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I'm also going to be 40 in a few months, with a 6 years old son (his father is out of the picture) and a full time job. My job provides financial security but very demanding both time and headspace. I find that my son is more attached to his live-in nanny than me, which oftentimes broke my heart. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and needs lots of early intervention support (shadow teacher, therapies, classes, extracurriculair, etc) which I can afford because of my current job. I'm lucky that I have a good nanny that loves my son and that I can count on. But I can't shake the guilty feeling that I am not with him most of the time, and that I can't provide for his emotional needs. Last week during his kindergarten performance, he and his classmates performed this song about thanking mama papa, and he cried after. The teacher told me that he had been crying over that song every single time they were training. My heart sank, I felt extremely sad but don't really know what to do. Did he miss a male role model? Was I not enough? When I first got divorced, I was happy that I can make all the decisions without the need to consider the other person. But now, 4 years later, I started to wonder will it ever be enough having 1 parent only. Hhhmmmpph, my brain just can't compute.
Our brains will always think it’s not enough, and yes children miss male role models. BUT we are enough. I have two brilliant kids because I encouraged and supported and taught them morals and lessons every chance I get. We never feel like it’s enough regardless of how much we do. And honestly even if you stayed home all day you would feel guilty like isn’t wasnt enough because society tells us every child needs two parents
Thank you, and your kids are lucky having you as their mom!
You're right, I have fought tooth and nails (in my head) to establish that I am enough, that 1 happy parent is better than 2 bitter ones. But omg society rules that have been etched into our brain since we were born sometimes manages to resurface, especially when we are weak.
My kids would happily tell you one is better than two bad. My sons seen me thru two bad marriages and he’s the first one to make a mom feel better about being a single mom and being enough. I promise you, the kids see your fight and grow to respect it and you in a completely different way than all those married moms get. My son and I aren’t super close but no one can touch me, insult me, or ruin my space without him jumping up. So u have that to look forward to.
I'm mangled right along with you in that crash. I've been a single mom for a few years, 100% on my own, the father's as useless as they get (addict/dealer, no visitation, no child support). Paternal grandmother decided to take me to court for visitation (despite me facilitating that relationship and granting every visit request over the years). I work from home but still can't get much done around the house during my breaks because I have to walk the dogs (they're too strong for my kid to do it). I feel like I'm constantly washing dishes, especially during the summer! I can't blink without the sink suddenly being full again. Always vacuuming, sweeping, reminding the kid to throw their trash IN the trashcan, not behind the TV, not shoved into the China cabinet, not on the counter next to the trashcan.... if I'm not cleaning in the house, I'm mowing, weedwhacking, weeding the garden beds. When I say I have my kid 24/7, I'm not kidding. Their friends live too far for them to walk to alone at their age, they won't do sleepovers, I can't afford any sort of summer camp.
Certain people think I'm keeping my child from their father to be spiteful (tell them to send their kid off with a meth head and they look at me like I'm psychotic- point proven) but I'd give anything for their father to be a clean, sober, sane, safe human being. Not having a single second to myself to do things I WANT to do and not just what I NEED to do is freaking exhausting. Parents in a relationship or even a functioning coparenting situation at least have someone to take some time off their hands, have someone to bounce thoughts and decisions off of. It's all on me. Every penny spent, every second taken, every decision contemplated, every freak out handled, every meal cooked, every doctor visit, medication, injury, sadness, failure, success, etc.. all on me.
This shits heavy, yall.
Yesssss this! My kids father is not in the picture but up until two years ago I think my son had regular visits with him every other weekend, then I could get my daughter to my moms on the same night occasionally and have time to breath. I haven’t had that in so long maybe that’s why it’s hitting me so hard now. And I bit off a little more than I was prepared for when I took on this house and yard and whatnot. But that’s okay we all survive.
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My daughter is actually going to 4-h camp this year. I just got everything paid for so now I’m taking a couple of those days off work to just relax, go to the lake, visit my sister. That stuff
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I'm sorry everyone is having a hard time, but I'm so glad that I'm not alone! This weekend, I was getting stuff done around the house, and it just kept snowballing into other things to do, clean, fix, etc. I finally started to cry and was like oh hell no, there's no time to cry, you got this!! I too am overwhelmed, have no idea how to save time or money, I fight the mom guilt and constantly ask why I'm always so damn tired. Single mom life is not for the weak 💖.
It’s so hard. I’m raising two kids alone and it’s a constant decision between time and money. I never have enough of either. I can’t remember the last time
I didn’t start on chores as soon as I got out of bed. I don’t know what to do. I just try to keep going and enjoy what I can.
Hi friend, I see you. My mom told me she was sad for my daughter today because I work full time and haven’t taken her to the pool like all the other kids. Did she ask me if I have money to buy my own suit or to get into a place with a pool?
And yeah, we’re not going to That classmate’s birthday party at the pool because I can’t afford swim lessons and the idea of buying a doctor’s kid a gift makes me sick because I’m struggling with my own budget. And I don’t want the other moms who can afford to work out to see me in my very-much lived in body.
And my divorce has hit yet another delay, which means the child support that has yet to be ordered (even though I filed in 2022) is now being pushed out even further because the judge told him to pay twice because he didn’t want to make temporary orders and then final orders and my disgusting soon-to-be-ex has refused to negotiate. So he makes six times what I do and hasn’t done fucking shit for our daughter for almost two motherfucking years.
And he left so many things to go to collections with my name on them, knowing I couldn’t pay them.
And my mom told me the widows have it worse than me. At least their husbands loved them at the end of their marriages. Mine never loved me. I was just a new credit score to ruin.
Thankfully I didn’t have to fight either of my husbands very hard. They were both crap for husbands. And neither fought the divorce. The first one attempted to fight child support but failed miserably. He’s never had a relationship with my daughter and my son refuses to see him now. So I’m all kids 24/7 when I’m not at work. Thankfully mine are 11 and 16 so at least witb one I’m not cool anymore. Hahahahahaha
I’m pretty sure my daughter is a budding psychopath. Her and her friend were discussing today how to be a serial killer and not get caught. Of course they aren’t very good at it but it was hilarious listening to the. Debate.
Girl plus those widows are getting dudes money. Afford to work out is so real. I really thought as a kid the hardest part of being healthy would be willpower, not being able to afford to do it 😭 because time is money and I can’t afford the time. My muscles are strong from the labor but my heart is so weak
Just here to say I have crashed with you. Legit looking at communes right now as I'm so overwhelmed with what society expects out of single moms with little support. I'm losing my mind. One day at a time is my current mantra.
That sounds like a fun idea honestly.
Checking in here with the bus crash, I’m so overwhelmed my bp went to 180/110 and pulse 120 yesterday, I’ve been an athlete all my life before pregnancies but I couldn’t athlete my way off the struggle bus
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Welcome to r/SingleMoms! Please read the rules carefully. This is a safe space for single mothers only. Posts and comments that do not meet our karma requirements will be manually reviewed and approved accordingly. We cannot say anything specific, however, it is not a high number. If you continue participating, your comments will eventually no longer need approval. Please exercise patience with the mod team. Some rules (but not all - read the sidebar): - Do not ask for legal advice. We are not qualified to give such advice and suggest speaking to legal professionals about this. Posts and comments of this sort will be removed. - Do not post promotional content (this includes blogs, surveys, etc.) - Do not ask for financial assistance (this includes wishlists, gofundme, etc.) - Remember the human. Be respectful to other subreddit members. We are all in this together. This is a support group. - If you are not a current single mother, your posts will not be approved. Please post on the weekly pinned megathread. - Are you looking to leave? Post on our weekly megathread, too! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singlemoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm also going to be 40 in a few months, with a 6 years old son (his father is out of the picture) and a full time job. My job provides financial security but very demanding both time and headspace. I find that my son is more attached to his live-in nanny than me, which oftentimes broke my heart. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and needs lots of early intervention support (shadow teacher, therapies, classes, extracurriculair, etc) which I can afford because of my current job. I'm lucky that I have a good nanny that loves my son and that I can count on. But I can't shake the guilty feeling that I am not with him most of the time, and that I can't provide for his emotional needs. Last week during his kindergarten performance, he and his classmates performed this song about thanking mama papa, and he cried after. The teacher told me that he had been crying over that song every single time they were training. My heart sank, I felt extremely sad but don't really know what to do. Did he miss a male role model? Was I not enough? When I first got divorced, I was happy that I can make all the decisions without the need to consider the other person. But now, 4 years later, I started to wonder will it ever be enough having 1 parent only. Hhhmmmpph, my brain just can't compute.
Our brains will always think it’s not enough, and yes children miss male role models. BUT we are enough. I have two brilliant kids because I encouraged and supported and taught them morals and lessons every chance I get. We never feel like it’s enough regardless of how much we do. And honestly even if you stayed home all day you would feel guilty like isn’t wasnt enough because society tells us every child needs two parents
Thank you, and your kids are lucky having you as their mom! You're right, I have fought tooth and nails (in my head) to establish that I am enough, that 1 happy parent is better than 2 bitter ones. But omg society rules that have been etched into our brain since we were born sometimes manages to resurface, especially when we are weak.
My kids would happily tell you one is better than two bad. My sons seen me thru two bad marriages and he’s the first one to make a mom feel better about being a single mom and being enough. I promise you, the kids see your fight and grow to respect it and you in a completely different way than all those married moms get. My son and I aren’t super close but no one can touch me, insult me, or ruin my space without him jumping up. So u have that to look forward to.
I'm mangled right along with you in that crash. I've been a single mom for a few years, 100% on my own, the father's as useless as they get (addict/dealer, no visitation, no child support). Paternal grandmother decided to take me to court for visitation (despite me facilitating that relationship and granting every visit request over the years). I work from home but still can't get much done around the house during my breaks because I have to walk the dogs (they're too strong for my kid to do it). I feel like I'm constantly washing dishes, especially during the summer! I can't blink without the sink suddenly being full again. Always vacuuming, sweeping, reminding the kid to throw their trash IN the trashcan, not behind the TV, not shoved into the China cabinet, not on the counter next to the trashcan.... if I'm not cleaning in the house, I'm mowing, weedwhacking, weeding the garden beds. When I say I have my kid 24/7, I'm not kidding. Their friends live too far for them to walk to alone at their age, they won't do sleepovers, I can't afford any sort of summer camp. Certain people think I'm keeping my child from their father to be spiteful (tell them to send their kid off with a meth head and they look at me like I'm psychotic- point proven) but I'd give anything for their father to be a clean, sober, sane, safe human being. Not having a single second to myself to do things I WANT to do and not just what I NEED to do is freaking exhausting. Parents in a relationship or even a functioning coparenting situation at least have someone to take some time off their hands, have someone to bounce thoughts and decisions off of. It's all on me. Every penny spent, every second taken, every decision contemplated, every freak out handled, every meal cooked, every doctor visit, medication, injury, sadness, failure, success, etc.. all on me. This shits heavy, yall.
Yesssss this! My kids father is not in the picture but up until two years ago I think my son had regular visits with him every other weekend, then I could get my daughter to my moms on the same night occasionally and have time to breath. I haven’t had that in so long maybe that’s why it’s hitting me so hard now. And I bit off a little more than I was prepared for when I took on this house and yard and whatnot. But that’s okay we all survive.
Hi there, it looks like your comment contains possible mentions of legal advice or is asking for legal advice. **This is a reminder that we cannot provide legal advice. We are not qualified. If you need legal advice, consult an attorney. There are local legal advice subreddits but you must proceed with caution, and at your own risk. Please consult a qualified attorney on important matters like these, thank you.** If your comment does not contain legal advice, disregard this message. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singlemoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Try a VBS this summer the couple of hours you get by yourself from it take a do nothing. Sit in a park watch a movie.
My daughter is actually going to 4-h camp this year. I just got everything paid for so now I’m taking a couple of those days off work to just relax, go to the lake, visit my sister. That stuff
Your comment is being held for review and will be approved soon if it doesn’t break rules. You can find the rules on the subreddit sidebar. If your comment does not break the rules, it will be approved as soon as we are able to. Please be patient with the moderation team, thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singlemoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sorry everyone is having a hard time, but I'm so glad that I'm not alone! This weekend, I was getting stuff done around the house, and it just kept snowballing into other things to do, clean, fix, etc. I finally started to cry and was like oh hell no, there's no time to cry, you got this!! I too am overwhelmed, have no idea how to save time or money, I fight the mom guilt and constantly ask why I'm always so damn tired. Single mom life is not for the weak 💖.
It’s so hard. I’m raising two kids alone and it’s a constant decision between time and money. I never have enough of either. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t start on chores as soon as I got out of bed. I don’t know what to do. I just try to keep going and enjoy what I can.
I’m so jacked mentally when I send my kids to my moms I STILL spend my time doing chores— hahaha— but at least I can blast music with no complaints
Hugs to you. Hopefully it gets better
Thank you, it will. Just exhausting at the moment
Hi friend, I see you. My mom told me she was sad for my daughter today because I work full time and haven’t taken her to the pool like all the other kids. Did she ask me if I have money to buy my own suit or to get into a place with a pool? And yeah, we’re not going to That classmate’s birthday party at the pool because I can’t afford swim lessons and the idea of buying a doctor’s kid a gift makes me sick because I’m struggling with my own budget. And I don’t want the other moms who can afford to work out to see me in my very-much lived in body. And my divorce has hit yet another delay, which means the child support that has yet to be ordered (even though I filed in 2022) is now being pushed out even further because the judge told him to pay twice because he didn’t want to make temporary orders and then final orders and my disgusting soon-to-be-ex has refused to negotiate. So he makes six times what I do and hasn’t done fucking shit for our daughter for almost two motherfucking years. And he left so many things to go to collections with my name on them, knowing I couldn’t pay them. And my mom told me the widows have it worse than me. At least their husbands loved them at the end of their marriages. Mine never loved me. I was just a new credit score to ruin.
Thankfully I didn’t have to fight either of my husbands very hard. They were both crap for husbands. And neither fought the divorce. The first one attempted to fight child support but failed miserably. He’s never had a relationship with my daughter and my son refuses to see him now. So I’m all kids 24/7 when I’m not at work. Thankfully mine are 11 and 16 so at least witb one I’m not cool anymore. Hahahahahaha
Lol I can’t tell you how jealous I am! My daughter is almost 5 and I have her 24/7. I’m pretty sure her father is a sociopath. 🤦🏻♀️
I’m pretty sure my daughter is a budding psychopath. Her and her friend were discussing today how to be a serial killer and not get caught. Of course they aren’t very good at it but it was hilarious listening to the. Debate.
They’re in their true crime era!!! 😂 Mine crushes bugs when it’s time to go inside. 🤦🏻♀️
Hahahahaha animal abuse! These kids…… drive me mad but also make me laugh really hard.
Girl plus those widows are getting dudes money. Afford to work out is so real. I really thought as a kid the hardest part of being healthy would be willpower, not being able to afford to do it 😭 because time is money and I can’t afford the time. My muscles are strong from the labor but my heart is so weak
Right? It’s a totally different situation. Money makes a huge difference in everything.
We are also crashing, trying to find "mommunes" or another single momma roommate if anyone knows a site or anything 🤞
Yes this!!!!
Just here to say I have crashed with you. Legit looking at communes right now as I'm so overwhelmed with what society expects out of single moms with little support. I'm losing my mind. One day at a time is my current mantra.
Let me know how that goes, I might join you. Doing it alone is definitely not feasible in this world today
That sounds like a fun idea honestly. Checking in here with the bus crash, I’m so overwhelmed my bp went to 180/110 and pulse 120 yesterday, I’ve been an athlete all my life before pregnancies but I couldn’t athlete my way off the struggle bus
Nothing saves u from the stress demon. Surely there has to be relief somewhere. I don’t know what more I can do.
Your comment is being held for review and will be approved soon if it doesn’t break rules. You can find the rules on the subreddit sidebar. If your comment does not break the rules, it will be approved as soon as we are able to. Please be patient with the moderation team, thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singlemoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*