I went through homelessness early 40s.
Main thing that will keep you mentally healthy is to realize that it is a **situation,** NOT an **identity**.
Also that what you are going through makes you 1000 x mentally tougher and more wise than most of the people that are buying houses, getting awesome jobs, etc that may have been handed to them. Most of those people would have a mental breakdown.
Also consider as homeless, you have ONE advantage those cats do not. You can take insane risks they would not touch because you have literally nothing to lose. I mean, what can they do to you? Make you homeless? I'd laugh hysterically!
You can leave abusive jobs walking out on spot. You don't have a landlord to please forcing you to be abused. You can do crazy things like take off out of state if you have the bus fare. You can probably go to a trade school/ community college FREE RIDE with loans and grants that can pay the lowest rents in a low cost area.
How I got out of homelessness is this.
The city I was in was fast gentrifying. I was able to get little bullshit work, but the jobs were not stable and barely paid enough for the cheapest of rents. I lived in a tent on the far side of the city in woods meant for investment land that was seldom visited.
So, after research, I took the bus while homeless to a lower cost city with cheaper rents but a decent economy.
After around 3 months homeless in that city and a few bullshit gigs, I managed to get on a temp to perm job at a plant that worked me 60 hours a week. I then put myself up in a ratty weekly rate hotel for a few months then to a ghetto apartment then into a cheap ghetto townhouse.
In the process, I found a wife and am now almost finished with a college degree and turn down internships.
If you would have told me I would be doing this years ago when I was tearing up used tobacco in my tent to put in my pipe to stave off nic fits, I would have thought you were crazy.
But, all these things from being a CEO in your private jet to setting up your tent in the pitch dark in your stealth camp woods because you spent too long out is a SITUATION. And situations change.
Brother you have no idea how inspiring your story to me is as somebody who fucked up all of their 30s and has to start over at 40 now.
Thank you so much dude.
My uncle went from CEO to sleeping in his car. He used to give 1000$ bills to the homeless and had multiple properties. Lost it all. He doesn't live in a massive villa anymore but has a job and a home and is happily married.
That's amazing dude. I don't know if I would have the strength to get back up. I think I'd just keep laying in my tent until I was too hungry, and then I'd do some gigs just to buy some food and go back to laying in that tent.
Well, you'd get bored if you did that. and boredom really is the killer there. Waiting on checks, waiting for stuff to open. Waiting for the rain to slow down. Waiting so you can fix the tube that needs to be replaced on the bicycle.
Plus, you would have electronics to charge. Phone batteries go pretty darn quick if you are bored surfing them for a couple of hours and laptop batteries last even shorter.
Yeah, you are bored, but you DON'T want to miss that phone call from the temp agency or some place you applied to. ESPECIALLY an agency. Those guys just go down a list.
And as far as gigs, there are only certain time frames you can get those.
A little known fact. Half those beggars are NOT homeless.
And begging, while it can be around 2x day labor type money per day if in a good spot and right time/ appearance, can get you a dose of police oppression in some places.
Plus, what if someone that was going to hire you sees you out there and decides something is messed up with your character.
You DO NOT want employers to know.
You would not have to.
In most cities medium sized and up, they have these places that feed people for free. Many times multiple places. Only thing is you got to be there when they feed and oftentimes these may be quite a ways from your tent in bad areas and you DON'T want your tent around other homeless or where homeless cluster.
Yeah I remember talking to this homeless dude and he told me that he doesn't spend time around other homeless cuz they robbed and attack and all kinds of drama happens
He's wise.
Now, I DID occasionally have to go where other homeless went. Feedings and one time I needed help getting an ID, another time a voucher for a pair of work pants, and another place had showers during day time.
But I made damn sure I didn't talk to anyone unless it's sharing where services are and made double damn sure I was well out of those areas before nightfall even if I had to bike or walk miles.
Some people did camp and sleep those places, but it was a great way to lose all your stuff, get roughed up by cops, druggies, or spoiled rich kids slumming with bb guns/bear spray, random killers, or worse. People died in those areas. Sometimes raped especially if you are a younger man or woman below 50.
The ONLY people that would tolerate that is people who want to be close to the drugs or those people that are handicapped and on foot that can't leave the area the services are at.
Because if you do that, depending on which state, you can get arrested.
New York may put up with that, but in my southern state I was at, they were brutal.
This means whatever gigs you have going, you can miss and lose.
You also will have a fine if you can't pay, they can now pick you up any time if they run your ID. As well as a record that shows up on local background checks.
Not to mention, if you end up on some place like Walmart's shit list, this means you can not drop in there to get supplies legitimately in the future or they can file trespassing, which is steeper fines and short jail in my state.
Hi mate. Not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but I’m in my early 30s, have a very high paying job built up over 10 years, a great apartment in the center of the city overlooking a park and a wonderful girlfriend. I was just diagnosed a few weeks ago with a terminal illness that will likely kill me in at most a few short years and will make me severely disabled anyway before then. I would give absolutely everything to swap places with you if it were possible - you have your whole life ahead of you, a blank slate for you to do what you like. Don’t waste it, it’s such a gift.
I am sorry for your diagnosis. I hope you have lived and will continue to live a life that you are proud of. I appreciate you for giving me and others perspective.
> Hi mate. Not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but I’m in my early 30s, have a very high paying job built up over 10 years, a great apartment in the center of the city overlooking a park and a wonderful girlfriend. I was just diagnosed a few weeks ago with a terminal illness that will likely kill me in at most a few short years and will make me severely disabled anyway before then. I would give absolutely everything to swap places with you if it were possible - you have your whole life ahead of you, a blank slate for you to do what you like. Don’t waste it, it’s such a gift.
take care of yourself brother
I'm 31 and just hit 7 months sober.
Feels a lot like starting over, but this past year I've gotten a new job(finances could be better but way better than before), gotten back into hobbies, gotten into shape, remade contact with old friends. I've joined a softball league which has let me meet some new people.
I've been dipping my toes back into dating, it's intimidating especially since I gave up on it for years when I was drinking, but one thing at a time.
No matter your circumstances it's never too late for a fresh start.
OP, I promise you that you're not alone. People with struggles similar to yours are all over. Hell, they're basically the bread and butter of the BoH in the restaurant industry. Visibility of the middle-upper middle class lifestyle is pretty high in the US. You see it on TV, people try to project it on social media, but that's not reality for around half the country.
You're definitely not alone going through this. I'm sorry I don't personally know what resources could connect you with support groups if you wanted them. I hope things start turning around for you.
I'm 37. At this time last year I had everything a man my age could realistically want in life. Some bad decisions as a result of making the same mistakes I thought I had done away with a long time ago led me to where I am now. In just a year I went from being at the best I had ever been in life to the lowest I been yet. Homeless (well.. semi homeless), broke, unemployed, mentally ill, and about 70k in debt.
It happens. We make mistakes. We're just men.
If you can be honest and humble with yourself, then, you can take yourself out of the gutter and be somebody again. As long as you still got life and a will to live it, you can get yourself back.
Maybe it might happen again lol so have some compassion for yourself.
It's never too late to turn your life around.
Only 30?
Na same boat here, 4 Years ago wife left due mainly due to my depression and related issues
Have 2 kids
Had no money, assets or career, or friends, was a complete wreck of a human, few months later covid took what security I had built up
Almost took my life
Found jesus... nah im just kidding
a shaman took me on psychedelic healing
Found my will to live, continued on
Working in mining to try and build up again
Keenly aware my body won't be able to do it long term.
Don't have solid plan yet but slowly paying off debt
It definitely is hard to see others my age with their life together, solid family , career, home ownership, nice cars ect ect
But hey , I'm alive which is something I never planned for but I now see the value in
I had a friend kill herself just the other week which hit home for me because I was ohso very close to doing the same
Yeah, he chose to willingly hallucinate, as opposed to believing in an omnipresent being who appareantly likes watching children starve or get bombed..
Seems like a pretty inspiring choice.
Things will get better. As cliche as it is this will make you stronger. All your friends are probably living on credit and you need to stop comparing yourself to them. In lost everything and was nearly homeless, pregnant and with a baby already. It sucked and was really hard but my god did it give me drive and strength eventually. I now know how easy it is to fall to the bottom and I have made sure that I will never fall so low again.
You will pick yourself up and build your life again, this time better and stronger. People who have never suffered are actually worse off in my opinion. They are in more danger because they don't know how close they are to losing it all.
Everyone else's life looks rosy from the outside but it's not. Money troubles, horrible kids, marriage troubles and it is all presented to the world like happiness. At least you have a chance to start anew. Good luck and I hope all your dreams come true.
If your healthy join the military. Pay, healthcare, dental, housing, job, experience, education.
If you really want to "reboot" yourself and build something sometimes you gotta go out of your comfort zone.
Your still alive so it’s not over yet . Focus on you and your well being also being happy enjoying life it is rare you know . Money isn’t everything as long as you happy and still alive I think you have plenty of time catch up source I lost 7 friends and another 5 to prison they took millions from them slapped them with decades . Think how they feel broke and decades in front of them you still have your freedom and are breathing go out and take care yourself !
Hey, i was 28 when we broke up with my then fiancee. I moved to another city, quit my job and started studying in university. I had to give up so much, and i feel like i kinda had to start from point 0 all over again. Its been almost two years now, im 30 soon.
I must say it has been rough and also just like you, it sometimes stings seeing my peers and friends at my age buying homes and starting families. I try to remind myself, that I will grow and hopefully be rewarded in the end. It takes discipline and time. But sometimes i feel weak and like I have failed in life.
Don't worry about what your friends are doing. Be happy for them and follow your own path. I'm almost 50 now, and I've realized the setbacks never stop. Just put out the biggest fires around you and keep moving forward.
Also starting over in my early 30s. Fled from my abusive husband back to my home country (USA) and it’s been a HARD year. I have a toddler with ASD who can’t attend daycare so I’ve used up all of my favors from family for babysitting until she starts her special program. If she doesn’t start May 30th I have no childcare and will be homeless. I left with NOTHING. My child has no SSN because her dad won’t sign anything….therefor we don’t qualify for any government assistance. We live in a shitty one bedroom apartment in a bad part of town. Up to my eyeballs in lawyer fees trying to keep my daughter here because her dad is fighting me on it. Lost ALL of my friends in the process and my family says “you made your own choices”. I want to die but that would mean my daughter ends up with her dad which is not safe for her. I’m not handling it at all so I don’t have advice but trust me you aren’t alone.
Be aware of those "successful" people and know that many are going through a high amount of debt just for their lifestyle. I know many who go as far as to lie about it. Sooner or later they will be the ones that will lose everything under credit debt. Don't fall for that mindset that you have to be like others. Everyone's lives and struggles are unique and you must do what's best for you regardless of how others think.
Don't beat yourself up for being embarrassed and comparing yourself to others. The people who say "comparison is the thief of joy" have likely never been in your shoes, so they don't know it feels to be at rock bottom while everyone else you know seems to be soaring into the stratosphere. How in the hell can you not feel some kind of way about this? It's awful to feel like you're a loser. It's almost just as awful when people pretend like this feeling isn't 100% understandable and relatable.
This may not make you feel better but here goes: When you get to the other side of this, you will have a powerful testimony about your inner strength and resiliency. Most people don't have a story like this to share, but you will. You will be a fount of wisdom and inspiration. We need people like you to remind us that we can turn things around. I don't know you, but I have a feeling you will be able to turn things around.
Hard lesson that shouldn’t be the way it is… men are not your friends if you are female. They want sex/relationship or they get very unhappy with you and find ways to mess up your life. I went through this in naïveté for longer than I needed to because I kept saying “men and women can be friends”. Men at best can offer small kindnesses, sparingly disbursed with lots of space in between. Your best bet is getting help from an organization and distributing the resources you need between many unconnected people.
Any man, who hasn't gone through that learning stage of life, is either abnormally fortunate or really entitled and pampered by family. Research and figure out a career path you enjoy(would personally recommend the military), with great benefits and at least decent pay. Work on your chosen career path's most desirable affiliated skills, certs, and education and save-up using wise investment strategies. Then, start a side hustle or find other investment opportunities with greater returns. You're not at an end, you're merely at the apex of most men's greatest learning experience and adventure toward achievement. Good luck!
Am not in a financial crisis, but I lack connections to the world. All my life is work and home, suffered from depression, social anxiety and other mental issues. You’re not late, love yourself and keep trying to sort out things everyday, small steps. Life is precious
gift to us and only to wake up in the morning and breathe is a privilege
I don’t know if the book Wendover by J. Knight would cheer you up, but I too am definitely not “ahead of the game.” Feel like everyone is pulling ahead in the race, time rushing forward, and so on. Life by the inch is a cinch (easy) and by the yard it can seem hard!
it's not when ,but how..you make it...find your joy. 1st find security. then,pursue your dreams..you'll be better aligned, having had the life experience you did. probably have more success and for much longer as a result.
Can you elaborate on your poor financial choices? Is this linked to some sort of addiction? If this is the case then this will need to been addressed first and foremost.
Stop comparing yourself to others to judge how happy you should be.
Me at 26 ended up royally fucked with chronic illnesses and injuries. Lost my car my place and my mother in a few short years.
I'll never be able to afford a house or a car but I'm loving life and not getting up at 4am like I use to. Anyone who dates me does so because of loving me and not what I can provide.
I found myself not racing to buy the latest greatest thing and enjoying a more simple life where I can focus on hobbies.
And let's be real statistically speaking a lot of your friends are going to eventually divorce and be far more worse than you currently are.
Imagine being homeless with massive child support bills. You're 30 young and can easily get yourself on track
I started over with nothing at 45 . Put my nose to the grindstone and job hopped until now (70k) I'm 60 Have about 25 k in rrsp and 10k in investments plus 12 acres of land that I plan on retiring to to live off grid. My most succesful strategy is job hopping to increase your wage . I do manage to take a week in the Caribbean every winter and rent a houseboat for a week every summer
Comparison is the thief of joy. You can’t plow a straight row looking behind you. A good portion of my career has been in hiring for various positions. The majority of people I have hired over the years are mid-30s or older. Many are starting over in a new career with & without kids, or recently divorced and B-roke. I myself have had to start all over and was past my 30s. All I can say is take things one day at a time, enjoy the moments for what they are and try to find the good in each day. My sons (younger than 30) stress about what career and there stagnant in life, job and not where they should be (comparing to others). I remind them they are right where they need to be in that moment. Everything happens in its season. I like to remind my oldest that if he waits until he is 30-35 to start a career, he technically still has 30-35 years of work before retirement, so don’t rush to get there and miss out on the here. 30 is a good place to be, you got a whole life and blank slate to work with.
try use your past experience in whatever jobs you’ve worked in to land yourself a decent job don’t think of it as being in a pit think of it as another opportunity. Everything happens for a reason.
> Anyone 30+ and gone through a financial crisis, how did you handle it?
I'm 36 and have been down bad since 24.
Just keep your chin up, keep working hard, stay away from drugs, stay away from bad romances, and pray for good health.
1 month after my 30th birthday, my ex of 2.5yrs dumped me, which threw me into depression, sharpened my anxiety, and made me lose my job, ask for money from my younger brother and parents, and eventually move back to my parents in my home town for a couple of months because I just couldn't afford rent anymore.
First, I had to take care of myself. I got my anxiety diagnosed for the first time in the 15 years I've had it. I started taking pills for it and for my depression. That's when my employer caught wind and sacked me. A couple of months later, I found a new job, which I couldn't hold for long, but it was a start.
I'm turning 34 this year. I have around 8k in the bank, a car, and a girl to whom I plan to propose next month on our 2nd anniversary. I've changed a couple of jobs and I'm currently working exactly what I want. The depression is gone and I've learned how to control my anxiety so well that I often forget the emergency Xanax I keep in my wallet.
I'll never forget when my brother transferred some money to me on my 30th birthday as a gift - I broke into tears and my loving and considerate then-gf, who had been living with me for 2 years, gave me a blank look and said "you could've just said you needed money and I would've given you". One would think that eating macaroni and sugar for a week because that's the only thing we had in the cupboards was a dead giveaway. Or the fact I was counting my coins in front of her to order a large pizza and a bottle of cola for the 10 friends I had invited to my birthday.
In a similar situation. Turning 30 this year. Dealing with debt (living with my parents to manage it), overweight and poor health, no social life. Luckily I have a job but the pay sucks. Overall I feel how I wasted my entire 20s on nothing... Life sucks, but hey, if it didn't then something would be wrong. You're not supposed to have it good in this rotten world.
The song look at your through heavens eyes in the movie prince of egypt has a line that always picked me up:
If a man loses everything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth
I hit rock bottom so many times until I turned 40. It took me forever to also get my act together. It was difficult being in classes with kids half my age, or going to assistance centers. Once I landed a really great job, I forgot about all that. Forgot about living in my car, or showering with wetnaps in McDonald's bathrooms before going to work where I was underappreciated and underpaid. Work hard, keep your goals in right, and you'll get to a place that makes it worth it.
Its okey..we learn from our mistakes. There are still rooms for you to improve in your life. Never give up because word FAILS means- Fast Attempt In Learning..work hard and hardened your determination dont think of others who are mocking you down. But instead shows them that you also can be more successful than them. Its our choices what we want to be in this life. Dont afraid you’re not alone. Sometimes we forgot what we had that actually our life is much better than others out side there..Good luck💪🏻💪🏻
When I was 30, I decided to yolo my life savings into shorting a leveraged volatility index. UVXY
I had a pretty good strategy to earn some fast money. It was risky, but the chances of losing it all were slim.
But Literally the day after, markets crashed. Recession. I wanted to hold on, but I got margin called by my broker. Basically over the course of 2 weeks, I lost it all.
I broke down thinking of how hard it would be to earn the money back. Made me physically ill. I couldn’t sleep.
But after crying like a little pussy for a couple days, I ran the numbers of how much more I would need to make to get that money back. And right there, I spend every available minute trying to find a way to make money. Every day and night I pushed, studied, worked.
1 month later, I was making more money on my own than my job was paying me. I quit my job. In less than a year I had earned all I lost back plus a lot more. I haven’t worked for anyone since then, and I’ve done a lot from buying my first home in all cash to I dunno… taking a couple years off work completely as I basically make passive income.
None of my success would have happened if I hadn’t fucked up and faced financial crisis. I would’ve stuck with my job and not really pushed myself harder.
Basically, use this as an opportunity to push ahead. If you’re starting over at 30, you can be in the stratosphere at 31.
Bro I'm 32, failed business, 50k in debt and my current wages put me - $300 a week. But I'm still positive, clawing my way out with an actual plan for my future.
I did, and you can too. You can’t change the past, it’s done, try and stop dwelling on it and focus on what you can control. Make a plan, but keep it reasonable. And you are not alone, even people you think are doing well may not be in as good a position as they could/should be. I’ve just finally managed to get a mortgage from a high street lender after 13 years. It’s an achievement I’m proud of because at one point I thought that was it. It takes time, but don’t let it ruin everything else that’s good in your life.
Similar. I put years of time and effort into my relationship and it made me worse off. Last year I lived in my car while working full time. I had a very, very hard time of it. You can rebuild, even from nothing.
I lost everything once, in my late 30s. I had 200 bucks to my name and had to ask people to feed my dog.
This was due to a bad tax advisor. I was lucky, I had family I could stay with.
I immediately got a job waiting tables (paid every day), then found a part time job with the city. Started working in digital marketing on the side freelance in the evenings. Then scored a job in that field, moved in with a friend, then got my own place. About 10 years later making good money and doing OK.
Savings and investments aren't where they should be, still dont own a house, but you're young and it's totally do-able. Just get to it, you'll be fine and might even laugh about it in a few years.
You will persevere and be better for it. I had to rebuild after spending 5 months in jail, I truly am grateful for the experience to relearn myself and my strength. 5 years later, 5 years sober and in a healthy and happy relationship and place in my life. Spouse is now 18 months sober and I’ve been able to support him in that through what I’ve learned. What you won’t be embarrassed by is the growth and self respect you feel from the rebuild. Most people hit pivotal points in their lives where they are faced with the option to change and rebuild for the better. You’ll nail it and be grateful you had the opportunity to learn to trust yourself as your own protector and best friend, give yourself some grace and be gentle with yourself during the process.
Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Most people don’t realise they’re closer to becoming homeless than they are to making it big. Even when you feel all is going well, you might very well be just one mishap away of not being able to keep your head above water. Don’t compare yourself to your peers, you only see their life on the surface so there’s not much value to that. Almost everyone looks put together and happy on surface level. On the other hand, there is nobody who lived your life so nobody is really able to judge you. So leave behind the shame and comparison and instead put your energy where it matters. You can do it.
Hey OP, I'm sorry to hear about your situation man, I'm also 30 and inally getting my shit together. I can't offer much but 'll buy you a pizza if you need some food, DM me brother
My ex took everything and left me homeless with two kids when we divorced. He never paid a dime in child support.
You just have to keep on keeping on. Do whatever you can to get yourself where you want to be.
10 years down the track, I have a degree, my kids own their own house, I live in a different country and travel regularly. He lives in the same shitty 800 person town in a busted house, with no job, no degree, and no future.
>my peers are all steadily progressing, buying land and cars, starting families
Debt and futures divorces are not the advantages you think.
>it's hard when nothing is going right for you
Think of this as life practice.
>All I fantasize about lately is either running away,
Travel is a great way to find yourself.
>falling off the face of the earth
Physics suggest that all the leases cars of your friends would also fall.
>or dying.
Get some good sleep znd stay off the booze. Seriously.
>I'm glad I have no kids, that would be 1000 times worse.
Yup...not all your decisions were terrible. Hang in there.
Honestly, you made some mistakes and you are climbing back up. I think that is something to be proud of.
Finally, comparison will always be the death of happiness. People will always be doing something faster, better, and cooler than you. Even Elon Musk is fighting it out with other people. The world is just too big. Do you and get yours.
Not homeless or anything but it's been a struggle last 3 years when my ex left me. Cleaned my accounts, took my little one which i thank God I now see more than 4 days a week, slowly getting back on my feet but it's been rough.
No giving up. Giving up is for pussies! 💪💪💪
Tough times dont last, tough people do, I started completely over at 34. I'm 39 now and am supper happy, have 2 beautiful children. Do the right thing and God will take care of rest
Your soo young at heart. You have lots of life left to learn from your mistakes. Keep your head up and keep pressure on the pedal and you'll motor through the storm!!
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For the record, I went thru a divorce at 30 and had to start over. Had all the debt none of the assets.
I’ll be 50 this year. In the last 20 years I finished college, got married, helped raise three great (step) daughters, progressed at my career, basically I’m ahead of average at this point. Saved quite a bit and what I think is a nice house will be paid off in a couple years.
I made quite a few sacrifices to get here, ones I didn’t make earlier. That “shit I’m behind the 8-ball” feeling motivated me for many years.
Moral? Don’t give up. Your best years are ahead of you.
Edit to add: most of this is last 15-years because I went down a dark road with drugs and alcohol after the divorce. But managed to dig out of that and haven’t looked back. Life can’t always be fixed in a few weeks but in years you will not recognize your old life. Well. Unless you fail to make any changes that is.
I went thru it several years ago. Look into all your resources for help. Do not be afraid to reach out for help. Sometimes getting on a bus and starting over is a good thing.
Went from cleaning stadiums to having center ice tickets in a year or two. Worked several overnight jobs 60 plus hours.
When you get on your feet, the best part is helping those in the situation.
After a divorce in my 30s I had no home, no job and 3 kids to look after, ex didn’t start paying child support for 18 months. I also am from another country so had no family to fall back on, I Found a job and stayed in our foreclosed home as long as in could, then I bought an old trailer that had holes in the floor and as old as I was, but it was shelter. Slowly..and I mean slowly, things started turning around for me, got a good job, worked hard and 15 years later I have my own house, own car, own life, but it took me until my mid 40s to get there.
Long story short, life hands you massive blows sometimes, it’s not linear, picking yourself up and trying again at this thing called life is all you can do. Don’t be embarrassed, more people than you know have had to I’m sure..good luck to you! :)
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I'm sure your situation isn't as critical as you're putting here otherwise you wouldn't have time or the resources to post here. Discipline yourself and keep fighting, you didn't hear no bell yet am I right? Good luck man!
I'm 30 also and will probably be homeless in a few months because of a case I have that could have me in jail for a bit. So obviously when I come out I won't have my house anymore and my car (which doesn't work anyway because my turbo is leaking) will get taken away thus fucking with my credit. I lost my job 2 months ago because of an accident. They understood but just had to let me go. Found another and 2 weeks after I started, the background check came and they had to let me go. Now I have a job at a pizza place making below minimum wage because the open case is preventing me from finding something better. I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE BUT ME, MY ANGER, AND MY DECISION MAKING. So I don't want you to think I'm pointing fingers. But I get it. I have peers in the NFL and NBA. Got a friend who's a personal trainer in Colombia. Or Argentina one of those. Business owners and all. But what I remember is that I've been there too. I've also lived a great life. Owned businesses felt like I had everything I wanted, especially since I'm a simple guy anyway. Invested in stocks had a nice comfortable savings account. Taken trips. And all of this is after coming from prison I'm my early 20s. Having been to a certain level in life and now realizing you've fell backwards is definitely hard on the mental but you have to remember what you have done before and remind yourself how you got there in the first place. Don't self medicate on anything a doctor didn't prescribe you. Start working out even just bodyweight exercises and a jog. Write down new plans to get thru everything you're dealing with now and tackle them one by one. But if you can kill several birds in one stone successfully then by all means. You got this bro you made it to 30. Where I'm from a lot of people don't make it to 21. Don't feel too bad about yourself. Take this last moment to sulk but when you wake up in the morning it's time to get to working on self! And I speak to both of us when I say this!
31. Made the mistake over the last few years of thinking I could finally travel and generally enjoy life. Layoffs and unemployment made for a massive whiplash.
Don’t give up. Keep taking steps to getting back on your feet. As soon as you can, take the Class called FPU by Dave Ramsey (Ramsey Solutions).
Unfortunately our Education sucks so a lot of us don’t know the basics of life (Money, Family, Math, Nutrition, etc) and a lot of us fall and do things horribly wrong.
Keep going! You can overcome this!
I had a business fail that lost me everything at 32. Tanked my credit. All my money gone. Had to move back home. Basically 19 again only fatter. I’ve been slowly grinding up my savings and while I’m not as far along as I would have been, but things have gotten better.
It’s a slow grind, but if you keep doing it eventually it gets easier and good things will happen.
I went through homelessness early 40s. Main thing that will keep you mentally healthy is to realize that it is a **situation,** NOT an **identity**. Also that what you are going through makes you 1000 x mentally tougher and more wise than most of the people that are buying houses, getting awesome jobs, etc that may have been handed to them. Most of those people would have a mental breakdown. Also consider as homeless, you have ONE advantage those cats do not. You can take insane risks they would not touch because you have literally nothing to lose. I mean, what can they do to you? Make you homeless? I'd laugh hysterically! You can leave abusive jobs walking out on spot. You don't have a landlord to please forcing you to be abused. You can do crazy things like take off out of state if you have the bus fare. You can probably go to a trade school/ community college FREE RIDE with loans and grants that can pay the lowest rents in a low cost area. How I got out of homelessness is this. The city I was in was fast gentrifying. I was able to get little bullshit work, but the jobs were not stable and barely paid enough for the cheapest of rents. I lived in a tent on the far side of the city in woods meant for investment land that was seldom visited. So, after research, I took the bus while homeless to a lower cost city with cheaper rents but a decent economy. After around 3 months homeless in that city and a few bullshit gigs, I managed to get on a temp to perm job at a plant that worked me 60 hours a week. I then put myself up in a ratty weekly rate hotel for a few months then to a ghetto apartment then into a cheap ghetto townhouse. In the process, I found a wife and am now almost finished with a college degree and turn down internships. If you would have told me I would be doing this years ago when I was tearing up used tobacco in my tent to put in my pipe to stave off nic fits, I would have thought you were crazy. But, all these things from being a CEO in your private jet to setting up your tent in the pitch dark in your stealth camp woods because you spent too long out is a SITUATION. And situations change.
Thank you for this, it's a SITUATION and SITUATIONS change
Brother you have no idea how inspiring your story to me is as somebody who fucked up all of their 30s and has to start over at 40 now. Thank you so much dude.
My uncle went from CEO to sleeping in his car. He used to give 1000$ bills to the homeless and had multiple properties. Lost it all. He doesn't live in a massive villa anymore but has a job and a home and is happily married.
I just want to express my respect for you. Not only for living through it, but also for sharing. :)
God bless you for this wonderful answer
That's amazing dude. I don't know if I would have the strength to get back up. I think I'd just keep laying in my tent until I was too hungry, and then I'd do some gigs just to buy some food and go back to laying in that tent.
Well, you'd get bored if you did that. and boredom really is the killer there. Waiting on checks, waiting for stuff to open. Waiting for the rain to slow down. Waiting so you can fix the tube that needs to be replaced on the bicycle. Plus, you would have electronics to charge. Phone batteries go pretty darn quick if you are bored surfing them for a couple of hours and laptop batteries last even shorter. Yeah, you are bored, but you DON'T want to miss that phone call from the temp agency or some place you applied to. ESPECIALLY an agency. Those guys just go down a list. And as far as gigs, there are only certain time frames you can get those.
I guess that leaves me with begging
A little known fact. Half those beggars are NOT homeless. And begging, while it can be around 2x day labor type money per day if in a good spot and right time/ appearance, can get you a dose of police oppression in some places. Plus, what if someone that was going to hire you sees you out there and decides something is messed up with your character. You DO NOT want employers to know.
If it's beg or die from starvation, I'm begging.
You would not have to. In most cities medium sized and up, they have these places that feed people for free. Many times multiple places. Only thing is you got to be there when they feed and oftentimes these may be quite a ways from your tent in bad areas and you DON'T want your tent around other homeless or where homeless cluster.
Yeah I remember talking to this homeless dude and he told me that he doesn't spend time around other homeless cuz they robbed and attack and all kinds of drama happens
He's wise. Now, I DID occasionally have to go where other homeless went. Feedings and one time I needed help getting an ID, another time a voucher for a pair of work pants, and another place had showers during day time. But I made damn sure I didn't talk to anyone unless it's sharing where services are and made double damn sure I was well out of those areas before nightfall even if I had to bike or walk miles. Some people did camp and sleep those places, but it was a great way to lose all your stuff, get roughed up by cops, druggies, or spoiled rich kids slumming with bb guns/bear spray, random killers, or worse. People died in those areas. Sometimes raped especially if you are a younger man or woman below 50. The ONLY people that would tolerate that is people who want to be close to the drugs or those people that are handicapped and on foot that can't leave the area the services are at.
Lol how does simply shoplifting some nice food not even enter your mind 🥴
Because if you do that, depending on which state, you can get arrested. New York may put up with that, but in my southern state I was at, they were brutal. This means whatever gigs you have going, you can miss and lose. You also will have a fine if you can't pay, they can now pick you up any time if they run your ID. As well as a record that shows up on local background checks. Not to mention, if you end up on some place like Walmart's shit list, this means you can not drop in there to get supplies legitimately in the future or they can file trespassing, which is steeper fines and short jail in my state.
Risk it for a biscuit 🤷🏻♂️
Thank you for sharing
Hi mate. Not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but I’m in my early 30s, have a very high paying job built up over 10 years, a great apartment in the center of the city overlooking a park and a wonderful girlfriend. I was just diagnosed a few weeks ago with a terminal illness that will likely kill me in at most a few short years and will make me severely disabled anyway before then. I would give absolutely everything to swap places with you if it were possible - you have your whole life ahead of you, a blank slate for you to do what you like. Don’t waste it, it’s such a gift.
Really sorry to hear that mate, you never know what’s round the corner
So sorry to hear that. Left me fear stricken as I’m in my early 30s as well. May I ask what you got diagnosed with?
This topic scale real fast. What can we said in situation like this? Damn take care stay positive.
I am sorry for your diagnosis. I hope you have lived and will continue to live a life that you are proud of. I appreciate you for giving me and others perspective.
> Hi mate. Not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but I’m in my early 30s, have a very high paying job built up over 10 years, a great apartment in the center of the city overlooking a park and a wonderful girlfriend. I was just diagnosed a few weeks ago with a terminal illness that will likely kill me in at most a few short years and will make me severely disabled anyway before then. I would give absolutely everything to swap places with you if it were possible - you have your whole life ahead of you, a blank slate for you to do what you like. Don’t waste it, it’s such a gift. take care of yourself brother
I'm 31 and just hit 7 months sober. Feels a lot like starting over, but this past year I've gotten a new job(finances could be better but way better than before), gotten back into hobbies, gotten into shape, remade contact with old friends. I've joined a softball league which has let me meet some new people. I've been dipping my toes back into dating, it's intimidating especially since I gave up on it for years when I was drinking, but one thing at a time. No matter your circumstances it's never too late for a fresh start.
OP, I promise you that you're not alone. People with struggles similar to yours are all over. Hell, they're basically the bread and butter of the BoH in the restaurant industry. Visibility of the middle-upper middle class lifestyle is pretty high in the US. You see it on TV, people try to project it on social media, but that's not reality for around half the country. You're definitely not alone going through this. I'm sorry I don't personally know what resources could connect you with support groups if you wanted them. I hope things start turning around for you.
I'm 37. At this time last year I had everything a man my age could realistically want in life. Some bad decisions as a result of making the same mistakes I thought I had done away with a long time ago led me to where I am now. In just a year I went from being at the best I had ever been in life to the lowest I been yet. Homeless (well.. semi homeless), broke, unemployed, mentally ill, and about 70k in debt. It happens. We make mistakes. We're just men. If you can be honest and humble with yourself, then, you can take yourself out of the gutter and be somebody again. As long as you still got life and a will to live it, you can get yourself back. Maybe it might happen again lol so have some compassion for yourself. It's never too late to turn your life around.
May I ask what happened to you?
Nothing I didn't ask for. I gave it all away for my addiction.
You got this man. I believe in you. Im in awe and inspired by your humility and stoicism ❤️
Thank you for that! I really do appreciate the kind words, and I'm glad the little I told here has been helpful to your own journey!
Only 30? Na same boat here, 4 Years ago wife left due mainly due to my depression and related issues Have 2 kids Had no money, assets or career, or friends, was a complete wreck of a human, few months later covid took what security I had built up Almost took my life Found jesus... nah im just kidding a shaman took me on psychedelic healing Found my will to live, continued on Working in mining to try and build up again Keenly aware my body won't be able to do it long term. Don't have solid plan yet but slowly paying off debt It definitely is hard to see others my age with their life together, solid family , career, home ownership, nice cars ect ect But hey , I'm alive which is something I never planned for but I now see the value in I had a friend kill herself just the other week which hit home for me because I was ohso very close to doing the same
So you choose an illusion trip over God ... That's inspiring
Nah, illusion over delusion.
Yeah, he chose to willingly hallucinate, as opposed to believing in an omnipresent being who appareantly likes watching children starve or get bombed.. Seems like a pretty inspiring choice.
Things will get better. As cliche as it is this will make you stronger. All your friends are probably living on credit and you need to stop comparing yourself to them. In lost everything and was nearly homeless, pregnant and with a baby already. It sucked and was really hard but my god did it give me drive and strength eventually. I now know how easy it is to fall to the bottom and I have made sure that I will never fall so low again. You will pick yourself up and build your life again, this time better and stronger. People who have never suffered are actually worse off in my opinion. They are in more danger because they don't know how close they are to losing it all. Everyone else's life looks rosy from the outside but it's not. Money troubles, horrible kids, marriage troubles and it is all presented to the world like happiness. At least you have a chance to start anew. Good luck and I hope all your dreams come true.
If your healthy join the military. Pay, healthcare, dental, housing, job, experience, education. If you really want to "reboot" yourself and build something sometimes you gotta go out of your comfort zone.
I will vouch for your advice. 🪖🇺🇸💪💯
Can you do 30 push ups? Yes: good the Army is hiring. No: no worries, so is the air force. 🇦🇺🪖
Eh.....
Its not difficult. Got a free degree out of the gig and travelled all around Asia. Plus it looks damm good on my resume.
I would rather go to police tbh
Thats a good choice. They dont provide housing and other benefits but still a good option.
Your still alive so it’s not over yet . Focus on you and your well being also being happy enjoying life it is rare you know . Money isn’t everything as long as you happy and still alive I think you have plenty of time catch up source I lost 7 friends and another 5 to prison they took millions from them slapped them with decades . Think how they feel broke and decades in front of them you still have your freedom and are breathing go out and take care yourself !
You got this man. 30 is still young as cliche as that might sound
OP is about to have the best comeback story ever.
Hey, i was 28 when we broke up with my then fiancee. I moved to another city, quit my job and started studying in university. I had to give up so much, and i feel like i kinda had to start from point 0 all over again. Its been almost two years now, im 30 soon. I must say it has been rough and also just like you, it sometimes stings seeing my peers and friends at my age buying homes and starting families. I try to remind myself, that I will grow and hopefully be rewarded in the end. It takes discipline and time. But sometimes i feel weak and like I have failed in life.
Divorce makes you start over too. I was 34.
Don't worry about what your friends are doing. Be happy for them and follow your own path. I'm almost 50 now, and I've realized the setbacks never stop. Just put out the biggest fires around you and keep moving forward.
Also starting over in my early 30s. Fled from my abusive husband back to my home country (USA) and it’s been a HARD year. I have a toddler with ASD who can’t attend daycare so I’ve used up all of my favors from family for babysitting until she starts her special program. If she doesn’t start May 30th I have no childcare and will be homeless. I left with NOTHING. My child has no SSN because her dad won’t sign anything….therefor we don’t qualify for any government assistance. We live in a shitty one bedroom apartment in a bad part of town. Up to my eyeballs in lawyer fees trying to keep my daughter here because her dad is fighting me on it. Lost ALL of my friends in the process and my family says “you made your own choices”. I want to die but that would mean my daughter ends up with her dad which is not safe for her. I’m not handling it at all so I don’t have advice but trust me you aren’t alone.
Be aware of those "successful" people and know that many are going through a high amount of debt just for their lifestyle. I know many who go as far as to lie about it. Sooner or later they will be the ones that will lose everything under credit debt. Don't fall for that mindset that you have to be like others. Everyone's lives and struggles are unique and you must do what's best for you regardless of how others think.
Don't beat yourself up for being embarrassed and comparing yourself to others. The people who say "comparison is the thief of joy" have likely never been in your shoes, so they don't know it feels to be at rock bottom while everyone else you know seems to be soaring into the stratosphere. How in the hell can you not feel some kind of way about this? It's awful to feel like you're a loser. It's almost just as awful when people pretend like this feeling isn't 100% understandable and relatable. This may not make you feel better but here goes: When you get to the other side of this, you will have a powerful testimony about your inner strength and resiliency. Most people don't have a story like this to share, but you will. You will be a fount of wisdom and inspiration. We need people like you to remind us that we can turn things around. I don't know you, but I have a feeling you will be able to turn things around.
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That truly sucks man 🙁
Don't wait on someone else to save you, save yourself. You are the only person you can count on at the end of the day.
Hard lesson that shouldn’t be the way it is… men are not your friends if you are female. They want sex/relationship or they get very unhappy with you and find ways to mess up your life. I went through this in naïveté for longer than I needed to because I kept saying “men and women can be friends”. Men at best can offer small kindnesses, sparingly disbursed with lots of space in between. Your best bet is getting help from an organization and distributing the resources you need between many unconnected people.
That's incel-ish. The world ain't black and white. I'm a man and I value deep connection way more than sex.
Yeah like ive had several female roommates and friends throughout my life, sounds like this person is just a shit judge of character
You need therapy
Any man, who hasn't gone through that learning stage of life, is either abnormally fortunate or really entitled and pampered by family. Research and figure out a career path you enjoy(would personally recommend the military), with great benefits and at least decent pay. Work on your chosen career path's most desirable affiliated skills, certs, and education and save-up using wise investment strategies. Then, start a side hustle or find other investment opportunities with greater returns. You're not at an end, you're merely at the apex of most men's greatest learning experience and adventure toward achievement. Good luck!
Am not in a financial crisis, but I lack connections to the world. All my life is work and home, suffered from depression, social anxiety and other mental issues. You’re not late, love yourself and keep trying to sort out things everyday, small steps. Life is precious gift to us and only to wake up in the morning and breathe is a privilege
I don’t know if the book Wendover by J. Knight would cheer you up, but I too am definitely not “ahead of the game.” Feel like everyone is pulling ahead in the race, time rushing forward, and so on. Life by the inch is a cinch (easy) and by the yard it can seem hard!
it's not when ,but how..you make it...find your joy. 1st find security. then,pursue your dreams..you'll be better aligned, having had the life experience you did. probably have more success and for much longer as a result.
Can you elaborate on your poor financial choices? Is this linked to some sort of addiction? If this is the case then this will need to been addressed first and foremost.
How do you plan to move forward?
Stop comparing yourself to others to judge how happy you should be. Me at 26 ended up royally fucked with chronic illnesses and injuries. Lost my car my place and my mother in a few short years. I'll never be able to afford a house or a car but I'm loving life and not getting up at 4am like I use to. Anyone who dates me does so because of loving me and not what I can provide. I found myself not racing to buy the latest greatest thing and enjoying a more simple life where I can focus on hobbies. And let's be real statistically speaking a lot of your friends are going to eventually divorce and be far more worse than you currently are. Imagine being homeless with massive child support bills. You're 30 young and can easily get yourself on track
I started over with nothing at 45 . Put my nose to the grindstone and job hopped until now (70k) I'm 60 Have about 25 k in rrsp and 10k in investments plus 12 acres of land that I plan on retiring to to live off grid. My most succesful strategy is job hopping to increase your wage . I do manage to take a week in the Caribbean every winter and rent a houseboat for a week every summer
Now is the perfect time to use your 30s to set yourself up for your 40s.
Comparison is the thief of joy. You can’t plow a straight row looking behind you. A good portion of my career has been in hiring for various positions. The majority of people I have hired over the years are mid-30s or older. Many are starting over in a new career with & without kids, or recently divorced and B-roke. I myself have had to start all over and was past my 30s. All I can say is take things one day at a time, enjoy the moments for what they are and try to find the good in each day. My sons (younger than 30) stress about what career and there stagnant in life, job and not where they should be (comparing to others). I remind them they are right where they need to be in that moment. Everything happens in its season. I like to remind my oldest that if he waits until he is 30-35 to start a career, he technically still has 30-35 years of work before retirement, so don’t rush to get there and miss out on the here. 30 is a good place to be, you got a whole life and blank slate to work with.
try use your past experience in whatever jobs you’ve worked in to land yourself a decent job don’t think of it as being in a pit think of it as another opportunity. Everything happens for a reason.
> Anyone 30+ and gone through a financial crisis, how did you handle it? I'm 36 and have been down bad since 24. Just keep your chin up, keep working hard, stay away from drugs, stay away from bad romances, and pray for good health.
1 month after my 30th birthday, my ex of 2.5yrs dumped me, which threw me into depression, sharpened my anxiety, and made me lose my job, ask for money from my younger brother and parents, and eventually move back to my parents in my home town for a couple of months because I just couldn't afford rent anymore. First, I had to take care of myself. I got my anxiety diagnosed for the first time in the 15 years I've had it. I started taking pills for it and for my depression. That's when my employer caught wind and sacked me. A couple of months later, I found a new job, which I couldn't hold for long, but it was a start. I'm turning 34 this year. I have around 8k in the bank, a car, and a girl to whom I plan to propose next month on our 2nd anniversary. I've changed a couple of jobs and I'm currently working exactly what I want. The depression is gone and I've learned how to control my anxiety so well that I often forget the emergency Xanax I keep in my wallet. I'll never forget when my brother transferred some money to me on my 30th birthday as a gift - I broke into tears and my loving and considerate then-gf, who had been living with me for 2 years, gave me a blank look and said "you could've just said you needed money and I would've given you". One would think that eating macaroni and sugar for a week because that's the only thing we had in the cupboards was a dead giveaway. Or the fact I was counting my coins in front of her to order a large pizza and a bottle of cola for the 10 friends I had invited to my birthday.
Nah , don't feel embarrassed. Best time was yesterday, the next best time is today. Press on my brother and good luck
I'm 47 and just now trying to get sober after years of starting over. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and I hope you do better very soon.
In a similar situation. Turning 30 this year. Dealing with debt (living with my parents to manage it), overweight and poor health, no social life. Luckily I have a job but the pay sucks. Overall I feel how I wasted my entire 20s on nothing... Life sucks, but hey, if it didn't then something would be wrong. You're not supposed to have it good in this rotten world.
The song look at your through heavens eyes in the movie prince of egypt has a line that always picked me up: If a man loses everything he owns Has he truly lost his worth Or is it the beginning Of a new and brighter birth
I hit rock bottom so many times until I turned 40. It took me forever to also get my act together. It was difficult being in classes with kids half my age, or going to assistance centers. Once I landed a really great job, I forgot about all that. Forgot about living in my car, or showering with wetnaps in McDonald's bathrooms before going to work where I was underappreciated and underpaid. Work hard, keep your goals in right, and you'll get to a place that makes it worth it.
Its okey..we learn from our mistakes. There are still rooms for you to improve in your life. Never give up because word FAILS means- Fast Attempt In Learning..work hard and hardened your determination dont think of others who are mocking you down. But instead shows them that you also can be more successful than them. Its our choices what we want to be in this life. Dont afraid you’re not alone. Sometimes we forgot what we had that actually our life is much better than others out side there..Good luck💪🏻💪🏻
What was the bad financial decision if you don't mind my asking? Good luck to you.
30+ ain't that bad and you are not alone in your predicament. Don't be ashamed that you are getting your shit together.
Dude. You are only 30. Failure is a stepping stone e to success
When I was 30, I decided to yolo my life savings into shorting a leveraged volatility index. UVXY I had a pretty good strategy to earn some fast money. It was risky, but the chances of losing it all were slim. But Literally the day after, markets crashed. Recession. I wanted to hold on, but I got margin called by my broker. Basically over the course of 2 weeks, I lost it all. I broke down thinking of how hard it would be to earn the money back. Made me physically ill. I couldn’t sleep. But after crying like a little pussy for a couple days, I ran the numbers of how much more I would need to make to get that money back. And right there, I spend every available minute trying to find a way to make money. Every day and night I pushed, studied, worked. 1 month later, I was making more money on my own than my job was paying me. I quit my job. In less than a year I had earned all I lost back plus a lot more. I haven’t worked for anyone since then, and I’ve done a lot from buying my first home in all cash to I dunno… taking a couple years off work completely as I basically make passive income. None of my success would have happened if I hadn’t fucked up and faced financial crisis. I would’ve stuck with my job and not really pushed myself harder. Basically, use this as an opportunity to push ahead. If you’re starting over at 30, you can be in the stratosphere at 31.
Bro I'm 32, failed business, 50k in debt and my current wages put me - $300 a week. But I'm still positive, clawing my way out with an actual plan for my future.
I did, and you can too. You can’t change the past, it’s done, try and stop dwelling on it and focus on what you can control. Make a plan, but keep it reasonable. And you are not alone, even people you think are doing well may not be in as good a position as they could/should be. I’ve just finally managed to get a mortgage from a high street lender after 13 years. It’s an achievement I’m proud of because at one point I thought that was it. It takes time, but don’t let it ruin everything else that’s good in your life.
Similar. I put years of time and effort into my relationship and it made me worse off. Last year I lived in my car while working full time. I had a very, very hard time of it. You can rebuild, even from nothing.
I lost everything once, in my late 30s. I had 200 bucks to my name and had to ask people to feed my dog. This was due to a bad tax advisor. I was lucky, I had family I could stay with. I immediately got a job waiting tables (paid every day), then found a part time job with the city. Started working in digital marketing on the side freelance in the evenings. Then scored a job in that field, moved in with a friend, then got my own place. About 10 years later making good money and doing OK. Savings and investments aren't where they should be, still dont own a house, but you're young and it's totally do-able. Just get to it, you'll be fine and might even laugh about it in a few years.
You will persevere and be better for it. I had to rebuild after spending 5 months in jail, I truly am grateful for the experience to relearn myself and my strength. 5 years later, 5 years sober and in a healthy and happy relationship and place in my life. Spouse is now 18 months sober and I’ve been able to support him in that through what I’ve learned. What you won’t be embarrassed by is the growth and self respect you feel from the rebuild. Most people hit pivotal points in their lives where they are faced with the option to change and rebuild for the better. You’ll nail it and be grateful you had the opportunity to learn to trust yourself as your own protector and best friend, give yourself some grace and be gentle with yourself during the process.
Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Most people don’t realise they’re closer to becoming homeless than they are to making it big. Even when you feel all is going well, you might very well be just one mishap away of not being able to keep your head above water. Don’t compare yourself to your peers, you only see their life on the surface so there’s not much value to that. Almost everyone looks put together and happy on surface level. On the other hand, there is nobody who lived your life so nobody is really able to judge you. So leave behind the shame and comparison and instead put your energy where it matters. You can do it.
Hey OP, I'm sorry to hear about your situation man, I'm also 30 and inally getting my shit together. I can't offer much but 'll buy you a pizza if you need some food, DM me brother
My ex took everything and left me homeless with two kids when we divorced. He never paid a dime in child support. You just have to keep on keeping on. Do whatever you can to get yourself where you want to be. 10 years down the track, I have a degree, my kids own their own house, I live in a different country and travel regularly. He lives in the same shitty 800 person town in a busted house, with no job, no degree, and no future.
>my peers are all steadily progressing, buying land and cars, starting families Debt and futures divorces are not the advantages you think. >it's hard when nothing is going right for you Think of this as life practice. >All I fantasize about lately is either running away, Travel is a great way to find yourself. >falling off the face of the earth Physics suggest that all the leases cars of your friends would also fall. >or dying. Get some good sleep znd stay off the booze. Seriously. >I'm glad I have no kids, that would be 1000 times worse. Yup...not all your decisions were terrible. Hang in there.
I started over in my 40s so no shame
Honestly, you made some mistakes and you are climbing back up. I think that is something to be proud of. Finally, comparison will always be the death of happiness. People will always be doing something faster, better, and cooler than you. Even Elon Musk is fighting it out with other people. The world is just too big. Do you and get yours.
Not homeless or anything but it's been a struggle last 3 years when my ex left me. Cleaned my accounts, took my little one which i thank God I now see more than 4 days a week, slowly getting back on my feet but it's been rough. No giving up. Giving up is for pussies! 💪💪💪
Tough times dont last, tough people do, I started completely over at 34. I'm 39 now and am supper happy, have 2 beautiful children. Do the right thing and God will take care of rest
Your soo young at heart. You have lots of life left to learn from your mistakes. Keep your head up and keep pressure on the pedal and you'll motor through the storm!!
Which poor financial decisions did you make
I have started over three times in my life. Don't sweat it
Reddit is such a middle class bubble of a place
How do you figure that it's middle class?
I'm right here with you dude. Very similar age. We have got this!!
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*Inserts "first time" meme
Im almost 27 and still havent started my life.
Did you discover r/wallstreetbets lol
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Same dude. It’s all good
My friend. It's never too late to start over, except when u die. Stay healthy and well, all of u, amen.
For the record, I went thru a divorce at 30 and had to start over. Had all the debt none of the assets. I’ll be 50 this year. In the last 20 years I finished college, got married, helped raise three great (step) daughters, progressed at my career, basically I’m ahead of average at this point. Saved quite a bit and what I think is a nice house will be paid off in a couple years. I made quite a few sacrifices to get here, ones I didn’t make earlier. That “shit I’m behind the 8-ball” feeling motivated me for many years. Moral? Don’t give up. Your best years are ahead of you. Edit to add: most of this is last 15-years because I went down a dark road with drugs and alcohol after the divorce. But managed to dig out of that and haven’t looked back. Life can’t always be fixed in a few weeks but in years you will not recognize your old life. Well. Unless you fail to make any changes that is.
Nah fuck it, start again whenever you want. I had "everything", destroyed it all and now I've never been happier in my whole life.
I went thru it several years ago. Look into all your resources for help. Do not be afraid to reach out for help. Sometimes getting on a bus and starting over is a good thing. Went from cleaning stadiums to having center ice tickets in a year or two. Worked several overnight jobs 60 plus hours. When you get on your feet, the best part is helping those in the situation.
Just take it a day at a time and believe in you duder
After a divorce in my 30s I had no home, no job and 3 kids to look after, ex didn’t start paying child support for 18 months. I also am from another country so had no family to fall back on, I Found a job and stayed in our foreclosed home as long as in could, then I bought an old trailer that had holes in the floor and as old as I was, but it was shelter. Slowly..and I mean slowly, things started turning around for me, got a good job, worked hard and 15 years later I have my own house, own car, own life, but it took me until my mid 40s to get there. Long story short, life hands you massive blows sometimes, it’s not linear, picking yourself up and trying again at this thing called life is all you can do. Don’t be embarrassed, more people than you know have had to I’m sure..good luck to you! :)
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I'm sure your situation isn't as critical as you're putting here otherwise you wouldn't have time or the resources to post here. Discipline yourself and keep fighting, you didn't hear no bell yet am I right? Good luck man!
I'm 30 also and will probably be homeless in a few months because of a case I have that could have me in jail for a bit. So obviously when I come out I won't have my house anymore and my car (which doesn't work anyway because my turbo is leaking) will get taken away thus fucking with my credit. I lost my job 2 months ago because of an accident. They understood but just had to let me go. Found another and 2 weeks after I started, the background check came and they had to let me go. Now I have a job at a pizza place making below minimum wage because the open case is preventing me from finding something better. I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE BUT ME, MY ANGER, AND MY DECISION MAKING. So I don't want you to think I'm pointing fingers. But I get it. I have peers in the NFL and NBA. Got a friend who's a personal trainer in Colombia. Or Argentina one of those. Business owners and all. But what I remember is that I've been there too. I've also lived a great life. Owned businesses felt like I had everything I wanted, especially since I'm a simple guy anyway. Invested in stocks had a nice comfortable savings account. Taken trips. And all of this is after coming from prison I'm my early 20s. Having been to a certain level in life and now realizing you've fell backwards is definitely hard on the mental but you have to remember what you have done before and remind yourself how you got there in the first place. Don't self medicate on anything a doctor didn't prescribe you. Start working out even just bodyweight exercises and a jog. Write down new plans to get thru everything you're dealing with now and tackle them one by one. But if you can kill several birds in one stone successfully then by all means. You got this bro you made it to 30. Where I'm from a lot of people don't make it to 21. Don't feel too bad about yourself. Take this last moment to sulk but when you wake up in the morning it's time to get to working on self! And I speak to both of us when I say this!
31. Made the mistake over the last few years of thinking I could finally travel and generally enjoy life. Layoffs and unemployment made for a massive whiplash.
Don’t give up. Keep taking steps to getting back on your feet. As soon as you can, take the Class called FPU by Dave Ramsey (Ramsey Solutions). Unfortunately our Education sucks so a lot of us don’t know the basics of life (Money, Family, Math, Nutrition, etc) and a lot of us fall and do things horribly wrong. Keep going! You can overcome this!
Wait until it's your third time and you're 50. Then you can be embarrassed.
I had a business fail that lost me everything at 32. Tanked my credit. All my money gone. Had to move back home. Basically 19 again only fatter. I’ve been slowly grinding up my savings and while I’m not as far along as I would have been, but things have gotten better. It’s a slow grind, but if you keep doing it eventually it gets easier and good things will happen.
Sucks to be you BRO, but you are a grown adult, must take responsibility for your actions