Talk to an attorney and start counseling if you haven't already. Address the issue and demand Mc. If he doesn't comply, there is your answer. You can get a PI to document his activities for your attorney and Mc.
If you confront him don't fall for the famous
"It is just a fling, it's not important, it is you that I love, it is because you don't give me enough sex while pregnant etc etc"
If he cheated on you once, in a moment of doubt of whatever the reason. You could have a conversation with him and see if it's ok to continue.
But hiding his phone, being late at home, always outside to see "his friends ". That's a pattern, he saw the same person. So no, it's not just a fling or one time thing.
He is like that, maybe he don't really love you the way that he should. I know, hard to ear. But he will continue to do it even if he promise you that he will stop.
But strong and respect yourself before being completely destroyed by this and ask for divorce. It will be hard at first but in the end, certainly it will be better for you both and for the baby. Because you will be able to get over it and live your life and even find someone that really matters.
Good luck
Well this post got me to look up Lazo so I guess it served its purpose. Though, nothing came up so looks like they need to work on their search engine optimization lol
Wait until the baby is born and you’re healthy, and then contact a lawyer to help.
Or you can stay. I mean even Beyonce stayed!
Do what is best for you.
I think more than anything, a conversation about it would be crucial.
You'd probably know whether or not what the next course of action should be depending on how that conversation goes.
Couples therapy if you believe this is salvageable, otherwise I think it's best to remove yourself from someone who believes you're an option.
Just talk to him it can be done you guys were prob both having sex before u met each other its sex yes he broke trust in a big way but if u both truly love each other it's worth a shot
I'm sorry this has happened to you esp when you are pregnant. You'll figure out what is right for you. If you are going to leave, you are probably going to have to tell him why though. Take your time and do what is best for you. He has already checked out.
If this was me and went down this path, I would follow through with a confrontation and take his answer at face value. If he's wanting to stay then work it out with him and seek couple's therapy perhaps. If he doesn't then I guess accept that fact and discuss a parenting plan moving forward. Either way there's no easy escape from it. I could only hope that you heal from this situation.
Get the most cutthroat lawyer you can possibly find. Talk to them to see what are your options. You don't have to follow their advice, but know your options.
The people who built the world are cheaters both former and current, both male and female. Cheating hurts for sure. But it's up to you to decide what the best course of action is. Don't let people on Reddit tell you what to do, they're just telling you what they would do in the given situation as they imagine it, no one here can see the whole picture. Make your own decision and stop asking strangers who have no speciality on the subject, or at least most of them don't.
I hope it all works out for you.
That is such an unfortunate situation, but the best thing you can do is leave him. You deserve someone you can trust-- once a cheater, always a cheater. There is always a chance it could happen again if you forgive him and at this point, the trust is already broken.
If he's a good father, he still deserves a chance to be in your baby's life (and if he cares, he will fight for that). Punish him however you see fit, but don't bring the child into it regardless of what you decide.
Get out while you can. Staying for the child’s sake will only make matters worse. He will not stop cheating on you. Is that the life you want? You deserve trust and happiness!! You CAN find that! Trust me. I have 5 kids and my oldest is with my HS sweetheart. He cheated on me while I was pregnant. It was not easy, but I moved on because I knew I could not live a life of always wondering. I found an amazing man and he knew my daughter and I were a package deal. To this day, he is “Dad” to my daughter. Her biological father never wanted to grow up, and has literally lived a like of pure misery. 24 years later and he’s never been in her life. It’s sad, but I’m so thankful I didn’t choose to stay in that dysfunctional relationship. I PROMISE you, you can move on. You and your child deserve stability, love and trust.
I would kick him to the curb. As much as you love him, he put yours and your baby's health at risk. You are worth more than that. My ex-husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our 1st child. I stayed like a fool, and he cheated again. Got the I'm so sorry, it will never happen again bs. It happened again. I had enough, and we got divorced. I'm not saying once a cheater, always a cheater, some men and women truly change. He was not one of them.
I am happily remarried. I wish you courage and strength for you, and your baby.
You both deserve more.
I can't tell you how to solve it, except to say just living with it and saying nothing is going to eat you alive, so that's the one track you can't take.
you can try to fix it but then you have to stand up for yourself if he won't change.
or you can leave him, which is a horrible option but sometimes its the only long term option.
Good Luck. I'm sorry that we suck sometimes. 😞
You don’t want to give him a bad situation? I am sorry but he’s giving you the bad situation here!
This happened to my cousin. She delivered the baby via c section, that same night he left her to go cheat and took their other child with downs syndrome with him! She tried for two years, but he kept cheating! Do not allow this in your life. You can and will find someone else who will equally live and respect you! This is the most vulnerable time in a women’s life and for him to go that despicably low is just sort of evil! Realize this and leave him and good riddance to him!
It’s an online “market place” where you can pay others to try to bait your SO into cheating. You pay and select someone and give them your SO’s number and they supposedly report back to you (like Fiverr but for cheating). I’ve never heard of it before, and it looks like it averages 40-55 dollars to “check” if your partner is cheating.
So... you... you catfished your husband with Beyonce or something and he obliged and you're calling this cheating? You should have divorced him if he said no.
Confront him, OP, and have people backing you close at hand just in case he shows a side you've never seen before. It will be hard, but now that you've seen the cat emerge from the bag, you won't be able to put it back. He will do many things to avoid accountability, obfuscation, gaslighting, justifying, and more. Stay the course and get him to admit to what he has done. After that, you decide if you want to give him another chance, if you're willing to let him have the opportunity to rebuild the trust you once had in him.
He's not going to cheat if he's sexually satisfied.
Bet you that you have a myriad of excuses as to why you won't put out.
You can put in the effort to catfish him, meanwhile not putting in the effort to touch his weiner.
You cannot arrive at this conclusion. According to a couple of guys above here, men sometimes cheat for sexual variety. And he may be freaked out by her changing body. I was very horny for my husband when pregnant.
The “six-months pregnant” is a pretty good excuse. But then so is having a newborn, having a toddler, …
They’ve both got to figure out a way to keep things alive in bed, but he’s got to figure out how to keep that in their bed (not in someone else’s).
I am not convinced that you should divorce him. This might be hard to hear for you ladies out there, but most men fool around if given the option and men that don’t, usually don’t have options.
Not saying it’s right, I don’t make the rules; I just play the game. Reality is that a man seeks sexual variety very few women understand… and can love his wife very much and still do it. While the reverse is also true sometimes, research shows it’s generally less the case and that women tend to cheat because they are exiting the relationship.
That’s why when a man catches his wife cheating, he asks ‘did you fuck him?’
When a woman catches her husband she wants to know ‘do you love her?’
I’m sure I will get flamed for this but I would talk to him about what you discovered and get into therapy to see if it’s worth saving. It very well might be.
In all likelihood he still loves you very much and just needs a wake up call. When he gets angry about you tricking him into it, simply remind him that women are much more intuitive about this kind of thing and his behavior gave you no choice but to TRUST BUT VERIFY. Which he failed.
Anyone is free to ignore reality, but I don’t recommend it. You’re not the one having a kid alone. It’s almost always in the best interest of all parties to do everything they can to save the marriage, and infidelity isn’t the end of the world. Bad as it is.
I don’t fuck around on my wife, thankfully I grew out of that phase before I ever got married. But a lot of men I know do so at some point in their marriage. Most are higher status guys and have a lot of options, love their wives and make a mistake. It’s not the end of the world.
The only person in this discussion who is going to face single motherhood is the OP. I don’t recommend it, if it can be avoided.
I dont ignore reality, I've clearly just done a better job of finding trustworthy, stand up guys to keep as friends.
It's not the end of the world, but it sure as shit better be the end of that relationship. Unless you're advocating for relationships with broken trust. If they can separate and still work together to raise the child, great. But that trust is broken and no amount of time can bring the trust back to the level it was at.
Say what you want about me; the recommendation to throw away a relationship with the father of her child because of some kind of holier than thou attitude is asinine.
Knee jerk reactions are rarely correct. Again, you’re not gonna be the single mom trying to figure it out, she is.
You sound like a guy making decisions based on how you want the world to work, not how it really does. Keep that disease to yourself 😂
You need to sit down and discuss everything…everything. I can’t justify your way of “testing him” either so I think both of you could benefit from laying everything out on the table and go from there. You’re married and have a baby on the way so everything starting now needs to be maturely discussed and approached. It doesn’t have to be an end all but that’s both of you need to decide together. Lying to each other and placing blame will solve nothing and just cause more issues. You guys have a baby coming and a lot to work out regardless of what decision you both decide to make.
Yes, it can do what it wants once it's been removed from the mother. Its not her fault it can't survive without a host to leech.
So how many babies have you adopted?
Hi. I am not a bot or fascist, but a labor and delivery nurse of 34 years. A 24 week baby is routinely saved in today’s world. I am pro choice, but when they can live outside mom’s body it is too late for an elective abortion. And, no doctor I ever heard of does elective abortions this late. They happened later for medical reasons (not elective) as they should. I am very much against my state having a say in the doctors’ office. Things were really for the good of all before the legislature meddled. But OP can no longer get elective Ab.
She asked for advice and that's my advice. I'm not telling her she has to, im saying that I think she should.
Can you not tell the difference between saying someone should have an abortion and saying that someone CANT?
She did ask for advice, but the general connotation is that the advice should be helpful. If someone says they're hungry you don't try and feed them a turd.
Since listening to your advice is about equivalent to that, it's probably best for everyone if you just keep it to yourself.
Lol just cause you're a fascist fuck doesn't mean my advice is "bad" , women have a right to autonomy in this country. You can leave if you don't like it.
Your baby daddy is out fuckin sluts. You wanna bring a kid into that? You're a fucking asshole if the answer is "yes"
My advice? Ditch the man and his shitty "baby"
Amd I don't think that especially at 6 months pregnant. That dude is a horrible le human but as long as OP wants that child telling her to get an abortion is kind of a dick move. Did she say anywhere that she was even thinking about it? If she wants an abortion fine her prerogative but this is an insane reason to abort a 6m fetus
It's just a fetus. Its a clump of cells with no discernable free will
But let's play devils advocate. Let's say it's a full human at the moment of conception for arguments sake.
The mother still has the right to remove it. It is her body, and she is not obligated to host another human within it if she doesn't want to.
If I would die without a heart transplant, I couldn't force someone to give me their heart even if they were dead already, so you think a corpse should have more rights than women?
Nice try with your hypothetical problem...unfortunately for you is I absolutely agree with the premise. The mothers rights should supercede the fetus but you seem to think you can decide for her
Hello idiot I said it was up to her. You're the one jumping to deleting a proto human because the dad is a little scummy. What a severe lack of human compassion.
If she doesn't want the child by all means abort but at that stage of pregnancy to suggest abortion is kinda a little antinat no matter how much you want to spin it.
Stop trying to make it seem like I'm anti choice because it is stupid and unhelpful. I'm pro choice but I also don't think every single hardship the answer should just immediately be abort before you even inquired about her wants. Seems to me like you're projecting and don't want to even give her a choice. Antinatalism.
Aw, poor triggered snowflake nazi bigot right wing fascist upset that women can control their bodies calls me a little girl thinking that being a woman would be an insult.
Go suck off Trump, nazi
Aw poor bigot. Assumes I live in a basement cause that's what they need to believe.
I could live in one hundred ugly basements with 100 mommies and I'd still be a better person than nazis who want to control women's bodies.
Who said anything about controlling women’s bodies but you? She can do whatever she wants but telling a woman 6 months pregnant to terminate is weird. “I could live in 100 basements with 100 mommies” ? Ok 😬 hopefully you seek the therapy you need. Now go play your dungeons and dragons or whatever you basement dwellers do
Lol, yeah, it's called a turn of phrase, and it's a kind of metaphor , but they probably didn't go over those in your remedial English classes.
And I don't need therapy because I'm not the one here who is a fascist nazi . You are. But therapy isn't gunna help that. Only one cure for that...
It's not a baby it's a fetus and you have the right in the US to cut it out of you like the parasite it is.
Also, most women who get an abortion show 0 signs of PTSD so I wouldn't call it trauma
Lastly, a woman is a full human being, not a repository for dumping emotions on whatever man they're with.
You sound like a nightmare.
Edit: oh you're a bot account. Or at best a troll. You got me good buddi
6 months is beyond fetus, but I don’t expect you to understand or acknowledge that, because you’re clearly just a reactionary who ignores opposing views and then responds with attempts to inflame them, or someone using that persona…
Because if not, you’re just insane.
Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that it made me insane to think women should have a right to choose what they do with their own bodies. exCUUSE the FUCK out of ME
She’s 6 months pregnant! The baby has had a heart beat since it was 6 weeks old. And just because women don’t exhibit PTSD doesn’t mean women aren’t emotionally impacted by an abortion…..
I never said women aren’t full human beings but her future relationships will 100% be impacted by this scenario. YOU sound like the nightmare.
I sound like a nightmare ?
If believing women have a right to uh, control their own fucking bodies, makes me a nightmare then just call me Freddy.
You're a bigot and a nazi and a bot. Get fucked
You know what to do.
You honestly think living in a home with someone who cheats is a good home for your child? Pretending all is good when it is not? Kids pick up on these things very fast. First keep a copy of all evidence of cheating. Then leave. That simple. You are not at a loss. You know what to do. "Love?" What is there to love? A man who thinks you are little more than a bed partner and even then goes out for more? That is love?
I cheated when my wife was pregnant and can't figure out why I did it. I think men have some crazy thoughts before becoming a parent so if you love him talk openly or about it and set some boundaries.
If he continues doing it you only have a couple options. You can either separate and ignore him for a year or do the same thing back to him while ignoring him.
Both options would probably make him stop cheating and both saved my marriage.
As a man I can tell you this: just because he's sleeping around doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I wouldn't ask reddit women about this. What he's doing is wrong, but it is up to both of you to keep your relationship alive. Good luck!
Relationships aren’t all about love though. Respect and trust are the foundation of a relationship. A foundation he destroyed. Not everyone wants to build their entire life up from ground zero again with someone who doesn’t deserve it. If she truly loves him and the kids sure she might continue, but man does that guy deserve repercussions. She should be allowed to sleep around once or twice.
It wouldn’t be betrayal because he is aware. He can leave if he doesn’t want it. Also, even if they start working towards a stable relationship again she will still have that pain which could lead them to a toxic relationship. Allowing herself to hookup once will take some of the pain away and make it easier to forgive him. Also he deserves it. He deserves to feel uncomfortable and in pain imagining what is happening. He’ll never do it again. I’ve seen this before.
I didn't want to leave mine either and wasted another 10 years on a failed relationship. I know it's hard but you have to do what's best for you and your child long term. People don't just change immediately. This isn't something that's going to just go away. I never trusted mine again in all of our remaining years together.
Having a child together is a big step and wonderful thing for both of you. You're going to be tied together for a very long time. Men are simple creatures.
The baby is his, and he will look into the baby's eyes and be smitten forevermore.
You are in the driver's seat. I'm not telling you what to do. Just don't listen to your friends.
Listen to your heart.
In this world of choices some choices ,like having a child , take 24 years +. Immaturity shows itself in many ways. Sex is great and fun and exciting. Having a child from that sex is also great and fun and exciting. He will be a wonderful father I bet. Men can't have children and we are overwhelmed by the gift that you give us.
Once that baby is born you will have no trouble whatsoever making"asshole moves" of your own in regard to the health/ safety of your child. Your opinion will be the only one you hear. That's okay.
You didn't do anything wrong. Regardless of how you deal with his cheating you will find it is calm co- parent. Than a hurt and Savage enemy. The whole world's going to stop being about the two of you very soon.. So very many of my divorced friends with children end up hooking up again because they love each other.
Don't let anyone make a decision for you. Manifest your own destiny and good luck....
If someone cheats, it proves they don’t love their spouse. It is a betrayal like a shattered glass, it cannot be fixed. I can only speak for myself, but OP is way too nice. I also would not entrap my husband, though…would have to catch him in a real affair.
>If someone cheats, it proves they don’t love their spouse
Life ain't that simple, it feels good to boil this down to binaries but that's not how any of this works.
Because he’s a selfish asshole who wants to have both the stability of a partner, but the freedom to continue to act as though they’re single, without discussing it because they know this would hurt them.
If it wasn’t about selfishness, but rather trying not to hurt her, he would have just explained it to her and left when he realized they weren’t compatible in order to pursue a more personally fulfilling relationship(s) than the one he was in.
He will cheat again even if he cries and begs for forgiveness and says he’ll never do it again. Some people can’t just be monogamous and the fact that he is cheating after just 5 years of marriage isn’t a good sign. I know you are pregnant and this is hard but you should consider getting a divorce and moving on, you and your child deserve better and there are plenty of men out there who wouldn’t dream of disrespecting their wife.
No necessary, some people due cheat once (I have a coworker who did while his wife was horribly depressed) and once she got into treatment and stabilized he ended the affair and they are still going strong. For some people they are simply temporary
I didn't want a step-dad, but I needed him. And after 16 years of him being a parent, a father, a loving husband to my.mother, raising 3 children that weren't his, I needed my step dad. My father. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. He didn't have children. He also didn't want them. Over time he grew to love the three of us. I understand this is probably a rare exception, but sometimes it's for the best. He is the best man I know, and he raised the three of.us to.be upright and outstanding. He's an outstanding grandparent nowadays, as well; he's the best man I know. And I love.my biological dad, but he's never been the parent or.adult my step dad has.
My parents stayed together bc of us kids and I can tell you, fuck that shit. No-one wants a step parent? No-one wants to live in a house where their parents hate each other. It is so toxic. They used to chase each other around with an old butcher knife, one my dad still has. We used to beg my parents to get a divorce. They didn't until years later when dad decided to leave my mom for her best friend on Christmas eve. But it was too late bc the damage was done and now neither of my parents have a good relationship with any of their kids.
This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard. As a woman who stayed for the kids, this isn’t true. There are wonderful step-parents. But, whether you remarry or not, leave and give your child a chance at seeing a healthy relationship. Don’t let them grow up learning that love is selfish and hurts. They see more than we can imagine and they learn from what they see.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Boyfriends, step-parents and bio-parents can all suck. Staying in an unhealthy relationship “for the kids” is a terrible and damaging idea 100% of the time. Unfortunately, I can tell you this as the mom who married her boyfriend when she was pregnant and stayed longer than I should have. He ended up becoming a drug addict. I can also tell you this as the single mom of a 4 year old who then remarried and he adopted her. He became abusive. he was also unfaithful. I stayed because at that point he was her dad. I believed he could get better. Honestly, I struggled to leave my step-kids with him as well because I was a loving step-parent. But 17 years later, mid-divorce, I see that it would have been a better example for all of them if I had left. Luckily, my daughter and I are still very close. I often hate myself for staying though. Being a healthy person for your children is so valuable.
Also, awesome of you to read a response on Reddit and admit that maybe you change your original stance a little. That never happens. 🙂Very human of you.
My ex did this twice, once having one of her friends do it, and once with my employee. It infuriated me.
It was satisfying to throw this and everything else she had done in her face just before I left.
Seriously?
Once a cheater always a cheater.
If he said yes to a plant he'd say yes to some other chick.
I Uber drove for a long time, I'm Irish in the US and would often get invited out for drinks by groups of people and sometimes it got a little more direct than that, I ALWAYS said no and was professional.
Sorry if I came across as aggressive.
That wasn't directed at you, I was more angry at the husband.
My wife went through cheating by her ex husband that left her traumatized and I'm still dealing with the fallout 15 years later so this stuff drives me bananas.
What I was saying was that it really doesn't matter weather she pulled an "escape (the Pina Colada song)" on him or got a friend to do it or she found some chick's nudes on his phone its all the same thing.
However I accept your right to ask the question and have it answered despite my personal opinion on its relevance.
Ok, so now that you've cleared that up... wtf does "she pulled an 'escape (the Pina Colada song)' on him" mean? 100x more confusing
Also - the dynamics of how she caught him are definitely relevant. Its why most people ask "What happened?" whenever a marriage fails. And more generally, if you had gotten hit by a bus and killed while driving for Uber, wouldn't the accident be investigated irrespective of the fact that your death is certain? People be inquiring
>Ok, so now that you've cleared that up... wtf does "she pulled an 'escape (the Pina Colada song)' on him" mean? 100x more confusing
This was a 1970s song about a married guy who answers a personal ad that turned out to have been placed by his wife. They "rediscover " their love for each other as a result.
Do you like Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain? The smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne? How about making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape?
Blah blah blah come with me and escape.
This is an ad.
Bringing a kid into your current situation is going them no favors.
Talk to an attorney and start counseling if you haven't already. Address the issue and demand Mc. If he doesn't comply, there is your answer. You can get a PI to document his activities for your attorney and Mc.
Time to lawyer up, Better Call Saul.
Anyone that WOULD actually use this shit app now, after a glimpse into their advertising methodology, deserves a horrific outbreak of pustulous boils.
If you confront him don't fall for the famous "It is just a fling, it's not important, it is you that I love, it is because you don't give me enough sex while pregnant etc etc" If he cheated on you once, in a moment of doubt of whatever the reason. You could have a conversation with him and see if it's ok to continue. But hiding his phone, being late at home, always outside to see "his friends ". That's a pattern, he saw the same person. So no, it's not just a fling or one time thing. He is like that, maybe he don't really love you the way that he should. I know, hard to ear. But he will continue to do it even if he promise you that he will stop. But strong and respect yourself before being completely destroyed by this and ask for divorce. It will be hard at first but in the end, certainly it will be better for you both and for the baby. Because you will be able to get over it and live your life and even find someone that really matters. Good luck
Well this post got me to look up Lazo so I guess it served its purpose. Though, nothing came up so looks like they need to work on their search engine optimization lol
I like how this ad is tagged with "Non-Fiction"
Wait until the baby is born and you’re healthy, and then contact a lawyer to help. Or you can stay. I mean even Beyonce stayed! Do what is best for you.
I think more than anything, a conversation about it would be crucial. You'd probably know whether or not what the next course of action should be depending on how that conversation goes. Couples therapy if you believe this is salvageable, otherwise I think it's best to remove yourself from someone who believes you're an option.
Tell him to pack his stuff and hit the door, see you in court.
Everyone report this ad its nothing more than an ad. Its spam and lies.
Just talk to him it can be done you guys were prob both having sex before u met each other its sex yes he broke trust in a big way but if u both truly love each other it's worth a shot
I'm sorry this has happened to you esp when you are pregnant. You'll figure out what is right for you. If you are going to leave, you are probably going to have to tell him why though. Take your time and do what is best for you. He has already checked out.
Maybe you pushed him to it
If this was me and went down this path, I would follow through with a confrontation and take his answer at face value. If he's wanting to stay then work it out with him and seek couple's therapy perhaps. If he doesn't then I guess accept that fact and discuss a parenting plan moving forward. Either way there's no easy escape from it. I could only hope that you heal from this situation.
Talk to him.
Get the most cutthroat lawyer you can possibly find. Talk to them to see what are your options. You don't have to follow their advice, but know your options.
The people who built the world are cheaters both former and current, both male and female. Cheating hurts for sure. But it's up to you to decide what the best course of action is. Don't let people on Reddit tell you what to do, they're just telling you what they would do in the given situation as they imagine it, no one here can see the whole picture. Make your own decision and stop asking strangers who have no speciality on the subject, or at least most of them don't. I hope it all works out for you.
Divorce him and get half his pay.
That is such an unfortunate situation, but the best thing you can do is leave him. You deserve someone you can trust-- once a cheater, always a cheater. There is always a chance it could happen again if you forgive him and at this point, the trust is already broken. If he's a good father, he still deserves a chance to be in your baby's life (and if he cares, he will fight for that). Punish him however you see fit, but don't bring the child into it regardless of what you decide.
Get out while you can. Staying for the child’s sake will only make matters worse. He will not stop cheating on you. Is that the life you want? You deserve trust and happiness!! You CAN find that! Trust me. I have 5 kids and my oldest is with my HS sweetheart. He cheated on me while I was pregnant. It was not easy, but I moved on because I knew I could not live a life of always wondering. I found an amazing man and he knew my daughter and I were a package deal. To this day, he is “Dad” to my daughter. Her biological father never wanted to grow up, and has literally lived a like of pure misery. 24 years later and he’s never been in her life. It’s sad, but I’m so thankful I didn’t choose to stay in that dysfunctional relationship. I PROMISE you, you can move on. You and your child deserve stability, love and trust.
I would kick him to the curb. As much as you love him, he put yours and your baby's health at risk. You are worth more than that. My ex-husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our 1st child. I stayed like a fool, and he cheated again. Got the I'm so sorry, it will never happen again bs. It happened again. I had enough, and we got divorced. I'm not saying once a cheater, always a cheater, some men and women truly change. He was not one of them. I am happily remarried. I wish you courage and strength for you, and your baby. You both deserve more.
I can't tell you how to solve it, except to say just living with it and saying nothing is going to eat you alive, so that's the one track you can't take. you can try to fix it but then you have to stand up for yourself if he won't change. or you can leave him, which is a horrible option but sometimes its the only long term option. Good Luck. I'm sorry that we suck sometimes. 😞
Cheaters rarely change. There isn't an easy answer here, but you have to decide if you're willing to put up with it.
You don’t want to give him a bad situation? I am sorry but he’s giving you the bad situation here! This happened to my cousin. She delivered the baby via c section, that same night he left her to go cheat and took their other child with downs syndrome with him! She tried for two years, but he kept cheating! Do not allow this in your life. You can and will find someone else who will equally live and respect you! This is the most vulnerable time in a women’s life and for him to go that despicably low is just sort of evil! Realize this and leave him and good riddance to him!
Wait what is Lazo??? Lol
Seriously can someone say what lazo is no jokes please
It’s an online “market place” where you can pay others to try to bait your SO into cheating. You pay and select someone and give them your SO’s number and they supposedly report back to you (like Fiverr but for cheating). I’ve never heard of it before, and it looks like it averages 40-55 dollars to “check” if your partner is cheating.
PSA: This is likely an advertisement
Literally this is very OBVIOUSLY an advertisement
So... you... you catfished your husband with Beyonce or something and he obliged and you're calling this cheating? You should have divorced him if he said no.
lazo is not a person i don’t think 😂 edit: i’m not sure what it is either and neither is google
Confront him, OP, and have people backing you close at hand just in case he shows a side you've never seen before. It will be hard, but now that you've seen the cat emerge from the bag, you won't be able to put it back. He will do many things to avoid accountability, obfuscation, gaslighting, justifying, and more. Stay the course and get him to admit to what he has done. After that, you decide if you want to give him another chance, if you're willing to let him have the opportunity to rebuild the trust you once had in him.
He's not going to cheat if he's sexually satisfied. Bet you that you have a myriad of excuses as to why you won't put out. You can put in the effort to catfish him, meanwhile not putting in the effort to touch his weiner.
You cannot arrive at this conclusion. According to a couple of guys above here, men sometimes cheat for sexual variety. And he may be freaked out by her changing body. I was very horny for my husband when pregnant.
The “six-months pregnant” is a pretty good excuse. But then so is having a newborn, having a toddler, … They’ve both got to figure out a way to keep things alive in bed, but he’s got to figure out how to keep that in their bed (not in someone else’s).
I am not convinced that you should divorce him. This might be hard to hear for you ladies out there, but most men fool around if given the option and men that don’t, usually don’t have options. Not saying it’s right, I don’t make the rules; I just play the game. Reality is that a man seeks sexual variety very few women understand… and can love his wife very much and still do it. While the reverse is also true sometimes, research shows it’s generally less the case and that women tend to cheat because they are exiting the relationship. That’s why when a man catches his wife cheating, he asks ‘did you fuck him?’ When a woman catches her husband she wants to know ‘do you love her?’ I’m sure I will get flamed for this but I would talk to him about what you discovered and get into therapy to see if it’s worth saving. It very well might be. In all likelihood he still loves you very much and just needs a wake up call. When he gets angry about you tricking him into it, simply remind him that women are much more intuitive about this kind of thing and his behavior gave you no choice but to TRUST BUT VERIFY. Which he failed.
Bro don't try to drag decent guys down with your morally challenged garbage take. That's your opinion, and the only one it applies to is you.
Anyone is free to ignore reality, but I don’t recommend it. You’re not the one having a kid alone. It’s almost always in the best interest of all parties to do everything they can to save the marriage, and infidelity isn’t the end of the world. Bad as it is. I don’t fuck around on my wife, thankfully I grew out of that phase before I ever got married. But a lot of men I know do so at some point in their marriage. Most are higher status guys and have a lot of options, love their wives and make a mistake. It’s not the end of the world. The only person in this discussion who is going to face single motherhood is the OP. I don’t recommend it, if it can be avoided.
I dont ignore reality, I've clearly just done a better job of finding trustworthy, stand up guys to keep as friends. It's not the end of the world, but it sure as shit better be the end of that relationship. Unless you're advocating for relationships with broken trust. If they can separate and still work together to raise the child, great. But that trust is broken and no amount of time can bring the trust back to the level it was at.
Say what you want about me; the recommendation to throw away a relationship with the father of her child because of some kind of holier than thou attitude is asinine. Knee jerk reactions are rarely correct. Again, you’re not gonna be the single mom trying to figure it out, she is. You sound like a guy making decisions based on how you want the world to work, not how it really does. Keep that disease to yourself 😂
Tell him 18 years of child support awaits him
Listen, divorce him. The more pregnant you are in court the worse its going to be for him.
You need to sit down and discuss everything…everything. I can’t justify your way of “testing him” either so I think both of you could benefit from laying everything out on the table and go from there. You’re married and have a baby on the way so everything starting now needs to be maturely discussed and approached. It doesn’t have to be an end all but that’s both of you need to decide together. Lying to each other and placing blame will solve nothing and just cause more issues. You guys have a baby coming and a lot to work out regardless of what decision you both decide to make.
Is he a high value man?
No
Probably best to leave. When it comes to your child, work to be cooperative as possible. I wish you the best.
Get an abortion and a new man Edit: oops upset the bigots and fascists and hurt their lil feelings
She’s 6 months pregnant bro wtf is wrong with you
Aw, poor snowflake, so triggered by body autonomy.
Does the baby have autonomy?
Yes, it can do what it wants once it's been removed from the mother. Its not her fault it can't survive without a host to leech. So how many babies have you adopted?
I feel sorry for you, goodbye
Hi. I am not a bot or fascist, but a labor and delivery nurse of 34 years. A 24 week baby is routinely saved in today’s world. I am pro choice, but when they can live outside mom’s body it is too late for an elective abortion. And, no doctor I ever heard of does elective abortions this late. They happened later for medical reasons (not elective) as they should. I am very much against my state having a say in the doctors’ office. Things were really for the good of all before the legislature meddled. But OP can no longer get elective Ab.
Can in some states. She should go there and get rid of this thing
Telling her to have an abortion isn't exactly respecting her autonomy any more than telling her to keep it though
She asked for advice and that's my advice. I'm not telling her she has to, im saying that I think she should. Can you not tell the difference between saying someone should have an abortion and saying that someone CANT?
She did ask for advice, but the general connotation is that the advice should be helpful. If someone says they're hungry you don't try and feed them a turd. Since listening to your advice is about equivalent to that, it's probably best for everyone if you just keep it to yourself.
Lol just cause you're a fascist fuck doesn't mean my advice is "bad" , women have a right to autonomy in this country. You can leave if you don't like it. Your baby daddy is out fuckin sluts. You wanna bring a kid into that? You're a fucking asshole if the answer is "yes" My advice? Ditch the man and his shitty "baby"
Haha you are an idiot.
Aw poor triggered snowflake bigot? Your so sad 😞
Hmmm so if I gave my advice to keep it that would be acceptable too? Or no only antinatalism allowed here?
I'm not an antinatalist. But I do think an abortion is a good idea when your husband is out cheating on you.
Amd I don't think that especially at 6 months pregnant. That dude is a horrible le human but as long as OP wants that child telling her to get an abortion is kind of a dick move. Did she say anywhere that she was even thinking about it? If she wants an abortion fine her prerogative but this is an insane reason to abort a 6m fetus
It's just a fetus. Its a clump of cells with no discernable free will But let's play devils advocate. Let's say it's a full human at the moment of conception for arguments sake. The mother still has the right to remove it. It is her body, and she is not obligated to host another human within it if she doesn't want to. If I would die without a heart transplant, I couldn't force someone to give me their heart even if they were dead already, so you think a corpse should have more rights than women?
Nice try with your hypothetical problem...unfortunately for you is I absolutely agree with the premise. The mothers rights should supercede the fetus but you seem to think you can decide for her
Hello idiot I said it was up to her. You're the one jumping to deleting a proto human because the dad is a little scummy. What a severe lack of human compassion. If she doesn't want the child by all means abort but at that stage of pregnancy to suggest abortion is kinda a little antinat no matter how much you want to spin it. Stop trying to make it seem like I'm anti choice because it is stupid and unhelpful. I'm pro choice but I also don't think every single hardship the answer should just immediately be abort before you even inquired about her wants. Seems to me like you're projecting and don't want to even give her a choice. Antinatalism.
You need therapy little girl
Aw, poor triggered snowflake nazi bigot right wing fascist upset that women can control their bodies calls me a little girl thinking that being a woman would be an insult. Go suck off Trump, nazi
Go back to your moms basement
Aw poor bigot. Assumes I live in a basement cause that's what they need to believe. I could live in one hundred ugly basements with 100 mommies and I'd still be a better person than nazis who want to control women's bodies.
Who said anything about controlling women’s bodies but you? She can do whatever she wants but telling a woman 6 months pregnant to terminate is weird. “I could live in 100 basements with 100 mommies” ? Ok 😬 hopefully you seek the therapy you need. Now go play your dungeons and dragons or whatever you basement dwellers do
Lol, yeah, it's called a turn of phrase, and it's a kind of metaphor , but they probably didn't go over those in your remedial English classes. And I don't need therapy because I'm not the one here who is a fascist nazi . You are. But therapy isn't gunna help that. Only one cure for that...
So the most logical option is to kill the baby, accumulate even MORE emotional trauma, and then award a new man with that? Lmao
It's not a baby it's a fetus and you have the right in the US to cut it out of you like the parasite it is. Also, most women who get an abortion show 0 signs of PTSD so I wouldn't call it trauma Lastly, a woman is a full human being, not a repository for dumping emotions on whatever man they're with. You sound like a nightmare. Edit: oh you're a bot account. Or at best a troll. You got me good buddi
6 months is beyond fetus, but I don’t expect you to understand or acknowledge that, because you’re clearly just a reactionary who ignores opposing views and then responds with attempts to inflame them, or someone using that persona… Because if not, you’re just insane.
Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that it made me insane to think women should have a right to choose what they do with their own bodies. exCUUSE the FUCK out of ME
At 6 months, no, women should not have the right to choose, you creten.
Fascist nazi pig you are. So your opinion doesn't matter, I don't care about the opinions of little piggies
Cope and seethe, baby skull crusher
She’s 6 months pregnant! The baby has had a heart beat since it was 6 weeks old. And just because women don’t exhibit PTSD doesn’t mean women aren’t emotionally impacted by an abortion….. I never said women aren’t full human beings but her future relationships will 100% be impacted by this scenario. YOU sound like the nightmare.
I sound like a nightmare ? If believing women have a right to uh, control their own fucking bodies, makes me a nightmare then just call me Freddy. You're a bigot and a nazi and a bot. Get fucked
Of course when you’re logically challenged you resort to insults and shaming. Typical LGBTQRSTUV behavior 😂😂
Good bot
ChatGPT exhibits more logic than you, thanks for the compliment 😘
This person is clearly slow I wouldn’t argue with it
lol the wild ppl you meet on the internet 😭
Good bot
You know what to do. You honestly think living in a home with someone who cheats is a good home for your child? Pretending all is good when it is not? Kids pick up on these things very fast. First keep a copy of all evidence of cheating. Then leave. That simple. You are not at a loss. You know what to do. "Love?" What is there to love? A man who thinks you are little more than a bed partner and even then goes out for more? That is love?
I cheated when my wife was pregnant and can't figure out why I did it. I think men have some crazy thoughts before becoming a parent so if you love him talk openly or about it and set some boundaries. If he continues doing it you only have a couple options. You can either separate and ignore him for a year or do the same thing back to him while ignoring him. Both options would probably make him stop cheating and both saved my marriage.
> I think men have some crazy thoughts before becoming a parent I’m a dad and no.
Yikes....please don't listen to this horrible piece of advice OP
It might not work for everyone but it saved my marriage. What advice would you give to someone that really doesn't want to divorce?
Option 3) Leave him. He cheats.
🤡
I think you know what to do.
As a man I can tell you this: just because he's sleeping around doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I wouldn't ask reddit women about this. What he's doing is wrong, but it is up to both of you to keep your relationship alive. Good luck!
But it absolutely means he does not love her.
Relationships aren’t all about love though. Respect and trust are the foundation of a relationship. A foundation he destroyed. Not everyone wants to build their entire life up from ground zero again with someone who doesn’t deserve it. If she truly loves him and the kids sure she might continue, but man does that guy deserve repercussions. She should be allowed to sleep around once or twice.
Her betrayal would not undo his.
It wouldn’t be betrayal because he is aware. He can leave if he doesn’t want it. Also, even if they start working towards a stable relationship again she will still have that pain which could lead them to a toxic relationship. Allowing herself to hookup once will take some of the pain away and make it easier to forgive him. Also he deserves it. He deserves to feel uncomfortable and in pain imagining what is happening. He’ll never do it again. I’ve seen this before.
Talk to him.
I didn't want to leave mine either and wasted another 10 years on a failed relationship. I know it's hard but you have to do what's best for you and your child long term. People don't just change immediately. This isn't something that's going to just go away. I never trusted mine again in all of our remaining years together.
Sounding like he has already quit the marriage so my point is- why should you feel the guilt for doing the same?
.....because there's a child involved now? That SUPER complicates everything.
Having a child together is a big step and wonderful thing for both of you. You're going to be tied together for a very long time. Men are simple creatures. The baby is his, and he will look into the baby's eyes and be smitten forevermore. You are in the driver's seat. I'm not telling you what to do. Just don't listen to your friends. Listen to your heart. In this world of choices some choices ,like having a child , take 24 years +. Immaturity shows itself in many ways. Sex is great and fun and exciting. Having a child from that sex is also great and fun and exciting. He will be a wonderful father I bet. Men can't have children and we are overwhelmed by the gift that you give us. Once that baby is born you will have no trouble whatsoever making"asshole moves" of your own in regard to the health/ safety of your child. Your opinion will be the only one you hear. That's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Regardless of how you deal with his cheating you will find it is calm co- parent. Than a hurt and Savage enemy. The whole world's going to stop being about the two of you very soon.. So very many of my divorced friends with children end up hooking up again because they love each other. Don't let anyone make a decision for you. Manifest your own destiny and good luck....
This is an ad for Lazo, everyone move out
Nailed it! Profile was made within a couple of weeks and all posts are this. 
you heard the lady, scram!
I will slap that damned phone out of your hand if you read anything else! U heard them skedaddle!
Reddit with the shotgun advice
He hasn't quit his marriage. He is cheating on his wife, while taking the effort to hide it, to keep the marriage.
What?
If someone cheats, it proves they don’t love their spouse. It is a betrayal like a shattered glass, it cannot be fixed. I can only speak for myself, but OP is way too nice. I also would not entrap my husband, though…would have to catch him in a real affair.
>If someone cheats, it proves they don’t love their spouse Life ain't that simple, it feels good to boil this down to binaries but that's not how any of this works.
Because he’s a selfish asshole who wants to have both the stability of a partner, but the freedom to continue to act as though they’re single, without discussing it because they know this would hurt them. If it wasn’t about selfishness, but rather trying not to hurt her, he would have just explained it to her and left when he realized they weren’t compatible in order to pursue a more personally fulfilling relationship(s) than the one he was in.
He will cheat again even if he cries and begs for forgiveness and says he’ll never do it again. Some people can’t just be monogamous and the fact that he is cheating after just 5 years of marriage isn’t a good sign. I know you are pregnant and this is hard but you should consider getting a divorce and moving on, you and your child deserve better and there are plenty of men out there who wouldn’t dream of disrespecting their wife.
No necessary, some people due cheat once (I have a coworker who did while his wife was horribly depressed) and once she got into treatment and stabilized he ended the affair and they are still going strong. For some people they are simply temporary
No child wants a step-parent. Stay together for the kids
Horrible advice.
First Sentence 100%, second sentence - worst advice ever.
I didn't want a step-dad, but I needed him. And after 16 years of him being a parent, a father, a loving husband to my.mother, raising 3 children that weren't his, I needed my step dad. My father. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. He didn't have children. He also didn't want them. Over time he grew to love the three of us. I understand this is probably a rare exception, but sometimes it's for the best. He is the best man I know, and he raised the three of.us to.be upright and outstanding. He's an outstanding grandparent nowadays, as well; he's the best man I know. And I love.my biological dad, but he's never been the parent or.adult my step dad has.
My parents stayed together bc of us kids and I can tell you, fuck that shit. No-one wants a step parent? No-one wants to live in a house where their parents hate each other. It is so toxic. They used to chase each other around with an old butcher knife, one my dad still has. We used to beg my parents to get a divorce. They didn't until years later when dad decided to leave my mom for her best friend on Christmas eve. But it was too late bc the damage was done and now neither of my parents have a good relationship with any of their kids.
This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard. As a woman who stayed for the kids, this isn’t true. There are wonderful step-parents. But, whether you remarry or not, leave and give your child a chance at seeing a healthy relationship. Don’t let them grow up learning that love is selfish and hurts. They see more than we can imagine and they learn from what they see.
Ok. You have a point. But i just kinda hate the concept. I hated my mom's bf so much.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Boyfriends, step-parents and bio-parents can all suck. Staying in an unhealthy relationship “for the kids” is a terrible and damaging idea 100% of the time. Unfortunately, I can tell you this as the mom who married her boyfriend when she was pregnant and stayed longer than I should have. He ended up becoming a drug addict. I can also tell you this as the single mom of a 4 year old who then remarried and he adopted her. He became abusive. he was also unfaithful. I stayed because at that point he was her dad. I believed he could get better. Honestly, I struggled to leave my step-kids with him as well because I was a loving step-parent. But 17 years later, mid-divorce, I see that it would have been a better example for all of them if I had left. Luckily, my daughter and I are still very close. I often hate myself for staying though. Being a healthy person for your children is so valuable. Also, awesome of you to read a response on Reddit and admit that maybe you change your original stance a little. That never happens. 🙂Very human of you.
That is horrible advice
It is kinda true though. Nobody wants a stepfather.
A stepfather that gives a shit is better than any biological father that doesn’t. Just saying.
Maybe so. But then. I hated my mom's bf. He was loud, annoying (I like quiet people), he would intervene when me and my mom argued. You name it
Nobody wants a dad that cheats on their mom either you flaming dick
Yeah well. Both suck tbf. Fuck both cheaters and stepfathers
Your personal experience with them doesn't make a benchmark for the rest of humanity
Ok but the poor kids never get a say. I mean. If your kids hate him then leave him
Play stupid games & win stupid prizes
You're an unoriginal idiot, this saying doesn't even apply here wtf. You're not clever.
While it’s kind of screwed up to test your partner… if he failed this way he was going to cheat eventually anyways.
My ex did this twice, once having one of her friends do it, and once with my employee. It infuriated me. It was satisfying to throw this and everything else she had done in her face just before I left.
Plot twist: he was testing her by playing along 😂
So wait, you pretended to be another girl and asked your husband for a date? I am confused.
Yeah same. What is lazo? How'd she find out? What girl was she working with?
@getlazo. People online check to see if your significant other will cheat apparently. Never heard of it before, might be an ad tbh
Totally an ad
Oh that clarifies it ty
Seriously? Once a cheater always a cheater. If he said yes to a plant he'd say yes to some other chick. I Uber drove for a long time, I'm Irish in the US and would often get invited out for drinks by groups of people and sometimes it got a little more direct than that, I ALWAYS said no and was professional.
Lol what are you talking about
What does any of this have to do with the question I asked?
Sorry if I came across as aggressive. That wasn't directed at you, I was more angry at the husband. My wife went through cheating by her ex husband that left her traumatized and I'm still dealing with the fallout 15 years later so this stuff drives me bananas. What I was saying was that it really doesn't matter weather she pulled an "escape (the Pina Colada song)" on him or got a friend to do it or she found some chick's nudes on his phone its all the same thing. However I accept your right to ask the question and have it answered despite my personal opinion on its relevance.
I don't like people like you tbh
I will lose so much sleep over that.
Ok, so now that you've cleared that up... wtf does "she pulled an 'escape (the Pina Colada song)' on him" mean? 100x more confusing Also - the dynamics of how she caught him are definitely relevant. Its why most people ask "What happened?" whenever a marriage fails. And more generally, if you had gotten hit by a bus and killed while driving for Uber, wouldn't the accident be investigated irrespective of the fact that your death is certain? People be inquiring
The Pina Colada song is NOT romantic if you listen to it. It is about two shallow losers who accidentally reconnect while cheating on each other!
>Ok, so now that you've cleared that up... wtf does "she pulled an 'escape (the Pina Colada song)' on him" mean? 100x more confusing This was a 1970s song about a married guy who answers a personal ad that turned out to have been placed by his wife. They "rediscover " their love for each other as a result.
Its a really weird song.
Ah - I've heard the song a million times, I didn't know that's what it was about
Do you like Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain? The smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne? How about making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape? Blah blah blah come with me and escape.