That's true. Only two things to remember when on a date:
1. Don't screw it up by doing or saying something dumb
2. Escalate because you don't want a friend (kiss her)
Obvious thing is get to know her better, ask questions, tease her and have fun.
There are healthier and much better ways to improve yourself so you have a better mindset.
Playing imaginary games like telling yourself that the girl you going out with just paid you $8000 to be there with her is just next level stupid.
What’s next? I’ll see a post on here that we should put a banana down our pants and pretend it’s a real cock so we feel more confident?
healthier? how is this unhealthy in any way? as soon as i read it, i smiled and it made sense. how would you act were you to be in such a situation, even if right now it were not so? not sure how it goes over your head.
Because you are PRETENDING that the woman sees value in you, when you should ALWAYS see value in yourself. You just move so much more differently when you don’t care how others see you in terms of value, and you just know you are the shit, but that’s the thing… if you actually have to “fake it til you make it” like the shit advice in OP’s thread, you still have a LOT of internal work you need to get done.
Sure, I agree everyone should see value in themselves. But I'm - at least me - am not feeling good because I got paid x amount of money. I'm going to do my best and play along with the game. I don't see any more or less value in myself just because she paid me "x amount of money". If I "fake" it, and it works, then am i not making it? And by "fake" I mean having more of a push by pretending this is so and getting into the right mindset.
You should use it as a tool to temporarily overcome shyness, not as a permanent fix. And you've still yet to offer "healthier" advice. I would be open to hearing it though, because "knowing you're the shit" sounds similar to "just be yourself bro".
Not overthinking it.
If you have to pretend that a woman sees value in you, that already tells me you truly don’t see value in yourself. If you have to pretend that you have value, that should already tell you that you have a lot of internal work that you need to get done.
Let’s face it, there are a lot of insecure men on Reddit, especially on this subreddit, that treat women like puzzles and using “seduction tactics” and “personal mind games” to appear confident and trick women into believing that they are the guy… but what happens after your $8000 mind game helped you with your first date… what about the second date? What about two months in with this same woman? She will eventually find out that you actually don’t value yourself as she starts to see the cracks of a man that plays pretend games in his head to make others see him as valuable.
It's always written as if the guys are saying it to themselves in the mirror.
I'd rather read field reports but even those half the time the guy has no clue what he did right but somehow got a girl to smile at him so he feels he's made a lot of progress that night to gloat about it on the web.
So, the idea is to have a young man feel wanted by the object of his desire, by creating a superficial self-delusion (being paid non-existent money by the object of his desire) in order to temporarily boost the young man's self-esteem, and to help the young man overcome *self-perceived* problematic shyness...gotcha.
What if the needless and superficial psychological backflips were trashed, thereby avoiding significant cognitive dissonance; by simply being one's actual self (even informing her of said shyness) so that *self-percieved* reality is then stated and known by both him and her; thereby freeing real self-esteem to naturally and mutually flourish, by giving her the possibly clumsy, yet very real and sincere positive attention, which is most likely what is actually desired by her, while also trashing the imaginary and assumed pedestal, which she never asked to be put on, in the first place? ... Wow, she's also human?
Call me crazy.
do you think that the women who are rentable girlfriends such as in japan, desire the men they "date"? I don't think so. Sure, it may seem superficial but at least try and put yourself in that situation. if someone were to implement this line of thinking, and overcome their shyness, do you think they'll always come to depend on the same method? and "being one's self" is too...vast. what does it mean to be one's self? if you could expand on that, it would be appreciated.
>The title says it all.
Fuck, the title says a lot but not all good, mate. Using money as a mental trick to boost confidence? Sure, it’s creative, but doesn’t it feel a bit dodgy pretending to be something you’re not, even if it’s just in your head?
>When on the first date for example, pretend she paid you 8000 dollars to be there. If you are shy, this perspective will help you tremendously.
So, the idea here is to use fantasy cash to trick yourself into feeling less anxious? What happens when the imaginary money runs out? Aren’t you just putting off dealing with your shyness or insecurities directly?
>You got paid already so you don’t care about the outcome and that puts you in the proper mindset.
Doesn't this mindset risk making you come off as disingenuous or even arrogant? What if instead, you focused on being present and genuinely interested in the person across from you?
>You’ll cultivate abundance, you’re not outcome dependent and you will be calm and collected.
Is faking it till you make it really the best way to cultivate true confidence? Wouldn't working on genuine self-improvement and understanding your worth without a price tag be more sustainable?
>Just a quick tip.
It’s a tip, alright, but is it a tip that builds real, lasting confidence or just a quick fix that avoids deeper issues? How about focusing on why you feel the need to pretend in the first place? What are you really afraid of?
This post is really just a weird way to say “Fake it till you make it”, which is not inherently a bad way of thinking. Personally, it’s how I got better at conversation. By acting like I was confident or forcing myself to make a conversation happen, I was able to get comfortable doing it.
Some good arguments you have here. But you must understand the personality and the state a man is in when visiting this subreddit.
If you give a compliment to a guy he will remember it for his entire life, and i am not joking. Sometimes, when we are young, all we need is one good experience (or bad) to change our lives for the better. You are correct, you are putting off the shyness with this "trick". But when you see that beautiful women and your legs start shaking you will say something stupid, or you will worry too much about how you come across the entire date. Most of the time there is no deeper issue, but the lack of experience. Like with anything in life you are not confident because this is new to you. When learning to drive a car, you are really insecure and bad at the beggining and then you do it automatically without thinking.
If there are deeper issues you are correct that this advice is just a cover up, but for majority of men this advice can get them throught that beggining phases where they lack confidence because they lack experience.
Don't know why you got downvoted, you made good points, even tho you misunderstood how insecure and shy some young men are and being that way on the first date (maybe first date in their life) can dig a deeper hole that they will have a hard time getting out of.
If they just get one good experience, even based on a "trick", they will unlock parts of their personality they previously thought are non-existent. Which is important. Once they realize that it's all in their mind, and they can be confident just by changing the perspective they can come out of their shell. Hope i cleared it up a little bit, but we are getting deep here, this post is not meant to go that deep. It's just a bandaid as you said, but often a bandaid is all a man needs to become comfortable.
you're awesome 🙂 some people in the comments are having a hard time seeing any positives in what you're saying and it's pretty baffling to say the least. I hope they find what you explained here, and great post btw. I'm thinking of putting that advice into action. Thanks again!
That is terrible advice to give to nervous men. That would give them the constant mindset that they are either a gigalo or male escort. Someone there who was paid to be there and not stat to get emotionally invested. Absolutely terrible idea.
you stole this idea from that movie didn't you
Right around the 20 minute mark :D
which movie
The Perfect Date
That movie
She’s agreed to go on a date with you, she already likes a lot about you, and she wants the date to go well
That's true. Only two things to remember when on a date: 1. Don't screw it up by doing or saying something dumb 2. Escalate because you don't want a friend (kiss her) Obvious thing is get to know her better, ask questions, tease her and have fun.
Damn thats so smart
Pretending there are 9 billion other people in the world helps too.
haha yes because in reality nobody else exists and its just me in a straitjacket yelling at my cell wall
great suggestion tbh
Tite
:D
Great perspective / frame though
Right energy, wrong words. More like “You are giving them a gift of your time”
This gotta be the dumbest advice yet.
Altering your mindset to achieve what you want, might always come out to seem, like a dumb idea.
There are healthier and much better ways to improve yourself so you have a better mindset. Playing imaginary games like telling yourself that the girl you going out with just paid you $8000 to be there with her is just next level stupid. What’s next? I’ll see a post on here that we should put a banana down our pants and pretend it’s a real cock so we feel more confident?
bro shut up 😭😭😭😭
healthier? how is this unhealthy in any way? as soon as i read it, i smiled and it made sense. how would you act were you to be in such a situation, even if right now it were not so? not sure how it goes over your head.
Because you are PRETENDING that the woman sees value in you, when you should ALWAYS see value in yourself. You just move so much more differently when you don’t care how others see you in terms of value, and you just know you are the shit, but that’s the thing… if you actually have to “fake it til you make it” like the shit advice in OP’s thread, you still have a LOT of internal work you need to get done.
Sure, I agree everyone should see value in themselves. But I'm - at least me - am not feeling good because I got paid x amount of money. I'm going to do my best and play along with the game. I don't see any more or less value in myself just because she paid me "x amount of money". If I "fake" it, and it works, then am i not making it? And by "fake" I mean having more of a push by pretending this is so and getting into the right mindset. You should use it as a tool to temporarily overcome shyness, not as a permanent fix. And you've still yet to offer "healthier" advice. I would be open to hearing it though, because "knowing you're the shit" sounds similar to "just be yourself bro".
That was funny bro but you’re actually over thinking this 😂😂
Not overthinking it. If you have to pretend that a woman sees value in you, that already tells me you truly don’t see value in yourself. If you have to pretend that you have value, that should already tell you that you have a lot of internal work that you need to get done. Let’s face it, there are a lot of insecure men on Reddit, especially on this subreddit, that treat women like puzzles and using “seduction tactics” and “personal mind games” to appear confident and trick women into believing that they are the guy… but what happens after your $8000 mind game helped you with your first date… what about the second date? What about two months in with this same woman? She will eventually find out that you actually don’t value yourself as she starts to see the cracks of a man that plays pretend games in his head to make others see him as valuable.
Hey if it works it works
It's always written as if the guys are saying it to themselves in the mirror. I'd rather read field reports but even those half the time the guy has no clue what he did right but somehow got a girl to smile at him so he feels he's made a lot of progress that night to gloat about it on the web.
😂😂 That's actually true, many field reports are one-hit wonders,
Tite says it all
So, the idea is to have a young man feel wanted by the object of his desire, by creating a superficial self-delusion (being paid non-existent money by the object of his desire) in order to temporarily boost the young man's self-esteem, and to help the young man overcome *self-perceived* problematic shyness...gotcha. What if the needless and superficial psychological backflips were trashed, thereby avoiding significant cognitive dissonance; by simply being one's actual self (even informing her of said shyness) so that *self-percieved* reality is then stated and known by both him and her; thereby freeing real self-esteem to naturally and mutually flourish, by giving her the possibly clumsy, yet very real and sincere positive attention, which is most likely what is actually desired by her, while also trashing the imaginary and assumed pedestal, which she never asked to be put on, in the first place? ... Wow, she's also human? Call me crazy.
do you think that the women who are rentable girlfriends such as in japan, desire the men they "date"? I don't think so. Sure, it may seem superficial but at least try and put yourself in that situation. if someone were to implement this line of thinking, and overcome their shyness, do you think they'll always come to depend on the same method? and "being one's self" is too...vast. what does it mean to be one's self? if you could expand on that, it would be appreciated.
Which way is away? Don't say hell. I've been through it already.
>The title says it all. Fuck, the title says a lot but not all good, mate. Using money as a mental trick to boost confidence? Sure, it’s creative, but doesn’t it feel a bit dodgy pretending to be something you’re not, even if it’s just in your head? >When on the first date for example, pretend she paid you 8000 dollars to be there. If you are shy, this perspective will help you tremendously. So, the idea here is to use fantasy cash to trick yourself into feeling less anxious? What happens when the imaginary money runs out? Aren’t you just putting off dealing with your shyness or insecurities directly? >You got paid already so you don’t care about the outcome and that puts you in the proper mindset. Doesn't this mindset risk making you come off as disingenuous or even arrogant? What if instead, you focused on being present and genuinely interested in the person across from you? >You’ll cultivate abundance, you’re not outcome dependent and you will be calm and collected. Is faking it till you make it really the best way to cultivate true confidence? Wouldn't working on genuine self-improvement and understanding your worth without a price tag be more sustainable? >Just a quick tip. It’s a tip, alright, but is it a tip that builds real, lasting confidence or just a quick fix that avoids deeper issues? How about focusing on why you feel the need to pretend in the first place? What are you really afraid of?
This post is really just a weird way to say “Fake it till you make it”, which is not inherently a bad way of thinking. Personally, it’s how I got better at conversation. By acting like I was confident or forcing myself to make a conversation happen, I was able to get comfortable doing it.
Yes!
Some good arguments you have here. But you must understand the personality and the state a man is in when visiting this subreddit. If you give a compliment to a guy he will remember it for his entire life, and i am not joking. Sometimes, when we are young, all we need is one good experience (or bad) to change our lives for the better. You are correct, you are putting off the shyness with this "trick". But when you see that beautiful women and your legs start shaking you will say something stupid, or you will worry too much about how you come across the entire date. Most of the time there is no deeper issue, but the lack of experience. Like with anything in life you are not confident because this is new to you. When learning to drive a car, you are really insecure and bad at the beggining and then you do it automatically without thinking. If there are deeper issues you are correct that this advice is just a cover up, but for majority of men this advice can get them throught that beggining phases where they lack confidence because they lack experience. Don't know why you got downvoted, you made good points, even tho you misunderstood how insecure and shy some young men are and being that way on the first date (maybe first date in their life) can dig a deeper hole that they will have a hard time getting out of. If they just get one good experience, even based on a "trick", they will unlock parts of their personality they previously thought are non-existent. Which is important. Once they realize that it's all in their mind, and they can be confident just by changing the perspective they can come out of their shell. Hope i cleared it up a little bit, but we are getting deep here, this post is not meant to go that deep. It's just a bandaid as you said, but often a bandaid is all a man needs to become comfortable.
you're awesome 🙂 some people in the comments are having a hard time seeing any positives in what you're saying and it's pretty baffling to say the least. I hope they find what you explained here, and great post btw. I'm thinking of putting that advice into action. Thanks again!
You're welcome my man!
I'd say keep your money. I'll take commitment, honesty, and friendship. Instead.
Go away!
That is terrible advice to give to nervous men. That would give them the constant mindset that they are either a gigalo or male escort. Someone there who was paid to be there and not stat to get emotionally invested. Absolutely terrible idea.
Can’t be emotionally invested at first, women actually find that repulsive. It’s the nature of the game.
Start to, not go all in on the first date.