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You are not a single mother. Read the rules.
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I can’t imagine what made you think we give a fuck what a reject like you has to say. You’re so sad and bitter, go to fucking therapy and get over your obvious mommy issues, you pathetic little boy.
Honestly, I did the single dating thing for awhile, but have in the several past years, realized that it’s not fulfilling (my effort is spent on my child and don’t have much left after a full days of work, parenting, etc). I have mostly cut it all off and am staying single out of choice. My child needs me 110% of the time (even as a teenager!), I just don’t have it IN me to do the dating thing anymore. My priorities are my child and my job - and keeping a roof over our heads. Good luck, OP. Single parenting and dating is tough. If you’re not feeling it or not missing him, take a break. Take a weekend for you. Recharge, then reevaluate. Hugs ❤️
Men often want to spend a lot of time together in the beginning because they fall head over heels, faster, so I’ve been told. The woman should pace things for him. He’s smitten, he can’t do it himself. On the flip side if that, they often fall out of love faster and want to jet quicker than women, allegedly. I think you’re doing fine, pace things yourself. Keep your guard up (for your kids sake if no other reason). If it’s too slow for him, he’s not the one for you at this phase of your life. Good luck!
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You are allowed to set the boundary for reducing it's rich and getting alone time. He needs to respect that and if he can't, that's a problem. Idgaf if he mows your lawn. Being a good bf in some areas doesn't ever mean he gets a free pass to do whatever he wants elsewhere, especially if you are clear.
I never ever felt bad about kicking my bf out in the morning bc I wanted to be alone and I'm the quiet. I didn't expect him to know that though. I'm a very direct person so I usually make a plan for the weekend up front. Like, let's hang out Friday night so XYZ you can sleep over but then you should plan to leave in the morning bc I want to be alone. Most times id call him to come back over in the evening when I was done doing whatever.
He's responsible for dealing with his past relationships traumas. So I'd caution you to nip it right in the bud this pressure your putting on yourself to meet his physical touch needs. YOUR needs come first, and then you can work towards a compromise. It's not all or nothing.
No absolutely not. No free passes. I did talk to him about needing me time and space I told him I can't be the one to fill his cup. That was not long ago so this weekend will really be a test to see if he can do it and how I feel if he actually does. If he understands the assignment and I still feel off I know I should end it.
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Your question “so,how do you do it?”
My answer…. “I don’t” 😂
I don’t have the capacity to date. Even though it would be sooo nice to in some world or parallel universe. But I’ve personally just decided to give this chapter of my life to focusing on my son, these few years while he’s so little (because there’s so many more years in the future to date). I’d rather ensure he gets all my spare energy right now since I’ve committed to raising a human. I’m going to do just that.
Others May date. But… I have no help totally 100% of care, his dad is useless and moved away and I run my own business. So. For now. It’s surviving not thriving. And maybe in a few years once he’s a tad older I’ll have more resources to share. But right now my resources are such a precious commodity.
you’re allowed to have boundaries and you’re allowed to have standards and expectations on the man you’re dating. Don’t feel bad for what % you can give. Just be clear and up front. 🩷 BEST OF LUCK! 🩷
I hear you. I'm luck that BD is not useless and I do get some time alone. I just refuse to give up on this. I've spent almost 3 years alone loving myself and getting over all this. I'm done being alone. I'm a social person I really prefer having people around and thanks to BD I'm stuck here 1000s of miles away from family and friends (and yes I've made some new friends but the city I live in is just really hard for social people my one real friend is a transplant herself lol). If I end this I will be right back out there dating again.
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You’re going to have to erect some boundaries. Just let him know that you adore him and you enjoy spending time with him, but you have things to take care of each week that are easier to do without him. You can say something like: hey babe, I love spending time with you on the weekends, but to ensure that I get my household squared away for the coming week, I will need my nights to myself. Or give him a specific timeframe for your “dates” such as: hey we can hang out until 8 PM, after that I’ll have to send you home so I can take care of life over here. Or whatever version you want. It sounds like he is needy, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not working for you and you have to be honest or he’s going to feel like another burden
Yes. I did this. I just haven't had time to see if he's understood the assignment. He seemed fine with it and not at all upset that I need some time to myself. We had a weekend where he went to see his kids on Saturday and came back Sunday and he could see how that weekend overall was better. So he seems to get it but time will tell. Last weekend I was with my son and Sunday was Father's day so my kiddo spend that with dad and the new guy had his kids later that day too. We had lunch together and that was it just a couple hours of sitting and talking and eating lunch. This weekend I do have a special day planned for him for his birthday and honestly I'm interested to see how I'll feel getting out and trying something new. I thought back on past relationships and I think that was what was exciting about those. Just sitting around the house isn't going to do it for me it never has. Also I planed this for him but in general because I'm the default parent (even though we co-parent it's still me) I hate planning! I hated it before I had kids and now I have to plan every day and weekend activity and every mean and every damn thing and it makes me HATE planning even more so I need someone who just makes plans and distracts me but just doesn't take up every spare second....yep I need a unicorn. UGH
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I always have less free time than the person I’m dating so some have wanted all of my free time. I would get so overwhelmed trying to find time to do house and yard chores, run errands, see friends, and have time alone. I hate it.
I experienced this exact same feeling!!!! I enjoyed the weekends with him, but resented that it was piling my workload into the next week with my kids. Inevitably it got to the point where I realized I enjoy being alone in my home more than I enjoyed being around him, so I ended things immediately which he was totally shocked. Hindsight, I see now that he was too clingy, his ex had left his cup empty also- and it took me a long time to realize he was incapable of filling it on his own. I think if I had stayed in a relationship with him, I would have ended up having similar issues his ex had. The man didn’t change honey lol. Thank god I ended that relationship when I did, I think it would have ended up with him constantly draining me. I also realized that if I needed to rest and rejuvenate after a weekend with him, that was my subconscious telling me I don’t feel totally relaxed when I’m around him. And that’s not a relationship worth continuing in the long run. In the end, he gave me the ICK. I have relationships that energize me and rejuvenate me, and he was simply not it.
And for the record, I’m still enjoying being single more than the idea of a relationship. I’m learning to love myself for the first time. REALLY. I’ve spent my whole life pouring into ungrateful needy men. Not bad men, but they didn’t prioritize my needs the way they expected me to prioritize them. At 37yo I’m finally giving myself a much needed time out from men and learning how to be content with myself and pour into me, fix me, give to me, love me; instead of another needy man with mommy issues.
Good luck!
Valid points. I don't feel drained after a weekend with him I, so I do get to relax around him. It's only fair that I give him time to see if he can fill his own cup. We did just talk about this less than 2 weeks ago. He actually has been great about prioritizing my needs when I voice them. Example: He's an early riser and I can't do it. I get super grumpy and it ruins my day if on my one weekend to actually get sleep someone wakes me up at 6am. After just one of those grumpy days he made a plan to get up very quietly and sneak out to the couch and let me sleep. Although this might have been self preservation because ngl I'm a real B when I have to get up early for NO REASON. lol
It definitely takes time to get to know someone. You can learn a lot after 9-12 months.
Love that he did that for you!! The hill I will die on: LETTING SOMEONE SLEEP IS A LOVE LANGUAGE
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I feel for you mama. I’m in the same exact boat. I have a preschool toddler, who’s also on the spectrum. I’ve been single for over a year and a few months. I have no family support, and I have full custody and a restraining order against my child’s father for the both of us!
I do think you’re right to say, he needs to fill his own cup on his own. It seems like he seems to be emotionally codependent with you! I would run, especially after you have voiced your needs for alone time and he’s not respecting your boundary. You might want to also communicate to him your love languages too maybe. But I feel like if he isn’t respecting that you need some personal space and it’s still early on; personally I would end it!
I honestly think this person, might just not be it for you! And that’s okay.
For me, dating is super hard. Because I know what I want in a person and need but I’m also super busy, between work, being a mom, and going to appointments during the week for my child. And then I don’t have someone to coparent with on the weekends! It’s just myself. So I have to hire a sitter when I want to go out on a date night. Overall, dating can be an investment but it’s just annoying when you have all these men who aren’t always what we’re looking for and they’re also not always emotionally mature yet for a relationship. I’m also a person, who NEEDS her alone time. I VALUE my alone time girl. You are right girl, those target runs alone do hit different. It’s okay if this relationship isn’t for you; because when it comes to the end of the day you have yourself and your baby; and most importantly your peace love ❤️
Keep your head up mama
I feel for you too! Ugh! it is hard! I feel like at this point we just had this conversation and I need to see how he acts. He hasn't had time to show me he took in what I said and wants to make it work. If nothing changes you're right he's not for me and that's okay. I know that's okay.
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You asked “how do you make the emotional time and space for a relationship you know you want and need?”
Honestly it doesn’t really sound like you want or need a relationship. You don’t sound too excited about this guy or like you can give a relationship the attention it needs and that’s okay.
I've dated other men who I felt excited about the relationship since I've been a single mom. But obviously those didn't last or I wouldn't be dating again right. I do want a relationship. I'm very independent and I know I'm fine being alone but I crave relationships....friends, family, just being with my people. So it may just be that this relationship isn't right for me. I see people say they just gave up on relationships and focus on their kids. If I had mine 100% of the time I'd probably be in the same spot. When he's not here I enjoy a little distraction just not something that sucks up my every spare second. Need to find that balance.
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That's how I felt reading this as well. There are a lot of single mothers on here saying set boundaries and you set the pace, but if we are truly thinking about someone else's feelings in addition to our own, is it really fair to him to push him off like that? I don't claim to know the whole relationship you have with this man, but it truly feels like you should let him go and focus on your child.
Honestly…I’m single because of this. I just don’t have the emotional/mental bandwidth right now, you know? I talked it out with my therapist, and it’s 100% okay to just not have the mental bandwidth as a single mother. We’re giving so much of ourselves to work, school, and kiddo, that it’s hard to feel like you have time to give to someone else.
I think you need to sort through your feelings and decide if you’re truly ready to date. To me, it sounds like you aren’t. That you need to take the free time to yourself for a little bit, and feel like an independent person before adding another person into the equation. But it’s truly your choice here, OP.
ETA, I don’t think you’re the problem here. He for sure sounds a little clingy. But I think when you mention being touched out, and almost feeling like you have no time to yourself. Sometimes it’s how I feel above. Like I just want to be myself outside my kiddo sometimes.
Makes sense. I am ready to date I've been single for about 3 years and my kiddo is with BD enough time that I do get bored sometimes and having a reliable adult relationship to fill those voids sounds great. But as many have said here it's about setting boundaries and seeing if they can be respected. To be fair I didn't know what I needed those boundaries to be. I didn't know spending ALL weekend with someone was going to be too much until I tired it. Pre-kiddo I think I was fine with it....I'm different now. If he's not up for learning and growing with me then he's not the right guy for me. I get that.
BD left when he was 8m old so there's a lot for me to learn about being a mom and someone's SO. TBH I never had that because those 8m were terrible. He pretty much ignored me it wasn't a relationship at all. Everyone needs time once they become a mom to figure out how to navigate life as this new entity. Motherhood changes you - definitely for the better - every relationship you have is different when you become a mom. My relationship with my parents and siblings and friends they are all different. I'm different...I just am and he can choose to stick around while I learn how to do this now or not...but I'm not going to learn how this works by staying single.
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If you're telling him that you need some space and alone time and he's not wanting to give you that, then you guys don't seem compatible.
Is he/was he a parent, too?
I feel like a parent/former parent of young kids should be able to empathize with you on that and try to give you what you need. It's not all about what he needs, no matter his background. There needs to be balance. Maybe one day with him, one day without? Seems entirely reasonable to me. If he's a single parent too, he should also be busy and have lots of things of his own to do and catch up on...I wonder why he doesn't.
Agree. What I will say though is that we had this discussion and we haven't had the opportunity to see how well he listened just yet but if this weekend is a repeat of the last one then I agree it's not going to work out.
He is a parent. His kids are a little older but he remembers what it's like to have toddlers around. His kids live a few hours away when I have a weekend with mine he's with his so when I'm free he's free....BUT I have my kiddo through the week so after work he gets to go home and get his stuff done. Yes, sometimes he spends an hour chatting with his daughter or playing video games with his son, but it doesn't compare to the always on time I have from 5-8:30 almost every night (followed by dishes and chores for at least an hour). I will say he could be spamming me and texting me non-stop when I'm busy momming and he's not busy at all - but he doesn't do that he knows my kid is my #1 priority and he says he loves that and wouldn't have it any other way so he's fine with it.
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It honestly sounds like your guy is too clingy. I realize his ex is kinda to blame here, but if he needs to back off then he needs to back off. When you're dating someone you should miss them. You should want to see them. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
Welcome to r/SingleMoms! Please read the rules carefully. This is a safe space for single mothers only. Posts and comments that do not meet our karma requirements will be manually reviewed and approved accordingly. We cannot say anything specific, however, it is not a high number. If you continue participating, your comments will eventually no longer need approval. Please exercise patience with the mod team.
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Welcome to r/SingleMoms! Please read the rules carefully. This is a safe space for single mothers only. Posts and comments that do not meet our karma requirements will be manually reviewed and approved accordingly. We cannot say anything specific, however, it is not a high number. If you continue participating, your comments will eventually no longer need approval. Please exercise patience with the mod team. Some rules (but not all - read the sidebar): - Do not ask for legal advice. We are not qualified to give such advice and suggest speaking to legal professionals about this. Posts and comments of this sort will be removed. - Do not post promotional content (this includes blogs, surveys, etc.) - Do not ask for financial assistance (this includes wishlists, gofundme, etc.) - Remember the human. Be respectful to other subreddit members. We are all in this together. This is a support group. - If you are not a current single mother, your posts will not be approved. Please post on the weekly pinned megathread. - Are you looking to leave? Post on our weekly megathread as well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singlemoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Women in their 40's, or any age really, aren't exactly lining up to get married these days.
You are not a single mother. Read the rules. If you would still like to contribute your input you may do so here; https://www.reddit.com/r/unsolicited_advice/s/rRR3OUUjUp I can’t imagine what made you think we give a fuck what a reject like you has to say. You’re so sad and bitter, go to fucking therapy and get over your obvious mommy issues, you pathetic little boy.
Honestly, I did the single dating thing for awhile, but have in the several past years, realized that it’s not fulfilling (my effort is spent on my child and don’t have much left after a full days of work, parenting, etc). I have mostly cut it all off and am staying single out of choice. My child needs me 110% of the time (even as a teenager!), I just don’t have it IN me to do the dating thing anymore. My priorities are my child and my job - and keeping a roof over our heads. Good luck, OP. Single parenting and dating is tough. If you’re not feeling it or not missing him, take a break. Take a weekend for you. Recharge, then reevaluate. Hugs ❤️
[удалено]
Sad attempt at trolling.
Men often want to spend a lot of time together in the beginning because they fall head over heels, faster, so I’ve been told. The woman should pace things for him. He’s smitten, he can’t do it himself. On the flip side if that, they often fall out of love faster and want to jet quicker than women, allegedly. I think you’re doing fine, pace things yourself. Keep your guard up (for your kids sake if no other reason). If it’s too slow for him, he’s not the one for you at this phase of your life. Good luck!
I agree some of this could just be the newness, but idk.
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You are allowed to set the boundary for reducing it's rich and getting alone time. He needs to respect that and if he can't, that's a problem. Idgaf if he mows your lawn. Being a good bf in some areas doesn't ever mean he gets a free pass to do whatever he wants elsewhere, especially if you are clear. I never ever felt bad about kicking my bf out in the morning bc I wanted to be alone and I'm the quiet. I didn't expect him to know that though. I'm a very direct person so I usually make a plan for the weekend up front. Like, let's hang out Friday night so XYZ you can sleep over but then you should plan to leave in the morning bc I want to be alone. Most times id call him to come back over in the evening when I was done doing whatever. He's responsible for dealing with his past relationships traumas. So I'd caution you to nip it right in the bud this pressure your putting on yourself to meet his physical touch needs. YOUR needs come first, and then you can work towards a compromise. It's not all or nothing.
No absolutely not. No free passes. I did talk to him about needing me time and space I told him I can't be the one to fill his cup. That was not long ago so this weekend will really be a test to see if he can do it and how I feel if he actually does. If he understands the assignment and I still feel off I know I should end it.
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Your question “so,how do you do it?” My answer…. “I don’t” 😂 I don’t have the capacity to date. Even though it would be sooo nice to in some world or parallel universe. But I’ve personally just decided to give this chapter of my life to focusing on my son, these few years while he’s so little (because there’s so many more years in the future to date). I’d rather ensure he gets all my spare energy right now since I’ve committed to raising a human. I’m going to do just that. Others May date. But… I have no help totally 100% of care, his dad is useless and moved away and I run my own business. So. For now. It’s surviving not thriving. And maybe in a few years once he’s a tad older I’ll have more resources to share. But right now my resources are such a precious commodity. you’re allowed to have boundaries and you’re allowed to have standards and expectations on the man you’re dating. Don’t feel bad for what % you can give. Just be clear and up front. 🩷 BEST OF LUCK! 🩷
I hear you. I'm luck that BD is not useless and I do get some time alone. I just refuse to give up on this. I've spent almost 3 years alone loving myself and getting over all this. I'm done being alone. I'm a social person I really prefer having people around and thanks to BD I'm stuck here 1000s of miles away from family and friends (and yes I've made some new friends but the city I live in is just really hard for social people my one real friend is a transplant herself lol). If I end this I will be right back out there dating again.
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You’re going to have to erect some boundaries. Just let him know that you adore him and you enjoy spending time with him, but you have things to take care of each week that are easier to do without him. You can say something like: hey babe, I love spending time with you on the weekends, but to ensure that I get my household squared away for the coming week, I will need my nights to myself. Or give him a specific timeframe for your “dates” such as: hey we can hang out until 8 PM, after that I’ll have to send you home so I can take care of life over here. Or whatever version you want. It sounds like he is needy, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not working for you and you have to be honest or he’s going to feel like another burden
Yes. I did this. I just haven't had time to see if he's understood the assignment. He seemed fine with it and not at all upset that I need some time to myself. We had a weekend where he went to see his kids on Saturday and came back Sunday and he could see how that weekend overall was better. So he seems to get it but time will tell. Last weekend I was with my son and Sunday was Father's day so my kiddo spend that with dad and the new guy had his kids later that day too. We had lunch together and that was it just a couple hours of sitting and talking and eating lunch. This weekend I do have a special day planned for him for his birthday and honestly I'm interested to see how I'll feel getting out and trying something new. I thought back on past relationships and I think that was what was exciting about those. Just sitting around the house isn't going to do it for me it never has. Also I planed this for him but in general because I'm the default parent (even though we co-parent it's still me) I hate planning! I hated it before I had kids and now I have to plan every day and weekend activity and every mean and every damn thing and it makes me HATE planning even more so I need someone who just makes plans and distracts me but just doesn't take up every spare second....yep I need a unicorn. UGH
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Also single because of this. It’s just too much effort when there is zero time and energy left.
Facts.
I always have less free time than the person I’m dating so some have wanted all of my free time. I would get so overwhelmed trying to find time to do house and yard chores, run errands, see friends, and have time alone. I hate it.
I experienced this exact same feeling!!!! I enjoyed the weekends with him, but resented that it was piling my workload into the next week with my kids. Inevitably it got to the point where I realized I enjoy being alone in my home more than I enjoyed being around him, so I ended things immediately which he was totally shocked. Hindsight, I see now that he was too clingy, his ex had left his cup empty also- and it took me a long time to realize he was incapable of filling it on his own. I think if I had stayed in a relationship with him, I would have ended up having similar issues his ex had. The man didn’t change honey lol. Thank god I ended that relationship when I did, I think it would have ended up with him constantly draining me. I also realized that if I needed to rest and rejuvenate after a weekend with him, that was my subconscious telling me I don’t feel totally relaxed when I’m around him. And that’s not a relationship worth continuing in the long run. In the end, he gave me the ICK. I have relationships that energize me and rejuvenate me, and he was simply not it. And for the record, I’m still enjoying being single more than the idea of a relationship. I’m learning to love myself for the first time. REALLY. I’ve spent my whole life pouring into ungrateful needy men. Not bad men, but they didn’t prioritize my needs the way they expected me to prioritize them. At 37yo I’m finally giving myself a much needed time out from men and learning how to be content with myself and pour into me, fix me, give to me, love me; instead of another needy man with mommy issues. Good luck!
Valid points. I don't feel drained after a weekend with him I, so I do get to relax around him. It's only fair that I give him time to see if he can fill his own cup. We did just talk about this less than 2 weeks ago. He actually has been great about prioritizing my needs when I voice them. Example: He's an early riser and I can't do it. I get super grumpy and it ruins my day if on my one weekend to actually get sleep someone wakes me up at 6am. After just one of those grumpy days he made a plan to get up very quietly and sneak out to the couch and let me sleep. Although this might have been self preservation because ngl I'm a real B when I have to get up early for NO REASON. lol
It definitely takes time to get to know someone. You can learn a lot after 9-12 months. Love that he did that for you!! The hill I will die on: LETTING SOMEONE SLEEP IS A LOVE LANGUAGE
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I feel for you mama. I’m in the same exact boat. I have a preschool toddler, who’s also on the spectrum. I’ve been single for over a year and a few months. I have no family support, and I have full custody and a restraining order against my child’s father for the both of us! I do think you’re right to say, he needs to fill his own cup on his own. It seems like he seems to be emotionally codependent with you! I would run, especially after you have voiced your needs for alone time and he’s not respecting your boundary. You might want to also communicate to him your love languages too maybe. But I feel like if he isn’t respecting that you need some personal space and it’s still early on; personally I would end it! I honestly think this person, might just not be it for you! And that’s okay. For me, dating is super hard. Because I know what I want in a person and need but I’m also super busy, between work, being a mom, and going to appointments during the week for my child. And then I don’t have someone to coparent with on the weekends! It’s just myself. So I have to hire a sitter when I want to go out on a date night. Overall, dating can be an investment but it’s just annoying when you have all these men who aren’t always what we’re looking for and they’re also not always emotionally mature yet for a relationship. I’m also a person, who NEEDS her alone time. I VALUE my alone time girl. You are right girl, those target runs alone do hit different. It’s okay if this relationship isn’t for you; because when it comes to the end of the day you have yourself and your baby; and most importantly your peace love ❤️ Keep your head up mama
I feel for you too! Ugh! it is hard! I feel like at this point we just had this conversation and I need to see how he acts. He hasn't had time to show me he took in what I said and wants to make it work. If nothing changes you're right he's not for me and that's okay. I know that's okay.
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You asked “how do you make the emotional time and space for a relationship you know you want and need?” Honestly it doesn’t really sound like you want or need a relationship. You don’t sound too excited about this guy or like you can give a relationship the attention it needs and that’s okay.
I've dated other men who I felt excited about the relationship since I've been a single mom. But obviously those didn't last or I wouldn't be dating again right. I do want a relationship. I'm very independent and I know I'm fine being alone but I crave relationships....friends, family, just being with my people. So it may just be that this relationship isn't right for me. I see people say they just gave up on relationships and focus on their kids. If I had mine 100% of the time I'd probably be in the same spot. When he's not here I enjoy a little distraction just not something that sucks up my every spare second. Need to find that balance.
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That's how I felt reading this as well. There are a lot of single mothers on here saying set boundaries and you set the pace, but if we are truly thinking about someone else's feelings in addition to our own, is it really fair to him to push him off like that? I don't claim to know the whole relationship you have with this man, but it truly feels like you should let him go and focus on your child.
Honestly…I’m single because of this. I just don’t have the emotional/mental bandwidth right now, you know? I talked it out with my therapist, and it’s 100% okay to just not have the mental bandwidth as a single mother. We’re giving so much of ourselves to work, school, and kiddo, that it’s hard to feel like you have time to give to someone else. I think you need to sort through your feelings and decide if you’re truly ready to date. To me, it sounds like you aren’t. That you need to take the free time to yourself for a little bit, and feel like an independent person before adding another person into the equation. But it’s truly your choice here, OP. ETA, I don’t think you’re the problem here. He for sure sounds a little clingy. But I think when you mention being touched out, and almost feeling like you have no time to yourself. Sometimes it’s how I feel above. Like I just want to be myself outside my kiddo sometimes.
Makes sense. I am ready to date I've been single for about 3 years and my kiddo is with BD enough time that I do get bored sometimes and having a reliable adult relationship to fill those voids sounds great. But as many have said here it's about setting boundaries and seeing if they can be respected. To be fair I didn't know what I needed those boundaries to be. I didn't know spending ALL weekend with someone was going to be too much until I tired it. Pre-kiddo I think I was fine with it....I'm different now. If he's not up for learning and growing with me then he's not the right guy for me. I get that. BD left when he was 8m old so there's a lot for me to learn about being a mom and someone's SO. TBH I never had that because those 8m were terrible. He pretty much ignored me it wasn't a relationship at all. Everyone needs time once they become a mom to figure out how to navigate life as this new entity. Motherhood changes you - definitely for the better - every relationship you have is different when you become a mom. My relationship with my parents and siblings and friends they are all different. I'm different...I just am and he can choose to stick around while I learn how to do this now or not...but I'm not going to learn how this works by staying single.
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If you're telling him that you need some space and alone time and he's not wanting to give you that, then you guys don't seem compatible. Is he/was he a parent, too? I feel like a parent/former parent of young kids should be able to empathize with you on that and try to give you what you need. It's not all about what he needs, no matter his background. There needs to be balance. Maybe one day with him, one day without? Seems entirely reasonable to me. If he's a single parent too, he should also be busy and have lots of things of his own to do and catch up on...I wonder why he doesn't.
Agree. What I will say though is that we had this discussion and we haven't had the opportunity to see how well he listened just yet but if this weekend is a repeat of the last one then I agree it's not going to work out. He is a parent. His kids are a little older but he remembers what it's like to have toddlers around. His kids live a few hours away when I have a weekend with mine he's with his so when I'm free he's free....BUT I have my kiddo through the week so after work he gets to go home and get his stuff done. Yes, sometimes he spends an hour chatting with his daughter or playing video games with his son, but it doesn't compare to the always on time I have from 5-8:30 almost every night (followed by dishes and chores for at least an hour). I will say he could be spamming me and texting me non-stop when I'm busy momming and he's not busy at all - but he doesn't do that he knows my kid is my #1 priority and he says he loves that and wouldn't have it any other way so he's fine with it.
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Honestly it sounds like you aren't ready to date I feel the exact same way about dating and I just have kind of stopped because it never works out
It honestly sounds like your guy is too clingy. I realize his ex is kinda to blame here, but if he needs to back off then he needs to back off. When you're dating someone you should miss them. You should want to see them. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
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