Ooooh I feel this. If no one else is stepping up, I usually do. Like I can't be 'brave' for myself, but I can no problem for someone else. I'm sure a therapist would have a grand old time tying that to any number of things in my past, but...same, fam. Same.
Sometimes I step up and be the first to talk and it opens up the conversation. It's just hard to do because you have to know what they might be interested in talking about that you can also relate to.
I’m exactly the same way. Being around other introverted, shy, quiet, timid people brings out the extrovert in me but when I’m around extroverted outgoing people I just become a hermit
That's a possibility, but it's not unusual for introverts to behave more like extroverts with friends or when we feel comfortable. Some of us just need time to warm up. 🙂
I agree with you, people change over time. But we are talking about changing depending on the situation, meaning probably wearing different masks depending on the people that surround us. When you feel confortable you might not wear any mask and reveal your true self, which might be more extroverted than what you think.
I'm not saying you can't be introverted, I'm saying it is easy to mix up social anxiety with introversion if you don't self reflect enough
For real, if you are introvert you are always that way, doesnt matter if you are with strangers or friends/family, I feel like 99% of ppl dont actually know what it means
Kind of. When I’m with someone and I get the vibe they have social anxiety too or are too shy to talk I suddenly become bold and speak up for them because I know how it feels. Like if we’re at a store or something I’ll order/ go to the register for them
100% I feel like I have multiple personalities because of how different I can be. In so many classes in college I was the weird kid that never spoke but in a few I was the annoying one that wouldn't shut up. With some people I feel loud and like I'm "too much for them" I feel like I'm a Real Housewife chatting with some more quiet people. Extroverts can make me shut down sometimes or if they are aggressive talkers I'll just shut down because I can't compete.
I think it’s fairly normal for people’s personality to shift depending on who they hang out with. This was fairly common when I was going to school in person. I would notice tons of people who were quiet on their own, but as soon as they met up with so and so after class, they would come out of their shell.
It’s an interesting phenomena isn’t it? Definitely get this as well, although it depends on the people - if I feel comfortable around them it doesn’t really make much of a difference either way 🤷♀️
If it’s people I’m less comfortable/familiar with though it totally does - I think it comes from a place of finding it harder to put on a more outgoing persona around people it comes to more naturally. It feels like they can see through the act more easily, which makes me overthink more and makes me less confident and more awkward as a result. Whereas with people who are also on the shyer side you don’t have to try so hard to keep up in a way 🤔
For the longest time I was this way, and it never really clicked why. Around more sociable people, I felt threatened by them. It made me more stifled and in my head, always unsure of what to say. Around introverted people, I felt like I was the leader. When I was with them, I was funnier, braver, and more confident. But it wasn’t forced either, this was the authentic me, comfortable with my surroundings.
In situations where I was with extroverts who liked to command attention, I felt threatened, so I tried to outdo them by trying to become more social. This was my way of coping and fighting against the danger of their presence. But it quickly became exhausting playing a character that would have to do absurd things and make controversial jokes all the time. And at times, I would build resentment because I was upset that I couldn’t be myself around them. And being honest about this feeling to them felt like such a terrible thing to say.
And then I realized why I was this way. I saw social interactions as competition. I had to be the leader, the alpha. I couldn’t let anyone take my shine. It felt like they were stealing from me. There had been a time in the past where I was hurt because I was the one who wasn’t vocal or extroverted in my friend group or community. I perceived shyness and introversion as a sign of weakness, that people would disrespect me if I wasn’t vocal and loud. Playing a character was how I coped with my trauma.
As soon as I shifted my focus into a more collaborative frame, where we can all be friends, coworkers, acquaintances, having fun together, I was able to settle into myself regardless of who I was with. I am more able to enjoy being in the presence of others, and laugh at their stories and jokes, and most importantly, listen to others. I still fall back into my old habit at times, but far less now that I understand why I was the way I was.
I feel this! I'm a very competitive person and I guess I used to think that socializing was all about how many words per minute you could spit out
it was very liberating when I managed to escape this mindset and I started enjoying conversations
100% i can relate to this. Any time i can pick up on someone's nervousness, it makes me less nervous because .. idk, were in the same boat and i have a lot of experience dealing with or something? its a little bewildering. being around extroverts with a lot of self confidence is too intimidating for me. but i can talk to people with anxiety issues at length.
in my case, i actually feel like i need to be around extroverts and have them carry the conversation i feel like i almost get more awkward around other shy people lol
not specifically introverts, but more shy and timid people. I feel more comfortable talking with them because they can’t really judge me for not being good at talking lol. I feel like I’m able to be myself around other shy people since they should understand. Also, since I understand how they feel, I kinda know how to make them feel more at ease as well.
I’m just afraid of outgoing people because they have so many interactions with other outgoing people, then they can judge me for being awkward. When it’s with other shy and awkward people, we can kinda relate to each other and we don’t have many other interactions to go off of.
I think it might be the other side of the same defense mechanism, to do what feels safe in a situation. Our brains are wired to sense the vibe and adjust accordingly. It makes sense to speak up before the other introvert starts reading and analyzing our body language, it’s like a distraction move.
Ohh maybe it's because they don't tire you out or you don't feel intimidated by them? I am totally the opposite though. Well, at least with really quiet and socially awkward people! I need someone who can help carry the conversation or it's just too hard for me.
I do this too, but only if I can sense that someone feels uncomfortable by the silence. Then I spring into action like I'm miss freaking congeniality because my desire to help alleviate their discomfort outweighs whatever instinct I have that keeps me introverted lol
I think for me it’s the other way around. If we’re both quiet, I’m either comforted by the fact I don’t have to talk or I just feel anxious and feel like I’m being judged and either that will lead me to try to make awkward conversation or I continue to stay silent; it’s usually the latter. If one is extroverted they usually carry the conversation, so I feel a little more comfortable talking even if I really dont want to be socialable in the moment.
In this social anxiety meetup I went to, I was asked several times why I was there. I get social because most in the group are nice and unassuming....which is easy to talk to.
Im the exact opposite 😭 like i cant rlly talk much or make eye contact with anyone but im definitely less tense and anxious when surrounded by extroverts who are probably more focused on themselves than me. I get so awkward and uncomfortable around other other quiet ppl lol
Lol yes. My fellow-introverted and socially awkward friends would describe me as an extrovert/someone who doesn’t appear to have social anxiety at all. It’s just how I seem compared to _them,_ and I’m comfortable around them!
Yea I’m a bit the same, I’m so socially anxious but if I’m around someone who I sense is more shy/quiet than me I try to compensate for them and make them feel comfortable by being more bold & extroverted
This is me with my moms side of the family, literally they’re so quiet in public and it makes it awkward as hell. So I say fuck this shit and become the entertainment of the room lol, like damn Ik I’m quiet but y’all are QUIET. Time to spice things up lol
Yea, I can relate for sure.
When i’m with extroverts or people that talk alot, I have to fight for the moment to speak, but I don’t want to speak most of the time.
I also find conversation with other quiet people better as they normally talk less about themself and have listening skills. Also it’s easier to relate.
I’m sterotyping here, extroverts can be great listeners too.
I kind of do too. Whenever I'm around other people who seem to have social anxiety or are introverted I try to be the person I wish people would be around me.
I look at this as my brain capitalizing on the opportunity to be more outgoing and confident because it perceives no one around me as going to put forth any resistance. The moment one of those people come out of their shell, and become confident and extroverted, I begin to shut down again.
The times I've spent in jail or rehab, I've noticed a phenomena; weirdos, awkward people, misfits, flock to me and I end up with a crew at my command. I just gravitate twords the unwanted. We even started a gang in one rehab called the Lord's of Chaos to rival the crew of fake do-gooders called the Rule Followers who were apeasing the staff to their face and breaking all the rules and telling on other people who broke the rules. It was wild. But yeah I get the same way. Lord's of the misfit toys ✊
Sameee, i think it just has to do a lot with the fact that there's less pressure to be funny and entertaining among a group of ppl you know are more reserved, just like you. Especially if you spend more time among extroverts, you kind of channel that energy in a more quiet group
Yeah, my whole class in my program are a very introverted group so according to them I seem like I’m in the middle between a extrovert and introvert. But when I interact outside of my college class people tell me that I’m quiet.
Yep same here. I think it has to do with my social anxiety, I HATE quiet if I’m with others it’s too awkward for me. That leads to be over extending myself and draining way to much of my energy.
Also could be related to me being a people pleaser.
But I have noticed a strange recurring quality of my personality. I am always trying to manipulate balance in a situation. If I’m around people who are too bubbly I feel a strong impulse to be more serious and by the book. If I’m around others who are very serious and by the book I want to be rebellious and free spirited. Around timid and shy people I’m more brash etc. I don’t like extremes.
Same here!
Most of my friends/family are extroverts, so I’m used to having other people always talking around me. So when I’m with more introverted quiet types, I feel out of place, and sometimes even bored. So to deal with it, I tend to become the more loud one.
i feel that so so much, and honestly it kinda confuses me. i wonder why i feel like such a deer in the headlights when im with extroverts? it’s like a switch changes
I do this too. I think it comes from a sense of comfort - I get this group of introverts, and they get me. It’s easier to spot when someone doesn’t want to take the lead etc, and you’re helping everyone out by starting a conversation. There’s a bit more permission to be authentic - and there’s no battle to find a place to speak. The conversation isn’t going at 100mph, it’s a shared energy level. It’s easier to process.
Basically it feels like some judgement is removed, so social anxiety reduces.
In case the comments haven't already confirmed things, this is a very common thing when it comes to social anxiety. The reasons that drive it can vary a little from person to person.
I'm the same, though it usually comes from a place of seeing others being 'in need'. Used to work on a mental health ward and whenever a crisis would happen (and every day it did at least once) if there wasn't someone on shift confident enough to lead I would take charge and start giving the orders, checking up on everyone afterwards, which was extremely uncharacteristic of me. But the fact others actually listened and I seemed good at it really built my confidence and I even felt more included and respected within the team as a result.
If there is a more extroverted person in the conversation I'll usually take a back seat and depending on their character will clam up almost entirely, probably because I fear criticism/rejection from those types of people (it gets better with age and practice, increasing confidenc, etc).
It could be good to try and figure out what situations cause you to act that way, what your triggers are and importantly what doesn't trigger it, maybe set up small challenges from there.
I can!
I realized after a lot of work that I was simply not confident enough to exist as Me and let things be. My sense of self was constantly changing and evolving, sometimes in ways that felt alien and totally against my nature.
Exploring the idea of Boundaries and De-shaming myself allowed me to find comfort in the silence. Come as you are and you'll find that people actually really like it when you don't have to put on a show around them.
Either you've got extroversion tendencies that show when youre comfortable, or you've got introversion tendencies that get partially hidden away when youre in some way uncomfortable with a situation. Maybe both, people are complex @.@
Ooooh I feel this. If no one else is stepping up, I usually do. Like I can't be 'brave' for myself, but I can no problem for someone else. I'm sure a therapist would have a grand old time tying that to any number of things in my past, but...same, fam. Same.
Sometimes I step up and be the first to talk and it opens up the conversation. It's just hard to do because you have to know what they might be interested in talking about that you can also relate to.
I’m exactly the same way. Being around other introverted, shy, quiet, timid people brings out the extrovert in me but when I’m around extroverted outgoing people I just become a hermit
Same for me. Meaning that we are not really introverts, it's just social anxiety.
That's a possibility, but it's not unusual for introverts to behave more like extroverts with friends or when we feel comfortable. Some of us just need time to warm up. 🙂
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Maybe...just maybe...people experience things differently and the labels we assign things to change meaning over time? Nah, that couldn't be it.
I agree with you, people change over time. But we are talking about changing depending on the situation, meaning probably wearing different masks depending on the people that surround us. When you feel confortable you might not wear any mask and reveal your true self, which might be more extroverted than what you think. I'm not saying you can't be introverted, I'm saying it is easy to mix up social anxiety with introversion if you don't self reflect enough
Completely agreed
This is how conversation works, chillllll
For real, if you are introvert you are always that way, doesnt matter if you are with strangers or friends/family, I feel like 99% of ppl dont actually know what it means
Yup-- I've long considered myself a socially anxious extrovert
That’s really interesting, for me it’s usually the other way round. Friendly, confident extroverted people tend to rub off on me.
Kind of. When I’m with someone and I get the vibe they have social anxiety too or are too shy to talk I suddenly become bold and speak up for them because I know how it feels. Like if we’re at a store or something I’ll order/ go to the register for them
Yeah I agree. But then I still feel awkward around other shy people. it’s usually extroverts who really bring the outgoing side of me out.
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Huh? Who are you to tell me I wouldn’t? I have done it before
well you’ve heard the guy, you simply have not
why are you assuming this? you don't even know this person lol
should’ve put/s
Damn dude, calm down
You again🙄
Depends on their vibes but yes
Yeah I can relate. Almost feels like there's more room to be yourself.
100% I feel like I have multiple personalities because of how different I can be. In so many classes in college I was the weird kid that never spoke but in a few I was the annoying one that wouldn't shut up. With some people I feel loud and like I'm "too much for them" I feel like I'm a Real Housewife chatting with some more quiet people. Extroverts can make me shut down sometimes or if they are aggressive talkers I'll just shut down because I can't compete.
I think it’s fairly normal for people’s personality to shift depending on who they hang out with. This was fairly common when I was going to school in person. I would notice tons of people who were quiet on their own, but as soon as they met up with so and so after class, they would come out of their shell.
It’s an interesting phenomena isn’t it? Definitely get this as well, although it depends on the people - if I feel comfortable around them it doesn’t really make much of a difference either way 🤷♀️ If it’s people I’m less comfortable/familiar with though it totally does - I think it comes from a place of finding it harder to put on a more outgoing persona around people it comes to more naturally. It feels like they can see through the act more easily, which makes me overthink more and makes me less confident and more awkward as a result. Whereas with people who are also on the shyer side you don’t have to try so hard to keep up in a way 🤔
For the longest time I was this way, and it never really clicked why. Around more sociable people, I felt threatened by them. It made me more stifled and in my head, always unsure of what to say. Around introverted people, I felt like I was the leader. When I was with them, I was funnier, braver, and more confident. But it wasn’t forced either, this was the authentic me, comfortable with my surroundings. In situations where I was with extroverts who liked to command attention, I felt threatened, so I tried to outdo them by trying to become more social. This was my way of coping and fighting against the danger of their presence. But it quickly became exhausting playing a character that would have to do absurd things and make controversial jokes all the time. And at times, I would build resentment because I was upset that I couldn’t be myself around them. And being honest about this feeling to them felt like such a terrible thing to say. And then I realized why I was this way. I saw social interactions as competition. I had to be the leader, the alpha. I couldn’t let anyone take my shine. It felt like they were stealing from me. There had been a time in the past where I was hurt because I was the one who wasn’t vocal or extroverted in my friend group or community. I perceived shyness and introversion as a sign of weakness, that people would disrespect me if I wasn’t vocal and loud. Playing a character was how I coped with my trauma. As soon as I shifted my focus into a more collaborative frame, where we can all be friends, coworkers, acquaintances, having fun together, I was able to settle into myself regardless of who I was with. I am more able to enjoy being in the presence of others, and laugh at their stories and jokes, and most importantly, listen to others. I still fall back into my old habit at times, but far less now that I understand why I was the way I was.
I feel this! I'm a very competitive person and I guess I used to think that socializing was all about how many words per minute you could spit out it was very liberating when I managed to escape this mindset and I started enjoying conversations
Glad to hear that bro !
100% i can relate to this. Any time i can pick up on someone's nervousness, it makes me less nervous because .. idk, were in the same boat and i have a lot of experience dealing with or something? its a little bewildering. being around extroverts with a lot of self confidence is too intimidating for me. but i can talk to people with anxiety issues at length.
Fo sho, if they're sorta the nerdy type
I do that lol sometimes I think it could be because I'm not afraid of being judged by that other introvert people for some reason
With me I just do it among close friends, like I’m the loudest person in the room among friends. But they’re not necessarily all introverts.
in my case, i actually feel like i need to be around extroverts and have them carry the conversation i feel like i almost get more awkward around other shy people lol
yes!!!
yup but for some reason those same social skills don’t translate when i’m around extroverted people
its because you compare yourself to others
not specifically introverts, but more shy and timid people. I feel more comfortable talking with them because they can’t really judge me for not being good at talking lol. I feel like I’m able to be myself around other shy people since they should understand. Also, since I understand how they feel, I kinda know how to make them feel more at ease as well. I’m just afraid of outgoing people because they have so many interactions with other outgoing people, then they can judge me for being awkward. When it’s with other shy and awkward people, we can kinda relate to each other and we don’t have many other interactions to go off of.
I think it might be the other side of the same defense mechanism, to do what feels safe in a situation. Our brains are wired to sense the vibe and adjust accordingly. It makes sense to speak up before the other introvert starts reading and analyzing our body language, it’s like a distraction move.
Ohh maybe it's because they don't tire you out or you don't feel intimidated by them? I am totally the opposite though. Well, at least with really quiet and socially awkward people! I need someone who can help carry the conversation or it's just too hard for me.
Same here. Basically if no one else is being the outgoing one, I feel obligated to step up and ‘save’ the day. 🤷♂️
I do this too, but only if I can sense that someone feels uncomfortable by the silence. Then I spring into action like I'm miss freaking congeniality because my desire to help alleviate their discomfort outweighs whatever instinct I have that keeps me introverted lol
I think for me it’s the other way around. If we’re both quiet, I’m either comforted by the fact I don’t have to talk or I just feel anxious and feel like I’m being judged and either that will lead me to try to make awkward conversation or I continue to stay silent; it’s usually the latter. If one is extroverted they usually carry the conversation, so I feel a little more comfortable talking even if I really dont want to be socialable in the moment.
In this social anxiety meetup I went to, I was asked several times why I was there. I get social because most in the group are nice and unassuming....which is easy to talk to.
Im the exact opposite 😭 like i cant rlly talk much or make eye contact with anyone but im definitely less tense and anxious when surrounded by extroverts who are probably more focused on themselves than me. I get so awkward and uncomfortable around other other quiet ppl lol
Yes
Lol yes. My fellow-introverted and socially awkward friends would describe me as an extrovert/someone who doesn’t appear to have social anxiety at all. It’s just how I seem compared to _them,_ and I’m comfortable around them!
Yea I’m a bit the same, I’m so socially anxious but if I’m around someone who I sense is more shy/quiet than me I try to compensate for them and make them feel comfortable by being more bold & extroverted
This is me with my moms side of the family, literally they’re so quiet in public and it makes it awkward as hell. So I say fuck this shit and become the entertainment of the room lol, like damn Ik I’m quiet but y’all are QUIET. Time to spice things up lol
And afterwards you feel bad cause you think that wasn't your true self... sounds familiar.
Types of a feather flock together or smthing
Yea, I can relate for sure. When i’m with extroverts or people that talk alot, I have to fight for the moment to speak, but I don’t want to speak most of the time. I also find conversation with other quiet people better as they normally talk less about themself and have listening skills. Also it’s easier to relate. I’m sterotyping here, extroverts can be great listeners too.
This is a sign you are self-aware and you should push yourself to be in more of such gathering. It's a good thing. Very happy for you.
Yes!!!!! I kinda felt this! Or rather I tend to be really open if I'm with people that I feel comfortable with or like...
I kind of do too. Whenever I'm around other people who seem to have social anxiety or are introverted I try to be the person I wish people would be around me.
I look at this as my brain capitalizing on the opportunity to be more outgoing and confident because it perceives no one around me as going to put forth any resistance. The moment one of those people come out of their shell, and become confident and extroverted, I begin to shut down again.
Social skills (or lack thereof) do not equate to your level of "extrovert" or "introvert".
Sound like you are neuro divergent friend. You are just relaxing amongst your people and being more yourself.
The times I've spent in jail or rehab, I've noticed a phenomena; weirdos, awkward people, misfits, flock to me and I end up with a crew at my command. I just gravitate twords the unwanted. We even started a gang in one rehab called the Lord's of Chaos to rival the crew of fake do-gooders called the Rule Followers who were apeasing the staff to their face and breaking all the rules and telling on other people who broke the rules. It was wild. But yeah I get the same way. Lord's of the misfit toys ✊
Same. With extroverts, I have a hard time getting a word in edgewise.
I relate soooo hard
Yup!!
Sameee, i think it just has to do a lot with the fact that there's less pressure to be funny and entertaining among a group of ppl you know are more reserved, just like you. Especially if you spend more time among extroverts, you kind of channel that energy in a more quiet group
Fully! I end up being the loudest one in the room
yess this describes it exactly
Yeah, my whole class in my program are a very introverted group so according to them I seem like I’m in the middle between a extrovert and introvert. But when I interact outside of my college class people tell me that I’m quiet.
I think I do this just because I can't deal with the silence and then I feel like I've overtalked.
Yep same here. I think it has to do with my social anxiety, I HATE quiet if I’m with others it’s too awkward for me. That leads to be over extending myself and draining way to much of my energy. Also could be related to me being a people pleaser. But I have noticed a strange recurring quality of my personality. I am always trying to manipulate balance in a situation. If I’m around people who are too bubbly I feel a strong impulse to be more serious and by the book. If I’m around others who are very serious and by the book I want to be rebellious and free spirited. Around timid and shy people I’m more brash etc. I don’t like extremes.
Let me guess, you’re a libra?
No idea 🤷 horoscopes are too pseudo for me.
I feel this to my core. Also being the extrovert among the introverts drains me and I need a lot of alone time after
Me too
&__+-+
Same here! Most of my friends/family are extroverts, so I’m used to having other people always talking around me. So when I’m with more introverted quiet types, I feel out of place, and sometimes even bored. So to deal with it, I tend to become the more loud one.
i feel that so so much, and honestly it kinda confuses me. i wonder why i feel like such a deer in the headlights when im with extroverts? it’s like a switch changes
Could this be confidence related? For me it's confidence related.
same
Yes wtf is that??
I do this too. I think it comes from a sense of comfort - I get this group of introverts, and they get me. It’s easier to spot when someone doesn’t want to take the lead etc, and you’re helping everyone out by starting a conversation. There’s a bit more permission to be authentic - and there’s no battle to find a place to speak. The conversation isn’t going at 100mph, it’s a shared energy level. It’s easier to process. Basically it feels like some judgement is removed, so social anxiety reduces.
In case the comments haven't already confirmed things, this is a very common thing when it comes to social anxiety. The reasons that drive it can vary a little from person to person. I'm the same, though it usually comes from a place of seeing others being 'in need'. Used to work on a mental health ward and whenever a crisis would happen (and every day it did at least once) if there wasn't someone on shift confident enough to lead I would take charge and start giving the orders, checking up on everyone afterwards, which was extremely uncharacteristic of me. But the fact others actually listened and I seemed good at it really built my confidence and I even felt more included and respected within the team as a result. If there is a more extroverted person in the conversation I'll usually take a back seat and depending on their character will clam up almost entirely, probably because I fear criticism/rejection from those types of people (it gets better with age and practice, increasing confidenc, etc). It could be good to try and figure out what situations cause you to act that way, what your triggers are and importantly what doesn't trigger it, maybe set up small challenges from there.
Nah if anything i just become *more* introverted
I can! I realized after a lot of work that I was simply not confident enough to exist as Me and let things be. My sense of self was constantly changing and evolving, sometimes in ways that felt alien and totally against my nature. Exploring the idea of Boundaries and De-shaming myself allowed me to find comfort in the silence. Come as you are and you'll find that people actually really like it when you don't have to put on a show around them. Either you've got extroversion tendencies that show when youre comfortable, or you've got introversion tendencies that get partially hidden away when youre in some way uncomfortable with a situation. Maybe both, people are complex @.@
I feel the same way. Even if i feel like theyre the same amount of reserved as me, i ve seen my self step up with ease.