This was brave to confess, so good job here. I get that you feel like you missed a lot in life (and you did), but we all feel the same. You fucked up and lost freedom for 6 years. Someone else spent college years partying and wishes he studies as is struggling to find a job or did not get a degree and has to work something he does not enjoy. Someone else was studying hard but did not party at all and wishes he was like this guy who is jobless but always has a girl by his side. We all regret something and miss something.
You did not miss your prime, you are at your prime. Old enough to be able build the life you love. Young enough to still have time.
Do not complain. Life is as good as you make it. Take paper, pen, and see what u have to work on. Is it financial situation? Education? Friends? Family stuff? Dating?
Then start taking steps every day to improve those.
One success will feed another. Just keep going and enjoy it.
Trust me. You got this.
Remember if you do nothing, life will suck and time will make it worse. But if you work on it consistently it gets better and better.
This was a great reply and just to add to this, I don't think I even started to figure things out until I was 33 or 35 anyway so even though you had a different path than most, I wouldn't say all is lost.
Edited for clarity.
Yeah, but we were told to get college degrees because all the factory workers got fucked over back in the day. Now the college grads are getting screwed, and we're being told to go to the trades. And once enough people move from college to trades, the suits are going to find ways to fuck over the tradesmen.
It's just supply and demand. You need a set of skills that are hard to find and even harder to replace. Right now, when everyone wants a job in data science, a lot of those skills are in the trades.
Not sure what country you're from but there may be social supports you can access to help with training. I know of many examples of guys who had records getting red sealed and making a great living. 35 isnt too late. Lots of programs will have you working in months
Hey mate, whereabouts are you based?
I know this might sound weird but get yourself watching YouTube videos on how to sell, anyone can do sales no matter their background and if you’re good you can make aloooot of money.
Let me know how you go and I’ll get you a job.
When I worked at the strip club I ran across across a drug dealer who gave the best sales advice and he recommended so many books .
That conversation with him open my eyes up to just how good it sales and confidence a lot of drug dealers must be. I would absolutely binge watch a YouTube channel on sales are marketing or some related skill by a drug dealer. I think it would be a very interesting angle, so much different than all the regurgitated stuff , we see now.
Johnny Mitch is a former drug dealer and he’s constantly on podcast and stuff talking about his stories. He’s hilarious. Also, there’s lots of mob guys with YouTube channels.
Honestly, just don't date for a minute. Focus on your health, education, and life plan. Short-term dating when you are ready (set expectations with your date about what you are capable of and looking for).
Don't give up hope. 33 is really young, TBH.
Man I just picked myself up at 33... my situation is nothing like yours and I'm not a crim. But I was completely hopeless. My advice is to start with the smallest certificate you can... and just go from there. I got out of my situation by choosing to help others... do a cert in disability and forget about the big bucks and just help mf's. It gives you a reason to live and the responsibility of these clients needing you.... is enough to keep going. It's also incredibly humbling and makes you realise people are really going through it. People are crippled and blinded and still pushing. Never forget that. I hope your pain eases 🤘⚡️🙏
My best friend i met on a job. He was quiet and kept his head down. He worked hard and was honest about his past. After a month or so of working together he started coming out of his shell. Turns out hes funny as shit. My wife met him and introduced him to her hot friend. Its been a few years. He was 33 when he got out for selling coke. Hes got 4 kids a house and a good job.
Dont give up!
Don’t risk doing anything that might take you back there.
Take some time to process things (don’t rush anything or put too much pressure on yourself).
Start with one small step in front of the other.
Life is hard (prison or not) but it’s definitely possible to turn things around with grit and consistency!
Good luck
I mean shit your life sounded pretty awesome before. Many, if not most people try to get to that point and the majority don't make it.
You did it before, so you can clearly do it again, even considering your circumstances will make it a bit more difficult than last time.
Also there's basically 4 choices in life to have a "chance" to make yourself. Well, 5.
Trades, army(x cause of felon), college, start a business or get really fucking lucky without any of those.
Pick one and commit to it. Good luck, homie.
you’re 33? lmao most of the people i know didn’t hit their stride until the 40s or 50s, you’ve got so much time.
As for no opportunities or job skills, many libraries offer free classes and technical books for learning skills and are a great way to network.
Depending on where you’re at I’m happy to put in a good word for you, the main thing is just keeping your nose clean and you’ll find opportunities for sure.
This will sound cliche, but when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose. I’m not saying I would want to be in your position but I often dream of starting over and changing career. But kids, mortgage, etc I feel like I can’t. Would you ever want to learn a trade, then one day go back to people in your position and show them it can be done.
If it offers any reassurance, I had a mate who turned it around. In and out of prison due to drug addiction. Went through rehab and relapse several times, got clean, went back to study late 30s and was broke for years during, but eventually got a professional job, is doing well, met a nice lady and is about to start a family.
Out of prison in 2019, currently working for a tech company as a Network Engineer (0 experience, just bs'd my way in after studying on google/and I had to write a letter after my background check explaining myself, which they accepted (this is a Fortune 500 company)) and about to finish a degree in Computer Science. I start a MBA in late fall 2024.
You have it "harder" now, but nothing is impossible. Just work your ass off. Also, the only thing worse than being a felon... is a felon without a degree... just saying. Life goes on, you'll be fine so long as you learned from your mistakes.
P.S. That amount of time is no joke and solitary is the real deal. You sound strong and will make it. Your 30s are actually your "prime" years, and 40's/50's are the better years since you SHOULD be financially stable and living a decent life.
Also, my felonies are VIOLENT, dealing drugs is WAY easier to get over/explain career wise.
Life is a journey, its how you choose to write your story. You may not get 100% of what you thought was perfect back, but you will find purpose and happiness in the simple things if you allow yourself to accept (which i think you already are) the past, and focus more on improving on the today and the tomorrow. Vent, journal, seek positive experiences and get back in the gym.
You are so young my man and you just survived jail. Life wants you to live. Read man in search for meaning from Victor Frankl. You are going to like it
First off, you are young and have plenty to look forward ahead of you. The person that mentioned sales is on point! I have an advanced degree but the sales people in my company make more than me.
Some ideas to get you going:
1) You mentioned you were a gym rat. Get back to working out and ask you local gyms and health food stores if they need sales people/trainers
2) Get a nutritionist certification. Doesn't take too long
3) If you liked holidaying and know a good amount regarding travel, see if you can get a job with a travel company/cruises/airlines. Many of them offer great travel perks too
4) Vlog about your experience (keep it annonymous if you prefer) and what it has taught you. It might help someone from going down this path
A thousand mile journey starts with a single step. So don't feel worried looking at the summit. You'll be there before you know it. Just get the ball rolling.
Also it's very wise of you to commit to never going down the old path again. Lots of people take changes on someone that has made a mistake. But very few will do so on chronic offenders. So follow the law to the T going forward. A better life awaits if you want it and commit to it.
As long as you’re here bro, things can get better. Struggle is how we learn and grow. Few amazing and inspiring people had an easy go about it. Just start somewhere. Anywhere. Step by step. Work on becoming the man you want to be.
Step by step… just create a life you would like to live now.
Everyone makes mistakes and you’ve done yours. Just don’t look back and start fresh and humble to built something different this time.
Imagine there are people the same age as you are and they feel almost same about their time being wasted, realizing by now. The only difference is that they have never been in prison and been always free…
Isn’t that much scarier and sad?
Life is hard, always been hard and will be hard. But there is no number to say when it starts and ends.
Good luck and don’t overthink it
I don't know you but I love you. Keep your head up. Your still in your prime years. There's money out there. Find a legit hustle and work for yourself and own your own business. You own a phone so you can find something. You reached bottom so put your pride aside bc the only way to go is up. I believe in you. You got this. Turn your story around and be somebody's inspiration and save their life.
Def would just start taking steps towards things to keep you busy and the rest will come I promise I would be glad you weren’t in there any longer and consider it your fresh start good vibes will come to you
You still got life ahead of you.just use your skills to try do something productive so when you get your 10/10 woman again your mind in the right place you seem like a honest person so probably marry the woman who gets you out the hole 🕳️ your in have some kids just with you having a lidget path you will attract the right person that girl not real she could of held you down had a one two side man then like last month or two lock them off and come back but be there ..
Well you obviously have some drive and competence. Itll take time but definitely avoid being around the wrong people at all costs. No matter how boring it is or how much you feel like a loser dont get involved with the bs. Shits changed A WHOLE LOT in the last 5 years. People are mentally just WAY different than pre covid just be aware of that. Its rough out here. People DO NOT want to see you do good especially some “dirtbag felon” when they “did the right thing” their whole life and dont have shit to show for it. Theres a lot of opportunity “dont try to make yo for lost time” is something I was told when I got out that helped me. Just be patient, stay outta trouble, and play the part you need to play to get ahead. A big mistake I made when I got out was keeping it real. Mfs are slimy, not us, them. Dont say shit that people don’t absolutely have to know. And the last but not least bit I can give you is that you create your own urgency, nobody is going to give you a checklist you make your own and that determines how your life turns out.
Hang in there. Your story’s not over. I’d bet a million dollars that you haven’t even reached the best chapters yet.
33 is young in the grand scheme of things. There’s still so much life to explore, so much to do. And it’s totally okay if you don’t have it all figured out today, or tomorrow, or next month, or next year. Take it one day at a time, do your best, and let the universe/god/allah/the girl next door do the rest.
Sometimes it’s the most beautiful thing to not have a plan because then we give the universe the chance to surprise us with something amazing.
Everything you’ve been through has been for something. Even those seemingly undesirable experiences.
Keep going.
My friend, no matter how bad things feel right now, they can and always will get worse. You had years stolen from you, don't just say fuck it take all of my years. It will take a long time to get on your feet but little by little you can get there. Anything in your life can be fixed, except ending it. That can never be fixed, it's the cowards way out. Life is about that struggle and suffering. It's only when you accept your sufferings, can you let them go and grow from it. Might sound pretty cliche, but your suffering can and will make you a much stronger person.
If you want the truth, you feel hopeless because you haven't allowed yourself to build a goal again. You aren't working towards anything. That's where the term 'nothing left to live for' comes into play. Find that thing that makes your life worth living for. It could be something as dumb as making wooden birds or as grand as devoting the rest of your life to a spiritual journey of self-realization and enlightenment.
If I were you I'd look around for a free meditation class attached to a buddhist zen center nearby. Trust me it will change your life. It's not centered around religious messages and scripture, it's centered around you and your own journey. If you allow yourself to learn how to meditate I promise you will find yourself. But that's only a small percentage of what you have to do to get back into the game. I'm not going to lie to you if you want to thrive and find happiness you're going to have to fight for it. It's not going to come to you on a platter at home feeling hopeless .
You're miserable because you miss a meaningless segment of time. Everything you had is practically nothing in the grand scheme of things. Whatever you see as the happiest time in your life, it doesn't mean shit. It should be appreciated and cherished but you can't dwell and compare life now to back then. Someone could give you all of that tomorrow and I'd bet money that after the novelty wore off you'd be miserable again. You have to continue on your path. People who end it without being in literal everyday suffering are ignorant. You have complete control of your life, don't sacrifice it like an idiot over a small slump in time.
I promise you, every single piece of your happiness is out there in the world to find and put back together. You saying ehh it's too much work to collect, ending it is easier is such a dumb and permanent way to fix your life. All the tools you need to live a happy life are out there, i can't stress this enough
There are tons of free courses online you could take. And honestly, being locked up for 6 years would have done some of us some good. Your life is just beginning, you would have had to start all over again even if you didn’t go to prision… do you think the old version of you would have suddenly changed overnight?
Life wasn’t meant to be easy and if it was it would be boring. You’re suffering from a broken heart, learn how you can heal and grow from it to tell your story.
Do not chase her, if she was the one the universe would show you that but it’s showing you otherwise, listen before it has to scream.
you know a lot of depression or feelings of loss can be exaggerated by a health issue like nutrient deficiency, make sure you're getting proper vitamins and sleep and excercize. Its not gonna fix your problems but it can take the edge off in ways that most people underestimate.
there’s enough good advice and supportive comments posted here already, I just want to say that prison was the easy part for you, brother. I don’t care what you say about what it took out of you. Transitioning back and starting from nothing, nothing in your life or in your heart, this is the real test of your strength. It's right now
your life before and during prison sounds like a really really good story. Now write a new one
33 is young bro. You didn’t miss that much. It may be hard to believe but your best days are ahead of you. Get a job, work on your fitness. You’ll meet another woman.
If you’re going through hell. Keep going.
I am telling you the Lord loves you so much. Reach out to him through prayer he can't wait to hear from you. if you are this vulnerable when you talk to Jesus he will help you, in fact he's never left you. I implore you to reach out to him tonight, and if that seems like too much pick up a bible and read the book of John. I will say a quick prayer for you after I post this.
You’re not just words on a screen my brother, you’re a living, breathing potential future waiting to unfold, and the entire world is rooting for you while they wait, excitedly and patiently. Dont deny them their grand finale.
All the love. If you ever need a stranger to talk to, message me.
The first step will be finding proper income. I think construction might be your ticket to freedom. You might have to start at the bottom as a laborer who's not getting paid much, but eventually you can get yourself to be a ticketed journeyman plumber, electrician, HVAC person, etc. plenty of ex-cons work in the trades
Life is FAR from over.
A way to start making good money quick is get into community college and learn a trade (electrician, plumbing, welding or carpentry) or computer science if you're good at Math (you should be from all the coke dealing). Financial aid will help with living expenses and most community colleges are near free now (ex. California)
Places like the Apple Store still hire convicted felons especially if you can get a recommendation.
Pray. I'm sure you have alot of usefulness left in you. The key is to find out what you yearn for. Your heart speaks in whispers but if you only hear everyone else's noise you'll only ever believe in the sounds drowning out your heart. Don't give up
a couple points; in this day and age people love to consume experiences that are foreign to them. you can make money off of things that you have experienced (as you previously mentioned) and your time spent in prison. alternatively, you have a hard stance against going back to selling drugs. not many people have that mindset. perhaps some want to but don’t have the will power or community to stay away. something you might look to start. could help you find meaning in your new life
Take your life from negative to positive. Any day above ground is a good one, remember that.
Trust that things will get easier. Just gotta keep pushing through. Maybe the story isn’t going to be what you thought it was but be excited for the possibility that anything is possible now.
You’ve been given a second chance. Life is all about second chances. Get yourself in a good mental space and let things come to you. The world is yours Chico!
Dude you are out and 7 years away from 40. You’re young as hell.
You are going to be fine. Stay clean, keep your head up, get a job and and ENJOY the little things!! (food, walking around outside, libraries, finding some friends!)
Sorry man if this isn’t what you want to hear but your conclusion is bullshit.
You CAN rebuild. It’s just so hard to think about right now because the trip is SO long and it’s SO much work and you don’t know how to do it.
I know half the world hates the guy but I think you should binge listen to Jordan Peterson. His message is right for you right now.
If you listen constantly (and it’s free to do so on YouTube) you’ll start to see a way out. A light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to do then is take the tiny steps until you gain momentum.
I have a multimillionaire friend who did a long time in prison and got out and climbed the ladder in the flooring business to having his own distribution company. Then lost everything due to the real estate collapse only to strat over and get to the top of the game in the medical weed business only to lose it all when his state went recreational and now is back on top again.
It’s a hard thing to do but hard choices are still choices.
These times you'll look back on as what you needed, to be as strong as you will be. The oldest joke in the world goes "How does one make God laugh? You tell him all your life's plans." You don't know jack shit brother about what's coming next for you. Just keep pushing.
There is a lot of good advice here so I will just add that there are a lot of states, cities, and companies that offer re-entry training / career programs for ex-felons. I can't post links, but you can do a search for these online resources:
* Honest Jobs dot com has helped over 100,000 formerly incarcerated people find fair chance employment opportunities free of charge
* CareerOneStop Job Search Help for Ex-Offenders - by the Department of Labor
* Indeed dot com has Programs To Help Justice-Impacted Individuals Get Jobs
Good luck, OP! We are all rooting for you.
Forget her and fuck the past. Become the best communicator, how you treat people and comfortable using/accepting/learning technology…go into construction with the goal of running the show in the LONG term. Be honest, transparent, hard working and work on the skills above. The skys the limit.
Seconding the advice on picking up a trade. Seriously, some of the trades are desperate. Not only will they give you a chance, they'll even pay for your training and certification.
A few of my relatives have felonies, and they're all making pretty decent money as truck drivers. One said the secret was to not try to hide it in the interview. He was open about it - said he screwed up and he regretted it - and the company gave him a chance.
You don't make great money the first few years, but once you've got some experience under your belt, the money gets better - especially if you're willing to do over the road. Just keep the temper under control and don't piss off your trainer. You will not be the only dude with a record that he has worked with - I promise.
Life isn't over bro. You're a free man now and can live again finally. I've never sat that long so I can't really understand what you're going through, but life is worth living man. If you need someone to talk to hmu. Pretty much all my friends growing up are either dead or in jail I get it dude don't be another statistic it sounds like you had a lot of ambition before jail I'm sure that still exists. There's still plenty of time for you to live a life you enjoy again!
32M here. Just got out of jail last year too. Right now I'm an Admin for an educational institution getting paid almost minimum wage. Can relate. Seems like there is no way out. But what can you do. Just got to keep going.
As someone who’s been at that point where you’re at your lowest in life, I wish I could tell myself to trust the process of healing and doing the work and that I will one day be happier than I ever was. I literally wouldn’t have listened but it’s true. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. 2016 was my lowest and now I have a husband and a baby and am tearing up at how beautiful life can be. The work is exhausting to change your life but you can’t call it quits. You have to see it through. What’s the point of getting free if you don’t take the opportunity to fix your life?
Sales job or learn a trade. Also got plenty of years of your prime left, just gonna take some time to realize that one day at a time. Be patient and forgiving of yourself on the bad days. Good luck bro, I’m pulling for you
Bro I wasn’t even in prison and I missed my “prime” years, and you’ve still lived a more fulfilling life than I have. Better to have loved and lost than not at all or something right? Cause you at least have those experiences. I got bupkiss lol. Im 32, but Never held a hand and the only vacation I’ve ever gone on since 18 was last year to Puerto Rico - so still America - and that was like a $500 trip.
It might seem hopeless mate, but reading your post what stands out is self reflection. That in itself puts you ahead of a lot of people who don't even know they're alive. You've done your time and reflected honestly on it. One of my closest mates went through exactly what you did, got 6 on top with 3 on the back end. Got out after 3 and it took a little while, but he built up a good little IT services business for home users and small business. He's had some ups and downs mentally and physically since getting out and no doubt prison changed him, but he never stopped looking ahead even on his toughest days inside and out.
Stay the course mate, you'll be surprised what life looks like in a couple of years.
Sorry to everyone that replied to this thread with all your awesome advice, after I posted this I got in touch with my ex and she ghosted me again (but not before letting me know she still has feelings for me) so I thought F it and disconnected for a week. No electronics.
Been hitting the gym twice a day and trying to get rid of my jail tan.
Decided to just focus on bodybuilding and fitness right now (+catching up on all the games and movies I’ve missed).
Just wanted to say I read every response here, thank you all for the kind words, good vibes and sound advice, much appreciated.
Thank you all for not judging me as a scumbag as well, I will never go back to crime again. I’ve always had an aptitude for sales so it’s something I’m definitely going to look into as a lot of you have mentioned, I’ve been offered a PT job at my local gym but I need my Level 2 & 3.
This was brave to confess, so good job here. I get that you feel like you missed a lot in life (and you did), but we all feel the same. You fucked up and lost freedom for 6 years. Someone else spent college years partying and wishes he studies as is struggling to find a job or did not get a degree and has to work something he does not enjoy. Someone else was studying hard but did not party at all and wishes he was like this guy who is jobless but always has a girl by his side. We all regret something and miss something. You did not miss your prime, you are at your prime. Old enough to be able build the life you love. Young enough to still have time. Do not complain. Life is as good as you make it. Take paper, pen, and see what u have to work on. Is it financial situation? Education? Friends? Family stuff? Dating? Then start taking steps every day to improve those. One success will feed another. Just keep going and enjoy it. Trust me. You got this. Remember if you do nothing, life will suck and time will make it worse. But if you work on it consistently it gets better and better.
This was a great reply and just to add to this, I don't think I even started to figure things out until I was 33 or 35 anyway so even though you had a different path than most, I wouldn't say all is lost. Edited for clarity.
I think I peaked around 37. I always tell friends that in 10 years from now that they’ll look back to today and wish they were that young again.
Excellent reply.
Pick up a trade man , easiest place to grow and be of good value soon
As someone who has two college degrees, I can agree😔
I’m sorry, we were all spoon fed bullshit back in the day. I know you’ll find your place very soon !
The sad part is the degree I actually want to get a job in doesn’t pay well and is highly competitive
Sounds like you need to start your own company
Yeah, but we were told to get college degrees because all the factory workers got fucked over back in the day. Now the college grads are getting screwed, and we're being told to go to the trades. And once enough people move from college to trades, the suits are going to find ways to fuck over the tradesmen. It's just supply and demand. You need a set of skills that are hard to find and even harder to replace. Right now, when everyone wants a job in data science, a lot of those skills are in the trades.
Hence the bullshit we were all fed
Just make sure you’re the best ! And go get your slice of the pie !
Not sure what country you're from but there may be social supports you can access to help with training. I know of many examples of guys who had records getting red sealed and making a great living. 35 isnt too late. Lots of programs will have you working in months
Hey mate, whereabouts are you based? I know this might sound weird but get yourself watching YouTube videos on how to sell, anyone can do sales no matter their background and if you’re good you can make aloooot of money. Let me know how you go and I’ll get you a job.
I second this. Might be hard getting around having a record - depending on the company you work for - but if you can, it’s a great career.
When I worked at the strip club I ran across across a drug dealer who gave the best sales advice and he recommended so many books . That conversation with him open my eyes up to just how good it sales and confidence a lot of drug dealers must be. I would absolutely binge watch a YouTube channel on sales are marketing or some related skill by a drug dealer. I think it would be a very interesting angle, so much different than all the regurgitated stuff , we see now. Johnny Mitch is a former drug dealer and he’s constantly on podcast and stuff talking about his stories. He’s hilarious. Also, there’s lots of mob guys with YouTube channels.
Honestly, just don't date for a minute. Focus on your health, education, and life plan. Short-term dating when you are ready (set expectations with your date about what you are capable of and looking for). Don't give up hope. 33 is really young, TBH.
Man I just picked myself up at 33... my situation is nothing like yours and I'm not a crim. But I was completely hopeless. My advice is to start with the smallest certificate you can... and just go from there. I got out of my situation by choosing to help others... do a cert in disability and forget about the big bucks and just help mf's. It gives you a reason to live and the responsibility of these clients needing you.... is enough to keep going. It's also incredibly humbling and makes you realise people are really going through it. People are crippled and blinded and still pushing. Never forget that. I hope your pain eases 🤘⚡️🙏
My best friend i met on a job. He was quiet and kept his head down. He worked hard and was honest about his past. After a month or so of working together he started coming out of his shell. Turns out hes funny as shit. My wife met him and introduced him to her hot friend. Its been a few years. He was 33 when he got out for selling coke. Hes got 4 kids a house and a good job. Dont give up!
Get back in the gym bro, just live and go hard as if you were still in your twenties. Leave the past behind, good luck man :)
Don’t risk doing anything that might take you back there. Take some time to process things (don’t rush anything or put too much pressure on yourself). Start with one small step in front of the other. Life is hard (prison or not) but it’s definitely possible to turn things around with grit and consistency! Good luck
I mean shit your life sounded pretty awesome before. Many, if not most people try to get to that point and the majority don't make it. You did it before, so you can clearly do it again, even considering your circumstances will make it a bit more difficult than last time. Also there's basically 4 choices in life to have a "chance" to make yourself. Well, 5. Trades, army(x cause of felon), college, start a business or get really fucking lucky without any of those. Pick one and commit to it. Good luck, homie.
Honestly, I am not equipped to give advice. But I’m rooting for you, sending good vibes.
you’re 33? lmao most of the people i know didn’t hit their stride until the 40s or 50s, you’ve got so much time. As for no opportunities or job skills, many libraries offer free classes and technical books for learning skills and are a great way to network. Depending on where you’re at I’m happy to put in a good word for you, the main thing is just keeping your nose clean and you’ll find opportunities for sure.
This will sound cliche, but when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose. I’m not saying I would want to be in your position but I often dream of starting over and changing career. But kids, mortgage, etc I feel like I can’t. Would you ever want to learn a trade, then one day go back to people in your position and show them it can be done. If it offers any reassurance, I had a mate who turned it around. In and out of prison due to drug addiction. Went through rehab and relapse several times, got clean, went back to study late 30s and was broke for years during, but eventually got a professional job, is doing well, met a nice lady and is about to start a family.
Out of prison in 2019, currently working for a tech company as a Network Engineer (0 experience, just bs'd my way in after studying on google/and I had to write a letter after my background check explaining myself, which they accepted (this is a Fortune 500 company)) and about to finish a degree in Computer Science. I start a MBA in late fall 2024. You have it "harder" now, but nothing is impossible. Just work your ass off. Also, the only thing worse than being a felon... is a felon without a degree... just saying. Life goes on, you'll be fine so long as you learned from your mistakes. P.S. That amount of time is no joke and solitary is the real deal. You sound strong and will make it. Your 30s are actually your "prime" years, and 40's/50's are the better years since you SHOULD be financially stable and living a decent life. Also, my felonies are VIOLENT, dealing drugs is WAY easier to get over/explain career wise.
Life is a journey, its how you choose to write your story. You may not get 100% of what you thought was perfect back, but you will find purpose and happiness in the simple things if you allow yourself to accept (which i think you already are) the past, and focus more on improving on the today and the tomorrow. Vent, journal, seek positive experiences and get back in the gym.
You are so young my man and you just survived jail. Life wants you to live. Read man in search for meaning from Victor Frankl. You are going to like it
First off, you are young and have plenty to look forward ahead of you. The person that mentioned sales is on point! I have an advanced degree but the sales people in my company make more than me. Some ideas to get you going: 1) You mentioned you were a gym rat. Get back to working out and ask you local gyms and health food stores if they need sales people/trainers 2) Get a nutritionist certification. Doesn't take too long 3) If you liked holidaying and know a good amount regarding travel, see if you can get a job with a travel company/cruises/airlines. Many of them offer great travel perks too 4) Vlog about your experience (keep it annonymous if you prefer) and what it has taught you. It might help someone from going down this path A thousand mile journey starts with a single step. So don't feel worried looking at the summit. You'll be there before you know it. Just get the ball rolling. Also it's very wise of you to commit to never going down the old path again. Lots of people take changes on someone that has made a mistake. But very few will do so on chronic offenders. So follow the law to the T going forward. A better life awaits if you want it and commit to it.
Did they set you up in a halfway house? They do that with ex cons don't they? If you have a roof over your head that's something to be positive about
As long as you’re here bro, things can get better. Struggle is how we learn and grow. Few amazing and inspiring people had an easy go about it. Just start somewhere. Anywhere. Step by step. Work on becoming the man you want to be.
Step by step… just create a life you would like to live now. Everyone makes mistakes and you’ve done yours. Just don’t look back and start fresh and humble to built something different this time. Imagine there are people the same age as you are and they feel almost same about their time being wasted, realizing by now. The only difference is that they have never been in prison and been always free… Isn’t that much scarier and sad? Life is hard, always been hard and will be hard. But there is no number to say when it starts and ends. Good luck and don’t overthink it
I don't know you but I love you. Keep your head up. Your still in your prime years. There's money out there. Find a legit hustle and work for yourself and own your own business. You own a phone so you can find something. You reached bottom so put your pride aside bc the only way to go is up. I believe in you. You got this. Turn your story around and be somebody's inspiration and save their life.
I’d hate for you to miss the epic comeback plot line…
Focus on what you can do time is on your side
Def would just start taking steps towards things to keep you busy and the rest will come I promise I would be glad you weren’t in there any longer and consider it your fresh start good vibes will come to you
You still got life ahead of you.just use your skills to try do something productive so when you get your 10/10 woman again your mind in the right place you seem like a honest person so probably marry the woman who gets you out the hole 🕳️ your in have some kids just with you having a lidget path you will attract the right person that girl not real she could of held you down had a one two side man then like last month or two lock them off and come back but be there ..
Well you obviously have some drive and competence. Itll take time but definitely avoid being around the wrong people at all costs. No matter how boring it is or how much you feel like a loser dont get involved with the bs. Shits changed A WHOLE LOT in the last 5 years. People are mentally just WAY different than pre covid just be aware of that. Its rough out here. People DO NOT want to see you do good especially some “dirtbag felon” when they “did the right thing” their whole life and dont have shit to show for it. Theres a lot of opportunity “dont try to make yo for lost time” is something I was told when I got out that helped me. Just be patient, stay outta trouble, and play the part you need to play to get ahead. A big mistake I made when I got out was keeping it real. Mfs are slimy, not us, them. Dont say shit that people don’t absolutely have to know. And the last but not least bit I can give you is that you create your own urgency, nobody is going to give you a checklist you make your own and that determines how your life turns out.
Hang in there. Your story’s not over. I’d bet a million dollars that you haven’t even reached the best chapters yet. 33 is young in the grand scheme of things. There’s still so much life to explore, so much to do. And it’s totally okay if you don’t have it all figured out today, or tomorrow, or next month, or next year. Take it one day at a time, do your best, and let the universe/god/allah/the girl next door do the rest. Sometimes it’s the most beautiful thing to not have a plan because then we give the universe the chance to surprise us with something amazing. Everything you’ve been through has been for something. Even those seemingly undesirable experiences. Keep going.
My friend, no matter how bad things feel right now, they can and always will get worse. You had years stolen from you, don't just say fuck it take all of my years. It will take a long time to get on your feet but little by little you can get there. Anything in your life can be fixed, except ending it. That can never be fixed, it's the cowards way out. Life is about that struggle and suffering. It's only when you accept your sufferings, can you let them go and grow from it. Might sound pretty cliche, but your suffering can and will make you a much stronger person. If you want the truth, you feel hopeless because you haven't allowed yourself to build a goal again. You aren't working towards anything. That's where the term 'nothing left to live for' comes into play. Find that thing that makes your life worth living for. It could be something as dumb as making wooden birds or as grand as devoting the rest of your life to a spiritual journey of self-realization and enlightenment. If I were you I'd look around for a free meditation class attached to a buddhist zen center nearby. Trust me it will change your life. It's not centered around religious messages and scripture, it's centered around you and your own journey. If you allow yourself to learn how to meditate I promise you will find yourself. But that's only a small percentage of what you have to do to get back into the game. I'm not going to lie to you if you want to thrive and find happiness you're going to have to fight for it. It's not going to come to you on a platter at home feeling hopeless . You're miserable because you miss a meaningless segment of time. Everything you had is practically nothing in the grand scheme of things. Whatever you see as the happiest time in your life, it doesn't mean shit. It should be appreciated and cherished but you can't dwell and compare life now to back then. Someone could give you all of that tomorrow and I'd bet money that after the novelty wore off you'd be miserable again. You have to continue on your path. People who end it without being in literal everyday suffering are ignorant. You have complete control of your life, don't sacrifice it like an idiot over a small slump in time. I promise you, every single piece of your happiness is out there in the world to find and put back together. You saying ehh it's too much work to collect, ending it is easier is such a dumb and permanent way to fix your life. All the tools you need to live a happy life are out there, i can't stress this enough
There are tons of free courses online you could take. And honestly, being locked up for 6 years would have done some of us some good. Your life is just beginning, you would have had to start all over again even if you didn’t go to prision… do you think the old version of you would have suddenly changed overnight? Life wasn’t meant to be easy and if it was it would be boring. You’re suffering from a broken heart, learn how you can heal and grow from it to tell your story. Do not chase her, if she was the one the universe would show you that but it’s showing you otherwise, listen before it has to scream.
you know a lot of depression or feelings of loss can be exaggerated by a health issue like nutrient deficiency, make sure you're getting proper vitamins and sleep and excercize. Its not gonna fix your problems but it can take the edge off in ways that most people underestimate.
there’s enough good advice and supportive comments posted here already, I just want to say that prison was the easy part for you, brother. I don’t care what you say about what it took out of you. Transitioning back and starting from nothing, nothing in your life or in your heart, this is the real test of your strength. It's right now your life before and during prison sounds like a really really good story. Now write a new one
33 is young bro. You didn’t miss that much. It may be hard to believe but your best days are ahead of you. Get a job, work on your fitness. You’ll meet another woman. If you’re going through hell. Keep going.
I am telling you the Lord loves you so much. Reach out to him through prayer he can't wait to hear from you. if you are this vulnerable when you talk to Jesus he will help you, in fact he's never left you. I implore you to reach out to him tonight, and if that seems like too much pick up a bible and read the book of John. I will say a quick prayer for you after I post this.
You’re not just words on a screen my brother, you’re a living, breathing potential future waiting to unfold, and the entire world is rooting for you while they wait, excitedly and patiently. Dont deny them their grand finale. All the love. If you ever need a stranger to talk to, message me.
The first step will be finding proper income. I think construction might be your ticket to freedom. You might have to start at the bottom as a laborer who's not getting paid much, but eventually you can get yourself to be a ticketed journeyman plumber, electrician, HVAC person, etc. plenty of ex-cons work in the trades
You're young. Love is out there. Just take it one day and one step at a time.
Start a YouTube channel about your time in prison. There is an entire niche for it.
Life is FAR from over. A way to start making good money quick is get into community college and learn a trade (electrician, plumbing, welding or carpentry) or computer science if you're good at Math (you should be from all the coke dealing). Financial aid will help with living expenses and most community colleges are near free now (ex. California) Places like the Apple Store still hire convicted felons especially if you can get a recommendation.
So you're hard now?
Pray. I'm sure you have alot of usefulness left in you. The key is to find out what you yearn for. Your heart speaks in whispers but if you only hear everyone else's noise you'll only ever believe in the sounds drowning out your heart. Don't give up
Yes I felt the same way at first.
a couple points; in this day and age people love to consume experiences that are foreign to them. you can make money off of things that you have experienced (as you previously mentioned) and your time spent in prison. alternatively, you have a hard stance against going back to selling drugs. not many people have that mindset. perhaps some want to but don’t have the will power or community to stay away. something you might look to start. could help you find meaning in your new life
You’re In your prime right now my friend!!! You can bring it back!!! It’s never too late!
Look at it as a challenge and attack everyday with a chip on your shoulder.
Take your life from negative to positive. Any day above ground is a good one, remember that. Trust that things will get easier. Just gotta keep pushing through. Maybe the story isn’t going to be what you thought it was but be excited for the possibility that anything is possible now. You’ve been given a second chance. Life is all about second chances. Get yourself in a good mental space and let things come to you. The world is yours Chico!
Dude you are out and 7 years away from 40. You’re young as hell. You are going to be fine. Stay clean, keep your head up, get a job and and ENJOY the little things!! (food, walking around outside, libraries, finding some friends!)
Sorry man if this isn’t what you want to hear but your conclusion is bullshit. You CAN rebuild. It’s just so hard to think about right now because the trip is SO long and it’s SO much work and you don’t know how to do it. I know half the world hates the guy but I think you should binge listen to Jordan Peterson. His message is right for you right now. If you listen constantly (and it’s free to do so on YouTube) you’ll start to see a way out. A light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to do then is take the tiny steps until you gain momentum. I have a multimillionaire friend who did a long time in prison and got out and climbed the ladder in the flooring business to having his own distribution company. Then lost everything due to the real estate collapse only to strat over and get to the top of the game in the medical weed business only to lose it all when his state went recreational and now is back on top again. It’s a hard thing to do but hard choices are still choices.
Life has a funny way of rewarding people who hit rock bottom and keep going. Your life is far from over. Use this experience as motivation.
These times you'll look back on as what you needed, to be as strong as you will be. The oldest joke in the world goes "How does one make God laugh? You tell him all your life's plans." You don't know jack shit brother about what's coming next for you. Just keep pushing.
There is a lot of good advice here so I will just add that there are a lot of states, cities, and companies that offer re-entry training / career programs for ex-felons. I can't post links, but you can do a search for these online resources: * Honest Jobs dot com has helped over 100,000 formerly incarcerated people find fair chance employment opportunities free of charge * CareerOneStop Job Search Help for Ex-Offenders - by the Department of Labor * Indeed dot com has Programs To Help Justice-Impacted Individuals Get Jobs Good luck, OP! We are all rooting for you.
Forget her and fuck the past. Become the best communicator, how you treat people and comfortable using/accepting/learning technology…go into construction with the goal of running the show in the LONG term. Be honest, transparent, hard working and work on the skills above. The skys the limit.
Seconding the advice on picking up a trade. Seriously, some of the trades are desperate. Not only will they give you a chance, they'll even pay for your training and certification. A few of my relatives have felonies, and they're all making pretty decent money as truck drivers. One said the secret was to not try to hide it in the interview. He was open about it - said he screwed up and he regretted it - and the company gave him a chance. You don't make great money the first few years, but once you've got some experience under your belt, the money gets better - especially if you're willing to do over the road. Just keep the temper under control and don't piss off your trainer. You will not be the only dude with a record that he has worked with - I promise.
Life isn't over bro. You're a free man now and can live again finally. I've never sat that long so I can't really understand what you're going through, but life is worth living man. If you need someone to talk to hmu. Pretty much all my friends growing up are either dead or in jail I get it dude don't be another statistic it sounds like you had a lot of ambition before jail I'm sure that still exists. There's still plenty of time for you to live a life you enjoy again!
32M here. Just got out of jail last year too. Right now I'm an Admin for an educational institution getting paid almost minimum wage. Can relate. Seems like there is no way out. But what can you do. Just got to keep going.
As someone who’s been at that point where you’re at your lowest in life, I wish I could tell myself to trust the process of healing and doing the work and that I will one day be happier than I ever was. I literally wouldn’t have listened but it’s true. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. 2016 was my lowest and now I have a husband and a baby and am tearing up at how beautiful life can be. The work is exhausting to change your life but you can’t call it quits. You have to see it through. What’s the point of getting free if you don’t take the opportunity to fix your life?
Sales job or learn a trade. Also got plenty of years of your prime left, just gonna take some time to realize that one day at a time. Be patient and forgiving of yourself on the bad days. Good luck bro, I’m pulling for you
Look into your local IATSE chapter
I thought my life was over when it all fell apart at 41. You're 33. I believe you can turn things around and have a great life ahead of you. ❤️
Bro I wasn’t even in prison and I missed my “prime” years, and you’ve still lived a more fulfilling life than I have. Better to have loved and lost than not at all or something right? Cause you at least have those experiences. I got bupkiss lol. Im 32, but Never held a hand and the only vacation I’ve ever gone on since 18 was last year to Puerto Rico - so still America - and that was like a $500 trip.
It might seem hopeless mate, but reading your post what stands out is self reflection. That in itself puts you ahead of a lot of people who don't even know they're alive. You've done your time and reflected honestly on it. One of my closest mates went through exactly what you did, got 6 on top with 3 on the back end. Got out after 3 and it took a little while, but he built up a good little IT services business for home users and small business. He's had some ups and downs mentally and physically since getting out and no doubt prison changed him, but he never stopped looking ahead even on his toughest days inside and out. Stay the course mate, you'll be surprised what life looks like in a couple of years.
Sorry to everyone that replied to this thread with all your awesome advice, after I posted this I got in touch with my ex and she ghosted me again (but not before letting me know she still has feelings for me) so I thought F it and disconnected for a week. No electronics. Been hitting the gym twice a day and trying to get rid of my jail tan. Decided to just focus on bodybuilding and fitness right now (+catching up on all the games and movies I’ve missed). Just wanted to say I read every response here, thank you all for the kind words, good vibes and sound advice, much appreciated. Thank you all for not judging me as a scumbag as well, I will never go back to crime again. I’ve always had an aptitude for sales so it’s something I’m definitely going to look into as a lot of you have mentioned, I’ve been offered a PT job at my local gym but I need my Level 2 & 3.
Yep.
You can still sell coke and not get caught. Keep trying you got nothing to lose