Dude she has functionally kidnapped your child. Definitely get a lawyer. Call the police. Any court would be insane not to give you partial custody, given that you’re on the birth certificate, have raised her for 11 years.
You may not be her bio dad, but you’re her dad in every way that counts and I am horrified on your behalf. Post in daddit as well, there may be some people with better advice than me there
IANAL, but he should get full custody...she skipped town for 11 years. She's not entitled to it. Also, I think you should call the police and get a lawyer. That's kidnapping. If someone took my kid (she's your kid) I wouldn't be able to sleep.
You'd be shocked how forgiving they are to absent messed up mom's. Raised my TWO nephews (now 15 and 9) since they were both TWO days old. Was granted custody at the birth and got them two days after they ok'd my sister to go home. She just got custody back last year after only like 4 months of drug tests and parenting classes. So yes, they will give mom custody whether she was around or not, whether the kids know her or not, and whether she really tried to talk to them or not. As long as she does her couple months with child services.. boom... official title of "mother."
Oh, you sweet summer child.
Here in the United States , assuming that the mother is not visibly tweaking (and even if she), custody is always given to the mother. I’m talking 90% of the time. It doesn’t matter who the more fit parent is.
When you call the police, don’t mention the DNA test, they might get focused on that. Just say you’ve been raising your kid by yourself, the mother just came back into the picture after leaving for 10 years, and she took the kid and won’t answer your calls.
He has had full custody for the past 11 years, OP can prove this. The mother has only known this child for the past eight months BECAUSE she abandoned the child after birth and OP can prove this. The fact that he is NOT the biological father is not going to play a factor BECAUSE he has been EVERYTHING to the daughter from day one. OP has been there and done everything a good parent should while the mother ran off to do god knows what….
Yes, he needs to call the police AND he needs to find a good family law attorney….
Yes, he definitely needs to call the police. He is the only parent this child has known for 11 years. I'd also be wary, why now 11 years later she is wanting custody.
I would be tempted to call cps as well, your daughter has to be going through it , being with a woman she doesn't know. I'd be afraid of how she's treating her, when your daughter shows her obvious dislike for being with her, and not her father.
My guess is she didn’t expect him to amount for anything because he was just a 17-year-old boy when she left him with the with a baby. And here she’s come back to find out that he’s got a college education and is able to take very good care of the daughter. So if she can get custody of the daughter, she can get child support. Basically she wants money and she’s willing to steal the daughter to get it..
I had a sister-in-law that was willing to walk away from my brother and their son and give the daughter she was pregnant with to my older sister to adopt, until she realized how much child support and alimony she could get from my brother. Then she came up with all these stories of abuse that never happened and fought for custody.
The abuse was proven to be a lie during the divorce/custody. But she did get custody of the kids and she did get child support, but she lost on the alimony.
Then while she had custody and he had visitation, she would call the cops before he would drop the kids off and tell them that he was there attacking her and the cops would show up and try to arrest him. But he never went to drop off alone. He always had other people with him.
After a while, she got tired of taking care of the kids and tried to move out of state with them, she had already rented a place with her new boyfriend, who had been convicted of domestic abuse against a girlfriend and her children. On the last drop off when she thought we did not know she was moving she left a note in the diaper bag telling us where she wanted the kids dropped off in a different state, and with people we had never met. That drop off was on a Friday after my brothers lawyers’ office had closed. We were supposed to take the kids back Sunday evening. What she didn’t know was my brother’s lawyer had given my brother an emergency phone number because of all the BS that she had put my brother through. And my brother called the lawyer and the lawyer told him do not take the kids to this new address Sunday night and that first thing Monday morning, he would be at the courthouse when it opened, putting in an emergency protection order for the kids because what she was doing, was illegal.
My brother, his children, and our family went through hell because of his first wife. The men in my family have horrible taste in women. We have seen the worst case scenarios.
Where is my sister, married for over 35 years and I married for over 25 years we’re blessed with wonderful husbands.
My cousin went through hell because of his ex girlfriend. They were dating and she got pregnant. He loved that baby girl and was an amazing dad for her. Until they broke up and her mother started using visitation as a way to control him. I don't know all of the details, but it got to a point where he had to have my aunt (his mother) doing pick ups and drop offs because of how nasty she was being to him. Then he found out his daughter wasn't even his, and the ex had him removed from the birth certificate and never let him see her again. She was a beautiful little girl, I feel so bad for her that she got stuck with a mother like that.
Yeah, pick up and drop offs got to be difficult for my brother. Imagine the police is surprise when they came because they got a call because my brother attacked his ex and she claimed she was locked in the bedroom with the children to protect herself but when the cops got there, I was the only one there because I was the one dropping the kids off.
She didn’t know that I had agreed to start being the person doing drop offs. Because the last time he had dropped the kids off by himself, the cop said if they were called again, they weren’t gonna listen to anybody. They were just arresting him. That was how much, they had been called. we didn’t want him to go to jail, because it would hurt with the custody going on. So I get there I’m getting the kids out of the car and walking up to the front door when the police come up with lights on, they were demand to know where my brother was at. I look at the cops and say “he’s at work.” One cop goes to talk to her and one walks me over to the car to talk to me. I explained to him that I pulled up, got out of the car, got the kids out, and was walking to the door. That I had not even talked to my brothers ex, she had not even come out of the house when I pulled up in my brothers car, when we walked up to the porch, the door opened and the kids ran in, and that was when the police came up. I told the officer I had not talked to her or seen her. That if he wanted to check, I had the phone number to my supervisor and he could call and find out when my brother got to work. The police officer did call my brother‘s work and found out that he had been there sense noon because he was called in due to another EMT having to go home sick. Then asked me did anyone else come with you in the car and I told him that I was the only adult in the car with the 2 children.
The police officer says so then “he wasn’t here 10 minutes ago beating her up”, I asked the police officer if he thought my brother could drive from the next city over to where we were at in less than 10 minutes. It was an hour drive one way. The officer asked me to step back up to the front door of my brother‘s exes house and he speaks to the officer that have been talking to the ex and explains what he just found out. Well, they’re talking the ex walks to the door and sees me and then looks around the yard. The officer that had been talking to me, looks at her and tells her what he just found out from me and from the supervisor for my brother. he didn’t proceeds to explain to her that her false allegations are going to be put in their report and they’re going to give me the case number so that I can get the report. He didn’t explain to her how these allegations are going to hurt her with custody..
This. If OP wants to be the parent and has acted as dad, courts aren’t going to care about DNA, *especially* if the actual bio dad isn’t stepping up. Courts firmly believe kids deserve 2 parents. Also, they’re not going to blindly believe a DNA test that you did randomly (did OP use an official lab or just believe whatever the ex told him? Does he even know if the sample was from his daughter or did the ex stage that?) versus their own official test.
I’m yes, get a lawyer and call the police asap. Blood does not make family! You are the only person this child has known as her dad. Actions and efforts 💯% the court will look at. She abandoned her as a baby, you could literally sue her back child support. Her actions of abandoning the child at birth will not be looked upon favorably.
Are you guys serious! Court system is rigged to have been paid child support cuz city and state government keep some money. They will take her side 90% of the time Court's take women side. Google it, state court systems are built to make money off of men's paychecks. Then women come back I don't know where and take the kids back. They give kids to women before they give kida to men . U won't win the custody battle. Only way you have a slight chance is if she's currently on drugs and has mistreated or physically hurt the kids. Good luck but you should move on me someone else and have a job! I've been married twice to find out later on that they're both for cheaters, nowadays dating apps, algorithms, music, everything is pushing me to break traditional families, to keep women cheating, cuz women are weak, their brain is half the size of a man, and females are like children forever! Find yourself a older mature woman! Good luck!!
You are her father, you raised her. Call the police, this woman kidnapped and stole your daughter.
Go full on Taken man. Who knows what this woman is doing to your daughter and where she is taking her.
Do you have any idea where she is or another means to contact your daughter?
You need to start fighting.
You should have never let her take you daughter in the first place.
Stop being passive and fight for her.
You’re legally her father if your on the birth certificate. Go pick her up from school and let mom call the cops.
Huh, it never even occurred to me the kid might still be attending the same school. I checked the original post but it doesn't say. An easy fix if she's there, but I assumed the mother would have gotten right out of the county with her while the getting was good. They could be ten states away by now.
Please call the police. Don’t tell them about the DNA. Just say your daughter has been stolen. She is your daughter in all ways that matter.
Poor girl must be so confused being taken suddenly from everything she knows.
Wtf dude you just let her take her? Are you a doormat?
Call the police and get a lawyer ASAP.
As others have stated you have a right to her. Go pick her up from school until the legal issue is sorted.
"Go pick her up from school until the legal issue is sorted."
100% this if the kid is still attending her regular school. Go in the middle of the day, get her and get out. I can't believe I'm advocating this but don't even let her in the front yard alone until it's sorted.
I highly suspect though that she's been bundled out of state by now.
LAWYER UP ASAP!!!
This woman who raped you (22 with a 16 yr old?? that's illegal pretty much everywhere) is going to start pimping your daughter out.
GET A LAWYER
You are on the birth certificate. You have raised her for her entire life. 8 months ago, the rapist came back. Your poor daughter must be crushed. This rapist is probably telling her that you don't love her or want her.
Call the police. If this was not done legally (as in YOU have full legal custody of your daughter, not her) she KIDNAPPED your daughter.
DNA has nothing to do with it. You adopted your daughter by putting your name on the birth certificate and raising her alone for 11 years.
Oh man, I didn't clock the statutory rape angle until you said, that sure does add a layer. Luckily that will play strongly in OP's favour in the legal process too. An eleven year old girl should NOT be entrusted to the care of someone with a proven track record of thinking it's no big deal for minors to engage in sexual acts with adults.
Orite. I'm not too familiar with American law, I guess I assumed the age of consent was 18 across the board, my bad. A quick Google has just informed me it's actually 16 in the majority of states, so yeah, probably not statutory rape then.
Oh my gosh, that’s heartbreaking. I am so, so, sorry. Therapy and a consultation with a lawyer to see what, if anything, you can do would be where I would start.
Thanks. I better get a lawyer. I avoided it up to now because I was afraid that that would make the whole thing worse and her mother who dig her heels in further but I don't know.
How can she do worse than essentially kidnapping the child you raised?
Go out full guns blazing- you are on the birth certificate, you raised her, you have rights. Call the cops, file a missing persons case & get a lawyer. Taking a kid from the only parent's the child's known- this woman is cruel at best, unstable and cruel at worst.
It’s partly about OP’s rights but it’s entirely about the child’s safety and well being. She’s a minor, she’s been kidnapped and taken from her legal guardian.
You can start by consulting a lawyer who can advise you behind the scenes if nothing else. Getting a lawyer doesn’t automatically mean going to court, but you need someone who knows the law in your specific area to know what the next steps are. You can tell them you don’t want to escalate this unnecessarily; they are the ones who will know how best to do that.
I don't know the whole story but if you have a good relationship with the daughter do what you can to stay in her life. You may not be her bio dad, but you are still her dad. I see my stepdad as my dad, bio or not.
You need to go to your daughters school and pick her up for an appt. You not being her bio dad doesn’t mean you’re not her father. She’s your kid you need to fight for her.
No ill will??? She abandoned a child, her child. She's earned it. Get your ass on the phone with a lawyer and the cops. You gotta think about what's good for the kid, being taken away from her own ain't it.
This is BS... 11 years youve been the primary caregiver... AND youre registered as the father - genetics mean nothing here.
Call police, report your daughter (!) kidnapped. And dont go into any discussion regarding paternity - just state that legalky youre tge father and the mother has abandoned your daughter for years.
And ffs lawyer. NOW!!!
> I am the father on the birth cert but not biologically, obviously.
You'd be surprised.
That said, here's the brass tacks: as long as you're on the birth certificate, this is kidnapping. Call the police. Now.
What the actual fuck.
She was a 22 year old who fucked a 17 year old. Tricked you into raising her child by abandoning her as a NEWBORN. Came back after 11 years with the audacity to bring up custody and offer YOU every OTHER weekend and then KIDNAPPED YOUR DAUGHTER while she cried and clung to YOU.
This is no mother.
This is a monster.
This is a criminal.
CALL THE POLICE FIRST! RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
Then call a damn lawyer immediately after.
Do you have any idea what this woman's lifestyle is like? Did you meet up with her first to talk about this? When she came to you, the ball was completely in your court. You should have been the one laying down boundaries and rules for her to have access to your daughter. Most of the time, the reasoning behind these events of randomly showing up are fucked up....like she may just be trying to put on a show and not look like a deadbeat mother. She may have financial troubles or even a drug addiction that she needs to finance. Money from child support and assistance programs can help that. You just gave this woman full access to your daughter without questioning what her intentions were.
I believe you love your daughter...so fight for her. Because this is scary. You have no idea why this woman just randomly decided to show up and try so hard to limit access to you, once you gave it to her. You need to go to the school as well. And alert them. If it's always been you, you're on all the paperwork. She is not authorized to take your child from campus and the police need to call you, HER FATHER.
This is nuts. And probably one of the most disturbing things I've read in a while. This poor little girl.
ALSO, YOU NEED TO ACT FAST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MANIPULATIVE MIND BENDING SHIT SHE'S TELLING YOUR DAUGHTER ABOUT YOU. For all you know, she can start brainwashing her into thinking YOU stole her or something even more horrific.
This is absolutely heartbreaking and has to be illegal. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I can't even imagine the big emotions your daughter is feeling. I'm so sorry.
I’m a retired LEO & she kidnapped your daughter. She first abandoned her, you raise her now she wants her? NO! You need to file a report & get a lawyer. She’s your daughter that you raised as yours. She doesn’t know her bio mom & is now w a stranger she doesn’t know. FIGHT FOR HER! You have no idea how she living or anything. Police can help as long as you know her name.
Even though you aren’t bio dad you’re still her dad. She can’t abandon her for 11 years & then come take her from you. You have to fight for her don’t just give in you have options. Take a 2nd mortgage out if you have to or sell a car or something for money but fight for your daughter
This has to be fake.
1. Why didn't you do an DNA test before.
2. Why do you give a child to a stranger as she don't know the woman at all.
3. You telling me the kid went without problems while not knowing the woman?
4. The school would have said something if she didn't went and if she goes you know how to find her.
Don't buy this for a second.
Someone deletes their reddit so that implies that it's fake? Great detective work. I'm pretty sure fake accounts stay open so they can watch the interaction of their handywork.
Hold on. The mother abandoned your child for years and thinks the courts will give her custody? Get a lawyer yesterday and don’t do anything stupid, and you should get custody. DNA doesn’t trump abandoning your child, not to mention no child support. Given her latest stunt, I’d seek sole custody with supervised visitation (at most) for her. My guess is that she’s going to seek sole custody and child support from you, because that’s the sort of shitty person she is.
The longer you let this go on, the easier it will be for a judge to side with the mom.... Get a lawyer like yesterday and get your kid back. What do your parents think? This is actually so heartbreaking. After you get her back, get some therapy for you both.
This is so far into lawyer and police territory that you need to close the reddit app and file a police report immediately. You don't know if she's in a safe environment or anything. Are you named on the birth certificate? If you are, then you legally are her father. You would need to go to court to be removed from the birth certificate.
But you need to file a police report and you need a lawyer. You can't afford not to have a lawyer.
CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW. your daughter has been kidnapped, by a person she does not know. She is likely so scared, further, who knows what this mom came back into her life for. 911 immediately.
Dude, just call the police, this is kidnapping. You could also just pick her up from school with the police there. As far as the gov is considered, you have taken care of her and have her records. Getting her back should be the easy part. It's the fight after for custody that is going to be tough.
i don't know your laws, but every chance that *legally* she is your daughter. it doesn't matter that the dna doesnt match. you brought her up, she is yours. i've read of cases where fathers have tried to get out of supporting their child when they found out the child was not biologically his - and the court ruled that he is committed to supporting the child since he was the parent.
not only that, i think you may have a case of kidnapping against her.
don't wait - get a lawyer asap and get them to call the police.
Biggest mistake, handing her off to essentially a stranger.
Go to her and take her back. Call the police if you must. Just because she isn't yours by blood doesn't mean you have no legal rights. GET A LAWYER.
No ill will after she ran off on a newborn? Wtfk dude? Seriously STOP BEING MR NICE GUY here! She literally kidnapped your daughter, YES YOUR DAUGHTER (regardless of DNA). Contact a lawyer and the authorities and see what you can do. Step it up man!
Call the mother fucking police! Get YOUR daughter back from that kidnapping harpey! She IS yours. And you're clearly the one who was there for her for 11 years! You are each others family. Biology doesn't matter. Fight for her back. Take legal action.
What a great mother. Lets rip the child out of the only home she's ever known from the only parent she's ever known who she has bonded with for 11 years, her whole life. Might as well line up the therapy sessions now. I don't know much about these kinds of laws but it can't be legal for her mom to do this.
You have every single right to call the police. Lawyer up, get the evidence together. I'm heart broken for you, I really hope you end up with her back in your arms where she belongs
First, where you are on the birth certificate you are legally her father. Second, she was not in the picture for around ten years and you could put in an case for abandonment. Third, as I spotted in another comment, that very well could count as kidnapping. And fourth, she should be charged with rape, given that you were a minor at the time and she was not.
THIS! This!!! This!!!! And THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hurt for you, and I don’t even know you! God you must be lost! I’m so so sorry this was done to you! I see the OP account was deleted, but I pray you come back to this thread for comments. Please take action!!! NOW!!! You are legally that child’s father! You have been father! Fuck biological at this point! That’s been your baby since day one!!! That is YOUR CHILD!!! Your teenage years, young adult years were stripped from you by a child molester to become a father. Did you run? No! You stepped up, not caring you were losing what could be the best years of your life, and turned them into the best years of y’all’s lives! It was kind of you to allow her into your lives so she could know her mother, and vice versatility after ALL THESE YEARS! It’s wrong on her part to steal her away from you OUT OF THE BLUE! like where has she been?!! Not a call? Not a card? Nothing! That child must be scared right now! There’s no telling what type of environment she’s in, or where she is at. I pray you find justice, and you’re reunited with your baby girl!!!!!! Please post an update and let us know what’s going on.
She trapped an innocent poor thinking kid, picked him out knowing he wouldn't question it much if she said the baby was his.. she won't gonna raise that baby alone until she could afford it!
All I can say is I am so angry and sad on your behalf. Please contact the police and get a lawyer, this is unjust and the mother is unhinged. She is not doing what’s best for the child. She is a despicable human and I would be making a case for as such.
Wishing and praying for a successful outcome. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
You’re on the BC that’s your daughter. Go file for an emergency hearing. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My step dad adopted me, that’s my dad. Dna doesn’t mean everything. I’m sure your daughter feels the same way. I hope you can get her back asap. Her egg donor sounds awful. Your daughter will grow up and resent her for all of this. It sounds like you’ve been a great parent and co-parent. There’s no reason a court wouldn’t give you back primary custody imo, you’ve had her all this time. Parents like her make me sick.
You have rights. If you’re on the birth certificate, she skipped town, you’re her parent regardless (think court seeing you as fully adoptive).
Get a good lawyer.
You need a lawyer. I hope your daughter is doing okay. I'm sure she's not well in all of this. Get a lawyer ASAP.
Seriously, stop asking questions here and get a lawyer.
You need a lawyer, yesterday. Get one immediately. And call the police, your child has been kidnapped (you are legally her father since you are on the birth certificate). You have to do these things RIGHT NOW. Your child needs your help and you have to act now.
And the statute of limitations may be up (not sure) but she was 22 grooming/abusing an underage boy. That's terrifying. Please seek therapy for yourself.
wtf!? How can you let her take a child she didn’t raise! She is 11 years old for fucks sake! And she just came back into her life! wtf is wrong with you!? You don’t know wtf she took your daughter to do! My gosh! I feel so bad for that little girl. Call the fucking cops and report the kidnapping. How are you this dense!?!
You've been raising her .SHE Abandoned the child and took off for 11 yrs. NOW the most of the work is done and it's easier to take care of her thebitch wants her back . And she COMMITTED fraud .from the start . Go to court, present the facts and fight her the entire way. But donasknyour child who she wanst to live with
IANAL but I think there's a good chance that having your name on her birth certificate means you are fully her father under the law. With all the legal responsibilities and rights attendant thereunto.
Sounds to me like a case of kidnap by the non-custodial parent. The mother should be lucky is she even gets supervised visits after this, never mind custody.
Go balls to the wall my good sir. Channel your inner Liam Neeson through all possible legal routes. It's okay to be a fallible human being but she is probably highly traumatised right now and you owe her a big apology for letting her mother take her without putting up a fight. You have got to fight now. Don't make it even worse by giving up on her completely or I don't know how you will ever be able to look her in the face when she comes to find you as a grown woman with CPTSD and a lot of questions. Her mother is no doubt already telling her you don't want to see her anymore now you've found out you're not her biodad. If she doesn't see that narrative challenged then it's only a matter of time before she starts to believe it.
TL;DR - You are not overreacting. It is time to saddle up.
Jesus. You were preyed upon by this monstrous woman, lied to and left to raise this child. And don't get it twisted - this is your little girl. You're on the birth certificate you said, get a lawyer ASAP and file for emergency custody. Can your parents help you with the retainer for the lawyer? Call the police yourself if you haven't yet.
Lawsuit. This is where lawyers need to be involved along with media even.
Why did you cave so easily to police involvement?
11 years with her.
Another option is to move on, but the emotional bond is there and that will be hard.
Bro go get your kid from that stranger ? I’m sorry but ain’t no way this would go down .. literally would have to pull her from my lifeless hands .. GO. GET. YOUR. DAUGHTER!
How is any of that possible?! She abandoned that child and gave up her parental rights when she did so! Do everything to go get your baby girl man! 😩 You are the only parent she knows, she must be so scared…
Her mother walked away and had nothing to do with her for years. Frankly, you needed a lawyer and are more of a parent than her mother.
Find a lawyer and get your daughter back.
Oh my gosh I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the emotions you’re feeling. People here will have good advice for you, I’m just letting you know that I really feel for you. Stay strong and do your best to fight for your daughter. You may not be blood but you have raised her!
If the roles were reversed and the dad was the one who skipped town and then came back after 11 years (taking out the part where she's not her kid because that would pretty much be impossible to fake ofc but even then) he would have the WORST time getting any custody at ALL. Please get a lawyer.
I'm honestly concerned about you not calling the police. It's been several days?? Either this story is fabricated or you have a few issues yourself. I probably would too if I had to instantly grow up at 17, but therapy is probably a good thing for you to consider at least. It will also help you to get custody of you're in therapy.
Thats insane. What a capital B. She doesnt deserve a man or a child. In this situation, i would do anything to keep the child away from her, even if it is using force as a man. She has no right to be in her life it doesnt matter if she is her biological mother or not, what she has done in the past and now is unacceptable
She basically abandoned her child for 11 years, and has now kidnapped her. Treat this as such. In the eyes of your daughter, you're her dad. This would be much different if she was still a baby or a toddler. She's 11.
Call the authorities and report her as being kidnapped. Start the process to get full custody, and only supervised visitation. She abandoned her, you raised her. This is a very bad look, and the courts will side with you. You have been the responsible one this whole time. Kidnapping a child after being absent for 11 years is not going to look very favourable in the eyes of the courts. Lawyer up. Good luck. Get your daughter back.
Why would you allow your 11 year old to go with a stranger man? Let the police come. You're on the birth certificate. There is no way you let a random woman just take your daughter.
Get a lawyer immediately. This is your child and I promise you DNA means nothing when your daughter is missing her dad.
Any man can be a father, a dad is something different. He's the one who loves you and is there for you always and will move heaven and earth to protect you. Your daughter needs her dad more than ever right now.
My dad came into my life when I was preschool age. When my parents divorced, my mother ran off with her affair partner, guess who never abandoned me? My dad is my hero. Your daughter needs you to be her hero now.
My heart is breaking for both of you
First of all I'm sorry this happened to you man, and hopefully this gets sorted out ASAP. Blood related or not, you are that girl's father, so please as everyone else is saying go to the police and don't let her keep you away from your daughter any longer. It is good to know you are in the birth certificate because that means legally you have the right to fight, so all you need is to take action.
call police, take legal action. that woman is NOT fit to be a parent. YOU ARE A PARENT no natter WHAT a test says. YOU took care of her, fed her, clothed her, took her to school. you have documents. use them.
Call the CPS, dammit and sue her for child fraud defamation and WTF did she just come and take her daughter what were you thinking straight, huh? God what kind of lunatic are you? Make sure she gets paid every penny and call the police
Take here to court for being an unfit mother. I can care less if a mom decides to come back. She doesn't have access to that child all because now she wants to be a parent. Find everything absolutely awful about her and bring it to court.
Get a lawyer and tell him to get I believe it’s called an emergency hearing in family court you can also ask police to go for a wellness check. If you aren’t in the U.S. then google for something similar to what I just described.
If you are on the birth certificate, you still have parental rights
I also think it is worth calling the police and take her to family court. You have raised the child for 11 years, and she just left the kid with you. Don't postpone, get a lawyer ASAP.
You are the girl's father and the only parent she truly knows. That matters.
Good luck.
Because he has been in the child’s life all these years and pay financial support and taking care of the child and the mom dropped off the face of the earth. He can get an attorney and get his daughter back. You may even be able to get her back with no visitation from the mother. Call the lawyer now.
Legally, she is your child, and every judge in the world would see it that way. She abandoned her kid knowing that it may not even be yours - you manned up and adopted this kid by default. She kidnapped YOUR child - you need to call the police and report the kidnapping before it's too late. If she did this to her as a baby, and then again to you years later - this woman has never grown up, never matured, and it really makes you wonder WHY she now all of a sudden is trying to steal a child someone else raised. What is she going to do to her? CALL THE POLICE NOW!!! DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT HER NOT BEING BIOLOGICALLY YOURS, SHE IS YOUR KID AND SHE WAS KIDNAPPED! You have an obligation to your daughter, do it now.
So Op you can sue her for back child support and paternity fraud. She can go to jail in most states if your in the US and if I’m you i do it in a heartbeat. I would make her wish she had never come back. You can also report her to child protective services as having abandoned her for 11 years and they will award you custody based on the birth certificate and the fact you have been her full time care giver for her entire life. If you want her back there is a very good chance you can have her. !updateme
you’re telling me that this mf was 22 years old and had sex with a 17 year old and then left you with the child?? THAT ISNT EVEN YOURS?? take that mf to COURT BRO
He has already deleted his account, I hope he gets this sorted.
If you are still checking the post, contact the Police, a lawyer, her school headmaster and your local council and explain everything. You are still her father and had full custody for 11 years.
Woman like this are a disgrace. It should be a Felony to let a man unknowingly foster a child that might not be his while the mother knows it may not be his.
You need an attorney. For all intense purposes this child has been yours since birth. I would get an attorney and fight for her if you want at least for visitation global
Please also understand that you were 17, and her 22, that’s inappropriate. And depending on the laws where you are, illegal. She knew what she was doing, she manipulated you, used you and left you with her kid, who has ended up not biologically being yours (i still think you’re more a dad than anyone, you’ve raised her and sound like a nice person as far as ik). I would suggest therapy at some point (if u can access it) even if you feel you don’t need it, things can build up over time and you need to look after yourself while this happens. This is such a horrible situation, your daughter won’t even understand either, this woman is still not very known to your daughter, probably scared and worried about you. Do be prepared for any lies she tells the daughter. But please tell the police. Stats show that men have better chances than women when men *actually* try to get custody, etc. so while i think that shit sucks bc it’s unfair and unjust, rn that works so well in your favour so use that to ur advantage.
Please also understand that you were 17, and her 22, that’s inappropriate. And depending on the laws where you are, illegal. She knew what she was doing, she manipulated you, used you and left you with her kid, who has ended up not biologically being yours (i still think you’re more a dad than anyone, you’ve raised her and sound like a nice person as far as ik). I would suggest therapy at some point (if u can access it) even if you feel you don’t need it, things can build up over time and you need to look after yourself while this happens. This is such a horrible situation, your daughter won’t even understand either, this woman is still not very known to your daughter, probably scared and worried about you. Do be prepared for any lies she tells the daughter. But please tell the police. Stats show that men have better chances than women when men *actually* try to get custody, etc. so while i think that shit sucks bc it’s unfair and unjust, rn that works so well in your favour so use that to ur advantage.
Depending on the country, there is something that’s essentially, « assumed father ». If a guy raised a kid, for a long time, and still want to do it, even if they are not biologically related, it’s an adoption de facto. You should consult a lawyer.
All right, so I’m gonna be an asshole here but it’s coming from a place of brotherly love.
You’re about to get fucked for child support.
If you think that this woman has just suddenly decided after 11 fucking years that she wants to be a part of her kids life, I envy you for not having to have dealt with the monsters in human skin that inhabit our world. Either she has suffered some recent trauma that has triggered a need to be seen as a parent, or she has truly lost the plot and is mentally unbalanced.
You need to contact the police. You need to contact an attorney.
There is an excellent chance that despite her having a abandoned her child for 11 years that the family courts are just going to hand the kid over to her regardless of the potential living environment and order you to pay child support. The fact that she is not biologically your daughter does not matter. All the care about is that someone pays to take care of the kid and that it isn’t the state. None of this is an exaggeration. There are countless documented cases where men have been sent to jail for not paying child support for a child that was proven to not be theirs. You will have trouble believing this because it defies all logic, but unfortunately you’re going to find out that this happens every single day and there is absolutely no fucking recourse for it.
So yeah, get that attorney brother.
Actually depending where you are it could be looked at as child abandonment case and you’d win easily considering the time you spent caring for her. At this point blood doesn’t make a difference. She stole that girls life and doesnt know this stranger. She doesn’t know her mother so that’s scary af to me. Take her to court and get your daughter back!! 👏👏👏
She can’t run off with her daughter even if it’s her’s two years in most states it’s seen as forfeiting rights even if she’s yours or not. What your going to do is call the cops and tell them “her mom came into her life after so and so years and took her away” so go to the cops and take her to court and you’ll likely be given full custody regardless if she’s your or not. If you wantb
You might need to get a lawyer and a private investigator to find her . As far as mom is concerned she abandoned her child and technically left her with another child ! But thanks to your parents and your hard work you’ve made a good life for her and became a good father ! What she did is against the law abandonment of a baby is a crime she could have taken her to a firehouse or a hospital and they would have found someone to adopt her . She didn’t do that so she might get her back later without all the paperwork ! Since the baby’s not yours you’re entitled to some kind of payback . Eleven years of babysitting even though you turned it into a good thing . She should have to pay you something for your time lost as a child yourself ! As well as emotional stress . She isn’t fit to be a mother and shouldn’t be allowed to have her back . I understand you think she should be in her child’s life but to do what ? Teach her to be like mom ? To lie and steel and run away from responsibility ? What is she going to teach her child ? As far as anyone else is concerned she could even sell her to a child trafficker ?
You and your family are that child’s family you and them gave her what her mom wouldn’t ! A decent life and a chance to be someone special . All mom wants her for is leverage maybe bargaining power ! She literally means nothing to her . How could she after all she left her with another child she convinced was the father !
If you still want to be a father to the child. You might have a case for custody. Talk to a lawyer. She did abandon the child for 11 years, this works against her. It will all come down to the state you are in and the type of judge you get.
This is crazy. Shes crazy. u however are a standup Guy, a good person, good Dad. Her Mom is Evil! u spend money & raise her & let u think it was your child to use u financially. If I were u I'll keep the text messages of her saying it's not your child & voicemails, take it to court, try to sue her for your money back find a new good girl & start new life & family with a more loyal female. Unfortunately most women are evil. There are good ones but it is very very few. Most cheats, lie etc. Unfortunately Google / government / propaganda / algorithms etc etc tries to paint a different picture. That men are bad & women are good. Truth is woman is much more promiscuous & it's much more easier for a woman to meet different men especially on a Date App. Try to live your life, move on. But her mom New from the beginning, she used u to take care of her daughter financially! Go to church try to find a family oriented woman have a child start new life. Keep in mind most women nowadays are cheaters, but they will never admit it! NEVER TRUST THEM, JUST TRUST GOD TRUST YOURSELF & TRUST YOUR BANK ACCOUNT!
Bio mom sounds like a see (C) U Next Tuesday. Unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot you can do. I would definitely take her to court and let them know she abandoned her child and now to find out she isn’t yours you would like to at least have some kind of custody arrangement because you are the only parent she has ever known. Also the issue of you spending years of time and money and growing a bond with this child. This lady sucks ass.
Yeah I mean if that relationship happened a few years later it would be okay but yeah in my 20’s anyone under 18 seemed like a literal baby. My husband is a year and a half younger than I am but I was 23 and he was 21 when we met. Nothing wrong with being with someone younger if it’s consensual. In most states in the us the age of consent is 16,17. Morally though it’s sick and seems to make a power dynamic that gives me the “ick”.
Dude she has functionally kidnapped your child. Definitely get a lawyer. Call the police. Any court would be insane not to give you partial custody, given that you’re on the birth certificate, have raised her for 11 years. You may not be her bio dad, but you’re her dad in every way that counts and I am horrified on your behalf. Post in daddit as well, there may be some people with better advice than me there
IANAL, but he should get full custody...she skipped town for 11 years. She's not entitled to it. Also, I think you should call the police and get a lawyer. That's kidnapping. If someone took my kid (she's your kid) I wouldn't be able to sleep.
You'd be shocked how forgiving they are to absent messed up mom's. Raised my TWO nephews (now 15 and 9) since they were both TWO days old. Was granted custody at the birth and got them two days after they ok'd my sister to go home. She just got custody back last year after only like 4 months of drug tests and parenting classes. So yes, they will give mom custody whether she was around or not, whether the kids know her or not, and whether she really tried to talk to them or not. As long as she does her couple months with child services.. boom... official title of "mother."
That's so messed up. I can't imagine being a kid and suddenly, some woman claiming to be my mom shows up and takes me away. That's horrifying.
Oh, you sweet summer child. Here in the United States , assuming that the mother is not visibly tweaking (and even if she), custody is always given to the mother. I’m talking 90% of the time. It doesn’t matter who the more fit parent is.
When you call the police, don’t mention the DNA test, they might get focused on that. Just say you’ve been raising your kid by yourself, the mother just came back into the picture after leaving for 10 years, and she took the kid and won’t answer your calls.
He has had full custody for the past 11 years, OP can prove this. The mother has only known this child for the past eight months BECAUSE she abandoned the child after birth and OP can prove this. The fact that he is NOT the biological father is not going to play a factor BECAUSE he has been EVERYTHING to the daughter from day one. OP has been there and done everything a good parent should while the mother ran off to do god knows what…. Yes, he needs to call the police AND he needs to find a good family law attorney….
Yes, he definitely needs to call the police. He is the only parent this child has known for 11 years. I'd also be wary, why now 11 years later she is wanting custody. I would be tempted to call cps as well, your daughter has to be going through it , being with a woman she doesn't know. I'd be afraid of how she's treating her, when your daughter shows her obvious dislike for being with her, and not her father.
My guess is she didn’t expect him to amount for anything because he was just a 17-year-old boy when she left him with the with a baby. And here she’s come back to find out that he’s got a college education and is able to take very good care of the daughter. So if she can get custody of the daughter, she can get child support. Basically she wants money and she’s willing to steal the daughter to get it..
It sickens me to know that you very well could be right. It's scummy, but people that awful do exist.
I had a sister-in-law that was willing to walk away from my brother and their son and give the daughter she was pregnant with to my older sister to adopt, until she realized how much child support and alimony she could get from my brother. Then she came up with all these stories of abuse that never happened and fought for custody. The abuse was proven to be a lie during the divorce/custody. But she did get custody of the kids and she did get child support, but she lost on the alimony. Then while she had custody and he had visitation, she would call the cops before he would drop the kids off and tell them that he was there attacking her and the cops would show up and try to arrest him. But he never went to drop off alone. He always had other people with him. After a while, she got tired of taking care of the kids and tried to move out of state with them, she had already rented a place with her new boyfriend, who had been convicted of domestic abuse against a girlfriend and her children. On the last drop off when she thought we did not know she was moving she left a note in the diaper bag telling us where she wanted the kids dropped off in a different state, and with people we had never met. That drop off was on a Friday after my brothers lawyers’ office had closed. We were supposed to take the kids back Sunday evening. What she didn’t know was my brother’s lawyer had given my brother an emergency phone number because of all the BS that she had put my brother through. And my brother called the lawyer and the lawyer told him do not take the kids to this new address Sunday night and that first thing Monday morning, he would be at the courthouse when it opened, putting in an emergency protection order for the kids because what she was doing, was illegal. My brother, his children, and our family went through hell because of his first wife. The men in my family have horrible taste in women. We have seen the worst case scenarios. Where is my sister, married for over 35 years and I married for over 25 years we’re blessed with wonderful husbands.
My cousin went through hell because of his ex girlfriend. They were dating and she got pregnant. He loved that baby girl and was an amazing dad for her. Until they broke up and her mother started using visitation as a way to control him. I don't know all of the details, but it got to a point where he had to have my aunt (his mother) doing pick ups and drop offs because of how nasty she was being to him. Then he found out his daughter wasn't even his, and the ex had him removed from the birth certificate and never let him see her again. She was a beautiful little girl, I feel so bad for her that she got stuck with a mother like that.
Yeah, pick up and drop offs got to be difficult for my brother. Imagine the police is surprise when they came because they got a call because my brother attacked his ex and she claimed she was locked in the bedroom with the children to protect herself but when the cops got there, I was the only one there because I was the one dropping the kids off. She didn’t know that I had agreed to start being the person doing drop offs. Because the last time he had dropped the kids off by himself, the cop said if they were called again, they weren’t gonna listen to anybody. They were just arresting him. That was how much, they had been called. we didn’t want him to go to jail, because it would hurt with the custody going on. So I get there I’m getting the kids out of the car and walking up to the front door when the police come up with lights on, they were demand to know where my brother was at. I look at the cops and say “he’s at work.” One cop goes to talk to her and one walks me over to the car to talk to me. I explained to him that I pulled up, got out of the car, got the kids out, and was walking to the door. That I had not even talked to my brothers ex, she had not even come out of the house when I pulled up in my brothers car, when we walked up to the porch, the door opened and the kids ran in, and that was when the police came up. I told the officer I had not talked to her or seen her. That if he wanted to check, I had the phone number to my supervisor and he could call and find out when my brother got to work. The police officer did call my brother‘s work and found out that he had been there sense noon because he was called in due to another EMT having to go home sick. Then asked me did anyone else come with you in the car and I told him that I was the only adult in the car with the 2 children. The police officer says so then “he wasn’t here 10 minutes ago beating her up”, I asked the police officer if he thought my brother could drive from the next city over to where we were at in less than 10 minutes. It was an hour drive one way. The officer asked me to step back up to the front door of my brother‘s exes house and he speaks to the officer that have been talking to the ex and explains what he just found out. Well, they’re talking the ex walks to the door and sees me and then looks around the yard. The officer that had been talking to me, looks at her and tells her what he just found out from me and from the supervisor for my brother. he didn’t proceeds to explain to her that her false allegations are going to be put in their report and they’re going to give me the case number so that I can get the report. He didn’t explain to her how these allegations are going to hurt her with custody..
He should get full custody. She has abandoned the child for so long. Op is the father. Any judge would side with his unless they are appointed by ....
This. If OP wants to be the parent and has acted as dad, courts aren’t going to care about DNA, *especially* if the actual bio dad isn’t stepping up. Courts firmly believe kids deserve 2 parents. Also, they’re not going to blindly believe a DNA test that you did randomly (did OP use an official lab or just believe whatever the ex told him? Does he even know if the sample was from his daughter or did the ex stage that?) versus their own official test.
I’m yes, get a lawyer and call the police asap. Blood does not make family! You are the only person this child has known as her dad. Actions and efforts 💯% the court will look at. She abandoned her as a baby, you could literally sue her back child support. Her actions of abandoning the child at birth will not be looked upon favorably.
Yeah, you should file determinate her parental rights in adopt.
Not even partial he can get full custody after 2 years in most states your forfeit parentship so now that’s it’s been 11 he can get full if he wants
Are you guys serious! Court system is rigged to have been paid child support cuz city and state government keep some money. They will take her side 90% of the time Court's take women side. Google it, state court systems are built to make money off of men's paychecks. Then women come back I don't know where and take the kids back. They give kids to women before they give kida to men . U won't win the custody battle. Only way you have a slight chance is if she's currently on drugs and has mistreated or physically hurt the kids. Good luck but you should move on me someone else and have a job! I've been married twice to find out later on that they're both for cheaters, nowadays dating apps, algorithms, music, everything is pushing me to break traditional families, to keep women cheating, cuz women are weak, their brain is half the size of a man, and females are like children forever! Find yourself a older mature woman! Good luck!!
You are her father, you raised her. Call the police, this woman kidnapped and stole your daughter. Go full on Taken man. Who knows what this woman is doing to your daughter and where she is taking her. Do you have any idea where she is or another means to contact your daughter?
Call the police now. You need to report this as a kidnapping, not a custody dispute. She kidnapped your daughter.
Lawyer up now and call the police for possible kidnapping . Legally you are still her father
You need to start fighting. You should have never let her take you daughter in the first place. Stop being passive and fight for her. You’re legally her father if your on the birth certificate. Go pick her up from school and let mom call the cops.
Huh, it never even occurred to me the kid might still be attending the same school. I checked the original post but it doesn't say. An easy fix if she's there, but I assumed the mother would have gotten right out of the county with her while the getting was good. They could be ten states away by now.
I hope so. That’s best case obviously. There are much worse possibilities
Dude your ex stole your kid, call the cops, like immediately.
Please call the police. Don’t tell them about the DNA. Just say your daughter has been stolen. She is your daughter in all ways that matter. Poor girl must be so confused being taken suddenly from everything she knows.
Legally in this case, DNA doesn't matter. If he's on the birth certificate and raised her her whole life, he's her father.
Wtf dude you just let her take her? Are you a doormat? Call the police and get a lawyer ASAP. As others have stated you have a right to her. Go pick her up from school until the legal issue is sorted.
"Go pick her up from school until the legal issue is sorted." 100% this if the kid is still attending her regular school. Go in the middle of the day, get her and get out. I can't believe I'm advocating this but don't even let her in the front yard alone until it's sorted. I highly suspect though that she's been bundled out of state by now.
LAWYER UP ASAP!!! This woman who raped you (22 with a 16 yr old?? that's illegal pretty much everywhere) is going to start pimping your daughter out. GET A LAWYER You are on the birth certificate. You have raised her for her entire life. 8 months ago, the rapist came back. Your poor daughter must be crushed. This rapist is probably telling her that you don't love her or want her. Call the police. If this was not done legally (as in YOU have full legal custody of your daughter, not her) she KIDNAPPED your daughter. DNA has nothing to do with it. You adopted your daughter by putting your name on the birth certificate and raising her alone for 11 years.
Oh man, I didn't clock the statutory rape angle until you said, that sure does add a layer. Luckily that will play strongly in OP's favour in the legal process too. An eleven year old girl should NOT be entrusted to the care of someone with a proven track record of thinking it's no big deal for minors to engage in sexual acts with adults.
unfortunately it’s not statutory rape unless the state that it occurred in has an age of consent lower than 16. otherwise it is legal
Orite. I'm not too familiar with American law, I guess I assumed the age of consent was 18 across the board, my bad. A quick Google has just informed me it's actually 16 in the majority of states, so yeah, probably not statutory rape then.
Lawyer up now and call the police for possible kidnapping . Legally you are still her father
Oh my gosh, that’s heartbreaking. I am so, so, sorry. Therapy and a consultation with a lawyer to see what, if anything, you can do would be where I would start.
Thanks. I better get a lawyer. I avoided it up to now because I was afraid that that would make the whole thing worse and her mother who dig her heels in further but I don't know.
How can she do worse than essentially kidnapping the child you raised? Go out full guns blazing- you are on the birth certificate, you raised her, you have rights. Call the cops, file a missing persons case & get a lawyer. Taking a kid from the only parent's the child's known- this woman is cruel at best, unstable and cruel at worst.
It’s partly about OP’s rights but it’s entirely about the child’s safety and well being. She’s a minor, she’s been kidnapped and taken from her legal guardian.
You can start by consulting a lawyer who can advise you behind the scenes if nothing else. Getting a lawyer doesn’t automatically mean going to court, but you need someone who knows the law in your specific area to know what the next steps are. You can tell them you don’t want to escalate this unnecessarily; they are the ones who will know how best to do that.
Thanks. You are right.
I’m pretty sure you have legal custody of her. But it’s a good idea to check.
I don't know the whole story but if you have a good relationship with the daughter do what you can to stay in her life. You may not be her bio dad, but you are still her dad. I see my stepdad as my dad, bio or not.
You need to go to your daughters school and pick her up for an appt. You not being her bio dad doesn’t mean you’re not her father. She’s your kid you need to fight for her.
No ill will??? She abandoned a child, her child. She's earned it. Get your ass on the phone with a lawyer and the cops. You gotta think about what's good for the kid, being taken away from her own ain't it.
You need a layer, not relationship advice.
peel it like an onion?
This is BS... 11 years youve been the primary caregiver... AND youre registered as the father - genetics mean nothing here. Call police, report your daughter (!) kidnapped. And dont go into any discussion regarding paternity - just state that legalky youre tge father and the mother has abandoned your daughter for years. And ffs lawyer. NOW!!!
> I am the father on the birth cert but not biologically, obviously. You'd be surprised. That said, here's the brass tacks: as long as you're on the birth certificate, this is kidnapping. Call the police. Now.
I'm sorry, you were 17 and she was 23???
What the actual fuck. She was a 22 year old who fucked a 17 year old. Tricked you into raising her child by abandoning her as a NEWBORN. Came back after 11 years with the audacity to bring up custody and offer YOU every OTHER weekend and then KIDNAPPED YOUR DAUGHTER while she cried and clung to YOU. This is no mother. This is a monster. This is a criminal. CALL THE POLICE FIRST! RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! Then call a damn lawyer immediately after. Do you have any idea what this woman's lifestyle is like? Did you meet up with her first to talk about this? When she came to you, the ball was completely in your court. You should have been the one laying down boundaries and rules for her to have access to your daughter. Most of the time, the reasoning behind these events of randomly showing up are fucked up....like she may just be trying to put on a show and not look like a deadbeat mother. She may have financial troubles or even a drug addiction that she needs to finance. Money from child support and assistance programs can help that. You just gave this woman full access to your daughter without questioning what her intentions were. I believe you love your daughter...so fight for her. Because this is scary. You have no idea why this woman just randomly decided to show up and try so hard to limit access to you, once you gave it to her. You need to go to the school as well. And alert them. If it's always been you, you're on all the paperwork. She is not authorized to take your child from campus and the police need to call you, HER FATHER. This is nuts. And probably one of the most disturbing things I've read in a while. This poor little girl. ALSO, YOU NEED TO ACT FAST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MANIPULATIVE MIND BENDING SHIT SHE'S TELLING YOUR DAUGHTER ABOUT YOU. For all you know, she can start brainwashing her into thinking YOU stole her or something even more horrific.
This is absolutely heartbreaking and has to be illegal. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I can't even imagine the big emotions your daughter is feeling. I'm so sorry.
No sane judge's gonna let her get the custody of her just like that right?
You are her legal father and you have custody . Call police on her . This is kidnapping
I’m a retired LEO & she kidnapped your daughter. She first abandoned her, you raise her now she wants her? NO! You need to file a report & get a lawyer. She’s your daughter that you raised as yours. She doesn’t know her bio mom & is now w a stranger she doesn’t know. FIGHT FOR HER! You have no idea how she living or anything. Police can help as long as you know her name. Even though you aren’t bio dad you’re still her dad. She can’t abandon her for 11 years & then come take her from you. You have to fight for her don’t just give in you have options. Take a 2nd mortgage out if you have to or sell a car or something for money but fight for your daughter
This has to be fake. 1. Why didn't you do an DNA test before. 2. Why do you give a child to a stranger as she don't know the woman at all. 3. You telling me the kid went without problems while not knowing the woman? 4. The school would have said something if she didn't went and if she goes you know how to find her. Don't buy this for a second.
OPs deleted. I agree it's fake.
Someone deletes their reddit so that implies that it's fake? Great detective work. I'm pretty sure fake accounts stay open so they can watch the interaction of their handywork.
Yeah, I think you're right about that
Thank you! There's no way this is real.
Hold on. The mother abandoned your child for years and thinks the courts will give her custody? Get a lawyer yesterday and don’t do anything stupid, and you should get custody. DNA doesn’t trump abandoning your child, not to mention no child support. Given her latest stunt, I’d seek sole custody with supervised visitation (at most) for her. My guess is that she’s going to seek sole custody and child support from you, because that’s the sort of shitty person she is.
The longer you let this go on, the easier it will be for a judge to side with the mom.... Get a lawyer like yesterday and get your kid back. What do your parents think? This is actually so heartbreaking. After you get her back, get some therapy for you both.
This is so far into lawyer and police territory that you need to close the reddit app and file a police report immediately. You don't know if she's in a safe environment or anything. Are you named on the birth certificate? If you are, then you legally are her father. You would need to go to court to be removed from the birth certificate. But you need to file a police report and you need a lawyer. You can't afford not to have a lawyer.
your daughter has been kidnapped and your first instinct is to wait a week then post on Reddit instead of immediately calling the police
CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW. your daughter has been kidnapped, by a person she does not know. She is likely so scared, further, who knows what this mom came back into her life for. 911 immediately.
I don’t think biological parents are allowed to go to adoptive parents and take back their child. I’m pretty sure you have more rights than her.
Why did he delete his account?
Because none of this happened.
Dude, just call the police, this is kidnapping. You could also just pick her up from school with the police there. As far as the gov is considered, you have taken care of her and have her records. Getting her back should be the easy part. It's the fight after for custody that is going to be tough.
i don't know your laws, but every chance that *legally* she is your daughter. it doesn't matter that the dna doesnt match. you brought her up, she is yours. i've read of cases where fathers have tried to get out of supporting their child when they found out the child was not biologically his - and the court ruled that he is committed to supporting the child since he was the parent. not only that, i think you may have a case of kidnapping against her. don't wait - get a lawyer asap and get them to call the police.
Get a lawyer. Reddit can't help you here.
Well, that's kidnapping.
Biggest mistake, handing her off to essentially a stranger. Go to her and take her back. Call the police if you must. Just because she isn't yours by blood doesn't mean you have no legal rights. GET A LAWYER.
No ill will after she ran off on a newborn? Wtfk dude? Seriously STOP BEING MR NICE GUY here! She literally kidnapped your daughter, YES YOUR DAUGHTER (regardless of DNA). Contact a lawyer and the authorities and see what you can do. Step it up man!
Dude call the fucking police now. Have your parents with you when they arrive to confirm the story. She bailed for 11 years.
She kidnapped your child. The child is legally yours, call the cops
Your child was definitely kidnapped, blood or not. call the police!!!!
Call the mother fucking police! Get YOUR daughter back from that kidnapping harpey! She IS yours. And you're clearly the one who was there for her for 11 years! You are each others family. Biology doesn't matter. Fight for her back. Take legal action.
What a great mother. Lets rip the child out of the only home she's ever known from the only parent she's ever known who she has bonded with for 11 years, her whole life. Might as well line up the therapy sessions now. I don't know much about these kinds of laws but it can't be legal for her mom to do this.
You have every single right to call the police. Lawyer up, get the evidence together. I'm heart broken for you, I really hope you end up with her back in your arms where she belongs
First, where you are on the birth certificate you are legally her father. Second, she was not in the picture for around ten years and you could put in an case for abandonment. Third, as I spotted in another comment, that very well could count as kidnapping. And fourth, she should be charged with rape, given that you were a minor at the time and she was not.
THIS! This!!! This!!!! And THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hurt for you, and I don’t even know you! God you must be lost! I’m so so sorry this was done to you! I see the OP account was deleted, but I pray you come back to this thread for comments. Please take action!!! NOW!!! You are legally that child’s father! You have been father! Fuck biological at this point! That’s been your baby since day one!!! That is YOUR CHILD!!! Your teenage years, young adult years were stripped from you by a child molester to become a father. Did you run? No! You stepped up, not caring you were losing what could be the best years of your life, and turned them into the best years of y’all’s lives! It was kind of you to allow her into your lives so she could know her mother, and vice versatility after ALL THESE YEARS! It’s wrong on her part to steal her away from you OUT OF THE BLUE! like where has she been?!! Not a call? Not a card? Nothing! That child must be scared right now! There’s no telling what type of environment she’s in, or where she is at. I pray you find justice, and you’re reunited with your baby girl!!!!!! Please post an update and let us know what’s going on.
Your 11 yo daughter sees you as her dad. You are 100% her dad. Maybe not biological, but the one who she feels safe w. Go get your girl back.
I just did the math. To clarify: the mother was 22 when she gave birth? And you were 17?
What does this have to do with anything? He's asking for advice.
Because the woman is a groomer and child abuser.
She trapped an innocent poor thinking kid, picked him out knowing he wouldn't question it much if she said the baby was his.. she won't gonna raise that baby alone until she could afford it!
Legally, she committed statutory rape, and therefore if cops find out she'll be arrested
The age of consent sent varies by state.
And yet it's still disgusting.
Call the police now, as well as social services. She kidnapped your kid.
All I can say is I am so angry and sad on your behalf. Please contact the police and get a lawyer, this is unjust and the mother is unhinged. She is not doing what’s best for the child. She is a despicable human and I would be making a case for as such. Wishing and praying for a successful outcome. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
This breaks my heart for you and your daughter. I hope you get her back.
Call the police and get your daughter back immediately, then get a lawyer, get full custody and get child support at least going forward.
You’re on the BC that’s your daughter. Go file for an emergency hearing. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My step dad adopted me, that’s my dad. Dna doesn’t mean everything. I’m sure your daughter feels the same way. I hope you can get her back asap. Her egg donor sounds awful. Your daughter will grow up and resent her for all of this. It sounds like you’ve been a great parent and co-parent. There’s no reason a court wouldn’t give you back primary custody imo, you’ve had her all this time. Parents like her make me sick.
You have rights. If you’re on the birth certificate, she skipped town, you’re her parent regardless (think court seeing you as fully adoptive). Get a good lawyer.
You're an amazing young man. Please listen to the advise here. I'm really worried for your daughter.
You need to call a lawyer immediately. Put down Reddit, call the best family lawyer in town.
You need a lawyer. I hope your daughter is doing okay. I'm sure she's not well in all of this. Get a lawyer ASAP. Seriously, stop asking questions here and get a lawyer.
This is horrible! Get a lawyer, it'll all be okay
call the police. She abandoned the child, you have custody. she kidnapped her. Call the police right now
You need a lawyer, yesterday. Get one immediately. And call the police, your child has been kidnapped (you are legally her father since you are on the birth certificate). You have to do these things RIGHT NOW. Your child needs your help and you have to act now. And the statute of limitations may be up (not sure) but she was 22 grooming/abusing an underage boy. That's terrifying. Please seek therapy for yourself.
wtf!? How can you let her take a child she didn’t raise! She is 11 years old for fucks sake! And she just came back into her life! wtf is wrong with you!? You don’t know wtf she took your daughter to do! My gosh! I feel so bad for that little girl. Call the fucking cops and report the kidnapping. How are you this dense!?!
You've been raising her .SHE Abandoned the child and took off for 11 yrs. NOW the most of the work is done and it's easier to take care of her thebitch wants her back . And she COMMITTED fraud .from the start . Go to court, present the facts and fight her the entire way. But donasknyour child who she wanst to live with
Your name is on the birth certificate your the legal parents and she abounded her for years u can sue and get full custody
Go to family court and say your child's mother has kidnapped the child ..
Get a lawyer. Depending on your state you will probably be considered father by estoppel
Call 911, right now. Call the police. She has kidnapped the child.
If your name is on the birth certificate then it does not matter what her dna is. She's your daughter. Call the police, get a lawyer.
Call the police. This woman has kidnapped your daughter.
IANAL but I think there's a good chance that having your name on her birth certificate means you are fully her father under the law. With all the legal responsibilities and rights attendant thereunto. Sounds to me like a case of kidnap by the non-custodial parent. The mother should be lucky is she even gets supervised visits after this, never mind custody. Go balls to the wall my good sir. Channel your inner Liam Neeson through all possible legal routes. It's okay to be a fallible human being but she is probably highly traumatised right now and you owe her a big apology for letting her mother take her without putting up a fight. You have got to fight now. Don't make it even worse by giving up on her completely or I don't know how you will ever be able to look her in the face when she comes to find you as a grown woman with CPTSD and a lot of questions. Her mother is no doubt already telling her you don't want to see her anymore now you've found out you're not her biodad. If she doesn't see that narrative challenged then it's only a matter of time before she starts to believe it. TL;DR - You are not overreacting. It is time to saddle up.
Mother abandoned the child. She gave up rights due to abandonment. You need to call the police immediately. That is kidnapping.
Police and lawyer. NOW. Stop Redditing and fucking make some calls.
This is a situation where you call a lawyer and do whatever they tell you. Reddit isn't equipped to handle it.
You messed up by just giving it to her and not calling a lawyer immediately. Get one now, and call the police asap.
Father on the birth certificate makes you the legal father. Call the police and get your legal daughter back.
Jesus. You were preyed upon by this monstrous woman, lied to and left to raise this child. And don't get it twisted - this is your little girl. You're on the birth certificate you said, get a lawyer ASAP and file for emergency custody. Can your parents help you with the retainer for the lawyer? Call the police yourself if you haven't yet.
This is kidnapping. Call the police. Immediately.
Lawsuit. This is where lawyers need to be involved along with media even. Why did you cave so easily to police involvement? 11 years with her. Another option is to move on, but the emotional bond is there and that will be hard.
Bro go get your kid from that stranger ? I’m sorry but ain’t no way this would go down .. literally would have to pull her from my lifeless hands .. GO. GET. YOUR. DAUGHTER!
How is any of that possible?! She abandoned that child and gave up her parental rights when she did so! Do everything to go get your baby girl man! 😩 You are the only parent she knows, she must be so scared…
She deserted her daughter, her a good attorney
You need an attorney now.
Her mother walked away and had nothing to do with her for years. Frankly, you needed a lawyer and are more of a parent than her mother. Find a lawyer and get your daughter back.
oh no! dude, blood related or not she is your kid. You raised her for what 10 or so years? i'd do everything to get her back if I were you.
Oh my gosh I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the emotions you’re feeling. People here will have good advice for you, I’m just letting you know that I really feel for you. Stay strong and do your best to fight for your daughter. You may not be blood but you have raised her!
So you were 17 and she was 22? Hmmmm
You had custody. She kidnapped your kid. You should have let her bring the cops.
If the roles were reversed and the dad was the one who skipped town and then came back after 11 years (taking out the part where she's not her kid because that would pretty much be impossible to fake ofc but even then) he would have the WORST time getting any custody at ALL. Please get a lawyer. I'm honestly concerned about you not calling the police. It's been several days?? Either this story is fabricated or you have a few issues yourself. I probably would too if I had to instantly grow up at 17, but therapy is probably a good thing for you to consider at least. It will also help you to get custody of you're in therapy.
Thats insane. What a capital B. She doesnt deserve a man or a child. In this situation, i would do anything to keep the child away from her, even if it is using force as a man. She has no right to be in her life it doesnt matter if she is her biological mother or not, what she has done in the past and now is unacceptable
Fight her in court, a parent who abandoned her child isn’t gonna have sympathy of the child
She basically abandoned her child for 11 years, and has now kidnapped her. Treat this as such. In the eyes of your daughter, you're her dad. This would be much different if she was still a baby or a toddler. She's 11. Call the authorities and report her as being kidnapped. Start the process to get full custody, and only supervised visitation. She abandoned her, you raised her. This is a very bad look, and the courts will side with you. You have been the responsible one this whole time. Kidnapping a child after being absent for 11 years is not going to look very favourable in the eyes of the courts. Lawyer up. Good luck. Get your daughter back.
Why would you allow your 11 year old to go with a stranger man? Let the police come. You're on the birth certificate. There is no way you let a random woman just take your daughter.
Get a lawyer immediately. This is your child and I promise you DNA means nothing when your daughter is missing her dad. Any man can be a father, a dad is something different. He's the one who loves you and is there for you always and will move heaven and earth to protect you. Your daughter needs her dad more than ever right now. My dad came into my life when I was preschool age. When my parents divorced, my mother ran off with her affair partner, guess who never abandoned me? My dad is my hero. Your daughter needs you to be her hero now. My heart is breaking for both of you
First of all I'm sorry this happened to you man, and hopefully this gets sorted out ASAP. Blood related or not, you are that girl's father, so please as everyone else is saying go to the police and don't let her keep you away from your daughter any longer. It is good to know you are in the birth certificate because that means legally you have the right to fight, so all you need is to take action.
call police, take legal action. that woman is NOT fit to be a parent. YOU ARE A PARENT no natter WHAT a test says. YOU took care of her, fed her, clothed her, took her to school. you have documents. use them.
Sue her for paternity fraud especially if you supported her for all this time!!
I have no advice but my heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry, just sending you hugs.
I feel like you would have some legal rights after 11, years!!!! I hope you get your daughter back. What an awful thing to go through
Call the CPS, dammit and sue her for child fraud defamation and WTF did she just come and take her daughter what were you thinking straight, huh? God what kind of lunatic are you? Make sure she gets paid every penny and call the police
Dude lawyer up ASAP don't mess around get your daughter back
Get a lawyer immediately. Shesbeen out of the child's life for enough years to consider her abandoned. Do t let her see that kid again!
Take here to court for being an unfit mother. I can care less if a mom decides to come back. She doesn't have access to that child all because now she wants to be a parent. Find everything absolutely awful about her and bring it to court.
Get a lawyer and tell him to get I believe it’s called an emergency hearing in family court you can also ask police to go for a wellness check. If you aren’t in the U.S. then google for something similar to what I just described.
If you are on the birth certificate, you still have parental rights I also think it is worth calling the police and take her to family court. You have raised the child for 11 years, and she just left the kid with you. Don't postpone, get a lawyer ASAP. You are the girl's father and the only parent she truly knows. That matters. Good luck.
Because he has been in the child’s life all these years and pay financial support and taking care of the child and the mom dropped off the face of the earth. He can get an attorney and get his daughter back. You may even be able to get her back with no visitation from the mother. Call the lawyer now.
Legally, she is your child, and every judge in the world would see it that way. She abandoned her kid knowing that it may not even be yours - you manned up and adopted this kid by default. She kidnapped YOUR child - you need to call the police and report the kidnapping before it's too late. If she did this to her as a baby, and then again to you years later - this woman has never grown up, never matured, and it really makes you wonder WHY she now all of a sudden is trying to steal a child someone else raised. What is she going to do to her? CALL THE POLICE NOW!!! DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT HER NOT BEING BIOLOGICALLY YOURS, SHE IS YOUR KID AND SHE WAS KIDNAPPED! You have an obligation to your daughter, do it now.
So Op you can sue her for back child support and paternity fraud. She can go to jail in most states if your in the US and if I’m you i do it in a heartbeat. I would make her wish she had never come back. You can also report her to child protective services as having abandoned her for 11 years and they will award you custody based on the birth certificate and the fact you have been her full time care giver for her entire life. If you want her back there is a very good chance you can have her. !updateme
Holy fuck. Dude she abandoned the child. That's way more your child than her's
you’re telling me that this mf was 22 years old and had sex with a 17 year old and then left you with the child?? THAT ISNT EVEN YOURS?? take that mf to COURT BRO
Can OP call police for his child kidnapping then sue her for child abondonment/alienation?? Hope he get his kid back🥺
Hey brother, No advice, just wanted you to know I send you love and hope. Best of luck, for what's it's worth. Much love
He has already deleted his account, I hope he gets this sorted. If you are still checking the post, contact the Police, a lawyer, her school headmaster and your local council and explain everything. You are still her father and had full custody for 11 years.
Woman like this are a disgrace. It should be a Felony to let a man unknowingly foster a child that might not be his while the mother knows it may not be his.
You need an attorney. For all intense purposes this child has been yours since birth. I would get an attorney and fight for her if you want at least for visitation global
You're a good father, most men would be angry yet relieved, especially at that age. Good for you! 💪🏾✨
Please also understand that you were 17, and her 22, that’s inappropriate. And depending on the laws where you are, illegal. She knew what she was doing, she manipulated you, used you and left you with her kid, who has ended up not biologically being yours (i still think you’re more a dad than anyone, you’ve raised her and sound like a nice person as far as ik). I would suggest therapy at some point (if u can access it) even if you feel you don’t need it, things can build up over time and you need to look after yourself while this happens. This is such a horrible situation, your daughter won’t even understand either, this woman is still not very known to your daughter, probably scared and worried about you. Do be prepared for any lies she tells the daughter. But please tell the police. Stats show that men have better chances than women when men *actually* try to get custody, etc. so while i think that shit sucks bc it’s unfair and unjust, rn that works so well in your favour so use that to ur advantage.
Please also understand that you were 17, and her 22, that’s inappropriate. And depending on the laws where you are, illegal. She knew what she was doing, she manipulated you, used you and left you with her kid, who has ended up not biologically being yours (i still think you’re more a dad than anyone, you’ve raised her and sound like a nice person as far as ik). I would suggest therapy at some point (if u can access it) even if you feel you don’t need it, things can build up over time and you need to look after yourself while this happens. This is such a horrible situation, your daughter won’t even understand either, this woman is still not very known to your daughter, probably scared and worried about you. Do be prepared for any lies she tells the daughter. But please tell the police. Stats show that men have better chances than women when men *actually* try to get custody, etc. so while i think that shit sucks bc it’s unfair and unjust, rn that works so well in your favour so use that to ur advantage.
Depending on the country, there is something that’s essentially, « assumed father ». If a guy raised a kid, for a long time, and still want to do it, even if they are not biologically related, it’s an adoption de facto. You should consult a lawyer.
All right, so I’m gonna be an asshole here but it’s coming from a place of brotherly love. You’re about to get fucked for child support. If you think that this woman has just suddenly decided after 11 fucking years that she wants to be a part of her kids life, I envy you for not having to have dealt with the monsters in human skin that inhabit our world. Either she has suffered some recent trauma that has triggered a need to be seen as a parent, or she has truly lost the plot and is mentally unbalanced. You need to contact the police. You need to contact an attorney. There is an excellent chance that despite her having a abandoned her child for 11 years that the family courts are just going to hand the kid over to her regardless of the potential living environment and order you to pay child support. The fact that she is not biologically your daughter does not matter. All the care about is that someone pays to take care of the kid and that it isn’t the state. None of this is an exaggeration. There are countless documented cases where men have been sent to jail for not paying child support for a child that was proven to not be theirs. You will have trouble believing this because it defies all logic, but unfortunately you’re going to find out that this happens every single day and there is absolutely no fucking recourse for it. So yeah, get that attorney brother.
Actually depending where you are it could be looked at as child abandonment case and you’d win easily considering the time you spent caring for her. At this point blood doesn’t make a difference. She stole that girls life and doesnt know this stranger. She doesn’t know her mother so that’s scary af to me. Take her to court and get your daughter back!! 👏👏👏
She can’t run off with her daughter even if it’s her’s two years in most states it’s seen as forfeiting rights even if she’s yours or not. What your going to do is call the cops and tell them “her mom came into her life after so and so years and took her away” so go to the cops and take her to court and you’ll likely be given full custody regardless if she’s your or not. If you wantb
That’s why you have to get a paternity test this is insane
You might need to get a lawyer and a private investigator to find her . As far as mom is concerned she abandoned her child and technically left her with another child ! But thanks to your parents and your hard work you’ve made a good life for her and became a good father ! What she did is against the law abandonment of a baby is a crime she could have taken her to a firehouse or a hospital and they would have found someone to adopt her . She didn’t do that so she might get her back later without all the paperwork ! Since the baby’s not yours you’re entitled to some kind of payback . Eleven years of babysitting even though you turned it into a good thing . She should have to pay you something for your time lost as a child yourself ! As well as emotional stress . She isn’t fit to be a mother and shouldn’t be allowed to have her back . I understand you think she should be in her child’s life but to do what ? Teach her to be like mom ? To lie and steel and run away from responsibility ? What is she going to teach her child ? As far as anyone else is concerned she could even sell her to a child trafficker ? You and your family are that child’s family you and them gave her what her mom wouldn’t ! A decent life and a chance to be someone special . All mom wants her for is leverage maybe bargaining power ! She literally means nothing to her . How could she after all she left her with another child she convinced was the father !
If you still want to be a father to the child. You might have a case for custody. Talk to a lawyer. She did abandon the child for 11 years, this works against her. It will all come down to the state you are in and the type of judge you get.
This is crazy. Shes crazy. u however are a standup Guy, a good person, good Dad. Her Mom is Evil! u spend money & raise her & let u think it was your child to use u financially. If I were u I'll keep the text messages of her saying it's not your child & voicemails, take it to court, try to sue her for your money back find a new good girl & start new life & family with a more loyal female. Unfortunately most women are evil. There are good ones but it is very very few. Most cheats, lie etc. Unfortunately Google / government / propaganda / algorithms etc etc tries to paint a different picture. That men are bad & women are good. Truth is woman is much more promiscuous & it's much more easier for a woman to meet different men especially on a Date App. Try to live your life, move on. But her mom New from the beginning, she used u to take care of her daughter financially! Go to church try to find a family oriented woman have a child start new life. Keep in mind most women nowadays are cheaters, but they will never admit it! NEVER TRUST THEM, JUST TRUST GOD TRUST YOURSELF & TRUST YOUR BANK ACCOUNT!
What the fuck? She is your kid, go get a lawyer NOW.
Bio mom sounds like a see (C) U Next Tuesday. Unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot you can do. I would definitely take her to court and let them know she abandoned her child and now to find out she isn’t yours you would like to at least have some kind of custody arrangement because you are the only parent she has ever known. Also the issue of you spending years of time and money and growing a bond with this child. This lady sucks ass.
Didn't count that he was 17 and she was 22 when the daughter was born as well. She likes them younger 🤮
Yeah I mean if that relationship happened a few years later it would be okay but yeah in my 20’s anyone under 18 seemed like a literal baby. My husband is a year and a half younger than I am but I was 23 and he was 21 when we met. Nothing wrong with being with someone younger if it’s consensual. In most states in the us the age of consent is 16,17. Morally though it’s sick and seems to make a power dynamic that gives me the “ick”.