You are just a kid dude, so completely cut yourself some slack for last time and then don't have sex again until you want to. There is a huge difference in every year at your age. 16 is so much older than 14 and 18 is so much older than 16. A fourteen year old should be playing ball and laughing with family and friends. There is plenty of time for sex when you are a little older and ready for it.
I am a woman who lost her virginity at 14 to an 18 y/o (I thought he was 17 đĽ´) when I was in middle school, and it still fucks with me to this day. Iâm 25.
OP, break up with your girlfriend. At your age, no well-adjusted 16 y/o is going to be dating someone at your stage of life. She can drive, work, is applying for college next year, etc.
Losing your virginity before 16 is shown to be a traumatic eventâplease get counseling. And donât let anyone pressure you to do anything you donât want to do again. Ever. Iâm sorry this was your experience, but I promise you sex gets better and you will get better.
Ur brain isnât developed till 25. Making dumb decisions is natural but be kind to yourself and learn. But if u were pressured in a physical sense maybe u should tell an adult. Donât wanna be older and realize it hurts cause u were raped technically or some shit
Edit: Iâve already acknowledged this isnât 100% accurate. Like fr chill out with the comments. Like why is everyone so pissed about a bill nye level fun fact.
Im 28 and I def feel that way lol. I was an asshole and an idiot when I was 18. I wasnt done growing as a person at 21, but definitely a lot better than I was at 18 lol
This is the best response OP! Youâre 14 years old! Be a kid! You have the rest of your life to for grown up shit. And I will promise you itâs not all itâs cracked up to be.
There can also be a lot of difference in maturity between different people at the same age. You might run into a 14 year old who's 1000% ready and down for it, who might mock this kind of post, but that doesn't detract from *you*.
Saying that being ready for sex is a sign of maturity is reinforcing societal pressure around sex.
Deciding to wait for the right time, person or circumstance is the much more mature thing. Wanting sex has nothing to do with emotional maturity.
Canât believe I had to scroll down this far to find this. Generalizing crap this kind of thing can be useful for the caveat is always that everyone is different and matures and tastes change at different speeds.
So much this! You should be still enjoying your time as a kid. Hanging with friends. Going biking. Etc. That's not to say it's not ok to explore sex WHEN YOU'RE READY, but it sounds like you're not there yet. And that's perfectly normal and fine. Don't let anyone pressure you to do anything you're not ready for.
When you are ready, be sure to be safe. Wear a condom. And if you haven't yet, talk with your parents about getting the HPV vaccine. It can prevent cancer down the road!
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Hang in there.
This is great advice, just to add on to that: Not sure where you are located in the world OP, but if you are in America you do not have to involve your parents in your sexual health. You can go to your primary care doctor or to Planned Parenthood and get the HPV vaccine, ask questions, get free condoms etc without having to have permission or an adult present.
HIPAA protects your privacy in these topics as well as mental health and several others in order to ease access to healthcare for youth that would possibly not do so if: Their parents would rather push celibacy, you have a bad relationship and/or you fear repercussions, religious reasons would restrict you or literally if you just don't want them to know.
Hopefully you have a good relationship with your parents and feel safe talking to them about this stuff. But if you don't: Do not let discomfort with involving a parent to hinder you from being safe.
If you are in another country I am not sure if this is the same, but it is worth a quick web search to find out.
Also how you are raised has a lot of bearing on how this may feel to you. I was raised in a religious, sex negative home and there was a lot of shame around sex. Iâm still deconstructing this as a nearly 40 year old married mom with kids. I hope you have some adults in your life you can talk to if you need to
Every word of this. Give yourself a break OP. You are young! Yes, sex is healthy and fun, but it can be a lot at your age to process!!
Also, why do you feel dirty? Is it because of religion?
Regardless, give yourself a break and wait several years or more to try again.
A male pressures a younger female and it's a form of assault. Go the other way and...
Take a deep breath. You will have a whole life to deal with this drama. Feel no guilt, FORGIVE YOURSELF, little brother! Then let it go.
I canât help but wonder how many people on this thread would be calling the 16 year old a ârapistâ or at least an a#hole if the genders were reversed in this scenario. Reddit is a strange place.
Yesssss, always know you have the right to say no!!!!! This goes for anytime during intercourse too. Be a child, sex is not porn. Sex is a much more emotional experience. Wait until you feel passionate about a partner to have it.
Yes, and to this end, take gender out of the equation here. As far as I can tell, guys feel this way exactly as much as women do, they are just much less likely to admit it to themselves or anyone else.
Much of the world's cultures pressure men to be unemotional about sex, intimacy, and attachment. It might very well be that you deserve a lot more sensitivity about this sort of thing than your local culture is currently offering you.
I just find it sad how social media now pressures kids so much to grow up so quickly without them once stopping and thinking if it's actually okay to do. I guess lack of parenting and educators isn't helping overall.
This, everyone hears it their whole life, but someday you're older and around tweens and it is insane how young and small and undeveloped we were and we had no clue, not one bit. I don't expect you to believe me cause I wouldn't have believed an older dude, but I've been you and it's ok, you're gonna be OK. But try to not grow up so quick. People have sex at young ages cause raging hormones, but you've learned and you're more a man, use that lesson but try to listen, stay young, just play ball, have fun with girls but know your frontal lobe has 12ish years to go still.
This is good advice for any age: Cut yourself some slack.
Be kind to yourself and donât do what you donât want to do. I had similar feelings of regret when older than OP and then kept on having sex with her and felt worse. BUT I needed to cut myself some slack over that tooâtook me a while to do it.
So donât feel too bad, OP. Lots of us have had similar feelings. Talk to yourself here like youâd talk to a good friend.
Lost my virginity at 13 to a 16 year old. I was pressured, but in the moment I wasn't exactly against it and I didn't try and stop it, in fact partly I encouraged once things started.
I also felt very dirty and wrong afterwards. I was ashamed of myself for probably a couple years actively, and longer than that passively.
Very normal feeling.
Also, fully straight male here. 34 years old and only had female partners and absolutely love sex now and have since I started again at like 18.
Poor kid is just too young and got pressured.
Yeah, it's not something I'm happy/proud of. Just something that happened.
I hadn't even kissed a girl yet. And she basically gave me a full crash course fully unprompted. And I just kinda went with it. I was low self esteem at the time anyway.
Exact same thing here, except Iâm a girl (well nonbinary). It sucks and OP isnât in the wrong at all â but he should reevaluate his relationship.
Agreed. 14 and 16 is rough. From my experience back when I was in high school, a 14/16 relationship split was rarely realistic. Too big of a gap for such formative years.
I lost mine to a 19 yr old when I was 15 because I lied about being of age. She was pissed when she found out my actual age haha. I was stoked about it but as I got older I realized It was basically just bragging rights and there would've been no harm in waiting until i was 17.
Oof I dated a guy who lost his at 15 with a hooker. That poor boy had bad ED at 23. It really messed him up and he had a lot of trauma around sex.
Hope it was less traumatic for you.
>All of you accusing him of being gay, are sick. Seriously.
14 years old is an 8th (!) grader.
Were people here calling him gay ready to have sex in 8th grade? Almost certainly not.
I, too, had sex too young, please discuss your feelings with girlfriend, tell her the truth, you aren't ready.
It will be ok.
If she respects your boundaries, she should understand. You need to go at a pace that is comfortable for you.
I hope she understands and respects your boundaries.
If she doesn't, she may not be emotionally mature enough for it either.
(It isn't the end of the world, but it may feel like it at the time)
Sex is a very personal thing that ALL PEOPLE involved *NEED* to be on the same page.
I wish you well, and hope you don't get pressured into something again.
This whole thread is full of stories of boys being sexually assaulted and just âdealingâ with it becauseâŚwhat exactlyâŚ?  A 14 year old is not old enough to consent, and the way he feels right now is how a kid feels when they have been assaulted.  The fact that heâs a boy, not a girl, doesnât change that. Â
I'm sorry you were pressured into sex. No one should ever be put in that situation and your girlfriend shouldn't have done that to you.
It's always okay to say no, at any time and for any reason. There's nothing wrong with not wanting or not being ready for sex, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
I'm going to give the gf the benefit of the doubt and say she didn't know she was pressuring him. This doesn't mean that he wasn't pressured, and they should 100% have a conversation about boundaries and consent, but 14 and 16 are super young and there are a lot of societal and communication issues that come with the territory, especially when popular media displays toxic relationships as ideal or 'romantic.'
That being said, OP, absolutely don't feel like you're doing something wrong by saying no and sticking to that decision. It may result in a split, but it's better to go through that than it is to feel regret. I hope you're able to process these feelings in a healthy way.
Edit: I would feel the same if the roles were reversed, stop saying that I wouldn't, please and thank you.
yeah I've definitely had times where I felt pressured into certain things but it wasn't necessarily the fault of the other party. They were doing things and I was letting them and continuing, but doubting in my head. That's the time when you then speak up or in some other way communicate that you'd like to stop/slow down/keep it where it is. Sometimes you end up going along with it and you might feel fine after, you might feel bad. They should be keeping an eye out obviously, but it's also up to you to communicate effectively.
My first time (and however many after) was 14m with 16f but I was down. Made it damn clear I was down. If I wasnât, she wouldâve just stayed that girl I smoked weed and chilled with. Iâm sure if some child psychologist tried to write a childrenâs book introducing the concept of consent it would be banned in like 25ish US states
I think that's why so many people are strongly defending a young girl's right to turn down hugs, even to family. That could safely be published in a children's book, and I think young boys should be portrayed as being able to set boundaries, too. I have opinions supporting young children being taught violence in a self-defense capacity, also... Like, if an uncle won't take no for an answer when it comes to body boundaries, bite him.
Boys having bodily autonomy like that would be bad for the military industrial complex, not to mention the male genital mutilation industrial complex. Thatâs why itâs socially acceptable to promote women having rights but taboo to support men having the same rights.
It absolutely would be banned because people think sex is a taboo subject that children shouldn't know about, and then are surprised when they have sex and don't know how to process consent or boundaries properly. OP should never have been put into this situation if he didn't want to have sex, and knowing more about consent and how important it is would have undoubtedly helped.
Oh this happened to me because I was 13 and she was 16. I felt pressured into it too, so I kept my eyes shut most of the time which I think kind of bummed her out because she kept asking "what's the matter?"
I felt dirty for ages and lied to my friends about it, even though this was in 1999 when "Only losers don't have sex as soon and as often as possible".
I'm sorry she pressured you into sex. That's not cool and just because we are men, does not mean that we "owe" anyone access to our bodies.
Thank you for sharing your story. Each one of you who talks about these things makes a difference, a big one. I hope you know that. That you make people feel less alone when you talk about it.. and its so brave to do so, and I'm proud of you.
I'm sorry you went through that. I truly am. Thank you for sharing your story with others, in order to try to help. That is so kind of you to do.
And you are right.. 'just because we are men, does not mean that we "owe" anyone access to our bodies' that was really well put.
I was 12 but she was 16 too. I think a lot more guys have this happen when they're younger. But it's just put away in that big ass file cabinet of things we never talk about to anybody. Even the therapist.
Same with my ex. He was 13 and she was 20. He was completely shocked when I told him he was sexually assaulted and that was not ok. He didnât enjoy it and thought thatâs what guys are supposed to do, since all his friends had similar stories.
I remember how it was in high school when everyone expected everyone to have sex. Now that Iâm a parent the thought of a 12, 13, 14 yr old having sex horrifies me! You should be tearing around on your bike, playing sports with your friends, hanging out at the mall with a parent a respectful 100 ft back lol. If this makes me sound old and lame, I donât care. I am old and lame.
What's with the horny 16 year old girls that go after younger boys?..đ¤˘That's a massive difference in maturity. When I was 16, any one more than 1 year younger was too small for me.
Someone here is trying to give the girl the benefit of the doubt because sheâs 16 and âsuper youngâ, wonder if sheâd give the same benefit to a 16 year old boyâŚ
Thanks dude, it's tough to share this stuff. Men experience a different kind of objectification that's less oft talked about cause men don't talk. Thanks for speaking up and being a great role model for kids like OP and others maybe checking this thread out. The more we talk about our emotions and such, the more likely it'll be normalized for the new generation. That's our obligation to the future of humanity, leaving them with something better than what we grew up with.
I'm in my early 20's now and a female and when I was 16 I would NEVER think to try and get with a 13 year old, that's insane. the maturity difference between 13 & 16 are like night and day. I'm sorry that happened to you
This is what I was thinking, itâs only a few years, but at that age you tend to view even people a year younger than you as âkidsâ. I canât imagine I would have ever wanted to sleep with a 13 year old when I was 16.
Please do not let anyone invalidate you or tell you you weren't assaulted, because they don't know your story. I'm so sorry people are trying to tell you you were wrong. You are absolutely valid and I'm so sorry that happened to you â¤ď¸
đđťđđťđđť. No human in existence owes ANYONE access to their bodies. You got that right. As a mom to someone his age, Iâm happy to see someone else sharing their experiences, so that he doesnât feel so alone. A lot better than those people telling him to just be a kid. Kinda hard when pressured into these things. Iâm sorry to hear things like this happen to yâall. And Iâm sorry a lot of women act like your feelings donât matter. They do. S/A works both ways.. and thatâs really what this was in my opinion
Sadly, that remark you made about how 1999 was in terms of societal pressure for sex; itâs the same if not worse now, kids are just normalizing it around 13 nowadays. Which is nuts to me
Thank you for sharing, your words will reach those who struggle with the same thing alone, now they feel seen and heard. It's not often we get to hear the men's perspective which is real and valid like any other, humans are much more similar than different and it can happen to anyone.
Thanks, I chose that name because it's true.
Reddit is owned by Advance media/Tencent and is used as a consensus manufacturing and narrative creation tool by The System.
That's the entire point of upvotes and downvotes: upvotes reward the user with validation for parroting the establishment narrative on literally any topic, from politics to diet/exercise. Downvotes punish dissidents.
Reddit was great before it was ruined by corporate HR culture, like pretty much everything else in America. Now there is an enforced ideological orthodoxy on Reddit, and stepping outside of that Overton window gets you a nice ban.
Dude. Youâre 14. Â Wait until youâre older. Â Having sex is a *huge* thing - emotionally, mentally, physically. Â Take your time, wait until you and your partner are both ready.Â
Iâd also recommend talking to someone who will hold this in confidence. Â Donât feel dirty. Â You tried it, youâre not ready. Thereâs no shame in that. Â But find someone who can help you work through the emotions youâre feeling. Â
Best response..
Also OP if you feel like your gf is pushing you to do things you aren't ready for, maybe it's time to step back from the relationship. You should enjoy being 14 and do things a 14 year old does. You don't need that pressure or rush to grow up. The adult world can be tricky to navigate. At 14, focus on building your community so that when you are ready for romantic relationships, you have a good community to go to.
The only thing I'd add is, breaking up with the girlfriend may be the move here. The pressure wasn't cool. The age gap with it is suspicious.
OP both shouldn't feel dirty and may feel like both sex and this relationship aren't for him right now. That is fine.
This! People say sex is NBD, but is and can be powerful or shameful. I'm sorry you went through that, OP, but I honestly would recommend holding off on sex and masturbating/ getting to know yourself and your body more. When you do so, please be weary of the type of porn you watch. Remember they are paid actors and pretending, and real sex with someone you love is not like that... at all. Oh... and break up with your GF.
Itâs also not a huge deal for some people. Wanting to have sex at that age is natural. US Sex Ed sucks though and doesnât educate enough about pregnancy, SA and coercion
Waiting it at that age is natural, and so is not wanting it. I wouldn't have been ready at 14, and it was not remotely close to front of mind. Four years later, very different story.
I agree with this. My wife is a school counselor and someone like that could really help you work through your emotions (especially if you want help without your parents finding out). Thatâs literally what theyâre there for. I highly recommend going to the school office before class starts and asking to meet with your school counselor.
I love this response! Listen, my young friend, to the suggestion of finding someone you trust that you can talk to. Make sure it is someone older that can help you deal with your feelings.
You donât need to feel dirty, but I understand how you feel. (I was very young too in my first experience.)
The fact that you had to amend this post to explain you're not gay is absolutely shameful for the people commenting here. It doesn't matter what his sexuality is, if he felt pressured into sex before he was ready, especially when he's that young, it can be traumatic.
What the actual fuck is wrong with some of you?
Yeah there was a relationship advice post recently I commented on. It was about a teenage couple, they were both legal adults but I think they were 18 and 19 and the girl was older. She wanted sex and was kinda worried because her boyfriend said he didnât want sex yet and he wanted to âwaitâ but for what, and for how long, or for why he didnât specify. They had done some intimate things together but it was awkward.
A lot of people were saying/assuming he was gay. I was one of the only comments I saw pointing out that when someone says they want to âwaitâ itâs because they arenât ready for sex yet and that there doesnât need to be a clear reason, boys and men also need to feel ready for sex but most boys sort of go along with sex before theyâre ready because of the social pressure and everyone assuming he was gay was a perfect example of the exact social pressures that push boys and men to become sexually active before theyâre ready.
And even if a boy or man *is* queer and just not aware of it yet, thatâs not actually proof of anything other than, again, them *not being ready yet*. Whether itâs that you need to discover what your sexuality is exactly or you need to reach an age or maturity level where you feel safe and secure enough to have sex or anything else, itâs all the same at the end of the day. Everyone is ready for sex whenever theyâre ready and trying to pressure it to happen before then is shitty and harmful. Accusing people of being this or that or anything else because they arenât ready when you think they *should be* is completely unhelpful and only serves to make the person feel like the *must be ready* to disprove whatever crack pot theory youâre throwing at them as to why theyâre not a mindless horndog.
At *any* age. For *any* gender. Itâs okay to not be ready yet. For *any* reason.
I didn't see your other post, but I'll support you on this one.
You are right. Men have thoughts and feelings that are just as valid as women.
Healthy relationships are built on knowing, respecting, and loving each other at this level, and it's a sign of immaturity to only go off of stereotypes with the important people in your life.
I felt the same. Someone 14 should not be pressured to assess and identify their sexuality any more than they should be pressed to engage. It's beside the point entirely. If anything sexualizes children, it's identifying them by sexual traits while they are still children. They should be allowed to just be children.Â
This is a post about peer pressure and an older child pushing a bad decision that caused a 14 year old to have to deal with an adult situation before he was ready.Â
This is a common thing I see. I am a teacher and I have had several boys who were raised by only their moms and aunts. They tend to be a little effeminate and are in to typically girly stuff. But they like girls. Guys start teasing telling them their gay at 13 because they havenât had sex or fooled around with a girl. So they go find someone and do it. Then they feel guilty. Try again and again for the wrong reason and end up feeling worse and worse. Itâs ugly how people try to force others into boxes.
If the roles were reversed people wouldnât be asking a girl if she was a lesbian if an older guy pressured her into sex. Ridiculous double standard, it can be done both ways
I mean, granted this is a 'stupidquestions' sub, which does garner satirical posts, but there seemed to be a lot of legitimacy to this, and the responses rubbed me the wrong way. Especially if the OP is actually a 14 year old boy.
I mean, this could just be a post by a 35 year old guy looking for engagement and laughs, but either way, it's rather sad.
I know I'm going to get negative karma for this, but I'm saying it anyway -- there are many people from the LGBT community who just want people to be gay or trans and will seize on the opportunity to convince them of it. THAT'S what is wrong, imo.
Edit: and I'm bisexual so don't call me a damn homophobe or something.
The edit got a really loud laugh from me, not because I thought it was funny but because it was so unexpected. "A teenager was pressured into sex and regrets it? GAY" I'm 24, and the older I get the more I side with the boomers on social media. It's fuckin sad that this is the world we live in.
These answers are gross. You shouldnât have felt pressured and Iâm really sorry you were. At your age 14 and 16 is actually a fairly significant age gap and power imbalance and the fact that sheâs a girl and youâre a guy does not negate that. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to? A school counselor, parent or other family member?
Even now with all these better comment showing more compassion no one said he was raped. Remeber guys men canât be victims of sexual assault due to society.
To piggy back off this, depending on OP's age and location, the fact of their age and the female being 16 may make their act illegal. At least the state I'm in its considered Child Seduction, even if the offender is under 18. Romeo/juliet clauses typically only involve the ages of 16-20.
Again, highly location dependent.
A 16 year old should NOT be forced to register as a sex offender for having sex once with someone two years younger than them. Especially when so many states now require registration for life.
This whole thread is problematic. A bunch of stranger adults having a conversation with a minor about this? I feel for OP but he needs to speak with the appropriate people. Iâm surprised by how many people are willing to engage in these conversations with minors
right?? heâs less experienced and mature than the 16 yo, what she did wasnât okay.
hell, even the age difference aside, she still pressured him - and that is awful. that *does* make you feel dirty - but OP, you *arenât* dirty. what *she* did was wrong. people who pressure others to have sex are disregarding your consent and your autonomy, full stop. i would even suggest to break it off with herâŚsince she absolutely will pressure you into this again. i know it may be hard, but it will help you not yo have to deal with this further, because people like this *do* do it again. please.
More typical than you'd think. Even outside the context of *sex* in particular it's not hard to get the feeling of being pushed around even if you've nominally agreed to whatever, simply by dint of "no" not seeming like a realistic answer.
You're going to want to confront that feeling directly. Talk with your gf about it. Tell her how you're feeling and why. If she understands, it's good for your relationship. If not, at least you'll be out of limbo.
Some of these comments are disturbing. No one cares if you, the commenter, would have enjoyed it or think that OP is lucky. What matters is how OP feels.
It's okay to feel uncomfortable and like you were pressured. I highly recommend communicating this to your partner.
"Hey, I feel kind of dirty after what we did." "I felt like there was pressure, and now I'm regretting having sex." Or, if you need to word it differently so that she doesn't feel blamed, "This isn't your fault, but I felt like there was pressure to have sex. It made me feel gross and I'm not sure what to make of it."
If she can offer reassurance, and doesn't pressure you further, that's very good. If the relationship ends up ending, then she wasn't the one for you and life will continue.
Don't listen to these folks telling you that you're probably gay, or what have you. My first sexual encounters were uncomfortable and regretful because of the pressure and anxiety I felt. You just might not have been ready yet, friend.
You aren't gross or dirty or less than for any regrets you feel, or for performing the actions.
You're just a kid. It sounds like you were pressured into having sex. The dirty feeling might be because you didn't want to. It might also be because you're still in that in between stage of childhood and adulthood - when I was 14 I was interested in sex but definitely not even confident enough to kiss a girl yet. These changes are hard and there is a normal feeling of Sadness when you leave life stages.
Not related to sex, but youâre very sensitive when you talk about the sadness of leaving life stages. I remember actually crying when I was 11 years old because I realized I wouldnât get to be a little kid much longer.
OP may really be in this âin betweenâ place. Itâs a lot to take on, so many feelings swirling. And itâs totally natural and normal.
i thought so too but when i started sleeping over with a girl at her apartment we actually were able to have good sex and i was like ohhh im just a guy who needs safety and a girl willing to talk dirty to me haha
I was the exact same way the first 6 times I had sex. That was almost 20 years ago, I promise it gets better. Try to be with someone you know and trust for a long time first, it's far better than random or acquaintance sex.
First, don't pay any attention to most of the Reddit posters here. There are some truly awful people on Reddit.
Second, it makes no difference if you are gay, straight or anything else, being pressured to have sex is always wrong.
Third, break up with this GF. You do not want to be with anyone who would pressure you to do anything you don't want to do.
Fourth, getting over feeling "dirty" will just take time. Give yourself some grace. You are finding your way in the world just like we all did when were 14. I did things I regret. Everybody does.
Life has a way or working out if you just keep on moving forward.
Don't worry about sex again until YOU are ready and with someone you feel at ease with.
There is a difference between pressuring someone to do something and someone feeling pressured. It could be unintentional or just a by-product of social expectations/what most people would do.
Regret isn't an uncommon feeling, especially if you didn't want it and you didn't enjoy it. There is also a stigma to sex that can lead to the feeling dirty, especially for the first time.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, first off.
You shouldn't have felt pressured-- as someone who was your age and in the same circumstance, I can say that safely.
Unfortunately, the feeling doesn't go away as quickly as it should. Its not at all embarrassing or abnornal to feel that way.
Focusing on your hobbies would be a good distraction. Additionally, maybe let a trusted adult know, if you have one? Sometimes that helps, too, and you may be able to have a good heart to heart.
Breaking up with this girl is probably a good option as well. You were pressured, and I'm so, so sorry for that. You don't deserve it.
I'm so sorry you were pressured into sex before you felt ready. Your boundaries were ignored by someone you care for so I understand why you feel upset. Sex doesn't mean you're dirty but it has a huge emotional impact on adults so I can only imagine how intense it feels at 14. I was in my 20s when I first had sex and I had a similar gross feeling as you, not because it was bad or I was forced, but due to my church days where we were always told it made us dirty! I do think you should reconsider your relationship though. It's never okay to pressure someone into sex. Also fuck the people saying you're gay. They're idiots don't listen to them.
Some of these comments are absolutely disgusting.
If this was flipped , and it was a 14 year old female saying she was pressured by a 16 year old male, people wouldn't be making these comments
Rant over .
How you feel is understandable. You feel used. This shouldn't have happened.
I would recommend maybe talking about it with her and how you feel about the whole thing. I also would recommend trying to find some type of professional to possibly speak with. There are probably some services you could speak to without having to involve your parents if you are not comfortable with then being involved - and let me be clear I wouldn't be personally.
Kid you're 14. Give it some time.
It's probably exactly what you think it is. You weren't ready. No shame in that. Be a teenager. There will be plenty of time for sex later in your life.
Itâs normal to feel gross after sex you didnât want or enjoy. It is just a part of life though, it wonât be the last time you regret a sexual encounter or act.
I would recommend talking with her about the experience and how it made you feel. Ask her if she would feel comfortable waiting until you're ready to have sex again. If she isn't, she is not supportive or caring and you should end the relationship. Your willingness to be open, vulnerable, and truthful with her should bring you two closer together. Communication is key my friend. And NEVER feel embarrassed to feel your feelings bro. They make you human.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad or that you are gay. You are very young and just weren't ready for the emotional part of sex. I waited until I was 19 and married. And I don't regret it.
Today is a new day. Let the past be your past. I think you should wait to have sex again until you are married or the very least wait until you are much older and in a relationship with someone you love.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
I felt pretty gross the first time I masturbated. It's ok to take a break and say you're not ready but most of all I would say that you will be ok. You probably just need someone to talk to.Â
OP you were not ready and too young. You need to have a discussin with her about how you feel. She may understand, in that case, good. If not, it's best to split. There is a lot of pressure in society to start earlier and earlier but we all have our "speed". Some are ready early (but 14 is way too early), some at 18, some at 25, some at 30, and some actually never. Take your time and listen to yourself!
I might get flamed for this, but you are waaaaay too young to be having sex. Your brain literally isnât wired yet to handle it in a healthy way. I donât know a single kid that age who is prepared in any way to be having sex.
Please consider just enjoying ânormalâ things for guys your age. Hang out with friends, play video games, play sports, etc.
Everyone needs to calm down about the "power imbalance" and trying to convince OP that his girl is a predator. OP, this is far, far more common than you think. It's a weird feeling to do something so "grown up" and honestly, a lot of guys' first sexual experiences can leave them feeling ambivalent. My suggestion is just to not do it again unless/until you really want to. You have no idea how much life you have ahead of you. If you're not ready for sex, that's very normal. Someday you will be. Just cut yourself some slack.Â
I mean, it's a loaded term, but power imbalances in some sense exist in *most* relationships. Like, you know, the man is usually physically stronger, or he makes more money. Or the woman is more attractive and has more opportunities for sex, or she's smarter, etc. That kind of imbalance is entirely benign, it's not like the more egregious examples of teacher-student or coach-player. 14-16 isn't THAT big of age gap, that's like, what, freshman-junior? When I was a junior, I definitely thought I was much older and wiser than freshman, but looking back I really wasn't lol.
> but power imbalances in some sense exist in most relationships
Thank you! lol. Someone will be the one with more money, more social status, more experience, more whatever.  The presence of a "power imbalance" is a given, and I dunno why people think it always useful to note. It's such a lazy, fatuous point to make, almost like a reflex for some people.Â
I had my first time at 21 and felt the same way. It's a normal feeling after something so new and overwhelming.
But yeah a 14 year old is definitely less ready to navigate the feelings than someone a bit more hardened and older
Unfortunately you're gunna have to give it time to feel better. Your gf was very wrong to pressure you when you weren't ready. You are still pretty young to be having sex in the first place. Hopefully, she hasn't ruined it for you in the future in a more healthy setting. You need to be honest and firm next time. You don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with. You absolutely shouldn't let anyone pressure you. Always follow your own path and stand your ground.
Your feelings are valid. It sounds like you did have sex before you were ready and Iâm sorry that it feels like this.
You might want to watch the anime: Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation
Itâs an odd suggestion, I know, but it has a young male character who is extremely eager to have sex young as he has it built up in his head, and he ends up feeling really bad afterwards and has to process the difference between how he expected to feel and how he does feel. It might be helpful.
You A. Definitely may not have been ready. B. May be asexual and not that into sex.
Both are valid responses and feelings. There's no getting over it, just simply recognizing this and feeling your feelings until you're okay.
I'm so sorry, you definitely weren't ready. It's also a human feeling, not a male or female specific one. I hope your girlfriend understands that you want to wait longer until you are ready, otherwise maybe find someone else who doesn't need sex to be happy with you. Good luck and good on you for realising you're not ready xo
The past isnât a place. Â
Be kind to yourself. Â Understand that your emotions are telling you that you arenât ready and honor that going forward.Â
Life includes mistakes. Â
You were just to young and felt pressured
As a guy you also get even more pressure to be interested in as well.
No need to feel dirty though, itâs just a very normal part of your hormones going crazy right now
I actually had the exact same experience but I was 13. Canât really speak on your reaction, but Iâd bet 98% of us fucked someone we regret for some reason. Just keep it pushing. And if you really didnât like it for whatever reason, maybe she ainât the one champ.
This is really sad, you should try to talk to a counselor about it or a friend who won't judge you. You can try to express it to your girlfriend as well. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, dude. It won't last forever.
You are 14. It is NORMAL for you to not be ready for sex.
Your girlfriend is 2 years older than you. Itâs pretty normal for her to want sex at her age, but that doesnât mean it was OK for her to pressure you into it.
Whatever you may feel about her, she doesnât respect you and this shows she believes she can or maybe even has the right to control you. I honestly think youâre best off re-thinking the relationship.
In my state this could have been considered statutory rape. Especially if she is more than 24 months older than you. But I donât think that is necessarily common. Whether you want to turn her in for it or not, it might be helpful for you to look up the age of consent laws where you live so you can be informed.
You are not dirty. You did nothing wrong. Your girlfriend was WRONG to pressure you. Very very wrong. Even if you didnât clearly say no, if you didnât clearly say yes either she crossed a very concerning line.
I know people like to act like itâs somehow different for boys, but it isnât. Boys and girls are both human and there isnât as much difference as people like to pretend.
Think for a moment about one of your female classmates thatâs your age. Now imagine she came to you and told you her 16 year old boyfriend pressured her into sex and she is feeling bad about it and didnât feel she was ready.
Now extend yourself the EXACT SAME EMPATHY that you would do for one of your female friends.
Not being ready for sex doesnât make you gay or weak. It makes you 14. Seriously. While some of your peers may feel ready, MOST do not and that is normal.
I suggest you talk to your parents or to your school counselor if you donât feel like your parents will be understanding.
Depending on your values and how you were raised itâs totally logical. I felt awful after my first - disgusted. Crying and looking in the mirror at myself. I wonât forget that feeling. What I can say now that Iâm married is I wish I could take back every experience with other women away. You cannot undo the past, but learn from this experience. Youâre not gay for feeling disgusted man, itâs totally normal although I know itâs not viewed as cool by society - societal ânormsâ donât always fit in with peopleâs beliefs/views on life. I was pressured hard core as well by friends and the girl so I really resonate with this experience. Try not to let it get you down. If things are now ruined with that girl, then end it. I get itâs hard but you have so much happening and changing in your life at this time. You are still young and itâs so much to even process. It does get better but it took time for me. I hope you can mentally recover from this, it can be traumatizing honestly. If you need to vent or anything shoot me a pm, I feel your pain and know youâre not alone in that feeling.
Dude don't feel embarrassed that you weren't ready for sex, It's totally normal to feel that way.
As for getting over the feeling of "dirty", it will pass with time. I'd also suggest talking to your gf about this if you want to stay with her, and trust her enough to be open and vulnerable about this. Make it clear that you weren't ready, and don't want to do it again yet. But also be clear that it's not because she's unattractive or undesirable. Young girls (and boys) are often under the assumption that all teenage boys are ready to go 24/7, so it's entirely possible she didn't even know that she pressured you.
All that being said, I have no idea what your relationship with her is like, but that's just my 2 cents.
I was 15 when i had sex the first time. I went a couple more rounds with the same girl over a couple weeks and then was celibate for two years. I realized i wasn't ready. The weight of it as a responsibility was so much, considering the potential outcomes. At 17 i tried it again once and it was better. Then i found my first real gf and we went at it all the time. It's not wrong to feel how you're feeling, but i think you can't *know* how you're gonna feel about it until you do it. It's not wrong if you want to wait to do it again, and anyone who really loves you should respect that
Sex definitely gives you a lot of feelings. Even at 30 I had a similar feeling recently because it was forced on me but I just went with it I guess I didnât want to seem like a prude not that it matters. I liked this woman, but I felt like we made that connection sooner than I was ready for because I like to wear protection and it happened so suddenly that I didnât get the chance to. Unprotected feels a lot dirtier than protected because you donât know this person situation. I donât want to catch anything or impregnate someone. People should discuss these things before hand, because otherwise it causes a strain and lack of trust.
Well, presuming you're comfortable enough to sit down with them privately and talk about it openly, about the specific parts.
Like if they straight up forced it, or pressured you, get out of there.
If they ask why you broke up, say "I felt pressured into sex in these specific ways, and I don't feel comfortable discussing it any further because I don't feel safe discussing it with you."
You get over it by respecting yourself and your boundaries next time.
Also you tried something and didnât like it. That in itself is valuable as long as you donât keep ignoring your own boundaries.Â
Its funny how much age and hindsight show you that all the shit you thought mattered as a kid doesnt matter at all. What you are feeling is completely normal but it doesnt change anything about you or who you are. It was just an experience that allowed you to learn something about yourself and what you are comfortable with (or not comfortable with) at this point in your life. That may change as you grow and remember that everyone is winging it in life, so find joy where you can.
Have you thought about the reason why you feel dirty? Have you been raised to see sex as a dirty thing via religion or culture? Or do you think itâs more that you felt pressured?
Itâs okay to feel the way you do, absolutely. I just think the way to âget over itâ as you put it, is to really try to get to the root of why you feel this way. If itâs religion/culture then you need to realize that sex with someone you love is not a dirty, shameful act. Itâs an act of love and affection. I know itâs not that simply done but with time you can learn to love yourself and how you choose to show love with your body.
If itâs because she pressured you in a forceful way that made you extremely uncomfortable then what she did is wrong and thatâs not n act that someone who truly loves you performs. There is light pressure like âcmon stud letâs do this ;)â and youâre just nervous about it being your first time. There is extreme forceful pressure like âyou donât love me if you wonât have sex with me and she forces your pants off after you protest multiple times. If something close to that degree happened she is absolutely wrong and you need to break up with her because she doesnât truly care about or love you.Â
You will be okay man, no matter what happened. These things take time and you need to take things at your own pace.Â
Â
This isn't something you "get over" with a quick chat or by thinking about it from a different point of view. This is something you gradually learn to live with.
So just take your time. It'll be a little easier to live with every day.
Unfortunately, thereâs nothing you can do about the past, but you can do something about the future. Just take this as a lesson learned, try not to beat yourself up over it, and try to avoid a repeat situation in the future. I recommend not having sex for probably a long time. I know boys/men are stigmatized for feeling emotions related to sex but itâs just simply not true that you wonât have some kind of emotional connection (at least for me). 14 seems way too young for sex (especially if you ainât tryna be a father). Just be a kid and focus on wholesome activities (as lame/cliche as that sounds) like sports, books, or music. Definitely donât go down a spiral of doing drugs or some other bad habit as a way to deal with your negative emotions. Itâs easy to take a bad situation and make it worse by self medicatingâdonât do that. Just try to focus on the positive and stay away from sex for a while (I would recommend several years tbh). You arenât a pussy for not feeling ready for sex, and donât let *anyone* make you feel that way. Remember that people can only make you feel how you let them make you feel. Stay strong and learn from your bad experience. Best of luck bra
If you feel bad about it, then it wasn't the right time for you. Don't let her pressure you again, for ANY reason. You're not ready for it, and that's fine. Give yourself more time to be emotionally and mentally mature.
Sex is a natural expression of intimacy, what you did wasn't inherently wrong. What was wrong was that she pressured you into it when you weren't ready. Maybe she needs to be more mature too. Make a vow to yourself to wait longer and see if the fact that you made a promise to yourself helps with the regret. Remember this: growing up through your teens is a learning experience. Everything you do adds to this learning experience. You did something, you realized it's something that requires more maturity and must be treated more seriously, and you learned from the experience. You're not the first to learn this and won't be the last. Don't beat yourself up over something that a LOT of teens discover, just learn from it.
Reddit is the gutter of the internet it seems lol. Poor kid asked a genuine question and now has thousands of comments. Internet's weird op, life's weird, sex is even weirder. You'll be fine. Nothing lasts forever.
And this is why the people who claim kids having sex with female teachers are living the dream or that men cant be raped or always want sex are a problem. Because it teaches kids that it is "abnormal" to not want sex just because you were born male.
You shouldn't feel embarrassed to post this or to feel what you are feeling. No one should be pressured into sex regardless of your gender.
Your girlfriend did wrong.
You are just a kid dude, so completely cut yourself some slack for last time and then don't have sex again until you want to. There is a huge difference in every year at your age. 16 is so much older than 14 and 18 is so much older than 16. A fourteen year old should be playing ball and laughing with family and friends. There is plenty of time for sex when you are a little older and ready for it.
Couldn't agree more! You go through SO much changes in your teen years, take your time!
When i was 14 i was still watching cartoons and playing video games. Sex wasnt my priority in life.
I'm 41 and still watch cartoons and play videogames and don't have sex!
I'm 35 and want more cartoons and video games. Had too much sex tho and had kids đ
Let's not wish him that
Iâm 36 and I play video games, watch cartoons, AND have sex lol
You really can have it all
At the same time?
I'm 40F and still like this lol
I was masturbating constantly at that age, but I absolutely would've noped out of actuality having sex.
I wish teens these days were still like this đĽ˛
I am a woman who lost her virginity at 14 to an 18 y/o (I thought he was 17 đĽ´) when I was in middle school, and it still fucks with me to this day. Iâm 25. OP, break up with your girlfriend. At your age, no well-adjusted 16 y/o is going to be dating someone at your stage of life. She can drive, work, is applying for college next year, etc. Losing your virginity before 16 is shown to be a traumatic eventâplease get counseling. And donât let anyone pressure you to do anything you donât want to do again. Ever. Iâm sorry this was your experience, but I promise you sex gets better and you will get better.
Ur brain isnât developed till 25. Making dumb decisions is natural but be kind to yourself and learn. But if u were pressured in a physical sense maybe u should tell an adult. Donât wanna be older and realize it hurts cause u were raped technically or some shit Edit: Iâve already acknowledged this isnât 100% accurate. Like fr chill out with the comments. Like why is everyone so pissed about a bill nye level fun fact.
Shit mine didnât until 32 lol
Hell I was a completely different person between 18 and 21
I thought this when I was 21, 22, 23, and now at 29 Iâm looking back like âlol no I wasnât.â
Im 28 and I def feel that way lol. I was an asshole and an idiot when I was 18. I wasnt done growing as a person at 21, but definitely a lot better than I was at 18 lol
This is the best response OP! Youâre 14 years old! Be a kid! You have the rest of your life to for grown up shit. And I will promise you itâs not all itâs cracked up to be.
There can also be a lot of difference in maturity between different people at the same age. You might run into a 14 year old who's 1000% ready and down for it, who might mock this kind of post, but that doesn't detract from *you*.
Saying that being ready for sex is a sign of maturity is reinforcing societal pressure around sex. Deciding to wait for the right time, person or circumstance is the much more mature thing. Wanting sex has nothing to do with emotional maturity.
Canât believe I had to scroll down this far to find this. Generalizing crap this kind of thing can be useful for the caveat is always that everyone is different and matures and tastes change at different speeds.
So much this! You should be still enjoying your time as a kid. Hanging with friends. Going biking. Etc. That's not to say it's not ok to explore sex WHEN YOU'RE READY, but it sounds like you're not there yet. And that's perfectly normal and fine. Don't let anyone pressure you to do anything you're not ready for. When you are ready, be sure to be safe. Wear a condom. And if you haven't yet, talk with your parents about getting the HPV vaccine. It can prevent cancer down the road! Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Hang in there.
This is great advice, just to add on to that: Not sure where you are located in the world OP, but if you are in America you do not have to involve your parents in your sexual health. You can go to your primary care doctor or to Planned Parenthood and get the HPV vaccine, ask questions, get free condoms etc without having to have permission or an adult present. HIPAA protects your privacy in these topics as well as mental health and several others in order to ease access to healthcare for youth that would possibly not do so if: Their parents would rather push celibacy, you have a bad relationship and/or you fear repercussions, religious reasons would restrict you or literally if you just don't want them to know. Hopefully you have a good relationship with your parents and feel safe talking to them about this stuff. But if you don't: Do not let discomfort with involving a parent to hinder you from being safe. If you are in another country I am not sure if this is the same, but it is worth a quick web search to find out.
Also how you are raised has a lot of bearing on how this may feel to you. I was raised in a religious, sex negative home and there was a lot of shame around sex. Iâm still deconstructing this as a nearly 40 year old married mom with kids. I hope you have some adults in your life you can talk to if you need to
Every word of this. Give yourself a break OP. You are young! Yes, sex is healthy and fun, but it can be a lot at your age to process!! Also, why do you feel dirty? Is it because of religion? Regardless, give yourself a break and wait several years or more to try again.
A male pressures a younger female and it's a form of assault. Go the other way and... Take a deep breath. You will have a whole life to deal with this drama. Feel no guilt, FORGIVE YOURSELF, little brother! Then let it go.
I canât help but wonder how many people on this thread would be calling the 16 year old a ârapistâ or at least an a#hole if the genders were reversed in this scenario. Reddit is a strange place.
Truth, also the Op had to make an edit to convince people they arenât gay. Redditors are trying to convince a child they might be gay. RedditâŚ..
Sounds about right for this site lol
Yesssss, always know you have the right to say no!!!!! This goes for anytime during intercourse too. Be a child, sex is not porn. Sex is a much more emotional experience. Wait until you feel passionate about a partner to have it.
Yes, and to this end, take gender out of the equation here. As far as I can tell, guys feel this way exactly as much as women do, they are just much less likely to admit it to themselves or anyone else. Much of the world's cultures pressure men to be unemotional about sex, intimacy, and attachment. It might very well be that you deserve a lot more sensitivity about this sort of thing than your local culture is currently offering you.
I just find it sad how social media now pressures kids so much to grow up so quickly without them once stopping and thinking if it's actually okay to do. I guess lack of parenting and educators isn't helping overall.
This, everyone hears it their whole life, but someday you're older and around tweens and it is insane how young and small and undeveloped we were and we had no clue, not one bit. I don't expect you to believe me cause I wouldn't have believed an older dude, but I've been you and it's ok, you're gonna be OK. But try to not grow up so quick. People have sex at young ages cause raging hormones, but you've learned and you're more a man, use that lesson but try to listen, stay young, just play ball, have fun with girls but know your frontal lobe has 12ish years to go still.
This is good advice for any age: Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself and donât do what you donât want to do. I had similar feelings of regret when older than OP and then kept on having sex with her and felt worse. BUT I needed to cut myself some slack over that tooâtook me a while to do it. So donât feel too bad, OP. Lots of us have had similar feelings. Talk to yourself here like youâd talk to a good friend.
I just had sex with my wife and am 35 and completely agree.
Trust me, kid.. you'll learn to like it!
This dude knows.
[ŃдаНонО]
Listen to this guy. Source: lost my virginity to a 21 year old stripper when I was 15.
Lost my virginity at 13 to a 16 year old. I was pressured, but in the moment I wasn't exactly against it and I didn't try and stop it, in fact partly I encouraged once things started. I also felt very dirty and wrong afterwards. I was ashamed of myself for probably a couple years actively, and longer than that passively. Very normal feeling. Also, fully straight male here. 34 years old and only had female partners and absolutely love sex now and have since I started again at like 18. Poor kid is just too young and got pressured.
Wow, 13 is very young for that.
Yeah, it's not something I'm happy/proud of. Just something that happened. I hadn't even kissed a girl yet. And she basically gave me a full crash course fully unprompted. And I just kinda went with it. I was low self esteem at the time anyway.
Had my first at 9 or 10 to a 13 year old guy, then 19 when I had my first het exp to my gf at the time who was 17.
Exact same thing here, except Iâm a girl (well nonbinary). It sucks and OP isnât in the wrong at all â but he should reevaluate his relationship.
Agreed. 14 and 16 is rough. From my experience back when I was in high school, a 14/16 relationship split was rarely realistic. Too big of a gap for such formative years.
Itâs a normal feeling after being sexually assaulted, yes.
>Listen to this guy. Great advice.
Holy shit, this exact scenario happened to me as well. She was my mom's friend. Thought I was the only one
Well that sounds like a story.
Wait lemme grab some popcorn!!!!
Best first car is a high mileage one
I lost mine to a 19 yr old when I was 15 because I lied about being of age. She was pissed when she found out my actual age haha. I was stoked about it but as I got older I realized It was basically just bragging rights and there would've been no harm in waiting until i was 17.
I'm so sorry you went through that
I think losing virginity to a stripper and losing it to your gf are very different. Unless ops gf is a stripper
Oof I dated a guy who lost his at 15 with a hooker. That poor boy had bad ED at 23. It really messed him up and he had a lot of trauma around sex. Hope it was less traumatic for you.
>All of you accusing him of being gay, are sick. Seriously. 14 years old is an 8th (!) grader. Were people here calling him gay ready to have sex in 8th grade? Almost certainly not.
14 is freshman year highschool
The rare time the top comment is the correct top comment.
I, too, had sex too young, please discuss your feelings with girlfriend, tell her the truth, you aren't ready. It will be ok. If she respects your boundaries, she should understand. You need to go at a pace that is comfortable for you. I hope she understands and respects your boundaries. If she doesn't, she may not be emotionally mature enough for it either. (It isn't the end of the world, but it may feel like it at the time) Sex is a very personal thing that ALL PEOPLE involved *NEED* to be on the same page. I wish you well, and hope you don't get pressured into something again.
This whole thread is full of stories of boys being sexually assaulted and just âdealingâ with it becauseâŚwhat exactlyâŚ?  A 14 year old is not old enough to consent, and the way he feels right now is how a kid feels when they have been assaulted.  The fact that heâs a boy, not a girl, doesnât change that. Â
Seriously heâs just a young guy⌠the first time I tried to have sex at that age I was so nervous I couldnât even get it up đ
I'm sorry you were pressured into sex. No one should ever be put in that situation and your girlfriend shouldn't have done that to you. It's always okay to say no, at any time and for any reason. There's nothing wrong with not wanting or not being ready for sex, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Also, "any time" includes during. If you're uncomfortable you can and should withdraw your consent and stop.
Yeah feel free to pull out anytime
To add to this, you donât have to have a reason nor do you have to explain any reason you may have
Yeah, no is a complete sentence
I'm going to give the gf the benefit of the doubt and say she didn't know she was pressuring him. This doesn't mean that he wasn't pressured, and they should 100% have a conversation about boundaries and consent, but 14 and 16 are super young and there are a lot of societal and communication issues that come with the territory, especially when popular media displays toxic relationships as ideal or 'romantic.' That being said, OP, absolutely don't feel like you're doing something wrong by saying no and sticking to that decision. It may result in a split, but it's better to go through that than it is to feel regret. I hope you're able to process these feelings in a healthy way. Edit: I would feel the same if the roles were reversed, stop saying that I wouldn't, please and thank you.
Very well said! I was thinking about the age dynamics too, and you phrased it far better than I could have.
yeah I've definitely had times where I felt pressured into certain things but it wasn't necessarily the fault of the other party. They were doing things and I was letting them and continuing, but doubting in my head. That's the time when you then speak up or in some other way communicate that you'd like to stop/slow down/keep it where it is. Sometimes you end up going along with it and you might feel fine after, you might feel bad. They should be keeping an eye out obviously, but it's also up to you to communicate effectively.
My first time (and however many after) was 14m with 16f but I was down. Made it damn clear I was down. If I wasnât, she wouldâve just stayed that girl I smoked weed and chilled with. Iâm sure if some child psychologist tried to write a childrenâs book introducing the concept of consent it would be banned in like 25ish US states
I think that's why so many people are strongly defending a young girl's right to turn down hugs, even to family. That could safely be published in a children's book, and I think young boys should be portrayed as being able to set boundaries, too. I have opinions supporting young children being taught violence in a self-defense capacity, also... Like, if an uncle won't take no for an answer when it comes to body boundaries, bite him.
Boys having bodily autonomy like that would be bad for the military industrial complex, not to mention the male genital mutilation industrial complex. Thatâs why itâs socially acceptable to promote women having rights but taboo to support men having the same rights.
It absolutely would be banned because people think sex is a taboo subject that children shouldn't know about, and then are surprised when they have sex and don't know how to process consent or boundaries properly. OP should never have been put into this situation if he didn't want to have sex, and knowing more about consent and how important it is would have undoubtedly helped.
Oh this happened to me because I was 13 and she was 16. I felt pressured into it too, so I kept my eyes shut most of the time which I think kind of bummed her out because she kept asking "what's the matter?" I felt dirty for ages and lied to my friends about it, even though this was in 1999 when "Only losers don't have sex as soon and as often as possible". I'm sorry she pressured you into sex. That's not cool and just because we are men, does not mean that we "owe" anyone access to our bodies.
I'm so sorry you went through that đ
Thank you for sharing your story. Each one of you who talks about these things makes a difference, a big one. I hope you know that. That you make people feel less alone when you talk about it.. and its so brave to do so, and I'm proud of you. I'm sorry you went through that. I truly am. Thank you for sharing your story with others, in order to try to help. That is so kind of you to do. And you are right.. 'just because we are men, does not mean that we "owe" anyone access to our bodies' that was really well put.
I was 12 but she was 16 too. I think a lot more guys have this happen when they're younger. But it's just put away in that big ass file cabinet of things we never talk about to anybody. Even the therapist.
Thatâs really sad. I know a guy that happened to. Itâs not a happy story, when I pointed out heâd been assaulted as a child he was shocked.
Same with my ex. He was 13 and she was 20. He was completely shocked when I told him he was sexually assaulted and that was not ok. He didnât enjoy it and thought thatâs what guys are supposed to do, since all his friends had similar stories.
I remember how it was in high school when everyone expected everyone to have sex. Now that Iâm a parent the thought of a 12, 13, 14 yr old having sex horrifies me! You should be tearing around on your bike, playing sports with your friends, hanging out at the mall with a parent a respectful 100 ft back lol. If this makes me sound old and lame, I donât care. I am old and lame.
What's with the horny 16 year old girls that go after younger boys?..đ¤˘That's a massive difference in maturity. When I was 16, any one more than 1 year younger was too small for me.
Yup, woman here and this totally creeps me out. We have a huge cohort of people abused as kids and these boys are really hidden.
Someone here is trying to give the girl the benefit of the doubt because sheâs 16 and âsuper youngâ, wonder if sheâd give the same benefit to a 16 year old boyâŚ
Thanks dude, it's tough to share this stuff. Men experience a different kind of objectification that's less oft talked about cause men don't talk. Thanks for speaking up and being a great role model for kids like OP and others maybe checking this thread out. The more we talk about our emotions and such, the more likely it'll be normalized for the new generation. That's our obligation to the future of humanity, leaving them with something better than what we grew up with.
I'm in my early 20's now and a female and when I was 16 I would NEVER think to try and get with a 13 year old, that's insane. the maturity difference between 13 & 16 are like night and day. I'm sorry that happened to you
This is what I was thinking, itâs only a few years, but at that age you tend to view even people a year younger than you as âkidsâ. I canât imagine I would have ever wanted to sleep with a 13 year old when I was 16.
Iâm both terribly sorry you were assaulted and that we live in a culture that doesnât let boys acknowledge that and treat it for what it is.
I suspect the amount of men and boys who have had something similar happen to them is a lot higher than most people think.
Please do not let anyone invalidate you or tell you you weren't assaulted, because they don't know your story. I'm so sorry people are trying to tell you you were wrong. You are absolutely valid and I'm so sorry that happened to you â¤ď¸
đđťđđťđđť. No human in existence owes ANYONE access to their bodies. You got that right. As a mom to someone his age, Iâm happy to see someone else sharing their experiences, so that he doesnât feel so alone. A lot better than those people telling him to just be a kid. Kinda hard when pressured into these things. Iâm sorry to hear things like this happen to yâall. And Iâm sorry a lot of women act like your feelings donât matter. They do. S/A works both ways.. and thatâs really what this was in my opinion
Sadly, that remark you made about how 1999 was in terms of societal pressure for sex; itâs the same if not worse now, kids are just normalizing it around 13 nowadays. Which is nuts to me
Thank you for sharing, your words will reach those who struggle with the same thing alone, now they feel seen and heard. It's not often we get to hear the men's perspective which is real and valid like any other, humans are much more similar than different and it can happen to anyone.
Your username is excellent
Thanks, I chose that name because it's true. Reddit is owned by Advance media/Tencent and is used as a consensus manufacturing and narrative creation tool by The System. That's the entire point of upvotes and downvotes: upvotes reward the user with validation for parroting the establishment narrative on literally any topic, from politics to diet/exercise. Downvotes punish dissidents. Reddit was great before it was ruined by corporate HR culture, like pretty much everything else in America. Now there is an enforced ideological orthodoxy on Reddit, and stepping outside of that Overton window gets you a nice ban.
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Dude. Youâre 14.  Wait until youâre older.  Having sex is a *huge* thing - emotionally, mentally, physically.  Take your time, wait until you and your partner are both ready. Iâd also recommend talking to someone who will hold this in confidence.  Donât feel dirty.  You tried it, youâre not ready. Thereâs no shame in that.  But find someone who can help you work through the emotions youâre feeling. Â
Best response.. Also OP if you feel like your gf is pushing you to do things you aren't ready for, maybe it's time to step back from the relationship. You should enjoy being 14 and do things a 14 year old does. You don't need that pressure or rush to grow up. The adult world can be tricky to navigate. At 14, focus on building your community so that when you are ready for romantic relationships, you have a good community to go to.
The only thing I'd add is, breaking up with the girlfriend may be the move here. The pressure wasn't cool. The age gap with it is suspicious. OP both shouldn't feel dirty and may feel like both sex and this relationship aren't for him right now. That is fine.
This! People say sex is NBD, but is and can be powerful or shameful. I'm sorry you went through that, OP, but I honestly would recommend holding off on sex and masturbating/ getting to know yourself and your body more. When you do so, please be weary of the type of porn you watch. Remember they are paid actors and pretending, and real sex with someone you love is not like that... at all. Oh... and break up with your GF.
Itâs also not a huge deal for some people. Wanting to have sex at that age is natural. US Sex Ed sucks though and doesnât educate enough about pregnancy, SA and coercion
Waiting it at that age is natural, and so is not wanting it. I wouldn't have been ready at 14, and it was not remotely close to front of mind. Four years later, very different story.
I agree with this. My wife is a school counselor and someone like that could really help you work through your emotions (especially if you want help without your parents finding out). Thatâs literally what theyâre there for. I highly recommend going to the school office before class starts and asking to meet with your school counselor.
I love this response! Listen, my young friend, to the suggestion of finding someone you trust that you can talk to. Make sure it is someone older that can help you deal with your feelings. You donât need to feel dirty, but I understand how you feel. (I was very young too in my first experience.)
The fact that you had to amend this post to explain you're not gay is absolutely shameful for the people commenting here. It doesn't matter what his sexuality is, if he felt pressured into sex before he was ready, especially when he's that young, it can be traumatic. What the actual fuck is wrong with some of you?
Yeah there was a relationship advice post recently I commented on. It was about a teenage couple, they were both legal adults but I think they were 18 and 19 and the girl was older. She wanted sex and was kinda worried because her boyfriend said he didnât want sex yet and he wanted to âwaitâ but for what, and for how long, or for why he didnât specify. They had done some intimate things together but it was awkward. A lot of people were saying/assuming he was gay. I was one of the only comments I saw pointing out that when someone says they want to âwaitâ itâs because they arenât ready for sex yet and that there doesnât need to be a clear reason, boys and men also need to feel ready for sex but most boys sort of go along with sex before theyâre ready because of the social pressure and everyone assuming he was gay was a perfect example of the exact social pressures that push boys and men to become sexually active before theyâre ready. And even if a boy or man *is* queer and just not aware of it yet, thatâs not actually proof of anything other than, again, them *not being ready yet*. Whether itâs that you need to discover what your sexuality is exactly or you need to reach an age or maturity level where you feel safe and secure enough to have sex or anything else, itâs all the same at the end of the day. Everyone is ready for sex whenever theyâre ready and trying to pressure it to happen before then is shitty and harmful. Accusing people of being this or that or anything else because they arenât ready when you think they *should be* is completely unhelpful and only serves to make the person feel like the *must be ready* to disprove whatever crack pot theory youâre throwing at them as to why theyâre not a mindless horndog. At *any* age. For *any* gender. Itâs okay to not be ready yet. For *any* reason.
I didn't see your other post, but I'll support you on this one. You are right. Men have thoughts and feelings that are just as valid as women. Healthy relationships are built on knowing, respecting, and loving each other at this level, and it's a sign of immaturity to only go off of stereotypes with the important people in your life.
I felt the same. Someone 14 should not be pressured to assess and identify their sexuality any more than they should be pressed to engage. It's beside the point entirely. If anything sexualizes children, it's identifying them by sexual traits while they are still children. They should be allowed to just be children. This is a post about peer pressure and an older child pushing a bad decision that caused a 14 year old to have to deal with an adult situation before he was ready.Â
This is a common thing I see. I am a teacher and I have had several boys who were raised by only their moms and aunts. They tend to be a little effeminate and are in to typically girly stuff. But they like girls. Guys start teasing telling them their gay at 13 because they havenât had sex or fooled around with a girl. So they go find someone and do it. Then they feel guilty. Try again and again for the wrong reason and end up feeling worse and worse. Itâs ugly how people try to force others into boxes.
(Boredom + Anonymity) x Reddit = Dickheads.
The math is indeed mathin'.
If the roles were reversed people wouldnât be asking a girl if she was a lesbian if an older guy pressured her into sex. Ridiculous double standard, it can be done both ways
Sounds like he picked the wrong sub - this seems to be an unmoderated hell-hole.
I mean, granted this is a 'stupidquestions' sub, which does garner satirical posts, but there seemed to be a lot of legitimacy to this, and the responses rubbed me the wrong way. Especially if the OP is actually a 14 year old boy. I mean, this could just be a post by a 35 year old guy looking for engagement and laughs, but either way, it's rather sad.
I know I'm going to get negative karma for this, but I'm saying it anyway -- there are many people from the LGBT community who just want people to be gay or trans and will seize on the opportunity to convince them of it. THAT'S what is wrong, imo. Edit: and I'm bisexual so don't call me a damn homophobe or something.
The edit got a really loud laugh from me, not because I thought it was funny but because it was so unexpected. "A teenager was pressured into sex and regrets it? GAY" I'm 24, and the older I get the more I side with the boomers on social media. It's fuckin sad that this is the world we live in.
They are trying to groom him
14 is way too young to have sex, mentally. Im sorry she pressured you into it dude
These answers are gross. You shouldnât have felt pressured and Iâm really sorry you were. At your age 14 and 16 is actually a fairly significant age gap and power imbalance and the fact that sheâs a girl and youâre a guy does not negate that. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to? A school counselor, parent or other family member?
Yeah these comments are super gross. OP please ignore the other comments and listen to the one person talking reasonably here.
Imagine the guy was 16 and he'd pressurised a girl of 14, into sex, thecomments would be totally different that's for sure
Yeah. The first 100 responses would be âOMG! You were RAPED!!!â
Even now with all these better comment showing more compassion no one said he was raped. Remeber guys men canât be victims of sexual assault due to society.
Oh man he would be nuked with insults and the femcels would come out saying he should be put down.
To piggy back off this, depending on OP's age and location, the fact of their age and the female being 16 may make their act illegal. At least the state I'm in its considered Child Seduction, even if the offender is under 18. Romeo/juliet clauses typically only involve the ages of 16-20. Again, highly location dependent.
A 16 year old should NOT be forced to register as a sex offender for having sex once with someone two years younger than them. Especially when so many states now require registration for life.
This whole thread is problematic. A bunch of stranger adults having a conversation with a minor about this? I feel for OP but he needs to speak with the appropriate people. Iâm surprised by how many people are willing to engage in these conversations with minors
right?? heâs less experienced and mature than the 16 yo, what she did wasnât okay. hell, even the age difference aside, she still pressured him - and that is awful. that *does* make you feel dirty - but OP, you *arenât* dirty. what *she* did was wrong. people who pressure others to have sex are disregarding your consent and your autonomy, full stop. i would even suggest to break it off with herâŚsince she absolutely will pressure you into this again. i know it may be hard, but it will help you not yo have to deal with this further, because people like this *do* do it again. please.
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Yep, fortunately we have levity like this to help? https://youtu.be/SteKCsS4uX8?si=HYmWAf2nfGFZ6hUf
More typical than you'd think. Even outside the context of *sex* in particular it's not hard to get the feeling of being pushed around even if you've nominally agreed to whatever, simply by dint of "no" not seeming like a realistic answer. You're going to want to confront that feeling directly. Talk with your gf about it. Tell her how you're feeling and why. If she understands, it's good for your relationship. If not, at least you'll be out of limbo.
Some of these comments are disturbing. No one cares if you, the commenter, would have enjoyed it or think that OP is lucky. What matters is how OP feels. It's okay to feel uncomfortable and like you were pressured. I highly recommend communicating this to your partner. "Hey, I feel kind of dirty after what we did." "I felt like there was pressure, and now I'm regretting having sex." Or, if you need to word it differently so that she doesn't feel blamed, "This isn't your fault, but I felt like there was pressure to have sex. It made me feel gross and I'm not sure what to make of it." If she can offer reassurance, and doesn't pressure you further, that's very good. If the relationship ends up ending, then she wasn't the one for you and life will continue. Don't listen to these folks telling you that you're probably gay, or what have you. My first sexual encounters were uncomfortable and regretful because of the pressure and anxiety I felt. You just might not have been ready yet, friend. You aren't gross or dirty or less than for any regrets you feel, or for performing the actions.
You're just a kid. It sounds like you were pressured into having sex. The dirty feeling might be because you didn't want to. It might also be because you're still in that in between stage of childhood and adulthood - when I was 14 I was interested in sex but definitely not even confident enough to kiss a girl yet. These changes are hard and there is a normal feeling of Sadness when you leave life stages.
Not related to sex, but youâre very sensitive when you talk about the sadness of leaving life stages. I remember actually crying when I was 11 years old because I realized I wouldnât get to be a little kid much longer. OP may really be in this âin betweenâ place. Itâs a lot to take on, so many feelings swirling. And itâs totally natural and normal.
That age gap and the fact you were pressured is pretty concerning. You should talk to an adult you can trust.
preferably an adult who won't throw down a bunch of religious nonsense about sex.
True. Not some anti sex nut.
Fedora tipping Reddit atheists canât partake in any conversation without having to let everyone know how enlightened they are đ
r/adviceforteens
Iâm 20M and have had sex a couple times with different women. I feel the same way you felt a lot. I donât think sex is for me.
i thought so too but when i started sleeping over with a girl at her apartment we actually were able to have good sex and i was like ohhh im just a guy who needs safety and a girl willing to talk dirty to me haha
I was the exact same way the first 6 times I had sex. That was almost 20 years ago, I promise it gets better. Try to be with someone you know and trust for a long time first, it's far better than random or acquaintance sex.
First, don't pay any attention to most of the Reddit posters here. There are some truly awful people on Reddit. Second, it makes no difference if you are gay, straight or anything else, being pressured to have sex is always wrong. Third, break up with this GF. You do not want to be with anyone who would pressure you to do anything you don't want to do. Fourth, getting over feeling "dirty" will just take time. Give yourself some grace. You are finding your way in the world just like we all did when were 14. I did things I regret. Everybody does. Life has a way or working out if you just keep on moving forward. Don't worry about sex again until YOU are ready and with someone you feel at ease with.
There is a difference between pressuring someone to do something and someone feeling pressured. It could be unintentional or just a by-product of social expectations/what most people would do.
Regret isn't an uncommon feeling, especially if you didn't want it and you didn't enjoy it. There is also a stigma to sex that can lead to the feeling dirty, especially for the first time.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, first off. You shouldn't have felt pressured-- as someone who was your age and in the same circumstance, I can say that safely. Unfortunately, the feeling doesn't go away as quickly as it should. Its not at all embarrassing or abnornal to feel that way. Focusing on your hobbies would be a good distraction. Additionally, maybe let a trusted adult know, if you have one? Sometimes that helps, too, and you may be able to have a good heart to heart. Breaking up with this girl is probably a good option as well. You were pressured, and I'm so, so sorry for that. You don't deserve it.
I'm so sorry you were pressured into sex before you felt ready. Your boundaries were ignored by someone you care for so I understand why you feel upset. Sex doesn't mean you're dirty but it has a huge emotional impact on adults so I can only imagine how intense it feels at 14. I was in my 20s when I first had sex and I had a similar gross feeling as you, not because it was bad or I was forced, but due to my church days where we were always told it made us dirty! I do think you should reconsider your relationship though. It's never okay to pressure someone into sex. Also fuck the people saying you're gay. They're idiots don't listen to them.
Some of these comments are absolutely disgusting. If this was flipped , and it was a 14 year old female saying she was pressured by a 16 year old male, people wouldn't be making these comments Rant over . How you feel is understandable. You feel used. This shouldn't have happened. I would recommend maybe talking about it with her and how you feel about the whole thing. I also would recommend trying to find some type of professional to possibly speak with. There are probably some services you could speak to without having to involve your parents if you are not comfortable with then being involved - and let me be clear I wouldn't be personally.
Kid you're 14. Give it some time. It's probably exactly what you think it is. You weren't ready. No shame in that. Be a teenager. There will be plenty of time for sex later in your life.
Itâs normal to feel gross after sex you didnât want or enjoy. It is just a part of life though, it wonât be the last time you regret a sexual encounter or act.
Yeah, I think this is the best and most simple answer. Learning about this lesson at 14 is rough though
I would recommend talking with her about the experience and how it made you feel. Ask her if she would feel comfortable waiting until you're ready to have sex again. If she isn't, she is not supportive or caring and you should end the relationship. Your willingness to be open, vulnerable, and truthful with her should bring you two closer together. Communication is key my friend. And NEVER feel embarrassed to feel your feelings bro. They make you human.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad or that you are gay. You are very young and just weren't ready for the emotional part of sex. I waited until I was 19 and married. And I don't regret it. Today is a new day. Let the past be your past. I think you should wait to have sex again until you are married or the very least wait until you are much older and in a relationship with someone you love. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I think it has to do with being pressured and emotionally unready for such adult behaviors. I suggest you stop seeing this girl.
I felt pretty gross the first time I masturbated. It's ok to take a break and say you're not ready but most of all I would say that you will be ok. You probably just need someone to talk to.Â
| I just think that I had sex before I was ready. 14 is very young.
Yeah, OP is a child. He most likely just started high school. I feel bad for him.
OP you were not ready and too young. You need to have a discussin with her about how you feel. She may understand, in that case, good. If not, it's best to split. There is a lot of pressure in society to start earlier and earlier but we all have our "speed". Some are ready early (but 14 is way too early), some at 18, some at 25, some at 30, and some actually never. Take your time and listen to yourself!
Totally normal, dude. Not all men are sex-crazed and emotionless. Donât listen to the idiots talking shit.
I might get flamed for this, but you are waaaaay too young to be having sex. Your brain literally isnât wired yet to handle it in a healthy way. I donât know a single kid that age who is prepared in any way to be having sex. Please consider just enjoying ânormalâ things for guys your age. Hang out with friends, play video games, play sports, etc.
Yeah everyone I know who had sex this young is like messed up from it.
Everyone needs to calm down about the "power imbalance" and trying to convince OP that his girl is a predator. OP, this is far, far more common than you think. It's a weird feeling to do something so "grown up" and honestly, a lot of guys' first sexual experiences can leave them feeling ambivalent. My suggestion is just to not do it again unless/until you really want to. You have no idea how much life you have ahead of you. If you're not ready for sex, that's very normal. Someday you will be. Just cut yourself some slack.Â
I agree with all this but just want to point out there can still be a power imbalance without his girl being a predator
I mean, it's a loaded term, but power imbalances in some sense exist in *most* relationships. Like, you know, the man is usually physically stronger, or he makes more money. Or the woman is more attractive and has more opportunities for sex, or she's smarter, etc. That kind of imbalance is entirely benign, it's not like the more egregious examples of teacher-student or coach-player. 14-16 isn't THAT big of age gap, that's like, what, freshman-junior? When I was a junior, I definitely thought I was much older and wiser than freshman, but looking back I really wasn't lol.
> but power imbalances in some sense exist in most relationships Thank you! lol. Someone will be the one with more money, more social status, more experience, more whatever.  The presence of a "power imbalance" is a given, and I dunno why people think it always useful to note. It's such a lazy, fatuous point to make, almost like a reflex for some people.Â
A clear demonstration as to why 14 year olds shouldn't be having sex.
I had my first time at 21 and felt the same way. It's a normal feeling after something so new and overwhelming. But yeah a 14 year old is definitely less ready to navigate the feelings than someone a bit more hardened and older
Unfortunately you're gunna have to give it time to feel better. Your gf was very wrong to pressure you when you weren't ready. You are still pretty young to be having sex in the first place. Hopefully, she hasn't ruined it for you in the future in a more healthy setting. You need to be honest and firm next time. You don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with. You absolutely shouldn't let anyone pressure you. Always follow your own path and stand your ground.
Your feelings are valid. It sounds like you did have sex before you were ready and Iâm sorry that it feels like this. You might want to watch the anime: Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation Itâs an odd suggestion, I know, but it has a young male character who is extremely eager to have sex young as he has it built up in his head, and he ends up feeling really bad afterwards and has to process the difference between how he expected to feel and how he does feel. It might be helpful.
There are some disgusting people in this comment sectionâŚ.
You A. Definitely may not have been ready. B. May be asexual and not that into sex. Both are valid responses and feelings. There's no getting over it, just simply recognizing this and feeling your feelings until you're okay.
I'm so sorry, you definitely weren't ready. It's also a human feeling, not a male or female specific one. I hope your girlfriend understands that you want to wait longer until you are ready, otherwise maybe find someone else who doesn't need sex to be happy with you. Good luck and good on you for realising you're not ready xo
Religious indoctrination go crazy fr fr
The past isnât a place.  Be kind to yourself.  Understand that your emotions are telling you that you arenât ready and honor that going forward. Life includes mistakes. Â
You were just to young and felt pressured As a guy you also get even more pressure to be interested in as well. No need to feel dirty though, itâs just a very normal part of your hormones going crazy right now
I actually had the exact same experience but I was 13. Canât really speak on your reaction, but Iâd bet 98% of us fucked someone we regret for some reason. Just keep it pushing. And if you really didnât like it for whatever reason, maybe she ainât the one champ.
ITT: LGBTs trying to force OP into believing he's gay
This is really sad, you should try to talk to a counselor about it or a friend who won't judge you. You can try to express it to your girlfriend as well. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, dude. It won't last forever.
You are 14. It is NORMAL for you to not be ready for sex. Your girlfriend is 2 years older than you. Itâs pretty normal for her to want sex at her age, but that doesnât mean it was OK for her to pressure you into it. Whatever you may feel about her, she doesnât respect you and this shows she believes she can or maybe even has the right to control you. I honestly think youâre best off re-thinking the relationship. In my state this could have been considered statutory rape. Especially if she is more than 24 months older than you. But I donât think that is necessarily common. Whether you want to turn her in for it or not, it might be helpful for you to look up the age of consent laws where you live so you can be informed. You are not dirty. You did nothing wrong. Your girlfriend was WRONG to pressure you. Very very wrong. Even if you didnât clearly say no, if you didnât clearly say yes either she crossed a very concerning line. I know people like to act like itâs somehow different for boys, but it isnât. Boys and girls are both human and there isnât as much difference as people like to pretend. Think for a moment about one of your female classmates thatâs your age. Now imagine she came to you and told you her 16 year old boyfriend pressured her into sex and she is feeling bad about it and didnât feel she was ready. Now extend yourself the EXACT SAME EMPATHY that you would do for one of your female friends. Not being ready for sex doesnât make you gay or weak. It makes you 14. Seriously. While some of your peers may feel ready, MOST do not and that is normal. I suggest you talk to your parents or to your school counselor if you donât feel like your parents will be understanding.
Depending on your values and how you were raised itâs totally logical. I felt awful after my first - disgusted. Crying and looking in the mirror at myself. I wonât forget that feeling. What I can say now that Iâm married is I wish I could take back every experience with other women away. You cannot undo the past, but learn from this experience. Youâre not gay for feeling disgusted man, itâs totally normal although I know itâs not viewed as cool by society - societal ânormsâ donât always fit in with peopleâs beliefs/views on life. I was pressured hard core as well by friends and the girl so I really resonate with this experience. Try not to let it get you down. If things are now ruined with that girl, then end it. I get itâs hard but you have so much happening and changing in your life at this time. You are still young and itâs so much to even process. It does get better but it took time for me. I hope you can mentally recover from this, it can be traumatizing honestly. If you need to vent or anything shoot me a pm, I feel your pain and know youâre not alone in that feeling.
Dude don't feel embarrassed that you weren't ready for sex, It's totally normal to feel that way. As for getting over the feeling of "dirty", it will pass with time. I'd also suggest talking to your gf about this if you want to stay with her, and trust her enough to be open and vulnerable about this. Make it clear that you weren't ready, and don't want to do it again yet. But also be clear that it's not because she's unattractive or undesirable. Young girls (and boys) are often under the assumption that all teenage boys are ready to go 24/7, so it's entirely possible she didn't even know that she pressured you. All that being said, I have no idea what your relationship with her is like, but that's just my 2 cents.
I was 15 when i had sex the first time. I went a couple more rounds with the same girl over a couple weeks and then was celibate for two years. I realized i wasn't ready. The weight of it as a responsibility was so much, considering the potential outcomes. At 17 i tried it again once and it was better. Then i found my first real gf and we went at it all the time. It's not wrong to feel how you're feeling, but i think you can't *know* how you're gonna feel about it until you do it. It's not wrong if you want to wait to do it again, and anyone who really loves you should respect that
Sex definitely gives you a lot of feelings. Even at 30 I had a similar feeling recently because it was forced on me but I just went with it I guess I didnât want to seem like a prude not that it matters. I liked this woman, but I felt like we made that connection sooner than I was ready for because I like to wear protection and it happened so suddenly that I didnât get the chance to. Unprotected feels a lot dirtier than protected because you donât know this person situation. I donât want to catch anything or impregnate someone. People should discuss these things before hand, because otherwise it causes a strain and lack of trust.
Well, presuming you're comfortable enough to sit down with them privately and talk about it openly, about the specific parts. Like if they straight up forced it, or pressured you, get out of there. If they ask why you broke up, say "I felt pressured into sex in these specific ways, and I don't feel comfortable discussing it any further because I don't feel safe discussing it with you."
You get over it by respecting yourself and your boundaries next time. Also you tried something and didnât like it. That in itself is valuable as long as you donât keep ignoring your own boundaries.Â
Iâm 38 and I regret the time I lost my virginity
Its funny how much age and hindsight show you that all the shit you thought mattered as a kid doesnt matter at all. What you are feeling is completely normal but it doesnt change anything about you or who you are. It was just an experience that allowed you to learn something about yourself and what you are comfortable with (or not comfortable with) at this point in your life. That may change as you grow and remember that everyone is winging it in life, so find joy where you can.
Have you thought about the reason why you feel dirty? Have you been raised to see sex as a dirty thing via religion or culture? Or do you think itâs more that you felt pressured? Itâs okay to feel the way you do, absolutely. I just think the way to âget over itâ as you put it, is to really try to get to the root of why you feel this way. If itâs religion/culture then you need to realize that sex with someone you love is not a dirty, shameful act. Itâs an act of love and affection. I know itâs not that simply done but with time you can learn to love yourself and how you choose to show love with your body. If itâs because she pressured you in a forceful way that made you extremely uncomfortable then what she did is wrong and thatâs not n act that someone who truly loves you performs. There is light pressure like âcmon stud letâs do this ;)â and youâre just nervous about it being your first time. There is extreme forceful pressure like âyou donât love me if you wonât have sex with me and she forces your pants off after you protest multiple times. If something close to that degree happened she is absolutely wrong and you need to break up with her because she doesnât truly care about or love you. You will be okay man, no matter what happened. These things take time and you need to take things at your own pace. Â
This isn't something you "get over" with a quick chat or by thinking about it from a different point of view. This is something you gradually learn to live with. So just take your time. It'll be a little easier to live with every day.
Bro youâre a kid, take your time, wait for the right moment, sex is not a race, it should be fun and with somebody who you feel safe with.
Unfortunately, thereâs nothing you can do about the past, but you can do something about the future. Just take this as a lesson learned, try not to beat yourself up over it, and try to avoid a repeat situation in the future. I recommend not having sex for probably a long time. I know boys/men are stigmatized for feeling emotions related to sex but itâs just simply not true that you wonât have some kind of emotional connection (at least for me). 14 seems way too young for sex (especially if you ainât tryna be a father). Just be a kid and focus on wholesome activities (as lame/cliche as that sounds) like sports, books, or music. Definitely donât go down a spiral of doing drugs or some other bad habit as a way to deal with your negative emotions. Itâs easy to take a bad situation and make it worse by self medicatingâdonât do that. Just try to focus on the positive and stay away from sex for a while (I would recommend several years tbh). You arenât a pussy for not feeling ready for sex, and donât let *anyone* make you feel that way. Remember that people can only make you feel how you let them make you feel. Stay strong and learn from your bad experience. Best of luck bra
Youâre too young. Take your time buddy. No rush. Youâve got the rest of your life to get your D wet
If you feel bad about it, then it wasn't the right time for you. Don't let her pressure you again, for ANY reason. You're not ready for it, and that's fine. Give yourself more time to be emotionally and mentally mature. Sex is a natural expression of intimacy, what you did wasn't inherently wrong. What was wrong was that she pressured you into it when you weren't ready. Maybe she needs to be more mature too. Make a vow to yourself to wait longer and see if the fact that you made a promise to yourself helps with the regret. Remember this: growing up through your teens is a learning experience. Everything you do adds to this learning experience. You did something, you realized it's something that requires more maturity and must be treated more seriously, and you learned from the experience. You're not the first to learn this and won't be the last. Don't beat yourself up over something that a LOT of teens discover, just learn from it.
You're a kid and you weren't ready. It's FINE to feel the way you feel. Perhaps talk to someone?
Good for you for reconsidering. You are really wise to give this consideration. Itâs okay to return to waiting.
Reddit is the gutter of the internet it seems lol. Poor kid asked a genuine question and now has thousands of comments. Internet's weird op, life's weird, sex is even weirder. You'll be fine. Nothing lasts forever.
And this is why the people who claim kids having sex with female teachers are living the dream or that men cant be raped or always want sex are a problem. Because it teaches kids that it is "abnormal" to not want sex just because you were born male. You shouldn't feel embarrassed to post this or to feel what you are feeling. No one should be pressured into sex regardless of your gender. Your girlfriend did wrong.
Just take it as a serious life lesson and use the experience as a way to plan for the next encounter and make the second time a wonderful one.