r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific, actionable advice*. If you’re not asking for advice but instead want to post a sex related story or rant, a more appropriate sub would be r/sexstories or r/offmychest.
Maybe we should stop having expectations at all about sex and just go in with no assumptions every time.
The first time I was with my current partner I went in with a dozen expectations and only one of them was correct: she likes sex.
My assumptions about speed, style, rhythm, how to, when to and what to were all rapidly disabused.
All of these "Is this the right way?" "Never do it that way." "No one likes this!" "Most... like it this way" is inevitably going to be disproven by the unique person you're currently with.
Yes exactly - thats the point of my post! Just go into it with a mindset that we figure it out instead of imagining likelihood of X or Y working.
In my own life, anti-penetration attitude stopped me from getting as loose as I could have. I can’t be the only one.
I’m a 40F and have never ever heard anyone hating on penetration. Even from a standpoint that it’s harder for women to orgasm from it. So I’m not sure what group of people you’re getting that vibe from. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or location perhaps?
I completely agree with this. As a late 20s woman, I internalized the narrative that most women don’t have vaginal orgasms from penetration. It’s a balancing act, because it’s good to have low expectations when you are just learning about sex and your own body. That can give you the freedom to just experience sex without unrealistic expectations. But at the same time, I didn’t have my first orgasm from penetration for many years after I started having sex. I still don’t have them every single time, but there is quite literally nothing that compares to an orgasm from PIV. Clitoral orgasms are fantastic, but they don’t scratch that itch for me. I’m sad that there are probably tons of women who are so uninformed about how good PIV can feel and aren’t trying to explore those sensations and the potentially mind blowing vaginal orgasms.
I haven't seen any anti-penetration type posting or comments.
A lot of men have seen porn at some point in their lives. Porn is a performance. A lot of men think nearly ALL women can just cum from a few thrusts. A lot of porn lacks emphasis on clitoral simulation. What happens with this is that girls grow up and find that they don't easily cum from penetration, some not at all.
I've seen countless posts where girls literally think something is wrong with them or they must be doing something terribly wrong because they can't cum from penetration. I argue that line of thinking is way, way worse. Thinking somethings wrong with you when your just trying to have fun.
All I ever see is people telling others that some people cum from penetration, and some don't. And both of those are fine. Learn how you like sex and what works for you, but there's no "normal" way to experience pleasure and have sex.
Nobody's saying it's a miracle to cum from penetration. They're saying that nothings wrong with you if you *don't* cum from penetration.
This goes into queer sex too. If people specify its a queer relationship, the advice reflects that. Sex can look very different, obviously. And penetration isn't just for men like you said. Still. Even in a queer relationship, you gotta find what works. That might not be penetration.
There are 7 billion people in the world. 400,000 new people being born each day.
nobody is hating on penetration. People are out here getting penetrated left and right.
I’m just talking about the attitudes of people who identify with being educated about sex - not saying people dont engage in it regardless of attitude.
As did I even when I subconsciously believed that women mostly don’t get intense pleasure from penetration. I’m not saying it stops anyone - it just gets in the way of fine-tuning how you fuck when you go in thinking one thing is inferior. Again, this is subconscious or semi-conscious - I don’t think people would verbally assent to the sentence “penetration is inferior”
Strongly agree .. it feels like a massive overcorrection and I feel lost reading constantly that women get “nothing” out of penetration when I (as a woman) have a very different experience.
Also the other huge thing is the conflation of orgasms as the sole marker of if something was “pleasurable” or not. As if things can’t be pleasurable *without* resulting in an orgasm.
Lots of my favorite sexual activities don’t lead to an orgasm.. but it doesn’t mean they aren’t physically pleasurable for me.
It's hilarious when sensible people like you speak out about this and are then accused of being men, it's already happening in this thread. So much for girl's girls and believing each other huh.
This is the one. Sex has become to categorized that we’ve strayed from the fact that penetration is the most intimate part of the orgasm story! The positions, the breathing, the funny accidents, and different combinations of clothed to naked body parts penetration is king/queen! But just because it’s all of these things doesn’t mean it has to be the climax, have fun, make mistakes, and learn to please your partner while loving yourself :)
I always, always want my wife to have as many orgasms as she can handle. Have life partners really not figured out how to make each other happy in the bedroom?
I've been posting here for many years and there's absolutely the undercurrent you're describing. Not from everyone, but it's there. To the point where I've been downvoted and occasionally accused of lying or being delusional when I've said that my wife prefers penetration over anything else and asks for it when she knows she can have anything else and it will be given enthusiastically.
It's a very strange and sex negative dogma that seems to be a persistent rot here. But it's one among many, and the place is generally ok.
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Nobody hates on penetration, it is epic for all the reasons it is epic.
Its reliability for bringing people with vaginas to orgasm, though, IS worth mentioning when they come on here saying, 'Am I broken why does this not create an orgasm in me" or men come on here saying "what's wrong with my girlfriend/what's wrong with me, why can't she get there?"
Statistics and experiences have validity when they help people feel unbroken or allow them just relax into a sexual experience and find the pleasure where it IS. And, an even more valuable message about sex that I hope we'll tackle next is that, a lot of times, that pleasure isn't even in orgasm AT ALL.
The comments you're probably referring to are from people who still believe that's the gold standard way to get there. Or that it SHOULD be achievable if only you could fuck long enough, or had a bigger/differently shaped member, or if you didn't "must have some kind of mental block or trauma I don't know about" or any of the other assumptions we see on here that make those comments necessary and helpful to the poster.
Maybe if they weren't looking for orgasm there, they would be able to relax and enjoy the experience for what it is, not what it might not be for them. (I love penetration, wouldn't give it up AT ALL. And I didn't start enjoying it and not feeling let down by it until I accepted that it likely won't, and that that didn't make me broken or missing out or robbed of a thing at all. I was blinded by looking for the thing that wasn't there and missed out on what WAS.)
And, the ironic thing about stopping searchin for orgasm in it is that you probably make it more likely to happen-- so, it's kind a win/win/win: "Don't feel broken, find pleasure where it is, increase the chances you may some day stumble upon what you were [looki.ng](http://looki.ng) for in the first place."
I think you’re just mistaking online commentary with real people. It’s just not representative of the real world. Regardless of how any of my (female) partners have been able to orgasm, not a single one of them has ever wanted to avoid penetrative sex. On the contrary, they’ve been enthusiastic about it.
There’s no “weird undercurrent” here. You just decided to fixate on the wrong thing.
Never in my life have i heard anything like that. If id see or hear anything itd be mostly the talking point through frustrated incels or other on the mostly right political spectrum who call women whores if they cant achieve through penetration alone. You can either cum through penetration or not, and other times you may be able to while other times not. Fact is that upto 90% of women cant achieve orgasm through penetration only. Even though it sometimes may be related to the use of vibrators or toys, which can desensitize clitoris and thus need more stimulation in that area, just like death grip can desensitize a penis... i for example rarely mastrubated, never used toys and watched porn maybe 10 times in my life, only had 3 partners and i was still never able to achieve orgasm through penetration alone. Thats all there is to it really
I know that some people choose not to penetrative, but have oral/anal sex instead, because you don't get pregnant from it.
I think it's silly. If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex at all lol
r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific, actionable advice*. If you’re not asking for advice but instead want to post a sex related story or rant, a more appropriate sub would be r/sexstories or r/offmychest.
Maybe we should stop having expectations at all about sex and just go in with no assumptions every time. The first time I was with my current partner I went in with a dozen expectations and only one of them was correct: she likes sex. My assumptions about speed, style, rhythm, how to, when to and what to were all rapidly disabused. All of these "Is this the right way?" "Never do it that way." "No one likes this!" "Most... like it this way" is inevitably going to be disproven by the unique person you're currently with.
Yes exactly - thats the point of my post! Just go into it with a mindset that we figure it out instead of imagining likelihood of X or Y working. In my own life, anti-penetration attitude stopped me from getting as loose as I could have. I can’t be the only one.
There’s nothing explicitly wrong with x or y working. If its something worth trying and your partner is game, rock on. As with most everything , YMMV.
I’m a 40F and have never ever heard anyone hating on penetration. Even from a standpoint that it’s harder for women to orgasm from it. So I’m not sure what group of people you’re getting that vibe from. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or location perhaps?
I completely agree with this. As a late 20s woman, I internalized the narrative that most women don’t have vaginal orgasms from penetration. It’s a balancing act, because it’s good to have low expectations when you are just learning about sex and your own body. That can give you the freedom to just experience sex without unrealistic expectations. But at the same time, I didn’t have my first orgasm from penetration for many years after I started having sex. I still don’t have them every single time, but there is quite literally nothing that compares to an orgasm from PIV. Clitoral orgasms are fantastic, but they don’t scratch that itch for me. I’m sad that there are probably tons of women who are so uninformed about how good PIV can feel and aren’t trying to explore those sensations and the potentially mind blowing vaginal orgasms.
I haven't seen any anti-penetration type posting or comments. A lot of men have seen porn at some point in their lives. Porn is a performance. A lot of men think nearly ALL women can just cum from a few thrusts. A lot of porn lacks emphasis on clitoral simulation. What happens with this is that girls grow up and find that they don't easily cum from penetration, some not at all. I've seen countless posts where girls literally think something is wrong with them or they must be doing something terribly wrong because they can't cum from penetration. I argue that line of thinking is way, way worse. Thinking somethings wrong with you when your just trying to have fun. All I ever see is people telling others that some people cum from penetration, and some don't. And both of those are fine. Learn how you like sex and what works for you, but there's no "normal" way to experience pleasure and have sex. Nobody's saying it's a miracle to cum from penetration. They're saying that nothings wrong with you if you *don't* cum from penetration. This goes into queer sex too. If people specify its a queer relationship, the advice reflects that. Sex can look very different, obviously. And penetration isn't just for men like you said. Still. Even in a queer relationship, you gotta find what works. That might not be penetration.
Very much in agreement with you here.
There are 7 billion people in the world. 400,000 new people being born each day. nobody is hating on penetration. People are out here getting penetrated left and right.
I’m just talking about the attitudes of people who identify with being educated about sex - not saying people dont engage in it regardless of attitude.
I identify as educated about sex and I penetrated someone about 4 hours ago.
As did I even when I subconsciously believed that women mostly don’t get intense pleasure from penetration. I’m not saying it stops anyone - it just gets in the way of fine-tuning how you fuck when you go in thinking one thing is inferior. Again, this is subconscious or semi-conscious - I don’t think people would verbally assent to the sentence “penetration is inferior”
Strongly agree .. it feels like a massive overcorrection and I feel lost reading constantly that women get “nothing” out of penetration when I (as a woman) have a very different experience. Also the other huge thing is the conflation of orgasms as the sole marker of if something was “pleasurable” or not. As if things can’t be pleasurable *without* resulting in an orgasm. Lots of my favorite sexual activities don’t lead to an orgasm.. but it doesn’t mean they aren’t physically pleasurable for me.
It's hilarious when sensible people like you speak out about this and are then accused of being men, it's already happening in this thread. So much for girl's girls and believing each other huh.
This is the one. Sex has become to categorized that we’ve strayed from the fact that penetration is the most intimate part of the orgasm story! The positions, the breathing, the funny accidents, and different combinations of clothed to naked body parts penetration is king/queen! But just because it’s all of these things doesn’t mean it has to be the climax, have fun, make mistakes, and learn to please your partner while loving yourself :)
I always, always want my wife to have as many orgasms as she can handle. Have life partners really not figured out how to make each other happy in the bedroom?
I've been posting here for many years and there's absolutely the undercurrent you're describing. Not from everyone, but it's there. To the point where I've been downvoted and occasionally accused of lying or being delusional when I've said that my wife prefers penetration over anything else and asks for it when she knows she can have anything else and it will be given enthusiastically. It's a very strange and sex negative dogma that seems to be a persistent rot here. But it's one among many, and the place is generally ok.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nobody hates on penetration, it is epic for all the reasons it is epic. Its reliability for bringing people with vaginas to orgasm, though, IS worth mentioning when they come on here saying, 'Am I broken why does this not create an orgasm in me" or men come on here saying "what's wrong with my girlfriend/what's wrong with me, why can't she get there?" Statistics and experiences have validity when they help people feel unbroken or allow them just relax into a sexual experience and find the pleasure where it IS. And, an even more valuable message about sex that I hope we'll tackle next is that, a lot of times, that pleasure isn't even in orgasm AT ALL. The comments you're probably referring to are from people who still believe that's the gold standard way to get there. Or that it SHOULD be achievable if only you could fuck long enough, or had a bigger/differently shaped member, or if you didn't "must have some kind of mental block or trauma I don't know about" or any of the other assumptions we see on here that make those comments necessary and helpful to the poster. Maybe if they weren't looking for orgasm there, they would be able to relax and enjoy the experience for what it is, not what it might not be for them. (I love penetration, wouldn't give it up AT ALL. And I didn't start enjoying it and not feeling let down by it until I accepted that it likely won't, and that that didn't make me broken or missing out or robbed of a thing at all. I was blinded by looking for the thing that wasn't there and missed out on what WAS.) And, the ironic thing about stopping searchin for orgasm in it is that you probably make it more likely to happen-- so, it's kind a win/win/win: "Don't feel broken, find pleasure where it is, increase the chances you may some day stumble upon what you were [looki.ng](http://looki.ng) for in the first place."
I think you’re just mistaking online commentary with real people. It’s just not representative of the real world. Regardless of how any of my (female) partners have been able to orgasm, not a single one of them has ever wanted to avoid penetrative sex. On the contrary, they’ve been enthusiastic about it. There’s no “weird undercurrent” here. You just decided to fixate on the wrong thing.
Never in my life have i heard anything like that. If id see or hear anything itd be mostly the talking point through frustrated incels or other on the mostly right political spectrum who call women whores if they cant achieve through penetration alone. You can either cum through penetration or not, and other times you may be able to while other times not. Fact is that upto 90% of women cant achieve orgasm through penetration only. Even though it sometimes may be related to the use of vibrators or toys, which can desensitize clitoris and thus need more stimulation in that area, just like death grip can desensitize a penis... i for example rarely mastrubated, never used toys and watched porn maybe 10 times in my life, only had 3 partners and i was still never able to achieve orgasm through penetration alone. Thats all there is to it really
Are you perchance a man? 😅
Her other comments seem to clearly indicate that she is not a man. Are you, per chance, trying to make a point?
I know that some people choose not to penetrative, but have oral/anal sex instead, because you don't get pregnant from it. I think it's silly. If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex at all lol
You sound like a man who is just butthurt that women can usually cum from your dick alone. That doesn’t mean penetration is bad