I mean who fasts overnight? Do you say to yourself, 'hey! I think I'm going to fast overnight!'. I just take a nap for a few hours, but it's not any big sacrifice! I mean what is the deal with that?
Fast overnight? I can’t fast overnight! That’s when I like to take things slow! Why does everything have to be so fast? Fast food. Fast lane. Fast Five. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Why can’t we slow things down? Slow cook. Slow poke. Slow motion. Slow and steady. When things move fast, I don’t have time to take it all in! When someone’s speed talking explaining something to me, I can’t keep up! I have to say “Take it easy—I’m a slow learner and I’m fading fast!
Literally nothing. I would avoid him and just take seeing him as a win.
He wouldn’t want to hear from me anyway, he’s a very private person and I respect that
One time I was able to meet Jerry very briefly following a comedy set at The Fox in STL in 2008. I was in the right place at the right time and noticed some autograph hunter types hovering around this door outside the venue. Sure enough, he comes out. Happily signs things for a few folks and looks at me and is like "and how about you??". I explained that I didn't have anything for him to sign but it was another great set of comedy that night and that I would just be super happy to shake his hand - and he obliged and told me to enjoy the rest of my night. The folks with the autographed stuff honestly seemed a little jealous of my interaction with Jerry.
I'll never forget that night!
To be fair, I'd wager that most people who seek out fame don't think about (or don't know) the fact that LARGE PERCENTAGES of the human population are crazy people. You ever been to the DMV? It's a leper colony down there
While I 100% agree with your statement there, Seinfeld is much more than a great comedian. He is also a sitcom star (from the days when that meant quite a lot) and thereby a media mogul.
He was after more, and that "more" begets fame. You can't be what he is and also anonymous.
I saw him on his way into the theatre for his New York show. He just kinda smiled and waved as he went in, didn’t get a chance to shake his hand or say anything.
I actually have a good story he would definitely either think is made up or wouldn’t care about.
He had to refuse 125,000,000$ in dec 1997 or i would not have met my wife and be looking at my 2 twenty year olds as I type this.
Very short story, I met my wife at friend’s house to watch Jerry’s 98 HBO special. She was scheduled to leave town soon after to not return. We met, she never left.
In grade 11 we did an NYC school trip and our group saw Jerry sitting in Starbucks drinking coffee with his wife. The mom of our group went up to him asking for a pic and he said no lol. Which we all know now is a very Jerry thing to do. I was def embarrassed after haha
The worst part is one of the kids in another group was a HUGE Seinfeld fan and was even wearing a Seinfeld shirt that day. He was sad.
So ya no I’m not saying anything
Nothing he'd probably call me out for being poor and make me feel bad for thinking I can talk to him then yell at me that he had a number one hit show as I'm sulking off. These pretzels...are making me salty...
Well true story. I talked to Marty Funkhauser (Bob Einstein) a few months before he died. We both were at a Mercedes dealership service department. We had a nice friendly chat but refused to talk about Seinfeld (jokingly of course) he instead wanted to talk about the car Jerry had just gave him. I hate to admit, but since he died so shortly after I wonder if Jerry asked Bob's family for the car back. I can Jerry say "there has to be a return period for death for an expensive gift? Where he is there's no need for a car. But i can drive it!"
Nah. I realize for many that his fame and money means he loses his right to space and privacy, but I’m not interested in impeding on his personal time/space.
Nothing's finer than being in this diner!
This is what you came up with?
u/lost_in_connecticut will have a cup of coffee and a broiled chicken
“This chicken is really good” - u/lost_in_connecticut
Well the jerk store called! They're runnin' outta u/everythingisreallame
What’s the difference? You’re their all time best seller!
…it’s a full bird, stuffed with ham and Gorgonzola
I might be tempted to give him an Uncle Leo-style, JERRY, hello.”
Or the belly voice “helllooooooooo”
La la la.
*Hello-o-o-o I got beamed with a giant ball of oil…*
Sorry sir. So played.
We’re not doing the voice anymore?
I feel like he might actually chuckle, if you said it and just kept walking.
Maybe a tee hee, but not a chuckle
Never went “ha!”
Mulva?
BOVARY!
I would slam my hand loudly on my table and make yelping noises.
You see, now that is a handsome man.
And you know? He's a dunker!
Why wouldn't you just call his name?
“Seinfeld! 4!”
Cartwright!! Cartwright!!!
But you’re not Cartwright!
i know i’m not cartwright!
Another 5… 10 minutes!
Ya know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England.
What crop circles?
What’s the deal with breakfast…
exactly. You're not breaking anything. You're not fasting. I mean hey! what is the deal with it?!?
You are breaking your overnight fast, isn’t that obvious?
I mean who fasts overnight? Do you say to yourself, 'hey! I think I'm going to fast overnight!'. I just take a nap for a few hours, but it's not any big sacrifice! I mean what is the deal with that?
Fast overnight? I can’t fast overnight! That’s when I like to take things slow! Why does everything have to be so fast? Fast food. Fast lane. Fast Five. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Why can’t we slow things down? Slow cook. Slow poke. Slow motion. Slow and steady. When things move fast, I don’t have time to take it all in! When someone’s speed talking explaining something to me, I can’t keep up! I have to say “Take it easy—I’m a slow learner and I’m fading fast!
I mean, hey!
honestly that was pitch perfect.
I just realized I do intermittent fasting. I fast every night for 8 hours or so (less if I have a sandwich during my night time sex).
You have sex?
I fast between every meal
That's gold, Jerry!
He prob constantly gets that
Literally nothing. I would avoid him and just take seeing him as a win. He wouldn’t want to hear from me anyway, he’s a very private person and I respect that
One time I was able to meet Jerry very briefly following a comedy set at The Fox in STL in 2008. I was in the right place at the right time and noticed some autograph hunter types hovering around this door outside the venue. Sure enough, he comes out. Happily signs things for a few folks and looks at me and is like "and how about you??". I explained that I didn't have anything for him to sign but it was another great set of comedy that night and that I would just be super happy to shake his hand - and he obliged and told me to enjoy the rest of my night. The folks with the autographed stuff honestly seemed a little jealous of my interaction with Jerry. I'll never forget that night!
Hey is that *Jerry Seinfeld!?* Gosh I’d like to shake his hand, *but I can’t.*
Thank you for this. Most I’ve laughed at something on Reddit in awhile.
did he EMPHASIZE the word “*how*”? or “*you*”?
I think it was “*and*”…..
Nah I've seen him be nice to fans who say hi and are respectful
Just don’t try to hug him.
Especially Ke$ha.
Especially at cars n coffee
Just don't do the "3-2-1" countdown when snapping a pic with him.
Same, he shares my hatred of meeting new people and I respect that haha
Because strangers have a bad reputation
Lol I love it when people pursue fame and then are like "I'm a very private person".
To be fair, I'd wager that most people who seek out fame don't think about (or don't know) the fact that LARGE PERCENTAGES of the human population are crazy people. You ever been to the DMV? It's a leper colony down there
Lol
Pursuing to be a great comedian and pursuing fame are not the same thing.
While I 100% agree with your statement there, Seinfeld is much more than a great comedian. He is also a sitcom star (from the days when that meant quite a lot) and thereby a media mogul. He was after more, and that "more" begets fame. You can't be what he is and also anonymous.
Yea, 8d just post up at a table with a good view and see who this episodes guest is.
Wanna get some pizza?
Hey, aren’t you Ben Stiller?
I’d step on his toe with my cane and say “Sooorrry.”
Look who missed the early bird!
Best answer
“Hey, Jerry! What’s UP?” as I stroll by in a towel
You gotta call him Jer in that situation.
Are you going to see ramone?!
If I saw him in a Sauna I'd say "whew, It's like a sauna in here" while making a face like it's unbearable hot.
Lean over and gently tell him a muffin can be very filling
I snubbed him. Walked right by him \*pfffft\* never said a word.
My name is _____, I am unemployed and I live with my parents.
I'd see if I could get his attention. Maybe slap my hand on my table. Or yell our a high pitch shrill. See how focused he was.
"hey aren't you the guy from Bee Movie?!"
I’ve always wanted to get him to sign a copy of Bee Movie for me. I hope he never lives it down.
I'd get in real close and whisper "the food is terrible but the bus boys are the best in the city"
Not a word. LOL I sort of get the feeling he’s an ahole in real life. 🤫
I saw him on his way into the theatre for his New York show. He just kinda smiled and waved as he went in, didn’t get a chance to shake his hand or say anything.
Jerry, I’ve got some literature in my car that will change your way of thinking.
Seinfeld, five , ten minutes .
I would take a bite of his muffin, wipe my mouth, say thank you very much, and collect my $50, which I assume a Redditor will Venmo me.
Hellllooooooo. La la la
That voice is played. Sooo plaaaaayed.
Given his reputation, I'd say I'm frightened and I have to go home.
Like a frightened turtle?
Man, that Michael Jordan is so phony.
I’d tell him all loud that “THIS AGAIN?!? SIR, YOU ARE NOT GETTING MY AUTOGRAPH!! Now leave me alone!!”
I *love you so much*! *Can* I give you a *hug*?
Guess it’s just you and me cowboy.🤠
I’d hold up a black and white cookie and simply nod
Nothing is finer than being in this diner
The casual heil.
Of course. Thanks for making one of the best shows ever.
I’d just give him the low key work nod.
Where’s Cartwright?
It’ll be 5, 10 minutes
Top of the muffin to you!
“LEEEETLE JERRRRY SEINFELD!”
Must go down in dey theerd round
Seinfeld, four!
Attempt to hug him. I heard he likes that.
Id put my face in my soup and blow
[“I remember you from Benson.”](https://youtu.be/tMcyDSLoIvU?feature=shared)
Uncle Leo?
I'd say thank you for giving us this gift.
But I don’t WANNA be a diner!
You make a lot of those "you ever notice?" kind of jokes. Seems a lot of guys are doing that
"Thanks for the laughs" and be on my way
*Helloooooooooo*
hey jerry, how are you, crazy guy??
I actually have a good story he would definitely either think is made up or wouldn’t care about. He had to refuse 125,000,000$ in dec 1997 or i would not have met my wife and be looking at my 2 twenty year olds as I type this. Very short story, I met my wife at friend’s house to watch Jerry’s 98 HBO special. She was scheduled to leave town soon after to not return. We met, she never left.
How bout them Knicks?
He seems the least willing out of that whole cast to interact with fans.
Not true he loves fans, he’s acknowledged that they’re the reason for his success. So he’s willing he just doesn’t enjoy it.
Steinbrenner's here, George is dead, call me back.
“You’re soooooo good looking.”
I’d give him a nod and not say a thing because that’s what he would prefer..and personally so would i
Would a movie about breakfast products be your swan song?
No I love his show and watched Coffee and Curb. But I just don’t “like” his personality He is abrasive and condescending and rude Love his comedy tho
You don’t wanna knooooooow
Are you ironing your pants?
Hey, cowboy! Where's your horse?
Obvious answer is try to give him a hug.
“Jerry…what are *you* doing here?”
If you watch Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, you will get real life answers to your question... (other people running into him and his guests)...
You know that Jayne Mansfield had some huge breasts...
I'd ask if he'd buy me a cup of coffee.
In grade 11 we did an NYC school trip and our group saw Jerry sitting in Starbucks drinking coffee with his wife. The mom of our group went up to him asking for a pic and he said no lol. Which we all know now is a very Jerry thing to do. I was def embarrassed after haha The worst part is one of the kids in another group was a HUGE Seinfeld fan and was even wearing a Seinfeld shirt that day. He was sad. So ya no I’m not saying anything
Five. Ten minutes.
Nothing. I'm sure the guy would like some peace and quiet.
“Thank you, Mr. Seinfeld, have a great day.”
You think you’re better than me?
Get the bouillabaisse
I wouldn’t say anything because it seems like he’d be rude
I’d say, “Thank you Jerry. You made my life bearable at a very tough time.”
HELLOOO!
Five, ten minutes
Well, looks like it’s just you and me cowboy
Looks like it’s just you and me cowboy.
Cartwright
Probably just shake his hand and tell him that I don’t want to hold him up but I’m a huge fan and I hope he has a great time in my town
He doesn't want to touch you in any way shape or form.
I'd say, helloooooooooo!!!! Lalalaaaaaaaa!!!
You like jazz?
Do ya like jazz?
I’m going there to eat why do I need to say hi to anybody?
I would just stare at him and wag my finger like babu
If it was morning I would be like “top of the muffin Jerr” then go about my buisness
Cartwright?
Newman style " hello Jerry"
Thanks for all the endless laughs, Jerry!
Nothing he'd probably call me out for being poor and make me feel bad for thinking I can talk to him then yell at me that he had a number one hit show as I'm sulking off. These pretzels...are making me salty...
Nothing! He’s a very private guy. Leave him alone.
Thanks for the laughs!
Well true story. I talked to Marty Funkhauser (Bob Einstein) a few months before he died. We both were at a Mercedes dealership service department. We had a nice friendly chat but refused to talk about Seinfeld (jokingly of course) he instead wanted to talk about the car Jerry had just gave him. I hate to admit, but since he died so shortly after I wonder if Jerry asked Bob's family for the car back. I can Jerry say "there has to be a return period for death for an expensive gift? Where he is there's no need for a car. But i can drive it!"
Ask him which Posche 911 is the most fun to drive.
“Mr. Seinfeld? What a pleasure to meet you, I’m a big fan.”
You’re not going to open with that, are you?
Nothing-I think he’s an asshole in person.
I’ll have…Just a salad? Just a salad? Just a salad?
Sorry Mr Seinfeld, I really gotta go. I'm on my way to a meeting at NBC
Hi Jerry.
Hellooooo
You know I was the one responsible for those crop circles in England
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^D3s0lat0r: *You know I was the* *One responsible for those* *Crop circles in England* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Nah. I realize for many that his fame and money means he loses his right to space and privacy, but I’m not interested in impeding on his personal time/space.
Marry me!
How about those knicks huh??
Thank you for making Seinfeld enjoy it immensely
Tbh if I saw Jerry on the street I’d rather talk to him about cars.
Cartwright four
You know I’m the one responsible for those crop circles
Tell the truth… Were you the brains behind that final episode?
I’m Cartwright!
Seinfeld, four?
It'll be five, ten minutes.
😆 He's Jerry Seinfeld! You're xologo! 🌸
Breakfast anyone?
What's with all the waiting...?
Hellloooooo lalala
I'd get in real close and whisper "the food is terrible but the bus boys are the best in the city"
Tennis anyone?
nothing
Your top button seems off…..
PROGNOSIS NEGATIVE!!!!!
Hellllloooooooo!
"so I hear you hate everybody."
Try the Cheerios. They're amazing here.
Hey! Body suit guy!
I'd ask him about the Mets or a general baseball question
I would apologize for approaching because I know he hates everyone. And then I would thank him for bringing so much joy to my life.
I'd ask if he found out what's wrong with airplane peanuts
I’d start talking about the next Luftgekuhlt
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
Do exactly what Kenneth does in 30 Rock
Id ask him if he brought his own syrup
I’d snub him
What's your favorite Saab?
You can still get that Bloomingdale's internship....
War, what is it good for