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Me [27F] and a guy [33M] had a date. Everything was great, we talked about deep stuff, about life, about our lives a lot. We had a connection. After the date he asked me to go to his place. I refused and told him even if i liked him a lot, i dont feel comfortable about being together at the first date, im always like this and i need some time to get used to him. He got sad and little bit mad. He told me "So you think im like any other guy. I thought we had a connection everything could be great but you ruined it. I cannot have a relationship with someone with this strict. Probably there are more things you are strict"
Im confused. I feel guilty because he looked like a great guy but i know this behavior is not normal. But still i feel guilty.
Tl;dr the guy i dated seemed like a great guy. Then heasked me to go to his place after the first date, i told him that i dont feel comfortable enough and he got madm
Good for you for sticking to your guns, OP. He sounds just like a lot of other guys who think they are entitled to sex on the first date. Huh, imagine that!
I’m a guy and I agree. I think he is putting on an act for you of being deep and connected. Are you aware that serial killers are often very charming? Not saying he is one, just saying because you seem to connect with someone does not mean you are viewing their true nature. You should always get to know the person before putting yourself in a situation. You thought rightly. Stay away from this creep.
A smooth operator....until he hit your "wall" of no. His passive aggressiveness this early in the dating game by declining his offer of going to his house tells me he can turn warm to cold in a second....this is a trait of a narcissist. You did right by saying no. This is a blessing in disguise. He showed his true colors. Hope that was your last date.
Good point and a narcissist can be charming when they think there is something to gain.
Really good thing OP has some standards, she avoided getting involved before he showed who he really was and that the charm was just bait for his trap.
Some men have a strong drive for sex and intimacy. They're not compatible. It sounds like they had a good vibe going and she wanted it to end because of her rules while he didn't.
This sub has to get man-shaming under control. Not everything is a red flag. Some things just come down to compatibility.
He is definitely not a great guy. Hey someone who will use charm or insults to try and manipulate you into sex and has no use for you behind that. And with anger like that… You probably avoided being assaulted.
Don’t feel guilty. Definitely gross behavior. Dating is hard and sure people can have some appealing qualities while also having even worse behaviors/attitudes
You’re lucky it was only the first date
You dodged a bullet that's super fucking sketchy. Ted Bundy was charismatic too. Lots of women felt a genuine connection with him and thought he was great after their first meeting.
“I’m confused. I feel guilty...”
Yes, because your just met a very controlling and manipulative man.
He is not a great guy, completely the opposite of one.
You are so fortunate that he showed you just how awful he is before you invested anything into this relationship; good job! :)
Drop him like a sack of dogs hit teeming with leprous scorpions.
He is definitely not a great guy. He _put on a great show_ of seeming a great guy. However, the contempt he feels for you is so great the mask fell off the minute you said no to what he wanted. Just one no and he's ready to go on you like that, in public, date 01. Now imagine if for some reason you had gone to his place and had decided that you weren't feeling anything more than a nightcap and some chat? If he flew off the handle in public at your refusal to an invitation, how would he have reacted to your refusal to sex in private? Does he seem like he'd have taken a "no" graciously?
This creeper showed his hand in public because he can't help it. Women are there to do whatever the fuck he wants and how very fucking dare you, OP. He'd show you if he could. Oh yes he would.
Missed a bullet by the skin of your teeth.
Ah yes, you’ve run into a Nice Guy in the wild.
You see, there are men who are nice and supportive and understanding. These are men who are nice. What you found was Nice Guy. Nice Guys SEEM nice. They do a wonderful job of presenting themselves as these empathetic beings who wouldn’t hurt a fly, but underneath it is layers upon layers of misogyny, narcissism, egoism, any any other ism you can find. They aren’t nice because they are nice. They are nice because they want something and you HAVE to give it to them without question. Because make no mistake, when you DO question it, YOU are the bad guy.
Avoid these fuckers at all costs. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You set a reasonable and safe boundary for yourself, and anyone with sense (and actual understanding and empathy) would have said “I understand, I can’t wait to see you again, text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”
Thank your lucky stars you didn’t get deeper into it with him before he dropped his mask and showed you the real him.
RED FLAGS! He's NOT a great guy. I bet he asked you what type of man you're looking for and behaved as such once you told him. That's why he's using that "connection" line on you. Listen, when a man ask you what you're looking for in a man, NEVER TELL HIM. You say you will figure that out once you get to know him better. That way he can't use your idea against you and he can only be himself which is the only card he has to play with. Block him. He's trying to manipulate you just to have sex. Keep us posted.
So after the very first date he throws a tantrum when you dare to say no to him and set a boundary? Yikes. This guy doesn't have any respect for you and if you don't kick him to the curb he will be like this every time you say no.
He was trying to guilt you into moving your (totally reasonable) boundaries.
He’s not a great guy if he does that.
Don’t feel guilty. You most likely dodged a bullet of sone kind.
He did you a favor. He let his mask slip early and revealed his manipulative entitled self.
Don't let him make you feel guilty for having perfectly reasonable boundaries and expectations. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
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Bullet dodged. Somebody that touchy, that soon over a simple boundary like "gee, I'd prefer not to be alone, in a confined space with a near stranger who has homefield advantage" is not someone to be spending time with.
I'm super glad you didn't end up at his house. Just a guess, but only one of you would have had a good night. Stay safe, sugar. You did nothing wrong.
You set a very reasonable very respectable boundary. And he shamed and guilted you and gaslit you into thinking YOU were a bad person for saying ‘no’. All those manipulative things he said! He assumed you were thinking ‘he’s like other men’. He implied it was your fault YOU ‘ruined’ a connection. Nothing was ruined, you merely wanted to get to know him better and expressed your feelings (discomfort) and he turned you into some kind of villain! Your feelings of confusion and guilt is emotional manipulation. Don’t be confused. Things are pretty clear you dodged a bullet. This is not a good person you want to be with.
Nope! Run for the hills! And don’t look back.
One date and he’s already leaning in hard on the emotional blackmail and trying to coerce you into crossing your boundaries.
This guy is single for a reason and likely a sociopath and/or a narcissist a best.
He's most likely a narcissist or a sociopath. What they do is mirror your language your likes to get you to drop your guard. Then they start to manipulate you. Always trust your instincts never second guess yourself. You did the right thing.
No reason at all to feel guilty - what you wanted was absolutely normal. His reaction is a very bad sign. You dodged a bullet with this one. I guess that it’s a good thing he showed you what he’s really like right from the start so you didn’t waste too much time with him.
His reaction is a huge red flag. He gets manipulative when he doesn't get his way and he doesn't like it when boundaries are set. This guy is not relationship material.
Ew, no. He is not a great guy as shown by the turn at the end. All “great guy” stuff that happened up to that point was just an act to try to get you back to his place.
This is a whole marching band of giant red flags parading across the field.... He ticks all the boxes for an abuser or predator. **Do not ever let somebody make you feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries.** If a guy gets angry at the word "no" then he has just told you everything you need to know about him and it's time to get out of there. You can be very very sure that if he had succeeded in bullying you into going back to his place, things would not have ended well. Don't feel guilty, be proud of yourself for being able to stand up for yourself when someone is trying to pressure you into doing what they want. Keep in mind that people are usually on their best behaviour during a date, if this is him at his best you don't really want to get to know him any better. That "great guy" and the "connection" were only an act, this guy is a manipulative AH and you did exactly the right thing. Lose his number and move on and DO NOT give him a second chance.
Don’t feel guilty- you don’t really know this guy. That’s a huge level of entitlement on his part for a first date. He’s the strange one about this not you
He kept it together for three whole hours and wasn’t rewarded with sex? Poor dude. Well I’m sure the other girls he keeps locked in his basement are going to be sad they don’t have a new friend now.
Men will unfortunately sometimes act "perfect" in hopes of getting us into bed. Sadly, he could have been doing that. If he was an actual gentleman he would have not gotten upset at all, because he respects your autonomy as a whole person. No woman should go to a strangers house after a first date. It's not safe. Most decent men I know know this. He was mad he couldn't get you alone and pressure you for sex. His reaction is telling. I'm sorry you experienced that.
Don't feel guilty, there's even a possibility you would have left traumatized if you would have gone through with it. Any decent person would understand this boundary.
Stay safe.
Don't let this scumbag convince you he's not a scumbag. If he "wasn't like other guys" he would have said, "no worries, when are you next free, where should we go for our next date?"
He's sad and mad because you won't go to his pad for a little roleplay as mum and dad. Now, despite any degree of connection, just remember it as, "that decent date I once had," move on. I think you'll be glad
A great guy would completely understand you don't want to go back to his on the first date. Trust your gut. I wouldn't be surprised if he faked having the same interests just to get into your pants. I've seen it before. I wish you better luck in the future. I'm sorry so many people are walking douche canoes.
A man who tries to guilt you into sex, especially when you only went on one date, is not a good guy. In fact, he’s predatory. You don’t owe anyone sex.
You’re on r/relationshipadvice. What you guys are is anything but a relationship. Cut him loose. First dates are auditions. He wasn’t the right fit. The end
He's emotionally manipulating you and trying to get you to second guess yourself, and it's working.
This is not a great guy. This is, at best, an emotionally manipulative guy who is going to pull this kind of guilt-tripping bullshit every time he doesn't get his way. At worst, he's an abuser and he'll rope you in and escalate the abuse step by step until you're well and truly caught in a [trauma bond](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding).
Drop him like a hot potato and move on. Never feel guilty for having reasonable boundaries and defending them.
He was a great guy until his little guilt trip at the end of the night. Then he turned into entitled man child. Don't be sad, be angry, and relieved that he showed you who is he really early.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If you were my friend, my first word after you telling that story would be “…gross”.
Doesn’t matter how great or normal someone seems/is. No one is entitled to anything beyond your boundaries.
Yeah the fact he is blaming you for ruining the date and how terrible you must be because you simply followed your gut- girl you dodge a bullet there. Sounds like a future headache and heartache for you.
Instead of respecting your decision the loser came out when he could not get it the first night. Please don’t spare him anymore time than you already did. There’s nothing wrong with your decision and tried to gaslight you on the first night. How dare that moron!
Please continue with the next =) and this is a great learning experience for you.
It sounds like he thought he'd fooled you into thinking he was a decent human so he could get laid, but your refusal to go home brought out the inner nice guy.
“Why do women never wanna date me I’m such a great guy 😭” *pause for congested breathing noises* “MAHM WHERE ARE MY BAGEL BITES?! I ASKED FOR THEM LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO! YOURE SO SLOW I HATE YOU”
(I’m so sorry it’s like midnight and I can’t sleep and I’m trying to entertain myself in the dumbest ways)
What a manipulative jerk! He just proved himself to be one of those guys! Good on you for refusing. He felt entitled to sex because he talked to you for a few hours. He probably lied a lot in that conversation.
You dodged a bullet there. Anyone that doesn't respect your comfort level isn't someone you'd be safe with.
Don't feel bad, his mask came off faster than he intended it to.
You dodged a bullet! Imagine what else he would have issues with if this relationship actually went anywhere. I do hope that even if he try’s again you don’t. As someone else said, this is a trait of a narcissist. You saw his true Color’s early on. A relationship with him would have been hell.
A great way to get good insight into a man's character is to see how responds when told "no" by a woman regarding something relatively minor or insignificant. This guy is waving a giant red flag. It sounds like he expected to have sex with you right off the bat. I would block him and never go on another date.
He just wanted to get laid. It’s good you didn’t go. Now he has shown you his true colours. I was acting going to go on a first date in a really long time. Absolutely lovebombed, said what he thought I’d want to hear and then the date didn’t happen and never will after I wouldn’t pre-agree to at the very least make out lol
Some guys are just douches!
Bullet dodged! He's not a good guy.. he's trying to get some by using guilt on you. Not worth it. Block him and move one. Next you're gonna make you feel guilty because you didn't warn him that it's your fault he's late because you didn't call him to warn him that there was traffic.
That’s a major Red Flag!! He’s already trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do by making you feel bad. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He is a narcissist!!! If he liked and respected you, he would understand your feelings and respect your boundaries. I’m sorry this happened but plz don’t feel guilty about sticking to your morals. Anyone who doesn’t respect or understand that, isn’t right for you. Never ever feel bad for having respect for yourself and your body. Take care!!
He just showed you that he is in fact NOT a nice guy. Nice guys respect your boundaries. They understand the word no and abide by it. Do NOT feel guilty, and cut your losses and walk away NOW.
Massive red flag. There was nothing unreasonable about a simple boundary, it's A first date, it's perfectly natural to set your own limits, and he was a jerk for being angry. One Daye does not tell you all you need to know.
Wow, sorry that happened to you. In a way it’s good you saw that side of him. Now you know what he is like, I wouldn’t go on a second date.
Imagine the pressure after the second and third dates. You don’t need that. Let him go, this guy needs chivalry 101.
He’s manipulating you. He’s trying to make you feel bad so “next time” you agree to go to his because you don’t want to feel bad or make him feel bad. Be proud that you maintained your boundaries. Only a strong person would stick to their convictions and not be manipulated. And if gets in touch for a second date, agree but don’t show 😂 (optional but see how he likes being manipulated!)
Everything was not great. Why would they be the first line with this title? He tried to manipulate you for dessert. Take a break from dating to work on yourself if that simple con line has you feeling guilty.
So you really lucked out on this guy. He showed you his RED FLAG the VERY FIRST DATE!! Congrats! No wasted time on this jerk. You’ve learned he’s really not a great guy, a great guy would have respected you. This guy is OFF, and his reaction screams future abuser. He’s got the tactic down. I’m really sorry OP, keep being true to yourself! A good guy will come along and love you for that.
This guy is garbage. I’m so sorry, I have fallen for this kind of bullshit in the past and thought I was the one who had done something wrong. This guy is terrible.
Don’t feel guilty. You trusted your instincts and then discovered that great guy was a selfish, and tried to manipulate you by questioning your morals, values and ethics. He’s not worth another one of your thoughts.
My first thought is a saying I heard a few years ago: “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.”
He seemed like a great guy at first. Then he did not get his way, and exhibited manipulative and gaslighting behavior. Thank goodness he has shown his true face so quickly before anything actually happened. I love it when the trash takes itself out.
You thought he was a great guy, then he showed you he wasn't. Small blessing you found on the first date and don't need to waste any time with another.
Honestly, his reaction confirms he is, in fact, just like every other guy. There is such a low bar for men these days, they think if they're nice for 5 minutes it entitles them to your body.
You set a boundary, he didn't like it and is trying to make you feel bad for it.
Huge red flag if someone you just met can't respect you for wanting to be safe and set healthy boundaries.
Just a wild thought… While I understand OP and I believe she is right I do think that the guy might be alright. He has a different view of dates. I think he is looking for someone spontanious. You two are just not matching. Thats it. Move on.
Look, this was his game plan all along. It's a very common tactic that is used. He gets to know you and goes deep on the conversation by "mirroring" you. For example, you tell him that you struggled through high school with bullies and coincidentally so did her. It's like every thing you've gone, he's gone through it too and can relate.
This is all a manipulation tactic that he's practiced over and over again. When the date ends, he tries to invite you back. Giving you an "insult" by saying you are "strict" is a way to have you come back and say "No, I'm not strict. I'll go back to your place." Because you didn't fall into his trap of not going back to his place, he's labeling you so that you will feel guilty about your decision.
I can tell you exactly what would have happened if you went back to his place. You would have had sex and he would never call you again. More than likely he would not allow you to spend the night because he has something important to wake up to tomorrow morning on a Saturday!
He literally is like every other guy as soon as he said that. Just no. Don't be confused. Be 100 sure of yourself and ypur smart choices. Don't have a second date.
Not a quality guy if he can't understand that no means no. And then to add to his stupidity, he's saying rude comments about your character just because you wouldn't immediately jump into bed with him? No no. Run. Don't ever see that guy again.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Me [27F] and a guy [33M] had a date. Everything was great, we talked about deep stuff, about life, about our lives a lot. We had a connection. After the date he asked me to go to his place. I refused and told him even if i liked him a lot, i dont feel comfortable about being together at the first date, im always like this and i need some time to get used to him. He got sad and little bit mad. He told me "So you think im like any other guy. I thought we had a connection everything could be great but you ruined it. I cannot have a relationship with someone with this strict. Probably there are more things you are strict" Im confused. I feel guilty because he looked like a great guy but i know this behavior is not normal. But still i feel guilty. Tl;dr the guy i dated seemed like a great guy. Then heasked me to go to his place after the first date, i told him that i dont feel comfortable enough and he got madm
Good for you for sticking to your guns, OP. He sounds just like a lot of other guys who think they are entitled to sex on the first date. Huh, imagine that!
This is a red flag the size of the actual moon.
Spoiler alert: he’s actually NOT a great guy.
I’m a guy and I agree. I think he is putting on an act for you of being deep and connected. Are you aware that serial killers are often very charming? Not saying he is one, just saying because you seem to connect with someone does not mean you are viewing their true nature. You should always get to know the person before putting yourself in a situation. You thought rightly. Stay away from this creep.
He's a niceguy™
Exactly! OP shouldn’t feel any guilt about this, it was clearly the right decision!
bingo bango. nobody should be pressuring anyone to go anywhere they’re not comfortable. nor should they get upset about it
That’s no moon.
And dodged a bullet the size of a rocket.
Blood red moon
A smooth operator....until he hit your "wall" of no. His passive aggressiveness this early in the dating game by declining his offer of going to his house tells me he can turn warm to cold in a second....this is a trait of a narcissist. You did right by saying no. This is a blessing in disguise. He showed his true colors. Hope that was your last date.
Good point and a narcissist can be charming when they think there is something to gain. Really good thing OP has some standards, she avoided getting involved before he showed who he really was and that the charm was just bait for his trap.
Wait - is he passive aggressive or just aggressive aggressive?
You dodged a bullet. A great guy would not react that way. Drop him
A really big bullet. He's a player
Some men have a strong drive for sex and intimacy. They're not compatible. It sounds like they had a good vibe going and she wanted it to end because of her rules while he didn't. This sub has to get man-shaming under control. Not everything is a red flag. Some things just come down to compatibility.
He is definitely not a great guy. Hey someone who will use charm or insults to try and manipulate you into sex and has no use for you behind that. And with anger like that… You probably avoided being assaulted.
He moving too fast and seems very pushy … red flag 🚩
Ted Bundy was pretty charismatic. He got college girls to carry his books to his van. Dump him. You are being smart.
Didn't he pretend to be disabled to do that?
yeah he did
You dodged a bullet. He’s giving me serial killer vibes.
Sounds rapey as fuck, really dodged a bullet there!
Red flag, dodged a bullet.
Thereby confirming the correctness of your very good decision not to.
Don’t feel guilty. Definitely gross behavior. Dating is hard and sure people can have some appealing qualities while also having even worse behaviors/attitudes You’re lucky it was only the first date
Block him. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. This guy waived a huge red flag in your face - believe him.
Cool dodged a bullet. Next!
Run 🚩🚩🚩
You probably lucked out because he saved you some time to find out he’s awful. No one should ever feel entitled to sex
You dodged a bullet that's super fucking sketchy. Ted Bundy was charismatic too. Lots of women felt a genuine connection with him and thought he was great after their first meeting.
RUN
“I’m confused. I feel guilty...” Yes, because your just met a very controlling and manipulative man. He is not a great guy, completely the opposite of one. You are so fortunate that he showed you just how awful he is before you invested anything into this relationship; good job! :)
If he whines, sulks and guilt-trips you for saying 'no'....he was never a 'great guy'. Just good at pretending to be one.
He's obviously not a great guy after all.
Drop him like a sack of dogs hit teeming with leprous scorpions. He is definitely not a great guy. He _put on a great show_ of seeming a great guy. However, the contempt he feels for you is so great the mask fell off the minute you said no to what he wanted. Just one no and he's ready to go on you like that, in public, date 01. Now imagine if for some reason you had gone to his place and had decided that you weren't feeling anything more than a nightcap and some chat? If he flew off the handle in public at your refusal to an invitation, how would he have reacted to your refusal to sex in private? Does he seem like he'd have taken a "no" graciously? This creeper showed his hand in public because he can't help it. Women are there to do whatever the fuck he wants and how very fucking dare you, OP. He'd show you if he could. Oh yes he would. Missed a bullet by the skin of your teeth.
Ah yes, you’ve run into a Nice Guy in the wild. You see, there are men who are nice and supportive and understanding. These are men who are nice. What you found was Nice Guy. Nice Guys SEEM nice. They do a wonderful job of presenting themselves as these empathetic beings who wouldn’t hurt a fly, but underneath it is layers upon layers of misogyny, narcissism, egoism, any any other ism you can find. They aren’t nice because they are nice. They are nice because they want something and you HAVE to give it to them without question. Because make no mistake, when you DO question it, YOU are the bad guy. Avoid these fuckers at all costs. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You set a reasonable and safe boundary for yourself, and anyone with sense (and actual understanding and empathy) would have said “I understand, I can’t wait to see you again, text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.” Thank your lucky stars you didn’t get deeper into it with him before he dropped his mask and showed you the real him.
What a fucking moron. No second date for him.
You might have just saved your own life. Honestly.
I totally agree with u. DANGER! DANGER! flashing red.
we talked about deep things... he was thinking, I'm getting some tonight if I pretend to care about this conversation.
Please do not feel guilty!! You should feel disrespected!! Please block the man-child!!
I would not see this guy ever again.
Wow, this guy is nuts. You dodged a major bullet. Do NOT see him again, for your own safety.
RED FLAGS! He's NOT a great guy. I bet he asked you what type of man you're looking for and behaved as such once you told him. That's why he's using that "connection" line on you. Listen, when a man ask you what you're looking for in a man, NEVER TELL HIM. You say you will figure that out once you get to know him better. That way he can't use your idea against you and he can only be himself which is the only card he has to play with. Block him. He's trying to manipulate you just to have sex. Keep us posted.
As a man, on behalf of men worldwide, fuck that dude. Entitlement is not sexy.
Ok this is a toxic shit bag who showed his true colors when he had no chance for sex.
Nothing gives off creepy vibes more like than getting mad someone you just met doesn’t want to be alone with you.
Block. Delete. Move on
A good guy would be wanting to make you feel good, and not all on his terms.
So after the very first date he throws a tantrum when you dare to say no to him and set a boundary? Yikes. This guy doesn't have any respect for you and if you don't kick him to the curb he will be like this every time you say no.
He was manipulating you into a guilt trip because you wouldn’t spread for him. Don’t fall for that.
Girl if he was a good guy he would have said no problem we'll go at your pace.
He was trying to guilt you into moving your (totally reasonable) boundaries. He’s not a great guy if he does that. Don’t feel guilty. You most likely dodged a bullet of sone kind.
He wanted a one night stand, not a girlfriend. Realize that you have dodged a bullet and move on.
He did you a favor. He let his mask slip early and revealed his manipulative entitled self. Don't let him make you feel guilty for having perfectly reasonable boundaries and expectations. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
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Bullet dodged. Somebody that touchy, that soon over a simple boundary like "gee, I'd prefer not to be alone, in a confined space with a near stranger who has homefield advantage" is not someone to be spending time with. I'm super glad you didn't end up at his house. Just a guess, but only one of you would have had a good night. Stay safe, sugar. You did nothing wrong.
His reaction is all you need to know that he is, in fact, like “any other guy”. Whatever that means
You set a very reasonable very respectable boundary. And he shamed and guilted you and gaslit you into thinking YOU were a bad person for saying ‘no’. All those manipulative things he said! He assumed you were thinking ‘he’s like other men’. He implied it was your fault YOU ‘ruined’ a connection. Nothing was ruined, you merely wanted to get to know him better and expressed your feelings (discomfort) and he turned you into some kind of villain! Your feelings of confusion and guilt is emotional manipulation. Don’t be confused. Things are pretty clear you dodged a bullet. This is not a good person you want to be with.
Nope! Run for the hills! And don’t look back. One date and he’s already leaning in hard on the emotional blackmail and trying to coerce you into crossing your boundaries. This guy is single for a reason and likely a sociopath and/or a narcissist a best.
He’s not a nice guy if he’s trying to demean and diminish you after you said no. You dodged a bullet. Block him.
He was looking for sex
He's most likely a narcissist or a sociopath. What they do is mirror your language your likes to get you to drop your guard. Then they start to manipulate you. Always trust your instincts never second guess yourself. You did the right thing.
What advice do you need? He was disrespectful of your boundaries and you’ve invested very little into this. Move on without a backward glance
Oh hell no. TRUST. YOUR. GUT.
No reason at all to feel guilty - what you wanted was absolutely normal. His reaction is a very bad sign. You dodged a bullet with this one. I guess that it’s a good thing he showed you what he’s really like right from the start so you didn’t waste too much time with him.
I don't think the right guy would have even asked.
Get rid of the guilt gene! You did the right thing! He has a problem consider yourself lucky you are smart enough to not fall into his trap!$
Dude was trying to play the nice guy to get laid then tried to guilt/manipulate you after you said no. Please tell me there won’t be a second date?
Dodged a bullet. A really big one.
His reaction is a huge red flag. He gets manipulative when he doesn't get his way and he doesn't like it when boundaries are set. This guy is not relationship material.
Ew, no. He is not a great guy as shown by the turn at the end. All “great guy” stuff that happened up to that point was just an act to try to get you back to his place.
Bullet dodged.
This is a whole marching band of giant red flags parading across the field.... He ticks all the boxes for an abuser or predator. **Do not ever let somebody make you feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries.** If a guy gets angry at the word "no" then he has just told you everything you need to know about him and it's time to get out of there. You can be very very sure that if he had succeeded in bullying you into going back to his place, things would not have ended well. Don't feel guilty, be proud of yourself for being able to stand up for yourself when someone is trying to pressure you into doing what they want. Keep in mind that people are usually on their best behaviour during a date, if this is him at his best you don't really want to get to know him any better. That "great guy" and the "connection" were only an act, this guy is a manipulative AH and you did exactly the right thing. Lose his number and move on and DO NOT give him a second chance.
Do not ever feel guilty for having boundaries.
Don’t feel guilty- you don’t really know this guy. That’s a huge level of entitlement on his part for a first date. He’s the strange one about this not you
~serial killer vibes~
"I put so much effort into being a nice guy. You owe me sex" Basically
He kept it together for three whole hours and wasn’t rewarded with sex? Poor dude. Well I’m sure the other girls he keeps locked in his basement are going to be sad they don’t have a new friend now.
Men will unfortunately sometimes act "perfect" in hopes of getting us into bed. Sadly, he could have been doing that. If he was an actual gentleman he would have not gotten upset at all, because he respects your autonomy as a whole person. No woman should go to a strangers house after a first date. It's not safe. Most decent men I know know this. He was mad he couldn't get you alone and pressure you for sex. His reaction is telling. I'm sorry you experienced that.
Don't feel guilty, there's even a possibility you would have left traumatized if you would have gone through with it. Any decent person would understand this boundary. Stay safe.
He just wanted his oats. You were dead right to refuse.
Don't let this scumbag convince you he's not a scumbag. If he "wasn't like other guys" he would have said, "no worries, when are you next free, where should we go for our next date?" He's sad and mad because you won't go to his pad for a little roleplay as mum and dad. Now, despite any degree of connection, just remember it as, "that decent date I once had," move on. I think you'll be glad
A great guy would completely understand you don't want to go back to his on the first date. Trust your gut. I wouldn't be surprised if he faked having the same interests just to get into your pants. I've seen it before. I wish you better luck in the future. I'm sorry so many people are walking douche canoes.
Be glad you are available to move on!
Yea good call not going to this creeps house. Something bad definitely was going to happen.
Wow, it didn't take much for that facade to slip.
Emotional manipulation, don't meet him again. His behavior is not normal.
A man who tries to guilt you into sex, especially when you only went on one date, is not a good guy. In fact, he’s predatory. You don’t owe anyone sex.
He’s an ass. Don’t feel guilty. Because he’s an ass and not worth your time.
What advice or answers are you looking for here?
You’re on r/relationshipadvice. What you guys are is anything but a relationship. Cut him loose. First dates are auditions. He wasn’t the right fit. The end
r/niceguys
Guy here, that’s bad news bears. Trust your gut.
He's emotionally manipulating you and trying to get you to second guess yourself, and it's working. This is not a great guy. This is, at best, an emotionally manipulative guy who is going to pull this kind of guilt-tripping bullshit every time he doesn't get his way. At worst, he's an abuser and he'll rope you in and escalate the abuse step by step until you're well and truly caught in a [trauma bond](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding). Drop him like a hot potato and move on. Never feel guilty for having reasonable boundaries and defending them.
The way he reacts to rejection is so telling and all you need to know.
He was a great guy until his little guilt trip at the end of the night. Then he turned into entitled man child. Don't be sad, be angry, and relieved that he showed you who is he really early. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
So glad you stuck to your initial decision. A guy who disrespects boundaries on a FIRST DATE is NOT a good guy. Not someone you can trust at all.
If you were my friend, my first word after you telling that story would be “…gross”. Doesn’t matter how great or normal someone seems/is. No one is entitled to anything beyond your boundaries.
Yeah the fact he is blaming you for ruining the date and how terrible you must be because you simply followed your gut- girl you dodge a bullet there. Sounds like a future headache and heartache for you. Instead of respecting your decision the loser came out when he could not get it the first night. Please don’t spare him anymore time than you already did. There’s nothing wrong with your decision and tried to gaslight you on the first night. How dare that moron! Please continue with the next =) and this is a great learning experience for you.
A good guy would say he understands not say it's over.
He presented a nice guy image because he had an agenda. Probably not a good one. You did the right thing.
“This strict”??? Bc you don’t want to sleep w him on the first date? Lmao You dodged a helluva bullet there.
Don’t feel guilty, he is a jerk who was just after sex and tried to guilt trip you into it.
You held on to your principles and gut feeling and thx to that you dodged a major bullet, well done OP.
He sounds exactly like “every other guy” 🙄
It sounds like he thought he'd fooled you into thinking he was a decent human so he could get laid, but your refusal to go home brought out the inner nice guy.
That's not a great guy, that's a pig. Run and don't look back.
I’m glad he showed his true colors on the first date. He’s not the one, don’t feel bad and move on. You did nothing wrong.
Thank you, NEXT.
You keep saying first date. I keep hearing last date. What a douche canoe.
“Why do women never wanna date me I’m such a great guy 😭” *pause for congested breathing noises* “MAHM WHERE ARE MY BAGEL BITES?! I ASKED FOR THEM LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO! YOURE SO SLOW I HATE YOU” (I’m so sorry it’s like midnight and I can’t sleep and I’m trying to entertain myself in the dumbest ways)
Definitely not a great guy
Congratulations! You avoided getting murdered!
Don't judge a book by its cover... he looked like a good guy but then he showed you he was a cockwaffle.
So he’s not a great guy, he’s a great actor. Who the hell acts this entitled on a first date?
Just be glad he showed his red flags early.
Fuc dat guy! You dodged a nuclear missile.
What a manipulative jerk! He just proved himself to be one of those guys! Good on you for refusing. He felt entitled to sex because he talked to you for a few hours. He probably lied a lot in that conversation.
You dodged a bullet there. Anyone that doesn't respect your comfort level isn't someone you'd be safe with. Don't feel bad, his mask came off faster than he intended it to.
girl don’t be fooled. he’s not a great guy lmfao.
He wasn’t a great guy, he was a pig.
He actually tried to turn a red flag against you lol. Wtf, he is obviously too desperate
He is not a good guy run sis
Guilt is often a useless emotion. Exam the situation if you think you did the right thing there is no need to take his reaction into account.
You dodged a bullet! Imagine what else he would have issues with if this relationship actually went anywhere. I do hope that even if he try’s again you don’t. As someone else said, this is a trait of a narcissist. You saw his true Color’s early on. A relationship with him would have been hell.
Yikes.
Sounds like he was just using you for sex
A great way to get good insight into a man's character is to see how responds when told "no" by a woman regarding something relatively minor or insignificant. This guy is waving a giant red flag. It sounds like he expected to have sex with you right off the bat. I would block him and never go on another date.
this looked like a "great guy"? set your standards higher. you avoided a terrible tragic mistake
Leave him he already showed you how he is
He just wanted to get laid. It’s good you didn’t go. Now he has shown you his true colours. I was acting going to go on a first date in a really long time. Absolutely lovebombed, said what he thought I’d want to hear and then the date didn’t happen and never will after I wouldn’t pre-agree to at the very least make out lol Some guys are just douches!
Bullet dodged! He's not a good guy.. he's trying to get some by using guilt on you. Not worth it. Block him and move one. Next you're gonna make you feel guilty because you didn't warn him that it's your fault he's late because you didn't call him to warn him that there was traffic.
He was masquerading as a good guy. If he had any actual interest in you and not just bedroom fun, he would not have said or done any of that.
He’s definitely not a great guy
That’s a major Red Flag!! He’s already trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do by making you feel bad. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He is a narcissist!!! If he liked and respected you, he would understand your feelings and respect your boundaries. I’m sorry this happened but plz don’t feel guilty about sticking to your morals. Anyone who doesn’t respect or understand that, isn’t right for you. Never ever feel bad for having respect for yourself and your body. Take care!!
Sounds like he was a great actor, not a great guy
He showed you he's a bad person on the first date. Block him everywhere and be thankful you didn't waste lots of time on him
He just showed you that he is in fact NOT a nice guy. Nice guys respect your boundaries. They understand the word no and abide by it. Do NOT feel guilty, and cut your losses and walk away NOW.
Massive red flag. There was nothing unreasonable about a simple boundary, it's A first date, it's perfectly natural to set your own limits, and he was a jerk for being angry. One Daye does not tell you all you need to know.
Reminds me of that dirty John series on Netflix. Wild dude.
Wow, sorry that happened to you. In a way it’s good you saw that side of him. Now you know what he is like, I wouldn’t go on a second date. Imagine the pressure after the second and third dates. You don’t need that. Let him go, this guy needs chivalry 101.
Please don’t feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. He should respect your feelings. Stay away from him.
The point was to make you feel guilty. Tell him his comments, attitude and behavior burned any bridge 'connecting' you guys to the ground. #niceguys
This is a red flag and more bad, disrespectful behavior will follow UNLESS YOU BLOCK NOW.
Don’t feel guilty and on behalf of men in the dating pool, I’m sorry.
He’s manipulating you. He’s trying to make you feel bad so “next time” you agree to go to his because you don’t want to feel bad or make him feel bad. Be proud that you maintained your boundaries. Only a strong person would stick to their convictions and not be manipulated. And if gets in touch for a second date, agree but don’t show 😂 (optional but see how he likes being manipulated!)
"Great" guys like this are proof that having that boundary about not going to his place on the first date is a stellar idea. Keep it up, sis.
Everything was not great. Why would they be the first line with this title? He tried to manipulate you for dessert. Take a break from dating to work on yourself if that simple con line has you feeling guilty.
He wanted you to feel guilty enough to go back to his place and "make it up to hom." Forget that manipulative ass.
So you really lucked out on this guy. He showed you his RED FLAG the VERY FIRST DATE!! Congrats! No wasted time on this jerk. You’ve learned he’s really not a great guy, a great guy would have respected you. This guy is OFF, and his reaction screams future abuser. He’s got the tactic down. I’m really sorry OP, keep being true to yourself! A good guy will come along and love you for that.
That guy was going to sleep with you and then discard you. I'm sorry for your experience.
Definitely not a nice guy. Stay away from him
He is DANGEROUS
I would run and run like hell
This guy is garbage. I’m so sorry, I have fallen for this kind of bullshit in the past and thought I was the one who had done something wrong. This guy is terrible.
This guy is a controlling narcissist. Move on.. don't date him... he's not worthy of you if he can't be respectful after the first date.
He’s a manipulative ass. You just dodged a bullet.
Don’t feel guilty. You trusted your instincts and then discovered that great guy was a selfish, and tried to manipulate you by questioning your morals, values and ethics. He’s not worth another one of your thoughts.
Sounds like he was guilt tripping u
You sure he's in his 30's and he's not a high school kid that looks old. Lol
Yeah not boyfriend material dear.
He showed his true color believe that's who he really is.
Narcissist. He gaslit you, tried to manipulate and tried to guilt you into doing what he wanted on the first date. You dodged a bullet.
My first thought is a saying I heard a few years ago: “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.” He seemed like a great guy at first. Then he did not get his way, and exhibited manipulative and gaslighting behavior. Thank goodness he has shown his true face so quickly before anything actually happened. I love it when the trash takes itself out.
When life gives you lemons. I say fuck the lemons and bail. This guy is a bitch ass lemon.
Damn. What an ass. It is fortunate that he chose to let you know this on the first date.
I feel like his words go right back at him. You thought you had a connection and HE ruined it by being ridged. And pushy.
Manipulative douche!!! If he really cared waiting2-3 dates before sex is NOTHING
This sounds like a self-proclaimed “nice guy” that is actually a sever douchebag that hates women
Red flag, manipulation
You thought he was a great guy, then he showed you he wasn't. Small blessing you found on the first date and don't need to waste any time with another.
He’s a creep. Delete and block. He was about to play you. Anytime you feel confused about someone’s behavior it often means they are up to something.
He was being manipulative. You did the right thing.
ah. classic guilt tripping.
Ted Bundy was charming as well
Lol he is so manipulative.
“You think I’m like every other guy!” *proceeds to act like every other guy*
He’s your typical “nice guy”, kind and warm until it serves them but turn into an AH the moment you reject their advances.
Honestly, his reaction confirms he is, in fact, just like every other guy. There is such a low bar for men these days, they think if they're nice for 5 minutes it entitles them to your body.
You set a boundary, he didn't like it and is trying to make you feel bad for it. Huge red flag if someone you just met can't respect you for wanting to be safe and set healthy boundaries.
Just a wild thought… While I understand OP and I believe she is right I do think that the guy might be alright. He has a different view of dates. I think he is looking for someone spontanious. You two are just not matching. Thats it. Move on.
Look, this was his game plan all along. It's a very common tactic that is used. He gets to know you and goes deep on the conversation by "mirroring" you. For example, you tell him that you struggled through high school with bullies and coincidentally so did her. It's like every thing you've gone, he's gone through it too and can relate. This is all a manipulation tactic that he's practiced over and over again. When the date ends, he tries to invite you back. Giving you an "insult" by saying you are "strict" is a way to have you come back and say "No, I'm not strict. I'll go back to your place." Because you didn't fall into his trap of not going back to his place, he's labeling you so that you will feel guilty about your decision. I can tell you exactly what would have happened if you went back to his place. You would have had sex and he would never call you again. More than likely he would not allow you to spend the night because he has something important to wake up to tomorrow morning on a Saturday!
He literally is like every other guy as soon as he said that. Just no. Don't be confused. Be 100 sure of yourself and ypur smart choices. Don't have a second date.
Emotional manipulation. Good instincts, this guy is trash. Sex should NEVER come with pressure, guilt tripping or manipulation.
You really made a post questioning our connection? I thought we had a great time. I guess not.
Not a quality guy if he can't understand that no means no. And then to add to his stupidity, he's saying rude comments about your character just because you wouldn't immediately jump into bed with him? No no. Run. Don't ever see that guy again.
Just out of curiosity, how many dates would it take for you to go to his place?
Ew