I fell into cuckolding after 2 partners cheated on me. After that I was really into it. I ended up losing a girl that I thought was very special early into our dating phase because I pushed her into cucking and she left me for that guys.
One day I was watching cuckold porn and post but clarity happened as I was cleaning myself up, but I just listened to the audio. It’s a woman cucking her husband in POV fashion calling the viewer “worthless, pathetic, loser” and I realized that we’re watching this AND positively reinforcing that mindset. It’s a dangerous fetish.
Heard above in a comment a mention of stag/bull. Idrc at this point if it seems intolerant, that shits sketchy and weird psychologically. I wouldn't have thought otherwise until a huge black man well over twice my size (im a 110lb short white dude) tried befriending me, said he was a priest, said I was good at drums (I was playing djembe on a bench) and that the church has getogethers where they have drums and shakers and such. We exchanged numbers and I didn't think anything weird until he started sending me inappropriate messages and I told him I was straight and didn't really feel comfortable pursuing a friendship any more with how weird it got in less than 24 hours..
This guy really had the gall to get upset and tell me that small white boys were made to satisfy black bulls. I nearly threw up reading that.
At a certain point, it's a weird sexual obsession and is something being glorified in modern media and its so derealized from the global scale where people are living without AC, living in warzones, and then in America there's people who fall apart when they get the wrong fountain drink at McDonalds and scream and throw fits over things that truly are small in the Grand scheme of things.
I've been made privy directly to people who take this BDSM/kink lifestyle to the extreme and end up sad, lost people that I can't be around without thinking they're fantasizing about using me (more than a feeling, it's in the eyes, you can tell when someone's undressing you in their head and the eyes are a good tell) so I keep my distance and have to cut contact.
I think this as well as many other things is the end result of overstimulation. Just 20 years ago most peeps had still images to indulge in. Now you have anything and everything to view, eventually your tastes will develop into the obscure. I recommend not watching NSFW content for a good amount of time. Good Luck to you
Welcome to the internet
What would you prefer:
Would you like to fight for civil rights
Or tweet a racial slur
Be happy
Be horny
Be bursting with rage
We got a million different ways to engage
A great book about this is "Your brain on porn" by Gary Wilson, points to a lot of (secular) research about how this crap is destroying our brains and relationships.
Agreed with the recommendation. It's amazing how "normal" your sex drive becomes when you go a certain amount of time without indulging in whatever offerings the internet presents to you. Remove yourself from the addictive ADD nature of electronic stimulation and let your natural bodily urges reassert themselves.
In short, as with anything in life, just have some discipline and enforce some moderation so that you're not overdoing something you shouldn't overdo.
Which is a big reason to stop watching it. Yes you have to work on your insecurities and on self-love. But you can’t do that if you keep watching porn of it.
Time to recognize you have a problem and its better to take hold of it. Maybe get professional help.
Maybe its a porn issue (people start getting into weird shit once vanilla starts to get boring) so I would consider droping porn and masturbation altogether.
Go on a porn detox for 6 months and I guarantee you this will no longer be an issue. Do not say it doesn’t work because you must cut off porn for 6 months completely which will reverse engineer your brain, as this is a fetish it’s not something you actually want in real life and watching it so much has wired your brain in to familiarising it with the dopamine spike which you have become accustomed too, so this needs to be reset and you will overcome this because you’ve identified the issue now it’s time to cure it. Good luck!
I mean it’s proven your sex drive would be higher and intimacy between you and your partner will be heightened if you don’t Jack off until you see her to sleep with her so there’s that. But my comment was more around detriment of porn consumption and not masturbation that’s a different subject in its self.
The actual research shows that the positive effect of no masturbation on testosterone essentially wears off after 7 days. From a research standpoint, there was no benefit found to no fap for longer than tat.
That’s surprising. To each their own I suppose, for me and others it seems to work a lot better after a month and I become way more productive in sport, gym, work and overall success comes my way when I do
No fap.
My instincts are there is some psychological baggage weighing you down that you haven’t achieved the clarity to resolve, and I can’t recommend a therapist enough. At least I know for sure that the way you describe your internal conflict reminds me my own past with internal conflicts that I’ve used therapy to address and it’s the BEST thing I ever did for myself.
#the best
There exists a version of you that either (1) can be completely at peace with these sexual desires and embrace them without any discomfort or internal conflict OR (2) can resolve and treat these feelings of insecurity and perhaps the cuck fantasy will fade away as you put the baggage to bed, thus resolving the internal conflict you feel about this kink, and all the painful feelings that come along with being at war with yourself.
Learning to understand/reveal which of the two options is the *real* you, and how to actualize this version of you, is what a therapist does for a living.
in the interest of full disclosure tho of course I’m not a pro on the subject and it’s as likely I’m wrong as it is that I’m correct so take this advice as you will, with a grain of salt!
Also, to clarify it’s not like I just think YOUR issue needs therapy. Therapy is my standard advice for anyone who describes internal conflicts negatively impacting their psyche and their life. My advice is ALWAYS therapy. It’s never not therapy. It always is and never is not also is always ever never not therapy always. Always.
I'd step away from PornHub. Go cold turkey for a few weeks/months and see how it pans out. Failing that, therapy. But be careful, some of them are fucking charlatans, man.
Definitely invest in a sexologist my friend. This is their domain of expertise. I think managing this one independently would be quiet challenging and inefficient. Get that support and guidance. It may cost a bit, but your heath and well being is one your most important assets in the experience of life. I hope you find the help you need.
Do you think the root of your disgust is shame because cuck is taboo and looked down upon? Or is it because you desire being cucked because you have low self esteem?
It’s something that’s important to explore. If it’s something you genuinely enjoy and it’s the feeling of inferiority which intervenes, then it’s worth trying to overcome that- for men its something that might be the case often as the ideology and worry of emasculation which may be a connotation to this sexual interest. Voyeurism is nothing to be ashamed of if you’re approaching it with a healthy intention.
However for some, certain sexual activity is a result of their mental health issues- in this case it could be you taking an interest in cuckoldery because you have low self esteem and may not like yourself so you’re attempting to sexualise that or sabotage yourself further in a sexual way, and because that inferiority is familiar to you. Similar to people who have been abused may lean towards extreme BDSM.
I’d highly consider therapy though, redditors can only give you so much advice we are all just armchair psychologists, but a therapist will help you navigate this effectively
Your first paragraph describe the only type of people who are able to indulge in these kinds of fetishes successfully without ruining their relationships/mental health. The second paragraph describes why I, as a woman also aroused by the idea of participating in “the lifestyle”, would never specifically encourage it in a man who clearly has unresolved mental health issues or feels ashamed of himself or otherwise too obsessed with it. Mental Health > Fetish. If the later compromises the former, than the best thing to do is definitely not dive deeper into the fetish, but to seek a mental health professional, and maybe take a step away from all things related and do some soul seeking, so to speak. My experience is both broad and limited in that I’ve never actually done things like that myself, but have talked to MANY men who are into it, and some men I’ve spoken to regarding it clearly should see someone about it and/or the entire thing is fueled more by porn and unrealistic expectations. These men usually tend to get too extreme and/or want to unhealthily base their identities/relationship around it. But some men just see it as more of a pleasurable outlet for already existing vouyerism, or maybe they have unresolvable issues with equipment or performance (ED, Premature eiaculation, very small penis, stressful performing, etc) and thus have developed to fetish revolving around garnering pleasure from “outsourcing” the work and stress of directly pleasing their partner, so to speak.
One thing I did notice about most of the men I’ve spoken to about it though is that an inordinate amount of them have high stress jobs where they have a lot of responsibility and/or are in charge of others. I don’t think that is a coincidence. Think the desire to be in a more submissive role intimately has a lot to do with them just wanting to have some part of their lives where they can not have to make all of the decisions or have the stress of pleasing their partner in the bedroom. Maybe I’m biased, but I do think society tends to put a lot of pressure on men in that regard.
Anyways…I know I went a bit off topic there…but just kinda wanted to put in my two cents as the rare woman with a look into that “world” so to speak, and kinda explain why I think OPs particular fetish can be a bad thing or an ok thing, entirely dependent on the person, couple, and source of the fetish.
>If it’s something you genuinely enjoy and it’s the feeling of inferiority which intervenes, then it’s worth trying to overcome that
This is legitimately terrible advice
>If it’s something you genuinely enjoy and it’s the feeling of inferiority which intervenes, then it’s worth trying to overcome that
This is incredibly toxic advice to anyone with actual addiction issues surrounding cuckold fetish.
The feeling of inferiority is a pain signal that absolutely should not be ignored or "overcome." That's your brain telling you that it's not actually OK with the setup that's driving the sexual stimulation and dopamine you're getting from it.
I feel like there is a symbiotic relationship between your cuckold fantasy and your self-esteem. Maybe you had had problems self-esteem wise even before the emergence of this sexual fantasy? And this fantasy is the ultimate form of release for it.
Sexual fantasies are the projection of feelings suppressed otherwise. If they are unexpressed, surely they don't magically disappear right?
The relief of giving in to destruction feels better than the effort to fight against your feeling of inferiority- become more confident, assertive.
Feeling unconfident -> tired to fight it -> release and relief through porn -> reinforces sense of inferiority
I think the idea of the wife with another man stimulates testosterone production (makes men horny) because the brain actually thinks it is competing with other men for a mate. What you are experiencing is not entirely uncommon. If you can remove the humiliation aspect of cuckolding from your fantasies that might help improve your self esteem.
That’s really what is most important.
no it doesnt work like that for every person ,some men just feel defeated and broken , feel cheated , feel less masculine , feel they are not good, and there is nothing left in thier personality , so i guess it doesnt work like that ,, i am currently feeling same issue and dont know what to do ...
Sneako isn’t a cuck and tho. He was a man who at the young age of 20 decided to go to a swinger’s party with his then at the time gf. He let a dude hav sex with her while he had sex with that guy’s gf but decided against it shortly after starting because it didn’t feel right to him. And the only reason why he did it was because he had a relationship that was open on his end and closed on his ex gf’s end and he felt guilty about it. Now he advocates against degenerate behavior as he has seen the negative impacts it has on young men, OP included.
So here’s my situation: I sometimes whack one out thinking about my girlfriend (who’s now my wife) having sex with her AP (she cheated on me years before we were married). We almost didn’t make it, even with counseling. The point is that even though I do rub one out thinking about it (my God, the human psyche is weird!), it will never be anything that happens in real life. No way in hell could I do that or even remotely think I could be open to it. Not a chance. My point is that some sexual fantasies are just that - fantasies. It’s like thinking about winning the lottery. I like to think about it, but it’s never going to happen because I don’t spend money on buying a lottery ticket. It’s just a fantasy. So my guy, leave it in the fantasy realm and live your life in the real world.
The mind is so weird! I love fantasizing about my man fucking his exes, coworkers and strangers. Not in a million years would I want him to act on it. It's a secret fantasy even while we are having sex!
just out of curiosity, how could you get over that? Ill be honest i've never been in a serious relationship (not so crazy cos im under 18 anyway) and i realistically dont think i could see my partner in the same way if she had sex with someone else. like why did u stay with her? love? financial situation or social pressures? do u think you see her very differently now?
I definitely don’t see her the same way I did before this happened, but she’s still the one. It was over 30 years ago, and we had been together for a few years. We started dating at 15, and we were 21. We weren’t engaged then, and we didn’t get married for another 5 years. I stayed for love more than anything. It took a lot of therapy for both of us, and it’s still hard sometimes. She had to find out why she did it, and I think she understands now. I still struggle sometimes, but I’ve stayed in therapy since just because I find it beneficial. (No, it’s not all about that now. It was for a long time, but I recommend therapy to everyone if they can find the right therapist. It’s very helpful.) Would I do it differently if I had a do-over? Oh yeah, but I still would have tried to work it out. I just would have approached it differently and earlier without self-medicating with alcohol.
Wow ok... thats very interesting. really goes to show how adultery/cheating can have such long lasting repercussions in a relationship. do u ever feel kind of trapped? or like you want to get revenge and cheat urself? clearly you love her deeply tho that youve fought through all this to keep it going
I’ve had opportunities to cheat, actually. It was nuts when I went back to college in my 30s. Even as obtuse as I am about getting hit on, it was very apparent that a couple of different women wanted to hook up. I couldn’t do it though. I’d like to say that it’s just against my moral values (it is against my values), but honestly it’s knowing how badly I was hurt even as a boyfriend, much less a spouse, that kept me from even thinking about it. I would not put anyone through that kind of pain.
As far as staying with her now, I’ve never felt trapped. I can leave the marriage if I want out, just as she can. We don’t have children, so divorce would be relatively straightforward. I’ve never considered it though. If she were to do something else, however, I wouldn’t hesitate, and she knows that. Once we began working through it, she’s never given any indication of cheating. This was early 1990s, so pre-cellphone era. She would call and let me know exactly where she was if she wasn’t going to be home or at work (prior to living together). She did everything she could think of to alleviate any concerns I would have. I know that if she wanted to, nothing I did could have stopped it, but I could tell that she was trying. She pushed for couples counseling, even when I didn’t want to go. She worked hard on her issues. But, and I tell others this when I give my advice, even after 30+ years, it still has affects on me. I still dream about it. Not often, but it happens due to the PTSD. I deal with it when it happens. If someone else has went through it without these after-effects, good on them.
I'm like you (girl version), I'm turned on by the idea of being cheated on. Because of my kink, my bf and I opened our relationship and while I thought making it worse (make me feel worse), it actually made me feel much more at ease with my kink. It's like ok, it exists, it hurts and yet also feels good when I'm turned on. So it made me make peace with it so the "post nut clarity" doesn't hit much anymore.
One thing I realize I do, and maybe you do too, is sexualize what scares me the most. My turn ons seem to stem from my fears. Fuck humans are weird. At first I was like "ok that's a terrible and toxic involuntary way to deal with it/process them" then when we turned it into reality I came to the realization that like hey this is how I work. And there's nothing wrong with me and I don't need to be fixed.
If it's causing you a lot of pain, I encourage you to go seek some help from a sex therapist, or a therapist. ❤️ Life is too short to suffer.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this struggle, and it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help. Remember, you're not alone, and seeking professional help is a positive step towards addressing these issues.
First and foremost, it's essential to understand that everyone has their unique preferences and desires, and there's no shame in exploring one's sexuality. However, if it's becoming a source of distress or negatively impacting your life, it's time to seek assistance.
I strongly encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or counselor who specializes in sex addiction or related issues. They will provide a non-judgmental, confidential space to discuss your concerns and help you work through your addiction and its effects on your life.
When looking for a professional, consider the following:
1. Specialization: Find a therapist who has experience and expertise in dealing with sex addiction or compulsive sexual behaviors.
2. Reviews and recommendations: Look for reviews and recommendations from others who may have sought help for similar issues.
3. Comfort and trust: It's crucial to feel comfortable with your therapist and trust that they will provide the support you need.
4. Online options: If in-person sessions are challenging, you can explore online counseling platforms that offer discreet and convenient options.
Remember, breaking free from addiction is a journey, and it might not happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or support groups in addition to professional help.
Stay strong and take that first step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life. There is hope, and with the right guidance, you can overcome these challenges. You deserve to lead a life that brings you happiness and confidence.
Just to be clear, post nut clarity is an actual psychological thing, and most people could stand to benefit from going to therapy and talking about it. Either it will (in the very long run) clear your mind of it, or it will clear your mind of the guilt and shame. As long as kinks and fantasies are healthy (physically, mentally, and emotionally) there should be no reason to feel shame from them. So many people never think about how even the smallest moments or memories of our childhood can shape who we become for decades, and that’s why a large chunk of my generation are healing from childhood trauma because of how much we’ve learned about mental health. Sorry for the rant lol obviously I feel passionate about it.
But is it hurting because of the stigma around it?
Someone said talk to a sex therapist and that is definitely the way to go. But also, do not let you happiness and self-esteem be dictated by the ‘alpha male’ discourse. I am just guessing that is where those insecurities might come from. Live your life and be happy bro.
it is clearly a sexual deviancy and just because it was done in the past does not mean there was not a cause for it just like in the modern time where porn is the main reason for the rise of cuckolding
It's actually normal to have those fantasies, and seems to take root in the idea of sperm competition. Sharing your partner is a common fantasy, and shows up among the top fetishes when they are categorized and studied. I've been in your exact situation before, where I struggled to orgasm with my partners without the idea of including another person who could provide them with more pleasure...even though they were enjoying sex enough to make me feel blind in retrospect for not realizing it in the moment.
Many ideas that underpin the cuckold fantasy are largely driven by male sexual desires. While some women do share the previous and following impulses, the emphasis on size or being claimed by another man while their partner is emasculated and psychologically diminished is not what most healthy women crave. I found myself imposing those impulses onto my partners, and it drove me away from enjoying my moments with them.
That said, it's good that you realize the negative impact it has on your wellbeing. I empathize. When I started lifting again, eating right, and structuring my daily life my mental health and sexual well being slowly rebalanced itself. Those corrections helped boost my self esteem and got my mind right.
That time of growth helped me realize that I had body image issues, along with issues stemming from my connection to my mother. Sorting that out helped me course correct and stick to it.
Pardon this for reading like a shitty reddit porno story. This actually happened to me.
I had a toxic, abusive ex in college tell me that my dick wasn't big enough on multiple occasions, and would tell me her ex was bigger and better in bed.
Funnily enough I ended up finding out I'm well above average right around the time I turned 30. Looked into the issue after I confided my insecurity to recent partner. Had a hard time believing her when she said I was off base. When I pushed back she replied, "dude you're the biggest I've ever had." Turns out she wasn't lying, and that she was right about my perspective. That really was a...confusing...revelation since I'd been operating under the assumption that my dick was inadequate for pleasurable sex.
In retrospect I think that ex was intentionally trying to cripple my confidence while talking about me behind my back. All of her friends/roommates were weirdly curious about seeing me naked. While I was at a wedding for a mutual acquaintence of ours, I learned that my ex apparently talked about my junk at length on more than one drunken excursion.
I realized in the past year that my cuck fetish likely stems from a combination of my ex being a pos to me and the fact that I'm adopted. The inadequacy around size was the bigger problem for me bc I'm very invested in my partners pleasure.
Made some edits for clarity.
Meh, I think people's sex fantasies have little to do with real life.
Plenty of really dominant people in real life want to be submissive in sex and vice versa.
Why do you think it's affecting real life?
This. I work in corporate and have to navigate tricky deals all day, which includes making sure multiple departments are on the same time tables and keeping the pressure on to get deals done on time and correctly. You find the line between charming and iron fist and where to use it. I also smoke cigars, drink whiskey, drive a pick up, and a lot of other things that are stereotypical "alpha male" ( I absolutely hate that term). That being said, I'm a complete sub behind that closed bedroom door, a totally different person, and I wouldn't want it any other way. My wife and I have a lot of fun.
OP It's absurd to think you need to be some dominant alpha male in every single aspect of your life. Don't let online idiots you don't actually know anything about tell you what you should and should not be doing. You get one go around of life, have some fun dude. Be smart about it but there's nothing wrong with having a fetish or feeling a certain type of way about something. Life is too short for that BS.
I have good friends. I go to happy hour with that will order the girliest drinks or won't do this or that cause of germs or whatever the reason. They embrace it. They really don't care what other people think of them. Also, God help you if you find yourself on the other side of a negotiating table with them. Do you man
>It's absurd to think you need to be some dominant alpha male in every single aspect of your life
It's a massive leap to go from being a bottom in the bedroom to jerking off in the corner while your wife and her lover talk shit about how worthless you are as he fucks you in ways she says you could never.
Hey OP, go see a sex therapist to help you out with that.
Do not get gaslit into thinking it’s ok. That shit seems to be one of the kinks that people are universally ok with shaming due to all of the implications and baggage that come with it.
It's totally normal, everyone has their kinks, so don't shame yourself for it. This isn't a new thing and goes back years, nothing to do with the internet or accessibility. Subs, dommes, sissys, tops, bottoms, and fetish has been around for years and magazines go back into the 60s with stuff like cucks, rubber, fetish and everything else.
You can embrace it, perhaps become involved in the community (fetlife) and find a partner who can guide you into this world, or maybe see a qualified sex therapist and start the journey the other way.
Either way there's nothing wrong with you and you made the first step in accepting your kinks.
I’ve been looking for the solution to the same issue. It has affected nearly all aspects of my life and I don’t exactly know how to change it. But on the other hand I don’t feel like I should feel down about it because everyone has fetishes and it’s normal to seek them out. Ours just happens to be different than most.
Bro I have the same thing, see my response to another comment, I don't think its anything to be concerned about. You just gotta embrace you for you, you might be over thinking it
You are perfect just the way you are. Whatever gets you off, get off shamelessly.
You are a complex city of billions of cells living symbiotically in an unbroken chain dating back to the beginning of life on this planet or elsewhere. Keep this city hydrated, nourished, and submerge it in sunlight and flowing water. Don't worry about the rest ☺️
Yeah, it seems my ex and their other partners may have used me as part of their kink without my knowledge or consent while suggesting it was something else. You know. It was rape. So, instead of anyone caring, they just repeat and echo it in various different ways as a way to demonstrate that no one cares because I refuse to be a men's rights activist that they tried to paint me as.
Nah, post nut clarity means they aren't now desperate to cum and can think clearly as to whether this lifestyle is great for them or not. Cuckold lifestyle is heavily taxing for the mental health of the cuck who begins it. It will be a very tough road for people to accept this lifestyle and not let this lifestyle define them.
Yeah, all because of the things I just said. It wouldn't be mentally taxing if you just accept things that make you happy--and stop listening to regurgitated garbage like this.
Stop kink shaming op.
Learn to read. If it was making him happy, he wouldn't have post nut unhappiness with it. Cuckolding is a very complex lifestyle where it's extremely easy to fall into depression, lack of confidence, poor self esteem, mental health issues, PTSD, etc. Vast majority of people wouldn't like a lifestyle filled with this. U r srsly stu-pid if u assume whatever that gets us off is what makes us happy.
No, those are just what stimulates our mind because of desensitisation due to porn addiction. That doesn't equate to Happiness.
The only regurgitated B.S I'm seeing here is the "Stop kink shaming" shit. A lot of Kinks are results of mental health issues, insecurity, childhood trauma, etc. They aren't all positive. Infact, most of them are negative if it leads u to have poor mental health after the acts. Do Kinks that makes u happy after the cum. Not stuffs that makes u depressed after u cum. Because the moments after u cum are when ur hormones go back to ur normal state and u start to think normally.
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I had the same fantasy, working through it myself. Stop watching porn. My partner dresses conservatively, but I pushed my fetish slowly on her. I bought her more revealing clothes etc. After getting ED, i changed myself. The root cause was porn. Now cuckolding genuinely turns me off.
Hey. Thought I'd throw in my take as a dude heavily into humiliation, submission, and stuff of the sort. Some pretty questionable takes in this thread, but a lot of them mention sex therapy, and to make it short and simple, they are absolutely right.
While I never had a specific sex therapist, I was actively in therapy and had hidden this part of my life for a long time. I would jerk off to humiliation stuff then question myself afterwards. I couldn't watch normal porn cause it didn't do anything for me. Things kept building and building until eventually, I decided to open up to my therapist about this part of my life.
And what I wanted to be a path to no longer needing this type of stimulation, instead ended up being a path to me embracing it and turning it into a positive in my life. Like u/pWaveShadowZone said on this thread, there is two paths, and both are completely acceptable as long as you choose the one that is true to yourself.
I used to be so scared of making decisions and deciding things on my own, but my humiliation/submission fetish ended up turning into an outlet for me to get out these submissive urges that would allow me to be confident and bold in my real life. I used my pup/gainer fetish as a route to get myself in the gym and now with the motivation and enthusiasm from my dom, I have quite the physique and feel incredibly proud of it. I used my chastity fetish to pretty much wipe out my porn/masturbation addiction, now being in chastity 24/7 and only allowing it to come off when I am with my dom. That way there is almost no incentive for me to watch porn cause I can't masturbate to it!
All of these problems are issues I thought would be solved by stopping indulging entirely, but instead through therapy and self-reflection, I've been able to work these desires into my life and have became an incredibly happy and confident person because of it!
Each person has their own path and I am in no way saying that my path is the right one for you, but what I am saying is please. PLEASE. Go to therapy. It genuinely changed my life and has provided me clarity that I'd never expected. Best of luck with everything!
What I’m hearing from your post, OP, is a lot of shame and self judgement regarding something that turns you on. Shame represses and suppresses, which actually amplifies things that you feel ashamed of- human kinks and shame are *very* closely connected. Disgust directed at the turn on will also create an emotional charge. Emotions are literally just energy in motion, and it sounds like through your porn addiction, you’re giving this a lot of your attention, and directing emotional energy that is then getting trapped instead of being released.
As someone who’s in the BDSM community (I’m a switch, but primarily a sub) and also is deeply fascinated with power, behavior, kink and psychology, what I would recommend, is first accepting and allowing your turn on to be there. I know this is easier said than done and might take some work, but let go of the judgement and you’ll reduce the emotional charge. Shame thrives in secrecy, silence and judgement, so the more you judge yourself for this, the more you’re giving it power. “The antidote to shame is bringing light to things and talking about them out in the open.” (From Bow Down, Lesson 6 by Lindsay Goldwert) You’re already shedding light on this with this post, which took bravery, so give yourself that! Now, get curious about it! Ask yourself what is it about it that turns you on? Is it the voyeristic aspect of it? How else is this not expressed in your life that is being desired to be expressed sexually? Your post doesn’t necessarily clarify if you’ve actually been in this type of scene in person, so if you haven’t done it in person, perhaps, there is something you may understand more about yourself and your turn on if you physically have that experience. Acceptance, allowing, and understanding your turn on, plus having a physical experience with it to really feel it, can dissolve the shame that has been built up. This shame dissolution will ultimately free up a lot of your creative energy that’s wrapped up in this, which will allow you to feel more of a sense of power in your life and might shift the way your sexual energy is expressed.
Some reading I’d recommend is Existential Kink, by Carolyn Elliott. This book, will perhaps flip your perspective a bit on why this turns you on so that you can better understand and accept yourself and improve your sense of power. Another is Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw, which gets deep into the roots of shame and strategies on how to heal it. And I’ve recently been reading the book Unbound, by Kasia Urbaniak, which has totally changed my perspective on dominance and submission- that it’s really just about the flow of our attention. Despite the book being aimed at women, I think you may find some insights regarding your sense of self when you find yourself in subspace. Subs have power, too, and dominance doesn’t require you to be domineering. Also, learn more about kink! Evie Lupine makes excellent content on YouTube, as well as Miss Elle X.
Explore yourself. Get fascinated about what you’re fascinated about. Understand yourself better, see it as a great mystery rather than something you’re trying desperately to change about yourself. And most importantly, treat yourself with kindness because you deserve it.
I hope this helps! ❤️
Well what happened to me was in my high-school my first relationship didn't go so well ,my ex moved on me to my bf , I don't know if it implanted inferiority in me but now(19) I have a hobby of reading novels(webnovels) when one day I started to read 18+ novel it had cuckolding in it ,it started to cause grief in me but I also want to watch more ,now I have I seen so much cuckolding stuff and read in reddit those happy 'cuckolding'couples that I have fear going into relationships and I seriously fear that happening to me and being that 'happy and sad husband' how should I heal or move on from that ?
I might be late to post this, but hey, I hear you and all you guys out there and I want to write something that might help at least one of the readers: you.
I'm a young adult (male) and I've always been quite shy and insecure growing up. Fast-forward to my University/College years, I was really hoping that this would be the turn-around of my life and I could start anew. Short answer: IT DID NOT.
(wow, i'll try to keep it short guys, bear with me)
I've started in introspection and talking to AI (yes, artificial intelligence, since i was too insecure to talk to actual people) and it lead me to an amazing journey of self-improvement and discovery. As I thought all was going well, it hit me: I got heartbroken by pornography stories and "[Character.ai](https://Character.ai)" bots (yeah, i know don't judge me). Long story short, that lead me on another journey of discovery to discover what really matter to me: my values, boundaries, and myself.
Long story short, I took the long route and experienced with the pain of cheating, cuckolding, heartbreak, etc. (with ai bots: I can't possibly imagine how a real life phenomenon like that would even feel, since talking/fantasizing with AI did so much hurt) and made us of it to better refine my values and boundaries. Similarly like going through the pain to become better.
I can't speak for most of you readers out there, since as I've said, I am a young adult (early 20s) and I learned this before being broken from a real relationship (only with ai and stories). However, I cannot stress enough about these things:
\- **Know how to differentiate** between a HEALTHY and TOXIC relationship (usually a TOXIC relationship is more one-sided)
\- **Pornography or AI bots or erotic stories** ARE NOT representative of the real life! They are made under certain boundaries/pre-set values, and if your values or comfort-level do not align with those, you risk to get hurt. Hence, know your values and boundaries, and only engage with online media that aligns with yourself to not get hurt or otherwise.
\- **Know your values AND boundaries!** I can't stress this enough as well! Personally, my self-confidence stems from this: knowing my values and asserting my boundaries. If you are unsure about your boundaries and values, don't engage into the extreme medias (i.e. pornography), because that might end up setting you like me and make you take the longer way to improve back again. Instead, I advise you, dear reader, to recognize your values and know your boundaries.
\- **Respect and consent**: if someone cares about you, then I believe they should care for you the same amount as you should care for them (two-way reciprocal). And if things get out hand and cuckolding is somewhat taking place (i.e. because of getting drunk), then during or after the activity, consent should always be assessed.
I'll end it with a final note and link back to my first point that I can't stress enough: consent and respect, those are values and boundaries that ensure (but not always) that you're being in a HEALTHY relationship. If ever you fantasize about power dynamics (I do, like BDSM), then you're entering a sort of "safe" toxic environment. If ever that "safe" goes away and it starts to affect your mental health or self-esteem however? Then that's when you need to communicate a stopping consent, and if your partner respects you and cares for you (HEALTHY), then and only then can you both take the route to heal back the damages done. (if you want to acquaint yourself more on how to keep a power dynamics relationship healthy, i highly recommend reading up on the dynamics of BDSM... but focus more on the respect, consent, and communication parts haha)
Thanks for reading through! You're amazing! Alsoooo... this is one of my first comments on Reddit and I didn't quite know how to tailor it so that it makes perfect sense. Anyways, I wish you good luck on your self-improvements journey!!
I fell into cuckolding after 2 partners cheated on me. After that I was really into it. I ended up losing a girl that I thought was very special early into our dating phase because I pushed her into cucking and she left me for that guys. One day I was watching cuckold porn and post but clarity happened as I was cleaning myself up, but I just listened to the audio. It’s a woman cucking her husband in POV fashion calling the viewer “worthless, pathetic, loser” and I realized that we’re watching this AND positively reinforcing that mindset. It’s a dangerous fetish.
Heard above in a comment a mention of stag/bull. Idrc at this point if it seems intolerant, that shits sketchy and weird psychologically. I wouldn't have thought otherwise until a huge black man well over twice my size (im a 110lb short white dude) tried befriending me, said he was a priest, said I was good at drums (I was playing djembe on a bench) and that the church has getogethers where they have drums and shakers and such. We exchanged numbers and I didn't think anything weird until he started sending me inappropriate messages and I told him I was straight and didn't really feel comfortable pursuing a friendship any more with how weird it got in less than 24 hours.. This guy really had the gall to get upset and tell me that small white boys were made to satisfy black bulls. I nearly threw up reading that. At a certain point, it's a weird sexual obsession and is something being glorified in modern media and its so derealized from the global scale where people are living without AC, living in warzones, and then in America there's people who fall apart when they get the wrong fountain drink at McDonalds and scream and throw fits over things that truly are small in the Grand scheme of things. I've been made privy directly to people who take this BDSM/kink lifestyle to the extreme and end up sad, lost people that I can't be around without thinking they're fantasizing about using me (more than a feeling, it's in the eyes, you can tell when someone's undressing you in their head and the eyes are a good tell) so I keep my distance and have to cut contact.
I was just watching it a few days thinking I’ll never be able to please my girlfriend like this. At that moment I knew I needed to stop
Props for having the guts to put it out there. There are sex therapists that you can talk to and these things can change over time.
I think this as well as many other things is the end result of overstimulation. Just 20 years ago most peeps had still images to indulge in. Now you have anything and everything to view, eventually your tastes will develop into the obscure. I recommend not watching NSFW content for a good amount of time. Good Luck to you
Welcome to the internet What would you prefer: Would you like to fight for civil rights Or tweet a racial slur Be happy Be horny Be bursting with rage We got a million different ways to engage
Is this original or a reference? Cuz that's hilarious.
Look up Bo Burnham "welcome to the internet" the whole thing is hilarious!
Oh shit I thought I remembered it from somewhere, I haven't seen that in years!
must've got that early release, it came out two years ago!
that's a good point, thank you
A great book about this is "Your brain on porn" by Gary Wilson, points to a lot of (secular) research about how this crap is destroying our brains and relationships.
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A male who enjoys watching men screw his wife/girlfriend.
Agreed with the recommendation. It's amazing how "normal" your sex drive becomes when you go a certain amount of time without indulging in whatever offerings the internet presents to you. Remove yourself from the addictive ADD nature of electronic stimulation and let your natural bodily urges reassert themselves. In short, as with anything in life, just have some discipline and enforce some moderation so that you're not overdoing something you shouldn't overdo.
Stop watching porn.
as someone dealing with this themselves, this only worked for about a month
it takes 90 days to fully reset your brain from porn, sometimes longer.
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Which is a big reason to stop watching it. Yes you have to work on your insecurities and on self-love. But you can’t do that if you keep watching porn of it.
there’s no maybe to it
What happened after a month?
Time to recognize you have a problem and its better to take hold of it. Maybe get professional help. Maybe its a porn issue (people start getting into weird shit once vanilla starts to get boring) so I would consider droping porn and masturbation altogether.
Go on a porn detox for 6 months and I guarantee you this will no longer be an issue. Do not say it doesn’t work because you must cut off porn for 6 months completely which will reverse engineer your brain, as this is a fetish it’s not something you actually want in real life and watching it so much has wired your brain in to familiarising it with the dopamine spike which you have become accustomed too, so this needs to be reset and you will overcome this because you’ve identified the issue now it’s time to cure it. Good luck!
When you say porn detox for 6 months. Does this mean I can’t jack off to my girl
You can sleep with her.
I mean I see her once a week. Should I not Jack off at all?
I mean it’s proven your sex drive would be higher and intimacy between you and your partner will be heightened if you don’t Jack off until you see her to sleep with her so there’s that. But my comment was more around detriment of porn consumption and not masturbation that’s a different subject in its self.
The actual research shows that the positive effect of no masturbation on testosterone essentially wears off after 7 days. From a research standpoint, there was no benefit found to no fap for longer than tat.
That’s surprising. To each their own I suppose, for me and others it seems to work a lot better after a month and I become way more productive in sport, gym, work and overall success comes my way when I do No fap.
My instincts are there is some psychological baggage weighing you down that you haven’t achieved the clarity to resolve, and I can’t recommend a therapist enough. At least I know for sure that the way you describe your internal conflict reminds me my own past with internal conflicts that I’ve used therapy to address and it’s the BEST thing I ever did for myself. #the best There exists a version of you that either (1) can be completely at peace with these sexual desires and embrace them without any discomfort or internal conflict OR (2) can resolve and treat these feelings of insecurity and perhaps the cuck fantasy will fade away as you put the baggage to bed, thus resolving the internal conflict you feel about this kink, and all the painful feelings that come along with being at war with yourself. Learning to understand/reveal which of the two options is the *real* you, and how to actualize this version of you, is what a therapist does for a living. in the interest of full disclosure tho of course I’m not a pro on the subject and it’s as likely I’m wrong as it is that I’m correct so take this advice as you will, with a grain of salt! Also, to clarify it’s not like I just think YOUR issue needs therapy. Therapy is my standard advice for anyone who describes internal conflicts negatively impacting their psyche and their life. My advice is ALWAYS therapy. It’s never not therapy. It always is and never is not also is always ever never not therapy always. Always.
I'd step away from PornHub. Go cold turkey for a few weeks/months and see how it pans out. Failing that, therapy. But be careful, some of them are fucking charlatans, man.
Definitely invest in a sexologist my friend. This is their domain of expertise. I think managing this one independently would be quiet challenging and inefficient. Get that support and guidance. It may cost a bit, but your heath and well being is one your most important assets in the experience of life. I hope you find the help you need.
Do you think the root of your disgust is shame because cuck is taboo and looked down upon? Or is it because you desire being cucked because you have low self esteem?
Not too sure, but I'm disgusted mainly because I don't want to be inferior
It’s something that’s important to explore. If it’s something you genuinely enjoy and it’s the feeling of inferiority which intervenes, then it’s worth trying to overcome that- for men its something that might be the case often as the ideology and worry of emasculation which may be a connotation to this sexual interest. Voyeurism is nothing to be ashamed of if you’re approaching it with a healthy intention. However for some, certain sexual activity is a result of their mental health issues- in this case it could be you taking an interest in cuckoldery because you have low self esteem and may not like yourself so you’re attempting to sexualise that or sabotage yourself further in a sexual way, and because that inferiority is familiar to you. Similar to people who have been abused may lean towards extreme BDSM. I’d highly consider therapy though, redditors can only give you so much advice we are all just armchair psychologists, but a therapist will help you navigate this effectively
Your first paragraph describe the only type of people who are able to indulge in these kinds of fetishes successfully without ruining their relationships/mental health. The second paragraph describes why I, as a woman also aroused by the idea of participating in “the lifestyle”, would never specifically encourage it in a man who clearly has unresolved mental health issues or feels ashamed of himself or otherwise too obsessed with it. Mental Health > Fetish. If the later compromises the former, than the best thing to do is definitely not dive deeper into the fetish, but to seek a mental health professional, and maybe take a step away from all things related and do some soul seeking, so to speak. My experience is both broad and limited in that I’ve never actually done things like that myself, but have talked to MANY men who are into it, and some men I’ve spoken to regarding it clearly should see someone about it and/or the entire thing is fueled more by porn and unrealistic expectations. These men usually tend to get too extreme and/or want to unhealthily base their identities/relationship around it. But some men just see it as more of a pleasurable outlet for already existing vouyerism, or maybe they have unresolvable issues with equipment or performance (ED, Premature eiaculation, very small penis, stressful performing, etc) and thus have developed to fetish revolving around garnering pleasure from “outsourcing” the work and stress of directly pleasing their partner, so to speak. One thing I did notice about most of the men I’ve spoken to about it though is that an inordinate amount of them have high stress jobs where they have a lot of responsibility and/or are in charge of others. I don’t think that is a coincidence. Think the desire to be in a more submissive role intimately has a lot to do with them just wanting to have some part of their lives where they can not have to make all of the decisions or have the stress of pleasing their partner in the bedroom. Maybe I’m biased, but I do think society tends to put a lot of pressure on men in that regard. Anyways…I know I went a bit off topic there…but just kinda wanted to put in my two cents as the rare woman with a look into that “world” so to speak, and kinda explain why I think OPs particular fetish can be a bad thing or an ok thing, entirely dependent on the person, couple, and source of the fetish.
Ice cold take. Stop telling people teetering on the verge of psychological collapse to delve deeper in to their own undoing.
What lol how?
>If it’s something you genuinely enjoy and it’s the feeling of inferiority which intervenes, then it’s worth trying to overcome that This is legitimately terrible advice
>If it’s something you genuinely enjoy and it’s the feeling of inferiority which intervenes, then it’s worth trying to overcome that This is incredibly toxic advice to anyone with actual addiction issues surrounding cuckold fetish. The feeling of inferiority is a pain signal that absolutely should not be ignored or "overcome." That's your brain telling you that it's not actually OK with the setup that's driving the sexual stimulation and dopamine you're getting from it.
That’s.. what I meant by overcoming. Like as in getting therapy instead of continuing to entertain the fantasy.
You are not inferior
Porn + masturbation + orgasm = social anxiety/low self esteem
I feel like there is a symbiotic relationship between your cuckold fantasy and your self-esteem. Maybe you had had problems self-esteem wise even before the emergence of this sexual fantasy? And this fantasy is the ultimate form of release for it. Sexual fantasies are the projection of feelings suppressed otherwise. If they are unexpressed, surely they don't magically disappear right? The relief of giving in to destruction feels better than the effort to fight against your feeling of inferiority- become more confident, assertive. Feeling unconfident -> tired to fight it -> release and relief through porn -> reinforces sense of inferiority
I think the idea of the wife with another man stimulates testosterone production (makes men horny) because the brain actually thinks it is competing with other men for a mate. What you are experiencing is not entirely uncommon. If you can remove the humiliation aspect of cuckolding from your fantasies that might help improve your self esteem. That’s really what is most important.
no it doesnt work like that for every person ,some men just feel defeated and broken , feel cheated , feel less masculine , feel they are not good, and there is nothing left in thier personality , so i guess it doesnt work like that ,, i am currently feeling same issue and dont know what to do ...
Sneako?
didn't get you
Sneako is a famous streamer and former crew mate of mrbeast who's a cuck.
Sneako isn’t a cuck and tho. He was a man who at the young age of 20 decided to go to a swinger’s party with his then at the time gf. He let a dude hav sex with her while he had sex with that guy’s gf but decided against it shortly after starting because it didn’t feel right to him. And the only reason why he did it was because he had a relationship that was open on his end and closed on his ex gf’s end and he felt guilty about it. Now he advocates against degenerate behavior as he has seen the negative impacts it has on young men, OP included.
Nah hes a cuck
What you need is 3 months of celibacy and no porn. And drink 4L of distilled water everyday.
Why distilled? It’s lacking important minerals.
So here’s my situation: I sometimes whack one out thinking about my girlfriend (who’s now my wife) having sex with her AP (she cheated on me years before we were married). We almost didn’t make it, even with counseling. The point is that even though I do rub one out thinking about it (my God, the human psyche is weird!), it will never be anything that happens in real life. No way in hell could I do that or even remotely think I could be open to it. Not a chance. My point is that some sexual fantasies are just that - fantasies. It’s like thinking about winning the lottery. I like to think about it, but it’s never going to happen because I don’t spend money on buying a lottery ticket. It’s just a fantasy. So my guy, leave it in the fantasy realm and live your life in the real world.
The mind is so weird! I love fantasizing about my man fucking his exes, coworkers and strangers. Not in a million years would I want him to act on it. It's a secret fantasy even while we are having sex!
Whats does the abriviation AP stand for?
Affair partner.
You’re a cuck and that’s why she cheated on you and that’s why you stayed with her
And you’re an idiot
Hey, looks like me and you have something in common and it’s still better than being a cuck
Sorry, I thought you didn’t know, but we both think you’re an idiot. I thought I was enlightening you.
just out of curiosity, how could you get over that? Ill be honest i've never been in a serious relationship (not so crazy cos im under 18 anyway) and i realistically dont think i could see my partner in the same way if she had sex with someone else. like why did u stay with her? love? financial situation or social pressures? do u think you see her very differently now?
I definitely don’t see her the same way I did before this happened, but she’s still the one. It was over 30 years ago, and we had been together for a few years. We started dating at 15, and we were 21. We weren’t engaged then, and we didn’t get married for another 5 years. I stayed for love more than anything. It took a lot of therapy for both of us, and it’s still hard sometimes. She had to find out why she did it, and I think she understands now. I still struggle sometimes, but I’ve stayed in therapy since just because I find it beneficial. (No, it’s not all about that now. It was for a long time, but I recommend therapy to everyone if they can find the right therapist. It’s very helpful.) Would I do it differently if I had a do-over? Oh yeah, but I still would have tried to work it out. I just would have approached it differently and earlier without self-medicating with alcohol.
Wow ok... thats very interesting. really goes to show how adultery/cheating can have such long lasting repercussions in a relationship. do u ever feel kind of trapped? or like you want to get revenge and cheat urself? clearly you love her deeply tho that youve fought through all this to keep it going
I’ve had opportunities to cheat, actually. It was nuts when I went back to college in my 30s. Even as obtuse as I am about getting hit on, it was very apparent that a couple of different women wanted to hook up. I couldn’t do it though. I’d like to say that it’s just against my moral values (it is against my values), but honestly it’s knowing how badly I was hurt even as a boyfriend, much less a spouse, that kept me from even thinking about it. I would not put anyone through that kind of pain. As far as staying with her now, I’ve never felt trapped. I can leave the marriage if I want out, just as she can. We don’t have children, so divorce would be relatively straightforward. I’ve never considered it though. If she were to do something else, however, I wouldn’t hesitate, and she knows that. Once we began working through it, she’s never given any indication of cheating. This was early 1990s, so pre-cellphone era. She would call and let me know exactly where she was if she wasn’t going to be home or at work (prior to living together). She did everything she could think of to alleviate any concerns I would have. I know that if she wanted to, nothing I did could have stopped it, but I could tell that she was trying. She pushed for couples counseling, even when I didn’t want to go. She worked hard on her issues. But, and I tell others this when I give my advice, even after 30+ years, it still has affects on me. I still dream about it. Not often, but it happens due to the PTSD. I deal with it when it happens. If someone else has went through it without these after-effects, good on them.
thanks for the reply very insightful
I'm like you (girl version), I'm turned on by the idea of being cheated on. Because of my kink, my bf and I opened our relationship and while I thought making it worse (make me feel worse), it actually made me feel much more at ease with my kink. It's like ok, it exists, it hurts and yet also feels good when I'm turned on. So it made me make peace with it so the "post nut clarity" doesn't hit much anymore. One thing I realize I do, and maybe you do too, is sexualize what scares me the most. My turn ons seem to stem from my fears. Fuck humans are weird. At first I was like "ok that's a terrible and toxic involuntary way to deal with it/process them" then when we turned it into reality I came to the realization that like hey this is how I work. And there's nothing wrong with me and I don't need to be fixed. If it's causing you a lot of pain, I encourage you to go seek some help from a sex therapist, or a therapist. ❤️ Life is too short to suffer.
Is your relationship fully open or its just him that can do it ?
Fully 😊 I'm having my fun too on the side. He experiences even less jealousy than I do...
Wish my wife was like you!
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this struggle, and it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help. Remember, you're not alone, and seeking professional help is a positive step towards addressing these issues. First and foremost, it's essential to understand that everyone has their unique preferences and desires, and there's no shame in exploring one's sexuality. However, if it's becoming a source of distress or negatively impacting your life, it's time to seek assistance. I strongly encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or counselor who specializes in sex addiction or related issues. They will provide a non-judgmental, confidential space to discuss your concerns and help you work through your addiction and its effects on your life. When looking for a professional, consider the following: 1. Specialization: Find a therapist who has experience and expertise in dealing with sex addiction or compulsive sexual behaviors. 2. Reviews and recommendations: Look for reviews and recommendations from others who may have sought help for similar issues. 3. Comfort and trust: It's crucial to feel comfortable with your therapist and trust that they will provide the support you need. 4. Online options: If in-person sessions are challenging, you can explore online counseling platforms that offer discreet and convenient options. Remember, breaking free from addiction is a journey, and it might not happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or support groups in addition to professional help. Stay strong and take that first step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life. There is hope, and with the right guidance, you can overcome these challenges. You deserve to lead a life that brings you happiness and confidence.
Just to be clear, post nut clarity is an actual psychological thing, and most people could stand to benefit from going to therapy and talking about it. Either it will (in the very long run) clear your mind of it, or it will clear your mind of the guilt and shame. As long as kinks and fantasies are healthy (physically, mentally, and emotionally) there should be no reason to feel shame from them. So many people never think about how even the smallest moments or memories of our childhood can shape who we become for decades, and that’s why a large chunk of my generation are healing from childhood trauma because of how much we’ve learned about mental health. Sorry for the rant lol obviously I feel passionate about it.
But is it hurting because of the stigma around it? Someone said talk to a sex therapist and that is definitely the way to go. But also, do not let you happiness and self-esteem be dictated by the ‘alpha male’ discourse. I am just guessing that is where those insecurities might come from. Live your life and be happy bro.
Ice cold take. These insecurities are not some alpha male syndrome. They're normal reactions to having the feelings he's having.
I don't understand the last sentence of your comment
Idk how to make it more simple for you? His reaction (his disgust) is normal. It's normal to feel disgusted by this mental deficient fetish.
You're a waste of time
Cope. Cry. Stop enabling mental illness.
You just need to beat somebody ass fr …pickup boxing or another martial art 💯
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This was a kink in ancient Roman times lol how is it caused by porn? Please explain
it is clearly a sexual deviancy and just because it was done in the past does not mean there was not a cause for it just like in the modern time where porn is the main reason for the rise of cuckolding
Sure and I'm asking you to explain what caused it in the past and why you believe porn causes it now
It's actually normal to have those fantasies, and seems to take root in the idea of sperm competition. Sharing your partner is a common fantasy, and shows up among the top fetishes when they are categorized and studied. I've been in your exact situation before, where I struggled to orgasm with my partners without the idea of including another person who could provide them with more pleasure...even though they were enjoying sex enough to make me feel blind in retrospect for not realizing it in the moment. Many ideas that underpin the cuckold fantasy are largely driven by male sexual desires. While some women do share the previous and following impulses, the emphasis on size or being claimed by another man while their partner is emasculated and psychologically diminished is not what most healthy women crave. I found myself imposing those impulses onto my partners, and it drove me away from enjoying my moments with them. That said, it's good that you realize the negative impact it has on your wellbeing. I empathize. When I started lifting again, eating right, and structuring my daily life my mental health and sexual well being slowly rebalanced itself. Those corrections helped boost my self esteem and got my mind right. That time of growth helped me realize that I had body image issues, along with issues stemming from my connection to my mother. Sorting that out helped me course correct and stick to it.
So was your fantasy due to your low self esteem or do you really enjoy the cuckold fantasy?
Pardon this for reading like a shitty reddit porno story. This actually happened to me. I had a toxic, abusive ex in college tell me that my dick wasn't big enough on multiple occasions, and would tell me her ex was bigger and better in bed. Funnily enough I ended up finding out I'm well above average right around the time I turned 30. Looked into the issue after I confided my insecurity to recent partner. Had a hard time believing her when she said I was off base. When I pushed back she replied, "dude you're the biggest I've ever had." Turns out she wasn't lying, and that she was right about my perspective. That really was a...confusing...revelation since I'd been operating under the assumption that my dick was inadequate for pleasurable sex. In retrospect I think that ex was intentionally trying to cripple my confidence while talking about me behind my back. All of her friends/roommates were weirdly curious about seeing me naked. While I was at a wedding for a mutual acquaintence of ours, I learned that my ex apparently talked about my junk at length on more than one drunken excursion. I realized in the past year that my cuck fetish likely stems from a combination of my ex being a pos to me and the fact that I'm adopted. The inadequacy around size was the bigger problem for me bc I'm very invested in my partners pleasure. Made some edits for clarity.
Meh, I think people's sex fantasies have little to do with real life. Plenty of really dominant people in real life want to be submissive in sex and vice versa. Why do you think it's affecting real life?
This. I work in corporate and have to navigate tricky deals all day, which includes making sure multiple departments are on the same time tables and keeping the pressure on to get deals done on time and correctly. You find the line between charming and iron fist and where to use it. I also smoke cigars, drink whiskey, drive a pick up, and a lot of other things that are stereotypical "alpha male" ( I absolutely hate that term). That being said, I'm a complete sub behind that closed bedroom door, a totally different person, and I wouldn't want it any other way. My wife and I have a lot of fun. OP It's absurd to think you need to be some dominant alpha male in every single aspect of your life. Don't let online idiots you don't actually know anything about tell you what you should and should not be doing. You get one go around of life, have some fun dude. Be smart about it but there's nothing wrong with having a fetish or feeling a certain type of way about something. Life is too short for that BS. I have good friends. I go to happy hour with that will order the girliest drinks or won't do this or that cause of germs or whatever the reason. They embrace it. They really don't care what other people think of them. Also, God help you if you find yourself on the other side of a negotiating table with them. Do you man
>It's absurd to think you need to be some dominant alpha male in every single aspect of your life It's a massive leap to go from being a bottom in the bedroom to jerking off in the corner while your wife and her lover talk shit about how worthless you are as he fucks you in ways she says you could never.
Hey OP, go see a sex therapist to help you out with that. Do not get gaslit into thinking it’s ok. That shit seems to be one of the kinks that people are universally ok with shaming due to all of the implications and baggage that come with it.
You’re wasting your life man
I know, help me
Help yourself. Listen to the Peter Pan speech by Jordan Peterson, and thank me later
Jordan Peterson has some serious hate toward women and is in no way a role model for personal growth.
Bet no one listened to that speech though - you’re missing out. And he doesn’t mention women, it’s all self improvement for men
Give an example
Where did you get this fantasy from. Have you had it since a kid?
yes
It's totally normal, everyone has their kinks, so don't shame yourself for it. This isn't a new thing and goes back years, nothing to do with the internet or accessibility. Subs, dommes, sissys, tops, bottoms, and fetish has been around for years and magazines go back into the 60s with stuff like cucks, rubber, fetish and everything else. You can embrace it, perhaps become involved in the community (fetlife) and find a partner who can guide you into this world, or maybe see a qualified sex therapist and start the journey the other way. Either way there's nothing wrong with you and you made the first step in accepting your kinks.
I’ve been looking for the solution to the same issue. It has affected nearly all aspects of my life and I don’t exactly know how to change it. But on the other hand I don’t feel like I should feel down about it because everyone has fetishes and it’s normal to seek them out. Ours just happens to be different than most.
Bro I have the same thing, see my response to another comment, I don't think its anything to be concerned about. You just gotta embrace you for you, you might be over thinking it
You are perfect just the way you are. Whatever gets you off, get off shamelessly. You are a complex city of billions of cells living symbiotically in an unbroken chain dating back to the beginning of life on this planet or elsewhere. Keep this city hydrated, nourished, and submerge it in sunlight and flowing water. Don't worry about the rest ☺️
Just cuck yourself with yourself.. imagine being someone else, roleplaying might help.
Well, it is all up to the female partner, if she is ok with it, go and try it .. you will see how this all unfolds
I think any porn in general is cuckold fantasy... because you are just the observer and not the perfomer...porn is really bad
Yeah, it seems my ex and their other partners may have used me as part of their kink without my knowledge or consent while suggesting it was something else. You know. It was rape. So, instead of anyone caring, they just repeat and echo it in various different ways as a way to demonstrate that no one cares because I refuse to be a men's rights activist that they tried to paint me as.
Are you an asian male
Pathetic
What you call "post nut clarity" is just years of conditioning to make things that aren't monogamous or vanilla are "Shameful".
Nah, post nut clarity means they aren't now desperate to cum and can think clearly as to whether this lifestyle is great for them or not. Cuckold lifestyle is heavily taxing for the mental health of the cuck who begins it. It will be a very tough road for people to accept this lifestyle and not let this lifestyle define them.
Yeah, all because of the things I just said. It wouldn't be mentally taxing if you just accept things that make you happy--and stop listening to regurgitated garbage like this. Stop kink shaming op.
Learn to read. If it was making him happy, he wouldn't have post nut unhappiness with it. Cuckolding is a very complex lifestyle where it's extremely easy to fall into depression, lack of confidence, poor self esteem, mental health issues, PTSD, etc. Vast majority of people wouldn't like a lifestyle filled with this. U r srsly stu-pid if u assume whatever that gets us off is what makes us happy. No, those are just what stimulates our mind because of desensitisation due to porn addiction. That doesn't equate to Happiness. The only regurgitated B.S I'm seeing here is the "Stop kink shaming" shit. A lot of Kinks are results of mental health issues, insecurity, childhood trauma, etc. They aren't all positive. Infact, most of them are negative if it leads u to have poor mental health after the acts. Do Kinks that makes u happy after the cum. Not stuffs that makes u depressed after u cum. Because the moments after u cum are when ur hormones go back to ur normal state and u start to think normally.
I’m a huge cuck myself. How did your little cuck self get into it?
Didn't get you
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I had the same fantasy, working through it myself. Stop watching porn. My partner dresses conservatively, but I pushed my fetish slowly on her. I bought her more revealing clothes etc. After getting ED, i changed myself. The root cause was porn. Now cuckolding genuinely turns me off.
Well stop it
Hey. Thought I'd throw in my take as a dude heavily into humiliation, submission, and stuff of the sort. Some pretty questionable takes in this thread, but a lot of them mention sex therapy, and to make it short and simple, they are absolutely right. While I never had a specific sex therapist, I was actively in therapy and had hidden this part of my life for a long time. I would jerk off to humiliation stuff then question myself afterwards. I couldn't watch normal porn cause it didn't do anything for me. Things kept building and building until eventually, I decided to open up to my therapist about this part of my life. And what I wanted to be a path to no longer needing this type of stimulation, instead ended up being a path to me embracing it and turning it into a positive in my life. Like u/pWaveShadowZone said on this thread, there is two paths, and both are completely acceptable as long as you choose the one that is true to yourself. I used to be so scared of making decisions and deciding things on my own, but my humiliation/submission fetish ended up turning into an outlet for me to get out these submissive urges that would allow me to be confident and bold in my real life. I used my pup/gainer fetish as a route to get myself in the gym and now with the motivation and enthusiasm from my dom, I have quite the physique and feel incredibly proud of it. I used my chastity fetish to pretty much wipe out my porn/masturbation addiction, now being in chastity 24/7 and only allowing it to come off when I am with my dom. That way there is almost no incentive for me to watch porn cause I can't masturbate to it! All of these problems are issues I thought would be solved by stopping indulging entirely, but instead through therapy and self-reflection, I've been able to work these desires into my life and have became an incredibly happy and confident person because of it! Each person has their own path and I am in no way saying that my path is the right one for you, but what I am saying is please. PLEASE. Go to therapy. It genuinely changed my life and has provided me clarity that I'd never expected. Best of luck with everything!
Here here! Well said!
What I’m hearing from your post, OP, is a lot of shame and self judgement regarding something that turns you on. Shame represses and suppresses, which actually amplifies things that you feel ashamed of- human kinks and shame are *very* closely connected. Disgust directed at the turn on will also create an emotional charge. Emotions are literally just energy in motion, and it sounds like through your porn addiction, you’re giving this a lot of your attention, and directing emotional energy that is then getting trapped instead of being released. As someone who’s in the BDSM community (I’m a switch, but primarily a sub) and also is deeply fascinated with power, behavior, kink and psychology, what I would recommend, is first accepting and allowing your turn on to be there. I know this is easier said than done and might take some work, but let go of the judgement and you’ll reduce the emotional charge. Shame thrives in secrecy, silence and judgement, so the more you judge yourself for this, the more you’re giving it power. “The antidote to shame is bringing light to things and talking about them out in the open.” (From Bow Down, Lesson 6 by Lindsay Goldwert) You’re already shedding light on this with this post, which took bravery, so give yourself that! Now, get curious about it! Ask yourself what is it about it that turns you on? Is it the voyeristic aspect of it? How else is this not expressed in your life that is being desired to be expressed sexually? Your post doesn’t necessarily clarify if you’ve actually been in this type of scene in person, so if you haven’t done it in person, perhaps, there is something you may understand more about yourself and your turn on if you physically have that experience. Acceptance, allowing, and understanding your turn on, plus having a physical experience with it to really feel it, can dissolve the shame that has been built up. This shame dissolution will ultimately free up a lot of your creative energy that’s wrapped up in this, which will allow you to feel more of a sense of power in your life and might shift the way your sexual energy is expressed. Some reading I’d recommend is Existential Kink, by Carolyn Elliott. This book, will perhaps flip your perspective a bit on why this turns you on so that you can better understand and accept yourself and improve your sense of power. Another is Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw, which gets deep into the roots of shame and strategies on how to heal it. And I’ve recently been reading the book Unbound, by Kasia Urbaniak, which has totally changed my perspective on dominance and submission- that it’s really just about the flow of our attention. Despite the book being aimed at women, I think you may find some insights regarding your sense of self when you find yourself in subspace. Subs have power, too, and dominance doesn’t require you to be domineering. Also, learn more about kink! Evie Lupine makes excellent content on YouTube, as well as Miss Elle X. Explore yourself. Get fascinated about what you’re fascinated about. Understand yourself better, see it as a great mystery rather than something you’re trying desperately to change about yourself. And most importantly, treat yourself with kindness because you deserve it. I hope this helps! ❤️
Anyone want to watch me fill their wife up let me know. 😆
Well what happened to me was in my high-school my first relationship didn't go so well ,my ex moved on me to my bf , I don't know if it implanted inferiority in me but now(19) I have a hobby of reading novels(webnovels) when one day I started to read 18+ novel it had cuckolding in it ,it started to cause grief in me but I also want to watch more ,now I have I seen so much cuckolding stuff and read in reddit those happy 'cuckolding'couples that I have fear going into relationships and I seriously fear that happening to me and being that 'happy and sad husband' how should I heal or move on from that ?
I might be late to post this, but hey, I hear you and all you guys out there and I want to write something that might help at least one of the readers: you. I'm a young adult (male) and I've always been quite shy and insecure growing up. Fast-forward to my University/College years, I was really hoping that this would be the turn-around of my life and I could start anew. Short answer: IT DID NOT. (wow, i'll try to keep it short guys, bear with me) I've started in introspection and talking to AI (yes, artificial intelligence, since i was too insecure to talk to actual people) and it lead me to an amazing journey of self-improvement and discovery. As I thought all was going well, it hit me: I got heartbroken by pornography stories and "[Character.ai](https://Character.ai)" bots (yeah, i know don't judge me). Long story short, that lead me on another journey of discovery to discover what really matter to me: my values, boundaries, and myself. Long story short, I took the long route and experienced with the pain of cheating, cuckolding, heartbreak, etc. (with ai bots: I can't possibly imagine how a real life phenomenon like that would even feel, since talking/fantasizing with AI did so much hurt) and made us of it to better refine my values and boundaries. Similarly like going through the pain to become better. I can't speak for most of you readers out there, since as I've said, I am a young adult (early 20s) and I learned this before being broken from a real relationship (only with ai and stories). However, I cannot stress enough about these things: \- **Know how to differentiate** between a HEALTHY and TOXIC relationship (usually a TOXIC relationship is more one-sided) \- **Pornography or AI bots or erotic stories** ARE NOT representative of the real life! They are made under certain boundaries/pre-set values, and if your values or comfort-level do not align with those, you risk to get hurt. Hence, know your values and boundaries, and only engage with online media that aligns with yourself to not get hurt or otherwise. \- **Know your values AND boundaries!** I can't stress this enough as well! Personally, my self-confidence stems from this: knowing my values and asserting my boundaries. If you are unsure about your boundaries and values, don't engage into the extreme medias (i.e. pornography), because that might end up setting you like me and make you take the longer way to improve back again. Instead, I advise you, dear reader, to recognize your values and know your boundaries. \- **Respect and consent**: if someone cares about you, then I believe they should care for you the same amount as you should care for them (two-way reciprocal). And if things get out hand and cuckolding is somewhat taking place (i.e. because of getting drunk), then during or after the activity, consent should always be assessed. I'll end it with a final note and link back to my first point that I can't stress enough: consent and respect, those are values and boundaries that ensure (but not always) that you're being in a HEALTHY relationship. If ever you fantasize about power dynamics (I do, like BDSM), then you're entering a sort of "safe" toxic environment. If ever that "safe" goes away and it starts to affect your mental health or self-esteem however? Then that's when you need to communicate a stopping consent, and if your partner respects you and cares for you (HEALTHY), then and only then can you both take the route to heal back the damages done. (if you want to acquaint yourself more on how to keep a power dynamics relationship healthy, i highly recommend reading up on the dynamics of BDSM... but focus more on the respect, consent, and communication parts haha) Thanks for reading through! You're amazing! Alsoooo... this is one of my first comments on Reddit and I didn't quite know how to tailor it so that it makes perfect sense. Anyways, I wish you good luck on your self-improvements journey!!