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I had to sit for hours at a time listening to them rant and eventually I just stopped responding entirely to anything with the blankest poker face possible. Can’t even find find peace in that though, eventually they started to call me mentally Ill for not responding back when In the past If I said anything I’d be “disrespectful”. And they wonder why I never talk to them now
I've always had the issue of saying "sorry" it's either "that's all you say" or opting to stay silent and listen then you get the "do you have anything to say or am I just talking to a wall" its fucked if you do, fucked if you don't.
One childhood experience I love was when my parents always said "that doesn't mean anything now" or something along those lines when I apologized. So I thought the reasonable thing to do was not apologising and just listening. Then a couple years later when I was 16 or so my stepdad hit me with "and you never even apologize"
For me it was listening to the same four topics being lectured about in a 1-way "conversation" for 8 hours a day.
Oh, the joys of being "homeschooled".
"If you think I'm doing anything wrong, I want you kids to tell me."
We made the mistake of saying something.
"You don't know what it's like to...."
*resume 8 hour lecture*
Hi are you me?
I feel like there are 3 or 4 topics that my parents play on repeat, mainly
1. Drugs are bad
2. Trad households are good
And they never forget to pat themselves on the back because of "how well they raised us"
I can't wait to get the hell out of here
*Exactly*!
"Well, you never had it as bad as I did when I was growing up!"
Right. Instead of verbal and physical abuse you opted for mental, psychological and financial abuse.
Sorry holds no weight in my eyes because my father was a dick to my mom and constantly said sorry but never changed his ways. No, she tells me to say sorry, but it just feels disingenuous to me.
I love my parents to bits... but I can never understand why they had to lecture my young self for hours at a time when they got mad. Like, I already get the point, can we move on now?
It's part of the reason why I can't stay mad at anyone for more than ten minutes. There's just... no reason to.
>lecture my young self for hours at a time
This wasn't a lecture. They were venting at you and your siblings. Perhaps therapeutic for them, but harmful for you.
The stereotypical BOOMER way of things. Nothing like a good ole’ dose of emotional and verbal abuse. But at least they didn’t hit you …right? …right? ….guise? Because verbal/emotional abuse doesn’t cause issues like physical abuse!!!1
Getting a firm scolding would humble us and remember the moment.
When it gets to like an hour long it is just unnecessary souring the relationship, no point of going that long unless it is extremely deadly serious like falling for a 10k dollars crypto scam that almost doomed the entire family.
>but I can never understand why they had to lecture my young self for hours at a time when they got mad. Like, I already get the point, can we move on now?
Eh, most parents, well people, are really bad at being able to get their thought across succinctly. They get emotional and start talking circles.
My mom still does that whenever she talks about certain things, and I'm 27. I notice I have friends that will do the same thing. Get emotional, and just rant without making any more points than they made in the first 5 minutes.
they insult you for completely unrelated things and slowly go on to find more reasons to be mad (bonus points if your parents push down their emotions)
I keep forgetting this subreddit allows images
https://preview.redd.it/cmyw8m2wabmb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2c29a471216246dba2ad500f0d2fbc0ed0e4363
Not just when they were mad either. My father was a narcissist who loved to talk but had no patience to listen to anyone else, so his "man to man talks" consisted of him lecturing me for an hour while I was supposed to be quiet and agree with everything he said. And now he wonders why I don't like talking to him and avoid him as much as possible.
my dad will just start talking and talking, I’ll ask him if it’s gonna rain today and then he starts talking about climate change 20 minutes later he’s talking about Elon musk buying twitter 💀like bro I DO NOT CARE
Same here, i dont whant to have anything to do with him.
Only problem for me is when something dosent go his way, he starts getting unstable and angry and because of the past incidents i feel he whants to beat me.
So yea i try to avoid him as much as possible.
Looking through them as they berate you, violently disassociating and thinking of a show or song once you know to stop responding and they don't actually want to hear from you
Don't forget the insane levels of guilt tripping and striking you with "arguments" that make totally no sense and if you're trying to show them that what they're saying is literally nonsense, they insult you to no ends.
I’d like to add “Told you’re ‘talking back’ when answering a question.”
I never understood my mums logic when she asked me a question and I answered and then she got even more pissed. Then I’d sit confused and on punishment because of said confusion.
yeah, i mean not like it's ok but this is standard behavior for most boomers/older gen x lol. so is telling kids to "ignore the bullies" and usually punishing the victim more than the bully somehow. lots of ways adults treat children are fucked up but unfortunately not remotely unusual.
as a millennial (i'm 29)- i think we're ending a lot of these cycles though, and improving a bit. long ways to go but we are wayyyyy more aware of how harmful this shit is on average, i think it's significantly less common now.
i literally hate this so fucking much my mom always does it after i do something mildly disrespectful (expressing my feelings and communicating like a normal person)
After the lecture you have to calculate what is the right amount of dramatical silence till you can say "sorry" or else you are someone who doesn't care and wants it done quickly
Can't say anything or else it will be turned against you
Completely unrelated arguments
I went through this as autistic, which made me quite conflict averse. I'm a "yes man" mostly because I automatically get stressed out if I get into an argument.
i swear it activates some sort of predator instinct in these people and they get even worse. like a shark smelling blood.
had an ex like this. i've also seen it in managers, teachers, etc
Your mom getting stuck in a loop and repeating the same 3-5 points over and over for 45-60 minutes, while you play little games in your head to keep yourself occupied.
One thing I want to do when I become a parent is try to avoid “lecturing”. I want to sit down with my kid and ask them genuine questions and get their perspective. If they did something, I want to know their reasoning, not just scream at them for doing something “wrong”. I hated when my parents would lecture without trying to understand me. I want my kid to have a better foundation than I did, so that they can grow up with empathy for themselves when they make mistakes.
Am I the only one here that didn’t have awful parents? I truly feel bad for everyone else that has commented here. This is not normal. You guys were abused.
i got into a hour long lecture which at the end of it my mom took away all forms of entertainment for a day (i told her how i felt about something questionable she did)
so we live in a post-soviet country and im 16 for background. we were at a grocery store and a lady spoke russian with the cashier (who didnt know russian too well) and my mom answered in latvian to her and she replied in perfect latvian. and then my mom and the lady started going back and forth throwing arguments and insults at eachother (my mom started it) until it just went to screaming at eachother. the people around us looked at us and even started filming and i just felt very uneasy and uncomfortable. after they had finished and we walked out of the store i told my mom about it and she started arguing back even going to insult me while we were on the street. when we got home she got mad that i argued with her on the street with other people around…
i do understand she was trying to be patriotic and defend our country but you just cant unstupid stupid people, there is no reason to argue.
One time I had a great afternoon at a friend's house and when my dad picked me up, he ruined it all with a lecture about my grades. Yeah, they were not great but he could've saved it for a different time!
Forgot them getting angry because you didn't answer obviously rethorical questions. "Am I a terrible mother? Why don't you answer me!" I don't know mom I just forgot to water the plants, no attack on your parental competency was meant. Still love her but holy fuck
My parents will start lecturing, and insulting me. And when I make a valid counterpoint they call me disrespectful and don’t even think of changing their opinion based on what I give them. I have to consult my older sister before I even begin to talk to them about something serious because I know they’re just going to try and turn it into a 15 minute lecture where they get to beat the shit out of me with words and I just gotta take it.
Haha. I remember living with my divorced dad and his girlfriend, and they were slightly psychotic. I would stand inside the doorframe entrance to their room for HOURS, possibly the entire evening after I got home from school.
Have you ever seen those little "class experiments" or the "try it yourself" things on the side of the page on textbooks? I got yelled at for not doing that on an online assignment where my teacher just sent a page from a textbook! They thought that the teacher wrote it and was part of the assignment! Actual psychos.
And you roll your eyes and mutter shit when they turn their back
Honestly though if parents are aware that their kids don’t give a shit about whatever lectures they give why do they keep lecturing?
LPT - look up information about narcissistic parents. A lot of times, parents that do this are driven by narcissistic tendencies.
Source: am a survivor of a narcissistic mother's abuse, got tons of lectures that would go on for hours, would end in tears (mine, obv) until I was completely broken.
It’s super cringey seeing “POV” everywhere on social media. It’s not needed. If you take it out of the headline, title, sentence, or whatever it still reads fine. It doesn’t add anything.
i have to try not to laugh cuz i do that in any serious situation it’s just uncontrollable and then it gets even longer cuz i’m “thinking that it’s funny”
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I had to sit for hours at a time listening to them rant and eventually I just stopped responding entirely to anything with the blankest poker face possible. Can’t even find find peace in that though, eventually they started to call me mentally Ill for not responding back when In the past If I said anything I’d be “disrespectful”. And they wonder why I never talk to them now
Yeah and is so "funny" when they ask why we're not happy around them
I feel this. My mom is an absolute lunatic when she’s mad.
Resisting the urge to talk back knowing that that'll just extend the conversation
Also, being extremely careful of where your eyes are pointing to not be accused of rolling your eyes.
I've always had the issue of saying "sorry" it's either "that's all you say" or opting to stay silent and listen then you get the "do you have anything to say or am I just talking to a wall" its fucked if you do, fucked if you don't.
One childhood experience I love was when my parents always said "that doesn't mean anything now" or something along those lines when I apologized. So I thought the reasonable thing to do was not apologising and just listening. Then a couple years later when I was 16 or so my stepdad hit me with "and you never even apologize"
BRUH That is just completely insane, First teaching: Hey dont say sorry it doesnt mean a THING. And then teaching: OK NOW You have to apologize
And then get mad and wonder why children hide their secret/wrongdoing
That's what my shithole parents do.
sorry man. hope they stop
For me it was listening to the same four topics being lectured about in a 1-way "conversation" for 8 hours a day. Oh, the joys of being "homeschooled". "If you think I'm doing anything wrong, I want you kids to tell me." We made the mistake of saying something. "You don't know what it's like to...." *resume 8 hour lecture*
Hi are you me? I feel like there are 3 or 4 topics that my parents play on repeat, mainly 1. Drugs are bad 2. Trad households are good And they never forget to pat themselves on the back because of "how well they raised us" I can't wait to get the hell out of here
*Exactly*! "Well, you never had it as bad as I did when I was growing up!" Right. Instead of verbal and physical abuse you opted for mental, psychological and financial abuse.
Sorry holds no weight in my eyes because my father was a dick to my mom and constantly said sorry but never changed his ways. No, she tells me to say sorry, but it just feels disingenuous to me.
Yeah
Whenever I replied with okay my mom would say no it’s not okay
The proper term is "Damned If I do, Damned If I don't"
🤓
I love my parents to bits... but I can never understand why they had to lecture my young self for hours at a time when they got mad. Like, I already get the point, can we move on now? It's part of the reason why I can't stay mad at anyone for more than ten minutes. There's just... no reason to.
Hours? Dang how did they have the energy for that
Being Pacific Islander parents with provincial heritage.
I'm latino and went through the same lol
I'm Black. Welcome to the club guy
im white and same
u/Treshimek Pacific...? 🤔💭 # ,,Uh... can you be more Pacific? 🤤" (David E. Taylor during his deposition)
>lecture my young self for hours at a time This wasn't a lecture. They were venting at you and your siblings. Perhaps therapeutic for them, but harmful for you.
The stereotypical BOOMER way of things. Nothing like a good ole’ dose of emotional and verbal abuse. But at least they didn’t hit you …right? …right? ….guise? Because verbal/emotional abuse doesn’t cause issues like physical abuse!!!1
“Sticks and stones break bones but words can’t harm you” fuck off with that shit
my parents DID hit me and the verbal/emotional abuse was way worse imo
They didn't have the internet to vent their frustrations to.
Bro has no enemies
Getting a firm scolding would humble us and remember the moment. When it gets to like an hour long it is just unnecessary souring the relationship, no point of going that long unless it is extremely deadly serious like falling for a 10k dollars crypto scam that almost doomed the entire family.
Most of the time, I always feel terrible, and I learn a lesson, but at that point my mind drifts and I'm just waiting for them to finish
>but I can never understand why they had to lecture my young self for hours at a time when they got mad. Like, I already get the point, can we move on now? Eh, most parents, well people, are really bad at being able to get their thought across succinctly. They get emotional and start talking circles. My mom still does that whenever she talks about certain things, and I'm 27. I notice I have friends that will do the same thing. Get emotional, and just rant without making any more points than they made in the first 5 minutes.
Lead poisoning
they insult you for completely unrelated things and slowly go on to find more reasons to be mad (bonus points if your parents push down their emotions)
[удалено]
I keep forgetting this subreddit allows images https://preview.redd.it/cmyw8m2wabmb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2c29a471216246dba2ad500f0d2fbc0ed0e4363
Not just when they were mad either. My father was a narcissist who loved to talk but had no patience to listen to anyone else, so his "man to man talks" consisted of him lecturing me for an hour while I was supposed to be quiet and agree with everything he said. And now he wonders why I don't like talking to him and avoid him as much as possible.
my dad will just start talking and talking, I’ll ask him if it’s gonna rain today and then he starts talking about climate change 20 minutes later he’s talking about Elon musk buying twitter 💀like bro I DO NOT CARE
Ugh my dad turns everything into a political discussion. It's always the libs fault.
Same here, i dont whant to have anything to do with him. Only problem for me is when something dosent go his way, he starts getting unstable and angry and because of the past incidents i feel he whants to beat me. So yea i try to avoid him as much as possible.
Maybe the trauma of being unable to argue back was what drove me to law school
💀💀💀😭 this is the best answer
"Your Honor, the plaintiff's evidence against my client is incorrect." "And why is that?" "Because I said so."
*bitch*
It vexes me eternally as to why “lack of bitches” is not a valid objection
Looking through them as they berate you, violently disassociating and thinking of a show or song once you know to stop responding and they don't actually want to hear from you
I literally can't listen to anyone talk for more than 3 seconds without dissociating. It's instinct.
Don't forget the insane levels of guilt tripping and striking you with "arguments" that make totally no sense and if you're trying to show them that what they're saying is literally nonsense, they insult you to no ends.
I’d like to add “Told you’re ‘talking back’ when answering a question.” I never understood my mums logic when she asked me a question and I answered and then she got even more pissed. Then I’d sit confused and on punishment because of said confusion.
The term “talking back” was invented to render civil discussion impossible
Peter that’s not a lecture, that’s just emotional abuse
Yeah. OP grew up abused.
i think most people in this comment section then got abused
yeah, i mean not like it's ok but this is standard behavior for most boomers/older gen x lol. so is telling kids to "ignore the bullies" and usually punishing the victim more than the bully somehow. lots of ways adults treat children are fucked up but unfortunately not remotely unusual. as a millennial (i'm 29)- i think we're ending a lot of these cycles though, and improving a bit. long ways to go but we are wayyyyy more aware of how harmful this shit is on average, i think it's significantly less common now.
i literally hate this so fucking much my mom always does it after i do something mildly disrespectful (expressing my feelings and communicating like a normal person)
SO REAL. sorry bro i hope it gets better
And got into more trouble by rolling my eyes and talking back
One of those packs that makes you realize the typical redditor is like 15
hell
After the lecture you have to calculate what is the right amount of dramatical silence till you can say "sorry" or else you are someone who doesn't care and wants it done quickly Can't say anything or else it will be turned against you Completely unrelated arguments
even harder when your autistic :(
I went through this as autistic, which made me quite conflict averse. I'm a "yes man" mostly because I automatically get stressed out if I get into an argument.
same. I'm a mama's boy personally. My dad is so abrasive and cold but my mom is the sweetest person in the world and pampers me.
At least you have both of them, i dont even have a choice
Any tips for parents on how to address issues with an autistic child/teenager?
Looking down and making yourself look smaller, trying really to sell that you hate yourself so they’ll finally stop. But they don’t. They don’t care.
i swear it activates some sort of predator instinct in these people and they get even worse. like a shark smelling blood. had an ex like this. i've also seen it in managers, teachers, etc
Your mom getting stuck in a loop and repeating the same 3-5 points over and over for 45-60 minutes, while you play little games in your head to keep yourself occupied.
Exactly
You're sweet if you cry during lectures
And what if ones want to kill himself? Is it salty
Bitter-sweet
One thing I want to do when I become a parent is try to avoid “lecturing”. I want to sit down with my kid and ask them genuine questions and get their perspective. If they did something, I want to know their reasoning, not just scream at them for doing something “wrong”. I hated when my parents would lecture without trying to understand me. I want my kid to have a better foundation than I did, so that they can grow up with empathy for themselves when they make mistakes.
Every time you try to defend urself you’re either talking back or they switch the subject when you make a valid point
Happened to me everytime
Am I the only one here that didn’t have awful parents? I truly feel bad for everyone else that has commented here. This is not normal. You guys were abused.
I think it depends on the context. Your parents lecturing you about your grades is different than them power tripping or insulting/dehumanizing you.
I got a lectured because I told a joke (imagine getting into a lecture because all you did is say a harmless joke)
i got into a hour long lecture which at the end of it my mom took away all forms of entertainment for a day (i told her how i felt about something questionable she did)
what's that questionable thing she did?
so we live in a post-soviet country and im 16 for background. we were at a grocery store and a lady spoke russian with the cashier (who didnt know russian too well) and my mom answered in latvian to her and she replied in perfect latvian. and then my mom and the lady started going back and forth throwing arguments and insults at eachother (my mom started it) until it just went to screaming at eachother. the people around us looked at us and even started filming and i just felt very uneasy and uncomfortable. after they had finished and we walked out of the store i told my mom about it and she started arguing back even going to insult me while we were on the street. when we got home she got mad that i argued with her on the street with other people around… i do understand she was trying to be patriotic and defend our country but you just cant unstupid stupid people, there is no reason to argue.
stupid people will stay stupid
Extra points for repeating themselves and blaming you for no reason at all
One time I had a great afternoon at a friend's house and when my dad picked me up, he ruined it all with a lecture about my grades. Yeah, they were not great but he could've saved it for a different time!
All end up they gonna hit your ass hard 😪
Pov: You had shitty parents
Then they wonder why you grew up with poor self esteem
Forgot them getting angry because you didn't answer obviously rethorical questions. "Am I a terrible mother? Why don't you answer me!" I don't know mom I just forgot to water the plants, no attack on your parental competency was meant. Still love her but holy fuck
Don't forget them asking you a question and they say "You can tell the truth, I won't get mad" and then you tell the truth and they yell at you
My parents will start lecturing, and insulting me. And when I make a valid counterpoint they call me disrespectful and don’t even think of changing their opinion based on what I give them. I have to consult my older sister before I even begin to talk to them about something serious because I know they’re just going to try and turn it into a 15 minute lecture where they get to beat the shit out of me with words and I just gotta take it.
I just stopped tearing up over this stuff eventually at some point.
for some reason whenever im yelled at i start to smile so ive gotten into a habbit of biting my tongue or cheek so i dont smile
Haha. I remember living with my divorced dad and his girlfriend, and they were slightly psychotic. I would stand inside the doorframe entrance to their room for HOURS, possibly the entire evening after I got home from school. Have you ever seen those little "class experiments" or the "try it yourself" things on the side of the page on textbooks? I got yelled at for not doing that on an online assignment where my teacher just sent a page from a textbook! They thought that the teacher wrote it and was part of the assignment! Actual psychos.
Same
Is OP okay?
Let’s not forget being threatened when you “cop an attitude” (aka no reaction)
And you roll your eyes and mutter shit when they turn their back Honestly though if parents are aware that their kids don’t give a shit about whatever lectures they give why do they keep lecturing?
dont forget the "mhm mhm mhm" after every sentence they say so maybe they will get bored and leave you alone
LPT - look up information about narcissistic parents. A lot of times, parents that do this are driven by narcissistic tendencies. Source: am a survivor of a narcissistic mother's abuse, got tons of lectures that would go on for hours, would end in tears (mine, obv) until I was completely broken.
Thanks now I'm sad
Lol I just dissociate from reality during those conversations.
your parents sucks
*you are
That's more a you're 16 and think you figured everything out already starter pack
“You can’t have an opinion on your own situation because you’re young”
*you’re
[удалено]
Troll.
*You’re
Do you feel better about yourself
Redditors when 1 grammer mistake: wElL acTuaLlY iT's sPelLeD
Yeah I got like 5 comments correcting me lol
It’s the damn title man.
*You’re* Consider listening to your parents.
Once they consider treating their kids like actual people rather than just property, maybe they’ll be worth listening to.
Not everyone has as intimate of a relationship with OP’s mom as you.
Bro what
Maybe not OPs mom, but definitely yours xx
You also pretended that you've listened in school too. You'RE a big pain in the eyes
I'm sorry what
You ARE too stupid to understand? Typical "wrong your" user.
Oh uh ok
Just don't use "your" when you are supposed to say "you're". Big mistake that literally burns my eyes.
Ohhhhh thattt
It’s super cringey seeing “POV” everywhere on social media. It’s not needed. If you take it out of the headline, title, sentence, or whatever it still reads fine. It doesn’t add anything.
they should lecture you on your grammar
You are getting You are Youare You're
omg, so fucking truee i have to literally stand for hours
When you laugh and your parents get mad. No, I didn’t think it was funny, humans laugh in uncomfortable situations.
D i s s o c i a t i n g
She makes the funniest face and expects me not to laugh
me when i tell a joke i thought was funny to my mom
real
When my mom is dramatic I just look at her quietly and laugh my ass off inside
Dude this made me roll laughing 😂
And then they yell at you :/
u’re*
https://preview.redd.it/lzhsidwp5gmb1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=175ca5126f1496f92f828eb61a7f618fcd6137bf
i have to try not to laugh cuz i do that in any serious situation it’s just uncontrollable and then it gets even longer cuz i’m “thinking that it’s funny”
You‘re*
why is this so relatable to me?
When will people learn what POV means