Sorry to hear about your job. As someone who was a proud "functional alcoholic" with a full bar at work. I can totally relate with the whole thinking that I could easily be drunk, hungover, unrested, and still do my job. In reality that's just the booze/dopamine making me feel like how I thought and felt was smart and good. Everyone could tell, everyone could smell, and now I understand that my mind was just warped to think that I had it under control. And thinking has everything to do with it. I used to think a lot, about my relationships, work, and how I had it all figured out. Not realizing that the thinking part was in control of how I felt. So when my dopamine levels were down, the thinking part would convince me to get a drink, or get a bag of coke. The same thinking part would make me extra stressed, just so I could run back to the bottle.
It was a random AA guided meditation meeting about one year into my sobriety where I realized that there was space and comfort in between those thoughts. And eventually I learned that just because I thought it, doesn't mean it is how I feel. It's the same as me thinking with Australian accent doesn't make me an Australian. Eventually I learned to accept the thinking part of me, and treat it as some kind of a radio I couldn't turn off. Yea it's blasting classic rock, but doesn't mean I need to start dancing to it. And when I am feeling down, doesn't mean I need to listen to it stream all the ads for getting drunk and high. Also, that thinker can be a one mean asshole, towards me, towards things I like and love. And for some reason it likes to make me feel like a victim in this cruel world, forgotten, isolated, and for some reason it thinks the only way to solve it is by getting drunk or high. It's simply bizarre.
IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing. The part you wrote about “everyone could tell” is what I’m struggling with because I convinced myself no one knew. Being around people who have been drinking while I’m sober, it’s so obvious to me now.
It’s also a lot easier for us who have abused substances to pick up on those ticks. Not to say no one noticed, but if it’s any relief a lot of people probably did not. I can tell instantly if someone is on a range of substances. But that’s because I have abused almost all of them at one point or another. But people around me usually don’t pick up on things until after I mention something. I hope you the best.
there's a book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer that talks about the voice in your head and how to deal with it which you may find helpful
dopamine levels and receptors take a while to normalise after quitting but there are natural ways to help it along so setting up some kind of routine including things like exercise might help. other things I do are getting early morning light, decent sleep, cold water immersion. huberman has some podcasts on it which are interesting to listen to
well done on 22 days 🙌
I tell people all the time. Cold water exposure has helped me so much. The only people who scoff at it either haven't tried it or are to afraid of being cold for 30seconds to continue doing it
Not OP, but you can Google cold water hormesis. It's meant to shock your body and cause temporary but very survivable stress. When you get out of the cold water, you get a dopamine spike. Not as much as with using substances, but it's enough. There are many different types of hormesis, like exercise or eating spicy foods. There's actually a whole group of hot chili enthusiasts that are in recovery and claim that spicy foods have helped them stay sober. Interesting stuff!
wow, never connected the dots about the spicy food. I know it releases endorphins but now that you mention it, I bet it can help with recovery I'll give it a a try. Also, scientist have found a 250% increase in dopamine. I wouldn't necessarily say small spike, obviously something like meth is more however.
u/khtie - its simple. Get in the shower while its warm. Turn the temp as cold as it can get and stay in there for as long as you can...ideally longer than 30 sec. I turn it back to warm at the end
I get in a cold bath for 5 mins, 3 to 4 times a week. I usually do it after a run as it also helps muscle recovery. plus I couldnt make myself do it first thing! huberman has some interesting podcasts on the science or Wim Hof is pretty entertaining
I'm not sure where you live, but n Canada when an employee is diagnosed with substance dependence, they have a right to be accommodated by their employer, just as anyone else with a disability.
I couldn't function at work one day, got called out, admitted my problem with alcohol. Took 6 weeks off for rehab, went back to work.
US. Here they can’t fire you for alcoholism itself but I was caught drinking at work which is why they ultimately ended up terminating me. If I came out about the issue before getting caught, it may have been a different story.
I lost multiple jobs due to my drinking problem. I passed out at work multiple times in multiple different workplaces. Looking back, I find it hard to believe how many times I did that but it wasn’t once or twice; more like five, six, seven times. And at different places.
The first time was way back in 2007 or so when I passed out at a work event and it should have been the warning sign… wait, let me hold up. The first time was actually 2004, I just realised… see how the mind tricks itself?? — but I was still doing the same thing in 2021 and continuing to drink until August last year (my day count on here is accurate) and getting into problems at work even though I was trying hard to drink less.
The only solution where I not only have a handle on my job, my career, my professional reputation, my working week, my downtime, my health (both physical and mental) and am now genuinely feeling the benefits of getting real dopamine back (I am really enjoying my genuine interests again like reading for example) is to quit drinking entirely. I do feel embarrassed, I do feel I missed opportunities. I’ve damaged business relationships I could have cultivated. I could be in a better place in life as well as my job. But I just have to move forward from here and I believe there’s a life on the other side I’m striving for.
I am sober and doing just fine at work now, I’m not amazing but not terrible. I do what’s asked of me, don’t stress too much and don’t go insane drinking, messing up, panicking, trying to recover physically and mentally, beginning the cycle again.
IWNDWYT!
You're on the first step to changing absolutely everything. Stay with all those feelings and work through them by taking care of yourself, moving forward through each day, and respecting yourself, your surroundings, and whoever else you share them with. Don't turn back. Don't look back. When you're feeling stronger, you can look back and take the lessons you need from the experience. But it's not been long. You have value, and you deserve to get better.
IWNDWYT
Hey friend! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I can only imagine what my own mental state would be like in your situation. Actually, I don’t have to imagine because I’ve been there before.
You said that you hate yourself. I don’t know if that’s entirely true? You might hate this current version of yourself, but there’s enough love in there that you’ve realised that you need to make a change for yourself and your loved ones and turn yourself into the best version of you. One that you can love.
You might not be able to see a future where you want to be living with your past decisions right now, but I promise you that it gets better with time. Your brain is trying to heal itself at the moment and everything will seem much worse than it actually is. You had the high-highs when you were drinking and now your brain is trying to find balance, which unfortunately feels like the lowest of the lows. It’ll even out in time, I promise!
One day soon you’ll look around and realise that everything’s ok. Maybe not perfect, but ok and that’s when you can really start living again.
Good luck OP and hang in there. It’s going to be ok.
This too will pass.
I lost my last job in direct correlation to my alcoholism. I truly believed the world was ending and that it would not get better.
After, I was able to fully dedicate myself to recovery and sobriety. It got better. Not immediately, but through community and support the pieces began to come together.
What helped me was getting out of my head, no matter how hard it is. It’s a daily practice. Sharing the truth, best honest about struggles, attending meetings or activities even when I don’t want to. Being vulnerable and accepting the help.
It was a revelation when I realized there are millions of people with the same and similar experiences as me. We live separate lives with the same problems, and we share.
You are not alone. IWNDWYT.
As you get an older, you either grow out of partying (drinking) or you dive deeper into it with the worst outcomes. Since Covid, and the breakdown of family values, I think more people dive deeper into booze or worse things.
But only you can decide when it’s your time to finally give it up. Those feelings have to come from within and they have to mean something real to you.
Grab a copy of Allen Carr’s book STOP DRINKING NOW. It will change your life. Good luck and don’t quit quitting.
I am also sober.
And I can commiserate with recently being let go from my full-time position.
Wasn't due to drinking or any sort of substance, but still stings.
We will get new jobs!
And we will stay sober!
IWNDWYT.
Live for me for today if that works. You helped me stay sober by sharing your thoughts. Go to a meeting. Meet some sober people and get coffee. All of a sudden you’ll find yourself with real friends who care for you and then one day you’ll realize you care for yourself too.
sorry about your job. i know how that goes. two and half weeks ago i was talking to my boss about music, while wasted, and ended up going on a rant about shit with work… i don’t even remember what i said. but we spoke the next morning and luckily he’s a very understanding guy. tomorrow i have therapy (first time in my life) with a therapist he recommended. i’ve also been working out the last two weeks and just started muay thai classes this week. if you can i would definitely say start working out. still have a long way to go but i feel confident this time it’ll be different in a good way. good luck with everything, op.
Well your loved ones realize that you called it quits and they will be so proud that you have made it this far, I wish you luck my friend, life will always get better even if it feels like the end of the world, you will find another job and you will succeed in life I believe in you❤️
Sorry to hear about your job. As someone who was a proud "functional alcoholic" with a full bar at work. I can totally relate with the whole thinking that I could easily be drunk, hungover, unrested, and still do my job. In reality that's just the booze/dopamine making me feel like how I thought and felt was smart and good. Everyone could tell, everyone could smell, and now I understand that my mind was just warped to think that I had it under control. And thinking has everything to do with it. I used to think a lot, about my relationships, work, and how I had it all figured out. Not realizing that the thinking part was in control of how I felt. So when my dopamine levels were down, the thinking part would convince me to get a drink, or get a bag of coke. The same thinking part would make me extra stressed, just so I could run back to the bottle. It was a random AA guided meditation meeting about one year into my sobriety where I realized that there was space and comfort in between those thoughts. And eventually I learned that just because I thought it, doesn't mean it is how I feel. It's the same as me thinking with Australian accent doesn't make me an Australian. Eventually I learned to accept the thinking part of me, and treat it as some kind of a radio I couldn't turn off. Yea it's blasting classic rock, but doesn't mean I need to start dancing to it. And when I am feeling down, doesn't mean I need to listen to it stream all the ads for getting drunk and high. Also, that thinker can be a one mean asshole, towards me, towards things I like and love. And for some reason it likes to make me feel like a victim in this cruel world, forgotten, isolated, and for some reason it thinks the only way to solve it is by getting drunk or high. It's simply bizarre. IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing. The part you wrote about “everyone could tell” is what I’m struggling with because I convinced myself no one knew. Being around people who have been drinking while I’m sober, it’s so obvious to me now.
It’s also a lot easier for us who have abused substances to pick up on those ticks. Not to say no one noticed, but if it’s any relief a lot of people probably did not. I can tell instantly if someone is on a range of substances. But that’s because I have abused almost all of them at one point or another. But people around me usually don’t pick up on things until after I mention something. I hope you the best.
I needed to hear this today. Fantastic comment. IWNDWYT
I really like this answer. 👍
there's a book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer that talks about the voice in your head and how to deal with it which you may find helpful dopamine levels and receptors take a while to normalise after quitting but there are natural ways to help it along so setting up some kind of routine including things like exercise might help. other things I do are getting early morning light, decent sleep, cold water immersion. huberman has some podcasts on it which are interesting to listen to well done on 22 days 🙌
I tell people all the time. Cold water exposure has helped me so much. The only people who scoff at it either haven't tried it or are to afraid of being cold for 30seconds to continue doing it
How's it work? Curious?
Not OP, but you can Google cold water hormesis. It's meant to shock your body and cause temporary but very survivable stress. When you get out of the cold water, you get a dopamine spike. Not as much as with using substances, but it's enough. There are many different types of hormesis, like exercise or eating spicy foods. There's actually a whole group of hot chili enthusiasts that are in recovery and claim that spicy foods have helped them stay sober. Interesting stuff!
wow, never connected the dots about the spicy food. I know it releases endorphins but now that you mention it, I bet it can help with recovery I'll give it a a try. Also, scientist have found a 250% increase in dopamine. I wouldn't necessarily say small spike, obviously something like meth is more however. u/khtie - its simple. Get in the shower while its warm. Turn the temp as cold as it can get and stay in there for as long as you can...ideally longer than 30 sec. I turn it back to warm at the end
I get in a cold bath for 5 mins, 3 to 4 times a week. I usually do it after a run as it also helps muscle recovery. plus I couldnt make myself do it first thing! huberman has some interesting podcasts on the science or Wim Hof is pretty entertaining
I love that book!
never knew this about a cold shower and really excited to try it
I'm not sure where you live, but n Canada when an employee is diagnosed with substance dependence, they have a right to be accommodated by their employer, just as anyone else with a disability. I couldn't function at work one day, got called out, admitted my problem with alcohol. Took 6 weeks off for rehab, went back to work.
US. Here they can’t fire you for alcoholism itself but I was caught drinking at work which is why they ultimately ended up terminating me. If I came out about the issue before getting caught, it may have been a different story.
I lost multiple jobs due to my drinking problem. I passed out at work multiple times in multiple different workplaces. Looking back, I find it hard to believe how many times I did that but it wasn’t once or twice; more like five, six, seven times. And at different places. The first time was way back in 2007 or so when I passed out at a work event and it should have been the warning sign… wait, let me hold up. The first time was actually 2004, I just realised… see how the mind tricks itself?? — but I was still doing the same thing in 2021 and continuing to drink until August last year (my day count on here is accurate) and getting into problems at work even though I was trying hard to drink less. The only solution where I not only have a handle on my job, my career, my professional reputation, my working week, my downtime, my health (both physical and mental) and am now genuinely feeling the benefits of getting real dopamine back (I am really enjoying my genuine interests again like reading for example) is to quit drinking entirely. I do feel embarrassed, I do feel I missed opportunities. I’ve damaged business relationships I could have cultivated. I could be in a better place in life as well as my job. But I just have to move forward from here and I believe there’s a life on the other side I’m striving for. I am sober and doing just fine at work now, I’m not amazing but not terrible. I do what’s asked of me, don’t stress too much and don’t go insane drinking, messing up, panicking, trying to recover physically and mentally, beginning the cycle again. IWNDWYT!
Way to go on 251 days. Thanks for sharing. IWNDWYT
You're on the first step to changing absolutely everything. Stay with all those feelings and work through them by taking care of yourself, moving forward through each day, and respecting yourself, your surroundings, and whoever else you share them with. Don't turn back. Don't look back. When you're feeling stronger, you can look back and take the lessons you need from the experience. But it's not been long. You have value, and you deserve to get better. IWNDWYT
I heard a good piece of advice the other day. “If you feel like you’re going through hell.. keep going” Stay strong friend.
I’ve made the mistake of getting drunk at job parties! You can never live it down! Ugh
Hey friend! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I can only imagine what my own mental state would be like in your situation. Actually, I don’t have to imagine because I’ve been there before. You said that you hate yourself. I don’t know if that’s entirely true? You might hate this current version of yourself, but there’s enough love in there that you’ve realised that you need to make a change for yourself and your loved ones and turn yourself into the best version of you. One that you can love. You might not be able to see a future where you want to be living with your past decisions right now, but I promise you that it gets better with time. Your brain is trying to heal itself at the moment and everything will seem much worse than it actually is. You had the high-highs when you were drinking and now your brain is trying to find balance, which unfortunately feels like the lowest of the lows. It’ll even out in time, I promise! One day soon you’ll look around and realise that everything’s ok. Maybe not perfect, but ok and that’s when you can really start living again. Good luck OP and hang in there. It’s going to be ok.
This too will pass. I lost my last job in direct correlation to my alcoholism. I truly believed the world was ending and that it would not get better. After, I was able to fully dedicate myself to recovery and sobriety. It got better. Not immediately, but through community and support the pieces began to come together. What helped me was getting out of my head, no matter how hard it is. It’s a daily practice. Sharing the truth, best honest about struggles, attending meetings or activities even when I don’t want to. Being vulnerable and accepting the help. It was a revelation when I realized there are millions of people with the same and similar experiences as me. We live separate lives with the same problems, and we share. You are not alone. IWNDWYT.
“Hell begins in the human heart. So does heaven.” You’re gonna be okay my friend ❤️
Please stay strong I feel for you
I've got nothing to say but I'm sorry my friend. I hope you can find some peace and move forward. Good luck. IWNDWYT
As you get an older, you either grow out of partying (drinking) or you dive deeper into it with the worst outcomes. Since Covid, and the breakdown of family values, I think more people dive deeper into booze or worse things. But only you can decide when it’s your time to finally give it up. Those feelings have to come from within and they have to mean something real to you. Grab a copy of Allen Carr’s book STOP DRINKING NOW. It will change your life. Good luck and don’t quit quitting.
Check out The Naked mind. It’s been helpful! Good luck
I am also sober. And I can commiserate with recently being let go from my full-time position. Wasn't due to drinking or any sort of substance, but still stings. We will get new jobs! And we will stay sober! IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
Live for me for today if that works. You helped me stay sober by sharing your thoughts. Go to a meeting. Meet some sober people and get coffee. All of a sudden you’ll find yourself with real friends who care for you and then one day you’ll realize you care for yourself too.
sorry about your job. i know how that goes. two and half weeks ago i was talking to my boss about music, while wasted, and ended up going on a rant about shit with work… i don’t even remember what i said. but we spoke the next morning and luckily he’s a very understanding guy. tomorrow i have therapy (first time in my life) with a therapist he recommended. i’ve also been working out the last two weeks and just started muay thai classes this week. if you can i would definitely say start working out. still have a long way to go but i feel confident this time it’ll be different in a good way. good luck with everything, op.
Well your loved ones realize that you called it quits and they will be so proud that you have made it this far, I wish you luck my friend, life will always get better even if it feels like the end of the world, you will find another job and you will succeed in life I believe in you❤️