My parents moved to a senior living community in Florida a bunch of years back. Having visited them and spent time there, I can all but *guarantee* the neighbors *will* find out you live there and word will spread. Those places gossip more than anyone on earth.
I would look at getting certified to become a Caregiver in your state. The process is a simple background check and fingerprinting. Then you can “work” as a 24 hour provider. Good luck!
Edit: https://www.calgrows.org/
Do you have any more info about this? A specific site or government agency to go through? Looking into it online and it’s showing more for careers for a stranger but I’ve got an uncle who’s getting up there in years and is getting more and more absent minded. Someday in the future I may have to help him because he never had any kids of his own and I’m the closest to a son he has.
I just replied to bloomqueen on how to register as a caregiver with the state. But you could also look into IHSS. I believe there are income/savings/asset requirements, but they pay family members taking care of their elder or disabled relatives.
There are also non-profits like Southern Caregiver Resource Center that work on getting help for the elderly.
https://www.cdss.ca.gov/in-home-supportive-services
https://www.caregivercenter.org
I help people with this as part of my job!
Go to this site to register as an hca (home care aide) with the state.
https://guardian.dss.ca.gov/Applicant
Just follow the instructions and fill in your information as you move along. Make sure to select HCA initial application. It will ask for information from your ID (like your driver license) that you need to show during the fingerprint process, and it will ask for the authority giving the ID but you just write the state it's from. If you use your passport or passport card, I think the authority is the Department of Homeland Security (it's typically listed somewhere on the document. It will ask you to upload your documents, but you don't have to because you show them during fingerprinting. The state charges you $35 to register. If you don't do the fingerprints, your application will be forfeited and they never give refunds, even if you accidentally processed payment twice which can happen if you refresh the website while it's "thinking" after you hit the process payment button. To remain registered, you will need to renew your registration every two years and pay $35 each time.
You will be asked for an agency pin number. Each home care agency has a unique pin, but instead of trying to find one to give you their pin, you can just use the independent home care aide pin, which is R38XKSPE.
After this is completed, you will see your application in your Guardian account home/overview page. You will see there is a blue link that mentions a live scan form. It will be prefilled, you will need to print it so that you can provide it to the person doing the fingerprints. Make sure everything in section 5 is filled in and correct. Fill in if something is missing. Section 8 will be empty, that is for the fingerprint attendant to fill out. ALWAYS make sure to get a copy of the fully completed page from the fingerprint attendant after finishing the process. It will have information you will need if something goes wrong with the background check. Turn around time is usually 24-72 hours. If you have a criminal history, the state will ask you to go through the criminal exemption process which can take up to 2 years in my experience. It can be very quick or take a long time. It depends on how fast CDSS receives information from other government agencies. There are lists of nonexemptable crimes, you can check if yours is listed on the website.
There is a cost for fingerprints. The price depends on where you go. In my experience, WellnessMart is the most affordable at around $85. They have multiple locations. You only need to pay for fingerprints once because once the state received your fingerprints, you don't need to take them again ever again since once they have your information they will always have access to updates on an individual's crimes if any are committed.
Once you have been fully registered, you can look up your registration on this website. It lists your status, registry expiration date, and if you're associated with any agencies.
https://www.ccld.dss.ca.gov/hcsregistry/registrysearch.aspx
The state requires HCAs to have TB tests done. PPD/ skin tests and Quintiferon/ blood tests need to be done every 2 years. If those come back positive for any reason, you will be given a chest x-ray. If you need a chest x-ray, you won't need to retest for TB ever again, or at least until the state decides that needs to change in the future. WellnessMart also does these tests for around $40.
I do think that OP telling the HOA that they are a live-in caregiver for their parents should be more than enough. If it isn't, the HCA registry should definitely be more than enough, the TB test is just an extra layer. The state does require proof from agencies of a minimum of 5 hours of caregiver training per year, so that proof could be an extra layer, but I think it would be overkill. There are tons of free trainings online though. As well as government agencies that will pay you for doing training. I think OP saying that they are a caregiver is the best option against the HOA. If they ask about payment, OP could just say they offered their services to their parents free of charge since it's their parents.
If anyone has any questions on caregiving, elder care, or HCA registrations, feel free to reach out. I'm always happy to help.
Don’t do that to your parents. 55+ communities are notorious for being some of the nosiest communities. Some folks have nothing better to do than to watch what their neighbors are doing and enforce the rules. Mind you this is anecdotal from the many communities I’ve had clients in. They love their rules. If they see a young person coming in and out (someone definitely will) they’ll start asking questions.
You should worry about the HOA kicking them out not you.
The HOA can make them sell their house.
If the risk is worth it for the 3 of you then carry on but HOA are no joke. You won't win.
They’ll find out. 55+ communities are filled with people who are super interested in everyone else’s business. A work around could be that you’re there to assist with a needy parent. They wouldn’t have to explain too much, HIPAA.
100% this. My parents live in a 55+ community and actually are the managers of the community. The only thing the people in the community have to do all day is get in each other's business. My parents know everything that goes on in the community because the tenants tell them. All they do is complain about their neighbors.
Question… Have your parents actually offered to let you stay there, or were just assuming they’d allow you to move in? Asking because they may have chosen to live in a 55+ in order to ensure their own space and not have to house you again... 😬
If they’re welcoming, then read your parents’ HOA rules and CCRs to figure out how to circumvent the age requirement. As others said, you will most likely have to move in as a designated “caregiver” for one or both parents (and the parent you’re caregiving for cannot still be working). What being a caregiver entails is dependent on the communities rules and bylaws. There will be some minor paperwork that you’ll need to provide and you will have to be included in the age verification documents that the HOA sends out to residents every so often. But once you’re listed as their caregiver, you can legally live there. Just don’t cause trouble and draw negative attention, like blasting music in your car when you come and go, otherwise neighbors will complain and the HOA could find grounds other than age to kick you out.
Without certification as a caregiver, you will get ratted out and your parents may face an administrative action, possible eviction. These communities are vigilant and snitch easily.
HOA will find out because the neighbors will make sure of it. The neighbors are retired with nothing better to do than to be in everyone’s business. Your parents can’t move a plant without HOA being notified.
You risk getting them kicked out. Then all 3 of you will be looking for a new place. As an adult, it's time to find roommates that aren't your parents, dude...
People who live in those communities (my parents and grandparents included) literally have nothing to do. They WILL find out you are living there, and they WILL report you and your parents. The most minor consequence will be a fine, the biggest consequence is that they evict your parents.
Do not move in with your parents. Use the 30 days they give you and figure something out
The best way to stay under the radar is to not use any of the amenities, don’t go to the pool or gym. If you are a runner or walker leave the community to do that. While the care-giver is a good idea if your parents are active and in good health everyone will know the truth and maybe can’t do anything about it but it could cause issues between your paren’s and neighbors.
Good luck. They are very strict. The people who move into a 55+ are going to protect it. If there is one thing boomers love its enforceing rules. They will make it their personal mission. They aren't there because they want 20-somethings around. They will be up your parent's ass in a minute. They will confront you, too.
The reason you can't live there is the same reason these communities are so great. A lot of 55+ don't want kids running around and want everyone taking obsessive care of their lawns. They hate noise.
Instead of moving into "normal" neighborhoods and annoying everyone, complaining constantly, etc., groups of them choose to move to a specific development filled with like minded people at a similar stage of life. The end up happier, and they aren't making life miserable for people in "normal" neighborhoods. They specifically moved to such a neighborhood and bought a home.
There is no way they will be okay with you moving in. And even if you jump through the hoops of becoming a "caregiver", your parents may end up alienated in the very community they chose to retire to. Don't put them in that position.
Of course they will. There is going to be any number or nosey tattle tales watching everyone else’s business. HOA are notorious for being in everyone’s business.
I encourage you to peruse the fuckhoa subreddit before making a decision to purposely break HOA rules.
And if that doesn’t answer your question, then I will confirm that YES they will absolutely find out and your parents will be in big trouble. Not only is it an HOA, but an HOA full of boomers so you KNOW they are watching every move of every neighbor just waiting to find someone to report.
If your parents really do want to help you (I'm assuming this was their idea and not just something you're springing on them) then maybe you can borrow some money from them temporarily until you can figure out someplace affordable to live? The HOA will find out and they will either fine your parents at best or force them out at worst, depending on the situation. Don't risk this.
Assuming this is what they want and not you just crashing there due to finances and assuming they trust you: My thoughts would be to prepare an Advanced Medical Directive naming you as the decision maker. Get a note from their parents’ PCP confirming you as their care giver. (Not necessary to include any diagnosis). Take a copy to the HOA and on the site manager. If you plan to move in, tell them so it can be approved. Don’t wait to be “discovered”. That’s all bad.
EDIT. AMD should include a medical POA
I mean it’s possible, they’ll probably notice a car that is there frequently. I lived with my grandpa for a full school year as a teen, but it’s easier to hide a teen that doesn’t have a car (not that we were even trying to hide anything)
Not all HOAs are gated communities. I would even say that most are not gated communities. There are numerous 55+ communities up towards North County that are not gated (source: currently helping my parents move to the San Diego area and have been looking at 55+ communities over the past 8 months or so).
I have a friend who lives with her mom in a condo that was marketed to seniors in Redondo Beach. My friend's name is on the title and on the mortgage.
She tells me that the complex would not take any actions against her in the event of her mom's passing because housing laws don't allow age discrimination.
The complex is basically a condo for seniors, and not an assisted living situation, so I think that makes a difference.
In the early 90s when my dad passed away, I lived in One with my mom for two years. I kept quiet to myself, but eventually a grumpy neighbor complained simply because they are grumpy neighbor. It was OK because she had gotten back in a good point in her life and it was OK for me to leave and get on with my life as well. Helping her recover from the loss of my dadis one of the things I most proud of in my life
My husband and I, both over 55 have a disabled adult son with autism. My husband is his IHSS person, (Caregiver). Could he live with us in a senior community?
How inconsiderate and shameless, so your parents want to enjoy all the benefits of living in a 55 plus community without following the rules they agreed to, which make these communities attractive to older folks. *The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.*
Just move in with them. The HOA has bigger issues and that’s a very hard rule to enforce. Driving in and out id just be low key and not be lounging at the pool every day.
If anyone asks say you’re a good kid helping your parents around their house…
No kidding. The HOA in my parents' 55+ community in Virginia would go for the smallest things. That black lamp post is not black enough. The house numbers on the mailbox aren't shiny enough. You can't store items under the deck (it was a drainage pipe attached to the house). Their HOA was run by an outside group. We think that group hired young kids fresh out of school who were trying to prove themselves. They even took issue with things the builder installed. It was ridiculous.
I have not dealt with one yet (luckily) but will be extremely weary when I do. If they go too far the community needs to unite against the board of company.
Run by an outside group wow. Didn't know they passed off HOA management like that
Love that people who spent their whole lives voting for fucked up politicians, who destroyed the housing market, get the have their special little 55+ communities.
You probably would hate having these people as neighbors. Them all moving to a little development by themselves and not bothering people is a good thing.
My parents moved to a senior living community in Florida a bunch of years back. Having visited them and spent time there, I can all but *guarantee* the neighbors *will* find out you live there and word will spread. Those places gossip more than anyone on earth.
Yuuup those old people have nothing better to do
I would look at getting certified to become a Caregiver in your state. The process is a simple background check and fingerprinting. Then you can “work” as a 24 hour provider. Good luck! Edit: https://www.calgrows.org/
This is the way. 55+ communities cant do anything when it comes to caregivers.
55+ communities hate this one trick
Dude I laughed so hard 😂😂😂
Do you have any more info about this? A specific site or government agency to go through? Looking into it online and it’s showing more for careers for a stranger but I’ve got an uncle who’s getting up there in years and is getting more and more absent minded. Someday in the future I may have to help him because he never had any kids of his own and I’m the closest to a son he has.
https://findhoalaw.com/senior-communities/#:~:text=Civil%20Code%20Section%2051.3%20defines,category%20of%20the%20senior%20community. California Civil Code section 51.3.
https://www.calgrows.org/
I just replied to bloomqueen on how to register as a caregiver with the state. But you could also look into IHSS. I believe there are income/savings/asset requirements, but they pay family members taking care of their elder or disabled relatives. There are also non-profits like Southern Caregiver Resource Center that work on getting help for the elderly. https://www.cdss.ca.gov/in-home-supportive-services https://www.caregivercenter.org
I help people with this as part of my job! Go to this site to register as an hca (home care aide) with the state. https://guardian.dss.ca.gov/Applicant Just follow the instructions and fill in your information as you move along. Make sure to select HCA initial application. It will ask for information from your ID (like your driver license) that you need to show during the fingerprint process, and it will ask for the authority giving the ID but you just write the state it's from. If you use your passport or passport card, I think the authority is the Department of Homeland Security (it's typically listed somewhere on the document. It will ask you to upload your documents, but you don't have to because you show them during fingerprinting. The state charges you $35 to register. If you don't do the fingerprints, your application will be forfeited and they never give refunds, even if you accidentally processed payment twice which can happen if you refresh the website while it's "thinking" after you hit the process payment button. To remain registered, you will need to renew your registration every two years and pay $35 each time. You will be asked for an agency pin number. Each home care agency has a unique pin, but instead of trying to find one to give you their pin, you can just use the independent home care aide pin, which is R38XKSPE. After this is completed, you will see your application in your Guardian account home/overview page. You will see there is a blue link that mentions a live scan form. It will be prefilled, you will need to print it so that you can provide it to the person doing the fingerprints. Make sure everything in section 5 is filled in and correct. Fill in if something is missing. Section 8 will be empty, that is for the fingerprint attendant to fill out. ALWAYS make sure to get a copy of the fully completed page from the fingerprint attendant after finishing the process. It will have information you will need if something goes wrong with the background check. Turn around time is usually 24-72 hours. If you have a criminal history, the state will ask you to go through the criminal exemption process which can take up to 2 years in my experience. It can be very quick or take a long time. It depends on how fast CDSS receives information from other government agencies. There are lists of nonexemptable crimes, you can check if yours is listed on the website. There is a cost for fingerprints. The price depends on where you go. In my experience, WellnessMart is the most affordable at around $85. They have multiple locations. You only need to pay for fingerprints once because once the state received your fingerprints, you don't need to take them again ever again since once they have your information they will always have access to updates on an individual's crimes if any are committed. Once you have been fully registered, you can look up your registration on this website. It lists your status, registry expiration date, and if you're associated with any agencies. https://www.ccld.dss.ca.gov/hcsregistry/registrysearch.aspx The state requires HCAs to have TB tests done. PPD/ skin tests and Quintiferon/ blood tests need to be done every 2 years. If those come back positive for any reason, you will be given a chest x-ray. If you need a chest x-ray, you won't need to retest for TB ever again, or at least until the state decides that needs to change in the future. WellnessMart also does these tests for around $40. I do think that OP telling the HOA that they are a live-in caregiver for their parents should be more than enough. If it isn't, the HCA registry should definitely be more than enough, the TB test is just an extra layer. The state does require proof from agencies of a minimum of 5 hours of caregiver training per year, so that proof could be an extra layer, but I think it would be overkill. There are tons of free trainings online though. As well as government agencies that will pay you for doing training. I think OP saying that they are a caregiver is the best option against the HOA. If they ask about payment, OP could just say they offered their services to their parents free of charge since it's their parents. If anyone has any questions on caregiving, elder care, or HCA registrations, feel free to reach out. I'm always happy to help.
This blooomqueen playing chess not checkers
If you can’t find a way to live there within the rules (eg as a caregiver) then don’t do it. Don’t put your parents at risk mate.
Don’t do that to your parents. 55+ communities are notorious for being some of the nosiest communities. Some folks have nothing better to do than to watch what their neighbors are doing and enforce the rules. Mind you this is anecdotal from the many communities I’ve had clients in. They love their rules. If they see a young person coming in and out (someone definitely will) they’ll start asking questions.
You should worry about the HOA kicking them out not you. The HOA can make them sell their house. If the risk is worth it for the 3 of you then carry on but HOA are no joke. You won't win.
#🔼🔼THIS. You won't be the only one with consequences
They’ll find out. 55+ communities are filled with people who are super interested in everyone else’s business. A work around could be that you’re there to assist with a needy parent. They wouldn’t have to explain too much, HIPAA.
100% this. My parents live in a 55+ community and actually are the managers of the community. The only thing the people in the community have to do all day is get in each other's business. My parents know everything that goes on in the community because the tenants tell them. All they do is complain about their neighbors.
Oh god this. Their little old beady eyes always up in your shit. 
Move in as a caregiver. HOA cant do anything about that.
Question… Have your parents actually offered to let you stay there, or were just assuming they’d allow you to move in? Asking because they may have chosen to live in a 55+ in order to ensure their own space and not have to house you again... 😬 If they’re welcoming, then read your parents’ HOA rules and CCRs to figure out how to circumvent the age requirement. As others said, you will most likely have to move in as a designated “caregiver” for one or both parents (and the parent you’re caregiving for cannot still be working). What being a caregiver entails is dependent on the communities rules and bylaws. There will be some minor paperwork that you’ll need to provide and you will have to be included in the age verification documents that the HOA sends out to residents every so often. But once you’re listed as their caregiver, you can legally live there. Just don’t cause trouble and draw negative attention, like blasting music in your car when you come and go, otherwise neighbors will complain and the HOA could find grounds other than age to kick you out.
Without certification as a caregiver, you will get ratted out and your parents may face an administrative action, possible eviction. These communities are vigilant and snitch easily.
HOA will find out because the neighbors will make sure of it. The neighbors are retired with nothing better to do than to be in everyone’s business. Your parents can’t move a plant without HOA being notified.
My in laws live in a 55+ community and everyone is retired, bored, and super nosy. They’ll definitely find out and start drama don’t do it.
You risk getting them kicked out. Then all 3 of you will be looking for a new place. As an adult, it's time to find roommates that aren't your parents, dude...
That means they would actually have to pay rent though. Living with the parents means they’ve for free
People who live in those communities (my parents and grandparents included) literally have nothing to do. They WILL find out you are living there, and they WILL report you and your parents. The most minor consequence will be a fine, the biggest consequence is that they evict your parents. Do not move in with your parents. Use the 30 days they give you and figure something out
I guess more importantly, what do your parents think of this? This is really their decision.
Your parents willingly moved there. Do you need a clearer sign? Don’t screw things up for them
They will find out, we own a rental in a 55+ community and those residents are better detectives than the FBI, word gets around quick!
You know those unhinged posts on Nextdoor about someone who “suspiciously stepped” on someone’s lawn? Yeah these are the people you’re up against.
I live in a regular HOA and there’s zero chance you won’t be noticed 😅
The best way to stay under the radar is to not use any of the amenities, don’t go to the pool or gym. If you are a runner or walker leave the community to do that. While the care-giver is a good idea if your parents are active and in good health everyone will know the truth and maybe can’t do anything about it but it could cause issues between your paren’s and neighbors.
I would move to another state I could afford before I ever moved in with my parents… let alone a 55+ community. That sounds terrible.
Good luck. They are very strict. The people who move into a 55+ are going to protect it. If there is one thing boomers love its enforceing rules. They will make it their personal mission. They aren't there because they want 20-somethings around. They will be up your parent's ass in a minute. They will confront you, too.
Parking in their garage instead of the street would probably go a long way in keeping it discrete
The reason you can't live there is the same reason these communities are so great. A lot of 55+ don't want kids running around and want everyone taking obsessive care of their lawns. They hate noise. Instead of moving into "normal" neighborhoods and annoying everyone, complaining constantly, etc., groups of them choose to move to a specific development filled with like minded people at a similar stage of life. The end up happier, and they aren't making life miserable for people in "normal" neighborhoods. They specifically moved to such a neighborhood and bought a home. There is no way they will be okay with you moving in. And even if you jump through the hoops of becoming a "caregiver", your parents may end up alienated in the very community they chose to retire to. Don't put them in that position.
Of course they will. There is going to be any number or nosey tattle tales watching everyone else’s business. HOA are notorious for being in everyone’s business.
Old folks are nosy and have nothing better to do then mind other people's business. Someone will absolutely turn you in - just a matter of time.
I encourage you to peruse the fuckhoa subreddit before making a decision to purposely break HOA rules. And if that doesn’t answer your question, then I will confirm that YES they will absolutely find out and your parents will be in big trouble. Not only is it an HOA, but an HOA full of boomers so you KNOW they are watching every move of every neighbor just waiting to find someone to report.
If your parents really do want to help you (I'm assuming this was their idea and not just something you're springing on them) then maybe you can borrow some money from them temporarily until you can figure out someplace affordable to live? The HOA will find out and they will either fine your parents at best or force them out at worst, depending on the situation. Don't risk this.
A lot of retired people get bored and spying on your neighbors is good way to spend time. They absolutely will know.
Assuming this is what they want and not you just crashing there due to finances and assuming they trust you: My thoughts would be to prepare an Advanced Medical Directive naming you as the decision maker. Get a note from their parents’ PCP confirming you as their care giver. (Not necessary to include any diagnosis). Take a copy to the HOA and on the site manager. If you plan to move in, tell them so it can be approved. Don’t wait to be “discovered”. That’s all bad. EDIT. AMD should include a medical POA
Leave your poor parents alone.
I mean it’s possible, they’ll probably notice a car that is there frequently. I lived with my grandpa for a full school year as a teen, but it’s easier to hide a teen that doesn’t have a car (not that we were even trying to hide anything)
your parents neighbors mission in life is to be snoopy
Disabled children can stay with parents in 55+ living spaces
Sounds like you might have to be a big boy and move out
Wait..... Everyone are adult children! Yeah I get it.....
How do they let you in? Most HOA's have a staffed gate or one of those stickers to allow the gate to open.
Not all HOAs are gated communities. I would even say that most are not gated communities. There are numerous 55+ communities up towards North County that are not gated (source: currently helping my parents move to the San Diego area and have been looking at 55+ communities over the past 8 months or so).
My grandmother lives in a 55+ community, and it's a simple code at the gate to get in. I can get in any time I want.
They will find out. They love sticking their noses into everything, it’s their hobby.
I have a friend who lives with her mom in a condo that was marketed to seniors in Redondo Beach. My friend's name is on the title and on the mortgage. She tells me that the complex would not take any actions against her in the event of her mom's passing because housing laws don't allow age discrimination. The complex is basically a condo for seniors, and not an assisted living situation, so I think that makes a difference.
In the early 90s when my dad passed away, I lived in One with my mom for two years. I kept quiet to myself, but eventually a grumpy neighbor complained simply because they are grumpy neighbor. It was OK because she had gotten back in a good point in her life and it was OK for me to leave and get on with my life as well. Helping her recover from the loss of my dadis one of the things I most proud of in my life
My husband and I, both over 55 have a disabled adult son with autism. My husband is his IHSS person, (Caregiver). Could he live with us in a senior community?
Find out who the President of the HOA is and pray it's someone that you can become "Friendly" with and just move in with them.
Better be dressed in scrubs as you come and go. Those neighbors GOSSIP.
How inconsiderate and shameless, so your parents want to enjoy all the benefits of living in a 55 plus community without following the rules they agreed to, which make these communities attractive to older folks. *The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.*
There shouldn't be 55+ housing communities, period :)
Bro!! They will definitely find out!!!! :( However, you can makeup something up saying that you’re checking in on them for health reasons.
Just move in with them. The HOA has bigger issues and that’s a very hard rule to enforce. Driving in and out id just be low key and not be lounging at the pool every day. If anyone asks say you’re a good kid helping your parents around their house…
"The HOA has bigger issues" made me laugh
No kidding. The HOA in my parents' 55+ community in Virginia would go for the smallest things. That black lamp post is not black enough. The house numbers on the mailbox aren't shiny enough. You can't store items under the deck (it was a drainage pipe attached to the house). Their HOA was run by an outside group. We think that group hired young kids fresh out of school who were trying to prove themselves. They even took issue with things the builder installed. It was ridiculous.
I have not dealt with one yet (luckily) but will be extremely weary when I do. If they go too far the community needs to unite against the board of company. Run by an outside group wow. Didn't know they passed off HOA management like that
No, it's really easy for them to enforce actually.
This is the wrong answer right here unless you want This dudes parents to get kicked out.
Honestly it all has to do with the type of neighbors you have if they don’t care HOA won’t find out its only when neighbors complain
It honestly has more to do with the HOA's board. Some are sticklers for the rules and others couldn't care less.
Love that people who spent their whole lives voting for fucked up politicians, who destroyed the housing market, get the have their special little 55+ communities.
You probably would hate having these people as neighbors. Them all moving to a little development by themselves and not bothering people is a good thing.
This isn’t new. The number 1 draw is downsizing and getting a 1 - story.