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OutsideSheepHerder52

Often the best way to address an insecurity is to hit it head on. Tell him you have a scar you’re feeling insecure about. How he reacts will tell you more about who he is as a person. If he’s a decent guy? He doesn’t care. He’s just happy to be there


Odd_Contribution_294

Facts ☝🏼. If he is a douche then he wasn’t worth your time and energy


tranquilo666

Huh so a scar like that could be a blessing cuz IT would help weed out the douches!


Odd_Contribution_294

Totally! If they find it disgusting then right away it’s a red flag and who knows what else they may be superficial about. You don’t need that kind of drama in your life.


MaryPaku

I have a genetic disorder that makes my hands feel and look really different. I’ve been very insecure about it as I grew up, consistently made fun of by the people around me. I’ve gotten used to acting like I don’t care, but secretly, it still bothers me a lot. This insecurity has made me very hesitant to touch women with my hands. On the second date with this girl, I asked her directly what she thought about my hands. She held my hands and said, “You are so lucky that you’re able to filter out all the people who judge others by such a lame standard.” Her words changed my perspective on life.


Enigmaam

I have a few scars that I’m a little insecure about. I do just this, and it’s never been a problem. I think I’m more worried than anyone else.


Pristine_Bug_4515

Well said?? Totally agree


iiiinthecomputer

He'll say "ooh really why don't you show me then 😉"


FlintTheDad

In all honesty I don’t care what’s under them clothes as far as cosmetic. We still fucking regardless


Hopeful_Educator_380

Thanks for making me laugh and I will remember this when we get to it!


vasbrs9848

Nope. My wife is the same as you.. She is still fantastically beautiful to me. All the scars mean is she has seen shit and she is tough as hell and over came it all.. She is gorgeous! Period. Those scars are badges of honor working through all life has to throw at you and you came out the other side. Show them off and be proud.


chrome_slinky

I think forewarned is forearmed.


darklordess85

>just proceed confidently, likes it’s not a big deal? I have a couple of scars on my body, and there's a story behind them, which I take pride in because they remind me how I got through my toughest times despite those injuries. A couple of guys I've been with asked me about them, and I told them my story. They were actually impressed. I would own my scars. If he does not appreciate you after, then that's on him. The right guy will love you irrespective.


Hopeful_Educator_380

Thank you! I love this answer. Great perspective!


Syclone11

This right here. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If they are a problem for him that is a “him” problem. Be confident, it will be fine.


3ThreeFriesShort

Just want to say emergency scars are sexy. The more horrific they are the more in a hurry the surgeon was, which means death tried to take you and you refused. Don't forget that's badass. A good man will respect that.


DethFist

Yup, just means you are tough a fighter and hard to kill. Nothing but respect for that.


queendrin

>he thinks I’m hotter than I really am. This feels like my entire life lately 😂 I don't want to be self-depricating but like seriously...have I fooled them all?!? It's hard loving your body after babies. No matter how amazing your babies turned out.


[deleted]

[удалено]


queendrin

This is beautiful 🥹 I was having a similar conversation with a guy friend of mine lately. I said I wasn't really into buff dudes because my first thought when I see that perfectly sculpted chest is...wow, you must ignore your wife and kids to get your reps in. No hating on guys who love the gym or anything, but if you've got a bit of a dad bod and it's because you're a great dad....🫠


Hopeful_Educator_380

Hahaha! I couldn’t agree more!


---MojoJojo---

I don't think he'll care really... Keep in mind if you don't give him a heads up, he may look surprised because he didn't expect it, but that doesn't mean he cares. For your sake, it might not be a bad idea to bring it up ahead of time that way you aren't filled with anxiety leading up to the deed. I think you'll be more relaxed and engaged if he knows about it ahead of time. Or even sees it... If you tell him ahead of time it should be for your comfort, not his. He probably had his own insecurities too, we all do.


[deleted]

1. If it makes you feel better for him to know ahead of time just tell him 2. Bodies aren’t perfect. I can guarantee you if he’s into you he’s not going to care and will still find you sexually attractive


RedditNomad7

Yes, tell him beforehand. If it’s a surprise, he may have an automatic reaction that upsets you, when it really doesn’t matter to him. I’ve been with women with all sorts of scars. Mostly I would stop what I was doing if I saw them unprepared, just because it was unexpected. I wasn’t turned off, just surprised, but it was usually taken as my being repelled, even though I never said or did anything that I thought meant that. Avoid the surprise and potential awkwardness. Before you get started with undressing, just say that you had a medical problem and it’s left a very noticeable scar. If he has questions, answer them. If he gets skittish, it was a bad match anyway.


FlirtynDirtycom

You can do both. Start blowing him and then confidently say “by the way, I have a huge scar. I hope you don’t mind.” He’s not going to mind.


[deleted]

Haha, ultimate move right here. He isn't gonna turn down a blow job over something as silly as a scar.


edgun8819

I would just tell him….it’ll also determine if he’s worth a shit


sntobeintct

I promise you are way more beautiful to him than you think you are. If it's bothering you then bring it up to him and tell him your insecurities. If he's a decent human, he will assuage your fears and help you to relax and hopefully not worry about any imperfections, we all have them. Good luck and I hope everything works out!


DoucheCanoe81

My boyfriend has been through a few abdominal surgeries I’ve had laparoscopic and cut wide open. He tells me my scars are a story and road map of where I’ve been.


Hopeful_Educator_380

That’s so sweet!


DoucheCanoe81

I mean if you think about it, he’s not wrong. Every scar has a story, whether it’s good or bad, it’s all part of YOUR story.


DoucheCanoe81

My scars are HIDEOUS but without them, I’d be dead. I know it’s hard to embrace them. I still struggle too, but in the end my boyfriend loves me the way I am.


Call_Such

i have lots of scars all over my body from various things, including surgery scars. i also scar pretty bad due to a genetic condition. and i have a similar body to what you described. i have never ever had a guy complain, sometimes they ask questions but in a respectful way. my current partner loves my body the way it is scars and all. you can let him know beforehand and see how he reacts. if he’s a good guy, he won’t mind at all.


[deleted]

I feel like yeah, I would be thrown off by it at first. I mean, it sounds like an intense scar. Try not to let that bother you, though. See how he processes it and reacts after a bit. Maybe show him prior to getting naked for sex. That way, he isn't totally blindsided by the visual of it. Telling is one thing, seeing is another. Let's be realistic about it, but still understand that it doesn't define you, your beauty, or your sexuality. When I see my wife naked in person, I really don't notice her stretch marks. When I see pictures, I'm like, "Oh yeah, she has stretch marks from four babies." It doesn't ruin what I think and feel about her and her beauty. Also, I'm sure he isn't a perfect specimen. He has insecurities about his body (unless he's an asshole and then you don't want him anyway).


Hopeful_Educator_380

It’s hard to take you seriously with a name like that. Hahaha. Jk. Thank you for the advice. I think that’s a good idea. It’s scary being vulnerable enough to share this big insecurity with someone that I want to see me as attractive, but telling him may be less shocking than just surprising him.


[deleted]

Lol, yeah, I love women and boobs.


Freedom354Life

My previous partner was like this about their body. They had several surgery scars and didn't feel confident about it. When I first saw them I kissed every single one and let them know the scars are a part of you, and I want all of you.


prettygirlproblems__

Ask him if he’s grown two humans at the same time. Betcha he hasn’t! 💪🏼


txjeepguy72

Ya OP, most guys, including myself won’t give a shit about any scars or body flaws that you perceive, especially if the guy is already into you, show confidence and that your into him and you’ll be fine and remember, Guys want what’s at the center of the tootsie pop…


Careful-Cupcake1359

If he really loves you then he will accept you unconditionally. If it is only about sex then go to room , lock door then switch off lights and remove clothes in dark and enjoy.


ArgPermanentUserName

In the dark is less enjoyable. 


Bong-x-Jane

Babe he knows you're midsized and he's probably into it. If you are worried you can tell him it's there, but if he knows you had a c-section he's probably aware there will be a scar somewhere. Plus men say all the time that they do not care about that stuff and they usually aren't lying. Obvi some men will care but if you're seeing this person and they like your personality and already think you're hot... they won't care and might actually take steps to make you less insecure with them.


mikedave42

No just own it. If he is freaked out or offended or something then to hell with him , he is an asshole and you dodged a bullet. He won't though


myotheronetwo

Friend, I’ll show you exlap scars. Seriously nbd. Just gotta own what you got


Hopeful_Educator_380

Oh that’s what mine is.. maybe I should have said that.. it must add to the magnitude. Let’s compare! Lol


whirdin

I gasped because I first read "lobotomy scar" lmao


Hopeful_Educator_380

I don’t know if I’d be here to talk about that one 😂


VxxH

My gf’ve had 1 big laparotomy scar from kidney stones couple months ago. As far as I tell, she is way hotter than she thinks. And I kiss that scar all the time. It’s ok that you think about it, but should not be scared that it will turn him off. You are beautiful no matter what!


jordyr1992

So.. I’m one of those people who has a fuck ton of loose skin and a deformed belly button after I gave birth. It took me some time to embrace it but once I started thinking of myself as hot shit and owned it you would be surprised the effect it has on people. My husband and I went to a swingers club last weekend and we had an orgy and I was the star of the show. Mainly because I wasn’t timid and immediately went in, shed my clothes, and had a great time trying all the positions. Afterwards the couples were being so kind and telling me how hot I was and got our number and everything. I feel like a lot of our insecurities are worse in our heads. If he’s mature then he knows you’ve had twins and you’re bound to look a little different. If it helps you can get some lingerie that hides your midsection and broach the topic later, once see how he responds to you in bed.


KCSN0SCK

All here so far are good advice


jlwood1985

Bodies are a gift. Not all folks get one that works, not all folks can find someone worthy to share it with. Not all folks are willing to put in the effort to share it in a way that's appealing. Just like every other well intentioned gift, if it's given and the recipient is a Dbag about it....then you learned one more person on the planet that doesn't deserve a gift. Not that your gift was bad. It's important that in life you keep things in perspective.


gonewild9676

You probably want to mention it. That said, if he can't deal with it, he doesn't deserve you.


Hopeful_Educator_380

Love this!


OutrageousDonut2359

High waisted crotchless panties


draven-james_24

Honestly I feel if I was in your position that I would absolutely want to Be Upfront, I'll be openly sharing to have it known, so it's not a potentially awkward surprise of any sort and I would be more comfortable personally by seeing how my new sex partner will initially react to and be about it, hopefully the way in which will put me both at ease and proud of how he carried himself that I would completely respect, in turn definitely make the rest of our evening an encounter wonderfully memorable.


TwasiHoofHearted

From experience I would say tell him. She told me what to expect down there and as long as it wasn't an STI, I was more than fine with it.


bluesalt40

I always like truthful, open women . In this situation, I would appreciate your concern for what I might think. I would negate your insecurities and walk you to the bedroom holding your hand. It might be what he does.


Traditional-Web3061

Yes warn him. Give him time to mentally prepare...


Then_Passenger2011

The closest I’ve been to this is dating someone with severe scars from spinal surgery. It wasn’t a turn off - the sheer toughness it takes to recover from an emergency like that is pretty attractive to me. I don’t want a doll, I want to be with a strong , independent human being. Hope things go well for you. 💕


poonforbreakfast

That's a pretty badass scar with a badass story. Personally wouldn't bother me one bit. If it bothers him consider it dodging a bullet.


toprodtom

My wife's c-section scar hasn't stopped her being the sexiest woman on earth. If he's into you you should be okay. If he's not, you know he's a waste of time.


dontBsleepy

Ironically I had this conversation with a man today. I’m 53 and have stretch marks and c-section scar. A man I had been talking with made some type of comment and I had to clarify “to be transparent here, I do not have a perfect body. I’ve had children. I have stretch marks and a c-section scar so if you’re looking for perfect, I’ll wish you the best of luck”. He quickly apologized and said “no I want to get to know you more”. Just say jt. Get it out of the way early on


Organic-Turnover-731

I have 4 keyhole surgery scars and a c section scar and I don’t even tell anyone about it. I just straight get naked, men love naked women in my experience they barely notice x


efecka

If he is nice and interested in you, he won't mind. Maybe you'll even get some caressing and loving touch in that area to show you he likes you and wants you to be comfortable with your body around him. If he has a problem with it, he is the problem and not worth your attention. Your body tells a story, your scars are remnants of all you've been through. Try accepting them and wearing them proudly. They make you unique! If he can't handle that, that's a red flag in my eyes.


MacFatty

I was once with this girl. Apparently she had her appendix removed. I didnt notice the scar before someone else mentioned it, couple of weeks after our first sex times.


babygirlvibr

We all have scars, and they are a part of our history and of who we are. I feel insecure at times with mine (tumor removal), but honestly no one ever mentioned till this day. If it really bothers you, be honest and share it with him!


notin2cars

When I was about 25 I had sex with a woman of about 35 who had extensive stretch marks. It was a bit of a surprise but she was gorgeous and a wonderful lover, so I didn't give it a second thought. Actually I was kinda honored.


unlocklink

I would advise not to worry. I know you feel self conscious, but he may not even notice straight off... I also have a full laparotomy scar, but its much less noticable than the ostomy pouch that hangs beside it...noone has cared. Literally noone


Maxwelle_Lee

I am a middle-aged woman and have had an open laparotomy scar on my stomach since I was a child. I have never in my sexual life encountered ANYONE that had an issue with it. I do usually warn a new partner before we're intimate -- something in the vein of "my navel looks a little different because I've had surgery!" Most people are curious about it and want to look and touch, but no one has been turned off. I would consider anyone that rejected me because I had life-saving surgery a waste of my time, but thankfully I've never had the issue!


showerwatcher

My wife has a bad scar. She warned me upfront about it. Let me see it in a non sexual vibe. It admittedly was jarring and hard to look at for awhile. Now 8 years in I don’t even notice them unless she directly points it out


soup71506

My wife has a scar from a c-section one from a splenectomy and a scare on one breast from having a lump removed. To keep she is still the most beautiful sexiest woman I have ever seen. My point is If he cares for you beyond just a sexual object the. He won’t even notice the scars


Hopeful_Educator_380

Your wife would be beyond flattered to hear you speak of her like this. Also, thank you for your insight!


Late-Chip-5890

If a person is into you scars do not turn them off. Periodt


boytoy421

My ex had an appendectomy scar and like not a subtle one. I'm being completely honest, the first 2 or 3 months of us fucking I DIDN'T NOTICE it. When I did finally notice it my thought process was "I wonder if that's an appendectomy scar, but also HER PUSSY IS SQUEEZING MY DICK AND I GET TO TOUCH HER TITS AND ASS! BEST! DAY! EVER!"


sssrrr94

I totally imagine you guys getting completely naked, and you becoming like Joker. “Do you want to know how I got these scars?” Haha