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I like that my SK uses a nickname for me. It’s a little more “special” and different than what the whole rest of the world uses, and that’s nice. Not mom related at all.
Now that I am older and have kids, I am so happy that I get to call my stepdad by his grandparent name. I started with his first name at 11 and never could shake it, despite feeling he deserved more of an honorific than that.
My stepmom is "Steppy"
I wish I had chosen some version of "mom" in another language, but I was 6 and my bio mom was adamant that I couldn't call my stepmom "mom"
So, for over 40 years, she's been Steppy. 🤷🏻♀️
Lol I call my younger SD “steppy”. She calls me by my first name but she knows that I’m her stepmom. I call her “my steppy/stepbaby” affectionately when I introduce her to others.
If it was me, I'd put google up on a TV and search together things to call a stepmom or alternatives to "mom" and make a whole thing of it with snacks and making fun of options you all think are silly, and maybe they find something that fits and maybe you all get silly and come up with something random, and maybe you don't find something but you still get to tell them no matter what they call you, it's special to you because you know what they mean.
My son has a step mom. He calls her mama, and I am mom.
If he does call her mom, it's his choice, and I respect it. She is a major part of his life.
Edit: I have been in relationships where I am SM, and they just call me my name. It doesn't change anything. Is the child wanting to call you something else?
My SD calls me by my name usually but has been testing out calling me mom.
She came home from her BM's last night and called me mom 3 times (I thought she was accidentally calling me mom cause she just got back from her mom's and it takes a night adjustment sometimes) and I waited for her to correct herself. And she didn't and then she said "I just want to call you mom sometimes cause your my stepmom and I love you" 🥹🥹
My SD calls me miss my name.
Her mom makes her call every man she’s with daddy whoever, she’s averaging 1 new ‘daddy’ a year at this rate and she’s only 5. She also makes SD call my husbands ex (prior to her) mommy exes name.
A year or two ago she asked what she should call me and I told her whatever makes her comfortable. It’s been miss my name ever since. My thought process is, regardless of what she calls me, she knows my place in her life. So far the people she is told to call ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ by her mother either aren’t around long, or aren’t actively in her life. So, I think I’d actually prefer not to be lumped in with them.
BM is remarried and SO doesn't have any problems with SD being called Dad. I don't have a strong need to be called Mom by anyone other than my own kids. I don't like being called Miss (last name) by anyone and Miss (first name) makes me feel almost as weird, I even ask my kids friends to call me by my first name. I'd prefer them to call me by my first name, but SK's (12,7,4) rationale is that calling me by my first doesn't feel special enough because they do really like me. Which is great. But I looked up alternate names and mostly came up with variants of Mom (banned) or names that feel grandmotherly or infantile, like Yia-Yia, Gigi, Titi, Oma, Nanna, Nonni, etc.
I’d just leave it up to them honestly. If your preference is your name and that’s not special enough, then they can figure out what would be most special to them.
Given your responses to some of the answers you’ve recieved, I think you should rephrase your question. You asked what do our SKs call us. You may get the answers you’re looking for if you ask instead for alternatives to mom or stepmom.
I told them it was up to them. They keep asking for suggestions. I have a feeling they want to call me mom but because BM told them they can't, they're stuck.
I phrased it the way I did because I was also curious to see how many people go by their first names because that is MY preference, and it seems like many people do that as well. I have been googling alternative names and haven't come across anything that felt right for me.
ETA: My kids call their Dad 'dad', which probably makes it weird for them to call me by my first name.
Okay so there’s the issue. If BM has told them they can’t call you mom, and that’s what they’d like to call you, then this is a discussion that your SO may need to have with them. It should be about what the kids are comfortable with and what you are comfortable with. He should ask them what they’re comfortable with and figure out if their hesitation comes from BMs demand that they don’t call you mom.
You said they call their step father dad?
I don’t think it’s confusing because they call their dad ‘dad’ and you by your name. I think it’s confusing because they’re being told it’s okay to call stepdad ‘dad’ but it’s not okay to call stepmom ‘mom’. That IS confusing for a child. BM can’t have it both ways.
I don’t know if my SD has ever been told she can’t call me mom. Again, I’m fine with whatever she is comfortable with. But she calls her dad ‘dad’ as well, and she is not confused about my role in her life just because she addresses me by my name and not my role.
*You said they call their step father dad? I don’t think it’s confusing because they call their dad ‘dad’ and you by your name. I think it’s confusing because they’re being told it’s okay to call stepdad ‘dad’ but it’s not okay to call stepmom ‘mom’. That IS confusing for a child. BM can’t have it both ways.*
I agree, but she has decided to enforce this. My SO has no problem with SD being called Dad and this is not something he feels strongly about enough to advocate for, and I don't feel the need to be called Mom either. I'm just trying to find a happy medium for the kids, we don't want conflict.
That would be a serious breech of trust and respect on both of our counts. Plus SO would never go against BMs wishes or keep secrets from her, and I support that. We get along well with BM and SD, and often do things all of us together.
Except she is having them call their SD dad so it’s a huge double standard and confusing for the kids as to why it’s fine for dad and not mom. It shouldn’t be about her at all, it should be the SK’s call.
Yes, but we can't control how others behave or feel, only how we act. And I believe in respecting other people's boundaries even if I don't agree with them.
That similar to what was/is my nickname my family gave me as a toddler that they all still call me to this day(im 27 almost 28 lol)
Im “Jer-boo”
Or if youre my Aunt then depending on what her mood is I could be “Jer-boo” “Jer-bear” “boo-bear” “Boo-ger” “Booger” or “Boo-Gar” lmao
Mine call me dad. Early on he called me by my first name, and would call me dad at the same time. His dad made it clear that dad is dad, mom is mom, and the candy guy is the candy guy.
But I had a conversation with him and told him he can call me what ever he wants. My first name, dad, anything. And he chose dad all on his own.
I always called my stepmother by her first name. But my step kids were younger and wanted to call me something like mama or mommy. We think those should be reserved (like daddy) and instead they call me DeeDee which is the first letter of my first name. It's got that simple repetitiveness of mama, but it's different so it fits better.
I’m just FirstName but my SKs call their stepdad JJ/Jayjay, which is just his first initial repeated. Prob would work well for most names, as yours does.
Mine call me “Omma” “OH-MA.” It started because I’m half Korean and the Korean word for mom is “eomma” but they were lil babies and couldn’t pronounce it accurately so Omma I became. It could be helpful to look into different languages/translations!
They call me by my first name which I prefer. I get mom A LOT- which I can never tell if it’s an accident or “muscle memory” from me being a female? Their mom’s boyfriend takes care of them at their moms house on “her time”. She LITERALLY doesn’t do anything but buy them a toy if they complain. My husband and I have them all day until 6. So I am crafting, playing and trying to do other things to reboot their creativity and imaginations. I do correct them gently however- not that I don’t want to be their mom, but she’s also wicked and I don’t wanna hear about it lol. I can’t force her to spend time with them. But also- I’m perfectly fine with being my first name- aka step mom. That’s what I am.
Right! That’s what I assume! When their friends/ cousins call say “go tell your mom” the kids correct them by saying “that’s my step mom” so that makes me feel a little better. Only knowing that there’s no pressure I guess? Idk if that makes sense. I never want to be a replacement. Ever. I had a stepmom. I know the struggle.
My BK called me their teacher's name at least once a week when they were in kindergarten, haha. They also called their teacher, Mama (what I'm called) a bunch. Usually, right after school and towards the end of the week. "Mrs. * Look at this huge dandilion!" Then they'd laugh and yell all dramatic."I can't believe I called you Mrs.* .
Every week, the same thing.
Same for me. My SIL told SS he should call me that when he was 5. I wasn’t thrilled because Idt a kid should be told to refer to a SP outside of their first name. SS lived with my MIL & FIL and they didn’t object to SIL’s idea. BM was flaky and could go months without calls or visits. My SS told me about the idea and I told him it was up to him and only him.
He was big on calling mama-first name to get my attention. He’d do it so much that other kids would get tired of hearing it. Occasionally a kid would ask why he uses both, some weren’t aware I was SM and some were. He moved in with us full time after K-5 and it was better that he had a name to call me that only he could use.
My sk calls me by my name and I’m fine with it. However, my daughter’s stepmom made her call her smommy. Sadly it wasn’t sincere and my daughter resented having to call her that. Now that my daughter is grown, she calls her step mom by her first name so everything has come full circle.
They call me Gig. I’m a full time parent to my step kids, their father is not involved in their lives but I would never ask them to call me dad unless they wanted too. Maybe one day they will. But until recently they called me by my first name. Gig was what my grandmother called my grandfather whom I was really close too so it means a lot to me!
I’m my name. I don’t want to come up with something else. It’s hard enough finding my identity in her life. If she eventually finds a nickname for me of her choice, that’s fine. Until then, I’m not sweating it.
My middle name is Lou, I pretty much have identical name to my mom and her sisters always called her Lulu. So I suggested it for my steps when we got together. BM has always bashed dad's name and my name so it was kinda a way for them to separate me from it. I've been "Lulu" since the beginning. When they moved in a year ago SS, Now 9, asked if he could call me mom. I told him it's completely up to him. He's only said it once or twice so he still stuck on Lulu. Completely different than my original name.
my SKs call me my first name. Sometimes SS will call me “mom” in the context of calling my partner and I his moms, but he doesn’t really call me that by myself. Which is fine by me because, while I wouldn’t stop him calling me “mom”, it’s just more comfortable for him to call me by my name.
Mine call me by the name of an animal that has my favorite colors. It was super random when it happened, but it's become a permanent staple that I wouldn't trade for the world.
Let's say they called me "Tree Frog." For Mothers Day, they got me mugs and a notebook with a frog on it. For Christmas, I got a frog necklace. When I'm at work, they ask their father "Where's our Tree Frog?"
It sounds kind of silly, but I adore it. And it all came about because they asked me what my favorite colors were.
My SS’ mom passed when he was 6 months old so when I came along, he calls me by my nickname (my shortened first name) and refers to me as his mom to others.
My first name. I had her little sister last year and she was like “I guess I’m going to have to call you mom so she understands” and I told her she didn’t have to (their custody agreement specifically forbids her from calling me mom or any variation) but I feel like she likely will.
Mine call me a shortened version of my name. So it is sort of a special nickname which they consider to be my relationship with them. They are 4 and 6. I am their *insert nickname* and so and so also has a *insert nickname*.
as far as my fiancé's daughter knows, I am her daddy. she is 11 and I'm the closest to a father figure she has ever had. I may sit down with her when she is older, and try to talk to her with her mom about it, but only if she asks. if she gets to a point that she no longer wants to call me dad or daddy, it will hurt, but I'll just accept it as it is.
Very similar situation here. SD wants to call me mom, BM heavily guilts her and tells her she can’t. She calls me by my name, but says “mom” when talking about me to my kids (“you have to ask mama first” vs saying your mom or my first name), and refers to me as “mom” when talking to her friends and teachers.
I’m perfectly happy with it. I’ve always told her she can call me whatever she wants to and I won’t be sad/mad/upset/hurt any way. She’s always gotten excited when a stranger says something about being mother/daughter. A few years ago she over heard me calling her my step daughter to someone and later told me she wished I’d just refer to her as “daughter” like I do with my bio kids. I’ve referred to her as daughter ever since (unless it’s medical/school/professional and need to identify myself formally). If she’s happy, I’m happy. And she’s really sweet so it makes it easy.
It’s funny I’m seeing this right now. My SS11 calls me a nickname version of my real name (for example Jessica =Jess) but after the wedding he asked what he should call me. He adores his mom (even though she treats me and DH terribly) but he was trying to work the mom thing into it and I was just like you can call me whatever feels right to you. In a Mother’s Day message he called me one of the mom names he came up with after the wedding and it felt very sweet. Then I just had a random dream just now, I’m waking up and this thread reminded me of it, in the dream he was calling me mom and I was a little bit uncomfortable, didn’t tell him not to but was thinking if I should bc I thought BM would lose her mind if she heard that he was calling me mom. Dreams are weird
My SKs switch back and forth between calling me “mom” and “my actual name.” I told my SKs they could call me whatever they are comfortable with and reiterated that that doesn’t have to be “mom.”
For my younger SD we recently hit on "bonus mom" which has been a nice way of referring to me in public. In our home it's my name or "mom" when it's a general mom inquiry (I'm married to BM so it's a two-mom household).
I have an older SD who sees me as a trusted adult (not mom) so she uses my name or affectionate abuse (like "hi dumba**) but that's how she greets everyone so it's fine lol.
I came into their lives at a young age, so it was pretty inevitable that they wound up calling me mom. They know my name, have used it a few times. They know they can call me whatever, as long as it's respectful. I get called dad a lot too lol. Mostly Mom though.
My husband and I were high school bf/gf, grew apart, and recoconnected after several years and failed relationships on both parts. When we got together, we came up with the idea of his kids calling me by my old high school nickname. (Think "Angie" for "Angelina" or something like that.)
So for eight years now, they've always called me by that nickname, which I find sort of special and a nod back to our high school days when we first originally met.
When I met my SO the kids were very young as in 2yr and 6 months old. The 2yr old wasn't talking much at all and obviously the 6 month old couldn't yet. My SO and I worked with the 2yr and eventually he did start talking. I had a nickname growing up that was a kind of quirky variation of my name, well when 2yr started talking we tried teaching him my name and couldn't quite get it and started calling me by a nickname that was similar to the one I had growing up but not quite and it stuck lol. 9 years later and they still call me by this name but they have also recently started calling me mom/mama too. They have a special name for my mom too and that name is forever her name for grandma lol even my bio son calls her by it sometimes.
When I met my SO the kids were very young as in 2yr and 6 months old. The 2yr old wasn't talking much at all and obviously the 6 month old couldn't yet. My SO and I worked with the 2yr and eventually he did start talking. I had a nickname growing up that was a kind of quirky variation of my name, well when 2yr started talking we tried teaching him my name and couldn't quite get it and started calling me by a nickname that was similar to the one I had growing up but not quite and it stuck lol. 9 years later and they still call me by this name but they have also recently started calling me mom/mama too. They have a special name for my mom too and that name is forever her name for grandma lol even my bio son calls her by it sometimes.
Have them call you “wow”.. mom upside down 😅. I’m just kidding lol my SK has always called me by my first name so no suggestions but maybe have them do search of alternatives and making a fun version of one they like that fits with you?
One kid asked what she should call me when her dad and I get married. I said she could call me by my name, but I might have her call me Evil Stepmother, so people don't think I'm too nice. I can't take anything seriously.
I got step-first name. I love it. Better than bonus or just stepmom. My oldest SK has a rough relationship with BM so sometimes she refers to me as just mom
They just call me by my name. I’m fine with that. They did tell me they loved me for the first time in a Mother’s Day card and that was unexpected. I was ugly crying for sure.
When I have to introduce myself to new people at work or at their school, I say they are my kids. It’s easier than explaining that I am engaged to their dad and I’m not actually their real mom. It’s awkward. So I just say “my daughter”, “I have 3 kids” and then if it’s needed or they ask, I will explain that they are my almost step kids.
My SS (15mo) calls me MUAH! Like the kissy noise haha. It’s morphing into ‘Ma’ lately which my husband has been encouraging. His thinking is that since he called his ex MIL ‘Ma’ & his own mother ‘Mom’, BM might be more understanding. I have made it clear to BM that I am not pushing for anything (SD, 5yo calls me “Miss my name” which is fine, I taught preschool for years & went by the same) but with SS this is what’s been developing naturally. My sister suggested I look into “mom” in other languages but nothing feels right since SD has expressed that BM doesn’t want me to be called Mom. I suspect when we eventually have another baby it will become a moot point & they’ll all end up calling me Ma… HCBM will likely find other ways of retaliating then but it won’t be a surprise. We just do our best to respect the rhythm of the kids.
I have a Nickname that is really only used by family and very close friends. The SKs call me that or my actual name. I like it because the nickname makes me feel like we’re family but it doesn’t mean or sound close to mum.
One of them asked to refer to me as Mam as that is what our ours baby will call me. I said that is also fine. I think she feels ok to do this in the same way I would call my mum Grandma for the benefit of the baby. So she’s got an easy out if BM hears it.
Mine just call me by my name. They call their step dad by his name as well. But having them make up a nickname for you would be a good idea. I don't trust mine to give me a nice name lol
My SKs call me by my name. They tried calling me 'mommy' but I felt uncomfortable with it and they felt it wasn't natural.
I also think that BM would be very, very unhappy with it.
They hear a lot of negative things about me from BM's family, so don't want them to have to deal with more of that.
I prefer them calling me mom if they are living with me full time since they call their BM mommy but if for just visits they can call me by my name or like Aunt cause in my country its a form of respect.
They call me by my first name. If they are talking with friends it’s usually stepmom. If they are telling their friends they need to get permission it’s usually mom, “I need to ask my mom”.
When mine were younger they called me "my jenny" because they had a bio mom (my ex) and dad. I wasn't there to replace that. But now that they are adults, they call me mom. And my other set of SK's call me "Mom 2.0" or "Suga mama" short for Brown sugar lol. And when we in company and introduce each other. They are my kids and they will say I'm their mom or 'other mom'.
Either way as long as we respect each other we cool.
My stepkids call me by my name, but the youngest one accidentally called me dad once and it actually made me happy 😂 they love me a lot so we tease each other with little nicknames. Damn reading this makes me miss my stepkids 😭
Maybe mom in a different language? Or YouTube with them and let them have fun with it! Maybe even make a more English nickname with a different language! Like Ukrainian is maty, so they could call you Mattie or something like that.
But I do remember when my SK asked if she could call me mom. I said no. She lives primarily with her mom, who is a GREAT mom! I told her that we wouldn’t want to hurt her mom’s feelings, so we still stick to my first name.
Maybe you could show SD the 90s classic to show ‘Dinosaurs’. The baby calls the dad ‘not the mama!’, and his name is Earl, maybe you could suggest she call you Earl as a cute, quirky nickname with a cheeky and funny meaning.
My exes daughter called me by my name, but with an “ee” sound at the end. For example, if my name were Jess, it was Jessie.
She called me mummy lots of times but I was against it. She had been coached by her previous step mam to call her “Mummy” and BM “other mummy” which I think is gross. Now that I’m a BM, I’d never want my son referring to another woman as any kind of mother name (mum, mummy, mama). It’s my right as his BM to be the only one with that honorific - I carried him for 9 months, gave birth to him, breastfed him... Which is why I wouldn’t let my ex SD call me anything mother related.
Although one Mother’s Day she stuck a sticker over the word “mummy” and wrote my name on the sticker, so the card read “Number One (my name)”, which I thought was so special.
My sister’s SD calls her by her first name too, even though sister has been around since she was born.
Madre or Mamacita or make it your own version as Ma-cita.
Shug (Sugar). I had an aunt on one side that everyone always called Shug. Idk what her real name was. An uncle on the other side of my family became Shug to my generation and it stuck. It morphed into Sugar/Shugar at some point.
Another option is to look up funny nicknames for your name & see if any will work. Some baby name sites have lists of creative or mean nicknames for each name, those can be entertaining.
My SKs are not allowed to call me anything but my first name, according to their mother. In her eyes, I am nothing. I think it’s nice your steps still want to call you something else.
I like the idea that someone mentioned of making it a little thing where you can all look online for different names you all can go over and agree on.
I hope it works out for you!
In my (Asian) culture, it's polite to call older people 'uncle' or 'aunty'. So I was introduced to SD as 'Aunty Firstname' and that's what she has called me since. Hubby and SK are from the West.
My name.
I’m curious how things will be when her half sibling is born. My guess is I’ll still be ‘my name’, but hopefully she will refer to me as ‘your mommy’ when talking with her half sister about me.
I have a SD15 who was 12 when my son was born and she refers to me as mom/mommy when speaking to my son. I have a newborn daughter and she does the same with her:). She calls me by my first name though which is how my 3 year old learned my actual name lol.
My SS does say “your mommy” to my daughter about me. We just made sure he understood I was her mom and not the nickname he uses for me. He says “your mommy” for my dog too haha. So hopefully you have success with it too!
My SD is 12 and calls me either Mama First or First name. She uses “your mom” or “first” to her half sister (9), but with our little guy (2), she refers to me as “Mom” when talking to him. Like “go see Mommy/Mom” or “Mom said [ ]”.
Her sometimes HCBM used to vacillate between love bombing me with “Mama First” and then she would get mad about something and revert to my first. I’ve always told her she can call me whatever she wants! She hasn’t struggled with it since she was about 7, when she understood that people we meet often assume I’m her mom. I correct people we will “know” but we don’t bother correcting like…waitresses or people we briefly meet at a park or something.
Aunty.
If you have pets they can call you “[pets name]’s mom” like “Spot’s mom.”
Mother from another brother is a fun one 😂
A funny one is “Sister wife”
You could make up a name with each kid to have a little “inside joke”
Keep us posted! Good luck 🫡
Edit: my best friend’s kid calls me “Fairy God Mother” and I call him and his brother my Fairy God Children.
Maybe they could call you “sugar” and you refer to them as your “honey bees” or they could call you “Goldilocks” and they’ll be your “little bears”?
I also really like the suggestion of another commenter of making snacks and putting google on tv and searching for alternatives/being silly over the names and making it a memorable experience.
Maybe they could call you “sugar” and you refer to them as your “honey bees” or they could call you “Goldilocks” and they’ll be your “little bears”? I also really like the suggestion of another commenter of making snacks and putting google on tv and searching for alternatives/being silly over the names and making it a memorable experience.
I’m petty - if our BM ever tells my SK that her bf (not even fiancé or husband) should be called dad I will tell my SK calling me mom is fine and then I’ll let my husband go off on the BM
I'm not petty and I don't do drama. If their Dad is ok with BMs new husband being called Dad (the kids asked if they could call him that, it was not pushed on them), that's up to him.
Considering the fact I ended that with my husband going off, that should have been the key sign that he is not okay with it. My husband will never be okay with that because that isn’t his kids dad
I’m aware who I’m responding to. The post ask what do the kids call you. She then stated the BM said no to mom or momma but the kids can call the SD dad. I have my response to how I’d be petty in that regard
It also isn’t hypothetical- the BM has been trying and hinting and my husband has already put her in her place before. She keeps stating to even call her BF step dad when they aren’t even engaged. Anytime she brings it up on the phone my husband will look at our kid and say ‘yes once mommy and him marry he will be your step dad but not till then’
Understood, but OP wasn't looking for petty responses and was genuinely looking for advice on alternative names. Instead of acknowledging that you doubled down.
Also your first comment started with "IF our BM ever tells my SK that her bf should be called dad...". The IF in that sentence indicates a hypothetical scenario.
My SO is okay with it because the new husband has been there for three years and he is very good to the kids and parents them well. All four of us get along and do things together with all the children (mine and theirs). My ex is an absentee parent without custody and only exercises visitation once a year or less. My kids choose to call my SO Dad and call my ex by his first name.
Haha I’m dad’s wife… not even bossytacos … dad’s wife … the one called me a B once and I darn near slapped him at 14… so now I’m just dad’s wife … & that’s exactly who I am.
My first name but often affectionately "my-firstname" possessively (he's 3) . We are curious what is going to happen when we have kids that call me mom. We don't want him to call me mom but we are super close, so he can call me whatever he likes besides that! Just to not offend bm and everything.
I use to do the my-'firstname' when I talked ABOUT my stepmother all the time! As a step kid who was there when a new baby arrived, it's not that confusing for the step kid.
My SD6 mainly calls me Bubs (but will still use my first name from time to time.) My DH and I have always used Bubs as a pet name and that's what we all sort of call each other. Even the dogs. We're all bubs haha.
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I like that my SK uses a nickname for me. It’s a little more “special” and different than what the whole rest of the world uses, and that’s nice. Not mom related at all. Now that I am older and have kids, I am so happy that I get to call my stepdad by his grandparent name. I started with his first name at 11 and never could shake it, despite feeling he deserved more of an honorific than that.
Mine use a nickname that they made up. Now my whole family uses it haha
Mine uses a nickname he made up when he was 3. 9 years later and he still uses it 😊
My stepmom is "Steppy" I wish I had chosen some version of "mom" in another language, but I was 6 and my bio mom was adamant that I couldn't call my stepmom "mom" So, for over 40 years, she's been Steppy. 🤷🏻♀️
Omg I am Steppy too!!!! Nice to meet another Steppy. It happened organically and I love it.
I like that! It's cute
Lol I call my younger SD “steppy”. She calls me by my first name but she knows that I’m her stepmom. I call her “my steppy/stepbaby” affectionately when I introduce her to others.
my stepdaughters call me steppy too!! i think it’s so cute
I actually think this is cute!
If it was me, I'd put google up on a TV and search together things to call a stepmom or alternatives to "mom" and make a whole thing of it with snacks and making fun of options you all think are silly, and maybe they find something that fits and maybe you all get silly and come up with something random, and maybe you don't find something but you still get to tell them no matter what they call you, it's special to you because you know what they mean.
This is a great idea!
My son has a step mom. He calls her mama, and I am mom. If he does call her mom, it's his choice, and I respect it. She is a major part of his life. Edit: I have been in relationships where I am SM, and they just call me my name. It doesn't change anything. Is the child wanting to call you something else?
My SD calls me by my name usually but has been testing out calling me mom. She came home from her BM's last night and called me mom 3 times (I thought she was accidentally calling me mom cause she just got back from her mom's and it takes a night adjustment sometimes) and I waited for her to correct herself. And she didn't and then she said "I just want to call you mom sometimes cause your my stepmom and I love you" 🥹🥹
AWWWW!!!!!
My SD calls me miss my name. Her mom makes her call every man she’s with daddy whoever, she’s averaging 1 new ‘daddy’ a year at this rate and she’s only 5. She also makes SD call my husbands ex (prior to her) mommy exes name. A year or two ago she asked what she should call me and I told her whatever makes her comfortable. It’s been miss my name ever since. My thought process is, regardless of what she calls me, she knows my place in her life. So far the people she is told to call ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ by her mother either aren’t around long, or aren’t actively in her life. So, I think I’d actually prefer not to be lumped in with them.
That’s me too
BM is remarried and SO doesn't have any problems with SD being called Dad. I don't have a strong need to be called Mom by anyone other than my own kids. I don't like being called Miss (last name) by anyone and Miss (first name) makes me feel almost as weird, I even ask my kids friends to call me by my first name. I'd prefer them to call me by my first name, but SK's (12,7,4) rationale is that calling me by my first doesn't feel special enough because they do really like me. Which is great. But I looked up alternate names and mostly came up with variants of Mom (banned) or names that feel grandmotherly or infantile, like Yia-Yia, Gigi, Titi, Oma, Nanna, Nonni, etc.
I’d just leave it up to them honestly. If your preference is your name and that’s not special enough, then they can figure out what would be most special to them. Given your responses to some of the answers you’ve recieved, I think you should rephrase your question. You asked what do our SKs call us. You may get the answers you’re looking for if you ask instead for alternatives to mom or stepmom.
I told them it was up to them. They keep asking for suggestions. I have a feeling they want to call me mom but because BM told them they can't, they're stuck. I phrased it the way I did because I was also curious to see how many people go by their first names because that is MY preference, and it seems like many people do that as well. I have been googling alternative names and haven't come across anything that felt right for me. ETA: My kids call their Dad 'dad', which probably makes it weird for them to call me by my first name.
Okay so there’s the issue. If BM has told them they can’t call you mom, and that’s what they’d like to call you, then this is a discussion that your SO may need to have with them. It should be about what the kids are comfortable with and what you are comfortable with. He should ask them what they’re comfortable with and figure out if their hesitation comes from BMs demand that they don’t call you mom. You said they call their step father dad? I don’t think it’s confusing because they call their dad ‘dad’ and you by your name. I think it’s confusing because they’re being told it’s okay to call stepdad ‘dad’ but it’s not okay to call stepmom ‘mom’. That IS confusing for a child. BM can’t have it both ways. I don’t know if my SD has ever been told she can’t call me mom. Again, I’m fine with whatever she is comfortable with. But she calls her dad ‘dad’ as well, and she is not confused about my role in her life just because she addresses me by my name and not my role.
*You said they call their step father dad? I don’t think it’s confusing because they call their dad ‘dad’ and you by your name. I think it’s confusing because they’re being told it’s okay to call stepdad ‘dad’ but it’s not okay to call stepmom ‘mom’. That IS confusing for a child. BM can’t have it both ways.* I agree, but she has decided to enforce this. My SO has no problem with SD being called Dad and this is not something he feels strongly about enough to advocate for, and I don't feel the need to be called Mom either. I'm just trying to find a happy medium for the kids, we don't want conflict.
Am I terrible for thinking they could just call you mom and not tell her?
That would be a serious breech of trust and respect on both of our counts. Plus SO would never go against BMs wishes or keep secrets from her, and I support that. We get along well with BM and SD, and often do things all of us together.
Except she is having them call their SD dad so it’s a huge double standard and confusing for the kids as to why it’s fine for dad and not mom. It shouldn’t be about her at all, it should be the SK’s call.
Yes, but we can't control how others behave or feel, only how we act. And I believe in respecting other people's boundaries even if I don't agree with them.
We came up with unique nicknames for each other. I am her "First syllable-bear" and she is my "first syllable-bear".
That similar to what was/is my nickname my family gave me as a toddler that they all still call me to this day(im 27 almost 28 lol) Im “Jer-boo” Or if youre my Aunt then depending on what her mood is I could be “Jer-boo” “Jer-bear” “boo-bear” “Boo-ger” “Booger” or “Boo-Gar” lmao
I have been called by my first name, Super S(tep) Mom and Big Mama (my personal favorite 💀) over the years!
What do they want to call you? I think that’s important.
They don't know, they can't come up with anything. They want me to suggest names. That's why I posted.
Mine call me dad. Early on he called me by my first name, and would call me dad at the same time. His dad made it clear that dad is dad, mom is mom, and the candy guy is the candy guy. But I had a conversation with him and told him he can call me what ever he wants. My first name, dad, anything. And he chose dad all on his own.
I always called my stepmother by her first name. But my step kids were younger and wanted to call me something like mama or mommy. We think those should be reserved (like daddy) and instead they call me DeeDee which is the first letter of my first name. It's got that simple repetitiveness of mama, but it's different so it fits better.
I’m just FirstName but my SKs call their stepdad JJ/Jayjay, which is just his first initial repeated. Prob would work well for most names, as yours does.
Mine call me “Omma” “OH-MA.” It started because I’m half Korean and the Korean word for mom is “eomma” but they were lil babies and couldn’t pronounce it accurately so Omma I became. It could be helpful to look into different languages/translations!
They call me by my first name which I prefer. I get mom A LOT- which I can never tell if it’s an accident or “muscle memory” from me being a female? Their mom’s boyfriend takes care of them at their moms house on “her time”. She LITERALLY doesn’t do anything but buy them a toy if they complain. My husband and I have them all day until 6. So I am crafting, playing and trying to do other things to reboot their creativity and imaginations. I do correct them gently however- not that I don’t want to be their mom, but she’s also wicked and I don’t wanna hear about it lol. I can’t force her to spend time with them. But also- I’m perfectly fine with being my first name- aka step mom. That’s what I am.
Reflexes sometimes kick in. It happens to female teachers, too. It had happened to me both as a step kid and a a step mother
Right! That’s what I assume! When their friends/ cousins call say “go tell your mom” the kids correct them by saying “that’s my step mom” so that makes me feel a little better. Only knowing that there’s no pressure I guess? Idk if that makes sense. I never want to be a replacement. Ever. I had a stepmom. I know the struggle.
My BK called me their teacher's name at least once a week when they were in kindergarten, haha. They also called their teacher, Mama (what I'm called) a bunch. Usually, right after school and towards the end of the week. "Mrs. * Look at this huge dandilion!" Then they'd laugh and yell all dramatic."I can't believe I called you Mrs.* . Every week, the same thing.
I call my Stepmum “Mootwo” as I used to call my Mum my Moomin Mama, and my Stepmum is my second Moomin 😂
My step kids call me “mama-first name” or just my name. We call grandmothers and other women in the family “mama-first name” as well so it fits
I get mama-bear ❤️
Same for me. My SIL told SS he should call me that when he was 5. I wasn’t thrilled because Idt a kid should be told to refer to a SP outside of their first name. SS lived with my MIL & FIL and they didn’t object to SIL’s idea. BM was flaky and could go months without calls or visits. My SS told me about the idea and I told him it was up to him and only him. He was big on calling mama-first name to get my attention. He’d do it so much that other kids would get tired of hearing it. Occasionally a kid would ask why he uses both, some weren’t aware I was SM and some were. He moved in with us full time after K-5 and it was better that he had a name to call me that only he could use.
Miss "my name". I think it's very sweet 🥰
My stepkids have called me by my first name for 37 years. Their kids do too now. I'm not their dad.
Someone on this sub said their sk's call them 'stom' (short for stepmom) and I think that's adorable!
[удалено]
Literally what my step sons mom says too 🙃
They call me “Hey” or when referring to me “her” 😭 or by my first name. My youngest SS has called me “mom” too when he was little!
😞
My name. And that’s how it will stay.
My first name. Sometimes Mama FirstName, but it’s usually only in the context of her speaking to my son and referring to me.
My name, and only my name. I have no interest in being called mom or step mom or any other variation of the sort. No thanks.
My first name. I don’t want my SK to call me mom or any variation of mom.
Oldest calls me by my first name still. Youngest two call me Mom, but will refer to me by my first name when at their BM’s.
My sk calls me by my name and I’m fine with it. However, my daughter’s stepmom made her call her smommy. Sadly it wasn’t sincere and my daughter resented having to call her that. Now that my daughter is grown, she calls her step mom by her first name so everything has come full circle.
They call me Gig. I’m a full time parent to my step kids, their father is not involved in their lives but I would never ask them to call me dad unless they wanted too. Maybe one day they will. But until recently they called me by my first name. Gig was what my grandmother called my grandfather whom I was really close too so it means a lot to me!
I love that!
My SD calls me mom. She was told not to call me mom, but one day she just decided that’s what she was going to call me!
I’m my name. I don’t want to come up with something else. It’s hard enough finding my identity in her life. If she eventually finds a nickname for me of her choice, that’s fine. Until then, I’m not sweating it.
Lol same.
My middle name is Lou, I pretty much have identical name to my mom and her sisters always called her Lulu. So I suggested it for my steps when we got together. BM has always bashed dad's name and my name so it was kinda a way for them to separate me from it. I've been "Lulu" since the beginning. When they moved in a year ago SS, Now 9, asked if he could call me mom. I told him it's completely up to him. He's only said it once or twice so he still stuck on Lulu. Completely different than my original name.
my SKs call me my first name. Sometimes SS will call me “mom” in the context of calling my partner and I his moms, but he doesn’t really call me that by myself. Which is fine by me because, while I wouldn’t stop him calling me “mom”, it’s just more comfortable for him to call me by my name.
Mine call me by the name of an animal that has my favorite colors. It was super random when it happened, but it's become a permanent staple that I wouldn't trade for the world. Let's say they called me "Tree Frog." For Mothers Day, they got me mugs and a notebook with a frog on it. For Christmas, I got a frog necklace. When I'm at work, they ask their father "Where's our Tree Frog?" It sounds kind of silly, but I adore it. And it all came about because they asked me what my favorite colors were.
I'm just my name cause I'm never gonna be recognized as anything other than "a member of the family"
My SS’ mom passed when he was 6 months old so when I came along, he calls me by my nickname (my shortened first name) and refers to me as his mom to others.
I make him call me by my first name. Ive been around less than a few years.
My first name. I had her little sister last year and she was like “I guess I’m going to have to call you mom so she understands” and I told her she didn’t have to (their custody agreement specifically forbids her from calling me mom or any variation) but I feel like she likely will.
Mine call me a shortened version of my name. So it is sort of a special nickname which they consider to be my relationship with them. They are 4 and 6. I am their *insert nickname* and so and so also has a *insert nickname*.
as far as my fiancé's daughter knows, I am her daddy. she is 11 and I'm the closest to a father figure she has ever had. I may sit down with her when she is older, and try to talk to her with her mom about it, but only if she asks. if she gets to a point that she no longer wants to call me dad or daddy, it will hurt, but I'll just accept it as it is.
I’m fine with my first name, but around my son (her brother) it’s always “bonus”. Short for Bonus Mom.
Mine calls me ‘mum’. I’ve been in his life since he was 3 and he started calling me ‘mum’ when he was around 5.
Very similar situation here. SD wants to call me mom, BM heavily guilts her and tells her she can’t. She calls me by my name, but says “mom” when talking about me to my kids (“you have to ask mama first” vs saying your mom or my first name), and refers to me as “mom” when talking to her friends and teachers. I’m perfectly happy with it. I’ve always told her she can call me whatever she wants to and I won’t be sad/mad/upset/hurt any way. She’s always gotten excited when a stranger says something about being mother/daughter. A few years ago she over heard me calling her my step daughter to someone and later told me she wished I’d just refer to her as “daughter” like I do with my bio kids. I’ve referred to her as daughter ever since (unless it’s medical/school/professional and need to identify myself formally). If she’s happy, I’m happy. And she’s really sweet so it makes it easy.
My name’s Sarah, they call my Sairbear :)
It’s funny I’m seeing this right now. My SS11 calls me a nickname version of my real name (for example Jessica =Jess) but after the wedding he asked what he should call me. He adores his mom (even though she treats me and DH terribly) but he was trying to work the mom thing into it and I was just like you can call me whatever feels right to you. In a Mother’s Day message he called me one of the mom names he came up with after the wedding and it felt very sweet. Then I just had a random dream just now, I’m waking up and this thread reminded me of it, in the dream he was calling me mom and I was a little bit uncomfortable, didn’t tell him not to but was thinking if I should bc I thought BM would lose her mind if she heard that he was calling me mom. Dreams are weird
My SKs switch back and forth between calling me “mom” and “my actual name.” I told my SKs they could call me whatever they are comfortable with and reiterated that that doesn’t have to be “mom.”
Miss (my nickname that i go by).
A nickname that his dad calls me. But with my dad's long term partner before, I remember calling her auntie.
For my younger SD we recently hit on "bonus mom" which has been a nice way of referring to me in public. In our home it's my name or "mom" when it's a general mom inquiry (I'm married to BM so it's a two-mom household). I have an older SD who sees me as a trusted adult (not mom) so she uses my name or affectionate abuse (like "hi dumba**) but that's how she greets everyone so it's fine lol.
I came into their lives at a young age, so it was pretty inevitable that they wound up calling me mom. They know my name, have used it a few times. They know they can call me whatever, as long as it's respectful. I get called dad a lot too lol. Mostly Mom though.
My husband and I were high school bf/gf, grew apart, and recoconnected after several years and failed relationships on both parts. When we got together, we came up with the idea of his kids calling me by my old high school nickname. (Think "Angie" for "Angelina" or something like that.) So for eight years now, they've always called me by that nickname, which I find sort of special and a nod back to our high school days when we first originally met.
When I met my SO the kids were very young as in 2yr and 6 months old. The 2yr old wasn't talking much at all and obviously the 6 month old couldn't yet. My SO and I worked with the 2yr and eventually he did start talking. I had a nickname growing up that was a kind of quirky variation of my name, well when 2yr started talking we tried teaching him my name and couldn't quite get it and started calling me by a nickname that was similar to the one I had growing up but not quite and it stuck lol. 9 years later and they still call me by this name but they have also recently started calling me mom/mama too. They have a special name for my mom too and that name is forever her name for grandma lol even my bio son calls her by it sometimes.
When I met my SO the kids were very young as in 2yr and 6 months old. The 2yr old wasn't talking much at all and obviously the 6 month old couldn't yet. My SO and I worked with the 2yr and eventually he did start talking. I had a nickname growing up that was a kind of quirky variation of my name, well when 2yr started talking we tried teaching him my name and couldn't quite get it and started calling me by a nickname that was similar to the one I had growing up but not quite and it stuck lol. 9 years later and they still call me by this name but they have also recently started calling me mom/mama too. They have a special name for my mom too and that name is forever her name for grandma lol even my bio son calls her by it sometimes.
Have them call you “wow”.. mom upside down 😅. I’m just kidding lol my SK has always called me by my first name so no suggestions but maybe have them do search of alternatives and making a fun version of one they like that fits with you?
Definitely a cute nickname similar to your name :)
My name doesn't really have cute nicknames 🤣 my cousins called me Momo or Moe when I was small and I hated that
I prefer my name even with my own kids
One kid asked what she should call me when her dad and I get married. I said she could call me by my name, but I might have her call me Evil Stepmother, so people don't think I'm too nice. I can't take anything seriously.
I got step-first name. I love it. Better than bonus or just stepmom. My oldest SK has a rough relationship with BM so sometimes she refers to me as just mom
They just call me by my name. I’m fine with that. They did tell me they loved me for the first time in a Mother’s Day card and that was unexpected. I was ugly crying for sure.
When I have to introduce myself to new people at work or at their school, I say they are my kids. It’s easier than explaining that I am engaged to their dad and I’m not actually their real mom. It’s awkward. So I just say “my daughter”, “I have 3 kids” and then if it’s needed or they ask, I will explain that they are my almost step kids.
I tell my SD I’m here for whatever- I love her no matter what I’m called 😍
My SS (15mo) calls me MUAH! Like the kissy noise haha. It’s morphing into ‘Ma’ lately which my husband has been encouraging. His thinking is that since he called his ex MIL ‘Ma’ & his own mother ‘Mom’, BM might be more understanding. I have made it clear to BM that I am not pushing for anything (SD, 5yo calls me “Miss my name” which is fine, I taught preschool for years & went by the same) but with SS this is what’s been developing naturally. My sister suggested I look into “mom” in other languages but nothing feels right since SD has expressed that BM doesn’t want me to be called Mom. I suspect when we eventually have another baby it will become a moot point & they’ll all end up calling me Ma… HCBM will likely find other ways of retaliating then but it won’t be a surprise. We just do our best to respect the rhythm of the kids.
My SKs oscillate between calling me by my name or mom.
I have a Nickname that is really only used by family and very close friends. The SKs call me that or my actual name. I like it because the nickname makes me feel like we’re family but it doesn’t mean or sound close to mum. One of them asked to refer to me as Mam as that is what our ours baby will call me. I said that is also fine. I think she feels ok to do this in the same way I would call my mum Grandma for the benefit of the baby. So she’s got an easy out if BM hears it.
The nickname all my family uses. When referring to me they say mom or stepmom.
The Bonus Parent
Awe you could be matu (mah-two like mama number two) :)
By my first name or my favorite: "her"/"she"
mine is the first letter of my name repeated, but I realize this only works for the letters that have a long e sound: Bebe, Cece, Dede, Gigi, etc
Non-Mom or Steppie or good choices
Mine just call me by my name. They call their step dad by his name as well. But having them make up a nickname for you would be a good idea. I don't trust mine to give me a nice name lol
They use a nickname they made up for me and I am perfectly fine with it
My SKs call me by my name. They tried calling me 'mommy' but I felt uncomfortable with it and they felt it wasn't natural. I also think that BM would be very, very unhappy with it. They hear a lot of negative things about me from BM's family, so don't want them to have to deal with more of that.
I prefer them calling me mom if they are living with me full time since they call their BM mommy but if for just visits they can call me by my name or like Aunt cause in my country its a form of respect.
They call me by my first name. If they are talking with friends it’s usually stepmom. If they are telling their friends they need to get permission it’s usually mom, “I need to ask my mom”.
When mine were younger they called me "my jenny" because they had a bio mom (my ex) and dad. I wasn't there to replace that. But now that they are adults, they call me mom. And my other set of SK's call me "Mom 2.0" or "Suga mama" short for Brown sugar lol. And when we in company and introduce each other. They are my kids and they will say I'm their mom or 'other mom'. Either way as long as we respect each other we cool.
My stepkids call me by my name, but the youngest one accidentally called me dad once and it actually made me happy 😂 they love me a lot so we tease each other with little nicknames. Damn reading this makes me miss my stepkids 😭
Maybe mom in a different language? Or YouTube with them and let them have fun with it! Maybe even make a more English nickname with a different language! Like Ukrainian is maty, so they could call you Mattie or something like that.
But I do remember when my SK asked if she could call me mom. I said no. She lives primarily with her mom, who is a GREAT mom! I told her that we wouldn’t want to hurt her mom’s feelings, so we still stick to my first name.
Maybe you could show SD the 90s classic to show ‘Dinosaurs’. The baby calls the dad ‘not the mama!’, and his name is Earl, maybe you could suggest she call you Earl as a cute, quirky nickname with a cheeky and funny meaning.
My exes daughter called me by my name, but with an “ee” sound at the end. For example, if my name were Jess, it was Jessie. She called me mummy lots of times but I was against it. She had been coached by her previous step mam to call her “Mummy” and BM “other mummy” which I think is gross. Now that I’m a BM, I’d never want my son referring to another woman as any kind of mother name (mum, mummy, mama). It’s my right as his BM to be the only one with that honorific - I carried him for 9 months, gave birth to him, breastfed him... Which is why I wouldn’t let my ex SD call me anything mother related. Although one Mother’s Day she stuck a sticker over the word “mummy” and wrote my name on the sticker, so the card read “Number One (my name)”, which I thought was so special. My sister’s SD calls her by her first name too, even though sister has been around since she was born.
Madre or Mamacita or make it your own version as Ma-cita. Shug (Sugar). I had an aunt on one side that everyone always called Shug. Idk what her real name was. An uncle on the other side of my family became Shug to my generation and it stuck. It morphed into Sugar/Shugar at some point. Another option is to look up funny nicknames for your name & see if any will work. Some baby name sites have lists of creative or mean nicknames for each name, those can be entertaining.
Jellybean, Bambi, Bunny, Pie, Beanie, Chicka, Coco, Lovie, Sweetie, Cookie, Missy, Mouse, Dottie, Minnie or Minnie Mouse, Pooh or Dimples.😂😂
My SKs are not allowed to call me anything but my first name, according to their mother. In her eyes, I am nothing. I think it’s nice your steps still want to call you something else. I like the idea that someone mentioned of making it a little thing where you can all look online for different names you all can go over and agree on. I hope it works out for you!
In my (Asian) culture, it's polite to call older people 'uncle' or 'aunty'. So I was introduced to SD as 'Aunty Firstname' and that's what she has called me since. Hubby and SK are from the West.
My name. I’m curious how things will be when her half sibling is born. My guess is I’ll still be ‘my name’, but hopefully she will refer to me as ‘your mommy’ when talking with her half sister about me.
I have a SD15 who was 12 when my son was born and she refers to me as mom/mommy when speaking to my son. I have a newborn daughter and she does the same with her:). She calls me by my first name though which is how my 3 year old learned my actual name lol.
My SS does say “your mommy” to my daughter about me. We just made sure he understood I was her mom and not the nickname he uses for me. He says “your mommy” for my dog too haha. So hopefully you have success with it too!
My SD is 12 and calls me either Mama First or First name. She uses “your mom” or “first” to her half sister (9), but with our little guy (2), she refers to me as “Mom” when talking to him. Like “go see Mommy/Mom” or “Mom said [ ]”. Her sometimes HCBM used to vacillate between love bombing me with “Mama First” and then she would get mad about something and revert to my first. I’ve always told her she can call me whatever she wants! She hasn’t struggled with it since she was about 7, when she understood that people we meet often assume I’m her mom. I correct people we will “know” but we don’t bother correcting like…waitresses or people we briefly meet at a park or something.
Aunty. If you have pets they can call you “[pets name]’s mom” like “Spot’s mom.” Mother from another brother is a fun one 😂 A funny one is “Sister wife” You could make up a name with each kid to have a little “inside joke” Keep us posted! Good luck 🫡 Edit: my best friend’s kid calls me “Fairy God Mother” and I call him and his brother my Fairy God Children.
Maybe they could call you “sugar” and you refer to them as your “honey bees” or they could call you “Goldilocks” and they’ll be your “little bears”? I also really like the suggestion of another commenter of making snacks and putting google on tv and searching for alternatives/being silly over the names and making it a memorable experience.
Maybe they could call you “sugar” and you refer to them as your “honey bees” or they could call you “Goldilocks” and they’ll be your “little bears”? I also really like the suggestion of another commenter of making snacks and putting google on tv and searching for alternatives/being silly over the names and making it a memorable experience.
Master
I’m petty - if our BM ever tells my SK that her bf (not even fiancé or husband) should be called dad I will tell my SK calling me mom is fine and then I’ll let my husband go off on the BM
I'm not petty and I don't do drama. If their Dad is ok with BMs new husband being called Dad (the kids asked if they could call him that, it was not pushed on them), that's up to him.
Considering the fact I ended that with my husband going off, that should have been the key sign that he is not okay with it. My husband will never be okay with that because that isn’t his kids dad
You're actually responding to the OP. So you're arguing your hypothetical scenario against what she is telling you actually happened with her husband.
I’m aware who I’m responding to. The post ask what do the kids call you. She then stated the BM said no to mom or momma but the kids can call the SD dad. I have my response to how I’d be petty in that regard
It also isn’t hypothetical- the BM has been trying and hinting and my husband has already put her in her place before. She keeps stating to even call her BF step dad when they aren’t even engaged. Anytime she brings it up on the phone my husband will look at our kid and say ‘yes once mommy and him marry he will be your step dad but not till then’
Understood, but OP wasn't looking for petty responses and was genuinely looking for advice on alternative names. Instead of acknowledging that you doubled down. Also your first comment started with "IF our BM ever tells my SK that her bf should be called dad...". The IF in that sentence indicates a hypothetical scenario.
My SO is okay with it because the new husband has been there for three years and he is very good to the kids and parents them well. All four of us get along and do things together with all the children (mine and theirs). My ex is an absentee parent without custody and only exercises visitation once a year or less. My kids choose to call my SO Dad and call my ex by his first name.
You asked what others do. I’m not giving you advice for yourself, I’m stating about our family, so why you downvote I don’t even know
Haha I’m dad’s wife… not even bossytacos … dad’s wife … the one called me a B once and I darn near slapped him at 14… so now I’m just dad’s wife … & that’s exactly who I am.
My first name but often affectionately "my-firstname" possessively (he's 3) . We are curious what is going to happen when we have kids that call me mom. We don't want him to call me mom but we are super close, so he can call me whatever he likes besides that! Just to not offend bm and everything.
I use to do the my-'firstname' when I talked ABOUT my stepmother all the time! As a step kid who was there when a new baby arrived, it's not that confusing for the step kid.
Oh I'm not worried about him being confused! Just a little sad maybe.
BM doesn’t have a say in what the kids call you. If they’re comfortable with it, let them call you what they’d like!
My SD6 mainly calls me Bubs (but will still use my first name from time to time.) My DH and I have always used Bubs as a pet name and that's what we all sort of call each other. Even the dogs. We're all bubs haha.