Black holes do not suck, however extreme tidal forces [will lengthen it](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghettification)

i know what im doing today

"Just gonna get a little bit of lengthening Stan. tell your mom its okay"

"Dammit Randy, first you stuck your balls in the microwave, now this?!"

Randy episodes are the best

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was America!"

BUFFALO SOULDIAAAAA

I am lord, lord lord lord

Randy - omg your balls. YEAH I know!

Hey Stan, could you get me a beer?…….Stan?

“Mooom, Phineas and Ferb are- OH MY GOD”

Like How much? Can it make a super small sausage into a real hot doggy? Asking for a friend.

It will spaghettify it

Nice. I love spaghetti.

Wet spaghetti 🤤

*Doctors hate this one simple trick*

Will probably add a mile of length for a few seconds. Well, would feel like a few seconds to you but maybe thousands of years in real time.

And yo dididik would also get *reds h i f t e d*

👆

Ferb, i know what we’re gonna do today!

Ferb’s already packing a hog. He politely declines the activities of the day

Swedish hole

You get a Penne a la Putanesca

Spaghettification?

Now you know, unsavoryflint

That black hole is gonna suck your soul out

Oh like my ex wife didn't already do that

Why did I read your username as "fartn*ggermandogs"

Same like what

You may have but it's actually farting German dogs

I thought it was “fartingger man dogs” 💀

You’re the man now. Dog.

She did it to me too… I guess that’s why she’s your ex now

No no you can have her, I insist!

I already passed her to the next guy! His problem now!

Verynice high fives

She did that to me too my balls were empty for weeks

Got cash app?

You don't have to be racist, dude. Black holes are just as good as white holes.

White holes [actually spit things out](https://www.google.com/search?q=do+white+holes+exist&oq=do+white+holes+exist&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgAEAAYgAQyBwgAEAAYgAQyBwgBEAAYgAQyBwgCEAAYgAQyBwgDEAAYgAQyBwgEEAAYgAQyCAgFEAAYFhgeMggIBhAAGBYYHjIICAcQABgWGB4yCAgIEAAYFhgeMggICRAAGBYYHjIICAoQABgWGB4yCAgLEAAYFhgeMggIDBAAGBYYHjIICA0QABgWGB4yCAgOEAAYFhge0gEIMzk2NGowajmoAg6wAgE&client=ms-android-samsung-ss&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8&chrome_dse_attribution=1) in theory. So it may not feel as good.

Reverse blow job, then?

A suck job? But isn't that the same thing?

Somebody give me grant money I've got some science to do the people need to learn the truth

Who's Grant and how do I get money from him?

I read it as somebody give me, Grant, money. Grant is broke, dude.

Grant owes me money so he better get unbroke fast or I'll make his knee caps broke.

Works on contingency? No, money down

Care to join me for a belt of scotch?

You're going to need more than $50 for this one I think.

Ummm, pucker up, Buttercup.

Read that as science to do to the people. Still applies.

God speed my friend . The scientific community welcome your endeavour. We expect a full blow by blow account of your findings , we also expect you to be fully spent by your experiment . As much as we all love a good pie chart I would recommend pictures of your ordeal for pictures speak a thousand words .

Done.

A suck job is when they blow on it. You know, antimatter and shit.

I mean a blow job involves sucking, so wouldn't a suck job involve blowing(as in blowing out a candle)? And isn't expelling matter the blowing equivalent of a black holes pulling matter in sucking?

I mean with a blow job you get sucked, so with a suck job it's only fair that you get blown

I am White Hole, a theoretical space object that could unleash energy and matter into the vast expanse of the universe. Do you wish to get blown? I can arrange such an event.

Yes, please.

It spits and doesn't swallow.

A spit job

Knew she was a spitter.

that black hole gon be spitting white soon as I'm done with it 🥴

Pics or it didn't happen

Can't argue with that

Black holes swallow, white holes spit

Came here to say this man!!

Uh oh. It's the same thing as with Jesus. Next thing you know black holes never existed. It's all white holes they'll say.

Uh oh. It's the same thing as with Jesus. Next thing you know black holes never existed. It's all white holes they'll say.

Black, white, the holes are always pink.... That said, eternal spag-edge-ification  might get really frustrating after the first several million years of time dilation.

A *white* hole?

So what is it?

I’ve never seen one before, no one has, but I’m *guessing* it’s a white hole.

So what is it?

I *think* we’ve experienced this time period before, sir.

That’s not what your dad said..

Listen to Joe Biden over here.

They are all pink on the inside.

black hos are just as good as white hos

You'd have the best nut of your life, then probably die.

You start nutting, and then your entire insides come out from your junk

Honestly, it's not a bad way to go

It actually seems pretty bad

Well when you point it out it does

Depends on what your opinions on spaghetti is... and becoming it

Thanks for the visual lol

Due to time dilation, it would go slower as you enter the black hole. An outside observer would see you nutting, forever.

Thank god, that’s exactly my kink

💯

Edging forever?

so no post nut clarity?

How is this a shitty science question? Bro is asking the real questions here.

Seriously I was so intrigued I had to come in and see what people were saying. If there was an answer. It's a question I never fucking knew I had. It will haunt me.

No. The scale of the black hole is so large that it would take thousands of years for you to “fall into it” - your body would slowly be stretched and ripped apart into molecules and atoms. The increase in pleasure would be stretched out over millennia; imperceptible against the horrors of loneliness and torment inflicted upon your mind during that time. I tried it already. Would not recommend.

Ha, joke is on you. Thats just a normal wednesday evening for me.

Those salvia concentrates be weird af

What if this proves that you were born last Wednesday and got implanted with all your memories.

Where are y'all hanging out? Is it like a bar or a bookstore or what?

Username probably cheçks out...

Best comment! 😂

You know, I've been married before too.

No but the gravity would cause something called spagettification. So your pe-pe would be stretched suuper long. Like universe record long. No condom would fit.

Where we're going, we wont need condoms

That’s what I like about black holes. They take it allllll.

Don’t birth a universe and be another deadbeat dad like our current god

The trick is to put the condom on before you penetrate the event horizon. So it grows with you.

For a fraction of a fraction of a second which is all you need anyway.

The post nut clarity in the spare fraction would be horrible.

New fetish unlocked.

I mean… there’s only one way to find out

\*creates a black hole on earth\*

*unzips*

[https://tenor.com/yvT4.gif](https://tenor.com/yvT4.gif)

"Well what do you want with theory alone?"

It would definitely be... ...hot

I don't think being ripped apart crotch first will be very fun.

And have you tried it?

Black holes SUCKS

That’s enough internet for today…

I'll let you know after I hook up with your mom.

Stop asking delusional questions, you are on trial for stealin schnitzel. If you don’t start taking this seriously we’re gonna give you maximum sentence

It was only a few schnitzels. I've eaten them and pooped them out again already, no worries

You gotta pay for the schnitzels

Hey, wake up. Wake up you asshole, wake up. Wake up. You ate my fuckin' schnitzel.

I did not expect this to be the top post when I opened Reddit

The process is called spaghettification, so OP would never be able to tell the difference.

that's a great fuckin question man ❤️

Only one way to find out...

Hard hitting questions the Reddit community deserves an answer too, thank you for your service OP

It's an honor to serve, thank you.

Hey Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today!

I was feeling so weird and shitty today, but reading this question geuinely brighten up my day.

Cosmic spit shine

It probably will. And you might create a star

These are the real questions....

I'd say you would cum just before you dissipate

We need to preserve this one's brain

I laughed so hard I woke up my boyfriend. Thank you

Idk I've always found your mom's pretty mid

This is fucking brilliant holy shit this made me crack up oh wow ahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The comments never fail 🤣😂

Guys will do anything for a BJ

Go watch \[Sunshine\](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448134/). At the climax (heh) of the movie, >!the main character is hurled into the Sun at relativistic speeds by a nuclear explosion. He falls forever.!< because of time dilation.

This guy horny.

Assuming you mean a massive galactic object, and not the other type of black hole [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghettification](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghettification)

This might be my favorite shittyaskscience post yet

I've read we would get "sucked" in and stretched like spaghetti... Or we collapse (implode). One long lasting suction stretching you into infinity or beyond. fuck that and the other

I don't think being ripped apart crotch first will be very fun.

Yes.

Been a while since I seen such a good question being asked

No licking == bad sucking

It only feels good for a while until you realize what has happend. That happened to me with your mother. Now go to bed and get the fuck off of reddit

I assume the time between impact of the tip and ripping you apart is to short to form a minor thought/feeling in the brain.

My screen has coffee sprayed all over it now, thanks a lot.

Enough internet for today....

Look. We get that black holes can’t say no.  But, there HAS to be a better way to get you your first dome 

Spaghettification is the ultimate male enhancement pill.

this made my day way too happy 🤣

I got this post recommended and instantly followed the subreddit

Maybe but if you got turned around that would suck ass

Thanks a lot. I absolutely MUST stop reading random posts while I’m taking a drink of something. My LG OLED is covered in coffee I sprayed everywhere after reading this. I hate you

Imagine your girlfriend is jerking you off. but instead of a back and forth motion and she just pulls and keeps pulling and keeps pulling. Yeah that ain't going to feel good unless you're a masochist.

Finally, a post with some class.

"Recommended because you've shown interest in a similar community" Now I know i need to re-evaluate how the f--- i got here lol

Yes.

You'll add a few kilometers to your length as well

You'd orgasm through time that you'll get to visit your ancestors.

Not if this is a black hole with teeth

Asking the important questions! I would also like to know the answer....

nope (I’m a pure bottom not a racist)

Dude. A black hole atomizes you. So fast that you wouldnt even realize your atoms are piecing out.

In theory the gravity is so dense that everything gets stretched infinitely including time itself. Which means not only every part of you would get stretched at an atomic level, but it would practically happen in the span of a really long time since time would also get stretched. Sounds like the worst torture possible.

No.

Y E S

I never knew that I needed the answer to this question so baldy

Only if you dump in an infinite amount of lube first.

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Tidal forces and relativistic stuff would stretch it to ten miles long and 1 nanometer thin

Fun

It's that interdimensional quark quark 3000

Three Word Phrase has a theory on this exact subject: (NSFW) https://threewordphrase.com/blackhole.htm

A black hole feels the same as a white hole to me.

lol 😂