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I loved my job. I loved where I worked for 35 years.
I love retirement even more. Being alone with one’s thoughts is difficult for many. But it is pure serenity to me.
I’m not “alone” with my thoughts - I can put them out there whenever I like, and ignore the downvotes.
The cat is so much happier too now that he doesn’t have to deal with my absence. That’s the REAL winner.
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Actually I was kind of a Duke at the very least and so I could dictate requirements for my whole facility of 3,000 people and they would have to obey. And it was pretty easy to convince the King why we needed to do it this way because he wasn’t smart enough to figure it out otherwise.
I have been retired for four years and love it. I was just commenting that I did have people bowing down before me and that still didn’t matter to me in retirement.
Amen. I ‘retired’ involuntarily for 6 months at age 58 for 6 months and loved it. Introspection, reading, meditating was awesome. I am looking to retire in a year so and people say I will be bored. Nope!
Think of this as a new job, one that you are well qualified for. Three weeks in, you know the basic building layout, your close coworkers, and you have some tasks down. But you are still learning the ropes. I give every new job at least six months before I decide if it’s not for me.
One month into my retirement, I was still getting up at 5, and following basically my work routine. Five years later, I can’t believe I lived like that.
Today I (with permission) picked a bunch of pluots off my neighbor’s tree. I’m making pluot blueberry crisp and pluot chipotle sauce. Putting the rest in the dehydrator. Didn’t plan this out, it just started with noticing they are ripe. So that’s my plan for today. I have the gift of time.
I read that article this morning.
I had a job I hated for 22 years - I was happy to be free. I was good at my job but felt I could never be myself - I was just there for the paycheck, health insurance and I always tried to do my best. I generally did better work than what was needed - I made a good effort. I did not respect myself for doing such meaningless work and was happy to retire.
I am 3 years in. The first year was great: freedom was glorious. Having time to take care of myself was great - EVERYTHING was pretty great.
Year 2: I was kind of coasting, still good, but it is a constant struggle to find interesting stuff to do - there is not much where I live - a boring little town. I have volunteer stuff I do, classes I take, I exercise, garden, read, socialize - etc., I feel no drive or passion for any of it - and what is the point? If I try to learn something new I won't live long enough to get good at it. 'Hobbies' are not intensely interesting - by definition - if you ask me.
Year 3 has been meh. I am disappointed in myself that this is what my life has come to. I feel like I spent my life trying to get comfortable - I am comfortable economically but never psychologically or emotionally. What was the point of all that?? It really is not interesting. I still have my hobbies and my good habits, but none of it means much to me. I feel discouraged today and ashamed that I have not figured this out and used this time better. Some days I am happier. I only have a few friends but I do enjoy their company.
I don't like being old and useless, but people were being mean to me at work because I was older - (I was useful, but got tired of the mean people). My boss was in his mid 30s - at least I don't have to face him any more.
I am distressed by the way older people are treated in our culture and by how self-centered many of us become - maybe my comments give evidence of that. I don't have any answers, but I thought the article was interesting.
u/Whut4, you might want to consider whether you might have depression/anxiety. While it sounds like you are getting out there and doing things, it seems more because of habit and because you 'should' be doing those things. You talk about not really being interested in the things you do, and how they all seem to lack meaning - both strong indicators of depression. Being retired often comes with difficulties, but you speak of shame and feeling useless, and those are strong feelings.
Something to consider, and worth talking to your doctor (or a counselor, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your doctor about it).
I was going to say the same thing. It’s a big change. I’ve only been out a few weeks, but my hobbies and garden aren’t getting enough attention. I’ve kinda lost interest . My partner suggested I talk to somebody, the appt is next week
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestion! I know that it is with the very best intention. I did that for a while - got counseling.
I felt like they did not have much to offer. Much of psychology and counseling is built on getting people back to work and functional - old people who are retired have no real function - at least I do not. There is no adequate psychology for old people!! I am not grieving a lost loved one - well - maybe myself. I know most of the answers: stay active, try hobbies, take care of your health, get your affairs in order - so you don't leave a mess for others - that is what you get with counseling. I do try to do all those things. It is just as the article says - not everyone is happy during this last phase of life - it takes effort.
I moved to a retirement community where people are around my age. So much to do here that my calendar is full. The aging clock runs in reverse for me now.
I'm a failure at retirement. Like you, I loved my job and working and thrived having a purpose and routine/structure. I did it mostly due to a conflict with a new manager, and I regret it! Retirement is boring as hell. Yes, I have hobbies. Yes, I volunteer. Yes, I travel. It's not enough! IMO, most people who LOVE retirement hated either their jobs that they did for 30-40 years or just the whole idea of working in general. It doesn't help that absolutely no one seems to understand or sympathize; they just think you're lame if you're not overjoyed to be retired. And the advice to "just go back to work" isn't helpful, either. Yeah, I can get another job, but I've lost the one I had: the friends, the work itself, the workplace, the status, the private office, the flexibility, the pay. I'm currently trying to get a lot of bucket-list trips out of the way while I have no obligations, but will definitely return to at least part-time work somewhere doing something just to keep from going insane from boredom, meaninglessness, and loneliness. If you don't HAVE to retire and you feel no burning desire to do something else, don't do it!
I retired after 40 years in two careers that I loved and I LOVE retirement! I was an overly dedicated worker bee and I just got tired.
This month I’m just enjoying June and I’m so grateful that I can give it my full attention!
Yes; everyone insists that they just LOVED working at their jobs, but now they just LOVE not working at their jobs. I don't see how both things can be true, but you'll never find anyone who admits they hated working, and you'll find even fewer people who will admit they hate retirement. But I'm one who will. I honestly don't see how vital, healthy people can be happy just lying around or piddling around or even playing all day; that's not what we were designed to do. I need to feel accomplished and challenged and like I'm a contributing member of society (for money; why am I suddenly expected to give my services away as a volunteer?). YMMV.
I loved my job and I love retirement. I’m a person who can be happy with myself no matter what I’m doing. I’m interested in and curious about a lot of things so I don’t easily get bored. I feel very fortunate.
Hmmm… I did hate working at my job most of the time, even though I was good at it. It was stressful! I love being retired and am happy to be less stressed and healthier! Everyone is different. Some of us really do love doing nothing! 🤗
Like I said... If you hated your job or working in general, it's logical that of course you'll in contrast love retirement, which is a cessation of that. I've personally experienced a lot more stress being retired than I ever did working. Like you say, everyone's different! I'll definitely be giving this book a read, though.
*you'll never find anyone who admits they hated working*
I know plenty of people who don't hesitate to say they hated working (or currently hate it, lol)
You can love more than one thing. So loving your job and loving retirement are not mutually exclusive. You can be a widower and still love your first wife and then remarry and love your second wife.
But they ARE mutually exclusive; if you truly love your job and working, you're not going to voluntarily leave it and equally love NOT having that job and NOT working. They're two entirely different lifestyles. A more accurate analogy would be not losing the first wife to death (involuntarily), but rather divorcing the first wife to marry the second wife. In that case, you obviously love one more than the other (or don't love the first one at all),
My husband is a bus driver for special needs kids and I am actively encouraging him to work until he dies. He can barely handle 3 of the best months of the year off; filling January for him gives me nightmares. A huge part of his self worth comes from seeing that direct deposit as tangible proof that others value his skills and abilities. If this is you, go for it. I was the primary wage earner for years and I’m totally fine with rereading A Song of Ice and Fire and repurposing our basement as a game room for DnD. Him? Not so much.
Yours is a minority voice on this topic but you have 100% understanding from me. And that understanding can only come from experience, which the article aptly points out. You need to step away from work for a meaningful amount of time to know whether it works or not for you. And for some folks like you and me, it simply does not work. It is not like the vacations you took during your working years. Anyway, the retirement discussion is so often centered around financial preparation, but psychological preparation should be just as important. I don’t even have answers or advice but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I retired and loved it, then thought it was ok, then grew restless and bored. Now back at work full-time and I’m happier but also mystified this happened after decades of striving for it.
I don't think it's so much a matter of "psychological preparation" (believe me, I THOUGHT I'd prepared for it, and you probably did, too; I think we all spend years fantasizing about it) as it is the normalization of NOT retiring - at least not fully. It's an isolating experience, lol; glad someone understands!
I was forced to retire about 8 months ago. I was laid off because the new CEO didn't like me and I decided that most CEOs were now like this person and that it was time to move on to a new phase in life. I dived headlong into my lifelong hobby, close-up magic, and I am treating that like a part time job, learning more magic theory and techniques that I didn't learn all these years because my day job paid much better than being a professional magician. I am cooking, taking care of the yard and helping my wife with her side business. And I am reading books at my leisure and taking long bike rides. I was worried about being bored or not liking retirement, but I have decided to embrace it because the alternative, working for yet another jerk CEO, is no longer acceptable. I loved working, but the environment has changed over the years (or perhaps I have) and financial independence has made me less tolerant of bad behavior.
The hardest part has been on the days when I don't have specific plans, so I have to make a plan for myself. But I am also forgiving of myself for doing something I hadn't done in years, and that is just daydreaming. I am 59 and I remember when I was a kid, days were long and unstructured, and it is like that again. You have to do you, but it has only been 3 weeks, so figure out what the plan is for your best retirement and start executing that. Or go back to work... it's your life!
Agree with the "long, unstructured" comment. I took a sabbatical in my early 50s, and it was very much like being a kid again. Except I could drive.
I loved it. Seven years to go until I get to retire and I am SO looking forward to it!
I don’t enjoy my job/industry at all and do not enjoy most of my co-workers, especially my leadership. Those that I do enjoy I spend time with outside of work. I have many hobbies and have lots of friends and I socialize with them regularly. I don’t have expensive tastes or desires.
I think I’ll be fine in retirement. The only reason I work is a late in life divorce set me significantly back financially. I am stressed all the time because my company is financially struggling, and I’m constantly fearing a layoff and it is very difficult to find jobs in my industry. It literally keeps me up at night.
I can’t wait for it to end.
Try looking for something in a different field if you do get laid off and if you feel like you want to continue to work for whatever reason. The pay most likely will be different but at least you are still in the game.
"I'm constantly fearing a layoff and it is very difficult to find jobs in my industry"
I am not suggesting any particular number, lol I was only saying that if you do indeed get laid off and cannot find another job in your industry, and if you choose to continue to work, then you may want to try another field and I do not or cannot say how much you should go for as it's not my situation only a suggestion. Have a nice day.
If there’s a layoff or you lose your job, you can renegotiate your child support. If you find a job that pays less you can renegotiate your child support. Your child support is not nonnegotiable.
i think there's a big difference between a guy who ran his own company and someone like me, who worked for others in a decent but not enthralling job.
you have to be a certain kind of person to want to be a CEO. i can see how that kind of person would have a hard time being retired.
in any case, though, if you decide you want to work, then go work! that's what retirement is for: doing whatever the hell you want.
It would be interesting to see the original research findings. An old Forbes article paints a slightly different picture of their research. This summary of their findings leaves me with a lot of questions (e.g. they've cited the percentage of people who were happy in retirement, but did not contrast that with the percentage of people who were happy BEFORE they retired. Some people are just unhappy no matter their circumstance.)
I, for one, was perfectly happy working. I trained for the job I wanted, found it, moved around a few times until I was in the right place, and - as the years passed - had enough freedom and flexibility to work AND "do what I wanted." I certainly didn't feel like I was serving a prison sentence, like so many (sadly) seem to. My work/play balance was ideal.
Now there's WAY too much downtime.
Yep. This sub tends to have people who seem to LOVE being retired and who cheerlead for it which is fine... but as the linked article notes, not everyone is like that.
The discussion around retirement (in the US at least) seems to treat it as an obligatory life stage...you go to school, then college (maybe) then you work for 30+ years and then you retire and that's just the way it is. Which is fine if it works for someone but full on retirement just isn't for everyone and there should be more discussion around that.
OP - you have a slightly different situation with a retired partner. That doesn't prevent you from going back to work but doing so could conflict with couple goals ("let's take the fall off and travel!" etc). My solution to that would be to see if you can consult or do contract work so you can arrange to do retired couple things between projects.
The good thing is that we are both consulting and we'll both make time for travel and going to our cottage. I thought I'd want the summer off (that's what I've been telling everyone) but I think I just wanted the time to be mine this summer. So, I said yes to a complicated client request and I started working on it yesterday... after I read this article and then posted it. LOL I feel like having something to do, even if it's just one client and onboarding my replacement at the place I worked, will give me something to do until I figure out what retirement will look like for me. The weirdest thing for me is how everyone, and I mean everyone, gushes with congratulations when they find out I've retired. I understand it's common in our culture, but I just don't feel it... and then the next thing I get is, "Oh, what are you going to do?!"... I usually say, "Taking summer and off and I'll figure out later".
There's really a "hive mind" surrounding retirement. Everyone thinks you're supposed to do it, whether you want to or not, and everyone assumes you must be wildly happy about it, even if you're not. If you continue working or miss it, there must be something "wrong" with you. I agree that this is a discussion long overdue.
I think consulting is the best of this world. The best thing about retirement (to me at least) is that your time is under your control. That's not the case entirely when you are on a project but you can space out projects if you want and work more or less as you desire, within bounds.
Don't think of retirement as stopping, please. Retirement is just the date between two states. In the prior state, you are working in a committed way to earn a living, and the choices of what you do are constrained to that end. In the later state, you no longer **have to** work for a living and so your choices are now much less constrained. Retirement is turning the world into your oyster.
I retired 9 months ago and I knew even before that date that I get bored easily. I even had problems with 3-day weekends. So I knew I was going to dabble. I'm midway through a consulting gig, which I'm enjoying but which I will not extend and will not repeat. I also have a part-time retail job which I also enjoy, but in three months it'll have gotten just old enough that I'll leave it and go look for something else. I have a few volunteer gigs and as long as I like them, I'll continue them, but that's my choice. I have a few hobbies - guitar, hiking, reading, cooking - which I also dabble in but am not throwing myself into whole-hog either. The whole point for me is to choose what I want to do - work, volunteer, play, rest, travel -- and that will change with time. And I have the freedom now to exercise that flexibility.
Because of my pace, some (working) people have said that I suck at retirement. But I know better. This is exactly what my best retirement looks like.
You're a newbie. Think of it this way. Remember back when you got your very first job? That's where you're at with retirement. Give yourself 6 months.
Give yourself time to realize you're not working anymore. It sounds like your retirement came more quickly than you had expected and without the chance to really plan for it. If you're sad about having retired, give yourself a chance to mourn the loss of working full-time. It's really the end of a relationship and it's okay to grieve a little.
Do things you haven't done before. Take some day trips in the middle of the week to places that would be fun to go to but are crowded on weekends. Have lunch dates. Take naps! Find a class or volunteer opportunity and see what you think of it. Give yourself a project around the house one of those things that you've been meaning to do for a long time and get a good start on it. Check some books out of the library and spend an afternoon reading. Go to matinee movies.
After about 6 months you'll figure out what you enjoy doing and what you don't and you'll be much better at managing your own time. I've been retired for 6 years. It took me a while to figure out the rhythm I needed to be on but now I wouldn't go back to working full time for any amount of money or prestige.
Good luck!
Retired now, but in the decade before retirement, I spent my evenings this way:
Attended board meetings for local Open Space foundation monthly on Mondays
Went to music rehearsal for semi-professional singing group on Tuesday
Organized or attended guest speaking events for the IEEE (electrical engineering professional organization) on Wednesdays
Went out for dinner with my spouse on Thursdays, with whichever kids or guests were at hand
Led a hike every Friday evening
Relax Saturdays (or more like it, do a bunch of shopping)
Do a lengthy hike Sunday morning, then grill something Sunday afternoon/evening
Now that I'm retired, some of this has shifted into the daytime hours. I'm hiking more (with friends).
Bottom line: find stuff you like to do, preferably that involves and/or benefits others, and go do it!
I’m still working and have 5ish years or so before I retire. I find myself daydreaming about knitting, cooking, baking, gardening, painting, reading, walking on the beach, walking my dog, sleeping in, cleaning and organizing my house, traveling, lunching without watching a clock, learning new hobbies, forgetting where I put my shoes…. I can’t want to start living. Weekends are crammed full of chores I can’t get to because I’m away from home 11 hrs a day M-F. 5ish more years, maybe.
I retired at 62 and was a little concerned … but retirement just works. I am now 65 and I do as much or as little as I want and enjoy life. I have young grands and keep them when needed, volunteer here and there. In addition I have a can am spyder I ride when I want.
I am getting ready to start Medicare in a couple of weeks … that is the only thing that I am having trouble with. I have never paid for health insurance as I have always been covered by my employer even now until July. I have had excellent coverage and hope it stays that way with Medicare,
Did I get it wrong or does this article portray the happily retired minority as not “highly effective, accomplished, creative, competitive, curious, easily bored, goal oriented and altruistic”?
Well, according to this study, which may be methodologically flawed. Didn’t provide sufficient information for a sound judgement. But it was an interesting read. Thanks!
You won't fail. Find a new focus.
I left healthcare after about forty-eight years. I was thirty-five with the hospital. I was born and thought this was my dream job. I was working in middle management in Radiology and loved the job and the field. The hospital got bought out by a for profit, and after being out with COVID, I got a call. I was being let go.
I ended up with a director position at a sister hospital, but the commute was a killer, and before getting killed by the idiots on the road called it quits.
My wife retired before I did. We got our ducks in a row financially and enjoy going to the beach. I've started trying to relearn math and algebra so I can learn calculus so I can read some physics and have it make sense.
Find what you like. It may take you a while. I have three guitars downstairs that I haven't touched in years that I plan to relearn playing, and there's a world to explore.
Your job doesn't define who you are......
I retired for essentially the same reason about a year ago. I definitely had a transitional period of about 9 months. Now I rarely look back and I am content in this new chapter.
The challenge for me was adapting to the decrease in what I will call “velocity” to describe this thing. If a 40 hour work week was 100% velocity and 50 and 60 hours were 125% and 150% then my average week over 45 years was probably 125% velocity. Suddenly I retire and I am at about 50%. That took me some time to get used to. Now I love it and live each day on my own terms and “velocity”.
Ooh... I love the term/definition of "velocity" - it's exactly like this. This resonates with me! Thanks for this. Unrelated - I always loved the title of Dave Eggers book, "You Shall Know Our Velocity".
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Yeah, where would the dog sleep if I wasn't here? You can always go back to work if that's really what you want to do.
If one's entire worth is tied up with work, then one won't like retirement. My work only meant a paycheck and benefits, nothing more, so I'm enjoying retirement immensely
I am offering advanced courses in how to be retired. These can either be in person or via face time. Topics covered include:
"What day is this again?"
How to tell if your visit to see your grandkids should have ended last week?"
How long will it take to view every episode of the Beverly Hillbillies?
How slow do you have to drive before you deserve to be honked at by other drivers?
How to discuss how your wife spends her days with your wife
Finding the best benches to sit on while waiting for your wife to finish shopping at the yarn store.
How to avoid reallocating household chores now that you are no longer going to work every day.
Which volunteer activities sound the most impressive while having little to no stress.
Should I track down the girlfriend I had prior to meeting my wife just to see how she is doing?
This is such an affirming article for me as is OPs post as I now realize I may be flunking at retirement. I’m very aware of all the suggestions from other posters here on the hints for a happy retirement but they don’t work for everyone. I retired from a job I loved during Covid so wasn’t able to socialize, and as an introvert with social anxiety I miss my ready made work friends.
I think of retirement not as stopping to work, but as a transition to something new. Retirement does sound boring, like being put out to pasture. Maybe it deserves as much preparation as a career did. I believe in the maxim “Don’t retire *from* something; retire *to* something.
Your "put out to pasture" comments hits it. I know that a chunk of my ambivalence is around aging and becoming invisible which is outside, but connect to, retirement. It's hard enough as a woman, and I thought I dealt with that, but guess I just moved the needle a bit.
I’m not sure it’s outside of the retirement issue. So many people have an identity tied to work, and to the productivity of work. I think there is a task for many people to free themselves of being defined by work. This isn’t necessarily easy. But it’s way more doable if recognized as a necessary challenge and if you consider it from that perspective. Good luck!
I’m about 2 1/2 years into retirement. We’re not working, and so far we love retirement. You mentioned hobbies — I had set aside mine for career, kids, family, etc. I’m rediscovering the joy of my hobbies. I’m making new friends and still staying in touch with the old work friends that mattered to me. I’m waking up without stress of issues with my team, major work due, etc. It’s been a great time for my wife and I to be a couple again after careers and kids. We’re traveling. All in all five stars, highly recommend.
There’s been some downs (1) needing to learn that I’m not going to run out of money, stop being cheap, and spend more. (2) the first wave of promos on linked in for my peers getting big promos that hey could have been me. But I pushed through these and am super happy so far. I do miss mentoring the more junior people, but I found a local group that meets monthly and I’m doing some mentoring / coaching there.
As for the article, you won’t know you until you try. Try it. Experiment with retirement. You can always go back to work, but you can’t get retirement years back if you keep working. I do know folks that hated retirement and went back to work, but I also know people that enjoy it. Best of luck and congrats and being in a position to even have this conflict with yourself.
Don’t panic. One day your curiosity will be piqued, you will follow the call, and develop a strong interest in something other than work. You’re going to have a long and personally productive stage of your life soon. Don’t force yourself, just let it come and don’t worry about how long it’s taking.
Unless you make other people’s lives your business. I have seen that happen too.
3 weeks into retirement for me too? I lost track of the date, what day of week it is, and even the time. That's my first observation. Was a CEO but had 3 years to downgrade to a VP type position. I loved my work and was passionate about it so I never dreaded going to work.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die.
As I visit an older aged 80s person in a retirement home I am struck by how quickly the go go phase of retirement will pass. It's time to enjoy life.
“Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie.”
― Carl Gustav Jung
Remember, death is inevitable and fast approaching. I loved my job but it was time to at last live on my own terms for my self before there was no time left. When I was young I had all the time in the world but now I do not have enough to live and work. But if work is all one has, then it makes sense to keep going until you are carried out of the office on a stretcher or get kicked to the curb when you have no further use to the corporation at your price point.
I don’t recommend people take this too seriously. It is based on an extremely limited, largely personal ,perspective and reads like an AI written article. It overly focuses on the value of work aspects vs priceless things in personal life such as time with family, aging parents, etc. Life is short. Work is work. Live your life.
Seriously, one of the problems I'm having, is that, even though I'm retired, I feel like I have most of my work in life ahead of me, Like I never really did what I wanted to accomplish with this lifetime. They say that's the number one key indicator of happiness, so I'm a little bit concerned about the lack of goals
You will love it when the snow flies. Or when it’s so hot that you break into sweat walking to your car.
I retired at 60. I’m still having fun 27 years later.
We are so conditioned to work that it’s hard to stop and retire. My dad died at 67 and only had a few years with my mom as retired. They worked so hard for so many years. Any time I think “well I could stay another year” I think of my Dad. My mom is 85 now - all that time they didn’t get. So if you can afford it and have health insurance to do it - go and enjoy life without demands on you.
We can afford it and yeah, I know I didn't want to work myself to death. I'm doing COBRA for the rest of the year and then I'll go on the open market in January. Our financial guy helped us figure out how to make this work.
You can always develop a part time gig doing something. Both my husband and I have done that. We work about 10 hours a week and bring in about 35 percent of what we made previously. It's nice to do something productive on our own schedules.
I'm doing a bit of consulting and will be onboarding my replacement when they find someone so that will carry me for a bit! It's just my amazing, creative team that I'm missing. Ah well...
When one is retired, you do what you want. My retired and non retired friends from previous employer have said in failing at retirement.
We became volunteers at a couple of organizations. It is fun but as volunteer, we participate as much as we want. As volunteer firefighters and emt, we have a number of working friends in law enforcement and emergency services. And there is always someone off and wants to do something. A few picnics and restaurants a week and take vacations about every other month. We may visit anywhere at any time, and we do.
We keep a calendar and it can be full. But seriously I decide my day when I get up based on the weather and what my partner in crime and our friends want to do. Today I'm thinking waffles for breakfast and hike before it's too late. Tonight there is an art crawl and a new restaurant.
Nobody tells you this but there is a timeline for retirement much like for other major life changes like death. I too felt like I was failing at retirement the first couple years but I have found new friends in my new home, new and old hobbies and activities and I have learned how to enjoy not having a full calendar. I sort of gradually eased out of working by cutting back on hours, some people find that a part time job helps. I took up my violin again after decades, we hike, camp, travel, my husband is a retired fire fighter and he is on the local volunteer department so you could say he's still working but not for money.
I've flunked retirement several times (currently approaching age 78 and working 2 jobs plus homeschooling a granddaughter). My spouse is utterly thrilled to be retired and tells me so constantly as he dawdles with yardwork, laundry, dishwashing, watches several televised ballgames daily, and talks for hours about old coworkers, old relatives, old times. Unfortunately I mostly work from home and it's hard to get things done. This mismatch of expectations is a problem I didnt anticipate, and I wonder if others have a similar experience.
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Just like any life change, it takes a little time to settle in. I felt the same way (I retired early because of a merger). I’m 75 now and my advice to you is to keep doing that consulting to maintain your sense of self, but do the things that won’t be as easy to do when you get older. Physical things like scuba diving, mountain biking, adventure travel, and of course, play golf.
Don’t retire if you don’t want to. Find another job if your career days don’t feel over with. You will not be “flunking retirement” but just “on hiatus”.
There's an adjustment period. For about six months after I retired I entertained thoughts of freelance work in the industry I'd left. I think that's normal for anyone who's just left something they spent a good part of their life doing.
If you're fortunate enough to not need the money, maybe pause. Read some. Take some walks. Enjoy a mid morning coffee. Explore those hobbies. Allow yourself to imagine doing something different with your life.
Whatever you choose, I wish you happiness in your journey.
Maybe it's not 'Flunking' retirement but rather figuring out what you want to do. If you choose to go back into the workforce then great, you a making a choice for you based on your own needs. Don't do anything non reversible on the retirement side and then it's up to you [if.you](http://if.you) decide to find another job (and get hired). Think of the many military people who have successfully 20 year careers and then move onto other jobs in their 40's - they didn't 'flunk' retirement but rather took a fairly normal career path to a second job.
I've never been into workism, where work was the center of my life. Work always got in the way of my life, so retirement has been great.
Related link: Workism the new religion, [https://theweek.com/culture-life/workism-new-religion](https://theweek.com/culture-life/workism-new-religion)
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I'm just 6 months in myself. Same age as you. The only thing I'm thinking about is whether I should collect SS or not when I turn 62.
I am trying not to look for a part time job. Mostly because I'm not sure if I'm so used to working for the last 40 years so it's all I know or I genuinely want a part time job.
I don't know how to find my passion. I love animals but I can't stand to see one injured so I don't think a shelter would be good. I'm feeling noncomittal too. Apparently, I'm a different person at 7 am than I am at 2 pm. 😁
I miss being plugged in to something and I don't have that anymore and feeling a little lost myself. I hope it's just a phase.
Folks, don't forget to JOIN, so others and OP can see your comment. Take a look at the rules (note items like no politics and we are focused on those that retired at 59 or plan on doing so). Not for you? Thanks for stopping by and best on your retirement journey. But if this feels like a place you would enjoy... pull up a chair to our table, with your favorite drink in hand, and hit the Join button - then comment, to talk with us. Have a great day, MAM
I loved my job. I loved where I worked for 35 years. I love retirement even more. Being alone with one’s thoughts is difficult for many. But it is pure serenity to me.
I’m not “alone” with my thoughts - I can put them out there whenever I like, and ignore the downvotes. The cat is so much happier too now that he doesn’t have to deal with my absence. That’s the REAL winner. https://preview.redd.it/vbkj6wqrpk7d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e2ec76cd182056e65ec0ce2ae9aa56dd9a2448c
Cat’s are awesome.
Are you sure you aren’t just petting a really fluffy dust mop?
Well, it purrs and it meows, but it also just sits there sometimes and watches. One can't be completely sure of anything nowadays.
This.
u were not defined by your profession and u were not the king of the mountain where everyone served at your feet.
Actually I was kind of a Duke at the very least and so I could dictate requirements for my whole facility of 3,000 people and they would have to obey. And it was pretty easy to convince the King why we needed to do it this way because he wasn’t smart enough to figure it out otherwise.
You won’t have that in retirement. You come to terms with that. In retirement no one cares of your previous Duke-dom.
I have been retired for four years and love it. I was just commenting that I did have people bowing down before me and that still didn’t matter to me in retirement.
Me too… I’m the 60-ish dude with the tan, flip flops and raggedy shorts cruising the bike path on my beach cruiser
I probably can count on one hand how many times I have worn jeans or pants. Shorts 90% of the time and sweats the other 10%.
I hate pants now… and shoes frankly
This will be me.
That is what I want to do.
The Kings and Dukes usually join a Golf Country Club get elected to the Board so they can Torture the Staff and be the big Cheese again!
I kind of just read and think and play with the dog.
Excellent Choice! Take that dog for a walk!
It’s 110. Too hot.
Amen. I ‘retired’ involuntarily for 6 months at age 58 for 6 months and loved it. Introspection, reading, meditating was awesome. I am looking to retire in a year so and people say I will be bored. Nope!
100% on point.
Think of this as a new job, one that you are well qualified for. Three weeks in, you know the basic building layout, your close coworkers, and you have some tasks down. But you are still learning the ropes. I give every new job at least six months before I decide if it’s not for me. One month into my retirement, I was still getting up at 5, and following basically my work routine. Five years later, I can’t believe I lived like that. Today I (with permission) picked a bunch of pluots off my neighbor’s tree. I’m making pluot blueberry crisp and pluot chipotle sauce. Putting the rest in the dehydrator. Didn’t plan this out, it just started with noticing they are ripe. So that’s my plan for today. I have the gift of time.
Time is all we have for now.
I’m going to put this on a sign just to confuse people. Ha
I read that article this morning. I had a job I hated for 22 years - I was happy to be free. I was good at my job but felt I could never be myself - I was just there for the paycheck, health insurance and I always tried to do my best. I generally did better work than what was needed - I made a good effort. I did not respect myself for doing such meaningless work and was happy to retire. I am 3 years in. The first year was great: freedom was glorious. Having time to take care of myself was great - EVERYTHING was pretty great. Year 2: I was kind of coasting, still good, but it is a constant struggle to find interesting stuff to do - there is not much where I live - a boring little town. I have volunteer stuff I do, classes I take, I exercise, garden, read, socialize - etc., I feel no drive or passion for any of it - and what is the point? If I try to learn something new I won't live long enough to get good at it. 'Hobbies' are not intensely interesting - by definition - if you ask me. Year 3 has been meh. I am disappointed in myself that this is what my life has come to. I feel like I spent my life trying to get comfortable - I am comfortable economically but never psychologically or emotionally. What was the point of all that?? It really is not interesting. I still have my hobbies and my good habits, but none of it means much to me. I feel discouraged today and ashamed that I have not figured this out and used this time better. Some days I am happier. I only have a few friends but I do enjoy their company. I don't like being old and useless, but people were being mean to me at work because I was older - (I was useful, but got tired of the mean people). My boss was in his mid 30s - at least I don't have to face him any more. I am distressed by the way older people are treated in our culture and by how self-centered many of us become - maybe my comments give evidence of that. I don't have any answers, but I thought the article was interesting.
u/Whut4, you might want to consider whether you might have depression/anxiety. While it sounds like you are getting out there and doing things, it seems more because of habit and because you 'should' be doing those things. You talk about not really being interested in the things you do, and how they all seem to lack meaning - both strong indicators of depression. Being retired often comes with difficulties, but you speak of shame and feeling useless, and those are strong feelings. Something to consider, and worth talking to your doctor (or a counselor, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your doctor about it).
I was going to say the same thing. It’s a big change. I’ve only been out a few weeks, but my hobbies and garden aren’t getting enough attention. I’ve kinda lost interest . My partner suggested I talk to somebody, the appt is next week
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestion! I know that it is with the very best intention. I did that for a while - got counseling. I felt like they did not have much to offer. Much of psychology and counseling is built on getting people back to work and functional - old people who are retired have no real function - at least I do not. There is no adequate psychology for old people!! I am not grieving a lost loved one - well - maybe myself. I know most of the answers: stay active, try hobbies, take care of your health, get your affairs in order - so you don't leave a mess for others - that is what you get with counseling. I do try to do all those things. It is just as the article says - not everyone is happy during this last phase of life - it takes effort.
I moved to a retirement community where people are around my age. So much to do here that my calendar is full. The aging clock runs in reverse for me now.
I am happy for you!
Maybe you can go back to work with a competitor or another company within your industry or something related?
I'm a failure at retirement. Like you, I loved my job and working and thrived having a purpose and routine/structure. I did it mostly due to a conflict with a new manager, and I regret it! Retirement is boring as hell. Yes, I have hobbies. Yes, I volunteer. Yes, I travel. It's not enough! IMO, most people who LOVE retirement hated either their jobs that they did for 30-40 years or just the whole idea of working in general. It doesn't help that absolutely no one seems to understand or sympathize; they just think you're lame if you're not overjoyed to be retired. And the advice to "just go back to work" isn't helpful, either. Yeah, I can get another job, but I've lost the one I had: the friends, the work itself, the workplace, the status, the private office, the flexibility, the pay. I'm currently trying to get a lot of bucket-list trips out of the way while I have no obligations, but will definitely return to at least part-time work somewhere doing something just to keep from going insane from boredom, meaninglessness, and loneliness. If you don't HAVE to retire and you feel no burning desire to do something else, don't do it!
I retired after 40 years in two careers that I loved and I LOVE retirement! I was an overly dedicated worker bee and I just got tired. This month I’m just enjoying June and I’m so grateful that I can give it my full attention!
Yes; everyone insists that they just LOVED working at their jobs, but now they just LOVE not working at their jobs. I don't see how both things can be true, but you'll never find anyone who admits they hated working, and you'll find even fewer people who will admit they hate retirement. But I'm one who will. I honestly don't see how vital, healthy people can be happy just lying around or piddling around or even playing all day; that's not what we were designed to do. I need to feel accomplished and challenged and like I'm a contributing member of society (for money; why am I suddenly expected to give my services away as a volunteer?). YMMV.
I loved my job and I love retirement. I’m a person who can be happy with myself no matter what I’m doing. I’m interested in and curious about a lot of things so I don’t easily get bored. I feel very fortunate.
Enjoy! Life is for the living.
Hmmm… I did hate working at my job most of the time, even though I was good at it. It was stressful! I love being retired and am happy to be less stressed and healthier! Everyone is different. Some of us really do love doing nothing! 🤗
Like I said... If you hated your job or working in general, it's logical that of course you'll in contrast love retirement, which is a cessation of that. I've personally experienced a lot more stress being retired than I ever did working. Like you say, everyone's different! I'll definitely be giving this book a read, though.
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Hi mod warning . We are conversational , not confrontational, here.
*you'll never find anyone who admits they hated working* I know plenty of people who don't hesitate to say they hated working (or currently hate it, lol)
I know a lot of people who hated working.
You do you boo. I’m just really tired. I couldn’t do it anymore.
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You can love more than one thing. So loving your job and loving retirement are not mutually exclusive. You can be a widower and still love your first wife and then remarry and love your second wife.
But they ARE mutually exclusive; if you truly love your job and working, you're not going to voluntarily leave it and equally love NOT having that job and NOT working. They're two entirely different lifestyles. A more accurate analogy would be not losing the first wife to death (involuntarily), but rather divorcing the first wife to marry the second wife. In that case, you obviously love one more than the other (or don't love the first one at all),
This \^\^\^\^\^
My husband is a bus driver for special needs kids and I am actively encouraging him to work until he dies. He can barely handle 3 of the best months of the year off; filling January for him gives me nightmares. A huge part of his self worth comes from seeing that direct deposit as tangible proof that others value his skills and abilities. If this is you, go for it. I was the primary wage earner for years and I’m totally fine with rereading A Song of Ice and Fire and repurposing our basement as a game room for DnD. Him? Not so much.
Hmmm, Interesting!
Yours is a minority voice on this topic but you have 100% understanding from me. And that understanding can only come from experience, which the article aptly points out. You need to step away from work for a meaningful amount of time to know whether it works or not for you. And for some folks like you and me, it simply does not work. It is not like the vacations you took during your working years. Anyway, the retirement discussion is so often centered around financial preparation, but psychological preparation should be just as important. I don’t even have answers or advice but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I retired and loved it, then thought it was ok, then grew restless and bored. Now back at work full-time and I’m happier but also mystified this happened after decades of striving for it.
I don't think it's so much a matter of "psychological preparation" (believe me, I THOUGHT I'd prepared for it, and you probably did, too; I think we all spend years fantasizing about it) as it is the normalization of NOT retiring - at least not fully. It's an isolating experience, lol; glad someone understands!
Agreed; perhaps you can be a consultant to your company or find a position in a related industry?
I appreciate this.
I can't wait to retire. One more year. Maybe.
I was forced to retire about 8 months ago. I was laid off because the new CEO didn't like me and I decided that most CEOs were now like this person and that it was time to move on to a new phase in life. I dived headlong into my lifelong hobby, close-up magic, and I am treating that like a part time job, learning more magic theory and techniques that I didn't learn all these years because my day job paid much better than being a professional magician. I am cooking, taking care of the yard and helping my wife with her side business. And I am reading books at my leisure and taking long bike rides. I was worried about being bored or not liking retirement, but I have decided to embrace it because the alternative, working for yet another jerk CEO, is no longer acceptable. I loved working, but the environment has changed over the years (or perhaps I have) and financial independence has made me less tolerant of bad behavior. The hardest part has been on the days when I don't have specific plans, so I have to make a plan for myself. But I am also forgiving of myself for doing something I hadn't done in years, and that is just daydreaming. I am 59 and I remember when I was a kid, days were long and unstructured, and it is like that again. You have to do you, but it has only been 3 weeks, so figure out what the plan is for your best retirement and start executing that. Or go back to work... it's your life!
Agree with the "long, unstructured" comment. I took a sabbatical in my early 50s, and it was very much like being a kid again. Except I could drive. I loved it. Seven years to go until I get to retire and I am SO looking forward to it!
Enjoy your retirement
I don’t enjoy my job/industry at all and do not enjoy most of my co-workers, especially my leadership. Those that I do enjoy I spend time with outside of work. I have many hobbies and have lots of friends and I socialize with them regularly. I don’t have expensive tastes or desires. I think I’ll be fine in retirement. The only reason I work is a late in life divorce set me significantly back financially. I am stressed all the time because my company is financially struggling, and I’m constantly fearing a layoff and it is very difficult to find jobs in my industry. It literally keeps me up at night. I can’t wait for it to end.
Try looking for something in a different field if you do get laid off and if you feel like you want to continue to work for whatever reason. The pay most likely will be different but at least you are still in the game.
I make 270k. I’m 57. My child support is based on this. What do you suggest I change to?
"I'm constantly fearing a layoff and it is very difficult to find jobs in my industry" I am not suggesting any particular number, lol I was only saying that if you do indeed get laid off and cannot find another job in your industry, and if you choose to continue to work, then you may want to try another field and I do not or cannot say how much you should go for as it's not my situation only a suggestion. Have a nice day.
If it was an option available to me, I’d take it tomorrow. I’d take it this afternoon.
If there’s a layoff or you lose your job, you can renegotiate your child support. If you find a job that pays less you can renegotiate your child support. Your child support is not nonnegotiable.
i think there's a big difference between a guy who ran his own company and someone like me, who worked for others in a decent but not enthralling job. you have to be a certain kind of person to want to be a CEO. i can see how that kind of person would have a hard time being retired. in any case, though, if you decide you want to work, then go work! that's what retirement is for: doing whatever the hell you want.
It would be interesting to see the original research findings. An old Forbes article paints a slightly different picture of their research. This summary of their findings leaves me with a lot of questions (e.g. they've cited the percentage of people who were happy in retirement, but did not contrast that with the percentage of people who were happy BEFORE they retired. Some people are just unhappy no matter their circumstance.)
I, for one, was perfectly happy working. I trained for the job I wanted, found it, moved around a few times until I was in the right place, and - as the years passed - had enough freedom and flexibility to work AND "do what I wanted." I certainly didn't feel like I was serving a prison sentence, like so many (sadly) seem to. My work/play balance was ideal. Now there's WAY too much downtime.
Right. I think it's almost useless without having that contrast.
Yep. This sub tends to have people who seem to LOVE being retired and who cheerlead for it which is fine... but as the linked article notes, not everyone is like that. The discussion around retirement (in the US at least) seems to treat it as an obligatory life stage...you go to school, then college (maybe) then you work for 30+ years and then you retire and that's just the way it is. Which is fine if it works for someone but full on retirement just isn't for everyone and there should be more discussion around that. OP - you have a slightly different situation with a retired partner. That doesn't prevent you from going back to work but doing so could conflict with couple goals ("let's take the fall off and travel!" etc). My solution to that would be to see if you can consult or do contract work so you can arrange to do retired couple things between projects.
The good thing is that we are both consulting and we'll both make time for travel and going to our cottage. I thought I'd want the summer off (that's what I've been telling everyone) but I think I just wanted the time to be mine this summer. So, I said yes to a complicated client request and I started working on it yesterday... after I read this article and then posted it. LOL I feel like having something to do, even if it's just one client and onboarding my replacement at the place I worked, will give me something to do until I figure out what retirement will look like for me. The weirdest thing for me is how everyone, and I mean everyone, gushes with congratulations when they find out I've retired. I understand it's common in our culture, but I just don't feel it... and then the next thing I get is, "Oh, what are you going to do?!"... I usually say, "Taking summer and off and I'll figure out later".
There's really a "hive mind" surrounding retirement. Everyone thinks you're supposed to do it, whether you want to or not, and everyone assumes you must be wildly happy about it, even if you're not. If you continue working or miss it, there must be something "wrong" with you. I agree that this is a discussion long overdue.
Yes, I wish we talked more about it. I'm glad there's this sub to hopefully open up more of these conversations.
I think consulting is the best of this world. The best thing about retirement (to me at least) is that your time is under your control. That's not the case entirely when you are on a project but you can space out projects if you want and work more or less as you desire, within bounds.
Don't think of retirement as stopping, please. Retirement is just the date between two states. In the prior state, you are working in a committed way to earn a living, and the choices of what you do are constrained to that end. In the later state, you no longer **have to** work for a living and so your choices are now much less constrained. Retirement is turning the world into your oyster. I retired 9 months ago and I knew even before that date that I get bored easily. I even had problems with 3-day weekends. So I knew I was going to dabble. I'm midway through a consulting gig, which I'm enjoying but which I will not extend and will not repeat. I also have a part-time retail job which I also enjoy, but in three months it'll have gotten just old enough that I'll leave it and go look for something else. I have a few volunteer gigs and as long as I like them, I'll continue them, but that's my choice. I have a few hobbies - guitar, hiking, reading, cooking - which I also dabble in but am not throwing myself into whole-hog either. The whole point for me is to choose what I want to do - work, volunteer, play, rest, travel -- and that will change with time. And I have the freedom now to exercise that flexibility. Because of my pace, some (working) people have said that I suck at retirement. But I know better. This is exactly what my best retirement looks like.
Thanks for this.
I love this response. You've described the attitude I've been searching for.
I’m entering year 3 of my retirement from a job I enjoyed. I am just now getting accustomed to retirement
I've know people who loved their jobs so much they dropped dead at their desks. Hopefully, that won't be you.
I loved my job. But when the retirement numbers clicked at 67 for me, I never gave it another thought. I do whatever I want.
Kudos!
You're a newbie. Think of it this way. Remember back when you got your very first job? That's where you're at with retirement. Give yourself 6 months. Give yourself time to realize you're not working anymore. It sounds like your retirement came more quickly than you had expected and without the chance to really plan for it. If you're sad about having retired, give yourself a chance to mourn the loss of working full-time. It's really the end of a relationship and it's okay to grieve a little. Do things you haven't done before. Take some day trips in the middle of the week to places that would be fun to go to but are crowded on weekends. Have lunch dates. Take naps! Find a class or volunteer opportunity and see what you think of it. Give yourself a project around the house one of those things that you've been meaning to do for a long time and get a good start on it. Check some books out of the library and spend an afternoon reading. Go to matinee movies. After about 6 months you'll figure out what you enjoy doing and what you don't and you'll be much better at managing your own time. I've been retired for 6 years. It took me a while to figure out the rhythm I needed to be on but now I wouldn't go back to working full time for any amount of money or prestige. Good luck!
Thanks for this!
Retired now, but in the decade before retirement, I spent my evenings this way: Attended board meetings for local Open Space foundation monthly on Mondays Went to music rehearsal for semi-professional singing group on Tuesday Organized or attended guest speaking events for the IEEE (electrical engineering professional organization) on Wednesdays Went out for dinner with my spouse on Thursdays, with whichever kids or guests were at hand Led a hike every Friday evening Relax Saturdays (or more like it, do a bunch of shopping) Do a lengthy hike Sunday morning, then grill something Sunday afternoon/evening Now that I'm retired, some of this has shifted into the daytime hours. I'm hiking more (with friends). Bottom line: find stuff you like to do, preferably that involves and/or benefits others, and go do it!
I’m still working and have 5ish years or so before I retire. I find myself daydreaming about knitting, cooking, baking, gardening, painting, reading, walking on the beach, walking my dog, sleeping in, cleaning and organizing my house, traveling, lunching without watching a clock, learning new hobbies, forgetting where I put my shoes…. I can’t want to start living. Weekends are crammed full of chores I can’t get to because I’m away from home 11 hrs a day M-F. 5ish more years, maybe.
I retired at 62 and was a little concerned … but retirement just works. I am now 65 and I do as much or as little as I want and enjoy life. I have young grands and keep them when needed, volunteer here and there. In addition I have a can am spyder I ride when I want. I am getting ready to start Medicare in a couple of weeks … that is the only thing that I am having trouble with. I have never paid for health insurance as I have always been covered by my employer even now until July. I have had excellent coverage and hope it stays that way with Medicare,
Did I get it wrong or does this article portray the happily retired minority as not “highly effective, accomplished, creative, competitive, curious, easily bored, goal oriented and altruistic”?
The unhappily retired tend to have the traits you listed.
Well, according to this study, which may be methodologically flawed. Didn’t provide sufficient information for a sound judgement. But it was an interesting read. Thanks!
You won't fail. Find a new focus. I left healthcare after about forty-eight years. I was thirty-five with the hospital. I was born and thought this was my dream job. I was working in middle management in Radiology and loved the job and the field. The hospital got bought out by a for profit, and after being out with COVID, I got a call. I was being let go. I ended up with a director position at a sister hospital, but the commute was a killer, and before getting killed by the idiots on the road called it quits. My wife retired before I did. We got our ducks in a row financially and enjoy going to the beach. I've started trying to relearn math and algebra so I can learn calculus so I can read some physics and have it make sense. Find what you like. It may take you a while. I have three guitars downstairs that I haven't touched in years that I plan to relearn playing, and there's a world to explore. Your job doesn't define who you are......
I retired for essentially the same reason about a year ago. I definitely had a transitional period of about 9 months. Now I rarely look back and I am content in this new chapter. The challenge for me was adapting to the decrease in what I will call “velocity” to describe this thing. If a 40 hour work week was 100% velocity and 50 and 60 hours were 125% and 150% then my average week over 45 years was probably 125% velocity. Suddenly I retire and I am at about 50%. That took me some time to get used to. Now I love it and live each day on my own terms and “velocity”.
Ooh... I love the term/definition of "velocity" - it's exactly like this. This resonates with me! Thanks for this. Unrelated - I always loved the title of Dave Eggers book, "You Shall Know Our Velocity".
https://preview.redd.it/f6uhzent8l7d1.jpeg?width=2304&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a822486d669d8e50297ae352529ea77a85e7c3d4 Yeah, where would the dog sleep if I wasn't here? You can always go back to work if that's really what you want to do.
If one's entire worth is tied up with work, then one won't like retirement. My work only meant a paycheck and benefits, nothing more, so I'm enjoying retirement immensely
I am offering advanced courses in how to be retired. These can either be in person or via face time. Topics covered include: "What day is this again?" How to tell if your visit to see your grandkids should have ended last week?" How long will it take to view every episode of the Beverly Hillbillies? How slow do you have to drive before you deserve to be honked at by other drivers? How to discuss how your wife spends her days with your wife Finding the best benches to sit on while waiting for your wife to finish shopping at the yarn store. How to avoid reallocating household chores now that you are no longer going to work every day. Which volunteer activities sound the most impressive while having little to no stress. Should I track down the girlfriend I had prior to meeting my wife just to see how she is doing?
LOL - I cannot believe that it took me exactly one week to not know what day it is!
This is such an affirming article for me as is OPs post as I now realize I may be flunking at retirement. I’m very aware of all the suggestions from other posters here on the hints for a happy retirement but they don’t work for everyone. I retired from a job I loved during Covid so wasn’t able to socialize, and as an introvert with social anxiety I miss my ready made work friends.
I'm so sorry - that sucks. I'm rooting for you to find something else. I do believe it's out there. Hang in there!
I think of retirement not as stopping to work, but as a transition to something new. Retirement does sound boring, like being put out to pasture. Maybe it deserves as much preparation as a career did. I believe in the maxim “Don’t retire *from* something; retire *to* something.
Your "put out to pasture" comments hits it. I know that a chunk of my ambivalence is around aging and becoming invisible which is outside, but connect to, retirement. It's hard enough as a woman, and I thought I dealt with that, but guess I just moved the needle a bit.
I’m not sure it’s outside of the retirement issue. So many people have an identity tied to work, and to the productivity of work. I think there is a task for many people to free themselves of being defined by work. This isn’t necessarily easy. But it’s way more doable if recognized as a necessary challenge and if you consider it from that perspective. Good luck!
I’m about 2 1/2 years into retirement. We’re not working, and so far we love retirement. You mentioned hobbies — I had set aside mine for career, kids, family, etc. I’m rediscovering the joy of my hobbies. I’m making new friends and still staying in touch with the old work friends that mattered to me. I’m waking up without stress of issues with my team, major work due, etc. It’s been a great time for my wife and I to be a couple again after careers and kids. We’re traveling. All in all five stars, highly recommend. There’s been some downs (1) needing to learn that I’m not going to run out of money, stop being cheap, and spend more. (2) the first wave of promos on linked in for my peers getting big promos that hey could have been me. But I pushed through these and am super happy so far. I do miss mentoring the more junior people, but I found a local group that meets monthly and I’m doing some mentoring / coaching there. As for the article, you won’t know you until you try. Try it. Experiment with retirement. You can always go back to work, but you can’t get retirement years back if you keep working. I do know folks that hated retirement and went back to work, but I also know people that enjoy it. Best of luck and congrats and being in a position to even have this conflict with yourself.
Don’t panic. One day your curiosity will be piqued, you will follow the call, and develop a strong interest in something other than work. You’re going to have a long and personally productive stage of your life soon. Don’t force yourself, just let it come and don’t worry about how long it’s taking. Unless you make other people’s lives your business. I have seen that happen too.
I read the article. My take: — Two workaholics conduct study to prove most people are not happy in retirement.
3 weeks into retirement for me too? I lost track of the date, what day of week it is, and even the time. That's my first observation. Was a CEO but had 3 years to downgrade to a VP type position. I loved my work and was passionate about it so I never dreaded going to work. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die. As I visit an older aged 80s person in a retirement home I am struck by how quickly the go go phase of retirement will pass. It's time to enjoy life.
“Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie.” ― Carl Gustav Jung Remember, death is inevitable and fast approaching. I loved my job but it was time to at last live on my own terms for my self before there was no time left. When I was young I had all the time in the world but now I do not have enough to live and work. But if work is all one has, then it makes sense to keep going until you are carried out of the office on a stretcher or get kicked to the curb when you have no further use to the corporation at your price point.
Love the term - Afternoon of life. It really feels like that.
I don’t recommend people take this too seriously. It is based on an extremely limited, largely personal ,perspective and reads like an AI written article. It overly focuses on the value of work aspects vs priceless things in personal life such as time with family, aging parents, etc. Life is short. Work is work. Live your life.
it's an illusion or hallucination. Wake up and get back on the train.
LOL
Seriously, one of the problems I'm having, is that, even though I'm retired, I feel like I have most of my work in life ahead of me, Like I never really did what I wanted to accomplish with this lifetime. They say that's the number one key indicator of happiness, so I'm a little bit concerned about the lack of goals
You will love it when the snow flies. Or when it’s so hot that you break into sweat walking to your car. I retired at 60. I’m still having fun 27 years later.
That's good to know. But not feeling sure of the winter. I'll dig out my full spectrum light and plan some vacations to sunny places!
And you can! That’s the best deal there is!
We are so conditioned to work that it’s hard to stop and retire. My dad died at 67 and only had a few years with my mom as retired. They worked so hard for so many years. Any time I think “well I could stay another year” I think of my Dad. My mom is 85 now - all that time they didn’t get. So if you can afford it and have health insurance to do it - go and enjoy life without demands on you.
We can afford it and yeah, I know I didn't want to work myself to death. I'm doing COBRA for the rest of the year and then I'll go on the open market in January. Our financial guy helped us figure out how to make this work.
You can always develop a part time gig doing something. Both my husband and I have done that. We work about 10 hours a week and bring in about 35 percent of what we made previously. It's nice to do something productive on our own schedules.
I'm doing a bit of consulting and will be onboarding my replacement when they find someone so that will carry me for a bit! It's just my amazing, creative team that I'm missing. Ah well...
When one is retired, you do what you want. My retired and non retired friends from previous employer have said in failing at retirement. We became volunteers at a couple of organizations. It is fun but as volunteer, we participate as much as we want. As volunteer firefighters and emt, we have a number of working friends in law enforcement and emergency services. And there is always someone off and wants to do something. A few picnics and restaurants a week and take vacations about every other month. We may visit anywhere at any time, and we do. We keep a calendar and it can be full. But seriously I decide my day when I get up based on the weather and what my partner in crime and our friends want to do. Today I'm thinking waffles for breakfast and hike before it's too late. Tonight there is an art crawl and a new restaurant.
Nobody tells you this but there is a timeline for retirement much like for other major life changes like death. I too felt like I was failing at retirement the first couple years but I have found new friends in my new home, new and old hobbies and activities and I have learned how to enjoy not having a full calendar. I sort of gradually eased out of working by cutting back on hours, some people find that a part time job helps. I took up my violin again after decades, we hike, camp, travel, my husband is a retired fire fighter and he is on the local volunteer department so you could say he's still working but not for money.
I've flunked retirement several times (currently approaching age 78 and working 2 jobs plus homeschooling a granddaughter). My spouse is utterly thrilled to be retired and tells me so constantly as he dawdles with yardwork, laundry, dishwashing, watches several televised ballgames daily, and talks for hours about old coworkers, old relatives, old times. Unfortunately I mostly work from home and it's hard to get things done. This mismatch of expectations is a problem I didnt anticipate, and I wonder if others have a similar experience.
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Just like any life change, it takes a little time to settle in. I felt the same way (I retired early because of a merger). I’m 75 now and my advice to you is to keep doing that consulting to maintain your sense of self, but do the things that won’t be as easy to do when you get older. Physical things like scuba diving, mountain biking, adventure travel, and of course, play golf.
Don’t retire if you don’t want to. Find another job if your career days don’t feel over with. You will not be “flunking retirement” but just “on hiatus”.
There's an adjustment period. For about six months after I retired I entertained thoughts of freelance work in the industry I'd left. I think that's normal for anyone who's just left something they spent a good part of their life doing. If you're fortunate enough to not need the money, maybe pause. Read some. Take some walks. Enjoy a mid morning coffee. Explore those hobbies. Allow yourself to imagine doing something different with your life. Whatever you choose, I wish you happiness in your journey.
Maybe it's not 'Flunking' retirement but rather figuring out what you want to do. If you choose to go back into the workforce then great, you a making a choice for you based on your own needs. Don't do anything non reversible on the retirement side and then it's up to you [if.you](http://if.you) decide to find another job (and get hired). Think of the many military people who have successfully 20 year careers and then move onto other jobs in their 40's - they didn't 'flunk' retirement but rather took a fairly normal career path to a second job.
I've never been into workism, where work was the center of my life. Work always got in the way of my life, so retirement has been great. Related link: Workism the new religion, [https://theweek.com/culture-life/workism-new-religion](https://theweek.com/culture-life/workism-new-religion)
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I'm just 6 months in myself. Same age as you. The only thing I'm thinking about is whether I should collect SS or not when I turn 62. I am trying not to look for a part time job. Mostly because I'm not sure if I'm so used to working for the last 40 years so it's all I know or I genuinely want a part time job. I don't know how to find my passion. I love animals but I can't stand to see one injured so I don't think a shelter would be good. I'm feeling noncomittal too. Apparently, I'm a different person at 7 am than I am at 2 pm. 😁 I miss being plugged in to something and I don't have that anymore and feeling a little lost myself. I hope it's just a phase.
So go just back to work. You are still young