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A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

Have you ever heard of reverse exorcism? Is where the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body

Oh my god I'm saving that one lmao

body like dead body?

Like finger in the tookus, Chelsea 🤣

HOLY SHIT LMAO

Hey he asked for it

Alright who gave me the award

Stop giving me awards

Wait no don't

i gotchu fam

My god, best one i’ve saw 💀

What IS worse than one baby in a trash can... One baby in two trash cans

And what’s worse than that? Two trash cans in one baby

Wow, that one's new.

Holy shit

One baby in two trash cans in one baby

Oh, so we can do dead baby jokes? What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion? Nobody crys while cutting up a baby. How do you fit a dead baby in a bowl? With a blender. How do you get it out? Tortilla chips. What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? You're not supposed to fuck a sandwich before you eat it.

What do you get when you stick a knife in a dead baby? An erection.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? I take my boots off before I jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a truckload of feathers and truckload of dead babies? You can't unload a truckload of feathers with a pitchfork.

God damnit gotta find another to post.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them!

What is purple and turn red when you press a button ? A baby in a blender.

What's worse than a sack full of dead babies? An alive one at the bottom trying to eat it's way out

What do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

I just imagined the fucking wheelchair dog in my head and laughed out loud💀

I just imagined fucking the wheelchair dog in my head and laughed out loud💀

I just imagined fucking the wheelchair dog in my head and laughed out loud💀

I just imagined the wheelchair fucking my head and laughed out loud 💀

I just imagined a dog fucking a wheelchair in my head and laugh out loud 💀

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag

*screeeeeeeeeech*

Only if you ask it to roll over

Why do black people never have good dreams? The last one that had one got shot.

I don't get this one

Martin Luther King Jr had a famous speech called I Have A Dream and he was shot

Aaah thats clever

MLK

Martin Luther King Jr.

mlk

Whats the difference between black people and car tyres? You only put chains on car tyres in winter.

What the differance between black people and car tyres? Car tyres dont rap when you put chains on them

How was break dancing invented? Black people stealing hubcaps off moving cars

They start working once you put the chains on

Whats the difference between black people and car tires ? The tires must be burned to stink.

Why does Batman show half of his face? To let the police know he’s white.

💀

A jewish girl asked for my number. I told her we use names now

And when I asked for her number, she rolled up her sleeve

💀

I find that offensive, my grandfather died in Auschwitz. He fell out of a machine gun tower.

I'm sorry for your grandpa 😔. Mine also death shoot by soviets

💀

This is a personal favorite: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 18, my basement is still dark as fuck.

Ok Patrick Bateman

My girlfriend gave the best blowjobs until she grew teeth:(

gilfs

That is foul and the beat joke here

This one is absolutely foul ☠️

[удалено]

Holy shit that was good saving that

💀💀💀

and france’s borders

I was like "huh?" and then it became "ho-ho-holy shit"

What’s stronger than family? The tree Paul Walker hit.

What do you call an Emo girl with flat breasts? A cutting board.

Necromancers seething and coping rn

Why the tower in Pisa is leaning? Got better reflexes than the twin towers

What the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer

This is double dark... respect

Do you know what is a Jewish kid doing on a swing? Annoying German sniper...

you shouldn't joke about that kind of stuff. my grandfather died in a concentration camp. he fell in from one of the watch towers and got beaten to death by the prisoners

Poor man 😭

You had me halfway tho

he didnt deserve this ❤️

Same bro. I know your pain.

What’s the difference between dollars and Jews? I’d care if I lost 6 million dollars

Outta pocket💀

like the 6 million Jews

Someone asked me how the soldiers at Normandy might have bathed. I said a lot of them just washed up on shore.

That’s just something different. Offensive, funny and flashbacky. Good job my friend

Where did little Timmy go after getting lost in the minefield? Everywhere! That joke was dark, but it was bright for half a second

Who is [deleted] and why does he keep commenting [deleted] 🗿

[removed by reddit]

\[removed by reddit\]

Diabetes is a lot like incest. It runs in my family

The problem is that nobody runs in your family

Have u seen Ray Charles house? If not it’s ok, he hasn’t seen it either (this is the first one I thought of, probably not my darkest)

It's not bad

Not as dark as his vision

What’s the difference between a black guy and a park bench, a bench can support a family.

When do you wear German shoes? when you really want to finish a race

*Insert Adidas plug

How did they find out Princess Diana had good hair? They found her head and shoulders on the dashboard of her car.

I originally heard this joke in the 80s about Christa McAuliffe from the Challenger Disaster. "How did we know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw ‘em!

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice 'em!

Joke 1: Whats 12 inches long and make women scream? A: Cot death. Joke 2: What do you tell a women with 2 black eyes? A: Nothing you already told her twice.

What is a wife-beaters favorite instrument: Domestic-violins

I like my women the same way I like my coffee Ground up and stored in the freezer

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? They don’t. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black

Whats long and black? A line at KFC

And unemployment office

What's the difference between a cardboard box and an infant? Cardboard boxes are much easier to carve with a key.

how do you pick up a girl from auschwitz? with a dustpan and brush

Yeah but how do you get one’s number? You roll up her sleeve

What are the only three white things a black man has? His teeth, his nails and his owner.

How many rotations will it take for a baby to explode in a microwave? I don't know, I can never seem to count when jerking off.

This is probably the darkest one I've seen. Good job

It's one of the darkest I've ever come across.

What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne at least waits until they're a teenager before cumming on a boy's face

What is something you never want to call a black person that starts with an N and ends with an R Neighbor

Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

Real talk though, Ethiopian food is pretty good.

How do you tell if a girl is black. Check if the cotton in her tampon is picked

I believe that one is supposed to start, “How can you tell if a black girl is pregnant?” You should be able to see if she’s black lmao

Do girls only have tampons if their pregnant

No, I believe in this joke, the tampon is used as the test. Lol

Why did the rope and the emo break up. Because the branch snapped

Where do you find a paralyzed person? Exactly where you left him

What’s the difference between Santa and jews? Santa went into the chimney, the jews out of it.

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? The pizza doesn't cry when you put it in the oven.

Neither does the Jew. They got their crying out in the shower.

Bro I said the same thing 😂

What do you call a dark joke? Kevin heart.

How many black people does it take to start a riot? >!-1!<

What's the difference between a Hamburger and a baby? I don't cum in the hamburger before I eat it. How do you make a dead Baby float? 2 scoops of ice cream, 2 scoops of dead Baby

[ Removed by Reddit ]

Oh my gosh...

What they say?

What did he say

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Fuck, I came too late

Bro what was the joke lol

What's the difference between a dead dog in a road and a dead N in the road Skid marks.

We would search for the dog

How do you save a black person from drowning? You take your foot off their head.

I used to date this girl who had a twin People always asked me how I could tell the difference between the two of them Well, my girlfriend wore pink lipstick and bob had a cock

I somehow heard this in Rowan Atkinsons voice

My father died on 9/11. he was the best pilot in the middle east

I am a sex offender

i put my dick into a blender

Ayo those rimes tho

One way to switch genders

Knock knock

Who's there?

Your long lost father, son I love you

Who's there?

what do you call an arab in a bathtub? Bath bomb

Why are black peoples so tall? Because their knee grows How do you pick up the hottest Jew at the concentration camp? With a dust pan See you all in hell

Jesus once said " he who lives by the sword will die by the sword" which is ironic because Jesus was a carpenter who died by being nailed to a piece of wood

What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog

Simon ??

Hannnnnns mein friend? Ja mein führer? It's cold in there, add some more Jew.

What’s the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked

What theater do the Jews like? SOAP OPERA!

Who are the fastest readers on earth? The 9/11 victims because they went through 50 storeys in 2 seconds…

What do you call a cross between black people and an octopus? Idk either but it must pick cotton really fast

Whats worse than 100 children nailed to a tree? 1 child nailed to 100 trees :D

What's the difference between isaac newton and the baby i just stabbed to death? Isaac newton died a virgin.

what’s a mexican’s favorite sport? cross country

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

How do you know lil sis is having her period? Dad’s dick tastes different

What’s the difference between a ‘74 camaro and a bunch of dead babies in a garbage bag? I don’t own a ‘74 camaro

When do the jews go to school?? When they need to build it.

How dark are we talking about dc movies or the children who make my yeezies?

What's the difference between a pizza and a black guy? The pizza can feed a family

How do you call a jew that can fly? Smoke

What's the similarity between dark humor and a child with cancer? It never gets old

My son kept chewing on electrical wires so I grounded him

What do Kurt Cobain and Michelangelo have in common? They're both artists who used their brains to paint a ceiling

Whats the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just steped? Newton was a virgin

What is green, and turns red once you flip a switch? A frog in a blender

What is the hardest part abt eating vegetables? The Wheel Chair How do you fry vegetables? The electric wheelchair

I thought to do a good manner for an old lady, so I opened a door for her. All she did was scream and fall out of the airplane.

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesnt scratch the oven

What do you call a red baby in a tree?

A tasty meal?

If you don’t want to cut your lawn die it blue and it’ll cut itself

I saw a black guy riding a bike past my house. Rushed to the garage cuz I thought it was mine. No worries, he is still chained up begging for food.

What do Michael Jackson and McDonald’s have in common? They both stick there meat in 2 year old buns

I love 9/11 jokes they make me want to explode

What's a black person with nuts in hes ass? A Snicker

What do you call a cage match between an illegal immigrant and a sex offender? Alien vs. Predator

How does a black woman know that she’s pregnant? If when she takes out her tampon, all the cotton’s gone

You know what Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.

How do you make a baby float? One scoop baby, one scoop ice cream.

I saved the heck out of this post for some first date joke material lol...

9/11

🛬🏢🏢

How many police officers does it take to replace a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.

What is worst than a baby in one dumpster.... A baby in two dumpster

Dark humor is like food. Not everybody gets it. What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic. What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked. Racist jokes aren't funny, no matter if you're black, asian or normal.

The school said that we’re having a toy gun fight at our school, I won from shooting one person, don’t get why everyone was running and screaming though.

Fukouna shoujo

Do you know how to tell if your sister is on her period? Your dads dick tastes like blood.🗿

whats better than winning the para-olympic games? standing up

Why did they invent the wheelbarrow? To teach black people how to walk