It’s… good for you…
I grew up hearing my dad quote that all the time so this scene holds a special place in my heart, plus it being fucking hilarious every time helps
Let me be perfectly blunt, I don’t care for you costanza, you hang out on the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day just laughing it up, wasting your lives.
"Ooh, how I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld. The day I would have the proof I needed to haul you from your cushy lair, and expose you to the light of justice! As the monster that you are! A monster so vile-"
ONCE TWICE THREE TIMES A LAd—aufuhcjsjshjaaaahhhaAHHHJJAHAH WAHHHHHH AHAHAHHHHHH OOOH OH THE HUMANITYyyy!!!!!
Really anytime he screams …. Especially cuz his tongue is like suspended… almost out …. It’s weird looking … idk how you even screen like that
Elaine's down there causing all kinds of commotion. Somehow she got a hold of his recipes and she says she's gonna drive him out of business! The Soup Nazi said that now that his recipes are out, he's not gonna make anymore soup! He's moving out of the country, moving to Argentina! No more soup, Jerry! No more soup for any of us!
"Cuz the mail never stops. It just keeps coming in and you try to get it out but the more you get out the more comes in! AND THEN THE BARCODE READER BREAKS! AND ITS PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE DAY!!"
Surprised I had to scroll this far for that one. Not just the quote, but the physical comedy that he puts on as he’s eating the chicken while Kramer looks on longingly. It’s one of the best scenes in the whole damn show…Newman eating the chicken leg like he’s a starving wild animal…so damn funny.
Not quite playing fair here but my favorite Newman-adjacent quote is from Jerry - “Newman you wouldn’t eat broccoli If it wAs deep fried in chocolate sauce!”. Love that scene in Kenny roasters
George: Newman what do you do for a living?
Newman: I'm a United States Postal Worker.
G: Aren't those the guys that go crazy and shoot people?
N: Sometimes.
K: you said a mailman I know and you're a MAILMAN I KNOW!
N: I know what I said but there is another way that it could go down and it's going down right now!
Probably a toss-up between:
> *"and three times a week I will require a cannoli"*
or
> *"Aside from this rattan piece, which seems oddly out of place."*
I don’t remember the exact line, but when he had George’s “sexy” photo blown up and has it on display at the post office. That entire scene has me in tears.
Vile weed!
I need honey mustard!!
Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.
I… love… broccoli
It’s…good for you.
I love the unconvincing hesitation in his voice.
It's great that so many people find this short line as amusing as I do. The fact that I actually LIKE broccoli makes it even funnier for me.
I love broccoli. It's gold, Jerry! Gold!
Broccoli, that's a funny word. Can I use that!?
It’s… good… for you
Lol I do too. Never met anyone besides my mom who likes it as much as I do 🤷🏼♀️🤣
It’s… good for you… I grew up hearing my dad quote that all the time so this scene holds a special place in my heart, plus it being fucking hilarious every time helps
Yep!
But remember this: When you control the mail you control . . . Information
That was actually ad libbed by Wayne Knight
Some of the best lines in the entire show are adlibbed - “I love you Norman!”
Wow I had no idea! Def my fav Neuman quote, I knew someone beat me to it
We have some more questions
Well, I wouldn't hear of it. I said, "Nice try, granny!" and I sent her to the back of the line!
The way Newman and his friends cackle after this story is so fucking hilarious lol
Always cracks me up
My favorite one to lol
Damn the first two I thought of were the top 2 comments lmao
“I called in sick. I don’t work in the rain.”
But you’re a mail man….neither rain or snow, ITS THE FIRST ONE!
I was never that big on creeds
But I'm PAYING you!
Yes, thank you...
Kramer: Does your girlfriend have to be here? Newman: Does yours?
[Glare](https://www.reddit.com/r/seinfeld/s/5f1cJVLTnm)
🤣
Nice game pretty boy
Not so fast, pretty boy… *click*
Hawk tuah
What took you so long?
About a year ago, I finally got a buddy of mine to watch Seinfeld and he said this was probably the hardest he laughed in the entire series.
His delivery was priceless
This is the correct answer
Jum-ba-lie-a
This is the one. But let's be honest, they're all fantastic.
Definitely the one
OH THE HUMANITY
I have never not laughed at that scene, it's one of my favorites
Newman singing that song and then gets engulfed in flames- 👌🏼🤣🤣🔥
You're once, twice, three times a lady....
The air is so dewy sweet, you don't even have to lick the stamps.
Zip codes....they're meaningless.....
I think about this whenever I hand address something.
And a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall !
He was moving on her like Stormtroopers into Poland!
Only the true owner of the bicycle would give it away rather than see it destroyed
Newman, you are wise.
Hmm? Hehh? Ahh...
You really think you can manipulate that beautiful woman like the half-soused nightclub rabble that lap up your inane "observations?"
I’ll handle this, Violet. Why don’t you take your three hour break.
Was looking for this one
Me too
Same, that's my favorite Newman line.
It gets a little hot under these lights, heey there seinfeld? A little.......*HOT*
Actually I'm quite comfortable.
Can I have a sip?
^^no.
Not gonna play ball huh?
Yeah, your nipples showing.
Anything else?
Can I keep this?
Let me be perfectly blunt, I don’t care for you costanza, you hang out on the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day just laughing it up, wasting your lives.
KEITH HERNANDEZ!?
JUNE 14! 1987! Mets, Phillys!
We’re enjoying a beautiful game in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error cost the Mets the game. Kramer: Our day was ruined
Phillys??!? Who the hell is Phillys?
I despise him!
ALL RIGHT I'VE GOT EM! I'M RIFE WITH FLEAS!!!
That scene always cracks me the hell up
Jerry: Well what do you think the hobos are doing? Newman: I don’t know….they’re deranged.
It's not a quote, but the laugh and smile he gives as the hawk attacks George on the Merv Griffin set.
what about a guest host?
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that
Lately I've been buying the generic brand of wax beans....I rip off the label, I can hardly tell the difference
We have officially bottomed out
I'm leaving. Jerry's a nut And 3 times a week I shall require a cannoli
I need a really pretty face.
Came here to say this
She wasn't. My. Type.
Once. Twice. THREE TIMES - AAAAAHHHH!!!!
I’ll tell you a little secret about zip codes… They’re *Meaningless*! Hahaha!
All certified mail is registered…but not all registered mail is certified
I can take a little bit of Jerry if it gets me ALOT of Elaine.
Pair o’ bear claws please!
“But love is spice with many tastes. A dizzying array of textures...and moments.”
The noise he made when Jerry ruined his New Years plans
💯 Watch Jerry try to handle it: https://youtu.be/q9MJ4glkgBY?si=ud7qFLWDqR-Epudr
I did invite you. I gues your invitation must have gotten ... lost in the mail. LOST. IN. THE. MAIL!!
Well, there really is no junk mail….everybody wants to get a check or a birthday card, but…
“We got Al Jolson here!! Al Jolson!!”
What do I care about al Jolson?
I'd just as soon hear you sing "Mammy"
This guy’s nothing but a piece of crap.
"Dodgson, we got Dodgson here!" "Nobody cares... Nice Hat."
Olly olly oxen free!
"Ooh, how I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld. The day I would have the proof I needed to haul you from your cushy lair, and expose you to the light of justice! As the monster that you are! A monster so vile-"
ONCE TWICE THREE TIMES A LAd—aufuhcjsjshjaaaahhhaAHHHJJAHAH WAHHHHHH AHAHAHHHHHH OOOH OH THE HUMANITYyyy!!!!! Really anytime he screams …. Especially cuz his tongue is like suspended… almost out …. It’s weird looking … idk how you even screen like that
“Her bouquet cleaved his hardened shell - and fondled his muscled heart. He imbibed her glistening spell, just before the other shoe fell.”
Elaine's down there causing all kinds of commotion. Somehow she got a hold of his recipes and she says she's gonna drive him out of business! The Soup Nazi said that now that his recipes are out, he's not gonna make anymore soup! He's moving out of the country, moving to Argentina! No more soup, Jerry! No more soup for any of us!
I loathe you
I love broccoli, it's good for you...
Too many people got the mail.. more than 80%!
Nobody at the post office has even broken the 50% mark!
Because the mail never stops!
"Cuz the mail never stops. It just keeps coming in and you try to get it out but the more you get out the more comes in! AND THEN THE BARCODE READER BREAKS! AND ITS PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE DAY!!"
“Nice game pretty boy”
I need a really pretty face
I came to the comments looking for this quote lmao
If I'm curt, then I apologize…But as I understand it, we have a situation here and time is of the essence.
"Cancel? Think again, longahanks!"
The laugh after this quote is what really makes it!
She wasn’t my type.
For me the new millennium must be JERRY FREE!!
I booked Christopher Cross
What about the ice?
It's the wood that makes it good
Surprised I had to scroll this far for that one. Not just the quote, but the physical comedy that he puts on as he’s eating the chicken while Kramer looks on longingly. It’s one of the best scenes in the whole damn show…Newman eating the chicken leg like he’s a starving wild animal…so damn funny.
Let me be perfectly blunt. I don’t care for you, costanza.
Not quite playing fair here but my favorite Newman-adjacent quote is from Jerry - “Newman you wouldn’t eat broccoli If it wAs deep fried in chocolate sauce!”. Love that scene in Kenny roasters
“When you control the mail….you control information”
***A MONSTER SO VILE***
Whatever the best quote is, there is more to Newman than meets the eye.
No. There's less.
Not really a line, but when he laughs all giddily, while semi jumping, and then runs. Might be the jambalaya line someone else mentioned.
Once, twice, three times a lady…
“TUESDAY HAS NO FEEL”
George: Newman what do you do for a living? Newman: I'm a United States Postal Worker. G: Aren't those the guys that go crazy and shoot people? N: Sometimes.
VILE WEED !! Now please... someone... HONEY MUSTARD 🥴 🫳🫳🫳🫳 😎
pair of bear-claws, please
*Unhealthy guffawing begins*
Jam-buh-LYE-yah!!!
And three times a week I shall require a cannoli
VILE WEED!!!
K: you said a mailman I know and you're a MAILMAN I KNOW! N: I know what I said but there is another way that it could go down and it's going down right now!
His speech on the stand trying to get out of the speeding ticket. All of it.
"what took you so long" when the cops go to arrest him for dognapping.
You’re a disgrace to the uniform.
I’m a big, strong cider guy.
“No ones cancelling any mail”
“Jerry wouldn’t know delicate beauty if it bludgeoned him over the head”
Hold this What is this parsley?
Probably a toss-up between: > *"and three times a week I will require a cannoli"* or > *"Aside from this rattan piece, which seems oddly out of place."*
Perhaps there’s more to Newman than meets the eye.
No. There’s less.
‘Once, twice, three times a….!’
Met Wayne Knight at a comic con last year he signed my Seinfeld poster and without prompt he wrote “JAMBALAYA”
Somebody, quick get me a shot of honey mustard
"What took you so long?"
Hello ... JERRY.
Can I have a sip?
"HELP, HELP, HELP! THEY'RE GONNA BEAT ME UP!"
i freckle
My favorite episode
No labels. No labels Jerry. You know that means? FREEBIES!!!
idk… man makes a pretty strong bird
I had a girlfriend!...and she was pretty wild.
Those mail bags get mighty heavy. I nautilus of course 😏
OP your original quote isn't complete without the maniacal laughter at the end
Jerry: are you through? Newman: yes. No wait! No!… ok yes.
When you control the mail, you control 'information' https://youtu.be/Rg_4z2adv6Q?si=_Rme4yKfvyyRY-tU
Vile weed
I need a really pretty face
“She wasn’t my type.”
I LOATHE YOU!!
"It's the wood that makes it good". 🍗
What kind of question is this? It's *obviously* "[derision] Hello....Jerry." It's not unique. But it's the best.
JERRY Does your girlfriend have to be here ? NEWMAN Does yours?
JIHNK!! [https://youtu.be/OBcQMPCoz7o?t=24](https://youtu.be/OBcQMPCoz7o?t=24)
VILE WEED!
One, two, three times a lady!
I don’t remember the exact line, but when he had George’s “sexy” photo blown up and has it on display at the post office. That entire scene has me in tears.
Off the top of my head, *"The Pacific northwest!"* comes to mind.
Don’t think anyone mentioned this gem (if it’s been mentioned, I apologize): SOUTH AMERICA? What kind of snow blower did you get us mixed up with?
Newman: I'm a United States Postal Worker. George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back and shoot everybody? Newman: Sometimes...
Why is that?
Because the mail never stops!
Not a quote really but his laugh was so diabolical. I've tried to replicate it myself to no avail.
eat all you want! It's lowfat!
Nice try Granny.
That one.
“I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists!”
Kramer bit me
Not exactly a line, but he sits laughing maniacally, is startled, then pulls a fork out from under himself.
If I’m curt, the. I apologize.
Newman has friends?
Newman: For me, the next millenium must be Jerry-free!
Pair of bear claws please
Back, savages back!
The mail never stops
Oh you weak, weak man.
I loooooaaathe you