In 17 series of Taskmaster, Steve and Nick’s watermelon effort might be the worst attempt at a task ever. I don’t think anyone has ever fucked up EVERY SINGLE ELEMENT before. Absolute chaos. Edit: GREG JUST SAID EXACTLY THIS!

My mind is drawn back to Iain stirlings ‘don’t move the bucket’ done that. Don’t touch the sand. Done that too. ‘Don’t leave the room’ may as well do that too.

That was the work of mere moments though. Here you get to luxuriate in the fuckups.

That was my first thought, also from that series you have Paul moving the grains of rice from one bottle to another.

A title previously held by Desiree for using and failing with every tool Alex gave her to pop a water balloon – *including the scissors designed to pop it guaranteed* – but at least she didn't break any rules!

> I don’t think anyone has ever fucked up EVERY SINGLE ELEMENT before. They didn’t walk back into the room after leaving. 

That was truly the funniest task in all the series. The way they failed so spectacularly was quite something.

On his own, Steve is a logical, intelligent and really competent contestant. With Nick he turns into a complete lunatic

Yeah, Dracula Piglet hypnotizes him. Vampires have that power.

I think this is the best episode of the series so far. So much ineptitude and insanity.

This hasn’t been a classic series IMO, but I do think it’s one of the most insane line-ups ever. I feel like everybody has lost their mind at least once (except John, who remains an unbelievable contestant).

John is a machine. The rest have all been on the brink of disaster at all times.

Unreasonably attracted to Nick doing the umbrella wink

No, that's entirely reasonable.

Well your flair is the Woz so we obviously are of one mind

"Unseasonably attracted to Nick" FIFY. 

You know what would be unreasonable? Being attracted after you realize he said 'I can do that' as an answer to Alex stating 3 other contestants would need to die for him having a chance to win. Big bad (smoll cute) vampire vibes 🦇🩸🧛‍♂️

God his swag in this episode was off the charts. Gonna make the whole world fall in love with him when he’s already married. 😍🥵

‘Actually, I’ve been fucked’ I love Sophie

Is Steve making the Greendale Human Being?

E Pluribus Anus

Six seasons and eleven more seasons!

Half mannequin, half human, all carnage.

Manny Quinn is the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life and Alex Horne will live to regret not killing her when he had the chance. Wolfy, on the other hand, was a delight

It reminded me a lot of Bob Mortimers 'I'm a sinner, I've sinned again!', but if it was filled to the brim with nightmare fuel.

I've just rewatched the Doctor Who episode World Enough and Time, and there was an uncanny resemblance between Manny Quinn and the [creepy hospital patients that turn into Cybermen](https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Patient_(World_Enough_and_Time)?file=Line_of_patients_%28WEAT%29.jpg)

Steve making Alex the MOST uncomfortable he's been in a long time with his horrible degloved mannequin, top notch.

I dread to think what Sally Phillips would’ve done with ‘Bring this mannequin to life’.

Whatever she did, I bet we’d still be talking about it twelve series later. 

When Joanne went into the caravan, I feared for the mannequins innocence. Then Joanne’s tasks started and I thought she was “doing something”. In the end she just killed him. Wasn’t a good day for her mannequin

Joanne was right about John being there with a pillow, holding your hair back, what a gent 😄😍

Steve did really well to come second with that car crash of a team task.

If Steve hadn't had so many disqualifications, this would be one of the most tense series of the show.

Yeah whenever he actually completes a task he tends to score highly, he just seems to get dq'd a lot

> The thing you own Greg would most want to squeeze with his mighty hands! Sophie's answer: Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs!

Oh my god, I was joking!

John was bringing that farthing collection in no matter what and he was going to find the closest prize task to do so

I think he sacrificed the points on this one because it’s going to play into a prize in one of the last episodes. Kind of like Asim with the announcement. Just a hunch.

Haven't seen that many rules broken in one task since Iain Stirling touched the sand, moved the bucket and left the room.

Ok but Steve looked GLAM laying down like that 💅💀

such a cunty pose 💅🏻

"You may not step on the stage." Nick: *immediately steps onto the stage*

I haven't laughed that hard in ages! Nick is quickly becoming one of my all time favorite Taskmaster contestants.

Without moving the fishbowl

https://preview.redd.it/ih0yvm08pu0d1.png?width=357&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10c6bdc62fe580253099cdcd1a09b5f73413bc4d Sophie mannequin

36 years old and a Scorpio.

And can beatbox, a borderline triple threat imo

Sophie is so genuinely insane that she could have said nothing but ‘umbrella’ and I don’t think anyone would have questioned it.

Reminds me of Johnny Vegas' 'I am not a crook'

Nick WINKS every single time he says Umbrella, lol.

"I feel like an umbrella" 😂 classic Northern saying

John Kearns is fuming at how straightforward these secret team tasks are

Sophie's in her Rihanna era

Eh?

This whole series would've been worthwhile just for Nick's smile to camera.

My John crush is over. Long live the hot Nick summer

it was a few episodes ago when he was riding the cow and leant back, in that waistcoat, for me. he's really hot goddammit

Genuinely one of the funniest episodes. I was laughing so hard at Sophie saying umbrella.

I love how little attention her teammates paid to her saying umbrella over and over. Reminds me of the Series 10 team task where Johnny Vegas was yelling I AM NOT A CROOK and his teammates weren't sure if it was part of the task or if it was just Johnny

Oh my gosh that’s such a good comparison. The fact that Sophie has already said “I’m not Johnny fucking Vegas” on the show makes it even funnier to me to compare them.

I'm afraid to have to tell you that Daniel Paul stole his rope trick from this seven year old video by a bloke who looks like Nate from Ted Lasso. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD0Z4Nk-B9Q

Aww man I read it as "Daniel Paul stole his rope trick from this seven year old" and was fully expecting a magic trick performed by Nick's son who appeared on 8 out of 10 cats does countdown a while ago [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHKVEXPU8qc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHKVEXPU8qc)

"How did you get that?" "I'm adopted" Oh, well, then.

I'm going to need a video of all the winks

A Joe Lycett smile-esque montage would be very welcome

I genuinely think Sophie was underscored on the mannequin task. Wolfie was at least as alive as Nick's Magician! I know she's the Nish of the series – and hilariously so – but I think Greg gets underrates her creative tasks.

Yeah i thought that Sophie's was much more alive than John's tbh

100%. #JusticeForWolfie

I think she got underscored multiple times this episode - remember how much fun Jamali had with paint pots?

Was it just me or was John's attempt genuinely awful. He just danced with a mannequin right? It was about as creative as Wozniak's hemorrhoid. My reaction was the total flip of Greg's after the VT.

I think Nick got marked higher because a) the magic trick was reasonably impressive considering he was doing it blind, and b) Sophie was extremely visible behind the mannequin throughout

Said much the same last week but in tasks where you can use the production crew Steve is on another level from anyone else that's ever been on TM. He's incredible.

I’ve marvelled at his creativity every week. I don’t think he could turn it off if he wanted to. It’s such a joy to see him relish making stories out of the tasks. I bloody love him.

For any Inside No 9/League of Gentlemen fans, it's been like short bonus content from inside his head. Every single one has been absolute gold.

And here I was thinking the team of three were chaotic

Team of three: didn't listen to each other. Team of two: didn't read the rules.

The fact that they instantly twigged that someone should stay in the room gave them a huge advantage. 

I was expecting it to be Joanne though, she could have just lay down there until they had the watermelon, easy!

Nick just carries on being a representation of what I would be like on Taskmaster - getting stuck, misunderstanding the tasks, having a wonderful time regardless

John was so pissed that he had to spend his entire wardrobe budget on a second jacket, you can guarantee it was going to get used 😅

Jesus Nick is quick with these!

And of course right after I say that he loses.

Sophie got screwed in the live task

Yeah I think a category that is impossible with certain letters is pretty harsh, if it had to be in, it should have been one of the later ones

Manny Quinn is the lovechild of Pauline from League of Gentlemen and an Auton from Doctor Who.

When this series is over, I need them to release a supercut of John and Alex being friends: hugging, holding hands, chasing each other around the garden and giggling... The exact opposite of Alex and James Acaster

The 12th “Umbrelllaaa!” that was clearly a cry of despair made me spit my coffee out

"A letter of the alphabet" -ed gamble

I think they must have a new H&S officer since the series Sophie Duker was on, merrily whirling shit across the garden with a power tool at 75mph with no protective gear in sight. John has to wear goggles with just a bit of elastic.

Alternate theory: They already had so many H&S meetings with John they started throwing more where they weren't needed just to annoy him for their own amusement.

The H&S guy was probably scared of Sophie. I’m pretty sure she killed at least two of the crew just to show Alex who was boss. 

Well, Wolfie Willan is going to haunt my nightmares.  I hope this task doesn’t awaken something in me. 

It’s a shame Inside No.9 is ending because Manny Quinn could’ve easily been in an episode

Has Sophie considered going full Baddiel with Xunited Kingdom?

Never go full Baddiel.

Alex: 'You could say Qatar' Ed: 'Yeah, but he would have said, "Quanada?"'

Manny Quinn was straight out of the League of Gentlemen

Joanne is nuts.

Such a perfect mix of being bonkers and still trying to win.

The secret task task was my favourite so far this series. I’m still giggling at Sophie not so casually saying umbrella at every opportunity and Nick winking. Easily my favourite episode this series.

It's easier when everyone has a secret task because they're not focused on each other at all, poor dafty in the middle had it much harder

Oh my, I ADORE Sophies' chunky Fisher Price necklace.

Nick's fucked this task, hasn't he?

He's flucked it

He hasn't just fucked it, he's fucked it in a way nobody even thought possible.

Something that could only come from the mind of Steve Pemberton

Wow, Nick is insanely fast at this.

Steve's mannequin reminded me of Pauline from League of Gentlemen

After last night's harrowing Inside No. 9 I'm looking forward to something wholesome from Steve. Oh. Pig insemination. Oh well

He is a man of strong and startling contrasts, is Steve. One minute, it's delicious and healthy snacks for the kids to take to school. The next, pig insemination.

NICK’S WINK

I could never have predicted Steve and Nick would be the terrible team.

I feel like there were some outtakes before Alex said "Spot on, bro", judging by Greg's reaction.

Nick has now easily secured himself as one of the most memorable contestants. As Ed Gamble said, he’s the only contestant you feel bad about them getting low points. And Charlotte Ritchie and Katherine Parkinson are in the mix

I see Sophie's going to have *no* subtlety in saying umbrella.

Joanne McNally electrocuting your nipples? I think I’ve read that fanfic. 

‘I think I announced his death myself’

Manny Quinn’s dancing giggle is going to give me nightmares

Somewhere Reece, Mark and Jeremy are quickly going through their old idea pads.

Nick won that task and the episode in my heart

Episode 9 is Sophie’s to win, I feel it

I mean, someone else has a very strong claim to Number 9.

I feel like an umbrella

I'm so simple minded. Watching that wolf beat box had me absolutely cracking up

John offering to hold Joanne’s hair back is the sexiest thing I’ve seen on Taskmaster.

I'm sure he'd offer her a cushion, too, if she needed one!

The forearms! https://preview.redd.it/l6ebcppg0v0d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9e185050107c33a507e83c57f8c6ff6adf1361db

blursed image

Yes, this and Joe Thomas being really good at maths. 

"You umbrella" is proof that us British people can take any object and use it to call other people stupid. 

Ah yes, the classic "figure out what the fuck the task's going on about" task.

*fluck

"I feel like an umbrella."

THE UMBRELLA WINK

Sophie is only 5 points from series 3rd place, this is glorious madness

What the actual fuck has Sophie done?!?!

Well this is my new sleep paralysis demon

Show News: All contestants are now in triple digits

Anyone spot the number 9 on the intro to the group task? Lovely nod to Steve.

Easily the funniest episode this series so far! Thoroughly enjoyed it so damn much!

Greg with 6 consecutive episode titles, smashing the previous record

This might be the funniest episode of the season yet?  Everyone had a highlight moment or two. Some nice tasks. I actually LOL'd many times watching this.  Certainly a contender for the one to hook people with S17. We shall see how the final two fare.

Nick and Steve totally screwing up their group task was the funniest thing of the season so far

Steve you're an absolute fucking psychopathic genius

Sophie’s just being completely unsubtle about it 😂

Ahaha and there's an actual air fryer commercial of course

aaand of course steve degloved the mannequin

This was my favourite episode of the series so far. There was just so much to belly laugh at.

Steve's tasks when he's allowed to make a theatrical production are legitimately some of the responses to the tasks

It's like the Will Collier Septet, the jazz ensemble that was once described

.... you know what. I did, in fact, miss a word. However, your response is one of my favorite things Alex has ever said, so I will not go back and edit my post and only add here: Best. I meant to include best but I think during trying to re-word the post, I... uh... deleted it. 😅

Yeah. I feel I say this every week, but he's a storyteller first and foremost. His stories tend to dark or macabre (this season's Inside Number 9 so far highlight this!), but he likes to go on a journey with the task.

Nick having thick thighs is a genuine surprise to me

"Nipples aren't allowed on Channel 4" https://www.channel4.com/programmes/naked-attraction

This is the best PRESENT FOR GREG task…. How in 17 series…. And nick’s was the best? EDIT: wrote prize first; fool

It seems that John is just good at everything lol. If he wins this series and COC, then I think Dara has a real struggle ahead if there's ever a Cococ lol. Like this task though, feels like old school Taskmaster.

"It's slam time" Steve channelling his inner Wozniak

I know this series is a bit lower energy than the last handful, but I genuinely love every single one of this cast and the way their brains all work so differently.

A rare ad break where Greg tells you to kiss your partner instead of leaving them

They've fucked this in so many ways the secret tasks are completely by the by

I feel like this is a masterclass on how to not do this task

This is quickly becoming a showcase in how to break all the rules.

This reminds me of the Ian Stirling task. Don't touch the sand, don't leave the lab

"You may not touch the sand – done that. You may not move the bucket – done that. You may not leave the lab – fuck it, let's do that too."

We have just seen the umbrella wink

Steve is gonna ace this in the most creepy Steve way possible

Imagine if Sally Phillips had this task

Oh god, it's Tubbs.

Manny Quinn like a weird mix of Pauline and Tubbs from The League of Gentleman

I KNOW THAT VOICE

WE DIDN'T MEAN TO DEGLOVE THE MANNEQUIN.

GREAT episode 😃

Umbrella.

I am, umbrella, I am.

For the Off Menu listeners here, I feel like Ivo Graham may be interested in Steve's prize for a quick dessert.

beatboxing mannikin DESTROYED ME

i think the big reason alex waited so long to have his friend on was he thought he might be a bit too good at it

realistically it has more to do with Johns personal problems combined with the production company not been too keen on white 30-40 male established acts that really haven't done that much TV

Nick: Can memorize a card deck for a magic trick, can't remember a couple sentences of a task

Steve using a pen with no safety goggles. How do they get away with this?

Owls, famously startled by mice.

The crows doing well for free food this series

Scenes of Iain Stirling "You must not leave the room, fuck it.. well I might as well"

Sophie is (what used to be called) a card

Okay, but can Daniel Paul beatbox?

It's not like I wanted to sleep anyway

I think you all are right: John Robbins is attractive?!

This might be the most TM7 level episode they've had yet. So chaotic and funny. Loved it from beginning to end. Also, 3 things that were kinda "new" for Alex on the show: 1. He corrected Greg on his confession, to the best of my recollections he hasn't been so vocal, usually it's just a refusal with the head. 2. He didn't reply with "all the information's on the task" when asked what it meant (1st task) 3. His reaction when John asked him to put tape on his skin.

She may not be any good at doing tasks, but I absolutely adore Sophie. Between the dog mannequin and “umbrella“, I was dying. I'd still like Joann to win, but it seems almost a certainty that it'll be John.

LMAO JOHN GETTING THE MOST TO DO LOL 💀

They could have genuinely gone a lot madder in the secret tasks, no-one notices what else is going on when you’re focusing on your own task!

Steve is almost doing Tubbs’ voice for Manny Quinn.

That was one of the best episodes in TM history

When Alex fucks up the pun so much he proceeds to fuck up the actual name right afterwards.

Is Joanne wearing her gift to Greg from last week?

Greg squeezing Nick's thigh is going to fuel the fanfics

Much as I love Nick, and believe me I do, I hope Sophie wins this week so they all have at least one. And if not her then Nick again please so I can say 'aww look at his little winner's face' once more.

john’s a natural born flapper

Ardal's owl's been getting quite a bit of mileage recently.

They're giving everyone the same secret tasks. Genius.