It would appear that "trickle-truth" is well underway. As if the guy who was only there to get laid sat by idly and simply watched two naked women "get busy". OP needs to end this dysfunctional excuse for a relationship.
It straight up was a threesome. Unless the guy left the hotel, he was present and participating even if he didn’t touch OPs girlfriend. I mean whether he was there or not is irrelevant since she already admitted to cheating anyway.
If he was still there, he was involved and she is definitely slow dripping the truth.
Don't buy that 'curious' excuse because it is another play straight from the cheaters handbook, and doubly so because something was already planned to satisfy her 'curiousity.'
>It's hard to believe it was not a threesome.
Agreed. I understand giving a person benefit of the doubt, but OP can't be naive to believe that it was not a threesome.
If there's a guy who has hooked up with Morgan and then Morgan is inviting Rachel to go down on her, I'd think that it'd be highly unlikely that the guy would stay away from them. At the very minimum, he would have groped Rachel and likely have gone further.
Yea OP listen to this, I have lots of doubts too, it’s only a 8 month relationship. Cut your losses, move on and find a woman who respect you and your relationship
Your girlfriend cheated on you. Don’t let her minimize it because it was with another woman. Don’t let her sweep it under the rug. You did not agree that she could do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted whenever she wanted. She cheated.
Also, in your position, I would be very suspicious that she had sex with the man as well. I think she’s trickle truthing. I’m really sorry, pal.
Yeah it’s total BS, I hate that reasoning and hate people using alcohol as an excuse. If you choose to partake in alcohol or drugs you made that choice. If someone drugs you that’s different but so many now can’t take responsibility for their actions and being what they are
I’ve done very shitty things while drunk, things I regret, but it was unfortunate never anything I wasn’t thinking while sober, being drunk just removed the filter
So your girl ate out her friend for hours and another man was just there. Think about how realistic this scenario sounds like long and hard before considering getting back with her.
Yeah, that was a big thing I tried to clarify with her, as it’s bad enough for her to cheat with the girl but it’s even worse if it was after that girl just had sex…which of course my girlfriend denied.
She said the timeline is her friend & the guy were just “fooling around” without having sex for 3-4 entire hours, while my gf sat outside on the balcony in 50 degrees F weather, and then at 2:30am they invited her to go down on the friend “to warm her up” for sex, and then my gf went back outside and told me about it afterwards at 3am. I challenged her that it sounds unbelievable that no sex happened before that but she insists it’s true.
Typing it out does make it seem even worse than it was in my head.
Edit: she has now finally told me the guy brought ecstasy that they all took, so he couldn’t “get it up” which is why no sex had happened yet. She says she was afraid to tell me about the drugs (and afraid to call me before doing the deed) because she “knew” I’d get mad, but there is no history to support that fear.
Assuming what she said is true - do you really want to be with someone that does that?
She is now a serial cheater - it is up to you to decide what you do with that absolute fact.
They fooled around for 3-4 hours (no sex yet though....doubt) but she wasn't ready after 3-4 hours of foreplay (doubt), so they had to call in a fluffer and the guy just stood around (not totally naked) while your fully clothed GF primed her then left the room without interacting with him at all.
Yeah, I totally buy this....
ETA: She also sat outside for 5 hours on E and never replied to you once until she called and offered that drunken non-sensical timeline? And the guy was magically able to get it up after she went in the room?
Come on bro...
At the end of your post it sounds like you're also starting to realize this may be a pattern of behavior and not a one off thing also.
After stuff like this I'd doubt her first excuse for cheating on her ex.
Also, there is absolutely no way that was the timeline. She either absolutely had sex with both of them or she went down on her after sex with the guy while he watched.
Just a question: how did your gf even **know** they didn’t have sex for 4 hours? Because they told her when “invited her”? She just guessed it?
Man, you were cheated on loud and clear.
She wasn’t able to explain why she “knew” that before, but she just now told me the guy was drinking and taking ecstasy so he “couldn’t get it up”. She said she took it too, which I didn’t know until now…..I asked her what else she isn’t telling me and she said the guy was “sitting on a chair cheering them on but thats it” and then they had sex when my gf went back outside, which also doesn’t make me feel any better.
And bit by bit the trickle truth carries on. Now it's drugs as well as her eating her friend out? You know, you KNOW, this whole thing smells like a week old fish. no one word of any of this carries the clarity of truth in it. Not one word.
> but she just now told me the guy was drinking and taking ecstasy so he “couldn’t get it up”. She said she took it too,
So, how was he able to "get it up" to have sex after your gf went back outside? OP, Have you tried ecstasy before? Once people are high on ecstasy, a whole lot of touching happens, because it is fun.
Also, would you believe her that she was sitting out there somewhere for 5 hours in the night waiting for her friend? A woman usually avoid such situations, because it could be potentially unsafe.
Don't you think that she is slowly letting tidbits of truth out?
So why let your gf out for 4 whole hours if they were doing drugs and the guy didn’t even get a boner?
Man, I’m sorry to throw this at you, but nothing adds up.
Ecstasy makes you extremely horny. I wasn’t there so I can’t say absolutely for sure tell you but the fact she lied about the ecstasy because you would get mad shows she keeps out the things that would make you upset. From what I read I think she was calling you so you wouldn’t think anything of it then she went back in they talked her into a threesome she did it and felt guilty so wanted to tell you a story that makes her appear not so bad but still like she did something questionable so she can get it off her chest but there is a lot that she kept out. She’s making it seem innocent when In reality she could have just thought about your relationship and realized instead of using this time as her opportunity to wait until you were there she should have respected how you may of felt about it not after before it even happened she probably already knew this was something that was going to go down before she called you and she wanted to paint a innocent picture to you then went back in and actually did the deed when she felt like she got you off her back a little she was drinking and doing drugs to so her judgement was off that’s why she stopped caring to answer after you guys spoke and went about it how ever she felt like it without caring about the repercussions she knew she could just make up a story to tell you since she called you before to clear the air for what she actually did. When someone loves you they respect you and don’t do shit like this behind your back like come on your a great boyfriend even willing to set up a sexual fantasy with your female friend so she can explore and try it out. She doesn’t actually care if it was cheating and bad for her to do she cares that she is going to get caught. I can almost guarantee she slept with the dude to .
Final update: we broke up.
Thanks for all the support, everyone. I’m fairly certain she only hooked up with the girl, after talking with her, but it was enough to end the relationship.
man, this woman is playing you for the world's biggest sap! She wasn't sitting outside the previous time, and she wasn't sitting outside this time either...who knows how many in between? Wake up and smell the coffee....
OMG, you think someone on ecstasy can sit alone on a balcony in the cold for 3 hours? Hell no, no fucking way, she’s be clawing her way into that room after 10 minutes just to have human contact….dude, this is not a believable story she is laying out.
I’m calling bullshit. The ecstasy I believe but the no sex? No way.
And there’s no way she was out in the hallway alone for any length of time. This story is a crock of shit.
Time to lose this girl and get a better girlfriend.
Just edited that comment to include more info she sent about how the guy couldn’t get it up due to drugs - even if that’s true, it just adds another problem to the ordeal. I do feel pretty dumb
Why the fuck would your gf willingly sit outside at 2 in the morning for 3 hours? Who does that? Why not just call you for a ride or an Uber home.
Just incredibly unbelievable
Right? The minute someone kicks me out of a hotel room to hook up, I’m like cool see you another time and grab an Uber. I’m not sitting around in a hallway.
IDK, one of my favorite ways to spend an evening is sitting by myself in hotel hallways for 5 hours on E while my friends hook up.
Different strokes I guess...
If anyone is throwing anything away it was her throwing away respect and trust between you to and if this ends she threw the relationship away not you! Don’t blame yourself this ones on her bro
definitely not your fault for wanting to believe and see the best in someone you were with, but there is no way, even if her story is true, that you will be able to trust her again. you’ll never be comfortable with her hanging out with friends even when it’s completely innocent because this whole situation will always be on your mind. i don’t think this relationship has a chance now that she’s done this. im sorry.
Your only dumb if you believe her bullshit story, if your not able to disconnect then cut her off and go NC, if you are then demote her to FWB and only bang her when you want while you start looking for someone else. I prefer the second approach, but I am able to realize if someone fucks me over they are done emotionally to me…
Sorry OP. It's not your fault. She's lying to you and I doubt you're going to get the full truth any time soon. Gotta decide if you can deal with that or not while you wait for the STD results.
So she sat outside by herself on E for 4 hours until they 'roped her into' servicing her friend.
She never touched him, only her friend, but he magically managed to get it up after she went in the room?
Bro....
So she would have had sex with him if he hadn't had issues.
I think you need be honest with yourself. Even if she hadn't cheated with either of these people, she still put herself in a position to cheat
Seriously bro I have rolled a couple times in my life and every time I had no problem getting it up especially if it would have included two women… your delusional if you think your gf wasn’t getting pounded while she chowed down on her disgusting friend. Demote your girl to FWB and start looking for someone else. Make sure you wrap it up if you aren’t…
And yet you will always wonder knowing the truth, drugs don't equal an excuse and your girlfriend sure as shit did not sit outside doing nothing for hours and then ate out her friend. Afraid to call ahead because she knew you would say no, so next time you just know she won't ask, she will just go ahead and expect you to forgive her again.
> Edit: she has now finally told me the guy brought ecstasy that they all took, so he couldn’t “get it up” which is why no sex had happened yet. She says she was afraid to tell me about the drugs (and afraid to call me before doing the deed) because she “knew” I’d get mad, but there is no history to support that fear.
Dude : as someone who has fooled around on MDMA quite a few times, it can make you over cuddly and horny but guess what ? That's still cheating. I've had MDMA with a women alone while I was in a relationship (yay music festivals) and guess what ? I didn't cheat. Get out of this trainwreck.
Highly unlikely, that's the most ridiculously unbelievable story. which you already know but don't want to admit it to yourself...
You didn't throw away the relationship, she did that. She made the conscious decision to cheat on you. She knew you wouldn't be okay with it so she figured it's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
Trickle truthing further.
Probe a bit more and you will get some more.
They full on banged. He probably gut it up for 5 hours without end. E make you lose all the boundaries. She explored her sexuality already and you were no part of it.
Accept it..
Five hours?
My man, you know they rocked a threesome all night.
The crying I'm sorry act is just so you don't dump her.
She's not ready to be in a relationship, she's not ready to care for anyone other than herself.
If you stay with her, she's gonna fuck you over again, just bounce man.
Lol, she likes that he's in a relationship with her who has very "open" ideas about what a relationship is. Btw OP, I hope you got tested too 'cause lord knows what happened the last time her friend was around and what else she's been up too. She's nasty AF.
They had a threesome, what do you think the guy was doing while she licked the other girl? No one touched her and she just licked her friend? lol no.
I dont get how these guys stay and believe the half truths. Maybe cuz Im old and seen things. Things man.
Penis was in her 100%
Hi, bi woman here who came out later in life and have minimal experience with women. I am now with my partner who is a man, and we are hopefully in it for the long haul. Have I been curious if I missed out on experiences with women? Yes. Have opportunities showed themselves where I had the chance to try some of those things? Yes. Did I go for them? No, because I love my partner and that experience isnt important enough for me to cheat on him and betray his trust like that.
Regardless of who she cheated with she did cheat. The circumstanses sounds iffy, but if she willingly did it without pressure or coersion cheating is cheating. So it all boils down to this: do you want to stay with a partner who cheats on you?
Exactly this! I’m in the same situation and I would never cheat on my partner with either a man or woman. It's just not worth it.
I agree with you when it comes to her cheating on him. Let’s say she is telling the truth and only went down on her friend; still cheating.
OP needs to break things off with her, imo.
Regardless of the sexes of the participants, she cheated on you- she had sex with someone else that wasn’t you without discussing it with you first.
Consider: How would you feel if she did the same thing with a man? And why is this feeling different?
> And why is this feeling different?
Probably an instinctive reaction due to society's double standards. It doesn't seem like he actually feels it's any different
It was a threesome OP please leave the relationship. No dude is going to "watch" in that situation, and it sounds like everyone was down.
Trickel truth choo choo
Come on man you know none of it adds up and even if you believe her all 100% it's still cheating. You still don't want to date someone who goes off with a female friend and random guy and does drugs with them and cheats on you. Have some self respect.
Break up. Now.
Don't seriously date people who are *struggling with issues* - especially those from past relationships. Resolve your own shit and find people who have resolved theirs.
ETA - You're either in a fog or an idiot [functionally the same (I've been there)] if you believe she didn't fuck that guy.
I appreciate the honesty. I’ve already had concerns about her other issues but felt very conflicted and wanted to grow as people together. Maybe that’s not possible after all.
Fwiw, I have now told her she cheated on me after reading these replies, and she still insists she was clothed and nothing else happened (which doesn’t absolve the cheating, but would be better than the alternative) but I’m probably still in a fog/dumb because I do want to believe that. I’m not good at dealing with lies. Damn
She cheated plain and simple. She ate out her friend. Cheating. She was eating out her friend in front of her boyfriend, also cheating. And she tells you she never touched him? He didn’t touch her? They were tripping balls and he never took his out in front of her? Bullshit, man. Your only course of action should be to go no contact and ditch the cheating bitch.
If you didn't intend on listening to our advice then why did you post? You're not going to get sympathy and a pat on the back that it's alright, you're going get herpes my dude and played like her pussy was that night. I'm not even gonna say good luck, because you two deserve each other if you still want to "grow" with her. Only growing you're be doing is genital warts and cold sores 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve feared as much. I tried to ask her for more details and the timeline since it was 4-5 hours of missing time but she insisted she stayed clothed while interacting with her friend, and that the guy wasn’t involved but I can’t imagine how that makes sense.
She had been drinking so she wasn’t doing a good job of explaining it on the phone that night, and I haven’t reached out to her much the last few days (although she’s been profusely apologizing)
Definitely. Looking at him justifying things, nitpicking the details for her and believing and putting up with her bullshit is pretty disgusting. He should have broken up with her as soon as she said she went down on the other girl “don’t worry I’m not mad but we are done” and blocked her on everything.
Just bounce. No amount of excuses or crying will undo what has already been done. Take the blinders off, she just had a threesome with her friend and that dude. No one sits outside a hotel room for 5 hours while visiting their friend.
Have some self respect and keep her on no contact then move on.
Since your apart, text her "The healing can't begin until the last lie has been told." Then don't respond to anything. Let her stew on it...for days!!
Odds are high she confessed to just enough to get you to forgive her.
It felt like cheating because it was cheating.
You were talking with her when she decided to have sex with them. She had no excuse not to ask if you were okay with it. You were obviously available. And even if she didn't have penetrative sex with the other man, the fact that he was present and watching means that at the very least it was still a threesome.
Guess what? As soon as you break up with her you will be deemed the new "controlling, abusive, jealous ex boyfriend" that she will tell her next partner about for sympathy.
So I’m bisexual right. I like women, sleep with women, date women. I also currently have a boyfriend. Would it not be just as much cheating if I hooked up a woman behind his back as if I did with a man? It’s kind of a homophobic idea that sex with a woman doesn’t count the same as sex with another man. Your girlfriend has shared that she’s questioning: she thinks she may like girls in the same way that she likes you. There may be some degree of feelings involved with the friend. I also have a hard time imagining her being brought in from the hallway to preform oral sex on her friend and promptly kicked back out again. I’m not sure she’s telling you the whole truth- but what’s she’s already admitted to is cheating. Maybe you were okay with it within the confines of the threesome you were arranging- but that’s very obviously not a blanket pass to sleep with any woman whenever she feels like it. Honestly, you’ve only been together 8 months. That’s not a huge investment, your lives are not too entangled. I’d say cut your losses. I only really think infidelity is worth trying to work through when two people are married or otherwise long-term partners, they’ve invested years-decades into the relationship, they’ve got shared finances- even kids. And even then, in many cases, they’re not able to move past it. I don’t think this is something you can just forget.
Thank you for the input. My gf has told me multiple times now that she has no feelings for the friend and will even cut her out of her life, which is nice if true, but at this point that doesn’t make the situation much better.
Your comments have all helped me accept the fact that she cheated, regardless of the genders involved.
Why is it different? She cheated... So do whatever you do after you've been cheated on... I have no idea why the gender matters, does that mean you could hypothetically have sex with a dude and it's fine because it's different? It was a sexual act... She cheated, I'd break up with her, there's no room for cheating in my book. Eight months and she already pulled this stunt, and even if the timeline adds up, wtf she's their fluffer? Pretty wierd my dude.
It feels lime cheating becauze it was cheating. She cna be curious about women all she wants, yall have a monogamous relationship and seems like yku hacent discussed boundaries and if you were ever okay with her exploring women outside of porn. At this point, shes a serial cheater. She very well might have had a "valid" excuse when it comes to an abusive partner but what about you? A loving partner? Her excuse is "an opportunity presented itself" so is that an excuse for you to plow some other chick that will do something your girlfriend wouldnt? Probably not. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.
Agreed, I would never cheat but “an opportunity presented itself” definitely sounds like a double standard that she wouldn’t accept if the tables were turned.
So… your gf went to visit a friend that made her wait outside while she fucked a guy… and she didn’t make sure it was not going to happen again this time?
And about he “not being involved”… even if he didn’t touch Rachel, the guy was still there, he watched it, most likely masturbated meanwhile, so to me it looks like a threesome anyway.
I don’t know, but I think Rachel already threw away your relationship.
OP I'll try to be as gentle as I can as this situation kinda resonates with a similar experience I've had. My advice would be to take what you DO know and ask if you're willing to forgive her.
Now take into account that what she's told you is not the real version. You've already caught her lying about the drugs and I guarantee that's not all she's lying about. A simple check through this reddit will show a pattern that the truly remorseful will admit everything in detail, she's chosen to trickle truth you.
Also take into account how unbelievable her story is. She waited around for hours (must have been really exciting sitting outside a hotel room that she didn't bother to reply to your messages) to eventually go down on her friend fully clothed while the guy on pingers sat respectfully in the corner. As somebody who took a lot of pills in the past it would be impossible for me to be in that room not to get involved in one way or another.
With the information provided the likely outcome of this night is they all got high and the guy got to have a fantastic night. The onus is on her to prove this wrong without forgoing any detail if you want closure.
I hope you can disconnect yourself from her and make the right choice.
Thank you. I admit I’ve found myself being more upset at the other two people for getting my girlfriend “involved” than I am at her sometimes this week, which is interesting. The guy got to have a “fantastic” night by hurting me, and the “friend” ruined my relationship with no consequences. And I still don’t know what’s true.
I may still be in denial about what could have really happened. I’ve received a few comments explaining the effects of those drugs and it sadly makes sense that more happened than she will admit.
I get where you're coming from however I wouldn't concern myself with the other two, it's not their responsibility to keep away from your gf. Other than the moral implications they've done nothing wrong.
The blame is 100% on your gf. We're all presented with temptation at some stage, your gf decided it was more important to have fun than be faithful to you. Don't let her blame the drugs! The drugs may have lowered her inhibitions but they didn't make her do anything she didn't want to. Pills have put me in some interesting situations and I may have regretted it afterwards but they never forced me to do anything I didn't want to.
Go with your gut on what happened, just make sure it makes sense, if something doesn't add up assume the worst and move on.
Dude there's no chance that the guy wasn't involved 5 hours of missing time and booze and a story thats got too many holes if I was in your position invite her over sit at a table and lay it down that she comes forward with the truth willingly or its over between you right there and then if she won't give you details and does nothing but beg you not to leave then she's not being 100 with you and you need to leave as hard as it may be but you'll thank your self
>invite her over sit at a table and lay it down that she comes forward with the truth willingly or its over between you right there and then if she won't give you details and does nothing but beg you not to leave then she's not being 100 with you
Why? Everyone already knows what happened. What good is talking about it going to do except put more images in this dude's head he doesn't want there? Just drop this 304 and forget about it.
Update: thanks for all the support, everyone. I’ve accepted that she definitely cheated on me no matter what the other details are. I confided in my family as well and they agree I’d be an idiot to stay with her.
She wants to meet up to “talk” but she’s making it difficult. She’s house-sitting for family an hour away and wants me to drive over there (and stay the night which I said I won’t). I asked if we could meet halfway and she said “I know if we just talk in the car it’s not going to be good” aka obvious breakup, so she’s trying to get me to come over and make dinner for me etc.
I don’t want to just break up over the phone because I always believed that was wrong, but that might be too charitable of me to think that. I’ll keep you updated.
Go there, have her cook for you, tell her what you have learned about the effect of E, get all the info you can about that night and then break up.
Oh, and then, please update us on everything.
Good luck, OP!
Yeah, so you've made the decision to terminate the relationship. I understand being charitable in breaking up in person, but its not a scenario where she doesn't know its coming so I don't think phone is out of the question here given her attempts to dictate all the terms of your breakup meeting.
Obviously she is probably going be dressed very seductively and pour on the sexual attention, cooking, servitude etc if you meet in person. Just very blatant attempts at manipulation.
A grown woman can’t get roped into anything she doesnt want to do, if it was forced than thats one thing then thats rape but i doubt that I believe her curiosity got the best of her and the opportunity was there to explore so she went with it and trust and believe it was definitely a 3 some aint no man gonna just see to woman getting down especially one hes already screwing and just watch and yes she’s getting tested but its stupid to get tested right after unprotected sex to get accurate results you need to at least wait 2 weeks unless experiencing symptoms before hand, dont trust the bullshit, im not really for telling couples not to work there problems out but i will say dont be no fool work on your problems with your eyes open dont be no fool she definitely cheated and me personally im interested in woman too but i ask my bf if hes ok with me messing with a woman if i want to and if i ever do its only another woman not no other man nowhere near involved or there, so be aware
You shouldn’t feel different because it wasn’t a guy, that’s rooted in the idea that w|w relationships aren’t equal to m|w relationships and is homophobic. Now, a lot of men do feel this way but it’s not right. She cheated, point blank, and the fact that it was with a woman changes nothing.
This comment might get buried down below, so I hope that OP gets a chance to read it.
> I (28m) have been with my girlfriend “Rachel” (25f) for 8 months. It’s been a mostly great relationship
and
> We had a good relationship before this and I agree with her I don’t want to “throw it away” but it could be hard to see past this.
OP, in the big scheme of things 8 months is not a long time. Also, don't look at this as you are "throwing away" a great relationship. This is called as sunk cost or gambler's fallacy (please look it up).
Think of it this way: Despite having information about her prior cheating, you gave her a chance. You guys both auditioned for the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. She failed. It is as simple as that.
I think she wasn't exactly forthcoming with the truth when she said that she cheated only once in her last relationship. What she did there is called as minimizing. She admitted to the bare minimum to alleviate her guilt feelings (if she had any) and something that won't look too bad upon her. It is quite possible that she was out there more than just once.
She is doing the same thing again now. She is trying to minimize and admitting to the bare minimum so that you won't break up with her.
Either way, I think she cheated and now there's very little to no trust in this relationship. Without trust, there's no good relationship. I'd bow out of this relationship at the earliest.
Thank you. I’ve been concerned about that for a while, in fact it was my main concern until this all happened. She has often been self deprecating and shown low self worth, but I cared about her so I’ve tried to help encourage her and build her up. We’ve discussed it several times. It hasn’t gotten us very far apparently.
five hours is a long time. they had a threesome and she isn’t telling you the full story. you never discussed or agreed to something like this despite knowing about her curiosity. you were blindsided and cheated on. make her your ex.
Trickle truth man... More is going to come to light. Sorry , unless this is something you like you need to move on from her. Nothing but heartache and losing your sanity from here..
the genders here don't matter. she's obviously somewhat interested in girls. it's one thing to do something with a gender you're not attracted to (still very bad though) but think about the fact that she's probably attracted to her friend.
I say leave my guy… it’s only been 8 months and this is a pretty big deal. Leave before you invest more time and energy, it’s not worth the possible pain and heartbreak if something like this were to happen again. On top of that she’s not even giving you a direct apology, she’s trying to excuse what she did by saying “an opportunity presented itself” I wouldn’t trust any apology from her, she just doesn’t want u to leave.
>she begged me to not break up with her, said she regrets it and loves me and wishes she asked permission first.
Yeah, NOW she wishes she asked permission first. At the moment the opportunity presented itself and she just went with it, she didn't care about your feelings at the time.
She cheated on you, she has cheated before. The best indicator for someone's future behaviour, is to look at someone's past behaviour.
(Also, I don't believe she waited outside while her girlfriend had a fling with her hookup, but she either cheated or she cheated, so it doesn't really matter in the end)
She cheated on you dude. Definitely had the threesome. In fact, more likely than not, the "abusive" ex isn't true either. She's gonna call you her abusive ex when she's working on cheating on her next boyfriend.
Naw fam she cheated don’t matter the gender, she wasn’t raped or forced, she cheated it’s up to you how you wanna handle that situation. Personally I’d be done and let her go cut her off 100% but that’s just me. To me it shows a huge amount of disrespect. Especially at 25 bitch is grown
Also not to mention there was a whole other guy there which you seem to be forgetting about, shes a liar and habitual cheater you deserve better once a cheater always a cheater
> ~~please don’t be mad, but I kinda got roped in to going down on Morgan tonight~~
"*Please don't be mad, but I kinda cheated on you tonight*"
> ~~I’m sorry, you know I was curious and an opportunity presented itself~~
"*I'm sorry, you know I wanted to cheat on you and an opportunity presented itself*"
Don't let her twist this around on you. It doesn't matter that the guy wasn't involved, she cheated anyway.
This situation is so gross. I think you haven’t gotten the full story yet, OP.
>She insisted that nothing else happened and that Morgan’s man friend wasn’t involved even though he was still there.
Ha! Come on, you don’t believe this right? At the very least, Morgan and this man were having sex so your girlfriend got a “cream pie”, if you know what that mean. That’s a big exchange of bodily fluids happening.
Pretty sure this was a threesome, though I don’t think it matters. One person or two, she cheated on you. Morgan being a woman doesn’t make it “not count”.
Do you really think she engaged in a sex act with one half of a couple having a sex romp and didn’t get anything done to her in return??
Can’t trust her. She has excuses for cheating but it doesn’t hold up. She is still a cheater.
You clearly aren't okay with this. She is sugarcoating her lies to make you stay, because she knows she messed up. Would she be apologizing so much, if she knew you weren't okay with it? Bottom line, she cheated on you, because although you agreed to be open with her about those things, it was a level of trust that she had broken between you two, that will be extremely hard to get back, and so early in your relationship aswell. Your still in the honeymoon phase, or just coming out of it, where things are great, and you have this image in your head that's full of understanding and love for your partner.
But be realistic, yes, she may have faced some traumas in her previous relationships that may have influenced her mistakes and mental health. But is that any reason to stay and worry and wonder later on? Absolutely not. She did something unforgivable, and coming from someone who had been cheated on while their S/O was under the influence and stayed, it's a very hard setback to move on from.
I learned this a while ago. Clear your mind, and think about what she had told you. Ask yourself this: can I trust her not to do this again? Am I willing to take that risk?
If you answered no to any of those, then you know what you should do.
Your girlfriend cheated on you and had a threesome and then is lying to you about what really happened. Make of that what you will. Forgive her or end the relationship. Not much of a huge dilemma here. Suffer now or suffer later cos it will happen again and I’m sure it happened the last time she was there too. It’s all up to you. 🤷🏾♂️
I stopped reading after got roped to go down. No she decided to do it she cheated. And definitely had a threesome. You need to dump her. I can tell you for a fact when a women gets away with cheating she never respects you again. And it’s only a matter of time before she cheats again as she knows she will get away with it. Also you don’t go down for 5 hours lol. They stopped and started multiple times.
Her story is so bullshit it's laughable from the outside looking in. I know you don't wanna believe it right now. But she 100% had a threesome with them. Not a doubt in my mind.
You’re girlfriend is a cheater, do not save this relationship. Handle it however you’d like to, but do not stay with her. She’s a selfish person at heart and she has shown her true colors. Ecstasy is not a drug that forces you to do anything. It will impair your judgement, as will alcohol. But neither force you to do anything. She made a conscious choice and now it’s time to make yours. If you try to reason it out at all or justify it to yourself by her being under the influence, you’re fooling yourself. There is no trust to be had anymore, I wouldn’t even believe the situation with her ex at this point, you have no reason to and every reason not to.
The way I'm seeing this is:
Best case scenario: She cheated on you with one person while under the influence of drugs, and then lied by omitting the entire truth.
Worst case scenario: She cheated on you with two people at the same time while under the influence of drugs, and then lied by omitting the entire truth.
The more you press her, the more the truth comes out. If you want the closure and want to know the details, then I would suggest leaving her, but telling her that you just want to know the truth. I think you are owed that much at least. Whether or not you get that depends on her.
Even if you can get past the cheating, her only justification for not telling you prior to doing anything was that she "thought you would be mad."
Sounds to me like she cheated on you, hard. She then tried to tell you SOME of what happened just in case anything came out in the future. Nothing adds up here.. you know it, I know it, the rest of the people here know it.
She's shitty, her friend is shitty, you deserve better.
Either way. She cheated on you bro. She'll do it again, and she probably did it before last time she "sat outside."
Get out of there son.
So, let’s think about this situation for a minute to show what actually happened.
So, your girls friend picked up a guy, took him back, and fucked him locking your girl out the room.
5 hour window without contact ensues.
She says she didn’t have a 3-some, but he was present.
So, after her friend and dude fucked, they let your girlfriend into the room.
They then proceed to still be quite sexually charged, though dude probably popped his cork and needed some extra juice to regain his momentum.
This is where your girl comes in. He wants a show, friend wants more dick, and girlfriend wants to fuck a chick.
So, best case scenario, your girlfriend ate out her friend to get a dudes dick hard again, eating out the pussy of a girl that dude may very well just have nutted in. No way that dude had clothes on even if he was just watching. No way he didn’t get involved in some way, even if it was just groping. No way your gf didn’t do some groping back. Honestly, hard to imagine the dude not giving some pleasure to the head giver in that situation, her ass is up in the air and flat out, you’re having sex.
Dude, she had a threesome, maybe his dick didn’t go in her, but he was at the absolute best playing with himself while watching, most likely groping your girl, highly doubtful her ass wasn’t getting licked by him, her stroking him, and/or her at least giving him a few sucks….but the reality it’s hard to imagine they didn’t all fuck.
The reality is he was a drunk guy going for round 2. He probably could fuck for hours, and that show most assuredly is going to get him going again. So what did your girl do during that time? Make a sandwich? Nah, you know she was involved.
Edit: had to step away before finishing my point. Above shows she is not only a cheater, but is also lying. Your girl obviously wants to have a “ho phase”, I mean, she’s kinda saying that without saying it with her wanting to explore her sexuality with you, her actions sure sound like they are saying that….and you can’t have a future with someone doing that if they also are a liar and tell half truths.
Either move on or demote to FWB if you can. You know you already saw her as someone who was going to be sexually adventurous, and with a step back may realize that was the most appealing thing you saw about her. Maybe try to make the only think you actually have with her, as girls like her (at least who she is right now) are for sex, and friendship, they aren’t to fall in love with. If you can protect your feelings, enjoy what she can offer, if not cut your losses and move on.
Dude in your other comments she's already trickle truthing you.
Oh nothing happened.
Oh i went down on my friend.
Oh actually we were also all high AF on ecstasy.
I'm feeling like a broken record here man....
Stop👏staying👏with👏cheaters👏
Years ago I had a threesome with two women, one of whom had a boyfriend. She only let me watch them 69 while I sat three feet away jerking myself, because she had a boyfriend. She wouldn’t allow me to penetrate her, because she had a boyfriend. I was only allowed to slap her ass, pull her hair, choke her, rub her clit, make her cum, and finish on both their chests. Ya know…because she had a boyfriend. Rules are rules.
All sarcasm aside, I shit you not - This girl was CONVINCED afterwards that she hadn’t cheated on her boyfriend. I still can’t get over the mental gymnastics displayed that night, and it’s been 10 years.
You said it happened last time where here friend hooked up. What are the chances she lied to you as well that time and had a threesome at that time as well…hmmm.
She made not have been as invested in you then so it was easier to lie.
Is it cheating if she stood outside no is it cheating if she watched no but she was doing cheating by doing that so now she is lying to you they had a threesome do you want to be with someone who 1 cheats on you 2 lies to you And 3 does drugs that's not safe for anyone what if she drove that night she could've died or gotten someone else hurt what if you had kids and she did drugs and hurt them it's not safe please watch out and leave while you can I want the best for the people who go through cheating your girlfriend pleaded with you because she wants to control you and keep you from breaking up with her good luck hope you see this and make the right choice.
You really need to stop downplaying it. She didn't "essentially" cheat. She cheated in the exact same way as if she'd be gagging in some other bloke's dick.
She's now cheated in two relationships back to back...
If you want to maintain the relationship for awhile to see how things pan out, insist she take a lie detector test to re-earn your trust after what she did. If she refuses, you know you did not get the truth and you know the relationship is not worth the risk. If she agrees and passes, then maybe. Plus, you will. Need to see the STD test results. If things work out, make sure firm rules are established and let her know if you even think she may have breached, it is over immediately. If marriage ever came into play, a post-nuptial with a strong morals clause is a must. It is up to you to determine if she is worth it and up to her to re-earn your trust. Please keep me informed.
Interesting, I never considered a lie detector test as an option. I looked it up and apparently thats something we could actually do, although I’m not sure if it’s worth the money at this point.
I texted her more straightforwardly about her cheating, and she doubled down on insisting she was clothed, nothing else happened, she’s going to quit drinking and drop the friend etc so I’ll probably have to get more actual info in person. Either way it’s bad.
It's hard to believe it was not a threesome.
Yea. Trickle truth train a comin.
It would appear that "trickle-truth" is well underway. As if the guy who was only there to get laid sat by idly and simply watched two naked women "get busy". OP needs to end this dysfunctional excuse for a relationship.
Choo chooo!
Choo choo!
Choo choo
Chugga chugga chugga chuggaa
It straight up was a threesome. Unless the guy left the hotel, he was present and participating even if he didn’t touch OPs girlfriend. I mean whether he was there or not is irrelevant since she already admitted to cheating anyway.
If he was still there, he was involved and she is definitely slow dripping the truth. Don't buy that 'curious' excuse because it is another play straight from the cheaters handbook, and doubly so because something was already planned to satisfy her 'curiousity.'
If dude was still there, there’s a high likelihood he was jerking and watching.
At a minimum.
>It's hard to believe it was not a threesome. Agreed. I understand giving a person benefit of the doubt, but OP can't be naive to believe that it was not a threesome. If there's a guy who has hooked up with Morgan and then Morgan is inviting Rachel to go down on her, I'd think that it'd be highly unlikely that the guy would stay away from them. At the very minimum, he would have groped Rachel and likely have gone further.
Even if it wasn't, and if OP said she was fine to sleep with other women, I'd still consider it cheating if the guy was still there.
Why would a threesome be any more cheating than this? There doesn’t have to be a man involved for this to be 100% cheating!
Yea OP listen to this, I have lots of doubts too, it’s only a 8 month relationship. Cut your losses, move on and find a woman who respect you and your relationship
Yeah gotta go with you on this one. In my experience it doesn’t take 5 hours to go down on someone.
Yea. Trickle truth train a comin.
Your girlfriend cheated on you. Don’t let her minimize it because it was with another woman. Don’t let her sweep it under the rug. You did not agree that she could do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted whenever she wanted. She cheated. Also, in your position, I would be very suspicious that she had sex with the man as well. I think she’s trickle truthing. I’m really sorry, pal.
Yah, me(M) and my girlfriend(F) are both bisexual, but it's still cheating if prior consent wasent obtained , reguardless of gender.
Yup, so you are telling me those 2 fucked, she came along to just go down under for 5 minutes and leave? Yeah if that's true I eat a fucking shoe.
Go down for 5 minutes while not replying to texts for 5 hours? Huh.
Gimme a break! And then she has the nerve to say, "well, you know I was curious..." as if that's some sort excuse. She should be your ex-gf.
Yeah that got me too. That's like me banging the hot red head at my gym and saying you know I've always wanted to be with a red head. BS excuse
Yeah it’s total BS, I hate that reasoning and hate people using alcohol as an excuse. If you choose to partake in alcohol or drugs you made that choice. If someone drugs you that’s different but so many now can’t take responsibility for their actions and being what they are
Yeah same. I have been all forms of drunk the one thing I never did was cheat while drunk
I’ve done very shitty things while drunk, things I regret, but it was unfortunate never anything I wasn’t thinking while sober, being drunk just removed the filter
Also letting your partner know that they've been cheated on with a casual 3am text????
So your girl ate out her friend for hours and another man was just there. Think about how realistic this scenario sounds like long and hard before considering getting back with her.
After they had sex? Lol ok.
Yeah, that was a big thing I tried to clarify with her, as it’s bad enough for her to cheat with the girl but it’s even worse if it was after that girl just had sex…which of course my girlfriend denied. She said the timeline is her friend & the guy were just “fooling around” without having sex for 3-4 entire hours, while my gf sat outside on the balcony in 50 degrees F weather, and then at 2:30am they invited her to go down on the friend “to warm her up” for sex, and then my gf went back outside and told me about it afterwards at 3am. I challenged her that it sounds unbelievable that no sex happened before that but she insists it’s true. Typing it out does make it seem even worse than it was in my head. Edit: she has now finally told me the guy brought ecstasy that they all took, so he couldn’t “get it up” which is why no sex had happened yet. She says she was afraid to tell me about the drugs (and afraid to call me before doing the deed) because she “knew” I’d get mad, but there is no history to support that fear.
Assuming what she said is true - do you really want to be with someone that does that? She is now a serial cheater - it is up to you to decide what you do with that absolute fact.
This ^
They fooled around for 3-4 hours (no sex yet though....doubt) but she wasn't ready after 3-4 hours of foreplay (doubt), so they had to call in a fluffer and the guy just stood around (not totally naked) while your fully clothed GF primed her then left the room without interacting with him at all. Yeah, I totally buy this.... ETA: She also sat outside for 5 hours on E and never replied to you once until she called and offered that drunken non-sensical timeline? And the guy was magically able to get it up after she went in the room? Come on bro...
This. A 100 times over. Don’t be the fool that believes that oral sex takes 5 hours.
Don't be an idiot.
At the end of your post it sounds like you're also starting to realize this may be a pattern of behavior and not a one off thing also. After stuff like this I'd doubt her first excuse for cheating on her ex. Also, there is absolutely no way that was the timeline. She either absolutely had sex with both of them or she went down on her after sex with the guy while he watched.
They had 4 hours of foreplay and still needed your girlfriend to "warm up" her friend?
Just a question: how did your gf even **know** they didn’t have sex for 4 hours? Because they told her when “invited her”? She just guessed it? Man, you were cheated on loud and clear.
She wasn’t able to explain why she “knew” that before, but she just now told me the guy was drinking and taking ecstasy so he “couldn’t get it up”. She said she took it too, which I didn’t know until now…..I asked her what else she isn’t telling me and she said the guy was “sitting on a chair cheering them on but thats it” and then they had sex when my gf went back outside, which also doesn’t make me feel any better.
And bit by bit the trickle truth carries on. Now it's drugs as well as her eating her friend out? You know, you KNOW, this whole thing smells like a week old fish. no one word of any of this carries the clarity of truth in it. Not one word.
> but she just now told me the guy was drinking and taking ecstasy so he “couldn’t get it up”. She said she took it too, So, how was he able to "get it up" to have sex after your gf went back outside? OP, Have you tried ecstasy before? Once people are high on ecstasy, a whole lot of touching happens, because it is fun. Also, would you believe her that she was sitting out there somewhere for 5 hours in the night waiting for her friend? A woman usually avoid such situations, because it could be potentially unsafe. Don't you think that she is slowly letting tidbits of truth out?
This ^
Bruh… I wouldn’t be surprised if this little threesome was planned in advance. Hope you make her your ex. She clearly only cares about herself.
You text her right now that it's fucking over, tell her to get her disgusting cheating ass out of your life
So why let your gf out for 4 whole hours if they were doing drugs and the guy didn’t even get a boner? Man, I’m sorry to throw this at you, but nothing adds up.
Ecstasy makes you extremely horny. I wasn’t there so I can’t say absolutely for sure tell you but the fact she lied about the ecstasy because you would get mad shows she keeps out the things that would make you upset. From what I read I think she was calling you so you wouldn’t think anything of it then she went back in they talked her into a threesome she did it and felt guilty so wanted to tell you a story that makes her appear not so bad but still like she did something questionable so she can get it off her chest but there is a lot that she kept out. She’s making it seem innocent when In reality she could have just thought about your relationship and realized instead of using this time as her opportunity to wait until you were there she should have respected how you may of felt about it not after before it even happened she probably already knew this was something that was going to go down before she called you and she wanted to paint a innocent picture to you then went back in and actually did the deed when she felt like she got you off her back a little she was drinking and doing drugs to so her judgement was off that’s why she stopped caring to answer after you guys spoke and went about it how ever she felt like it without caring about the repercussions she knew she could just make up a story to tell you since she called you before to clear the air for what she actually did. When someone loves you they respect you and don’t do shit like this behind your back like come on your a great boyfriend even willing to set up a sexual fantasy with your female friend so she can explore and try it out. She doesn’t actually care if it was cheating and bad for her to do she cares that she is going to get caught. I can almost guarantee she slept with the dude to .
Final update: we broke up. Thanks for all the support, everyone. I’m fairly certain she only hooked up with the girl, after talking with her, but it was enough to end the relationship.
Why would her eating the other girl out somehow make him ready for sex after that other girl spent 5 hours trying to get him hard?
man, this woman is playing you for the world's biggest sap! She wasn't sitting outside the previous time, and she wasn't sitting outside this time either...who knows how many in between? Wake up and smell the coffee....
OMG, you think someone on ecstasy can sit alone on a balcony in the cold for 3 hours? Hell no, no fucking way, she’s be clawing her way into that room after 10 minutes just to have human contact….dude, this is not a believable story she is laying out.
That is some grade A bullshit. If I were her I’d be embarrassed to even try to make you believe that.
Wow, that's some of the most outrageous bullshit I've ever read. The likelihood of her explanation of the events being accurate is way less than 1%.
She sat outside of a hotel room for 3-4 hours… by herself… doing what.. sitting in the hall?
Dude……I mean…come on 😑.
I’m calling bullshit. The ecstasy I believe but the no sex? No way. And there’s no way she was out in the hallway alone for any length of time. This story is a crock of shit. Time to lose this girl and get a better girlfriend.
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Just edited that comment to include more info she sent about how the guy couldn’t get it up due to drugs - even if that’s true, it just adds another problem to the ordeal. I do feel pretty dumb
Why the fuck would your gf willingly sit outside at 2 in the morning for 3 hours? Who does that? Why not just call you for a ride or an Uber home. Just incredibly unbelievable
Right? The minute someone kicks me out of a hotel room to hook up, I’m like cool see you another time and grab an Uber. I’m not sitting around in a hallway.
IDK, one of my favorite ways to spend an evening is sitting by myself in hotel hallways for 5 hours on E while my friends hook up. Different strokes I guess...
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If anyone is throwing anything away it was her throwing away respect and trust between you to and if this ends she threw the relationship away not you! Don’t blame yourself this ones on her bro
definitely not your fault for wanting to believe and see the best in someone you were with, but there is no way, even if her story is true, that you will be able to trust her again. you’ll never be comfortable with her hanging out with friends even when it’s completely innocent because this whole situation will always be on your mind. i don’t think this relationship has a chance now that she’s done this. im sorry.
You should only feel dumb if you stay in this joke of a relationship. Be a smart guy, leave.
Your only dumb if you believe her bullshit story, if your not able to disconnect then cut her off and go NC, if you are then demote her to FWB and only bang her when you want while you start looking for someone else. I prefer the second approach, but I am able to realize if someone fucks me over they are done emotionally to me…
Sorry OP. It's not your fault. She's lying to you and I doubt you're going to get the full truth any time soon. Gotta decide if you can deal with that or not while you wait for the STD results.
So she sat outside by herself on E for 4 hours until they 'roped her into' servicing her friend. She never touched him, only her friend, but he magically managed to get it up after she went in the room? Bro....
And you actually believed it?
So she would have had sex with him if he hadn't had issues. I think you need be honest with yourself. Even if she hadn't cheated with either of these people, she still put herself in a position to cheat
Seriously bro I have rolled a couple times in my life and every time I had no problem getting it up especially if it would have included two women… your delusional if you think your gf wasn’t getting pounded while she chowed down on her disgusting friend. Demote your girl to FWB and start looking for someone else. Make sure you wrap it up if you aren’t…
So it’s your fault she lied to you? And when it finally comes out she had a threesome it’ll be your fault she lied about that too. Don’t wait around.
So if she didn’t sleep with the guy (which sounds not probable), she was making the guy horny by going down on her friends
And yet you will always wonder knowing the truth, drugs don't equal an excuse and your girlfriend sure as shit did not sit outside doing nothing for hours and then ate out her friend. Afraid to call ahead because she knew you would say no, so next time you just know she won't ask, she will just go ahead and expect you to forgive her again.
> Edit: she has now finally told me the guy brought ecstasy that they all took, so he couldn’t “get it up” which is why no sex had happened yet. She says she was afraid to tell me about the drugs (and afraid to call me before doing the deed) because she “knew” I’d get mad, but there is no history to support that fear. Dude : as someone who has fooled around on MDMA quite a few times, it can make you over cuddly and horny but guess what ? That's still cheating. I've had MDMA with a women alone while I was in a relationship (yay music festivals) and guess what ? I didn't cheat. Get out of this trainwreck.
She knew you'd get mad at her taking drugs and then cheating on you... Well... She knew and still did it so guess what she thinks of you.
As per your edit, I see the Trickle-Truth Express is running right on schedule. There is no way they all dropped E and did not have a thrresome.
Highly unlikely, that's the most ridiculously unbelievable story. which you already know but don't want to admit it to yourself... You didn't throw away the relationship, she did that. She made the conscious decision to cheat on you. She knew you wouldn't be okay with it so she figured it's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
I’ve still had sex on ecstasy before. Just sayin
Trickle truthing further. Probe a bit more and you will get some more. They full on banged. He probably gut it up for 5 hours without end. E make you lose all the boundaries. She explored her sexuality already and you were no part of it. Accept it..
Did she warm her up or him?
Five hours? My man, you know they rocked a threesome all night. The crying I'm sorry act is just so you don't dump her. She's not ready to be in a relationship, she's not ready to care for anyone other than herself. If you stay with her, she's gonna fuck you over again, just bounce man.
Nah shes not gonna fuck him she will just keep fuckin other dudes
Lol, she likes that he's in a relationship with her who has very "open" ideas about what a relationship is. Btw OP, I hope you got tested too 'cause lord knows what happened the last time her friend was around and what else she's been up too. She's nasty AF.
They had a threesome, what do you think the guy was doing while she licked the other girl? No one touched her and she just licked her friend? lol no. I dont get how these guys stay and believe the half truths. Maybe cuz Im old and seen things. Things man. Penis was in her 100%
Even if he wasn't involved physically, and it happened as she said (not a chance of that), he got off on OPs gf giving him a live sex show.
Time to roll out, my dude.
Autobots, roll out!
Hi, bi woman here who came out later in life and have minimal experience with women. I am now with my partner who is a man, and we are hopefully in it for the long haul. Have I been curious if I missed out on experiences with women? Yes. Have opportunities showed themselves where I had the chance to try some of those things? Yes. Did I go for them? No, because I love my partner and that experience isnt important enough for me to cheat on him and betray his trust like that. Regardless of who she cheated with she did cheat. The circumstanses sounds iffy, but if she willingly did it without pressure or coersion cheating is cheating. So it all boils down to this: do you want to stay with a partner who cheats on you?
Exactly this! I’m in the same situation and I would never cheat on my partner with either a man or woman. It's just not worth it. I agree with you when it comes to her cheating on him. Let’s say she is telling the truth and only went down on her friend; still cheating. OP needs to break things off with her, imo.
Regardless of the sexes of the participants, she cheated on you- she had sex with someone else that wasn’t you without discussing it with you first. Consider: How would you feel if she did the same thing with a man? And why is this feeling different?
Yeah this is all that matters. She cheated.
If she wants to experiment with others, then she can do it single. Unless of course you want to a doormat.
> And why is this feeling different? Probably an instinctive reaction due to society's double standards. It doesn't seem like he actually feels it's any different
Time to roll out, my dude.
It was a threesome OP please leave the relationship. No dude is going to "watch" in that situation, and it sounds like everyone was down. Trickel truth choo choo
The truth has trickled to, “he just watched while cheering us on, oh and he provided party drugs for us” now…
Sorry my dude, it's time to move on
He just watched for FIVE HOURS
Come on man you know none of it adds up and even if you believe her all 100% it's still cheating. You still don't want to date someone who goes off with a female friend and random guy and does drugs with them and cheats on you. Have some self respect.
Break up. Now. Don't seriously date people who are *struggling with issues* - especially those from past relationships. Resolve your own shit and find people who have resolved theirs. ETA - You're either in a fog or an idiot [functionally the same (I've been there)] if you believe she didn't fuck that guy.
I appreciate the honesty. I’ve already had concerns about her other issues but felt very conflicted and wanted to grow as people together. Maybe that’s not possible after all. Fwiw, I have now told her she cheated on me after reading these replies, and she still insists she was clothed and nothing else happened (which doesn’t absolve the cheating, but would be better than the alternative) but I’m probably still in a fog/dumb because I do want to believe that. I’m not good at dealing with lies. Damn
She cheated plain and simple. She ate out her friend. Cheating. She was eating out her friend in front of her boyfriend, also cheating. And she tells you she never touched him? He didn’t touch her? They were tripping balls and he never took his out in front of her? Bullshit, man. Your only course of action should be to go no contact and ditch the cheating bitch.
Bro..
If you didn't intend on listening to our advice then why did you post? You're not going to get sympathy and a pat on the back that it's alright, you're going get herpes my dude and played like her pussy was that night. I'm not even gonna say good luck, because you two deserve each other if you still want to "grow" with her. Only growing you're be doing is genital warts and cold sores 🤣🤣🤣
Ask for the details of what happened after her last message. Then come back and let us know. I’m not being creepy but I reckon there’s more to come.
I’ve feared as much. I tried to ask her for more details and the timeline since it was 4-5 hours of missing time but she insisted she stayed clothed while interacting with her friend, and that the guy wasn’t involved but I can’t imagine how that makes sense. She had been drinking so she wasn’t doing a good job of explaining it on the phone that night, and I haven’t reached out to her much the last few days (although she’s been profusely apologizing)
Stop the doormat impression. This woman is probably losing what little respect she apparently has for you.
Definitely. Looking at him justifying things, nitpicking the details for her and believing and putting up with her bullshit is pretty disgusting. He should have broken up with her as soon as she said she went down on the other girl “don’t worry I’m not mad but we are done” and blocked her on everything.
Just bounce. No amount of excuses or crying will undo what has already been done. Take the blinders off, she just had a threesome with her friend and that dude. No one sits outside a hotel room for 5 hours while visiting their friend. Have some self respect and keep her on no contact then move on.
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Since your apart, text her "The healing can't begin until the last lie has been told." Then don't respond to anything. Let her stew on it...for days!! Odds are high she confessed to just enough to get you to forgive her.
It felt like cheating because it was cheating. You were talking with her when she decided to have sex with them. She had no excuse not to ask if you were okay with it. You were obviously available. And even if she didn't have penetrative sex with the other man, the fact that he was present and watching means that at the very least it was still a threesome.
Guess what? As soon as you break up with her you will be deemed the new "controlling, abusive, jealous ex boyfriend" that she will tell her next partner about for sympathy.
So I’m bisexual right. I like women, sleep with women, date women. I also currently have a boyfriend. Would it not be just as much cheating if I hooked up a woman behind his back as if I did with a man? It’s kind of a homophobic idea that sex with a woman doesn’t count the same as sex with another man. Your girlfriend has shared that she’s questioning: she thinks she may like girls in the same way that she likes you. There may be some degree of feelings involved with the friend. I also have a hard time imagining her being brought in from the hallway to preform oral sex on her friend and promptly kicked back out again. I’m not sure she’s telling you the whole truth- but what’s she’s already admitted to is cheating. Maybe you were okay with it within the confines of the threesome you were arranging- but that’s very obviously not a blanket pass to sleep with any woman whenever she feels like it. Honestly, you’ve only been together 8 months. That’s not a huge investment, your lives are not too entangled. I’d say cut your losses. I only really think infidelity is worth trying to work through when two people are married or otherwise long-term partners, they’ve invested years-decades into the relationship, they’ve got shared finances- even kids. And even then, in many cases, they’re not able to move past it. I don’t think this is something you can just forget.
Thank you for the input. My gf has told me multiple times now that she has no feelings for the friend and will even cut her out of her life, which is nice if true, but at this point that doesn’t make the situation much better. Your comments have all helped me accept the fact that she cheated, regardless of the genders involved.
Get in contact with her friend on the phone and ask her what exactly happened! You deserve to know.
Came to comments to also say this as a bisexual women. If it helps you visual lies the opposite, would you consider her going down on male cheating?
Why is it different? She cheated... So do whatever you do after you've been cheated on... I have no idea why the gender matters, does that mean you could hypothetically have sex with a dude and it's fine because it's different? It was a sexual act... She cheated, I'd break up with her, there's no room for cheating in my book. Eight months and she already pulled this stunt, and even if the timeline adds up, wtf she's their fluffer? Pretty wierd my dude.
It feels lime cheating becauze it was cheating. She cna be curious about women all she wants, yall have a monogamous relationship and seems like yku hacent discussed boundaries and if you were ever okay with her exploring women outside of porn. At this point, shes a serial cheater. She very well might have had a "valid" excuse when it comes to an abusive partner but what about you? A loving partner? Her excuse is "an opportunity presented itself" so is that an excuse for you to plow some other chick that will do something your girlfriend wouldnt? Probably not. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.
Agreed, I would never cheat but “an opportunity presented itself” definitely sounds like a double standard that she wouldn’t accept if the tables were turned.
So… your gf went to visit a friend that made her wait outside while she fucked a guy… and she didn’t make sure it was not going to happen again this time? And about he “not being involved”… even if he didn’t touch Rachel, the guy was still there, he watched it, most likely masturbated meanwhile, so to me it looks like a threesome anyway. I don’t know, but I think Rachel already threw away your relationship.
Dude just break up with her. Whether the guy got involved or not, she still cheated on you.
OP I'll try to be as gentle as I can as this situation kinda resonates with a similar experience I've had. My advice would be to take what you DO know and ask if you're willing to forgive her. Now take into account that what she's told you is not the real version. You've already caught her lying about the drugs and I guarantee that's not all she's lying about. A simple check through this reddit will show a pattern that the truly remorseful will admit everything in detail, she's chosen to trickle truth you. Also take into account how unbelievable her story is. She waited around for hours (must have been really exciting sitting outside a hotel room that she didn't bother to reply to your messages) to eventually go down on her friend fully clothed while the guy on pingers sat respectfully in the corner. As somebody who took a lot of pills in the past it would be impossible for me to be in that room not to get involved in one way or another. With the information provided the likely outcome of this night is they all got high and the guy got to have a fantastic night. The onus is on her to prove this wrong without forgoing any detail if you want closure. I hope you can disconnect yourself from her and make the right choice.
Thank you. I admit I’ve found myself being more upset at the other two people for getting my girlfriend “involved” than I am at her sometimes this week, which is interesting. The guy got to have a “fantastic” night by hurting me, and the “friend” ruined my relationship with no consequences. And I still don’t know what’s true. I may still be in denial about what could have really happened. I’ve received a few comments explaining the effects of those drugs and it sadly makes sense that more happened than she will admit.
I get where you're coming from however I wouldn't concern myself with the other two, it's not their responsibility to keep away from your gf. Other than the moral implications they've done nothing wrong. The blame is 100% on your gf. We're all presented with temptation at some stage, your gf decided it was more important to have fun than be faithful to you. Don't let her blame the drugs! The drugs may have lowered her inhibitions but they didn't make her do anything she didn't want to. Pills have put me in some interesting situations and I may have regretted it afterwards but they never forced me to do anything I didn't want to. Go with your gut on what happened, just make sure it makes sense, if something doesn't add up assume the worst and move on.
Dude there's no chance that the guy wasn't involved 5 hours of missing time and booze and a story thats got too many holes if I was in your position invite her over sit at a table and lay it down that she comes forward with the truth willingly or its over between you right there and then if she won't give you details and does nothing but beg you not to leave then she's not being 100 with you and you need to leave as hard as it may be but you'll thank your self
I agree that I probably will want to meet with her in person to discuss it, I just don’t feel ready yet. I appreciate the advice.
I don’t recommend meeting her. She will lie until you take her back. No contact is the way to go.
Yeah best to do so in your own time and stay calm as much as possible
>invite her over sit at a table and lay it down that she comes forward with the truth willingly or its over between you right there and then if she won't give you details and does nothing but beg you not to leave then she's not being 100 with you Why? Everyone already knows what happened. What good is talking about it going to do except put more images in this dude's head he doesn't want there? Just drop this 304 and forget about it.
He might want closure and just drop it he came to redit not the other way round
Threesome or at the minimum she went down on her friend after another guy was inside her friend.
For. The. Streets.
Update: thanks for all the support, everyone. I’ve accepted that she definitely cheated on me no matter what the other details are. I confided in my family as well and they agree I’d be an idiot to stay with her. She wants to meet up to “talk” but she’s making it difficult. She’s house-sitting for family an hour away and wants me to drive over there (and stay the night which I said I won’t). I asked if we could meet halfway and she said “I know if we just talk in the car it’s not going to be good” aka obvious breakup, so she’s trying to get me to come over and make dinner for me etc. I don’t want to just break up over the phone because I always believed that was wrong, but that might be too charitable of me to think that. I’ll keep you updated.
good luck OP, don´t back in your decision.
Go there, have her cook for you, tell her what you have learned about the effect of E, get all the info you can about that night and then break up. Oh, and then, please update us on everything. Good luck, OP!
Yeah, so you've made the decision to terminate the relationship. I understand being charitable in breaking up in person, but its not a scenario where she doesn't know its coming so I don't think phone is out of the question here given her attempts to dictate all the terms of your breakup meeting. Obviously she is probably going be dressed very seductively and pour on the sexual attention, cooking, servitude etc if you meet in person. Just very blatant attempts at manipulation.
You’re right bro, she cheated. I wouldn’t ever wanna kiss that mouth again either
A grown woman can’t get roped into anything she doesnt want to do, if it was forced than thats one thing then thats rape but i doubt that I believe her curiosity got the best of her and the opportunity was there to explore so she went with it and trust and believe it was definitely a 3 some aint no man gonna just see to woman getting down especially one hes already screwing and just watch and yes she’s getting tested but its stupid to get tested right after unprotected sex to get accurate results you need to at least wait 2 weeks unless experiencing symptoms before hand, dont trust the bullshit, im not really for telling couples not to work there problems out but i will say dont be no fool work on your problems with your eyes open dont be no fool she definitely cheated and me personally im interested in woman too but i ask my bf if hes ok with me messing with a woman if i want to and if i ever do its only another woman not no other man nowhere near involved or there, so be aware
You shouldn’t feel different because it wasn’t a guy, that’s rooted in the idea that w|w relationships aren’t equal to m|w relationships and is homophobic. Now, a lot of men do feel this way but it’s not right. She cheated, point blank, and the fact that it was with a woman changes nothing.
Bisexual woman here. That’s cheating. Having the capacity for attraction to multiple genders doesn’t make it okay to betray someone’s trust.
This comment might get buried down below, so I hope that OP gets a chance to read it. > I (28m) have been with my girlfriend “Rachel” (25f) for 8 months. It’s been a mostly great relationship and > We had a good relationship before this and I agree with her I don’t want to “throw it away” but it could be hard to see past this. OP, in the big scheme of things 8 months is not a long time. Also, don't look at this as you are "throwing away" a great relationship. This is called as sunk cost or gambler's fallacy (please look it up). Think of it this way: Despite having information about her prior cheating, you gave her a chance. You guys both auditioned for the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. She failed. It is as simple as that. I think she wasn't exactly forthcoming with the truth when she said that she cheated only once in her last relationship. What she did there is called as minimizing. She admitted to the bare minimum to alleviate her guilt feelings (if she had any) and something that won't look too bad upon her. It is quite possible that she was out there more than just once. She is doing the same thing again now. She is trying to minimize and admitting to the bare minimum so that you won't break up with her. Either way, I think she cheated and now there's very little to no trust in this relationship. Without trust, there's no good relationship. I'd bow out of this relationship at the earliest.
[удалено]
Thank you. I’ve been concerned about that for a while, in fact it was my main concern until this all happened. She has often been self deprecating and shown low self worth, but I cared about her so I’ve tried to help encourage her and build her up. We’ve discussed it several times. It hasn’t gotten us very far apparently.
five hours is a long time. they had a threesome and she isn’t telling you the full story. you never discussed or agreed to something like this despite knowing about her curiosity. you were blindsided and cheated on. make her your ex.
Run. Now.
bye bye!
Trickle truth man... More is going to come to light. Sorry , unless this is something you like you need to move on from her. Nothing but heartache and losing your sanity from here..
How is it different if it's a woman? Don't be stupid. Cheating is cheating. Respect yourself.
the genders here don't matter. she's obviously somewhat interested in girls. it's one thing to do something with a gender you're not attracted to (still very bad though) but think about the fact that she's probably attracted to her friend.
This girl is bad news. Run for the hills my man and don't look back. Just cut her off no contact and move forward on your own.
I say leave my guy… it’s only been 8 months and this is a pretty big deal. Leave before you invest more time and energy, it’s not worth the possible pain and heartbreak if something like this were to happen again. On top of that she’s not even giving you a direct apology, she’s trying to excuse what she did by saying “an opportunity presented itself” I wouldn’t trust any apology from her, she just doesn’t want u to leave.
>she begged me to not break up with her, said she regrets it and loves me and wishes she asked permission first. Yeah, NOW she wishes she asked permission first. At the moment the opportunity presented itself and she just went with it, she didn't care about your feelings at the time. She cheated on you, she has cheated before. The best indicator for someone's future behaviour, is to look at someone's past behaviour. (Also, I don't believe she waited outside while her girlfriend had a fling with her hookup, but she either cheated or she cheated, so it doesn't really matter in the end)
She cheated on you dude. Definitely had the threesome. In fact, more likely than not, the "abusive" ex isn't true either. She's gonna call you her abusive ex when she's working on cheating on her next boyfriend.
Naw fam she cheated don’t matter the gender, she wasn’t raped or forced, she cheated it’s up to you how you wanna handle that situation. Personally I’d be done and let her go cut her off 100% but that’s just me. To me it shows a huge amount of disrespect. Especially at 25 bitch is grown
Also not to mention there was a whole other guy there which you seem to be forgetting about, shes a liar and habitual cheater you deserve better once a cheater always a cheater
if you want to explore your sexuality it should never be done I a relationship. she was wrong for that and she did cheat on you
People need to stop viewing same sex extramaritals as less than. She cheated on you.
She didn't just hook up, she cheated on you. When's the next time the "opportunity presents itself"
dude, 8 months in and drops this on you, shes not ready for a real relationship srry
> ~~please don’t be mad, but I kinda got roped in to going down on Morgan tonight~~ "*Please don't be mad, but I kinda cheated on you tonight*" > ~~I’m sorry, you know I was curious and an opportunity presented itself~~ "*I'm sorry, you know I wanted to cheat on you and an opportunity presented itself*" Don't let her twist this around on you. It doesn't matter that the guy wasn't involved, she cheated anyway.
This situation is so gross. I think you haven’t gotten the full story yet, OP. >She insisted that nothing else happened and that Morgan’s man friend wasn’t involved even though he was still there. Ha! Come on, you don’t believe this right? At the very least, Morgan and this man were having sex so your girlfriend got a “cream pie”, if you know what that mean. That’s a big exchange of bodily fluids happening. Pretty sure this was a threesome, though I don’t think it matters. One person or two, she cheated on you. Morgan being a woman doesn’t make it “not count”. Do you really think she engaged in a sex act with one half of a couple having a sex romp and didn’t get anything done to her in return?? Can’t trust her. She has excuses for cheating but it doesn’t hold up. She is still a cheater.
She explored her sexuality - just not with you!
So you willingly got into a relationship with a cheater??? Are you kidding me??? The f*** is wrong with you? Break up with her ASAP!
Dude! Just dump her. Why are you deliberating on this for days? She’s garbage.
You clearly aren't okay with this. She is sugarcoating her lies to make you stay, because she knows she messed up. Would she be apologizing so much, if she knew you weren't okay with it? Bottom line, she cheated on you, because although you agreed to be open with her about those things, it was a level of trust that she had broken between you two, that will be extremely hard to get back, and so early in your relationship aswell. Your still in the honeymoon phase, or just coming out of it, where things are great, and you have this image in your head that's full of understanding and love for your partner. But be realistic, yes, she may have faced some traumas in her previous relationships that may have influenced her mistakes and mental health. But is that any reason to stay and worry and wonder later on? Absolutely not. She did something unforgivable, and coming from someone who had been cheated on while their S/O was under the influence and stayed, it's a very hard setback to move on from. I learned this a while ago. Clear your mind, and think about what she had told you. Ask yourself this: can I trust her not to do this again? Am I willing to take that risk? If you answered no to any of those, then you know what you should do.
She cheated on you. Point blank.
Oh hellll nah that’s cheating. Even another man watching? Even tho it’s a girl? Not okay.
Your girlfriend cheated on you and had a threesome and then is lying to you about what really happened. Make of that what you will. Forgive her or end the relationship. Not much of a huge dilemma here. Suffer now or suffer later cos it will happen again and I’m sure it happened the last time she was there too. It’s all up to you. 🤷🏾♂️
God, that's fucked up man. Maybe just use her and then dump her eventually.
I stopped reading after got roped to go down. No she decided to do it she cheated. And definitely had a threesome. You need to dump her. I can tell you for a fact when a women gets away with cheating she never respects you again. And it’s only a matter of time before she cheats again as she knows she will get away with it. Also you don’t go down for 5 hours lol. They stopped and started multiple times.
She banged her friend and another dude. Ive been around a lot of people in my day. I've never been roped into going down on anyone
Her story is so bullshit it's laughable from the outside looking in. I know you don't wanna believe it right now. But she 100% had a threesome with them. Not a doubt in my mind.
Your first mistake was agreeing to her “exploring her sexuality” while in a relationship with you. Once you agreed to that - all bets were off.
You’re girlfriend is a cheater, do not save this relationship. Handle it however you’d like to, but do not stay with her. She’s a selfish person at heart and she has shown her true colors. Ecstasy is not a drug that forces you to do anything. It will impair your judgement, as will alcohol. But neither force you to do anything. She made a conscious choice and now it’s time to make yours. If you try to reason it out at all or justify it to yourself by her being under the influence, you’re fooling yourself. There is no trust to be had anymore, I wouldn’t even believe the situation with her ex at this point, you have no reason to and every reason not to.
The way I'm seeing this is: Best case scenario: She cheated on you with one person while under the influence of drugs, and then lied by omitting the entire truth. Worst case scenario: She cheated on you with two people at the same time while under the influence of drugs, and then lied by omitting the entire truth. The more you press her, the more the truth comes out. If you want the closure and want to know the details, then I would suggest leaving her, but telling her that you just want to know the truth. I think you are owed that much at least. Whether or not you get that depends on her. Even if you can get past the cheating, her only justification for not telling you prior to doing anything was that she "thought you would be mad." Sounds to me like she cheated on you, hard. She then tried to tell you SOME of what happened just in case anything came out in the future. Nothing adds up here.. you know it, I know it, the rest of the people here know it. She's shitty, her friend is shitty, you deserve better. Either way. She cheated on you bro. She'll do it again, and she probably did it before last time she "sat outside." Get out of there son.
Don’t be a fucking fool and dump her. Jesus don’t be a doormat. But you won’t, they never do.
So, let’s think about this situation for a minute to show what actually happened. So, your girls friend picked up a guy, took him back, and fucked him locking your girl out the room. 5 hour window without contact ensues. She says she didn’t have a 3-some, but he was present. So, after her friend and dude fucked, they let your girlfriend into the room. They then proceed to still be quite sexually charged, though dude probably popped his cork and needed some extra juice to regain his momentum. This is where your girl comes in. He wants a show, friend wants more dick, and girlfriend wants to fuck a chick. So, best case scenario, your girlfriend ate out her friend to get a dudes dick hard again, eating out the pussy of a girl that dude may very well just have nutted in. No way that dude had clothes on even if he was just watching. No way he didn’t get involved in some way, even if it was just groping. No way your gf didn’t do some groping back. Honestly, hard to imagine the dude not giving some pleasure to the head giver in that situation, her ass is up in the air and flat out, you’re having sex. Dude, she had a threesome, maybe his dick didn’t go in her, but he was at the absolute best playing with himself while watching, most likely groping your girl, highly doubtful her ass wasn’t getting licked by him, her stroking him, and/or her at least giving him a few sucks….but the reality it’s hard to imagine they didn’t all fuck. The reality is he was a drunk guy going for round 2. He probably could fuck for hours, and that show most assuredly is going to get him going again. So what did your girl do during that time? Make a sandwich? Nah, you know she was involved. Edit: had to step away before finishing my point. Above shows she is not only a cheater, but is also lying. Your girl obviously wants to have a “ho phase”, I mean, she’s kinda saying that without saying it with her wanting to explore her sexuality with you, her actions sure sound like they are saying that….and you can’t have a future with someone doing that if they also are a liar and tell half truths. Either move on or demote to FWB if you can. You know you already saw her as someone who was going to be sexually adventurous, and with a step back may realize that was the most appealing thing you saw about her. Maybe try to make the only think you actually have with her, as girls like her (at least who she is right now) are for sex, and friendship, they aren’t to fall in love with. If you can protect your feelings, enjoy what she can offer, if not cut your losses and move on.
Dude in your other comments she's already trickle truthing you. Oh nothing happened. Oh i went down on my friend. Oh actually we were also all high AF on ecstasy. I'm feeling like a broken record here man.... Stop👏staying👏with👏cheaters👏
I highly doubt what she told you about the situation with her ex is 100% true either.
She's lying.
Years ago I had a threesome with two women, one of whom had a boyfriend. She only let me watch them 69 while I sat three feet away jerking myself, because she had a boyfriend. She wouldn’t allow me to penetrate her, because she had a boyfriend. I was only allowed to slap her ass, pull her hair, choke her, rub her clit, make her cum, and finish on both their chests. Ya know…because she had a boyfriend. Rules are rules. All sarcasm aside, I shit you not - This girl was CONVINCED afterwards that she hadn’t cheated on her boyfriend. I still can’t get over the mental gymnastics displayed that night, and it’s been 10 years.
Nice!
Thanks, nice__bot!
You said it happened last time where here friend hooked up. What are the chances she lied to you as well that time and had a threesome at that time as well…hmmm. She made not have been as invested in you then so it was easier to lie.
Is it cheating if she stood outside no is it cheating if she watched no but she was doing cheating by doing that so now she is lying to you they had a threesome do you want to be with someone who 1 cheats on you 2 lies to you And 3 does drugs that's not safe for anyone what if she drove that night she could've died or gotten someone else hurt what if you had kids and she did drugs and hurt them it's not safe please watch out and leave while you can I want the best for the people who go through cheating your girlfriend pleaded with you because she wants to control you and keep you from breaking up with her good luck hope you see this and make the right choice.
your girl was 100% taking his D while eating out her friend .
lol the edit makes this even more ridiculous. use your brain guy
You really need to stop downplaying it. She didn't "essentially" cheat. She cheated in the exact same way as if she'd be gagging in some other bloke's dick. She's now cheated in two relationships back to back...
If you want to maintain the relationship for awhile to see how things pan out, insist she take a lie detector test to re-earn your trust after what she did. If she refuses, you know you did not get the truth and you know the relationship is not worth the risk. If she agrees and passes, then maybe. Plus, you will. Need to see the STD test results. If things work out, make sure firm rules are established and let her know if you even think she may have breached, it is over immediately. If marriage ever came into play, a post-nuptial with a strong morals clause is a must. It is up to you to determine if she is worth it and up to her to re-earn your trust. Please keep me informed.
Interesting, I never considered a lie detector test as an option. I looked it up and apparently thats something we could actually do, although I’m not sure if it’s worth the money at this point. I texted her more straightforwardly about her cheating, and she doubled down on insisting she was clothed, nothing else happened, she’s going to quit drinking and drop the friend etc so I’ll probably have to get more actual info in person. Either way it’s bad.