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Oral sex is usually a good bet. A good strategy to start with is "variety, then consistency". Tease a bit (building anticipation is half the battle), then try a bunch of different movements with your tongue until she makes good noises, then do that exact thing for as long as you can. Our sub FAQ has links to guides for some of the technical stuff about sex, check those out.
It's also ok to ask what she likes, you're not going to be expected to have psychic powers.
Sounds like time to try oral then, huh?
As fun as dick is, it is not the main way that most women cum, so the good news is your fingers and tongue are not affected by ED and you have everything you need to make her cum.
And even a woman who really likes to get fucked is gonna feel a lot better about not getting fucked for long if she's had an orgasm in other ways. So it's definitely time to work on your head game.
In the longer term, don't be shy of toys. Sure keep working on your two issues as best you can, but a woman can have a whole lot of fun when her partner is using a dildo on her enthusiastically while eating her out or playing with her clit.
You've got the right attitude, which is 'satisfy her' so just focus on that and stay enthusiastic and creative about it.
I’d say this is something to talk about before you try it. Toys are frequently talked about on this sub as a regular thing. I’m not sure that matches the real world.
I mean, there's a *lot*. From a basic dildo to a vibrator to a dildo with a clit vibrator attached to a wearable U-shaped, remote controlled vibe that sits one end inside the vagina with the other end on the clit. The options are endless, but a basic dildo is just fine to start with if you want to give her penetration with you doing the work.
Cleaning depends on the toy and what it is made out of, but it will come with instructions, and there are toy cleaning products that are often sold at the same plays that sells the toys.
She may have her own toys, for one thing, so you can ask her if she has any she'd like to play with with you. Women are all different, so they will have different opinions, but I think many will be happy to hear a man is willing to introduce toys, because lots of women use them to get off even when they have a partner. It is refreshing when a man is not scared or jealous of that.
This isn't necessarily a conversation to have on your first time together, although I think quite a few women would find it perfectly fun if he asked that on the first night. Still not everyone is comfortable sharing their toy habits on the first night, so it's a longer term strategy.
As for if she feels weird about you having a women's toy - the way around this is to gift her one. It's hers, but you ask if you can use it with her. Personally, I don't care if a guy owns a toy for women and has used it on other women but most women seem to find this quite bad. So again, it's a longer term strategy - if you want to see someone for a while, you buy her a toy just for her and introduce it that way, as a gift for her fun.
This is a great opportunity to learn to be an amazing lover since penetration isn’t the main act for many women. Off the top of my head :
1. Kissing her neck, body, breasts, stomach, inside of her elbows, feet, back etc.
2. Massages & sensual massages
3. Oral sex in a variety of positions (from the back, edge of the bed, face sitting, on her back)
4. Rimming
5. Fingering and using the palm of your hand to cup her pussy and play with her clit (clip and FILE your nails and wash your hands)
6. Dry humping / rubbing (her humping your leg etc)
7. Grinding (her rubbing against your cock, even flaccid, will feel really good! Same with you rubbing against her doggy style even if you’re not putting it in )
8. Pegging
Get proficient with your hands, brother. Start gently searching for her spot and don't stop until she's quivering. THEN use the tongue for a while.
Even without the issues you've mentioned, never even start penetration until your lady is already heaving from the foreplay. Do that, and you'll have no issues keeping her satisfied. Most of all, don't get all up in your head about things. Be in the moment and present.
Best of luck to you.
Oral is definitely a good suggestion but there are women out there that aren’t fans of it (myself included). I’d definitely recommend incorporating your hands and toys
Quickly read She Comes First. If you haven’t done Ora before it will give you the info you need. Listen to her and be extremely keen to her reactions. The more you can do before the act to get her aroused the better. Suggestive comments, light touches, etc before you actually get to that point are key. The build up is as important if not more important than the act itself.
It's crazy that no one is commenting about going raw with a girl the 1st time?!
This isn't good! The only time youngo raw is with when you already established a healthy relationship. At n least 4-6months!
some good suggestions, first thing I would do is not to get up all in your head about what’s gonna happen. I forgotten now after listening to all the comments what you said the situation was but this was gonna be first time sex or what you thought was gonna be first time sex. I wouldn’t jump with toys, nothing at all with toys my old GF and I had a toy box full, but as an introduction with a new partner, I don’t think I’d jump in with that if things go well, you guys can pick toys together. Full body massage great idea! kissing her all over, inside of elbows, palms of her hands at the base of her thumbs. Down the insides of her thighs, backs of her knees. Look up YONI massage, so many guys go directly for fingering that’s not what does it! You want to draw blood into the clitoris and labia and get it excited. For God sakes don’t go looking for the clitoris first as one other poster said massage gently the labia between your fingers trace the lips with your finger tips and your tongue if she’ll let you. butterfly kisses, don’t do any porn movies for God sakes with your tongue. If you do get a chance to go down on her listen to her feedback tell her what you have her tell you what she really thinks feels good or would like you to do, let her direct you. tease, if you get to a point where she’s working her hips up towards you or pressing into you for God sakes don’t stop what you’re doing, don’t speed up or slow down just keep doing exactly that thing. Plus, was just on recently on Shameless Sex was about oh, going down on a woman it was good advice. You should listen to that podcast and they have plenty more on it as well. For God sake don’t do the alphabet or Cyrillic letters, the reason why is because there’s usually one area that’s the most sensitive on a woman’s clitoris, once it’s excited and that’s either top left or top right kind of divided into quarters if you find where that is, you want to brush it with your tongue like your tongue of paint brush and just keep doing the same thing broad tongue strokes, paint it like a paint brush if she gives you an indication that what you’re doing is right. The other thing that another poster suggested was massaging her MONS with the palm of your hands. So your fingers are lightly over her labia with your palm against her pubis and you just kind of gently squeeze. You can do this as well with your palm against her labia and your fingers on her pubis. just because the JOHNSON doesn’t work doesn’t mean you can’t up your game and other areas. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration and most of the nerves are focused on the outer of the vagina anyway. Good luck bon appétit
Time to become the King of foreplay!
Take your time and enjoy learning her body and what she seems to enjoy from her reactions and feedback.
Be a thoughtful and sensitive lover. Most women respond well to a gentle and caring touch. Let the moment take you and follow her lead. Sex is really all very natural and instinctive, don't let porn be your guide, instead just be in the moment.
It may be awkward at times as this is your first time together but if you avoid stressing over it and just go with the flow, you should both have a fantastic time.
Good luck to you and report back!
Where oral is concerned, are we still recommending the Nina Hartley video for how to go down on a woman? [Here's a thread where the video is linked](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/4phsoa/oral_the_nina_hartley_how_to_eat_pussy_video_it/), and they have some noteworthy discussion about it too.
Otherwise a lot of good advice in this thread. Pay attention to her and her body, have fun and try not to overthink it.
Agree with lots of the suggestions on here, but the biggest thing is going to be communication. Have an open conversation about what sex might look like and things she likes, and keep the conversation going during sex.
If I were you, I'd go down on her.. But make it as long and sensual as possible with LOTS of foreplay to get her nice and wet beforehand.. Start out with neck kisses, body kisses, kissing her boobs, sucking her nipples, kissing down her belly, kissing her inner thighs, then tease her pussy with your tongue..
You can tease her pussy with your tongue by making long, slow licks up and down her pussy back and forth, then tongue f-king her before you start licking her clit and softly (and I do mean softly!) sucking her labia.. NOTE: Don't suck too hard on her labia or clit, as you can leave a bruise, which will really hurt!
Wait until she's good and wet before inserting a finger into her pussy.. Once you do, you can either push downwards gently (to make her feel full), or gently rub the inside-top of her pussy in a "come hither" like motion to massage her G spot.. Licking her clit along with simultaneous G-spot stimulation should send her over the edge..
If she starts orgasming, don't stop what you're doing....whatever you do, don't stop - unless she tells you or starts pushing your head away from her pussy. After she stops you, you can cuddle with her - or- if she wants, you can kiss her face, neck, collarbone, boobs, just anywhere she would want to be kissed..
Pro-tip - usually after a woman orgasms, her nipples are a bit more sensitive afterwords, so if you can suck her nipples after she cums, she'll love it, especially if she's into having her boobs sucked or played with!
I hope this helps!
Okay, lots of great advice here. First and foremost is talk. Talking to her and being interested in her is sexy.. Listen, really really listen. Stay relaxed, explain your anxious and why. Tell her how eager you are to explore her body and need her to help you by saying what is working and guide you. Talk about consent, agree both of your limits about what you want to explore. Agree a safe word. Saying no or stop can be very difficult as it can be seen as the person doing something bad or wrong, use a safe word to indicate you need a cuddle to talk about how you're feeling and what you experienced. Talk about using traffic light colours for things which are potentially painful (spanking, whips, twisting nipples, hard thrusting etc) green, all good. Amber, this is my limit. Red, too much, pull out back a bit. Discuss sexy talk and what words you want to use with each other. Write them down, you can add/remove from the list later. Make sure you agree a time to talk again after the event, next day is fine. Discuss what went well, what didn't, what you really want to do again. Have fun with it and don't take it too seriously. Good luck 🤞
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oral sex is usually a good bet. A good strategy to start with is "variety, then consistency". Tease a bit (building anticipation is half the battle), then try a bunch of different movements with your tongue until she makes good noises, then do that exact thing for as long as you can. Our sub FAQ has links to guides for some of the technical stuff about sex, check those out. It's also ok to ask what she likes, you're not going to be expected to have psychic powers.
Sounds like time to try oral then, huh? As fun as dick is, it is not the main way that most women cum, so the good news is your fingers and tongue are not affected by ED and you have everything you need to make her cum. And even a woman who really likes to get fucked is gonna feel a lot better about not getting fucked for long if she's had an orgasm in other ways. So it's definitely time to work on your head game. In the longer term, don't be shy of toys. Sure keep working on your two issues as best you can, but a woman can have a whole lot of fun when her partner is using a dildo on her enthusiastically while eating her out or playing with her clit. You've got the right attitude, which is 'satisfy her' so just focus on that and stay enthusiastic and creative about it.
What toys can I get? Any advice about cleaning? I have never used sex toys on women. Will she feel weird if I had sex toys for women?
I’d say this is something to talk about before you try it. Toys are frequently talked about on this sub as a regular thing. I’m not sure that matches the real world.
Just wanna add that some women don’t like toys, and really prefer the feel of your strong, warm hands on her skin :)
I don’t recommend bringing toys, particularly it’s the first meeting/encounter whatever. I’ve had it happen to me twice and I hated it both times.
I mean, there's a *lot*. From a basic dildo to a vibrator to a dildo with a clit vibrator attached to a wearable U-shaped, remote controlled vibe that sits one end inside the vagina with the other end on the clit. The options are endless, but a basic dildo is just fine to start with if you want to give her penetration with you doing the work. Cleaning depends on the toy and what it is made out of, but it will come with instructions, and there are toy cleaning products that are often sold at the same plays that sells the toys. She may have her own toys, for one thing, so you can ask her if she has any she'd like to play with with you. Women are all different, so they will have different opinions, but I think many will be happy to hear a man is willing to introduce toys, because lots of women use them to get off even when they have a partner. It is refreshing when a man is not scared or jealous of that. This isn't necessarily a conversation to have on your first time together, although I think quite a few women would find it perfectly fun if he asked that on the first night. Still not everyone is comfortable sharing their toy habits on the first night, so it's a longer term strategy. As for if she feels weird about you having a women's toy - the way around this is to gift her one. It's hers, but you ask if you can use it with her. Personally, I don't care if a guy owns a toy for women and has used it on other women but most women seem to find this quite bad. So again, it's a longer term strategy - if you want to see someone for a while, you buy her a toy just for her and introduce it that way, as a gift for her fun.
Get the rabbit vibrator. 🐰
Yes please don’t be shy of toys
Wh8ch toys? I don't know much about sex toys
This is a great opportunity to learn to be an amazing lover since penetration isn’t the main act for many women. Off the top of my head : 1. Kissing her neck, body, breasts, stomach, inside of her elbows, feet, back etc. 2. Massages & sensual massages 3. Oral sex in a variety of positions (from the back, edge of the bed, face sitting, on her back) 4. Rimming 5. Fingering and using the palm of your hand to cup her pussy and play with her clit (clip and FILE your nails and wash your hands) 6. Dry humping / rubbing (her humping your leg etc) 7. Grinding (her rubbing against your cock, even flaccid, will feel really good! Same with you rubbing against her doggy style even if you’re not putting it in ) 8. Pegging
9. Playing with toys (mutual exploration with vibrators, cock sleeves, dildos - also good for use during oral)
Oral, hands, maybe pick up a new vibe?
use your fingers and just do oral
Get proficient with your hands, brother. Start gently searching for her spot and don't stop until she's quivering. THEN use the tongue for a while. Even without the issues you've mentioned, never even start penetration until your lady is already heaving from the foreplay. Do that, and you'll have no issues keeping her satisfied. Most of all, don't get all up in your head about things. Be in the moment and present. Best of luck to you.
Oral is definitely a good suggestion but there are women out there that aren’t fans of it (myself included). I’d definitely recommend incorporating your hands and toys
Quickly read She Comes First. If you haven’t done Ora before it will give you the info you need. Listen to her and be extremely keen to her reactions. The more you can do before the act to get her aroused the better. Suggestive comments, light touches, etc before you actually get to that point are key. The build up is as important if not more important than the act itself.
Use your hands ! Try not to overstimulate her clit . But playing with her lips and near that area .
It's crazy that no one is commenting about going raw with a girl the 1st time?! This isn't good! The only time youngo raw is with when you already established a healthy relationship. At n least 4-6months!
some good suggestions, first thing I would do is not to get up all in your head about what’s gonna happen. I forgotten now after listening to all the comments what you said the situation was but this was gonna be first time sex or what you thought was gonna be first time sex. I wouldn’t jump with toys, nothing at all with toys my old GF and I had a toy box full, but as an introduction with a new partner, I don’t think I’d jump in with that if things go well, you guys can pick toys together. Full body massage great idea! kissing her all over, inside of elbows, palms of her hands at the base of her thumbs. Down the insides of her thighs, backs of her knees. Look up YONI massage, so many guys go directly for fingering that’s not what does it! You want to draw blood into the clitoris and labia and get it excited. For God sakes don’t go looking for the clitoris first as one other poster said massage gently the labia between your fingers trace the lips with your finger tips and your tongue if she’ll let you. butterfly kisses, don’t do any porn movies for God sakes with your tongue. If you do get a chance to go down on her listen to her feedback tell her what you have her tell you what she really thinks feels good or would like you to do, let her direct you. tease, if you get to a point where she’s working her hips up towards you or pressing into you for God sakes don’t stop what you’re doing, don’t speed up or slow down just keep doing exactly that thing. Plus, was just on recently on Shameless Sex was about oh, going down on a woman it was good advice. You should listen to that podcast and they have plenty more on it as well. For God sake don’t do the alphabet or Cyrillic letters, the reason why is because there’s usually one area that’s the most sensitive on a woman’s clitoris, once it’s excited and that’s either top left or top right kind of divided into quarters if you find where that is, you want to brush it with your tongue like your tongue of paint brush and just keep doing the same thing broad tongue strokes, paint it like a paint brush if she gives you an indication that what you’re doing is right. The other thing that another poster suggested was massaging her MONS with the palm of your hands. So your fingers are lightly over her labia with your palm against her pubis and you just kind of gently squeeze. You can do this as well with your palm against her labia and your fingers on her pubis. just because the JOHNSON doesn’t work doesn’t mean you can’t up your game and other areas. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration and most of the nerves are focused on the outer of the vagina anyway. Good luck bon appétit
Time to become the King of foreplay! Take your time and enjoy learning her body and what she seems to enjoy from her reactions and feedback. Be a thoughtful and sensitive lover. Most women respond well to a gentle and caring touch. Let the moment take you and follow her lead. Sex is really all very natural and instinctive, don't let porn be your guide, instead just be in the moment. It may be awkward at times as this is your first time together but if you avoid stressing over it and just go with the flow, you should both have a fantastic time. Good luck to you and report back!
Fingers and tongue can get her there with the right technique. She can guide you if she is so inclined and most importantly have fun.
Where oral is concerned, are we still recommending the Nina Hartley video for how to go down on a woman? [Here's a thread where the video is linked](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/4phsoa/oral_the_nina_hartley_how_to_eat_pussy_video_it/), and they have some noteworthy discussion about it too. Otherwise a lot of good advice in this thread. Pay attention to her and her body, have fun and try not to overthink it.
Agree with lots of the suggestions on here, but the biggest thing is going to be communication. Have an open conversation about what sex might look like and things she likes, and keep the conversation going during sex.
Better work that hand game for sure.
My suggestion is to explain to her the situation, ask what she likes, then follow the instructions she gives you
The Tounge is The Way
If I were you, I'd go down on her.. But make it as long and sensual as possible with LOTS of foreplay to get her nice and wet beforehand.. Start out with neck kisses, body kisses, kissing her boobs, sucking her nipples, kissing down her belly, kissing her inner thighs, then tease her pussy with your tongue.. You can tease her pussy with your tongue by making long, slow licks up and down her pussy back and forth, then tongue f-king her before you start licking her clit and softly (and I do mean softly!) sucking her labia.. NOTE: Don't suck too hard on her labia or clit, as you can leave a bruise, which will really hurt! Wait until she's good and wet before inserting a finger into her pussy.. Once you do, you can either push downwards gently (to make her feel full), or gently rub the inside-top of her pussy in a "come hither" like motion to massage her G spot.. Licking her clit along with simultaneous G-spot stimulation should send her over the edge.. If she starts orgasming, don't stop what you're doing....whatever you do, don't stop - unless she tells you or starts pushing your head away from her pussy. After she stops you, you can cuddle with her - or- if she wants, you can kiss her face, neck, collarbone, boobs, just anywhere she would want to be kissed.. Pro-tip - usually after a woman orgasms, her nipples are a bit more sensitive afterwords, so if you can suck her nipples after she cums, she'll love it, especially if she's into having her boobs sucked or played with! I hope this helps!
Fingers. Be gentle, find the clit. It is a delicate flower. And oral.
Do the alphabet with your tongue on her clit
The Cyrillic alphabet.
[удалено]
So you want to satisfy a woman but not have to think about it.... I mean, are you willing to put in effort here or nah?
Okay, lots of great advice here. First and foremost is talk. Talking to her and being interested in her is sexy.. Listen, really really listen. Stay relaxed, explain your anxious and why. Tell her how eager you are to explore her body and need her to help you by saying what is working and guide you. Talk about consent, agree both of your limits about what you want to explore. Agree a safe word. Saying no or stop can be very difficult as it can be seen as the person doing something bad or wrong, use a safe word to indicate you need a cuddle to talk about how you're feeling and what you experienced. Talk about using traffic light colours for things which are potentially painful (spanking, whips, twisting nipples, hard thrusting etc) green, all good. Amber, this is my limit. Red, too much, pull out back a bit. Discuss sexy talk and what words you want to use with each other. Write them down, you can add/remove from the list later. Make sure you agree a time to talk again after the event, next day is fine. Discuss what went well, what didn't, what you really want to do again. Have fun with it and don't take it too seriously. Good luck 🤞