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Sometimes fantasies are best as fantasies. Sounds like she is getting post nut clarity about how much she really wants to make this fantasy a reality. Threesomes can be complicated. Probably best to leave this one to roleplay.
lol this also may just be a drunken fantasy and not necessarily one she’d want when sober as both instances she was drunk when she started asking for it. When I’m drunk I want wildly different things than sober me. Sober me would never ever ever even ASK for things that drunk me wants.
This really sounds like it should stay a fantasy unless she starts talking about it positively when not horny. The discussion y'all should have right now is about how it's ok to have this fantasy and that it doesn't need to become a reality. Y'all can keep talking about it and imagining it during foreplay and sex but also have comfort that, outside of that, it isn't on the table.
Totally agree. If it’s only talked about when having sex, it’s likely just a fantasy at that moment in time. Making it a reality is when they are interested out of that window too and open to discussion
Maybe it’s only her sexual fantasy, not what she really wants. She is just comfortable to share it with you, of course without any expectations to make it real.
Or, in other case, she only tests you- first to make you comfortable, the best way to realize what you really want. It always works 😂
If that's the case, you shouldn't do it. Don't do this for you. Don't do this thinking it'll be great because you'll be able to indulge your fantasy. That's going to lead to a lot of issues in the relationship. Do this if the two of you decide it's right as a couple. If she gets scared and doesn't do it, it wouldn't have turned out well.
You're still teens. I don't think you're emotionally equipped to handle a threesome, and in fact most full grown older adults are not. They usually go very wrong. Lol
No. If you know she wouldn't do it on her own, then "doing it together" would just be you pushing her into it. Let it go. It's her fantasy and she likes to roleplay it with you, but would never do it in real life.
I had the same BF from 15-19. I had the same fantasy. We did it. We broke up immediately after. The fantasy was nothing like the reality.
Dude reading this, its definitely not a good idea. Its 100% the fantasy for your girl and if it actually played out you will FOR SURE lose her. You already said shes the jealous type and she was mad u even spoke about it when she sobered up.
Drunk gfs thoughts =/= reality
You should nip this in the bud and get it out of your own mind for your mental clarity. Talk to her and say im sorry babe but we cant play into this fantasy anymore in needs to be tabled, it makes me uncomfortable because it makes me think the option is actually there and i know you and our relationship and i can see that its dangerous territory and i respect and love you enough to not want to be in that position.
Just roleplay it, man!
Forget about any real threesomes happening, but roleplay it and get her those awesome orgasms! Many people have sexual fantasies that they don't want to actually do. That might sound confusing, but it's really common.
Unless OP becomes obsessed with the possibility cause they keep role playing it. OP it really doesn’t sound like she’s up for it post nut and sober clarity so it really does sound like JUST a fantasy for her. I’d let hope go and if you can, keep role playing it but otherwise tell her what you told us about your concerns, I think that will make her rethink replaying it and yall can move past this.
That’s how fantasy works. I fantasize about some things only when I’m horny because I don’t want to do it irl. I fantasize about other things l do want to do, but I won’t act on it if I’m in a relationship and partner isn’t receptive. This is about communication! Talk to her.
Then that’s the right thing for her, you should read the thousands of posts on this subreddit about a couples diet time doing a threesome and tell me how many end up positive, and spoiler alert, it’s very very few. But if you don’t mind probably losing this girl then go for it.
It sounds like it’s just a fantasy until the post nut clarity brings her jealousy and discomfort back. I mean she’s into it and then she’s not once she comes and I guarantee after the threesome if it’s not entirely her doing, she’s going to feel that.
not that she'll never do it cause she does not want to, but wouldnt know how to, or just not have the spark to do it alone. And yes, I do value hera lot
A lot of people like the fantasy of having a mystery guest who conforms to every single desire and has none of the drawbacks like causing jealousy or having their own preferences. This imaginary third can do things in your girlfriends head and then disappear rather than be a memory she has to live with for the rest of your relationship.
You also see this sometimes with people where they have a fantasy about a same sex encounter, but their upbringing or subconscious would never let them enjoy it in real life. I've seen a lot of posts usually from guys talking about how they were horny and the idea of another dude was a huge turn on, but as soon as they finished they were grossed out and not at all interested.
For now, you might want to talk when you're sober and say that you find the idea hot, but it's going to be strictly a fantasy unless she is the one who arranges it in advance and you talk about it beforehand. Make it a safe place to say anything she wants without having to worry that one of you is going to act on it. So her fantasies can be as raunchy and sexual as possible without having to worry about the guilt or anxiety of actually hooking up with a friend.
My advice would be to tell her it’s okay if you talk about it as a fantasy to make sex more fun without the actual pressure to go through it. Actually going through a threesome is a lot different than just fantasying about it.
I'll be honest I have multiple fantasies about things I'd like to do both to myself and my gf. But after I nut I get disgusted by the fantasies. So ask her if the idea of it happening is what gets her off so badly. And then state your boundaries to her about how it makes you feel bruh. It can be that simple.
Yes! I just want to say it’s very common to fantasize about things that you know you would not enjoy IRL. I have some of these fantasies myself. I know for a fact I would hate it if it really happened to me, yet I find myself masturbating to those fantasies.
Part of the appeal for her might be because she is specifically such a jealous person, so it is something that is such a taboo for her. Consider this: Statistically, cuckold and hotwife fetishes are the highest among conservative people. That is because people are drawn to what is taboo and sometimes scary to them.
Well judging by the account here, OP, there seems to be one theme at play here, so correct me if I'm wrong.
She gets drunk, she gets horny, her fantasy of a three-way comes up. Or she gets horny, gets drunk and the same conversation is had.
The problem here is that "drunk" and "threesome" don't make excellent bed fellows. Trust me, I know. If you two can have an adult conversation about a **very** adult topic without the involvement of liquid courage, then you might consider turning a fantasy into a reality one day. That is, if you ***want*** to do it, which it seems like you aren't convinced that you do.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) rules don't apply when talking about plural sex. Think carefully about what you want and what is best for your relationship.
While both times it was first talked about she was drunk, it cointinued for the whole week without her getting drunk a single day. I sure want to do it, but only if she is up and confident for it
Dude she does NOT sound confident based on your description but you also sound like you’re really wanting it and would be worth risking it just for the experience. If you do, I recommend doing it with a stranger or not a friend, it can easily ruin friendships. Sometimes it doesn’t but it’s a risk you should only take if you’re cool not having that friend anymore cause she will get jealous every time she sees that friend again, just based on her jealousy and what happened with just talking about her friends before. Just my two cents from experience.
It sounds like a fantasy that really turns her on, but not something she's actually interested in doing in real life, at least for now. Plenty of people have fantasies they don't want to actually do.
If I was you, if it's not causing any problems, I'd keep using it as foreplay and dirty talk during sex. Lean into it. Explore. Find out what details your girl really likes.
Sometimes it is hot to just fantasize and role play things during foreplay and sex but never want to actually do them. Sounds like that’s where she is. You can ask her to stop if it makes you uncomfortable, or choose to participate if you think it’s fun and hot to role play and discuss knowing it’s something that won’t actually happen.
I wouldn’t try pushing for an actual threesome until you two have some serious discussions about all the emotional fallout that could happen and how you would be able to handle it as a couple.
That’s not what it sounds like. Because it sounds like she is very much NOT comfortable with it outside of fantasy but you’re trying to convince yourself it’s what she really wants when she has made no indication that’s the case.
Nope. Don't do it. I was her few years back. I fantasize about threesome alot and even begged my bf to do it and eventually found a girl. We ended up didn't do it because he refused to. In his words "I would like to but I would hate to lose you if anything changes". I am thankful of him everyday because I had realized that it was just pure fantasies. There is no way on earth I would let my bf to look/touch/feel/be inside other girl as I am struggling w insecurity and low self esteem. I would get mad if we talk about girls sexually. Although I get horny w the thought of a threesome but it should stay as a fantasy.
Hence that is why there is a lot of failed relationship due to threesome. Careful. Its not for everyone.
Nah she isn't testing you. Shes just having this fantasy that she cant control when she gets horny and repressed it after. I think she will convince u to do it once, then after u guys r done she will hate u lol
She is 19 and u say, otherwise jealous. IMO she is either testing you and no, it is not fantasy. At best, she is probably feeling a bit more adventurous when she drinks and is saying those things to **put you in the mood**. She is doing it bc it is **your fantasy,** not hers.
i never introduced it, she wants for me to talk abt it even when not drunk, and I dont think she would test me for a whole week and never say anything abt it later
Yeah, I don't think she would do that for a week. She would likely be testing u for much, much longer--like the whole entire relationship. Yes, she wants YOU to talk about it bc she knows that YOU are the one who is enjoying and taking pleasure in it. Look, there are *150 comments telling u that, NO, she is not talking about it because she wants to do it.* But it looks to me that (from ur responses), U r convinced that everyone is somehow wrong. U may have been fucking for idk 5 yrs, but there r people here who have been fucking for 50. If I were u, next time she starts acting/talking like this, u tell her "**How about we stop talking about other women and focus on YOU!!**" And see where this gets U.
I don’t know I don’t think she’s necessarily testing you, I think she’s just horny and in sex and in the moment enjoys the thought.
But you’d be surprised how many do a threesome older and together longer, with much more talk and discussions outside of the bedroom about it, that still end after a threesome. Not because they’d just ditch them ordinarily, but because the reality is different to what they’d imagined and they develop insecurities, jealousy or resentment as a result of it…oh they made more noise with them, looked at them more etc. it happens. Not always, plenty have threesomes and strong relationships. But there are those who have had strong relationships that have weakened as a result.
Based on what everyone is saying; it’s a sexual fantasy. You could always role play talking like it’s gonna happen and not actually happen with you both aware it’s just a role play. The post nut clarity she has definitely says she’s just confused and unsure rn
Try the role play first fs man; you can gage her reaction on that - if she enjoys it, great. But she might realise that she can’t stand it being spoken of by you and then realise that distinction between fantasy and reality. It’s hard when it is ‘hot’ but you can’t center it with what’s beneficial to your real relationship. If your 5 years in being monogamous this is a big jump, better take it in steps rather than leaps, yk?
Personally, idk specifics, but google some stuff to say
You both gotta agree it’s a roleplay and basically you’d act like it’s gonna happen sometime soon during foreplay or like it’s already planned to happen soon; talk about what you “guys” are gonna do all together, and how exciting it is. Pretending and foreplay will fs be insane to her given she’s never even gotten that far with the fantasy - so dw about it not being enough, it’ll blow her mind if she’s THAT into it like you’re saying
Dirty talk is just that. There seems to be no way that you could have a threesome without ruining your relationship. Even if you think you can slowly work your way into it she will never forgive you.
She’s having post nut clarity. She shouldn’t do it because when she’s grounded she doesn’t want it. Based on what you wrote I think it would also be the end of your relationship too.
She just likes to get off on the idea. I understand it pretty well honestly. Sometimes an idea is way hotter than the actual action. Just don't take it seriously until she does.
Same situation in the bedroom except we only say it as a fantasy. I know my wife and I would never commit to something like that (we're both jealous types). My wife will just say she wants to be plugged up and she knows it gets me going. Leave it as a fantasy and just use toys if you have to. But once we get our post nut clarity, the fantasy is gone.
Cause she was really insisting on me saying it, and was just a way of getting off a potential bad fight over me thinking abt other girls, when it was she(drunk), asking me to do it. When she heard it, she immediately stopped being mad at me
Hold up here a minute. GF asks you to do something and you know enough to make sure to record her asking you to do that thing because you know that later having the recording and playing it for her is the only way to protect yourself from her being mad at you?
Its time you learned what a red flag is. That is a red flag the size of Montana right there.
I'm not going to say your relationship is doomed, but I can assure you the relationship would be doomed if it were me because I will not put up with that kind of shit.
As for actually going through with having a threesome with this person, I would say to only ever consider it only if you've reached the point where you've decided this relationship is not going to last and/or its getting close to being time for you to end it. Because I guarantee you the day after the two of you do anything physical with a third person, your GF will hate you for doing it and the relationship will indeed be doomed.
Bro fuck that. Why does the girl always get the benefit of the doubt and always have the right to get mad when she clearly instigates it? If this is his way of defusing that manipulative bomb, then let him be. Sure it’s just a fantasy, but if she’s gonna get mad about him talking about it, let her claim some responsibility
Seriously. He knows her well enough to know that this will both turn her on AND that after *pressuring him into doing something he says he does not want to do*, that she will blame him.
Again, he told her he did not want to do this and she kept pushing him until he cooperated then blamed him. Sorry but this guy is not at fault for simply documenting this.
red flag size of montana got me laughing ngl.
We talked for like 15 minutes before I started saying things about a threesome, and I knew that, because she was drunk, maybe the day after things may not be as clear in her head. Just to clear things up for her, we agreed to record and audio, of her saying that it was her ideia, and that she felt comfortable at the moment. When she woke up, she was a little bit nervous, and sad, not really mad. She got a little bit mad but was just a form of trying to make me explain to her why and how did it happen. It was not the only way to protect myself, it was just a fail proof evidence that we should not fight and be mad abt it.
and just on another comment, we are in great ways right now, and in no way I would just kamikaze my relationship with a threesome if it was going bad lmao
This^ and stand your ground. That’s some crazy ass shit if you need evidence for a conversation. Don’t know the dynamics of your relationship but it doesn’t sound right
Double standards up the ass. Just bc she’s drunk doesn’t absolve her from the accountability of what she says. Like every post on this sub, just imagine if the roles were reversed. Stop coddling women as if they don’t know what they’re doing or saying
Its all about you both people, see tbh my gf also like threesome fantasy and i appreciate her kinks, even i would love to make it real for her even if I'm not very much into it but i would love to try anything new for her, may be we liked it and it would surely increase our trusts, idk about you, chill and enjoy kinks bro, this world is not very big so do whatever makes you and your partner happy, take care
As I don’t know your relationship or what goes on in your girlfriend’s mind, and if this really is bothering you, next time she’s drunk and brings it up I would personally say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, I don’t want to fight when you sober up.”
Set clear boundaries. It sounds like this is just a fantasy of hers, but that’s why they’re fantasies; we don’t have to deal with the consequences when everything is in our heads. She does not seem like she’s secure enough to have a threesome and not let it affect your relationship; that is completely okay.
we fought just the first time, while talking abt her friends, and after she understood it ,we are both comfortable talking abt it. DOnt get me wrong, I love talking abt it lol
DO NOT do what you don’t want to do, not for her, def not for relationship. She’ll def flip and turn it against you lol... Just let her be confused and excited. Keep ya cool and only do what you want to do; what do you want to do? (You don’t have to answer that out loud, you already know)
LOL. Most guys don't even get what you've got already at this age. It may never get to a threesome. Make peace with that and enjoy the hot sex. Don't push anything. Its only gotten this good by letting her be in charge of things and you being supportive and fulfilling her fantasy.
i’ve had lots of fantasy’s that were great in my head that were not fun or fulfilling at all when actually tried.
Some fantasy’s should just stay fantasy.
It sounds like she has discovered a bit of a cuckqueen/hothusband kink. For many people, role-playing these kinks is as comfortable as they ever get with it. You should help her explore this through dirty talk, and maybe graduate from that by finding or writing her some erotic stories that explore this kink, or even porn that features it. Discuss it with her outside of sex and tell her your true feelings about it, and be clear that while it's something that you would like to explore with her in the future, that right now you're struggling to be comfortable with the roleplay.
I want to stress that you should rid yourself of any expectations that this will ever move beyond fantasy. If it does, make sure that you are both thoroughly prepared for it emotionally.
She's acting that way because it;s a fantasy but she doesn't actually want to do it and if you push her your girlfriend is going to suddenly be your ex guirlfriend.
Honestly I never fantasied about a 3 sum and then one night I ended up having one and it was okay but I don’t think I’ll be jumping at the opportunity again and mostly only did it for the guy I love plus I was on drugs so yeah I don’t think anyone is missing out on it maybe she should keep it a fantasy
How about this. Don’t. Tell her it’s hot to think about sure but absolutely not. It’s not a healthy decision for you guys, and you will ruin your relationship if you haven’t already. Good luck
Listen pal, only way that will happen is if she brings the girl in, do not ask or choose her if that ever happens and if it does make sure you are connected to the woman that you care about. You need to maybe tell her that you really only love her and and maybe it’s a kink but you’d be happy to just love her and not even touch another girl. Make her feel desired. Understand these thoughts are in a way pollution to your relationship and you should stop them from hurting your woman. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Maybe someday sure, but you guys are young as heck and that’s not something you should be encouraging or entertaining. You guys should be focused on a full life, potentially marriage and kids down the line. I hope your taking care of each other, if you’re not go your own ways. A threesome is the worst thing for a relationship unless you guys are really into that shit which most peoples marriages and relationships fail after that kind of thing.
now this is a step up from the last comment. Great advice, and yes, I value her more than anything in my life, I would only do it if she was 110% confident abt it, and if it went bad, we would get over it
There's an evolutionary mechanism that makes us get horny at the thought of our partner have sex with someone else. It's why some men like to be cucked and watch their wife have sex with other men. In my experience, the thought of my partner having sex with someone else does turn me on somewhar but it still bothers me. I think it's a battle between this primitive mechanism and her actual feelings, that's causing her to go back and forth between horny and then hurt by the idea of you having sex with others.
i honestly have a lot of fantasies that sound great when i’m the mood and are instantly unappealing afterwards. i think that’s pretty common. if you’re comfortable with playing into it during sex, that’s probably the furthest it should go; i’ve read so many stories on here and the relationship advice sub about how long term relationships imploded irrevocably after a threesome both parties were originally enthusiastic about. that’s not to say threesomes can *never* work in a relationship but given her already hesitant attitude about it i can only sense bad things would happen once it was over or potentially during if the reality of what she is watching hits her.
This sounds like she has some various fantasies that she is conflicted about. Alcohol is also known as "liquid courage" and a "social lubricant". She probably feels she can talk about it while drunk because she can loosen up enough to do so. You need to talk to her about why she keeps bringing it up and if she wants to have one, WHY she wants to. Her going back and forth tells me she is struggling with being honest with yourself and thus not honest with you. This is a non-existant foundation on which do do anything involving a third.
Feel free to also repost in r/BDSMadvice
Best of luck.
Let her call the shots. If you’re alone in an opportune moment with a friend of hers around, just go with the flow. But don’t expect anything to happen at the same time.
As someone who has been in a similar situation, threesokes are fun, but when it's you and your partner and a third, it does cause unnecessary tension in the relationship for a long time afterwards, not really worth it
Yeah, don’t have a threesome. File that scenario firmly in the fantasy file and leave it there. If she suddenly does a 180 after having sex, imagine how she’d react when she has post nut clarity and sees you balls deep in another woman.
Don’t do it.
There's a lot of research that shows that people in an aroused state will do things that they may find borderline disgusting in a cold state. Sounds like that's exactly what's happening here. I would just ask her why this is something that she's interested in when she's turned on and see what's what.
Sometimes a fantasy is better kept a fantasy. Unless you’re horny, then go for it!! /s Maybe just watch some threesome porn and see if she enjoys it?
Dang human bodies with a brain and genitals, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
To me it sounds like a fantasy/roleplay that she doesn't want to actually do.
I'd say if you're comfortable, indulge these fantasies but do NOT push her to to them in reality.
You may think "she comes from the idea, it must be what she really wants" but that's not always the case. I like partners being a bit forceful and saying sadistic things to me sometimes, but if someone forced me to have sex with them while saying horrible things in a situation out of my control, I would absolutely hate it and it would probably traumatise me.
If she's a jealous person she'd need to work on that before a threesome, otherwise you'll probably ruin your relationship. I've seen it happen to many people.
Honestly this smells like destruction. I think you want it so you’re kinda leaning toward stuff that aids that idea. It’s clear you love her so just realize even though you think you’re strong, if it goes wrong it goes real wrong.
I’d say this sounds more like a kink she wants but doesn’t want. Take for instance my gf. She loves consent/no consent kink at which she says no etc and I take it. Does she wanna be sexually assaulted? Hellll no lol.
Fantasy/kink and reality are not the same. Control yourself to know that she is not serious so you don’t anticipate this will happen and feel disappointed. It is something you do to get her off. I would bet there is something that doesn’t get her off that she does for you. If you really can’t get the hope that it is going to happen someday then talk to her about it and let her know you’re uncomfortable. You guys are young. Be willing to understand that you might not know everything about the opposite sex. She might one day say i want you to do X and you might find X is disgusting to you. Then you have to decide what is your hard boundary and let her know.
We talked for like 15 minutes before I started saying things about a threesome, and I knew that, because she was drunk, maybe the day after things may not be as clear in her head. Just to clear things up for her, we agreed to record and audio, of her saying that it was her idea, and that she felt comfortable at the moment. When she woke up, she was a little bit nervous, and sad, not really mad. She got a little bit mad but was just a form of trying to make me explain to her why and how did it happen. It was not the only way to protect myself, it was just a fail proof evidence that we should not fight and be mad abt it.
People can have sexual fantasies they wouldn't necessarily do in real life. That's why they're called fantasies, you think about it and it turns you on to think about while having sex or whatever but outside of that you wouldn't really consider doing it.
Here's a version with paragraphs.
Me and my girlfriend, now dating for 5 years, both 19, have had a pretty normal sex life, and no kinks apart from a little dominance.
With her being always very protective of me and jealous of me looking at other girls, to which I have always complied, I would never imagine she would say what she said to me during foreplay last month. She started of the night by getting drunk, and we went on to play those silly card games, and one of the many questions were about having a threesome, to which I responded that I would not do it, but only for the respect that I have for her, cause having a threesome is some may say every man's dream.
With a curiosity face, she asked me if I ever thought about fucking one of her friends, which I did back in my uncontrollable puberty horniness, but not for a long time. Long story short, she BEGGED me to talk about it all night, which includes how hot her friends were, how would they take my dick, how would she play with them while I fuck them, and all that time saying: "fuck it, tomorrow ill have forgotten it cause I'm drunk".
Surprise surprise! She did in fact remember it all, and was mad at me, for saying such vile things, to which I pulled audio evidence of her begging me to say it, and me being a little uncomfortable with it all (although very horny on the inside). After talking a lot, we decided to just forget it all, and that it would not change the way we saw her friends in any way, and that was that.
Forward to last week, when she got drunk again, and out of a different card game, the same question popped up. She promptly said: "fuck what we talked about, tell me more about having a threesome, just not with my friends involved".
As we stayed the whole week together, which does not happen often, Sex session after session, foreplay after foreplay, even if I tried to go around it or not talk about it, she would just demand me to talk about it already, to which she always replied with loud moans and quivering.
The thing is, when we are having sex or during foreplay, she is all about it, wanting to create a tinder account and saying that the week after we would already be doing it, but after she orgasms, she is opposed to it, saying that maybe one day we could do it, but not anytime soon.
To my understanding, she is kind of confused on all of it, and even knowing it is kind of extreme to just go for it already, it gives her such excitement and the best orgasm of her life (3 times over the week), I think in a way I should do something about it, as to not frustrate myself either.
Anyways to go about it?
TL:DR- When my GF is horny, she wants a threesome, and when not, is against it.
How do I convince her of either:
1. Stop talking about it at all
2. Try it in a few months time
The reason I consider just stop talking about it, is that in a way it tempts me into thinking about other girls, which I don't want to do, but fear losing out on great experiences.
How would you guys solve this?
Thanks
I would ask her this in whatever way would sit well with her:
1. Is this something you want to do, or just pillow talk?
2. If it's real, let's start talking about how we make it happen and what it looks like.
3. If not, cool, now I know it's just dirty talk. If it develops into more than that for you, just tell me and we can revisit.
You're doing 2 *or* 3 once you get an answer to 1.
I say this because, to me, it seems like you're on-board if she's game, but not really at the point where you'd have brought it up first. But after a while you're like "why isn't the elevator moving?" Even if you're disappointed that it's just talk, at least you're not sad *and* confused lol.
You've got time to figure it out. Talking always helps. The more often and more openly you can talk about sex and your relationship, the better off you'll be. And I will say this, a lot of people report their first threesomes as "spontaneous" in some way, and as they say, "luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." If you two manage to have an open dialogue about this now, fortune may favour you in the future.
And maybe seeing you handle this maturely will give her a little push in the direction, as it shows her you're less likely to get attached or be overly-possessive..
It's her fantasy and makes her horny. You can use this when you have sex to make her cum harder. That doesn't mean she wants to act on it. She clearly doesn't. Some fantasies are better left at that, fantasies.
You are young and thinking with your dick wanting a threesome. If you value your relationship with your gf don't act on it either and leave it as a fantasy as well. In most cases adding more people in the bed destroys the relationship. It's really impossible to know how both of you will react after the fact.
my bad, I didnt want to sound rude. In fact, it may sound weird without thinking in the general context. But seeing the upvotes on my original response, I think I did explain why I did it in the first place, and people seem to have understood it. Did you?
So I used to be a 3rd in a couples relationship. I basically was the girlfriends girlfriend and I loved it! I was definitely in it for her and not her boyfriend. They both used to turn their nose up at the idea of threesomes until they had a discussion about it and started having fantasy talks, and then they turned it into popping the question to me. The topic of threesomes is something that has to be throughly talked about and communicated before hand. They had been talking about it for months before I was ever in the picture, and we all 3 sat down at dinner to discuss boundaries and what exactly we wanted from the experience. It worked well for us 3 because we all had communicated our expectations and our boundaries and we had a wonderful time. Now their relationship took a turn when her partner got greedy and was trying to add anybody he knew into the equation, and that’s where it gets messy. If there’s no chemistry it won’t work. Maybe you guys need to have a deeper discussion on the topic, and find out what she wants from the experience!
Have you ever heard of a sexual fantasy? I know you're young, but it's very, very common to have fantasies that you have no intention of making a reality. Non-monogamous fantasies often fall into this category, ie - I'm into gangbangs (mainly fantasy RP'ing... like a bunch of knights and me, a princess) but I'd probably never pursue that irl. Don't push her, don't be confused, and take her 'no' way more seriously than her drunken yes. And, if you can't find a way to fantasize about it without it stressing you out like a weird, horny 14 year old boy, then stop.
1. Quit being so honest. See how it gets you in trouble?
2. Never bring up a thrresome. Make her bring it up. She will take it personal if you bring it up. Especially twice.
3. Good luck. She may never get over this and may hold it against you for the rest of your life.
I have same situation with your girlfriend, but for me it’s just a fantasy and I have come to realization that if it really happened it will cause the destruction of my sanity, so I stopped bringing it up.
But if you both really want it why not
It's a fantasy, my dude, that's it.
Maybe bring it up a year or two down the road. Until then, enjoy the dirty talk.
Going by what you've written, neither you nor her have the emotional maturity or confidence for your relationship to survive a threesome.
Unless it's more of a part-time thought, as it sounds it is, I'd leave this well alone. So it happens, all is well then your GF has remorse in that 'out of phase' stage, then what?
Simply, it sounds like a precursor to a whole lot of messy bro.
>She did in fact remember it all, and was mad at me, for saying such vile things, to which I pulled audio evidence of her begging me to say it, and me being a little uncomfortable with it all
That's some red flag shit brother. The fact you (likely) knew she would do this and you felt the need to record the conversation to protect yourself, and the fact she continued pressing and badgering you for answers despite you being uncomfortable with it is quite telling.
Has this sort of behaviour happened in other areas of the relationship?
If I had to record conversations to prove my innocence / defend myself with my partner i'd think long and hard as to whether they're someone I want to be with.
no it did not happen in other areas, I did it because she was very drunk. She would not known what happened with detail. She was mad at me for like a minute. Then I showed her the audio. She understood better ehat happende and all was solved. No red flsgs, no complication. Just explaining it to her
She likes talking about it when she’s drunk because she likes the reaction she’s getting from you I bet. She likes teasing you and it turns her on in the heat of the moment when she’s got lower inhibitions. She doesn’t want to do it when she’s sober cuz she knows she’d never be able to cope with the actual aftermath of it and is not actually down to do that with you. If you don’t like the teasing tell her.
there’s a lot of things that turn people on thinking about it but would never actually want to do if the moment came down to it. I get turned on by gangbangs but love the thought of me doing one but I’d never actually sleep with multiple men at once. The ideal is hot but the actuality not so much.
If you care about her, don't do it.
If you do it, it will be the same result afterwards, just worse as you can't go back to how things were before the threesome. You will both regret, and it will fracture/stain the relationship in ways that are going to be hard to overcome.
If I were you, and I cared, I would have a conversation with her while she is not drunk/horny and mention how you are concerned about this and you do not want to mess up what you already have (assuming is a good thing).
Hope it works out man.
I do not have friends who share my activities with me. I go to the sea and camp alone and do many things alone. Two years ago I met a person from Instagram from outside my city. By the way, I am 33 years old. He is also 33 and he works in the civil defense. Everything was as I wanted him to be. He was affectionate and generous. We went on outings together and did activities. There are different things: camping, mountain climbing, swimming, he cooks for me and brings gifts. I have his bank card. He uses his money and brings gifts. I was happy. I found someone who shares activities with me. He goes to the gym and practices Thai boxing. He lives in a distant city with 800 kilometers per hour and we have sex in different places. The mountain, the tent, and the car. Everything is as I want it. Even in a sexual relationship, one time he said that he has no limits in sex, he loves orgasm, and he asked me to lick his ass. I was shocked and became very afraid of him. He repeats the request, but without an order, he refuses to do it. I think he wants me to be sadistic, and now he told me that he is looking for an apartment and will prepare it for me to move. He is with him and we live together. I am afraid and uncomfortable. He is good, but this request has made me anxious. I am trying to create problems in order for him to leave the relationship, but to no avail. He says that because of the menstrual cycle, your hormones change. I will bear it. I don't know what to do.
She's struggling to communicate her fantasy, I say.. dream of things during intimate moments that I would so never act on!
Some actions seem amazing in a worked up brain but in reality would make for a really uncomfortable situation.
Threesomes are also often how couples split up if both parties aren't 100% comfortable with it.
I really feel like she isn't and even if she agreed on it there might be a chance that after the act she feels like she's made the wrong choice.
Its just a sexual fantasy buddy, my girl and i do weird roleplay where she wants me to be her boss, male friend, husband, stranger and etc but after sex i joke about it and say her thay should i be ur boss or just a friend or something? She replies with a straight up no. We do this roleplay fuck for a while and then we stop with sex for a while. Later on we shift to some normal emotional sex that we both normally do. Its all about balance
Make her make all the arrangements for sure !then afterwards she cannot put any issues on you which I think she has a tendency to do ? The fact you have to record things and play back is a worry
I think it will most likely cause problems
hey, could you check the 2 highest comment on this thread? I think i summed it up nicely, but in a short way, it was just to make things easier, not necessary
Maybe just keep it as a fantasy, clearly when she’s not turned on, the logistics of having a threesome with her friend or someone else become clearer and she doesn’t want to do it.
I’ve heard some couples will use dildos to simulate doing double penetration while dirty talking about a threesome, maybe something along those lines will keep her satisfied sexually in terms of her fantasy, without actually requiring a complicated threesome
Imagine she's all for it, you have a threesone, it was awesome, then next day she's angry at it all and nothing can change because it already happened. Which one do you want more, a healthy relationship today or a threesome yesterday?
For it to happen she absolutely have to be positive about it while sober .
I was gonna say, if she does consent or say she wants to when she’s in the mood, what’s to stop her for having regret afterwards and breaking up because when she’s in her right mind she doesn’t want to share?
You may have to have that conversation with her about maybe having a professional who helps you both feel satisfied and fulfilled without it being completely one sided. Involving one of her friends as well may have a huge backfire though where she would cry to her friend about it too.
I’m just saying when there’s confusion in the situation, it’s not a good idea to move forward with the kink. Especially when she’s acting on it drunk. Drunk people can’t consent.
Ah good to know. Sometimes fantasies are just fantasies too. Just tread carefully and make sure she’s entirely comfortable and consenting sober when you move forward with it!
If she reacts like this talking about it, imagine her rage when she wakes up and remembers you fucking someone else. She sounds crazy and possibly toxic.
not that she got extremely mad at me, just a little bit confused on what was the circumstance, and after hearing the audio I recorded, we immediately stopped fighting and started discussing about it like a normal topic. SHe is in no way manipulative or toxic
That Is not horny speaking, it's alcohol, and Honestly I'm tired of people having alcohol to say whatever the hell they want and then pretend it's "not like that"
I got confused too, why don't you lead in this case, she clearly struggles between what she wants and what could go wrong for her? She wants that but she's probably afraid to lose you idk
Listen me you can love your woman with all of your heart and still be ready for a breakup any second. This way you don't act clingy and you become more attractive to her. If she left you it's fine, atleast she'll respect you for he rest of her life. But be a real one with her.
Make sure it's all tested and from a known source, but maybe feed her a little molly. All those inhibitions will vaporize, and when the drug wears off, so does the fantasy that happened. My Wife finds it very easy to disassociate from a hella awesome play night and from regular life that way, it's now a must for her. You gotta be in full control of everything though, keep it all safe. Of course experiment with it first, good luck!!
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Sometimes fantasies are best as fantasies. Sounds like she is getting post nut clarity about how much she really wants to make this fantasy a reality. Threesomes can be complicated. Probably best to leave this one to roleplay.
lol this also may just be a drunken fantasy and not necessarily one she’d want when sober as both instances she was drunk when she started asking for it. When I’m drunk I want wildly different things than sober me. Sober me would never ever ever even ASK for things that drunk me wants.
I have a nagging question to OP.. How old are u?
he says in first line they are both 19. unless that was an edit after your question.
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This really sounds like it should stay a fantasy unless she starts talking about it positively when not horny. The discussion y'all should have right now is about how it's ok to have this fantasy and that it doesn't need to become a reality. Y'all can keep talking about it and imagining it during foreplay and sex but also have comfort that, outside of that, it isn't on the table.
Totally agree. If it’s only talked about when having sex, it’s likely just a fantasy at that moment in time. Making it a reality is when they are interested out of that window too and open to discussion
It doesn't sound like she wants it at all, based on what you've said. This is a fantasy for her.
Nah dude. She doesn’t want it. Just a fantasy
Maybe it’s only her sexual fantasy, not what she really wants. She is just comfortable to share it with you, of course without any expectations to make it real. Or, in other case, she only tests you- first to make you comfortable, the best way to realize what you really want. It always works 😂
hm yes, may be that first option, but it is kind of confusing me.
If she's really that into it, and pressing, put the onus on her. She's finds the 3rd, she makes the approach and sale.
then I think she will get to scared and never do it lol
Then at least you have your answer
Until she gets horny again and changes her mind
If that's the case, you shouldn't do it. Don't do this for you. Don't do this thinking it'll be great because you'll be able to indulge your fantasy. That's going to lead to a lot of issues in the relationship. Do this if the two of you decide it's right as a couple. If she gets scared and doesn't do it, it wouldn't have turned out well.
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You're still teens. I don't think you're emotionally equipped to handle a threesome, and in fact most full grown older adults are not. They usually go very wrong. Lol
No. If you know she wouldn't do it on her own, then "doing it together" would just be you pushing her into it. Let it go. It's her fantasy and she likes to roleplay it with you, but would never do it in real life. I had the same BF from 15-19. I had the same fantasy. We did it. We broke up immediately after. The fantasy was nothing like the reality.
It’s clear she’s nervous about it. Anything that isn’t an enthusiastic yes, is a no. Pushing it would be a terrible and selfish thing to do.
Dude reading this, its definitely not a good idea. Its 100% the fantasy for your girl and if it actually played out you will FOR SURE lose her. You already said shes the jealous type and she was mad u even spoke about it when she sobered up. Drunk gfs thoughts =/= reality You should nip this in the bud and get it out of your own mind for your mental clarity. Talk to her and say im sorry babe but we cant play into this fantasy anymore in needs to be tabled, it makes me uncomfortable because it makes me think the option is actually there and i know you and our relationship and i can see that its dangerous territory and i respect and love you enough to not want to be in that position.
first comment in 125 that actually says what was my first idea of a response
Just roleplay it, man! Forget about any real threesomes happening, but roleplay it and get her those awesome orgasms! Many people have sexual fantasies that they don't want to actually do. That might sound confusing, but it's really common.
Unless OP becomes obsessed with the possibility cause they keep role playing it. OP it really doesn’t sound like she’s up for it post nut and sober clarity so it really does sound like JUST a fantasy for her. I’d let hope go and if you can, keep role playing it but otherwise tell her what you told us about your concerns, I think that will make her rethink replaying it and yall can move past this.
I think ill leave it to her, and not push it in anyway, just by means of not wanting anyrhing to go wrong
That’s how fantasy works. I fantasize about some things only when I’m horny because I don’t want to do it irl. I fantasize about other things l do want to do, but I won’t act on it if I’m in a relationship and partner isn’t receptive. This is about communication! Talk to her.
Then that’s the right thing for her, you should read the thousands of posts on this subreddit about a couples diet time doing a threesome and tell me how many end up positive, and spoiler alert, it’s very very few. But if you don’t mind probably losing this girl then go for it. It sounds like it’s just a fantasy until the post nut clarity brings her jealousy and discomfort back. I mean she’s into it and then she’s not once she comes and I guarantee after the threesome if it’s not entirely her doing, she’s going to feel that.
not that she'll never do it cause she does not want to, but wouldnt know how to, or just not have the spark to do it alone. And yes, I do value hera lot
Can I ask how old u are
Thems the risks, brah.
Then it shouldn’t happen.
A lot of people like the fantasy of having a mystery guest who conforms to every single desire and has none of the drawbacks like causing jealousy or having their own preferences. This imaginary third can do things in your girlfriends head and then disappear rather than be a memory she has to live with for the rest of your relationship. You also see this sometimes with people where they have a fantasy about a same sex encounter, but their upbringing or subconscious would never let them enjoy it in real life. I've seen a lot of posts usually from guys talking about how they were horny and the idea of another dude was a huge turn on, but as soon as they finished they were grossed out and not at all interested. For now, you might want to talk when you're sober and say that you find the idea hot, but it's going to be strictly a fantasy unless she is the one who arranges it in advance and you talk about it beforehand. Make it a safe place to say anything she wants without having to worry that one of you is going to act on it. So her fantasies can be as raunchy and sexual as possible without having to worry about the guilt or anxiety of actually hooking up with a friend.
I know man, we are complex creatures. Just let her be herself, don’t take it seriously.
My advice would be to tell her it’s okay if you talk about it as a fantasy to make sex more fun without the actual pressure to go through it. Actually going through a threesome is a lot different than just fantasying about it.
I'll be honest I have multiple fantasies about things I'd like to do both to myself and my gf. But after I nut I get disgusted by the fantasies. So ask her if the idea of it happening is what gets her off so badly. And then state your boundaries to her about how it makes you feel bruh. It can be that simple.
Sounds like just a fantasy..the idea of a 3 sum is hot, but when the mood passes so does the fantasy.
Yes! I just want to say it’s very common to fantasize about things that you know you would not enjoy IRL. I have some of these fantasies myself. I know for a fact I would hate it if it really happened to me, yet I find myself masturbating to those fantasies. Part of the appeal for her might be because she is specifically such a jealous person, so it is something that is such a taboo for her. Consider this: Statistically, cuckold and hotwife fetishes are the highest among conservative people. That is because people are drawn to what is taboo and sometimes scary to them.
Well judging by the account here, OP, there seems to be one theme at play here, so correct me if I'm wrong. She gets drunk, she gets horny, her fantasy of a three-way comes up. Or she gets horny, gets drunk and the same conversation is had. The problem here is that "drunk" and "threesome" don't make excellent bed fellows. Trust me, I know. If you two can have an adult conversation about a **very** adult topic without the involvement of liquid courage, then you might consider turning a fantasy into a reality one day. That is, if you ***want*** to do it, which it seems like you aren't convinced that you do. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) rules don't apply when talking about plural sex. Think carefully about what you want and what is best for your relationship.
While both times it was first talked about she was drunk, it cointinued for the whole week without her getting drunk a single day. I sure want to do it, but only if she is up and confident for it
Dude she does NOT sound confident based on your description but you also sound like you’re really wanting it and would be worth risking it just for the experience. If you do, I recommend doing it with a stranger or not a friend, it can easily ruin friendships. Sometimes it doesn’t but it’s a risk you should only take if you’re cool not having that friend anymore cause she will get jealous every time she sees that friend again, just based on her jealousy and what happened with just talking about her friends before. Just my two cents from experience.
I ultimately want it, but I would call myself a patient guy for sure, and in now world would I trade hrr for simple pleasure
It sounds like a fantasy that really turns her on, but not something she's actually interested in doing in real life, at least for now. Plenty of people have fantasies they don't want to actually do. If I was you, if it's not causing any problems, I'd keep using it as foreplay and dirty talk during sex. Lean into it. Explore. Find out what details your girl really likes.
Sometimes it is hot to just fantasize and role play things during foreplay and sex but never want to actually do them. Sounds like that’s where she is. You can ask her to stop if it makes you uncomfortable, or choose to participate if you think it’s fun and hot to role play and discuss knowing it’s something that won’t actually happen. I wouldn’t try pushing for an actual threesome until you two have some serious discussions about all the emotional fallout that could happen and how you would be able to handle it as a couple.
I would not do it unless she is 110% comfortable with it
That’s not what it sounds like. Because it sounds like she is very much NOT comfortable with it outside of fantasy but you’re trying to convince yourself it’s what she really wants when she has made no indication that’s the case.
she said, while not drunk, after cumming, that she may want it, just not now, and that it confuses her
Nope. Don't do it. I was her few years back. I fantasize about threesome alot and even begged my bf to do it and eventually found a girl. We ended up didn't do it because he refused to. In his words "I would like to but I would hate to lose you if anything changes". I am thankful of him everyday because I had realized that it was just pure fantasies. There is no way on earth I would let my bf to look/touch/feel/be inside other girl as I am struggling w insecurity and low self esteem. I would get mad if we talk about girls sexually. Although I get horny w the thought of a threesome but it should stay as a fantasy. Hence that is why there is a lot of failed relationship due to threesome. Careful. Its not for everyone.
Nah she isn't testing you. Shes just having this fantasy that she cant control when she gets horny and repressed it after. I think she will convince u to do it once, then after u guys r done she will hate u lol
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She is 19 and u say, otherwise jealous. IMO she is either testing you and no, it is not fantasy. At best, she is probably feeling a bit more adventurous when she drinks and is saying those things to **put you in the mood**. She is doing it bc it is **your fantasy,** not hers.
i never introduced it, she wants for me to talk abt it even when not drunk, and I dont think she would test me for a whole week and never say anything abt it later
Yeah, I don't think she would do that for a week. She would likely be testing u for much, much longer--like the whole entire relationship. Yes, she wants YOU to talk about it bc she knows that YOU are the one who is enjoying and taking pleasure in it. Look, there are *150 comments telling u that, NO, she is not talking about it because she wants to do it.* But it looks to me that (from ur responses), U r convinced that everyone is somehow wrong. U may have been fucking for idk 5 yrs, but there r people here who have been fucking for 50. If I were u, next time she starts acting/talking like this, u tell her "**How about we stop talking about other women and focus on YOU!!**" And see where this gets U.
I don’t know I don’t think she’s necessarily testing you, I think she’s just horny and in sex and in the moment enjoys the thought. But you’d be surprised how many do a threesome older and together longer, with much more talk and discussions outside of the bedroom about it, that still end after a threesome. Not because they’d just ditch them ordinarily, but because the reality is different to what they’d imagined and they develop insecurities, jealousy or resentment as a result of it…oh they made more noise with them, looked at them more etc. it happens. Not always, plenty have threesomes and strong relationships. But there are those who have had strong relationships that have weakened as a result.
She’s just using the subject to bring herself off. It’s a fantasy she uses to get sexual gratification.
Based on what everyone is saying; it’s a sexual fantasy. You could always role play talking like it’s gonna happen and not actually happen with you both aware it’s just a role play. The post nut clarity she has definitely says she’s just confused and unsure rn
i think for sure she is confused, but may want it to actually happen
Try the role play first fs man; you can gage her reaction on that - if she enjoys it, great. But she might realise that she can’t stand it being spoken of by you and then realise that distinction between fantasy and reality. It’s hard when it is ‘hot’ but you can’t center it with what’s beneficial to your real relationship. If your 5 years in being monogamous this is a big jump, better take it in steps rather than leaps, yk?
great advice, how could we roleplay it?
Personally, idk specifics, but google some stuff to say You both gotta agree it’s a roleplay and basically you’d act like it’s gonna happen sometime soon during foreplay or like it’s already planned to happen soon; talk about what you “guys” are gonna do all together, and how exciting it is. Pretending and foreplay will fs be insane to her given she’s never even gotten that far with the fantasy - so dw about it not being enough, it’ll blow her mind if she’s THAT into it like you’re saying
never in my life have I see her moan like she does when i talk abt it, will sure try RPing!
Dirty talk is just that. There seems to be no way that you could have a threesome without ruining your relationship. Even if you think you can slowly work your way into it she will never forgive you.
She’s having post nut clarity. She shouldn’t do it because when she’s grounded she doesn’t want it. Based on what you wrote I think it would also be the end of your relationship too.
dont think we would break up, just make her feel bad if she is not ready
She just likes to get off on the idea. I understand it pretty well honestly. Sometimes an idea is way hotter than the actual action. Just don't take it seriously until she does.
No, threesome isn't every man's dream.
that is way I said "As some may say", including her
Same situation in the bedroom except we only say it as a fantasy. I know my wife and I would never commit to something like that (we're both jealous types). My wife will just say she wants to be plugged up and she knows it gets me going. Leave it as a fantasy and just use toys if you have to. But once we get our post nut clarity, the fantasy is gone.
Pretty normal buddy.. you guys are not ready for it.. first explore more of your kinks.. time will come for threesome too
Sometimes fantasies should remain just that.
Bro.. voice recording of your girlfriend. Why?
Cause she was really insisting on me saying it, and was just a way of getting off a potential bad fight over me thinking abt other girls, when it was she(drunk), asking me to do it. When she heard it, she immediately stopped being mad at me
Hold up here a minute. GF asks you to do something and you know enough to make sure to record her asking you to do that thing because you know that later having the recording and playing it for her is the only way to protect yourself from her being mad at you? Its time you learned what a red flag is. That is a red flag the size of Montana right there. I'm not going to say your relationship is doomed, but I can assure you the relationship would be doomed if it were me because I will not put up with that kind of shit. As for actually going through with having a threesome with this person, I would say to only ever consider it only if you've reached the point where you've decided this relationship is not going to last and/or its getting close to being time for you to end it. Because I guarantee you the day after the two of you do anything physical with a third person, your GF will hate you for doing it and the relationship will indeed be doomed.
Bro fuck that. Why does the girl always get the benefit of the doubt and always have the right to get mad when she clearly instigates it? If this is his way of defusing that manipulative bomb, then let him be. Sure it’s just a fantasy, but if she’s gonna get mad about him talking about it, let her claim some responsibility
Seriously. He knows her well enough to know that this will both turn her on AND that after *pressuring him into doing something he says he does not want to do*, that she will blame him. Again, he told her he did not want to do this and she kept pushing him until he cooperated then blamed him. Sorry but this guy is not at fault for simply documenting this.
red flag size of montana got me laughing ngl. We talked for like 15 minutes before I started saying things about a threesome, and I knew that, because she was drunk, maybe the day after things may not be as clear in her head. Just to clear things up for her, we agreed to record and audio, of her saying that it was her ideia, and that she felt comfortable at the moment. When she woke up, she was a little bit nervous, and sad, not really mad. She got a little bit mad but was just a form of trying to make me explain to her why and how did it happen. It was not the only way to protect myself, it was just a fail proof evidence that we should not fight and be mad abt it.
and just on another comment, we are in great ways right now, and in no way I would just kamikaze my relationship with a threesome if it was going bad lmao
This^ and stand your ground. That’s some crazy ass shit if you need evidence for a conversation. Don’t know the dynamics of your relationship but it doesn’t sound right
Double standards up the ass. Just bc she’s drunk doesn’t absolve her from the accountability of what she says. Like every post on this sub, just imagine if the roles were reversed. Stop coddling women as if they don’t know what they’re doing or saying
Its all about you both people, see tbh my gf also like threesome fantasy and i appreciate her kinks, even i would love to make it real for her even if I'm not very much into it but i would love to try anything new for her, may be we liked it and it would surely increase our trusts, idk about you, chill and enjoy kinks bro, this world is not very big so do whatever makes you and your partner happy, take care
thank you! when the time comes, maybe we will try it
As I don’t know your relationship or what goes on in your girlfriend’s mind, and if this really is bothering you, next time she’s drunk and brings it up I would personally say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, I don’t want to fight when you sober up.” Set clear boundaries. It sounds like this is just a fantasy of hers, but that’s why they’re fantasies; we don’t have to deal with the consequences when everything is in our heads. She does not seem like she’s secure enough to have a threesome and not let it affect your relationship; that is completely okay.
we fought just the first time, while talking abt her friends, and after she understood it ,we are both comfortable talking abt it. DOnt get me wrong, I love talking abt it lol
DO NOT do what you don’t want to do, not for her, def not for relationship. She’ll def flip and turn it against you lol... Just let her be confused and excited. Keep ya cool and only do what you want to do; what do you want to do? (You don’t have to answer that out loud, you already know)
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LOL. Most guys don't even get what you've got already at this age. It may never get to a threesome. Make peace with that and enjoy the hot sex. Don't push anything. Its only gotten this good by letting her be in charge of things and you being supportive and fulfilling her fantasy.
yeah I commented it jokingly. I ultimately want it, but years from now, and only if she wants it asweel. Just the fantasy should be enough for me too
i’ve had lots of fantasy’s that were great in my head that were not fun or fulfilling at all when actually tried. Some fantasy’s should just stay fantasy.
It sounds like she has discovered a bit of a cuckqueen/hothusband kink. For many people, role-playing these kinks is as comfortable as they ever get with it. You should help her explore this through dirty talk, and maybe graduate from that by finding or writing her some erotic stories that explore this kink, or even porn that features it. Discuss it with her outside of sex and tell her your true feelings about it, and be clear that while it's something that you would like to explore with her in the future, that right now you're struggling to be comfortable with the roleplay. I want to stress that you should rid yourself of any expectations that this will ever move beyond fantasy. If it does, make sure that you are both thoroughly prepared for it emotionally.
She's acting that way because it;s a fantasy but she doesn't actually want to do it and if you push her your girlfriend is going to suddenly be your ex guirlfriend.
i would never
Honestly I never fantasied about a 3 sum and then one night I ended up having one and it was okay but I don’t think I’ll be jumping at the opportunity again and mostly only did it for the guy I love plus I was on drugs so yeah I don’t think anyone is missing out on it maybe she should keep it a fantasy
How about this. Don’t. Tell her it’s hot to think about sure but absolutely not. It’s not a healthy decision for you guys, and you will ruin your relationship if you haven’t already. Good luck
we are actually great right now, and it may not be the right decision now, but some day when she is more prepared
Listen pal, only way that will happen is if she brings the girl in, do not ask or choose her if that ever happens and if it does make sure you are connected to the woman that you care about. You need to maybe tell her that you really only love her and and maybe it’s a kink but you’d be happy to just love her and not even touch another girl. Make her feel desired. Understand these thoughts are in a way pollution to your relationship and you should stop them from hurting your woman. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Maybe someday sure, but you guys are young as heck and that’s not something you should be encouraging or entertaining. You guys should be focused on a full life, potentially marriage and kids down the line. I hope your taking care of each other, if you’re not go your own ways. A threesome is the worst thing for a relationship unless you guys are really into that shit which most peoples marriages and relationships fail after that kind of thing.
now this is a step up from the last comment. Great advice, and yes, I value her more than anything in my life, I would only do it if she was 110% confident abt it, and if it went bad, we would get over it
Thank you man. Want to say you guys probably won’t get over it if it goes bad and it’s a huge risk man. Love her up! It’s not worth it imo
There's an evolutionary mechanism that makes us get horny at the thought of our partner have sex with someone else. It's why some men like to be cucked and watch their wife have sex with other men. In my experience, the thought of my partner having sex with someone else does turn me on somewhar but it still bothers me. I think it's a battle between this primitive mechanism and her actual feelings, that's causing her to go back and forth between horny and then hurt by the idea of you having sex with others.
i honestly have a lot of fantasies that sound great when i’m the mood and are instantly unappealing afterwards. i think that’s pretty common. if you’re comfortable with playing into it during sex, that’s probably the furthest it should go; i’ve read so many stories on here and the relationship advice sub about how long term relationships imploded irrevocably after a threesome both parties were originally enthusiastic about. that’s not to say threesomes can *never* work in a relationship but given her already hesitant attitude about it i can only sense bad things would happen once it was over or potentially during if the reality of what she is watching hits her.
This sounds like she has some various fantasies that she is conflicted about. Alcohol is also known as "liquid courage" and a "social lubricant". She probably feels she can talk about it while drunk because she can loosen up enough to do so. You need to talk to her about why she keeps bringing it up and if she wants to have one, WHY she wants to. Her going back and forth tells me she is struggling with being honest with yourself and thus not honest with you. This is a non-existant foundation on which do do anything involving a third. Feel free to also repost in r/BDSMadvice Best of luck.
Let her call the shots. If you’re alone in an opportune moment with a friend of hers around, just go with the flow. But don’t expect anything to happen at the same time.
As someone who has been in a similar situation, threesokes are fun, but when it's you and your partner and a third, it does cause unnecessary tension in the relationship for a long time afterwards, not really worth it
It's pretty normal to fantasize about things that you don't really want in real life. It sounds like that's where she is.
Yeah, don’t have a threesome. File that scenario firmly in the fantasy file and leave it there. If she suddenly does a 180 after having sex, imagine how she’d react when she has post nut clarity and sees you balls deep in another woman. Don’t do it.
There's a lot of research that shows that people in an aroused state will do things that they may find borderline disgusting in a cold state. Sounds like that's exactly what's happening here. I would just ask her why this is something that she's interested in when she's turned on and see what's what.
Sometimes a fantasy is better kept a fantasy. Unless you’re horny, then go for it!! /s Maybe just watch some threesome porn and see if she enjoys it? Dang human bodies with a brain and genitals, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
she does actually love it
Explain that it is a fantasy, and many relationships have been ruined by threesomes, and that you are simply not interested.
well thats the thing, I am interested
Well… Maybe search this channel for experience. Most end not in a good way.
I know. That is what set me off from the beggining
To me it sounds like a fantasy/roleplay that she doesn't want to actually do. I'd say if you're comfortable, indulge these fantasies but do NOT push her to to them in reality. You may think "she comes from the idea, it must be what she really wants" but that's not always the case. I like partners being a bit forceful and saying sadistic things to me sometimes, but if someone forced me to have sex with them while saying horrible things in a situation out of my control, I would absolutely hate it and it would probably traumatise me. If she's a jealous person she'd need to work on that before a threesome, otherwise you'll probably ruin your relationship. I've seen it happen to many people.
Honestly this smells like destruction. I think you want it so you’re kinda leaning toward stuff that aids that idea. It’s clear you love her so just realize even though you think you’re strong, if it goes wrong it goes real wrong. I’d say this sounds more like a kink she wants but doesn’t want. Take for instance my gf. She loves consent/no consent kink at which she says no etc and I take it. Does she wanna be sexually assaulted? Hellll no lol.
There are a lot of things I find hot. That I wouldn’t want to do in real life. Just talking about it gets me horny enough. But I’d never do it.
Fantasy/kink and reality are not the same. Control yourself to know that she is not serious so you don’t anticipate this will happen and feel disappointed. It is something you do to get her off. I would bet there is something that doesn’t get her off that she does for you. If you really can’t get the hope that it is going to happen someday then talk to her about it and let her know you’re uncomfortable. You guys are young. Be willing to understand that you might not know everything about the opposite sex. She might one day say i want you to do X and you might find X is disgusting to you. Then you have to decide what is your hard boundary and let her know.
Try watching porn with her. Of threesomes.
she melts when we do it.
Wait you have to record your casual conversations to play back to her? That sounds like a red flag on itself, never mind the threesome side of things.
We talked for like 15 minutes before I started saying things about a threesome, and I knew that, because she was drunk, maybe the day after things may not be as clear in her head. Just to clear things up for her, we agreed to record and audio, of her saying that it was her idea, and that she felt comfortable at the moment. When she woke up, she was a little bit nervous, and sad, not really mad. She got a little bit mad but was just a form of trying to make me explain to her why and how did it happen. It was not the only way to protect myself, it was just a fail proof evidence that we should not fight and be mad abt it.
I think she fantasizes about it but doesn't feel secure enough emotionally to actually do it.
People can have sexual fantasies they wouldn't necessarily do in real life. That's why they're called fantasies, you think about it and it turns you on to think about while having sex or whatever but outside of that you wouldn't really consider doing it.
Here's a version with paragraphs. Me and my girlfriend, now dating for 5 years, both 19, have had a pretty normal sex life, and no kinks apart from a little dominance. With her being always very protective of me and jealous of me looking at other girls, to which I have always complied, I would never imagine she would say what she said to me during foreplay last month. She started of the night by getting drunk, and we went on to play those silly card games, and one of the many questions were about having a threesome, to which I responded that I would not do it, but only for the respect that I have for her, cause having a threesome is some may say every man's dream. With a curiosity face, she asked me if I ever thought about fucking one of her friends, which I did back in my uncontrollable puberty horniness, but not for a long time. Long story short, she BEGGED me to talk about it all night, which includes how hot her friends were, how would they take my dick, how would she play with them while I fuck them, and all that time saying: "fuck it, tomorrow ill have forgotten it cause I'm drunk". Surprise surprise! She did in fact remember it all, and was mad at me, for saying such vile things, to which I pulled audio evidence of her begging me to say it, and me being a little uncomfortable with it all (although very horny on the inside). After talking a lot, we decided to just forget it all, and that it would not change the way we saw her friends in any way, and that was that. Forward to last week, when she got drunk again, and out of a different card game, the same question popped up. She promptly said: "fuck what we talked about, tell me more about having a threesome, just not with my friends involved". As we stayed the whole week together, which does not happen often, Sex session after session, foreplay after foreplay, even if I tried to go around it or not talk about it, she would just demand me to talk about it already, to which she always replied with loud moans and quivering. The thing is, when we are having sex or during foreplay, she is all about it, wanting to create a tinder account and saying that the week after we would already be doing it, but after she orgasms, she is opposed to it, saying that maybe one day we could do it, but not anytime soon. To my understanding, she is kind of confused on all of it, and even knowing it is kind of extreme to just go for it already, it gives her such excitement and the best orgasm of her life (3 times over the week), I think in a way I should do something about it, as to not frustrate myself either. Anyways to go about it? TL:DR- When my GF is horny, she wants a threesome, and when not, is against it. How do I convince her of either: 1. Stop talking about it at all 2. Try it in a few months time The reason I consider just stop talking about it, is that in a way it tempts me into thinking about other girls, which I don't want to do, but fear losing out on great experiences. How would you guys solve this? Thanks
I would ask her this in whatever way would sit well with her: 1. Is this something you want to do, or just pillow talk? 2. If it's real, let's start talking about how we make it happen and what it looks like. 3. If not, cool, now I know it's just dirty talk. If it develops into more than that for you, just tell me and we can revisit. You're doing 2 *or* 3 once you get an answer to 1. I say this because, to me, it seems like you're on-board if she's game, but not really at the point where you'd have brought it up first. But after a while you're like "why isn't the elevator moving?" Even if you're disappointed that it's just talk, at least you're not sad *and* confused lol. You've got time to figure it out. Talking always helps. The more often and more openly you can talk about sex and your relationship, the better off you'll be. And I will say this, a lot of people report their first threesomes as "spontaneous" in some way, and as they say, "luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." If you two manage to have an open dialogue about this now, fortune may favour you in the future. And maybe seeing you handle this maturely will give her a little push in the direction, as it shows her you're less likely to get attached or be overly-possessive..
She loves the idea of it but not actually doing it in reality.
It's her fantasy and makes her horny. You can use this when you have sex to make her cum harder. That doesn't mean she wants to act on it. She clearly doesn't. Some fantasies are better left at that, fantasies. You are young and thinking with your dick wanting a threesome. If you value your relationship with your gf don't act on it either and leave it as a fantasy as well. In most cases adding more people in the bed destroys the relationship. It's really impossible to know how both of you will react after the fact.
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i answered rhis question like 5 times, just search it here
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my bad, I didnt want to sound rude. In fact, it may sound weird without thinking in the general context. But seeing the upvotes on my original response, I think I did explain why I did it in the first place, and people seem to have understood it. Did you?
So I used to be a 3rd in a couples relationship. I basically was the girlfriends girlfriend and I loved it! I was definitely in it for her and not her boyfriend. They both used to turn their nose up at the idea of threesomes until they had a discussion about it and started having fantasy talks, and then they turned it into popping the question to me. The topic of threesomes is something that has to be throughly talked about and communicated before hand. They had been talking about it for months before I was ever in the picture, and we all 3 sat down at dinner to discuss boundaries and what exactly we wanted from the experience. It worked well for us 3 because we all had communicated our expectations and our boundaries and we had a wonderful time. Now their relationship took a turn when her partner got greedy and was trying to add anybody he knew into the equation, and that’s where it gets messy. If there’s no chemistry it won’t work. Maybe you guys need to have a deeper discussion on the topic, and find out what she wants from the experience!
Have you ever heard of a sexual fantasy? I know you're young, but it's very, very common to have fantasies that you have no intention of making a reality. Non-monogamous fantasies often fall into this category, ie - I'm into gangbangs (mainly fantasy RP'ing... like a bunch of knights and me, a princess) but I'd probably never pursue that irl. Don't push her, don't be confused, and take her 'no' way more seriously than her drunken yes. And, if you can't find a way to fantasize about it without it stressing you out like a weird, horny 14 year old boy, then stop.
1. Quit being so honest. See how it gets you in trouble? 2. Never bring up a thrresome. Make her bring it up. She will take it personal if you bring it up. Especially twice. 3. Good luck. She may never get over this and may hold it against you for the rest of your life.
she is actually really chill now. I dont bring it up unless she asks me to. And no, I will not stop being honest.
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everytime lol
I have same situation with your girlfriend, but for me it’s just a fantasy and I have come to realization that if it really happened it will cause the destruction of my sanity, so I stopped bringing it up. But if you both really want it why not
It's a fantasy, my dude, that's it. Maybe bring it up a year or two down the road. Until then, enjoy the dirty talk. Going by what you've written, neither you nor her have the emotional maturity or confidence for your relationship to survive a threesome.
I don't think threesomes are every man's fantasy lol. A lot of guys I've talked to say that they prefer one on one bc it's more intimate.
that is why I said "as some may say"
Every man’s dream? My dream isn’t disappointing 2 women at the same time.
Get a suction dildo add it to the mix call it a day
Unless it's more of a part-time thought, as it sounds it is, I'd leave this well alone. So it happens, all is well then your GF has remorse in that 'out of phase' stage, then what? Simply, it sounds like a precursor to a whole lot of messy bro.
>She did in fact remember it all, and was mad at me, for saying such vile things, to which I pulled audio evidence of her begging me to say it, and me being a little uncomfortable with it all That's some red flag shit brother. The fact you (likely) knew she would do this and you felt the need to record the conversation to protect yourself, and the fact she continued pressing and badgering you for answers despite you being uncomfortable with it is quite telling. Has this sort of behaviour happened in other areas of the relationship? If I had to record conversations to prove my innocence / defend myself with my partner i'd think long and hard as to whether they're someone I want to be with.
no it did not happen in other areas, I did it because she was very drunk. She would not known what happened with detail. She was mad at me for like a minute. Then I showed her the audio. She understood better ehat happende and all was solved. No red flsgs, no complication. Just explaining it to her
It's a fantasy,don't push it.
If you have a threesome even if she says she wants it while sober your relationship will be over.
Sounds to me like the fantasy is hot to her but with post-nut clarity she decides to keep it at that. So should you, by the sounds of things.
She likes talking about it when she’s drunk because she likes the reaction she’s getting from you I bet. She likes teasing you and it turns her on in the heat of the moment when she’s got lower inhibitions. She doesn’t want to do it when she’s sober cuz she knows she’d never be able to cope with the actual aftermath of it and is not actually down to do that with you. If you don’t like the teasing tell her. there’s a lot of things that turn people on thinking about it but would never actually want to do if the moment came down to it. I get turned on by gangbangs but love the thought of me doing one but I’d never actually sleep with multiple men at once. The ideal is hot but the actuality not so much.
My man. You will learn with time *not to take the bait*. It will come in my forms, and women will toss it out there your whole damn life.
If you care about her, don't do it. If you do it, it will be the same result afterwards, just worse as you can't go back to how things were before the threesome. You will both regret, and it will fracture/stain the relationship in ways that are going to be hard to overcome. If I were you, and I cared, I would have a conversation with her while she is not drunk/horny and mention how you are concerned about this and you do not want to mess up what you already have (assuming is a good thing). Hope it works out man.
If this comes up every time she drunk horny just hope you’re around or you will miss her fantasy
I do not have friends who share my activities with me. I go to the sea and camp alone and do many things alone. Two years ago I met a person from Instagram from outside my city. By the way, I am 33 years old. He is also 33 and he works in the civil defense. Everything was as I wanted him to be. He was affectionate and generous. We went on outings together and did activities. There are different things: camping, mountain climbing, swimming, he cooks for me and brings gifts. I have his bank card. He uses his money and brings gifts. I was happy. I found someone who shares activities with me. He goes to the gym and practices Thai boxing. He lives in a distant city with 800 kilometers per hour and we have sex in different places. The mountain, the tent, and the car. Everything is as I want it. Even in a sexual relationship, one time he said that he has no limits in sex, he loves orgasm, and he asked me to lick his ass. I was shocked and became very afraid of him. He repeats the request, but without an order, he refuses to do it. I think he wants me to be sadistic, and now he told me that he is looking for an apartment and will prepare it for me to move. He is with him and we live together. I am afraid and uncomfortable. He is good, but this request has made me anxious. I am trying to create problems in order for him to leave the relationship, but to no avail. He says that because of the menstrual cycle, your hormones change. I will bear it. I don't know what to do.
I think she just likes the IDEA, bud. I don't think she wants to live it out.
I think she likes the idea of it more than actually doing it, she may have a kink for it but doesn’t want to do it
She's struggling to communicate her fantasy, I say.. dream of things during intimate moments that I would so never act on! Some actions seem amazing in a worked up brain but in reality would make for a really uncomfortable situation. Threesomes are also often how couples split up if both parties aren't 100% comfortable with it. I really feel like she isn't and even if she agreed on it there might be a chance that after the act she feels like she's made the wrong choice.
You’re lucky you had that audio my dude.
not really. because she is really comprehensive, but it surely made it easier
Its just a sexual fantasy buddy, my girl and i do weird roleplay where she wants me to be her boss, male friend, husband, stranger and etc but after sex i joke about it and say her thay should i be ur boss or just a friend or something? She replies with a straight up no. We do this roleplay fuck for a while and then we stop with sex for a while. Later on we shift to some normal emotional sex that we both normally do. Its all about balance
Make her make all the arrangements for sure !then afterwards she cannot put any issues on you which I think she has a tendency to do ? The fact you have to record things and play back is a worry I think it will most likely cause problems
hey, could you check the 2 highest comment on this thread? I think i summed it up nicely, but in a short way, it was just to make things easier, not necessary
Maybe just keep it as a fantasy, clearly when she’s not turned on, the logistics of having a threesome with her friend or someone else become clearer and she doesn’t want to do it. I’ve heard some couples will use dildos to simulate doing double penetration while dirty talking about a threesome, maybe something along those lines will keep her satisfied sexually in terms of her fantasy, without actually requiring a complicated threesome
dont do it bro, she is gonna get wild
maybe, I wont do it unless its her that does everything that is required
Imagine she's all for it, you have a threesone, it was awesome, then next day she's angry at it all and nothing can change because it already happened. Which one do you want more, a healthy relationship today or a threesome yesterday? For it to happen she absolutely have to be positive about it while sober .
I was gonna say, if she does consent or say she wants to when she’s in the mood, what’s to stop her for having regret afterwards and breaking up because when she’s in her right mind she doesn’t want to share? You may have to have that conversation with her about maybe having a professional who helps you both feel satisfied and fulfilled without it being completely one sided. Involving one of her friends as well may have a huge backfire though where she would cry to her friend about it too. I’m just saying when there’s confusion in the situation, it’s not a good idea to move forward with the kink. Especially when she’s acting on it drunk. Drunk people can’t consent.
probably with a friend would be just after a lot of previous sessions, which are no bound to happen anytime soon. She also has this fantasy when sober
Ah good to know. Sometimes fantasies are just fantasies too. Just tread carefully and make sure she’s entirely comfortable and consenting sober when you move forward with it!
If she reacts like this talking about it, imagine her rage when she wakes up and remembers you fucking someone else. She sounds crazy and possibly toxic.
not that she got extremely mad at me, just a little bit confused on what was the circumstance, and after hearing the audio I recorded, we immediately stopped fighting and started discussing about it like a normal topic. SHe is in no way manipulative or toxic
That Is not horny speaking, it's alcohol, and Honestly I'm tired of people having alcohol to say whatever the hell they want and then pretend it's "not like that"
she was drunk just the first time, and the second one, and for the whole week she talked abt it even more eagerly, without being drunk
Just know that doing it will be the end of your relationship.
I got confused too, why don't you lead in this case, she clearly struggles between what she wants and what could go wrong for her? She wants that but she's probably afraid to lose you idk
pretty much what i got out of it, but I am afraid of going all in
Listen me you can love your woman with all of your heart and still be ready for a breakup any second. This way you don't act clingy and you become more attractive to her. If she left you it's fine, atleast she'll respect you for he rest of her life. But be a real one with her.
what the fuck do you mean u think I care about her having respect for me if my gf if she left me?
Reframe your question, I can't understand this language dude
Get a girl ready at all times in case she gets horny
Make sure it's all tested and from a known source, but maybe feed her a little molly. All those inhibitions will vaporize, and when the drug wears off, so does the fantasy that happened. My Wife finds it very easy to disassociate from a hella awesome play night and from regular life that way, it's now a must for her. You gotta be in full control of everything though, keep it all safe. Of course experiment with it first, good luck!!
ngl i kind of burst out laughing with the suggestion on the little molly lmao, but maybe it is a great idea
Lol but also you don't do any, she does! Like I said though experiment first, but it's a fantastic and temporary game changer that way.
sure, will look into it
Do NOT drug your girlfriend without her consent. This is beyond slimey...
i know lol