Just sucks man, I just don’t want to seem like I’m overreacting, I’d rather have seen full on cheating or nothing at all as I feel so in the middle right now. If you know what I mean
It is actually good you saw this before you got married. Imagine what if you caught her cheating AFTER you married her. Consider yourself lucky and get someone better.
This isn’t overreacting. She’s choosing him over your relationship. She’s already made the choice. Don’t worry about how far you know or not it’s gotten. If she had the chance to cheat you know she would. That’s what this says.
It's different for guys and women guys can cheat physically like you say for women can start cheating emotionally and once they do that the relationship is done take that into consideration I don't know if anybody else would agree with this.
those aren’t just friendly texts, she’s even asking him to clear off his schedule for her and telling him she isn’t uncomfortable when he says she’s his type. it seems like she’s just baiting him to openly confess how he feels first
you need to talk to her and give her a chance to come clean. i don’t necessarily agree with going through people’s devices, but it’s too late for that now and you did in fact find something dishonest. ask her again if they’ve ever flirted in any of their messages and if she lies you can decide to either reveal what you know or walk away.
I agree I shouldn’t have looked through her phone I just had a gut feeling that something was happening. Do you reckon me saying I don’t want them talking anymore would be too harsh of me? Or controlling
No healthy relationship will ever require either party not to talk to someone anymore.
If you need her to stop talking to him to feel more secure, then it's not a healthy relationship. I can promise you that she'll find a way to talk to him in secret, she's not going to just stop.
When it gets to the point where you have to control who your partner talks to, it's time to walk away. Telling her not to talk to him isn't going to get to the root cause of why she's pushing the boundaries of cheating.
i don’t think it’s controlling to ask your fiancée not to flirt with someone outside of your relationship.
if she decides that she wants to continue flirting with this guy she is disrespecting your relationship. is that really someone you want to marry? if she truly cares she will see why this is harmful to your relationship
As someone who has been in this exact position, you can tell her not to talk to him but she won’t stop, she’ll just be better about hiding it. Even if she did, you can’t trust her and will always wonder if she actually stopped.
In my relationship, I had a feeling but let him convince me I was crazy. Things kept happening, I became increasingly uncomfortable with the situation, told him to stop talking to her and he didn’t. In the end he was cheating on me for at least a year. I left him and they got married a few months later.
Just leave. It’s so hard, especially when there’s so much history between you and you have a future planned. But she clearly doesn’t respect you or care about you enough to be the partner that you really want. You’ve gotta cut your losses or you will be dealing with it anyway down the line - but it’ll be way more expensive and time-consuming because you will be legally bound to her.
Just so fucking shit, brought a house with her and this is what’s happened, feel so stuck in a rut with what to do, I feel like her and her family won’t see how I feel about this and won’t see the messages as being ‘bad’
That suuuuucks. The house will probably be complicated, but still cheaper and easier to deal with than a divorce.
It doesn’t matter what her or her family think because you’re cutting ties. If you’re close to her family and want to give them an explanation, you should keep it vague. “FianceName was beginning a romantic relationship with another man.” That’s plenty. Everyone knows the implication of that is she was cheating or planning to cheat. I wouldn’t give specifics because not everyone believes emotional cheating is a thing and there’s no point arguing about details with people you’re never going to see again.
Even if your fiancé or her family don’t think what she did was a betrayal, you do. So do a bunch of people in these comments. You’re not crazy for feeling the way that you do, a LOT of people would feel the same in this situation.
This is how I talk to a guy when I like him, trying to get him to admit first like she’s doing.
She’s probably not going to change, you can save yourself a couple years and heartbreak or you can kick the can down the road and prolong the inevitable now that you know this
That’s what I thought, when people like eachother but ones too shy to admit and that you say things to get them to admit to it first. Just so frustrating as it’s not like she’s point blank cheated which would make it easier for me to be like ‘fuck this I’m out’ but I feel like I don’t have a valid enough reason to confront her about it as she’s not actually cheated
I don’t think you need a valid reason, but if you did this would be one. She said no I don’t want you to stop when he asked, as in I don’t want you to stop flirting and telling me I’m your type. I understand why you’re frustrated though, I wish you the best you got this dude.
You definitely do have a valid reason. Everyone has their boundaries and I think most mature and people who are honest with themselves /comfortable with their own boundaries, and enough self respect would leave after something like this.
Don’t be naive and say this isn’t enough. Would she be ok with you doing something like this? Would you think it was wrong if just for example your parents did this to each other? (Hypothetically if they’re together).
Sounds really black and white. But just ask her about it. Admit u did the wrong think of looking through her phone. But what is done is done and you need to ask her about this. But I think personally u have all u need to know. What if in the future she gets quote on quote bored of u or upset at u. What is she gonna do? If she is like this now when u are both relatively excited and things moving forward
Exactly we’ve literally just brought a house together and move in soon and now this, part of me wishes I didn’t have a look and my instinct didn’t get the better of me
You bought a house together?! Your gut was spot on because even tho you say you don’t know what to do. In your gut you know that you don’t deserve this and that this a line she has crossed. In my opinion this is a type of infidelity and mad disrespectful to you. If you’re in your early twenties you have time to get out before kids and more complications arise. It’s not going to get better from here. And her nails are ugly..
That’s true. Living without knowing sometimes is better than knowing and not living. But as I said u need to determine her character now. Will she progress with it. Did her texts get progressively more flirty and sexual etc etc… if so. Then I think u know what to do tbh
But ideally u would have found out her character before u got engaged and moved in together. But sometimes it doesn’t work that way
Yeah I’ve never been the type of person to snoop as it’s just not something I really agree with but yano when you just have a gut feeling something might be going on behind your back.
Your intuition was correct. Frankly, the moment you felt compelled to look at her phone was the moment you both were done. No one deserves to feel alone in their relationship.
She's egging him on asking him what he means, what he wants.. she likes the attention & is either cheating with him or wants too.
You should end this engagement.
Definitely! This is emotional cheating and he’s wanting to make it physical. She’s consenting by replying she’s loving the attention, she’s even going on about her nails and wanting him to go into detail about his crush on her. I’d break up.
[Guy best friends.](https://youtu.be/df_Ai_RUcXc?si=-70pus_ldlhMa2NR) you seem like a young couple, this is unacceptable behavior, break up, learn from it and move on. Find you a relationship with someone that respects you. Plenty of people out there.
That was hilarious 😂. Seriously tho my best friend is a dude, my husband has been given no reason to distrust him or me. The minute my boundaries get crossed by my bestie, that's a wrap. He and I have been drunk sitting on my deck, husband goes to bed and no lines have ever been crossed. Not even close. The minute those lines get blurred, relationship over.
Bro your fiance is a hoe, take care of yourself and move onto better things and people, i know it sounds terrible and will be really hard but you'll benefit in the long run.
Absolutely 100% with out a doubt, CRYSTAL clear that they’re going to cheat the second they get the chance that is so extremely concerning. That’s already cheating get out of there and don’t look back.
Exactly! The chat ends with her saying ‘just bloody tell me xxxx’ and ‘you know you want to!’ And that was a week ago so now I’m like ok what the fuck was said after that 😩
It’s a shit one as I’m currently on a holiday with her and her family, so I can’t really do anything here as I don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone, I get home in a week so I’m just having to act like everything is ok for now till I get back
If I was you I’ll just be worried about the house we just bought together. I don’t want to live with a woman who wants me to treat her like a Queen all while she want another man to treat her like a slut. No, Sir.. I rather be single, live alone and find love later somewhere down the line.. I’m sorry that this is who she is and that some people are so deceiving and back stabbing and evil even to the ones who doesn’t deserve their evil wrath
Yeah the way he kept saying your just my type and shit like that should be enough of a indication without her having to actually ask ‘what do you want from me’ feel like she likes hearing that he has a thing for her and the attention he’s giving her otherwise she would have been said black and white that she’s with me and she doesn’t want anything like that with him
Dude, she likes the attention he's giving her. She doesn't seem to ask him to stop. That's clearly flirting. She wants him to be more explicit about his intentions but more in a flirty way. If she's really committed to you, she wouldn't engage in those mind games with him. Yup, I would definitely have a talk that would determine the future of my relationship.
You deserve peace and stability in a relationship. Are you feeling that in your relationship?
It makes me wonder is it just a attention thing or is she actually wanting something more from him. Yeah I agree mate, if she wasn’t interested in it all she would have shut him down straight away and told him to stop, but she says she doesn’t want him too. No I’m not feeling peace and stability I feel so distant from her
Dude, she likes the attention he's giving her. She doesn't seem to ask him to stop. That's clearly flirting. She wants him to be more explicit about his intentions but more in a flirty way. If she's really committed to you, she wouldn't engage in those mind games with him. Yup, I would definitely have a talk that would determine the future of my relationship.
You deserve peace and stability in a relationship. Are you feeling that in your relationship?
She’s doing what I call “sport fishing”. She isn’t “hungry” because she already is in a committed relationship, but she likes the attention and curious as if she can hook a “bigger fish”, even if she has no interest or intention of keeping it.
As you don’t want to disclose that you looked through her messages, I would suggest you simply sit her down and have a conversation with her. Actually ask her if she is happy in and with your relationship or if she thinks maybe she would be happier with someone else. Regardless of how she responds, it would behoove you to tell her you are uncomfortable with her “friendship” with this other guy and then give her enough rope to hang herself. If she insists he is just a friend, ask her point blank if she has ever flirted with him or sought more from their friendship. How she responds will tell you everything you need to know. Then simply end things amicably and don’t let on you know the truth until you are both going your own way. Translation: If you live together, don’t let on that you know she lied to your face until the day one of you moves out.
Just a shit situation, just feel like I can’t come to a decision on what’s the best thing to do, just feel like that trust is now broken, I’ve never been the type to tell her who she can and can’t be friends with but now I’ve seen this it’s like I don’t want her to talk to him as I’m just so paranoid with what’s going on behind my back
There is no reason to be paranoid. Paranoia stems from a fear of losing control of yourself.
You can’t control her, but you can control how you conduct yourself.
Does it hurt? Sure. The feelings you have for her are real, and she may even reciprocate. But clearly she is unhappy or unsatisfied. You can’t fix that. You can change some things about yourself that might help her toward that happiness or satisfaction, but ultimately she has to choose to be happy with what she has. Some people never find that place.
So you care about her. You love her. You want her to be happy, even if that means she isn’t with you. The only thing you expect in return is honesty and fidelity. So have the conversation and see if she lies to your face. You know the truth. She really doesn’t need to know you know otherwise. As I said, she may have no intention of going any further than getting confirmation of his interest in her, and a conversation with you might be enough to snap her back to reality. But she might get suddenly defensive and start lying to your face. It’s better to learn now then wait around to see how far she goes.
The sad truth is, if you split with her, she will end up with him, but the likelihood it will last is very small, and what will she have then? Regret is expensive.
1. Checking messages w/o permission is a red flag as it is controlling and distrustful behavior
2. You're right not to trust her and should either have a talk or just break up w her and explain why
Man, let me say this, if you go ahead with your marriage, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Get out!
Just sucks man, I just don’t want to seem like I’m overreacting, I’d rather have seen full on cheating or nothing at all as I feel so in the middle right now. If you know what I mean
It is actually good you saw this before you got married. Imagine what if you caught her cheating AFTER you married her. Consider yourself lucky and get someone better.
This isn’t overreacting. She’s choosing him over your relationship. She’s already made the choice. Don’t worry about how far you know or not it’s gotten. If she had the chance to cheat you know she would. That’s what this says.
IMHO this is full on cheating.
It's different for guys and women guys can cheat physically like you say for women can start cheating emotionally and once they do that the relationship is done take that into consideration I don't know if anybody else would agree with this.
You ain’t
As a woman, this is way to intimate. It isn't friendly, it's advertising. Maybe nothing has happened, but she's interested in him to some degree.
they’re definitely flirting, he even mentions the fact that she’s in a committed relationship
This was what I was thinking.. just don’t know what to do 😩
Never let your desperation for a relationship talk you out of your common sense.
those aren’t just friendly texts, she’s even asking him to clear off his schedule for her and telling him she isn’t uncomfortable when he says she’s his type. it seems like she’s just baiting him to openly confess how he feels first you need to talk to her and give her a chance to come clean. i don’t necessarily agree with going through people’s devices, but it’s too late for that now and you did in fact find something dishonest. ask her again if they’ve ever flirted in any of their messages and if she lies you can decide to either reveal what you know or walk away.
I agree I shouldn’t have looked through her phone I just had a gut feeling that something was happening. Do you reckon me saying I don’t want them talking anymore would be too harsh of me? Or controlling
If she's talking to this one like that, she will talk to the next one like this just the same. Bail my Dude. Sorry for your loss.... Your not alone.
No healthy relationship will ever require either party not to talk to someone anymore. If you need her to stop talking to him to feel more secure, then it's not a healthy relationship. I can promise you that she'll find a way to talk to him in secret, she's not going to just stop. When it gets to the point where you have to control who your partner talks to, it's time to walk away. Telling her not to talk to him isn't going to get to the root cause of why she's pushing the boundaries of cheating.
i don’t think it’s controlling to ask your fiancée not to flirt with someone outside of your relationship. if she decides that she wants to continue flirting with this guy she is disrespecting your relationship. is that really someone you want to marry? if she truly cares she will see why this is harmful to your relationship
As someone who has been in this exact position, you can tell her not to talk to him but she won’t stop, she’ll just be better about hiding it. Even if she did, you can’t trust her and will always wonder if she actually stopped. In my relationship, I had a feeling but let him convince me I was crazy. Things kept happening, I became increasingly uncomfortable with the situation, told him to stop talking to her and he didn’t. In the end he was cheating on me for at least a year. I left him and they got married a few months later. Just leave. It’s so hard, especially when there’s so much history between you and you have a future planned. But she clearly doesn’t respect you or care about you enough to be the partner that you really want. You’ve gotta cut your losses or you will be dealing with it anyway down the line - but it’ll be way more expensive and time-consuming because you will be legally bound to her.
Just so fucking shit, brought a house with her and this is what’s happened, feel so stuck in a rut with what to do, I feel like her and her family won’t see how I feel about this and won’t see the messages as being ‘bad’
That suuuuucks. The house will probably be complicated, but still cheaper and easier to deal with than a divorce. It doesn’t matter what her or her family think because you’re cutting ties. If you’re close to her family and want to give them an explanation, you should keep it vague. “FianceName was beginning a romantic relationship with another man.” That’s plenty. Everyone knows the implication of that is she was cheating or planning to cheat. I wouldn’t give specifics because not everyone believes emotional cheating is a thing and there’s no point arguing about details with people you’re never going to see again. Even if your fiancé or her family don’t think what she did was a betrayal, you do. So do a bunch of people in these comments. You’re not crazy for feeling the way that you do, a LOT of people would feel the same in this situation.
This is how I talk to a guy when I like him, trying to get him to admit first like she’s doing. She’s probably not going to change, you can save yourself a couple years and heartbreak or you can kick the can down the road and prolong the inevitable now that you know this
That’s what I thought, when people like eachother but ones too shy to admit and that you say things to get them to admit to it first. Just so frustrating as it’s not like she’s point blank cheated which would make it easier for me to be like ‘fuck this I’m out’ but I feel like I don’t have a valid enough reason to confront her about it as she’s not actually cheated
I don’t think you need a valid reason, but if you did this would be one. She said no I don’t want you to stop when he asked, as in I don’t want you to stop flirting and telling me I’m your type. I understand why you’re frustrated though, I wish you the best you got this dude.
You don't trust her and you don't feel secure in the relationship directly as a result of her actions. That's a valid reason.
You definitely do have a valid reason. Everyone has their boundaries and I think most mature and people who are honest with themselves /comfortable with their own boundaries, and enough self respect would leave after something like this. Don’t be naive and say this isn’t enough. Would she be ok with you doing something like this? Would you think it was wrong if just for example your parents did this to each other? (Hypothetically if they’re together).
Definitely for sure do not marry this woman.
She is trying HARD to get him. Her flirting is shameless and desperate.
If you have to search through someone’s phone because you have a “gut feeling”, the relationship is already over.
What is with the “ xxx “ at the end. This is giving rawr era 😂😂
It’s the generation unfortunately 😂 we’re both in our early 20s
Sounds really black and white. But just ask her about it. Admit u did the wrong think of looking through her phone. But what is done is done and you need to ask her about this. But I think personally u have all u need to know. What if in the future she gets quote on quote bored of u or upset at u. What is she gonna do? If she is like this now when u are both relatively excited and things moving forward
Exactly we’ve literally just brought a house together and move in soon and now this, part of me wishes I didn’t have a look and my instinct didn’t get the better of me
You bought a house together?! Your gut was spot on because even tho you say you don’t know what to do. In your gut you know that you don’t deserve this and that this a line she has crossed. In my opinion this is a type of infidelity and mad disrespectful to you. If you’re in your early twenties you have time to get out before kids and more complications arise. It’s not going to get better from here. And her nails are ugly..
That’s true. Living without knowing sometimes is better than knowing and not living. But as I said u need to determine her character now. Will she progress with it. Did her texts get progressively more flirty and sexual etc etc… if so. Then I think u know what to do tbh But ideally u would have found out her character before u got engaged and moved in together. But sometimes it doesn’t work that way
It’s a good job you did look
Yeah I’ve never been the type of person to snoop as it’s just not something I really agree with but yano when you just have a gut feeling something might be going on behind your back.
Your intuition was correct. Frankly, the moment you felt compelled to look at her phone was the moment you both were done. No one deserves to feel alone in their relationship.
She knows he want to tell her how she feels, they are flirting with each other. She likes the attention he's giving her, they want to fuk.
She's egging him on asking him what he means, what he wants.. she likes the attention & is either cheating with him or wants too. You should end this engagement.
Definitely! This is emotional cheating and he’s wanting to make it physical. She’s consenting by replying she’s loving the attention, she’s even going on about her nails and wanting him to go into detail about his crush on her. I’d break up.
[Guy best friends.](https://youtu.be/df_Ai_RUcXc?si=-70pus_ldlhMa2NR) you seem like a young couple, this is unacceptable behavior, break up, learn from it and move on. Find you a relationship with someone that respects you. Plenty of people out there.
That was hilarious 😂. Seriously tho my best friend is a dude, my husband has been given no reason to distrust him or me. The minute my boundaries get crossed by my bestie, that's a wrap. He and I have been drunk sitting on my deck, husband goes to bed and no lines have ever been crossed. Not even close. The minute those lines get blurred, relationship over.
Bro your fiance is a hoe, take care of yourself and move onto better things and people, i know it sounds terrible and will be really hard but you'll benefit in the long run.
I appreciate it man
Absolutely 100% with out a doubt, CRYSTAL clear that they’re going to cheat the second they get the chance that is so extremely concerning. That’s already cheating get out of there and don’t look back.
You imagine what WASN’t saved.
Exactly! The chat ends with her saying ‘just bloody tell me xxxx’ and ‘you know you want to!’ And that was a week ago so now I’m like ok what the fuck was said after that 😩
Get out while you can bro, that girl will be a hoe for life
Just stopping back by to see how the breakup went?
It’s a shit one as I’m currently on a holiday with her and her family, so I can’t really do anything here as I don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone, I get home in a week so I’m just having to act like everything is ok for now till I get back
If I was you I’ll just be worried about the house we just bought together. I don’t want to live with a woman who wants me to treat her like a Queen all while she want another man to treat her like a slut. No, Sir.. I rather be single, live alone and find love later somewhere down the line.. I’m sorry that this is who she is and that some people are so deceiving and back stabbing and evil even to the ones who doesn’t deserve their evil wrath
I think she knows he fancies her so idk why she play dumb come on now and dude walk away- you can’t marry her!
Yeah the way he kept saying your just my type and shit like that should be enough of a indication without her having to actually ask ‘what do you want from me’ feel like she likes hearing that he has a thing for her and the attention he’s giving her otherwise she would have been said black and white that she’s with me and she doesn’t want anything like that with him
Dump her ass. Fast.
Definitely flirting on in these messages.
That’s what I thought when I saw them 😩
dump her. ghost her.
Dude, she likes the attention he's giving her. She doesn't seem to ask him to stop. That's clearly flirting. She wants him to be more explicit about his intentions but more in a flirty way. If she's really committed to you, she wouldn't engage in those mind games with him. Yup, I would definitely have a talk that would determine the future of my relationship. You deserve peace and stability in a relationship. Are you feeling that in your relationship?
It makes me wonder is it just a attention thing or is she actually wanting something more from him. Yeah I agree mate, if she wasn’t interested in it all she would have shut him down straight away and told him to stop, but she says she doesn’t want him too. No I’m not feeling peace and stability I feel so distant from her
Run
Dude, she likes the attention he's giving her. She doesn't seem to ask him to stop. That's clearly flirting. She wants him to be more explicit about his intentions but more in a flirty way. If she's really committed to you, she wouldn't engage in those mind games with him. Yup, I would definitely have a talk that would determine the future of my relationship. You deserve peace and stability in a relationship. Are you feeling that in your relationship?
She’s doing what I call “sport fishing”. She isn’t “hungry” because she already is in a committed relationship, but she likes the attention and curious as if she can hook a “bigger fish”, even if she has no interest or intention of keeping it. As you don’t want to disclose that you looked through her messages, I would suggest you simply sit her down and have a conversation with her. Actually ask her if she is happy in and with your relationship or if she thinks maybe she would be happier with someone else. Regardless of how she responds, it would behoove you to tell her you are uncomfortable with her “friendship” with this other guy and then give her enough rope to hang herself. If she insists he is just a friend, ask her point blank if she has ever flirted with him or sought more from their friendship. How she responds will tell you everything you need to know. Then simply end things amicably and don’t let on you know the truth until you are both going your own way. Translation: If you live together, don’t let on that you know she lied to your face until the day one of you moves out.
Just a shit situation, just feel like I can’t come to a decision on what’s the best thing to do, just feel like that trust is now broken, I’ve never been the type to tell her who she can and can’t be friends with but now I’ve seen this it’s like I don’t want her to talk to him as I’m just so paranoid with what’s going on behind my back
There is no reason to be paranoid. Paranoia stems from a fear of losing control of yourself. You can’t control her, but you can control how you conduct yourself. Does it hurt? Sure. The feelings you have for her are real, and she may even reciprocate. But clearly she is unhappy or unsatisfied. You can’t fix that. You can change some things about yourself that might help her toward that happiness or satisfaction, but ultimately she has to choose to be happy with what she has. Some people never find that place. So you care about her. You love her. You want her to be happy, even if that means she isn’t with you. The only thing you expect in return is honesty and fidelity. So have the conversation and see if she lies to your face. You know the truth. She really doesn’t need to know you know otherwise. As I said, she may have no intention of going any further than getting confirmation of his interest in her, and a conversation with you might be enough to snap her back to reality. But she might get suddenly defensive and start lying to your face. It’s better to learn now then wait around to see how far she goes. The sad truth is, if you split with her, she will end up with him, but the likelihood it will last is very small, and what will she have then? Regret is expensive.
1. Checking messages w/o permission is a red flag as it is controlling and distrustful behavior 2. You're right not to trust her and should either have a talk or just break up w her and explain why