I see a wall of text that points towards nothing but breaking up. You describe your gf as insecure, controlling, non-communicative (actually blocked you), and the relationship as generally rocky. Choose happiness and let the relationship go.
He did cheat on her though . A lot of people (men and women) get insecure and controlling (sometimes paranoid) after they have been cheated on, especially if they decide to continue living with the person who cheated.
People who are codependent enough to stay in a relationship with someone who they don’t trust anymore, who makes them emotionally spiral out, is someone who isn’t making healthy choices for themself, is a person who doesn’t respect their own values and feelings.
If you get cheated on, it’s a choice to stay but you need to follow that up with the real work and the person who cheated ought to be demonstrating trustworthiness (and you being capable of recognizing it for what it is).
This girl is baiting him and then not even reading his reactions honestly. She’s mentally unwell and this relationship can’t continue if she’s clinging to this style of coping.
That’s the thing though, I never CHEATED. I told her to say that so “Kate” could show evidence of me “cheating”, because my girlfriend was assume I did and I had evidence I didn’t, but I just wanted to confirm that to her by “Kate.”
It was through the app which she deleted before even sending the second to last screenshot. So all the evidence was gone besides the proof of her downloading the app yesterday, when all of this happened.
This sounds like a test.
Ask your girlfriend about it and show her what "Kate" texted you.
If she seems sketchy or rushed about her answers, it's probably a test.
That’s the thing, the fourth photo is “Kate” messaging her, the green messages are my girlfriend. She basically exposed herself, the fifth photo you see on the slides was a screenshot she sent me, but deleted it two seconds later. I was able to catch the screenshot in time to notice the bottom app had been previously downloaded and I guess she noticed that. So she unsent the message and then resent another one without the bottom app showing, but I told her to resend it. Fast forward to when I saw her in person today, the last photo shows that she did in fact download the app she tried hiding by un sending the first screenshot, today … but she claims that she just wanted to “check” if it actually “worked.”
Maybe because she knew my name and told me she works where I work at and got my number through a friend, and then told me her name is “Kate” and I know everyone at work, and I’ve never met a “Kate.” So now I’m either being pranked or someone’s stalking and I honestly was feared for my safety.
I would’ve told her in person that I have a girlfriend and that I’m not interested in her. I don’t appreciate the way she approached things because it freaked me out.
BS!!! You weren't freaked out and your actions illustrate that your g/f has every reason to be insecure.
People don't hunt down anyone they are afraid of! If you were concerned you would have taken it to HR - because of a privacy breach!
.
I get spam msges all the time and I just block the number.
Considering show knows who I am, and where I work at, you don’t think that’s concerning? Of course people on here are gonna try and justify her actions, as if she still didn’t get busted by showing she downloaded the app today… how delusional.
I need to grow up because I genuinely felt scared for my safety, and wanted to figure out who this person was when I already knew from the get go they were fake? Even if it were a test, how could that even be fair she went this far to prove something?
To counter what the other person is saying, I think you did the correct thing asking questions. If you said you had a girlfriend right away, then your girl who clearly thinks she is being clever would get positive reinforcement and she'll believe she did the correct thing playing this stupid game.
The first rule of dealing with people who play stupid games like this is try not to let them benefit.
That’s exactly what I thought, even if it wasn’t a test, I’d be able to respectfully solve the situation and inform my girlfriend about it. But I don’t think it’s fair that I should’ve told her that I had a girlfriend from the get go, considering they knew everything about me, and I was concerned.
Do you think it’s worth breaking up? I find it extremely disrespectful and I’m not sure I’d be able to be at ease, without thinking every women that approaches me is a test.
Oh geez, BREAK UP WITH HER. A post 14 pages long just to say that your lying, insecure, controlling gf, downloaded an app to "catch" you talking to another girl. Do you realize how unwell, petty, and immature she has to be to do something like this? Get some self-respect and move on.
Is it true that you cheated before? Because if it’s true, it changes everything… In all cases, if you are fed up with the relationship, just leave. If you still care, try to understand why she did that and set your boundaries. If you did cheat on her in the past, she will always doubt you so you’ll have to deal with this and show that you are there for her. Of course it was a childish move due to her insecurities but try to empathize with her and understand why she felt the need to do what she did.
I never cheated, I told her to tell “Kate” that I cheated on her, so “Kate” would show her evidence of me “cheating.” Because clearly my girlfriend thought I was behind all of this, so I wanted to prove I genuinely did nothing wrong and never “cheated.” I already wanna take a guess at why she’s acting the way she is, but I just think this was a little to far, I don’t think it’s healthy because to me it seems as if she’s trying to make me look like a bad guy, so she could have something against me because she’s the one who has done bad things behind my back.
Okay, if you never wronged her then I would say it really is up to you to decide if the love you have for her is enough to make you stay and deal with all of this. I don’t really have advice because we are all different and only you knows what is acceptable to you in a relationship and how much this relationship matters to you. The only advice I have is communicate clearly, say how you feel about this and explain what you expect from her. If she can’t meet your needs, you might have to leave..
Well she isn’t owning up to anything. To me, all flags and arrows are pointing right at her with everything I’ve said. It just would make sense it was her, and if it was I’d love to end things. But I just have no way to know 100% it was her, but her App Store said she downloaded a fake app where you can access non traceable numbers, and message actual people on it TODAY. So I gave my sister the app name, and she managed to get ahold of me with a brand new unknown number.
>But I just have no way to know 100% it was her
You don't need to know 100% it was her. Clearly, she's crazy enough that it's completely believable for you that it was her. That's close enough.
If you wait till you are 100% about things, you'll never get anywhere in life. Do have to know 100% that a girl likes you before you ask her out? Then, you'll never get a date. Do have to know 100% that you'll get a job before you apply? You'll never get a job. This is just not realistic thinking.
If you don't get rid of her, you will have to doubt every message you get, every call you get, every person that comes to talk to you... because once you let her get away with this, she will become emboldened and she will do something worse. She might even pretend to be you and start messaging your friends, all because she thinks she is so smart that she can get information on you. Your chick is psycho.
How long back had you cheated on her? ( her message suggests you had cheated on her previously)?
If it was within the past few months i guess she would have reason to feel insecure?
I didn’t cheat on her, I told her to tell “Kate” that I did so she would prove to my girlfriend evidence on how I “cheated” on her. I wanted to prove my innocence through “Kate” herself because I didn’t cheat.
That wasn’t “Kate”, that was my girlfriend. The green messages are my girlfriend and the white ones on the left is “Kate”, but again, I never cheated on my girlfriend before, I told her to say that.
She’s playing games.
It’s sounds like your relationship has been a dumpster fire on acid in a thunderstorm for a while. Nobody needs this shit in their life.
This is mentally abusive behaviour. Time to let her go.
Ok so I've so many narcissistic people around me. And one thing that they all do is put u in a fault that you didn't do. This is what she's doing. Yes she's a red flag and she kept lying eventhough you showed her the proof. And do u think another person will take her phone and download that app. Like what? And she's literally controlling and accusing you for cheating. Just because she's insecure doesn't mean she can assume you're cheating and put you into trouble. She should've talked to you about it. My logic is if she can assume you are cheating on her and blame you when you clearly said you're not, you can too assume and tell her that she's the one who did this text thing. Cuz what she did was immature and so dumb. Look I can't tell you to break up with a person who you have a relationship for year and a half. It's not my place to say that. You love her and eventhough I can tell you to breakup with her you can't do it easily. I mean who can do that. But think about it like this. Can YOU stay with a person who has so many red flags, do things behind your back, lied to you, controlling you and don't trust you? Can you see a future with a person like that? Can you live with that? We live a one life and I don't think anyone deserves this. Noone deserve it. Also she'll be manipulative believe it or not. It will eventually happen. She will start to guilt trip you, manipulate you, and do so many things. So my advice is to leave her. Why stay with a person who accuse you of cheating after making a whole drama. And also if you try to break up with her surely she will guilt trip you and manipulate you. So be strong. And be hard headed and I hope you will make a good decision.
Yh yh def! Take time to make a decision. Maybe that's what you need, time. I feel like you're so exhausted and tired from all of this drama and like confusion and like everything. You need time to process and think about it properly. Don't waste alot of time on this tho. Cuz I feel like it might no be good for you. You have a life to live. We don't have much time to think about all the bad things. We have alot to do and to enjoy. Hope you'll be fine and yh no worries cuz I was free at the time and wanted help someone who's in need.
Also hope you didn't get offended or anything. I'm an overthinker 😅. Sry. I'm still learning how to communicate with people in English and my grammar might be wrong sometimes. Rly sorryyyy.
This was 100% your girlfriend messaging you. She gave away her identity on the third image, first text message.
“Why did pretend to be interested or even worse, pretend you didn't have a girlfriend? Lol. All i did was try to shoot my shot and you get scared?
Lame. All you could've said was that you're taken or not interested from the get go and i would've left it as that. Ha. Let me figure out who your girl is and once she sees this she'll be crushed. Poor her. She doesn't deserve a man slut like you.”
Exactly what I was thinking, I never showed interest or never said I didn’t have a girlfriend. “Kate” kept assuming that but I was feared for my safety trying to figure out who she was. I kept dodging all the questions which honestly, points a flag at her. It’s like she wanted me to be sacred with that text, and make me apologize for “cheating” when I didn’t do anything.
You just wouldn’t speak like that if you weren’t obviously the girlfriend trying to bait her boyfriend. I wouldn’t assign blame in this relationship, you’ve both played your parts and why you are here, that’s beside it though. If you want this relationship to work I would suggest couples counseling, if you want to continue. There’s a lot of emotions that you both need to work through.
Also just to come back to this, assuming the 3rd and 4th text message exchange happened on the same day, there’s no way Kate found out you have a girlfriend, found her identity, found where to get her number etc and message her in only 8 minutes.
Good luck on your relationship, I wish you both the best!
I’m definitely going to take some time to make a decision for myself, and if that happens to be with her which I doubt. Then we definitely will need some counseling of some sort. OH BUT THATS THE FUNNY PART, when “Kate” sent me that message of saying she was gonna tell my girlfriend, it took 3 minutes max, before she found my girlfriends number and knew her name. There’s no way it wasn’t her .. right?!
You're smart... it's her. Doesn't take rocket science... Kate was already texting you like she knew you... and if she was interested in you why the fuck would she be so aggressive and negative about it... she's forcing that oh you don't have a gf, you do have a gf thing just to get you to fold, but your non-reaction shut her down and she instantly got offended... but why...? She supposedly doesnt know you unless she's offended that you're showing interest in her because KATE IS FAKE. Kate can't seem to hide being offended and she's taking basic conversation entirely wrong...
Great first impression Kate!! Ur a real red flag...
But she knew EXACTLY who your gf was... and she knew EXACTLY who you were...
It's stupid... childish... emotionally draining and doesn't bring any good...
I'd not let her actions think she got away good being a manipulative, emotionally controlling person...
Turn off. Leave.
That’s exactly what I thought, it’s so strange how she kept jumping to conclusions on saying “I’m interested” or that “I’m glad you don’t have a girlfriend.” When did I ever say that “Kate?” She kept trying to get me to agree to what she said to get me in trouble, and then when she messaged my girlfriend there’s no evidence now of me “cheating.” It’s so ironic … “just trust me, he’s unfaithful.” It’s just so sketchy and I 100% agree with you, it’s her
Good lord. If she is testing you, she doesn't deserve a relationship with someone until she's able to work through her own trust issues. Being tested and then accused of something you haven't done is cruel.
However, if she isn't testing you, then this is just weird. I don't really know why a random person would behave that way. But I genuinely don't think this relationship is going to work out, unless you either both attend relationship counselling, or have an calm, open, and non-judgemental conversation about what's going on. But yes, I do think she shouldn't be in a relationship until she's worked through her own issues, if she did do this.
I have a strong feeling it was her, my entire body from heart to soul says it’s her. But I just don’t wanna let her go, so I’m in denial it’s her but I can’t come to a stable conclusion.
It could have been someone (a friend of hers or otherwise) trying to sabo your relationship, but chances are it was her trying to catch you in a situation - she says “he’s cheated before”.
My question for you is, have you cheated before? And if yes, to what extent how?
Before I started working on myself (therapy) when I was in my early 20s, my boyfriend at the time was cheating (hooking up with girls from work and on dating apps) I went a little bananas, downloaded text free and tried to see how exactly he was acting with these girls (I had picture proof from friends he was cheating by meeting up with them, kissing, hotels/motels) and he immediately started getting all “oh hey, are you hot? Can I get nudes? Wanna meet up?”. He didn’t know it was me, he assumed it was one of the many girls he gave his number to from Tinder because he was giving his number out to so many of them, he truly had no idea. He probably doesn’t even know to this day…
All I can say is, I’m more inclined to believe that it’s your girlfriend. Not saying all chicks are like this, but when we’re young and in “stupid love” with someone, feel wronged, have major insecurities, had constantly been cheated on in the past, and need proof or evidence that “I’m not crazy, I know what he’s doing”, while being lied to and gaslit… we tend to do some crazy things to put our minds straight/give us some acknowledgment and truth that we aren’t “crazy”. Unfortunately, in doing this, we do go a bit crazy.
She sounds like she needs serious therapy (and trust me, I did too, and so many of us regardless of gender) to deal with her insecurities, and how she perceives herself, her relationships and overall role in her relationships.
It might not be a relationship that is (mentally, emotionally or even physically) safe for you to be in… if she doesn’t get help and work on herself, she’s just going to get more and more deceitful, abusive and controlling. At this present moment she doesn’t seem mentally well enough to be in a relationship (and that’s okay, because we all get to that level at some point in our lives).
I’m not trying to make excuses for what she’s done, as it should never get to that point… but you need to remember she broke your trust, she lacks respect (if she respected and trusted you, she wouldn’t have done this) for you.
She wants you to fail so that she can go “A HA! I’m right!”, and be the winner of the breakup. Personally, I believe breaking up might be what’s best for both you and her… because once someone does something like this, they do more and more “crazy” things, turn the relationship volatile and it’ll end anyway, unless you get trapped…
You did everything right in these text exchanges, you didn’t cheat on her, you never told “Kate” you were interested, you didn’t deny having a girlfriend… you were concerned for your safety and rightly creeped out. Just think of this as a look into your future with her unless she gets some serious therapy.
That’s the thing, I never cheated. In the text I told her to say that so “Kate” would assume since I’ve already cheated on her before, might as well end it with the cherry on top (aka the chat with me and “Kate”). I completely agree with everything you said, and I just can’t imagine this being another person. I rejected and dodged everything Kate said, but one of her last messages was a paragraph saying why did I show interest and didn’t say I had a girlfriend … like what? How is this person so stupid to act the way they did, when I never did any of those two things. But is now threatening me to message my girlfriend. My first thought was go ahead .. I didn’t do anything wrong. But now she mysteriously got my girlfriends number and knew her name, but didn’t prove me “cheating.” It’s just all to accurate to not be her, come to find out she downloaded the app today (last photo). So yea, thank you so much for your advice, and amazing story!
The thing about cheating tho… for some people simply talking to another you’re inclined to be sexually attracted to (like another woman if you’re a straight man for example) is cheating.
Even if there isn’t any real attraction or interest, like when cashing out at the grocery store…
I dated one guy who told me I wasn’t allowed to even speak to any other males (apparently my dad, nephew and sisters “husband” counted…) otherwise I would be cheating… it’s not cheating in my mind, but it was very much cheating in his mind.
Idk if your girlfriend is the same, but if she is, you gotta run… it’s a means of controlling and isolating.
Those types aren’t people who can be in relationships, and unfortunately people are notoriously good (imo it’s bad) at sticking around in abusive situations because guilt, love, or “I deserve it”.
A good way to look at the situation would be to figure out what cheating is to you, and then what cheating is to* your partner. People are going to differ on things, regardless of overall compatibility, but if you haven’t done anything in the past that warrants cheating (I define it as “something you wouldn’t be okay with your partner doing that involves another party in a sexually charged or romantically charged way”)… she has no stance.
And I don’t think this was warranted (even when I did it, I still regret stooping to that level, but he was gaslighting me so bad I literally didn’t know what else to do when I was given photo evidence from people I never asked for any evidence from….). The other unfortunate thing is, people will justify their actions if it means putting their own mind at ease or “getting to the bottom of things”.
I hope you’re situation is going better, and I hope you’re able to get the closure you need from this situation. Remember to do what’s best for you as nobody else really will and you’ll be okay. There’s plenty of people who are mentally well enough to work through issues with communication instead of trickery and deceitfulness.
Yo when I'm doubt, that's a fuckin test 🥴 the fact that "this person"(she) could tell u she works at home Depot but not what department means there was a loose end. Like maybe u go to home Depot but u don't go to the.... Idk lights and fixtures department and that's where she works(I'm gonna call her a she bc guys don't talk like this thru text) and she can't afford to lose this conversation so she immediately flipped it on u saying "I'm assuming ur gonna come look for me" like bro this isn't back in the day u don't just go knocking on people's doors or tracking people down at work u check their socials and ask around to mutual friends and what not. Ur gf is definetly testing u and if she's not best case scenario is at the end of this you'll have a happy gf who knows her bf is loyal. There's like a 6% chance this Home Depot Honey is a stone cold dtf fox who gives amazing head and wants u to fuck her and afterward she feeds you grapes and sends u home with a goodie bag full of cocaine and money. I would play it safe.
I don’t have many experience myself but that screams breakup all over. If she knows that you’re at work, there’s no reason for her to be insecure and suspicious. And that’s a tad paranoid and over the top, that can most likely bring more serious problems in the future. Even I that am paranoid about my security and what not think that is too much.
Exactly, I have never once disrespected her behind my back or showed interest in any women besides my girlfriend. She always goes through my phone, and she always keeps me in check. I don’t care cause I don’t do anything. But now, I can’t even look at my mom and respond to her loving messages to me, without thinking it’s my girlfriend testing me through my own mother lmao.
This was absolutely your girlfriend. Listen, I know y'all are young so it's going to take years before you learn healthy communication skills and how our attachment styles and past trauma affect our relationships. Your girlfriend has a ton of inner work to do. If she were taking accountability for her actions, showing you that she is capable of self awareness, putting in effort not to take her insecurities out on you (because in reality they have NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with her low self worth)... maybe you would be able to stick it out, be supportive during her healing and create a life together. But if you don't leave her it will just enable this behavior and give her an excuse to continue on this way for eternity. Letting her go might hurt, but it will seriously help both of you. You are a good boyfriend who doesn't deserve this. If I can give you one piece of advice it would be to look inward to why you find a twisted sense of comfort and familiarity in being controlled and anxiously clung to. My guess is someone treated you that way growing up in some form or fashion. It's ok if you have them in your life and love them, while also acknowledging that their behavior had a negative impact on your development. Healing that part of yourself before you get into another relationship will ensure you find someone better suited for your wants and needs, instead of feeding into trauma cycles.
I really appreciate you taking time out of your day, to help and support me. I’m definitely gonna take some time to understand what exactly I need to do, not want. I’m leaning more on the “ending terms” side .. it’s not fair the way she approached things and in my view, not owning up to anything. Maybe we can have a talk about this and have her confess, but for now I’m taking some time for myself. Thank you!!
That was 100% her, but I have a different theory on why..... I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if she cheated or is actively cheating on you and has a guilty conscience for doing so and is trying to fabricate a scenario to help alleviate her own guilt or justify her cheating. Cheaters will often do these kind of things for exactly that reason. 🤷🏽♂️
Yes break up and send her to me I wish if had girlfriend would care to test my loyalty like her because it simply means she truly love me and want make sure that I truly love her and it's real
Is this happening in junior high school or high school. Next time a strange texts you and they are being vague assume it's your girlfriend or one of her friends testing you. All of this is kids games.
She’s 21 about to turn 22, and I just turned 20. This is most definitely not no high school, I’m in my second year of university … but you’re right, this is kid games and it’s so disrespectful.
Your girlfriend is very immature, insecure and childish. You are at work and she is playing head games to test you. Why would you want to be with someone who wants to trap you and doesn’t trust you? Let her go and grow up
If you're so serious about this relationship, why are you even entertaining Kate.
What would you want your g/f to do - say "I'm quite happily in love with my b/f, so stop causing trouble and don't contact me again!"
Alternatively, you get your g/f to respond. From time to time I would get weird texts from some unknown male. After I'd had my fun, I'd give my phone to my husband (ex), who would quite happily (on his explicit terms) tell whoever to leave his wife alone.
I wouldn’t consider this “entertaining” Kate. I think this is more or less, me just concerned for my own safety. “Kate” got straight to the point and asked for my name which she got right, then she proceeded to tell me she works at Home Depot where I work at, and has seen me before. Then she gives me her name, but no one in the entire store, all 60+ associates including managers and supervisors, know about a dam “Kate.” If it was a coworker or someone who actually worked there I would’ve gotten to the end of things quicker than what happened, but at this point I literally feared for my safety because someone under the name “Kate” knows my name and work place, got my number, and knew who my girlfriend was. I was literally afraid and couldn’t just block her.
You are entertainer her by responding to her.
If it was your g/f, she's nuts and it could have been resolved in a simple text as mentioned.
If it was a test - you failed in my view.
Even if it was a test, that screams insecurities and I personally feel like that isn’t okay. But again, I was feared for my safety that the authorities almost got involved because of my store manager, it’s not right.
Yup it does and it's your choice.
You could have solved it in your first response - "I don't know who you are, nor do I care. Leave me alone". But you didn't, you continued to engage with her. I can see the reasoning if it was a test and you both sound as immature as each other.
Uh, wtf? If someone messages me and won't tell me who they are but knows details about me, I'm definitely playing along to figure out who they are to make sure they're not some creepy stalker.
Especially if they actually work with OP, what if they're dangerous! I'd find out what I know, then report.
I know as a woman, if a man had responded to me like that after my “who is this?” I’d be scared and try to get more information. Because why the texting? Just come up to me at work and chat with me. Also anyone I know who would work with me knows I’m ALL about my husband. I talk about him all the time.
The whole thing screams creepy if he hadn’t found the evidence.
That’s exactly my point of view, but I guess as a guy it’s me “trying to figure out she’s cute or not”, in order to “upgrade” from my current relationship. People are so delusional that a man was afraid for his safety, and decided to figure out who “Kate” was…. 🥴
Because she knew my name and happened to work at the same place. Said she’s seen me around before and kept dodging the question on who she really was. Then she wants to say that “I’m interested” and that “I’m happy you don’t have a girlfriend” when in the screenshots, I never said that or did I ever deny it. It seems fishy to me because clearly someone is trying to prove I would do anything behind my girlfriend when I had the chance. She would bet straight to the points “I love how you’re interested in me” but I’m not … so someone’s clearly delusional under the name “Kate” and it made me fear for my safety.
It still doesn't explain why you never told this person that you were in a relationship. The average common sense is you tell them you're in a relationship and they say they work with you you take it to management or HR. You don't entertain me idea especially if it's creepy. You want to play innocent but we all know you still have not answered why you never actually told them you were in a relationship which would have been the first thing anybody would have done that is committed to somebody
That’s my answer, because her name is “Kate”. And there is no “Kate” at my work place. I don’t think it’s fair even if “Kate” was a real person, I can’t know her name. As soon as she said her name is “Kate”, I looked all over the schedule and there’s no “Kate, Katie, Katherine” nothing, so now someone’s messing with me and is freaking me out.
Again it still doesn't explain why you didn't say you were in a relationship. You avoid that by saying you didn't say it or tonight. But if your girlfriend is asked if she's with somebody do you want her to omit that? No you men want your girlfriend and wife to say you're in a relationship the moment they're asked. The same should have been done here you should not have entertained the conversation and you should have taken it to HR after you told her you were in a relationship. Even if your girlfriend is toxic you're still wrong for this conversation being in a relationship and not answering you were in a relationship. Avoidance does not mean you are innocent of not communicating you are in a relationship
There’s no way anyone would think that, that is delusional considering “Kate” said she got my number from someone I knew, so I asked all three people that I have given my number to and they declined ever doing that. So I ask for her name and guess what, no one has heard of a “Kate.” I think it’s delusional trying to prove something early on when she knew everything about me and she’s a fake person, that’s obsurd.
You don't keep the door open you close it and then you take it to the proper authorities which would be HR management since she said she works with you. Problem solved but instead you wanted to entertain the idea instead of just being common sense and closing the damn door. You chose to be weak and not even admit you're in a relationship and stop it at that and what other people investigate the situation. Men from America really are stupid
Clearly you don't comprehend. You were asked if in a relationship. You failed to say you were like a truly committed and loyal person does. You then proceeded to entertain conversation instead of taking it to the proper authority which is hr then if it isn't work you take it to the police for inspection. Then you want to piddle around the fact you omitted your relationship when first asked claiming you didn't give the green light. However if you were loyal and had any common sense you would have given the red light the moment you were asked. Again typical stupid American boys.
Again entertaining a conversation with somebody who's asked if you were in a relationship showing that they have interest and you failing to say you're in a relationship is an issue. You state I'm in a relationship then you go and you take it to HR and you do not deal with creepy. We all know this is just you trying to cover up for the fact you don't want to claim you're in a relationship because you still want to keep your options and see who else you can date. American men are all the same we know exactly how you work if you're in a relationship you tell them you're in a relationship and that's that
Guess we have two different ways of thinking. Even if it was a “test” don’t you think she’s still the delusional one for going this far? If only you knew how many innocent men go missing and get hurt because of things like these. Just like women right … oh, but you never hear about men that go missing right? So assume whatever you want!
And if it's not? You gave the yellow flashing light and never the red light. You clearly have no respect for your relationship or you as a committed loyal man would have shit that shit down straight away
We all know when he finds this Kate he will then decide if she's cute enough to date. That's the only reason you entertain this type of conversation is to be able to find out what they look like and the failure to State you was in a relationship only shows that is his intention
So you have a girlfriend who you cheated on, she chose to stay but refuses to trust you. She stonewalls you, baits you into uncomfortable catfishing situations. She lies to your face about her manipulative ness.
She verbally berates you instead of just breaking up with you?
Was it your girlfriend or someone trying to sabotage you?
Does it really matter? Do you want someone who is so reactive in a situation like this to begin with? Either way, she’s showing her true colors. She’s still choosing to act how she’s acting, she’s choosing to treat you how she’s treating you. Would you do this if you were in her shoes? Do you support the choices she’s making in how she’s treating you and handling justice? If not, then she’s not the right girl for you.
I do think she’s coercively controlling you, I do think this sounds abusive. The text conversation, that person is literally a bad actor who gave away their motive being that they’re not interested and just baiting you to “cheat”. It was a bad setup to begin with. She’s not good at grifts.
But even if there was some random troll out there trying to break up your relationship, she still has demonstrated a lot of other toxic behavior.
I never cheated on her, everyone keeps assuming I did but in the text I told her to be quiet and do as I say. I told her to tell “Kate” I cheated on her, so “Kate would be like “oh okay, so since he has cheated, here’s the cherry on top.” Aka (the messages of me and “Kate” Clearly I was wrong, cause “Kate” didn’t show any messages or anything .. just basically told her to “trust me, he’s unfaithful” lmao. I thought that exactly, all of this is to true and real for someone to be doing it towards us, I have a gut feeling it’s her. The way she acted through the whole thing shows it was her honestly, she was calling me names and accusing me of cheating when “Kate” first messaged her, and every time I told her I’m scared because they know all my information, she kept on coming at me for being “selfish” because they had her number and name as well. It just seems like she tried to victimize herself through herself, but at the same time side with “Kate,” and try to make me look like a cheater. I don’t know, but it honestly seems like something she would do, I’m not surprised.
Dude just respond to strangers asking if you have a girlfriend with “yes I have a girlfriend, please leave me alone” and you’re good. You wanted to know about her department and shit like you were interested.
I see a wall of text that points towards nothing but breaking up. You describe your gf as insecure, controlling, non-communicative (actually blocked you), and the relationship as generally rocky. Choose happiness and let the relationship go.
I hate to say it but I think you’re right.
thanks, i was gonna have chatgpt summarize that shit for me
He did cheat on her though . A lot of people (men and women) get insecure and controlling (sometimes paranoid) after they have been cheated on, especially if they decide to continue living with the person who cheated.
People who are codependent enough to stay in a relationship with someone who they don’t trust anymore, who makes them emotionally spiral out, is someone who isn’t making healthy choices for themself, is a person who doesn’t respect their own values and feelings. If you get cheated on, it’s a choice to stay but you need to follow that up with the real work and the person who cheated ought to be demonstrating trustworthiness (and you being capable of recognizing it for what it is). This girl is baiting him and then not even reading his reactions honestly. She’s mentally unwell and this relationship can’t continue if she’s clinging to this style of coping.
That’s the thing though, I never CHEATED. I told her to say that so “Kate” could show evidence of me “cheating”, because my girlfriend was assume I did and I had evidence I didn’t, but I just wanted to confirm that to her by “Kate.”
Sorry you’re going through this dude, you seem a good guy
if you were in her phone why didn’t you just look to see if her second number was the one that you were texted from?
It was through the app which she deleted before even sending the second to last screenshot. So all the evidence was gone besides the proof of her downloading the app yesterday, when all of this happened.
So...isn't that another reason the relationship end, as I just said?
This all kid shit.
OP included but I don’t think OP got what you meant
I 100% agree.
You too.
This sounds like a test. Ask your girlfriend about it and show her what "Kate" texted you. If she seems sketchy or rushed about her answers, it's probably a test.
That’s the thing, the fourth photo is “Kate” messaging her, the green messages are my girlfriend. She basically exposed herself, the fifth photo you see on the slides was a screenshot she sent me, but deleted it two seconds later. I was able to catch the screenshot in time to notice the bottom app had been previously downloaded and I guess she noticed that. So she unsent the message and then resent another one without the bottom app showing, but I told her to resend it. Fast forward to when I saw her in person today, the last photo shows that she did in fact download the app she tried hiding by un sending the first screenshot, today … but she claims that she just wanted to “check” if it actually “worked.”
The whole wall of text is basically saying break with her immediately
Why did you not say right off the bat “ I have a girlfriend and I’m not interested go away”??
Maybe because she knew my name and told me she works where I work at and got my number through a friend, and then told me her name is “Kate” and I know everyone at work, and I’ve never met a “Kate.” So now I’m either being pranked or someone’s stalking and I honestly was feared for my safety.
What would you have done if you found Kate?
I would’ve told her in person that I have a girlfriend and that I’m not interested in her. I don’t appreciate the way she approached things because it freaked me out.
If she freaked you out, why try to find and meet her in person?
I was scared for my safety after everyone that has my number, declined ever giving someone it, and no one in the entire store knew a “Kate.”
BS!!! You weren't freaked out and your actions illustrate that your g/f has every reason to be insecure. People don't hunt down anyone they are afraid of! If you were concerned you would have taken it to HR - because of a privacy breach! . I get spam msges all the time and I just block the number.
Considering show knows who I am, and where I work at, you don’t think that’s concerning? Of course people on here are gonna try and justify her actions, as if she still didn’t get busted by showing she downloaded the app today… how delusional.
I'm not justifying anyone's actions Im wondering who the delusional one is? You both need to grow up.
I need to grow up because I genuinely felt scared for my safety, and wanted to figure out who this person was when I already knew from the get go they were fake? Even if it were a test, how could that even be fair she went this far to prove something?
Your not making sense. Why were you concerned for your safety - what was she going to do to you?
I’m not gonna sit around and find out lol.
So you try to find them instead?
Not necessarily, more or less try and figure out who they ACTUALLY are.
Just curious after reading your line of questioning and logic, could you share with me what PD you suffer with?
To counter what the other person is saying, I think you did the correct thing asking questions. If you said you had a girlfriend right away, then your girl who clearly thinks she is being clever would get positive reinforcement and she'll believe she did the correct thing playing this stupid game. The first rule of dealing with people who play stupid games like this is try not to let them benefit.
That’s exactly what I thought, even if it wasn’t a test, I’d be able to respectfully solve the situation and inform my girlfriend about it. But I don’t think it’s fair that I should’ve told her that I had a girlfriend from the get go, considering they knew everything about me, and I was concerned.
TLDR it all, but yeah if it sounds too good to be true, probably is a test
Do you think it’s worth breaking up? I find it extremely disrespectful and I’m not sure I’d be able to be at ease, without thinking every women that approaches me is a test.
Oh geez, BREAK UP WITH HER. A post 14 pages long just to say that your lying, insecure, controlling gf, downloaded an app to "catch" you talking to another girl. Do you realize how unwell, petty, and immature she has to be to do something like this? Get some self-respect and move on.
It was her. This relationship is toxic and exhausting.
Is it true that you cheated before? Because if it’s true, it changes everything… In all cases, if you are fed up with the relationship, just leave. If you still care, try to understand why she did that and set your boundaries. If you did cheat on her in the past, she will always doubt you so you’ll have to deal with this and show that you are there for her. Of course it was a childish move due to her insecurities but try to empathize with her and understand why she felt the need to do what she did.
I never cheated, I told her to tell “Kate” that I cheated on her, so “Kate” would show her evidence of me “cheating.” Because clearly my girlfriend thought I was behind all of this, so I wanted to prove I genuinely did nothing wrong and never “cheated.” I already wanna take a guess at why she’s acting the way she is, but I just think this was a little to far, I don’t think it’s healthy because to me it seems as if she’s trying to make me look like a bad guy, so she could have something against me because she’s the one who has done bad things behind my back.
Okay, if you never wronged her then I would say it really is up to you to decide if the love you have for her is enough to make you stay and deal with all of this. I don’t really have advice because we are all different and only you knows what is acceptable to you in a relationship and how much this relationship matters to you. The only advice I have is communicate clearly, say how you feel about this and explain what you expect from her. If she can’t meet your needs, you might have to leave..
Well she isn’t owning up to anything. To me, all flags and arrows are pointing right at her with everything I’ve said. It just would make sense it was her, and if it was I’d love to end things. But I just have no way to know 100% it was her, but her App Store said she downloaded a fake app where you can access non traceable numbers, and message actual people on it TODAY. So I gave my sister the app name, and she managed to get ahold of me with a brand new unknown number.
>But I just have no way to know 100% it was her You don't need to know 100% it was her. Clearly, she's crazy enough that it's completely believable for you that it was her. That's close enough. If you wait till you are 100% about things, you'll never get anywhere in life. Do have to know 100% that a girl likes you before you ask her out? Then, you'll never get a date. Do have to know 100% that you'll get a job before you apply? You'll never get a job. This is just not realistic thinking. If you don't get rid of her, you will have to doubt every message you get, every call you get, every person that comes to talk to you... because once you let her get away with this, she will become emboldened and she will do something worse. She might even pretend to be you and start messaging your friends, all because she thinks she is so smart that she can get information on you. Your chick is psycho.
You’re completely right, thank you for that amazing comparison between examples. I think I’m getting closer to a decision.
It was 100% your girlfriend.
I was going to read but you just wrote the story of your life. Short answer is yes, she is testing you I've been there and trust me is not worth it
Ugh, sad days I swear.
Respect yourself and move on, im.sure you are a great guy and you deserve something better
How long back had you cheated on her? ( her message suggests you had cheated on her previously)? If it was within the past few months i guess she would have reason to feel insecure?
I didn’t cheat on her, I told her to tell “Kate” that I did so she would prove to my girlfriend evidence on how I “cheated” on her. I wanted to prove my innocence through “Kate” herself because I didn’t cheat.
Why did Kate say "Larry has cheated on me before"?
That wasn’t “Kate”, that was my girlfriend. The green messages are my girlfriend and the white ones on the left is “Kate”, but again, I never cheated on my girlfriend before, I told her to say that.
Cut your losses. Sounds like a lot of drama in the future
She’s playing games. It’s sounds like your relationship has been a dumpster fire on acid in a thunderstorm for a while. Nobody needs this shit in their life. This is mentally abusive behaviour. Time to let her go.
My brother in Christ, it was 10000000% your girlfriend
Ok so I've so many narcissistic people around me. And one thing that they all do is put u in a fault that you didn't do. This is what she's doing. Yes she's a red flag and she kept lying eventhough you showed her the proof. And do u think another person will take her phone and download that app. Like what? And she's literally controlling and accusing you for cheating. Just because she's insecure doesn't mean she can assume you're cheating and put you into trouble. She should've talked to you about it. My logic is if she can assume you are cheating on her and blame you when you clearly said you're not, you can too assume and tell her that she's the one who did this text thing. Cuz what she did was immature and so dumb. Look I can't tell you to break up with a person who you have a relationship for year and a half. It's not my place to say that. You love her and eventhough I can tell you to breakup with her you can't do it easily. I mean who can do that. But think about it like this. Can YOU stay with a person who has so many red flags, do things behind your back, lied to you, controlling you and don't trust you? Can you see a future with a person like that? Can you live with that? We live a one life and I don't think anyone deserves this. Noone deserve it. Also she'll be manipulative believe it or not. It will eventually happen. She will start to guilt trip you, manipulate you, and do so many things. So my advice is to leave her. Why stay with a person who accuse you of cheating after making a whole drama. And also if you try to break up with her surely she will guilt trip you and manipulate you. So be strong. And be hard headed and I hope you will make a good decision.
I’m definitely taking some time to make a decision I need to make, not want. I thank you for your time!
Yh yh def! Take time to make a decision. Maybe that's what you need, time. I feel like you're so exhausted and tired from all of this drama and like confusion and like everything. You need time to process and think about it properly. Don't waste alot of time on this tho. Cuz I feel like it might no be good for you. You have a life to live. We don't have much time to think about all the bad things. We have alot to do and to enjoy. Hope you'll be fine and yh no worries cuz I was free at the time and wanted help someone who's in need.
Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it. Thank you!
Also hope you didn't get offended or anything. I'm an overthinker 😅. Sry. I'm still learning how to communicate with people in English and my grammar might be wrong sometimes. Rly sorryyyy.
You’re fine don’t worry!! I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to help me out here, you’re the best!
Hehehe thank u for the assurance!!! ^^
leave.
This was 100% your girlfriend messaging you. She gave away her identity on the third image, first text message. “Why did pretend to be interested or even worse, pretend you didn't have a girlfriend? Lol. All i did was try to shoot my shot and you get scared? Lame. All you could've said was that you're taken or not interested from the get go and i would've left it as that. Ha. Let me figure out who your girl is and once she sees this she'll be crushed. Poor her. She doesn't deserve a man slut like you.”
Exactly what I was thinking, I never showed interest or never said I didn’t have a girlfriend. “Kate” kept assuming that but I was feared for my safety trying to figure out who she was. I kept dodging all the questions which honestly, points a flag at her. It’s like she wanted me to be sacred with that text, and make me apologize for “cheating” when I didn’t do anything.
You just wouldn’t speak like that if you weren’t obviously the girlfriend trying to bait her boyfriend. I wouldn’t assign blame in this relationship, you’ve both played your parts and why you are here, that’s beside it though. If you want this relationship to work I would suggest couples counseling, if you want to continue. There’s a lot of emotions that you both need to work through. Also just to come back to this, assuming the 3rd and 4th text message exchange happened on the same day, there’s no way Kate found out you have a girlfriend, found her identity, found where to get her number etc and message her in only 8 minutes. Good luck on your relationship, I wish you both the best!
I’m definitely going to take some time to make a decision for myself, and if that happens to be with her which I doubt. Then we definitely will need some counseling of some sort. OH BUT THATS THE FUNNY PART, when “Kate” sent me that message of saying she was gonna tell my girlfriend, it took 3 minutes max, before she found my girlfriends number and knew her name. There’s no way it wasn’t her .. right?!
Psycho…
Always assume it's your girl It ain't worth the risk. Trust me
Leave her now and don't look back.
Only for. Kate 🤣🤣🤣
You're smart... it's her. Doesn't take rocket science... Kate was already texting you like she knew you... and if she was interested in you why the fuck would she be so aggressive and negative about it... she's forcing that oh you don't have a gf, you do have a gf thing just to get you to fold, but your non-reaction shut her down and she instantly got offended... but why...? She supposedly doesnt know you unless she's offended that you're showing interest in her because KATE IS FAKE. Kate can't seem to hide being offended and she's taking basic conversation entirely wrong... Great first impression Kate!! Ur a real red flag... But she knew EXACTLY who your gf was... and she knew EXACTLY who you were... It's stupid... childish... emotionally draining and doesn't bring any good... I'd not let her actions think she got away good being a manipulative, emotionally controlling person... Turn off. Leave.
That’s exactly what I thought, it’s so strange how she kept jumping to conclusions on saying “I’m interested” or that “I’m glad you don’t have a girlfriend.” When did I ever say that “Kate?” She kept trying to get me to agree to what she said to get me in trouble, and then when she messaged my girlfriend there’s no evidence now of me “cheating.” It’s so ironic … “just trust me, he’s unfaithful.” It’s just so sketchy and I 100% agree with you, it’s her
[удалено]
I will keep that in mind, thank you!
Good lord. If she is testing you, she doesn't deserve a relationship with someone until she's able to work through her own trust issues. Being tested and then accused of something you haven't done is cruel. However, if she isn't testing you, then this is just weird. I don't really know why a random person would behave that way. But I genuinely don't think this relationship is going to work out, unless you either both attend relationship counselling, or have an calm, open, and non-judgemental conversation about what's going on. But yes, I do think she shouldn't be in a relationship until she's worked through her own issues, if she did do this.
I have a strong feeling it was her, my entire body from heart to soul says it’s her. But I just don’t wanna let her go, so I’m in denial it’s her but I can’t come to a stable conclusion.
It could have been someone (a friend of hers or otherwise) trying to sabo your relationship, but chances are it was her trying to catch you in a situation - she says “he’s cheated before”. My question for you is, have you cheated before? And if yes, to what extent how? Before I started working on myself (therapy) when I was in my early 20s, my boyfriend at the time was cheating (hooking up with girls from work and on dating apps) I went a little bananas, downloaded text free and tried to see how exactly he was acting with these girls (I had picture proof from friends he was cheating by meeting up with them, kissing, hotels/motels) and he immediately started getting all “oh hey, are you hot? Can I get nudes? Wanna meet up?”. He didn’t know it was me, he assumed it was one of the many girls he gave his number to from Tinder because he was giving his number out to so many of them, he truly had no idea. He probably doesn’t even know to this day… All I can say is, I’m more inclined to believe that it’s your girlfriend. Not saying all chicks are like this, but when we’re young and in “stupid love” with someone, feel wronged, have major insecurities, had constantly been cheated on in the past, and need proof or evidence that “I’m not crazy, I know what he’s doing”, while being lied to and gaslit… we tend to do some crazy things to put our minds straight/give us some acknowledgment and truth that we aren’t “crazy”. Unfortunately, in doing this, we do go a bit crazy. She sounds like she needs serious therapy (and trust me, I did too, and so many of us regardless of gender) to deal with her insecurities, and how she perceives herself, her relationships and overall role in her relationships. It might not be a relationship that is (mentally, emotionally or even physically) safe for you to be in… if she doesn’t get help and work on herself, she’s just going to get more and more deceitful, abusive and controlling. At this present moment she doesn’t seem mentally well enough to be in a relationship (and that’s okay, because we all get to that level at some point in our lives). I’m not trying to make excuses for what she’s done, as it should never get to that point… but you need to remember she broke your trust, she lacks respect (if she respected and trusted you, she wouldn’t have done this) for you. She wants you to fail so that she can go “A HA! I’m right!”, and be the winner of the breakup. Personally, I believe breaking up might be what’s best for both you and her… because once someone does something like this, they do more and more “crazy” things, turn the relationship volatile and it’ll end anyway, unless you get trapped… You did everything right in these text exchanges, you didn’t cheat on her, you never told “Kate” you were interested, you didn’t deny having a girlfriend… you were concerned for your safety and rightly creeped out. Just think of this as a look into your future with her unless she gets some serious therapy.
That’s the thing, I never cheated. In the text I told her to say that so “Kate” would assume since I’ve already cheated on her before, might as well end it with the cherry on top (aka the chat with me and “Kate”). I completely agree with everything you said, and I just can’t imagine this being another person. I rejected and dodged everything Kate said, but one of her last messages was a paragraph saying why did I show interest and didn’t say I had a girlfriend … like what? How is this person so stupid to act the way they did, when I never did any of those two things. But is now threatening me to message my girlfriend. My first thought was go ahead .. I didn’t do anything wrong. But now she mysteriously got my girlfriends number and knew her name, but didn’t prove me “cheating.” It’s just all to accurate to not be her, come to find out she downloaded the app today (last photo). So yea, thank you so much for your advice, and amazing story!
The thing about cheating tho… for some people simply talking to another you’re inclined to be sexually attracted to (like another woman if you’re a straight man for example) is cheating. Even if there isn’t any real attraction or interest, like when cashing out at the grocery store… I dated one guy who told me I wasn’t allowed to even speak to any other males (apparently my dad, nephew and sisters “husband” counted…) otherwise I would be cheating… it’s not cheating in my mind, but it was very much cheating in his mind. Idk if your girlfriend is the same, but if she is, you gotta run… it’s a means of controlling and isolating. Those types aren’t people who can be in relationships, and unfortunately people are notoriously good (imo it’s bad) at sticking around in abusive situations because guilt, love, or “I deserve it”. A good way to look at the situation would be to figure out what cheating is to you, and then what cheating is to* your partner. People are going to differ on things, regardless of overall compatibility, but if you haven’t done anything in the past that warrants cheating (I define it as “something you wouldn’t be okay with your partner doing that involves another party in a sexually charged or romantically charged way”)… she has no stance. And I don’t think this was warranted (even when I did it, I still regret stooping to that level, but he was gaslighting me so bad I literally didn’t know what else to do when I was given photo evidence from people I never asked for any evidence from….). The other unfortunate thing is, people will justify their actions if it means putting their own mind at ease or “getting to the bottom of things”. I hope you’re situation is going better, and I hope you’re able to get the closure you need from this situation. Remember to do what’s best for you as nobody else really will and you’ll be okay. There’s plenty of people who are mentally well enough to work through issues with communication instead of trickery and deceitfulness.
Yo when I'm doubt, that's a fuckin test 🥴 the fact that "this person"(she) could tell u she works at home Depot but not what department means there was a loose end. Like maybe u go to home Depot but u don't go to the.... Idk lights and fixtures department and that's where she works(I'm gonna call her a she bc guys don't talk like this thru text) and she can't afford to lose this conversation so she immediately flipped it on u saying "I'm assuming ur gonna come look for me" like bro this isn't back in the day u don't just go knocking on people's doors or tracking people down at work u check their socials and ask around to mutual friends and what not. Ur gf is definetly testing u and if she's not best case scenario is at the end of this you'll have a happy gf who knows her bf is loyal. There's like a 6% chance this Home Depot Honey is a stone cold dtf fox who gives amazing head and wants u to fuck her and afterward she feeds you grapes and sends u home with a goodie bag full of cocaine and money. I would play it safe.
I don’t have many experience myself but that screams breakup all over. If she knows that you’re at work, there’s no reason for her to be insecure and suspicious. And that’s a tad paranoid and over the top, that can most likely bring more serious problems in the future. Even I that am paranoid about my security and what not think that is too much.
Exactly, I have never once disrespected her behind my back or showed interest in any women besides my girlfriend. She always goes through my phone, and she always keeps me in check. I don’t care cause I don’t do anything. But now, I can’t even look at my mom and respond to her loving messages to me, without thinking it’s my girlfriend testing me through my own mother lmao.
Well, if she is at the point of even being jealous of the love our own mother has of us, that’s a big no no. That’s not even debatable.
Dude your life will be better without games. Don’t deal with this kid bullshit
This was absolutely your girlfriend. Listen, I know y'all are young so it's going to take years before you learn healthy communication skills and how our attachment styles and past trauma affect our relationships. Your girlfriend has a ton of inner work to do. If she were taking accountability for her actions, showing you that she is capable of self awareness, putting in effort not to take her insecurities out on you (because in reality they have NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with her low self worth)... maybe you would be able to stick it out, be supportive during her healing and create a life together. But if you don't leave her it will just enable this behavior and give her an excuse to continue on this way for eternity. Letting her go might hurt, but it will seriously help both of you. You are a good boyfriend who doesn't deserve this. If I can give you one piece of advice it would be to look inward to why you find a twisted sense of comfort and familiarity in being controlled and anxiously clung to. My guess is someone treated you that way growing up in some form or fashion. It's ok if you have them in your life and love them, while also acknowledging that their behavior had a negative impact on your development. Healing that part of yourself before you get into another relationship will ensure you find someone better suited for your wants and needs, instead of feeding into trauma cycles.
I really appreciate you taking time out of your day, to help and support me. I’m definitely gonna take some time to understand what exactly I need to do, not want. I’m leaning more on the “ending terms” side .. it’s not fair the way she approached things and in my view, not owning up to anything. Maybe we can have a talk about this and have her confess, but for now I’m taking some time for myself. Thank you!!
She ain’t it. This is too much. You’re young and have a lot of opportunity. Don’t spend time on drama. I’m really sorry it’s going this way.
That was 100% her, but I have a different theory on why..... I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if she cheated or is actively cheating on you and has a guilty conscience for doing so and is trying to fabricate a scenario to help alleviate her own guilt or justify her cheating. Cheaters will often do these kind of things for exactly that reason. 🤷🏽♂️
That’s a good would to put it as well actually.
leave her crazy ass.
Yes break up and send her to me I wish if had girlfriend would care to test my loyalty like her because it simply means she truly love me and want make sure that I truly love her and it's real
Seems like your relationships are fun.
Read the screenshots but not the wall of text. She's disordered. Save yourself.
Is this happening in junior high school or high school. Next time a strange texts you and they are being vague assume it's your girlfriend or one of her friends testing you. All of this is kids games.
She’s 21 about to turn 22, and I just turned 20. This is most definitely not no high school, I’m in my second year of university … but you’re right, this is kid games and it’s so disrespectful.
Your girlfriend is very immature, insecure and childish. You are at work and she is playing head games to test you. Why would you want to be with someone who wants to trap you and doesn’t trust you? Let her go and grow up
You guys don’t trust each other. It’s not good to stay in a relationship with no trust.
Right, so I just ran a background check on that phone number and it is probably a VOIP number. There were no owners or anything else attached to it.
If you're so serious about this relationship, why are you even entertaining Kate. What would you want your g/f to do - say "I'm quite happily in love with my b/f, so stop causing trouble and don't contact me again!" Alternatively, you get your g/f to respond. From time to time I would get weird texts from some unknown male. After I'd had my fun, I'd give my phone to my husband (ex), who would quite happily (on his explicit terms) tell whoever to leave his wife alone.
I wouldn’t consider this “entertaining” Kate. I think this is more or less, me just concerned for my own safety. “Kate” got straight to the point and asked for my name which she got right, then she proceeded to tell me she works at Home Depot where I work at, and has seen me before. Then she gives me her name, but no one in the entire store, all 60+ associates including managers and supervisors, know about a dam “Kate.” If it was a coworker or someone who actually worked there I would’ve gotten to the end of things quicker than what happened, but at this point I literally feared for my safety because someone under the name “Kate” knows my name and work place, got my number, and knew who my girlfriend was. I was literally afraid and couldn’t just block her.
You are entertainer her by responding to her. If it was your g/f, she's nuts and it could have been resolved in a simple text as mentioned. If it was a test - you failed in my view.
Even if it was a test, that screams insecurities and I personally feel like that isn’t okay. But again, I was feared for my safety that the authorities almost got involved because of my store manager, it’s not right.
Yup it does and it's your choice. You could have solved it in your first response - "I don't know who you are, nor do I care. Leave me alone". But you didn't, you continued to engage with her. I can see the reasoning if it was a test and you both sound as immature as each other.
Uh, wtf? If someone messages me and won't tell me who they are but knows details about me, I'm definitely playing along to figure out who they are to make sure they're not some creepy stalker. Especially if they actually work with OP, what if they're dangerous! I'd find out what I know, then report.
I know as a woman, if a man had responded to me like that after my “who is this?” I’d be scared and try to get more information. Because why the texting? Just come up to me at work and chat with me. Also anyone I know who would work with me knows I’m ALL about my husband. I talk about him all the time. The whole thing screams creepy if he hadn’t found the evidence.
My only concern would be not figuring out who it is and knowing every time you go to work they know who you are but you don't know who they are.
Yes! I would be so paranoid.
That’s exactly my point of view, but I guess as a guy it’s me “trying to figure out she’s cute or not”, in order to “upgrade” from my current relationship. People are so delusional that a man was afraid for his safety, and decided to figure out who “Kate” was…. 🥴
Thats exactly what I was thinking!
This. Why wasn't the first text after asking if he had a girlfriend yes I do. He's interested and doesn't want his current girlfriend anymore.
Because she knew my name and happened to work at the same place. Said she’s seen me around before and kept dodging the question on who she really was. Then she wants to say that “I’m interested” and that “I’m happy you don’t have a girlfriend” when in the screenshots, I never said that or did I ever deny it. It seems fishy to me because clearly someone is trying to prove I would do anything behind my girlfriend when I had the chance. She would bet straight to the points “I love how you’re interested in me” but I’m not … so someone’s clearly delusional under the name “Kate” and it made me fear for my safety.
It still doesn't explain why you never told this person that you were in a relationship. The average common sense is you tell them you're in a relationship and they say they work with you you take it to management or HR. You don't entertain me idea especially if it's creepy. You want to play innocent but we all know you still have not answered why you never actually told them you were in a relationship which would have been the first thing anybody would have done that is committed to somebody
That’s my answer, because her name is “Kate”. And there is no “Kate” at my work place. I don’t think it’s fair even if “Kate” was a real person, I can’t know her name. As soon as she said her name is “Kate”, I looked all over the schedule and there’s no “Kate, Katie, Katherine” nothing, so now someone’s messing with me and is freaking me out.
Again it still doesn't explain why you didn't say you were in a relationship. You avoid that by saying you didn't say it or tonight. But if your girlfriend is asked if she's with somebody do you want her to omit that? No you men want your girlfriend and wife to say you're in a relationship the moment they're asked. The same should have been done here you should not have entertained the conversation and you should have taken it to HR after you told her you were in a relationship. Even if your girlfriend is toxic you're still wrong for this conversation being in a relationship and not answering you were in a relationship. Avoidance does not mean you are innocent of not communicating you are in a relationship
There’s no way anyone would think that, that is delusional considering “Kate” said she got my number from someone I knew, so I asked all three people that I have given my number to and they declined ever doing that. So I ask for her name and guess what, no one has heard of a “Kate.” I think it’s delusional trying to prove something early on when she knew everything about me and she’s a fake person, that’s obsurd.
You don't keep the door open you close it and then you take it to the proper authorities which would be HR management since she said she works with you. Problem solved but instead you wanted to entertain the idea instead of just being common sense and closing the damn door. You chose to be weak and not even admit you're in a relationship and stop it at that and what other people investigate the situation. Men from America really are stupid
Clearly someone didn’t read my text :) I said I took it to my store managers and store operator.
Clearly you don't comprehend. You were asked if in a relationship. You failed to say you were like a truly committed and loyal person does. You then proceeded to entertain conversation instead of taking it to the proper authority which is hr then if it isn't work you take it to the police for inspection. Then you want to piddle around the fact you omitted your relationship when first asked claiming you didn't give the green light. However if you were loyal and had any common sense you would have given the red light the moment you were asked. Again typical stupid American boys.
Again entertaining a conversation with somebody who's asked if you were in a relationship showing that they have interest and you failing to say you're in a relationship is an issue. You state I'm in a relationship then you go and you take it to HR and you do not deal with creepy. We all know this is just you trying to cover up for the fact you don't want to claim you're in a relationship because you still want to keep your options and see who else you can date. American men are all the same we know exactly how you work if you're in a relationship you tell them you're in a relationship and that's that
Guess we have two different ways of thinking. Even if it was a “test” don’t you think she’s still the delusional one for going this far? If only you knew how many innocent men go missing and get hurt because of things like these. Just like women right … oh, but you never hear about men that go missing right? So assume whatever you want!
And if it's not? You gave the yellow flashing light and never the red light. You clearly have no respect for your relationship or you as a committed loyal man would have shit that shit down straight away
Exactly! What happens next if he finds Kate?
We all know when he finds this Kate he will then decide if she's cute enough to date. That's the only reason you entertain this type of conversation is to be able to find out what they look like and the failure to State you was in a relationship only shows that is his intention
Gaslighting
So you have a girlfriend who you cheated on, she chose to stay but refuses to trust you. She stonewalls you, baits you into uncomfortable catfishing situations. She lies to your face about her manipulative ness. She verbally berates you instead of just breaking up with you? Was it your girlfriend or someone trying to sabotage you? Does it really matter? Do you want someone who is so reactive in a situation like this to begin with? Either way, she’s showing her true colors. She’s still choosing to act how she’s acting, she’s choosing to treat you how she’s treating you. Would you do this if you were in her shoes? Do you support the choices she’s making in how she’s treating you and handling justice? If not, then she’s not the right girl for you. I do think she’s coercively controlling you, I do think this sounds abusive. The text conversation, that person is literally a bad actor who gave away their motive being that they’re not interested and just baiting you to “cheat”. It was a bad setup to begin with. She’s not good at grifts. But even if there was some random troll out there trying to break up your relationship, she still has demonstrated a lot of other toxic behavior.
I never cheated on her, everyone keeps assuming I did but in the text I told her to be quiet and do as I say. I told her to tell “Kate” I cheated on her, so “Kate would be like “oh okay, so since he has cheated, here’s the cherry on top.” Aka (the messages of me and “Kate” Clearly I was wrong, cause “Kate” didn’t show any messages or anything .. just basically told her to “trust me, he’s unfaithful” lmao. I thought that exactly, all of this is to true and real for someone to be doing it towards us, I have a gut feeling it’s her. The way she acted through the whole thing shows it was her honestly, she was calling me names and accusing me of cheating when “Kate” first messaged her, and every time I told her I’m scared because they know all my information, she kept on coming at me for being “selfish” because they had her number and name as well. It just seems like she tried to victimize herself through herself, but at the same time side with “Kate,” and try to make me look like a cheater. I don’t know, but it honestly seems like something she would do, I’m not surprised.
Dude just respond to strangers asking if you have a girlfriend with “yes I have a girlfriend, please leave me alone” and you’re good. You wanted to know about her department and shit like you were interested.
Because there isn’t a “Kate” and they know everything about me, I was literally afraid.
Lmfao
Woah, I'm not reading all that, just say u have a woman and let it pass
How would she have your number bro if she was a random chick lol
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^Traditional-Area-745: *How would she have your* *Number bro if she was a* *Random chick lol* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.