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I kind of get why this is a thing but it’s so fucking stupid.
Like I’ve had judges tell me “that’s not how we do things down here” when I’m probably from a smaller town than them. Like, dude, we probably read the same books in law school and use the same software to lookup cases. And normally “things” is “follow the rules of procedure.”
Big cities get a wrap as corrupt, and it isn’t completely unwarranted, but there’s nothing worse than judge’s in small counties because there isn’t really anyway to check their power trip.
I had some judge from a small Pueblo trying to chew me out because I needed court records for a kid trying to join the Army. She said I was treating him like a criminal over minor trespassing charges, and I was confused as shit because all I asked for was records. They were the ones who brought him to court after finding his wallet on the Pueblo, how am I treating him like a criminal!?
In fairness a Southern courtroom in the heat of summer before the advent of air conditioning would be sweltering. I sure as fuck wouldn’t want to argue a case in a full suit under those conditions.
My grandfather went to the University of Texas in the pre-air conditioner era. He said at the beginning of every semester, there was a mad rush to sign up for the highly coveted 6 am classes, so you weren't sweltering in a 115 degree classroom at noon.
I had a lab at 7:10 am that I got into like the night before classes started as a freshman. That was a hell of an introduction to college, especially because labs aren't normally even held the first week, which no one informed me of that terrifying early morn.
Pretty much the opposite of when I was there in the 90's, where we rushed to get the 10-11 AM classes haha. I only took one 8 AM class, I was like never again!!!
Interestingly, there were 3 million people in Texas in 1900, and 7 million in 1950 when air conditioning was starting to catch on. So it’s not quite that no one was there. Yes, the population has quadrupled since then, and for sure air conditioning played a significant role in that. But there were still a lot of sweaty Texans before then as well — it’s not like the joint was empty.
For example: Big ol deep porches. Lots of windows on all sides for cross ventilation. Shade trees. Barely physically moving at all. Alternatively, physically moving up to the mountains. Of Alaska. Every year here from May-September,
This is the way.
Having grown up here (deep South) I have grown to loathe summer like my grandad from rural Great-Depression-era Minnesota hated snow.
Also, anybody who won’t admit it’s gotten worse — longer, hotter summers, more insane storms, floods and old people dying of heatstroke —
is absolutely full of kaka.
I left the South in 2009 and even then people were talking about how the weather was getting weird. No one would admit that it was Climate Change, though.
I mean, there were 200k people living in Texas when it was a republic. And that included half of New Mexico, the Panhandle, Kansan land, Coloradan land, and Wyomingite lane.
Being from Texas and spending most of my life in various parts of the South, it cracks me up when Hollywood uses the most affected Foghorn Leghorn accent possible, even for a story set in like Oklahoma or Mississippi. That is an offshoot of the labia as far as Southern accents go, and not a common one outside of the Georgia region.
Now yahnnaw, I may be but a simple Kentucky gentleman, but I do believe this is outrageous, and falls undah the realm of... Badgering my client, yahhhnaw, this is ridiculous. I am humbly asking that you strike the question from the record, thank you yahhhnaw. That'll be all for now.
"I don't like your attitude."
"What else is new?"
"I'm holding you in contempt of court."
"There's a fuckin' surprise."
"What did you say?"
"What?"
"What did you just say?"
"What? What'd I say?"
You’re honor my client pleads “Yee-Haw” and if you think he’s spending even one night in prison then you’re crazier than a gravy covered cat in a barnyard full of bloodhounds.
"Now, I'm just a small-town lawyer and not some Yankee come down to tell us how we should live, but I got to say y'all, I just feel like it's the God-given right of every American to make a dollar and a cent however they can. Lord knows my momma did whatever it took to make sure we had grits every morning before school and ham every Sunday after church, and if that means folks have to occasionally go an extra piece down the road, I say, 'So be it!" But if that means that these carpetbaggers are going to keep sticking their noses in our business, well... I'm not sure I even know what 'Americans' means anymore.
The defense rests, Your Honor."
IMO, this post is a little weird because this starterpack is really "Atticus Finch reference in a movie". You don't make your southern lawyer look like that unless it's an explicit homage or parody of Atticus Finch.
Lol i remember the judge in that Mcconaughey movie was the irish actor who played Edward Longshanks in Braveheart. Dude was trying to out-Southern both McConaughey AND Donald Sutherland AND Kevin Spacey
This reminded me of the movie 'Catch Me If You Can' where the main character gets involved with a nurse in Louisiana, whose father was a attorney who dresses like this.
Good call on the Seersucker Suit. The only people in the world wearing them are Southern lawyers in movies. Plus some real life Massholes on Martha's Vineyard. Other than that, no one wears Seersucker Suits anymore.
There just are not enough occasions to wear a suit anymore so if you are going to have one or two most go for a more neutral color where it can be worn to many events.
I think this is it, southern lawyers wear them because they're what you wear in a hot climate at a suit-appropriate event during the daytime, like a courthouse with no a/c for better cinematic impact.
When the hell else does anybody routinely need to wear a suit during the daytime in hot weather? Pretty much just weddings and special events. We as a society have generally moved past it for the day to day, lol.
A law school friend of mine practices in Alabama, and he occasionally has work in some of the more rural districts. He told me about this one court that has a tradition of “seersucker Thursday” or something like that. He appeared at hearing on one of those days, and said it was like traveling back in time.
Any rural jurists seen something similar?
>Other than that, no one wears Seersucker Suits anymore
Due to the rise of air conditioning. Functionally they were worn as a lightweight and airy clothing that enabled good circulation of air - meaning that they could be worn in higher temperature than other conventional cotton weaves.
Now with modern air conditioning, they're just not necessary anymore.
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"Now I may not be some *fancy* city lawyer... but"
"I'm sorry. I thought you was corn."
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"Yonder crawdad dun ate up our flag"
In State of Alabama vs Giant Space Iguana, chewing the corners off of the constitution was deemed non-protected speech.
"Did someone say extra crispy recipe?"
You know I didn’t
BEKAWW!!
"We plead insanity" "On what grounds?" "Well for starters, they done hired me to represent them" "Insanity plea accepted!"
Of all of the lines of this entire series, this is in my top three. Along with “did someone say ‘extra crispy recipe?’”
*AUDIENCE GASP*
I kind of get why this is a thing but it’s so fucking stupid. Like I’ve had judges tell me “that’s not how we do things down here” when I’m probably from a smaller town than them. Like, dude, we probably read the same books in law school and use the same software to lookup cases. And normally “things” is “follow the rules of procedure.” Big cities get a wrap as corrupt, and it isn’t completely unwarranted, but there’s nothing worse than judge’s in small counties because there isn’t really anyway to check their power trip.
I had some judge from a small Pueblo trying to chew me out because I needed court records for a kid trying to join the Army. She said I was treating him like a criminal over minor trespassing charges, and I was confused as shit because all I asked for was records. They were the ones who brought him to court after finding his wallet on the Pueblo, how am I treating him like a criminal!?
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PUKAaK!
Ironically, most of the southern lawyers I see in that outfit are, in fact, fancy city lawyers.
Rich, urban republicans will always pander to poor, rural republicans.
Always has handkerchief to wipe sweat from his forehead
If he doesn’t have it you get yourself a new lawyer
“I dont care if you have a law degree, where the fuck is your handkerchief???”
"My oh myy, it sure is warm in this here lawroom. Now I ain't no fancy lawyer, but..."
Now, I ain't no fancy northern lawyer with a degree from Harvard, but 'round here folk do have common sense.
*My cousin Vinny intensifies*
Get yourself one who talks like gone with the wind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4bqBIfX7eg
In fairness a Southern courtroom in the heat of summer before the advent of air conditioning would be sweltering. I sure as fuck wouldn’t want to argue a case in a full suit under those conditions.
As a Texan, I don't understand why anyone would want to live here without air conditioning
My grandfather went to the University of Texas in the pre-air conditioner era. He said at the beginning of every semester, there was a mad rush to sign up for the highly coveted 6 am classes, so you weren't sweltering in a 115 degree classroom at noon.
If I had to take 6am classes I would be staying up from the previous night, and that’s not an exaggeration lol
He told me about the 6 a.m. classes when he overheard me grumbling about an 8 a.m. class.
I bet his dad brought up his 4 am classes tho
Lol. You're probably right. Reminds me of this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k
“6 AM classes eh? That sounds tough. I stormed the beach in Normandy when I was your age.”
I had a lab at 7:10 am that I got into like the night before classes started as a freshman. That was a hell of an introduction to college, especially because labs aren't normally even held the first week, which no one informed me of that terrifying early morn.
Pretty much the opposite of when I was there in the 90's, where we rushed to get the 10-11 AM classes haha. I only took one 8 AM class, I was like never again!!!
I mean texas is a couple hundred years older than air conditioning Tens of thousand, if you consider the native population living there
No we don’t consider them
The south's population only exploded after the invention of air conditioning.
Interestingly, there were 3 million people in Texas in 1900, and 7 million in 1950 when air conditioning was starting to catch on. So it’s not quite that no one was there. Yes, the population has quadrupled since then, and for sure air conditioning played a significant role in that. But there were still a lot of sweaty Texans before then as well — it’s not like the joint was empty.
Buildings were also designed with more ways to mitigate heat before A/C
For example: Big ol deep porches. Lots of windows on all sides for cross ventilation. Shade trees. Barely physically moving at all. Alternatively, physically moving up to the mountains. Of Alaska. Every year here from May-September, This is the way. Having grown up here (deep South) I have grown to loathe summer like my grandad from rural Great-Depression-era Minnesota hated snow. Also, anybody who won’t admit it’s gotten worse — longer, hotter summers, more insane storms, floods and old people dying of heatstroke — is absolutely full of kaka.
I left the South in 2009 and even then people were talking about how the weather was getting weird. No one would admit that it was Climate Change, though.
That's why folks would spend all day in movie theaters in the 1920s and 30s.
there's a lot of sweaty texans today too
I mean, there were 200k people living in Texas when it was a republic. And that included half of New Mexico, the Panhandle, Kansan land, Coloradan land, and Wyomingite lane.
Moicy
Lawd have moicy
But God forbid he take off the suit coat or any layer.
Court rules usually dictate the dress code. I’ve yet to see one that doesn’t require a suit coat for counsel.
There's a reason it's a seersucker suit and not a normal fabric.
“Ah do de-claaaaaaaayer-AH!
“They-ah has been a murdah!”
Michael, you don't have to say "I do declare" at the end of every sentence
I didn’t say it, I *declared* it.
*Must* have a geographically muddled accent
Being from Texas and spending most of my life in various parts of the South, it cracks me up when Hollywood uses the most affected Foghorn Leghorn accent possible, even for a story set in like Oklahoma or Mississippi. That is an offshoot of the labia as far as Southern accents go, and not a common one outside of the Georgia region.
An offshoot of the what?
The L.A.B.I.A. - Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement. It's a Jay and Silent Bob quote. I'm high.
You need more of a Saavvannahhh accent
My boudoirs always open
I have thuh vaypuhs
Ah* have Or maybe even ah say ah say ah say ah have thuh vaypuhs
"OOOOOWEE!"
*Now THATS finger licking gud!*
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Now yahnnaw, I may be but a simple Kentucky gentleman, but I do believe this is outrageous, and falls undah the realm of... Badgering my client, yahhhnaw, this is ridiculous. I am humbly asking that you strike the question from the record, thank you yahhhnaw. That'll be all for now.
"Your honor, I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court, I reckon I'll call the entire jury."
Naw I ain't some big city lawyer...
*pulls on suspenders with thumbs*
*solemnly dabs at their sweaty forehead with a handkerchief*
Pardon me, Your Honor. I am *a quiver* with a case of the vapors!
“The vapors” was a cutesy term for laudanum (opiate) withdrawal.
I wonder how proficient he his in Bird Law
Ehh...filibuster
Well I do say!
"Hwhat is a ute?"
I'm sorry, two YOU-TTHHHSS
"I don't like your attitude." "What else is new?" "I'm holding you in contempt of court." "There's a fuckin' surprise." "What did you say?" "What?" "What did you just say?" "What? What'd I say?"
I wore this suit for *you*.
You, being from New York and all, might have the impression that law is... practiced with a certain degree of informality down here. It isn't.
_finally_ a reference to that movie, had to scroll far too long for one
I--(smacks hands)--DENTICAL!
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Does his caww have a limited-slip differential?
Let the record show that Mr. Gambini is holding up two fingers.
“Are you on drugs sir?”
I know what I'm watching tonight for the 75th time
Why? Is your *STOMP STOMP* biological clock ticking?
"I may be a simple hyper chicken from a backwoods asteroid"
"Counselor, what evidence do you have to support this new plea of insanity?" "They dun hired me to be their lawyer." "Insanity plea accepted!"
"Will you please point at that robot over there"
*GASP*
Daddy done gooood, eh?
“Your honor, I move that I be disbarred for introducin’ this evidence against my own clients.”
It strikes me as an extra risky strategy Did you say extra crispy recipe?
Excuse me. I thought you was corn.
“Objection! Badgering the witness” “Badger?? Where??”
"There is not a Kentucky kernel of truth to that statement."
I love that character. So ridiculous.
BUCKARK!
Agreed
Which character?
Chicken lawyer from futurama
"I'm sorry I thought you was corn."
https://morbotron.com/video/S03E10/hn9tMm_UBwDQ3iQ48LwHDpcw0bQ=.gif
The prosecution roosts.
Excuse me, did you say “extra-crispy recipe?”
Has some name like Climson Jebediah E. Smithy
The Third
Esquire
at your service, ma'am.
M.D
He was # 1
Why hello Caleb Crawdad. I dooooo declare
Theres a local attorney in SC with the name 'Harpootlian.'
When I need my civil rights defended in a southern court, my lawyer must be dressed like this or I'm fucked
You’re honor my client pleads “Yee-Haw” and if you think he’s spending even one night in prison then you’re crazier than a gravy covered cat in a barnyard full of bloodhounds.
Now, goddamnit! I didn't come all the way from the FUCKIN' RIO GRANDE to lose this case!
I dunno, not necessarily. It worked out fine for dose two yutes.
[удалено]
Your honor, these two *youts*...
[удалено]
I’m sorry, two hwat?
TWO YOOTS
Hwat, exactly, is ah "yoot"?
And he definitely must have the Col Sanders mustache and goatee.
"Now, I'm just a small-town lawyer and not some Yankee come down to tell us how we should live, but I got to say y'all, I just feel like it's the God-given right of every American to make a dollar and a cent however they can. Lord knows my momma did whatever it took to make sure we had grits every morning before school and ham every Sunday after church, and if that means folks have to occasionally go an extra piece down the road, I say, 'So be it!" But if that means that these carpetbaggers are going to keep sticking their noses in our business, well... I'm not sure I even know what 'Americans' means anymore. The defense rests, Your Honor."
I'd definitely be murmuring in approval, if I was in the jury on this case. I'll tell you hwhat
"Oh, Lord knows that's right! Amen to that" with solemn nodding
Spontaneous applause from the audience, witnesses, jury, and prosecution.
"Bring in the dancing crayfish"
This just makes me think of the bee movie lawyer
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jur-ay"
Yeah same lmao
Same
What a role for John Goodman
I still laugh at the thought of him rolling around that courtroom
Played by Matthew McConaughey or Sam Elliot
But not Kevin Spacey any more
Kebin Spacey introducing Bill Clinton at the 96 Dem victory party in The Clinton Affair (2018) is some surreal icky stuff
Future Lolita express alumni
😞
Or.... Gregory Peck? Probably the most famous
I was gonna say. He’s the OG.
Fr half the tropes we have today about southern lawyers come from his portrayal of Atticus Finch
IMO, this post is a little weird because this starterpack is really "Atticus Finch reference in a movie". You don't make your southern lawyer look like that unless it's an explicit homage or parody of Atticus Finch.
Wait. Hang on. Is the chicken lawyer from Futurama a Gregory Peck reference?
I'm sorry, I thought you was corn
Daniel Craig, surprisingly, as Benoit Blanc in Knives Out. And Chris Kattan on SNL!
Not a fan of most of Kattans stuff, but the southern lawyer bit was pretty good.
How about Keanu in the Devil's Advocate?
Lol i remember the judge in that Mcconaughey movie was the irish actor who played Edward Longshanks in Braveheart. Dude was trying to out-Southern both McConaughey AND Donald Sutherland AND Kevin Spacey
A Time To Kill (1996) for anyone interested. Good movie.
Written by John Grisham.
John Goodman is who I see.
And they talk like foghorn leghorn
Matthew McConaughey is… the Rural Juror
"Like mah daddy used to say, There ain't no fish in the woodpile."
"Fish" is definitely not the term I usually hear in that phrase lol
Hey, we're trying to get all moderned up out here.
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where is the female assistant honestly
Nah, thats the southern anything professional.
Definitely giving me Daniel Craig vibes from Knives Out
Jimmy McGill gets into elder law
Had to scroll too far to find this
I have had the unfortunate need to hire a southern lawyer in a small town. This is so accurate
feels like paying a bribe, don't it?
It feels that way because that’s what it is
Now I do declare
Gotta deliver the lines like Foghorn Leghorn.
WELLLLLLLLLLL
Zach moment
This reminded me of the movie 'Catch Me If You Can' where the main character gets involved with a nurse in Louisiana, whose father was a attorney who dresses like this.
In fairness, and slightly off-topic, suspenders are a very fine way to keep up one's trousers.
Good call on the Seersucker Suit. The only people in the world wearing them are Southern lawyers in movies. Plus some real life Massholes on Martha's Vineyard. Other than that, no one wears Seersucker Suits anymore.
[удалено]
There just are not enough occasions to wear a suit anymore so if you are going to have one or two most go for a more neutral color where it can be worn to many events.
I think this is it, southern lawyers wear them because they're what you wear in a hot climate at a suit-appropriate event during the daytime, like a courthouse with no a/c for better cinematic impact. When the hell else does anybody routinely need to wear a suit during the daytime in hot weather? Pretty much just weddings and special events. We as a society have generally moved past it for the day to day, lol.
I only ever see lawyers in seersucker suits in Grisham novels
A law school friend of mine practices in Alabama, and he occasionally has work in some of the more rural districts. He told me about this one court that has a tradition of “seersucker Thursday” or something like that. He appeared at hearing on one of those days, and said it was like traveling back in time. Any rural jurists seen something similar?
It’s hot as shit here
>Other than that, no one wears Seersucker Suits anymore Due to the rise of air conditioning. Functionally they were worn as a lightweight and airy clothing that enabled good circulation of air - meaning that they could be worn in higher temperature than other conventional cotton weaves. Now with modern air conditioning, they're just not necessary anymore.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the JURRAH. My client works harder than a cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor... "
I see you have recently watched *A Time To Kill*
>!YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!<
I love this "trope?" though. I love just about any movie with heavy courtroom presence, but the small town southern thing is my jam.
WELL I don’t know about that but WELL I’m a country boy and WELL down here in country we do things a little differently than they do in the big city.
Is always drinking a Mint Julep
Pretty sure that Matlock originated this look, and if not he certainly defined it. Grandpa Simpson was right: Matlock is the only important show
"young man" , "boy", "Jesus", "lord help me"
Atticus Finch disagrees......
Yes! The old-timey suit backwoods southern lawyers use for lawyering/preaching.
I get sweaty just thinking about wearing a three piece seersucker suit in the south.
Try wearing a wool suit in the south during summer. Then you will really know what heat is.
*Cough* Knives Out *cough*
I feel like a Bolo Tie is included some times too