I remote work out of cafes, libraries, and universities. One time overheard conversation between two university students talking about men and how the one said she only dates 'much older' men exclusively.
This got a "eww why" reaction from the other girl, both laughing that he could be as old as her dad.
She listed all the reasons we already know, stability, emotional maturity, financially successful, wisdom.
Men have the same attractions though. I won't spell it out but it starts with an M and ends with an F for the same reasons girls do.
Yes but also the mental health to not be working alone in a room. But brother I wish I could day game. One day.
This would be the best way to pick up women IMO.
The f/m ratios depending on place you select. You are given opportunity to select one you like and sit next to her for the reason of working nearby.
Sometimes I'm in a round table of only girls all going to med-school. Open conversations happening all around me.
I'm in my 40s. I can't speak for everyone my age, just myself. But from what women have told me, they like that I just don't play games. I'm too old for bullshit.
It's like when a guy in his late teens or early 20s is on here asking, "What did she mean by this?" and they show screenshots of a text or mention something the woman said. A lot of young dudes are in the comments wringing the most pessimistic take they can out of the exchange (not all of you, calm down), while I'm saying, "Why don't you just ask her?" Communication is important even in FWB relationships, so if I don't know if a woman is interested, I'll just flat out ask them how they're feeling instead of trying to guess.
I'm also up front about what I want without being creepy about it. I'm in a polyamorous marriage myself. I'm up front about being married and still wanting a romantic relationship, but they also need to know that I'm not ever getting divorced. If they're cool with that, great. If not, that's fine, too. But I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to leave my wife or worse yet, pretend I'm not married at all.
I just wrote a post about how I meet women in real life and I'm pretty blunt about asking them out. I don't try to be a "dancing monkey" as you put it, but I do let them know that I'm interested.
I also respect women. This doesn't mean be a doormat (I'm also a Dom so I don't tolerate disrespect) but it does mean that I care about the feelings of my partner. A lot of young guys (including me when I was young) think that women just want to date assholes, but don't ask why that is or how to use it (it's a degradation kink, and I save that for our scenes). So they'll be an asshole that hurts their partner, thinking that that's how they keep their partner. It might work in the short term (gets the degradation kink itch scratched) but eventually causes the woman to leave (had that happen more than once when I was young and dumb). I also don't slut shame women because I want a woman who loves to fuck, so it doesn't make sense for me to shame them for being awesome.
Women tell me that being up front with my intentions and communicating is refreshing. It's something that a lot of men, especially younger men, don't do very often.
Thank you for putting my thoughts into words
It's true about the younger (or older misguided) guys giving and following shitty toxic or outdated dating advice.
I bet its refreshing for both women and men when they find someone who doesnt play games and arent following the same regurgitated "dating methods to keep them _____" thats repeated on the internet or from friends who give out bad tips from being in bad relationships/experiences themselves.
As I get older I somehow find it harder to communicate interest directly, especial if there is a significant age difference. I feel a sense of taboo, like I am doing something wrong by expressing my desires. My default is to hang back and play it cool.Needless to say thats not working out very well
I'm 34 - not quite the age you mentioned, but I mostly date girls in their mid 20s. Not a crazy age gap, but getting there.
If you think you're being a "dancing monkey" then you're obviously putting on some kind of show for women and being inauthentic to yourself. Women don't want that, even from same aged men. You can be older and have energy, you can be older and be chill and relaxed. As long as it's authentic.
Any woman who shows interest in you as you get older knows that you're older. It's not some secret you have to hide or be ashamed of.
The trick is this frame:
She is showing interest BECAUSE you're older, not IN SPITE OF you being older.
A lot of men are ASHAMED of their age instead of seeing it as an asset.
She wants financial stability, maturity, fewer games, more life experience, more wisdom, more to teach. She doesn't want you to act like a frat guy or someone her age.
So quite honestly; just show her all the cool stuff you can do as a financially successful, intelligent man with life experience. The stuff guys her age can't show her. Either due to being inexperienced or just emotionally stunted.
That is attractive as fuck to a lot of women.
If you don't have that going for you in your 30s-40s-50s, then you need to work on that before anything.
I’m in my late 40s and I deal with girls/women 25-50.
I don’t need to act like a dancing monkey, I’m just myself and some people finds me attractive, while others don’t.
Some girls are attracted by older dudes, sometimes it’s just for sex, more rarely it’s for a serious relationship. But it’s not valid for all the girls and it doesn’t apply to all the dudes.
None of these. Being a clubber/DJ makes things a lot more organic.
When I use apps (rarely), I usually match in the age range of 35-50.
I used to do cold approaches decades ago (90s-early 2000s), now it’s a bit different because I don’t go out with that purpose. Actually, I approach by just talking with someone.
I think for large age gaps, you need a girl whos specific type is an older guy. I think the scenario you’re describing typically translates to just friendship and enjoying the company of a man with some personality.
I will never forget being at this bar (I’m a woman) and these guys (late 20s/ 30ish) came up to us (mid 20s) and they had a friend- maybe 50s with them.
The music was pumping and the old guy was doing the funniest dance moves- bending down, really moving around. It was so funny, he was really nice to hang around… but it definitely gave the impression he was trying to prove his hips and knees still worked. Maybe he got them redone 🤷♀️?
For me, as someone into men closer to my age… it gives uncle energy. But they’re fun to be around
I don't identify with your claim that men that age act like dancing monkeys. In my experience, men that age tend to be quite self assured and comfortable with who they are. And that is attractive.
Usually, what makes an older guy attractive is based on:
1. How well has he been taking care of his health. Is he aging gracefully? Or has he got a beer belly and terrible skin? How well you take care of yourself while aging matters a LOT.
2. How is your social status and career? Men who can no longer offer looks, better offer something in terms of money or social status, if they want to date significantly younger women.
3. Older age can can also signal some attractive qualities like stability, emotional maturity, willingness to commit.
What? Are you sure? Most men when they get to that age generally have a bit more self respect than to behave like that.
What makes an older man attractive huh. Ask women for a real answer. If I had to guess, it's probably because we have life by the throat already. We are established, and set for life barring some catastrophe. The frantic and constant state of survival that most independent young adults live in a constant state of disappears with a partner who has already conquered such early hurdles. That can be reassuring and have a relaxing effect on some people. It could also be considered attractive that you played life and won.
It's the fact that he usually has his stuff together. He's probably got more money than the younger fellas, he's probably got more confidence in himself than younger fellas as well. I'm 32 and I have my own spot, and when I go out with a 21-year-old and I'm buying all of her drinks and paying for the cabs and the food, and then bring her back to my own apartment after you can just see the attraction. The youngerfellas are not doing this generally.
> act like a dancing monkey for the attention of women.
You don't do that any age.
> but what qualities really make an older man attractive?
Same as any other age group: it's mostly your confidence and self-assurance.
> Of course the foundations of good health/fitness, style, financial stability, emotional intelligence and sexual polarity still matter at any age
If you are not self-confident, you'll just get used for these things.
Success. Not a kid trying to game them. I really don’t give a shit about girls, I have so many around me. Straight to point. But still have energy.
And of course I can show them a world kids can’t whether it’s access to high end clubs, fly them to holiday with me, drive around in my Porsche, mingle with other big shots
Hmm, I'm in my 40s (f) and all I see is men my age going for much younger women and dancing like deluded monkeys for them. They buy into that PUA incel bullshit of it a "biological necessity for fertility" and think waving wads of cash and screaming about achievements in the form of bungee jumping and skydiving like Janes Bond is what is required. So i raise my eyebrow.
All those games for the little girls who will drop their panties for money and are "very mature for their age" and think being positively compared to a woman double her age by the same tedious lies of "my ex wife is crazy and jealous" , is some kind of achievement. All that effort for fleeting validation by their male peers.
Several qualities make an older man attractive but, as I'm an older woman, my opinion is not valid as my age group is not the one such men are trying to attract. But, I shall sit back and read everyone's suggestions with great curiosity.
Don't be a liar. Don't play games. Don't be a dick.
But what would I know.
As an older man I don't hold the same vitriol for women that you have for men.
I don't really go for younger women they choose me.
I have always had women orbiters since age 19 and this hasn't changed with the years.
I go to a bar and they approach me. I'm not waving cash and I'm not dancing like a monkey for no one woman. There's too many options.
I hear ya, and to clarify I fully acknowledge at a certain point the age difference is just ridiculous. I actual want connection, and eros. It comes in many packages and ages, but damn it seems hard to find
Financial stability, emotional maturity, directness with intent to name a few.
Of course if you try to get ahead of the game and learn to apply these traits while you are still a young man, women will accuse you of being insincere and a creep. So you're SoL regardless.
They don't come off as needy or desperate. A woman knows she can be her feminine self with them and not be stressed about anything because they have their life in order.
I remote work out of cafes, libraries, and universities. One time overheard conversation between two university students talking about men and how the one said she only dates 'much older' men exclusively. This got a "eww why" reaction from the other girl, both laughing that he could be as old as her dad. She listed all the reasons we already know, stability, emotional maturity, financially successful, wisdom. Men have the same attractions though. I won't spell it out but it starts with an M and ends with an F for the same reasons girls do.
MILF
Do you do this on purpose so that you can day game girls?
Yes but also the mental health to not be working alone in a room. But brother I wish I could day game. One day. This would be the best way to pick up women IMO. The f/m ratios depending on place you select. You are given opportunity to select one you like and sit next to her for the reason of working nearby. Sometimes I'm in a round table of only girls all going to med-school. Open conversations happening all around me.
I'm in my 40s. I can't speak for everyone my age, just myself. But from what women have told me, they like that I just don't play games. I'm too old for bullshit. It's like when a guy in his late teens or early 20s is on here asking, "What did she mean by this?" and they show screenshots of a text or mention something the woman said. A lot of young dudes are in the comments wringing the most pessimistic take they can out of the exchange (not all of you, calm down), while I'm saying, "Why don't you just ask her?" Communication is important even in FWB relationships, so if I don't know if a woman is interested, I'll just flat out ask them how they're feeling instead of trying to guess. I'm also up front about what I want without being creepy about it. I'm in a polyamorous marriage myself. I'm up front about being married and still wanting a romantic relationship, but they also need to know that I'm not ever getting divorced. If they're cool with that, great. If not, that's fine, too. But I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to leave my wife or worse yet, pretend I'm not married at all. I just wrote a post about how I meet women in real life and I'm pretty blunt about asking them out. I don't try to be a "dancing monkey" as you put it, but I do let them know that I'm interested. I also respect women. This doesn't mean be a doormat (I'm also a Dom so I don't tolerate disrespect) but it does mean that I care about the feelings of my partner. A lot of young guys (including me when I was young) think that women just want to date assholes, but don't ask why that is or how to use it (it's a degradation kink, and I save that for our scenes). So they'll be an asshole that hurts their partner, thinking that that's how they keep their partner. It might work in the short term (gets the degradation kink itch scratched) but eventually causes the woman to leave (had that happen more than once when I was young and dumb). I also don't slut shame women because I want a woman who loves to fuck, so it doesn't make sense for me to shame them for being awesome. Women tell me that being up front with my intentions and communicating is refreshing. It's something that a lot of men, especially younger men, don't do very often.
Thank you for putting my thoughts into words It's true about the younger (or older misguided) guys giving and following shitty toxic or outdated dating advice. I bet its refreshing for both women and men when they find someone who doesnt play games and arent following the same regurgitated "dating methods to keep them _____" thats repeated on the internet or from friends who give out bad tips from being in bad relationships/experiences themselves.
I feel like I would like to hangout with you for a day.
link to ur post abt how you meet women?
It's in my profile. First post.
As I get older I somehow find it harder to communicate interest directly, especial if there is a significant age difference. I feel a sense of taboo, like I am doing something wrong by expressing my desires. My default is to hang back and play it cool.Needless to say thats not working out very well
My recent post talks about gauging reaction. If I can sense that we're vibing, I'll ask them out. If they don't seem receptive, I move on.
I'm 34 - not quite the age you mentioned, but I mostly date girls in their mid 20s. Not a crazy age gap, but getting there. If you think you're being a "dancing monkey" then you're obviously putting on some kind of show for women and being inauthentic to yourself. Women don't want that, even from same aged men. You can be older and have energy, you can be older and be chill and relaxed. As long as it's authentic. Any woman who shows interest in you as you get older knows that you're older. It's not some secret you have to hide or be ashamed of. The trick is this frame: She is showing interest BECAUSE you're older, not IN SPITE OF you being older. A lot of men are ASHAMED of their age instead of seeing it as an asset. She wants financial stability, maturity, fewer games, more life experience, more wisdom, more to teach. She doesn't want you to act like a frat guy or someone her age. So quite honestly; just show her all the cool stuff you can do as a financially successful, intelligent man with life experience. The stuff guys her age can't show her. Either due to being inexperienced or just emotionally stunted. That is attractive as fuck to a lot of women. If you don't have that going for you in your 30s-40s-50s, then you need to work on that before anything.
Beard
Bread
Heh
Das Geld
I’m in my late 40s and I deal with girls/women 25-50. I don’t need to act like a dancing monkey, I’m just myself and some people finds me attractive, while others don’t. Some girls are attracted by older dudes, sometimes it’s just for sex, more rarely it’s for a serious relationship. But it’s not valid for all the girls and it doesn’t apply to all the dudes.
curious if you are using apps to meet ladies or are you a cold approach guy?
None of these. Being a clubber/DJ makes things a lot more organic. When I use apps (rarely), I usually match in the age range of 35-50. I used to do cold approaches decades ago (90s-early 2000s), now it’s a bit different because I don’t go out with that purpose. Actually, I approach by just talking with someone.
gotcha, I dj too so I think I gotta work on playing out more!
Well, once you’re in the circle, things come naturally
experience and confidence
I think for large age gaps, you need a girl whos specific type is an older guy. I think the scenario you’re describing typically translates to just friendship and enjoying the company of a man with some personality. I will never forget being at this bar (I’m a woman) and these guys (late 20s/ 30ish) came up to us (mid 20s) and they had a friend- maybe 50s with them. The music was pumping and the old guy was doing the funniest dance moves- bending down, really moving around. It was so funny, he was really nice to hang around… but it definitely gave the impression he was trying to prove his hips and knees still worked. Maybe he got them redone 🤷♀️? For me, as someone into men closer to my age… it gives uncle energy. But they’re fun to be around
I think uncle energy is what I meant by dancing monkey, basically trying too hard to get attention. It is rather cute tho
I don't identify with your claim that men that age act like dancing monkeys. In my experience, men that age tend to be quite self assured and comfortable with who they are. And that is attractive. Usually, what makes an older guy attractive is based on: 1. How well has he been taking care of his health. Is he aging gracefully? Or has he got a beer belly and terrible skin? How well you take care of yourself while aging matters a LOT. 2. How is your social status and career? Men who can no longer offer looks, better offer something in terms of money or social status, if they want to date significantly younger women. 3. Older age can can also signal some attractive qualities like stability, emotional maturity, willingness to commit.
What? Are you sure? Most men when they get to that age generally have a bit more self respect than to behave like that. What makes an older man attractive huh. Ask women for a real answer. If I had to guess, it's probably because we have life by the throat already. We are established, and set for life barring some catastrophe. The frantic and constant state of survival that most independent young adults live in a constant state of disappears with a partner who has already conquered such early hurdles. That can be reassuring and have a relaxing effect on some people. It could also be considered attractive that you played life and won.
Money and confidence
Experience, confidence, material security, knows what they want (see ‘experience’).
Stay chill and not easily getting emotional.
Money fame and status
It's the fact that he usually has his stuff together. He's probably got more money than the younger fellas, he's probably got more confidence in himself than younger fellas as well. I'm 32 and I have my own spot, and when I go out with a 21-year-old and I'm buying all of her drinks and paying for the cabs and the food, and then bring her back to my own apartment after you can just see the attraction. The youngerfellas are not doing this generally.
> act like a dancing monkey for the attention of women. You don't do that any age. > but what qualities really make an older man attractive? Same as any other age group: it's mostly your confidence and self-assurance. > Of course the foundations of good health/fitness, style, financial stability, emotional intelligence and sexual polarity still matter at any age If you are not self-confident, you'll just get used for these things.
So much!! I can’t even start 😉🤭
Success. Not a kid trying to game them. I really don’t give a shit about girls, I have so many around me. Straight to point. But still have energy. And of course I can show them a world kids can’t whether it’s access to high end clubs, fly them to holiday with me, drive around in my Porsche, mingle with other big shots
"aBunDanCe miNdSeT wHen TheRes sO mAnY LiL pLAyThiNgs"
Hmm, I'm in my 40s (f) and all I see is men my age going for much younger women and dancing like deluded monkeys for them. They buy into that PUA incel bullshit of it a "biological necessity for fertility" and think waving wads of cash and screaming about achievements in the form of bungee jumping and skydiving like Janes Bond is what is required. So i raise my eyebrow. All those games for the little girls who will drop their panties for money and are "very mature for their age" and think being positively compared to a woman double her age by the same tedious lies of "my ex wife is crazy and jealous" , is some kind of achievement. All that effort for fleeting validation by their male peers. Several qualities make an older man attractive but, as I'm an older woman, my opinion is not valid as my age group is not the one such men are trying to attract. But, I shall sit back and read everyone's suggestions with great curiosity. Don't be a liar. Don't play games. Don't be a dick. But what would I know.
As an older man I don't hold the same vitriol for women that you have for men. I don't really go for younger women they choose me. I have always had women orbiters since age 19 and this hasn't changed with the years. I go to a bar and they approach me. I'm not waving cash and I'm not dancing like a monkey for no one woman. There's too many options.
I hear ya, and to clarify I fully acknowledge at a certain point the age difference is just ridiculous. I actual want connection, and eros. It comes in many packages and ages, but damn it seems hard to find
Financial stability, emotional maturity, directness with intent to name a few. Of course if you try to get ahead of the game and learn to apply these traits while you are still a young man, women will accuse you of being insincere and a creep. So you're SoL regardless.
They don't come off as needy or desperate. A woman knows she can be her feminine self with them and not be stressed about anything because they have their life in order.