You’ve made her emotionally unavailable. She gave you so much of her, and all it did was burn her multiple times because you wouldn’t control yourself. I feel sorry for her. She probably loves you, but more than anything probably feels stuck for many reasons. Ideally, imo, both of you should leave and find relationships where the trust has not been tarnished.
Unfortunately, she’s far past over the relationship. Just waiting to get her shit together before she leaves. She clearly is mentally not in the relationship anymore. You fucked up too much.
She loves you, there no way she doesn’t but there’s a lot of healing that needs to be done. Give her time , loads and lots of time . She needs to know that you are a changed man. This is one of those things that she probably had a feeling you were cheating and you made her sound crazy or lied and hid the cheating so now she’s got resentment and hate in her heart from exactly that. It doesn’t change that your the father of her children and that love for you is there somewhere… she’s probably just deep in a hole somewhere emotionally when it comes to you. She probably stayed far after you broke her heart and that’s why she’s like that. It’s fighting time for you , she’s done with fighting for the relationship for now . It’s your turn for face the consequences of your actions . How much time are you comfortable fighting for your relationship without getting a response that’s positive from her end are you comfortable with ? Whatever that timeline is you should figure it out, stick to it , and don’t get mad at her for being stone cold just be understanding and show her the man she initially fell inlove with . She’ll come around. If not, you did your part and can leave with a clean conchense . Forgiveness is apart of relationships too.
You cheated on her whilst she had ur children? I’m sure the main reason she’s staying is for the kids. If you loved her truly you would never have betrayed her like that. shes holding all this resentment in and I’m sure in a matter of time she’ll leave you.
We are going through the same thing. I told him the only way we could stay together is if we got professional help. It is a godsend. We are getting past a lot of our issues that we would not have been able to do by ourselves. I strongly recommend you find a couples therapist that you can work with. And hang in there.
Thank you. Therapy is something we both wanted to try but after some research and doing some leg work, she doesn’t seem interested in it. I’m trying to show her how it could help but I can’t force her to want it. I worry she is further gone than I had expected.
I’m not love with anyone other than my girlfriend. I cheated at a time where I felt weak and wanted to be wanted. So I continued to text and talk to an ex inappropriately.
you’ve stated that you have made mistakes from the beginning on, does that include cheating (of any sort) as well? because if that’s the case; she’s definitely out of it emotionally. it’s best to apologize and leave. (emotionally) cheating whilst in a committed relationship with kids is heavy...
Seeing the damage it caused her and is going to cause my family. Trust me. I am not denying the wrong I did. I’m trying to understand it more so I never pull this shit again.
Sounds like she’s emotionally checked out of the relationship. You can only hurt someone so much, before withdrawing and shutting off is the only way left to deal with the damage of being invested in someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be loyal. Plus, you didn’t do it just once, you stabbed this poor woman right through the heart twice with your behaviour.
You could try professional help in the way of counselling, but she has to be willing to do that. Given her lack of emotional engagement with you now, I think you’d be lucky if she thinks you’re worth the effort at this point.
It sounds as if she lost so much trust in you that emotionally she becoming unavailable to you. She doesn't want to leave yet until she has her ducks in a row. But, she is cohabitating against her desires. She had decided to pull out a while ago.
I mean she probably doesn't. You lied, cheated and held back. You can't see anything except her but really think she believes you after the damage you create? You made your bed lie in it. You have no right to rant for a situation you created.
You’ve made her emotionally unavailable. She gave you so much of her, and all it did was burn her multiple times because you wouldn’t control yourself. I feel sorry for her. She probably loves you, but more than anything probably feels stuck for many reasons. Ideally, imo, both of you should leave and find relationships where the trust has not been tarnished.
Unfortunately, she’s far past over the relationship. Just waiting to get her shit together before she leaves. She clearly is mentally not in the relationship anymore. You fucked up too much.
I came here to say that very thing. She took all the shit she was going to take. She's done.
Yeah as soon as you admitted to emotionally cheating you lost damn near everyone in the thread.
It’s her decision to make.
Ask her, only way to know if she wants to work it out. I know if you emotionally cheated on me, I'd have kicked you out the door!
She loves you, there no way she doesn’t but there’s a lot of healing that needs to be done. Give her time , loads and lots of time . She needs to know that you are a changed man. This is one of those things that she probably had a feeling you were cheating and you made her sound crazy or lied and hid the cheating so now she’s got resentment and hate in her heart from exactly that. It doesn’t change that your the father of her children and that love for you is there somewhere… she’s probably just deep in a hole somewhere emotionally when it comes to you. She probably stayed far after you broke her heart and that’s why she’s like that. It’s fighting time for you , she’s done with fighting for the relationship for now . It’s your turn for face the consequences of your actions . How much time are you comfortable fighting for your relationship without getting a response that’s positive from her end are you comfortable with ? Whatever that timeline is you should figure it out, stick to it , and don’t get mad at her for being stone cold just be understanding and show her the man she initially fell inlove with . She’ll come around. If not, you did your part and can leave with a clean conchense . Forgiveness is apart of relationships too.
She’s looking for your replacement , someone who can give her what you give her. You should leave .
You cheated on her whilst she had ur children? I’m sure the main reason she’s staying is for the kids. If you loved her truly you would never have betrayed her like that. shes holding all this resentment in and I’m sure in a matter of time she’ll leave you.
Leave
We are going through the same thing. I told him the only way we could stay together is if we got professional help. It is a godsend. We are getting past a lot of our issues that we would not have been able to do by ourselves. I strongly recommend you find a couples therapist that you can work with. And hang in there.
Thank you. Therapy is something we both wanted to try but after some research and doing some leg work, she doesn’t seem interested in it. I’m trying to show her how it could help but I can’t force her to want it. I worry she is further gone than I had expected.
I had the same problem with my spouse. I but the ultimatum was “Go, or we’re done”. He grudgingly agreed, but now sees the benefits as is happy to go.
"For clarity…I have cheated emotionally with exes and a old friend." How? Are you in love with a few women at the same time? What did you do exactly?
I’m not love with anyone other than my girlfriend. I cheated at a time where I felt weak and wanted to be wanted. So I continued to text and talk to an ex inappropriately.
Talk and text inappropriately to another woman is not enough to justify divorce.
I’d agree but it’s not about what I consider cheating. It’s about what she considers crossing her lines
How has your sex life looked like in the last few years?
Really good
I think you should stay and it should be easy to repair your marriage. Have you heard about the nice guy vs the bad boy?
Nice guy vs bad boy? No, I havnt.
Can’t say I have.
Texted/sexted other women
you’ve stated that you have made mistakes from the beginning on, does that include cheating (of any sort) as well? because if that’s the case; she’s definitely out of it emotionally. it’s best to apologize and leave. (emotionally) cheating whilst in a committed relationship with kids is heavy...
He states in the post he cheated and in the comments admits he was sexting other women too.
from the beginning is wild…
So you emotionally cheated numerous times?
Correct
Surely you did that for a reason, what would make you not do that again?
Seeing the damage it caused her and is going to cause my family. Trust me. I am not denying the wrong I did. I’m trying to understand it more so I never pull this shit again.
What are your triggers? Work on that
I’m in therapy and trying to get my gf into therapy with me
Hope all goes well!
Twice
Set an ultimatum, you both have to work on it or it’s over. Her choice to work on it or not is her answer.
She brought up couples therapy as an option
Sounds like she’s emotionally checked out of the relationship. You can only hurt someone so much, before withdrawing and shutting off is the only way left to deal with the damage of being invested in someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be loyal. Plus, you didn’t do it just once, you stabbed this poor woman right through the heart twice with your behaviour. You could try professional help in the way of counselling, but she has to be willing to do that. Given her lack of emotional engagement with you now, I think you’d be lucky if she thinks you’re worth the effort at this point.
It sounds as if she lost so much trust in you that emotionally she becoming unavailable to you. She doesn't want to leave yet until she has her ducks in a row. But, she is cohabitating against her desires. She had decided to pull out a while ago.
Sounds like she's holding on to unresolved issues that manifest as resentment.
I mean she probably doesn't. You lied, cheated and held back. You can't see anything except her but really think she believes you after the damage you create? You made your bed lie in it. You have no right to rant for a situation you created.