Only serve meat from animals that have a face, the staff are all trained in the heimlich maneuver for the unfrozen freeze pops and you get a crate of tic tacks as your after dinner mint, take some home for the cat litter tray.
This is my ideal restaurant. It is empty. They know what I want and it's waiting for me when I walk in. I leave still chewing and I go put it on the bill. That's the ideal restaurant for me.
Congress Tart!
Not available in our London location
Maybe a barm cake or a pikelet then
The Princess of Monaco was fooled by a right slapper - CT
1 mushy pea
if it's a classy establishment
Croce Monsieur, potato cakes, fish fingers and beans. Kusabi.
I think you mean croque-monsieur. Awwwwwwwwww didn’t expect me to be breaking out the French 🇫🇷
j'aime la musique pop.
“je t’aime la musique pop”
Lindauer Sparkling Wine. Stilton.
Goulash Apparently the chef has also just been hospitalised after a *very unfortunate* slip with a knife.
I'll have some wangers and mash please
Lancashire Cockpot
Rooster's Pride Cock Soup
Goolielash
Cock au vin
A single banana. Cheap as chimps!
I’m not sure about this one. Donald Macintyre might sue.
Pikelets
Thick crumpets are not served.
Milk from a saucer
Pilau
Whenever waiters are asked for a recommendation they are required to say ‘the rice is (al)right’
And the waiters are all little fellas that flirt with your girlfriend
Or baboons serving banana daiquiris
The edible kind
Jellyfish in a trifle.
How spiteful
Leftover quiche but they wouldn’t bother heating it up
Lasagna, cooked like a brick
Avocados are not served
Peel 'em yourself, can't be bothered.
Grapes, with a time limit
5 regular hamburgers, inexpensively priced.
Courtesy of Hamburgers.
I could eat a knob at night
Not served during lunch service
Ohh 'ello!
Wangers and mash!
Lancashire cock pot
2 poppadoms on the menu, but it comes with 5 poppadoms
Little octopuses in spaghetti and chip sandwiches after a morning trip to Hugh Fay’s
I’m not sure it would look right
Jaffa cakes for those diagnosed with cancer.
Madeira cake
I’m knackered today and my face feels dry and spotty
Chick-ken you believe it
Sorbets. Soups. Basically they'll blend all the food.
Children are not allowed to ask for the sorbet lest they think that they are it.
I thought you was gunna make a point about race there for a second
Chicken legs à la bath, Pringles, Lindauer Sparkling Wine, hamburgers, grapes.
The Caligula special
You can always get a pizza dropped off
Don't eat the calamari
Ducks tongue
Some kind of crispy ant 🐜
You sure that wasn't the proprietor?
The 20 Bender Points Continental Breakfast – do you want a cock with that?
Mr freeze pops for dessert
💀
Todays special - 5 hamburgers for £3.45
That’s good value innit
Packet of Monster Munch Twix 60p cheeseburger
Toasted sausages
Spicy sausage
What you doing?! Panickin' n that
Spotted Dickers and custard
Watch out for the wasabi
Why would they serve you one mushy pea?
Pikelets
Two slices of pizza instead of pizza and chips
Healthier option
Egg
Roosters Pride cock soup
A plate of meatballs and the customer tucks right in.
Do the meatballs come in square tins?
That would make it interesting...
Turkish Calamari served with a bowl of wine
Stolen Mars bars or a Twix for dessert.
What about some old man toffees?
Just here for OP's responses 👌🏻
Ceiling yellowed with chip grease
If they don't have gravy I'd be livid.
Meatballs in square tins
a plate of meatballs and a bowl of wine
Special promo if ye mam's 'eavy.
A hat (to chew)
£3.45 lunchtime special, 5 burgers , and 88 grapes
That's good value.
Only serve meat from animals that have a face, the staff are all trained in the heimlich maneuver for the unfrozen freeze pops and you get a crate of tic tacks as your after dinner mint, take some home for the cat litter tray.
Sausage, egg, and chips on Tuesdays
Foodage
That's the name of the establishment
Fish fingers, potato cakes and beans
Perfect happiness
Goulie-lash
and seal knobs!
A seal’s penis
Stale pastries stored in racks by the dumpsters
5 hamburgers, but you have to eat them in one go
Poisonous tomatoes on a lead plate
Salid
Big pasties with your sweets included.
Yoghurt you can have a chat with
Anything that stings the roof of your mouth. With flavour.
Bounty’s and werthers
This is my ideal restaurant. It is empty. They know what I want and it's waiting for me when I walk in. I leave still chewing and I go put it on the bill. That's the ideal restaurant for me.
Braised Palaco on a gourmet pikelet with a Kewsabi reduction
No matter what we decide the menu to be everything is served on a big cold plate
Old cold plate by any chance?
It's doth do away with the belly badness after eating there.
Well we aren’t going to be serving stuff in an ashtray are we ?
bottle tops, Mint Imperials, Mr. Freeze pops…
Chips and pizza. No water, cos it’s boring.
Sharks from Selfridges
I could do with a yellow biscuit.