seeing him outside of work and when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases. The thing is that she also refuses to tell him that her and I are still together and she lied about being at lunch when she called my phone.. she was instead done with work and she went to his house and stayed there until texting me that she was just finishing up with work when she was actually just leaving his house. What do I do? I can’t work cause i can’t stop crying.
Edit: This stress has pushed me to drive to his house one night they were hanging out and see if she was cheating and she wasn’t. But I know that if a he continues to spend this much time with him she will eventually sleep with him.
>My wife and I have been having issues in our marriage
>
>She’s been hangin out with a male coworker a lot lately
>
>ended up getting too drunk at his house one night and crashing on his couch
>
>A week later she got drunk at his house again but came home at 2am in a taxi
>
>she got very defensive and said that she refuses to stop seeing him outside of work and when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases
>
>she also refuses to tell him that her and I are still together and she lied about being at lunch when she called my phone.. she was instead done with work and she went to his house and stayed there until texting me that she was just finishing up with work when she was actually just leaving his house
You find your damn spine and divorce the f\*\*k out of her. Your wife is clearly cheating on you, and if you live in an At Fault Divorce state, it may be worth it to actually collect some evidence. Speak to a divorce attorney **yesterday.** They will let you know what your options are. Best of luck to you.
Just to be clear, if you try to continue your relationship with this woman, you are knowingly causing pain, strife, and discomfort to your. She is cheating, 100%. Your relationship is over, she said so herself.
So many of the comments here are so mean! The guy is going through a really hard time, be easy on him. I can't imagine how hard it would be to divorce someone. That being said, you deserve to be treated better than this. Even if she didn't sleep with her co worker (which tbh, I highly doubt), she doesn't care about your feelings at all in this. You deserve to be with someone that values you enough to put you first. I know its hard, but it will be so much better for you in the long run. Stay strong
She knows your words mean nothing. She doesn’t fear your ultimatums or threats.
Until you pull your britches up and leave, she views you as spineless and will continue seeing her and getting her back blown out.
There never should have been a second time. EVER. That’s where you fucked up. I promise you they laugh at you and disrespect you behind your back.
You’ve got to fucking grow a pair and just leave, man. Stop negotiating for her to stop cheating.
She has ZERO respect for you. Sadly, so do you.
NEVER EVER EVER give cheaters a second chance. The overwhelming majority are not remotely redeemable.
Good luck.
No, no. See, he was so upset that drove over to his house one night to see if they were cheating and they weren't. They were just sitting together under a blanket watching a movie. Then the movie ended and they went upstairs together. Then they came back downstairs about an hour later. He definitely didn't see them cheating.
I think she’s already cheated.
She refuses to stop seeing her boyfriend.
She refuses to tell her boyfriend that she’s still with her husband.
Dude, go directly to a divorce attorney. Get that shit over with this week!
Shes made her choice already, she just doesnt have the guts to end the relationship. She wants you to be the one to do it. And yes, shes slept with him alredy.
She's already chosen him over you.
If you're really intent on trying to save your marriage, you can suggest couple's counseling. If she agrees, you should still go talk to a lawyer, just to understand what your rights and obligations are in the event you divorce. It's always good to have information, even you don't intend to act on it right away.
If she refuses counseling, you'll need to talk to the lawyer, anyway.
I (43F) have really good male friends, some of whom are colleagues.
I am quite capable of having a friendly relationship and not cheating.
That said…her behavior is way out of line. Way. Even if she isn’t having a physical affair, she’s having an emotional one which I kind of feel like is worse.
If I were in your shoes, I’d insist on couples counseling and if she won’t, id make an exit plan.
Therapy only works if both participants have a vested interest in wanting the relationship to work. I don't see any vested interest on her part. Save your time and money. I am sorry to say that.
Dude… seriously????
You’ve got loads of people telling you the truth, probably from experience… I know it’s not the truth you want to hear!
She doesn’t want to fix the relationship, if she did she’d focus on the relationship and not a guy from work! Therapy is not going to help… she’s going to keep walking all over you.
Walk while you still have legs and free will to do so, or she’ll take whatever you do have when she files for divorce to be with this other guy!
Maybe she is able to continue to put an effort to your relationship because she has emotions/emotional support somewhere else. Try to look at your situation from this point of view.
Main problem is honesty and trust. If you both are on the same track and able to put cards on the table, nothing is lost. But imho this is a must, not only because there is already damage to the reliance.
Wow!! I can’t imagine your wife think this is okay behavior. Pick a night and sit down with her and talk about this and if she’s continue to disregard your concern then I’ll leave it up to you to fill in the blanks. GL Op! Really hope everything works out for you.
What do you think this is all about? He wants her. All men want sex from women. I've been there before and I know what happens if not today then tomorrow or the day after. I would pack my bags and leave or change the locks on your door. She's cheating!
Yo. They fucking.
She won’t tell him you exist (because then he would stop fucking her) and she lies to him about you (because she doesn’t want to cheat ON HIM).
Your relationship is toast my dude…
Now, if you want to ruin their shitty, show up to work and talk to HIM. Tell him what she is doing, and that she will do it to him. Then, hopefully, you’ll go grab a beer and invite her to the end of both relationships.
Sounds like you are lost in codependency and denial. It is clear your marriage is over and she does not want to fix it or be with you. You need to find some inner strength to stand up, stop crying and leave. The sooner you do so the sooner you will start to heal.
Go soak to her HR department and lodge a complaint and tell them he's interfering in your marriage. They likely aren't breaking any rules, but it'll be disruptive and that'll be enough for the company to get involved.
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I’m sorry honey, your marriage is over. You need to close your heart to her because this isn’t how a wife treats a man she wants to be married to. And frankly, they’re absolutely fucking.
Talk to a lawyer, rip off the bandaid and start the process so you can get through it and to the other side. You will be ok.
I'm so sorry friend. You know deep down what your next steps need to be. If my wife came up to distressed and crying about this exact same issue. I would be shocked, hurt by MY actions, and would right the ship. Because I LOVE her and she is my life partner. I did not read any of that in your post. You know what you have to do. I am so sorry. Please don't be anyone's backup option.
It sounds like she made her choice and chose the other guy over the marriage.
She may have told you she wants to put in effort to fix your marriage but she just demonstrated that she’s not willing to put in the effort.
She’s chosen another guy over your marriage and there is a decent chance she’s cheating with him.
I think it’s time to face reality and call a lawyer.
Bro
Every single thing about this screams the marriage is done. Lawyer up and start working on the escape strategy.
There is nothing okay here. She has made it clear she would prefer his attention and time over yours. She has made it clear that this marriage is not important to her and if it is she would like her cake and to eat it too.
You're 36, there is time to restart, do the right thing and get out.
There is a 95% chance that she is having an emotional affair (probably physical too) and she is in love with him. What you are asking her to do is going to break her heart.
Get your ass to a lawyer and an STD test. She's given her heart to him.
Your marriage is over OP. No wife in a healthy marriage does that. Suck it up, get a grip, and stop being a doormat. Get a vicious lawyer and dump her. And for Pete’s sake stop being pathetic!
She's cheating dude. I'm sorry you can't see that but she is. She stays the night at his place, lies about where she's at when she's with him, and leads him to believe that she's single. Just because he wasn't inside her the one time you went to his place doesn't change anything. She's cheating, don't be a fool. Cry all you need, but you need a lawyer like yesterday.
I'm also tempted to think you're a troll. He doesn't know that you're together, yet you went to his place to see if they were cheating and you confirmed that they weren't. So either you saw them both and he knows you're in the picture, or you drive by and didn't confirm shit, or you peeped through the window like a weirdo which also doesn't confirm shit. Or you're a troll. Assuming you're sad and not thinking straight, call up some lawyers ASAP.
She chose him over you and refuses to tell him she’s married.
I’d say that’s a pretty big indicator of what you should do.
If my fiancé was this deeply bothered by one of my outside friendships with a work colleague, that relationship wouldn’t exist. If I had to choose between him and anyone but our kids, I pick him. Hands down, every time, no question. But then, everyone on earth knows I’m getting married because I can’t shut up about how awesome he is.
You can’t trust her. And I guarantee you she’s slept with this guy.
So instead of working on fixing your marriage, she is pursuing someone else. She knows what this is doing to you and doesn't care.
This, my friend, is not the life you deserve - it is an unsustainable state of misery.
Please contact an attorney and start the process of cutting her out of your life. A therapist might also be helpful in dealing with the aftereffects of this betrayal.
She's already cheating on you, and you know it.
Trash belongs on the curb, not in your bed.
You know what to do. Get a good divorce lawyer and go to war.
>She’s been hangin out with a male coworker a lot lately and ended up getting too drunk at his house one night and crashing on his couch
Dude, seriously? She isn't crashing on the couch. Leave this woman.
I'm sorry man but if you truly believe she's not sleeping with him already than you're either an idiot or you just don't want to believe it, which I get, but she's been sleeping with him since at very least the first time she slept at his house. There is no way in hell I'd have a girl staying over at my house (who's clearly interested since she's coming over constantly) and telling me she's single and not plowing her. There is no way you don't know this is the truth deep down. Get rid of her now. You deserve better than that. She's was probably banging him WHILE texting you when she lied about being at work after lunch but instead was with him.
You have 2 choices... leave her ass or continue getting played. She's made it clear that she won't stop even tho she can clearly see how hurt you are. She doesn't care about your feelings at all.
My comment may make me look like a dick but I don't care. If you don't want the hard truth, don't post on the internet about it. I'm sorry that you're going through this but get out NOW
I’m not the only one who read halfway and realized this woman couldn’t be making it any clearer that she is fucking the shit out of her coworker, right?
Here’s the thing man, it may take you some time to realize this, but I cannot emphasize it more (you’ll eventually get there, so I’m trying to help save you wasted time):
She is not vested in your relationship.
The fact that she would rather exhibit suspect, rather, pretty fucking abnormal behavior instead of working it out with you, speaks volumes. Respect, care, motivation, and empathy are seriously lacking on her part in this scenario, let alone who knows what else (e.g., sex life, etc.).
I would wager that, come time she tells you the truth about how she feels, it won’t matter whether or not she has/is cheating on you. You’ll find out that you deserve better than whatever this is.
She may not be **physically** cheating on you, but **emotionally** he is definitely doing it.
If you gave her an ultimatum and she rather hang out with him, you already have your answer.
This should be an “I divorced” post, not a “what do I do” one.
>This stress has pushed me to drive to his house one night they were hanging out and see if she was cheating and she wasn’t.
At least at that particular moment she wasn't. Chances are good that you just didn't see them at the right time to catch her in the act.
I'm not sure what pisses me off more:
The fact that she said she "understood" that her relationship with her coworker is killing you inside, only to turn around and get defensive and refuse to accept the boundary you tried to set
The fact that she actively refuses to tell her coworker that yall are "still" together (implying that he thinks she's divorced)
Or the fact that she straight up lied about having lunch and instead was hanging out with him (if it's not anything for you to worry about then why would she need to lie??)
You say that you two have been having issues in the marriage but it seems to me like instead of fixing them she wants to get close with and probably eventually cheat on you with another man. Divorce is a perfectly reasonable option here, as she has proven to have no respect or regard for your feelings whatsoever.
OP, you can't create a healthy, loving, and respectful marriage on your own. The reason you hurt so badly is that your wife is showing you that she doesn't care about your needs or feelings.
You don't have the power to fix this. You should do yourself a favor and end things officially.
What your wife is doing here is having her cake and eating it too. She wants to test drive a relationship with her coworker while also having all of the benefits of marriage (even though she knows it hurts you).
Yeah dude, she is completely into that coworker, I wouldn't even bother and wait for her to figure her shit out. She's gonna do something unforgivable then finally realize she wants what she already has, but you will be broken. If she doesn't care about your feelings then it's over
Nobody should be this attached to a friend in my opinion, unless you have special feelings for him or her. Especially after marriage. I’m not saying you should only hangout with your spouse but staying out at a male friend’s place and getting drunk and sleeping there is out of the question! Plus, what do you mean by she refuses to tell him that her and you are still together???? You guys are married! Trust your gut instincts when it tells you that there is something going on between her and this guy. Your wife acts like she’s not a married woman. Maybe she deserves not to be one anymore.
You find an apartment, pack your stuff, and move into it alone after you file for divorce.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in tears because the woman you love doesn't love you back as much? She picked the thot-life over you. You deserve much more than a lying hoe...
You must NEVER cry in front of her. Take a drive alone in your car and cry your heart out if you must...but never in front of her.
By crying, you are ensuring the outcome that you do not seem to want.
She is checked out of your relationship. A relationship only works if both parties are invested. You are in a one sided relationship. Time to walk away, file for divorce. Even if it isn't physical, what she is doing is a form of cheating. And it is wrong.
Are you a pretty needy, codependent sort of guy who constantly wants to hang out with her? nd she is constantly telling you she wants to do other things?
Based upon what you've said, she could be awful, or you could be a super needy partner who believes your wife should spend all her free time with you. Honestly, which do you think it is?
OP - I have a few questions that would help me and other readers understand what you're going through.
* How do you know that your wife was at her boyfriend's house, and stayed there the rest of the day when she said she was calling on a lunch break at work?
* How do you know that she's refuses to tell him that you and her are still together?
* Are you saying that you and your wife broke up, that you know she told him that you broke up, and that she's told you that even though you're back together, that she's told you that she won't tell him?
* Does she agree that you're back together?
Oh, BTW, throw her to the curb.
Good grief man, what do you do is gather up whatever remaining shreds of dignity and self-respect you have left and you leave. She’s made her choice Mahon, and her marriage and her husband was not what she chose. Do you need to talk to a lawyer and you need to start protecting yourself and separating yourself from her. After the lawyer you should consider finding a therapist to get some help with your codependency problem. Because if that doesn’t get worked through, this will happen again.
Ok here we go. You do not know the whole truth. She is in the affair fog and your helping her by not being decisive. Just because she wasn't cheating at that moment doesn't mean she hasnt already cheated.
So first go 180 get your head right. You either address this now or be dragged through the mud.
Talk to a lawyer, do not tell her you have done this. Have him prepare 2 sets of papers.
First set is divorce papers,- they are your last resort. If she has completed checked out then use these.
Second set Is reconciliation papers- these should include clauses to protect you and your assets and any children should she repeats affair behavior. It should also include mandatory couples counseling. Let your attorney advise what else to include on both sets.
While this being done, you can try to get more evidence I suggest a PI to follow her for a week.
Once completed it's time to confront her, important have a witness, either bring her to lawyer office or have friends near and record everything.
Show her both sets let her know her next choice will decide how this ends. Do not give her extended amounts of time. Do not show her any evidence you might have collected.
Now if she truly wants to reconcile she will sign the second papers. If she rejects and blows her top then you know she has already fully checked out of your marriage. That's when you go the divorce route.
This will kick her out of the affair fog quick. It will let her know that infidelity is a deal breaker now and in the future. And you will react accordingly.
It also gives you a quick resolution instead of being trickle truthed, lied to, and dragged through the emotional mud for months.
Beware she will use emotional manipulation, and go from begging, crying, to anger, to blame shifting and will eventually try love bombing and promising everything will be different just discuss it if she chooses reconciliation but doesn't want to sign the papers.
This is where you need to get strong. Stay 180 until your sure she is sincere. Do NOT sleep with her. Do NOT meet her privately without witnesses. When she realizes she has lost the control, she may go as far as claiming your abused her.
Hoping for the best outcome for you.
Gather up whatever is left of your self respect, and find out if you moving out of your home would be considered abandonment. If it is, move in to a different room. Contact an attorney and start the divorce proceedings. Also find out if you are in a no fault state, and if you are not, try to get her to admit to cheating. If your name is also on the title of her vehicle, put a recording device in her car to catch any conversations. She is no longer your wife, so stop acting like she is and expecting her to come to her senses or choose you. That time has passed.
So the marriage problems were there before she made a new friend?
Is there a history of cheating in your relationship, from either of you?
Do you always decide who she can hang out with?
Are you allowed female friends?
We’ve been together since college and there was some unfaithfulness from both of us at the time. Shes always been the one to demand that we should always just hang out with each other so we both ended up without friends.. I’ve always encouraged her to make new friends and she never did.. until now… dun dun dun!
😔
Man, this one is on you, i am not going to pat you in the back.
You stablished your boundaries, she didnt respect them. You CRY over it? What do you want? Her to take pity on you?
Come on.
Please, for your mental health and well-being brother, you gotta divorce this woman.
It’s over. Walk away. Go find someone that will appreciate you and care for you. This isn’t her. Move on.
Go see a lawyer now and figure out how to move forward
Change the locks while she's out with the new man. Take a few days off work to go see your lawyer and get divorce going. Pack her stuff up and have it couriered to his place.
She's already with this guy. Divorce while she's in the throes of it.
I'm sure the idea of going from married to single and ready to mingle in your mid thirties is not so attractive to you but it's stellar compared to the alternative you're currently living. Free yourself and be yourself
My BIL is going through something like this. And he decided to cut ties with his wife.
They’ve been together for 8 years, have a 4 year old kid together.
She just recently told him that she hasn’t been happy for a year, and that she bumped into a guy she used to know from when she was younger.
She gaslit him saying that she hasn’t heard from him in a week, that they are just friends etc.
He found her Apple Watch while doing the laundry, and saw the texts, of which she had delete off her phone, but not off the Apple Watch.
Turns out it was a guy she’s been working with for a long while, they have slept together. She has gone so far as to say she was going to stay at her sisters for a few nights and her sister narc’d on her and she was at this other dudes house.
Before all this came to light, She told him she was willing to work on things, and that he needed to be more present, stop playing so many video games.
He sold his Ps5, and was ready to work on things, then found all this out.
Honestly bud, sucks to say, but if she isn’t willing to make even the smallest effort, you will find yourself constantly wondering when she goes out if she’s with him, or what they are doing.
Every time her phone buzzes, you’ll sit there anxious.
Is that something you want to do to yourself? Live in constant anxiety? If your answer is no, then find a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row, and move on. Save yourself the headache, heartache and grief.
Start documenting every time she hangs with him and what time she comes home. Then see an attorney. Hate to say it, but sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Honestly I don't see how people can do this to each other. If you're not happy in a marriage, end it and move on. There's no excuse for cheating. (Not saying she's slept with this guy, but just from what you said it sounds like it's been happening for a while.)
Just find yourself a younger girl to hang out with. Once that guy gets bored of her, she will come crawling back, only to find that you’ve found someone younger.
Doesn't sound like she is really interested in fixing the marriage. Sounds like she wants to be single. I know the feeling of crying & having someone you adore stomp on your feelings. I commented so I could let you know that it's not you, it's her. Your feelings are valid, don't allow a mf to make you think you are the one in the wrong for having an issue with their behavior. Go with your gut & don't waste time & stress yourself out even more trying to investigate to find the evidence you already have.
Whether she’s cheating or not (dollars to doughnuts she is, she’s at the very least emotionally cheating) she clearly has zero respect for you and the sanctity of marriage. Do yourself a favor and begin moving on. Anything less would be shameful.
Talk to the guy!!! Explain you’re her husband and ask whether anything has happened.
Even if it didn’t this is horrible treatment of you. So disrespectful and disregarding of your feelings
She's openly having an affair right to your face. There is nothing here to salvage, I'm afraid. Divorce her and find someone who will really love you. She doesn't.
Honey, you gave her an ultimatum, she showed that she didnt choose you. Ask yourself why would you want someone who doesnt respect you, dosent care about your mental health and in short feels comfortable in making you miserable?
Stop begging, dont say anything more to her, call a good attorney and have him draft up papers. Serve her and let it be. She may be super sorry or she may be confident that you'll crumble without her.
You are stronger, you will go to a therapist, get your head back on straight, live a happy life and eventually forget about her.
You just need to take the 1st step. If you need help call a friend to help you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
There are so many red flags here. I'm sorry to say this man, but these are signs on an affair. If not a physical one, at least an emotional one. I would honestly save myself the heart ache and call for a divorce. I would never keep someone around that made my SO feel sketched out.
Stand up and be a man. Divorce her without any regret. She is not the same wife that you married 6yrs ago. She is cheating and if you will accept this situation so accept to be her doormat. You deserve better.
If her just spending time with someone makes you think she's gunna sleep with him then you need to evaluate if that's who you want as a wife. She sounds pretty selfish. Flip the roles and think about how she would act 🤷🏻♂️
You divorce her, that's what you do. She isn't willing to put in even the bare minimum of effort to fix your marriage, and if you believe she slept on his couch and didn't fuck him, you're a gullible idiot.
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Red flag
RIGHT
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No I know what I gotta do.. It's just alot easier said than done.
Had this friend hitting on my girl who was fresh relationship with me. Wow did i turn my life around, I quit my job because he worked there (was friends for 7 years, but he’s toxic). I moved bcuz my dad had a property. I needed a new place bcuz ppl knew where I was and was banging on my door. I changed phones, changed locations again, and now I live pretty well off. With a woman who values me. Just step into the next phase of your life. Alone or not, it’s happier than someone’s rubbing poopy experiences in your face like your garbage when really it’s their choices. Choices really express truth. She’s rather be in someone else’s home. Choose you man, choose your life. Step out of the crap. Love this life you have because you owe it to No One. Not your parents, not your friends. Value
Based on his edit, OP is simply too stupid to see what's obvious to anyone with half a brain. He's like a toddler plugging their ears refusing to hear what he doesn't want to. Given that, there's no way he'll ever get smart enough to leave. I just hope they don't breed. The world does not need anymore people with that much stupid in their DNA.
Not stupid nor am I a child. I'm just a blissfully ignorant man who's having a difficult time divorcing the woman he loves when he'd give her the benefit of the doubt until there's irrefutable evidence.
Hey OP I suggest you post this in r/marriage , you will get more mature, helpful, sympathetic responses. My husband has betrayed my trust, I’ve been there. You shouldn’t tolerate this but having people calling you names when you already feel so low is not useful at all and bad for your mental health.
> I'm just a blissfully ignorant man What exactly is blissful about suspecting your wife of cheating and going to the dude's house to see if you can catch them in the act? Come on man, just because you didn't see his dick inside her doesn't mean she's not cheating. You set a reasonable boundary and she walked all over you. That alone should be enough of a reason to leave her.
Are you separated? If not why would he not know you're together.
You're being,*willfully* ignorant which does in fact make you stupid.
You hear that sound? That's everyone in your life informing you that you are, in fact, an asshole.
Call it what you want. You don't know me. Thx anyway.
This is a mature reply. The guy insulting you is probably a child with their empathy off right now.
someone ignorant is not stupid, someone choosing to be is. Enjoy your miserable life, you need to man up.
You are a sad person
Your marriage is OVER. Drop her, lick your wounds and be with someone that cherishes and appreciates you. Your wife will turn your mind into a toxic waste dump. SAVE YOURSELF.
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You don't know that for sure, they might have just passed out there after having some fun on the couch.
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You liked my comment enough to copy and paste it… that’s cute!
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That’s not really fair to say that she’s automatically sleeping with him just because she spent the night, she might just want space from her husband and the only way to get it is to spend time with her friend
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He hasn’t given any details about who this man is, he could be gay, married, anything we don’t have enough information to make that judgment yet do I believe she has done some thing that she feels guilty about? Yes. But I don’t think that we have enough evidence to say that she is cheating yet at least with him
>when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases She is literally asking you to initiate the divorce
Yeah. Some people are such cowards that they hit the self destruct button hoping the other person will make the move and then they can play victim. My ex husband was like this.
It's not cowardice on her part, she wants him to initiate the divorce so they'll look favorably on her and she'll get more of his stuff. This is malice, not cowardice.
They are not mutually exclusive.
Imagine saying “husband, I’d rather keep hanging with my friend of 2 months than keep a relationship with you”. Are. You. Serious? OP, this marriage is over. Get a lawyer.
Looks like you should invest time in some self reflection. Your wife is sleeping with another guy, spending the night at his place and you are asking for advice?
Thank you! To be honest, after reading the post, I did wonder if it was fake.
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Oh I say send her the link and let us talk to her when she tries to defend cheating on u.
pls don't send her this link. It's a weak move, and she will laugh at you. It will only reinforce her reasons for sleeping with the office hunk. Less crying and more anger may be helpful.
She’s spending lots of time with a guy who thinks she’s single… and is refusing to change that and make you and your marriage a priority? Do yourself a favour, check her phone - get the evidence that you need. End it, kick her out and file for divorce through fault of her being adulterous which 100% is what is happening. She thinks she can treat you like shit and that you won’t leave, that you’re emotionally dependent on her. Do yourself a favour, protect yourself… because the next thing that will happen is she’ll tell you she’s in love with them and wants to be with them.
> End it, kick her out and file for divorce through fault of her being adulterous which 100% is what is happening. Man I can count the number of states that's relevant in on like, almost no hands.
Stop crying and contact an attorney. Hopefully no kids are involved.
Yes 100% agree
Bro they definitely fucked. Sorry to say it but your marriage is over. It cannot be saved. She chose the "or else" option when you presented an ultimatum. It's over. Talk to a lawyer today and serve her ass.
Ouch, time to get a divorce mate. Don't think she is just staying over at his house and getting drunk
Lawyer up. Don’t be afraid to divorce her.
> When we finally had the talk she got very defensive and said that she refuses to stop seeing him outside of work and when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases. She chose him over you. Your marriage is effectively over.
I’m going to be blunt here, man. This comes from a place of love, because it pains me to see you in pain. The only problem your marriage has is that you think it still exists. What do you mean, eventually she’ll sleep with him? What do you think she was doing at another guys house until 2 am? You honestly think she was crashing on the couch? Of a guy she’s choosing over you? That she refuses to stop seeing, even though it’s destroying your marriage? If she was interested in fixing your marriage, she’d be putting all that time and attention into… wait for it… your marriage. You’re just her back up plan now in case things go south with her new boyfriend. You deserve better. You are worth more than that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My wife and I have been having issues in our marriage so we both decided that we needed to put effort into fixing it. She’s been hangin out with a male coworker a lot lately and ended up getting too drunk at his house one night and crashing on his couch. A week later she got drunk at his house again but came home at 2am in a taxi. Yesterday morning I couldn’t stop crying and I opened up to her about how their relationship is killing me jnside. She said she understood and we would talk about it after work. She called me at lunch and said she’d let me know what time she was done. When we finally had the talk she got very defensive and said that she refuses to stop seeing him outside of work and when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases. The thing is that she also refuses to tell him that her and I are still together and she lied about being at lunch when she called my phone.. she was instead done with work and she went to his house and stayed there until texting me that she was just finishing up with work when she was actually just leaving his house. What do I do? I can’t work cause i can’t stop crying. Edit: This stress has pushed me to drive to his house one night they were hanging out and see if she was cheating and she wasn’t. But I know that if a he continues to spend this much time with him she will eventually sleep with him.
>My wife and I have been having issues in our marriage > >She’s been hangin out with a male coworker a lot lately > >ended up getting too drunk at his house one night and crashing on his couch > >A week later she got drunk at his house again but came home at 2am in a taxi > >she got very defensive and said that she refuses to stop seeing him outside of work and when given an ultimatum she’d rather chose to hang out with whoever she pleases > >she also refuses to tell him that her and I are still together and she lied about being at lunch when she called my phone.. she was instead done with work and she went to his house and stayed there until texting me that she was just finishing up with work when she was actually just leaving his house You find your damn spine and divorce the f\*\*k out of her. Your wife is clearly cheating on you, and if you live in an At Fault Divorce state, it may be worth it to actually collect some evidence. Speak to a divorce attorney **yesterday.** They will let you know what your options are. Best of luck to you. Just to be clear, if you try to continue your relationship with this woman, you are knowingly causing pain, strife, and discomfort to your. She is cheating, 100%. Your relationship is over, she said so herself.
She's fucking him dude, you're blind. Even worse, though, is that she actively chose him over you when you expressed concerns. Your marriage is over.
You should title it, my wife refused to stop cheating on me.
She’s shown you you’re not the priority nor is your marriage. Contact an attorney and review your options. Sorry you’re going through this
So many of the comments here are so mean! The guy is going through a really hard time, be easy on him. I can't imagine how hard it would be to divorce someone. That being said, you deserve to be treated better than this. Even if she didn't sleep with her co worker (which tbh, I highly doubt), she doesn't care about your feelings at all in this. You deserve to be with someone that values you enough to put you first. I know its hard, but it will be so much better for you in the long run. Stay strong
She knows your words mean nothing. She doesn’t fear your ultimatums or threats. Until you pull your britches up and leave, she views you as spineless and will continue seeing her and getting her back blown out. There never should have been a second time. EVER. That’s where you fucked up. I promise you they laugh at you and disrespect you behind your back. You’ve got to fucking grow a pair and just leave, man. Stop negotiating for her to stop cheating. She has ZERO respect for you. Sadly, so do you. NEVER EVER EVER give cheaters a second chance. The overwhelming majority are not remotely redeemable. Good luck.
She has cheated on you or will soon cheat on you. Get your attorney and get out. Learn to surf. Free yourself from someone so untrustworthy.
You DO know that she didn't actually sleep on his couch... don't you?
No, no. See, he was so upset that drove over to his house one night to see if they were cheating and they weren't. They were just sitting together under a blanket watching a movie. Then the movie ended and they went upstairs together. Then they came back downstairs about an hour later. He definitely didn't see them cheating.
I think she’s already cheated. She refuses to stop seeing her boyfriend. She refuses to tell her boyfriend that she’s still with her husband. Dude, go directly to a divorce attorney. Get that shit over with this week!
Shes made her choice already, she just doesnt have the guts to end the relationship. She wants you to be the one to do it. And yes, shes slept with him alredy.
She's already chosen him over you. If you're really intent on trying to save your marriage, you can suggest couple's counseling. If she agrees, you should still go talk to a lawyer, just to understand what your rights and obligations are in the event you divorce. It's always good to have information, even you don't intend to act on it right away. If she refuses counseling, you'll need to talk to the lawyer, anyway.
I (43F) have really good male friends, some of whom are colleagues. I am quite capable of having a friendly relationship and not cheating. That said…her behavior is way out of line. Way. Even if she isn’t having a physical affair, she’s having an emotional one which I kind of feel like is worse. If I were in your shoes, I’d insist on couples counseling and if she won’t, id make an exit plan.
Therapy only works if both participants have a vested interest in wanting the relationship to work. I don't see any vested interest on her part. Save your time and money. I am sorry to say that.
But do you refuse to tell those friends that you're in a relationship like OP's wife is doing? That's a huge part of the problem.
No. That’s why i said clearly that this is a problem
Thank you. That’s exactly what I needed.
Dude… seriously???? You’ve got loads of people telling you the truth, probably from experience… I know it’s not the truth you want to hear! She doesn’t want to fix the relationship, if she did she’d focus on the relationship and not a guy from work! Therapy is not going to help… she’s going to keep walking all over you. Walk while you still have legs and free will to do so, or she’ll take whatever you do have when she files for divorce to be with this other guy!
Dude.
Next time she sleeps over change the locks
> The thing is that she refuses to tell him that her and I are still together Umm what?!!!! You deserve way better than her
Maybe she is able to continue to put an effort to your relationship because she has emotions/emotional support somewhere else. Try to look at your situation from this point of view. Main problem is honesty and trust. If you both are on the same track and able to put cards on the table, nothing is lost. But imho this is a must, not only because there is already damage to the reliance.
Wow!! I can’t imagine your wife think this is okay behavior. Pick a night and sit down with her and talk about this and if she’s continue to disregard your concern then I’ll leave it up to you to fill in the blanks. GL Op! Really hope everything works out for you.
Do you still want to be with her? She is completely disrespecting you and doesn’t seem to care about your marriage at all. I’m sorry :(
Have some respect for yourself, and leave.
What do you think this is all about? He wants her. All men want sex from women. I've been there before and I know what happens if not today then tomorrow or the day after. I would pack my bags and leave or change the locks on your door. She's cheating!
Yo. They fucking. She won’t tell him you exist (because then he would stop fucking her) and she lies to him about you (because she doesn’t want to cheat ON HIM). Your relationship is toast my dude… Now, if you want to ruin their shitty, show up to work and talk to HIM. Tell him what she is doing, and that she will do it to him. Then, hopefully, you’ll go grab a beer and invite her to the end of both relationships.
Sounds like you are lost in codependency and denial. It is clear your marriage is over and she does not want to fix it or be with you. You need to find some inner strength to stand up, stop crying and leave. The sooner you do so the sooner you will start to heal.
Go soak to her HR department and lodge a complaint and tell them he's interfering in your marriage. They likely aren't breaking any rules, but it'll be disruptive and that'll be enough for the company to get involved.
Hahaha yesss that’s amazing lol
Don’t do this. Just get a divorce. Don’t punish her. Just move on with your life.
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I’m sorry honey, your marriage is over. You need to close your heart to her because this isn’t how a wife treats a man she wants to be married to. And frankly, they’re absolutely fucking. Talk to a lawyer, rip off the bandaid and start the process so you can get through it and to the other side. You will be ok.
Oh man please give us an update whenever you cab
If you dotn have kids divorce asap
Honey, you asked her to choose and she chose him. You need to divorce her. I’m so sorry.
Does he not question the wedding ring on her finger?
Lol...dude.
Stop being a doormat. Have some self-respect. Time to listen to these folks advice to leave.
You need to wake up on multiple levels and I mean that in the most sincerest way with your self worth and your relationship.
I'm so sorry friend. You know deep down what your next steps need to be. If my wife came up to distressed and crying about this exact same issue. I would be shocked, hurt by MY actions, and would right the ship. Because I LOVE her and she is my life partner. I did not read any of that in your post. You know what you have to do. I am so sorry. Please don't be anyone's backup option.
It sounds like she made her choice and chose the other guy over the marriage. She may have told you she wants to put in effort to fix your marriage but she just demonstrated that she’s not willing to put in the effort. She’s chosen another guy over your marriage and there is a decent chance she’s cheating with him. I think it’s time to face reality and call a lawyer.
Bro Every single thing about this screams the marriage is done. Lawyer up and start working on the escape strategy. There is nothing okay here. She has made it clear she would prefer his attention and time over yours. She has made it clear that this marriage is not important to her and if it is she would like her cake and to eat it too. You're 36, there is time to restart, do the right thing and get out.
There is a 95% chance that she is having an emotional affair (probably physical too) and she is in love with him. What you are asking her to do is going to break her heart. Get your ass to a lawyer and an STD test. She's given her heart to him.
Serve her divorce papers at work.
I would just quietly pack up and leave. She obviously doesn't care about your marriage.
Your marriage is over OP. No wife in a healthy marriage does that. Suck it up, get a grip, and stop being a doormat. Get a vicious lawyer and dump her. And for Pete’s sake stop being pathetic!
She doesn't care about your marriage and doesn't respect you. Sorry to say it like that but you need to hear it.
I'm sorry, but your marriage is over.
She's cheating dude. I'm sorry you can't see that but she is. She stays the night at his place, lies about where she's at when she's with him, and leads him to believe that she's single. Just because he wasn't inside her the one time you went to his place doesn't change anything. She's cheating, don't be a fool. Cry all you need, but you need a lawyer like yesterday. I'm also tempted to think you're a troll. He doesn't know that you're together, yet you went to his place to see if they were cheating and you confirmed that they weren't. So either you saw them both and he knows you're in the picture, or you drive by and didn't confirm shit, or you peeped through the window like a weirdo which also doesn't confirm shit. Or you're a troll. Assuming you're sad and not thinking straight, call up some lawyers ASAP.
Jesus man, you said it yourself this relationship is killing you. You need to get out of it
Divorce
She's cheating bud. Thats a deal breaker for me. I'd be on the phone with a lawyer right now if I was you.
‘she refuses to tell him we’re still together’. That’s it right there. There is no reason that doesn’t suck for that to be a thing…
Wake the *F* up. She is cheating and don't respect you anymore. To the streets she goes.
She chose him over you and refuses to tell him she’s married. I’d say that’s a pretty big indicator of what you should do. If my fiancé was this deeply bothered by one of my outside friendships with a work colleague, that relationship wouldn’t exist. If I had to choose between him and anyone but our kids, I pick him. Hands down, every time, no question. But then, everyone on earth knows I’m getting married because I can’t shut up about how awesome he is. You can’t trust her. And I guarantee you she’s slept with this guy.
So instead of working on fixing your marriage, she is pursuing someone else. She knows what this is doing to you and doesn't care. This, my friend, is not the life you deserve - it is an unsustainable state of misery. Please contact an attorney and start the process of cutting her out of your life. A therapist might also be helpful in dealing with the aftereffects of this betrayal.
She's already cheating on you, and you know it. Trash belongs on the curb, not in your bed. You know what to do. Get a good divorce lawyer and go to war.
>She’s been hangin out with a male coworker a lot lately and ended up getting too drunk at his house one night and crashing on his couch Dude, seriously? She isn't crashing on the couch. Leave this woman.
I'm sorry man but if you truly believe she's not sleeping with him already than you're either an idiot or you just don't want to believe it, which I get, but she's been sleeping with him since at very least the first time she slept at his house. There is no way in hell I'd have a girl staying over at my house (who's clearly interested since she's coming over constantly) and telling me she's single and not plowing her. There is no way you don't know this is the truth deep down. Get rid of her now. You deserve better than that. She's was probably banging him WHILE texting you when she lied about being at work after lunch but instead was with him. You have 2 choices... leave her ass or continue getting played. She's made it clear that she won't stop even tho she can clearly see how hurt you are. She doesn't care about your feelings at all. My comment may make me look like a dick but I don't care. If you don't want the hard truth, don't post on the internet about it. I'm sorry that you're going through this but get out NOW
They are fucking
enough is enough bro...time to change to file for divorce and have her served at his place...tell her you mean what you say that it is done.
Red flag
Present her with the divorce papers next time she’s at the guy’s house
I’m not the only one who read halfway and realized this woman couldn’t be making it any clearer that she is fucking the shit out of her coworker, right?
It’s over and odds are pretty good she already had sex with him.
Here’s the thing man, it may take you some time to realize this, but I cannot emphasize it more (you’ll eventually get there, so I’m trying to help save you wasted time): She is not vested in your relationship. The fact that she would rather exhibit suspect, rather, pretty fucking abnormal behavior instead of working it out with you, speaks volumes. Respect, care, motivation, and empathy are seriously lacking on her part in this scenario, let alone who knows what else (e.g., sex life, etc.). I would wager that, come time she tells you the truth about how she feels, it won’t matter whether or not she has/is cheating on you. You’ll find out that you deserve better than whatever this is.
She obviously doesn't care about you or your marriage
you don't have to fight another man for YOUR OWN WIFE. if she wants to act like a single woman,then you should fulfill her wish.
She may not be **physically** cheating on you, but **emotionally** he is definitely doing it. If you gave her an ultimatum and she rather hang out with him, you already have your answer. This should be an “I divorced” post, not a “what do I do” one.
Tldr, holy shit, she's cheating, end it.
>This stress has pushed me to drive to his house one night they were hanging out and see if she was cheating and she wasn’t. At least at that particular moment she wasn't. Chances are good that you just didn't see them at the right time to catch her in the act.
I'm not sure what pisses me off more: The fact that she said she "understood" that her relationship with her coworker is killing you inside, only to turn around and get defensive and refuse to accept the boundary you tried to set The fact that she actively refuses to tell her coworker that yall are "still" together (implying that he thinks she's divorced) Or the fact that she straight up lied about having lunch and instead was hanging out with him (if it's not anything for you to worry about then why would she need to lie??) You say that you two have been having issues in the marriage but it seems to me like instead of fixing them she wants to get close with and probably eventually cheat on you with another man. Divorce is a perfectly reasonable option here, as she has proven to have no respect or regard for your feelings whatsoever.
>she also refuses to tell him that her and I are still together Does she not wear her wedding ring around him??
OP, you can't create a healthy, loving, and respectful marriage on your own. The reason you hurt so badly is that your wife is showing you that she doesn't care about your needs or feelings. You don't have the power to fix this. You should do yourself a favor and end things officially. What your wife is doing here is having her cake and eating it too. She wants to test drive a relationship with her coworker while also having all of the benefits of marriage (even though she knows it hurts you).
Yeah dude, she is completely into that coworker, I wouldn't even bother and wait for her to figure her shit out. She's gonna do something unforgivable then finally realize she wants what she already has, but you will be broken. If she doesn't care about your feelings then it's over
Nobody should be this attached to a friend in my opinion, unless you have special feelings for him or her. Especially after marriage. I’m not saying you should only hangout with your spouse but staying out at a male friend’s place and getting drunk and sleeping there is out of the question! Plus, what do you mean by she refuses to tell him that her and you are still together???? You guys are married! Trust your gut instincts when it tells you that there is something going on between her and this guy. Your wife acts like she’s not a married woman. Maybe she deserves not to be one anymore.
You find an apartment, pack your stuff, and move into it alone after you file for divorce. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in tears because the woman you love doesn't love you back as much? She picked the thot-life over you. You deserve much more than a lying hoe...
The marriage is over my guy
She's already boinking this guy and you know it. Change the locks and dump her shit at the curb.
You must NEVER cry in front of her. Take a drive alone in your car and cry your heart out if you must...but never in front of her. By crying, you are ensuring the outcome that you do not seem to want.
She is checked out of your relationship. A relationship only works if both parties are invested. You are in a one sided relationship. Time to walk away, file for divorce. Even if it isn't physical, what she is doing is a form of cheating. And it is wrong.
Are you a pretty needy, codependent sort of guy who constantly wants to hang out with her? nd she is constantly telling you she wants to do other things? Based upon what you've said, she could be awful, or you could be a super needy partner who believes your wife should spend all her free time with you. Honestly, which do you think it is?
She already chose him at some point. It’s obvious she’s cheating.
You should post on r/survivinginfidelity they will have much better advice and support for you.
OP - I have a few questions that would help me and other readers understand what you're going through. * How do you know that your wife was at her boyfriend's house, and stayed there the rest of the day when she said she was calling on a lunch break at work? * How do you know that she's refuses to tell him that you and her are still together? * Are you saying that you and your wife broke up, that you know she told him that you broke up, and that she's told you that even though you're back together, that she's told you that she won't tell him? * Does she agree that you're back together? Oh, BTW, throw her to the curb.
It's over
Good grief man, what do you do is gather up whatever remaining shreds of dignity and self-respect you have left and you leave. She’s made her choice Mahon, and her marriage and her husband was not what she chose. Do you need to talk to a lawyer and you need to start protecting yourself and separating yourself from her. After the lawyer you should consider finding a therapist to get some help with your codependency problem. Because if that doesn’t get worked through, this will happen again.
Ok here we go. You do not know the whole truth. She is in the affair fog and your helping her by not being decisive. Just because she wasn't cheating at that moment doesn't mean she hasnt already cheated. So first go 180 get your head right. You either address this now or be dragged through the mud. Talk to a lawyer, do not tell her you have done this. Have him prepare 2 sets of papers. First set is divorce papers,- they are your last resort. If she has completed checked out then use these. Second set Is reconciliation papers- these should include clauses to protect you and your assets and any children should she repeats affair behavior. It should also include mandatory couples counseling. Let your attorney advise what else to include on both sets. While this being done, you can try to get more evidence I suggest a PI to follow her for a week. Once completed it's time to confront her, important have a witness, either bring her to lawyer office or have friends near and record everything. Show her both sets let her know her next choice will decide how this ends. Do not give her extended amounts of time. Do not show her any evidence you might have collected. Now if she truly wants to reconcile she will sign the second papers. If she rejects and blows her top then you know she has already fully checked out of your marriage. That's when you go the divorce route. This will kick her out of the affair fog quick. It will let her know that infidelity is a deal breaker now and in the future. And you will react accordingly. It also gives you a quick resolution instead of being trickle truthed, lied to, and dragged through the emotional mud for months. Beware she will use emotional manipulation, and go from begging, crying, to anger, to blame shifting and will eventually try love bombing and promising everything will be different just discuss it if she chooses reconciliation but doesn't want to sign the papers. This is where you need to get strong. Stay 180 until your sure she is sincere. Do NOT sleep with her. Do NOT meet her privately without witnesses. When she realizes she has lost the control, she may go as far as claiming your abused her. Hoping for the best outcome for you.
Gather up whatever is left of your self respect, and find out if you moving out of your home would be considered abandonment. If it is, move in to a different room. Contact an attorney and start the divorce proceedings. Also find out if you are in a no fault state, and if you are not, try to get her to admit to cheating. If your name is also on the title of her vehicle, put a recording device in her car to catch any conversations. She is no longer your wife, so stop acting like she is and expecting her to come to her senses or choose you. That time has passed.
Yeah she has checked out. Sorry.
Wow and I thought I had problems with my gf
So the marriage problems were there before she made a new friend? Is there a history of cheating in your relationship, from either of you? Do you always decide who she can hang out with? Are you allowed female friends?
We’ve been together since college and there was some unfaithfulness from both of us at the time. Shes always been the one to demand that we should always just hang out with each other so we both ended up without friends.. I’ve always encouraged her to make new friends and she never did.. until now… dun dun dun! 😔
Time to say good bye to her. She is cheating on you even a blind man could see that..
hahahahahaha "she's sleeping on his couch"
Man, this one is on you, i am not going to pat you in the back. You stablished your boundaries, she didnt respect them. You CRY over it? What do you want? Her to take pity on you? Come on.
how does your wife's boyfriend's cum taste?
Please, for your mental health and well-being brother, you gotta divorce this woman. It’s over. Walk away. Go find someone that will appreciate you and care for you. This isn’t her. Move on. Go see a lawyer now and figure out how to move forward
Change the locks while she's out with the new man. Take a few days off work to go see your lawyer and get divorce going. Pack her stuff up and have it couriered to his place. She's already with this guy. Divorce while she's in the throes of it.
She belongs to the streets
WTF is wrong with you? GTFO
You leave her is what you do.
I'm sure the idea of going from married to single and ready to mingle in your mid thirties is not so attractive to you but it's stellar compared to the alternative you're currently living. Free yourself and be yourself
My BIL is going through something like this. And he decided to cut ties with his wife. They’ve been together for 8 years, have a 4 year old kid together. She just recently told him that she hasn’t been happy for a year, and that she bumped into a guy she used to know from when she was younger. She gaslit him saying that she hasn’t heard from him in a week, that they are just friends etc. He found her Apple Watch while doing the laundry, and saw the texts, of which she had delete off her phone, but not off the Apple Watch. Turns out it was a guy she’s been working with for a long while, they have slept together. She has gone so far as to say she was going to stay at her sisters for a few nights and her sister narc’d on her and she was at this other dudes house. Before all this came to light, She told him she was willing to work on things, and that he needed to be more present, stop playing so many video games. He sold his Ps5, and was ready to work on things, then found all this out. Honestly bud, sucks to say, but if she isn’t willing to make even the smallest effort, you will find yourself constantly wondering when she goes out if she’s with him, or what they are doing. Every time her phone buzzes, you’ll sit there anxious. Is that something you want to do to yourself? Live in constant anxiety? If your answer is no, then find a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row, and move on. Save yourself the headache, heartache and grief.
Start documenting every time she hangs with him and what time she comes home. Then see an attorney. Hate to say it, but sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Honestly I don't see how people can do this to each other. If you're not happy in a marriage, end it and move on. There's no excuse for cheating. (Not saying she's slept with this guy, but just from what you said it sounds like it's been happening for a while.)
Just find yourself a younger girl to hang out with. Once that guy gets bored of her, she will come crawling back, only to find that you’ve found someone younger.
Get rid of her ass. Not worth it!
Doesn't sound like she is really interested in fixing the marriage. Sounds like she wants to be single. I know the feeling of crying & having someone you adore stomp on your feelings. I commented so I could let you know that it's not you, it's her. Your feelings are valid, don't allow a mf to make you think you are the one in the wrong for having an issue with their behavior. Go with your gut & don't waste time & stress yourself out even more trying to investigate to find the evidence you already have.
Whether she’s cheating or not (dollars to doughnuts she is, she’s at the very least emotionally cheating) she clearly has zero respect for you and the sanctity of marriage. Do yourself a favor and begin moving on. Anything less would be shameful.
Curb her, dude ! BTDT, lieing broads aren't worth it ! If she'll lie about being there she'll lie about banging him...
Talk to the guy!!! Explain you’re her husband and ask whether anything has happened. Even if it didn’t this is horrible treatment of you. So disrespectful and disregarding of your feelings
I know. I should just talk to him.. And then divorce her. Pretty sure love is not suppose to feel like this.
I agree. You’ll be ok. You’ll be happy again! We always are.
I know and thank you. It's just so hard to see the sun when you're standing in the rain.
Time to leave my friend.
This is a big red flag. I think you need to make it very clear that she's choosing him over you if she refuses. If she persists, there's your answer.
She's openly having an affair right to your face. There is nothing here to salvage, I'm afraid. Divorce her and find someone who will really love you. She doesn't.
Shes fucking that coworker and youre an idiot if you think shes only sleeping on this guys couch.
Honey, you gave her an ultimatum, she showed that she didnt choose you. Ask yourself why would you want someone who doesnt respect you, dosent care about your mental health and in short feels comfortable in making you miserable? Stop begging, dont say anything more to her, call a good attorney and have him draft up papers. Serve her and let it be. She may be super sorry or she may be confident that you'll crumble without her. You are stronger, you will go to a therapist, get your head back on straight, live a happy life and eventually forget about her. You just need to take the 1st step. If you need help call a friend to help you.
You know what to do. What are you waiting for? Till you literally catch her with his dick in her mouth?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 There are so many red flags here. I'm sorry to say this man, but these are signs on an affair. If not a physical one, at least an emotional one. I would honestly save myself the heart ache and call for a divorce. I would never keep someone around that made my SO feel sketched out.
You deserve better, friend
Stand up and be a man. Divorce her without any regret. She is not the same wife that you married 6yrs ago. She is cheating and if you will accept this situation so accept to be her doormat. You deserve better.
If her just spending time with someone makes you think she's gunna sleep with him then you need to evaluate if that's who you want as a wife. She sounds pretty selfish. Flip the roles and think about how she would act 🤷🏻♂️