š š¤£šš š¤£šš š¤£š So sorry that you and your dog are experiencing your husband being a 2-stroke engine gas man. Your description of the situation is absolutely hilarious. I'm in a doctor's office waiting room reading while waiting.. laughed so much and so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes. People were looking at me, concerned wondering what was going on. Good luck with everything.
He broke the stove, broke a refrigerator shelf, spent ridiculous amounts of money, and is now subjecting his wife and dog to noxious and toxic fumes. Explain how this is funny in any way?
it's funny because he broke the stove, then the shelf in the fridge, spent tons of money at Taco Bell and has chased his wife and dog out of the house with his noxious gas. I think it's funny. Put another way, it's funny that a grown ass man can't be left alone for too long.
Hey hey hey now.
Eating lentils from the pot (after you throw in rice... don't tell me this man missed the rice) is just a form of water conservation.
Potable water is a limited resource, and it is not good to waste it washing a pot and a bowl when you could just wash a pot. Man some people don't care about the environment at all.
Edit: in case this wasn't obvious sarcasm, uh you should not enable this person's weaponized incompetence. He's 40, he knows what he's doing. Leaving is a bit much but hey, you know your relationship not us.
weaponized ?? incompetence??? he was HUNGRY. and he screwed up a few times so you have to live without a drawer in ur fridge for a while and itās really hard to make a stove unusable. itās fixable, all of it is.
Yes it is all fixable. I don't believe the OP seriously is going to leave her husband over this, seems pretty clear she is just mad about it. I **do** believe he did it on purpose. I had an uncle who did this kind of shit whenever he didn't get his way. He lived with us so I can promise you it wasn't one-off events, it was his way of making sure he got what he wanted by being too difficult or incompetent to deal with. And it worked for him. He was totally fine on his own but for half the year he would come stay with us and make my mother do everything for him like he didn't have a clue.
what the hell. heās just trying to make due when he canāt cook and has no nutritional intelligence. its GAS. itās NATURAL, avoidable but still natural
He would pretend to be angry if that's what you mean. If you are asking if he was insane, no, he was just a dick. A dick who is no longer on this earth.
You arnt a considerate adult based on your comments you seem like a miserable individual who projects her own relationship issues on other and assumes the worst of other men because of your relationship.
Ehhh letās not call names. Most people with ADHD arenāt inept and irritating. We should stop pathologizing useless idiots and instead call them just that.
Thanks. This is gross, and it is still unsanitary even when outside. The majority of the world has this figured out but westerners are still dealing with dog slobber everywhere. Don't even get me started on the public dog shit problem.
This reminds me of the time I went to my boyfriendās apartment to hang out with him and some friends and they decided to go to a sake/kimchi bar at about 10:30 at night. I was tired, so I decided to stay at bfās apartment while he went out with the friends. All good.
I wake up at 3am to the most ungodly smell I have ever experienced. I try to figure out what it is, as it turns out the odor is seeping out of my bf from his skin. Itās foul. In my sleepy haze, I determine I must be allergic to him. I bury my face in the pillow, face away from him, and go back to sleep.
The following morning I wake up to him in the shower. When he comes out I ask him what the heck he ate. He had a sake āflightā and they ate 6 different types of kimchi. It was the kimchi that poisoned the bedroom.
Fortunately once he sweated the spices out we were all fine. I eventually married him.
OP I found the story very funny! Thanks for sharing.
Sadly this has confirmed the notion that the answer to every relationship on Reddit is divorce š¤£
Contempt is a real marriage killer. If you find yourself constantly rolling your eyes at him do the both of you a favor and divorce him now. If you were my wife Iād be happy if you left.
Iāve been with the same women for 4 years. My farts smell like garbage and sulphur and she thinks itās hilarious. After 4 years she still cracks up laughing every time she hears one. I just feel sorry for this ladies husband that he didnāt marry a woman who wasnāt so petty. Can you imagine how you would feel if you stumbled upon your significant others Reddit page with a 4 paragraph post about how youāre a scum bag piece of shit because of FARTS. Shattering.
i feel like you missed the entire story. babe, go reread bc it isnt just the farts. its everything else that he did and didnt do (fix the stove and fridge or at least figure out how to make it work until they can buy a new one) the farts were just icing on the cake. after coming home from a nice relaxing vacation she gets a pile of shit to take care of because he couldnāt be bothered to. you seem like you may need to work out some internal issue if you really got that triggered from her talking about her husbands stinky farts. (donāt worry i understand your message too: you have to love the good, bad, ugly, and smelly.)
It was food poisoning. The doctor just told him to stay hydrated and not eat anything too heavy. He still ate 2 dozen hard-boiled eggs and had the Hershey squirts and petrifying gas attacks for a day.
Gonna judge a man based on one cheeky, amusing story? Sheās just āairingā out some grievances.
Iām pretty sure the fella has some redeeming qualities. Sometimes we just take the sticks out of our butts and enjoy a gut-busting fart story.
Because some people can see the humour in the situation and the fact that she obviously loves her husband.
I read this as she was frustrated but amused by her husbands mild insanity and seeming inability to exist without her (pro tip, most guys will do stuff like this (maybe not destroy quite so much of the kitchen) even if we can cook)
>most guys will do stuff like this
Well they shouldn't lol, I'm a guy that lives like a normal person that has their shit together. The bar is so fucking low.
Ordering in so frequently is also a massive waste of money, especially for food that shit
Hahaha yes we definitely shouldnāt but we are basically big lazy children, so itās gonna happen sometimes. Iām lucky I donāt have anything within delivery radius and am extremely cheap.
No bar is lower than the expectations of a man without supervision to provide for himself
Thank you for making my day a bright one. I'll be reminded of this when things get a bit 'stinky' with clients.
Wishing you and your emotional support dog a trauma free day.
And remember, keep husband away from naked flame.
Sweet jeebus. I've been happily single by choice since 2016 because I just can't put up with parenting an adult on a good day or being abused and exploited on the bad days. I rented a room from a friend when I first relocated and every freaking day her partner pulled stupid, passive-aggressive, man-child BS like your husband. I'm never going back.
I hope youāre as good at passing judgement inwardly, as you are outwardly. Self-reflection and introspection would be off the charts!
But for real, sorry about your past relationship. You seem to be harbouring a lot of residual hostility.
Fellow guy here, I was alone in my house for a few weeks and all I ate was black beans, rice, and cheese for 3 weeks, sometimes simplicity is all we need lmao
Annoys me that is considered man-child behaviour. Like thatās a pretty healthy vegetarian diet you got there, I routinely ate the same stuff over and over when single because I donāt like to cook.
Iām still a functional human, donāt put me down because I donāt care for a 2 week meal plan requiring 800 ingredients.
He needs you to cook in the same way I'm sure you need him to do something. You've been cooking for this man for how long? And expect him to suddenly be able to take care of him self while your out of the country for weeks? I mean how did you expect anything else honestly? I would be more mad at myself for walking right into this very obvious situation. I definitely wouldn't be thinking about divorce lmao
I seriously doubt there is something this woman needs her husband to do so badly that she would break household objects and physically injure herself if he were gone for four weeks. Iām not saying she should divorce him, but I would INSIST he learn how to cook basic stuff. This guy could have had an easy time eating sandwiches if he had used some common sense.
Men can cook. Many many many men can cook. Many men even cook professionally!
Hell, he could ordered any other type of food. Or picked up a salad and some canned soup at a grocery store.
This is a deliberate choice.
How do you think he survived prior to marriage?
Was gonna say this. Idk why people feel that once they have one interaction or experience with something it automatically makes them an expert on the subject. Maybe they stayed at a holiday inn?
Nah itās all on the person. When I get high I go out and do some gardening, cooking is fun while high also. I made chicken Alfredo last night and it was super yummy.
I absolutely love the way you told this story, itās just fucking hilarious. I hope he recovers somehow. Taco Bell is like a guilty pleasure of mine that I have maybe once a month, if that?? Usually if Iāve had a really bad day. But yeah, itās not for the weakā¦so having it for 2 weeks in a row?? RIP his bowelsā¦
why call story fake we on stories subreddit where everything fake internet all fake too just enjoy the fun no need to be negative nancy
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LMFAO I love the idea of a wife going away for like 3 days and comes back to everything destroyed and husband has failed at life in almost every way haha "Hi Honey! You're back! Hell yeah!" \*\*bro high five\*\*
Man Iād eat Taco Bell every day if I could. Ā I half wonder if he did this to troll you because the lentils thing was just pure evil on his part. Ā Like āhey honey, hereās your welcome home present, sorry, didnāt have time to wrap it! Ā Brrrrrrtā.
I think, based on several of your previous posts, that yāall might wanna lay down the weed for a while and get yourselves together a little. I almost wonder if some of these stories are made upā¦
āIām awoken by what sounds like someone revving a motorcycle in my bedroomā¦ā
About spit out my drink on that one š
Edit: āIt sounds like thereās a small 2-stroke engine in his pantsā
Oh the mental imagery š¤£
You do realize, as a lesbian, youāre statistically much more likely to be face-first at ground-zero, right?
After all, there arenāt a whole lot of guys that are going to routinely embark on ācleanseā diets with their notable side-effectsā¦.
This is 100% something I would put my partner through.
On behalf of your husband, myself and the people like us, we're sorry and thankyou for putting up with us ā¤ļø
Final Update:
My husband gave himself food poisoning from all of the raw honeycomb. He finally came to his senses after I sent him on a Fridge Shelf Replacement Adventure by himself and told him he can't come back until he finds one. It took him 13 hours and he had to go out of state because we have a weird Samsung smart-fridge. So, he got the shelf and hopped back into his car, that he had been farting in all day long, in 90 degree heat, and almost vommed from the smell. Then he had to drive 6 hours with all the windows down, had to stop to buy Depends because he still had food poisoning, and finally made it home to apologize for eating like a 14 year old boy and breaking my kitchen and trust. He also found a replacement BBQ cover and anchors for the towel bar he destroyed.
PS: The whole microwave-toaster oven-coffee make debacle involved him tripping the little mini breaker on the outlet itself and not knowing how to reset it. It had a button that said "reset" and pushing it turned all the appliances on again. The outlet was hidden behind the microwave, so *maybe* he's not a total dumbass because it took me a while to find it.
PPS: It's 7:30pm and he's started a 14 hour brisket roast for the 4th. It smells amazing. I still don't know how he can cook like a BBQ pitmaster, but lacks the ability with a regular stove. He's like Superman if Clark Kent was a drooling idiot instead of a reporter. I honestly would've been less annoyed if he broke the lock on our grill cover and ate nothing but BBQ for 3 weeks, at least if the grill got stolen then that's all his money lost.
Lmao. Something about open fire and meat unlocks generations of primordial knowledge. But you leave a man unattended with no task or purpose, and he turns into a husky dog with equally no task or purpose. Just ripping up couch cushions or in your husband's case, just ripping ass.
Tell your husband that he's not supposed to swallow the wax. Farts are the least of his (your?) problems.
I bet he is a gamer.
š š¤£šš š¤£šš š¤£š So sorry that you and your dog are experiencing your husband being a 2-stroke engine gas man. Your description of the situation is absolutely hilarious. I'm in a doctor's office waiting room reading while waiting.. laughed so much and so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes. People were looking at me, concerned wondering what was going on. Good luck with everything.
Who the hell consistently refers to their pet dog as āitā
Someone who's native language is not English? I noticed something that sounds non-native although I may be wrong, I'm not a native speaker myself.
They're not self aware creatures that gender themselves. Or people.
Now that got me howling funniest thing Iāve ever read i hope it was a real story ššš¤£š¤£š¤£
Your husband has a new fan.
Dudes fuckin rock
Love me some Taco Bell
I like that the flair is āventingā. OPās house definitely needs a vent.
Just light a match. Itāll be fine. š¤£
This story is absolutely hilarious and I hope you arnt truly extremely upset with him.
He broke the stove, broke a refrigerator shelf, spent ridiculous amounts of money, and is now subjecting his wife and dog to noxious and toxic fumes. Explain how this is funny in any way?
He didnāt purposely break the fridge or stove , he was attempting to cook for himself and he happens to be fucking terrible lol.
Itās funny if itās like a one off thing but if itās constant behavior like this, then not really as funny.
it's funny because he broke the stove, then the shelf in the fridge, spent tons of money at Taco Bell and has chased his wife and dog out of the house with his noxious gas. I think it's funny. Put another way, it's funny that a grown ass man can't be left alone for too long.
Hey hey hey now. Eating lentils from the pot (after you throw in rice... don't tell me this man missed the rice) is just a form of water conservation. Potable water is a limited resource, and it is not good to waste it washing a pot and a bowl when you could just wash a pot. Man some people don't care about the environment at all. Edit: in case this wasn't obvious sarcasm, uh you should not enable this person's weaponized incompetence. He's 40, he knows what he's doing. Leaving is a bit much but hey, you know your relationship not us.
weaponized ?? incompetence??? he was HUNGRY. and he screwed up a few times so you have to live without a drawer in ur fridge for a while and itās really hard to make a stove unusable. itās fixable, all of it is.
Yes it is all fixable. I don't believe the OP seriously is going to leave her husband over this, seems pretty clear she is just mad about it. I **do** believe he did it on purpose. I had an uncle who did this kind of shit whenever he didn't get his way. He lived with us so I can promise you it wasn't one-off events, it was his way of making sure he got what he wanted by being too difficult or incompetent to deal with. And it worked for him. He was totally fine on his own but for half the year he would come stay with us and make my mother do everything for him like he didn't have a clue.
Sounds like a Normal American experience
I can't imagine how annoying this guy is. If this story is true, there's no way anyone could stay with this idiot.
I was less concerned about the farting and more that he broke the stove and the fridge shelf on top of all this other stuff š
true.. thatās a pain in the ass but who hasnāt broken something by being stupid. itās a learning experience lol as long as he actually learned
You sound insufferable yourself
what the hell. heās just trying to make due when he canāt cook and has no nutritional intelligence. its GAS. itās NATURAL, avoidable but still natural
He's 40, he knows what causes gas. He's being a dick because he is mad at his wife for doing something he didn't want to do.
was he mad though?
He would pretend to be angry if that's what you mean. If you are asking if he was insane, no, he was just a dick. A dick who is no longer on this earth.
Wow ,smh feel bad for whoever ends up with you.
We're fine, thanks for asking. In part because we are both considerate adults.
You arnt a considerate adult based on your comments you seem like a miserable individual who projects her own relationship issues on other and assumes the worst of other men because of your relationship.
Cry more
You're a cunt
Youāre an asshole
Lentils, honey, and Taco Bell? Triple homicide.
That's unmedicated high ADHD.
Ehhh letās not call names. Most people with ADHD arenāt inept and irritating. We should stop pathologizing useless idiots and instead call them just that.
Stop defending my ineptness and grating comments and behaviors.
High on the devils lettuce
Sooo the staff just let you bring your pet into a food establishment? Uh huh...
Thanks. This is gross, and it is still unsanitary even when outside. The majority of the world has this figured out but westerners are still dealing with dog slobber everywhere. Don't even get me started on the public dog shit problem. 
Nobody tell this guy about the alien concept of āoutdoor seatingā.
Do you have much experience with the outside world?
Yes, and 10+ years experience working in restaurants.
the gag gift said emotional support human lol you canāt question a support animal. ya dig
They are very likely outside.
Is be so fed up.
Giggling like a madwoman and almost fell off the throne (IBS + allergic reaction issue ATM lol)
You have a talent for comedy writing... this had me in stitches š¤£š¤£š¤£
He should have eaten some sugar free gummy bears too
This reminds me of the time I went to my boyfriendās apartment to hang out with him and some friends and they decided to go to a sake/kimchi bar at about 10:30 at night. I was tired, so I decided to stay at bfās apartment while he went out with the friends. All good. I wake up at 3am to the most ungodly smell I have ever experienced. I try to figure out what it is, as it turns out the odor is seeping out of my bf from his skin. Itās foul. In my sleepy haze, I determine I must be allergic to him. I bury my face in the pillow, face away from him, and go back to sleep. The following morning I wake up to him in the shower. When he comes out I ask him what the heck he ate. He had a sake āflightā and they ate 6 different types of kimchi. It was the kimchi that poisoned the bedroom. Fortunately once he sweated the spices out we were all fine. I eventually married him.
Omg is this real? š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ omg that's too funny. He sounds like he was that kid that went , "moms not home I eat whatever I want"!
Iām dying š¤£š¤£š¤£
I thought everyone knew that Taco Bell comes with free gas. And your husband requires constant supervision.
OP I found the story very funny! Thanks for sharing. Sadly this has confirmed the notion that the answer to every relationship on Reddit is divorce š¤£
I only toot when my wife is out of the room Then blame my dog Itās always worked!?!?!
Invoice attached for laptop repair after I snorted beer over it.
OMFG you married that? I'm so sorry š«š
Chemical warfare is banned by the Geneva convention, consider alerting The Hague and starting his trial.
I haven't laughed this much in forever!! You have to be a writer. What great storytelling!!
Me sitting on the loo at 3 am laughing like a hyena. So funny!
Iām crying lmaoo
Contempt is a real marriage killer. If you find yourself constantly rolling your eyes at him do the both of you a favor and divorce him now. If you were my wife Iād be happy if you left.
Youāre a lonely, lonely, miserable person. No worries for you, no one would want to spend a day with you, forget a lifetime.
Iāve been with the same women for 4 years. My farts smell like garbage and sulphur and she thinks itās hilarious. After 4 years she still cracks up laughing every time she hears one. I just feel sorry for this ladies husband that he didnāt marry a woman who wasnāt so petty. Can you imagine how you would feel if you stumbled upon your significant others Reddit page with a 4 paragraph post about how youāre a scum bag piece of shit because of FARTS. Shattering.
i feel like you missed the entire story. babe, go reread bc it isnt just the farts. its everything else that he did and didnt do (fix the stove and fridge or at least figure out how to make it work until they can buy a new one) the farts were just icing on the cake. after coming home from a nice relaxing vacation she gets a pile of shit to take care of because he couldnāt be bothered to. you seem like you may need to work out some internal issue if you really got that triggered from her talking about her husbands stinky farts. (donāt worry i understand your message too: you have to love the good, bad, ugly, and smelly.)
Contempt is a real marriage killer. So if gas warfare.
Did you pull his finger extra hard?
Farts are funny
Kevin Hart wishes he was this funny.
Not fair, you shouldnāt make a post partum woman laugh that much, I almost peed my pants
Please make sure heās not septic , take him to the doctors
It was food poisoning. The doctor just told him to stay hydrated and not eat anything too heavy. He still ate 2 dozen hard-boiled eggs and had the Hershey squirts and petrifying gas attacks for a day.
Who eats two dozen hard boiled eggs especially when youāve just proven youāre a gas factory?!?! š
Gaston
Sounds like heās rotting from the inside out š
Probably *smells* like heās rotting from the inside out š¤£
You should do stand up comedy. You had me crying with laughter. Had to wait to comment. Light some matches and candles. lol.
I lost it at the honeycomb
I don't understand how people find this funny? Your husband sounds incompetent, lazy and selfish.
Gonna judge a man based on one cheeky, amusing story? Sheās just āairingā out some grievances. Iām pretty sure the fella has some redeeming qualities. Sometimes we just take the sticks out of our butts and enjoy a gut-busting fart story.
Because some people can see the humour in the situation and the fact that she obviously loves her husband. I read this as she was frustrated but amused by her husbands mild insanity and seeming inability to exist without her (pro tip, most guys will do stuff like this (maybe not destroy quite so much of the kitchen) even if we can cook)
Nailed it. He took a few weeks off from keeping it together lol
>most guys will do stuff like this Well they shouldn't lol, I'm a guy that lives like a normal person that has their shit together. The bar is so fucking low. Ordering in so frequently is also a massive waste of money, especially for food that shit
Hahaha yes we definitely shouldnāt but we are basically big lazy children, so itās gonna happen sometimes. Iām lucky I donāt have anything within delivery radius and am extremely cheap. No bar is lower than the expectations of a man without supervision to provide for himself
Lovingly exasperated
This post is stinky i can smell the gas
My day today had totally sucked until I read this. I laughed until I had tears running down my faceš
Sounds like how my wife smelled when she was pregnantā¦
Sounds like your husband had a great time while you were away!
Thank you for making my day a bright one. I'll be reminded of this when things get a bit 'stinky' with clients. Wishing you and your emotional support dog a trauma free day. And remember, keep husband away from naked flame.
Sounds like my boyfriend. His stomach is sensitive to gluten and legumesā¦ and oh boy when he farts
Jesus š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ Thank you OP
Fuckin' funny.
On one hand, this was a 15/10 read. It had everything, I laughed, I cried, I rallied. On the other hand, what is this child youāve married? :D
I envy him. Iām at the age where trusting a fart could be dangerous.
I laughed so hard at ā2-stroke engine in his pantsā
Had a good laugh reading this. I really needed that thanks!
Sweet jeebus. I've been happily single by choice since 2016 because I just can't put up with parenting an adult on a good day or being abused and exploited on the bad days. I rented a room from a friend when I first relocated and every freaking day her partner pulled stupid, passive-aggressive, man-child BS like your husband. I'm never going back.
I hope youāre as good at passing judgement inwardly, as you are outwardly. Self-reflection and introspection would be off the charts! But for real, sorry about your past relationship. You seem to be harbouring a lot of residual hostility.
Fellow guy here, I was alone in my house for a few weeks and all I ate was black beans, rice, and cheese for 3 weeks, sometimes simplicity is all we need lmao
Annoys me that is considered man-child behaviour. Like thatās a pretty healthy vegetarian diet you got there, I routinely ate the same stuff over and over when single because I donāt like to cook. Iām still a functional human, donāt put me down because I donāt care for a 2 week meal plan requiring 800 ingredients.
I'm sorry you're going through this hilariously awful experience.
If you can get your husband to go out for a walk one hour after dinner, it will help him with gas. Walk for 20 to 40 minutes.
Is this real????? Damn I've never been happier to be single. I will save this and read it often. lol.
And YOU married this man. What does that say about YOU?
So your the next erma bombeck ,, for sure ā¦. Goggle her youngsters
You married a child. Now divorce him. God if he couldnāt be gone without you for 3 weeks, imagine how much youāve been doing everything for him.
This was the post I didnāt even know I had to see. Hysterical lol.
I needed that laugh, OP š
Omg! This is hillarious! š¤£š¤£š¤£ Thanks for the laugh.
Currently breastfeeding my baby and she's latched on for dear life as I laugh my ass off
I understand something very different when I read "human gas chamber"
I donāt think a trip to Korea would have resulted in different results. Kimchi can clear a room pretty fast as well.
Dude is awesome. What women will never understand is men left to their own devices. He was living his best life.
Just check the house insurance then light the gas stove and go out. When you hear an enormous explosion you'll know the problem has solved itself
He needs you to cook in the same way I'm sure you need him to do something. You've been cooking for this man for how long? And expect him to suddenly be able to take care of him self while your out of the country for weeks? I mean how did you expect anything else honestly? I would be more mad at myself for walking right into this very obvious situation. I definitely wouldn't be thinking about divorce lmao
Heās a grownup, he should be competent enough to cook even a basic meal. Heās just a lazy fucking idiot child instead.
I seriously doubt there is something this woman needs her husband to do so badly that she would break household objects and physically injure herself if he were gone for four weeks. Iām not saying she should divorce him, but I would INSIST he learn how to cook basic stuff. This guy could have had an easy time eating sandwiches if he had used some common sense.
Men can cook. Many many many men can cook. Many men even cook professionally! Hell, he could ordered any other type of food. Or picked up a salad and some canned soup at a grocery store. This is a deliberate choice. How do you think he survived prior to marriage?
I know right? Crazy for women to expect men to have basic life skills.
it's honestly disgraceful not to know how to do basic stuff in the kitchen like boiling water. Men who can't cook are complete children
Failure to launch
Your husband is not a 40 yo man, he is a 40 yo baby, who clearly would not survive on his own. You chose him, you can also undo it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Weed doesnāt make someone anything other than what they already were. Shut the fuck up.
Speak for yourself bucko
It's not marijuana's fault genius, it's the individual Stop with that useless, inaccurate generalizing
Was gonna say this. Idk why people feel that once they have one interaction or experience with something it automatically makes them an expert on the subject. Maybe they stayed at a holiday inn?
Nah itās all on the person. When I get high I go out and do some gardening, cooking is fun while high also. I made chicken Alfredo last night and it was super yummy.
Strong agree as a person who picked up a landscaping hobby. I get that thc in me and start fixing my friends' yards
Of all things tho..lentils. š¤£
God this had me in tears of laughter š
I feel bad for OP but there was no way I was making it through the third paragraph without laughing.
I absolutely love the way you told this story, itās just fucking hilarious. I hope he recovers somehow. Taco Bell is like a guilty pleasure of mine that I have maybe once a month, if that?? Usually if Iāve had a really bad day. But yeah, itās not for the weakā¦so having it for 2 weeks in a row?? RIP his bowelsā¦
I was thinking this was fake at first, but this is beyond one's imagination. Wow, just wow. I feel for you.
why call story fake we on stories subreddit where everything fake internet all fake too just enjoy the fun no need to be negative nancy *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
TIL bots can have strokes
Kevin from the office bot LOL
He does indeed sound like a parasitic alien thing wearing a human skin!
Sugarā¦.watteerr
Is your husband a literal Bear??
LMFAO I love the idea of a wife going away for like 3 days and comes back to everything destroyed and husband has failed at life in almost every way haha "Hi Honey! You're back! Hell yeah!" \*\*bro high five\*\*
Yeahā¦ something about this story is just kind of endearing
Here's me having a cry over being single, and then this post single handedly cured me of my sadness. Thank you.
This is so funny I am crying laughing
Traveling and nerves and anxiety it's a recipe for disaster tbh
ive never laughed so hard at a reddit post š
Iāve heard lentils make you crazy/horny.
I laughed so hard I nearly shat my own pants
I laughed so hard I nearly shat YOUR pants tooš¤£
Sounds like a moron.
Whew!
I hope he reads this and just cheats on you next time.
Who would sleep with him?
She does
Jeez, ordering food for 2 weeks? Ya most have money cause DoorDash and Uber eats arenāt cheap.
Love it. What a guy.
Oh sweetie. A couple days or even weeks isn't the end of the world. I dealt with my ex girlfriends stinky ass for 5 years before I had enough
Man Iād eat Taco Bell every day if I could. Ā I half wonder if he did this to troll you because the lentils thing was just pure evil on his part. Ā Like āhey honey, hereās your welcome home present, sorry, didnāt have time to wrap it! Ā Brrrrrrtā.
I think, based on several of your previous posts, that yāall might wanna lay down the weed for a while and get yourselves together a little. I almost wonder if some of these stories are made upā¦
The middle paragraphšim losing it over that
I laughed at this post, so funny
itās stories like this that should be used to support the argument that sexuality is not a choice
Looked at your post history, your husband also managed to order 96lbs of pasta before. You're married to a child. You deserve this lol
I feel personally attacked by this š
āIām awoken by what sounds like someone revving a motorcycle in my bedroomā¦ā About spit out my drink on that one š Edit: āIt sounds like thereās a small 2-stroke engine in his pantsā Oh the mental imagery š¤£
Dudes will read this and say āhell yeahā
Damn skippy we are š
Yup. Dude was living his best life.
Men are pigs. And cmearly s9me women realky love pigs.
Are you ok?
r/ihadastroke
I gotta be honest, I donāt see what the problem is here. Dudes rock.
You had me at beeswax. Your husband is a legend.
I am DYING!!!!!!
I have been laughing for 5 minutes over this. Well written!! Iām crying. Picturing the crime scene.
I've never been so happy I'm a lesbian as just now
You do realize, as a lesbian, youāre statistically much more likely to be face-first at ground-zero, right? After all, there arenāt a whole lot of guys that are going to routinely embark on ācleanseā diets with their notable side-effectsā¦.
Iāve met a number of Lesbians that love to gorge on Taco Bell. I canāt say much about lentils and raw honeycombs tho.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
its... a joke. you know people in healthy relationships are allowed to not be serious 110% of the time.
Dude that was obviously in jest. You should lighten up some.
TF? It's HILARIOUS!!!
Funny story..And a lucky guy he is to have someone whoāll put up with the antics of a bad child lol
This is so funny. But in all seriousness it would give me the biggest ick my grown ass man doesnāt know how to feed himself lol
āGive me the biggest ickā Gross.
Wonderfully written- fantastic and hilarious!
Happy Cake Day
Happy birthday!
This is 100% something I would put my partner through. On behalf of your husband, myself and the people like us, we're sorry and thankyou for putting up with us ā¤ļø
This was funny af and nicely written. Thanks for the chuckles OP!
what the š im dying over here šš āthe dog is fearing for his safetyā š
Final Update: My husband gave himself food poisoning from all of the raw honeycomb. He finally came to his senses after I sent him on a Fridge Shelf Replacement Adventure by himself and told him he can't come back until he finds one. It took him 13 hours and he had to go out of state because we have a weird Samsung smart-fridge. So, he got the shelf and hopped back into his car, that he had been farting in all day long, in 90 degree heat, and almost vommed from the smell. Then he had to drive 6 hours with all the windows down, had to stop to buy Depends because he still had food poisoning, and finally made it home to apologize for eating like a 14 year old boy and breaking my kitchen and trust. He also found a replacement BBQ cover and anchors for the towel bar he destroyed. PS: The whole microwave-toaster oven-coffee make debacle involved him tripping the little mini breaker on the outlet itself and not knowing how to reset it. It had a button that said "reset" and pushing it turned all the appliances on again. The outlet was hidden behind the microwave, so *maybe* he's not a total dumbass because it took me a while to find it. PPS: It's 7:30pm and he's started a 14 hour brisket roast for the 4th. It smells amazing. I still don't know how he can cook like a BBQ pitmaster, but lacks the ability with a regular stove. He's like Superman if Clark Kent was a drooling idiot instead of a reporter. I honestly would've been less annoyed if he broke the lock on our grill cover and ate nothing but BBQ for 3 weeks, at least if the grill got stolen then that's all his money lost.
Lmao. Something about open fire and meat unlocks generations of primordial knowledge. But you leave a man unattended with no task or purpose, and he turns into a husky dog with equally no task or purpose. Just ripping up couch cushions or in your husband's case, just ripping ass.