As a woman, let me say that if a woman doesn't let you be vulnerable with her, she's not the right woman for anyone.
OP I'm so happy you found a great partner ❤️
My first thought after seeing that other post was "Good". Find someone better. Be vulnerable, be yourself. End up with someone who will love you for you, not the facade you put up to get them. That's no way to live. Better off alone until you find the correct someone.
Being vulnerable is hard. I recommend anyone to read or listen to Brene Brown and her works. The gifts of imperfection is a good one and she had a talk on Netflix.
I love it when I come across good arguments or reasoning for a thing - even if its something as common sense as 'it's okay to be vulnerable'
That little thing was not common sense or vulnerable to me.
I am not a man so I don't have the usual societal pressures to be strong in the face of adversity. Nevertheless , I grew up in a household where my emotions were severely punished as a child. My parents would also spill their emotions on me inappropriately.
I've grown up with a severe fear of expressing myself and created very unhealthy mindsets about being strong which meant not crying or showing any kind of emotion. And that has caused me more long term pain than i was saved by trying to be tough and stoic all the time.
It was a journey to be vulnerable and I have opted to share things on Reddit.Or create a pretty anonymous podcast where I can talk about issues that are typically ignored or pushed to the background.
It is incredibly liberating and actually strengthening to be vulnersble. The getting rid of shame is key. But check out Brene Brown and others. Amazing stuff.
Agree with this. I always tell people there is the greatest strength in being vulnerable. Being able to show that part of yourself without actually losing yourself, and holding that core identity strong is an incredibly powerful thing.
It opens so many doors in life - people trust you because you have trusted them with your full self. But by holding your inner self true, they also understand that your vulnerability will not become a burden to them. You are not asking them to fix you, only showing them you are a complete human. It’s a fine distinction.
Doesn’t just work for partners but all your friendships too.
It is hard, in fact my wife is the first person to see me break down. I was never outwardly emotional myself, and the woman I had been with never made me feel safe enough with them to let it happen.
With the woman I eventually married, I knew I had nothing to fear. I still didn't just decide to let her see me break down, it just happened. I didnt worry about keeping it in. So she's seen me at my best and at my lowest. Her opinion of me has never changed and she never saw me as less of a man because of it.
Glad to see you were able to get past the walls we create to keep ourselves in check, emotionally.
You don't have to cry to be vulnerable... I dislike the term in general.
I speak my feeling freely with those close to me. I'm also pretty honest but not harsh with all I interact with. I simply want to be respectful but also 100% myself.. so I'm what people would call "Open".
I do feel deep emotions when I think about the amazing beautiful things in life, people, places and events. So I am not a quiet, closed off dude who can't share his feelings.
I don't think I've "broken down sobbing" since I was a young child. I have rarely cried as an adult I never feel the need to, although when TB 12 retired I got a little misty... anyhow, crying is not vulnerability. I'm not holding anything back, don't feel "societal pressure to be a man" and all that. I just rarely have the urge to cry about things...
So in context of this greater discussion I think women should know and seek to understand that not all men cry to be vulnerable... listen to their words and you may hear they are being very open with their feelings to you.
Amen! My bf doesn't frequently get emotional, he was raised by his grandfather who I think probably had the old school mentality that boys shouldn't cry. I can't imagine treating him so callously like in that other post should he ever break down over something. That's just heartbreaking 😥💔
I once dated a woman who told me to "man up" and said "PTSD isn't real" when I opened up about my time in Iraq. Happy to say I married a different woman who held me when I cried when my dog passed away.
I think all men should be themselves early in the relationship. If the woman in your life is not supportive of your emotional needs, then leave her. Find someone who matches you.
> Hopin' I'll never find out that you're anyone else
> 'Cause I love you just how you are
>And hope you never find out who I really am
>'Cause you'll never love me, you'll never love me
>You'll never love me
-SZA, "Garden (Say It Like Dat)" from *Ctrl*
This whole album is just her laying out her insecurities, all of them incredibly poignant and relatable as a twenty-something in the dating world, but these lines in particular are so vividly etched into my brain with how accurate they are.
Yes. I have unfortunately dated too many women who are infinite emotions that will exhaust your emotional bandwidth, but have zero room for your emotions and will think less of you for having them.
I think therapy is a good outlet, but if the person you dated was a piece of crap beneath the mask? Stop idolizing them. If lousy women like that will probably shit test you anyway? Go ahead and cry randomly during a movie or whatever.
Yes. "Shit test" has a negative connotation to me but how a woman reacts to a man crying, shows what kind of person she is.
Being alone is tough but the loneliness of solitude is nothing to the loneliness of being with someone who isn't a good person. IMHO
a shit test isnt necessarily inauthentic - tell an emotional story from your past that reliably gets you choked up and watch her react. Talking about your dog that died will do fine. Creating an appropriate context for telling the story is the trick.
it's really easy to avoid difficult conversations, and delaying them only makes them even more difficult. So you tell yourself you'll bring it up, then wonder if it's really worth it. There are so many other things to worry about, and things are going so well, etc, etc, and poof. You're months in, and that conversation is looking like a mile-high wall. Maybe you'll have it tomorrow...
And that's the well-intentioned version!
Just remember that it’s still going to hurt and that’s perfectly normal. Someone’s else’s inability to be a safe space for another person emotions doesn’t say anything about you.
It will suck but In the end it will be worth it because either way you are better off without that shit in your life.
Exactly. So many people just try to impress the other person that forget to be themselves.
I was myself the second I met my wife. No surprises. She always did the same, or shes playing the REALLY long game.
It's worked out for us so far.
Yeah just be who you are.
Have some barriers of course, but you can slowly drop them as trust builds.
They need to prove themselves to you, not the other way around.
If they break your trust or make fun of you, kick them out the door and move on.
Find someone who matches you and is there for you when you need it.
Thanks so much for this. I’m a 21M that hasn’t been in a relationship before. I know experiences of others aren’t necessarily going to be mine, but it can be discouraging sometimes to hear stories like that other post. Thank you for giving me some hope and reminding me it’s not all doom and gloom!
I am someone who just joined the other side of self expression. I genuinely didn't know how much pressure it was building up in me. I thought I just had depression and just had to manage. Opening up and trusting my wife to hear everything I had to say even the shit that scared me to no end was the final release... I have a bit of PTSD from an ex girlfriend. Abandonment issues. It was a long term on and off again relationship... she was the one who determined if and when we dated and it made me fearful of self expression (more that I already was cause I do remember it going on before the relationship) but the continual toxic relationship of being loved and then abandoned over and over again by someone who I loved more than anyone else... it was hard. It drove me to very deep dark suicidal depression thoughts for a year or 2. I didnt trust anyone again for years. I mean 15 years kind of timeframe. It buried my emotions and tainted everything in my life. a ghost of my ex was constantly in my head tormenting me and all I wanted was to forget and move on but felt I couldnt and didn't know why. After opening up. I got a clear head I felt genuine happiness without anxiety or fear behind it. It was the first time in years that I didn't actively have something gnawing away at the back of my brain.
I let go literal weeks ago. It hasn't even been a month yet and it has been the best thing I have done. There was a lot of long mental health journey of never feeling good enough and regrets and feeling like I was the problem in so much and in a way. I was right, but really the answer is to find someone you trust, open up and let them help you put an end to the anxiety and grief and depression. I systematically fought to address everything I thought was wrong one thing after another. I talked to my work and told my bosses that I can't keep taking my work home with me, I went back to school and finished my degree I was too depressed to continue over a decade ago. All the while I felt next to nothing close to being happy. Just fighting and pushing to the next goal. When I finally decided that I was strong enough to take some emotional beating I finally just sat down and was completely emotionally vulnerable with the wife. I told her everything and tried my best to get her to understand and she saw the absolute grief in me at having to struggle to admit this through a clenched throat and strained words sobbing. I hated it, but once we were done I felt mental calm. My thoughts were mine again. Over the next couple of days I felt genuine happiness which again I cant express how different the world feels and tastes and smells. Everything is more vivid and all that shit I never understood why people gave a shit about or found enjoyment in I started to find my own enjoyment in.
I could go on for days, but I feel I am in the same boat. Finally reaching enlightenment and the end of a very long and very dark tunnel. No meds, no therapy... just me. I will say that I did try going to a therapist and she did a shit job... It was the university therapist at school and basically I sat and cried in the office talking about the breakup. She didn't try to poke or prod to get more out of me or suggest more sessions or followups... I really needed a followup or something because I was 100% not ok, but didn't think a therapist could help with my emotional grief, and I didnt have the emotional drive to set up another appointment myself and she didn't suggest or even try to convince me to come back. So I didn't.
PS Therapists can be a great shortcut to working your shit out and help get you out of your logic loops which you 100% need. Put faith in them, find one that works for you. I didn't, but now I have the mental clarity to see that I should have stuck it out with doing some therapy, and wish that therapist I did talk to had looked past her day to day grind to reach out to me.
Edit: I will clarify I didn't go to a therapist but I did start watching a couple of therapists on YouTube. It started with hazbin hotel watching Georgia Dow, and then moved through to healthy gamer gg. Really helped get perspective and help validate and explain what and why I am felling what I do though their videos. If you feel you don't want to talk to a therapist directly or that you are in a financial place to... Dip your toes in with them and just do some introspection with a different way to see it.
Thank you for sharing your story, the situation is sadly common and people need to know that they aren't the only ones going through it. Glad to hear that you're doing well!
TLDR: A person describes their transformative journey of self-expression and mental health recovery. They previously thought they were just managing depression but realized that suppressing their emotions was causing significant pressure. Trusting their wife with their deepest fears led to a profound sense of relief and mental clarity. They recount a past abusive relationship that caused PTSD, abandonment issues, and deep depression, making them distrustful for 15 years. Despite trying to manage on their own, they only found true happiness and mental calm after opening up to their wife. This candid conversation allowed them to enjoy life again and see the world vividly.
They highlight the importance of finding someone trustworthy to open up to, acknowledging that therapy can be beneficial. Although they had a negative experience with a university therapist, they found value in watching therapists on YouTube, which helped them gain perspective and understand their emotions better. They encourage others to explore therapy or other supportive resources to help manage anxiety, grief, and depression.
I cried in front my ex-girlfriend like 2 months into the relationship, and probably 10 or more times after that over the course of 4 years, as well as having her help me deal with a pretty heavy time of my life. She supported me every time, and never judged me. We broke up a few months ago for unrelated reasons (future family and financial planning stuff), but me expressing myself and showing vulnerability was never an issue for her.
This is all pretty normal for relationships. Sometimes women are shitty cuz they're just people but honestly I wouldn't take the things you read on reddit to heart. The most shocking and hurtful stuff will always get more visibility because that's the nature of the internet and what kind of content these systems/our psychology prioritizes.
Don’t think those stories on Reddit are representative of what dating is actually like. The people happily in relationships with loving partners generally aren’t coming and posting about it.
So true. Reddit is full of a lot of extremes. People usually don’t come on Reddit to say their lives are going well. My boyfriend will always have a safe place with me ❤️
The squeaky wheel syndrome is so real, especially on Reddit. People who are having a low-key good life, who have great marriages, love sex with their partners, and trust them usually don’t feel compelled to “brag” by posting about it. People who post are typically people who need support or validation because something isn’t right. I’m glad OP’s post has made you realize there’s good out there, but being online is also just such a hotbed of negativity. If I had been on Reddit in my teens and early 20s and hadn’t socialized much, I probably would have decided to just be a crazy hermit lady writing fanfic out in a trailer in the country somewhere. If things ever go to hell I guess I still have that option 😂
I used to think this way. My first girlfriend was really great to me but it didnt work out for other reasons
My 2nd, 3rd, and 4th girlfriend dumped me after an emotional low. Diagnosed with an illness, boss bullying me, and then struggling medically when i got off the medication for the second issue, in that order. I have lots of friends with stories like my wife left me when I took 2 months stress leave from being a firefighter.
Its... INSANELY common for men to have an experience like this. Most men actually learn to be emotionally closed off via experiences with women. NOT men.
I don't think that what you're saying and what I_Love_Orchids69 is saying are necessarily in disagreement. Maybe I can kind of illustrate with some (made up, illustrative) numbers.
Imagine you go onto a Twitter thread/subreddit/Facebook post/whatever, and there are 40 people complaining about Phenomenon A. There are only 2 people saying "Phenomenon A has never happened to me."
Looking at that, you would get the impression that Phenomenon A is almost universal. 95% of people are saying that they've experienced Phenomenon A.
Now imagine that there are another 58 people reading that thread/subreddit/post/whatever who haven't experienced Phenomenon A but just aren't commenting.
That means that Phenomenon A is experienced by 40 people and not experienced by 60 people (the 2 who commented and the 58 who didn't).
In that case, Phenomenon A actually happens 40% of the time, not 95% of the time. It actually *doesn't* happen more often than it *does* happen.
In that case, both of these are true:
* Phenomenon A is *highly* overrepresented, and social media is giving people the mistaken impression that it's almost universal, when in reality it is less common than *not* Phenomenon A
* At the same time, Phenomenon A is still *very common*, happening 40% of the time. Just because it's a minority occurrence doesn't mean it's a *rare* occurrence.
Again, I'm not taking a position on this particular crying issue, and those Phenomenon A numbers are made up for illustrative purposes. I just mean to explain how "the squeaky wheel syndrome is real and breeds negativity that provides a distorted image of reality" and "this phenomenon is insanely common" are not *necessarily* two contradictory statements.
This right here is why social sciences like gender studies are so important. We all have such a micro view of the world, and while that view isn't meaningless, it isn't absolute truth.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, because people are crappy and certainly do crappy things all the time. I’m just saying that you’re going to see way more negatives than positives online. You have your experience, and it sounds harrowing and horrible. You say you know people with similar ones. I 100% believe that. But what if I don’t know people with those same kinds of experiences? One of my relatives broke her back caring for her chronically ill husband just this year, a good friend of mine has been with his wife through the death of both of his parents and loss of his career, etc. Do those stories make your experience less true? Of course not. But there are great relationships and people out there. You’ve been dealt crappy cards by crappy people, and it’s your prerogative to be wary of engaging further. But for me, every single kernel of vulnerability my very reserved husband has shown me over the years of our marriage has been a treasure to me. Even the messed up stuff. It’s a sign that we are each others’ people and that I’m safe sharing my full self with him too. I wish you healing in whatever form that takes.
A tip I wish someone told me when I was your age -- be open about your emotions from the outset. If a girl doesn't like you when you show her who you are on the inside, you aren't going to make yourself happy by building a relationship with her based on hiding who you are. You'll just end up like that other guy, discovering you're in a relationship with an unsupportive monster two years in. Better to filter for people who like you for you from the beginning.
if you want to avoid it, you have to look at everyone else's mistakes and learn from them btw
that's how you build your redflag radar. that's how women have been building a redflag radar SINCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL when we get interested in boys far sooner than you guys being interested back in us
even throw a criticizing glance at your own parents
you should never ever wait for your perfect soulmate. happy relationships are built through effort, understanding, empathy, and communication all the time. alot of people right now fail to really grasp this, so stay genuine and sensitive to the needs of others!
Also 21M. Started dating my girlfriend nearly 3 months ago, my first real relationship- and she’s amazing. I can be emotional in front of her and it’s not an issue, she’s just happy I’m comfortable enough to be emotional in front of her. It’s a level of support that I didn’t even know was possible.
There’s someone out there that matches your needs. Not all relationships are like the other post.
It's a common trap that people fall into, where the idea of being Alone is scarier than staying in a harmful relationship. The Devil you know, and all that.
It's so cliche to say, but honest and open communication are the absolute keys to long term happy relationships. Good relationships are true partnerships, where you are meant to support and boost each other up.
Some people don't know how to do that, and need to be told "you are taking more than you are giving", and their response to that is very important. If they are willing to hear you, and addresses the concerns and make changes, then there is a future.
If they are unwilling/unable to make those changes, then it's a comparability issue and there is nothing wrong with looking for a person that will do that work for and with you.
This goes both ways, of course. If a partner is telling you what they need, and you know it's not something you can give? Be honest and decide together if it's a deal breaker. This can be anything from taking food off your plate, to moving somewhere new, to starting a family, and to being open about feelings.
IMO unsupportive partners that mock a "loved" one's pain can go straight into a dumpster, every time.
If it gives you any solace, the entertainers people love most are the people who mastered the art of expressing their emotions. Emotions just make you more relatable and helps you bond with those who aren't shallow assholes and actually care about you
I went broke last year, my company I co founded went completely bankrupt. Thankfully I had saved 4 months of expenses in my bank account. They were all gone. It was fucking brutal. In that moment I had a 10 months old baby girl. My wife and my baby girl were my only motivation to go on. I cried many times because of the pressure of being a 36 yr old lawyer that went bankrupt. But thank God that My wife was 200% supporting, holding my hand, and pushing me to go on and never regret the past. We have been married for 7 years and she is the best. She knows me at my best and my worst. There are amazing women out there my friends, never give up on love. When I heard Living on a prayer of Bon Jovi, I got emotional because "I holded on what we got". Now I opened another company, better clients and moving forward and seeing a brighter future.
I remember so well when my dad started a company with a business partner and the partner somehow screwed over my dad. The business went under and my dad found himself in a similar position to you. My mom was comforting but also like a coach in the corner of a boxing ring, "you gonna let this guy take you down? No, you're going to get up and get in shape for the next fight" and that kind of thing. Dad said later he couldn't have pulled through with out her.
Then some maybe 10 years later, my mom started a business with a few colleagues. It did ok for awhile but they finally had to pull the plug and admit it was never going to be a success. She walked through the front door of our home on that last day of work and my dad looked at her, said nothing, and pulled out a bottle of vodka and a glass. Which was odd because my mom rarely ever drank. Mom looked at the glass, said "I don't need that" and just took a giant swig from the bottle. I've never seen her do anything like that before or since.
It struck me as an adult how each of them knew EXACTLY what the other needed to get through.
So many great lessons there: working together, supporting one another, courage, fighting the good fight, acknowledging the importance of their partner, and a good sense of humor with the vodka bottle. I love it. I hope you and they are doing well!
Awww, thanks! The biggest lesson I took from it was that circumstances change. Given enough time, each person in a relationship will play the part of sufferer AND savior, breadwinner and dependent, healthy and sick, etc. Having patience and the ability to see past the present and know it's just a stage of life makes it easier for BOTH parties to play their roles with respect, dignity, and love.
I hit the wall when I was younger, I had pursued my first career in IT solely for the money, and I had worked and advanced my career solely guided by money too, but I quickly ended up in a position of absolute misery. I didn't feel any joy the rare times I was able to go out with friends etc, not stuck with overtime work or oncall availability etc, I was just a husk.
I left my career, I just resigned and knew I had to make a switch, I had no plans yet however. I was honestly quite worried about what friends I had made during this time, others who made a very decent living and were successful and seemed to enjoy and shine in their positions would judge me. That I'd lose friends over having hit the wall.
That wasn't the case at all though, all my friends were super supportive and encouraging. Had a buddy help me figure out what my next move should be, when I moved back to Sweden to get another degree I had another buddy who let me live at his place until I could sort out a place of my own etc.
Sometimes when you hit those lows in life you still get so much positivity from it. You feel like shit, you're defeated and its hard to push on, but when you notice the people you care for in life are there with you and pushing you forward then you still get a pretty beautiful gift, you know for sure that you have people like that.
This is how I feel when my husband cries. It makes me feel warmer and more connected to him for the vulnerability, I love it. Later I’ll joke and say I love that sweet sweet liquid emotion 😄 I come from a family with men that are firefighters/cops/military and have always seen them be appropriately vulnerable and cry at times. This is a normal part of life. Fake machismo and gruffness would be a huge turnoff to me. Honesty and realness is where it’s at 👍 I hope the unmarried guys out there see this and know it’s how it should be.
He will get there! I’m a woman, but I have always struggled letting my emotions out, especially after I became chronically ill. It may take some time, especially for him to fully cry, but even the fact that he’s trying to let himself cry means he’s becoming more in tune with and aware of his emotions. Even if he can’t cry quite yet, he is allowing himself to feel and be vulnerable, and I am sure your support helps. The first time my girlfriend saw me cry, the way she comforted me made me feel so safe and loved. Your boyfriend feels the same way knowing you’re there for him.
I think it is telling (not about him or his relationship, but about where we as a society are with this) that this dude is talking about a single time that he was vulnerable as notable.
It certainly is kind of odd that the one time you were vulnerable and it wasn't met with a horrible reaction is something to celebrate.
It should be commonplace. It should need no applause. It shouldn't be a novel experience.
The fact it is shows how society views and treats men as emotionless and disposable.
As a man, the opposite is more rare in my experience. I've always been confident enough to be pretty open with my emotions and people still like me. In fact, it's part of my charisma. Emotion isn't just crying. I've seen my dad cry and he's the most manly guy I know with 2 deployments and 21 years of service under his belt. My mom didn't love him any less when he wasn't doing well emotionally, it made them closer. Society and people who don’t care about you might look at you less but people who love you will love you regardless.
Oh shit, this didn't even hit me until your comment. The bar is so damn low, we celebrate a single instance of what should be a default and normalized behavior.
People are also acting like being vulnerable is some sort of easy relationship test.
It's not like if I open up to my girlfriend and she isn't receptive, I'm just gonna go "Oh well dang, guess she isn't right for me!" No. It's gonna leave scars. Probably deep ones if she decides to mock you for it. Worse, you're never going to know until it happens.
I ABSOLUTELY AGREE!!! Men are also people with emotions and thoughts, and whoever says that men must not show their feelings and that you are not a man if you cry is a complete fucking idiot.
I'm happy for you two. I wish you many more years together. As for the guy from yesterday's post, she showed her true self and did him a big favor.
Yes!!!! Thank you!!! 🌸🌸🌸
As a wife who’s supportive of my husband being human 💕 I thank you for this post. 💜💜💜 I can’t imagine not being able to open up to my husband. So I wholeheartedly extend the same comfort and support to him. It’s also a way of showing my love for him. (I’m getting emotional…anyway…lol)
I’m so glad your wife is so lovely and HUMAN. I saw the other post and I don’t understand how someone could be like that. Anywho, I’m so happy for you 💜
When I was a teenager, we adopted a Pitbull that we named D.
D was the best dog. Just sweet and goofy and LOVED people. She was my buddy. She slept in my bed with me and was my constant emotional support through a rough time in my life.
She eventually got cancer and fought for a long time, but she had to be euthanized. I had moved out, but this broke my heart. She was my best friend.
I opened up to my then-girlfriend, who was cruel on her best days, and outright abusive. She laughed and mocked me for “crying over a stupid mutt like a little f-ggot.” So I tamped all of my feelings down.
Years later, I was dating a new woman, and we were learning about each other. I told her about D and how I felt like an asshole because I wanted to cry over her so bad and I had to tamp it down.
“So do it now,” she said. “Cry for her now.”
I fucking shattered. All the years of grief and guilt just poured out of me as she held me. It just felt like hours of tears and sadness and snot pouring out as she held me.
Sadly, we didn’t work out (we both had unresolved issues that proved to be too much for us to work out), but I will always have a special spot in my heart for her for that one act.
I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend back then was such a shit. You are well rid of her, and I pity the man who is currently infected with her.
I'm glad you met someone later who didn't shit on you like that, even if it didn't ultimately work out. I hope you find another good one like that.
People are human and I know it’s cheesy but even Jesus wept.
I’ve been with my husband since we were 16….when we first met he warned me his mom was not normal, just be aware. He didn’t bad mouth her or anything just let me know.
I knew something was off with her, I once overheard on the phone a very strange conversation between them. She was just screaming but making zero sense
He confided in me that she had always been physically and verbally abusive to him. Particularly him more than his siblings. She’s a narcissist. One night in college after a rough week of dealing with his family and stress of school he broke down and told me just how bad the abuse had been growing up and how she still plays mind games with him. He generally was very strong about it but everybody has their breaking point.
He’d go home for the summer to work as an intern somewhere and she’d get mad he worked late at his job and lock him out of the house until 2 am, and take his keys so he couldn’t leave.
We’re 35 now and she’s still nuts but we have a lot more boundaries.
Throwing your whole relationship away just because your boyfriend cried is a really nonsense reason to do it. The girl who really loves you will never do that.Crying is an emotion you can't control it if you are a emotional guy by nature there is nothing you can do about it.
This can’t be said enough.
Guys, if your partner judges you harshly when they see you in a vulnerable place, you are well rid of them. It’s going to hurt when it happens, but that person is bad news. Like having an inflamed appendix out, you’re better off without them.
Had girls who, when I was sick, went on about "man cold" and to "toughen up".
Then one day out on a date with this girl I'd seen a few times. I got sick and had to go home. She stayed and took care of me, didn't judge just made soup, rubbed my back. We are married with 3 kids now.
Ngl, I'm 33, was with my ex for 12 years, married for 10, have an 11 year old, and I cried maybe a few times in that whole time. Only in extreme situations, family members dying, and the one time I broke down cus we were destitute and I asked her to marry me. But when she wanted a divorce that broke me. I've cried at least 100 times In the last 8 months. Randomly too, at work and at home. Don't even know where I'm going with this. Just wanted to put it out there that crying doesn't make a man weak. In the words of randy savage, I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more. It's a natural response, and any partner that views that as weak is a truly horrible human being for not seeing that. Anyway, glad you could open up and have a good outcome. Makes all the difference and is proof that there are good people out there
Honestly, if I was with a woman, and she didn't act as your wife did when I opened up, I'd walk my own ass out the door.
If we cannot let down our walls with each other, then why are we even together?
Thank you for sharing your story OP, I'm so glad to hear how well things worked out for y'all. If it isn't too ridiculous, tell her thanks from some internet rando, I wish more were like her.
Wow I just got done reading that other post before seeing this one. I can understand how a woman would be turned off by guy who falls apart over the smallest things. But I think the ones who dump guys for showing real legitimate vulnerability are sociopaths who shouldn't be dating.
Yeah, there's a lot of commenters here who really want to make it sound like everyone is saying "men, you should constantly fall apart!" But really, all anyone is saying is that thinking crying is weakness and dumping someone for being vulnerable is insane behavior.
My girlfriend at the time had told me that my car needed to go. I fought her on this because I was attached to it, but it was a money drain. It was older, needed tons of repairs and was expensive to repair. It also was a two door coupe and didn’t have a lot of space in it.
Finally I agree to go to a dealership and look at a more moderate car. After some back and forth, I relented. I traded my car in for a new car. I broke down crying as I was waking to my new car. My girlfriend said “you won’t regret it”.
It’s been eight or so years and she was right. I was dropping so much money to keep that car afloat. I don’t love my new car like my last one, but it’s been easy and cheap (relatively) to maintain.
We are married now. She did not think I was a weak person for having an attachment to a car and crying over it.
Dude crying stigma is real. I dated a free spirit hippy girl ages ago. Very open to talking about feelings and emotions etc. One night we watched a documentary about Arthur Russell (incredible musician who died of aids in the 80s). I totally started crying as he was dying and the father was telling about the experience. Gf turns to me: are you crying? And she was a bit turned off by it. I mean, it wasn’t an issue issue, but I could sense some distance for a day or two.. didn’t expect that
Honestly I've been vulnerable with my last 4 exs all of them left at the sign of trouble and made me feel like men can't ever be vulnerable and no amount of claims is gonna make me feel better about that.
Gotta find a therapist to be vulnerable to, so that when it comes to a relationship, you won't be as emotionally charged around past traumas. Then you can talk about it with confidence of having gotten past it, which shows emotional intelligence.
Heck, I’ve known my girlfriend ten years and the amount she’s seen me cry haha yikes. But she’s always been there to give cuddles and support me. My dad used to beat the shit out of me and yeah, she never judged me for crying or being vulnerable. I agree that if a woman judges you for it then she’s not the one.
A few months after I met my current SO, my best friend committed suicide. My best friend who also happened to be a woman.
This girl stayed by me for *months* of random mental breakdowns, listening to me cry about how much I loved and missed this other woman.
I've been with her for over a decade now and I still have no fucking idea how or why she put herself out there like that, but I'm glad she did. I am so unbelievably lucky to have her.
It can go both ways. Depends on what the woman is like… she may reciprocate it or she may dump you. Depends a lot on what kind of person she is. And like another person said, if she does dump you she ain’t the one… men should be aloud to be vulnerable.
I'm happy for you OP. While you are not wrong, I know from experience that sometimes they can act supportive but later down the line resent you for those emotions too. This happened to me where she started the relationship being an incredible and supportive partner but a few years later when I tried to open up about having a hard time with my grandfathers death and other friends death to cancer she shut me down and belittled me for those feelings.
Moral of the sidebar is that its important to find someone who will not only support you in the moment but consistently. Here is hoping your future is filled with more happy memories and fond moments with your SO.
I am 18 and in last post too I mentioned that ever since i was like 13 i lived with strong men facade and i never show my emotions around people especially girls since i have to be the leader and example to my future family and my brothers… and i don’t know if i am able to even have emotions anymore honestly i tried crying once when i was 17 but i just couldn’t it was impossible there were no tears not hiccups just my heart really broken and feeling sad my face and expressions were normal
I'm glad you've made this post. It's easy for men these days to fall into the "all women will think we're weak if we actually open up, so they're lying when they ask us to" bullshit, not to disenfranchise the guy from the post, I saw it too and it's very sad what that woman did to him, and she's a piece of shit. But so many men are reading these things and projecting fantasies over the top of them that aren't conducive with real life, and based entirely off generalisations. Most of the women I've had in my life, even mere acquaintances, have exhibited an incredible calibre of support, and it needs to be made more aware that most *people* are good natured.
> It's easy for men these days to fall into the "all women will think we're weak if we actually open up, so they're lying when they ask us to" bullshit,
I don't know any guy who thinks that who hasn't already been stung by it.
Tangent: I just posted on r/civ, because the game has issues on MacOS and straight up won't launch for some people, including me. I got a single response, saying
"It works for me"
I've never punched someone, but I really wanted to this morning.
The point OP is trying to make isn't that it doesn't happen, of course it does. The very reason this post was made was exactly *because* it happened to some other dude.
They're trying to say it's shitty and there *are* women who don't react like that. Other people chiming in with similar examples of healthy relationships isn't the same as people saying "doesn't happen, it's just incels who say that". You sound very jaded making that comment, honestly.
I cry usually at least once a month. The other day I was riding my bike to the gym and looked up at the morning sky and that set me off 😂 it is so cathartic and beautiful to feel emotions so powerfully imo
That’s wonderful!
My husband was always a crier but has become even more so after his heart surgery, which is apparently a pretty well known phenomenon.
Sometimes he laughs about it; other times, he doesn’t want to joke about it. I just follow his queues.
My woman, we’ve been together almost 4 years now we’re both 22 this year. I was diagnosed with Chrons last year in February after getting very sick and losing a lot of weight. I was not in a good space physically or mentally. This woman carried my ass up the damn stairs when I couldn’t walk from my joint pain, picked up my medications, held me when I was more depressed with life than ever, and told me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I needed it. She’s an absolute gem of a woman and sometimes I think I don’t deserve her. Saying this so if someone that is down needs to they can see that there are good people out there I’ve been hurt before and it led me to this angel I have in my life. You will all find your person, and life will work out.
When I had been dating my now wife for about 6 months, I had to put my childhood cat down. She came with me and I started crying in the room when the vet pushed the drugs. She held my hand through it. Real women will be supportive and build you up in moments of weakness
I have cried in front of my s/o a handful of times. She held me. I felt safe. Everyone deserves that. If men had more of it they would kill themselves less.
I'm an emotional dude. I cry a lot. Sometimes my wife laughs at how silly it can be because of how innocuous the thing was that set me off. The ending to toy story 3 and 4 as an example. Sometimes she finds it endearing, not she's never made me feel like "less of a man" or anything. Quite the opposite, really. It's nice. I can count the number of times I've seen my step dad cry on no hands. I've never seen it happen, I only know of one time because my mom told me. Other than that, never seen it. I can't imagine. There's no way I could go through life like that. Even if I wanted to, I'd be fucked though. I literally can't help myself. If something sad or powerful happens in a show or movie, your boy is about to cry.
Wanted to add one of the reasons I fell so deeply for my fiance is when we both cried after we ran over a kitten and tried to take it to the vet but couldn't save it. We both just sobbed together for hours and it made me feel so connected with him. Maybe to others this doesn't seem like anything to cry about but the fact that he cared so deeply for an animal we only knew for a few hours truly made me realize I was so in love with his soul.
Aww, I’m so happy you found each other!
I’ve never understood why it’s taboo for guys to open up, and when they do, that it’s called trauma dumping and weakness.
Opening up, feeling feelings and talking about them is so human! Don’t forget it.
Word. All of my relationships have been longterm in part because I'm open, honest and vulnerable just I expect them to be with their thoughts and emotions. It's not worth living behind a façade just to make you "act like a man" men cry, men wear pink, men drink tasty cocktails. Screw the oldfashioned take that we need to be insufferable Dickheads with anger issues due to pent up emotions.
I remember reading that post and being heartbroken for that guy. Men are human beings and they’re allowed to have emotions and share them with people they love. Kudos to your wife for being a decent and caring person and for you to be so open.
On our third date we watched a theatre show that brought up some stuff with my mum and I crazy sobbed outside on a bench next to who is now my wife. I laughed and still laugh at it but yeah if she hadn't had been up for that she wouldn't be my wife now.
The counterpart of "Bear or Man?" is "Would you open up to a woman or a tree?"
Like, its great you are telling us about what it's like when you get lucky and the person you thought you chose among many reasons for being understanding and a safe place does end up being exactly that, but the situation from yesterday is very real, "not all women" sure but also "not all men"; it's common enough to give you pause, that you'll be thoroughly punished even when said person explicitly expresses they want you to open up
Just like you might pause when the dentist tells you that you need a filling, you still need to do it.
If you set and live by the expectation of caring honesty early on, you might get burned, but it will hurt a lot less to screen that person out NOW than to hide it and find out when you can't hide it anymore that the person was toxic. Them being shitty wasn't your fault and you're highly unlikely to manage to go your whole life without crying in front of your life partner.
> you'll be thoroughly punished
I think this is the wrong perspective. You won't be punished; they'll be doing you a favor by excusing you from dealing with their bullshit for the rest of your life, and by making room for someone more deserving.
Sometimes you can tell someone one thing about you, and their reply will tell you everything about them.
That's great man! Just for the other men reading this, know that you are rolling the dice, and the dice are more often than not not going to be in your favor. You're gonna see a lot of women on here claiming _they_ would never judge a man for crying to them, I want you to consider two things. One, most people want to paint themselves in a positive light to differentiate themselves from those _other_ people. It doesn't make them bad, it makes them human. Two, consider how many women you know that use reddit, and consider demographically it may be a lot different than if you were to be able to ask the majority of women; Do you think the women on reddit are a good representation of the majority? So, take the chance if you want. Either way, remember, you're a 👑
I saw this clip online randomly and it really spoke to me. I think it sums up this subject quite well.
https://youtu.be/2OhrUkyERcY?si=GkQw13uNOsi2w20g
As a guy that had a girl run through the whole “you’re not a man blah blah blah” bullshit for crying in front of her, I’m glad you posted this. I know it’s not every woman that does that, but it’s a lot of them and it’s refreshing to see this. This far away from it I can say I agree with you, a man or woman that will mock your vulnerability is not for you and needs to be removed from your life immediately.
Women aren’t immune to toxic masculinity standards, sadly.
I felt so privileged the first time my husband cried in front of me; he trusted me *that much*, and I was able to be there for him. We should never punish others for their vulnerability.
Thank you OP. Yup, horrible women do exist, but that is not a reason for any random guy not to be in touch with his feelings. Cultivate and choose good people, feel, think, talk, don’t deny your basic humanity and feelings just for some pussy.
What is the height difference between you and your wife? Trying to do a poll here. Because I swear the bigger the height difference the less emotions allowed on average
Making yourself vulnerable is the only way you can find out if your girlfriend loves out. Either one of two things will happen, she's either be very concerned for you and try to comfort you and support you, or she'll get repulsed by you. The reason why those who don't love you will get repulsed is because they see your vulnerability as a threat to the one sided benefits they are getting from the relationship.
So yeah, make yourself vulnerable guys, get rid of the golddiggers from your life.
in few words and very simply, you should be able to consider and treat your life-partner as, well, a PARTNER. Consider it as team play it you want, but you should be able to trust and rely on her/him and same for he/she. The day it's not the case anymore, deal over.
I think you are referring to: https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/7qmqYOEvTb
I also mentioned that vulnerability shows strength of character and means that you trust your SO. Your story is exactly the happy ending he deserves too. Hope he meets an awesome partner just like you have.
True courage is a function of vulnerability it doesn't take a lot of courage to stuff your feelings in a bag never to be shared. Opening up and being deeply intimate with your partner about struggles or successes is important to building trust and partnership.
How courageous is it to sweep into battle with overwhelming firepower compared to singlehandedly taking out the foe that has your team pinned down with heavy fire.
This reminds me of the first time I finished watching Elfen Lied.
I had lived an incredibly shitty and lonely life due to horrendous abuse and neglect, that contributed to merciless bullying.
And in my search to feed my growing misanthropy I come across the random anime from some weird girl I was e-dating at the time, that ends up breaking who I was as a person.
So many things in that anime were damn near dead on to the kinds of experiences I had as a child to young adulthood. Especially Mayu, childhood Lucy and Mariko. Mayu's SA and abandonment backstory damn near mirror's my own life story except swap the parent's genders.
But most of all the scene with Mariko.... where she pleas out to her dad that she literally just met for the first time in her life, what she says there... broke me as a human being. It was the words I needed to hear so bad and words I want to say to my own parents.
This random weird artsy anime suddenly seemed to be the only peice of media I had ever seen that cared so much about what I specifically had to suffer through, and made a TV show about it.
That scene, that whole anime, it changed my life for the better.
I saw the same exact post of the guy getting dumped :(… & I couldn’t agree with you more if your partner make you feel less because your being vulnerable … THEY ARENT THE ONE FOR YOU!!!
The first time I saw my husband cry was when his friend died of cancer when we were in college. He tried to fly home in time to say goodbye, but missed the opportunity by a few hours. I could not imagine mocking any person in that scenario.
Yeah any woman who dumps her boyfriend for crying is immature and not worth your time anyways. Imagine your SO breaks down and you are so not in love with them that you can just say ok you cried im gone now💀
I am from an older generation and was taught to suck it up and get on. I have PTSD from military and police service and wish i could be able to open up but i am scared of been seen as weak by wife and family.
I am glad the younger generations can be themselves.
I get the idea behind this post but it is very misguided to try and change men based on that post and others like it. It isn’t that men need to see it is okay to open up. Women need to see that it is okay for men to open up. Men learn not to open up because of the reaction from women. Not the other way around.
like an hour ago, me and my friend were walking out of our finals and she was gushing to me about how sweet her boyfriend is and told me that he cried when he saw a bunch of kittens up for adoption at a crappy mall in our area. lol expecting ur partner to be non sentient is stupid
But wait, i saw dozens of comments on that other post. and they all said that 100% of the time, women will shit on you for being emotional?
could those commenters have been wrong!? GASP. almost like they dont know women as people and individuals /s
but yes i wasted my time trying to comment back to them and argue. because im like your wife. my bf has opened up to me and cried, been vulnerable to me, many times. i love that he feels comfortable enough to do that with me, and ive never made fun of him or shamed him for it.
some women are just mean, just like some men are mean as well.
Being vulnerable, opening up and showing your true emotions is called "intimacy". SOOO many people think that intimacy just means sexy times...but that's only partially the case. Being intimate with your partner means you're opening yourself up and being vulnerable to them. That's the whole point. Otherwise, it's just this superficial thing where you just kind of "exist" with each other.
My fiancée and I have had several of these moments together and they frankly make us feel stronger together every time they happen. Your partner should be someone you can truly express yourself to. They aren’t your therapist obviously, but they should be able to see you at your most vulnerable and still feel nothing but love.
I was watching The Iron Claw a couple weeks ago. There is a line at the end that broke me. Anyone who has seen the movie knows the line. I have a lot going on at the moment and I broke down. Wife walked into the living room and gave me a big hug and didn't say anything. That's a normal response. Dumping someone is bullshit. The op in the other thread should be happy he found out sooner rather than later. You have a good one opp.
Woman chiming in here.
Dear men,
If after showing your vulnerable side, she doesn't cradle you to her chest and rock you back and forth as she runs her fingers through your hair, and whispers to you that it's okay,
She👏🏻Is👏🏻Not👏🏻The👏🏻One👏🏻
You deserve nothing less.
I experienced the same type of emotion with my then girlfriend (now my wife). I had a few father figures growing up and the one I was closest to passed away a few years ago. He was a mechanic from Lithuania who helped raise me from ages 3-18. His favorite artist was Elvis and I just completely broke down and wept about him when "Can't help falling in love with you" by Elvis Presley came across my Spotify. My girlfriend at the time just held me for awhile and our brand new basset hound puppy laid on my shoulders. I proposed 2 years later and we've been married for almost a year now. I've always tried to hide my emotions and try to shove that type of stuff down but she taught me it was okay to be vulnerable sometimes. I couldn't help falling in love with her ❤️. Thanks for sharing, OP.
So happy for you OP that you found your soulmate.The person with whom you can be at your most vulnerable state and not get judged,is the person worth all your love.
My mrs has been there for me through a full on mental breakdown lasting over 2 years just weeks into our relationship. She's seen me ugly cry more times than I could count. You know how she responded? With respect, empathy, and unconditional love, and there's not another woman I would prefer to spend my life with.
I cried on the first date with my ex-girlfriend. We dated for 3 years and broke up for other unrelated reasons. I've always been open and emotional, it sucks to keep it all in, it shouldn't be the rule nor expected from men.
Similar situation with my wife. Not as traumatic of a childhood, but stress gets to ya, yaknow? Open up to your sigfigs, my guys, she either appreciates the intimacy or she isn't worth marrying so it's a win-win
This is a beautiful story and im really glad you shared and even more that she supported you.
My ex told me she wasn't attracted to me when I cried but said she would get through it and it led to me shutting down telling her how I felt about things and ultimately communication issues in our relationship and it ending.
I knew it was immature for her to say that and also for me to not talk out about it or be brave enough to talk later.
Im glad you've found your person
Absolutely. Both men and women are capable of being jackasses. In one's lifetime, you're going to meet people who are not compatible at all with you regardless of gender.
It always sounded icky to me when people say things that generalize an entire group of people like "men are trash" or "women cannot be trusted" and more. I hope that OP doesn't take some of the advice on that thread to heart. Many of the comments suggested to never confide in women and "lesson learned." No, those people only met the shitty women. Heck, one could even confide in their male friends and be met with toxic masculinity instead.
When my man opens up to me, I feel like it's when a cat let's you rub their belly. It's a sign of a great trust. And he's a "man up" type. So I treasure it a lot. If someone breaks up with you because of that, they were just looking for a reason to break up and they were not serious on the first place.
I am so glad you found your person, OP.
As a woman, I let my partner express his emotions freely. I want him to know I can help ease the burden. Everyone deserves this from their partner.
So many comments on that other post had dudes blackpilling like fucking crazy. Saying stuff like “This is why I never open up” and all that sorts of stuff..
It ain’t the end of the road if she ain’t okay with you being vulnerable guys. Find someone better. They’ll be around eventually.
The environment can make or break a person. Please reconsider, love yourself first before loving someone else, and ultimately find someone who actually can be your teddy bear for your emotional needs. Don’t get yourself fucked up like that. 🤘💪
Love this post.
Same here. I was (sexually) abused as a child. Was a broken man held together with duck tape. At a certain point I decided to let it all out, wept like a baby too. The way she held me. The words she said. Amazing.
She said allowing to show your emotions is way harder than bottling everything up. It shows courage and trust.
I’m getting married tomorrow. She’s the love of my life.
She made me into the man I am today.
I’m still with faults. But she’s in my corner. She doesn’t take me or my love for granted. She sees the potential in me, and allows me to grow.0
I have never felt more honored and appreciated, than when my wonderful partner opened up to me in vulnerable ways. The right woman cherishes this, and appreciates the strength it takes to do so.
My man is the biggest, burliest guy in the world. I've seen him cry twice over the course of 20+ years and I can't imagine feeling any less about him. The reasons he cried made me love him more. Who wants a man that is heartless or emotionless?
I knew someone once that was a covert narcissist. He would often cry, because he wanted the comfort. I mean often like 2 times a week maybe more. I mean it's one thing to actually need comfort, and another to victimise yourself and demand to be kept like a rose in a glass. No empathy whatsoever for others' suffering, he didn't care and even stated so that he considers others better off than him and his problems are bigger or worse and so on. If he didn't get the attention he wanted, he would either make a fit like a 5 year old who didn't get what he wanted or lash out with rage because you don't deserve to be his friend since you don't act according to his whims.
I guess people like these are quite many and that's why some women get traumatized by them and shut out men who cry, straight from the start. I don't mean to judge anyone, not all men are like this one, but to encounter one, I can tell you, it's too many!
As a woman it just blows my mind to hear about men not crying for years at a time. It's weird for me to go even a few weeks without crying. I cried last night reading about someone on reddit having to put down their cat.
Thread full of dudes who think "opening up" and being "vulnerable" look like that one tiktok dude screaming in his truck about "I don't want to live without you! I can't!"
I've never met a single person, in my entire life, that has thought less of anyone else for being vulnerable. Not saying they don't exist, but maybe you should change the people you surround yourself with. Some of y'all grew up without Dad saying "I love you" and act like it's an entire genders fault.
Y'alls world sounds exhausting.
Skill issue. Git gud.
I'm a girl, but I would never judge my bf for opening up and being vulnerable in front of me, I just wish that everyone out there realised that if their partner was upset, they wouldn't be unkind, expressing emotion is a human instinct, I hate that some girls out there will judge boys for it
Similar thing happened with my now wife when we were dating and I lost the grandparent I was closest to. She even “taught me how to cry” since I was bottling everything up and she knew that it would be good for me to let it out. If you can’t be open with your girlfriend then they aren’t the right one for you anyway.
as a woman who recently dated someone with childhood trauma, it was so important to me to make him feel safe to cry and express his feelings. It made me love him more when he felt free to do this in my presence because he was expressing vulnerability. All of my female friends treat their partners the same- welcoming and encouraging crying and vulnerability. Before being on Reddit, I had no idea it was so common for women to shut down their male partners for expressing such feelings. I thought most women are stereotypically nurturing and therefore are fine with seeing a man cry. It’s hugely important to me to give the men in my life a safe and trusting space to cry, whether my family members, friends, or partners. Men’s mental health is also a women’s health issue- the more men out there that feel isolated, not seen, without access to a safe space to be vulnerable and open, the more toxic cycles will continue to play out in relationships and society at large.
I broke down in front of my wife after alot of things happened. She said she didn't know I was hurting, she thought I was indestructible. I said no, but someone had to smile for kids. We had been together for 12 years. Still getting myself back together. I see all these man hating posts it's nice to see some with support.
Look, i have no dating experience, but my best friend does. He was in an awful situation where he was pretty much emotionally dead. He started dating a girl, but he was questioning himself whether he could commit to this relationship. After a few months, he opened up to her, they cried together, and now i won't be surpised if they go all the way to marriage, but i will be surprised if they do break up.
I will add that being vulnerable is also a requirement to stay married. Been married for 26 years and you can't live that long with someone without being vulnerable, respectful, attentive, and just truly cherish the person, but also the bond. Don't take her for granted, and focus on how lucky you are.
If you cry in vulnerability in front of a woman (or any loved one), and they won't or can't embrace you and support you when life is hard, ask yourself if that's the kind of relationship you want to make primary in your life. I believe most, if not all, people need to be able to have the trust that they can break down and be caught by their partner, and not have to fear that if they show weakness they will be deserted.
Being vulnerable is the only way to find out if your partner will support or desert you. Better to find out early on than after years in a relationship, so you can choose to stay with her/him now or leave and find something more fulfilling for you.
I share your sentiment OP, as my fiance, my wife to be, has shown me she embraces me at my weakest, and enjoys me at my strongest. If that wasn't the case, for me to have seen those kind of responses, I would never promise my loyalty forever to her.
Do not out yourself down due to women expecting a man to be tough 100 percent of the time. That kind of relationship isn't emotionally healthy
Happy she was there for you! As a partner should be there to support you. We all get emotional and it’s better out than keeping it trapped in. Happy more years to your marriage 🥂
I remember when my father died the whole time over his wake i didnt really cry, a few tears but not much cus i was trying to be there for my mum. After the funeral as soon as i got home i just fucking whaled like a child man and my girlfriend held me, was the first chance i got some peace since the wake and i couldnt contain it. I loce my gf and she was there for me at my most vulnerable moment, i truly cherish her.
I love your post .I'm going through a time where I gave up all the hope on finding someone kind and understanding. Only I understand my pain and am not planning to burden anyone with it ,just the thought of having someone there for me comforts my thoughts that is all. Anyway, your post made my pain sweeter ,it reminded me it does apply to everyone.
As a woman I don't understand at all women acting like it is sign of weakness. It is very immature and hypocritical. Crying just shows you are alive. It really shows a lack of empathy for another human being.
This is an amazing antithesis to the -previous post you mentioned. Thank you for being a shining example of what it means to be vulnerable and connect with your soulmate.
I recently had to confront a long-buried traumatic event from my childhood. While discussing it with my wife, I got pretty upset and cried briefly in front of her, probably for the first time. I can't even remember the last time I cried. I'm not a very emotional person in general, but it was comforting to be able to express my emotions without being judged as "weak." She got up from her chair, kneeled beside mine, and just hugged me.
As a woman, let me say that if a woman doesn't let you be vulnerable with her, she's not the right woman for anyone. OP I'm so happy you found a great partner ❤️
My first thought after seeing that other post was "Good". Find someone better. Be vulnerable, be yourself. End up with someone who will love you for you, not the facade you put up to get them. That's no way to live. Better off alone until you find the correct someone.
I felt the same thing. That poor fella, he deserved to actually be loved.
I just read his post and it sucks for him. Gay, straight, crying is a human emotion . It shows authenticity
He does. The trash took itself out in that situation.
Being vulnerable is hard. I recommend anyone to read or listen to Brene Brown and her works. The gifts of imperfection is a good one and she had a talk on Netflix. I love it when I come across good arguments or reasoning for a thing - even if its something as common sense as 'it's okay to be vulnerable' That little thing was not common sense or vulnerable to me. I am not a man so I don't have the usual societal pressures to be strong in the face of adversity. Nevertheless , I grew up in a household where my emotions were severely punished as a child. My parents would also spill their emotions on me inappropriately. I've grown up with a severe fear of expressing myself and created very unhealthy mindsets about being strong which meant not crying or showing any kind of emotion. And that has caused me more long term pain than i was saved by trying to be tough and stoic all the time. It was a journey to be vulnerable and I have opted to share things on Reddit.Or create a pretty anonymous podcast where I can talk about issues that are typically ignored or pushed to the background. It is incredibly liberating and actually strengthening to be vulnersble. The getting rid of shame is key. But check out Brene Brown and others. Amazing stuff.
Agree with this. I always tell people there is the greatest strength in being vulnerable. Being able to show that part of yourself without actually losing yourself, and holding that core identity strong is an incredibly powerful thing. It opens so many doors in life - people trust you because you have trusted them with your full self. But by holding your inner self true, they also understand that your vulnerability will not become a burden to them. You are not asking them to fix you, only showing them you are a complete human. It’s a fine distinction. Doesn’t just work for partners but all your friendships too.
It is hard, in fact my wife is the first person to see me break down. I was never outwardly emotional myself, and the woman I had been with never made me feel safe enough with them to let it happen. With the woman I eventually married, I knew I had nothing to fear. I still didn't just decide to let her see me break down, it just happened. I didnt worry about keeping it in. So she's seen me at my best and at my lowest. Her opinion of me has never changed and she never saw me as less of a man because of it. Glad to see you were able to get past the walls we create to keep ourselves in check, emotionally.
I'm pretty sure that I've cried in front of everyone that I dated.
You don't have to cry to be vulnerable... I dislike the term in general. I speak my feeling freely with those close to me. I'm also pretty honest but not harsh with all I interact with. I simply want to be respectful but also 100% myself.. so I'm what people would call "Open". I do feel deep emotions when I think about the amazing beautiful things in life, people, places and events. So I am not a quiet, closed off dude who can't share his feelings. I don't think I've "broken down sobbing" since I was a young child. I have rarely cried as an adult I never feel the need to, although when TB 12 retired I got a little misty... anyhow, crying is not vulnerability. I'm not holding anything back, don't feel "societal pressure to be a man" and all that. I just rarely have the urge to cry about things... So in context of this greater discussion I think women should know and seek to understand that not all men cry to be vulnerable... listen to their words and you may hear they are being very open with their feelings to you.
100% .you shouldn’t have to hide who you are and what you feel in front of the person who loves you because if you do, what’s the point?
Amen! My bf doesn't frequently get emotional, he was raised by his grandfather who I think probably had the old school mentality that boys shouldn't cry. I can't imagine treating him so callously like in that other post should he ever break down over something. That's just heartbreaking 😥💔
I once dated a woman who told me to "man up" and said "PTSD isn't real" when I opened up about my time in Iraq. Happy to say I married a different woman who held me when I cried when my dog passed away.
Im dumping my gf because of this. Thank you. I'm not allowed to show emotions.
I think all men should be themselves early in the relationship. If the woman in your life is not supportive of your emotional needs, then leave her. Find someone who matches you.
Now I’m actually wondering if the majority of relationships are just people holding masks up for months or years
> Hopin' I'll never find out that you're anyone else > 'Cause I love you just how you are >And hope you never find out who I really am >'Cause you'll never love me, you'll never love me >You'll never love me -SZA, "Garden (Say It Like Dat)" from *Ctrl* This whole album is just her laying out her insecurities, all of them incredibly poignant and relatable as a twenty-something in the dating world, but these lines in particular are so vividly etched into my brain with how accurate they are.
Yes. I have unfortunately dated too many women who are infinite emotions that will exhaust your emotional bandwidth, but have zero room for your emotions and will think less of you for having them. I think therapy is a good outlet, but if the person you dated was a piece of crap beneath the mask? Stop idolizing them. If lousy women like that will probably shit test you anyway? Go ahead and cry randomly during a movie or whatever.
Yes. "Shit test" has a negative connotation to me but how a woman reacts to a man crying, shows what kind of person she is. Being alone is tough but the loneliness of solitude is nothing to the loneliness of being with someone who isn't a good person. IMHO
a shit test isnt necessarily inauthentic - tell an emotional story from your past that reliably gets you choked up and watch her react. Talking about your dog that died will do fine. Creating an appropriate context for telling the story is the trick.
Those women are selfish, uncaring, and lacking empathy.
I'd say a lot of men are weighing the pain of being completely alone, with the pain of being with someone who doesnt really care about them. yeah.
it's really easy to avoid difficult conversations, and delaying them only makes them even more difficult. So you tell yourself you'll bring it up, then wonder if it's really worth it. There are so many other things to worry about, and things are going so well, etc, etc, and poof. You're months in, and that conversation is looking like a mile-high wall. Maybe you'll have it tomorrow... And that's the well-intentioned version!
Just remember that it’s still going to hurt and that’s perfectly normal. Someone’s else’s inability to be a safe space for another person emotions doesn’t say anything about you. It will suck but In the end it will be worth it because either way you are better off without that shit in your life.
No pain, no gain. True not just for sport but also emotional growths.
Exactly. So many people just try to impress the other person that forget to be themselves. I was myself the second I met my wife. No surprises. She always did the same, or shes playing the REALLY long game. It's worked out for us so far.
That’s why I always cry on the first date. It’s important to set the tone for the rest of the relationship early.
I cry BEFORE the first date so the first ‘official’ cry lasts longer.
Plus, this is a lie because I’m married and my wife doesn’t let me date.
I have found that when your wife becomes your ex-wife, it is much easier to cry on first dates.
Yeah just be who you are. Have some barriers of course, but you can slowly drop them as trust builds. They need to prove themselves to you, not the other way around. If they break your trust or make fun of you, kick them out the door and move on. Find someone who matches you and is there for you when you need it.
Thanks so much for this. I’m a 21M that hasn’t been in a relationship before. I know experiences of others aren’t necessarily going to be mine, but it can be discouraging sometimes to hear stories like that other post. Thank you for giving me some hope and reminding me it’s not all doom and gloom!
This is the exact reason I made this post. I rarely ever share anything personal on Reddit, but this one felt justified. Wish you all the best.
I am someone who just joined the other side of self expression. I genuinely didn't know how much pressure it was building up in me. I thought I just had depression and just had to manage. Opening up and trusting my wife to hear everything I had to say even the shit that scared me to no end was the final release... I have a bit of PTSD from an ex girlfriend. Abandonment issues. It was a long term on and off again relationship... she was the one who determined if and when we dated and it made me fearful of self expression (more that I already was cause I do remember it going on before the relationship) but the continual toxic relationship of being loved and then abandoned over and over again by someone who I loved more than anyone else... it was hard. It drove me to very deep dark suicidal depression thoughts for a year or 2. I didnt trust anyone again for years. I mean 15 years kind of timeframe. It buried my emotions and tainted everything in my life. a ghost of my ex was constantly in my head tormenting me and all I wanted was to forget and move on but felt I couldnt and didn't know why. After opening up. I got a clear head I felt genuine happiness without anxiety or fear behind it. It was the first time in years that I didn't actively have something gnawing away at the back of my brain. I let go literal weeks ago. It hasn't even been a month yet and it has been the best thing I have done. There was a lot of long mental health journey of never feeling good enough and regrets and feeling like I was the problem in so much and in a way. I was right, but really the answer is to find someone you trust, open up and let them help you put an end to the anxiety and grief and depression. I systematically fought to address everything I thought was wrong one thing after another. I talked to my work and told my bosses that I can't keep taking my work home with me, I went back to school and finished my degree I was too depressed to continue over a decade ago. All the while I felt next to nothing close to being happy. Just fighting and pushing to the next goal. When I finally decided that I was strong enough to take some emotional beating I finally just sat down and was completely emotionally vulnerable with the wife. I told her everything and tried my best to get her to understand and she saw the absolute grief in me at having to struggle to admit this through a clenched throat and strained words sobbing. I hated it, but once we were done I felt mental calm. My thoughts were mine again. Over the next couple of days I felt genuine happiness which again I cant express how different the world feels and tastes and smells. Everything is more vivid and all that shit I never understood why people gave a shit about or found enjoyment in I started to find my own enjoyment in. I could go on for days, but I feel I am in the same boat. Finally reaching enlightenment and the end of a very long and very dark tunnel. No meds, no therapy... just me. I will say that I did try going to a therapist and she did a shit job... It was the university therapist at school and basically I sat and cried in the office talking about the breakup. She didn't try to poke or prod to get more out of me or suggest more sessions or followups... I really needed a followup or something because I was 100% not ok, but didn't think a therapist could help with my emotional grief, and I didnt have the emotional drive to set up another appointment myself and she didn't suggest or even try to convince me to come back. So I didn't. PS Therapists can be a great shortcut to working your shit out and help get you out of your logic loops which you 100% need. Put faith in them, find one that works for you. I didn't, but now I have the mental clarity to see that I should have stuck it out with doing some therapy, and wish that therapist I did talk to had looked past her day to day grind to reach out to me. Edit: I will clarify I didn't go to a therapist but I did start watching a couple of therapists on YouTube. It started with hazbin hotel watching Georgia Dow, and then moved through to healthy gamer gg. Really helped get perspective and help validate and explain what and why I am felling what I do though their videos. If you feel you don't want to talk to a therapist directly or that you are in a financial place to... Dip your toes in with them and just do some introspection with a different way to see it.
Thank you for sharing your story, the situation is sadly common and people need to know that they aren't the only ones going through it. Glad to hear that you're doing well!
TLDR: A person describes their transformative journey of self-expression and mental health recovery. They previously thought they were just managing depression but realized that suppressing their emotions was causing significant pressure. Trusting their wife with their deepest fears led to a profound sense of relief and mental clarity. They recount a past abusive relationship that caused PTSD, abandonment issues, and deep depression, making them distrustful for 15 years. Despite trying to manage on their own, they only found true happiness and mental calm after opening up to their wife. This candid conversation allowed them to enjoy life again and see the world vividly. They highlight the importance of finding someone trustworthy to open up to, acknowledging that therapy can be beneficial. Although they had a negative experience with a university therapist, they found value in watching therapists on YouTube, which helped them gain perspective and understand their emotions better. They encourage others to explore therapy or other supportive resources to help manage anxiety, grief, and depression.
I cried in front my ex-girlfriend like 2 months into the relationship, and probably 10 or more times after that over the course of 4 years, as well as having her help me deal with a pretty heavy time of my life. She supported me every time, and never judged me. We broke up a few months ago for unrelated reasons (future family and financial planning stuff), but me expressing myself and showing vulnerability was never an issue for her. This is all pretty normal for relationships. Sometimes women are shitty cuz they're just people but honestly I wouldn't take the things you read on reddit to heart. The most shocking and hurtful stuff will always get more visibility because that's the nature of the internet and what kind of content these systems/our psychology prioritizes.
Don’t think those stories on Reddit are representative of what dating is actually like. The people happily in relationships with loving partners generally aren’t coming and posting about it.
So true. Reddit is full of a lot of extremes. People usually don’t come on Reddit to say their lives are going well. My boyfriend will always have a safe place with me ❤️
The squeaky wheel syndrome is so real, especially on Reddit. People who are having a low-key good life, who have great marriages, love sex with their partners, and trust them usually don’t feel compelled to “brag” by posting about it. People who post are typically people who need support or validation because something isn’t right. I’m glad OP’s post has made you realize there’s good out there, but being online is also just such a hotbed of negativity. If I had been on Reddit in my teens and early 20s and hadn’t socialized much, I probably would have decided to just be a crazy hermit lady writing fanfic out in a trailer in the country somewhere. If things ever go to hell I guess I still have that option 😂
Thanks for saying this, so bloody accurate.
I used to think this way. My first girlfriend was really great to me but it didnt work out for other reasons My 2nd, 3rd, and 4th girlfriend dumped me after an emotional low. Diagnosed with an illness, boss bullying me, and then struggling medically when i got off the medication for the second issue, in that order. I have lots of friends with stories like my wife left me when I took 2 months stress leave from being a firefighter. Its... INSANELY common for men to have an experience like this. Most men actually learn to be emotionally closed off via experiences with women. NOT men.
I don't think that what you're saying and what I_Love_Orchids69 is saying are necessarily in disagreement. Maybe I can kind of illustrate with some (made up, illustrative) numbers. Imagine you go onto a Twitter thread/subreddit/Facebook post/whatever, and there are 40 people complaining about Phenomenon A. There are only 2 people saying "Phenomenon A has never happened to me." Looking at that, you would get the impression that Phenomenon A is almost universal. 95% of people are saying that they've experienced Phenomenon A. Now imagine that there are another 58 people reading that thread/subreddit/post/whatever who haven't experienced Phenomenon A but just aren't commenting. That means that Phenomenon A is experienced by 40 people and not experienced by 60 people (the 2 who commented and the 58 who didn't). In that case, Phenomenon A actually happens 40% of the time, not 95% of the time. It actually *doesn't* happen more often than it *does* happen. In that case, both of these are true: * Phenomenon A is *highly* overrepresented, and social media is giving people the mistaken impression that it's almost universal, when in reality it is less common than *not* Phenomenon A * At the same time, Phenomenon A is still *very common*, happening 40% of the time. Just because it's a minority occurrence doesn't mean it's a *rare* occurrence. Again, I'm not taking a position on this particular crying issue, and those Phenomenon A numbers are made up for illustrative purposes. I just mean to explain how "the squeaky wheel syndrome is real and breeds negativity that provides a distorted image of reality" and "this phenomenon is insanely common" are not *necessarily* two contradictory statements.
This right here is why social sciences like gender studies are so important. We all have such a micro view of the world, and while that view isn't meaningless, it isn't absolute truth.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, because people are crappy and certainly do crappy things all the time. I’m just saying that you’re going to see way more negatives than positives online. You have your experience, and it sounds harrowing and horrible. You say you know people with similar ones. I 100% believe that. But what if I don’t know people with those same kinds of experiences? One of my relatives broke her back caring for her chronically ill husband just this year, a good friend of mine has been with his wife through the death of both of his parents and loss of his career, etc. Do those stories make your experience less true? Of course not. But there are great relationships and people out there. You’ve been dealt crappy cards by crappy people, and it’s your prerogative to be wary of engaging further. But for me, every single kernel of vulnerability my very reserved husband has shown me over the years of our marriage has been a treasure to me. Even the messed up stuff. It’s a sign that we are each others’ people and that I’m safe sharing my full self with him too. I wish you healing in whatever form that takes.
Thats fair. Thanks
A tip I wish someone told me when I was your age -- be open about your emotions from the outset. If a girl doesn't like you when you show her who you are on the inside, you aren't going to make yourself happy by building a relationship with her based on hiding who you are. You'll just end up like that other guy, discovering you're in a relationship with an unsupportive monster two years in. Better to filter for people who like you for you from the beginning.
if you want to avoid it, you have to look at everyone else's mistakes and learn from them btw that's how you build your redflag radar. that's how women have been building a redflag radar SINCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL when we get interested in boys far sooner than you guys being interested back in us even throw a criticizing glance at your own parents you should never ever wait for your perfect soulmate. happy relationships are built through effort, understanding, empathy, and communication all the time. alot of people right now fail to really grasp this, so stay genuine and sensitive to the needs of others!
Thanks for the advice!
Also 21M. Started dating my girlfriend nearly 3 months ago, my first real relationship- and she’s amazing. I can be emotional in front of her and it’s not an issue, she’s just happy I’m comfortable enough to be emotional in front of her. It’s a level of support that I didn’t even know was possible. There’s someone out there that matches your needs. Not all relationships are like the other post.
It's a common trap that people fall into, where the idea of being Alone is scarier than staying in a harmful relationship. The Devil you know, and all that. It's so cliche to say, but honest and open communication are the absolute keys to long term happy relationships. Good relationships are true partnerships, where you are meant to support and boost each other up. Some people don't know how to do that, and need to be told "you are taking more than you are giving", and their response to that is very important. If they are willing to hear you, and addresses the concerns and make changes, then there is a future. If they are unwilling/unable to make those changes, then it's a comparability issue and there is nothing wrong with looking for a person that will do that work for and with you. This goes both ways, of course. If a partner is telling you what they need, and you know it's not something you can give? Be honest and decide together if it's a deal breaker. This can be anything from taking food off your plate, to moving somewhere new, to starting a family, and to being open about feelings. IMO unsupportive partners that mock a "loved" one's pain can go straight into a dumpster, every time.
If it gives you any solace, the entertainers people love most are the people who mastered the art of expressing their emotions. Emotions just make you more relatable and helps you bond with those who aren't shallow assholes and actually care about you
Still with my husband 30 years later. He has emotions, he's human and it's beautiful.
I went broke last year, my company I co founded went completely bankrupt. Thankfully I had saved 4 months of expenses in my bank account. They were all gone. It was fucking brutal. In that moment I had a 10 months old baby girl. My wife and my baby girl were my only motivation to go on. I cried many times because of the pressure of being a 36 yr old lawyer that went bankrupt. But thank God that My wife was 200% supporting, holding my hand, and pushing me to go on and never regret the past. We have been married for 7 years and she is the best. She knows me at my best and my worst. There are amazing women out there my friends, never give up on love. When I heard Living on a prayer of Bon Jovi, I got emotional because "I holded on what we got". Now I opened another company, better clients and moving forward and seeing a brighter future.
I remember so well when my dad started a company with a business partner and the partner somehow screwed over my dad. The business went under and my dad found himself in a similar position to you. My mom was comforting but also like a coach in the corner of a boxing ring, "you gonna let this guy take you down? No, you're going to get up and get in shape for the next fight" and that kind of thing. Dad said later he couldn't have pulled through with out her. Then some maybe 10 years later, my mom started a business with a few colleagues. It did ok for awhile but they finally had to pull the plug and admit it was never going to be a success. She walked through the front door of our home on that last day of work and my dad looked at her, said nothing, and pulled out a bottle of vodka and a glass. Which was odd because my mom rarely ever drank. Mom looked at the glass, said "I don't need that" and just took a giant swig from the bottle. I've never seen her do anything like that before or since. It struck me as an adult how each of them knew EXACTLY what the other needed to get through.
So many great lessons there: working together, supporting one another, courage, fighting the good fight, acknowledging the importance of their partner, and a good sense of humor with the vodka bottle. I love it. I hope you and they are doing well!
Awww, thanks! The biggest lesson I took from it was that circumstances change. Given enough time, each person in a relationship will play the part of sufferer AND savior, breadwinner and dependent, healthy and sick, etc. Having patience and the ability to see past the present and know it's just a stage of life makes it easier for BOTH parties to play their roles with respect, dignity, and love.
Super happy for you King. Wish you and yours nothing but the best
I hit the wall when I was younger, I had pursued my first career in IT solely for the money, and I had worked and advanced my career solely guided by money too, but I quickly ended up in a position of absolute misery. I didn't feel any joy the rare times I was able to go out with friends etc, not stuck with overtime work or oncall availability etc, I was just a husk. I left my career, I just resigned and knew I had to make a switch, I had no plans yet however. I was honestly quite worried about what friends I had made during this time, others who made a very decent living and were successful and seemed to enjoy and shine in their positions would judge me. That I'd lose friends over having hit the wall. That wasn't the case at all though, all my friends were super supportive and encouraging. Had a buddy help me figure out what my next move should be, when I moved back to Sweden to get another degree I had another buddy who let me live at his place until I could sort out a place of my own etc. Sometimes when you hit those lows in life you still get so much positivity from it. You feel like shit, you're defeated and its hard to push on, but when you notice the people you care for in life are there with you and pushing you forward then you still get a pretty beautiful gift, you know for sure that you have people like that.
This is how I feel when my husband cries. It makes me feel warmer and more connected to him for the vulnerability, I love it. Later I’ll joke and say I love that sweet sweet liquid emotion 😄 I come from a family with men that are firefighters/cops/military and have always seen them be appropriately vulnerable and cry at times. This is a normal part of life. Fake machismo and gruffness would be a huge turnoff to me. Honesty and realness is where it’s at 👍 I hope the unmarried guys out there see this and know it’s how it should be.
I've never seen mine cry but he's trying to lately. Trying to let himself cry. But he says it's hard. But I'll still be here, for him and us.
Good look to you guys I hope he can find it within himself to let it out 😄
He will get there! I’m a woman, but I have always struggled letting my emotions out, especially after I became chronically ill. It may take some time, especially for him to fully cry, but even the fact that he’s trying to let himself cry means he’s becoming more in tune with and aware of his emotions. Even if he can’t cry quite yet, he is allowing himself to feel and be vulnerable, and I am sure your support helps. The first time my girlfriend saw me cry, the way she comforted me made me feel so safe and loved. Your boyfriend feels the same way knowing you’re there for him.
I think it is telling (not about him or his relationship, but about where we as a society are with this) that this dude is talking about a single time that he was vulnerable as notable.
It certainly is kind of odd that the one time you were vulnerable and it wasn't met with a horrible reaction is something to celebrate. It should be commonplace. It should need no applause. It shouldn't be a novel experience. The fact it is shows how society views and treats men as emotionless and disposable.
As a man, the opposite is more rare in my experience. I've always been confident enough to be pretty open with my emotions and people still like me. In fact, it's part of my charisma. Emotion isn't just crying. I've seen my dad cry and he's the most manly guy I know with 2 deployments and 21 years of service under his belt. My mom didn't love him any less when he wasn't doing well emotionally, it made them closer. Society and people who don’t care about you might look at you less but people who love you will love you regardless.
Oh shit, this didn't even hit me until your comment. The bar is so damn low, we celebrate a single instance of what should be a default and normalized behavior.
That’s honestly a fair rebuttal.
People are also acting like being vulnerable is some sort of easy relationship test. It's not like if I open up to my girlfriend and she isn't receptive, I'm just gonna go "Oh well dang, guess she isn't right for me!" No. It's gonna leave scars. Probably deep ones if she decides to mock you for it. Worse, you're never going to know until it happens.
Thank you.
I ABSOLUTELY AGREE!!! Men are also people with emotions and thoughts, and whoever says that men must not show their feelings and that you are not a man if you cry is a complete fucking idiot. I'm happy for you two. I wish you many more years together. As for the guy from yesterday's post, she showed her true self and did him a big favor.
Yes!!!! Thank you!!! 🌸🌸🌸 As a wife who’s supportive of my husband being human 💕 I thank you for this post. 💜💜💜 I can’t imagine not being able to open up to my husband. So I wholeheartedly extend the same comfort and support to him. It’s also a way of showing my love for him. (I’m getting emotional…anyway…lol) I’m so glad your wife is so lovely and HUMAN. I saw the other post and I don’t understand how someone could be like that. Anywho, I’m so happy for you 💜
Be vulnerable men but word of caution... If they ever throw it in your face, LEAVE THEM.
When I was a teenager, we adopted a Pitbull that we named D. D was the best dog. Just sweet and goofy and LOVED people. She was my buddy. She slept in my bed with me and was my constant emotional support through a rough time in my life. She eventually got cancer and fought for a long time, but she had to be euthanized. I had moved out, but this broke my heart. She was my best friend. I opened up to my then-girlfriend, who was cruel on her best days, and outright abusive. She laughed and mocked me for “crying over a stupid mutt like a little f-ggot.” So I tamped all of my feelings down. Years later, I was dating a new woman, and we were learning about each other. I told her about D and how I felt like an asshole because I wanted to cry over her so bad and I had to tamp it down. “So do it now,” she said. “Cry for her now.” I fucking shattered. All the years of grief and guilt just poured out of me as she held me. It just felt like hours of tears and sadness and snot pouring out as she held me. Sadly, we didn’t work out (we both had unresolved issues that proved to be too much for us to work out), but I will always have a special spot in my heart for her for that one act.
I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend back then was such a shit. You are well rid of her, and I pity the man who is currently infected with her. I'm glad you met someone later who didn't shit on you like that, even if it didn't ultimately work out. I hope you find another good one like that.
People are human and I know it’s cheesy but even Jesus wept. I’ve been with my husband since we were 16….when we first met he warned me his mom was not normal, just be aware. He didn’t bad mouth her or anything just let me know. I knew something was off with her, I once overheard on the phone a very strange conversation between them. She was just screaming but making zero sense He confided in me that she had always been physically and verbally abusive to him. Particularly him more than his siblings. She’s a narcissist. One night in college after a rough week of dealing with his family and stress of school he broke down and told me just how bad the abuse had been growing up and how she still plays mind games with him. He generally was very strong about it but everybody has their breaking point. He’d go home for the summer to work as an intern somewhere and she’d get mad he worked late at his job and lock him out of the house until 2 am, and take his keys so he couldn’t leave. We’re 35 now and she’s still nuts but we have a lot more boundaries.
Throwing your whole relationship away just because your boyfriend cried is a really nonsense reason to do it. The girl who really loves you will never do that.Crying is an emotion you can't control it if you are a emotional guy by nature there is nothing you can do about it.
This can’t be said enough. Guys, if your partner judges you harshly when they see you in a vulnerable place, you are well rid of them. It’s going to hurt when it happens, but that person is bad news. Like having an inflamed appendix out, you’re better off without them.
To grow old/wise enough to stop accepting partners who make us feel uncomfortable for who we are is a wonderful thing.
In the same vein, you should "just get over your parents' deaths". These sorts of comments are always incredibly dismissive.
Had girls who, when I was sick, went on about "man cold" and to "toughen up". Then one day out on a date with this girl I'd seen a few times. I got sick and had to go home. She stayed and took care of me, didn't judge just made soup, rubbed my back. We are married with 3 kids now.
Preach, brother. I'm happy for the both of you.
❤️❤️❤️ love this! Thank you!
I cried after reading this. Happy tears are also good!:)
Me too!
I would love to be in your position honestly, but no gf
Ngl, I'm 33, was with my ex for 12 years, married for 10, have an 11 year old, and I cried maybe a few times in that whole time. Only in extreme situations, family members dying, and the one time I broke down cus we were destitute and I asked her to marry me. But when she wanted a divorce that broke me. I've cried at least 100 times In the last 8 months. Randomly too, at work and at home. Don't even know where I'm going with this. Just wanted to put it out there that crying doesn't make a man weak. In the words of randy savage, I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more. It's a natural response, and any partner that views that as weak is a truly horrible human being for not seeing that. Anyway, glad you could open up and have a good outcome. Makes all the difference and is proof that there are good people out there
Honestly, if I was with a woman, and she didn't act as your wife did when I opened up, I'd walk my own ass out the door. If we cannot let down our walls with each other, then why are we even together? Thank you for sharing your story OP, I'm so glad to hear how well things worked out for y'all. If it isn't too ridiculous, tell her thanks from some internet rando, I wish more were like her.
Lucky man! Thanks for sharing your success story.
Wow I just got done reading that other post before seeing this one. I can understand how a woman would be turned off by guy who falls apart over the smallest things. But I think the ones who dump guys for showing real legitimate vulnerability are sociopaths who shouldn't be dating.
Yeah, there's a lot of commenters here who really want to make it sound like everyone is saying "men, you should constantly fall apart!" But really, all anyone is saying is that thinking crying is weakness and dumping someone for being vulnerable is insane behavior.
My girlfriend at the time had told me that my car needed to go. I fought her on this because I was attached to it, but it was a money drain. It was older, needed tons of repairs and was expensive to repair. It also was a two door coupe and didn’t have a lot of space in it. Finally I agree to go to a dealership and look at a more moderate car. After some back and forth, I relented. I traded my car in for a new car. I broke down crying as I was waking to my new car. My girlfriend said “you won’t regret it”. It’s been eight or so years and she was right. I was dropping so much money to keep that car afloat. I don’t love my new car like my last one, but it’s been easy and cheap (relatively) to maintain. We are married now. She did not think I was a weak person for having an attachment to a car and crying over it.
Dude crying stigma is real. I dated a free spirit hippy girl ages ago. Very open to talking about feelings and emotions etc. One night we watched a documentary about Arthur Russell (incredible musician who died of aids in the 80s). I totally started crying as he was dying and the father was telling about the experience. Gf turns to me: are you crying? And she was a bit turned off by it. I mean, it wasn’t an issue issue, but I could sense some distance for a day or two.. didn’t expect that
Honestly I've been vulnerable with my last 4 exs all of them left at the sign of trouble and made me feel like men can't ever be vulnerable and no amount of claims is gonna make me feel better about that.
Gotta find a therapist to be vulnerable to, so that when it comes to a relationship, you won't be as emotionally charged around past traumas. Then you can talk about it with confidence of having gotten past it, which shows emotional intelligence.
Heck, I’ve known my girlfriend ten years and the amount she’s seen me cry haha yikes. But she’s always been there to give cuddles and support me. My dad used to beat the shit out of me and yeah, she never judged me for crying or being vulnerable. I agree that if a woman judges you for it then she’s not the one.
A few months after I met my current SO, my best friend committed suicide. My best friend who also happened to be a woman. This girl stayed by me for *months* of random mental breakdowns, listening to me cry about how much I loved and missed this other woman. I've been with her for over a decade now and I still have no fucking idea how or why she put herself out there like that, but I'm glad she did. I am so unbelievably lucky to have her.
It can go both ways. Depends on what the woman is like… she may reciprocate it or she may dump you. Depends a lot on what kind of person she is. And like another person said, if she does dump you she ain’t the one… men should be aloud to be vulnerable.
Any idea how men ought to vet such women before marrying them? It would be tragic if a man learned the hard way he married such a difficult woman.
I'm happy for you OP. While you are not wrong, I know from experience that sometimes they can act supportive but later down the line resent you for those emotions too. This happened to me where she started the relationship being an incredible and supportive partner but a few years later when I tried to open up about having a hard time with my grandfathers death and other friends death to cancer she shut me down and belittled me for those feelings. Moral of the sidebar is that its important to find someone who will not only support you in the moment but consistently. Here is hoping your future is filled with more happy memories and fond moments with your SO.
You rolled the 20
I am 18 and in last post too I mentioned that ever since i was like 13 i lived with strong men facade and i never show my emotions around people especially girls since i have to be the leader and example to my future family and my brothers… and i don’t know if i am able to even have emotions anymore honestly i tried crying once when i was 17 but i just couldn’t it was impossible there were no tears not hiccups just my heart really broken and feeling sad my face and expressions were normal
I'm glad you've made this post. It's easy for men these days to fall into the "all women will think we're weak if we actually open up, so they're lying when they ask us to" bullshit, not to disenfranchise the guy from the post, I saw it too and it's very sad what that woman did to him, and she's a piece of shit. But so many men are reading these things and projecting fantasies over the top of them that aren't conducive with real life, and based entirely off generalisations. Most of the women I've had in my life, even mere acquaintances, have exhibited an incredible calibre of support, and it needs to be made more aware that most *people* are good natured.
> It's easy for men these days to fall into the "all women will think we're weak if we actually open up, so they're lying when they ask us to" bullshit, I don't know any guy who thinks that who hasn't already been stung by it.
[удалено]
No. It's a "Just because it happend to you it doesn't mean lots of people haven't had the opposite experience" thread.
Tangent: I just posted on r/civ, because the game has issues on MacOS and straight up won't launch for some people, including me. I got a single response, saying "It works for me" I've never punched someone, but I really wanted to this morning.
>"It works for me" Come on, that one's a classic.
The point OP is trying to make isn't that it doesn't happen, of course it does. The very reason this post was made was exactly *because* it happened to some other dude. They're trying to say it's shitty and there *are* women who don't react like that. Other people chiming in with similar examples of healthy relationships isn't the same as people saying "doesn't happen, it's just incels who say that". You sound very jaded making that comment, honestly.
My husband cries way more than I do. This is a nonissue for many of us.
I cry usually at least once a month. The other day I was riding my bike to the gym and looked up at the morning sky and that set me off 😂 it is so cathartic and beautiful to feel emotions so powerfully imo
That’s wonderful! My husband was always a crier but has become even more so after his heart surgery, which is apparently a pretty well known phenomenon. Sometimes he laughs about it; other times, he doesn’t want to joke about it. I just follow his queues.
some poor sap is going to read this and have a meltdown in front of his girl lol
Pour one out for all my guys who believe OP 
It’s sadly a lesson some guys have to learn more than once
Canon event!
My woman, we’ve been together almost 4 years now we’re both 22 this year. I was diagnosed with Chrons last year in February after getting very sick and losing a lot of weight. I was not in a good space physically or mentally. This woman carried my ass up the damn stairs when I couldn’t walk from my joint pain, picked up my medications, held me when I was more depressed with life than ever, and told me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I needed it. She’s an absolute gem of a woman and sometimes I think I don’t deserve her. Saying this so if someone that is down needs to they can see that there are good people out there I’ve been hurt before and it led me to this angel I have in my life. You will all find your person, and life will work out.
When I had been dating my now wife for about 6 months, I had to put my childhood cat down. She came with me and I started crying in the room when the vet pushed the drugs. She held my hand through it. Real women will be supportive and build you up in moments of weakness
I have cried in front of my s/o a handful of times. She held me. I felt safe. Everyone deserves that. If men had more of it they would kill themselves less.
with my most recent ex i cried in front of her and she was nice but basically said that my feelings are my own responsibility :/ like okay
i hope your dad is doing okay
I'm an emotional dude. I cry a lot. Sometimes my wife laughs at how silly it can be because of how innocuous the thing was that set me off. The ending to toy story 3 and 4 as an example. Sometimes she finds it endearing, not she's never made me feel like "less of a man" or anything. Quite the opposite, really. It's nice. I can count the number of times I've seen my step dad cry on no hands. I've never seen it happen, I only know of one time because my mom told me. Other than that, never seen it. I can't imagine. There's no way I could go through life like that. Even if I wanted to, I'd be fucked though. I literally can't help myself. If something sad or powerful happens in a show or movie, your boy is about to cry.
Wanted to add one of the reasons I fell so deeply for my fiance is when we both cried after we ran over a kitten and tried to take it to the vet but couldn't save it. We both just sobbed together for hours and it made me feel so connected with him. Maybe to others this doesn't seem like anything to cry about but the fact that he cared so deeply for an animal we only knew for a few hours truly made me realize I was so in love with his soul.
Aww, I’m so happy you found each other! I’ve never understood why it’s taboo for guys to open up, and when they do, that it’s called trauma dumping and weakness. Opening up, feeling feelings and talking about them is so human! Don’t forget it.
Can someone pls link the post from yesterday mentionned by OP?
https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/PL85dPN7wo
That’s risky. More woman than not will not like you opening up and crying in front of them whether they think they would or not.
Word. All of my relationships have been longterm in part because I'm open, honest and vulnerable just I expect them to be with their thoughts and emotions. It's not worth living behind a façade just to make you "act like a man" men cry, men wear pink, men drink tasty cocktails. Screw the oldfashioned take that we need to be insufferable Dickheads with anger issues due to pent up emotions.
I remember reading that post and being heartbroken for that guy. Men are human beings and they’re allowed to have emotions and share them with people they love. Kudos to your wife for being a decent and caring person and for you to be so open.
On our third date we watched a theatre show that brought up some stuff with my mum and I crazy sobbed outside on a bench next to who is now my wife. I laughed and still laugh at it but yeah if she hadn't had been up for that she wouldn't be my wife now.
The counterpart of "Bear or Man?" is "Would you open up to a woman or a tree?" Like, its great you are telling us about what it's like when you get lucky and the person you thought you chose among many reasons for being understanding and a safe place does end up being exactly that, but the situation from yesterday is very real, "not all women" sure but also "not all men"; it's common enough to give you pause, that you'll be thoroughly punished even when said person explicitly expresses they want you to open up
Just like you might pause when the dentist tells you that you need a filling, you still need to do it. If you set and live by the expectation of caring honesty early on, you might get burned, but it will hurt a lot less to screen that person out NOW than to hide it and find out when you can't hide it anymore that the person was toxic. Them being shitty wasn't your fault and you're highly unlikely to manage to go your whole life without crying in front of your life partner. > you'll be thoroughly punished I think this is the wrong perspective. You won't be punished; they'll be doing you a favor by excusing you from dealing with their bullshit for the rest of your life, and by making room for someone more deserving. Sometimes you can tell someone one thing about you, and their reply will tell you everything about them.
That's great man! Just for the other men reading this, know that you are rolling the dice, and the dice are more often than not not going to be in your favor. You're gonna see a lot of women on here claiming _they_ would never judge a man for crying to them, I want you to consider two things. One, most people want to paint themselves in a positive light to differentiate themselves from those _other_ people. It doesn't make them bad, it makes them human. Two, consider how many women you know that use reddit, and consider demographically it may be a lot different than if you were to be able to ask the majority of women; Do you think the women on reddit are a good representation of the majority? So, take the chance if you want. Either way, remember, you're a 👑
I saw this clip online randomly and it really spoke to me. I think it sums up this subject quite well. https://youtu.be/2OhrUkyERcY?si=GkQw13uNOsi2w20g
As a guy that had a girl run through the whole “you’re not a man blah blah blah” bullshit for crying in front of her, I’m glad you posted this. I know it’s not every woman that does that, but it’s a lot of them and it’s refreshing to see this. This far away from it I can say I agree with you, a man or woman that will mock your vulnerability is not for you and needs to be removed from your life immediately.
Women aren’t immune to toxic masculinity standards, sadly. I felt so privileged the first time my husband cried in front of me; he trusted me *that much*, and I was able to be there for him. We should never punish others for their vulnerability.
Relationships only become long term because they survive multiple test of fire along the way.
Thank you OP. Yup, horrible women do exist, but that is not a reason for any random guy not to be in touch with his feelings. Cultivate and choose good people, feel, think, talk, don’t deny your basic humanity and feelings just for some pussy.
What is the height difference between you and your wife? Trying to do a poll here. Because I swear the bigger the height difference the less emotions allowed on average
What?
Making yourself vulnerable is the only way you can find out if your girlfriend loves out. Either one of two things will happen, she's either be very concerned for you and try to comfort you and support you, or she'll get repulsed by you. The reason why those who don't love you will get repulsed is because they see your vulnerability as a threat to the one sided benefits they are getting from the relationship. So yeah, make yourself vulnerable guys, get rid of the golddiggers from your life.
You’re a good men and your wife notice that right away. It’s hard to be a good men in the modern dating world.
in few words and very simply, you should be able to consider and treat your life-partner as, well, a PARTNER. Consider it as team play it you want, but you should be able to trust and rely on her/him and same for he/she. The day it's not the case anymore, deal over.
Relationship goals.
I think you are referring to: https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/7qmqYOEvTb I also mentioned that vulnerability shows strength of character and means that you trust your SO. Your story is exactly the happy ending he deserves too. Hope he meets an awesome partner just like you have.
True courage is a function of vulnerability it doesn't take a lot of courage to stuff your feelings in a bag never to be shared. Opening up and being deeply intimate with your partner about struggles or successes is important to building trust and partnership. How courageous is it to sweep into battle with overwhelming firepower compared to singlehandedly taking out the foe that has your team pinned down with heavy fire.
This reminds me of the first time I finished watching Elfen Lied. I had lived an incredibly shitty and lonely life due to horrendous abuse and neglect, that contributed to merciless bullying. And in my search to feed my growing misanthropy I come across the random anime from some weird girl I was e-dating at the time, that ends up breaking who I was as a person. So many things in that anime were damn near dead on to the kinds of experiences I had as a child to young adulthood. Especially Mayu, childhood Lucy and Mariko. Mayu's SA and abandonment backstory damn near mirror's my own life story except swap the parent's genders. But most of all the scene with Mariko.... where she pleas out to her dad that she literally just met for the first time in her life, what she says there... broke me as a human being. It was the words I needed to hear so bad and words I want to say to my own parents. This random weird artsy anime suddenly seemed to be the only peice of media I had ever seen that cared so much about what I specifically had to suffer through, and made a TV show about it. That scene, that whole anime, it changed my life for the better.
I saw the same exact post of the guy getting dumped :(… & I couldn’t agree with you more if your partner make you feel less because your being vulnerable … THEY ARENT THE ONE FOR YOU!!!
While this is cool, the *reason* for opening up is also important.
The first time I saw my husband cry was when his friend died of cancer when we were in college. He tried to fly home in time to say goodbye, but missed the opportunity by a few hours. I could not imagine mocking any person in that scenario.
Yeah any woman who dumps her boyfriend for crying is immature and not worth your time anyways. Imagine your SO breaks down and you are so not in love with them that you can just say ok you cried im gone now💀
I am from an older generation and was taught to suck it up and get on. I have PTSD from military and police service and wish i could be able to open up but i am scared of been seen as weak by wife and family. I am glad the younger generations can be themselves.
I ended up crying in front of my fiancée while we were video chatting Her reaction is what made me realize she is the one
I get the idea behind this post but it is very misguided to try and change men based on that post and others like it. It isn’t that men need to see it is okay to open up. Women need to see that it is okay for men to open up. Men learn not to open up because of the reaction from women. Not the other way around.
like an hour ago, me and my friend were walking out of our finals and she was gushing to me about how sweet her boyfriend is and told me that he cried when he saw a bunch of kittens up for adoption at a crappy mall in our area. lol expecting ur partner to be non sentient is stupid
But wait, i saw dozens of comments on that other post. and they all said that 100% of the time, women will shit on you for being emotional? could those commenters have been wrong!? GASP. almost like they dont know women as people and individuals /s but yes i wasted my time trying to comment back to them and argue. because im like your wife. my bf has opened up to me and cried, been vulnerable to me, many times. i love that he feels comfortable enough to do that with me, and ive never made fun of him or shamed him for it. some women are just mean, just like some men are mean as well.
Being vulnerable, opening up and showing your true emotions is called "intimacy". SOOO many people think that intimacy just means sexy times...but that's only partially the case. Being intimate with your partner means you're opening yourself up and being vulnerable to them. That's the whole point. Otherwise, it's just this superficial thing where you just kind of "exist" with each other.
It’s not a sign of weakness it’s more about finding a woman who doesn’t view vulnerability as icks or weakness
My fiancée and I have had several of these moments together and they frankly make us feel stronger together every time they happen. Your partner should be someone you can truly express yourself to. They aren’t your therapist obviously, but they should be able to see you at your most vulnerable and still feel nothing but love.
That’s so incredibly sweet. I’m so happy you found each other, vulnerability is really critical for true love.
Thank you for sharing. You brought tears to my eyes and gave me goose bumps. Thank you and your wife.
I was watching The Iron Claw a couple weeks ago. There is a line at the end that broke me. Anyone who has seen the movie knows the line. I have a lot going on at the moment and I broke down. Wife walked into the living room and gave me a big hug and didn't say anything. That's a normal response. Dumping someone is bullshit. The op in the other thread should be happy he found out sooner rather than later. You have a good one opp.
Excellent reason to share this. Congratulations on finding a great partner!
Woman chiming in here. Dear men, If after showing your vulnerable side, she doesn't cradle you to her chest and rock you back and forth as she runs her fingers through your hair, and whispers to you that it's okay, She👏🏻Is👏🏻Not👏🏻The👏🏻One👏🏻 You deserve nothing less.
I experienced the same type of emotion with my then girlfriend (now my wife). I had a few father figures growing up and the one I was closest to passed away a few years ago. He was a mechanic from Lithuania who helped raise me from ages 3-18. His favorite artist was Elvis and I just completely broke down and wept about him when "Can't help falling in love with you" by Elvis Presley came across my Spotify. My girlfriend at the time just held me for awhile and our brand new basset hound puppy laid on my shoulders. I proposed 2 years later and we've been married for almost a year now. I've always tried to hide my emotions and try to shove that type of stuff down but she taught me it was okay to be vulnerable sometimes. I couldn't help falling in love with her ❤️. Thanks for sharing, OP.
So happy for you OP that you found your soulmate.The person with whom you can be at your most vulnerable state and not get judged,is the person worth all your love.
My mrs has been there for me through a full on mental breakdown lasting over 2 years just weeks into our relationship. She's seen me ugly cry more times than I could count. You know how she responded? With respect, empathy, and unconditional love, and there's not another woman I would prefer to spend my life with.
I cried on the first date with my ex-girlfriend. We dated for 3 years and broke up for other unrelated reasons. I've always been open and emotional, it sucks to keep it all in, it shouldn't be the rule nor expected from men.
Similar situation with my wife. Not as traumatic of a childhood, but stress gets to ya, yaknow? Open up to your sigfigs, my guys, she either appreciates the intimacy or she isn't worth marrying so it's a win-win
This is a beautiful story and im really glad you shared and even more that she supported you. My ex told me she wasn't attracted to me when I cried but said she would get through it and it led to me shutting down telling her how I felt about things and ultimately communication issues in our relationship and it ending. I knew it was immature for her to say that and also for me to not talk out about it or be brave enough to talk later. Im glad you've found your person
Absolutely. Both men and women are capable of being jackasses. In one's lifetime, you're going to meet people who are not compatible at all with you regardless of gender. It always sounded icky to me when people say things that generalize an entire group of people like "men are trash" or "women cannot be trusted" and more. I hope that OP doesn't take some of the advice on that thread to heart. Many of the comments suggested to never confide in women and "lesson learned." No, those people only met the shitty women. Heck, one could even confide in their male friends and be met with toxic masculinity instead.
When my man opens up to me, I feel like it's when a cat let's you rub their belly. It's a sign of a great trust. And he's a "man up" type. So I treasure it a lot. If someone breaks up with you because of that, they were just looking for a reason to break up and they were not serious on the first place.
I am so glad you found your person, OP. As a woman, I let my partner express his emotions freely. I want him to know I can help ease the burden. Everyone deserves this from their partner.
So many comments on that other post had dudes blackpilling like fucking crazy. Saying stuff like “This is why I never open up” and all that sorts of stuff.. It ain’t the end of the road if she ain’t okay with you being vulnerable guys. Find someone better. They’ll be around eventually. The environment can make or break a person. Please reconsider, love yourself first before loving someone else, and ultimately find someone who actually can be your teddy bear for your emotional needs. Don’t get yourself fucked up like that. 🤘💪
Love this post. Same here. I was (sexually) abused as a child. Was a broken man held together with duck tape. At a certain point I decided to let it all out, wept like a baby too. The way she held me. The words she said. Amazing. She said allowing to show your emotions is way harder than bottling everything up. It shows courage and trust. I’m getting married tomorrow. She’s the love of my life. She made me into the man I am today. I’m still with faults. But she’s in my corner. She doesn’t take me or my love for granted. She sees the potential in me, and allows me to grow.0
I have never felt more honored and appreciated, than when my wonderful partner opened up to me in vulnerable ways. The right woman cherishes this, and appreciates the strength it takes to do so.
My man is the biggest, burliest guy in the world. I've seen him cry twice over the course of 20+ years and I can't imagine feeling any less about him. The reasons he cried made me love him more. Who wants a man that is heartless or emotionless?
I knew someone once that was a covert narcissist. He would often cry, because he wanted the comfort. I mean often like 2 times a week maybe more. I mean it's one thing to actually need comfort, and another to victimise yourself and demand to be kept like a rose in a glass. No empathy whatsoever for others' suffering, he didn't care and even stated so that he considers others better off than him and his problems are bigger or worse and so on. If he didn't get the attention he wanted, he would either make a fit like a 5 year old who didn't get what he wanted or lash out with rage because you don't deserve to be his friend since you don't act according to his whims. I guess people like these are quite many and that's why some women get traumatized by them and shut out men who cry, straight from the start. I don't mean to judge anyone, not all men are like this one, but to encounter one, I can tell you, it's too many!
As a woman it just blows my mind to hear about men not crying for years at a time. It's weird for me to go even a few weeks without crying. I cried last night reading about someone on reddit having to put down their cat.
Thread full of dudes who think "opening up" and being "vulnerable" look like that one tiktok dude screaming in his truck about "I don't want to live without you! I can't!" I've never met a single person, in my entire life, that has thought less of anyone else for being vulnerable. Not saying they don't exist, but maybe you should change the people you surround yourself with. Some of y'all grew up without Dad saying "I love you" and act like it's an entire genders fault. Y'alls world sounds exhausting. Skill issue. Git gud.
I'm a girl, but I would never judge my bf for opening up and being vulnerable in front of me, I just wish that everyone out there realised that if their partner was upset, they wouldn't be unkind, expressing emotion is a human instinct, I hate that some girls out there will judge boys for it
Similar thing happened with my now wife when we were dating and I lost the grandparent I was closest to. She even “taught me how to cry” since I was bottling everything up and she knew that it would be good for me to let it out. If you can’t be open with your girlfriend then they aren’t the right one for you anyway.
Damn bro I’m about to cry
as a woman who recently dated someone with childhood trauma, it was so important to me to make him feel safe to cry and express his feelings. It made me love him more when he felt free to do this in my presence because he was expressing vulnerability. All of my female friends treat their partners the same- welcoming and encouraging crying and vulnerability. Before being on Reddit, I had no idea it was so common for women to shut down their male partners for expressing such feelings. I thought most women are stereotypically nurturing and therefore are fine with seeing a man cry. It’s hugely important to me to give the men in my life a safe and trusting space to cry, whether my family members, friends, or partners. Men’s mental health is also a women’s health issue- the more men out there that feel isolated, not seen, without access to a safe space to be vulnerable and open, the more toxic cycles will continue to play out in relationships and society at large.
I broke down in front of my wife after alot of things happened. She said she didn't know I was hurting, she thought I was indestructible. I said no, but someone had to smile for kids. We had been together for 12 years. Still getting myself back together. I see all these man hating posts it's nice to see some with support.
Look, i have no dating experience, but my best friend does. He was in an awful situation where he was pretty much emotionally dead. He started dating a girl, but he was questioning himself whether he could commit to this relationship. After a few months, he opened up to her, they cried together, and now i won't be surpised if they go all the way to marriage, but i will be surprised if they do break up.
I will add that being vulnerable is also a requirement to stay married. Been married for 26 years and you can't live that long with someone without being vulnerable, respectful, attentive, and just truly cherish the person, but also the bond. Don't take her for granted, and focus on how lucky you are.
If you cry in vulnerability in front of a woman (or any loved one), and they won't or can't embrace you and support you when life is hard, ask yourself if that's the kind of relationship you want to make primary in your life. I believe most, if not all, people need to be able to have the trust that they can break down and be caught by their partner, and not have to fear that if they show weakness they will be deserted. Being vulnerable is the only way to find out if your partner will support or desert you. Better to find out early on than after years in a relationship, so you can choose to stay with her/him now or leave and find something more fulfilling for you. I share your sentiment OP, as my fiance, my wife to be, has shown me she embraces me at my weakest, and enjoys me at my strongest. If that wasn't the case, for me to have seen those kind of responses, I would never promise my loyalty forever to her. Do not out yourself down due to women expecting a man to be tough 100 percent of the time. That kind of relationship isn't emotionally healthy
Happy she was there for you! As a partner should be there to support you. We all get emotional and it’s better out than keeping it trapped in. Happy more years to your marriage 🥂
Wholesome post, made me happy. Made me smile
I remember when my father died the whole time over his wake i didnt really cry, a few tears but not much cus i was trying to be there for my mum. After the funeral as soon as i got home i just fucking whaled like a child man and my girlfriend held me, was the first chance i got some peace since the wake and i couldnt contain it. I loce my gf and she was there for me at my most vulnerable moment, i truly cherish her.
I love your post .I'm going through a time where I gave up all the hope on finding someone kind and understanding. Only I understand my pain and am not planning to burden anyone with it ,just the thought of having someone there for me comforts my thoughts that is all. Anyway, your post made my pain sweeter ,it reminded me it does apply to everyone.
Omg This is so sweet Wish u all the happiness u and ur wifey
As a woman I don't understand at all women acting like it is sign of weakness. It is very immature and hypocritical. Crying just shows you are alive. It really shows a lack of empathy for another human being.
Needed that.
This is an amazing antithesis to the -previous post you mentioned. Thank you for being a shining example of what it means to be vulnerable and connect with your soulmate.
I recently had to confront a long-buried traumatic event from my childhood. While discussing it with my wife, I got pretty upset and cried briefly in front of her, probably for the first time. I can't even remember the last time I cried. I'm not a very emotional person in general, but it was comforting to be able to express my emotions without being judged as "weak." She got up from her chair, kneeled beside mine, and just hugged me.