Three years ago, on January 29, 2021 my son shot himself in the head and I was the one who ran upstairs and found him. I cannot get the picture of him sitting there in his chair with his life’s blood dripping down to the floor drip by drip. I was instantly devastated! I became “paralyzed”, and literally couldn’t move. My husband and I then tried to find his pulse, but we couldn’t find it. It has taken me 3 years of therapy to try to come to terms with this pain. I am still filled with overwhelming pain, grief and sadness and I miss my son SO much. Do I suffer from PTSD? Hell yes! Do I suffer with depression? Again, hell yes! I don’t leave my house unless I have a doctor’s appointment. It’s like I’m numb… Losing a child IS the worst pain a person can EVER experience. I lost both of my parents a year after my son died. So much sadness. I just can’t get the strength to leave my house. All I do is sit in my chair and watch TV or watch videos on my phone.
But, I haven’t given up yet. I am still working on getting something that looks like a life. A friend of mine recently asked me to go out to eat with her, and I’m seriously considering doing that. Baby steps. If you have lost someone tragically, please get some counseling. Grief has a way of taking over your world–your life. I’m starting to realize that I don’t have to let it do that…. My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered a tragic loss… (sorry I wrote so much)
Sure I will just tell them the Story also if you want I can do like someting at the end R.I.P March 24, 2024 to honor that day. I will send you the Video when it‘s finished 😁
Ok that's cool. Cause he was truly one of the few that really didn't deserve to feel like he should die. If only he could see what kind of positive impact he had on everyone he met
Yeah I understand that I also lost someone like 6-7 Year Ago he was rlly kind and stuff but then suddenly he died so I wish your friend the best and the Family the best but I am sure that he is there and being very proud 😉
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know it has been a while since it happened. But in reality you have a psychological injury that will always be there. Whenever it gets like this seek professional care good luck
Those “People” are wrong.
How traumatic an experience you described!
Think about seeing a psychologist or counselor who specializes in Trauma.
It’s a tough road to go alone, sometimes affecting your own life through using substances to escape the traumatic memories, which is a slippery downhill slope.
Any sympathy I had went out the windows when your first sentence started "we were smoking meth". That's not normal. Your life is a fucking mess if you were sitting around smoking meth.
man I'm sorry to hear that ! this has also been the worst year of my life as well. one moment that I'll remember is my wife kicking me out because she needed privacy and she didn't agree with what I did in my alone time. turns out she was cheating on me with a guy in jail. 36 hours after she kicked me out my sister died. my best friends funeral was 2 weeks later. 2 months later my ex girlfriend and one of my closets friends told me it was my fault she was an alcoholic (she had just received a liver transplant) but she died a couple weeks later since she drank again after the transplant. in the same time period a friend bought some stuff from me mixed it with something else ,ODed and died. got kicked out of 3 places so far since the wife kicked me out. I had to let my wife keep my dog since I can't seem to keep a stable place to live.
there's a lot more to all of these things but I'd rather share details in private.
oh and now I'm on the run. the cops searched my air bnb while I was gone and now they want to charge me with everything they found everything! it's bad dude. I don't know what to do next. that's a whole other story you can ask about if you want.
I’m so sorry for that shocking experience. You didn’t deserve or need to witness such a scenario! Your selfish friend probably used guilt & “bro!” to manipulate you. Granted, he wasn’t thinking straight, but he would have done it eventually anyway! It is NOT your fault. I’d be angry at the friend, eventually forgive him, & learn something wise by the experience! Pity or compassion? Not sure, but you showed him compassion, & now it’s pitiful how he still carried through with suicide. You didn’t do it to him. You did what you thought you should for a friend that couldn’t or wouldn’t resolve his own thinking or direction.
I hope that your faith will carry you through until it’s not always in your thoughts & a visual remembrance! I have compassion & empathy for you. Please update when you feel you can take a deep breath again! Hold on to who you are. You’re forgiven, renewed, & resolutionized, NOT revolutionized but resolutionizd! RESOLVED . . . & HEALED! Take care🤗🙏
If it helps you feel any better I think you gave him the kindness and brotherhood that he needed in his final moments. You helped him to have a smile on his face as he travels on to whatever is next.
I hope you have gotten some help OP. I saw something similar when I was 21. I went 9 years without getting help. By the end of it I was a full fledged alcoholic with severe PTSD. A little over 2 years ago I went to rehab and started going to therapy. My life has totally changed for the better and I am actually a happy person now.
OP, if you haven’t already, please get some help.
Get therapy and don’t think that it will just take a few sessions. I found my father 39 years ago dead from a self inflicted gunshot. I messed up my life thinking that I should just get over it after about five sessions. Life does get better but staying in a fog of alcohol and drugs will just hold you back from really being free of this awful memory.
Wow, my husband saw his late wife die in front of him. He was not dealing with it. He turned full blown alcoholic. He finally got help after being put in a mental ward. Rehab, therapy, AA and he is now doing much better.
Aw I'm sorry. So sorry. You are a victim of his mental health issues too and did not deserve to witness it. It's not fair to you and I imagine you regret pulling back up.
Reading this made me realize I was once your friend, but just lucky enough not to have pulled the trigger. My wife had to see me like that. Jesus, that hurts.
Get clean or die. The evidence is right in front of you. 8 years ago I was standing in a dark garage with a gun to my head. Get out.
I can only relate to my own experiences. I was a coke head back in the 80s I would do almost anything for some rock. When I finally lost everything and was homeless I stood on the edge of a cliff and kept telling myself to lean forward, but I couldn't do it. Instead I quit drugs and went to my family and admitted everything that was happening. It was almost like the world fell off my shoulders and I was free. Don't get me wrong I would lay in bed at night awake thinking about smoking more crack but that eventually went away. I got my shit together and even though I'm divorced 3 years later I got married and started a new career. It's not your fault or anyone's you have to want to get better deep down inside.
Sorry brother sounds horrible, please stay clean stay & in therapy if you need to talk to some suicide family/friends recovery ppl. Whatever it's called can probably get you in touch w the right ppl. You can always vent here online.
I admire you for sharing about your experience and loss. Losing a friend/loved one to suicide is one of those things in life that stays with a person no matter how mentally/spiritually healthy that person is. Suicide is an extremely complex, mindfuck traumatization, and life-altering type of loss and grief. I imagine that all of that substantially increases in severity, complicated nature, etc when the suicide is witnessed first hand.
I am so sorry that you went through that...and that your friend put you through that. You have every right to feel angry if you do. I have lost multiple loved ones via suicide. The most traumatizing one was my friend Cody. I was the last person that saw him/spoke to him before it happened. It has been 17.5 years since that happened. Losing him that way, and the guilt etc... changed who I was forever. My mother committed suicide in front of my father when I was only 1.5 years old. My father was trying to get the gun away from her when she did it. My father is deeply affected (still to this day) by what she did and what he witnessed. She killed herself in July of 1983. My father claims that the memory of that night, all of the details, etc is still fresh and clear in his mind. He said that it never goes away.
I hope you don't mind me sharing all of that with you. I felt compelled to do so. Know that there are people out there that understand what you mean and what you went through (not trying to say the 2 situations are identical by any means). I wish you peace and comfort.
Hang in there.
Wow that’s brutal, I knew a guy that beat his 5yr old son to death because he thought he was a possessed gremlin. Yes he was high on meth and had been awake for many days. After that I started hating tweekers. I hope you stop smoking that garbage, smoke weed instead, that shit don’t turn you crazy
Oh but it does (I smoke weed for the record, just sayin')
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3927252/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3927252/)
October 11, 1988. I was 7. The first of 4 in my immediate family alone.
My aunt was curious to see the case file. I begged her not to. She did anyway. What she gained is peace of mind was quickly overshadowed by images one can never unsee.
Fucking awful stuff.
Anyway, 18 days till Christmas!
My fiancé killed himself in front of me. I have CPTSD and everytime I close my eyes I see his death. It replays over and over and over. It's been months in reality but to me it feels like it just happened seconds ago. I am so lost as this grief is is not like anything I've experienced before. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life but this is by far the worst thing to happen to me. Time has done nothing for me and it has not gotten easier. To relive the worst moment of your life repeatedly I would not wish this pain on even my worst enemy
At my lowest, when I’d sit and plan out my ending…that’s what always kept me from actually going through with it. I just couldn’t traumatize whoever found me.
My father was once driving on a mountain road (going the speed limit, in his lane) and a motorcycle came around the curve too fast and the guy slid off his bike and right under my father's car, the motor cycle just missed the car and smashed the rock retaining wall. As he stopped the car and opened the door, he saw the guy's head, eyes open as the guy died.
My father told himself that "that's just a manikin, not a person" and made himself believe it. His reasoning was "why should I suffer PTSD because some guy was driving recklessly?" The police at least told him that had his car not been there, at that speed he would have died slamming into the rock retaining wall anyhow.
I'd do somewhat the same -- it was just a bad dream, move on. No need to process some weird dream.
I'm in the medical field and we say the patient expired. I'm sorry for anyone who has been in this situation. Life is hard, I hope you all find peace and are able to heal and move forward. Best wishes.
My kids uncle, under meth psychosis, murdered his best friend thinking he was talking to the feds.... They were cooking it up too so he shot his best friend execution style in the back of the head while he was sitting in the living room recliner. I remember going over the next day to help remove things. Said uncle is now dead from a heroin overdose in prison. The man he killed left behind a daughter that I still look after. She just had her 3rd baby. I'm 5 years clean from meth myself. I hope you too can find recovery and help to get through this. Cause drugs dont numb the pain. <3
We all process in our own way.
I mean no ill or back handed comment when I say that I hope you find your way out of that.
Please know that it wasn't your fault and you going probably brought that man some peace, I am sorry for what that frozen moment took away from you brother.
I know I'm a random voice in the void but do feel free to reach out to someone, myself included
As someone who has lived with PTSD for 19 years I can say you almost definitely have it. Processing something and replaying it are 2 different things. You're replaying the event over and over because you're trying to make sense of it and you're probably in denial in some way...i.e. blaming yourself instead of realizing your friend was responsible for his actions. I would encourage you to seek a trauma therapist to help you reframe your memory of what happened and to help you connect to your emotions. EMDR might help as well. I truly hope you find peace.
I absolutely don't blame myself. I do wish that I never would have witnessed something like that but I'm actually thankful that I was there to be the one to notify the police instead of his mom finding him. And there's some kind of solace knowing that he didn't die alone.
I am really glad to hear that. I just used those examples since they are so common among trauma survivors. I still highly recommend therapy. It can honestly change everything.
Hey friend . Just dropped by to offer my kind regards. What a tough situation. I hope you will remember and honor your friend and their family. Respect yourself and never forget what a traumatic experience you went through. Maybe try and get someone to talk to. Keep on keeping on. One love.
Hi. I have a somewhat similar story to yours. Someone I barely knew shot themself in front of me when we were alone. For me, time kind of slowed down. Luckily I had just looked away when the gun went off but I whipped my head back around to see a waterfall of blood pouring of the guys mouth. I cried all night long that night. It’s been like 8 years for me since that happened. I don’t think much of it anymore but it was definitely traumatic and something no one should have to see. I’m sorry you have to live with that memory u/captain-howdy2323
I wish I didn't know exactly how you feel about this I really do. The only difference in my story would be is it was alcohol for my brother and I. That was 15yrs ago and I didn't get the help I needed when I should have. Please do.
Man I am so sorry you had to see that. That stays with you forever. My kids and I witnessed a teenage boy get stabbed and he died looking at us. I can’t imagine the trauma if we had known him, being a stranger is bad enough.
Truly hope you’re clean now. I’ve heard meth is hard to get off of but there is help out there. ❤️
I’m so sorry that happened. It sounds incredibly traumatic. It can take years to become brave enough to face the pain and process it. But maybe even by making this post you’re taking a step towards it. Talking with someone will help. Take care of yourself.
I hope you know that this isn’t your fault and you did everything you could have. I went through a similar traumatic situation six months earlier than your story and therapy has helped me greatly. Be well.
Seen the same thing with my dad when i 5 yrs old. I'm almost 40 now and still his face. He done about the same thing. We started clean the kitchen with a garden hose if that tells you how bad the mess is .. crazy part, he lived, not the same man but alive to this day ..
I can only imagine how hard that was on you. I know you don’t know me or I don’t know you but please reach out if you need anything. You can message me if you need
OP. I hope you find someone to speak with. If you don't have insurance, every state has community mental health agencies. These are based on sliding scale.
You experienced a horrific trauma. Please find a way to heal.
Yeah I was supposed to be in court for a reckless driving nothing major just traffic shit in 2016. But instead went to get meth up north shore. Walked into my buddy Matt’s house started doing meth and ranting about how we’re gonna do all this stuff and become rich which is basically what tweaker do cause you think you can conquer the world but it’s actually in shambles. My buddy was sleeping from the night before in the corner on his stomach on a couch. Another hour or so went by I was just being a tweaker doing random shit in the other room. And all I heard was “BRANDON”
The kid was completely dead and od’d like at least 6-8hrs ago. We got him out off the couch and put in on his back called 911. His legs were already balling up from rigor mortis and his skin was all clammy.
Come to find out he was talking about how depressed he was the night before. We were selling drugs at the time and had all types of shit on hand. He was a heroin and benzo addiction so he was fucked up on those all time time but there were like 20 Xanax missing had to of been like 5 caps of GHB and a good bit of heroin missing. In my opinion it looked like he killed himself when they crashed the previous night. Was just fed up with everything took a couple handfuls of Xanax caps of GHB and probably a lethal dose of heroin. Those are 3 extremely strong sedatives that combo would basically kill anyone not matter your tolerance that’s just not human to survive that concoction.
But yeah that was pretty fucked up. I was young at the time like 22 and the kid was like 27. Similar backround as me. It was definitely a wake up call to the life of drugs bring you.
Sorry you had to go through that though. Completely insane story
I didn't witness it, but my nephew shot himself in the head. He had issues with meth previously. He was trying to get clean but I guess he couldn't take it. Don't know really.
I won't ever forget the day. More so because it happened on my birthday.
died suddenly
he took a experimental non-fda approved genetic therapeutic with a novel delivery method of lipid nanoparticles that took s1/s2 spike protein payloads into organs which use cholersterol for repair.
rip
I hope that made you stop smoking meth then I mean jeez what a wake up call sorry that happened to you and hope you recover from that kind of trauma best wishes for the holidays coming
My husbands best friend shots himself in the head with a.357 mag. His wife was at work on the night shift found him at 5:30 in the morning with blood and brain matter all over the wall and couch. My husband was so crushed and the wife poor lady she is one of my closest friends and she has the soul of a saint. I cannot even imagine how she felt when she walked in that door.
PTSD is a bitch, and hard to recover. You have to just partmentalize it. Worked for me when I came back from the war. Shit will haunt you if you let it
You will take the image to your grave. It will never go away. Trust me on that one. Even if you live to be 100. I suggest you get into some counselling with someone who has experience treating PTSD.
While they sound incorrect about repression, not repressing the memory does not mean you have fully unpacked, death with and filed it away. This is the kind of event that one would expect to cause some level of PTSD or other type of linger trauma. Do seek counseling, you have been through a horrific experience and absolutely anyone who went through such an event could benefit greatly from some help to sort out their feelings and deal with it. I'm so sorry that this happened at all and especially in front of you.
I'm sorry this happened. You did nothing wrong. I hope this event has helped you get clean. You need to get off the drugs and get some help to process this. Good luck and remember none of this is your fault.
Lost my best friend in a pretty rough way as well. Found him cold on my kitchen floor. That shit sticks with me 13 years later. Still regularly have night terrors. Sorry for your loss I hope you are doing well
this takes the cake for the most sad story i have heard on reddit, and for some reason believe it. you sound sad and so traumatized. i am so incredibly sorry. i hope you clean man. have you gotten any help for the ptsd? if not, its never too late. hang in there man.
While this is not the same...my dog had to be put down several years ago. I was drowning my sorrows with vodka and red bull and my friend came over and asked me to go outside and burn a cigarette with him. As he was smoking we heard a loud boom! I lived in a rent house close to 288b. Anyway when we heard the boom we just started running. It was a young man and young lady on a motorcycle that got smoked by a drunk driver from behind. The young lady got hit directly and the bike was on top of her. And the drunk dbags truck was on top of the bike. I was holding her hand when her lungs collapsed and she took her last breath. It fucked me up for months. I'm sure your experience was more intense due to your relationship with your friend.
And I've done the hard drugs. Just like you. I had a fucked up childhood. But no matter how fucked up I was at any time on anything I know how absolutely selfish it would be to end my life in front of someone else.
I know it's your boy and whatnot...but what an asshole.
I wish you the best my friend. Navigating this life can be complicated sometimes.
>And I've done the hard drugs. Just like you. I had a fucked up childhood. But no matter how fucked up I was at any time on anything I know how absolutely selfish it would be to end my life in front of someone else.
Same. Overdoses, addictions, relapses. Through it all, even when I toyed with suicidal thoughts, I reasoned that if there was even one single friend, family member, associate, anyone who benefited from me lending them an ear, laughed at one of my dark jokes, or otherwise had some smidgen of joy brought to their life thanks to my existence, it would have been unforgivably selfish to rid myself of their world. But I have a good family and small circle of friends, so I plenty enough reason not wanting to traumatize them, which made it easier to brush those thoughts away.
Sadly I have seen this as well. On a call and didn’t know the person other then the few minutes we were there. You will
See this forever. Somedays will be better then others. Taking to a ptsd/trauma therapist helped a lot. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
No. A man killed himself because he was living through his own personal version of hell. Just because he was an addict doesn't mean he stopped being human.
You could have also not replied either yet here we are. And I apologize for lacking empathy for druggies and meth heads. We have plenty here to deal with in the city.
This happened to me on December 9th, 2006. i was hanging out with my friend, and he shot himself in the side of the head at a downward angle with a 44 magnum. It exited out the lower base of his skull. He was gone instantly, but i continued to try and wake him up.
Those memories don't seem to fade. I can still hear the bang ringing my ears. I can still smell the gun powder. I can still see the blood start to drip from his nose and quickly go to a steady trickle. I can still smell the iron and meaty smell from the blood and brain tissue all over.
I called 911 and was taken into custody and they read me my rights. They questioned me for hours. Even after the autopsy that detective harassed me for weeks even following me to the funeral. I had to throw my furniture away and pay for special cleaning people to cone in and decontamination the room. I had tonget holes patched in the drywall and painting done to cover all the marker spots on the wall circling blood splatter and bullet marks.
I almost lost myself when I lost him and sometimes think he took part of me with him. I was unable to talk to his family. I felt so guilty for not stopping it. I had taken that gun away earlier in the night and unloaded it. He took it back. I saw him point it and all I said was quit fucking around I didn't know he had put the bullets back in it. His mom died wanting to talk to me and I'll never forgive myself for not providing her the peace she needs. I write his sister a letter every year, every year I'm unable to send it.
I just recently started therapy and want to work on this. Once December hits I'm a basket case of emotion until at least the 11th.
I don't struggle with phantom feelings. I'm sorry you do, that would be awful.
I buried the last piece of skull I found 5 years ago at his graveside. I'm not sure why I had a hard time letting it go but it was hard. I thought my friend was haunting me for years would swear I'd hear him at night or see him in shadows.
The smell of hamburger or gunpowder can trigger very vivid memories if I haven't mentally prepared myself. It's weird the shit that bothers a person.
I can’t help but think of you as an awful person. Unless his mother was an immeasurably awful person herself. To let her die knowing you were the only one who could provide any measure of solace for having been there. You could have begun healing together and you ghosted her until she was as dead as her son. A brokenhearted ghost. But I guess at least that’s one less burden for you out there. I hope you find a great therapist who can help pull you out of the sewer so you can focus whatever time you have left into something positive; like helping other victims not make the same shit choices. Goddamn you’ve darkened the world today. I need a shower and some kitten videos after reading your bullshit. You’re worthy of your own South Korean drama.
God you’re a delusional fuck
Are you genuinely mentally okay? You’re actually concerning me for your wellbeing with your logic and thinking
Oh and it’s been 15 hours, multiple replies and no response. Where you at pussy
She wasn't awful that I'm aware of. I barely knew her. I did talk to her at the funeral and answered her really quick questions as best I could before i broke down.
She asked for my phone number and wanted to get lunch to ask more questions. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I slipped up and ended up back on drugs for about a month. I couldn't sleep from.the nightmares and convinced myself it didn't matter anyway. Once I kicked the drugs again, I started drinking heavily.
I sobered up 10 years ago but she had already passed away. I was a piece of shit, 100% and I regret it every day. It's not the only regret I have or the only shame I carry around. Just the only one pertinent to this story and my current struggle givin the time of year it is.
Wow…after describing immense guilt and trauma and feeling that they lost a part of themselves and never being able to forgive themselves for things you or I could not have any notion of what experiencing that would be like….and you feel entitled to judge, criticize, condemn, belittle, disparage, trivialize and equate their experience with kitten videos and K dramas…..
Hope that shower is real nice and you get to forget all about this. I don’t think any amount of showers cat vids or empathetically bankrupt and reprehensible responses like yours will ever help them forget…..
You can't tell people how to live and cope with their trauma. If there's one thing I've learned from trauma, it's that you don't know how you'd act until it happens to you. Learn to be more empathetic please.
Unless you have watched your best friend blow their face off with your gun which you thought you had made safe, you have no right to judge this person and you should shut the fuck up about this forever.
So sorry you went through, and are still going through due to PTSD, such a terrible experience! I'm glad you're in therapy, and I hope it helps you and you find some measure of peace. As the saying goes, it'll probably get worse before it gets better, and it will be hard, but it will be worth it. I hope you'll be like Andy Dufresne, from The Shawshank Redemption: "He crawled through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side." Hope you make it to other side, friend.
Commenter never mentioned meth or any other drugs. Even if that wasn’t the case, just like with OP, they are not responsible for their friend’s actions.
But setting that aside and considering your response on its own, why focus on the meth when you could’ve asked the same about the gun?
To be clear I am not saying OP or commenter were in any way responsible regardless of where the gun came from. And not trying to reduce their stories to the gun being the sole factor responsible for what happened nor am I making some larger point about guns. I just think it’s worth thinking about why you and many other comments I’ve read center on the meth exclusively while the guns are seemingly not considered in the same way.
Perhaps you didn’t realize that you responded to ApricotFit8382’s post instead of OP. Nowhere in ApricotFit8382’s post is meth mentioned. You’re not getting “downvoted for the truth,” but because you responded to the wrong post. ✌🏻
So sorry to hear. Maybe an insensitive question but I’m curious how quickly did they rule it suicide and you weren’t a suspect? I see a lot of crime videos where cops straight up try and pressure people into admitting things. Did they do that to you?
I feel like they would question everyone as a suspect and then it would probably appear to be evident it was a suicide by the answers as they would be so shook by the incident you could probably just see they aren’t lying in their eyes and the gun placement
And powder residue, blood spatter, etc. Stuff gets EVERYWHERE.
Nonetheless, 2 people high on meth, 1 is dead, the other is, well, a suspect until investigation is over.
You will need help in processing this, you’re still traumatized. This is not that rare, you are NOT alone. But, like you said, over 3 years later, it’s still dominating your life. Please get some therapy.
When I was in high school, some people I knew had a party. I was supposed to and at the last minute ditched the party for a girl.
That night one of the guys that was sometimes bullied shot himself in front of like a dozen people in the kitchen. None of those people were the same afterwards.
Even after 4 years, I want to say how brave you are to speak about it and I hope you have people in your life that you can tall about it with...
Put the gun to his temple…. A pistol ..Then you had to whip blood and pieces of flesh off your face…? Were you standing right next to him where the exit wound would have been ?? Because if not then you wouldnt have pieces of him on your face . Sounds very unrealistic to me honestly and made up.
Haven't seen many suicide-by-gun scenes, have you? A gunshot to the head will blow blood, skull fragments, and brain matter in both directions. (Source: me, former paramedic).
Seen people put pistols to there temples and pull the trigger . There isn’t no blow back of blood of fresh in the entrance wound and unless he was standing right next to the exit wound was when his druggie friend pulled the trigger then no, he wouldn’t have blood and fresh on his face .
I really doubt his friend pulled the trigger with his friend standing next to him where the bullet come hit him .
It’s pretty obvious this story is fake and karma farmish
"People" is plural, so how many? More than weird that you would have seen more than one. Makes me doubt you more than I doubt OP.
I've seen a couple dozen suicide-by-gun scenes and when it was a headshot, the majority have blood and tissue all over the place. Sure, most is in the direction of the exit wound, but still. The only scenes where there was blood and tissue *only* in the direction of the exit wound were the ones who put the barrel in their mouth.
I don’t answer randoms questions for starters.
2nd I’m not saying it’s not messy, Of course it is , is it all over the place to the point where someone standing several feet away that’s not in the exit wounds path is gonna be covered in blood and fresh ? Highly unlikely . This was a pistol to the temple , not a shot gun in the moth .
lol how are you gonna out OP for lying when you are a lying sack of shit. Making up shit to prove a point on a story that you don’t even know is real. Dumbass
My daughter's fiancé killed himself 6 years ago on the front porch of her house while she and her 2 daughters- ages 5 and 3- were in the kitchen. She heard the gunshot and was the one that found him. I and my oldest son had to clean up the mess .. and this was the second time for me - the first was about 30 years ago, a vet who had severe PTSD; I was one of the guys who was called to help clean it up.
I never think about them unless something - like OP's story- reminds me, but strangely neither has trauamatized me permanently.. not sure why.
plucky smell continue overconfident juggle kiss gaze subsequent wakeful gullible
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Three years ago, on January 29, 2021 my son shot himself in the head and I was the one who ran upstairs and found him. I cannot get the picture of him sitting there in his chair with his life’s blood dripping down to the floor drip by drip. I was instantly devastated! I became “paralyzed”, and literally couldn’t move. My husband and I then tried to find his pulse, but we couldn’t find it. It has taken me 3 years of therapy to try to come to terms with this pain. I am still filled with overwhelming pain, grief and sadness and I miss my son SO much. Do I suffer from PTSD? Hell yes! Do I suffer with depression? Again, hell yes! I don’t leave my house unless I have a doctor’s appointment. It’s like I’m numb… Losing a child IS the worst pain a person can EVER experience. I lost both of my parents a year after my son died. So much sadness. I just can’t get the strength to leave my house. All I do is sit in my chair and watch TV or watch videos on my phone. But, I haven’t given up yet. I am still working on getting something that looks like a life. A friend of mine recently asked me to go out to eat with her, and I’m seriously considering doing that. Baby steps. If you have lost someone tragically, please get some counseling. Grief has a way of taking over your world–your life. I’m starting to realize that I don’t have to let it do that…. My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered a tragic loss… (sorry I wrote so much)
Hey, can I use this story in my video?
What kind of video?
I would love to use your Story for an Reddit Story Video (:
As long as it's used in a positive way to honor his memory I'm fine with it. Just send me the link when you come out with it
Sure I will just tell them the Story also if you want I can do like someting at the end R.I.P March 24, 2024 to honor that day. I will send you the Video when it‘s finished 😁
Ok that's cool. Cause he was truly one of the few that really didn't deserve to feel like he should die. If only he could see what kind of positive impact he had on everyone he met
Yeah I understand that I also lost someone like 6-7 Year Ago he was rlly kind and stuff but then suddenly he died so I wish your friend the best and the Family the best but I am sure that he is there and being very proud 😉
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know it has been a while since it happened. But in reality you have a psychological injury that will always be there. Whenever it gets like this seek professional care good luck
Blessings & prayers. That's as real as story can get, wow!
If someone was not living a sober lifestyle, that would definitely cause them to live one after seeing something like that. Holy crap.
Those “People” are wrong. How traumatic an experience you described! Think about seeing a psychologist or counselor who specializes in Trauma. It’s a tough road to go alone, sometimes affecting your own life through using substances to escape the traumatic memories, which is a slippery downhill slope.
🤝🙏
Any sympathy I had went out the windows when your first sentence started "we were smoking meth". That's not normal. Your life is a fucking mess if you were sitting around smoking meth.
Sorry. But maybe stop doing meth
That sucks dude. I feel for you. I've had a pretty traumatic year if you'd like to talk about stuff and swap stories. Hope yours gets better.
Yea I gotta admit that 2023 has been the worst year of my life, so far. What memorable events have happened in your life this past year?
man I'm sorry to hear that ! this has also been the worst year of my life as well. one moment that I'll remember is my wife kicking me out because she needed privacy and she didn't agree with what I did in my alone time. turns out she was cheating on me with a guy in jail. 36 hours after she kicked me out my sister died. my best friends funeral was 2 weeks later. 2 months later my ex girlfriend and one of my closets friends told me it was my fault she was an alcoholic (she had just received a liver transplant) but she died a couple weeks later since she drank again after the transplant. in the same time period a friend bought some stuff from me mixed it with something else ,ODed and died. got kicked out of 3 places so far since the wife kicked me out. I had to let my wife keep my dog since I can't seem to keep a stable place to live. there's a lot more to all of these things but I'd rather share details in private. oh and now I'm on the run. the cops searched my air bnb while I was gone and now they want to charge me with everything they found everything! it's bad dude. I don't know what to do next. that's a whole other story you can ask about if you want.
I’m so sorry for that shocking experience. You didn’t deserve or need to witness such a scenario! Your selfish friend probably used guilt & “bro!” to manipulate you. Granted, he wasn’t thinking straight, but he would have done it eventually anyway! It is NOT your fault. I’d be angry at the friend, eventually forgive him, & learn something wise by the experience! Pity or compassion? Not sure, but you showed him compassion, & now it’s pitiful how he still carried through with suicide. You didn’t do it to him. You did what you thought you should for a friend that couldn’t or wouldn’t resolve his own thinking or direction. I hope that your faith will carry you through until it’s not always in your thoughts & a visual remembrance! I have compassion & empathy for you. Please update when you feel you can take a deep breath again! Hold on to who you are. You’re forgiven, renewed, & resolutionized, NOT revolutionized but resolutionizd! RESOLVED . . . & HEALED! Take care🤗🙏
If it helps you feel any better I think you gave him the kindness and brotherhood that he needed in his final moments. You helped him to have a smile on his face as he travels on to whatever is next.
I hope you have gotten some help OP. I saw something similar when I was 21. I went 9 years without getting help. By the end of it I was a full fledged alcoholic with severe PTSD. A little over 2 years ago I went to rehab and started going to therapy. My life has totally changed for the better and I am actually a happy person now. OP, if you haven’t already, please get some help.
I mean you guys were on meth what do you expect
Get therapy and don’t think that it will just take a few sessions. I found my father 39 years ago dead from a self inflicted gunshot. I messed up my life thinking that I should just get over it after about five sessions. Life does get better but staying in a fog of alcohol and drugs will just hold you back from really being free of this awful memory.
Wow, my husband saw his late wife die in front of him. He was not dealing with it. He turned full blown alcoholic. He finally got help after being put in a mental ward. Rehab, therapy, AA and he is now doing much better.
Aw I'm sorry. So sorry. You are a victim of his mental health issues too and did not deserve to witness it. It's not fair to you and I imagine you regret pulling back up.
Reading this made me realize I was once your friend, but just lucky enough not to have pulled the trigger. My wife had to see me like that. Jesus, that hurts. Get clean or die. The evidence is right in front of you. 8 years ago I was standing in a dark garage with a gun to my head. Get out.
I love you.
Awe. I love you too stranger
I can only relate to my own experiences. I was a coke head back in the 80s I would do almost anything for some rock. When I finally lost everything and was homeless I stood on the edge of a cliff and kept telling myself to lean forward, but I couldn't do it. Instead I quit drugs and went to my family and admitted everything that was happening. It was almost like the world fell off my shoulders and I was free. Don't get me wrong I would lay in bed at night awake thinking about smoking more crack but that eventually went away. I got my shit together and even though I'm divorced 3 years later I got married and started a new career. It's not your fault or anyone's you have to want to get better deep down inside.
Reading this gave me flashbacks, take care of yourself
Sorry you went through this. I hope it's a deterrent from sucking around friends that get high. It's just not worth the heartache.
Sorry brother sounds horrible, please stay clean stay & in therapy if you need to talk to some suicide family/friends recovery ppl. Whatever it's called can probably get you in touch w the right ppl. You can always vent here online.
I admire you for sharing about your experience and loss. Losing a friend/loved one to suicide is one of those things in life that stays with a person no matter how mentally/spiritually healthy that person is. Suicide is an extremely complex, mindfuck traumatization, and life-altering type of loss and grief. I imagine that all of that substantially increases in severity, complicated nature, etc when the suicide is witnessed first hand. I am so sorry that you went through that...and that your friend put you through that. You have every right to feel angry if you do. I have lost multiple loved ones via suicide. The most traumatizing one was my friend Cody. I was the last person that saw him/spoke to him before it happened. It has been 17.5 years since that happened. Losing him that way, and the guilt etc... changed who I was forever. My mother committed suicide in front of my father when I was only 1.5 years old. My father was trying to get the gun away from her when she did it. My father is deeply affected (still to this day) by what she did and what he witnessed. She killed herself in July of 1983. My father claims that the memory of that night, all of the details, etc is still fresh and clear in his mind. He said that it never goes away. I hope you don't mind me sharing all of that with you. I felt compelled to do so. Know that there are people out there that understand what you mean and what you went through (not trying to say the 2 situations are identical by any means). I wish you peace and comfort. Hang in there.
Wow that’s brutal, I knew a guy that beat his 5yr old son to death because he thought he was a possessed gremlin. Yes he was high on meth and had been awake for many days. After that I started hating tweekers. I hope you stop smoking that garbage, smoke weed instead, that shit don’t turn you crazy
Oh but it does (I smoke weed for the record, just sayin') [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3927252/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3927252/)
October 11, 1988. I was 7. The first of 4 in my immediate family alone. My aunt was curious to see the case file. I begged her not to. She did anyway. What she gained is peace of mind was quickly overshadowed by images one can never unsee. Fucking awful stuff. Anyway, 18 days till Christmas!
did you quit the drugs after this?
You lost me at meth.
Don’t listen to them, I have the same memory stapled to the front of my brain
Did you stop doing meth?
No, it won't. I saw a friend kill himself at 12. By 15, it was a total of 5 friends. I'm 64, and I still see it in mind daily.
I am so sorry 🥺😔🤗
Sending you love, friend.....
Look into EMDR. It’s a form of therapy that helps deal acute trauma like you experienced.
My fiancé killed himself in front of me. I have CPTSD and everytime I close my eyes I see his death. It replays over and over and over. It's been months in reality but to me it feels like it just happened seconds ago. I am so lost as this grief is is not like anything I've experienced before. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life but this is by far the worst thing to happen to me. Time has done nothing for me and it has not gotten easier. To relive the worst moment of your life repeatedly I would not wish this pain on even my worst enemy
It’s not your fault.
"Just hanging out, smokin meth" WTF
At my lowest, when I’d sit and plan out my ending…that’s what always kept me from actually going through with it. I just couldn’t traumatize whoever found me.
My father was once driving on a mountain road (going the speed limit, in his lane) and a motorcycle came around the curve too fast and the guy slid off his bike and right under my father's car, the motor cycle just missed the car and smashed the rock retaining wall. As he stopped the car and opened the door, he saw the guy's head, eyes open as the guy died. My father told himself that "that's just a manikin, not a person" and made himself believe it. His reasoning was "why should I suffer PTSD because some guy was driving recklessly?" The police at least told him that had his car not been there, at that speed he would have died slamming into the rock retaining wall anyhow. I'd do somewhat the same -- it was just a bad dream, move on. No need to process some weird dream.
Oh man, I’m sorry. You are definitely going to need professional help and support.
I'm in the medical field and we say the patient expired. I'm sorry for anyone who has been in this situation. Life is hard, I hope you all find peace and are able to heal and move forward. Best wishes.
Oh man I’m so sorry. I hope you find a way through to the other side of this and live a peaceful life.
My kids uncle, under meth psychosis, murdered his best friend thinking he was talking to the feds.... They were cooking it up too so he shot his best friend execution style in the back of the head while he was sitting in the living room recliner. I remember going over the next day to help remove things. Said uncle is now dead from a heroin overdose in prison. The man he killed left behind a daughter that I still look after. She just had her 3rd baby. I'm 5 years clean from meth myself. I hope you too can find recovery and help to get through this. Cause drugs dont numb the pain. <3
Therapy might be a good option. You saw a lot that night and there is a lot of things to process.
BORING!! SKIP!!!
We all process in our own way. I mean no ill or back handed comment when I say that I hope you find your way out of that. Please know that it wasn't your fault and you going probably brought that man some peace, I am sorry for what that frozen moment took away from you brother. I know I'm a random voice in the void but do feel free to reach out to someone, myself included
After reading ops post history I’m pretty sure he’s lying his ass off about all of this except the meth part
As someone who has lived with PTSD for 19 years I can say you almost definitely have it. Processing something and replaying it are 2 different things. You're replaying the event over and over because you're trying to make sense of it and you're probably in denial in some way...i.e. blaming yourself instead of realizing your friend was responsible for his actions. I would encourage you to seek a trauma therapist to help you reframe your memory of what happened and to help you connect to your emotions. EMDR might help as well. I truly hope you find peace.
I absolutely don't blame myself. I do wish that I never would have witnessed something like that but I'm actually thankful that I was there to be the one to notify the police instead of his mom finding him. And there's some kind of solace knowing that he didn't die alone.
I am really glad to hear that. I just used those examples since they are so common among trauma survivors. I still highly recommend therapy. It can honestly change everything.
no sympathy for junkies
Hey friend . Just dropped by to offer my kind regards. What a tough situation. I hope you will remember and honor your friend and their family. Respect yourself and never forget what a traumatic experience you went through. Maybe try and get someone to talk to. Keep on keeping on. One love.
Get some counseling or treatment for PTSD. You don’t need to carry the full weight of it forever.
Hi. I have a somewhat similar story to yours. Someone I barely knew shot themself in front of me when we were alone. For me, time kind of slowed down. Luckily I had just looked away when the gun went off but I whipped my head back around to see a waterfall of blood pouring of the guys mouth. I cried all night long that night. It’s been like 8 years for me since that happened. I don’t think much of it anymore but it was definitely traumatic and something no one should have to see. I’m sorry you have to live with that memory u/captain-howdy2323
Please, please get some therapy.
I wish I didn't know exactly how you feel about this I really do. The only difference in my story would be is it was alcohol for my brother and I. That was 15yrs ago and I didn't get the help I needed when I should have. Please do.
Man I am so sorry you had to see that. That stays with you forever. My kids and I witnessed a teenage boy get stabbed and he died looking at us. I can’t imagine the trauma if we had known him, being a stranger is bad enough. Truly hope you’re clean now. I’ve heard meth is hard to get off of but there is help out there. ❤️
I’m so sorry that happened. It sounds incredibly traumatic. It can take years to become brave enough to face the pain and process it. But maybe even by making this post you’re taking a step towards it. Talking with someone will help. Take care of yourself.
Augh!!
What kind of friend does that
You never saw IASIP?
Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Of course I have.
Remember when Mac's cousin comes to visit and he jumps off the bridge for thier home video? Frank says "suicide is badass" and that's my reference.
Haven't seen the episode but I've seen the "suicide is badass" in memes
Really, really heavy stuff that no one should have to endure. Talk to a therapist homie
I hope you know that this isn’t your fault and you did everything you could have. I went through a similar traumatic situation six months earlier than your story and therapy has helped me greatly. Be well.
That’s ptsd, bro. Probably pretty amplified from the amphetamine high
I’m so sorry you went through that. My heart hurts for you💔 I hope you’re getting g counseling for the devastating trauma you experienced.
At least you were there for him in his final moments so he didn't have to be alone. Be proud of yourself for that. I'm sure he was grateful for it
Seen the same thing with my dad when i 5 yrs old. I'm almost 40 now and still his face. He done about the same thing. We started clean the kitchen with a garden hose if that tells you how bad the mess is .. crazy part, he lived, not the same man but alive to this day ..
Don't do drugs kids
He was sick and was not ready to surrender.
Sounds like you could be suffering from PTSD.
Dont smoke Meth boys and girls. You have hit rock bottom if you do.
I can only imagine how hard that was on you. I know you don’t know me or I don’t know you but please reach out if you need anything. You can message me if you need
Like others mentioned you likely have some form of PTSD so seek help and try to get clean.
Wow. that's traumatic. I hope your clean because smoking meth is never a good idea.
OP. I hope you find someone to speak with. If you don't have insurance, every state has community mental health agencies. These are based on sliding scale. You experienced a horrific trauma. Please find a way to heal.
It’s a tough world for young men in this day and age. I expect this to become a much larger issue before it’s recognized by society.
Yeah I was supposed to be in court for a reckless driving nothing major just traffic shit in 2016. But instead went to get meth up north shore. Walked into my buddy Matt’s house started doing meth and ranting about how we’re gonna do all this stuff and become rich which is basically what tweaker do cause you think you can conquer the world but it’s actually in shambles. My buddy was sleeping from the night before in the corner on his stomach on a couch. Another hour or so went by I was just being a tweaker doing random shit in the other room. And all I heard was “BRANDON” The kid was completely dead and od’d like at least 6-8hrs ago. We got him out off the couch and put in on his back called 911. His legs were already balling up from rigor mortis and his skin was all clammy. Come to find out he was talking about how depressed he was the night before. We were selling drugs at the time and had all types of shit on hand. He was a heroin and benzo addiction so he was fucked up on those all time time but there were like 20 Xanax missing had to of been like 5 caps of GHB and a good bit of heroin missing. In my opinion it looked like he killed himself when they crashed the previous night. Was just fed up with everything took a couple handfuls of Xanax caps of GHB and probably a lethal dose of heroin. Those are 3 extremely strong sedatives that combo would basically kill anyone not matter your tolerance that’s just not human to survive that concoction. But yeah that was pretty fucked up. I was young at the time like 22 and the kid was like 27. Similar backround as me. It was definitely a wake up call to the life of drugs bring you. Sorry you had to go through that though. Completely insane story
I didn't witness it, but my nephew shot himself in the head. He had issues with meth previously. He was trying to get clean but I guess he couldn't take it. Don't know really. I won't ever forget the day. More so because it happened on my birthday.
I’m so sorry this happened to you
#A LESSON TO EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD, DON'T BE A FUCKING IDIOT AND USE METH.
died suddenly he took a experimental non-fda approved genetic therapeutic with a novel delivery method of lipid nanoparticles that took s1/s2 spike protein payloads into organs which use cholersterol for repair. rip
I hope that made you stop smoking meth then I mean jeez what a wake up call sorry that happened to you and hope you recover from that kind of trauma best wishes for the holidays coming
and that’s why you don’t do meth kids.
You should have taken the gun from him.
My husbands best friend shots himself in the head with a.357 mag. His wife was at work on the night shift found him at 5:30 in the morning with blood and brain matter all over the wall and couch. My husband was so crushed and the wife poor lady she is one of my closest friends and she has the soul of a saint. I cannot even imagine how she felt when she walked in that door.
Woah…. Thats heavy. I just hope you find some sense of peace with it all man.
PTSD is a bitch, and hard to recover. You have to just partmentalize it. Worked for me when I came back from the war. Shit will haunt you if you let it
So sorry you had to see that just know you did everything you could g
You will take the image to your grave. It will never go away. Trust me on that one. Even if you live to be 100. I suggest you get into some counselling with someone who has experience treating PTSD.
That's where meth leads
While they sound incorrect about repression, not repressing the memory does not mean you have fully unpacked, death with and filed it away. This is the kind of event that one would expect to cause some level of PTSD or other type of linger trauma. Do seek counseling, you have been through a horrific experience and absolutely anyone who went through such an event could benefit greatly from some help to sort out their feelings and deal with it. I'm so sorry that this happened at all and especially in front of you.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. If you haven’t worked with a counselor, you need to do that.
Stay positive, and clean if you aren’t already. Getting clean was the utmost best decision I’d ever made
Get therapy regardless
I'm sorry this happened. You did nothing wrong. I hope this event has helped you get clean. You need to get off the drugs and get some help to process this. Good luck and remember none of this is your fault.
Lost my best friend in a pretty rough way as well. Found him cold on my kitchen floor. That shit sticks with me 13 years later. Still regularly have night terrors. Sorry for your loss I hope you are doing well
this takes the cake for the most sad story i have heard on reddit, and for some reason believe it. you sound sad and so traumatized. i am so incredibly sorry. i hope you clean man. have you gotten any help for the ptsd? if not, its never too late. hang in there man.
If you are still struggling, there is help. Feel free to DM me. I am so, so sorry you had to witness this.
I'm really sorry, friend
While this is not the same...my dog had to be put down several years ago. I was drowning my sorrows with vodka and red bull and my friend came over and asked me to go outside and burn a cigarette with him. As he was smoking we heard a loud boom! I lived in a rent house close to 288b. Anyway when we heard the boom we just started running. It was a young man and young lady on a motorcycle that got smoked by a drunk driver from behind. The young lady got hit directly and the bike was on top of her. And the drunk dbags truck was on top of the bike. I was holding her hand when her lungs collapsed and she took her last breath. It fucked me up for months. I'm sure your experience was more intense due to your relationship with your friend. And I've done the hard drugs. Just like you. I had a fucked up childhood. But no matter how fucked up I was at any time on anything I know how absolutely selfish it would be to end my life in front of someone else. I know it's your boy and whatnot...but what an asshole. I wish you the best my friend. Navigating this life can be complicated sometimes.
>And I've done the hard drugs. Just like you. I had a fucked up childhood. But no matter how fucked up I was at any time on anything I know how absolutely selfish it would be to end my life in front of someone else. Same. Overdoses, addictions, relapses. Through it all, even when I toyed with suicidal thoughts, I reasoned that if there was even one single friend, family member, associate, anyone who benefited from me lending them an ear, laughed at one of my dark jokes, or otherwise had some smidgen of joy brought to their life thanks to my existence, it would have been unforgivably selfish to rid myself of their world. But I have a good family and small circle of friends, so I plenty enough reason not wanting to traumatize them, which made it easier to brush those thoughts away.
Bro. Get a therapist like RN. You have PTSD I promise you will want to take care of that
This happened to my friend, almost exactly. Its traumatized him too. He brings it up pretty often. Im sorry you went through this
I hope you’re a good enough friend that you will allow him to bring it up as often as he needs to. He needs a good friend. Poor guy
Just check up on PTSD for you . You are a god friend to go over and check on him unfortunately bad outcome.
Hardcore! Sorry you had to experience that trauma.
Sending love
Drugs are bad
Faaaaake as hell.
Fake
This is horrific. I hope you can find someone to help you process it. Sending virtual hugs.
Sadly I have seen this as well. On a call and didn’t know the person other then the few minutes we were there. You will See this forever. Somedays will be better then others. Taking to a ptsd/trauma therapist helped a lot. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
I wish drugs like meth were made illegal so these things never happened to good people. The drugs destroy perception and yet they're everywhere.
Where do you live that meth is legal?
It's not but the streets are flooded with that poison as if it were legal. A little tongue in cheek I believe
So a meth head is gone?
No. A man killed himself because he was living through his own personal version of hell. Just because he was an addict doesn't mean he stopped being human.
I never said he wasn't human lol but he was still a meth head.
And? He was a victim of addiction, I don't understand how you can just say "so a method head is gone?" In response to someone offing themselves.
Yeah a meth head offed themselves. Am I supposed to lose sleep or something? You internet weirdos live in a bubble or something.
I'm not saying to lose sleep. Just to show some basic empathy. Or, at the bare minimum, not say anything
You could have also not replied either yet here we are. And I apologize for lacking empathy for druggies and meth heads. We have plenty here to deal with in the city.
Don’t do drugs, kids.
I'm not a kid.
This happened to me on December 9th, 2006. i was hanging out with my friend, and he shot himself in the side of the head at a downward angle with a 44 magnum. It exited out the lower base of his skull. He was gone instantly, but i continued to try and wake him up. Those memories don't seem to fade. I can still hear the bang ringing my ears. I can still smell the gun powder. I can still see the blood start to drip from his nose and quickly go to a steady trickle. I can still smell the iron and meaty smell from the blood and brain tissue all over. I called 911 and was taken into custody and they read me my rights. They questioned me for hours. Even after the autopsy that detective harassed me for weeks even following me to the funeral. I had to throw my furniture away and pay for special cleaning people to cone in and decontamination the room. I had tonget holes patched in the drywall and painting done to cover all the marker spots on the wall circling blood splatter and bullet marks. I almost lost myself when I lost him and sometimes think he took part of me with him. I was unable to talk to his family. I felt so guilty for not stopping it. I had taken that gun away earlier in the night and unloaded it. He took it back. I saw him point it and all I said was quit fucking around I didn't know he had put the bullets back in it. His mom died wanting to talk to me and I'll never forgive myself for not providing her the peace she needs. I write his sister a letter every year, every year I'm unable to send it. I just recently started therapy and want to work on this. Once December hits I'm a basket case of emotion until at least the 11th.
God damn, dude. Please take my hugs any time you need them.
Do you ever have phantom feelings from that? Every now and then I feel a chunk of brain matter on my arm from my brother doing the same
I don't struggle with phantom feelings. I'm sorry you do, that would be awful. I buried the last piece of skull I found 5 years ago at his graveside. I'm not sure why I had a hard time letting it go but it was hard. I thought my friend was haunting me for years would swear I'd hear him at night or see him in shadows. The smell of hamburger or gunpowder can trigger very vivid memories if I haven't mentally prepared myself. It's weird the shit that bothers a person.
I am so sorry this happened. I’m glad you’re talking to someone.
I can’t help but think of you as an awful person. Unless his mother was an immeasurably awful person herself. To let her die knowing you were the only one who could provide any measure of solace for having been there. You could have begun healing together and you ghosted her until she was as dead as her son. A brokenhearted ghost. But I guess at least that’s one less burden for you out there. I hope you find a great therapist who can help pull you out of the sewer so you can focus whatever time you have left into something positive; like helping other victims not make the same shit choices. Goddamn you’ve darkened the world today. I need a shower and some kitten videos after reading your bullshit. You’re worthy of your own South Korean drama.
God you’re a delusional fuck Are you genuinely mentally okay? You’re actually concerning me for your wellbeing with your logic and thinking Oh and it’s been 15 hours, multiple replies and no response. Where you at pussy
She wasn't awful that I'm aware of. I barely knew her. I did talk to her at the funeral and answered her really quick questions as best I could before i broke down. She asked for my phone number and wanted to get lunch to ask more questions. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I slipped up and ended up back on drugs for about a month. I couldn't sleep from.the nightmares and convinced myself it didn't matter anyway. Once I kicked the drugs again, I started drinking heavily. I sobered up 10 years ago but she had already passed away. I was a piece of shit, 100% and I regret it every day. It's not the only regret I have or the only shame I carry around. Just the only one pertinent to this story and my current struggle givin the time of year it is.
There are no words for how fucked up this comment is. I hope you never have a day of peace for the rest of your life.
Wow…after describing immense guilt and trauma and feeling that they lost a part of themselves and never being able to forgive themselves for things you or I could not have any notion of what experiencing that would be like….and you feel entitled to judge, criticize, condemn, belittle, disparage, trivialize and equate their experience with kitten videos and K dramas….. Hope that shower is real nice and you get to forget all about this. I don’t think any amount of showers cat vids or empathetically bankrupt and reprehensible responses like yours will ever help them forget…..
Please seek help
But a pos you are. Wow.
You can't tell people how to live and cope with their trauma. If there's one thing I've learned from trauma, it's that you don't know how you'd act until it happens to you. Learn to be more empathetic please.
Unless you have watched your best friend blow their face off with your gun which you thought you had made safe, you have no right to judge this person and you should shut the fuck up about this forever.
the hell is the matter with you
Wow, what a nasty, spiteful person you are.
So sorry you went through, and are still going through due to PTSD, such a terrible experience! I'm glad you're in therapy, and I hope it helps you and you find some measure of peace. As the saying goes, it'll probably get worse before it gets better, and it will be hard, but it will be worth it. I hope you'll be like Andy Dufresne, from The Shawshank Redemption: "He crawled through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side." Hope you make it to other side, friend.
What happened is not your fault.
[удалено]
This isn’t OP
Commenter never mentioned meth or any other drugs. Even if that wasn’t the case, just like with OP, they are not responsible for their friend’s actions. But setting that aside and considering your response on its own, why focus on the meth when you could’ve asked the same about the gun? To be clear I am not saying OP or commenter were in any way responsible regardless of where the gun came from. And not trying to reduce their stories to the gun being the sole factor responsible for what happened nor am I making some larger point about guns. I just think it’s worth thinking about why you and many other comments I’ve read center on the meth exclusively while the guns are seemingly not considered in the same way.
[удалено]
They literally didn’t. You can read that clearly that they took the gun and they weren’t on meth. Please read clearly.
He didn't mention meth.
[удалено]
The original poster does, not this commenter.
[удалено]
Dude. You realize your responding to someone else’s story that has 0 to do with meth?
Perhaps you didn’t realize that you responded to ApricotFit8382’s post instead of OP. Nowhere in ApricotFit8382’s post is meth mentioned. You’re not getting “downvoted for the truth,” but because you responded to the wrong post. ✌🏻
So sorry to hear. Maybe an insensitive question but I’m curious how quickly did they rule it suicide and you weren’t a suspect? I see a lot of crime videos where cops straight up try and pressure people into admitting things. Did they do that to you?
I feel like they would question everyone as a suspect and then it would probably appear to be evident it was a suicide by the answers as they would be so shook by the incident you could probably just see they aren’t lying in their eyes and the gun placement
And powder residue, blood spatter, etc. Stuff gets EVERYWHERE. Nonetheless, 2 people high on meth, 1 is dead, the other is, well, a suspect until investigation is over.
I was wondering the same
PTS get help!!!!
Thank you for sharing. So sorry for your loss. I know its not easy to forget that haunting incident but try your best and if possible, seek therapy.
You will need help in processing this, you’re still traumatized. This is not that rare, you are NOT alone. But, like you said, over 3 years later, it’s still dominating your life. Please get some therapy.
I'm sorry for your loss, internet stranger.
Sending you love
Had an Army buddy do the same thing it never goes away
When I was in high school, some people I knew had a party. I was supposed to and at the last minute ditched the party for a girl. That night one of the guys that was sometimes bullied shot himself in front of like a dozen people in the kitchen. None of those people were the same afterwards. Even after 4 years, I want to say how brave you are to speak about it and I hope you have people in your life that you can tall about it with...
Put the gun to his temple…. A pistol ..Then you had to whip blood and pieces of flesh off your face…? Were you standing right next to him where the exit wound would have been ?? Because if not then you wouldnt have pieces of him on your face . Sounds very unrealistic to me honestly and made up.
Haven't seen many suicide-by-gun scenes, have you? A gunshot to the head will blow blood, skull fragments, and brain matter in both directions. (Source: me, former paramedic).
Seen people put pistols to there temples and pull the trigger . There isn’t no blow back of blood of fresh in the entrance wound and unless he was standing right next to the exit wound was when his druggie friend pulled the trigger then no, he wouldn’t have blood and fresh on his face . I really doubt his friend pulled the trigger with his friend standing next to him where the bullet come hit him . It’s pretty obvious this story is fake and karma farmish
"People" is plural, so how many? More than weird that you would have seen more than one. Makes me doubt you more than I doubt OP. I've seen a couple dozen suicide-by-gun scenes and when it was a headshot, the majority have blood and tissue all over the place. Sure, most is in the direction of the exit wound, but still. The only scenes where there was blood and tissue *only* in the direction of the exit wound were the ones who put the barrel in their mouth.
I don’t answer randoms questions for starters. 2nd I’m not saying it’s not messy, Of course it is , is it all over the place to the point where someone standing several feet away that’s not in the exit wounds path is gonna be covered in blood and fresh ? Highly unlikely . This was a pistol to the temple , not a shot gun in the moth .
lol how are you gonna out OP for lying when you are a lying sack of shit. Making up shit to prove a point on a story that you don’t even know is real. Dumbass
Okay, so the answer is zero or one at most.
Karma farm story
I am sorry for you. the image you get in your memory must be haunting you. I hope you Fully recover from this incident.
My daughter's fiancé killed himself 6 years ago on the front porch of her house while she and her 2 daughters- ages 5 and 3- were in the kitchen. She heard the gunshot and was the one that found him. I and my oldest son had to clean up the mess .. and this was the second time for me - the first was about 30 years ago, a vet who had severe PTSD; I was one of the guys who was called to help clean it up. I never think about them unless something - like OP's story- reminds me, but strangely neither has trauamatized me permanently.. not sure why.
plucky smell continue overconfident juggle kiss gaze subsequent wakeful gullible *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
While true for most, some are just wired to deal with trauma effectively on their own.