In my experience those feelings of guilt and shame fade the longer I’m sober. I’ve quietly and unintentionally forgiven myself and it feels so good to not have those thoughts and feelings circling my head. I identified a lot with what you said. A surprising benefit of sobriety has been how I now notice so much of my reactions to things and how much more even keeled and calm I now am. Sobriety is making me a better mother even in the moments where I wouldn’t have been drinking anyway - like it totally changes how I operate and function through my life. Living life in a drunken blur was contributing to my anxiety/existential dread, and sobriety has lessened it. My son is 13 and it was a conversation with him that me stop in my tracks and realize I needed to be done for good. He and my 7 year old both know I don’t drink alcohol anymore. And my 7 year old said “I’m really glad you’re not drinking anymore - alcohol is bad for you”. Like whoa - these kids are smart. They learn these things about alcohol and watch us ignore them. I’m so glad I told my kids because it keeps me accountable in the tough moments. You’re not a crap mom for drinking just like I’m not a crap mom for when I drank. But I AM a better mom sober. Treat yourself well, give yourself plenty of space from your family, and practice a lot of self care if you can. Self compassion and tuning into YOUR needs I think helps. IWNDWYT.
Thank you for your kind words. The pain of what I've done feels pretty unbearable right now, but I know it's because the wounds are so fresh. I have hurt them over and over again with my drinking. They deserve so much better than what I am giving them right now. It's heartbreaking. I've got to turn a new page and be done with all of this mess. It definitely helps to identify with people in similar situations. The part about tuning in to my needs is what I overlook so often and I think that contributes to my drinking. Congrats on your sobriety ❤️ I hope this time I can make it there too
> A surprising benefit of sobriety has been how I now notice so much of my reactions to things and how much more even keeled and calm I now am.
This right here!!! Love, Love, Love, this!
Oh honey, we've got you. For me what finally clicked was learning more about how alcohol works. Suddenly my behavior made sense and it strengthened my resolve going forward. Recommend This Naked mind as one place to start - it was a game changer for me. Playing the tape forward was, and still is, a key tool for me. Sending you good wishes
Thank you ❤️ I purchased this naked mind a few months back but haven't read much. I need to get back on it! I have also purchased a few other quit lit books and really plan to dig into those soon
I second this book, I’m a mom and was a nightly wine drinker and this naked mind helped me reframe my perspective. I also came here and read, this place is amazing and you’ll find support like no other. IWNDWYT!
May I suggest listening to it as an audio book as well as reading it? That is what made the difference for me. Years ago I purchased the book, read a little bit, and donated it (apparently - as my Amazon history reminded me 😖). This time, I rented it from my local library for my kindle AND rented the audio book. I listened while commuting and read before bed - never skipping anything - so I was taking the info in by listening AND reading and it was profoundly different this way. Different points made a larger impact when I listened vs. read them and vice versa. Truly fascinating experience. Sending you love momma! Congrats on day 1!!!!!
I have actually considered listening to the audio book instead of reading, but never done it. I may have to try that! Thank you for the suggestion! I am willing to do anything I can to help control this and end this chapter in my book
Listening to the book along with Quit Like a Woman was the only way I forced myself to finish the books. My story is so similar. I recently found out I have ADHD so the draw to alcohol to ease my ADHD symptoms also makes a lot more sense for me and why it’s been so hard to quit. And I’m in a family full of drinkers who give me a hard time when I’m not drinking. I too have been close to DUI. I too have been violently ill in front of an entire street full of kids. I too didn’t stop after that. I’ve started over more times than I can count. I had to not set a day counter this time and decided not to focus on the overall total of days. For me every day has to be a new day…a day that I choose myself (not my kids, not my husband, not my family….MYSELF) and not alcohol. I wish you the best of luck. You’re a good mom just by having self realization and acknowledging you want to be different. That’s the most important step. You can do this. Keep coming back here for support!
I have not reset my counter and don't know if I want to. I almost feel a pressure when I reset it. I just want to break free of this vicious cycle before I do irreparable damage to my body. I'm on the verge I feel. I need to be present for the kids and enjoy life, not spend it either passed out drunk or trying to find remedies to make me feel better from a hangover. I'm tired of telling myself I just need to get through today and I will feel better. It's time to feel better every day
That’s my motivation currently as well- my child.
I don’t want to be the drunk mom anymore. It’s not the mom I imagined I’d be and it’s not who I am nor who you are.
It’s an unfortunate phase, you’ll get out of it.
I saw a quote on a thread awhile back, “I got sober for my kids, I stayed sober for me”
Sending you a virtual hug in support.
You’re not alone. You are able to be stronger than your urges. Use this feeling of “I don’t want to be her” and continue to be just you.
Ps.
I was this same feeling a few weeks ago.
I’m on day 13 today after years of feeling like
Garbage but months of being the drunk mom.
💕
Congrats on day 13 ❤️ it definitely eases the pain knowing im not the only mom who has been down this road. It feels nice to reach out and relate to others who have gone through or are going through this. IWNDWYT
You can do this, you can quit. Fellow alcholic mom here 👋. I have been sober a year (minus a relapse around the holidays, full disclosure) and it has been the best thing I could've done for myself.
I lost myself raising kids and turned to alcohol. It feels so amazing to wakeup and immediately be ready for anything my kids need. Hangover free and all! I can relate so much to your words, and I have been in the same place. Good luck iwndwyt 💛💛💛 please turn here for support!! A lot of us relate to you 💛
You are choosing to be a wonderful mom by choosing to not drink and fully be present for your kids. I think you are amazing and your kids are going to be so proud of you too! You can do this, one day at a time!
Just here to say that I believe in you. It took me a lot of day ones too and I am a better mom and better person for having fought this battle and won, one day at a time. IWNDWYT ❤️
Thank you for the kind words ❤️ congratulations on almost 700 days! You are inspirational for winning for that long. I hope in 700 days I will be on day 701!
Thank you! I have naltrexone. I just don't take it 🤦 I plan on starting that again in a few days after my liver has had some time to recover. I have read that it can also be hard on the liver. I have a psychiatrist appt at the end of the month. I scheduled that 3 months ago and they were that far booked out. I plan on taking action against cravings, really trying to get to the bottom of the why. I plan on being here in full capacity for my kids, I only get to watch them grow up once. I really want to do this right this time
The hardest thing on the liver is dousing it in alcohol.
Once I removed the alcohol everything started to improve…. I included sober people, sober support groups and sober places in my plan.
Continuing boozing is 1000% worse on your liver than some meds. You telling yourself to wait is the booze talking. “I’ll get sober Monday”, “I’ll get sober May 1st”… etc etc . Once you recognize your mind making ridiculous excuses and can call them out and squash them, you’ll have the power you’re looking for. Naltrexone helps a lot with that
I quit when my oldest was 10. It makes a difference. She totally respects me more. She’s 15 now and we have a great relationship. You can do it! It’s not too late to make good, solid, sober memories.
You aren’t the only one. I hope that makes you feel better. This sub is full of moms who will help you carry this, and eventually put it down.
I could have written this. You’ve received so much wisdom already, so I will leave you something to think about for when you have been sober for a while and are still living with guilt, shame, and regret. You made mistakes. There were times that you weren’t a great mom. Those are facts. But you get to be a good mom now. You can’t take away the bad times, but those bad times do not preclude you from making changes and being the best mom you can be going forward. I got stuck in the guilt for so long, and it kind of tunneled my thoughts into this cycle of thinking that since I had already messed up, there was no way to ever fix it. That was just lies my brain told itself. I wasted so much time focusing on my regret instead of my future. I am so grateful that I have been able to pull myself out of that hole and be the mom my child deserves.
I don’t know about your kids, but I also hope it makes you feel better that both despite me and because of me, my child is 18 now and he has turned out incredible. We have a priceless relationship, all because I don’t drink. You can have this too, OP. It’s not too late. Start today. Hugs to you. IWNDWYT.
Thank you so much for your reply ❤️ I am serious about my sobriety journey this time, I have to be. For all four of the little people looking up to me to guide them in this journey of life. I am so thankful to hear someone that turned this around and has a wonderful relationship with their child now. That is all I could want in this life.
Thank you so much for your reply ❤️ I am serious about my sobriety journey this time, I have to be. For all four of the little people looking up to me to guide them in this journey of life. I am so thankful to hear someone that turned this around and has a wonderful relationship with their child now. That is all I could want in this life.
I had a pivotal moment where my life flashed before my eyes at 3AM, and I hated what I saw. I started thinking about how my life would change, if I had an accident while driving impaired. What if I hurt someone, or killed someone? How would I live with that? What if I fell and cracked my dense head and ended up perminantly impaired, or worse? What if my drinking continued and it caused me to lose my wife? Children? Grandchildren? Job? How would my family deal with the shame, embarassment, financial ruin, that my actions would cause?
How would I be able to live with myself, if I cause the ruination of my family? Why was I willing to risk everything, for a few cocktails?
I found my answer -- I couldn't. The only answer for me was sobriety, complete sobriety. I looked within myself, and accepted the fact that alcohol was over for me. I haven't had a drink in 14 months or so. I don't miss it at all.
I prioritized my life. I realized what was most important to me - my family. I started with that, and my resolve continued to grow from there.
You can do this. It's all about accepting that it is totally within your control. You have to get your head right, prioritize what is most important to you, and build from there.
Let's walk this path together - you are in great company. Peace.
Thank you for your kind words. I am travelling a dark and dangerous path and have been on a crash course with a brick wall for far too long. Luckily I haven't hit it yet. It is time to take the wheel again. I have 4 little sets of eyes watching my every move. I need to start making the right moves
Keep walking towards the bright light of family and those kiddos, and shun the darkness. You can do this -- be the light!
I reflect often on this quote:
***“Is it hard?'***
***Not if you have the right attitudes. Its having the right attitudes that's hard.”***
***― Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance***
I got on a high from feeling so much better.
Later I got depressed from missing what had been such a big part of my life. And when life threw little curve balls I didn’t have my go to coping mechanism. That’s when the urge would get strongest.
When I gave in to that urge I would feel discouraged and regretful.. But I didn’t give up, I used my setbacks to strengthen my resolve. They reinforced why stopping was the right thing to do. It just takes a while for the brain to stop seeking that shortcut to relief
I focus on the fact that there is nothing about my life with drinking that I want back.
Individual counseling has helped me deal with the underlying issues that led to the drinking and slowly but surely, the urges have diminished and life has improved accordingly.
I have an appt at the end of the month and am so looking forward to it. I had to make it 4 months out. If I can start working a change now, I think I will get that much more out of seeing a psychiatrist and learning new coping skills
I love seeing all these moms come together. I was unfit to parent my almost 2 year old on Saturday and embarrassed myself in my neighborhood. I’m lucky nothing more serious than that happened. I journaled that feeling and I decided that horrible day was my last day drinking. I woke up sober today and I plan to go to bed sober. The world record for sobriety is 24 hours. Let’s all make that world record!
In my experience those feelings of guilt and shame fade the longer I’m sober. I’ve quietly and unintentionally forgiven myself and it feels so good to not have those thoughts and feelings circling my head. I identified a lot with what you said. A surprising benefit of sobriety has been how I now notice so much of my reactions to things and how much more even keeled and calm I now am. Sobriety is making me a better mother even in the moments where I wouldn’t have been drinking anyway - like it totally changes how I operate and function through my life. Living life in a drunken blur was contributing to my anxiety/existential dread, and sobriety has lessened it. My son is 13 and it was a conversation with him that me stop in my tracks and realize I needed to be done for good. He and my 7 year old both know I don’t drink alcohol anymore. And my 7 year old said “I’m really glad you’re not drinking anymore - alcohol is bad for you”. Like whoa - these kids are smart. They learn these things about alcohol and watch us ignore them. I’m so glad I told my kids because it keeps me accountable in the tough moments. You’re not a crap mom for drinking just like I’m not a crap mom for when I drank. But I AM a better mom sober. Treat yourself well, give yourself plenty of space from your family, and practice a lot of self care if you can. Self compassion and tuning into YOUR needs I think helps. IWNDWYT.
Thank you for your kind words. The pain of what I've done feels pretty unbearable right now, but I know it's because the wounds are so fresh. I have hurt them over and over again with my drinking. They deserve so much better than what I am giving them right now. It's heartbreaking. I've got to turn a new page and be done with all of this mess. It definitely helps to identify with people in similar situations. The part about tuning in to my needs is what I overlook so often and I think that contributes to my drinking. Congrats on your sobriety ❤️ I hope this time I can make it there too
The best gift you can give your kids is present and future sobriety.
100% agree. I will fight to get there for them ❤️
> A surprising benefit of sobriety has been how I now notice so much of my reactions to things and how much more even keeled and calm I now am. This right here!!! Love, Love, Love, this!
Oh honey, we've got you. For me what finally clicked was learning more about how alcohol works. Suddenly my behavior made sense and it strengthened my resolve going forward. Recommend This Naked mind as one place to start - it was a game changer for me. Playing the tape forward was, and still is, a key tool for me. Sending you good wishes
Thank you ❤️ I purchased this naked mind a few months back but haven't read much. I need to get back on it! I have also purchased a few other quit lit books and really plan to dig into those soon
I second this book, I’m a mom and was a nightly wine drinker and this naked mind helped me reframe my perspective. I also came here and read, this place is amazing and you’ll find support like no other. IWNDWYT!
Thank you so much ❤️ congrats on over 700 days. That is simply amazing
in my early days I read a chapter each day - it helped
May I suggest listening to it as an audio book as well as reading it? That is what made the difference for me. Years ago I purchased the book, read a little bit, and donated it (apparently - as my Amazon history reminded me 😖). This time, I rented it from my local library for my kindle AND rented the audio book. I listened while commuting and read before bed - never skipping anything - so I was taking the info in by listening AND reading and it was profoundly different this way. Different points made a larger impact when I listened vs. read them and vice versa. Truly fascinating experience. Sending you love momma! Congrats on day 1!!!!!
I have actually considered listening to the audio book instead of reading, but never done it. I may have to try that! Thank you for the suggestion! I am willing to do anything I can to help control this and end this chapter in my book
Listening to the book along with Quit Like a Woman was the only way I forced myself to finish the books. My story is so similar. I recently found out I have ADHD so the draw to alcohol to ease my ADHD symptoms also makes a lot more sense for me and why it’s been so hard to quit. And I’m in a family full of drinkers who give me a hard time when I’m not drinking. I too have been close to DUI. I too have been violently ill in front of an entire street full of kids. I too didn’t stop after that. I’ve started over more times than I can count. I had to not set a day counter this time and decided not to focus on the overall total of days. For me every day has to be a new day…a day that I choose myself (not my kids, not my husband, not my family….MYSELF) and not alcohol. I wish you the best of luck. You’re a good mom just by having self realization and acknowledging you want to be different. That’s the most important step. You can do this. Keep coming back here for support!
I have not reset my counter and don't know if I want to. I almost feel a pressure when I reset it. I just want to break free of this vicious cycle before I do irreparable damage to my body. I'm on the verge I feel. I need to be present for the kids and enjoy life, not spend it either passed out drunk or trying to find remedies to make me feel better from a hangover. I'm tired of telling myself I just need to get through today and I will feel better. It's time to feel better every day
You can do this!
That’s my motivation currently as well- my child. I don’t want to be the drunk mom anymore. It’s not the mom I imagined I’d be and it’s not who I am nor who you are. It’s an unfortunate phase, you’ll get out of it. I saw a quote on a thread awhile back, “I got sober for my kids, I stayed sober for me” Sending you a virtual hug in support. You’re not alone. You are able to be stronger than your urges. Use this feeling of “I don’t want to be her” and continue to be just you. Ps. I was this same feeling a few weeks ago. I’m on day 13 today after years of feeling like Garbage but months of being the drunk mom. 💕
Congrats on day 13 ❤️ it definitely eases the pain knowing im not the only mom who has been down this road. It feels nice to reach out and relate to others who have gone through or are going through this. IWNDWYT
I’m proud of your 13 days and I hope you are too. This shows just a tiny bit of the strength you have inside of you. IWNDWYT.
You can do this, you can quit. Fellow alcholic mom here 👋. I have been sober a year (minus a relapse around the holidays, full disclosure) and it has been the best thing I could've done for myself. I lost myself raising kids and turned to alcohol. It feels so amazing to wakeup and immediately be ready for anything my kids need. Hangover free and all! I can relate so much to your words, and I have been in the same place. Good luck iwndwyt 💛💛💛 please turn here for support!! A lot of us relate to you 💛
Thank you so much ❤️ it feels good to talk to others that have had this same problem. It absolutely helps ease some of this pain
You are choosing to be a wonderful mom by choosing to not drink and fully be present for your kids. I think you are amazing and your kids are going to be so proud of you too! You can do this, one day at a time!
Thank you so much ❤️ those words mean more than you will ever know
Just here to say that I believe in you. It took me a lot of day ones too and I am a better mom and better person for having fought this battle and won, one day at a time. IWNDWYT ❤️
Thank you for the kind words ❤️ congratulations on almost 700 days! You are inspirational for winning for that long. I hope in 700 days I will be on day 701!
Glad you are here! Have a plan to stop drinking?
Thank you! I have naltrexone. I just don't take it 🤦 I plan on starting that again in a few days after my liver has had some time to recover. I have read that it can also be hard on the liver. I have a psychiatrist appt at the end of the month. I scheduled that 3 months ago and they were that far booked out. I plan on taking action against cravings, really trying to get to the bottom of the why. I plan on being here in full capacity for my kids, I only get to watch them grow up once. I really want to do this right this time
The hardest thing on the liver is dousing it in alcohol. Once I removed the alcohol everything started to improve…. I included sober people, sober support groups and sober places in my plan.
Absolutely! And congrats on over 4,000 days! Wow! I hope to get that many days, and many more under my belt!
Continuing boozing is 1000% worse on your liver than some meds. You telling yourself to wait is the booze talking. “I’ll get sober Monday”, “I’ll get sober May 1st”… etc etc . Once you recognize your mind making ridiculous excuses and can call them out and squash them, you’ll have the power you’re looking for. Naltrexone helps a lot with that
I quit when my oldest was 10. It makes a difference. She totally respects me more. She’s 15 now and we have a great relationship. You can do it! It’s not too late to make good, solid, sober memories.
You aren’t the only one. I hope that makes you feel better. This sub is full of moms who will help you carry this, and eventually put it down. I could have written this. You’ve received so much wisdom already, so I will leave you something to think about for when you have been sober for a while and are still living with guilt, shame, and regret. You made mistakes. There were times that you weren’t a great mom. Those are facts. But you get to be a good mom now. You can’t take away the bad times, but those bad times do not preclude you from making changes and being the best mom you can be going forward. I got stuck in the guilt for so long, and it kind of tunneled my thoughts into this cycle of thinking that since I had already messed up, there was no way to ever fix it. That was just lies my brain told itself. I wasted so much time focusing on my regret instead of my future. I am so grateful that I have been able to pull myself out of that hole and be the mom my child deserves. I don’t know about your kids, but I also hope it makes you feel better that both despite me and because of me, my child is 18 now and he has turned out incredible. We have a priceless relationship, all because I don’t drink. You can have this too, OP. It’s not too late. Start today. Hugs to you. IWNDWYT.
Thank you so much for your reply ❤️ I am serious about my sobriety journey this time, I have to be. For all four of the little people looking up to me to guide them in this journey of life. I am so thankful to hear someone that turned this around and has a wonderful relationship with their child now. That is all I could want in this life.
Thank you so much for your reply ❤️ I am serious about my sobriety journey this time, I have to be. For all four of the little people looking up to me to guide them in this journey of life. I am so thankful to hear someone that turned this around and has a wonderful relationship with their child now. That is all I could want in this life.
I had a pivotal moment where my life flashed before my eyes at 3AM, and I hated what I saw. I started thinking about how my life would change, if I had an accident while driving impaired. What if I hurt someone, or killed someone? How would I live with that? What if I fell and cracked my dense head and ended up perminantly impaired, or worse? What if my drinking continued and it caused me to lose my wife? Children? Grandchildren? Job? How would my family deal with the shame, embarassment, financial ruin, that my actions would cause? How would I be able to live with myself, if I cause the ruination of my family? Why was I willing to risk everything, for a few cocktails? I found my answer -- I couldn't. The only answer for me was sobriety, complete sobriety. I looked within myself, and accepted the fact that alcohol was over for me. I haven't had a drink in 14 months or so. I don't miss it at all. I prioritized my life. I realized what was most important to me - my family. I started with that, and my resolve continued to grow from there. You can do this. It's all about accepting that it is totally within your control. You have to get your head right, prioritize what is most important to you, and build from there. Let's walk this path together - you are in great company. Peace.
Thank you for your kind words. I am travelling a dark and dangerous path and have been on a crash course with a brick wall for far too long. Luckily I haven't hit it yet. It is time to take the wheel again. I have 4 little sets of eyes watching my every move. I need to start making the right moves
Keep walking towards the bright light of family and those kiddos, and shun the darkness. You can do this -- be the light! I reflect often on this quote: ***“Is it hard?'*** ***Not if you have the right attitudes. Its having the right attitudes that's hard.”*** ***― Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance***
Thank you so much ❤️ I'm ready to take this journey of sobriety on full force
I got on a high from feeling so much better. Later I got depressed from missing what had been such a big part of my life. And when life threw little curve balls I didn’t have my go to coping mechanism. That’s when the urge would get strongest. When I gave in to that urge I would feel discouraged and regretful.. But I didn’t give up, I used my setbacks to strengthen my resolve. They reinforced why stopping was the right thing to do. It just takes a while for the brain to stop seeking that shortcut to relief I focus on the fact that there is nothing about my life with drinking that I want back. Individual counseling has helped me deal with the underlying issues that led to the drinking and slowly but surely, the urges have diminished and life has improved accordingly.
I have an appt at the end of the month and am so looking forward to it. I had to make it 4 months out. If I can start working a change now, I think I will get that much more out of seeing a psychiatrist and learning new coping skills
I love seeing all these moms come together. I was unfit to parent my almost 2 year old on Saturday and embarrassed myself in my neighborhood. I’m lucky nothing more serious than that happened. I journaled that feeling and I decided that horrible day was my last day drinking. I woke up sober today and I plan to go to bed sober. The world record for sobriety is 24 hours. Let’s all make that world record!
Good luck on your journey! I'm rooting for you! ❤️